Episode 2 The Graham Norton Show

Episode 2

Graham Norton chats to actor James McAvoy, top comic John Bishop and actress and activist Joanna Lumley. Plus Arctic Monkeys perform their new single, Suck It And See.

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This programme contains strong language. On the show tonight. A


movie star who started out on Channel Four. Shameless.


The star behind Patsy Stone. Fabulous.


A top stand-up comic. Hilarious.


And from Strictly Come Dancing, Nancy Dell'Olio.


Hello and welcome to the show. We've got a great line-up this week.


Hollywood star James McAvoy is here. APPLAUSE.


James is currently starring in a new animated film about to be


released called Arthur Christmas, where he plays Santa's son. That's


Arthur, and this is his grand-dad, Santa senior. I think I know where


they got the inspiration for that shot. James also starred in The


Last King of Scotland. One of James' most famous roles was as Mr


Tumness in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Where did I last see


legs like that? She doesn't need some toilet paper on her Sue! Also,


the gorgeous Joanna Lumley will be here! She's currently filming a


Christmas special of Ab Fab, where she plays Patsy Stone. Patsy is


such an amazing caricature, a blonde bimbo who'll shag anything.


I bet she's never met anyone like that in real life. I think that's a


can of Mace in her hands. Also joining us tonight, top comic John


Bishop is on the show. His show John Bishop's Britain is a Saturday


night favorite - though at the moment Saturday's all about


Strictly and X Factor. Everyone watching? I'm loving Strictly, and


there's someone on it this year that we've made the occasional joke


about. She obviously doesn't watch this show because she's agreed to


come on. Yes, Nancy Dell'Olio will be popping in later. Nancy's


performances have been panned by the judges. But someone must be


phoning to keep her in every week. It's been a long time since she's


had an Eriksson that close to her mouth. Let's get some guests on.


Later we'll be having music from Arctic Monkeys. But first, my


prayers have been answered, it's John Bishop.


APPLAUSE. She's posh and I'm privileged she's


here, it's Joanna Lumley. APPLAUSE.


And my Christmas has come early. It's the star of Arthur Christmas,


James McAvoy. We all just stood out verse saying,


how are you? Backstage it was hello, this is Joanna, this is johns.


Really you just want to stand there Dr Ahmad Khaled Abdel Aziz then we


come on and you are cheering. honest, I thought we were all


getting on quite well! I am back stage with two fabulous actors and


I am thinking, none of them like me. I appreciate you all coming because


I know you are busy. Were you filming today? No, not today. We


are in the middle of it all. We are making a film for Danny Boyle.


There you are. Where did you get that? I don't know. Top secret


stuff. The internet. It is going well. I am thrilled you are in a


film directed by Danny Boyle, shouldn't he be getting ready for


the Olympics, having ladies dancing with umbrellas. I think that's


photograph is a picture of the opening ceremony. It is more


reflective of London right now. Someone walking around being mauled.


They should be running round to Benny Hill music. On my stag night,


we got a taxi from Camden to Parliament Hill. There was about 10


or 20 of us. The taxi got it me out and said, do you want to treat?


These speakers came out of his car and he played the Benny Hill music


and we chased each other around the park for about 10 minutes. He was


the guide chasing us. Or we were all the girls. Then he drove away


in his car with the Benny Hill blurring. How fantastic. The


Olympics, am I supposed to know this? The new Ab Fab, one of them


is based around the Olympics? has an Olympic team. I don't want


to talk about Ab Fab too much because Jennifer Saunders is coming


on in a few weeks. OK! When you went to make it, was it easy to be


Patsy Stone again? It was strange, because we started off with


Jennifer, Julia, Jayne and Joanna. Nobody looks any different, except


for June Whitfield who looks a bit younger. Then we had everyone else


who had been in it, husbands and people working on the magazines. It


was fantastic. The script is fantastic. It has moved forward, we


are not doing them from 1991. In the a doing it from today. So it


has changed a lot? Merry little. -- very little. Ab Fab with an iPod.


