Jasmine and Vicky Snog Marry Avoid?

Fakers beware!

I'm Ellie Taylor. Snog Marry Avoid is back on the road.

You have been warned!

Don't look now, but I think you've got a couple of bald men in a headlock!

Oi, you, orange-faced streaky one!

Beware, because POD has your fakery in her lens!

Makeunder machine POD is on the prowl...

And she's ready to bite!

Do you like wearing a dead badger around your neck?

From Birmingham to Cardiff, South East London to Essex,

POD will be taking Britain's biggest fakers to task.

POD computes that your blinging is minging!

Aw, that's tight.

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery

that's stolen their sons and their daughters,

their brothers and their sisters.

Down with fakery! Down with fakery!

We haven't brought her up to look like this.

Let the battle on fakery commence!

Welcome back to Snog Marry Avoid.

This week we're in the home of the Millennium Stadium...

The Millennium Centre...

and what feels like 1,000 years of fakery.

Be afraid, boys and girls. POD is on full fake alert,

and she's coming to get you.

Welcome to Cardiff!

Hi, POD.

Come in, Ellie.

Hello, Ellie. Where are we this week?

We're in the wonderful land of Cardiff.

Oh yes, Cardiff.

My programme shows Wales as the land of rolling hills and deep valleys.

Oh, POD, I'm not going to lie.

I've seen my fair share of valleys already today.

Most of them very orange as well, actually.

Orange? As in fake?

I think there is a little bit of fakery around.

How much fakery are we talking?!

OK, loads. I blame Gavin Henson.

Well, I've only got one thing to say to that.

"Get out there and find Gavin Henson?"

-No, Ellie, get out there and get rid of the fakery!

-OK. I'll have a crack.

Coming up on tonight's show, we meet a charity shop queen

and her two fake friends...

The bigger the eyebrows, the more confident I feel.

They have got to go!

I'll be investigating why Cardiff's going crazy for disco pants...

What do you like about the trousers?

They're tight!

And POD has a jolly with a dolly.

All you need now is a tea set

and we'll have a nice little tea party.

That would be lovely.

Cardiff babes love a good night out.

-But just how high are they prepared to go on the fake-o-meter?

-Hi, POD!

-How would you describe a Cardiff girl?

-Oh!

In Cardiff you see more fake tan than anywhere else.

Hold your hands up for me.

Turn them around.

Classy!

-False eyelashes.

-Bigger eyebrows.

Fake hair.

We love roots.

Why are your fringes trying to touch each other?

Do you fake it up?

Definitely! Fake and tacky all the way.

Dwi'n cariad Caerdydd, dwi'n cariad fakery!

I saw an old man wearing jeggings the other day.

It was disturbing.

Now for Jasmine, who lives by three principles...

Faith, hope, and above all charity!

Hey, I'm Jasmine, and I'm from Newport,

and I'm the queen of the charity shops.

I would describe my style as crazy...

These are looking pretty good now.

..vintage...

I really like it.

..completely over the top.

and majorly colourful.

Bargain-hunting is literally my life.

I always seem to attract the weird men.

She dresses like my grandma would dress up.

Nice vintage.

Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be different.

I would describe Jasmine as a punk rock parrot.

Jasmine's style has a lot to do with being a triplet and standing out.

Josh and Jo, my brothers, do look quite like twins.

I was always the other one.

I work in a little pub in Caerleon,

and I love it. Not sure what they think of my look.

I think Jasmine's eyebrows are a bit crazy, really.

They have got to go.

They are like two slugs about to fight each other.

I think the bigger the eyebrows, the more confident I feel,

especially when I go out.

If I'm going to a mad rave or something,

they tend to sweat off my face, so I do have to top them up sometimes.

POD, please get rid of this crazy make up and these eyebrows.

So, POD, this is my challenge to you.

Bring back my little daughter

or it'll be the worse for you.

I'm here to meet Jasmine at this charity shop.

But it looks like she's just having a wander round,

trying to get some vintage bits first.

I don't know about vintage,

I feel bloomin' ancient just looking at her.

Jasmine, you look like you're playing that game where

you have to put on as many clothes as you can in a minute.

I don't think I look like I'm playing a game.

-There's a lot of... There is a lot of everything.

-I love it.

I think the more, the better.

We haven't even started on the eyebrows yet,

but they are... They are... They are...

on your face, a lot of your face.

I still love it. It's going to be hard to part with my look.

