Episode 2 The Graham Norton Show

On the show tonight: We've got the Incredible Hulk. I'm looking

forward to meeting him. I hope nothing annoys me because if I

were... Stop taking pictures! I'm getting annoyed now. I'm getting

angry, very, very angry! Arrrgh! APPLAUSE

Good evening everybody! Hello. Welcome. Calm myself. I'm not

really calm, I'm excited. We have a blockbuster line up tonight. He is

the Incredible Hulk in the Avengers Assemble film, Mark Ruffalo is here.

The hottest rapper on the planet, Dannii Minogue is on the show.

Cheer -- Nicki Minage is on the show.

Chief superhero John Bishop is here. Plus, we've got the wonderful Rufus

Wainwright ladies and gentleman. Oh, I tell you! I'm looking forward

to asking Mark about his new movie, Avengers Assemble. Yes. Mark stars

as the Incredible Hulk, when he gets upset he doubles in size and

then shrinks again, you know something like Oprah Winfrey, but

green. LAUGHTER

Some people say the Hulk was created in a lab. I say no. He's

the love child of these two: "Pregnant I have made you."

It's not just the Hulk. There are others too, like Thor. There he is.

I am Thor, where are you Thor, did you hit your thumb with the hammer?

There's Captain America. I tell you, not only a superhero but according

to that star on his chest, employee of the month at McDonald's.

And I'm really thrilled that one of the world's biggest music stars

Nicki Minaj is here. CHEERING

All right. All right. People at home, before you ring in to

complain, that isn't real leopard skin, all right? Though in fairness,

it is a real badger on her head. It's alive, just hanging on for

dear life. Nicki is such a trendsetter, she really is. So very

generous. When she finished with that hair style, she donate today

to some children. She did. So Nicki Minaj and the Hulk,

strangest showbiz couple since Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue. I

know! It's rumoured that Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue had an

affair. Apparently very passionate. They laughed together. They cried

together. Mainly, they looked vaguely surprised together.

Cowell also said he lusted after Cheryl Cole. We've got a photo of

the exact moment he propositioned her.

Let's get some guests on. Later we have Rufus Wainwright. But first,

he's a model of a comic, it's John APPLAUSE

She's a wonder of a woman, Nicki Minaj.

And he's a mean, green fighting machine, it's the Hulk himself,

Mark Ruffalo. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Calm everyone.

Calm. All right. OK. Welcome to everyone on my couch. One person on

the couch has made more of an effort than the others, that's all

I'm saying. You look lovely Nicki Minaj. You do. Dow go shopping? Dow

go into a shop and buy what you're wearing? No. Ann Summers. I don't

go shopping. Never? No, they bring me stuff for me to choose from a

lot of times. It's easier like that. You look stylish as well. Why,

thank you. Don't even think about it. I made

an effort. I thought I'm putting on a floury shirt. I'm now confident

in me sexuality that I can put on a flowery shirt. I thought I'll make

an effort next to a style icon. Nicki said to me "You look

wonderful". She went sorry, "Who are you?" Now, Mark, very, very

exciting, because Avengers Assemble, it's called Avengers Assemble here

because we had the Avengers. But this is nothing to do with that.

this is a whole another Avengers. This is all the marvel superheroes

put together. Frbgts the mother of comic book heroes. It's you, iron

man, Captain America, Thor, the black widow, it's phenomenal.

You're the first Incredible Hulk who is motion capture. I'm the

first actor to play both Banner and the Hulk.

APPLAUSE We've got a clip and it's towards

the beginning of the movie when you are Dr Banner. It's, they're coming

to find you, but they know what happens when you get angry. They

don't want to make me angry. Nobody wants to make you angry. It's you

and scarlet Johansson. What does he want me to do, swallow it? He wants

you to find it. It's been taken. It emitts a gamma signature that's too

weak to trace. There's no-one that knows gamma radiation like you do.

If there was, that's where I'd be. So Fury isn't after the monster?

Not that he's told me. And he tells you everything? Talk to Fury. He

needs you. He needs me in a cage. No-one... Stop lying to me.

sorry, that was mean. I just wanted to see what you'd do.

APPLAUSE And I don't mean, I mean this as a

compliment, but you seem like unusual casting for this because

you are, it seems to me, in the movies I've seen, you always played

quite laid back people, you seem like quite a laid back man. Is that

why they cast you? I think they wanted it to be as far from angry

as they could possibly get without the person actually ak sleep. --

actually being asleep. And I fit the bill. It's a weird superpower

anger. When you think about the times that you actually get angry,

like internet banking or something. Not great things. Tweets, e-mails,

when you send that stuff off, it usually doesn't go over very well.