You have had an amazing year. The last time I saw you who are were in


X-Men First Class. It went ballistic. It went really well. But


I felt I was the one who did not get to do any stunts. Everybody


else can like Benn's your shoes with their minds and stuff, I just


go, do you want a cup of tea? were just persuasive, that is your


power? Not only do I know that it you want a cup of tea, I can make


you make me a cup of tea as well. So you are just a wife! He is not


touching that. I can see the next film with him in rollers and an


apron, make me a cup of tea. have to beef up for these films?


The first time I ever did it. I beefed up for a thing and that it


was a bit weird. Eating too much meat and drinking too much protein


drinks. Protein shakes are not good for you? They need you onset


shooting a scene for three days which is fine. But they need to get


this protein out a deal and it comes out as flatulence. So you are


stuck in a car for three days and during these three days, Angelina


Jolie is in the car with two! In the end you have to say, it is not


my fault you have just got in this car, my protein drink has just said


hello. How is Brad Pitt and the kids by the way? Was she all right


about it? She was great, she has a good sense of humour and a terrible


sense of smell. As an actor, we all envy your figure. Do you have a


regime? I don't, but I probably don't eat as much as other people


because I don't have breakfast and I never have lunch! You don't eat


as much as much people. If I had a good breakfast, I would be ready


for a snack at 11 am. Meant for a three-course lunch, ready for tea


and then an enormous dinner. I have very low blood pressure, so as soon


as I eat something I have to go straight to sleep. So I usually eat


massively in the evening and go straight to sleep. You are very


cheap Date! James, this is a bit depressing this new film? It is the


first Christmas film of the season. Are we the first? You are the first.


Be it is very good, that's all you need to know. It is a kid's moody


but it is a smart, funny kids' movie. Parents can take their kids


to this and be all right. I laughed out loud quite a few times. It is


the people that made a Wallace and Gromit atman studios. They have got


into bed with America and hooked up with Sony. They are doing a big 3D


cartoon animation. And there is a lot of stuff in there adults, but


it is fantastic for the kids. I think it is a really good Christmas


film. It is one of those Christmas songs that you want to be able to


watch in 10 years' time. It is great for a slightly smart child.


Inquisitive child. A questioning child. It does explain how


Christmas works. If you have got thick kids, don't go! It explains


Christmas and how it happens? clever because a lot of kids these


days know that Christmas is a big corporate venture. So what this


film does is it makes the real Santa, who lives in the North Pole,


he is real and there is magic, but it is a big business as well. That


is one of the things the film is about, has it become too much of a


big business? What my character does is try to reclaim the spirit


of Christmas and make sure that one kid, who won't get a present gets


the present. It is beautiful! And it is in 3D? It is. You are a big


fan of 3D? I slagged off 3D. believe you said "it is a waste of


time and money and I wouldn't pay for a ticket".


APPLAUSE. You shoot a movie and sometimes


they changed it to 3D afterwards and it is a way of getting people


into the cinema and charging them extra money. It is naughty. This


was designed to be 3D. Can I ask you, when you film something in 3D,


does it change you, change the set or is it in the camera? I have


never felt anything in 3D. A of course, this is an animation!


LAUGHTER. I know I said don't take your thick


kids to see it. I was thinking, it looks like you


that make up department must be brilliant. Prepare yourself, we are


going to see a clip, John Foulds stock it is the last time I'd try


and talk Hollywood with someone who has been to Hollywood. This is a


clip when you go to find out the kids that has been missed. It is in


Toronto. A what is it? No idea, I have never seen it


before. They are always putting these things up. A remember the


first time I ran into Chicago. There is a small trauma to your


gift wrapped, but I can fix it. I can wrap anything with three strips


of sticky tape. Fantastic, and wrap It was Ashley Jensen and Bill Nighy.


