Episode 5 The Graham Norton Show

-Hi, I'm Eddie Redmayne.

-And I'm Benedict Cumberbatch.

-BOTH:

-And welcome to The Graham Norton Show.

Oh! Oh, hello!

Hello, hello, hello!

Hello! Hi, hi!

Hello, everybody! You're here!

You're here! Hello!

Good evening, everybody!

Oh, you're... It's too kind.

Everyone looking forward to Halloween, yeah?

CHEERING

Now, I didn't know this but apparently there's a code.

If you don't mind people knocking on your door,

you leave a pumpkin outside. That's how it works.

It's sort of like flashing your headlights in a car park, I think.

It's that sort of thing.

LAUGHTER

No?

Have I got that wrong?

Now, if you're going to be celebrating Halloween,

I must warn you - a shortage of pumpkins this year.

Did you know that?

Although, if you can't get one and you need something round and orange

to scoop the inside out of...

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

CHEERING

I know.

I mean, it's not even our election and I'm so relieved

it's just over a week until it's all over.

I mean, it has been a fascinating campaign.

One of my favourite bits was when those Donald Trump statues

suddenly started appearing all over the country.

Did you see those?

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Makes a change - him being groped.

LAUGHTER

I wonder if Hillary's seen them.

I'm guessing yes.

Let's get some guests on!

Later, we'll have music from country music star LeAnn Rimes.

CHEERING

But first, this man won four Emmys for his role in Breaking Bad

and now he's turned author.

Please welcome, for the first time, Mr Bryan Cranston!

CHEERING

There he is!

Hello, sir! Really nice to see you.

-Bryan Cranston!

-Hello!

Right!

This man, he won an Oscar for his role as Stephen Hawking

in The Theory Of Everything, and now he's starring in the latest

incarnation of the Harry Potter franchise,

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them.

Please welcome, Eddie Redmayne! CHEERING

There he is!

Love a cord!

Love a cord!

And from Hamlet to Sherlock Holmes, this man has conquered

stage and screen, now he joins the Marvel universe

as Doctor Strange, welcome back the great Benedict Cumberbatch!

CHEERING

Hello! Very nice to see you.

You know everybody.

Sit down! Sit down.

CHEERING

What a great audience.

That's nice, that's good, right? Some weeks it's nothing.

That was a nice welcome.

-You're very welcome.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back to you two.

And, Bryan, first time. Lovely to see you.

-HE IMITATES A POSH ENGLISH ACCENT:

-Well, first of all, let me thank you for allowing me to...

rid myself of that dreadful American accent that I've used for

60 bloody years!

Finally, finally!

-Oh, my God!

-You've come home!

You guys... Now, you were both on last year's honours list.

-So you're a CBE, Benedict, is that right?

-That is right.

-And you're an OBE?

-I'm not angry.

-Oh, is that better than an OBE?

-I'm not angry.

He got an Oscar, we're fine.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm just disappointed.

And deservedly so, I might add.

We're fine, we're fine.

For the Yank on the couch, what does that mean now, the OBE and the SVE?

That's a very good question.

Over to you, boys.

LAUGHTER

-CBE is Commander of the British Empire.

-Ooh.

And does that involve...? Have you had the moment?

No, I think the sword is the knight's...

So, there are no swords involved?

-Not in the ceremony.

-Do you have the nuclear codes?

LAUGHTER

I do. Oh, yeah, they're there.

No.

-What is the process?

-It sounds like I have to do something

really, really important.

Cos Eddie hasn't even bothered to collect his yet.

I've been busy. I'm getting it soon...

-That's cool, isn't it?

-I'm sweating.

"Oh, yeah, I got an OBE, yeah... Can you send it to me?"

-That's brilliant.

-I haven't got it yet, but only because

I've been filming.

Do you have to go or can they just post it to you?

-No, I'm desperate to go.

-Got to turn up and take it in person.

I think Her Majesty appreciates that.

-Do you wear a uniform?

-No, no, just a smart suit and...

-Smart suit, yeah.

-..something respectful.

And can you boss him around because now you outrank him?

-Yes!

-Oh, yeah.

But actually, you mentioned the Oscar,

this is a very odd couch. I don't think we've ever had

this before. Because last year, the two of you were nominated

and he won. But then the two of you were nominated this year,

you for Trumbo and A Danish Girl.

I don't think we've ever had that before.

-That's a lot of Oscar...

-Double nominee. Double nominee!

