New Year's Eve Show The Graham Norton Show


New Year's Eve Show

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Hi, everyone, I'm Hugh Jackman, it's New Year's Eve,

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welcome to The Graham Norton Show!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh! Oh!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh-ho-ho! Too kind.

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Thank you very much. Thank you.

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Welcome to the show and happy New Year's Eve!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yay!

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Yay!

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Yay, it's really happening...

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We've got a great sofa of guests

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to ease you towards the midnight celebrations.

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By the way, if you are planning to have

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a fireworks demonstration tonight, please remember, never return to

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a lit one as it can backfire on you,

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like, I don't know, like a snap election.

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That was fun!

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Oh, I wonder if Theresa May got what she wanted for Christmas?

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Hindsight. Yeah...

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I do hope at home you've got a drink in hand.

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Not so much to toast in the New Year -

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more to help you forget the old one! Yeah!

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2017, ladies and gentlemen - what a year!

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In China, it was the Year of the Monkey. Yeah.

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In America, Year of the Cock.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Donald...

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Donald wasn't the only American in the news this year, no.

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In November, an American won the lottery. Yeah.

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"Yes! Yes!

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"Stupid acting! Yes!"

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In the UK, Theresa May started the Brexit process

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by triggering Article 50.

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Or, as it's now called, Article 50 billion.

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This was David Davis in August,

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insisting the UK will not give the EU a blank cheque,

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and here he is in September...

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..giving them a blank cheque!

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This year, Tim Farron resigned as Lib Dem leader

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because of his Christian views on gay sex.

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To be fair to Tim, he did a very Christian thing when he resigned -

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he gave up a seat to an elderly person.

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Yeah. Awww! Vince, look at him!

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Already talk of Vince Cable being replaced.

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Mind you, it can't be the first time he's heard the words

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"Do you think you'll survive the winter?"

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LAUGHTER

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Let's get some guests on! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Later, we'll be meeting Dr Foster star, Suranne Jones, will be here.

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And we'll be chatting to one of our greatest actors, Gary Oldman.

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CHEERING

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Plus, we'll be seeing out the year with a great musical performance

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by the Leading Ladies.

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They will be performing One Night Only.

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But first, three hot stars from the new musical extravaganza

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The Greatest Showman,

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starting with the all-singing, all-dancing Mr Zac Efron!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yeah!

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They thought I was lying! That's Zac Efron.

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She's one of Hollywood's most influential young stars -

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it's Zendaya!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So sparkly!

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Hello, you're very welcome. Mwah and mwah!

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Go and sit beside Zac there.

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And he's not only The Greatest Showman,

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he's one of our all-time favourite guests.

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It is Mr Hugh Jackman!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

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Oh! Lovely to see you all.

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Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Come on.

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-You're good, you're good!

-Yes.

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DEADPAN: Thank you for joining us on this special evening.

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It's just I'm Australian - I will be vomiting in 30 minutes.

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-Did you all have a nice Christmas?

-The best!

-Yeah?!

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-LAUGHTER

-Oh...

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I don't know where to begin.

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Zac, I don't want to pry.

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What was your best present, Zac? What was your best present?

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A-ha, ah, yeah...

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This is a good game, isn't it?! Good game.

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-I still have yet to get it for myself.

-OK!

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-Zac gave me a car. A car!

-That's so nice!

-I heard that!

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-The Bugatti.

-It was amazing.

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-How did you like it?

-I just loved it.

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The colour, not so much, but, you know...

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Listen, we should say, Hugh Jackman, this year, this festive season,

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-you CAN enjoy yourself, you can pull the old ripcord...

-Yeah.

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..cos you never have to be Wolverine again.

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That's it. 17 years I've been on a diet.

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You never need to look like...

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But having said that, like, won't you miss looking like that?

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-Erm...

-WOLF WHISTLE FROM AUDIENCE

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Now... Now, yes!

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No. Like, people say to me,

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"How do I get ripped? How do I get like that?"

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And I'm, like, "Man, really,

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"it's too much effort for what it's worth."

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Like, it takes a lot, it's a lot of dedication, a lot of time,

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a lot of pain, a lot of steamed chicken and not much fun.

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Like, don't do it - it's not worth it.

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Yeah, it sucks, man.

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You can look seven and half out of ten and be so much happier.

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My wife is, like, "Enough!

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"Your job, as my husband, is to look like crap.

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"That is your job."

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Now, Zendaya, Zendaya, here's the thing -

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how old were you when you kind of

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started working professionally in the business?

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I think I was 13 when I got my first Disney Channel gig.

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-Yeah. And now you're in your early 20s now.

-Yeah.

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-Was that your show, your first gig?

-Yeah, that was my first thing.

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-KC Undercover?

-It was Shake It Up, that was my first Disney show,

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-and that was, yeah, 13 years old.

-Wow.

-And it hasn't stopped.

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Is that younger than you, Zac? Or you were younger than that?

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I was... Yeah. You were 13 on Disney Channel?

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I was 13 on Disney Channel.

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Yeah, when I was 13, I was...

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..I think I was auditioning for my first play,

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like, local community theatre.

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My parents tricked me into auditioning for my first play.

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Told me we were going to Toys R Us.

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-You're kidding! They lied to you?

-Yeah.

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And we've got a picture of you. Now, how old are you here?

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-I had to be, like, 13.

-Is your hair crimped there?

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Yeah. It is, it is.

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Do you kind of put it an elastic band before you go to bed?

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How do you make your hair like that?

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I went to a performing arts school, and I'd lied about my age

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and said I was in high school when I wasn't.

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And I... There were a lot of older girls there

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that were just fun to hang out with, and they did that to me.

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-You were like their doll.

-Yeah! I guess I was.

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We've got a picture of young Hugh Jackman.

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Can you see the boy who really wants to perform?

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Oh, no!

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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That's like...

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Put me in, coach! Come on, coach, put me in!

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-I'm ready!

-That is amazing!

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You are, like, totally focused on the camera.

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"Team? What team?"

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The opposition... The opposition were terrified.

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-They were intimidated.

-Wow.

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The big movie you're here to tell us about is The Greatest Showman.

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It's showing everywhere now, and it really is a festive treat.

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It's a big musical extravaganza, telling the story of PT Barnum,

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who sort of originated what we think of as a circus.

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So, before we talk about it, here's a taste of what to expect.

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This is not the life I promised you.

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Not even close.

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But I have everything I want.

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Girls, I think I've had an idea.

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# Look out cos here I come... #

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I'm putting together a show.

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It's a place where people can see things they've never seen before!

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-Who's that?

-And what is your act?

-I don't have an act.

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Everyone's got an act.

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# So tell me do you wanna go?

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# Where it's covered in all the coloured lights?

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# Where the runaways are running the night?

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# Impossible comes through It's taking over you

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# Oh, this is the greatest show!

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# This is the greatest show! #

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No-one ever made a difference by being like everyone else.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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You know, Hugh Jackman, you play PT Barnum,

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and it's one of those things, where, like, the part and you,

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it's such a great fit.

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You seem to love being the showman.

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I was, seven and a half years ago, approached by...

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Yes, I do.

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Can I show you a shot of me playing soccer when I was six...

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I do kind of love it.

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I'm a ham, I'm a ham from way back,

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and somehow I feel really comfortable on a stage,

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I always have, and I was involved from the very beginning.

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So, if I'm not good in this part, I literally will never be good again,

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because it was a dream for me, for all of us.

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Well, Zac's done it four times before...

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But to be in a movie musical is a dream,

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-and it doesn't come along all that often.

-Yeah.

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And so we spent seven years, we wanted to do something original,

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original music, and I think the music is phenomenal.

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And we wanted to tell the story of

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the guy who pretty much invented show business, so, this was it!

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And I love that story that you were so gung ho.

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Was it the first read-through, where you couldn't help yourself?

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It was at... It was the final read-through.

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So, we did four workshops over four years.

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So, the final read-through, there were about 80 people,

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and every single one of them with a cheque book in there.

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So it was will this or will it not happen?

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Based on this one performance.

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We had an eight-piece orchestra, we had everyone there performing,

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and the day before, I had had a skin cancer operation.

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So, I've had three or four of them, and I had to get it done.

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So I had 80 stitches in my nose and a plaster. I said,

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"Great, I'm back to rehearsal, I'm going to sing tomorrow.

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And the doctor's like, "No, no, no, you can't sing tomorrow."

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You know, because the stitches may come apart.

