Episode 4 The Apprentice: You're Fired

You haven't used any of your skills,

any of the things that you claim that you're experts in.

A disgusting result. I don't want to hear anything more from you.

You're fired.

You're fired.

You're fired.

APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you. Good evening.

I'm Jack Dee, welcome to The Apprentice - You're Fired.

Tonight's task was all about dictionaries.

No, statues.

Behind you is the house of Dr Samuel Johnson,

where the most famous dictionary in the English language was written

and it's commemorated by this statue.

Sitting on top is Dr Johnson's beloved cat, Hodge.

Oh, yeah, that's it. Dictionaries for cats.

Is it? No, wait.

People will stop at nothing to pamper their pets,

and the pet market is worth a massive ?4.6 billion per year.

Now I want you to get a piece of that action,

so I'm sending you to the London pet show.

Oh, yeah, that all makes perfect sense.

And Lord Sugar let us in on one of his secrets of business success.

Bottom line, yeah, you've got no money. Sod off.

OK.

Well, you don't actually say "sod off" to them,

but in your mind, you do.

Yeah. I tried that on my kids. It didn't work.

Joining me to discuss tonight's task are three top pedigree guests.

Entrepreneur and inventor

of award-winning pet product Natalie Ellis.

Comedian, writer and self-confessed cat lady Susan Calman.

And remember, you don't actually say "sod off", you just think it.

It's Romesh Ranganathan. Welcome to You're Fired.

APPLAUSE

In tonight's task, one candidate showed dogged determination,

but her performance turned out to be PAW.

GROANING

I know I claimed to be good at puns,

but on this occasion, I accept that I have let myself down.

Let's have a look.

Ruth, I don't dispute your enthusiasm.

But you claim to be a salesperson,

you came to train people how to sell.

Here we are in a sales task and you failed miserably.

So, Ruth, you're fired.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ruth Whiteley.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh.

Welcome. Welcome to You're Fired.

Thank you. Oh, I see you've put a pet tie on for me.

Yes, I have. It's a dog, it's themed. It's pet-themed.

I try to do a themed tie every night. Fabulous.

The ideas are running thin, but we're getting there.

You look amazing, by the way. Well, I'm trying.

Put the immersion on last week, got myself ready.

Here we are, great stuff.

So that look that you gave at the end,

what was going on in your head then?

Eh, I was just traumatised.

You were traumatised, I could see.

Yes, I was just going through trauma.

The colour just drained from your jacket, didn't it?

LAUGHTER

I wanted to say, "I think you've got it wrong",

but who am I to say that to Lord Sugar?

So I just thought, "Say nothing, leave with some dignity

"and give them a hug and get yourself home",

well, get yourself here.

Yeah, and here you are. It's great to have you.

Because, you know, usually it's a combination of things

that leads to a candidate being told to pack their bags and go,

but for you, really, it all boiled down to the S-word, didn't it?

Let's have a look at this, see what went wrong.

I do know how to stop people and how to get people to interact.

Morning.

It says here "sales training".

We're going to be explosive.

You sold nothing.

Your sales technique was

talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

You are a beautiful couple, you're fabulous.

Are you happy? Are we happy?

She doesn't stop talking.

She confuses the customers.

I love speaking to young people making their way.

I think it's great.

She's not closing the sale.

You want this so badly and it's going to happen.

But you're amazing.

How have you got out of the house today?

You've got to get rid of the people

who can't pay.

What do you want to say to them?

"Please, can you just go away?" Yeah.

I probably had the most frustrating day

in the whole of my sales career.

You claim to be a salesperson.

I am a salesperson.

It seemed to me like you couldn't sell a bone

to Battersea Dogs Home.

Strong words, isn't it? You know what?

It happens a lot on The Apprentice,

that the candidate goes out on a task which you would have thought

would have showcased their particular talent,

which in your case was selling.

Did you put undue pressure on yourself, do you think?

Em, well, at lunchtime, I was nearly having a nervous breakdown.