Double nominee! CHEERING

That's pretty good.

In consecutive years.

I think that's got to be some kind of record,

just consecutive years. That's extraordinary.

Did you meet each other on the night, or are you kept separate

by studios and things?

Yeah, we see each other backstage and then, you know,

he's throwing up in the trash can.

I say, "It's all right."

-You're cooking the crystal.

-Yeah.

"Here, take this, it'll make you feel better."

And it's odd for you, Bryan, cos presumably you thought

when you were in Malcolm In The Middle

that you were famous.

And then Breaking Bad came along and you must have realised,

"Oh, no, no, no, THIS is famous."

Well, I never really realise it.

-I doubt that anyone on this couch...

-AUDIENCE WHOOPS

..wanted to be a star. We wanted to be actors.

They're whooping you in your pants, by the way.

That's what that whoop was.

You're welcome!

I was thinking it was the word "couch".

Thought it was that easy.

But before fame, Bryan Cranston, you went on,

-was it a two-year motorcycle trip...

-I did, yeah.

..you went round America?

And you... In the book...

We'll talk about your book properly in a little bit,

but there's a story in the book about where you got involved

in a situation in a restaurant. Was the chef Pete Wong?

Peter Wong, yes. It was a Polynesian restaurant.

My brother and I were on this trip to find ourselves, really.

We were young, I was 20.

And we got restaurants because we were broke, waiter jobs.

And this guy, this chef, was a horrible human being.

Hated everyone and everyone hated him.

And we would have fun with the waiters as we were having

a bite to eat and getting that meeting before we start our shift,

and everyone would talk about how you would kill Peter Wong.

I said, "I think I would slice him... Slice him up and put him

"in a wok and then cook Moo goo gai Peter.

"And put it over, you know, some sticky rice."

So, at the end of the season, my brother and I were ready

to take off again. We do take off.

What we didn't know is that the same time we took off

to go on our trip again,

Peter Wong was murdered.

AUDIENCE GASPS

No!

-And the detectives...

-Oh, I didn't think it was going there, did you?

LAUGHTER

No, you're by yourself.

See, what was happening, was that Peter constantly tried

to move away from me!

He just tried to move away from me!

And it was irritating!

Oh, he's going all Walter White!

So we didn't know until... We took about four months

to travel some more and came back down to Florida

to start working again, cos we were broke again,

and our friend said, "Did they catch up with you?"

And we said, "What do you mean?"

And he said, "The cops were looking for you.

"The put out on APB for you two guys."

Because the detectives came in and said,

"Is there anybody who's not working here any more

"who ever talked about hurting or killing Peter Wong?"

Oh, no. Oh, God.

And our friends were like... "Cranston brothers...?"

And, yeah, sure enough.

And he was, you know...

Unfortunately, he was bludgeoned and thrown in the back of a car.

-It's a sweet story.

-I was gonna to say, "Great!"

And also, isn't it great to know it was so easy to evade capture?

Now it's a chat show anecdote!

"And they never caught us!"

Yet.

Now, Benedict's movie tonight - the Marvel family has expanded.

New addition is Doctor Strange and you are Doctor Strange.

-I am.

-Out now. And, now, the odd thing is, apparently,

somebody suggested the role of Doctor Strange to you years ago?

Yeah, I was doing press in LA and this journalist said,

"You'd make a great Doctor Strange."

And I went, "Doctor who?" And he went, "That too."

I said, "Who's Doctor Strange?" And he pitched who he is

in the comics and I thought, "Right, I'll have a read of that."

And it was very strange. No pun intended.

I don't quite see the fit, he's clever and he's arrogant,

and that fits with, I suppose, another well-known character

I play, but apart from that, very different.

And, basically, yeah, he's a New York neurosurgeon,

he's at the top of his game, but he's kind of built this gilded cage

around him from his success. He's arrogant and materialistic

and funny and charming, but lost in a world of material wealth

with no-one to share it with.

He then has a cataclysmic car crash, which nearly kills him

and destroys his hands and prevents him from being able

to perform as a neurosurgeon.

So he takes a one-way trip to a place in Kathmandu,

called Kamar-Taj, which is the last, last, last, last hint he gets

of salvation. And it's beyond Western science,

but this guy just says, "Look, I went there and I was healed."

So he goes and he meets the Ancient One,

played by Tilda Swinton, and literally has his mind blown

into the multiverse, comes round from that experience

and trains to become a sorcerer and realises this new power he has

in his hands.