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And I said, "You don't understand - this is our make or break.

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"I've got to sing." And he goes, "You can't sing tomorrow."

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So I went in, made the announcement to everyone that I couldn't sing

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and someone was there to sing the songs for me.

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But when it came to From Now On, which is the last number,

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I was just so taken up by the moment, I thought,

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"I'll sing the first line."

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So, I sang the first line, I sang the second line,

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I sang the third line... and then I was singing!

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LAUGHTER

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With the soccer ball, right there!

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-And, yeah...

-APPLAUSE

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So, I've finished the song.

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I mean, it was a pretty good showbiz moment.

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And I... Everyone seemed to be happy and I was like, "Great,"

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and I felt this trickle, and I went, "Uh-oh."

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And I went back to the doctor

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and had to have a bunch of those stitches redone.

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But worth it! Worth it!

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The show must go on!

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APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

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-So, you're PT Barnum.

-Yeah.

-And Zendaya...?

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I'm Anne Wheeler.

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I'm a trapeze artist who...falls in love with this guy.

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-Yeah...

-Aw!

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I sort of play a made-up character. Phillip...

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LAUGHTER

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-Same.

-Phillip...Carlyle?

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And...I'm, like, a writer, struggling, sort of very depressed,

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but successful and has a lot of money,

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that PT Barnum convinces me to come with him and sort of help him

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on his journey to show business.

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I want his money.

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And Zendaya...being bendy and doing the trapeze-y thing,

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was there a moment where, I think, you over-exerted yourself?

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Was it in front of Hugh?

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OK. See, here's what happened.

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Let me clear the air, literally.

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-So, here's the story.

-"Literally"! Yeah.

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So, we're doing...

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I'm not going to name the person because that's embarrassing, OK?

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The point is, we were doing a stunt in front of Hugh Jackman.

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Now, I have very few scenes with Hugh Jackman,

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-and I was very nervous.

-Was it me?!

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-It was not you.

-No, it was not you.

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And I was on my, you know, my A game,

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cos this is Hugh Jackman and I do not want to mess up.

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So we're doing this thing where I'm basically up in the air

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and I spin down and I get caught,

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and I heard a fart.

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LAUGHTER

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-Now, wait!

-We all heard the fart!

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We all heard the fart.

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Now...as a professional, I was going to carry on.

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It was not me!

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I just want to clarify, right here, right now, it was not me.

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So, they're laughing.

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The other person, OK, is laughing, and Hugh was laughing.

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I'm like, "OK, are we just going to, like, pretend that it didn't happen

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"or are we going to laugh about it?"

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And what happened was the person - who was a grown man -

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-blamed it on me!

-Yeah.

-Oh!

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-So Hugh thought that I farted!

-HUGH MOUTHS

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But, the crazy... I would never do that!

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No-one thought that that was you, no-one.

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-No-one.

-Listen, let me tell you something...

-Yeah.

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..if I ever farted in front of you,

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it would definitely be silent but deadly.

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I would never...never audibly, never audibly.

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You know what I'm saying? I'm a lady.

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Memo to self. Memo to self.

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And tell me this, Zac, in terms of dancing and showmen,

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I know that Michael Jackson was a real hero of yours.

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-And...

-Yeah...

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Now, you... Did you meet him? Or you didn't meet him?

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-There was...

-No, no, I never... I talked to him on the phone.

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Yeah, so how did that happen?

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Uh, I... How did it happen?

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I was... I was in Paris, and I was with Kenny Ortega.

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We were promoting High School Musical 3, I want to say it was...

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I was probably 20... Maybe 20, 21 at the time,

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and we were at dinner, and somehow, I was at the head of the table

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and Kenny was on the other side of the table,

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our director, Kenny Ortega.

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And his phone rang, and I remember I got this look, like...

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"You want this phone call."

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And I was like, "OK," so I came over and was like, "What's going on?"

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-He goes...

-WHISPERS:

-"It's Michael Jackson."

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I'm like, "What?!" He hands me the phone, and I was like...

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"Uh...hello?"

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And I heard, "Hi, who's this?"

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And I was like... "Um, this is Zac Efron.

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"I'm a massive fan and I'm an actor

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"and you're, like, my hero," and I didn't know what to say.

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I was like, kind of... I was just at a loss for words and rambling on.

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And then he said, "That's really nice.

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"Can you hand the phone back to Kenny?"

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LAUGHTER

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So I did. And I was freaking out.

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Like, I just talked to Michael Jackson - he's my hero.

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I was tripping.

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And I sat back down, just a little dizzy, and then all of a sudden,

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the phone rang again, and Kenny answered,

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and I saw him kind of confused across the table.

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And he, like, looked at me again. He's like,

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"You want to get this phone."

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I was like, "OK." And he hands the phone to me and goes,

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"It's Michael Jackson again."

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And I was like, "What? OK."

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And I picked up the phone and I was like, "Hello?"

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He goes, "Oh, this is Zac, from High School Musical?"

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And I was like, "Uh...yeah."

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And he was like, "Oh, I love what you do, I'm a huge fan,

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"I love what you do."

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And I lost it. I just lost it.

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I lost my balance, I think I fell over, into the wall.

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I was like, do you know who I am?

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And I just started crying.

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I was a mess.

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Literally, I was making a fool out of myself.

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I, like, slid down to the floor, pathetically,

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and professed how much I loved him.

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Said, like, "You're my hero, you're the reason I do what I do,

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"thank you so much, Michael, for everything.

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"Thanks for showing me how to dance,

0:15:520:15:54

"how to believe in myself, how to... how to..."

0:15:540:15:58

I don't know, how to shine, you know?

0:15:580:16:01

And...that made him cry.

0:16:010:16:03

We were both crying to each other on the phone.

0:16:050:16:07

And he ended the whole phone call conversation with

0:16:070:16:10

something along the lines of,

0:16:100:16:12

"Hey, Zac," and I stopped crying for a second,

0:16:120:16:15

"Isn't it awesome?" I was like, "What?"

0:16:150:16:18

And he goes, "Dreams really do come true, don't they?"

0:16:180:16:21

And I was like... "Michael, you can't say things like that!

0:16:210:16:27

"You're killing me, man! You're killing me!"

0:16:280:16:30

-What a sweet story.

-Thank you, Michael. Thank you.

0:16:300:16:34

Now, in terms of circus, and the world of circus,

0:16:390:16:42

oddly, Hugh Jackman, this isn't your first foray.

0:16:420:16:45

You did some fine clown work.

0:16:450:16:47

-I did.

-Earlier in your life.

-I was a clown at kids' parties.

0:16:470:16:50

-I think we've got a picture of Coco.

-There it is!

-This is Coco.

0:16:500:16:55

It's a rented costume.

0:16:570:16:59

Coco and Bozo. We really put zero thought into this.

0:16:590:17:02

But I could juggle at the time.

0:17:020:17:05

And I was very good with the three-year-olds'

0:17:050:17:07

and four-year-olds' party.

0:17:070:17:09

-Cos you really just dress up and you're done.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:17:090:17:11

And I remember once getting a little cocky

0:17:110:17:13

and I did an eight-year-old's birthday party.

0:17:130:17:16

All you're hired to do is to keep the kids occupied for an hour.

0:17:160:17:20

We've got some mums and dads here,

0:17:200:17:22

so that mums and dads can drink, right? Am I right?

0:17:220:17:24

About five minutes into my schtick, this little eight-year-old kid,

0:17:240:17:29

who I hate to this day,

0:17:290:17:31

stands up, "Mum, Dad,

0:17:310:17:34

"this clown is crap!"

0:17:340:17:36

Shut up! Shut up, kid!

0:17:380:17:41

And I pull out the thing... I would juggle eggs,

0:17:410:17:44

I could juggle eggs and occasionally I would crack one.

0:17:440:17:47

So I just said, "Here, kids, eggs,"

0:17:470:17:49

They were throwing eggs at me and I literally walked out,

0:17:490:17:52

took off the wig, and I never went back again, that was it.

0:17:520:17:56

-No more Coco.

-Obviously, in things like The Prestige,

0:17:560:18:00

-you had to learn special skills.

-Right.

0:18:000:18:02

-You can properly juggle, can't you?

-I used to be able to juggle.

0:18:020:18:05

Because tonight, because it's The Greatest Showman,

0:18:050:18:08

we were thinking about people's skills, special skills, so...

0:18:080:18:11

-Can you juggle those things?

-Right!

