Jo and Kristie Snog Marry Avoid?

I'm Ellie Taylor and we're searching out fakery all over the land

because Snog Marry Avoid is on the road.

A lot of false eyelashes and fake tan.

If your lashes are so thick with fakery you can't even

see your own ridiculousness, then POD awaits.

POD is powering up and doubling her databanks to flush out

fakery from every corner of the country.

Why do you look so cheap and tacky?

How very dare you?

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery that's

stolen their sons and their daughters, their brothers and their sisters.

Down with fakery! Down with fakery!

From Birmingham to Bromley, Cardiff to Liverpool, she'll be

peeling back slap and revealing natural beauty.

POD computes you look like death warmed up.

Well, yeah. That's my look, obviously.

Plus POD's given me a quest.

I'm going undercover in the field of fakery.

Woo, woo! It just looks a bit frumpy.

We're tearing your fake hair out. This is Snog Marry Avoid.

This week we're in a city with a lot of sport like...cricket...

Torvill and Dean...

..the oldest professional football club,

and a lot of people sporting a lot of fakery.

We're in Nottingham.

Hi, POD!

Come in, Ellie.

Hi, POD. We're in Nottingham. It's lovely.

Is it full of natural beauties?

It's full of lovely young students.

Ah, students - they've generally not got enough money to be fakers, have they?

No, so they have to be clever about it. They're very experimental.

POD's hard drive computes that experimental could mean faking.

Well, yeah, maybe, but maybe just being cool and vintage,

and like, "oh, my god, let's steal a traffic cone."

As usual you are being far too lenient.

Get out there and find out if those students are faking on a budget.

And can I steal a traffic cone?

No thieving, please.

All right, then.

Coming up on tonight's show, we meet a big personality who hates to cover up.

Without this, I am not Jo.

I'm out to pull - my trousers up!

All right, bro?

And we encounter the afterlife.

I like to look dead, almost.

Finally, Nottingham's streets have never seen it so exotic.

Leopards, you know. They're sexy.

# If you wanna scream, yeah! #

With its textile heritage and student culture,

the fashionistas of Nottingham love to revel in their fakery.

Doc Martins.

Creepers.

Lots of piercings, actually.

A typical Nottingham girl would look cold,

because they left their clothes at home.

Lots of fake hair.

A lot of false eyelashes and fake tan.

-It's too cold here to get a normal tan, so you've got to fake it.

-Hello, POD!

What would POD see on a night out?

-Lots of fake tan.

-Heels, hair extensions.

-Eyelashes.

So basically the one in the middle.

You're a fake, you're a fake. We love our fake!

Now for Jo who has clawed herself into a whole world of fakery.

Let's hope she didn't break a nail doing it.

My name's Jo, I'm 19 and I'm from Redditch.

# She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before... #

I think I'd describe my style as a trashy look, but I think I work it.

I think it's hot.

My fakery would be, my hair's fake from here downwards.

My lashes are fake, my nails are fake, my tan's fake,

my boobs are fake, everything is fake.

Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake!

# Damn, girl! You's a sexy bitch. #

The make-up first started, probably, when I was 13,

and I was still "Joseph".

But I always knew that inside I wasn't Joseph, I was Jo.

And that I was female.

To begin with, I started wearing just foundation,

and the reactions I got when I started wearing my eyeliner -

the girls loved it. But the lads... It was just gay-boy.

So I guess it just slowly progressed from people

bullying me, so it was like, you don't like it a little bit,

so let's just really get on your nerves.

Let's proper get it in your face and do it all! Oh, I so love glitter!

Josie definitely sees big hair, lots of make-up, equals female.

Anything short, or natural, equals male.

I'm going for a can of hairspray wig.

This is completely my protective armour. Without this, I am not Jo.

Oh, that's well fit, that is.

The second that make-up's on,

and the extravagant clothes, she can then go out and face the world,

and it doesn't matter what anyone says, because Jo looks good.

I absolutely love standing out. If I can be centre of attention, I will.

The attention that Jo gets is just all the wrong attention.

It's cheap boys.

I definitely think that the way that I dress is preventing me

from finding Mr Right, because I look too fun.

You don't look at me and think,

"That's who I want to take home to my mum."

I think people judge Jo when she's out a lot.

It's not nice when you know your friend's being judged like that.

I don't like it. It's horrible.

