Episode 1 The Graham Norton Show

On the show tonight, a standup On the show tonight, a standup

comedian,. I say, I say. The original Billy Elliot. The

Titanic Quarter. Iceberg. Where? Let's start the show.

APPLAUSE. Hello everybody. Oh! Good APPLAUSE. Hello everybody. Oh! Good

evening everybody. Hello. Hello. Hell yochlt. Yes, we are back for a

new season. Hurrah. Welcome back to you, my lovely audience. I tell you,

I was worried you wouldn't make out of Dale Farm but you are here.

You join us at a sad time, and gentlemen. Westlife have

announced they are splitting up. I know. I feel your pain. They have

been sex symbols to a generation fans, some of hem are very upset.

Cheer up everybody, what a lineup we Cheer up everybody, what a lineup we

have to kick off the first show of the new series. Hollywood sensation,

Kate Winslet is here. CHEERING. Comedian Rob Brydon is on at the

shoch. CHEERING. Star of shoch. CHEERING. Star of Billy

Elliot and now Tintin, Jamie Bell is here. And we will of music

and the Whale. CHEERING. I know. love them. I love Noah and the

Whale. Of course, they shot to fame with their big hit Five Years a

time. I wonder where I will be then? Look, they are saving me a seat.

What a thrill, Kate Winslet with us tonight. Not just an Oscar winner

but six-time Oscar nominee. So many great movies, Revolutionary Road,

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and of course Titanic. Look at

that, what an iconic scene. Every time I see that, I am reminded of

the classic theme heart and you go in your own

the classic theme term my heart will the classic theme term my heart will

go as sung by Celine Dion. Also with us tonight is Jamie Bell.

He is the star of the new Tintin movie. It is out next week, Tintin

with his loyal friend Snowy. They are always getting into scrapes.

Never go think where without each other, a little bit like... Yes.

Jamie shot to fame as the star of Jamie shot to fame as the star of

the movie, Billy Elliot. I can't remember whether I am a fan of

ballet or not. Oh, apparently I am. Oh! And to complete my lineup, who

better than Wales's funniest man, Rob Brydon. He is hosting

Lie To You, where celebrities tell lies. I am working late tonight,

Demi. Yeah. Naughty Ashton Kutcher. It was alleged he cheated on Demi

with a woman 20 years younger her. Here is the woman. Let's get

guests on. We will have music from Noah and the

Whale later. Whale later.

First, would I lie to you, no, he is First, would I lie to you, no, he is

here, it is Rob Brydon. CHEERING . Hello, sir. Sit yourself down. And.

And it is Billy Elliot and Tintin star, Jamie Bell. CHEERING. Hello,

sir. Sit yourself down. And star of cot cot, Kiss Me Kate but not on the

lips, it is Kate Winslet. CHEERING .

Welcome all. My microphone pack Welcome all. My microphone pack

slipped down my bum crack. You are sitting for the rest of the show.

