Episode 3 The Graham Norton Show


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Episode 3

Graham Norton chats to Hollywood icon Johnny Depp, Oscar-nominated actress Carey Mulligan, comedy superstar Ricky Gervais, and top stand-up Ed Byrne. Plus Snow Patrol perform.


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Tonight on the good ship Norton, the star of Pirates of the

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Caribbean. To starboard! To port! Here comes the big one! Let's start

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:00:34.:00:49.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Hello everyone! And welcome, sit

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yourselves down. Everyone excited? APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. I know, I am,

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we have a good one for you tonight. Yes, the one and only, Johnny Depp

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is here! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. That's not all, Oscar nominee Carey

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Mulligan is here, top Irish comic Ed Byrne is on the show, writer,

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director and actor, Ricky Gervais is here. Plus, we have music from

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Snow Patrol! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. That's a line-up, isn't it? Of

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course, thrilled to have Ricky Gervais back on the show. He has a

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new series out called Life's Too Short. Now, the show - it's a hit,

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Ricky. The show follows the life of a showbiz dwarf, you think what

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does Ricky know about that? LAUGHTER.

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Carey Mulligan is here. APPLAUSE. Obviously, she was Oscar-nominated

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for An Education and she's finished a new film called Shame, it's about

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a young sex addict. We all know who that's based on. LAUGHTER. Yes, who

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knew Justin Bieber liked sex? He wasn't that keen when I asked

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him. About it!, about the subject. Justin has been accused of

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fathering a child after a back stage romp that lasted 30 seconds.

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Ah, Justin by name, Justin by nature.

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APPLAUSE. Delighted to welcome Johnny Depp on to this show. I

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should warn you that as I speak he is on his way from the premiere of

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his new film The Rum Diary. In the film Johnny's character spends most

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of his time drinking rum. So many different kinds of rum, dark rum,

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:03:17.:03:18.

white white rum, Red Rum. He was a racehorse in the 80s, remember

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that? Johnnie is probably most fame ouz Captain Jack Sparrow in The

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Pirates of the Caribbean. There he is. Those films they are fun but

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find them frightening. Do you remember the Kraken, a huge man-

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eating squid. Don't be frightened but here is a huge man-eating squid.

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:03:51.:03:51.

Yeah. LAUGHTER. It's a huge man, eating squid.

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APPLAUSE let's get some guests on. Johnny Depp will be joining us

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later, and also music from Snow Patrol. First, he is the perfect

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guest for a bonfire night, it's Ed Byrne. Hello, Sir.

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Sit yourself down. You are very welcome. She's an an -- Oscar-

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nominated firecracker, it's Carey Mulligan. Oh, so beautiful! Sit

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yourself down. And what a guy, it's comedy superstar, Ricky Gervais.

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APPLAUSE. It's a tuxedo, very nice. Everyone looking lovely. Gorgeous,

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the shoes, look at the shoes. high. They're amazing. Now, listen,

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I want to check before Mr Depp does arrive that there's going to be no

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abgwardness on -- awkwardness on the sofa, at the Golden Globes you

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were less than kind about Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie's film.

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haven't seen this one. I hadn't seen that one, I still haven't. It

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didn't stop me, though. He will be all right. Course he will be all

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right! I didn't buy the controversy really. I think that was the press

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keeping it going. Who was really offended? Who did I really offend?

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I was there, I think you offended quite a few people. APPLAUSE.

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Ridiculous, he is in the new show, you know. Everyone was going, you

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insulted everyone, Johnny Depp was furious, so I sent him an e-mail

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and said sorry about the Globes, how would you like to get your own

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back? He went, I loved it. Of course I wasn't annoyed. It's

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ridiculous. He wasn't annoyed at all. Was Angelina Jolie in Life's

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Too Short as well? I didn't ask her, she didn't look so happy. Carey,

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you blamed Johnny Depp for ruining your hair? No, I played a tiny

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prostitute part in Public Enemies for a day. You don't mean a dwarf

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prostitute? You played a tiny prostitute. A tiny prostitute part

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in Public Enemies and they convinced knee dye my hair white --

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me to dye my hair white and it fell out. Didn't you kiss him? A lot and

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it got cut from the film. Poor Johnny Depp. How many times did you

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ks him? I at this it was 16 because I was so uncomfortable. 16 times.