Yeah, because you'd not sold anything.

Because I hadn't sold anything.

I went into the toilet to talk to myself,

which is the best office in the world.

I stood there in front of the mirror,

turned the taps on and said,

"You know, you are a superstar, you can make this happen."

I just genuinely believed that as a hard worker

that my work would pay off.

Unfortunately, it wasn't my day.

On that day...

Because week one, selling the seafood,

you were a star, really.

Karren singled you out for praise.

A STARfish. Yeah.

LAUGHTER

(That was smart.)

LAUGHTER

Don't put it away, there's more.

Yeah, if you want to use any more of those jokes I gave you earlier,

Ruth, just feel free.

Why do you think you lost your magic touch?

I just think, you know, Rooney has an off day, doesn't he?

Ronaldo has an off day. Ruth has an off day.

Now, Natalie, you've sold at hundreds of these fairs all around the world.

Obviously you're competing with other people selling at the same time.

I think one of the problems you had was where

you could have closed a deal, possibly,

you're talking to them about the product.

You're probably selling the product but then you go on and start to talk

to the child or ask them how long they've been together.

Then you lose where they were at... Losing focus. Yeah, absolutely.

Susan, you've got cats. Yes.

Would you have bought one of those cat towers?

I would have bought it from Ruth.

In my view, I'm just going to lay it out straightaway.

You were my winner from week one.

Aw. SCATTERED LAUGHTER

Personally speaking,

who doesn't understand what us cat lovers require,

LAUGHTER

I think you are brilliant. You should have won.

OK, OK, well, you sit on the fence, that's fine by me.

Going back to your cat,

What's the most you've ever spent on your cats in terms of presents?

Well, em...

Birthday presents and Christmas presents. What?!

Do you do that? Are you joking? No.

How do you know...how do you know they're not Hindu?

LAUGHTER

Natalie, is this unusual? How much to people generally spend on their pets?

Thousands. It's a big thing, isn't it? It's not unusual at all.

You have about 150 cats, don't you? Well, I want 150 cats.

And to, you know, live in one of those houses

that children point at and say, "Don't go to that house."

Now, Claude mentioned that you maybe talked too much to the customers

and he came up with that thing of the silence -

give the customer time to think rather than keep going on.

"try and make more eye contact with people."

It was weird, because the sales technique that you used

was the same thing that you were doing for this one.

"I want to buy something from her so I'm going to buy this salad."

Then the conversation would be over and I can get on with my life.

Whereas with that, you're not going to just hand over 600 quid

because they like you, that's the thing.

I mean, some people did. I just couldn't find the way.

It just wasn't going to happen.

Well, although it was Ruth who paid the price for losing tonight's task,

someone else whose sales technique wasn't up to scratch was Selina.

He's not very happy with you.

My feeling was you were not exhibiting enthusiasm

in the way that I think you should have done.

I'm someone that works extremely hard.

Can you help me with this questionnaire? Sure.

I am actually attending these guys.

OK. Hi, guys, sorry - how are we all?

I'm Scott, how are you doing?

Scott, you're being very generous.

There's no reason why Selina couldn't have worked it out - she didn't.

Well, it is my sale.

When Selina made her sale, I think she felt she'd done her job.

I don't know why you're talking up, Ruth.

Who should be fired?

I think Selina should be fired, cos she's hard work.

She just didn't put her back into it.

She looks like she's got the hump to me.

Which would you rather have, Karren - somebody who's very enthusiastic,

or somebody who doesn't seem to care that much?

I'd rather have neither, actually, Claude.

Selina, there's an old saying - no smoke without fire.

Last chance.

Close shave.

Why do you think Lord Sugar gave Selina a second chance?

I think it's because in the boardroom,

Selina is quite a forceful presence... Mm-hm.

..and this is where I think being nice, actually, as Ruth was,

actually was a disadvantage.

I think sometimes the people who aren't as nice,

and who are quite grumpy, do better in the process,

because that's almost easier to deal with.