That was a good opening, wasn't it? Right into it. My arse. You

down on the end. I feel there is racism towards the Welsh. Can I come

a bit could closer? Am I allowed to? That's night. Let's have a

hug. Look at that. Anyone got a camera. Several. We will stay like

that for the rest of the show. Jamie, what are you, 25? 25 now. You

have been doing this for 12 years. Are you relaxed on this one? No,

terrified. He is not. When you told me you were 25 you seem more mature

and together than me. I am 31. What? List Jeb, we are going to talk about

the drama of your film, Contagion. But we must touch on the drama of

your life. We read about necker island. You saved Richard Branson's

life. No. I carried her stairs, the truth of it. Is

stairs, the truth of it. That sounds like... It was scary. We did wake up

at 4. at 4.30am to hear the sounds of some

of Richard's nephews voices yelling there was a fire. I jumped up, and

ran immediately towards the fire. Because clearly I thought I could

put it out. Hang on. E ran the flames and realised no, another

few minutes, we will be dead. I turned around and my children were

standing at their bedroom door. said it is a fire, fine, go back

inside for two minutes and close the door. Thinking now what do I do? Ran

into the bedroom and put on a bra. In disastrous moments, you do the

strangest things. That will take long, on went the t-shirt, grabbed

children and picked up granny. We were all at the top of very slippery

stone steps. We were in the hurricane. It was dramatic, this

lashing rain. It felt like being in a movie. I carried eve Branson

braless, me, not her, maybe we were both braless. Who knows. I carried

her down the stairs. He is didn't come out in the original story, they

played down the breast support issue. I will never play that one

down, ever. Well done, you. Thank you very much. APPLAUSE. I have to

say, I do have to say, though, that Eve Branson is an extraordinary

stoic, powerful lady. And she totally could have made it out

her own. I just helped for that little tiny bit. Dao feel I need to

say that, that is true. You wanted the moment of glory. I will carry

you. The truth is I carried everybody out. It sounded more

glamorous, just Eve. Down to business. Cot cot, your new movie,

out now. It is in cinemas now. Contagion. It is a scary film. But

scary in an odd way. Talk us through the premise. It is a thriller. It is

about a global pandemic. It is scary because, you know, these are

times in which we live. There is a new terrifying virus every year, it

seems. People try to develop vaccines as quickly as they can. I

play an epidemic service officer, a forensic doctor,

a young woman who is sent out into the field to find the pathogen of

this particular new killer virus. It was a lot of fun, it was incredible

working with Steven Soderbergh. Amazing cast of people. It was a

thrill to be part of it. Like watching the film, I watched in a

cinema. I can't tell you, two-thirds through, someone sneezed. You could

see everyone see everyone thinkingee sus. Did it

mess with you are head? Absolutely. You would think twice. Are you

elbows on doors lady? E get out a towel, wrap it around if doors. We

have a little clip. This is basically trying to find out who

patient 0 has been in contact with. Anyone else who might have had

contact with her. Everyone. Aaron did. He worked on another floor.

There were documents she needed to sign. He picked up her up from the

airport. Where is he? Hello? Mr Barnes, this is mere mere. Hi. I

believe you may have had contact with Beth last week. Yeah. I

with Beth last week. Yeah. I picked her up at the airport. How are

feeling. Pretty cruddy. I picked up a bug. Where are you? On the

heading to work. Get off immediately. What is going on?

is the bus, Aaron? Lake and Lynn Dale. It is possible you are highly

conteenage us. Do you understand? I want you to get off, stay away

other people. Don't talk to anyone, don't touch anyone. That is the

important thing. We will send somebody to meet the bus. OK. I am

Anyone getting the bus home? Listen, Anyone getting the bus home? Listen,

Kate Winslet, obviously, you won an Oscar for the Reader, nominated more

times than anyone your age certainly, probably more than

anyone. Maybe Merrill. The bitch. Stop it, Graham. She finish and you

will take her off. Yeah, yeah she held the record, yes. But you take

your job seriously. Reading about the way you work. , it sounds

you are not serious. You have to have - it is about working together

as a team. You know that. It is about really sort of pulling

everyone together. It doesn't matter whether you are an actor or the guy

behind the camera. You behind the camera. You are doing the

same job. It is important to boost morale and have the odd joke. I was

lying there in a rather comatose, meant to be slightly comatose state.

I am sliing there and dead still, should not be moving my eyes all.

Did I look thin in that? I am so sorry, it was something I may have

eaten. Lots of moments like that. You have to. I heard you tell a

really - I enjoyed the story, you encountering an actor who doesn't

work in the same way as you. When you were in Holy Smoke. You did the

improvisation with Harvey cartel. Who is completely incredible. He

likes to do improvising. I go in one morning, Jane says, "

morning, Jane says, "Beautiful people, so what are we going to

today, improve" today, improve". Harvey said, "

today, improve". Harvey said, "I have been thinking about the level

of intimacy in the movie. I wanted to maybe work on something together

with you, Kate" with you, Kate". Yeah, fine, it is

Harvey, anything you want, God. I said yeah, OK. He said so I am a dog

and you are my owner. You are helping me to die. I have been hit

by a truck. You are helping me die. I am going, "

die. I am going, "And the hidden camera is where? What is my name?"

camera is where? What is my name?". Harvey (whimpers)

Harvey (whimpers). Deadly serious. Gets on the floor. And I am standing

Oh, no, poor dog. Poor Harvey, Oh, no, poor dog. Poor Harvey,

shush, Harvey dog. Oh, no, look, it is Harvey dog dead. That was

helpful. I got a lot of intimacy from that improvisation. There are

quirky ones out there. Jamie, worked with inquiry people. A few in

my time. There was a set you worked on where... This guy that was

controversial, likes to walk around naked a lot of the time. Slightly

difficult when you are trying to do a scone, this guy doing this. Is

this distracting? Naked? Naked. Genius. Kind

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 261 seconds

They have given you a necklace made They have given you a necklace made

out of leftover teeth. Oh! And is the final, yes, there is one of you.