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But it got cut out. It got cut because I looked so uncomfortable.

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Really? Yeah, I was kissing Johnny Depp so I got really nervous.

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could could blame you. Ed, you have a beef with Johnny Depp? Apart from

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the fact he stole my my look? I get fed up with being confused with you

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him all the time, it's annoying. Shall we compare? There is Ed. That

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is amazing. APPLAUSE. Have you got one of Johnny Vegas

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for me? No. Right, Carey Mulligan, I love what's happened to you. It's

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fabulous. Every now and again it happens to someone where no one

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knew you, suddenly you were nominated for Oscars, the hottest

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girl on planet earth. Are you comfortable with all this yet?

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I feel like I have won an aud - no, not at all, it's very strange.

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is extraordinary is that apart from the odd school play your first ever

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:07:59.:07:59.

job was Pride and Prejudice. Yeah, there I am. Oh! Yeah. Better now, I

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feel. Success has changed you. For the best, I feel. Yeah, it was my

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first job. I giggled a lot, I I didn't do a lot. Now you have so

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many people wanted this role, but you are playing Daisy in The Great

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Gatsby opposite Leonardo Di Caprio. Yes. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Is it a

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bit the Johnny Depp thing, you are a fan, I assume? Yeah, I grew up

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watching everything he had ever done. I have to hide my inner fan

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around him. It's terrible. He claims to not be able to dance and

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we are doing a dancing scene and I have to hide the fact that I know

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that he can dance because I have seen him dance in Titanic. I want

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to make him tap dance, but I don't. Yeah, you are a crap dancer! Great

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if they rolled that into the dialogue, if you were to say, yeah,

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I saw you dance in Titanic. You are going back to Australia very soon

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to finish that film. It's why you are here tonight to talk about

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Shame because it doesn't really come out until January 13th. Yes.

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can tell you because I know, it's written down. I have seen a preview

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of this film, it's an amazing film. Thank you. It's a very different

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film. For an audience member it's extreme. I am assuming to be in it

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was quite an extreme experience? It's a little bit racy. It is, it

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deals with addiction but a particular sort of addiction.

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:09:42.:09:45.

This character is addicted. Yeah. He is what? Addicted. Sorry. I am

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talking around the film. The only ever time I hear that is when they

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go I am sex addicted, they mean I got caught, now I go to the

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Priorary. Is there really sex addiction? When you watch this film,

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it lays him quite low, I would say. OK. I am now going to show you a

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clip which isn't really about sex or addiction. The only clip that

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cow show. So it's you, you are a singer, you have just performed a

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song and you are meeting your brother's boss. Go!

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We got a problem. Your sister cannot be taking the bus, I know a

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car who owns a car, we are going to drive around and you are going to

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learn thousand drive. -- learn how to drive. I would love that. We are

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going to get you a golf cart. now we are talking. Yeah, everybody

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should drive golf carts. Right up 5th Avenue. They should, it would

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be cleaner and greener, it would be great for the city. Sounds great.

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love your brother. What an amazing man. How long are you here for?

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don't know. Can I see you again? Please, is that too ford? I I --

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forward? I find you fascinating. I would love to see you again. Listen,

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this is a celebration, let's get get champagne. Yes!

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APPLAUSE. So good in it. You really are. The

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other thing I love is lots of actors they moan about the

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lifestyle, having to live in hotels, but presumably you like it because

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you grew up in hotels? I did. My dad is here. I can't see him,

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though. But my dad is here. He will be very quiet now. There he is!