I love dressing like this, but I don't want to be the

40-year-old person walking around with the wrinkly skin and loads of make-up.

Still alone.

I would love for Jo to have nice, natural-looking hair,

beautiful make-up, and beautiful clothes.

I'm absolutely terrified, because what

if I can't get rid of the fakery, but keep the confidence.

Jo has been nailing the fake and fabulous look for a

while now. Let's hope she's ready for a final polish.

-How long have you been dressing in this way, then?

-It's been about two years, but I love it. I love it!

What do you love so much?

Just the flesh and my legs. I look good.

There is a lot...of it out!

Yeah. If you've got it, flaunt it! Uh-huh!

Jo, I've got a quiz for you. Would prefer big back-combed hair

with loads of extensions or a sleek natural bob?

-I think you already know the answer.

-I think we can just move on, can't we?

Bright red lippy, or muted lip gloss?

I'd go with the muted lip gloss.

Look at you! A little bit of mascara, or three sets of false lashes.

-Three lashes.

-You are far too obsessed with your fakery, missy.

-You ready to go and seek POD?

-Yeah. I think so.

Have fun. Get in there.

See you later.

POD, let me in!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

I am Jo.

POD would like to know why you're dressed like an 18th-century strumpet.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Because I can.

Because you can-can?

Because I can-can.

Jo, when did you start dressing like this, and why?

I started dressing like this, like two years ago,

and it was me kicking back at the world.

What did the world ever do to you, Jo?

I was bullied because I was a dude that wore make-up.

And now I'm a girl.

So POD computes that makes you transgender.

Yeah, it basically a girl trapped in a boy's body.

Ah! POD computes there is nothing wrong with a girl trapped in a

boy's body, but it seems you have a stripper trapped in there, too!

Yeah, I like that stripper.

So why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

Because I want a job and a fella.

POD computes that this look would suit one type of job.

What job's that?

There you go.

POD computes you would make a good 18th-century serving wench.

Bitch!

Oh, hello, serving wench.

I've just spent a long time driving my horse and cart over field and meadow.

What would you like?

Well, I would perhaps like to partake in a beverage,

and possibly some food.

-What would you recommend?

-Toad in the hole.

Did they have that back then? Or wasn't it just soup?

Stew I recommend stew.

What about for dessert?

Apple pie.

Did they have pie?

I believe they did, Jo, yes.

Apple pie.

Jo, what do you think looking like a stunning natural beauty would

do to your big personality?

I'm scared it'll tone it down.

Because this is like part of my confidence.

It's time to run phase one. Public Analysis.

I showed the public a picture of you and asked them

whether they would snog, marry or avoid.

What d'you think they said?

Snog.

That's not what I think, or what they thought.

I would avoid her because her hair looks way too big.

It's not big enough.

I would avoid her because her image is quite ostentatious,

so she isn't very approachable.

Well, someone using words like that, I don't want him in my life, anyway!

I would avoid her because her eye make-up is a little bit intimidating.

Good, cos I am intimidating.

100% of the public wanted to avoid you.

It's cos they've got no taste.

POD computes that you look like an 18th-century serving wench who's had

a bad modern-day fake-over, and you need my unemployable floozy

to the one they all want to choosey makeunder.

I think you couldn't be more wrong.

It is now time to run the deep cleanse.

First remove your ridiculous stripper heels.

Shoes.

Cover up the fancy dress.

How do you put one of these on?

OK, now for those eyelashes.

Bye bye.

Now, take make-up remover pads, and remove all your make-up.

Oh! Nearly there, POD.

Run the makeunder in three, two, one.

Wow!

What? Oh, my God! I look hot!

-You're beautiful, aren't you?

-I am!

Oh, my God! I'm sexy and I know it.

I love the hair. The hair's well lush.

Ha ha ha ha!

I feel like I look more like a woman than I have before, you know.

You really are a natural beauty.

My God! I love it.

-Would you like to hear what the public think of you now?

-Yeah!

I showed them a picture of you looking like this.

What do you think they said this time?

I reckon they all said they wanted to snog me.

-Correct.

-Yay!

I would snog her.

She's got nice eyes, nice hair, nice smile, and I like what she was wearing.

That's quite sweet, ain't it?

I would snog her, because she looks quite classy, and she's got nice hair.