It is awful. OK. I am actually thrilled. I want it to be really

bad. It is as bad as you could possibly wish. Here you are in your

full loveliness. Brace yourselves. Quickly, do it. It is like ripping

APPLAUSE. Where does the time go? We APPLAUSE. Where does the time go? We

Get rid of must talk about Tintin. And

celebrate Tintin. It is out next Friday. Is it. I have seen it. It is

fantastic. I can't wait to see it. Thank you. I enjoyed it. I can

imagine kids just loving it. Yeah. It is just fantastic. It is like

Steven Spielberg was thrown back to the 80s, adventure. It is comedy and

adventure. We strayed through to the books. What we intended to do is

wanted to pause the movie at any point and take that screen capture

off and drop it back into the comics successfully. As an adult,

lovely. The technology allowed do that. It is exciting. Just

quickly, everything in it you did. Yes. People will see it thinking it

is very clever an makes. It is. you did it all. Yes. It is a similar

process to that that they used Lord of the Rings. Andy Serkis

played Captain Haddock in our movie, they used it on avatar and King

Kong. We are acting everything. Everything you see

Everything you see is a human performance that is animated on top.

When you watch it, do you watch it like an audience member and

you are in it? We made the in room. The movie is in an ocean,

desert and Morocco. Amazing. We desert and Morocco. Amazing. We are

dorg. That bit. Yeah. It is crazy. It is not me but yet it is me.

People will see the ticks the stuff that I do naturally. Let's

see if you can see Jamie Bell in it. You have a clip? Introduce the

Graham. OK. Do it really well. Do it really well. No pressure. This

Jamie Bell in Tintin, it is a scene with Captain Haddock. Gosh it is

Get me a flare. Captain, get down. Get me a flare. Captain, get down.

Full ahead. Full speed. Got you now. Full ahead. Full speed. Got you now.

John Williams music is what it is John Williams music is what it is

Full ahead. Full about. It is in 3D as well. That's

true. You will be Tintin for while, we are hoping. Hopefully,

yeah. I think if audiences embrace it, yeah. The rest of my life.

Because of the drawing, you could be 75. Yeah, yeah. 45. Still dialling

Not just me, love, it is him as Not just me, love, it is him as

well. I am older than you. Yeah know, that is the point I am making.

Consoling hand reaches out to you. There are wheels on this chair. I

will be going. You said you have done animation, Rob. Me? Yes. Have

you done anything like that? No. Good Lord, no. Would you like to?

Well, yeah. Because... If you to offer, yes. We have some

equipment out the back which would you could turn yourself into a

cartoon. All right. Do you fancy it? I am game for a laugh. If you skip

through there. Do I have to skip? I love it. Go on. Mind your head.

While he is gone, is it true it took While he is gone, is it true it took

from preproduction to now something like six years? I don't know. The

movie was long Jesstating. The guy who created Tintin is only Steven

Spielberg should make this film, he died before they met. It is a

time in getting it up and running. At first it was a live action, then

the technology he has done in New Zealand has gotten so good, it was

decided to use an makes. Titanic took... Forever. You kept reading,

still not finished. That is right. Was it Mexico? We were in Baja,

California, just across the border. The studio is still there. They have

built upon it. I have been in it. Every big movie has been filmed

there. You are not in Titanic, are you? No. I went to the theatre eight

times to see it. Of course, it huge. I have only seen it once.

Eight times, that is a lot of Eight times, that is a lot of

commitment. My mum let me out of school to see it actually. Oh, I

love you. Amazing. I love you, too. Is anyone trying to tell me is Rob

is ready. God, I completely forgot about him. There he is.

Who is that man? Hi. I am being Who is that man? Hi. I am being

calibrated. It is not painful, Ed a preimmediate. I feel great actually.

Don't touch me there. Are we ready Don't touch me there. Are we ready

to see Rob now? There is Rob back there. Then this is Rob as a

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 261 seconds

It is like an actoff, the four of It is like an actoff, the four of

you are brilliant. Roman is - this is a stab in the dark. I think he is

78. OK. I think he is 7. That is old. That old. But he is wonderful.

It was incredible working with This is the kind of director he is.

He came up and said - after a "You know there are two ways to say

that line". I know there are two ways. I tried them both. Yes, you

have tried them both. It is still shit. That is not helpful funnily

enough. Could you go over there. It is a really funny film. It is out on

3 February. It is a while away. Months away. Just remember. Here to

whet your appetite is the trailer. Yeah. Enough with the cellphone. The

here and now, God dammit. The victim and the criminal are not the same. I

am glad our son kicked the shit of your son. And I wipe my arse with

your human rights. Wow. I believe in the God of carnage, whose rule has

been unchallenged. I have no patience for this. I am a short

tempered son of a bitch. Do something. Allen do something.

There. Oh my God. Way to go. This is what I think. I think I will vomit

again. Nightmare. Watch it he has on the edge. What the hell are we

doing there? I hope you are kidding. APPLAUSE.

Very good. There is Rob back. Very good. There is Rob back.

APPLAUSE. I don't know about you. I thought the panda thing did very

well. It was sweet and lovely. It puts Tintin into perspective,

doesn't it? You realise. How good it is. First, you as a panda, now you

give us a book. Yes. With his big panda paws, he has been typing this,

Small Man in a Book. If you can find a book shop, and it

a book shop, and it is online. Apparently, it is an amazing e-book.

Do you know what that is. Yes. With you being 48 and all. You will know.

You watch it on a tablet device, we are not meant to name them. OK. You

watch it object a tablet device. Bail you get the book in its textual

form and flick the pages. But we have done more for it, done

interviews with people like David Walliams, people I worked with, also

my dad and school teachers. You get lots of extra tough. I am proud of

it. You should be very proud of it. Yes. Thank you, Graham. No pandas in

there, I should make it clear. It is your life to 2000. What happened

then, short-term memory loss? Mostly about the struggling and the rubbish

jobs I did. Were you 13 Ben you made your radio debut? I was a big fan of

radio. The local station is still there Swansea sound, in Swansea. Of

course. My voice hadn't broken. don't know when yours went, Kate,

but mine went later. And the DJ as a classic DJ. And all he wanted

talk about whether I had girl friend. We have Robert as a junior

DJ, you got any girlfriends yet. I still have the cassette, no, not

really. Why not, you are a good looking boy? Oh! They must be

chasing after you. No, they are really not. Please Leigh me alone.

It was terrifying. Didn't put me off. That's where I started, working

in radio. I bought a house on at the strength of it. And new editor came

in, didn't renew my contract. I had financial outgoings. I tell

story, it is a shocking thing. Her nape was Megan. Shoe es alovrzly

woman, please, Kate, no, she is a lovely woman. Please. You would

carry her out of a burning building, you would. Does she wear bras? I

remember - I will not say that. I was coming to the end. I would have

no money, I had a couple of shows left. I was on air talking to a

listener and said who do we have. Lovely to talk to you. In the

background I heard a took. It was Harvey. I said you love the method

actors. That sounded like does tip Hoffman. He always runs the same

in movies, like this. I have to my son. That is

my son. That is nothing to do with the story. I am on the air. The lady

is saying and the dog. Is there a dog there? Yes, it is my dog. I say

what's it called? Bear in mind Megan decided to let me go. That is

important, otherwise, the story went r won't work. She said it is Megan.

I said on air "really, we have a bitch called Megan here as well"

bitch called Megan here as well". APPLAUSE. I am not praud of

am no the praud of that. It was behaviour p and we met since, she is

the - one of the greatest women I have ever met. So, listen, that

the book. It is out now. You the book. It is out now. You are on

tour with it. Yes. Doing signings and evenings in the theatre.

