Episode 2 That's Britain!

Episode 2

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Hello and welcome to That's Britain, the show that gets to grips with


all the daily irritations of modern life. We will get to the bottom of


whatever is winding you up and try to make Britain a better place, or


at least turn some of those premises into grins. On That's


Britain tonight, May looks at overcrowded trains and the high


ticket prices we pay. Lastly, you told us dog poo was a problem -


tonight, the Bin Cops on the case. Stan Lee Johnson celebrates human


kindness with a hidden camera shopping stinger. And Ade Edmondson


goes behind the scenes of the National Grid to see how power gets


to the people. Joining us is are talented team of supporters.


Grainne Seoige, Stanley, Stephen K Amos and Stanley. Good looking


bunch. Stephen has been up at the crack of dawn for That's Britain to


persuade us to save the endangered species that is the British milkman.


But can he convince you to pay more for your daily pint to put an old


men or women are back on your street? Most importantly, we want


to hear from you. On this show, your words count, because this is


your word wall. It often feels like you are talking to a wall, but on


That's Britain, the wall talks Back. Tell us what is driving you around


the bend, and our magic wall takes your words and turns them into a BT.


If a word is big, it means a lot of you are complaining about it.


want to know what is annoying you - mobile ringtones, cold calls, get


it off your chest and on to our wall. At the end of last week's


show, this is what you were irritated by. Tube drivers, litter,


Bob Prew. The opera was massive. Not a massive one, obviously -- dog


poo was massive. Public-transport. Grainne Seoige will be tapping


trains in a bit. This week, over the past seven days, over 4000 of


you have been e-mailing us. Let's look at your moans and groans right


now. Not a huge surprise about petrol prices. Osborne has frozen


fuel duty this week. 60% of the price of your petrol is it in fact


on tax. Increasingly, it is becoming more expensive to own and


run a car, �3,000 a year. What surprises me is what is not on the


wall. It has been a day of public sector service strikes, and it does


not even make the wall. Why? Maybe people have not got home because of


the strikes. But weirdly, wind turbines have made the wall. You


are complaining about the fuel prices, but you do not like the


alternatives. And who is upset by wind chimes? I do not like them.


You don't have to write in about it. And stolen horses. I do not know


what is going on there. Enlighten us about what is going on with


stolen horses. We will be updating the wall later, so keep those e-


Remember to put the thing that is getting on your wick in the title


of the e-mail. And tell us about it in the body of the e-mail. And no


people's names, please. Somebody did just put "my wife" last week!


You can join in with everything we are talking about by tweeting us.


Or going to our Facebook page. As the country that invented the


railway, you might think we would be good at it. But some who


travelled regularly on the Great British Railway will tell you that


sardines have an easier time of it. With British Rail fares among the


highest in the world and set to increase by 6.2%, Grainne Seoige


travelled cattle class to find out if anything can be done about it.


No one usually gets seats. It is always crammed. People fight for


seats. It becomes carnage. I never get a seat. There is nothing to


hold on to. People have to grab hold of strangers and say sorry.


Our British National Rail network was the first in the world, and


they used to say "let the train take the strain". But now commuters


are taking the strain. Passenger numbers are up 40% on ten years ago,


and ticket prices are among the highest in the world. To many of


these people, commuting by train is their only option, not a luxury. It


is the only way to get from A to B. So they stand cheek by jowl on


overcrowded routes. And the busiest areas on the network outside London


are commuter lines into and Birmingham, Manchester and Leeds.


Passengers on the Hosford to Leeds route know this story well.


Commuters regularly stand on half of the rush-hour trains into Leeds.


Richard Gregory has been travelling this route for ten years, but now


he has kids, it is not just him that is affected. Sometimes I can't


physically get on the train because it is so full. If I can't get on


the train, I can't pick my kids up in time and then I have a problem.


The effect of not being able to get on a train is huge. Another


passenger who is up against it in the North is Cassie. There is no


real ventilation in the carriages. It gets really hot and airless. A


lot of the time in the mornings, you feel faint. I have seen other


women faint as well, which is why I complained to the train company. I


thought it was unsafe. Cassie complained to the company via a


transport pressure group, but they did not respond. As she pays �130 a


month for her ticket, she is not impressed. Everyone on this train


pays at least �130 if they are getting a season ticket. If you


multiply that by the number of people on the train, it is a lot of


money. Money is what they care about. Across the board, a lot of


money is being made by our rail companies. Last year, operating


profits were an eye-watering �200 million. Plus this January, ticket


prices are going up by up to 6.2%. A recent YouGov poll found that the


planned fare hikes for 2012 were the most unpopular policy


announcement from the government's combines a spending review, opposed


by eight out of ten people. And what you get for your ticket as is


a space on a train, not a seat. Unlike buses or planes, there are


no legal limits on how much space you are given. In fact, livestock


are more regulated. All livestock transportation must meet EU rules.