Oh, no way! As if I look classy! They're loving my hair, ain't they?

Yeah, I'd definitely snog her. She looks decent, a sophisticated girl.

I like the way she is.

Ah, I definitely want to find these people, POD.

Did you get their number?

Jo, 100% of the public now wants to snog you.

Where are they?

POD computes that this is generally the kind of attention you're going to get from now on.

Oh, I love it!

Are you ready to stretch your stuff on the POD walk?

I'm so ready, POD.

Initiate POD walk.

The POD walk's been beamed down into one of Nottingham's hottest bars.

Will Jo's long-suffering family

and friends like her new sophisticated look?

I've got so many mixed emotions going on right now. I'm excited.

I'm nervous. Oh, I don't want to go out. I want to go out.

I want to go out now. I don't want to. I've got so much going on.

So much going on. Whoo!

Can I come in and ruin in this lovely moment?

Don't ruin your make-up! What are you doing?

Jo, you look absolutely phenomenal.

I know this!

What are you thinking, Nicky?

I'm feeling so emotional.

I can't believe... I asked for sophisticated,

and I have got sophisticated.

You look amazing.

Amazing.

-I feel it.

-Do you?

-I do, yeah.

So you feel confident? You still feel hot, you feel sexy?

Yeah. I feel more sexy. I feel like a woman.

-Do you feel like this is a bit of a turning point you?

-Yeah, definitely. It's the new style.

I think you look for fricking awesome.

I know I do.

POD computes that Jo has gone from trashy lassie to stunningly classy.

There's going to be jobs, boyfriends,

everything is all going happen for all the right reasons.

I look classy, I look hot. I look very pretty.

I think pretty is what it is.

In Nottingham, the lads

and lasses are always ready for a good night out.

But is it a case of bottoms up or bottoms out for the boys?

Having your bum out isn't advised.

Nobody is proud when they see someone with their bum out.

They think they're cool. They look like idiots.

Why would you want a cold bum for?

The way they keep their trousers up is a mystery to most women.

-I think they're sexy.

-It's quite nice seeing a bit of bottom,

though, on a man when he's walking down the street.

Pants alert! Recalling Ellie immediately.

Ellie, what's the crack with the boys and their bottoms out on show?

Oh, you mean the low slung jeans, and the pants hanging out?

Yes. POD's baffled as to how they manage to keep them up.

Are you basically asking me to stare at men's bums?

Ellie, I'm trusting you to behave yourself this time.

I will, I will, I'll just put a pair of pants on and see what it's like.

That's all I'll do, I promise. That's all I'll do, promise. Definitely, promise.

Yeah, all right, bro? Nice to see you, yeah.

What's up?

Am I standing right?

You're forcing it a bit.

-Don't put your hands there.

-OK.

-There?

-Yeah, in them pockets.

-Yeah, that's better.

All right, ladies? The reverse view.

Mmm... Not a fan.

It's not doing it for me.

I guess it's OK in some circumstances when they have good boxers.

Can you give me some help chatting up the ladies?

Just give that look, then look away. You've got to be a bit teasing.

All right, treacle?

I'm going for, like a, Harry Styles kind of thing.

A bit more Harry Potter than Harry Styles!

-I like a good beard.

-Very nice.

-Did you just wink at me?

-I think I did.

-Dude, I'm not that way inclined.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I got the wrong impression.

Embarrassing!

-Man spray. What about this?

-I think I'll back off a little bit.

I you worried about the saddle rash you'd get?

Maybe.

-Maybe you want to see some of my dance moves?

-Go on then.

-Go for it.

I gotta change my ways!

# Love you football, we do, oh, football we love you. #

# Mr bombastic... #

Dude!

Hello, young man.

-POD.

-Ellie, is that you? You look like an old Justin Bieber.

Well, you have to get into the spirit of these things, don't you?

So I did the bum thing.

And what have you found out for POD?

You need a tight belt around your bum,

and it helps if you're a woman, and you have hips.

Right. So you've made yourself look completely ridiculous again, and found out not much.

-Yeah.

-Back out there, please, and back to natural beauty as soon as possible.

-Keep the stubble?

-Lose it.

-I think I look like George Michael. Bye.

Now for Kristie, who's a big fan of skull and crossbones.

Nope, she's not a pirate. This one's a little bit spooky.

Boo! My name's Kristie and I'm a Gothic zombie from Worksop.