We've got a clip. This is you meeting the Ancient One,

-played by Tilda Swinton.

-OK.

I spent my last dollar getting here, one-way ticket,

and you're talking to me about healing through belief?

You're a man looking at the world through a keyhole,

and you've spent your whole life trying to widen that keyhole

to see more, to know more, and now on hearing that it can

be widened, in ways you can't imagine, you reject the possibility.

I reject it because I do not believe in fairy tales

about chakras, or energy, or the power of belief.

There is NO such thing as spirit!

We are made of matter and nothing more.

You're just another tiny momentary speck within

an indifferent universe.

You think too little of yourself.

Oh, you think you see through me, do you? Well, you don't.

But I see through you!

What did you just do to me?

I pushed your astral form out of your physical form.

What's in that tea?

-Psilocybin? LSD?

-It's just tea...

..with a little honey.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-And you filmed on location in Nepal...

-Yes.

..and often, I think, actors, they get movies and think,

"Oh, great, I get to go to that place."

This is unbelievable, I think, the way that television...

-I mean, I know it's a broadcast medium but...

-Yeah.

..you get to Nepal and they know who you are.

Yeah, it was unbelievable.

I was quite... I was in that stage of the film,

so I'm quite bearded up and all scraggly and desperate

and even despite that, I was on the first day photographed

and that was it.

And by the end, there were thousands of people surrounding us.

There was one very scary moment, these people started crowding

round the car, we couldn't move.

And it was literally like being the opposite...

It was like being in a mobile cage that wasn't going anywhere

in a zoo. It was really weird.

So I had conversations with them and then it was like...

"Don't really know what to say...

"That's a nice shirt."

And then I thought, "No, we're kind of like half an hour late,"

and the car started rocking a bit with the new people turning up,

pushing the new people... I think the first people to arrive

were a bit embarrassed cos their faces were basically

pressed against the glass!

So we sort of slowly pushed the car door open saying,

"Sorry, sorry, we really have to go," and just ran.

There were hundreds of people by the end.

And it's Sherlock, it's incredible. It's just got that...

And it is.

Cos you are like a nerd's wet dream.

Cos you've got...

You've got Sherlock, Star Trek and now Marvel.

Ah, fangasm!

I know, it's like... CHEERING

That's your pension, right there.

You can just do conventions.

Get properly lazy doing what I actually do and just go

and sign pictures of my face.

There was a shot... I think you were on location in New York.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

This is without the special effects.

So this is Doctor Strange.

-Is that...? What do you call it...?

-I'm about to take off.

-Oh, you're taking off?

-Yeah, that's me about to fly.

OK! He's about to fly.

Anyway, for some reason, the way these things do,

that image just captured people's imaginations.

-God.

-So they've taken Benedict, put him in different places.

So here's Benedict on a zip wire.

LAUGHTER

He's also very sporty.

There he is.

LAUGHTER

He's also cultured, music is his life.

LAUGHTER There he is.

And very good at the ice skating, ladies and gentlemen.

LAUGHTER

That looks like it's real.

That looks like a Donald Trump move.

Urgh! AUDIENCE GROANS

By the way, we're sorry.

-We're so sorry.

-It's nearly over, it's nearly over.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bryan... Now, you know, you guys put the work in.

Bryan Cranston, wow. The dedication to your craft.

Cos Malcolm In The Middle, you would think,

"Oh, a sitcom, how hard could that be?"

But the writers really... They pushed you to extreme situations.

They did.

They often would say, "What would Bryan not do?"

I was covered... Naked, covered in blue paint,

I was attached to the front of a city bus.

I roller skated and, one time, the creator of the show came to me

and said, "I know I told you that I would never ask you

"to do something I wouldn't do. What I'm about to ask you,

"I wouldn't do.

"Would you wear...

"75,000 honeybees on your body?"

And I said, "Yeah, I think that sounds cool."

And you did! We have a picture of it. There you are.

Wow.

Now, are they all bees?

Oh, they're about three to four inches thick on there.

-Oh, my God.

-It looks like chain mail, doesn't it?

It looks like there's a few bees and the rest of it's made up.

-Oh, no, no.

-So it's all bees?

-Is that in the

-Guinness Book of Records?

-Sorry, I have a lot of questions about this.

Can we just halt the proceedings to go through these?

Sorry, but did you get stung?

-I did get stung.

-Ow.

-Well, yes.

-How many times?