:11:41.:11:51.
:11:51.:11:53.

There is my dad! APPLAUSE. My dad was a hotel manager. Is it a nice

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life, presumably you don't have to clean up or anything? Yeah, it's

:11:56.:12:00.

very nice. I didn't know anything else. Did you ever have an argument

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with your parents and they go you treat this house like a - oh!

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old were you when you got out of hotels? Dad? 13. No, because we

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move - sorry, stop talking to my dad! You are allowed to talk to

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your father. When we moved back to London it was like when I was seven

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and a half. Really, OK. Yes. this comfortable for you, this

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conversation? Is it more or less comfortable watching a film with

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your daughter in it about sex addiction? Has your dad seen it.

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not allowed. Can I not - can I just say, don't. I can't imagine a

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father enjoying it. I am embarrassed for you. There's

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nothing worse. It's very good and she's nominated for an Oscar, you

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will enjoy that. It will be great. I don't watch people having sex

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with my mum and dad. People are having sex with your mum and dad?

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Listen, ladies and gentlemen, apparently Johnny Depp will be here

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shortly, I am told. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. A lot of love in the room.

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A few fans in the audience. Ed, you are touring at the moment. Yeah.

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Very quickly, do you still have the vile cat? I still have a cat, yeah,

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he is not that vile but he brings in things and it's a bit disgusting.

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He seems worse than most cats. is very good at bringing stuff in

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from inside. Didn't he bring in a tpezant? A live pheazant. That's

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the biggest thing still he has brought in. He brought in, it was

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one of those things, all right, have you ever had a blue tit or a

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chaffinch get in your house, they suddenly seem massive, you are

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being terrified. See a pheasant, they're big outside. In your living

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room they're enormous. Certain things seem bigger inside than

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outside and you ladies would do well to bear that in mind. It was

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the funniest thing and this pheasant, which wasn't keen on

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moving out. Looking at the cat like I am annoyed with him but I am also

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impressed he's done this and he is looking back at me like he is

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impressed but also scared. Going, I know, it's massive, isn't it? I

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will be honest, I thought it was big when it was outside, it's huge.

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Anyway, I got you this. If you don't want it put it on ebay.

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you brought home some terrible stuff. Can I just say, it's my

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:15:07.:15:10.

I am allowed! Ed, you are on tour until the 9th December. The DVD is

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out there. Do I hear the clinking of rum bottles? The buckling of

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:15:27.:15:47.

swash? Yes, he is here, please They are excited. They are very

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:15:57.:16:10.

excited. How are you, sir? I am Presumably... Is that enjoyable?

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is a pleasure, yes. How was the premiere? It was good, yes, very

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good. And the crowd showed up and screamed? There was a bit of that.

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Does it get out of hand? There is a picture from the New York premiere

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of The Rum Diary. What went on? was the high Mick manoeuvre. I had

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something lodged. Really? No, No. You I just being manhandled by

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somebody. A I was. I have to press charges. We are delighted you are

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here, I'm surprised you were here so quickly, because you are so

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lovely tee off fans, that the story of you as Captain Jack, darling to

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see that little girl in Greenwich, that is an amazing story. -- are

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going to see that little girl. got a letter, I got this week

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little letter from a little girl who was going to school three

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minutes away from where we were shooting. And she said, we need to

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escape. So I thought, on a lunch break, we will go over. Bring about

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12 pirates, and go ape! And we did. And it was really, really fun and

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really sweet. Some were scared, very scared. How the hell did that

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:17:57.:18:04.

Let's talk about The Rum Diary. Presumably, a real labour of love

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for you. You found the original manuscript 14 years...? I was with

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Hunter S Thompson, and we were looking through the manuscript for

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fear and loathing in Las Vegas, I was preparing for the film, and I

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found this other box, and there was The Rum Diary. And he didn't

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remember writing it? No, No. That is kind of a stretch. He didn't

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remember writing it, it was written in 1959, 1960. I talked him into it.

