Episode 2 The Apprentice: You're Fired

This is my board room. This is my money.

The product sucks. You screwed it up. Who is the waste of space?

You're fired. You're fired. You are - fired.

Good evening, and welcome to The Apprentice: You're Fired. As ever,

with the help of unseen footage, we'll be delving into the detritus

of tonight's task as 15 business brains lined up to compete for Lord

Sugar's �250,000 business investment. For the candidates this

process as well as the hard work gives them a teasing glance at what

life as a successful tycoon would be like - not just the rewards but

also living in that beautiful house. And I know Nick in particular when

he goes to bed must feel like this is the life of luxury. How are we

sleeping? Bunkbeds because that's how millionaires sleep! Bags be on

top. First to our panel who are poised to pounce on the one who

didn't get away we've design and interpreter Rob Law, columnist

Grace Dent and comedian Hugh Dennis. Welcome to You're Fired. Tonight's

task of designing a new product left one candidate taking an early

bath. I am not clear what in fact you did in this task. Maria, you're

fired. Thank you. Please welcome Maria O'Connor.

APPLAUSE Welcome. Good to have you here.

There you go. APPLAUSE

Maria, it is a pleasure to see you. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. Thank

you. Do you feel a bit irritated about being out of the...

really. Not really? Definitely. Because this is very definite to

your normal gig. You're not like a corporate type. Definitely not.

run a restaurant... A Greek restaurant. You run everything.

Cook it, everything. Being away from that business... Was a big

thing, yeah. Grand. They're long hours, aren't they? Yeah, it's a

night-time thing. Yeah, sleepy - sleepy time!

LAUGHTER A lot of sleepy time. OK. Let's

take a look at where it all went wrong for you. What about all of

this sleeping nonsense? What does that have to do with it?

SNORING NOISE I turned around and said, have you

anything to say on this subject? And she was actually asleep. No, I

think you'll find I wasn't actually asleep. Hello! You OK? Mm. I just

fell asleep for literally two seconds. I was so tired. Do you

have any ideas you want to add? just said "I am thinking about it."

I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I would say Maria didn't contribute as much

as the others - falling asleep in the car.

LAUGHTER You did what is now your customised

surprised face which even in two weeks we saw the - kind of a

meerkat who has been startled by something, kind of a ramrod

straight thing - the sleepy thing? I think you must have been dreaming

of the tap cosy or something. bad the product was. I was thinking,

God, this is a nightmare. You came across really well. You were really

passionate - perhaps too passionate sometimes and not passionate enough

in other times. Nonetheless, whether in the real world or in

this thing, that is showing a weakness. What? Sleeping? That is

not showing a weakness. It's showing you're tired. It is, but

tiredness is a weakness there. Could you not just have said you

were market researching gadgets to keep you awake in cars? That could

be the thing. I can't be mad at you because I like a nap. I think

that's a good thing. I think it kind of rejuvenates you and makes

you stronger. I can't slag you for that. I like a nap. At church I

like to nap. Children like to nap. Many great people like to nap, but

I doubt they went, "Winston, Winston!" And he went, "I was

thinking, I was just - ahh -" LAUGHTER

Ahh - about the war, and - and what not!

LAUGHTER It was - from two minutes into this

episode, I knew you were going. thanks. Thanks a lot. I knew you

were going, right? Obviously, you know, you had the nap, but I like

that. You - obviously, you were too gobby, and sometimes - you were the

youngest there, and it showed. You have somewhere to go from there. I

would rather be you than some of them lot in there. Thank you.

in five years' time, yule she'll be in a suit, own five restaurants. It

will all change, yeah. She'll be working for "the man"! You will be

the man to answer to - five restaurants. We'll get back to that

a little bit later. I think your big mistake, by the way, was not

LAUGHTER And that's like heaped! That's

properly stacked amount of shugar There is nothing wrong with sugar.

No, sugar is fantastic. But what you have to learn is that is a

short-term energy boost, and at some stage, you will crash and uhh,

fall asleep. That is the way sugar works.

LAUGHTER You can't drink too many fizzy

drinks because - ay-ay-ay, then like that - (Snoozing)

Let's talk about the other product they didn't go with. Oh, the

pillow? Yeah, because I don't know where you lie when you have a bath,

but do you not put your head at the other end of the bath?

APPLAUSE I find - when I sleep in hot water,

I like to be wedged, but I also like that extra danger of one side

being incredibly hot metal so as we press against one side - ah-oh-ah!