0:18:110:18:15

There's a selection of fruit. If you want to juggle a selection of fruit.

0:18:170:18:20

-Shall we go oranges?

-Go oranges.

0:18:200:18:22

All right, we'll go oranges.

0:18:220:18:23

Oh, you really can!

0:18:230:18:25

AUDIENCE CHEER AND APPLAUD

0:18:250:18:27

Oh, I caught one! I caught one!

0:18:290:18:32

Same time.

0:18:340:18:35

Oh!

0:18:350:18:36

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:18:360:18:38

-Beautiful!

-Health and safety!

0:18:440:18:45

I turn now... I turn now to Zendaya.

0:18:470:18:51

Now, you've got a physical thing you can do?

0:18:510:18:54

-Oh, yeah.

-Not the farting?

-Oh, no.

0:18:540:18:56

It wasn't me!

0:18:560:18:58

-Tell me this...

-It was not me!

0:19:010:19:03

-But it was not me.

-I'm really excited to find out.

-Tell me this,

0:19:030:19:08

Zendaya, in terms of the trapeze skills, do you still have them?

0:19:080:19:12

If, for instance, if there was a trapeze,

0:19:120:19:15

could you just slip your shoes off and get on a thing and just go nuts?

0:19:150:19:20

You know... I didn't really wear my trapeze outfit today.

0:19:200:19:23

The heels are a little difficult.

0:19:230:19:25

Oh, OK!

0:19:250:19:27

-Is that a no?

-I mean...

-Oh, is it a yes?

0:19:270:19:30

Maybe... Maybe...

0:19:300:19:32

CHEERING

0:19:320:19:34

Listen, guys, I hate to let people down,

0:19:380:19:41

but I don't have my stunt team here.

0:19:410:19:43

-And I do not want to hurt myself.

-We got you.

0:19:430:19:46

You guys are going to...?

0:19:460:19:48

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh...

0:19:480:19:49

Well, thank you very much.

0:19:510:19:53

The only thing I can do is wiggle my ears.

0:19:540:19:56

See, already we're thrilled!

0:19:560:19:58

You're really doing it! Oh, she's doing it!

0:19:580:20:01

That is impressive. Well done.

0:20:040:20:06

APPLAUSE

0:20:060:20:08

-That was good.

-Thank you!

0:20:080:20:10

Now, Zac, you've been very generous with your skills on the show,

0:20:120:20:15

we've seen you controlling the ball

0:20:150:20:17

and then you did the pole work the last time.

0:20:170:20:20

-That was impressive.

-We haven't turned that photograph.

0:20:220:20:24

-He did that.

-That's for real?

-Yeah.

0:20:240:20:26

My pole dance.

0:20:260:20:28

Tonight, you bring us something very special.

0:20:280:20:31

So, what special skill, what party trick have you brought for us?

0:20:310:20:34

It's nothing at all.

0:20:340:20:37

I couldn't do it. In fairness, I don't know what it is, but I...

0:20:370:20:41

If it wasn't built up now, after that!

0:20:430:20:47

My mom taught me how to blow like bubbles of spit.

0:20:470:20:50

Now we're talking!

0:20:500:20:53

So, now, because I'm not sure, so I don't know how well this will go.

0:20:530:20:58

If it was to go as well as possible, what should we expect to see?

0:20:580:21:02

Things are happening.

0:21:020:21:04

-I can see it!

-Your spit has to be just the right consistency.

0:21:040:21:09

My mom taught me how to do this. She's going to be so embarrassed.

0:21:090:21:13

Here we go, here we go, here we go. This is it. This is it.

0:21:190:21:21

I saw it, I saw it!

0:21:250:21:27

-I can form one. Last try?

-Yeah.

0:21:270:21:30

Honestly, I can't do it. Your spit has to be just right.

0:21:350:21:38

I don't know what you have to eat.

0:21:380:21:40

Mom... I wish my mom was around.

0:21:400:21:43

-It's OK, man.

-Well, frickin' A!

0:21:430:21:45

OK, we've been let down by spitball.

0:21:500:21:53

Will you have one more go with your spitball? One more go.

0:21:540:21:57

Oh, I saw that one!

0:21:580:22:00

Oh... Oh...

0:22:000:22:02

Oh, you're on a roll.

0:22:020:22:03

-Oh! Yay!

-We've got a spitball!

0:22:070:22:12

-OK, you did it, you did it, Zac Efron!

-Yes!

0:22:130:22:17

So, let's just see if our audience tonight have any talents.

0:22:170:22:21

We asked what skills they have to offer us tonight.

0:22:210:22:24

I've got some of their answers here.

0:22:240:22:27

Where's Lucy?

0:22:290:22:31

Where's Lucy? Now, Lucy, I don't understand your thing.

0:22:310:22:34

So, you can do Eggy Peggy language?

0:22:340:22:37

-Yeah.

-OK, so how do we demonstrate this?

0:22:370:22:42

-So I can translate anything into Eggy Peggy.

-Just a phrase?

0:22:420:22:46

-Any phrase. In any language.

-Hugh Jackman, do you have a phrase

0:22:460:22:49

you would like to hear in Eggy Peggy? I know no more than you.

0:22:490:22:52

Zendaya never farted on the set of The Greatest Showman.

0:22:530:22:57

SHE TRANSLATES TO EGGY PEGGY

0:22:570:23:04

CHEERING

0:23:040:23:06

I don't know whether that was good or not.

0:23:060:23:09

It's good.

0:23:090:23:11

Where's Ash? Where's Ash?

0:23:110:23:13

Ash, what can you do?

0:23:130:23:14

-Spin on my head.

-You're the spin-on-the-head guy.

0:23:140:23:17

OK, that's very good. Hang on. We might see you later.

0:23:170:23:20

We won't see it right now. That's Ash, who can spin on his head.

0:23:200:23:23

Where is Tora?

0:23:230:23:25

Now, Tora does an impression.

0:23:250:23:27

You just do the one, right?

0:23:270:23:29

-No.

-Yes. Ssh!

0:23:290:23:31

-Is there more?

-Yes.

0:23:310:23:33

I love gabby friend there.

0:23:330:23:35

How many...?

0:23:350:23:36

What else can Tora do?

0:23:360:23:38

-FRIEND:

-Tell them.

-Well...

0:23:380:23:40

I used to be able to do the Queen.

0:23:400:23:42

-What happened?

-Well, she got older, and I can't do her any more.

0:23:420:23:46

So, what are you going to give us?

0:23:480:23:50

I'm going to give Sybil Fawlty.

0:23:500:23:52

-Oh, Fawlty Towers, OK.

-I love that!

0:23:520:23:55

So, Tora is Sybil Fawlty from Fawlty Towers.

0:23:550:23:58

-AS SYBIL:

-Polly, would you get Manuel for me?

0:23:580:24:01

That was very good!

0:24:010:24:03

Now, Mike, where's Mike?

0:24:080:24:11

Now, Mike might be a good companion trick for your moving ears.

0:24:110:24:14

-Oh, OK.

-Mike can, it says here, "uniquely fold his tongue".

0:24:140:24:21

-Oh!

-OK.

0:24:210:24:23

Nice and close to Mike's mouth.

0:24:230:24:25

OK. And here we go.

0:24:250:24:27

Mike folding his... Oh, he's having some problems.

0:24:270:24:31

Oh, no, are they your own teeth?

0:24:310:24:33

They are.

0:24:330:24:34

Don't get sick, Mike!

0:24:390:24:41

-Sorry.

-Not yet.

-Not yet.

-OK.

0:24:430:24:46

No, in fairness, professionals are having trouble.

0:24:460:24:49

-Don't attempt any trick with your tongue on this show.

-No.

0:24:510:24:55

I do a mean Wolverine.

0:24:550:24:57

Let's see your mean Wolverine then!

0:24:590:25:00

That's good. Who knew that was coming?

0:25:040:25:08

Ah, well done, all the talented people in our audience, very good.

0:25:080:25:13

-Why didn't I think of that?

-I know!

0:25:150:25:17

-No, he had that ends of his fingers going, man.

-He was good.

0:25:200:25:25

Hey, let's meet my next guest. We first met this Bafta-winning actress

0:25:250:25:29

on Coronation Street, then as one half of Scott & Bailey

0:25:290:25:32

but she truly gripped the nation in the monster hit Doctor Foster.

0:25:320:25:35

Please welcome Suranne Jones!

0:25:350:25:37

Hey. Hello, darling, lovely to see you.