-Why are you here, then, woman?

-Because I want to get a boyfriend.

"I love it, I love it! But I want a man."

I need to tone down a bit.

Jasmine, I've got a quiz for you to work out

if you're really ready to leave your charity shop ways behind you.

Do you prefer the smell of fabric conditioner

or the lingering scent of mothballs?

-Fabric conditioner.

-Do you?

A little bit mothy.

Do you prefer a brand-new jumper

or a slightly misshapen pullover?

I reckon a misshapen pullover. It's got a story behind it.

If someone gave you a brand new pair of Louboutins

or an old pair of shoes they found in a charity shop,

-and you could only have one, what would you pick?

-Louboutins.

Yeah, I like it.

From this quiz, Jasmine, I think you are a charity shop girl,

but there's hints of someone inside who wants nice, new things.

Come with me, young woman, and I will take you to POD.

I think you're winning me over!

Good luck, have fun, enjoy.

Let me in, POD!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

Who are you?

Hi, POD, I'm Jasmine.

Eyebrow alert, eyebrow alert!

POD computes they're the largest eyebrows I have ever seen.

They're amazing. What do you mean?

-They're amazingly ridiculous.

-No!

POD computes you look like a pantomime dame.

No, I don't! I look amazing and colourful.

To get ready, do you cover yourself in glue and roll around in bins?

What do you...? No, that's just ridiculous!

Why do you want to make yourself look like you've had a fight

-in a charity shop?

-Oh, come on, that was horrible.

What's wrong with charity shops?

They sell dead people's clothes.

Oh, my God, that was so harsh.

Why do you want to stand out so much?

Because I'm a triplet and I have two brothers,

and they are always stealing my limelight.

I just looked like the odd one out and it wasn't very fair.

You definitely look a bit odd now.

And it's not very fair on us. Let's run public analysis.

I asked the general public if they wanted to snog, marry or avoid

-this girl. What do you think they said?

-Snog?

I would avoid her because her make up makes her look like a drag queen.

A drag queen! Really?

I would avoid her because her make up makes her look like a clown.

Thanks.

I would avoid her because

she's trying way too hard to stand out,

and I'm not a fan of her caterpillar eyebrows.

Caterpillars!

In fact, 100% of the public wanted to avoid you.

Are you serious, POD?

POD contributes that you are a confectionery eyebrow

charity shop calamity,

and you need my eyebrow madness

to natural beauty gladness makeunder.

Are you ready for the next stage of the makeunder process?

Come at me.

It might take a while, but it's time for your deep cleanse.

Take off all of your accessories.

Now take our make up removal pads

and remove all of your make up.

How many wipes do you have there?

Um... One, two, three, four, five.

Jasmine, that is an all-time POD record.

It's time to run the makeunder in three, two, one...

Oh, my God!

Is that actually me?

That is actually you.

Oh, my God, I look really nice.

How do you feel?

Really natural but not plain.

I feel nice. I love this shirt.

How does it feel to think that you've got normal eyebrows?

It's really strange.

I feel like I've got a forehead.

But I still think I could do with a bit more colour.

-Colour is fine as long as you don't go over the top.

-OK, POD.

Do you understand me, Jasmine?

I understand.

Earlier on, 100% of the public wanted to avoid you.

How did that feel?

It was horrible. It's not very nice.

-And what do you think they said now?

-Marry.

I would snog her because her outfit looks great

-and she's got nice legs.

-Woo!

I would snog her.

-She has a pretty face.

-Aaw!

I would definitely marry.

-She looks sweet, natural, and she's a good-looking girl.

-Yay!

Jasmine, you have gone from 100% avoid to 100% snog or marry.

-Yay.

-You ARE a beautiful girl, aren't you?

-Thanks, POD.

-What's the main thing you've learnt?

I've learned that less is more.

Well done, Jasmine. Are you ready to strut your stuff on the catwalk?

I definitely am.

Initiating PODwalk.

Jasmine is about to bear her natural beauty

on POD's very own catwalk,

which has been transported to a club in Cardiff.

She's hoping to impress friends and family, and above all her dad.

I am hoping she'll look a lot more sophisticated.

Come on. Amazing. Amazing.

-You look amazing!

-Thank you!

What's the fatherly view?

-I think it's a massive transformation.

-Thanks, Dad.

-Much more elegant.

Do you think this look is more likely to get you a nice fella?