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And it is presumably semi- autobiographical? Most definitely.

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So it was kind of the Hunter S Thompson before he found his voice,

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before he found the avenue for the rage. So he was a journalist in

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Puerto Rico, going through these adventures? You were a good friend

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with him? Most definitely. sounds like the sort of person,

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quite hard to be friends... Could you relax with him? Oh, yeah.

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Really? Tell us about the first time you ever met him. The first

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time I met him, it was a part in Woody Creek, Colorado, I was

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sitting at the back, there was a scheduled meeting. It was about

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midnight, I was sitting at the back of this bar, and suddenly the front

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door opened, and I saw sparks. These hideous barks that what kind

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of every where. And then I realised as he came closer, the sea was

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parting. People were screaming. Hurling themselves out of the way.

:19:46.:19:51.

Basically, in his left hand, he had a 3 ft cattle prod, and in his

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right hand, he had a tasered gun. The next thing I heard was, "out of

:19:57.:20:04.

the way, you bustards". Then we should hands, and went back to his

:20:04.:20:14.
:20:14.:20:15.

house. And I shot it with a shotgun. And it went off? Yes. It was an 80

:20:15.:20:24.

ft fireball, huge. That sounds like fun, but again, I wouldn't relax. I

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wouldn't sleep and that house. You slept in the house. It wasn't a

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council house! I was going to invite you back to mind after this,

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but I think you would be disappointed. I can bring things to

:20:38.:20:48.
:20:48.:20:52.

blow up. Struck something to the cat! He looks so big in the House!

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When he died, the Ashes thing, was that your idea, was that in his

:20:57.:21:06.

will? What he wanted was to be blown out of a 150 ft cannon. And

:21:06.:21:11.

shot into the stratosphere. And I think he knew that I was the only

:21:11.:21:18.

one stupid enough to make that happen. And I did. Did it work?

:21:18.:21:25.

yeah! We are going to show a clip of The Rum Diary, it opens on 11th

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November. You have had a big night here, you have lost at the front

:21:30.:21:34.

seat. Yes, our car has been stripped. But you need to get back

:21:34.:21:44.
:21:44.:21:55.

What is that? Too much weight on the axle. Try and move forward a

:21:55.:22:05.
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bit. I'm going to be a week late. What I do you doing? I suddenly

:22:08.:22:18.
:22:18.:22:35.

Oh my God, it is the coppers we set It is a very funny film, but it is

:22:35.:22:41.

also a romantic film. She is so beautiful. Yes, she is a call back

:22:41.:22:47.

to the old school movie stars. is nearly as beautiful as Carey

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Mulligan. On the verge. I walked into a room with her last weekend I

:22:52.:22:56.

almost fell over, I couldn't look her in the eye, she sort of

:22:56.:23:02.

blindingly beautiful. Even I noticed! She is incredibly

:23:02.:23:08.

beautiful. It strikes me that in the beginning of your career, you

:23:08.:23:12.

must have had so much pressure to go down the sort of handsome

:23:12.:23:22.
:23:22.:23:27.

leading man that route. Was it hard I think it has been tough on Ready,

:23:27.:23:37.

I really do! He suffers. -- on Ricky. Do your pout? Come on.

:23:37.:23:45.

one you stole off me! By the way, I really love your band. I really do.

:23:45.:23:55.
:23:55.:24:01.

Jarvis Cocker, ladies and gentlemen! Jarvis Cocker, from Blur.

:24:01.:24:06.

I think, what is amazing about you is you have turned from being a

:24:06.:24:11.

real character actor, in two, you are the best character actor in the

:24:11.:24:18.

world. Most character actors also appearing, you have turned been a

:24:18.:24:22.

character actor into been a global superstar. I think it is some form

:24:22.:24:27.

of schizophrenia that has just worked for me. Those characters,

:24:27.:24:32.

they are so big, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Mad Hatter, do you

:24:32.:24:35.

come to be set with those fully formed, or do you work with the

:24:35.:24:41.

director, how does it happened? Generally, they are born out of...

:24:41.:24:51.

I have had characters born out of the sauna. A take it easy. You can

:24:51.:24:57.

feel it coming on, can't you? audience are always going to be on

:24:57.:25:03.

your side. No, these characters that are born out of strange,

:25:03.:25:07.

extreme heat, all these thoughts and stuff, you bring it to set, and

:25:07.:25:17.
:25:17.:25:17.

it is what I enjoy, the extreme... Quiet at the end of the first take.

:25:17.:25:24.

Action, you go and do your bit, and then suddenly, you hear, "cut!"

:25:24.:25:28.

silence. So does that give you pleasure, when the studio

:25:28.:25:33.

executives are... Of course. That is the only way you know you're

:25:33.:25:38.

doing the right thing. Do they usually have a conversation with

:25:38.:25:43.

you, are you doing that for the whole film...? Is generally start

:25:43.:25:53.
:25:53.:25:58.

But you know... You would just swinging, you have a big stick, and

:25:58.:26:05.

you are swimming. -- swinging. broke a window. He threw Alekna

:26:05.:26:13.

through a window, smashed the window. -- a lemon. He always seems

:26:13.:26:17.

shy, but he wasn't shy on this day, and he has got a wicked sense of

:26:17.:26:21.

humour. If people knew what he was really like, his career would be

:26:21.:26:29.

over. So in one scene, I am helping... I am helping Warwick get

:26:29.:26:34.

shoved down the toilet, as you do. I am begging his legs in, I'm

:26:34.:26:38.

saying, if it breaks, we get another one in. I'm laughing, and

:26:38.:26:47.

Warwick is laughing. At one point, he goes, "look at Johnny!" and he

:26:47.:26:56.

says to me, "you don't mind if I masturbate what you're doing that?"

:26:56.:27:00.

and someone took a picture of the moment, but he had stopped by then.

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I think we have got a picture. Is that why you are laughing so much?

:27:07.:27:17.
:27:17.:27:22.

But I had finished by then. Sir your art in Life's Too Short,

:27:22.:27:28.

it starts on November tent, and you lie in episode two. Is it fair to

:27:29.:27:34.

say this is more like Extras than the office? It is kind of like both,

:27:34.:27:44.
:27:44.:27:45.

it is a fake documentary, but if the Office reflected those quaint

:27:45.:27:49.

docusoaps from the Nineties, this is much more up-to-date, with B-

:27:49.:27:56.

list celebrities, leaving their lifelike an open wound. Like Peter

:27:56.:28:06.
:28:06.:28:06.

Andre. I will not be at any one! I suppose he has got a terrible

:28:06.:28:09.

accountant, so he has got a tax bill, his career is on the slide,

:28:10.:28:15.

he is not getting films any more, so he agreed to do this fly-on-the-

:28:15.:28:19.

wall, let the cameras into his house, to try and get back onto the

:28:19.:28:23.

top, he is a manipulative, he runs an agency, but he steals all the

:28:23.:28:29.

best jobs for himself. He let out all the other dwarfs to be human

:28:29.:28:35.

bowling balls and stuff. And Johnny is playing himself, and he is doing

:28:35.:28:41.

a new Dumbarton dawn, Rumpelstiltskin. -- a new Tim

:28:41.:28:48.

Burton film. Honestly, it was an incredible day, it was the last day

:28:48.:28:51.

of shooting, and it was amazing. The things he came up with, making

:28:51.:28:58.

Warwick do. He came out of nowhere. He made him dance for about eight

:28:58.:29:04.

minutes. We have got a clip of Johnny and Warwick and yourself and

:29:04.:29:14.
:29:14.:29:17.

Here they are, the lads. Have you met before? Johnny, this is Stephen.

:29:17.:29:26.

And Ricky there. I remember him from the Golden Globes. Just doing

:29:26.:29:29.

another film that is going to make loads of money. Probably a lot more

:29:30.:29:39.
:29:40.:29:40.

money than any film you have ever made. Good. Just writing, I write

:29:40.:29:46.

and direct all my own stuff. great for you. That must be so

:29:46.:29:50.

great. I'm working with a great director now, Tim Burton, have you

:29:50.:29:55.

heard of him? The film itself is really brilliant. I'm playing a

:29:55.:29:58.

really interesting character. Do you have any idea who might leading

:29:58.:30:05.

lady is in this film? In the Tim Burton film a? Helena Bonham

:30:05.:30:12.

Carter? Attack in the dark. Have I done something to offend you?

:30:12.:30:16.

do you mean? Trashing the in front of 200 million people at the Golden

:30:16.:30:23.

Globes? That was a while ago, they were jokes, Johnny. You like jokes?

:30:23.:30:27.

Because I got together with a few pals after the awards, and we wrote

:30:27.:30:36.

some jokes, about you. Did you notice, are you are going to carry

:30:36.:30:46.
:30:46.:30:57.

this the EU for the rest of your In terms of controversy, Ricky, you

:30:57.:31:01.

are not shy. Do you like getting into trouble, do you like...?

:31:01.:31:05.

don't get into trouble. I am a comedian. Fred West gets into

:31:05.:31:15.
:31:15.:31:17.

trouble. There's paedophiles with careers, what have I ever done?

:31:17.:31:22.

the end of the Golden Globes, just in case you never anyone unoffended

:31:22.:31:27.

how did you sign off? I thanked everyone and thanks to God for

:31:27.:31:33.

making me an atheist. You can say here but in America they take that

:31:33.:31:41.

stuff seriously. Yeah, there's about 10% is athist. They were

:31:41.:31:48.

founded by it. God lives in the Mid-west. He has a place there.

:31:48.:31:51.

it the next day, after the Golden Globes that someone sent you a

:31:51.:31:57.

picture of the Church? Oh, yeah. I think some Reverend somewhere or

:31:57.:32:01.

some Bishop did a sermon for me to save my soul because I am going to

:32:01.:32:06.

hell, of course. This is the picture. That's real. It's real,

:32:06.:32:13.

yeah. A sermon for Ricky Gervais. Was it the same day... That's in LA.

:32:13.:32:19.

In New York they named a sandwich after me. See in the window there,

:32:19.:32:24.

a sandwich for Ricky Gervais. I am going to hell, but there's

:32:24.:32:32.

cheese and ham. You are a comedian, but as actors do you need to be

:32:32.:32:36.

more careful about what you say and do? I heard, presumably because you

:32:36.:32:40.

are Johnny Depp, like I read a story, because you were coming from

:32:40.:32:44.

Lima to Miami I think and you were stopped at customs? Oh, yeah.

:32:44.:32:49.

you hadn't been Johnny Depp they probably wouldn't have stopped you.

:32:49.:32:56.

Its an interesting route, Lima, Peru to Miami. It does sound like a

:32:56.:32:59.

drug run. They were already expecting some things and I did

:32:59.:33:05.

have some things. There was a soft bag and the customs guy said do you

:33:05.:33:14.

mind opening this up? He said first what is in there? I said stuffed

:33:14.:33:22.

piranhas. And some vampire bats. Unzipped. And then there just

:33:22.:33:25.

happened to be some sort of vitamin powder that I was taking at the

:33:25.:33:30.

time. Yes, Johnny. In all serious seriousness. Otherwise I would

:33:30.:33:40.
:33:40.:33:41.

still be in jail. When I unzipped it, poof! And there were these

:33:41.:33:50.

piranhas and bats covered in white powder. Never mind the "Coe cane" -

:33:50.:33:56.