OK, so the first thing, when you're wearing 75,000 bees,

it should not come as a surprise if you get stung.

"What was that?!

"Oh, my God, I got stung by a BEE!"

"How did that...?!"

So the thing you realise is that when you're wearing bees,

you realise that the sting of a bee, about 95% of the pain

is actually the surprise factor.

"Ow! What? Oh, God!"

-Tell me you didn't do that?

-No, I didn't do that!

So the beekeeper said, "If you get stung, let me know

"and I'll immediately flip out the stinger

"with the sack of venom in it."

Because if you flick it out, then it won't get pumped into your system.

How is he going to find the sting amongst 35,000 bees?!

Talk about a sting in a haystack.

I had to stand that way, I had to stand,

and in the scene I need to turn and that's when I got stung.

I said, "Oh..." I felt just a little pinprick,

and I went, "Oh, I think I got stung,"

and the beekeeper goes, "Where?" He's ready!

And I said, "In the ball sack."

And he goes, "Sorry, man!"

APPLAUSE

-Not going there.

-Oh, my God!

Now, Eddie Redmayne, Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them,

it opens on November 18th,

and you were on this programme, I believe, moaning about

not being in Harry Potter. Did JK Rowling hear you?

If so, thank you. This is like the greatest talk show ever!

Maybe, who knows?

You were annoyed, because there's even a ginger family in Harry Potter!

True. I would say disappointed rather than annoyed.

-You were the only actor in Equity not to be in it!

-Literally!

Yes, because all our friends were in it,

or at least getting auditions.

But then I actually had an audition to play the young Voldemort

while I was still at university,

and it was with the assistant of the assistant of the assistant

of the casting director, and I didn't.

I don't think she even allowed me to finish the audition.

-It was a sad moment.

-Her loss.

A big moment for me.

Your whole career has been leading up to this moment.

"Look at me now!"

Now this is a prequel to the Harry Potter story.

You don't need to have ever seen a Harry Potter film.

It is set in the 1920s in the jazz age in New York

and it's about the wizarding world.

It's about you. About YOU!

It's about me! It's about this guy Newt Scamander

who is an English magizoologist, don't you know,

who comes over to New York

with all these extraordinary magical creatures in his case,

and one of them gets out or maybe a few of them get out,

and it sets a load of events into motion,

and it was so much fun to make

and we had the most wonderful time doing it.

It's exciting.

Let's have a taste of Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them.

GROWLING

Fenestrae!

Oh!

Very good!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Excellent.

You nailed it! You nailed it!

-Wow!

-In terms of preparing for roles,

apparently JK Rowling was very hands-on with you.

She had specific requests.

It was amazing meeting her, because we only got to meet her

a week or three before we started filming

and all the sort of pleasantries of, "Nice to meet you,"

went very quickly and we just started talking

at each other about Newt.

One of the things was she had written this scene

that Newt... He seems like a slender lad and halfway through

he takes off his shirt and you realise he has scars.

For an actor, if you look like me, it's a complete shag,

because you're like, "Oh, no, that means seven months in the gym

"attempting to get a six-pack." And so, that all happened

and we did all that and I did that thing of, like,

you're pumping iron before the take and sweating

and everyone thinks you look like a complete fool.

Doing the whole take going, "Hnng!"

Obviously, the scene was cut!

LAUGHTER

Could Newt have been a little pot-bellied?

I think he could have been, but the problem was...

The problem was that JK Rowling

wanted to see you with your shirt off!

I don't know whether the scene was cut

because the director sweetly said, "It just didn't feel right,"

or because my acting was so bad because I was busy going, "Hnng!"

He's ripped but he's really constipated!

Does Newt Scamander have signature moves?

Basically, what was extraordinary was the whole wandy thing.

When you get to hold a wand, like, you don't realise...

I was obsessed with magic when I was a kid,

your inner nine-year-old is having a field day,

but then I got the wand in my hand

and I didn't know what to do with it.

I was like, "Oh, this is the greatest moment I've ever expected,"

and it was a bit flimsy, slightly odd, felt a bit weird,

-so you're sent off to wand school...

-Of course.

..and you watch all the other films and steal from Dan Radcliffe.

What was weird were these moments...

I remember Colin Farrell and I being in the trailer one morning

and we'd done a scene the day before that involved wands,

and I looked over and I saw him gently holding his arm

and I had a real pain in my upper arm

and he turned to me and he was like, "Have you got wand wrist?

"Wizard's elbow!"

