Episode 1 The Graham Norton Show

On the show tonight we have Australia's finest actress to. Make

her feel at home, I have a Koala, and a couple of kangaroos. Now who

would like a Coa what -- Koala Hello! Good evening everyone. And

welcome! I've missed you. We have been away. I was asleep on a

barbecue - look at my head. We have a packed line up. Cate Blanchett is

here. Ewan McGregor is on the show. And Michael Sheen is here. Plus we

have got Little Britain's Matt Lucas and yes, there is more, music

from the fantastic Keane! I know! There is almost no time left for

the show. I'm looking forwards to seeing Ewan and he will tell us

about his new film, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. It is all about

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. Here is Ewan in the film. Now, looking a

bit of an idiot in a river. But not the only time I have seen that

recently. Yes, the Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race was disrupted by a

protester. We have a close up of the idiot in the river. There he is.

So brave. Mouth open in the Thames! What we're saying is the race had

three cocks in it. His name is Trenton Oldfield. He was protesting

against eliteism. Were you? I think somebody failed their A-levels! He

has threatened to do it again at another sporting event. Here is my

suggestion! Good luck! So looking forward to talk to Cate Blanchett.

She has been in many films, and portrayed Queen Elizabeth I. The

classic Elizabethan look. You still see that look today don't you? Of

course the royals are gearing up for the Jubilee. The Queen is

planning a giant flotilla down the Thames. Some have already got their

places. They have! And it is hard to believe that Elizabeth II has

spent 60 years as queen. Will take something special to get her off

the throne. Let's get some guests on. We're going to chat to Matt

Lucas and have music from Keane. First it is Mr Michael Sheen. Hello

sir! How are you? I'm very well. And the Queen, Cate Blanchett. It's

so nice to see you. Come and sit down. Cate Blanchett already. And

it is Ewan McGregor. How are you? I'm very well. What a posh couch.

That is good. I'm feeling confident, because we have all been trained.

We have all been to drama school, with varying degrees of success. I

knew Michael when you were at school. Yes. You were the funnest

person I had ever mets. Even at the age of 18. What happened? I know.

Ewan McGregor before you trained as an actor, musical theatre was a

huge influence. Musicals, I spent time as a kid being different

singers and a lot of time pretending to be Elvis. I spent

time pretending to be Olivia Newton John. And Grease. Me and my friend,

it was at the right time for me in those hot pants. We thought if we

sat in class with our fingers crossed she might come in. In

Crieff! This was a good problem, if it was, I would go she is here

tonight. She is not! Cate, I have got to ask you about when when you

were a student, you had, this is a bizarre story, you had a house that

inexpensive to rent in Sid neer. Is this true? Yes. Wasn't it bizarrely

cheap to rent? No, I stayed in a suburb called zet land under a

smoke stack and everyone had asthma and somebody was mured in my room.

When you were there. -- murdered. Somebody gave me a DVD of

Australia's most wanted. Do you have that. Crimewatch. Or Britain's

Got Talent. And the room in which I was staying, which was only $60 a

week, I was watching it in my bed and watched a man climb through the

win toe and -- window and strangle a woman in my bed. For years,

thought this is my chance to meet a ghost. And then I didn't encounter

anything until the day I left and I shut the door and I heard, Cate! It

did send... There was no one there. Well I was there. I mean there was

no one else there? No it was strange. But she was murdered in my

bed. Had they changed the bed? It was $0 a week, you can't

complain. One of big events of the year, is coming to bash can in

April, and it your production of big and small. Gross und Klein.

that what we call it. Its says Big and Small on the poster. We call it

Gross und Klein in Australia. you tell us what it is about?

Hopefully it is an experience. Is is a play you don't want to make

too much sense of. It hatches in several scenes and a woman of

average intelligence, typecast again! Of limited funds, who is

estranged from her husband and that sets her on this quest to find

friendship throughout Germany. The designer and the director call it a

met aphysical road movey. It is almost like a dream. Big and small,

by the Sydney theatre company and you run it with your husband.

has been one of the privileges of my life to run it. There is so much

talent in Australia and when we were asked to run it, it was

fantastic. It is producing people's work and it is great. APPLAUSE You

have given up your life to its? And you met your wife at work?

a series called Kavanagh QC that John That you did after Morse. She

was was in the art department and she was set dressing on that show.