0:25:400:25:44

Have a seat. More kissing, more kissing.

0:25:530:25:56

It's so showbiz.

0:25:560:25:58

-Happy New Year.

-Happy New Year.

0:25:580:26:00

Or eve, or something, whatever it is.

0:26:000:26:02

Mike's making me a bit nervous with the tongue thing.

0:26:020:26:05

-I'm not sure what that was.

-Not sure if it's special.

-What?

0:26:070:26:10

Is that special, folding your tongue back?

0:26:100:26:12

He looked a bit like a dog that had had peanut butter.

0:26:120:26:14

-Um...

-Could have led with the Wolverine, Mike.

0:26:180:26:21

-Lead with that, that's the one.

-So, Suranne, did you meet backstage?

0:26:210:26:25

-No, you weren't back here.

-No, no.

-No.

0:26:250:26:27

We tried but she wouldn't see anyone.

0:26:270:26:29

-I don't know.

-No, I was too nervous.

0:26:290:26:31

I get very nervous before I come on

0:26:310:26:32

-so I was kind of hiding somewhere.

-Do you?

0:26:320:26:34

-We have met before.

-I know, we met in Broadway at the River.

0:26:340:26:37

-Yeah.

-Oh, good memory.

0:26:370:26:39

Yeah. With my husband as well.

0:26:390:26:42

Is this mean of me?

0:26:420:26:44

Yes, cos it was the dressing room and my friend Kush.

0:26:450:26:48

This might be mean of me, but... cos people, you know,

0:26:480:26:51

we give interviews, people ask us stupid questions, we answer them,

0:26:510:26:54

da-da-da, so, in 2013

0:26:540:26:57

do you remember you were asked in a questionnaire

0:26:570:26:59

what your greatest weakness was?

0:26:590:27:01

If I wasn't sat next to Hugh Jackman...

0:27:050:27:08

-..I would answer you, but you're going to say it anyway.

-I am, yes.

0:27:090:27:12

You said coffee and Hugh Jackman.

0:27:120:27:14

In that order?

0:27:180:27:20

The things you say.

0:27:250:27:26

Are you also kind of like, "What are the chances?"

0:27:260:27:29

-Now look!

-But then I went on to marry someone who also loves you,

0:27:290:27:35

and, when we met, he was winding me up before we met,

0:27:350:27:38

and he was getting knives

0:27:380:27:41

and putting them on his hands and saying, "When I meet Hugh,

0:27:410:27:45

"I am going to do this," cos he loves Wolverine.

0:27:450:27:48

And we had a massive argument cos I said why would you do that,

0:27:480:27:51

why can't you say you were great in the play, nice to meet you?

0:27:510:27:55

Why would you do...? Why would you get knives out?

0:27:550:27:58

And embarrass me?

0:27:590:28:00

And then we met, and my husband didn't say boo to a goose,

0:28:000:28:04

stood in a corner and we went, "Hi, how are you?"

0:28:040:28:07

And then was so disappointed that you weren't like Wolverine, so...

0:28:080:28:12

-Oh, really.

-Yeah.

-Oh. I'm going to send Mike over.

0:28:120:28:15

-Yes, yes.

-Mike's better.

-Sorry, Laurence.

-Now here's a thing.

0:28:150:28:19

I think it's extraordinary because you walk out

0:28:190:28:22

to that mighty roar and you, as an actress,

0:28:220:28:24

you were in the most popular show in Britain,

0:28:240:28:26

you were in Coronation Street, then Scott & Bailey,

0:28:260:28:28

everyone loved that, but Doctor Foster, you must have thought,

0:28:280:28:31

I'm really famous, and then Doctor Foster came along.

0:28:310:28:34

I know, it's just gone mental.

0:28:340:28:35

-Yeah.

-I've not done a show where people have just been behind it.

0:28:350:28:38

And also cos you couldn't binge watch it,

0:28:380:28:41

you had to watch it once a week, it had that kind of watercooler cooler effect.

0:28:410:28:45

And, you know, for a character that was quite mental at times,

0:28:450:28:48

-especially in season two...

-Yes.

-..yeah, people loved it.

0:28:480:28:52

But also it was quite graphic.

0:28:520:28:55

So, that must have been odd for you, then, just Suranne Jones,

0:28:550:29:00

-doing your shopping.

-I remember, well, I've told you this before.

0:29:000:29:03

But I was in the woods with my two-year-old,

0:29:030:29:06

nearly two-year-old and I'd done this big hate sex scene

0:29:060:29:10

where there was lots of things going on in the kitchen.

0:29:100:29:15

-And, um...

-I love that.

0:29:150:29:17

-The old hate sex scene.

-Yeah.

0:29:170:29:20

I hope they wiped down the surfaces after that

0:29:200:29:22

because it needed a good Dettoling.

0:29:220:29:25

And, you know, you do these scenes and you're just kind of, like...

0:29:260:29:29

and I'm with my son and my son just wants to

0:29:290:29:32

pick up sticks or sing songs with me in the woods,

0:29:320:29:35

and then people come past, saying,

0:29:350:29:37

"Ooh! Saw you last night in that scene, that was quite some..."

0:29:370:29:41

And I'm like, "Yeah, like, not now."

0:29:410:29:44

Not, not appropriate.

0:29:440:29:46

I'm singing, "Ooh, this little piggy went to market."

0:29:460:29:50

Yeah, literally.

0:29:520:29:54

Talking to you, you are not resting,

0:29:590:30:01

you are not resting cos you're straight back to work presumably

0:30:010:30:04

in the New Year in rehearsals, a new play, it's called Frozen.

0:30:040:30:07

Not the Disney version, yes.

0:30:070:30:09

No. I think that poster's good enough to avoid confusion.

0:30:090:30:13

-Yeah, I'm not in a fancy dress outfit, yeah.

-Where's Olaf?

0:30:130:30:17

It starts on 21st February,

0:30:200:30:22

it's at the Theatre Royal Haymarket in London and it's, not just you,

0:30:220:30:25

it's a really starry cast. It's Jason Watkins and Nina Sosanya.

0:30:250:30:30

-Sosanya, yes.

-Oddly, they're both in W1A together.

0:30:300:30:34

I know, which is a comedy, and again ours isn't really a comedy.

0:30:340:30:37

No, this sounds quite...

0:30:370:30:39

-Yeah.

-Yeah, it's a psychological thriller, a three-hander,

0:30:390:30:42

and it's about a woman who loses her child, her child goes missing.

0:30:420:30:46

And then she gets the opportunity to meet the person

0:30:460:30:50

that was responsible for that.

0:30:500:30:53

And I read somewhere where how you feel, because you're a newish mom,

0:30:530:30:58

that that has kind of affected your brain when you read

0:30:580:31:01

a script like this, kind of a different switch has been flicked.

0:31:010:31:05

Do you know, I don't know how you guys feel,

0:31:050:31:08

but when I became a mum or I was pregnant,

0:31:080:31:11

I was attracted by, like, missing children.

0:31:110:31:14

Because I've done three, like Doctor Foster,

0:31:140:31:17

and then I'm in a Sky Atlantic thing called Save Me

0:31:170:31:20

and that's about a missing child and Frozen is about missing...

0:31:200:31:23

So I must have been in a headspace

0:31:230:31:25

where it was like the total opposite to what...

0:31:250:31:27

I was so happy in my marriage

0:31:270:31:29

and having a new baby that I was drawn to these really dark stories.

0:31:290:31:33

I mean, it does stop after this one! I'm not... But it's weird...

0:31:330:31:38

I wonder what happens in this Suranne Jones project.

0:31:380:31:40

Another child goes missing, yeah.

0:31:400:31:42

She's got a kid. Not for long.

0:31:420:31:44

But now Coronation Street. How long were you in Coronation Street?

0:31:490:31:52

-Four years.

-Four years. Presumably, do you have any clue...

0:31:520:31:55

Oh, Hugh Jackman knows what it is. Zendaya, Zac? No.

0:31:550:31:58

I've heard of it, yes, yeah.

0:31:580:32:00

Because you were, you know,

0:32:000:32:02

that's a huge deal to get a gig in Coronation Street.

0:32:020:32:06

Oh, God. I mean, you know, I'm northern working-class,

0:32:060:32:09

all my family just loved Coronation Street.

0:32:090:32:12

And I used to audition all the time, like, almost every week,

0:32:120:32:16

because this theatre school that I went to,

0:32:160:32:18

they'd just get all the kids in to audition all the time.