LAUGHTER I also thought it was very good -

is this like a sexy product, if you have a bath with your partner or

girlfriend or whatever, in which case I am thinking, yeah, champagne,

yeah, chocolates, yeah, candles, yeah. A cosy for the taps is not

the sexiest product, is it? Who was it aimed at? Who was it for?

Nothing says let's have some special grown-up time like - a

cosy! And we'll stay in the mood like this. I think we should get on

to the product and the product was the key, wasn't it, because the

task was to discover a gadget. Probably a clever thing to say

would be what problems could we attempt to solve here, right? They

were desperate for some problem to solve. This must be just the work

of a complete killjoy. The one problem I have when I am with my

little boy when he's in the bath he makes a mess. He splashes

everywhere. I am like, stop splashing! Trying to make bath time

a little bit less messy, OK? Why has nobody thought of this sooner?

You have designed stuff for kids - the Trunki. You're currently

working on that back Pac. The car seat booster, yeah. You've to say

it was genuinely a problem. always start with a focus group, as

Lord Sugar set out for you guys there. It was getting the target

market there, asking some questions. In the episode, no-one was

interested in the bath guard. For some reason it got picked up later

on. No-one wanted the bath guard. I think you were bang on. When you

were out in the research, you were saying we should just be listening

to the public and seeing what they want and not being too sidetracked

by what we think, which is exactly what you need to do. But you run a

kitchen. You need gadgets. There must be problems... We didn't have

the kitchen. We got stuck with the bathroom. What problems do you have

in the bathroom? Honestly! You have the bath, the toilet, you're sorted,

honestly. LAUGHTER

Even the problem - as a problem, who worries about children

splashing about? No-one, not the children - for a start, there are

all sorts of weird things with it. It was the wrong size so you'd have

to have a child who was exactly that size who doesn't move, and

children never, ever move. I was trying think of what the

inspiration for it was. It actually looked to me like a junior riot

shield for mothers. APPLAUSE

Do you know, it may be the time to bring out this magical thing. Say,

this is a bath. Presumably, you place it there, and then you look

in at the child. "How is your bath going? You having a good time now?

Don't forget to wash your hair and behind your ears. Good kid, very,

very good. Don't get into trouble because I can't reach over this to

save you. How you doing in there? Good. It's a special family time.

We're having special family bonding time. Don't get me wet! Don't get

me wet! The last thing I need is wet." You can threaten to use the

water cannon on them if they don't behave. Yes.

APPLAUSE Pass it down. The thing is - sorry.

If I was a child and had these crayon and I was looking at this

per cent pex thing, I would be looking around thinking, there are

lots better things to draw on than this. Exactly. This is an example

where Maria was completely right. This is a crap product. And you

said it was crap. The problem with The Apprentice is what's glorified

is being able to work in a team, and if a product is crap, you're

all meant to get behind it and lie. I could see on your face you

thought it was absolutely awful. That's great. I like your honesty

in that. It looks like it's from a pound shop, and it feels like it,

and yeah, it's rubbish. And you were right. I was wanting - if it

was going to be a problem, I thought, how would you actually -

because it only covers a segment of the bath. The only way you could

solve this problem would be really going - you take your child, like

it is here - let's have a look at a child like it is here - you take

the child, right, and then you entirely encase him in Perspex and

then you clean him. That is my solution A, right? Solution B - now,

genuinely I am impressed with these. These are Dara's bath mitts, right,

and you put the child's hands in them, and then you press them

against the side of the bath - LAUGHTER

And then the child struggles, but while struggling is both safe, and

then you can clean them without - they'll bite you occasionally, yeah.

These are available from Dara'sbathmitts.com. They won't

bite you if you have this! What you need is the two. If you put the

bath mitts on to the riot shield, then you can lift the shield out to

the dry area. The girls' team was led by Jayne, and she got most of

the splash-back from this. Splash - Splish Splash.

A splash guide for the bath. This to me looks like a toy.

actually have water-proof crayons. What's going to stop my child from

then taking that and drawing on my bath? The product basically sucks.

It's not a gadget, and you have totally misread what I asked you to

do. What did you ask them for? Ideally, if you were to order a

million units - # Splish, splash, I forgot about

the bath # A million units? Jayne, you say

you're a good businesswoman and started a business on your own. I

put you into a piddling little business, and you let it go,

screwed it up. You have worked with her. How did

you find her? Mm-hmm. Is that a positive mmm? Don't sound it.