It's a real thing, when you are doing spells,

but there's nothing to, like, hit against.

A lot of wizards talk about it.

Replacement surgery and...

We're suing Warner Brothers.

Now, a lot of people don't know this,

but Eddie is in fact a highly trained master magician.

-Are you a member of the Magic Circle?

-Um...no.

LAUGHTER

Wow!

That moment was one of deep despair and loss.

It was a dream when I was a child.

-Was it really?

-Please tell me you're about to present me

-with some Magic Circle....

-I know that you can do amazing magic.

-We have here just a totally ordinary colouring book.

-Oh!

This is totally ordinary.

But Eddie can do magic with it.

-Isn't that right, Eddie?

-I mean...

Are you sitting comfortably, children?

-No!

-Oh!

It's totally ordinary, but you mustn't touch it!

OK.

-Eddie's got it.

-So excited.

So, I loved Paul Daniels.

You probably won't know who Paul Daniels is.

The late Paul Daniels was an amazing magician who used to be on telly

every Saturday night and I was obsessed with him.

This is my moment to be on television doing magic.

-Ben, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

This is a colouring book, there is nothing weird, odd or bizarre

about it, other than it says the word "magic" on the front of it.

There is actually nothing in the colouring book. I'm showing you.

-Do you see?

-There is nothing.

-Nothing in it.

-But, Bryan...

-Yes.

Will you blow on the colouring book?

I beg your pardon?

No, harder than that.

LAUGHTER

Come on! Blow hard!

APPLAUSE

I'm going to blow hard.

Ah! Let's see what that's done, shall we?

Oh! Oh! Wow!

Pictures, don't you know!

That is some crazy magic!

-There's more, there's more.

-More?!

-There's more!

-Don't stop me right now.

OK, so the next stage is...

-Now we have pictures, Ben, we have pictures.

-I can see the pictures.

-Will you blow on it?

-I will.

-Give me your full Smaug.

-I will blow hard.

Pah!

Was it hard enough?

I should do panto!

Oh, yes! Was it hard enough?

-We've talked about this, Mum!

-Let's see.

-No, it wasn't hard enough.

-Oh!

I'm a wizard.

Oh!

That was good!

-It's been sitting there awkwardly for the whole show.

-Don't spoil it!

And maybe, for full-on Marvel, like, wizarding crossover,

-the potential for Doctor Strange...

-We might get sued for this.

Will you give us a spell, Ben?

-Aza-ka-zham!

-Good!

-Very good.

Actually, better than I did.

Drumroll?

There you go!

Oh, my! Oh! Oh! Oh!

APPLAUSE

I spent months trying to do that.

Very good. They loved it, Eddie!

Thank you for praising my greatest moment.

-Burn him! Burn him!

-The witch!

Now, Bryan Cranston, an extraordinary life,

and you have put it all into an excellent book

called A Life In Parts, and it's in shops now.

It's not just a straightforward autobiography.

It's a collection of stories, of moments in your life.

Yeah, stories I've been telling all my life

and what you realise is that storytelling

is really the wonderful thing about human beings.

It's probably the first memory that we have,

of dragging a book to our parent's lap, and being told a story,

and whether you're two or 102,

it's the most wonderful thing about human beings.

There's a select few of us who are so fortunate to be able to be

also the storytellers in our lives, and to be able to put it in paper

and have people read about the ups and downs

and the times that I was insecure and doubted

where my next meal was coming from

or a challenging childhood with abandonment and alcoholism

and all kinds of interesting, unfortunate things.

But I try to look at it that, you know,

when something unfortunate happens,

you have built-in conflict,

and that ultimately is what's going to make a good story.

It's a really varied mix of stories.

-You are an ordained minister.

-I am indeed, son.

Yes. There was a very busy minister

who encouraged you to pick up the slack.

One of my summer jobs was on Catalina Island

off the coast of California and I befriended a guy named Reverend Bob

who was a great guy, didn't drink, didn't do any drugs.

He was just looking for a good time

and he was a Universal Life Church Reverend,

which was actually started as a tax haven,

but they also did weddings!

LAUGHTER

So I was attracted to this.

He came to me one day and said,

"Bryan, I need you to perform a wedding, because I have booked

"two weddings, same day, same time, different locations."

I went, "What are you talking about? I can't do that."

He said, "No, you can, I'll just put the certificate in the typewriter

"and type in your name, we send it off to the Secretary of State,

"it gets registered and you are legally an ordained minister."

And I said, "I can't do this, I really can't."

This is the mid-'70s, "I can't do this, I really can't."

"It pays 200," and I go, "I'll do it!"

He said, "Here's a copy of Kahlil Gibran, people like that,

"just talk to them, have the bride sign here, the groom sign here,

"you're done."

OK. I had hair down to here,

I was sunburned, I had shorts, flip-flops and a Hawaiian shirt.

I show up... It was at an airport,

and I'm looking around and I thought,

"Oh, my." This guy says, "Who are you?"

I went, "I'm the Minister.

"Where are we going to do this?"

He said, "We are going to go into a six-seater aeroplane.

"Once we get over the Hollywood sign,

"we want to start the ceremony."

I go, "Piece of cake, no problem." Inside, of course, I'm like that.

We get inside, I'm next to the pilot, the bride and groom,

the witnesses in the back.

That's a twin engine prop plane. So, I have to scream.

I'm in the back, going...

"REMEMBER, LOVE ONE ANOTHER!

"DON'T STAND IN EACH OTHER'S SHADOW!

"THE WILLOW AND THE OAK!

"TRUST THE FOUNDATION OF LOVE!

"WHATEVER YOU ARE IN DOUBT, TRUST YOUR LOVE TOGETHER!"

They're holding hands in the back.

I'm just wheeling and dealing,

but it was an acting exercise.

They were holding hands and looking to me, the figure of authority.

I went, "Oh, man, don't mess this up."

Again, how many connections are on this couch?

Benedict, you can marry people. Is this right?

We're going to have a wedding-off, now.

Yes, it sort of is, yes.

-You have married people?

-I married Rob Rinder to his partner, Seth.

Judge Rinder, you know, Judge Rinder. He married him.

I mean, he didn't marry him. He officiated.

-That would be a bit sticky.

-On Ibiza.

There are so many bits of it that are unlikely.

It's you, it's Judge Rinder, it's Ibiza. It's a wedding!

Way back when he was Rob Rinder, that's who I was marrying.

You weren't marrying him.

No, I was, I was performing the ceremony to Seth, his partner.

He's a judge now. I am pretty sure I could do that,

but I didn't ever see any documentation.

I'm sure it's legitimate.

To be honest, I think they had done the serious stuff,

probably with Bryan in an aeroplane.

-On the way!

-The real serious stuff.

I was just a bit of icing on the cake in Ibiza.

It was an amazing thing to do. I didn't have to fight the noise,

but it was in the baking heat of Ibiza at the edge of a cliff.

To be honest, it's still, whatever the situation,

to be near people making that vow, it's fantastic.

It's an incredible thing to witness.

Also, odd to now witness what has happened to him.

-He's now Judge Rinder, he's on Strictly Come Dancing.

-Very odd.

It's just extraordinary.

I think I have the same...

-Yes, there he is.

-Did you know he could dance?

Not like that, no.

It's extraordinary.

He is a dear friend.

To watch anyone you know do something unexpectedly brilliant

like that, yeah, you're just filled with pride.

It's very funny and very brilliant.

-Are you voting?

-Not yet. I haven't been in the country to vote.

I've been catching up. When it gets crucial, yes.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Multiple dialling.

Friends to vote.

Eddie Redmayne, your wedding sounds like one of those classic weddings

where your wife was late, but she was properly late?

-Yeah, no, she was.

-You mean she was already pregnant?

LAUGHTER

Um, no...

Not that I'm aware.

Um, she... No, she was properly late,

but she's always just generally late in life.

So... It transpired we got married somewhere where the chapel

was right next to where she was getting ready and changed.

Part of the choice was knowing that I could go and scream up to her room

if she didn't come.

But I was actually relatively mellow and standing at the front.

But, er, everyone else, after 45 minutes, was going...

I was like, "No, she's never been on time for anything in her life.

"It's absolutely good and right and as it should be."

That's so... Like, what was she doing?

I always think that's so weird, when people are 45 minutes late

for their own wedding. What the...

You knew this was happening. LAUGHTER

-You've been planning it for a year.

-I know, but I...

-She's pregnant, get off her back!

-LAUGHTER

She was adjusting the dress!

Letting it out a little bit.

A little bit, yeah.

Her lovely grandfather had to be restrained from going

and summoning her.

But it was good, she arrived and it was all fun.

I'm annoyed on your behalf.

Thank you.

Now, the dating, the dating agency.

Bryan's life... seriously, get this book.

The best life ever.

Just because I'm old.

Was the dating agency before the weddings or after the weddings?

It was actually after.

This is a lovely thing, well, they weren't lovely,

but we don't have them any more.

This was... You were filming people's video profiles?

Right, before the online companies of dating and that sort of thing,

you actually had to go into an office.

This company was called Great Expectations.

It was actually very, very successful.

They would match people up.

Basically, you would go in, you would take a picture,

write out a profile of who you are,

and then you would have a short videotape

so that men or women can watch someone and go,

"I like the feel of this person.

"It feels genuine," or whatever.

So, I would conduct the videotape interviews and I would

have a little secret button.

Most of them would come in and go, "Well, I like walks on the beach

"and I'm very romantic, and I like to cook at home."

It's like, "OK, calm down.

"This is not going to work because you're trying too hard.

"Just relax."

So I would usually tell a joke, and then they would laugh

and I'd push the button when they're laughing,

and start the tape, and then say, "Do you have a joke?"

And they would say something or tell a joke, not knowing

they were being taped.

50 seconds later, I'd say, "That's it, we're done."

We just wanted to get a little snippet of who they really are.

And it really worked.

I don't know, because, again, all the apps and things now,

people have forgotten these things.

Somebody, very handily,

did a little montage of men who had done these things.

I don't know if you've directed any of these...

-It's quite possible.

-We'll see the name of the company,

I can't remember what it is. Here we go.

-# Are you looking for me?

-Someone, someone

-# I'm looking for someone

-Where can you be?

# Where can you be?

# Someone, someone. #

OK, early to bed, early to rise

makes a woman healthy,

wealthy and wise.

That's why you're wiser than me. It's Stephen.

Hi, I'm an executive by day and a wild man by night.

Hi. My name is Monroe.

You've probably already noticed I have incredibly blue eyes.

Hi, my name is Phil. Most of my friends call me Big Phil.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Genius!

-OK. So, er, you're the expert. You've been here.

-Yes, uh-huh.

So, if we replay the opening,

I wonder if you could show the boys how it might be done.

-OK.

-So, here we go.

-# Are you looking for me

-Someone, someone

-# I'm looking for someone

-Where can you be?

# Where can you be?

# Someone, someone... #

-Go.

-Hi.

-LAUGHTER

I'm Bryan.

I'm 60, and if you like threesomes, just remember,

I like Malcolm In The Middle.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Very good. # I'm looking for someone... #

Let's go.

# Where can you be? Someone... #

LAUGHTER

Hi. Er...I'm Eddie.

I'm 34.

And if you're looking for a fantastic beast,

-I know where you'll find one.

-WHOOPING AND CHEERING

That's a winner. That's a winner.

# I'm looking for someone

# Someone. #

Hi. I'm Benedict, but you can call me...

-Big Ben.

-AUDIENCE SCREAMS AND LAUGHS

I'm...

somewhere over 30.

If you are feeling a bit strange...

..the doctor will see you now.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Are you looking for me? #

Beautiful. Works of art.

That is going to guarantee that we would all have stayed single.

Excellent work. Right, it's time for music.

This lady is the youngest Grammy winner ever, and 20 years later,

she's still going strong.

With her 16th studio album Remnants,

here performing The Story, it's LeAnn Rimes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# All of these lines across my face

# Tell you the story of who I am

# So many stories of where I've been

# And how I got to where I am

# Oh, but these stories don't mean anything

# When you've got no-one to tell them to, it's true

# I was made for you

# I climbed across a mountain top

# Swam all across the ocean blue

# I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules

# And baby, I broke them all for you

# Oh, and it's even when I was flat broke

# You made me feel like a million bucks, you do

# Ooh, I was made for

# You-ou-ou-ou

# Oooh

# Ooh

# You see the smile that's on my mouth

# It's hiding the words that don't come out

# All of my friends who think that I'm blessed

# They don't know my head is a mess

# No, they don't know who I really am

# And they don't know what I've been through like you do

# Oh, I was made for you

# All of these lines across my face

# Tell you the story of who I am

# So many stories of where I've been

# And how I got to where I am

# Oh, but these stories don't mean anything

# When you've got no-one to tell them to, it's true

# Ooh, I was made for you

# I was made for you

# Yeah, well, it's true. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Whoo! LeAnn Rimes!

Come over and join us, do.

That was beautiful.

Thank you so much. Mwah!

LeAnn Rimes.

Come and join the boys.

You have a seat, there.

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Very good! Wow.

Thank you so much.

Congratulations. Congratulations on that performance.

-That was beautiful.

-Thank you. I feel like I'm interrupting

the flow, being the only girl, but it feels very nice.

No, no.

They were missing the girls.

Not at all. We're just acting normal.

LAUGHTER

The vibe has changed.

Do you want a drink?

LAUGHTER

-I will get you a date.

-I think I pulled something.

-The album Remnants is out now, congratulations.

-Thank you.

Good luck with it. It deserves to do well.

And I was saying there,

you've been in the business for 20 years.

-But you're so young. You're still in your early 30s?

-I'm 34, yeah.

-You were a proper child.

-A baby.

-How old were you for the Grammy?

I was a foetus when I started.

LAUGHTER

I basically was...14 when I won my... Yeah.

-Oh, look!

-That's some fantastic hair right there.

-Yes.

-Throwing it back, throwing it back, yes.

No, I'd been singing on stage since I was five.

Did you ever get to a point where you were nervous,

or because you started so young, you passed that?

Only as I've gotten older.

You realise, the humanity sets in,

and you realise, "Oh, well, I'm not superhuman,"

but as a kid, I started so young that it didn't even faze me. But...

I think for people here, we associate you with country roots,

the American heartland, but you genuinely like it here,

you look out on an audience

and it's so different to the audience you see in America?

My audiences have always been diverse, as far as age goes.

But here, yeah, there's like leather and piercings,

everything, it's such a wide variety of people.

Here, they really love music.

They know the album. It's not just that they know the singles.

I'll play an obscure song

and people will be singing all of the words, it's really cool.

-That's nice.

-Great audiences here.

-You can just relax, can't you?

-Let them do it.

-Exactly! You sing!

People want to know, will this album be toured?

Are you going to tour in Britain?

Yes, we're doing six shows here in February

and then we'll be back in the fall to hopefully do more shows.

Yeah, I love it here, I'll be back much more.

Come and see us again. LeAnn Rimes, everybody!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

OK.

Just before we go, we do have time to visit the big red chair.

Let's see who's there.

-Hello, sir.

-Hello, good evening!

GRAHAM SIGHS, AUDIENCE LAUGH

That's right.

LAUGHTER

That wasn't just me. That wasn't just me. Bryan Cranston also.

He said that as well.

We're older, our patience has gone.

-Thin, thin.

-Thin, thin.

OK, let's try somebody else.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-What's your name?

-Jen.

-Lovely. Where are you from, Jen?

-Originally Canada, but I've lived here five years.

-What do you do?

-I work in tech.

-In tech. She works in tech.

-Sounds fishy.

-No, it does.

I'm going to explore. What do you do in tech?

I lead the team that does customer management

for a software company.

I'm so sorry I asked.

LAUGHTER

-That's why I say tech.

-Go even deeper. One more level deep.

Even she sounded bored.

She was smiling and trying to sound enthusiastic

but really she's thinking, "Jesus, I'm doing it again tomorrow."

Off you go with your story.

So, my boyfriend and I, after school, moved to Boston

and my parents were coming to visit.

We hadn't spent a ton of time as a group together

so I warned my boyfriend that my parents are pretty open,

like to say a lot of stuff.

And we went out shopping one day

and ended up at a bath and body works type of store.

My parents were looking at some of the products

and my dad picks up this pot of body powder and was talking to the woman.

My mum comes over and the woman says,

"It's really great, you can have a shower, put it on."

My mum looks at my dad and looks at my boyfriend and goes,

"Oh, you can put it on your balls after the shower."

Like, yeah, it'll smell amazing!

My boyfriend just turns totally white and walks out of the store.

It ended up working out. Ten years later, we're still together.

I...

I don't even know what that story was about!

-Balls.

-How was that a story?

-Powdered balls.

-I got the powdered balls bit.

-I found it quite emotional.

You've had enough.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the show and have

a go in the red chair, you can contact us via our website.

That is it for tonight. Please say a huge thank you to my guests -

LeAnn Rimes, everybody...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING ..Bryan Cranston...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING ..Eddie Redmayne...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING ..and Benedict Cumberbatch!

Join me next week with music from the mighty Sting,

actors Claire Foy and Matt Smith,

broadcasting legend Sir David Attenborough

and Hollywood star Ben Affleck.

I'll see you then! Goodnight, bye-bye!