I was playing a young rapist. And I fell in love with her. I saw her

and I knew then. I thought I want to be with her. And in a different

way than all the other many, many women I had been with at that

points. And I wasn't wrong. But I was in love with her and she was

upstairs and I was raping Alison stedsman down stairs. -- Steadman

down stairs. It was as good a way to meet someone as any. Oh that is

horrible. And she is French? Yes. Does that back problem? Do you

speak French? I understand a lot of French. We have been together for

18 years. And I understand a lot. But my French is terrible and all

my kids speak French. Listen they want to slag me off, they speak in

French and I pretends I don't understand half of it and half of

it I don't understand. When Australians get together, they can

go offer into kind of language that I don't understand. Is tits pitch

or the words? -- is it the pitch or the words It is the expressions.

Didn't you teach Brad Pitt t expressions. He needed a few. He

was in Morocco and look you put anything on him and he looks

fabulous. He decided not to look so fabulous and to hitch, what do you

call it when you hitch your pants up. Sigh money -- Simon Coull?

don't have that expression. what it does, that is in the front

it is Harry high pants. It is a Wedgie. That is if somebody does it

to you. If you do it to yourself you call it. S & M. He had a hungry

bum. It started to eat your trousers. Your wife gives you style

advice. Before we go out I run by what she think. I put stuff

together and can feel goods and she will go, oh that is not rights. I

feel a bit, I don't know, really. But she is rights. I always take

her word for it. In Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, your new fum the

first half you have a -- film, your first half you have a make under.

look like a Twit. I play a fishery scientist. He is in an unhappy

marriage and he is repressed and has a Morningside accent. It is a

hard film to categoryise. It is very British. Yes it has a British,

the comedy is very British. It is an unusual film about a very rich

sheik who is a passionate fly fisherman and has an estate in

Scotland and wants to introduce the sport to the Yemen and if he does

he thinks its will bring peace. I have to, I'm a scientist and forced

into helping him by the British Government, who want a goods news

story from the Middle East. We have got a clip. This is you towards the

beginning. We don't like each other at the beginning. I thought I would

introduce that. I represent the sheik's assets and estates in

Scotland. He is a keen fisher march. He asked us. - efisherman. Water I

must check. You want sparkling or still. Not for me for the fish.

Fire require water. So it would save us time and let he keep this

brief. Here it is very cold. It rains a lot. Here it is very hot,

it doesen rain a lot. You see the difference? Your pointing to Saudi

Arabia, not the Yemen. It is out on 20th April. In the film, you do do

the fly fishing? Yes. Did you know thousand do that? No. You have to

learn to cast the fly rod. Are you good at it? I'm scared because

there is one back there. Not really. I learned to do it and then but the

whole beauty of fishing is the trying to catch the fish and that

is passed down through the generations. Did you catch a fish.

No, mly caught my dog. You have to put the line bewhriends you and

then push it forwards on to the water. There was a ponds in

Scotland and I said, you got to have a go. She went like this and

cast back and when she pushed its forward, there was a horrible yell

and there is my dog. Its wasn't There isn't a hook on this. OK.

one's eye will be taken out. Don't worry. Can you demonstrate a little

bit. Basically, what it is. Right. Choose a rod. I don't know...

you have a favourite? I'm not doing it. You have the line in front of

you. Do you have any accuracy? don't know if I can do it. It's

been a long time. I'm absolutely accurate. Right, so. If I grab

Keane's symbol from this. If I grab this. Right. If I put this down

here. This looks really hard. I think it's looks very hard because

it is. A man this afternoon, who gaev us the rod, did it? He's a fly

fisherman. I'm setting you that challenge. I'm an actor. I'm geting

ready. That wasn't it. If you step down, they are scared it won't get

caught in the lights. Will I be electrocuted? Yes, and that would

be bad. Oh! That's amazing. look, I've caught it.

APPLAUSE That was amazing. You mentioned

your dog Sid there. He goes everywhere? I like to knockabout

with him. Yeah, most places. That's him. He looks like a Womble. No-one

has said that before. It's absolutely true. He is so lovely.