My motto is the more outrageous, the better.

I like to look dead, almost.

I like being really pale and having the dark eyes.

SCREAMING

Even when I go jogging with my boyfriend,

I still have to have all my hair up and black clothes and fishnets.

I love that when I walk down the street, people look at me.

Even if it's not for a good reason I just like the fact that people

are like, "What?"

We walk round town with her and people just go...

-Yeah.

-Like that.

You kind of go, "Oh yeah, it's because my sister's a weirdo."

BOTH LAUGH

I think Kristie dresses the way she does because I think

she perhaps gets a bit more attention, the way she's dressed.

When Kristie's in POD, she won't go down without a fight.

I first started getting piercings when I was about 14.

My family hates my piercings. Especially this one.

They tell me that I look like a bull.

MOOING

I do miss the way Kristie used to look.

Because I think she's lovely looking

and she kind of hides it all behind make-up and hair dye.

It's like a disguise, almost and it's not my Kristie.

I don't think that I'm naturally pretty at all, really.

That's why I do this.

I've never seen her naturally,

so I'm quite looking forward to the end result

because underneath all the make-up and all the fakery, she's beautiful.

POD, if you think you're going to tone my look down,

you've got a fright on your hands. Grr!

I'm here to meet Kristie, but apparently she's gone off for a bit

of a run beforehand to get warmed up,

but I'm thinking, right, if she's

anything like the usual girls we get on this show, she'll probably be

out there running in hot pants and maybe a little bra and high heels.

Ha! What am I like? I'd better go and see where she is.

Do you like looking spooky?

Er, yeah. I just really like Halloween!

I'll tell you what you do like, skeletons,

because there are little miniature skeleton hands in your head,

like a little skeleton man giving you a head massage.

-They're cool though.

-They are very cool.

-I've got a quiz for you. Do you prefer zombies or zumba?

-Zombies.

-Skulls or snuggles?

-Skulls.

Boyfriend try and snuggle you and you're like, "No! Get out my skull!"

KRISTIE LAUGHS

-Kinky. Spooky or sexy?

-Spooky sexy.

-Do you just go in the bedroom and go, "Argh!"

-Yeah!

You are definitely a massive Goth? Are you ready to go and see her.

-Yeah.

-Let's do it.

-There she is, go on, get inside.

-Hiya, POD, let me in.

-I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-I'm Kristie.

Kristie, POD computes that you look like death warmed up.

In fact, not even warmed up. You look like the undead.

Well, yeah, that's my look, obviously.

Let's test out your zombie credentials with a bit of role-play.

-Oh!

-SHE LAUGHS

Ah, this is a strange and scary house.

There's strange noises coming from the basement.

I'd better go and investigate.

Die, brains...I want to eat your brains.

SHE GROWLS AND GROANS

-Surprisingly, you do make a good zombie.

-Thank you.

We'd better get you made under before you actually

turn into the living dead.

-OK, POD.

-It's time to run phase one, public analysis.

I showed the public a picture of you and I asked them

if they wanted to snog, marry or avoid this girl.

What do you think they said?

I'm pretty sure they said, "avoid."

What a clever girl you are.

I would avoid her because her dress sense is a bit too wacky for me.

That's not so bad.

-Wacky's cool.

-They get worse.

I would avoid her because

it looks like she's dressed to go to

a Halloween party or trick or treating.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard that so many times.

I would avoid her because

her make-up makes her look like a demon.

Demons are cool.

-I don't find that offensive.

-Yes, that's the problem.

100% of the public do indeed want to avoid you.

Oh, ah, that's not very nice, is it?

POD computes that you are a walking dead disaster,

whose GRAVE style must be buried.

You need my Scary Goth Freak to Cool Lady Chic makeunder.

Go for it.

It is now time for the deep cleanse.

Remove those ridiculous boots.

# He did the mash

# He did the monster mash

# The monster mash

# It was a graveyard smash. #

I look like a drag queen.

With those eyelashes, are you surprised?

I don't want to.

That's it, wipe off the dead person's lipstick.

SHE LAUGHS

Run the makeunder in three, two, one.

Oh, my God. Oh, I don't know what to think!

-You've got colour in your cheeks.

-Yeah.

-Like an alive person.

-Yeah.

I really like the dress.

It makes me look thinner and I think it shapes my figure very well.