I hope so. I'm going to give it a good shot tonight when I go out.

-I think it is.

-I pray to God that I won't see those eyebrows ever again.

I promise you I will try my best.

They do seem to have made a reappearance

on your brother's face, though. Am I right?

POD computes that Jasmine has gone from

over-accessorised pantomime dame to cool, elegant babe.

It was really lovely seeing Jas walk down the catwalk tonight,

looking really good.

Oh, my God, the change is dramatic.

It's going from this clown look to such an elegant person.

I think they were a bit shocked. I don't think they expected it,

and I think they're really glad the eyebrows have gone.

Cardiff lassies love to be bang on trend,

and the latest craze has got them in a bit of a squeeze.

Girls, what are you wearing?

Disco pants.

They look like bin liners.

We think they're trendy.

How do you get them on?

Well...

Disco danger alert!

Recalling Ellie immediately.

All right, why am I back in here again, then?

-I've noticed a worrying new trend, Ellie.

-Right.

-It's this groovy, spangly leg nonsense.

-What do you mean?

I mean disco pants.

-They look like this.

-Oh, blimey.

I really don't like them.

In fact, I'd like you to go out and investigate them.

But how about trying them out for size first?

You could've ironed them.

Trust me, Ellie, once you've got into a pair of those,

you won't be seeing any creases.

Have you bought the right size?

Look, POD, I'm getting to quite a crucial bit.

Do you mind if I go and do this privately?

No, but Ellie, remember, only the disco pants.

Of course! Stop doubting me!

Tell me why you like to wear them.

Because you can move in them.

They're, like, really comfortable.

I think they suck you in. They make you feel...

What do you like about the trousers?

They're tight.

They're very good if you have a bum.

What happens if you don't have a bum?

-You get that like plank look.

-Yeah.

I've got something in my pocket for you.

One of those!

Don't make me run.

# D-I-S-C-Hello. #

In the 70s, would they have been purple?

-What colours would you have had?

-Mostly black.

Everyone gets a little bit scared

-about what the back view's going to be.

-Yep.

Do you know what the secret is? Just don't look in the mirror.

I just don't feel comfortable showing that much leg.

Soon as someone comes in with a camera down low, just cover.

I might go and buy a pair now.

Yeah, I've empowered you.

Does my outfit gives you really, really good vibes?

Not really, no.

Pants are unbelievable, you know.

What vibes does it give you?

Stay away.

I'm entitled to my choice, yes.

-You are entitled to your choice.

-Absolutely.

-Do you know what I choose?

-Yes.

-Disco!

Hiya.

So Ellie, tell me, what have you found?

That a lot of girls like these very much.

A lot of people are having trouble getting into them

but the payoffs are worth it because...

-SLURP!

-..it sucks everything in!

Ellie, you know what I'm going to say.

You're going to say, "Ellie, take down your little jacket

"and then do an impression of Sandy from Grease?"

No, Ellie, I'm going to say, "Stop mucking around,

"get those disco pants off and disco yourself out of here!"

OK, I can't promise I'm not going to keep these. Bye.

Now for Vicky, whose inspiration is a dolly.

No, not the country superstar, the plastic toy kind!

Hey, I'm Vicky, I'm 22 and I'm a fashion student from Plymouth.

'The reason that I want to look like a doll so much is...'

I suppose it started at a young age really.

Playing with dolls,

I just always thought they were the perfect kind of girl.

My fakery is bleached hair.

These are the longest human hair extensions which I've been able

to find. I shake my eyebrows off and draw them on.

It covers up all her natural beauty in many ways.

False nails.

Her hair is fake. Her face is fake. Even her eyes are fake.

Everything she can get fake is fake.

Dolls are made out of plastic and that's what I'm aiming for.

Plastic fantastic perfection.

'I live at home with my mum

'and my stepdad and my brother and my animals.'

So fluffy.

'Ages ago when I was younger'

and I was all natural-looking, all of my friends would get

attention from galleries and I would never get any

and it seems like the faker I got, the more attention I would get.

What I love most about going out is getting ready at the beginning.

I have just put hairspray on my face

because it makes the make-up stick to your skin.

High maintenance. Getting ready to go out she takes forever and a day.

More is more is more.

The best nights are when you are out with Vicky.

She's loud and she's fun.

Guys either love her or hate her.

I think Victoria's current style gets the wrong attention from men.

My look does scare boys off but then you find really freaky,

weird ones who still think it is OK to talk to you.