- "cocaine", why did you have you bats and piranhas? It was important.

:33:56.:34:02.

I had to brining them home. The guy thought he had found the motherload.

:34:02.:34:07.

Two-hander. He didn't go through with it, just so you know. I am

:34:07.:34:13.

still a virgin, oh, I was until Ricky. Did you say that's vitamin

:34:13.:34:19.

powder, and he believed you? He did not believe me. What did they do?

:34:19.:34:24.

Everyone came out with guns and things like that. Wow. Did you put

:34:24.:34:30.

a knife and go up the rigging to get away? That's what I would have

:34:30.:34:36.

done. Were you in trouble at customs, Ed? I remember immigration

:34:36.:34:41.

in the States one time, I panicked, the guy was like what do you do? I

:34:41.:34:46.

was a comedian, straightway he goes tell me a joke and I panicked,

:34:46.:34:49.

because if this isn't funny he is not going to believe me and I can't

:34:49.:34:53.

get in. Straightaway I go what do you call an American - oh, no.

:34:53.:34:55.

That's not going to work. I say something and terrorism and

:34:56.:35:00.

something like that and I just panicked and I came out with a joke

:35:00.:35:05.

that wasn't that funny. Why do Morris dancers wear bells, so the

:35:05.:35:10.

blind can be irritated by them as well. He doesn't know what a Morris

:35:10.:35:17.

dancer is. It was the worst heckle I have ever had, he just went, I am

:35:17.:35:27.
:35:27.:35:28.

going to put actor. APPLAUSE. Thank you all very much for being here

:35:29.:35:33.

tonight. In a moment we will have tonight's stories in the red chair,

:35:33.:35:37.

but first music. Singing their new single This Isn't Everything You

:35:37.:35:47.
:35:47.:35:55.

# You can't find the phone # So you can call it off

:35:55.:36:05.
:36:05.:36:07.

# But it might be for the best # You can't walk away, anyway

:36:07.:36:13.

# Because you've nowhere else to go # Is he worth all this

:36:13.:36:20.

# Is it a simple yes? # Cause if you have to think

:36:20.:36:27.

# Feels like you loved him more # Than he loved you

:36:27.:36:34.

# And you wish you had never met # Don't keel over now

:36:34.:36:38.

# Don't keel over # Don't keel over now

:36:38.:36:48.
:36:48.:36:50.

# Don't keel over # And in one little moment it all

:36:50.:36:53.

implodes # This isn't everything you are

:36:53.:36:57.

# Breathe deeply in the silence # No sudden moves

:36:57.:37:05.

# This isn't everything you are # Just take the hand that's offered

:37:05.:37:13.

# And hold on tight # This isn't everything you are

:37:13.:37:16.

# There's joy not far from here, right

:37:16.:37:26.
:37:26.:37:31.

# I know there is # This isn't everything you are

:37:31.:37:37.

# When you took the call # How could you know

:37:37.:37:45.

# That he'd slipped away last night # And you wish you went home days

:37:45.:37:54.

# To say goodbye or just hello # Don't keel over now

:37:54.:37:59.

# Don't keel over # Don't keel over now

:37:59.:38:05.

# Don't keel over # And in one little moment

:38:05.:38:12.

# It all implodes # This isn't everything you are

:38:12.:38:17.

# Breathe deeply in the silence # No sudden moves

:38:17.:38:26.

# This isn't everything you are # Just take the hand that's offered

:38:26.:38:32.

# And hold on tight # This isn't everything you are you

:38:32.:38:37.

# There's joy not far from here right

:38:37.:38:47.
:38:47.:39:19.

# I know there is Oh, this isn't everything you are

:39:19.:39:29.
:39:29.:39:43.