These cover how much space cattle, sheep and pigs would get on a train.


Sadly, there is nothing for humans. I did not realise that. Shocking.


It does not seem fair. That is wrong. It is an animal! OK, so


there is no legal limit. But surely the train operators should take


responsibility? Or can't they just add more carriages to a train?


Christian while Ma is Britain's leading transport commentator.


cost the industry is so fragmented, it is difficult for the train


operating company just to get some extra carriages. They need


permission from the Government and they have to pay the money. They


probably need more subsidy. It is not just a matter of buying a few


more carriages. Essentially, it is likely to cost extra money to put


on these carriages on these overcrowded trains. So it is really


down to the Government to put up the funds. We asked a river trains


Wales and Northern trains for an interview, but they declined, as


did the national body representing the rail industry, the Association


of Train Operating Companies. So I am going to see the Minister for


the railways to see what she has to say about jammed trains and sky-


high prices. We have met some very unhappy people and put up with


serious overcrowding. The first thing we were amazed to learn was


that there is no limit on the amount of people you can pack onto


trains. Trains are designed to be safe, whatever levels of crowding


are taking place. We were speaking to various passengers, and one told


us a train was so packed that people faint. We have plans for


around 2700 new carriages on the railways over the coming years to


respond to people's concerns, including into our cities in the


north, like Leeds, Manchester and Newcastle. But when Theresa


Villiers was on the opposition benches, she challenged the then


Labour government about rail passengers travelling in worse


conditions than livestock. What about the fact that you have said


yourself that livestock get treated better than people? It is essential


that we get a grip on crowding. That is why we are undertaking the


biggest programme of rare capacity expansion since the Victorian era.


But when you consider that a sheep or a cow or a goat gets treated


better on a train than a person...? You are pushing at an open door. I


understand the problems. The government is determined to do


something. People pay a lot of money to travel on these trains.


There is a commitment that those train fares will increase for the


next few years. The fares are a vitally important way to fund our


railways and fund improvements that are needed. It seems that no one is


happy with the current state of affairs, so what can train


passengers do to make sure these promises are delivered? Rail


passengers have to get themselves organised. They have to form


commuter groups, complain and badger their MP. Badger Ministers.


Then something might get done. It is a matter of putting pressure run.


There is a lot to talk about after watching that. How much of a


squeeze was it? The it depends on the amount of pigs. They get a


fairer deal than we do. I had to stand from Horsforth to Leeds.


There were no seats. We were packed into the corners of the train, but


it was not as uncomfortable as other people's experiences. I was


not gasping for air. But I had no seat. Richard Gregory, one of the


passengers, has a bad day regularly, because he cannot get onto the


train because of overcrowding, which affects his life because of


childcare issues. What in Northern trains say about that? As you say,


Richard has a genuine complaint. Northern rail said, we have worked


hard with industry partners to provide more trains to meet rising


demand. The latest additions will be in service from December.


Additional carriages will provide more seats in the Leeds area. So


hopefully hundreds of parents will get their kids on time. What about


Cassie, who had a complaint about the Welsh train company? She did


not complain directly to them. She complained after a pressure group


online, petitioning. So they told her and asked that "we don't accept


complaints from third parties". She should contact them directly.


do they say are on the general point about passengers fainting?


They say regarding fainting allegations that there is no direct


link between feinting and train overcrowding. Passengers should


seek trained staff help. We heard from the minister Theresa Villiers


as well. The government are feeling the heat about this, and George


Osborne has capped the train price increase at 6.2%. But that is still


above inflation and people are still making complaints. It was


meant to be inflation plus 3%, and now it is inflation plus 1%, which


is good news for passengers. But in the context of overcrowding, they


are very high prices anyway. And people are enduring pay freezes or


pay cuts, so it is still tough. What do operating companies make of


it? They said the average rise in regulated fares, including season


tickets, is set by the Government and nothing to do with them. The


money raised through fares helps pay for more carriages to deal with


the overcrowding. But those carriages will not be here tomorrow.


2019. Rolling stock is the big deal. It is just not simple. But there is


a glimmer of hope for people in London. There will be 48 more


carriages in and out of London in time for the Olympics. If you are


not a happy camper today, what is the best way to complain? They all


respond in such different ways. People should definitely club


together. If there are enough unhappy people, pressure does win


out. But if you want your complaint answered by the train company, you


must contact them directly, otherwise you will have what


happened here. What are you doing next week? Hospital parking charges,


APPLAUSE That's Britain has been trying to


bring back people who were once the cornerstones of communities. Last


week a massive 81% of viewers voted said they would pay back higher bus


fares to bring back the conductor. Can Stephen K Amos persuade you


that we should pay more for our cow juice to bring the milkman book to


our doorsteps? Breakfast, the most important meal


of the day. Got my croissants, coffee, cereal. Oh, no! I have run


out of milk! Where am I going to get milk at this time of the


morning? The local supermarket? The petrol station?