0:32:180:32:20

And they were trying to find a part for me.

0:32:200:32:22

And, yeah, my nana Bertha and my grandad Bob were like,

0:32:220:32:26

you know, Spielberg, Coronation Street. "Ooh, Coronation Street!"

0:32:260:32:30

There's no comparison. And then of course I got it.

0:32:300:32:34

-And...

-It's been all downhill since then!

0:32:340:32:36

-Would you not go back?

-Yes, exactly.

0:32:360:32:39

Because Karen McDonald, she loved a good ruck, Karen McDonald.

0:32:390:32:42

-She did. Yes.

-Lots of it. A lot of them with her husband Steve.

0:32:420:32:44

Look at that, look at that vicious face there.

0:32:440:32:46

-Oh, God.

-Er, then some of them in the pub, I'm guessing

0:32:460:32:50

-this is St Patrick's Day.

-Oh, God!

0:32:500:32:52

That's a good fight. Now, sadly, no-one told her she was in shot.

0:32:520:32:56

She's just planning her menu for dinner.

0:32:590:33:02

She's like, "I've got carrots in, I could do something with them..."

0:33:020:33:06

And then, this, of course was the big final fight.

0:33:070:33:11

Was it that you weren't supposed to be doing this, were you?

0:33:110:33:14

No, my... Eunice...

0:33:140:33:16

These soaps are serious business.

0:33:160:33:19

No kidding around, yeah.

0:33:190:33:20

My stunt double, Eunice, she was meant to be doing that,

0:33:200:33:24

and then a car ran over her ankle.

0:33:240:33:27

So she got sent off, and the ambulance turned up

0:33:280:33:31

and we were all in the green room

0:33:310:33:32

and of course they should have sent us all home, but being budget

0:33:320:33:36

and all that, they said, "Oh, Eunice has gone to hospital,

0:33:360:33:38

"and she can't do the stunt now so...can you do it?"

0:33:380:33:42

-And of course I'm 22.

-You're nearly finished.

-You're nearly finished.

0:33:430:33:46

I'm 22 and I think, I'm going to get the sack if I don't.

0:33:460:33:48

So I went, "Yeah, what have I got to do?" And they said,

0:33:480:33:51

"We're just going to hang you over the building.

0:33:510:33:53

"And Tracy's going to smash you with a log."

0:33:530:33:56

-And I said, "OK."

-Is this a hate sex scene?

0:33:590:34:03

No, no, this is different.

0:34:030:34:05

-I love that Tracy just found a log.

-I know.

0:34:050:34:09

-In the knicker factory.

-Oh, this log that's in the knicker factory.

0:34:090:34:13

It's very Game Of Thrones.

0:34:130:34:15

Now, tonight we're collecting people's special skills.

0:34:170:34:20

We've seen some marvellous skills.

0:34:200:34:21

-Yes.

-So, what might you delight...

0:34:210:34:24

If we were at a party, what would you delight people with?

0:34:240:34:27

I... I... I haven't done it for a long time, but I used to, um,

0:34:270:34:33

-do a velociraptor impression.

-Oh!

0:34:330:34:36

She is pissing on you all.

0:34:380:34:40

-We haven't seen it yet.

-That level.

-We haven't seen it yet...

0:34:410:34:44

-Exactly.

-But, OK, do you need anything for this?

0:34:440:34:47

-Um, maybe these shoes off.

-OK. Do you need help with that?

0:34:470:34:50

No, no, I can get them off.

0:34:500:34:53

You know the famous scene

0:34:530:34:54

where the velociraptor is looking for the children,

0:34:540:34:57

in the kitchens.

0:34:570:34:59

Oh, yes, I do know, yes.

0:34:590:35:01

I kind of re-enact that.

0:35:010:35:03

Be kind to me, imagine there's some children that I'm running after

0:35:030:35:06

and they're all scared. Usually I'm doing that at a party

0:35:060:35:08

-and there's lots of kids.

-OK. Do you need to jump on a table or anything?

0:35:080:35:11

No, I just need a bit of space, this is good.

0:35:110:35:13

OK. She's an actress, just explore the space.

0:35:130:35:17

Explore the space.

0:35:170:35:18

-Yes, good.

-Oh, she's happy, she's happy.

0:35:180:35:20

Shall I get out of the way?

0:35:200:35:22

-I'm OK here?

-No, cos you can be a part of this.

-OK, OK.

0:35:220:35:24

We've got a little bit of music,

0:35:240:35:26

-a little bit of music.

-Goodbye, career!

0:35:260:35:28

LAUGHTER

0:35:280:35:30

Very good!

0:35:450:35:47

Excellent.

0:35:490:35:51

Right. Time for our final New Year guest.

0:35:520:35:56

This man has been a Hollywood star for over 30 years and now gives

0:35:560:36:00

a career-defining performance as the great Winston Churchill

0:36:000:36:03

in Darkest Hour. I smell Oscars.

0:36:030:36:05

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gary Oldman!

0:36:050:36:08

Oh! So good to see you.

0:36:100:36:12

-Hello, Sir.

-How are you? Are you well?

0:36:120:36:15

Come in, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down. Well done.

0:36:250:36:28

Double congratulations to Gary Oldman.

0:36:280:36:31

Not only are you getting amazing reviews

0:36:310:36:33

but you've also just got married.

0:36:330:36:35

-I did get married.

-Yes!

0:36:350:36:37

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:36:370:36:39

I got married in August.

0:36:410:36:44

And I proposed to my wife Gisele

0:36:440:36:49

on the set of Darkest Hour

0:36:490:36:53

so I was...I was dressed as Winston Churchill when I did it.

0:36:530:36:57

-HUGH:

-That's hot.

0:36:590:37:01

-Well, if she said yes to that...

-She said yes.

0:37:020:37:05

And it was, um, we had talked about it, but I don't know,

0:37:050:37:09

the urge took me, and we went into the Map Room

0:37:090:37:13

in the, you know, the War Rooms,

0:37:130:37:16

we went into the Map Room.

0:37:160:37:17

And I said, "Will you marry me?" and she said, "Yes."

0:37:170:37:19

And then someone said, "Gary, we need you on the set."

0:37:190:37:22

LAUGHTER

0:37:220:37:24

APPLAUSE

0:37:240:37:26

Now, we were talking about musicals obviously tonight,

0:37:260:37:29

with The Greatest Showman. And I did not realise, Gary Oldman,

0:37:290:37:32

that one of your first jobs,

0:37:320:37:34

you were in Cabaret, the musical Cabaret.

0:37:340:37:36

Yeah. Yeah.

0:37:360:37:38

But it wasn't plain sailing.

0:37:380:37:41

No. Well, you all know this.

0:37:410:37:45

The outgoing song I had,

0:37:450:37:48

a cappella, five-part harmony,

0:37:480:37:51

and the outgoing song's last note

0:37:510:37:55

is my starting note

0:37:550:37:57

and I would take it from the piano,

0:37:570:38:00

and I would be backstage,

0:38:000:38:02

hear the note, come out, set up,

0:38:020:38:05

the lights would come up and I would start singing.

0:38:050:38:08

And these five Boy Scouts were all around the campfire thing.

0:38:080:38:14

And, um... And I, on one night,

0:38:140:38:17

only one night, thank heavens,

0:38:170:38:20

but instead of taking the note from the piano,

0:38:200:38:23

the trumpet in the band,

0:38:230:38:27

the trumpet drowned it out.

0:38:270:38:29

So, I took the note from the trumpet, which is the same note,

0:38:290:38:34

but it's impure, it's not the same as the piano.

0:38:340:38:37

And I get the note in my head,

0:38:370:38:40

come out and I start singing

0:38:400:38:42

-and I realised I've started an octave too high.

-Oh, no...!

0:38:420:38:46

And... And then it goes up a tone.

0:38:470:38:51

You know the song I'm talking about, do you? Yeah.

0:38:520:38:54

# The sun on the meadow... #

0:38:540:38:57

Back in the day, I could.

0:38:570:39:00

I was only 20.

0:39:000:39:01

So, I started singing

0:39:010:39:04

and suddenly realised,

0:39:040:39:05

"Oh, my God,

0:39:050:39:08

"I'm so... I'm so off!"

0:39:080:39:10

And then it went up another tone,

0:39:100:39:14

there's these five guys who had, by then, stopped harmonising.

0:39:140:39:19

And were just going...