Hello, POD, I want you to work a miracle, please.

Bring back the real Victoria I once knew.

POD, this is me dolled up. You cannot doll this down.

I love my dolly Vicky. We are bestest friends.

I plait her hair, we play teddies, we really love each other.

-Please, stop touching my hair.

-Sorry.

-You really do look like a dolly.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Do you take that as a compliment then?

-Yeah, definitely.

What do your friends and family think of your look?

I think they like it.

-Really?

-I think they think it is a bit over the top.

-My dad wants me back to my natural colour.

-Which is how dark?

-Exactly the same as your hair.

-That's not so bad, is it?

-No, it looks nice on you.

-Why are you coming to see POD?

I do want to see if I can still feel like I do now

when I haven't got all this stuff on.

More comfortable and a little bit more grown-up looking.

-Audrey Hepburn style.

-I never saw Auds in this.

-No.

Vicky, I have got a quiz for you to see if being a doll is

-actually taking over your life.

-OK.

Do you like to sleep in a bed or in a big box, covered with cellophane.

Definitely the big box.

Would you like your boyfriend to be manly or slightly smooth.

They have got to... Oh. Oh, right. Manly. I would go for manly.

Do you like to take holidays in Faliraki or drive away in

a big, huge, pink campervan?

I don't actually know where Faliraki is.

-I'm guessing it's the huge, pink campervan.

-Yeah, I'll go with that.

-Can you drive?

-No.

-You are very close to turning into a full-blown human doll.

-Brilliant.

Shall we go and see POD and try and change that?

You have no choice. Come with me.

-Are you ready? Are you excited?

-I'm ready.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

Hello, POD.

I am POD the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

I'm Vicky.

Is there a string coming out of your back so you can speak?

No.

-Did you come in a box with matching accessories?

-No.

Why do you look like a dolly then?

Cos I want to look like a doll, thank you.

Show me your elbows.

Do you think that fakeness looks good?

No.

How long does it take you to make you look this fake?

About two hours, probably.

-Two hours dedicated solely to fakery?

-Yeah.

-Why?

It takes a lot of time to put all this stuff on, doesn't it?

Please hold out your hands and close your eyes.

All you need now is a tea set and we'll have a nice little tea party.

That would be lovely.

You look like a little girl again holding those toys.

Yeah, I'm loving it.

Except one that needs to get her roots done

and sort out her elbows.

Thanks.

POD says if you are going to be Prime Minister of Dolly Land

how would you defend all the dollies of the world?

Dolls are like perfect humans.

They're like everything that humans want to be so they're like,

"Let's make a really beautiful

"little woman and make her into a doll."

Why did you not think you were OK already?

The thing is,

when I was younger and I had my brown hair, boys just didn't like me

and I thought obviously personality isn't enough cos everyone's

shallow these days so I made myself into this.

-Do you have a boyfriend?

-No.

-So it's not working, is it?

-Not really.

Let's run public analysis.

I asked the public whether they would snog, marry or avoid this girl.

What do you think they said?

They said, "Marry."

I would avoid her because it looks like somebody has sneezed

black gunk around her eyes.

That's not very imaginative, is it?

That sounds like something a five-year-old would say.

You're the one dressed like a toy!

I would avoid this girl because she looks really cheap and tacky.

It costs a lot of money to like this cheap.

I'd definitely avoid this girl cos she looks like she's

fallen through a children's fancy dress shop.

Oh, see, I like that comment

and I don't understand why that's an insult.

In fact, 100% of the public said they would avoid you.

I'm really surprised that there is that many people with such...

..closed minds out there.

POD computes that you are way to pink to make the boys wink!

You need my plastic problem to natural beauty phenomenon make under.

-Maybe I do.

-Let's run the deep cleanse!

First of all I want you to take off all your accessories.

Goodbye, silly shoes!

Keep going!

This one won't come off. Oh, my God, but they're disgusting.

Now hand over those straggly extensions!

Oh, my God, I look like Mystic Meg.

Get that eye makeup off as well, please!

I haven't got any eyebrows. I'll look like a right weirdo alien.

Hold up that wipe so that I can see it.

POD computes that you have very lovely, fresh skin.

Oh, my God, it's awful.

-Are you ready for your make under?

-Yeah.

Run the make under in three, two, one.

Oh, my... Oh, my God. What the hell? I do not even look like me.

What do you think, Vicky?