It says "business", you know? If you're nasty, it means business,

if you're nice, it means you're a bit flaky,

which I don't think is actually correct.

What I found incredible about Selina is at the end of it,

when she said she said, "No more Mr Nice Girl."

Sorry, were you under the impression

that you've been nice up to this point? Yeah.

You've been a bloody nightmare.

Natalie, was that lack of knowledge of the price structure

that Selina demonstrated there...?

How important was that? Do you think that's a real flaw?

I think maybe, in fairness to Selina,

she was just checking that she'd got the price right,

she didn't want to rip someone off.

No, that was a fundamental error, because she lost time.

She could have, you know, had the sale, there,

but she lost time not knowing what the price was,

and she looked that she wasn't prepared,

she didn't know her product, perhaps,

if she didn't know the price.

She had to interrupt Scott,

and then he could have lost his sale, also.

If you look at it, she would not have closed that sale

without Scott's intervention,

so she had to rely on him to make that sale, and then she said,

"I don't think Scott will try and claim credit for it."

I mean, have you ever watched The Apprentice?!

Like, they try and claim credit

if they walk through the background of the shot

while the sale's happening. But if you take that,

the fact that she wouldn't have closed that sale,

so let's imagine that sale didn't happen,

and then you look at Selina's performance compared to Ruth's -

and Ruth, the whole way through, was bang, bang,

talking to people the whole way through.

Selina just dropped out of it.

So, if you didn't have that sale in place, it would be no contest.

Lord Sugar said that Selina has one face for the boardroom

and one face for the task.

What did you think of her? How did you find her?

I genuinely think she gave up.

You know, she tucked a sale away, and that was it.

But it annoyed the pants off me.

I know Selina was yawning, but it was a tough day,

it was a very long day - it's as if you've got some secret way

of keeping up your energy.

Let's have a look.

JUICER WHIRS

I am a juicer. I am...juice.

Oh... Whoa!

It's a bloodbath!

It is juice, juice, juice after juice.

Sometimes I go to bed and I just hear the juicer running in my head.

You'd have a full fridge of food,

you know, like 20 packets of berries

and nine carrots and everything,

and the next day, she'd be, like, making her juice,

and she'd be like, "Nine packets of berries!

"Four bananas, five carrots...

"Oh, here's a baby, I'll put that in, too!"

And you're just like, "Ruth! You can't blend all this!"

Juice is me - I'm juice. I can't do without it.

To long life, health and happiness.

I'll let you know when I get there!

So, tell us about the juicing - tell us a good recipe for a juicer.

Er, well, if you want to feel very energised... Yes.

..you could go for some celery, cucumber, carrot, some spinach -

make sure you wash it, it gets a bit crunchy... OK.

..um, beetroot... Oh, yeah? ..lemon, and then quite a big...

Let me stop you here just for one second,

cos Susan's from Scotland and I feel we've lost you -

these are all vegetables, Susan.

It's a type of fresh food that grows in the ground

and on plants and stuff.

Ooh, he's mean, isn't he? Well...

He's mean, but he's keen.

One person... Go on. ..who was supportive of you was...

Yeah?

One person who was very supportive of you was Scott in the boardroom,

wasn't he? Too right. He was...

Well, he knew - he's a salesperson, I'm a salesperson,

he knew how badly I wanted it.

And he knew your potential, didn't he?

Although he seemed a popular project manager,

Scott came under some flak from Lord Sugar

for not being decisive enough.

Really? Who, Scott?!

I want to get your guys' input first.

Two products for me could be the poop bags and the T-shirts.

I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Are we sure we don't want to go with the balloons?

I mean, the thing is, with the balloons, I think

we could probably sell a lot of them,

and also get quite a bit of buzz around them.

So far, Scott has been a totally noncommittal project manager -

dancing around any decisions that have to be made, hoping, perhaps,

that his team-mates will make the decision for him.

It's a call that we're all going to have to kind of make.

Tell you what, shall we turn it up and just go balloons and heat mats?