0:39:210:39:22

CHUCKLING

0:39:220:39:24

That thing of I'm there singing with veins popping out of my neck,

0:39:240:39:29

and these five...

0:39:290:39:31

Just five backs to the audience, just doing this...

0:39:310:39:35

But you've... I mean, you've...

0:39:350:39:37

I remember, I was in an amateur production of West Side Story,

0:39:370:39:40

in the eastern suburbs of Sydney,

0:39:400:39:43

and I had the role of Tony.

0:39:430:39:45

And it's a very high tenor role,

0:39:450:39:47

and I'm a baritone, high baritone.

0:39:470:39:48

At the time, I could not sing those notes.

0:39:480:39:50

And I said, "Guys I can't sing the notes." "You'll be fine."

0:39:500:39:52

I said, "But I can't sing it." "You'll be fine."

0:39:520:39:55

And every night, I would go out there...

0:39:550:39:56

Every night! There were three performances! Every night...

0:39:560:39:59

LAUGHTER

0:39:590:40:02

..I went out there,

0:40:020:40:03

# Maria, Maria, Mari... #

0:40:030:40:06

LAUGHTER

0:40:070:40:09

And I would go...

0:40:090:40:11

Pointing to the sound guy in the wings,

0:40:110:40:14

"You've let me down, the mic."

0:40:140:40:16

Every night, the sound guy in the wings is like...

0:40:160:40:19

LAUGHTER

0:40:190:40:22

I couldn't take it.

0:40:220:40:23

APPLAUSE

0:40:230:40:26

The movie, Darkest Hour.

0:40:260:40:27

Fantastic reviews, Joe Wright directed.

0:40:270:40:30

It opens here on the 12th January

0:40:300:40:33

and it's a very specific time in the war for Winston Churchill.

0:40:330:40:36

Yeah. Yeah. It's really five or six weeks, 1940.

0:40:360:40:40

Neville Chamberlain has resigned from the premiership.

0:40:400:40:46

Churchill steps in.

0:40:460:40:49

Um, there are troops in Dunkirk

0:40:490:40:54

which, you know, there's fear that we'll lose.

0:40:540:40:57

300... In fact, 300,000 soldiers in Dunkirk.

0:40:570:41:00

And also, on the table,

0:41:000:41:05

is a peace deal with Hitler.

0:41:050:41:08

And it deals with not only the crisis in Dunkirk,

0:41:080:41:13

but whether we will capitulate and, um...

0:41:130:41:19

basically, surrender, and do a deal with Hitler.

0:41:190:41:23

So, it's a very specific, a very defining moment...

0:41:230:41:28

-A sort of pivotal moment, yeah.

-..in our history,

0:41:280:41:30

and also in Churchill's career.

0:41:300:41:32

We'll talk about it some more, but let's show people

0:41:320:41:35

-just a bit of your transformation into Winston Churchill.

-Yes.

0:41:350:41:39

Nothing inglorious in trying to shorten a war

0:41:390:41:42

-that we are clearly losing.

-"Losing"?

0:41:420:41:44

-Europe is still...

-HE BANGS ON DESK

0:41:440:41:46

Europe is lost!

0:41:460:41:48

And before our forces are wiped out completely,

0:41:540:41:58

now's the time to negotiate

0:41:580:42:00

in order to obtain the best conditions possible.

0:42:000:42:03

Hitler will not insist on outrageous terms.

0:42:050:42:07

He will know his own weaknesses.

0:42:070:42:09

-He will be reasonable.

-When will the lesson be learned?

0:42:090:42:12

When will the lesson be learned?!

0:42:120:42:15

How many more dictators

0:42:160:42:18

must be wooed, appeased!

0:42:180:42:22

Good God, given immense privileges, before we learn

0:42:220:42:25

you cannot reason with a tiger

0:42:250:42:28

-when your head is in its mouth!

-CHAIR SCRAPES AND THUDS

0:42:280:42:32

APPLAUSE

0:42:320:42:34

It is amazing. It is amazing.

0:42:370:42:41

And it's...

0:42:410:42:43

It's one of the things, cos often, in things like this,

0:42:430:42:46

the make-up, the wigs, can get in the way.

0:42:460:42:48

-Yeah.

-And it's beautiful.

0:42:480:42:50

Well, I think it's...

0:42:500:42:52

I would say it's a benchmark in prosthetic make-up.

0:42:520:42:55

And would it take hours or...?

0:42:550:42:57

The whole thing took four hours.

0:42:570:42:59

OK. So, it's the face, it's the fat suit...

0:42:590:43:02

And the clothes, and, er...

0:43:020:43:06

But the attention to detail -

0:43:060:43:08

the cigars, you chose the special cigars.

0:43:080:43:12

Well, I did, and I used to smoke.

0:43:120:43:14

I don't smoke any more

0:43:140:43:15

and I got nicotine poisoning because I was on about 12 a day.

0:43:150:43:20

I went through 30,000 of cigars on the sets...

0:43:200:43:26

-That's crazy.

-I mean...

0:43:270:43:29

-How much are cigars?!

-They're 50 quid a pop.

-You're kidding!

0:43:290:43:33

And I would do about 12 of them a day, so I got nicotine...

0:43:330:43:37

I basically had a bad stomach

0:43:370:43:40

for the three months I was on the show.

0:43:400:43:43

We had a Christmas break

0:43:430:43:44

and everybody went off and decorated their Christmas trees

0:43:440:43:47

and went out shopping. I went and had a colonoscopy.

0:43:470:43:50

LAUGHTER

0:43:500:43:53

For the man who has everything!

0:43:550:43:58

That was my Christmas present!

0:43:590:44:02

So, you felt sick every day pretty much, then?

0:44:020:44:04

Yeah, just...just it was...

0:44:040:44:06

It was just... It was...

0:44:060:44:08

I think it was the compression in the suit, dehydration, the cigars,

0:44:080:44:14

it was a good... It's a price to pay, but...

0:44:140:44:17

Can I just say something, cos I really admired what you said

0:44:170:44:20

about Michael Jackson. I would never forgive myself, Gary,

0:44:200:44:23

if I don't tell you you are one of the greatest actors

0:44:230:44:26

-to have ever lived. You're one of my inspirations.

-Oh!

0:44:260:44:29

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:44:290:44:31

-ZAC:

-I second that, absolutely.

0:44:310:44:33

I mean it.

0:44:330:44:35

If you have not seen Darkest Hour,

0:44:380:44:40

you will see one of the greatest actors alive

0:44:400:44:43

give one of their greatest performances

0:44:430:44:45

of one of the great British characters of all time.

0:44:450:44:47

-It is astonishing.

-Thank you so much.

0:44:470:44:49

APPLAUSE

0:44:490:44:51

That means a great deal coming from you.

0:44:510:44:53

We've got a selection of special skills on the show tonight,

0:44:560:45:00

and, Gary, you've brought us a real treat.

0:45:000:45:02

Am I right to say, it's something physical.

0:45:020:45:05

-Yes, it's physical.

-It's physical.

0:45:050:45:07

I don't know if it's very special!

0:45:070:45:09

Do you want to tell us what we're going to watch

0:45:090:45:12

or shall we just see it?

0:45:120:45:14

Er, it's... Well, yes, it's...

0:45:140:45:18

My wife actually recorded it on an iPhone in the trailer

0:45:180:45:22

and it's Winston Churchill doing James Brown.

0:45:220:45:26

HE GASPS This sounds special.

0:45:260:45:28

-It's a new level.

-So, here is Winston Churchill.

0:45:280:45:31

This has so many layers!

0:45:310:45:33

This is so meta now.

0:45:330:45:34

It's Gary Oldman does Winston Churchill doing James Brown.

0:45:340:45:38

For the Oscar.

0:45:380:45:39

SOUL MUSIC PLAYS

0:45:390:45:42

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:45:420:45:44

Very good!

0:45:550:45:57

CHEERING

0:45:570:45:59

Excellent!

0:46:020:46:04

Now, we're about to have our musical performance.

0:46:040:46:07

I know, another one!

0:46:070:46:09

But before we do, Hugh, I wonder, could you channel,

0:46:090:46:13

channel your best PT Barnum.

0:46:130:46:15

-Right.

-And give us a sort of recap of some of the talented...

0:46:150:46:19

talented people we've met tonight?

0:46:190:46:22

We've got you a top hat and a cane, wherever they are.

0:46:220:46:25

Oh, here they are. Top hat and a cane.

0:46:250:46:27

So, if you go to, kind of, the central ring.