Didn't get on with her? Not really. What did you think of Jayne?

think she'll go really far. She's not my cup of tea, but I think

she'll go really far. Out of all of them, when you saw them looking

towards you in the first week, she just looks like somebody who would

get hired. Have you ever pitched a million units to a customer?

took hard graft for us to pitch that many. At which point did you

think, this is ridiculous. I was going, enough is enough. We were

running through the figures. She's going, a million units. I am going,

a million units? She says I reckon I can get Amazon to take a million

units. A million units? Yeah, get on with it! Well, that worked out

for you, didn't it? We have seen some pitches in our time on The

Apprentice but nothing quite like this for the sheer mind-

bogglingness of it. You have made a complete financial

mess of the figures. If you were to buy a million, it's going to give

them a profit margin of 240. doesn't quite add up, the numbers.

Let me just refer you over to our financial team. I have to say, I

was cinging in the pitch. The prices were all wrong. It was a

shambles. So if you were to buy 100,000, the profit on that - I am

working it out. I am not brilliant on figure, but I didn't actually

hear anyone shout out and say, "Let me take the figures on." You have

harmed the team if you put yourself forward for something you can't do.

It was a bit of a mess. It wasn't a mess. It was a mess. Is that a

legitimate defence - if you say, I have never done heart surgery

before, but no-one else said they could land the plane, so I had to

land the plane, so we hit a couple of mountains! Is that a defence?

she said she could do it, then she ended up like a barber after three

. We in the baby market. No-one makes 240%. It is more 40%. They

were so far off it was unbelievable. This is more than all the babies

born in Britain. So that is a calculation. It doesn't cover the

whole bath. You would have to buy two or three. And there are exports.

Just an idea. OK, this is some times a difficult moment. It is

time to hear from Lord Sugar and your former colleagues. Malaria,

young, very fiery, very loud. God. No problem being loud but a

lot of what she said had no substance. I don't think she has

conducted herself professionally. No. I found it hard to be in the

car with Maria. She is in your face. He didn't come up with any ideas in

the brainstorming. She maybe good in the restaurant but I didn't see

any potential for her to be my business partner. That is why I

fired her. What do you think of your colleagues saying that?

well, what you going to do? You are not going to be employing any of

them. Definitely not. Where is the restaurant by the way? Sandwich in

Kent. Where are the next four going to be. Tonbridge well, Folkestone

and Kent. Rob. It is a tough thing, you went to another television show.

Yes we took the Trunkis on Dragon's Den. It is almost six years ago,

the pitch started perfectly. It was back in the episode with Richard

Farley was there and I took him for a tow round the studio. He enjoyed

it. I think Theo got jealous because I didn't offer him a ride.

He started tugging away at the Trunkis and he pulled one of the

towing leashes and it fell over then, went down hill very rapidly.

But left the den thinking I have ruined my business, when this airs

on the telly. How am I going to recover? But the public saw through

it, we have sold over a million units. We export to 62 countries.

We have won over 50 awards. The last time u saw Theo I was picking

up young business of the year. APPLAUSE. So, that was a nice

moment. The boys won it again, despite the revolution

anyinitiative of not letting the inventor speak in his own pitch.

am not allowed. It is not about not being allowed. It is. The inventor

was forbid on the speak. If any questions get asked, are you saying

don't answer them? How do you get the USPs across to the consumer?.

That is a great question. In terms of the product you have a choice.

They will be facing a simple choice. And to further aference your

question, we would encourage it to get to market, the say way it was

why it was created. APPLAUSE. The ip ven for is the best person to

explain. You can't always present but you are the most passionate

person and passion sells. Steven's pitch was appalling. What was going

on there? Yes, in is what you do. You take the lid off it. Take the

top off it like this and then, you go, oh. And then it all goes in

here, on the desktop. You get the idea. And then, for some reason,

you apparently you use this, to push it down. Yeah. This is what,

because, my food is taking up too much space at the moment. But if I

could come press, it is difficult to see. We created a model using

the same technology, this is it here. And as you can see, it is the

incredibly difficult to come press. This is really been on the market

for some time. Maybe you have seen them. Select retailer, thank

heavens that now I can squeeze down my veg. Yes, that is basically it.

There is a hole. There is a hole. What is that doing? What is

bleeding out of this thing? Cabbage juice. It looks like the love child

of a cafetiere and R2-D2. I would buy it even if it didn't work. I

think. Because it looks great. really like that product and I

would probably end up buying it. I would buy it on the internet before

I realised how rubbish it S It is the kind of product which is best

sold at about two in the morn something by going, you need the

food Compaq for Compaq for, because you take your food, squash it down,

it will run out into your kitchen off the tiny patented hole we have.