Dow get angry? Are you kidding me? I have a saying, if you're not

yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with me.

John, you again seem really laid back, are you quick to anger?

don't think I am, but then occasions happen, like we went

skiing recently, which is an odd thing to do if you're from

Liverpool, because there wasn't a lot of skiing lessons in our class,

you know. Not many people went skiing. We went to the Alps, and

it's quite a middle class thing to do. I come down the hill skiing,

which is not a great sight to see, to be honest. I came down, and my

oldest son was at the bottom of the hill. He'd obviously, there had

been something that had happened between him and another man who was

skiing. The other man was getting out of his skis as if to punch my

son. So I come down the hill, stop on me skis and start threatening

the man and trying to run after him wearing skis. Have you ever tried

to run hard when you've got the feet of a clown. So there's a point

where you can be angry and gate way with it and there's a point where

you just look like a dork. Nicki, are you angry very often? No.

hesitate to ask, I don't want to you turn green or anything. Did

Twitter make you angry recently? No! A voice in my head told me to

delete my Twitter and that's what I did. Are you back on yet? No.

many followers did you have? million. That's a country!

LAUGHTER You could have been a dictator.

Thank you. Who are they following now? I don't know. I hope they'll

wait for me. CHEERING

I know they will. Did you ever reply to anyone? I replied to

people all the time. I'm known for that. I don't mean just now. I mean

on Twitter, because if you have got 11 million, it's impossible. No, I

do and I get to know them by name and I get a really personal bond

with them, not all 11 million. But you know, here and there. I

responded to at least ten people a day I would say. OK that's not that

many, is it? LAUGHTER

That leaves quite a lot of time for Nicki. Sorry. Very exciting because

when you're in a big movie like Avengers Assemble, of course, it

comes with the toys. There's actually your toy is pretty good.

Have you seen it yet? Yeah. Because it's clever, because it's motion

capture, it is sort of your face. OK, get the still from the movie.

That is kind of your face in a weird not very flattering way. I

HE ROARS And you can tickle you.

You can do that. Sort of run out now.

Oh, all right, sorry. He won't stop now. It goes for half

an hour. He's still growling down there. He is. Obviously, you know,

it's great here you are in a big, the movie, this is going to be the

movie of the year, isn't it? Some people are saying that, yeah. It's

tracking to be the biggest movie ever made. He's not making that up.

It really is. APPLAUSE

I didn't have anything to do with that. You do. Because the Hulk

steals the movie. You have the funniest bits, the best bits. It's

great. Thank you. What's amazing, and it should give everyone hope is

that it took like, you were not an overnight sensation. It did take

you a long, like people would have given up is what I'm saying. I'm a

30 year overnight sensation. many auditions did you do before

you got a job? It's been myth oljiezed now but it started with

600. Most smart people quit when it take that's long. What was giving

you hope? I couldn't do anything else.

LAUGHTER But you've done a lot of theatre

over the years. That's right. Sometimes, incredibly convincing

performances, didn't you like... Sometimes more than others. Didn't

you cross a line, was it your fault that you crossed the line or did

somebody set you up? Oh, you're talking about that! Yes. There was

a play that I did that I had to, I smoked a joint in the first scene.

And of course, there was a very naughty young actor I was in the

play with, who on the opening night with all the critics... The opening

night! He slipped a real joint onto the prop table. And I am out there

and I'm just, now when you're acting you overdo everything, so

when you're out at a party, you take two puffs and you say OK

that's enough, I'm so stoned. But I LAUGHTER

Between us, we smoked a giant blunt on stage. I am like, I am in it

tonight, I am feeling it! I am on Why is that do standing backstage

laughing at me?! And the kid to put the joint on the prop table was

standing there... And I just went, oh sheet! And the girl that I was

passing it to have never smoked party now live. Oh, my God! After

that point, I had smoked a lot of heart, and I know you haven't.

don't ever do drugs, OK? Back to your scheduled programme!

It was the worst thing I ever did, don't do it! But at the end of the

play, I got the best reviews of my entire career. But I am not...

It was wrong, I would never do it again, it was a nightmare

experience. Your arm must better of listening to Nicki than me.

seems you have a reputation for being very nice online. You must

know markruffalo.net. I have heard about it. You go there every day!

Only when I am feeling bad. The Ugo there to Shears are up? Every day!

I have never been, honestly. Everyone keeps going, I have met

him, he is so nice, but we did discover one disgruntled fan, OK?