And heat mats as well? Yeah. To be fair, the heat mats were...

I dunno, I'm tied up between the two.

The thing about the heat mats, as well,

they cater for small animals, but also cats.

Shall we just go for the balloons and heat mats?

I reckon we should. Yeah? Yeah.

I-I definitely think the heat pads

and the balloons is probably the best products for us.

So, that's sorted(!)

Natalie, how important is it in business

to be able to make quick decisions, be decisive?

Yeah, really important. You have to be able to just think on your feet.

You need to be able to just go with what you feel.

He's a very nice guy that has poor people management skills - I think.

Because, for example,

he was trying to make everyone feel like their opinions

were being heard when he was deciding which product to pick,

but actually what he did end up doing was make a real mess of it.

If he'd listened to what they said and gone,

"Right, I've heard everything you've got to say,

"these are the ones I'm going for, that's the decision made."

Everyone would have felt like they'd got their opinions across,

but there'd be no confusion or any resentment.

It's those little things that he did that were a little but silly.

But isn't it so often the case on The Apprentice

where a project manager does make these big decisions,

are very, very straightforward about it,

and they get punished because everyone goes,

"Oh, you didn't listen to us, you didn't listen to us"?

But isn't it better to go down in a blaze of glory?

I think it's better to just say,

"We're doing the poop bags and the guinea pig T-shirts,

"and I'm going to hear no more about it,"

and then just believe in what it is?

And I actually think that in the boardroom

that comes across slightly better.

I think Scott is on the verge of not looking...

He's a nice guy, but he's actually been quite a weak team player. OK.

Well, taking an uncharacteristically straightforward approach

to the matter in hand this week was Brett.

Natalie, you've got distributors for your products

all over the world. Yeah.

Would you have entrusted you product to someone like Brett?

No. I don't expect them to be as passionate as I am

about my products... No. ..because it's MY product,

but you do want to see a level of passion and commitment.

I felt a little bit sorry for him,

because the reason he was cutting straight to the chase was cos

he'd been told to, you know.

He was so waffly before, he'd been given the specific instruction

to get straight down to business, and that's what he did.

The other thing that he does, cos he was in the arena

showing things off, and he was holding things up...

"THIS...

"THIS IS TOY FOR YOUR CATS."

He's terrifying people. I mean, the sense of... There's no...

What that needs is someone going, "Hey, have you got any cats?

"They'll love this - look at the little ball that goes round!"

"THIS...

"IS A CAT TOY.

"Yeah?"

Well, although Brett did try and use fewer words this week,

there are still four words in particular

which he still needs to work on.

We've got a game called the Generally As It Stands game,

so basically you've just literally got to count how many times

Brett says, "Generally, as it stands".

I mean, generally, as it stands, it's a new product...

Generally, as it stands, when we were stood there...

Generally, as it stands, I didn't have any sort of feelings about them walking in.

Generally, as it stands!

Generally, as it stands.

Generally, as it stands...

"Generally, as it stands, I want a cup of tea."

And you're like, "What is general about, like...?"

What?!

Well, maybe they should try turning Brett off and back on again,

see if that helps.

Did you notice that when you were around Brett?

That he used "generally, as it stands" a lot?

Yes - he is quite repetitive... Yes. ..about things.

He did say it a lot. But hey, he fixed the juicer.

So, he's useful... Did he? ..generally, as it stands, yes.

So, what about the winning team - Team Versatile?

Natalie, Richard placed a lot of importance

on the fact that three out of four members of his team were dog owners.

They went for the high-end item of the dog sofas.

How important is it to have personal experience

when you're selling a product?

I don't really think it's important,

as long as you can see the product and the uniqueness of the product,

and its best selling point,

it's not really important to have experience.

You don't have to have experience of having a dog...you know,

to sell that product.

At one point, Sam goes - after he'd heard about the sofas,

he goes, "Well, I've got a dog, so I totally get it."

I mean, I get it, too - the dog sits on the sofa.

It's not a complicated thing to work out.

"How the devil does a dog interact with this unit?

"Can't figure it out."

Richard sold the most sofas, he did very well there.

He, er, he pitched himself as cheeky chappie this week, didn't he?

Whereas before, when he was on the buying task,

he was the bumbling Englishman.

The thing about Richard is, he can say he's playing bumbling Englishman

or cheeky chappie, but he's like Sean Connery.

It's the same part every time.

I thought Richard was really manipulative, actually.

Particularly at one point where he wanted the dog sofas,

he was desperate for the dog sofas,

and he said, "Well, I think we should go with what the PM wants.

"He's leaning towards the dog sofas."

Whereas if the opposite had been true,

he'd have gone, "I think he's got it wrong."

Basically he's very good at getting his own way

in a way where people don't feel like it is him getting his own way.

Project Manager for Team Versatile was David.

He took on the task with what we're coming to know

as his customary enthusiasm.

Which team would like to kick off? I'll kick off, if that's OK.

Last thing people want is people hitting them with question,

question, question, question, question.

Really need to be exciting

and enthusiastic about all the products.

David said, "We'll schmooze them",

and schmooze them they certainly did.

ALL: Awww!

Awesome.

How did you show enthusiasm for the hi-vis jacket for chickens?

This is Henrietta.

And she is modelling the hi-vis chicken jacket. Brilliant.

He was enthusiastic.

THEY CHEER

Wow! That's amazing! I like that. That struck me straight away.

Soon as you walked through the door,

it was like, "Wow, bang!" Right there.

Am I allowed to put one on?

David was gushing over the T-shirt.

He was talking like his brain was on fire.

Wow!

What did we think of David as Project Manager?

He made the right move in being enthusiastic

and that certainly helped them win the task.

I do think his enthusiasm

has to be based in some sort of reality, though.

Cos his reaction to the T-shirts

was absolutely unacceptable.

It's a T-shirt, mate. Why don't you chill out?

And then he was going, "You can wear them with anything!

That doesn't mean you should, all right?

Just because you can physically get it on, David,

that doesn't mean that's now a look.

Ruth, you were praised by various people -

Scott and Claude - for your enthusiasm.

Now, you can't be enthusiastic like that all the time, surely.

What are you like first thing in the morning? Let's have a look.

# I'm alive, awake, alert Enthusiastic! #

# I'm alive, awake, alert Enthusiastic! #

Join in when you can.

I'm awake, alive, alert...

# I'm alive, awake, alert I'm alert, awake, alive

# I'm alive, awake, alert Enthusiastic! #

All together!

APPLAUSE

JACK: # I'm alive, awake, alert Enthusiastic

ALL: # I'm alive, alert, awake I'm awake, alert, alive

# I'm alive, awake, alert Enthusiastic! #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Welcome to Nursing Home Live!

Now, this is all very well,

but one burning question about this week's task remains unanswered.

Just what is the purpose of a hi-vis chicken jacket?!

And to answer that question,

I'm delighted to welcome James Tuthill.

Welcome to You're Fired. Very nice to have you on the show.

Who is your model friend? Well, this is Henrietta.

She was there at the actual product demonstration.

She was the one who shat on the desk? That's right.

So talk us through the hi-vis jacket.

What are they for and what do they do?

Primarily, it's to keep the chickens warm.

There's a lot more people keeping chickens now,

especially in towns, and...

And this is in case they get on the road? Yeah, exactly that.

In fact, our chickens at home would go round

and hop into the neighbours' garden

and there'd be a whole group of them going round town,

literally going around... What, you mean a hen party?

Thank you very much, James and Henrietta.

So, Ruth, sadly Lord Sugar

isn't going to be investing in your business idea,

but he has got some advice for you for the future.

Ruth was a very bubbly character.

A little more mature than the normal candidates that we have,

but I was interested in that in respect that she may have

a wealth of experience already.

She is a very genuine person.

But she will spend a lot of time talking to somebody

where in fact there is no end result.

Ruth is a hard worker, and she wants to be a team player,

and she threw herself into things

that took her out of her comfort zone from time to time,

and I think that's very, very commendable.

And she should continue doing that in whatever business career

that she decides to pursue.

Fabulous. Isn't that nice? Lots of positive stuff there

for you to take away, good comments.

What are your plans at the moment, what are you doing now?

Well, I've got my sales training company. Two sides to it -

telephone sales training and face-to-face sales training.

And I also have a beauty and wellness and nutrition company.

So I'm continuing with that, just expanding...

Will you be taking on board any of Lord Sugar's advice?

Absolutely. I can't thank him enough.

Well, it's time to find out whether we agree that Ruth

was the right person to be fired tonight.

Natalie, do you think Lord Sugar was right to fire Ruth at this point?

On the basis of your sales, then yeah, I think fired.

Susan, I hardly need ask, but what are your thoughts?

It's the biggest mistake Lord Sugar has ever made in his life.

And I hope at some point in the future I meet him

and he can tell me to my face

why he fired the best candidate The Apprentice has ever seen.

Bless you.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Romesh?

I don't agree with the decision to fire you.

I think that Selina should have gone. I think that her...

You take that sale away that she couldn't have closed alone,

and look at her performance versus your performance,

you were putting the effort in the whole way through and she wasn't.

And for that reason, I think you were unlucky to go. Thank you.

So to the audience vote.

If you agree with Lord Sugar, hold up FIRED,

if you don't agree, hold up HIRED.

I think this is a Hired from the audience as well!

It's a Hired, congratulations! Thank you. Thank you.

Well done. Ruth, we're sorry to see you leaving The Apprentice.

You've been a great candidate and a wonderful guest on this show.

As you know, no-one leaves You're Fired empty-handed,

so I've had a thought what we can get you

and I decided because of your busy mornings and some juicing,

we thought that would help you get up in the morning and get going

with all your favourite lyrics on it.

"I'm alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic."

Yes, if I was in any doubt, this will remind me. Good stuff.

Ruth, you've given us some great moments. Here are your highlights.

Ruth, great person,

but will always be to me The Human Kebab.

Oh, my gosh!

This is, like, the best...

Boo!

..the worst...

Ugh! ..the most pressured...

Sorry, your hair looks... We're filming! We're filming!

..the most insane business experience I've ever had.

Oh!

Bang. Boom.

Ruth is a really funny person.

Sometimes you'll just turn round and she'll be dancing round the kitchen.

I'm not touching it, it's stinking, it's slimy.

What a load of rubbish.

She was a lot of fun,

she had a lot to say and she's a great person.

You should dare to dream big.

Gosh, aren't you solid? Ooh, aren't you lovely?

I'm suited. I'm booted. Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, Ruth Whiteley!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

And that's all for tonight.

Thank you to Natalie, Susan, and of course Romesh,

and so it's on to task number five for our candidates.

I want you to create a children's book

for three- to five-year-olds.

Bzz, bzz, bzz!

I'm not going to say I have the best vocabulary

or the best English skills.

I think language and communication is key to existence.

Ah-choo!

Bizzy got lost after being tossed.

What about Snuffle Gruffle?

In, bang, bang.

Can we have Snufflebum? That line shouldn't be in a children's book.

Snifflebottom?

What word is he trying to say?

Snozzledink. Snottledink?

Snotty...dink?

SHE SOBS

# Bizzy buzzy buzzy buzzy... #

Swishing and swirling and tumbling and turning.

It's not this hard, I don't think.

Richard, I'm going to have to stop you.

I'll be outside. I'll see you later.

Well, if you've missed any episodes of The Apprentice, go to BBC iPlayer

to watch Matt Edmondson's summaries of each episode

delivered through the medium of rap.

We'll be back next Wednesday at 10 for more You're Fired,

when alongside Romesh, I'll be joined by

bestselling children's author Cressida Cowell. Goodnight.

APPLAUSE