0:46:270:46:29

-You've got it.

-You've got it!

0:46:290:46:31

-If you go into here.

-Yes.

-OK.

0:46:310:46:34

And, you know, do any twirly, caney business, if you want to.

0:46:340:46:38

It's a great hat! Thanks, Graham!

0:46:380:46:39

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-A good start.

0:46:390:46:43

Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, here we go.

0:46:450:46:48

Where are we? Ladies and gentlemen,

0:46:480:46:49

it is New Year's Eve on the world's greatest talk show!

0:46:490:46:52

CHEERING

0:46:520:46:55

You have been scintillated!

0:46:550:46:57

WHOOPING

0:46:570:47:00

You have been titillated!

0:47:000:47:02

And, dare I say it, you have been, at times, utterly nauseated!

0:47:020:47:06

ALL: Whoo!

0:47:060:47:07

You've gagged at the mysterious Zac and his sensational spitballs.

0:47:070:47:12

You've swayed at the exotic beat of Zendaya's wiggling ears.

0:47:120:47:16

Yes! You've thrilled, ladies and gentlemen,

0:47:160:47:19

to the savage beauty of the merciless Surannasaurus.

0:47:190:47:22

You have trembled at the terrifying power...

0:47:220:47:27

..of Mike's Wolverine.

0:47:280:47:30

You've marvelled at Winston Churchill

0:47:310:47:33

grooving to the Godfather of Soul.

0:47:330:47:35

SOUL MUSIC PLAYS

0:47:350:47:38

You've watched an old bearded man

0:47:380:47:39

drink like a fish and pay no attention to his guests.

0:47:390:47:43

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:47:430:47:46

But, in the end, ladies and gentlemen,

0:47:470:47:50

all you really wanted to see was a man spinning on his head.

0:47:500:47:53

Take it away, Ash!

0:47:530:47:55

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:47:590:48:01

all human life is here

0:48:010:48:04

on the greatest show in the world!

0:48:040:48:07

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:070:48:10

Thank you, Hugh! Thank you, Ash!

0:48:100:48:14

Thank you, all the talented people!

0:48:140:48:17

Excellent!

0:48:170:48:19

It is now time for music, and what better way to end the show

0:48:190:48:22

than a show-stopping number from this trio of West End divas?

0:48:220:48:26

Performing One Night Only, please welcome the fabulous Leading Ladies!

0:48:260:48:30

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:300:48:33

# You want all my love and my devotion

0:48:470:48:53

# You want my love and soul

0:48:550:48:59

# Right on the line

0:48:590:49:02

# I have no doubt that I could love you, forever

0:49:050:49:13

# The only trouble is

0:49:130:49:17

# You really don't have the time

0:49:170:49:20

# You've got one night only

0:49:200:49:24

# One night only

0:49:240:49:26

# That's all you have to spare

0:49:260:49:30

# One night only

0:49:300:49:33

# Let's not pretend to care

0:49:330:49:37

-ALL:

-# One night only

0:49:390:49:42

# One night only

0:49:420:49:44

# Come on, big baby, come on

0:49:440:49:47

# One night only

0:49:480:49:50

# We only have till dawn

0:49:500:49:56

# You want all my love and my devotion

0:49:560:50:01

# You want my love and soul

0:50:030:50:05

# Right on the line

0:50:050:50:09

# I have no doubt that I could love you forever

0:50:100:50:16

# The only trouble is

0:50:160:50:20

# You really don't have the time

0:50:200:50:23

# You've got one night only

0:50:230:50:25

# One night only

0:50:250:50:27

# That's all you have to spare

0:50:270:50:30

# One night only

0:50:300:50:32

# Let's not pretend to care

0:50:320:50:35

# You've got one night only

0:50:350:50:39

# One night only

0:50:390:50:40

# Come on, big baby, come on

0:50:400:50:43

# One night only

0:50:430:50:45

# We only have till dawn

0:50:450:50:49

# We only have till dawn!

0:50:490:50:52

# One night only, one night only

0:50:540:50:57

# You'll be the only one

0:50:570:51:00

# One night only

0:51:000:51:03

# Then you have to run

0:51:030:51:08

# One night only, one night only

0:51:080:51:11

# There's nothing more to say

0:51:110:51:14

# One night only

0:51:140:51:16

# Words get in the way

0:51:160:51:21

# One night only

0:51:210:51:23

# Come on, come on

0:51:230:51:25

# One night only

0:51:250:51:26

# Come on, come on

0:51:260:51:28

# One night only

0:51:280:51:30

# Come on, come on Come on, come on

0:51:300:51:33

# Come on, come on, come on!

0:51:330:51:37

# One night only! #

0:51:370:51:38

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh!

0:51:380:51:42

Wowzer!

0:51:420:51:45

Wow!

0:51:470:51:48

The Leading Ladies.

0:51:480:51:50

Beverley, Cassidy, Amber, come on over, do!

0:51:500:51:53

Oh, stunning!

0:51:530:51:56

Whoa!

0:51:560:51:57

Thank you so much!

0:51:570:52:00

Go and meet everyone on the couch.

0:52:000:52:03

-Hello, darling.

-Ciao.

0:52:030:52:04

Go and join the couch. Hello, congratulations.

0:52:040:52:06

Come and join the couch.

0:52:060:52:09

Much whooping, much cheering. ALL GREET EACH OTHER

0:52:090:52:13

Marvellous, marvellous, marvellous! THEY CHATTER

0:52:130:52:17

GRAHAM LAUGHS

0:52:170:52:19

It's New Year's Eve, Graham...!

0:52:190:52:21

I know, really. I should have got some Ferrero Rocher!

0:52:210:52:24

LAUGHTER

0:52:240:52:26

Thank you so much for doing that.

0:52:270:52:29

That of, course is, from the album which is out now,

0:52:290:52:32

-Songs From The Stage.

-Yes.

-Yes.

0:52:320:52:34

Which has done so well, congratulations.

0:52:340:52:36

-ALL:

-Thank you.

-I know!

0:52:360:52:38

-APPLAUSE

-Oh, hi!

0:52:380:52:40

And clever Beverley thought of it.

0:52:420:52:44

You thought of it, didn't you? It was your idea.

0:52:440:52:47

Well, you know what, you've got some bigging up to give yourself,

0:52:470:52:50

-high-five yourself in the mirror.

-Am I getting some kerching?

0:52:500:52:54

-Not quite that far!

-OK!

0:52:540:52:56

It was right here that I saw Amber perform,

0:52:560:53:01

and the idea went, "Bing!"

0:53:010:53:03

-So, yeah.

-There you go, wow.

0:53:030:53:05

So, that's where it all came from.

0:53:050:53:07

And then I saw CJ, and I was like, "Bing!" again.

0:53:070:53:10

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-We should do something together.

-Yeah.

-So, yeah.

0:53:100:53:13

And it's one of those things, it's like One Night Only,

0:53:130:53:16

I mean, is this going to be an ongoing thing?

0:53:160:53:18

Cos, Amber, you're out of here.

0:53:180:53:20

-Yeah!

-LAUGHTER

0:53:200:53:22

-Amber's like, "Bye!"

-It was really lovely, goodbye!

0:53:220:53:25

No, we've had so much fun doing it.

0:53:250:53:27

-Yeah.

-You know, we're just trying to see, like,

0:53:270:53:29

what this album's going to do.

0:53:290:53:31

We don't really know what this is exactly.

0:53:310:53:33

-No.

-But we know that we like the way that it sounds,

0:53:330:53:35

and the way that it feels, and we're having fun.

0:53:350:53:37

Well, hopefully this goes on for ages, cos people are loving it.

0:53:370:53:40

The Leading Ladies, everybody! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:53:400:53:44

That's nearly it, but before we go,

0:53:460:53:47

we do have time for just a visit to the Big Red Chair.

0:53:470:53:50

And as it's Hogmanay, we're looking for stories

0:53:500:53:53

with a New Year's resolution or a New Year's theme. So, who's first?

0:53:530:53:56

-Hello!

-Hi.

0:53:560:53:58

Hi, hi.

0:53:580:53:59

Keeping it simple!

0:54:010:54:02

He may produce a dove!

0:54:020:54:05

OK.

0:54:050:54:06

LAUGHTER

0:54:060:54:08

So, what's your name?

0:54:090:54:11

-My name's Lorne.

-Lorne, lovely.

0:54:110:54:12

-And where are you from, Lorne?

-I'm originally from Canada.