Don't worry, you did nothing to him. His name is Jared. And his sister

caught him from an airport and said, Mark Ruffalo is on the phone. Would

you talk to him? He felt like he blew it. What does he say? I am

sure I came off as some regular fan, vomiting flattery all over him, so

if I could have scripted our conversation... It wasn't like that,

I completely remember. His sister Jodi handed me the phone. Jodie is

the sister! Yes! I had eight fans... 11 million! It is easy to remember

them more. Poor Jarrett was so upset about this phone call, which

was so nice of you to do, so he has scripted how it should have gone.

If you wouldn't mind playing Mark Ruffalo, I have printed it out,

this is the phone call. She has handed the phone to Mark Ruffalo,

Jarrett is somewhere, I am him. Hey, man, I really enjoy your work.

Thanks! Seriously, ever since I saw you in You Can Count On Me, I

thought, this is a guy who can do basically anything. That is the

nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Well, you are a

phenomenal actor, 13 going on 30, Collateral, even in the smallest of

roles, you brought an originality and a weight to them. It would not

have existed otherwise. You really get me like no one has ever got me.

Aye, Mark, I am just a fan. If you were gay, I would make out with you.

Calmore! And then he has scripted in an awkward pause. Jared? Are you

there? I had better run! Are you sure? And I have got some things to

do. Make sure you tell Jodie to thank me, because if I hadn't, she

wouldn't know who you are. Good grief! We wouldn't even be having

this fantastic conversation! Perish the thought! Thank you, Jared! I

love you! No, thank you, Mark Ruffalo! Very good, now... Nicki

Minaj, congratulations! We have heard about will follow us,

we have heard the screams, but more importantly you are officially the

most successful female rap of all Thank you! This is obviously the

new album, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded. It is number one

everywhere, Number One Here, number one in the States, internationally.

Japan, Canada, US, UK. That will do, that is all right! Earlier in the

year, we saw you at the Super Bowl with Madonna. It was the most

watched television programme in America ever. Yeah. Isn't that

Did she textual or send flowers When You Not To off number one?

she said nice things, she e-mailed me. She said some nice things.

well done, whatever. I hope you are When Madonna was on here, you were

all over her! I was, I was like Very exciting, because you've got

to make out with her. You cannot really call that making out, I mean

she kissed me... UK tour. I did not kiss her. You actually have the

picture? Our I have got it on my phone here. So you are on top of

the world, but how do you become Nicki Minaj? How young were you

when you discovered you could do the rhymes and the rats? I do not

ever remember that stuff. I wanted to be an actress first, and then I

went to school for acting, and I always loved music, because my mom

would sing all the time, but then I thought it was boring, so I started

rapping. I have been doing it for such a long time. I put out three

mix tapes, and then I was signed and made an album. Your band has

left the country. So you're not performing for us tonight. Get it

out of the system! But we do have a litter of your video for the latest

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 49 seconds

single. -- clip. Let's take a look That was... The best thing about

that is that Nicki was giving it all of that stuff! Thank you for

singing along, you are amazing, I love you! I can really relate to

that, because last summer I had bees in my back bedroom. A kind of

a trap! They were piled high, seriously. I needed a trap, that is

what I needed. There is a lot of discussion of the internet about

what the sole means. Can you be definitive? What should I say? Let

me think. Does it mean for his, or is it buzzing bees? No OBE, hit it

is just the same, I am always, it is a slang way of saying, I be such

and such. It is really like, I am always in the trap, now the trap,

ladies and gentlemen, relates to anywhere that you get your money.

Bo... So you are in the trap right When did you last get called

Playboy?! I am very down with this, because I have been reading my

Ninctionary. I have, yeah. Let's find it, it is here. It is all you

won here, strawberry shortcake. Strawberry shortcake, now an,

definition: They broke bitch, one who loses sight of their goals by

focusing on negativity. The year, you strawberry shortcake! Do you

want to test me? Bouquet, who is Balloon boy? OK, Evelyn Boy, is

this a sexual thing? No! OK, it is a ken with no stacks. No, remember

in America, the boy that pretended to be in the balloon, his parents

said he was in a balloon. I did a rap, you are like balloon boys.

That little boy, I am passionate about children, and when I saw him,

he looked so precious, I said, I am going to make in the honorary

Oracle, and he became like, you know, I don't know, some kind of

got the force. Why are you guys laughing?! Whatever! A few

strawberry shortcakes over there, I would say. They had better tumble-

drier. We have got the definition... Word, tumble-drier, third,

definition: Used when speaking to wash up pictures. Tumble dry, bitch,

tumble dry! And when you leave here tonight, when you are in the car

going home, will you describe me as a waffle house? No, I would never

say that. Because that is... Waffle house, adjective, definition: A

clearly misguided old wrinkle. a waffle house! Now, listen, I am

thrilled John Bishop is here, because I just wanted to say, well

done, congratulations. Yes! I do not know if Nicki and Mark know

this, but John is raising, it has gone over �4 million and counting.

I know it is embarrassing, but it is the highest amount ever raised

for charity by a single person in a For anyone who has been living

under a rock, Nicki and Mark, what did you do? There is an

organisation here called Sport Relief, and so I did... It raises

money for the developing world and people in the UK, so they came up

with this challenge, which was to ride a bicycle from Paris to Calais,

which is 185 miles, and then the next day wrote the English Channel,

and then the next day run the first of three consecutive marathons,

three marathons in three days, finishing it up. Three days? This

will give you an idea of how hard it was. We have got a clip, and

this is... Or he has done at this stage, I say or he has done, he has

done the bike ride. So this is a JB, how are you feeling?

hallucinating. I'm not sure prized. I'm talking to a dolphin.

APPLAUSE You'd only had an hour's sleep.

Yeah the bike ride took longer than we expected. I got into Calais at

4am. Then hi to have an ice bath and everything. I went to sleep at

5am and got up at 6am. When we had to leave when the tide was right.

Was it miserable in France, people weren't cheering you on? It was

miserable because it was France. ( There should be a sponsored visit

France. There was one point, I left Paris and there was one point where

I was trying to do this thing, where your balance on the bike, you

reach a traffic light and I fell off because I lost my balance and I

couldn't get my feed out of the pedals. There were all these French

people at a bus stop, I fell off in front of them and they just went...

Nothing, just nothing! Not "Are you OK?" Nothing. They couldn't give a

toss. It was a bit miserable. I got some mates who met me halfway and

give me a lift. Riding through the night was horrible as well.

Watching the programme, you really suffered. I mean those, the

marathons, there must have been moments, lots of moments when you

thought "I really should stop this." Yeah, but there's a camera

crew. So you just think if I stop this I'll look like a right

dickhead. Everyone knows I've stopped so there's a little bit of

that. And also, you get carried along. I mean, there's a big

momentum that's built up with something like this. When you got

to the UK, I've got to be honest with you, it's probably the most

humbling thing I've ever done and the most significant thing because

when I got to the UK, and people were beeping their horns, then you

found out how much money was being raised, it was beyond anything I

could have thought. Running on the hair line fracture, you had a hair

line fracture. Towards the end, they put that boot on and they

booked an operating theatre the following day. When they did the

scan, they decided it didn't have to be operated on. So I don't know.

I mean, everything's settled down. But I'm old any way. So everything

hurts any way. It just hurts a little bit more than it used to.

The day after it as all over, was it a terrible let down? Was it

euphoric? Presumably you spent months preparing for it? Yeah, yeah,

what's odd about it, is it becomes everything that you think about,

because it's such a big thing. It was set up. It was in the press and

then you think, I can't let anyone down by not doing. It when you

finish, it's like you've got nothing else to think about. You've

got your life back, but then, the first week or so you're just

swelling up and everything just hurts. Oh, God. It's like vaing a

baby. I'm saying this and there's women sat at home who have given

birth thinking "Get over yourself!" Nobody sponsored me!

APPLAUSE Nicki, are you sporting at all?

You've got to keep fit for what you do. Being on stage keeps you fit.

It's almost like cardio. When I'm on tour, I lose so much weight so

quick. When I'm at home I have to do so much to lose it. What Dow do?

I get on the elliptical machine, I shouldn't say that, the one that

goes like this. And that one does it for me. Do that for 30 minutes

every day. That's when I'm in my workout mode. I've got one of them.

You cannot look tough as a bloke on one of them. Yeah. Then when you

stop it goes back wards. It's very awkward. Mark was very sporty as a

kid. Was it wrestling you did? was a wrestler yeah. Proper, like

on a team. Not like MMA or anything like that. I was a collegiate, you

know high school wrestler. Why did you stop? Erm... I saw the drama

department and they could eat whatever they want and the girls

are much better looking. LAUGHTER

John we have to say, you are going on a huge tour next year. This year,

September. This is it. Like when you do something like the Sport

Relief thing, it takes over everything. You forget you've got

to go back to work. I've got an arena tour booked from September to

November. But it can only be that time because that's the only time

I've got free. You know what it's like, you do stand up, what you do

and what you do, stand up is what I do. I love doing it. I had to get

back to it. It's big arenas. It is the big arenas, yeah. The tour is

called roller coaster. People all over the country want to see you.

want to go. I want to go. APPLAUSE

Good luck with that. Time for some music. One of the

greatest singer song writers of his generation, back after a long Time

Out of the game, it is Mr Rufus Listen, congratulations on this,

new album Out Of The Game. It's physically out on April 23. Yes, it

is. This is your seventh album. Wow! Yeah, I know. I've written an

op rand a musical in the meantime. So I'm basically, you know insane.

Yeah, a one-man thing. You're giving Nicki Minaj a run for her

money. You have a sexy video as well. Yeah with Helena Bonham-

Carter. How did you get her in it? Just a couple of sophisticated

wonderful people who had to get together, a force of nature.

ends up in her bra and pants. We're not showing that bit. Yeah, yeah.

She's amazing. She's great. It was nice of her. Yeah it was. She used

to come to a lot of my shows. I thought she was a bit of a stalker.

I was like, who's that weird woman with the hair. But then I realise

today was her. Was good is all these great things are happening.

You're getting married. Yes, in August to my boyfriend, yeah that's

great. APPLAUSE

And you've had a baby as well. I have a baby, a daughter.

favourite tracks on the album are sort of inspired by her. Yeah.

Beautiful. Thank you so much. Really lovely, tear to my eye. And

are you going to be touring this album? I'm touring, yes. Playing

next week on the 30th on the lie seem. I'm back for festivals in the

summer. I'm preparing to embark on a hopefully somewhat dominatory

experience, but I don't know. time for some music f. You don't

mind heading over to your band and velvet drapes. There he goes.

APPLAUSE Still to come this week's stories

in the famous red chair. First performing Out Of The Game, it is

# I'm out of the game # I've been out for a long time now

# I'm looking for something # That can't be found on the main

track, no # I'm out of the game

# I've been out for a long time now # I'm looking for something that

can't be found on the main track, # Look at you, look at you, look at

you, look at you # Suckers

# Does your mama know what you're doing

# Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you

# Suckers, does your mama know what you're doing?

# You're only a child, with the mind of a senile man

# You're only a young thing # About to sleep with a sea of men

# Just hanging around wearing something from God knows where

# Just having a ball # Making all of the thin cards fall

# Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you

# Suckers, does your mama know what you're doing?

# Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you

# Suckers does your mama know? -- # Say come over here, let me smell

you for one last time # Before you go out there

# And ruin all of the world, once mine

# I'm out of the game # I've been out for a long time now

# I'm looking for something # Can't be found on the main track

# No, look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you

# Suckers, does your mama know what you're doing?

# Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you

# Suckers, does your mama know... What you're doing? #

Rufus Wainwright everybody! Come back and join us.

We'll go to do the red chair. That sing sl out now. It is, yes.

Before we go tonight a story or two in the red chair, ladies and

gentleman. I know! Who's up first? Hello?

You look like you could fly away. What's your name? Ashling. Lovely.

What Dow do? I'm a fraud analyst. Oh, really? This is making me very

uncomfortable. What Dow do? I catch fraudsters...

APPLAUSE You didn't even give her a chance.

I know. I know. I didn't really care. Shall we have one more? OK.

Hello. Hi! Hi Nicki I love you so much. Oh, sorry. Are you by any

chance a Barb? Yes. Off you go. basically, when Nicki came last

year, me and my friend Cora snuk into the hotel. Yeah, we went

through the back. There were barriers and an obstacle. The guy

was like "Excuse me, you're not supposed to be there." We ran into

the toilet. Oh, my God. Imagine that. Yes! Afterwards, we was like,

oh, my God, we were walking and walking, and there were these guys,

oh, hello how are you. We didn't want to get caught, we were in

trainers and stuff like that. course not. Then there were these

doors and we went through one and there was a big guy. Oh, no. Excuse

me do you know where the lobby is? He took us to the lobby. Then we

were going to see her. There was a girl, she was like... A hooker?

LAUGHTER No, there was a girl, who went to

see Nicki too. She was going to buy a room. It was like �1,000. I was

like oh, we don't have that money. We have to find a room. We walked,

walked, walked an the manager came and he kicked us out. That should

Le done everyone. Thank you to my guests, Rufus Wainwright, John

Bishop, Nicki Minaj and Mark Ruffalo.