# This isn't everything you are APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Snow Patrol,

:39:43.:39:50.

ladies and gentlemen! Beautiful! That was brilliant. It's the new

:39:50.:39:56.

single out from 13th, from their album Fallen Empires, released the

:39:56.:39:59.

following day. Before we go tonight let's have a story or two in the

:39:59.:40:05.

red chair. Who is up first? Hello, Sir? What's your name? Mohammad.

:40:05.:40:12.

What do do you? I am a student. Radioography. A proper job! Off you

:40:12.:40:17.

go with the story. When I was seven years old I went on holiday with my

:40:17.:40:25.

mother to Egypt and during my time there I saw a donkey that was fully

:40:25.:40:35.
:40:35.:40:39.

erect. APPLAUSE. Do you mean he was standing up? So, tell us your best

:40:39.:40:44.

story, I saw a donkey with an erection. OK, so you were shocked?

:40:44.:40:50.

I was shocked and I was like, mum, what is this thing hanging out and

:40:50.:40:55.

she said it's a spare leg. After that I was like, what is it for?

:40:55.:41:00.

Then she reemployed when donkeys are happy they have five legs, and

:41:00.:41:04.

when they're sad they tkoepbl have four. -- they only have four. A

:41:04.:41:10.

week after I went back to school and my teacher asked us to draw a

:41:10.:41:17.

picture of anything recently, anything interesting. This is a

:41:17.:41:27.
:41:27.:41:27.

good story. APPLAUSE. I drew two pictures of a donkey, one was happy

:41:27.:41:32.

and the other one was sad. We love your story, Mohammad. You can go,

:41:32.:41:40.

well done, Sir. APPLAUSE. Who is next? Hello.

:41:40.:41:47.

What is your name? My name is Brook. What do you do? I work in PR.

:41:47.:41:51.

yes, very vague! Off you go with your delightful tale. I actually

:41:51.:41:57.

have a story about one of your guests. Oh-oh! I was riding the

:41:57.:42:02.

tube home from work one day and I saw someone who looked suspiciously

:42:02.:42:07.

like a celebrity that I happen to adore, and he was wearing a

:42:07.:42:11.

stocking cap and sunglasses and I noticed that he had a tattoo on his

:42:11.:42:18.

arm that said "jack" I leaned over and said excuse me are you who I

:42:18.:42:24.

think you are and he looked at me and said, why, yes, I am Brad Pitt.

:42:24.:42:29.

Needless to say it wasn't Brad Pitt and I got a great photo with Mr

:42:29.:42:39.
:42:39.:42:39.

Johnny Depp on the platform at Bank station. Is that true? APPLAUSE.

:42:39.:42:49.

the tube? Yeah. Yeah, it's true. You were with a BBC journalist.

:42:49.:42:55.

think you might just have a picture with some man. Or bizarrely a

:42:55.:43:02.

picture with Brad Pitt. We should take a picture now. Do you want a

:43:02.:43:08.

picture now? Yes, please. Quick, run around. That's very nice of you.

:43:08.:43:15.

Run! Run, Brook!

:43:15.:43:22.

It's really nice to see you again. Stand together and we will take a

:43:22.:43:27.

screen grab of you. There you go. We will get that to you. All right,

:43:27.:43:32.

well done, Brook. Well done everyone. If you would like to join

:43:32.:43:36.

us on the show and have a go on the red chair you can contact us via

:43:36.:43:42.

our website. Thank you so much to my guests. Snow Patrol, Ed Byrne,

:43:42.:43:50.

Carey Mulligan, Ricky Gervais and Johnny Depp!

:43:50.:44:00.
:44:00.:44:00.

Joining Graham Norton on his sofa are Hollywood icon Johnny Depp, talking about his new film The Rum Diary; Oscar-nominated actress Carey Mulligan, who stars in the upcoming movie Shame; comedy superstar Ricky Gervais, introducing new series Life's Too Short; top stand-up Ed Byrne; and Snow Patrol, performing the single This Isn't Everything You Are.