0:54:120:54:15

-But you live here now?

-I do.

-What do you do?

0:54:150:54:17

I run a legal advice centre.

0:54:170:54:19

Oh! Posh job! And what's your New Year's resolution?

0:54:190:54:22

Not to get pissed on New Year's.

0:54:220:54:24

Oh. I think this will be a lot of people's New Year's resolution.

0:54:240:54:27

OK, off you go with your story.

0:54:270:54:29

So, a few years ago, I decided to bite the bullet

0:54:290:54:31

and brave the cold for 12 hours

0:54:310:54:33

to experience New Year's Eve in Times Square.

0:54:330:54:35

It's about 20 minutes before the big ball drop,

0:54:350:54:37

when the guy in front of me wallops me in the face.

0:54:370:54:39

I immediately fall to the ground,

0:54:390:54:41

but, to my dismay, the guy next to me is peeing into a bottle.

0:54:410:54:44

My head hits the bottle, and he pees all over my head.

0:54:440:54:47

ALL GROAN

0:54:470:54:49

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:54:490:54:51

That's...

0:54:510:54:52

Can you imagine?!

0:54:520:54:53

Can I just say, "To my dismay"?!

0:54:570:55:00

Somebody's pissing on your head!

0:55:010:55:04

"I am so dismayed!"

0:55:040:55:06

I've always wondered how they stand there for that long.

0:55:060:55:09

-Like, where does everyone use the rest room?

-Yeah.

0:55:090:55:12

A friend of mine was a cop, he works there.

0:55:120:55:15

You have to go in at four o'clock, if you want to be near the front,

0:55:150:55:18

and you are told as you come in,

0:55:180:55:19

you are not allowed to leave to go to the bathroom.

0:55:190:55:22

Everyone's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

0:55:220:55:23

You know, about eight o'clock, "Everyone's like, I need to go."

0:55:230:55:26

"No, we told you." And so, they have to...in bottles.

0:55:260:55:29

OK, quickly, we're ignoring the people.

0:55:290:55:31

So, who's up next, who's up next?

0:55:310:55:33

-Hello!

-Hi, how are you?

0:55:330:55:34

-I'm grand, thanks, and yourself?

-I'm good, thank you.

0:55:340:55:36

-Good. What's your name?

-Lauren.

0:55:360:55:38

Lauren. Are you from...?

0:55:380:55:39

-Australia.

-Oh, Australia, OK.

0:55:390:55:41

No, no, Australia's good. Do you live here now?

0:55:410:55:45

Yeah, I live in London now, I've come from Sydney.

0:55:450:55:47

-What do you do, Lauren?

-I'm a corporate affairs assistant.

0:55:470:55:50

Honestly, those posh people are out tonight!

0:55:500:55:53

New Year's Eve, cool!

0:55:530:55:55

All right, what's your New Year's resolution?

0:55:550:55:58

My New Year's resolution is to invest in better underwear.

0:55:580:56:01

Oooh! Good start to a story, good start to a story!

0:56:010:56:04

"I was dismayed to find..."!

0:56:040:56:07

Off you go with your story.

0:56:070:56:09

So, this is my first public humiliation.

0:56:090:56:12

I was blossoming into a voluptuous young woman.

0:56:120:56:16

I was very self-conscious about it, my family knew that,

0:56:160:56:19

and, obviously, as Australians,

0:56:190:56:21

they decided to tease me incessantly.

0:56:210:56:23

Anyway, we go away to a beach holiday. We're all in bikinis.

0:56:230:56:26

I'm getting teased on the beach for my big boobs.

0:56:260:56:28

And I'm in a horrible mood.

0:56:280:56:30

We go back to the house to have a shower before dinner.

0:56:300:56:33

I go to the bathroom and I see my cousin,

0:56:330:56:36

who was a lot more voluptuous than I was,

0:56:360:56:38

I see her bikini there.

0:56:380:56:40

So, I was like, "Oh, put her bikini on, show everyone,"

0:56:400:56:43

and they'll be like, "Oh, we can't tease you any more,

0:56:430:56:45

"your boobs aren't that big." So, I put it on, put the towel around me,

0:56:450:56:49

strut out to the lounge room where everyone is, whip the towel off,

0:56:490:56:53

strut into the room, just stand there with hands on my hips,

0:56:530:56:56

and I'm like, "I told you they weren't that big."

0:56:560:56:58

And then, there's this weird, shocked silence,

0:56:580:57:01

and then they all started screaming, covering their faces.

0:57:010:57:03

And I was like, "This is really rude."

0:57:030:57:06

And then...

0:57:060:57:08

And I look down, and I forgot to put on the bottoms.

0:57:080:57:11

ALL ROAR, APPLAUSE

0:57:110:57:13

Good story! Good story!

0:57:130:57:16

-You can walk, darling.

-Thank you!

0:57:160:57:18

That was good.

0:57:190:57:22

One more, one more, one more.

0:57:220:57:24

This is the last.

0:57:240:57:25

-Hello, sir.

-Hello.

0:57:250:57:27

-Hi, what's your name?

-Simon.

0:57:270:57:29

-Simon, lovely. And what do you do, Simon?

-I'm an insurance broker.

0:57:290:57:32

OK! There had to be one! LAUGHTER

0:57:320:57:35

And what's your New Year's resolution?

0:57:350:57:38

To get some better friends.

0:57:380:57:40

ALL GROAN

0:57:400:57:43

Well, we can't flip him now, can we?!

0:57:430:57:46

Simon, he's alone.

0:57:460:57:48

OK, off you go with your story.

0:57:480:57:50

Well, a long time ago I had a bad knee injury playing rugby,

0:57:500:57:53

and I needed an operation.

0:57:530:57:55

Luckily I had some private health care,

0:57:550:57:58

so I had a room to recover in.

0:57:580:58:00

Oh, my God!

0:58:000:58:01

I was recovering in my own room the day after the operation,

0:58:010:58:05

feeling pretty sorry for myself, and a knock on the door,

0:58:050:58:07

and it's the surgeon who's operated on me.

0:58:070:58:10

He comes in, and he opens up the huge bandage on my left leg,

0:58:100:58:16

and said, "OK, well, it's looking good,

0:58:160:58:18

"but you need to stay still for an hour or so,

0:58:180:58:21

"let the wound breathe, and I'll be back,

0:58:210:58:24

"or one of the nurses will be back, to dress it, so just stay put."

0:58:240:58:27

So I said, "Fine." So, he leaves,

0:58:270:58:29

a couple of minutes later there's a knock on the door.

0:58:290:58:31

Round the corner come two of my mates,

0:58:310:58:34

clutching a bag of half-eaten grapes,

0:58:340:58:37

sporting some grinning faces,

0:58:370:58:40

and clutching a pretty graphic porn mag.

0:58:400:58:43

ALL: Oh!

0:58:430:58:44

So...

0:58:440:58:46

It was... No animals, but it was not far short.

0:58:470:58:51

So, they see my predicament.

0:58:510:58:54

I'm lying there, I can't move, and they don't say a word.

0:58:540:58:57

They proceed to take this magazine apart

0:58:570:59:00

and stick every picture inside it on my bed, on the window,

0:59:000:59:04

on the sheet the nurses will use to check my recovery.

0:59:040:59:09

ALL GROAN

0:59:090:59:10

And their parting gift was to press the nurse's button.

0:59:100:59:16

GROANING AND LAUGHTER

0:59:160:59:17

That is quite a good story.

0:59:170:59:19

It was long. You can walk, walk, walk.

0:59:190:59:21

APPLAUSE

0:59:210:59:23

Well done, everyone. If you'd like to join us on the show

0:59:230:59:26

and have a go in the Red Chair, you can contact us via the website

0:59:260:59:29

at this very address. That is it for tonight.

0:59:290:59:31

Please say a huge thank you to my guests, the Leading Ladies!

0:59:310:59:34

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:59:340:59:36

Zac Efron!

0:59:360:59:38

Zendaya!

0:59:380:59:39

Hugh Jackman!

0:59:390:59:41

Suranne Jones!

0:59:410:59:43

And Mr Gary Oldman!

0:59:450:59:46

CHEERING

0:59:460:59:48

We're back on the 12th of January with a very special show

0:59:480:59:51

devoted to two of our greatest actors, Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep.

0:59:510:59:55

Can't wait! Till then, have a very happy New Year, everybody.

0:59:550:59:58

Goodnight and goodbye!

0:59:580:59:59

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:59:591:00:01

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