I think there was something in that hole but it has fallen out and

broken. Like a valve. You really want to buy it now! I wanted the

Brocken thing that would bleed on to my desktop he said at one stage.

Tapping away, eating an apple and oh, then it would bleed rotten

vegetables on your table. Ridiculous. And I like the way from

a distance it looks like a sex toy. Very discreet. From a distance

obviously. My gosh! I wouldn't know. I am glad I have never seen you

naked! Loving the way you act like you haven't! The eco-bin won the

day but if Adam had his way it could have been different. Did you

have any other ideas. Yes, rubber gloves with scourers attached to it.

Magic hands. I like that. Rubber You rinse, bang, done. It is all in

one. It's a good idea. Fantastic. would rather buy a sponge to be

honest. Thanks for that. It seems to be to me to be unanimous.

Obviously the real power of the rubber gloves stuff, if for example

you are washing your children. You can scour them with one hand and

more jebtly caress them with the other. These may not be the proper

prototype. We made you some scouring things and superglued them

to the gloves. That might be what it looks like, oh no. Harsh. Soft.

It would. Do you know what I did, I forgot mention it. This is their ad.

What is the word that stands out for you? Multi-functional. What is

function number two? We are not looking for three and four, just

number two, right. Oh you can drink the stuff that drips out the bottom.

. You can make coffee and use it in Star Wars reenactments. What did

you think of Adam? He was very passionate. But you have to listen

to people and he overruled that guy. He said I wouldn't buy it and he

lied to his team saying there wasn't anyone who did not like the

idea. He said thanks any way. Which is one way of dealing with it.

too often people get too passionings -- passionate they

don't listen, they don't get the feedback that steer hem in the

direction of a product you can sell, rather than something you can only

show. We did notice, we noticed with the girls last week there was

tension. This is the first time we saw the boys who have been all high

fives and what a team we are, go guys, so split down the middle.

There was one particular clash that is brewing but luckily from nature

we mow how that is going to go. am look a shark, I am king of the

ocean. Top of the food chain. I am somebody who will take whatever I

want, whenever I want it. People describe me as the killer whale of

the sea world. Slick, cool. He has all the gear, but no idea. I will

swim along. I am a predator, I will see what I want, I will take it.

You convinced by that, the outcome of that battle? No, a killer whale

would easily take a shark. Obviously it would. They are much

bigger. Yes. My point there is if you are going to choose an animal

to show your intelligent. Whales are quite intelligent but they

won't think up an idea for a kitchen gadget. Are they? He is in

danger. He is outside the box for a whale. They might be able to think

up the splash screen, because that is useful if you have a whale in

the bath. How did you find him? is nice but he doesn't say much.

Does he sing though? Does he go "Ooh, ooh, ooh ?" I wondered what

that noise was. Especially if you are in the bath. It travels best

under water. Azhar calling to his mate. We don't know where he goes,

Azhar when he migrates. He travels thousands of miles but it is

impossible to tag him. Did Ricky show you any wrethling moves.

thinks that makes him an alpha male. He is not. He is the softest bloke

I have met in my life. He spends all of his down time with his nose

against another man's simmering cod piece. No he doesn't. He just sits

there. He is not that alpha maleish. I wonder if he feels the need to go

on about it because his name is Ricky Martin. Psychologically as a

teenager it must have been difficult. I think it was the

campest moment in the thing, he went basically we have invented the

bin, and it was the gayest moment in the show. We have taken the

spotlight off you for a while. Keep going. It is back on you. Thanks.

We are moving to the vote. Do you think Lord Sugar was right to fire

Maria? Here we go. I don't think on this particular episode. It was all

about the product and the product idea. Grace? Yes I think he was

right to get rid of you and I think you have had a lucky escape and I

think you should qo and do what you are going to do any way, and I look

forward to coming to all of your restaurants. I don't think you

should be tied down by something corporate. You will make your own

money any way. Good luck. Thank you. No, I don't think he should have

fired you. It is about people who are going to create ideas. I think

you are more likely to do that than Jenna. If you agree with Lord Sugar

hold up fired, if you don't hold us hired. It is very tight. But.

It's so more green! Tell me it's green - what the hell. It's a draw

- 50-50. Could have gone either way. As ever, we want to send you on