Fantastic. It is now time for music. And I am genuinely thrilled. I have

been begging this band to come the show. Finally, they are here.

Singing their smash L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.. It the Whale.

# She is a rock 'n' roll survivor with pendulum hips. She got deep

# Seen it all. Working in a # The barman used to call her

# She went down on almost # Till the challenges

# She said L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. #

your own way # L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

# sense, my friend

# your own way

# Some people wear their history # Some people wear their history

like a map on their #

living out of case # But his best word was his letters

# # The chorus girls were the closest

# But to a writer, the truth is no big

# But to a writer, the truth is no big deal

big deal #

#

# Through

# Through the

# # Through the weekend

# You go L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. #

sense, my friend You've got heart and you go in your own

sense, my friend You've got heart and you go in your own way

and you go in your own way #

and you go in your own way # L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

# L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. #

# What you don't have now will come back

back again #

# You've got heart and you go in your own

# You've got heart and you go in your own way

# You've got heart and you go in your own way.

your own way. #

your own way. # On

your own way. # On the

sense, my # On the last night on

# I won't look to the # I'll just

# And blink in the #

# My last night # I'll pay a high

# To have no regrets # And be done with my

# L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. #

sense, my friend #

your own way # L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

back again #

# You've got heart and you go in your own

# You've got heart and you go in your own way

# You've got heart and you go in your own way.

your own way. #

your own way. # L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

# L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. #

# You've got more than money and sense, my

# You've got more than money and sense, my friend

sense, my friend #

# You've got heart and you go in your own

# You've got heart and you go in your own way

your own way #

your own way # L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

# L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. #

# What you don't have now will come back

back again #

# You've got heart and you go in your own

# You've got heart and you go in your own way

# You've got heart and you go in your own way.

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE.

APPLAUSE. Know

APPLAUSE. Know know, ladies and Noah and the Whale. Marvellous. Sit

Noah and the Whale. Marvellous. Sit Noah and the Whale. Marvellous. Sit

back down, too. There you go. Shove up.

Whale. Thaug for playing that. That is off Last Night On Earth. You can

still buy it. It is still available. You are in the middle of a tour.

That is right. Halfway through. is it going? Brilliantly. Amazing. I

love Noah and the Whale. I am not a fan of many people, obviously a fan

of all of you. Very good. Listen, we nearly out of time. Before we go, it

is time for a store or two in the big red chair. Who is up first?

Hello, sir. Hello. What is name. Joseph. What do you do? I

for a charity. Right. Where, down here or the homeland. Waterloo. In

Waterloo. Close. He hasn't travelled far. Really, he just fell in the

door. You can fall out again. Joseph, delight us with your tale. I

was in New Zealand, working in a small Home Office and my boss one

night take the care home. And... Wait. Sorry. I am apologising. There

is a bloodlust spreading through the audience. Show one man, throw him

bone. Off you go. I was in New Zealand. No. APPLAUSE.

We are genuinely interested. We are genuinely interested.

We are genuinely interested. wanted to know what happened.

wanted to know what happened. wanted to know what happened.

We are genuinely works in Waterloo, drive around

area, you will find him. Who is next. Hello. For a frightening

moment I thought you didn't have a top on. But you do. She has

with nude. It is very on trend, Kate. Nude. What is your name. I am

Cariss a. From Australia. Are you visiting? I have been here

months. What do months. What do you do to fill

time. I am in the market for a pattern cutting job. Pattern

cutting. Anyone? If she had only told me yesterday. All right, off

you go. I was at the big day out, which is a music festival. We know

what it is. Re live here. Sorry. I was in the crowd watching the

Killers. The crowd was trout and getting packed. I grabbed my bag and

started jumping up and down. The guy next to me gave me a hey wink, nod.

What? I looked down to see that I had a hold of the crotch of his

shorts jumping up and down. Not my handbag at all. You can walk. Nice

one. Well done one. Well done everyone. If you

Thank you so much to my gets Thank you so much to my gets

Thank you so much to my gets tonight, Noah and the Whale.

tonight, Noah and the Whale. tonight, Noah and the Whale.

Thank you so much APPLAUSE. Rob Brydon APPLAUSE. Jamie