He is a rescue dog. I did a film called Beginners, I knockabout with

a dog called Cosmo. I realised I would not farewell without a dog. I

love with Cosmo. I found him on a website in LA on the last day of

our shoot of Beginningers. None of my kids... He's my dog. Does he

speak French? He understands French. He is a bit like me, in that

respect. My kids are like, "he only likes you" I'm like, "that's just

the way it is". You love Sid am you quite like travelling. We have a

treat for you. It's Dogs in Cars. These are a selection of

photographs we found on the interbew. Dogs like to put their

heads out car windows. It's pictures of that. Here is the

classic of the genre. If you think the dog looks silly the driver is

going 40mph and turned around to take that picture. Then some dogs

don't like to... They like to do it stealth, stealth head out of the

window. They like the feeling, but don't want to mess my hair! The

best effect, long ears. That is a nice effect. So far, so far we've

only featured dogs facing forwards. What happens if you turn your head

Oh! And, most dog does love it. Not It looks like he's being held up as

well. What are you doing, I'm going to die! Finally, if you r ever

feeling depressed, just find this picture on the web. This is just a

dog just so happy in the back of a Well done all the Dogs in Cars.

There you go. APPLAUSE

Now, Michael Sheen, very exciting, since we last saw you on the show

you have got your OBE from the Queen. I have. Thank you very much.

You look about 12. It must of been amazing. She thought she was giving

it to Tony Blair. Did she? Did that come up? She did say to me... This

is an extraordinary thing. We drove into Buckingham Palace. I went...

There is you with the other Queen. The fake Queen. We drove in there.

It was like dedgeya few. We recreated it for the film the Queen.

I felt strangely at home.you get in front of the actual Queen and there

is all these rules, the etiquette. Never turn your back on the Queen,

and all this stuff. She has someone next to her going, "this is Michael

Sheen, he is a hermit from Wales. He played Blair in that film about

you". She comes forward and shakes your hand. She puts the medal on

you. She said, "so what are you doing next?" When I told my agent

in America that, she went, "everyone's an agent". The truth

was that I was about to do a film called Tromn. I thought that

wouldn't go down well with the Queen. She might not get. That I

only have a short time to talk to her. I said, "I'm doing another

film about ex-Prime Minister Blair. This one is about his relationship

with President Bill Clinton". She got a spark until our eye, she went,

"oh, that must be awfully difficult?". She shakes your hand

again. Because she must meet so many people, obviously, in all the

time presumably a lot of people get rabbit in the headlights with her.

She does this thing where she shakes your hand. When it's time

for you to go she shoves you away. I come from a rough area and I was

like, "oh", backing off. There has been Royal encounters on the couch.

Cate you met Prince Phillip. I was invited for lunch. I couldn't

work out why. I thought it must of been the fact that I played her

ancestor, the other Elizabethan. I went and there was the Head of the

Fire brigade and a nuclear rolgs. I thought what is the common doe

nominator. It's an odd thing to be eating off crockery which says ERII.

You get over. That I sat next to him and he said, "what do you do?"

I said, "I'm an actor". He said, "I was given a DVD player for

Christmas and I can't work out, do I put the yellow..." I tried to be

of some use. I know you met Prince Charles? I did, yes. It was at the

Leicester Square premier for Moulin Rouge. I was standing next to

Nicole Kidman. I had been acting in Britain for ten years or something.

It's the premier for the film that I'm in with Nicole. He said, "what

do you do in the film?" I think he thought I was the writer or

something. I say, "I play her boyfriend", then he was gone.

Listen, Michael Sheen you had the most incred I believe time. I'm

sure a lot of people know what you have been up to. If you don't,

explain the concept behind your new film. The film is called The Gospel

Of Us. It's a film version of something that I did last year in

my hometown of Port Talbot over the Easter weekend. We did a one-off

continuous, 72-hour live performance called The Passion of

Port Talbort. It took place over the streets, the beach, the mount

abs, in people's houses workingmen's clubs and everywhere

over three days it involved 2,000 local people and it began at dawn

on Good Friday morning, on the beach, with about 200 people

gathered to witness something that wasn't really advertised. It just

happened. By the Sunday night, there were 15,000 people standing

around a roundabout watching me get cruisified down in front of the

beach. So, this film is not a documentary. There were

documentaries made, this is a feature film based on what happened

that a director called Dave McKing has made. Were you worried about

making it a film because it was such a special thing? It was such a

particular thing. It was live, you know... 72-hours long? We didn't

have an idea how many people would turn up. I worked on it for two-

and-a-half years before we did it. You try and work out as much as you

can, ultimately, have you no idea who you will be doing it for and

how many people will be there. It was a particular live thing. The

film of it, how Dave managed to make this film I have no idea. I

said, "you can't have cameras here or there" I want to protect the

live experience for the audience. He hid cameras in bushes and in

people's houses and on tops of trees. There was even a tiny little

camera on the top of the cross. This extraordinary shot as the

cross comes up, where the camera is on the cross and you see what I saw

as I came up. It reminded me of the joke when Jess custody calls a

disciples over and says, "I can see my house from here". I could see my

house! Dave has done the most extraordinary thing with this film.

It's incredible. Absolutely, incredible. For people who were

there it's amazing. For people who weren't there, there are images you

would never seen. 15,000 people walking through a small town.

directed the whole thing the live event. How do you prepare? Someone

who know what is they are doing. That is like crowd control...

was a point where I got arrested in the scene. We were out... Outside

the car park of the seaside social club where we had our version of

the last summer. The Manic Street Preachers played in front of people

and Paul Potts sang. I came outside and I was arrested by local police.

We were local community performers. The audience, we could only get 200

people inside the place. Thousands were outside in the car park

watching was happening in on the big screen with a bar in the car

park. There was drunk people when I came out much I was arrested and

put on a truck and put on trial. The crowd were going crazy. People

said afterwards, if you'd said, "let's trash this place" there

would of been a riot. The boundaries between fiction and ralt

reality got blurred. It was hairy at times. We have a clip. Is it

that moment? What you were talking about. You will see how it's been

transformed into something else by the film. Yeah. Here it is. Answer

me. I'm proud of him. Say it. are the King of this town. Say it.

Are you ready for your journey? APPLAUSE. If you want to see the

movie, it is on limited release from tonight. What an amazing thing

to have done. Incredible. It is time to meet Mr Matt Lucas. Hello

there. How are you? Nice to see you. Hello there my good friends. Don't

get up. How are you? Sit yourself down my dear. I would have come on

earlier, was - but I was having a poo. It is welcome back, are you

living in America. I'm moving there in July. But I will have a place

here. You will be living with Revel Wilson. Did you know him before?

It was a weird story, I was about to film come fly with me with David

and I got asked to be in the film. I said I'm about to do the show.

But if I can come for four day and film a couple of scenes. I was

lucky. I didn't know what a huge film it was going to be. Here I'm

known for Little Britain, but in America I'm the creepy dude from

Bridesmaids. We got on well and look very similar. It is spooky.

is spooky. We just hit it off and want to write a film together.

live in a house. Yes. And well done on your new show, on Tuesday nights

on the BBC. It is repeated after this. Well not straight after.

Because there is the lottery results. The euro millions. But

just look at See fax. -- See faction. -- Ceefax. Is there still

Ceefax? Yes for real people, yes there is. The weather that religion

Tall sun. The Lego. -- that leg go, the digital sun. It started on

Tuesday. We established that. your wondering why you're watching

this show, it is because you're waiting for my show. It is the Matt

Lucas Awards. It started on the radio. It is simple. This is the

award show that gives the awards other shows don't give. On the

first show, that is about to be repeated, you didn't win by the way.

It is always someone in France wins the lottery. We have smuggest

nation of people. Who wins? I don't want to give it away. But the

nomination are the Swedish, the Chinese and the English. You see, I

would say New Zealand. Would you why? Because they're so pleased

with themselves. It's so pretty there. That jealous si, not

smugness. That is your jealousy. Well let's go with Sweden. You have

your real mother. Yes I didn't want the show to be too rude, or smuty

like your show. You don't want to be rude in front of your mum. So

she is in the show. Have you created a showbiz monster. Your mum

doesen seem like a showbiz mum. is sweet and she has just retired.

So I thought it would be nice to get her out of house. My mum always

says, when am I going to see you. When I'm with you, she says, when

am I going to see you? I say now, this is the seeing. My mum is just

happy seeing me. Seeing one of her children. We have got a clip. You

need to explain. It is Richard Madeley sing. Well it is like a

chat show, but I want to get people up and about. A bit like you.

Fishing. So we had a category, guests with the most comprehensive

but useless piece of knowledge and he said that he knew all the words

to Chatt a, noogoo Choo Choo. the station quart tore four. -

quarter to four. That could be. Could be Carolina. You whistle.

Then no not far. Travel cold. Going. You are. I thought it was a bit

easy just to sing the words. So I made himy alternate word. Was it

fun himing him with the ball. the people in the BBC said you

can't shoot it in his face for health and safety reasons. But I

did any way. Here is the actual award. It is a fat Oscar, modelled

on me and the tragedy is when they're designing it, I was that

shape and now I'm a lot fatter. Yes, that is what you can win. It is

correct as you can see. You have got a bottom. I have a very pert

bottom, but I am actually that smooth. I feel it is embarrassing,

because you're naked. It is nothing you haven't seen before, Graham.

lot of people have seen you naked. Yes. And you have your hand on his

bottom. There has been a lot of nudity. Not tonight. Cate, have we

seen your bottom or not? Would you like to? I did fly fishing, it is

only fair. No I think I probably. You can't be an actress and not see

your bottom I read you had a stunt bottom. On ehis weth. -- Elizabeth.

I did ask for an upgrade. Did you fleet lady. I tkpopbt know if it

was her bottom or mine in the end. But you don't see your own very

often. How would I know. Did you like it? I don't, do you... Have

you? I would look at your bottom if it was at screen. While you you

were looking at her bottom, I would look at your bottom. I did what the

butler saw, one of my first jobs. There is a scene, I have to jump up

naked behind a sofa with a policeman's helmet covering my bit

and bobs and it was like the blue rinse brigade and I didn't cover

mice and there was this noise. Like 800 old ladies. It was such a great

noise that I never covered myself properly again. But one night there

was a flower vase on the set and for some reason there was water in

it. Why would there be. It is a play. But it spilled and I didn't

know and I got up from behind the sofa, slightly revealing myself and

ran and hit the water and I landed on my back like this! With a helmet

and I shot towards the audience like this. This woman was coming at

it like that. Now time for music. Before tonight's stories in the red

chair, with their new single Silenced by the night, please

# In a city like mine, there's no point in fighting.# I close my eyes,

see you and me driving. # If I am a river, you are the

ocean. # Got the radio on, got the wheels

in motion. # We were silenced by the night.

# But you and I we gonna rise again. # Divided from the light.

# I wanna love the way we used to when.

# I lie in the dark, I feel I'm falling.

# Feel your hand on my back, hear your voice calling.

# I'm out of my depth girl, stick close to me.

# Because the people in this town, they look straight through me.

# We were silenced by the night. # But you and I we gonna rise again.

# Divided from the light. # I wanna love the way we used to

when. # Cause baby I'm not scared of this

world when you're here. # And baby I'm not scared of this

# Oh oh oh. # You and I we gonna rise again.

# Oh oh oh. # You and I we gonna rise again.

# We were silenced by the night. # But you and I we gonna rise again.

# Divided from the light. # I wanna love the way we used to

Thank you very much. Keane everyone! Come and say hello. Well

done sir. Thank you. Hello. there room? Hello. Very good. OK.

We can't be long, I'm not sure the sofa can take the strain of this

many people. It is such a lot of people. That single is released on

30th April. But the album is out on 7th May. And are you going to be

tour something Yes the rest of the year. Or possibly just one week.

You will be touring. All the rest have been No 1 albums? Yes they

have. APPLAUSE Very good. I like it a lot. Before we go. A story in the

red chair. Who is up first? Hello. Hi. What is your name. Debbie.

Where are you from? I live in London, but from Sri Lanka. What do

you do in London? I'm story teller. I think that was the right decision.

A story teller. Is it wrong to call a woman hirsute? Yes. Hello. What

is your name? Tim. Where are you from? Brisbane. He is from Brisbane.

Did somebody recognise Tim? That was the other guy. Australia's most

wanted. I know that face. Quickly another one. Hello. What is your

name. Diane from Hollywood. Jesus I can't. All right. If you want to

have a go in the red chair, you can go to our web-site. Thank you to my