Oh, hang on, I think I know just the man.


Before the supermarket shop there was the milkman. By the 1960s he


had swapped his horse and cart for the electric float. In the 1970s


nine out of ten of us had milk delivered. By 2000 that had dropped


to one in four. In the last ten years almost two out of three milk


rounds have trickled away. These days we are always carping on about


convenience. But what can be more convenient than having a pint of


milk brought to you first thing in the morning, delivered by a


friendly face, the pillar of the local community and not just the


Butt of horrible cheap jokes. Milkman are not the punchline to


the question who is your real dad? It's 5.00am, I have to go and join


Graham. He has been working for three hours already. I am a bit


slack. Come on. Graham is one of Britain's 4,000


remaining milkmen and he has been getting up early for 24 years. So,


who who pwrb pwrb better to help me in my mission to motivate Britain


and persuade them he is a tradition worth keeping. This is number one.


There we go. So, that's my first delivery. How


hard can it be?! Did you remember the empties, Stephen?


It's not all about the milk these days. Graham's diversified. Next


one is cat food. Cat food? I remember a milkman just delivered


milk. Cat food! A long time ago. And it's about going the extra mile


for your customers, whatever the weather. There's other deliveries


can't get here, but Graham always does. The milk is is there in the


morning. You can't always get out and do the shopping and that, and


he fills that gap. So, clearly Graham's customers are willing and


able to pay for his services, but what about the neighbours who


aren't on a milk round? How do they feel about getting a pint delivered


daily. I am going to find out even if it curdles me.


Good morning! We stopped the delivery because when I was working


full-time the milk used to stand on the doorstep all day. Would you


reconsider being a new customer? would possibly consider it, yes.


That's only a maybe. Having your milk delivered with cost anything


between 30p extra per pint. Is it the money? Is it a cost element for


you? I guess, obviously you do pay extra. I just don't think about it


because when I do my shopping it's so easy to pop and get it. I would


like to ask more people, but where is everyone? Maybe there's a clue


here. The milk didn't get delivered until after we had gone to work.


see. Then it would sit on the doorstep all day. Will anyone join


me?! Never see them any more, do you? Graham should knock on my door


and I will definitely sign him up as my milkman. Finally, I found


one! It's been a long day. There's still a lot of love out there for


the idea of a milkman. I just wish more of us realised he's got the


white stuff. Graham, baby, how fast does this thing go! They call him


Stephen, Stevie, he drove the fastest milk cart in the west!


APPLAUSE. And straight from his round Stephen


is here. Now, somebody told me you got up at 3.00am to do that. Yes, a


standup comic, I never ever got up in the morning. You are normally


coming in. After a show, yeah. But Graham, he was such a jolly milkman.


A quarter of a century he's been getting up early. How early does he


get up? 1.00am. To do his round. years. Did you enjoy the process?


No! My eyes were red. I was like I can't see! I have respect for


milkmen, postmen, those guys that get up early to deliver a service.


Isn't the point that we have outgrown the milkman, we don't need


them any more? I think we do. Think back to school and we got that


bottle of milk, that set you up for the day. You see the friendly


milkman driving past. My mum used to love leaving him notes, I love


you! Or something. They are just pillars of the community. We have


24-hour shops now, you pick up milk on the way home at the garage.


There's other ways to get milk. Because we have moved on, I mean


look how many of our high streets look the same. All these big


supermarkets they've lost - they've taken over. The independent grocers,


the milk, butchers, Bakers, the candle-stick makers, they're all


going out of business. You are grasping at straw. Supermarkets


deliver now. All these supermarkets, they don't get that personal touch.


How often have you ordered from the supermarket and they get it wrong?


You can guarantee the milkman is not going to go, I haven't the milk


but here is a pork pie. That's not going to happen. Here is the key


question, is it better for the milkman - better for the dairy


producers if you use a milkman? People don't realise is that the


dairy producers, the farmers, they don't sell direct to the


supermarkets. There's a middleman. Therefore, the supermarket which


buys in bulk control the pricing. If we really want to help our local


communities and the local producers and pay extra then who knows, maybe


our high streets can go back to the way they were. I have to say, you


presented a very good argument given you don't ever want to do


that that kind of job again. Let's see what the public think. Stephen


K Amos, thank you very much. APPLAUSE.


There you go. So, Stephen says bringing back the milkmen would get


back a sense of community and it's better for the environment and


farmers. Tonight we are asking you this: Would you pay an extra 25p pb


a -- on a pint of milk to have it Lines will be closed at about


For full terms and conditions you can go to our website.


We will bring you the result later on. Will the milkman come back?


Time for the section of the show about stories from around the


country that might make you growl. This is the bit we call Don't Get


Me Started. Lots of you mentioned wind turbines earlier. Those who


aren't fans of windmills decorating parts of Britain will enjoy this. A


report revealed that wind farms are being switched off, or turned down


because they're too noisy for local residents. It sounds reasonable,


except when you realise that the turbines are usually only that


noisy when it's very windy. It seems that there were lots of noise


complaints made about wind farms in the last few years. One farm in


Yorkshire was served with a noise abatement order. If you are


thinking of getting your own private wind farm in your backward


remember, switch it off when it gets windy. LAUGHTER. The next


story that might get you started was this, Derbyshire County Council


are having problems with their electronic bus stop signs T seems


they ordered 43 of the signs to tell passiers how long they'll wait


for the next bus would be. they're looking to use them to find


out, they may have to wait a while because none of them work. Not one.


The council did put up eight of them and they're still in place,


but they still don't work. And how much did this set Derbyshire


council taxpayers back? The cost was a grand total of �340,000 of


which �65,000 came from Derby County Council. A spokesman for the


council told us we made a mistake. We shouldn't have spent the money


on these signs. Lots of things went wrong when we bought this equipment


in 2006, including technical problems and the fact that the bus


operators were unwilling to use the system. They say they will learn


from this. Next a story that got Michael Car from Lanarkshire


started along with many in his areas. He contacted us to say I was


greatly amused by your piece on public money and I gave you neon


waves, I don't know one person who says they like or agree with it. It


may sound nice, the waves are 76 sheets of metal lining the side of


the A8011. But they're not just sheets of metal. Oh, no! They light


up at night. The council describe this as a flowing wave-like effect


to passing traffic. It makes sense when you realise that it means the


meeting of the waters. They do like nicer at night, but it hasn't


impressed Michael and some of his fellow residents. How much do you


think a flowing wave-like effect goes for these days? I put it to


our lovely... Did they get it free from metal thieves? �15.99. They


cost �320,000. The council confirmed that the wave feature


cost around �320,000 as part of a wider rode scheme to improve


approaches to the town. A public consultation was undertaken before


the work and there was general approval. Finally, Warwickshire


County Council have been complaining to us and we think


they've a point. Last week we said they spent �100,000 of council


taxpayers' money on art for the park. They pointed out the money


came from a central Government fund, to be spent on public art. They


just choose the winning design. Apologies and happy to clear that


up. If there cess ago got -- there's something that has got you


started, let us know and tell us. Let's see how you have changed the


wall so far. There it is. Let's take a look.


Petrol prices in the middle. Turbines we already mentioned. What


else have people been telling us? Speed bumps. Politicians. There you


go. Isn't that funny, mentioned it at the beginning and strikes bang


in the middle. We still have energy prices and petrol prices. Horse poo


has made an appearance on the wall. Bankers have turned up. There you


go. Somewhere in there human rights. That's strange. What e-mails?


Petrol prices are making life impossible for people in rural


areas, that's where you are really stuck where there aren't


necessarily buses available. Another says about wind turbines,


there is not an alternative energy. Horse theft is a massive problem,


horses are stolen and little help from the police. It's heartbreaking.


We might look into that. Still to come tonight: The bin cops oren dog


poo parol. We fine out where in Britain has the worst roadworks.


meet the hidden hero whose biggest enemy is the traffic jam.


Ade Edmondson has amazing behind the scenes access to the whole


country and he has been observing how the systems we take for granted


actually work. I can't help but notice that you


are brandishing a new weapon there. I have a new akoutment. How did


that come into being? A tragic DIY accident. Not tragic because you


are still here. I was trying to remove a shelf from the wall and


didn't have the right tools and decided I would jump up and down on


it. It is a very effective method, but worked quicker than I imagined.


Do you do a lot of DIY? Not now. You didn't have this last week.


I didn't. I was stupidly bravely carrying on with it last week and


it's been the wrong thing. Apparently, I should take seven


days off. We can't afford that! Where have you been this week?


like a cup of tea, don't you. a cup of tea. Have you ever


wondered when you switch the kettle on where the electricity comes


from? They go into the kettle, whizz around, stop me if I am being


too technical. I have been to find out how electricity is made and how


it gets to your kettle. Fascinating. You can't see it, you can't smell


it, and if you touch it it really, really hurts. But it's essential to


everyday life. I am going to follow electricity's incredible journey


from power station to plug. Hopefully, there won't be too many


shocks along the way. 74% of our electricity comes from power


stations burning gas and coal. And that's why I have come here, Didcot


power station is one of 108 power stations feeding to the National


Grid and I am going to find out exactly how it works.


Look, I have stumbled upon a set of a James Bond film! They're probably


about to send rockets to Moscow and London and Paris and New York any


minute now. I better check it out. This is the plant's control room


and it's no wonder it looks like the lair of a bond baddy. Some of


this kit has been here since the From here, they monitor the power


station around the clock. How many cups of tea would you say this


generator is capable of making? Over the last five years, we have


produced enough cups of tea for about a trillion people. Any chance


of a cuppa now? Yes. To make that many cups of tea, they need a lot


of coal. This is what 1 million and a half tons of coal looks like.


Didcot power station gets through this amount every 50 days. The


Colley's brought to the top of this building and drops down the shoots


into these blunders and ground into a fine dust and fired into a


furnace. Then it burns quickly. N that VAT, you have the boilers. And


there - my they are providing steam which powers the turbines, which


power the magnets inside the generator and electricity goes that


way. That is one theory. The other theory is that it is magic. But


electricity has a floor, because once it has been created, you can't


storage. It has to be used instantly. This means that someone


has to make sure exactly the right amount of power is in the system at


any time to satisfy demand. The man tasked with this job is Simon, a


national balancing engineer here at the National Grid Control Centre.


Simon watches his screen like a hawk. He can see every major power


connection across the National Grid mapped out in front of him. I have


arrived at the most critical point in his week, when huge surges in


demand can cause mass blackouts. EastEnders is about to end, and


there is going to be a big spike. They could get into trouble. As


soon as the end credits roll on EastEnders, up to 1.5 million


kettles are switched on, causing a massive surge in demand. It is what


is known as a TV pick-up, something unique to our tea-drinking nation.


Simon has to keep the indicator at 50 herds. If levels drop


dangerously, he can switch on Hydro-Electric power stations


hundreds of miles away to deliver a burst of energy in 17 seconds. But


Corrie starts on the other side. So will they bother to get up and have


a cuppa tea? They might order too much electricity. I would not like


to be in your shoes. Panic over. Simon has ordered enough


electricity. We are free to enjoy a post soap Cupper, this time. It is


a vitally important, high pressure job that only the brainiest can do.


Why are they letting me have a go? All right, it is only a simulator,


but it is exciting. This is a simulation of the day of the royal


wedding. Where are we now in terms of the timescale? 12:15pm. Everyone


is on their way back from Westminster Abbey to the palace.


suppose the kiss on the balcony was when everyone was watching. You had


to judge when the snogging was over? Predicting when people will


get bored of watching Royal's wedding on a balcony is harder than


you think, as I soon discover. Why has that redline change? I have not


got a quick enough finger to do this. Armageddon is coming. High


cost alert! The worst thing that can happen at is that everyone's


telly goes off. Oh, dear. I have tried my hand at balancing


electricity, and now for distributing electricity. To do


this, they feed electricity into the national grid. It might look


like a collection of cables, at the National Grid is one of them moder


-- wonders of the modern world. It is held up by thousands of pylons


that carry the high-voltage current thousands of miles across the UK.


Some think they are ugly. And I think they are right. After


travelling hundreds of miles from where it was created, electricity


reaches your local sub-station and is lowered to 220 volts and wired


directly into your home, be it a big city, a small town for a rural


location. So next time you switch on your cattle, you will know the


amazing journey the electricity has taken to make your lovely cup of


tea. And now it is time to pull the plug on this film. Lovely. That was


genuinely enlighten him. So when there is a search, they switch on


other power stations. We were amazed that they could not store


electricity. They literally have to make it according to the present


demand. So everyone puts on the telly, and they have to produce it.


They have to spot any trends that might be coming up. And that is


governed very much by television. When I did that simulation with the


royal wedding, the reason they used that is because there is an unusual


spike in it. When do you think it was? When people lost interest?


the kiss, obviously. It was during the hymns! What a godless nation.


So there is the EastEnders moment. Apparently, we are the only country


in the world that has these surges. In Italy, if they finish watching a


programme, they have some tiramisu or something. Even in summer, when


they are watching the football, they open the fridge to get beer


out and that caused us a power surge as well. I did all right. No,


it went badly wrong. Most of the country right now are complaining


about energy prices. He met one man who is not complaining? I met a man


who has his own Hydro-Electric scheme in his garden in Devon. I do


not know how many kilowatts it makes. He earns about 20 grand a


year feeding electricity back into the grid. He has a special NATO


that goes backwards. -- a spectrometer. He has taken the


stream of a river. Have you not got a river, Julia? Not yet. So you get


reduce and make your own money. Where will you be next week? Next


week, Chris -- Christmas is coming, so I will follow a letter from a


post box in Redhill in Surrey all the way to an obscure Scottish


island. How hard can it be? If only we could post you and see if you


got there. Are you being cruel? Our insider, Ade Edmondson,


everybody. If a complete stranger stopped you


in the street and asked for your help, would you oblige? No. They


might be trying to rob you. Stanley Johnson thinks we are that kind of


nation, and he has been testing the public to prove it. He took his


hidden cameras to Stockport to find out how far we would go to help a


stranger. Today I want to see how many


shoppers in the supermarket will stop and help our actress Jackie


with her long shopping list of things she can't quite reach on the


top shelf. Will people help her load up her basket? Will she get


assistance and the till? Will she get help packing her bags, or will


they just think she is a basket- case? We have cameras hidden all


over the supermarket, letting us see every angle of Jackie's


shopping trip. Let's see how she gets on. Excuse me, could you give


us a hand getting these down? has found somebody. Cornflakes,


could you get us a couple of packets? Thank you. Thanks very


much. Good news, Jackie has another catch. This lady is only a couple


of inches taller. I am of a small size myself! And another. Could you


get us that bottle at the back? I will take two of them. Could you


get the other one? I should have got a trolley. Just how far down


that long shopping list will they go? Excuse me, could you give us we


hand? I am in a bit of a rush. I might have to commandeer your


trolley for two minutes. There are no trollies. Could you get me a


couple of packets of them? Can I stuff it in your trolley? Trolley


sharing, that his novel. I have a couple of heavy items. A couple of


these would be brilliant. If you can manage two, that would be fab.


That is right at the back. Jackie take it a stage further now?


Can she get anyone to actually help her Paco shopping? It will just be


two seconds. I have not done my own yet. Close, but no cigar. Have we


reached the limits of people's generosity? Could you give us a


hand? Did you get us a couple of packets of tissue? That would be


brilliant. And another couple of packets up here. Smashing. Is that


it? No, that is not it. It is on to the drinks now. Get us two. He is


practically Jackie's personal shopper! Right at the back. No, not


that one. What is the difference? want the one with sugar in it.


will he go all the way through to the till? I am really racing


against time. Kerching! And he was not the only person to help Jackie


through checkout. But for one final averages request, I want to see if


Jackie can get any of these already generous people to help her carry


her shopping laden bags to the car. Would you mind giving us a hand out


to the car? Amazingly, three people agree, including this lovely chap,


who must be twice Jackie's age. What a trouper! Nast to see public-


spirited people. We have had a wonderful time in Stockport. Next


week, we are in Leeds, and we will have a moving experience. Meanwhile,


I am off home with my dinner for one. Thank you. Have a nice evening.


Stanley, Stanley. Let me clear something up before we talk about


people's generosity. You have never shopped in a supermarket before?


That is extremely unfair. A couple of years ago, I went shopping.


There was a domestic crisis. Truth to tell, my life has not been full


of shopping. I went to school, went to university, got married and


remarried. Shopping has not been a major feature. You just missed the


supermarket thing out? At yes. And yet in Manchester, it was a


terrific experience. So overall, you must have been happy with


people's kindness levels? I was amazed. They really went out of


their way to help. They were enjoying it. The chaps were reach


up to the top shelf as though they did it all the time. Four people


not only helped with the shopping, but they went outside to the car


and carried everything. They went beyond the call of duty. I


congratulate them. In these days of economic boom, they really shone a


bright light. Where would you be next week, somewhere else you have


never been before? We will be in Leeds at the University. I am told


you have to be careful where you walk in that area. Watch out for


the pavements. Stanley Johnson, thank you.


Another of the things you have told us that gets on your nerves are


roadworks, but where are the worst ones in Britain? We asked you for


your nominations, and here are some Grim scenes. This is the worst


roadworks in Britain Trophy. It had to be a traffic cone. But which of


the road works will walk away with the title? Magnificent trophy. Here


are the three finalists, in reverse order. The A6 in Salford, in third


place. They say it has been making the journey into Manchester


unbearable and has been there since July. Salford City Council said the


works have been there since March, not July! They have been part of


the regeneration of the area, but they are nearly finished. But the


only thing moving is a bicycle, so please make it quick. In second


place, there is the Kirkstall Road works in Leeds, put forward by a


viewer who says the scheme is to create a new bus lane and it has


been going on for two and a half years and caused major congestion.


Leeds City Council say the work started in 2010 and is taking so


long because they only work on it outside peak hours to avoid causing


disruption on a congested traffic route. But the council say when it


is finished, there will be new bus lanes. If you travel on the bus in


Leeds next year, be happy. But we have decided between us that the


winner this week is Pointon in Cheshire. Nominated by Matt


Williams. It looks like an absolute stinker. It takes up half the road.


It has been going on since last year and some of you have taken


hundreds of photos of it as a souvenir. The council told us the


recent discovery of crushed Underground trains, due to previous


gas maintenance works, has delayed progress, with the completion date


slipping from December 2011 until Next week we are handing out the


award for most confusing road signs in Britain. Do you get bamboozled


about what is a cycle path and what isn't? Send us your pictures.


let us know where to send our cameras and we will have the best


on next week's show. Earlier Stephen K Amos tried to persuade to


you brining back the milk -- bring back the milkman. We asked whether


you would be willing to pay extra for the return of the milk float.


Now the vote is now closed. Please don't vote any more as you will be


charged but your vote won't count. Full terms and conditions can be


found on our website. When we went to the wall last week one complaint


outranked more others, dog poo. Never fear there is a dedicated


group of people who have been taking action on your behalf. It


might be the dirtiest of jobs, but they're out there doing it. If you


are having your dinner, stop. This sports ground in Herefordshire


is a battlefield and the battle is being fought over this. There's


fouling everywhere, it's disgraceful. The football and rugby


pitches are used by hundreds of adults and children every weekend.


They've had enough of having to tackle dog poo as well as each


other. It's as if they don't care, they leave it lying around. Before


training I have to clear up sometimes four or five six bags.


There are times I dived in and it was disgusting. There should be a


law against it. In fact, since 1996 there has been a law against it. In


Herefordshire it carries an �80 fine and now a crack team from the


council's community protection unit has been called in to enforce it.


Who is going to be the first it get a ticket? To catch someone Jo and


Matt, the poo police as they're known have to see the owner walk


away. The poo police are experts when it comes to the hard, or


rather soft evidence. You can certainly tell by the type of dog


fouling that it is how big the faeces are as probably the size of


dog it came from. You just get an idea for that. This morning the


suspects include a poodle, a Jack Russell cross, a rather overweight


golden retriever. Here we go. Is that somebody now? Once that dog


gets out of the vehicle he will want to... When one of the suspects


fouls in the middle of the pitch Jo and Matt leap into action. But the


owner cleans up. And as the morning wears on more and more suspects are


eliminated from the inquiry. Blasted! Oh, well, it could be


raining, Jo. The Heavens open, but the poo


police aren't giving up that easily. It's the end of a frustrating day.


Jo and Matt find more evidence of the crime, but no culprit, it's


just rubbing their noses in it. Look. That's the type of people we


are after, Jo. Yeah, they let them out, they come running over here.


This is exactly what needs to be stopped. It's a few days later and


the poo police are back on patrol, solving this canine crime is


proving a difficult and costly operation. Team leader Craig is


under pressure to deliver and is taking personal command. We decided


this morning that we are not going to wear our high-vis jackets, we


are still in uniform and identify ourselves to to people when we


approach them. As they were arriving they could see us, so we


are parking here today and we will walk across and surprise them.


Craig's fixed penalty. Craig resorts to fraternising with the


enemy. But when a dog does pop one out under Craig's nose he


completely misses it. There we are. Look how fresh that is. I can't


leave you for five minutes. Team leader, what does he do! I love it!


I was watching one. I haven't got double vision. I can have a day's


leave next week then? You can have whatever you want, if you keep that


quiet! It's a painful dent to Craig's reputation. He likes to be


there first. I have got to get someone, Matt. This is doing my


head in. Patience, boy. As the morning wears on it looks like it's


going to be another failed operation, but suddenly it all


kicks off. While Matt is on the scent of a Westy, Craig has a work


shire terrier firmly tkrbg tkrbg Yorkshire terrier firmly in his


sights. Excuse me, Madame. I am one of the


dog wardens... The westy has fouled in the area of one of the junior


football pitches. I always pick up, always, always. The owner is upset


because she says she she always picks up her dog's mess. Rough


justice or not, Matt issues the �80 fine. On the rugby pitches Craig's


also had a result with the Yorky. gentleman turned up in a vehicle


here with a Yorkshire terrier and he's gone over there with total


disregard, he allowed his dog to poo on the rugby field and it's not


on. We were able to catch him and a fixed penalty for his trouble.


successful operation, but has team leader Craig redeemed himself?


forgive him now. He's got one. I don't think I would have done if he


hadn't caught that Yorkshire terrier. We will go and have a cup


of tea. APPLAUSE.


You see, last week you weren't so keen on Craig's tactics. You


thought he was heavy-handed with the fines. Although I was spent the


week picking up cigarette butts. What kind of - allows a dog to do


that on the sports field. It's the number one complaint to environment


enforcement officers. I am not at all surprised. Some of you may


think our bin cops are strict when they're nothing compared to the


mayor of the Italian island of Capris. It's been reported he


announced plans to put every dog on the island on an DNA database so


when poo is found the owner can be traced in a CSI-style. Craig would


absolutely love that. Now it's time for That's Britain news with Nick


Knowles. Good evening. The headlines: A


Leicestershireman was arrested and handcuffed in a fishmongers after


he was reported to police for telling people he was planning to


commit a murder, it was at this point the police discovered the man


concerned had been referring to murdering lobsters he planned to


cook for dinner that night with his wife. The police released him, but


then re-arrested him hours later after they read on Twitter he pwalt


-- battered some scampi. Finally, because we are that quick now, a


man who was sick and tired of cars and lorries speeding through a


sleepy village has taken action to stop them. He got so fed up with


the noise that he put his own speed limit sign up and he made sure that


nobody could say they hadn't seen it. Taking up the entire side of


his house the multicultural stands 15 -- mural took five hours to


complete. He plans to take it down at the end of the month by which


time it will probably have been shortlisted for the Turner Prize.


Now it's time to meet another of our hidden heroes. These are the


people who keep the cogs of the country turning. This man it's the


time who stops traffic jams. Steve is in charge of 800 phaoeults of --


miles of motorway in and around Birmingham. These are some of the


busiest thoroughfares in Europe. you do a job and do it well there


is that sense of satisfaction and pride that you have done the west


that you can do. Steve has a bird's eye view on his computer screens at


the West Midlands regional control centre. It's daunting at times,


exciting certainly. Different. It can be all of those things in the


space of one shift. Today only 30 minutes into his shift Steve faces


a crisis on a hectic M42 carriageway. A set of builder's


ladders have flown across three lanes of traffic. Potentially it's


a very dangerous situation. If you come across a set of ladders in the


carriageway at 70mph your reaction is to swerve and avoid. Steve puts


in place a rolling road block so a member of his team can get the


ladders off the road. An incident that took seven minutes to clear


has resulted in possibly five, six, seven kilometres of on jestian.


congestion. Steve's living nightmare would be


gridlock now. To keep the traffic flowing has to resolve any incident


within minutes and open up extra lanes. A good rush hour is where


people have got home in time for tea, put the children to bed. It's


satisfying to know they've got home safe and well and they can do what


they plan to do this evening. Keeping the heart of Britain moving


makes Steve a true hidden hero. APPLAUSE.


Earlier we asked whether or not you would be willing to pay an extra


25p for a pint of milk if it brought the milkman back to the


street. The votes are in. Let's find out.


Close. It's a yes! 59% yes. Come on! It's official, the majority of


you who voted do want to bring milkmen. Did you expect that and


well done? I am astounded. Thank you very much for supporting this.


I didn't expect it, I thought it would be 50-50. But come on!


Fantastic, thank you to everyone who voted and thanks so much to


Stephen K Amos. Next week you can vote on whether you want to bring


back the petrol pump attendant. I used to be an attendant once. I


thoroughly enjoyed it, chatting to customers and things. Let's look at


tonight's final word wall. We asked you to talk o our wall and get off


your chest the things that have been bothering you the most. This


is how it looked earlier. Strikes were a big thing in the middle of


the show. So, throughout the show... You have been telling us what's


getting your goat. The final update, let's look and see what's annoying


you now. Petrol prices, strikes still amongst it and wind turbines


which we talked about. Horse poo is looming larger there. That's true.


What else? Fog lights and cyclists, hopefully not together. Christmas


has turned up on there, we can't actually do anything about


Christmas. Although we have a Christmas-related film we are


making later on nearer the time. That's Britain has also appeared on


the wall. That was predictable. Probably complaints. E-mails?


calling on home numbers is a nightmare. How do they get your


income? -- your your number. Ashley is annoyed by people on trains who


seem to think they need a seat for kwreur bags. Gail says when driving


at night I get annoyed by cyclists with no lights or. Thank you for


getting in touch and for your stories. Remember keep e-mailing us


with the most confusing road signs in Britain. We will reveal what's


bothering you next week. Remember to put the word you want on the


That's Britain is a warm-hearted studio show about the things in modern life that drive us round the bend - from from the cost of heating your home, to the number of roads continually dug up to lay pipes, to littering. Presented by Nick Knowles and Julia Bradbury, the show reveals how Britain works and attempts to make life a little better for everyone in the UK - or at least have fun trying.

In this episode, Ade Edmondson unplugs the National Grid, Grainne Seoige takes on overcrowded trains, Stanley Johnson finds more good Samaritans amongst the British public and Stephen K Amos tries to bring back milkmen. There is also a search for the worst roadworks in Britain and the hidden heroes who make sure there is always cash in the cash point when you need it are celebrated.

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