That is out on 11th November. Unless you got thick kids, then it


is out in February! Christmas can I don't know whether you find this


funny, or disturbing. It depends on whether you have children. Have you


seen this? It is called scared of Santa, it is a whole book of


pictures of children who are scared I think it's quite funny. Look at


that child! Look how rubbish the Santa is. We asked people in the


audience if they had any pictures of themselves with Santa. Some


people did. Staff? That looks quite recent! It was seven years ago.


he a nice Santa? I don't think he asked me what I want for Christmas,


so that was disappointing. He was Can I ask, where do you get an


audience from who happened to walk around with photographs of


themselves? They Eija -- the e mail them. They are not just in their


Now, you are smiling in this picture. See if you think there


might be some fear. It looks like somebody is pulling Santa through


This one is weird. Elizabeth? This looks like a scene from a really


disturbing film. The Blair Witch Project, the Christmas special, or


something. Look at that. It is It's like when you develop the


picture, suddenly Santa was in it. It was taken at Easter! That is the


terrifying thing. Megan, this is not a picture of you but your


boyfriend. That is Chris. How old was he? Four, I don't know. There


he is now. He is not with Santa but God knows, it could not be a more


Christmas like picture. Here he is Are you even allowed to show that


on television? A just pass it on to If people want to spend Christmas


with Joanna Lumley they can this year. You're on stage? It is a


Christmas play. It is called the Lion in Winter. It is the story of


a family having the most massive argument over Christmas. It is a


fractured family, it has divorces, stepchildren, there will squabbling,


who loves who, who has sided with who? -- they are all squabbling.


And it just happens they are all royal. There is a princess, a queen.


It is pretty steep. Sounds like a game of poker! Pretty much. It is


extraordinary. Very funny but quite dark. It is all completely true. It


is about Britain, England as it was, Henry the second and his wife who


was called Eleanor of Aquitaine, a huge area of France. You are in


with Robert Lindsay? His fantastic. -- he is fantastic. Eleanor was 11


years older than Henry. You do not look thrilled to be with him here.


Is that acting? They it is good acting. That is as good at it it --


As Good As It gets. Where did you get that from? The internet! How


many times?! I hope you have not got pictures of me off the internet.


It opens next week and runs right through to the end of January.


There is snow in it? No. It is a phenomenal set. It is set in a


castle in 1183. Flagstone floors and great arches. We are in the


Haymarket Theatre, one of the loveliest London theatres, it goes


right to the back, the stage. It issued with vast arches. It is like


being in a cathedral, it is thrilling. Good frocks. Is there a


lion in it? Keep up! After the interval. Will the lie-in be in it


now? All the thick Kids Allowed going to the film, there is a lion


You have done stage work, you seemed too young to have had a film


and stage career, but you have. started off in pantomime. Did you


ever do it? I have. Professional? As opposed to what?! I did, when I


first went full-time as a comic I did a pantomime with Darren Day and


to his new walks, and a few others. That was Dick Whittington's. We did


it in the Lawry theatre in Salford, Manchester. It is a lovely theatre


and Salford is quite a deprived area so they did what many councils


do and said this is a deprived area, There is gang violence and


deprivation, they need a lovely theatre. The gang Stone shoot each


other when there is a ballet on! -- dens don't shoot each other. --


For the matinee they brought all the schools of Salford in, so 1700


kids in Salford, and we did the scene where somebody is being


chased and you think come on kids, tell us where he is. I sold the


ship with Dick Whittington, the captain, there was the bit where we


got chased and there was 1700 kids in there and that is when you


realise how tough Salford is. There were 1700 kids and no one of them


wanted to snitch! Where is he? Your run your own! -- You're on your own.


Joanna also has a book out. It is kind of a memoir, it has so many


photographs, theatre programmes... It is photograph lead. His pictures


with some writing around it. photos are genius. There is a


picture of you as a little baby Look at her! Someone said we are


taking you to Santa. I had not seen a lot of these because they were in


your house, presumably. That is Joanna Lumley modelling... Well,


not everybody could wear that. had to bring our own accessories


and they are my own yellow boots, so they look a bit shabby. We were


not very rich. We got �4 an hour. Modelling cannot have changed much


over the years, yet you do not see poses like that as much as you used


to. Look at their shoes. I loved them so. I was six foot two inches


in those shoes. You do look fantastic. You look less good in


this one. It is a knitting pattern. It is hard to do that. Any model


would struggle with wall. -- wool. The headline - young, gay,


simpleton it. -- simple to knot. -- The marketing department thought


right, it makes a knitting in with tenpin bowling, that will make it


popular! You mixed some looks. Baby Doll, schoolgirl, bride-to-be,


young mum, sophisticated hostess... Person laughing at fruit! We always


had to be seen a laughing at something. If there was some fruit


and I was in my picture, probably in something knitted, I would be


going like this... And sometimes John Bishop, you have been on your


travels, touring the land, and now you bring us a DVD of the tour.


taught from the autumn until June, so the DVD is of that. In all of


your shows you talk about your family, your wife, your kids. You


are very honest about them. Are they OK about that? To be honest, I


have not got a wife. It took a while for me to come out but... The


truth of the matter is I never thought I would be a comedian so


when I ended up walking on stage I did not walk on with a head full of


jokes, I went on, talked about what has just gone on. If you are


married the children that is what has just gone on. It is what


everyone is going through. As your kids get old are they... There are


few things were you walk into the bedroom and they say dad, you're


not saying anything about that! You say, all right. A and now you have.


I will have to go out. We're at a funny stage because my family, none


of us expected this to happen so we are a bit surprised. I have been on


tour, it was great, I have come back as the hero coming back home,


I have been on my travels, the conquering hero, it is wonderful,


didn't we do well? I have been home for two months and my wife said I


was going to have two years of, spent time with the family, build


up relationships, she has said do us a favour, go off on tour again!


So I will go back out again next year. That will be about what


happens between now and then, because otherwise you can only talk


about what your life is about, otherwise it is not true. It is a


big tour. A arenas. It will be a challenge, it will be good.


Sunshine Tour DVD is out on 14th November. Look lads, I've got to be


honest, this isn't my idea but your mum thinks I should explain some


things to you. What, Dad? Things are going to change around here


because first of all I've got no company car any more, it has gone.


We got rid of it. The holidays you are used to going on, we probably


cannot go on those for a while because I am not sure what money I


will make. As a result, I can't guarantee you will get the presence


you're used to getting. -- presents. And they went why, Dad? I said


because I have left my job, boys. They win, no, what are you going to


do? A said I'm going to be a comedian! They said well, you're


That is a true conversation. you will watching Strictly Come


Dancing? When I can. A have you been asked to be on it? Yes.


you say no? Clearly. That will be the series I did not see. Every


year, an unlikely star emerges. Let's lead her to the likes. It's


Congratulations, are you enjoying Strictly Come Dancing? I do enjoy


it. It has surprised me how much I do enjoy it. It is intense, but I


love it. Do you think you are getting better? I do think so.


will be honest with you. I was away when it started. And my mother was


on the phone and she described your dancing and when I watched it, you


were better than I expected. This always happens. Obviously people


have known you for a long time because of Sven-Goran Eriksson.


years in the UK. Also Trevor Nunn, because he is working with Joanna.


What I want to know is what do you You are an international lawyer.


you have an office? No, I used to. Tell us, what is it? What is your


question? What do you do? I have always been doing public affairs,


working for a private or public company, mainly with politicians


and sent them the right message on how to create a new look. Was this


in its elite? It was in Italy. Italy. I have been working with a


few lawyers will stop --. I am using my networking around the


world. I am glad I asked! I am all over its Nancy! Youth and Anton,


could sparks fly between the two of you? My future husband. We have a


great relationship. I think we made very good TV, what do you think?


am enjoying watching news. Everyone else turns up in rehearsals in


tracksuits, why does he turn up in a shirt and tie to rehearse, he


must be roasting? It is his style, I do love that. Like in English


gentleman. No, an English gentleman dancers like that... If you have


ever seen an English gentleman dance, get amide DVD. Style and


manners. Tomorrow night, what are you going to be giving us? A cannot


believe I am here tonight. What we you be giving us tomorrow night?


rumba. It is a Hallowe'en special show. Sorry, it is the way you are


pulling your skirt down, I thought we are getting so rumba then.


am getting ready. It is a love dance. It has been all week for


preparation. I am not a great dancer, but it is fun. After it


finishes, what are you going to do? A few things. I am writing two


books. My TV shows. You have a TV show? It probably, I am not going


to say any more. Well good luck with your next round,


what are you giving us? Nancy, how do you say "it's time for some


music now" in Italian? Ladies and gentlemen, singing Suck


Apology for the loss of subtitles for 52 seconds


# Be cruel to me cause I'm a fool for you.


# I bought my aching heart into a pop song.


# I could not get the hang of poetry.


It is not a skirt goal, it is a shorn off shotgun.


# I can only hope you have got it aimed at me. # Sit next to me


before I go. # Go, go, go.


# Jigsaw women with horror movie shoes.


# Be cruel to me cause I'm a fool for you


# I often wonder where you are. # Baby I was made to break your


# Sits next to me before I go. # Go, Go, Go.


# And Jigsaw women horror-movie shoes.


# The cruel to me because I am a The Arctic Monkeys. I believe it


Alex and Matthew are joining us. Thanks for doing that. Thanks for


having us. It is the title track. Some groups go mad on art work, not


the Arctic Monkeys. The single is out on the 31st? Is that right?


Before we go it is time to have a story in the red shirt. Who is our


first? Hello. My name is Karen. Where are you from? Dublin. Do you


live here now. What do you do here? I am an office manager. Here that


the Nancy, she is an office manager!


What is your story? Myself and my family were a way staying by a


river. On the Friday evening we went down to the little bar for a


few drinks and there were at the Group of Austrians. They had been


fishing, but they were much quieter than us and they left earlier. Or


we left too late and too drunk and we were walking by their chalet and


the curtains were open. And my mother thought she should invite


them back to our chalet for a drink. She ran up to the window and she


went... They misunderstood. It was good, but not good enough.


That a mother could have got a fright. Is somebody else in the


chair? Hello. Hello. What is your name? Cara. Where are you from?


York. Really? Why the hell are you here? I am a theatre director, and


I think the theatre seemed is more stimulating here than in New York


to be honest. We don't have time for this! One


more. Hello. Hello. How are you? am good. What is your name? My name


is Debbie from California. We love you in the United States. Do you


find the theatre scene stimulating here? Incredibly! I thought you


would. How old are you? I am retired. What did you used to do?


used to raise money. OK... Are few go with your story. I was running


for the US Congress... Weight and minute! Are weak slipping into a


parallel universe? We have a congresswoman hopeful in the red


shirt. Not any more. You running for Congress? It was election


morning. I thought you were going to say running for a bus! Running


for Congress?! I was running for Congress and it was election


morning and a group of us were standing by the road, parents, kids,


grandparents and the mayor. We were all waving the American flag and


the traffic is running by. A man yelled out of his car "I will vote


for you if you show me your tits" us. My campaign manager sent to me


and said to Notts say a thing. So I yelled back at the man, come back


around. He did, and I did, and there was a pile-up. A very good


stories. Get up and walk. You can contact us on our website. Thanks


to all my guests. The Arctic Monkeys. The John Bishop, Joanna


The award-winning host continues his unique talk show, featuring a mixture of celebrity guests and Graham's irrepressible audience.

Joining Graham on his sofa are British actor turned Hollywood star James McAvoy, starring in new movie Arthur Christmas; top comic John Bishop; national treasure Joanna Lumley; and Arctic Monkeys, performing their new single, Suck It And See.

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