I don't know. I do like the hair colour. Is it...?

It's like sort of gingery brown. I quite like that. That's cute.

-You look cute!

-Thank you.

Originally I sent the public a picture of you looking like a doll

and what did they say?

Everyone wanted to avoid me and I was outraged.

I showed them a picture of you looking like this.

-What do you think they said now?

-Marry.

I would snog her because she looks gorgeous.

She looks like she'd have a good time and a lot of fun.

Oh, that's cute and that's accurate. About the lots of fun bit.

I would snog her. She's got nice eyes, she looks confident and fun.

I would marry her. She seems like a nice, pleasant girl.

I'd probably take home to my mum.

Oh. That's quite cute.

In fact, 40% do want to marry you.

And the other 60% want to snog you.

It's being a ginger. It's my new thing.

What have you learnt from being made under, Vicky?

I have learnt from being made under that being a blonde isn't

necessarily the best thing and I think maybe being a ginger is.

Are you ready to show the world the naturally beautiful Vicky?

I'm ready to show them the naturally beautiful me.

Initiating POD-walk.

Vicky's about to take the floor on the POD-walk But will her dolly

to sophisticated lady transformation raise a cheer from her friends?

I'm a little bit nervous and I suppose I'm excited. I'm not sure.

It's like a feeling in my stomach. I feel a bit sick.

CHEERING

-You look fabulous!

-Thank you.

-Do you love it?

-I like being ginger.

That's not a sentence you often hear!

She looks absolutely stunning.

I think she's going to pull quite easy!

POD computes that Vicky has gone from peroxide plastic dolly

to rather well-turned-out young lady.

I thought it was going to be, like, terrifying

but it was actually quite fun.

And it was nice to see my friends at the end.

I didn't even recognise her. I've never seen her without

the makeup, the eyebrows, the hair, pink and she just looks incredible.

I think she'll definitely keep the hair.

makeup might take a bit more work!

It was quite a positive reaction and

it was just really nice.

Cardiff guys and girls love flashing their flesh

but exactly what Welsh rarebits are they showing off?

In Cardiff you find very short dresses,

most of the time with girls' bums hanging out.

The girls don't wear clothes.

Really high heels.

Cheeky short skirts.

I think it's a bit tarty personally but that's just my opinion.

There's a lot of flashing the flesh in Cardiff.

Revealing tops.

Especially as the night goes on, it kind of gets shorter.

Rather than just legs or boobs you get boobs and legs.

It's tacky. We don't like tacky in Cardiff but some people do, sadly.

POD computes there's more meat on show than there

is at the local butchers!

POD changed multilayered Jasmine

and peroxide dolly Vicky into natural beauties.

But did they keep their look?

Ta-da!

Well, there were no eyebrows on you, Jasmine.

-Oh, my God, the eyebrows, they have gone.

-For ever?

I genuinely think that's it now. They're done. I don't need them.

The rest of the look is kind of the same in that it is still quite

eclectic, there's lots of sort of mishmash of styles going on.

What have you kept from the makeunder?

I think everything is just more toned down.

People have really complimented me since.

Have you had any luck in the chap department?

-Maybe.

-Have you?

A little bit. Someone actually asked me out so...

Do you think that would've happened when you had crazy eyebrows?

It didn't happen so, no.

So, over all, a good experience coming to see POD?

Yeah, it's been really worth it. Definitely changed a few things.

And to you, Miss Vicky.

When I first met you, you told me that in your family it was

probably your dad who liked your look the least.

-What did he think when you had your makeunder?

-He loved it.

He really, really did like it.

You have gone exactly back to how you were apart from your hair.

I don't know. I don't wear the really, really dolly stuff as much.

This is like my more casual version. This comes out a lot more.

-You think this is a more grown-up version?

-Yeah, definitely.

I think this is a slight evolution.

The crucial question is do you think you are a natural beauty?

Yeah, but I like having the stuff stuck on.

Well, I think we can tick Cardiff of the list then.

Yes. As ever, Ellie, I've been incredibly successful.

Well, well done, you!

Thanks. I am after all the world famous POD.

-MOCKING:

-Meh-meh-meh-meh-meh.

Now, Ellie, please don't criticise my wonderful powers of make under.

I'm not. I'm just gently mocking your wonderful powers of modesty.

I don't really understand what you mean.

-Get back out there and get cracking!

-Afraid not.

Me and my valleys are going to the valleys so you can POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd