Episode 1 The Graham Norton Show

This programme contains strong language.

Tonight, one to have biggest names in Hollywood, Indiana Jones himself,

I've got the music and the kit. What else do I need?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Hello, hello everyone!

Everyone survived the boulder. Yeah, well done. What a show we have to

start the new series, ladies and gentlemen. We have a line-up that's

hotter than a World Cup in Qatar! It's a football joke!

Maturing and changing! (No, I'm not) one of the biggest

stars in Hollywood, screen ledge end, Harrison Ford is here, ladies

and gentlemen. Yeah, how about that. Britain's hottest actor, Benedict

Cumberbatch is on the show! Top comedian Jack white haul is

here. -- Whitehall is here. Plus music and

chat from Mr James Blunt. Yes, we have!

So looking forward to meeting Harrison Ford, ladies and gentlemen,

I am. He's going to be there! Harrison Ford will be sat right

there. He's been in so many great films, Blade Runner, Witness,

Mosquito Coast and Star Wars. There he is, Han Solo with Chewbacca.

Can't remember the last time I saw something that hairy and

frightening. I'm talking about him.

In Star Wars, Han Solo ended up with the girl, Princess Leia. That was

because the man she really loved turned out to be her brother. There

are some far flung corners of the universe where that sort of thing is

OK. There will be letters, yeah.

Ill ledgible letters. Of course, Harrison's other seminal

role was Indiana Jones. Of course, Harrison's other seminal

And here is the moment we recreated earlier where Indy is chased by the

giant ball of rock. Is there any way that ball could be

more terrifying? Awkward!

In the film, Indy discovered he had a son. Middle aged and suddenly

finding out you're a father. I mean, does that sort of thing happen in

real life? Hm? ! Since Simon Cowell announced he's

going to be dad, he's been very proactive, insisting the baby be

breast-fed. Yes. Don't go hungy.

We'll have music from Mr James Blunt later.

Some fresh meat on my sofa first, it's Jack Whitehall, everybody.

Site down, Jack Whitehall, everybody!

Harrison Ford, everybody! Wow.

Harrison Benedict Cumberbatch is on his way,

he's on a motorbike or something, dashing from a film set, he'll be

here. You can snuggle up if you want to, a little close.

I'll leave some Benedict room here. How are you, Sir? I'm fine, thank

you. We are so, so thrilled you are here. We are delighted you are.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We are especially grateful you are

here. Maybe I'm wrong, but we think you obviously like acting. That's a

pleasure. I do. I enjoy it, yes. Is it FA irto say this sort of thing is

your least favourite aspect of making a film? No, not yet.

You know, it's the endless press thing about having to explain the

movie over and over again, talk about yourself, talk about blah blah

blah blah blah. We are not going to do that here, are we? No, I'll ask

you practically no questions at all for more or less 40 minutes.

I should warn you, you are sitting next to a bit of a Harrison Ford

fan. Have you embarrassed yourself backstage already? I love Harrison,

I'm such a massive fan and I don't want to be fan girlie on the show,

but the young chaps my age in the audience, there's a particular film

of yours that's kind of a swashbuckling young adventurous chap

really defined me as a young man. Your performance in Working Girl.

Oh! Love that film. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Shove up a bit because... Enough! I am allowed to be this close.

Benedict on the other hand, he'll have to keep a certain distance.

Harrison Ford, you are here, let us celebrate you. This is the bit where

I talk for a long time. Please. I'm not really enjoying this.

LAUGHTER It's early days. . Whir ouch of the

elite. Your films have grossed almost $6 billion worldwide.

Here comes a question - when was the... How much of it did I get? !

I'm interested in that, but I was wondering, when was the last time

you walked in somewhere and people just went "hello, how may I help

you? " Are there countries you can go to where they don't know who you

are? Yeah. Where? England. We know who you are. In England no-one says

"mow may I help you" because everyone's so rude.

Have you walked through Britain unmolested? No, I've taken a canal

boat through Britain and not been noticed and not run into anybody

looking. Was that by choice? Was that a holiday? Yes. Never done it,

have you? No. How Kewelled it be accidental, like you hail a cab and

go like, this is a canal boat, I've done it again!

Harrison Canals. Was it not a bit boring? Yes! That's what I like.

Hurly-burly. After people come up to me and say, are you Harrison Ford,

my usual answer is, I used to be. Takes a while for them to figure it

out. At that point you push them in the

canal. Was it very cool being a dad? You

canal. must have trounced every other

father at the school gate because you were Han Solo, Indiana Jones, I

mean how amazing that that's your dad? Frankly, my kids couldn'tlet

give a shit. And would not Dane to be friends

with anybody who did care. Realry? The first parts are absolutely true.

They have never cared so much about it because they are growing up, you

know, in the sausage factory. My wife is an actress, I'm an

actress... LAUGHTER

It's doesn't really matter to my kids.

So $6 billion. A lot of people would be resting on their laurels, but you

are working as hard as ever. Your latest film we'll talk about in a

second. That work ethic, does that come from the fact that... ... It

comes from the fact that I spent it all and I still have to go to work.

No, I like to work. I love working. I can't imagine what I would, you

know, what I'd do all day long if I didn't work occasionally.

Famously, obviously, you were a carpenter when you started out? I

became a carpenter because I didn't like the work I was getting as an

actor. Do you still do carpentry? Not so much.

I've lost it. Like so many poncy actors like you

see and they go after the film, I want to go home and have a bath and

read some poetry to unwind. Harrison probably opens a can of beer then

builds a fucking shed. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, that's me. I don't know how I missed this aspect of Harrison Ford.

It's not just the shed building. End of October, it seems like that's

a very exciting time to be around the Ford-Flockhart household. It's

become a big thin for you? No. You push the boat out. Here is you and

Calista. You look scarily like a woman I had a one night stand with

in Wigan. It was me. It was!

I should have known! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We went back to your boat and it was a lovely night. We made some waves.

Did months of planning go into this? a lovely night. We made some waves.

Does it look like? ! Well, some planning went into this.

Look at you there. That is a pea pod Well, some planning went into this.

isn't it? I'm the one on the left. Let's see the picture again. The

full uncensored version. That's what I'm talking about. I'm the one on

the left and that's Calista artily disguised as a... She'll be annoyed

if you don't remember what her costume was. We just threw it

together at the last minute. We are living in Los Angeles. You

can find a pea pod costume pretty easily. It's all that's left. But

our 12-year-old son, you know, he likes to go trick or treating, we

just turn him out in the street alone. So you go door-to-door? We

maybe wait a respectful distance away from the door, we are not in it

for the candy. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Or the peas! And I hope to be, I mean the point

is, I hope to be unrecognised. I think you might be unrecognised in

is, I hope to be unrecognised. I this one. You probably are

unrecognisable. LAUGHTER

It was the wine that gave me away. Were you smoking then? I hadn't

gotten that far. Before Halloween, Ender's Game opens

on 25th October. It's your return to space. I think that's not what the

buzz is about. The buzz is about the fact that there are a lot of loyal

buzz is about. The buzz is about the fans of a book this is based on. The

author of that book predicted 28 years ago the Internet, touch screen

technology that we use all the time now, drawn warfare, so it was quite

a clever book. It's got excitement and also moral

issues in it? It does. It's got some very important themes which don't

spoil the movie. No, they don't. They are kind of knit in. You might

not even notice if you don't care about that sort of thing. I did. You

saw the movie? Yes. Yes I did. You did? Yes. Free? Yes.

(Shit) You, as part of this film, must have

been like the arrival of Jesus. Just because he's a carpenter.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Did you have security surrounding

you at all times? Oh, yeah. Legions of storm troopers.

It's really... I'm very proud of the movie, there are wonderful actors in

it, Sir Ben Kingsley and I have owe loo Davies and this young fellow,

Acor Butterfield the title, Ender. I play the recruiter, the trainer of

this young man who's meant to be our commander of the international

fleet. Young people, because of their capacity to integrate complex

information quickly and evolve strategies, which mostly comes out

of their experienced gaming, video gaming. I like the way we both do

the same mime for that like we've never done it. I haven't. I can't

figure it out at all. Like the Xbox... It's based on a real

psychological reality that they got, you know, nimble minds. But this is

a warfare that's practised row remotely, but with drones. Let's say

no more. I don't want to spoil it. Let's look at a clip. This is you

with Enders, as your star pupil, and you are running the battle school

and I think that's all we need to know going into this.

Highest battle room ratings. You have a habit of upsetting your

commander. I find it hard to respect someone just because they outrank

me, Sir. Puts you in a difficult position, doesn't it? Yes, Sir.

Don't like taking orders? No, Sir. Perhaps you would prefer to give

them yourself? How'd you like to lead your own army? Sir, never heard

of a dragon Army? We discontinued the name four years ago. No dragon

Army ever won a battle. Then why not, Sir? We already have the

uniforms. Who'll been in the Army? Misfits like you who might be

brilliant with the right commander. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, oh, oh! Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and

gentlemen, I smell motorcycle oil and cheap Cologne, I deduce that the

star Sherlock, Mr Benedict Cumberbatch is here! Yes, he is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE After all that...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They are pleased to see you. Nice to

see them too. Sorry, the traffic was terrible. Were you working? Yes, the

helicopter wasn't working. I was working. I'm doing a film in

Bletchley Park. I ran and was taking my costume off getting on a

motorcycle. Where was that, many Madrid? A motorbike from Bletchley?

I wasn't driving it. If I was, it might have happened faster. Who was

driving it, Mr Magoo? Seriously, I don't feel so bad that I

mispronounced your name. I was like please welcome meememme

Cumberbatch". You didn't dress like that on the motorcycle? I got

dressed as I was on the motorcycle. Jack loves you, Benedict also a huge

Harrison Ford fan. Have you met before? Embarrassingly, I met you at

our agent's party at UTA in Los Angeles. Our agent? Our agent. We

don't have the aim agent, but we have the same... Was he dressed as a

pea? I've got to catch up. Did you talk to each other? I made a tit of

myself. I came up and went "I'm a real big fan, I used to fantasise

about you". I meant I used to fantasise about being Han Solo. I

took it wrong. You took it really well and went "it takes all sorts".

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You were very nice.

The other strange thing that may bond people on the couch is of

course Gee carts are fluttering. There is going to be a new Star Wars

film. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, you're nit, you are definitely in it, aren't you? Are you not in

it? Huh? Benedict knows because he's mates with Julian Assange now and

he's seen the script. You are in it. Hasn't it been announced? No...

Er... Yeah... . Let's not lose the tempo here.

Before you arrived, he was really fluent.

Are you playing Chewbacca this time? I didn't get a chance to tell you

what a big fan I am of yours. Oh, thank you very much. Wow. That's a

bit of a moment, thank you very much.

Sherlock Holmes is amazing. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good. I can retire now, I'm going.

Are you in the new Star Wars film? Instead of me? ! You were being so

hesitant... Yeah... I'll give you a revelation, I'm in it. That is an

exclusive fact. And I push Sherlock off the roof.

It hurt: . Are you and Princess Leia an old married couple now running a

bed-and-breakfast in Llandudno? That's why I've not quite made the

choice. The love affair in the oral national Star Wars film who we all

remember it was so beautiful. The famous scene in the Empire Strikes

Back, where you are not turned into stone, but something else? Something

else. Yes, I don't remember what it was. Sorry. We have the lovely

moment where it's about to happen. Here it is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Chewy seems more upset than present

Cesc lay ya. Yeah. Was that your line? That wasn't in the script, was

it? Well, it was, you know, it became my line. There was a process

of negotiation. Well, maybe there wasn't.

No, the line that was typed left unsaid was "I love you too" which

seemed a little out of character. There is an awful lot of people in

the audience who love you. Love you, Harrison. Calm down. Going to give

some of them an opportunity to say "I love you". There is a blue hand

right up there. You already did it, didn't you? What's your name? Anna.

Stand up. Where are you from? Surrey. I love Harrison. That's the

point. We got that. There he is. He's not

getting any nearer. OK. Look him in this eyes and tell him. Wait for the

music. Wait for the music. Look him in the

eyes and tell him. I love you. I know.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Harrison, can someone else have a

go? Do you mind? Yeah, sure. Stand up, what's your name? Yoker.

Yoker? Yoko. Yoko? Leave her alone. Do you live here now? I don't. You

are here on holiday from Belgium? I came from Belgium for this. To see

Mr Ford? Yes. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So music, there he is, there he is, there he is. I love you.

Thank you. Very good! Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

It gives people such a joy. What if one of them was a stalker and he

said "I know". He wouldn't have been lying. You have made that very

clear. Over the years.

Cumberbatch, you are so hot right now!

#12k3w4r CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Do you even know how many films you have got coming out? You have got so

many? Yes, I have. Remind me. I don't know. I have the Fifth Estate

coming out this Friday. We are talking about that. You are on

message, very good. I haven't seen the first four, but that looks

awesome. Go straight to that up with. You are working back-to-back

at the moment, aren't you, nonstop? Kind of, yes. I have vague weekends

and days between, but yes, it's been a wonderful wave, is a wonderful

wave, so I'm enjoying it. Julian Assange story, so everyone knows who

he is. He was big in America. Who? Julian Assange. Yes, I know. Well I

didn't want to be rude and start talking about someone and you start

going, who are you talking about. You don't look much like him. Thank

you. I mean... You could have no credit rating for ever if you looked

like him. He has bigger frish to fry. Did you contact him? I e-mailed

him before we started filming which was quite sort of scary. He e-mailed

back saying, don't do the film on the day that we were starting pretty

much, so that was... Really? That was interesting. I completely

respect why and he was articulate and considerate and polite about it

and I wrote an equally hopefully considerate and articulate reply as

to why we were doing the story. Now that you have done the film, you

have immersed yourself in the world of Julian Assange and what he's

done, where do you stand? Do you see him as a revolutionary of new

journalism, or a bit of a nob with a laptop? He is a revolution. It comes

after the fact that he shook up things and made us question the rule

of law and power structures that were either corrupt and needed

investigating and he served democracy a great turn. This is a

clip of you as Julian Assange having a row with the man he worked with so

closely towards the middle to end. OK.

14 pages in the Guard-on, 12 in the New York Times, more coverage than

all the leaks we have had combined. We are winning an information war

which goes beyond any short-term alliance we have with the

mainstream. Up to throw it all away because you feel a US Government

informer might come to harm. He's a human being. His lives are at stake.

What about the lives to have civilians, soldiers involved in

this. Unreported civilian casualties, countless incidents of

friendly fire. This is the information the world needs to know.

The next time you find yourself lickturing me about this

organisation, please try to remember why I created it -- lecturing me.

And also why I hired you to help me. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's uncanny. Wow.

Stating the obviouser but Benedict is pretty good at acting.

I know! At the screening, the guy, the real

guys from The Guardian were at it being asked questions. They knew

Julian Assange well and they were saying how uncannily accurate your

performance is. Are you a good study? The last time you did me and

you were very good. You did my laugh very well.

You do lots of people. Are you one of those actors? No. Yes. A few,

yes, but I think a lot of us hear the music or it's voices or

whatever. I used to muck around with dictaphones at school. It's like

part of having an ear. Even if we want to have empathy. You were doing

Chewbacca in time with the clip. That's one of my favourite Chewbacca

moments. Just that arrrrrr... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Did I take you back? Very quickly Benedict, are people

still comparing you to an otter? I don't know, are they? They are.

There are some new ones. Have you seen them? No. This is an Internet

thing. So here is Benedict. You think that's a boy, doesn't look

like an otter? Yes, he does. Look at it. He strikes a pose, a thoughtful

pose. Otters don't think that much. Yet, they do. They do.

I'm the one not doing the pose properly. That is the correct

steeple of fingers underneath the chin. Mine is in front of my face so

I'll take notes from my men. Is one person posting these. Surely to post

these you would have to see a lot of otters. You know where otters hang

out. Canals. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You, as Julian Assange. Otter Julian Assange.

Then the final one, here you are waving goodbye and you think otters

don't have arms, how do they do that? Yes, they do.

Genius. Well done with otters. Must crack on. Everyone, Jack white

Liverpool is on tour, yes, he is. It's called Jack Whitehall Get

Around. You start on 5th March next year, then you go around the country

and finish on 16th March. year, then you go around the country

You don't go around a lot? It's a very compact tour, but I'm going to

lots of places. It is the biggest tour I've ever done. It is!

And I'm doing The Round, which is new. I start in Aberdeen and then I

end in Wembley and it's sold quite well... In some places. Not in

Aberdeen. So that's the kind of main thrust is, if anyone is watching

from Aberdeen, I just need to sell one more ticket and there'll be more

people in the audience than there are on stage.

Please, I love Aberdeen as well. Can I just take this opportunity to say

I'm a big fan of the city, I love it, Fish Trawler Port, the big nest

Europe. Oh, you're good. It's that local stuff. I love the fact that in

Aberdeen more medieval coin haulages have been found than anywhere else

in the UK. 4,000 feet... The River Dee rises at

approximately 4,000... This one's good.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE What else is great about Aberdeen

and why Ypres really looking forward to going there is, where else would

you find a city where... Sold out!

What a perfect place to start my tour. Jack wrote this book with his

father. I wrote all of it. He wrote his bits but he doesn't use a

computer so I had to type it all out because he's very old-fashioned,

he's geriatric. I took my dad to McDonald's for the first time two

years ago. He asked for his Big Mac to be cooked medium rare.

That's the generation I'm talking about. He asks to see a wine list in

KFC. No, Harrison, I wouldn't even go there, but he could be in

Expendables 4. Are you doing The Expendables 3? I have done. Yeah!

There's a bit Boro Jean-Claude Van Dam kicks a knife in to a guy's

chest. You walk out the cinema and you are so pumped that you want to

burn something or... Argh. There is a scene in Expendables 1 where

Sylvester Stallone and mickey Rourke have a five-minute conversation, I

challenge the best linguistics expert to tell me what they say. BBC

Two very late at night, the guy doing the sign language just gave

up. Is it true that you would do another

Indiana Jones if there was another one? In a New York minute, yes.

Brilliant. I don't think it's about Indiana

Jones being an old fart. It's OK. We have seen him at all stages of his

life. When I'm old enough, we need Connery you know.

I'll be old enough to play my own father!

Writing out a will, joining Bewl that, you know. See your

grandchildren. Shopping for a walk-in bath.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Before we have our music, Mr Ford,

you have to leave the land? I do. You have to be in other places. Has

this been hell or all right? It's been great. I'm delighted with the

company. Come and see us again. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Harrison

Ford. Thank you so much.

Thank you. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There he goes! What a nice man. Budge up now.

What a lovely man. Very good. I like Harrison Ford.

He's so cool. He's so cool. Let's talk about Harrison Ford for a

while. . Chat show in Belgium now. We are going to make someone feel

very stupid. The singer song writer sold 17

very stupid. million of his first three albums

and is back with a fabulous fourth, singing his new single, Bonfire

Heart, please welcome, Mr James Blunt.

# Your mouth is a revolver firing bullets in the sky # Your love is

like a soldier, loyal till you die # And I've been looking at the stars

for a long, long time. # Days like these

# Lead to nights like this # Lead to love like ours

# You light the spark in the bonfire heart

# People like us # We don't need them much

# Just some sparks that start the spark in the bonfire hearts

# This world is getting colder # Strangers passing by

# No-one offers you a shoulder # No-one looks you in the eye

# I've been looking at you # For a long, long time

# Just trying to break through # Trying to make you mine

# Everybody wants a flame # They don't wanna get burnt

# Well today is our turn # Days like these

# Lead to nights like this # Lead to love like ours

# You light the spark in the bonfire heart

# People like us # We don't need them much

# Just someone that starts, starts a spark in our bonfire hearts

# Our bonfire hearts # Our bonfire hearts

# You light the spark # People like us

# We don't need that much # Just someone that starts

# We don't need that much # Starts a spark in our bonfire

hearts # Days like these

# Lead to nights like this # Leads to love like ours

# You light a spark # Days like these

# Lead to nights like this # Lead to love like ours

# You light the spark in the bonfire heart

# People like us # We don't

# Need them much # Just some one that starts, starts

the spark in the bonfire heart # People like us

# We don't need them much # Just someone that sparks, starts

the spark in the bonfire heart... # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you. I thought you were great.

Mr James Blunt, everybody! Fantastic.

James blunt. Thank you so much. Have a seat. Have

a seat. I feel bad now you have missed

Harrison Ford. I flown in all the way from Australia just to meet him.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him to music.

There you go. We love that song. Such a catchy

song. Fantastic. It's off the album Moon Landing, out on 21st October.

Very glad you got it. Well, I do. I didn't pay for that either!

I went to a gig you did. Thank you so much for coming. Which? Was

lovely. It was really intimate, but you still managed to do a stage

dive? Yes, on a bunch of middle aged women.

You warned them you were coming. You stood on top of the piano and kind

of went all right and they gathered round and braced themselves.

Yes. I have learnt that I have to warn people you are doing that,

because the first time I jumped into the audience, I ran in and the crowd

parted and lots of my friends were watching and I just smacked the

ground and really hurt myself and looked like a prick in front of my

friends. It's gone wrong several times. In Chicago, I jumped off the

stage and ran towards the audience and a large security guard didn't

recognise me. He tackled me to the ground I was shouting "I'm the

fucking singer". Imagine a cart went by and a bicycle's knocked over your

best friend and you don't see the landing and a bicycle could have

knocked over your best friend. Please tell me what happened? !

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm very sorry to say we have run

out of time. We have run out of time. No time for Red Chair, it will

be back next week. All right, it's just some people in a chair. These

people and Harrison Ford, come on. A lady from Weybridge.

Why don't you just get the sofa to tip back. That's all we have got

time for, beef! -- boof! Please say thank you to my

fantastic guests tonight. Mr James Blunt. Jack Whitehall, Benedict

Cumberbatch and of course, the great Harrison Ford. Join me next week for

the Oscar-winning actress, Natalie Portman, James Corden, Katy Perry

and Sir Paul McCartney. See you next week, bye-bye!

Natalie's costar is also on the show.