POD computes you look much better as a natural beauty

-and between us, I'm always right.

-OK, if you say so.

-Kristie?

-Yes, POD?

Previously I showed the public a picture of you in your old look.

-What did they say?

-Avoid.

-That wasn't very nice, was it?

-No.

-What do you think they said this time?

-Maybe marry?

I look like a wife.

I'd marry her because she looks

sweet and has a nice complexion.

-Ah, that's cute.

-You do have lovely skin, by the way...

-Thank you.

-..now I can see that you're not a dead person.

-Yes.

I'd definitely snog her.

She's got quite a nice smile

and she looks quite sophisticated.

Sophisticated. That's cool. I like that.

I'd snog her.

She's got nice hair and she's very stylish.

-I quite like her, yeah.

-Oh, people are nice now.

-In fact, 40% of the public now want to marry you.

-Yay!

-And the other 60% want to snog you.

-Awesome.

-Are you ready to strut your stuff on the POD walk?

-I think so.

Initiate POD walk.

What will Kristie's family

and friends make of her zombie to zippy demeanour?

I'm feeling really nervous.

There's a lot of people out there, I just hope they like how I look.

-Max, what are you thinking?

-I'm lost for words.

You were gorgeous before but you've just, I don't know, you're radiant.

Aw!

I want him to be my boyfriend!

-There's not a bit of death about this outfit.

-No.

-It's really quite cheery.

-I'm not used to that.

ALL LAUGH

-How are you feeling, Diane? What do you think?

-I'm just really shocked.

I think she looks absolutely gorgeous.

It really works, it looks really good.

POD computes that Kristie has risen from the dead

to become drop dead gorgeous.

My boyfriend and my mum both thought that...

I think they both said I looked stunning, which is cool.

-I think they liked it more than I do.

-I was genuinely stunned.

I thought she looked beautiful.

Leopard print is a roaring success out on the Nottinghamshire plains,

so what's all the fuss about, pussy cat?

BIG CAT ROARS

Animal print is the fashion of Nottingham.

BIG CAT ROARS

-There's a lot of leather and fur.

-Leopard is sexy. Grr!

Grr!

It is really sexy.

It's warm.

BIG CAT ROARS

-ALL:

-Nottingham girls are wild.

Earlier we met Jo, whose mask of make-up

attracted all the wrong attention.

And Kristie, whose zombie looks left even her family cold.

But did they keep their looks?

Ch-coo!

-Jo, you loved your look.

-I did, yeah.

-And you're still loving it, you're still rocking it now?

-I am.

I am, I reckon I look better like this, don't I?

-You look so much better than when I first met you.

-It's so much warmer.

So would you ever wear the outfit that I first met you in?

-It's in the bin.

-Is it?

-Yeah, it's gone.

-Yes, oh, that's fantastic news.

-POD has converted me.

Do you really feel like that?

Yeah, I'll be up town shopping and someone will walk past

in a little dress and I'll go, "POD does not like."

ALL LAUGH

You, I'm not sure.

-Have you kept your look?

-There's no zombie hands in my hair.

-There isn't zombie hands in your hair.

-On my clothes.

You haven't got eyelashes on and that was quite a big

-thing for you, wasn't it, before?

-I don't wear them any more.

-One thing you have kept is Nosey McNoseson.

-Yeah, it's cool.

I'm not quite ready to get rid of that yet.

Do you think having this experience has made you feel a little

bit happier in your own skin?

Yeah, I don't think I'm too bad, so, yeah,

I feel better and more confident in myself.

-I like it, you look loads better now.

-Thank you.

Good, I remember I was scared to speak to you.

I remember, I was scared to speak to you but the second week,

we had a right chinwag, didn't we?

Now you're approachable, that's good.

Hi, POD.

Hello, Ellie.

I see you've ditched the boxers and that ridiculous saggy bum look.

It's been good fun, I'm glad to see that the stubble's gone,

just my usual little bit of tache but I can cope with that.

I'm delighted to see your natural beauty shining again.

It was quite fun though, dressing up as a bloke.

So why do they do they let their pants hang out?

Because it's cool, that's all you need to know. Because it's cool.

That's just not good enough, Ellie.

Now get out there and find me some more trouser offenders.

I can't believe I'm going to say this,

but I've seen enough men's bums for the day, so you can POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd