Compilation Show The Graham Norton Show

This programme contains some strong language

-Good evening, I'm Elton John.

-This is Will Smith.

-This is Helen Mirren.

-My name is Tom Cruise.

-I'm Kate Winslet.

-I'm Hugh Jackman.

-I'm Harrison Ford.

-And I'm Ryan Gosling.

Good evening, everyone. I'm Anthony Joshua

and you're watching The Graham Norton Show.

Hey, Anthony. I'm Tom Hanks and I'm supposed to be the one to say

-you're watching The Graham Norton Show.

-I got here first.

-So I'm Anthony Joshua and...

-You know what?

I knew it was going to come down to this!

Go ahead, roll credits while I throw this guy a beatin'!

Oh!

Oh, too kind!

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you. Welcome one, welcome all.

Yes, it's that time again when we take a look back at some of

the highlights of the past series - and what a series it's been.

So many guests, so many memories, starting with...

This is... We were counting up,

it's the seventh or eighth real person you've played.

-Oh, yeah, I have.

-If the people are still alive

do you like to meet them, do you seek them out?

Yes, and I say to them, I've said this to Richard Phillips

and I said it to Charlie Wilson, Jim Lovell. "Now, look.

"I'm playing you. So for good or for bad I'm you.

"And you're going to get that for a long time - I'm you.

"I am you. Deal with it.

"Now, as you, I'm going to say things you never said,

"I'm going to go places you never were.

"I'm going to do things you never did.

"That be the case, I'd like to be as authentic as possible."

And the rest is trading cards.

When you meet them are you just looking for their blessing or

do you kind of absorb something, do you get something out of it?

I do want to know what they have to say about it cos they've

always read the screenplay and I say,

"If you think anything is actual horse cock in this, let me know."

What did I just say?!

We all heard you.

"If there's some NONSENSE in this..."

I didn't know that was an expression.

You want to know if they have any problems cos there's things

that just would never happen. You want to be right and authentic

but really what I'm looking for is a tick, a gesture, a posture,

way to stand, a turn of phrase that I can turn into my own

-and reflect them.

-It's inevitable, ladies and gentlemen,

we will be queuing up to see The Anthony Joshua Story.

So when the biopic is made, who would you like to play you?

Tom Hanks.

Now, let me tell you.

I will say things you never said.

I will do things you never did.

Go places I've never been.

That being said, I'm going to be you.

We've got a picture of you at the Emmys.

There you are being congratulated by Alexander Skarsgard.

You are so provocative, Graham.

Why are you showing that?

It's a lovely moment of celebration.

-I kissed my husband, too.

-He is right there.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

It looks like Keith is applauding the kiss.

-"That's a good kiss."

-"Yeah, good kiss, guys. Well done, everybody."

I did kiss him because...

But you gotta understand, I did everything with Alex, you know...

We saw it!

LAUGHTER

I've got an amazing, supportive,

gorgeous husband who I love more than anything in the world.

-And I gave Alex a congratulatory kiss and he's like a mannequin.

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

The last time we were here, actually Keith was with you.

He was being very tight-lipped about your 50th birthday celebrations.

-Oh, right.

-So what had he organised?

Um, he did some fireworks and, um...

Other stuff.

LAUGHTER

And we'll draw a veil there.

You've got so many movies in the pipeline, lots of things coming

out, but I noticed still no sign of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air reboot

that everyone wants.

CHEERING

They do! Make it for them!

I'd have to be Uncle Phil in that one.

I'm going to be 50, you know.

"Come on, Aunt Viv, I'm 50, I can't go out on my own?"

But then you drove the fans wild cos you posted this.

How did this happen? Did you bump into them or was it a reunion?

So, every year, Karen has a charitable event

and she hosts a lunch with the cast of The Fresh Prince.

So we do that every year and it'll be, you know,

10 or 12 people from around the world that have won this lunch.

-Wow!

-So that's in Los Angeles and the people flew in

and we have the lunch with the fans who gave the most to charity.

And you mentioned you would play Uncle Phil. A weird thing happened.

-I think you were in Africa and you bungee jumped.

-Yes.

Some people filmed this and you filmed the rest. Here you are.

There you go.

-You were filming it yourself on a GoPro or something.

-Yeah, yeah.

People noticed that if you freeze-frame it

-at a certain point...

-Yes.

-..you look remarkably like...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You look like James Avery.

-It's crazy, right?

-Yes!

-Yeah. You're never bungee jumping again.

-Yeah!

Now, usually when I introduce the couch I say,

"Do you all know each other?"

But you and I, bit gooseberry cos this is, I think,

the first time we've ever had this.

You guys dated at one point.

-Yeah.

-Helen and I?

-Yes.

-Oh, yes, darling.

-We didn't date, we lived together.

-Oh, wow.

-Four years.

We were a serious item for a while.

But I remember, Ciaran Hinds and myself,

we did this film Excalibur together. 1980.

Our first movie for all of us, really, wasn't it?

We were so green and ignorant about film-making.

But I remember being out on the set,

this was Ardmore Studios in Dublin, and, er...

..Helen had a break.

She was filming but she was in costume and we were just visiting,

we hadn't started work yet.

And the first AD or second AD said,

"Would you like to meet Helen Mirren?" I said I'd love to.

So, she walked from like 100 yards away, dressed as Morgana le Fay

and Ciaran's my oldest friend and we both went, "Fuck."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I was smitten. I think Ciaran was smitten, too. I certainly was.

I never knew that. You've never told me that before. That's amazing.

-AUDIENCE:

-Awww!

So you do the walking, the yoga, a few trips to the bottle bank,

-you're probably feeling a bit better.

-Right.

-But then, I mean, it's sort of Shakespearian.

-Right.

-You went to the inauguration.

-I know.

-And that was because

you were First Lady not because you've been nominee.

Right, and I really tried to get out of going.

I was going, not as the candidate or opponent but as a former First Lady

because the tradition is Presidents

and former First Ladies all show up, regardless of Republican or

Democrat, to show support, continuity of our government.

So, we thought, "OK, maybe others aren't going."

LAUGHTER

We called the Bushes and the elder Bushes were in the hospital,

which I think was legitimate.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Then we called the younger Bushes and they said, "Yeah, we're going."

We called the Carters, they said, "Yeah, we're going."

So Bill and I looked at each other and said, "Well, we gotta go."

Oh, my gosh. I tried to describe in the book what that felt like.

Because I didn't know what to expect.

What I wanted to have happen was, despite the kind of campaign he ran,

I wanted him to rise to the occasion of being our President and

being the President for everybody, not just people who supported him.

That didn't happen.

And so we were sitting there and we were listening...

I was sitting next to George W Bush and Bill was on my other side

and we were listening to this really dark, divisive speech that

I describe as "a cry from the white nationalist gut."

And I was so disappointed.

Really, so sad that it wasn't an outreach, it was a narrowing

and a hammering of what he had said before.

And it's reported - so I put it in the book - it's reported that

George W Bush says, "That was some weird shit."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And it was!

Now, there's a weird thing going on at the moment...

Well, so many weird things because of Donald Trump, but we're

suddenly hearing about all these famous people that he asked out.

And you are one of them.

Yeah.

I know.

You could be the First Lady!

I could've changed the course of history.

LAUGHTER

We were doing Primary Colors, which was a film about the Clintons

and about that.

It was at Universal, it was '97, so it was a long time ago.

So, actually, one only associated Senor Trump with tasteless

architecture at that point.

And, well, still a boundless sense of narcissistic kind of madness.

But I was in my little trailer, which was a normal trailer,

and it had a phone, like a proper phone, you know...

-A landline.

-..landline.

And no-one had ever rung me on it nor had I ever used it.

In fact, I assumed it was not a working machine.

And it rang one day and I picked it up and it was Donald Trump.

-Donald Trump.

-What?

Donald Trump was on the other end of the phone going,

"Hi, it's Donald Trump here." And I thought someone was having a laugh.

I said, "Oh, fuck off."

LAUGHTER

And he said, "No, I'm ringing to ask you if you would like to, you know,

"come and stay in one of my lovely apartments

"and maybe we could have dinner?" And I just didn't know what to say.

I was just absolutely astounded because how did he get my number?

I mean, a number that I didn't have!

LAUGHTER

-In the trailer!

-Yeah.

So I just said I'd get back to him.

And in so many ways I wish I had.

Because if I had gone out with him for dinner,

I could have done that.

LAUGHTER

And then we would all have known

the truth. Then maybe he wouldn't have been President!

I'm sure you all saw the footage... It was in the papers

-and things online of the accident.

-Yes.

And I think we all kind of thought,

"How did you break an ankle doing that?"

Cos it looked like you should've broken your jaw or something...

I know, everyone said that was the stunt...

I mean, I'm going to run across and hit the side of the wall

and then pull myself over. That wasn't the mistake.

-So, you were always meant to not land on the roof?

-Yes. Always.

-OK. So, what you've done is you've brought us some footage...

-Mm-hm.

I think this is so cool to see this from the different angles.

I can't watch this. I haven't watched it yet.

Is it in slow-motion?

Most of it is fine, there's one clip, but I will warn you,

-it is not for the squeamish.

-Gross.

So you see, I'm wearing two wires. They're basically just safety wires

because I go at a full tilt and I'm sprinting as hard as I can

and I hit the side of the wall and that's the stunt.

I hit the side of the wall and then I'm chasing after Henry, actually.

-And...

-All his fault.

All his fault. I blame him.

I hit the side of the wall and then I climb up on the wall

and I'm supposed to run past camera.

OK, we've got... This is the shot from behind you. So this...

You see the speed and the momentum of the run. And it's in London.

-There we go.

-So, it is keeping me up and...

So, here we go. Look at that. Whoa!

AUDIENCE GROANS

Now... Good noise, everybody.

But you get my point, that you think, "How did you break a leg?"

-So, let's look at it from the side.

-Oh, no, the slow-motion.

-This is it from the side.

-Oh, no.

No, no. This isn't the bad one. This isn't the bad one, Rebecca.

-So, this is from the side. Here we go.

-We shot it with three cameras.

-Oh, my gosh.

-Here he goes. And boom!

AUDIENCE GROANS

Now... Now, we've got a camera which focuses on the foot.

-Now, if you are squeamish...

-Don't watch it.

-Don't watch this.

-Simon still hasn't seen it.

-I...

LAUGHTER

They keep trying to show it to me and I'm like, "No! I can't."

I mean, a bone doesn't pop out or anything,

but it is an odd angle for anyone's foot to be at.

Nobody's foot should ever have to do this, ever.

-Yeah, here we go.

-Oh, gosh. I haven't watched it.

He jumps, that speed, that momentum. Here we go.

Now watch that. Watch this.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Do it again.

LAUGHTER

But here, here is why Tom Cruise gets paid the big bucks.

OK? Because this is it from the front angle, OK?

You've just seen what has happened to his foot. Now watch this.

I knew I broke it instantly.

So you are down. Now, anyone else would go, "Well, that's over." No.

Up he gets. Up he gets and he's running.

APPLAUSE

That's phenomenal.

I got a letter with a script saying, "We're making Paddington 2

"and there's this part

"of an extremely self-obsessed ex-famous actor

"now fallen on hard times..."

LAUGHTER

And I was a fraction hurt.

But it was a very funny script and, in a way, it was therapeutic.

I have deep reservoirs of actual narcissism

and neurosis and anger and hatred of others

that I was able to tap.

Did you base it on specific actors?

Well, as I said, a lot of it came from me,

in the way a sort of self-portrait,

but there were actors from my past.

In the '80s I did theatre.

-Remember that.

-I remember that!

I mean, there were some brilliant characters.

A wonderful old boy in the theatre who... He was so good,

and, you know, the show would start at 8:00pm,

but at 3:00pm from his dressing room you'd start to hear,

"Nee-mee-nee-mee-nee-mee, maaaaaa-ah,

"maaaaaa, scrunchy mouse, loud lion!"

LAUGHTER

"Loud lion!"

And as a result, he had a wonderful voice

and he was just marvellously smooth and seamlessly pervy.

He used to...

I was sharing a dressing room with another young actor

and he always used to knock on our door before a show,

pretending it was to say good luck,

but, actually, it was to see us in our pants.

LAUGHTER

-Different times!

-Different times.

-Different times!

LAUGHTER

Meanwhile, in Paddington 2...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

But now, Will Ferrell, you have a love of dance, I know.

Now, if Shirley volunteered to show you a couple of simple moves...

Well, I mean, yes, of course,

but I can already tell she doesn't believe in my ability.

LAUGHTER

-I believe in your ability.

-I mean, everyone got rave reviews.

-You had that funny left arm.

-I had the bad left arm.

Well, you could make up for it now, right?

What could you show him that would be very quick?

-I could show you a cucaracha.

-OK, fine.

-You know, you're playing Hero, the music?

-OK, yes, yeah.

-Because that's a rumba.

-OK, a rumba.

-So, a rumba is a sensual dance,

-it's a dance of love.

-Wait, hold on, are we doing a cucaracha or rumba, which is it?

The action is a cucaracha but the dance is the rumba.

I'm totally lost.

Close your eyes

and try not to get too excited down in the nether regions.

LAUGHTER

How about if you could just go, side, replace, close.

If you could just do that for me.

Side, replace, close. Can you do that?

I love that I'm the only one who has to do this.

Me too, I love it, too.

-Side, replace, close.

-Side, replace, close.

Are you supposed to say that out loud, right?

No, no. But whatever I do...

Side, replace, close. There you go.

Oh, yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Roll that little hip. Yes, we'll have a bit of that.

So, no matter what I do, you're going to do that.

My left arm is acting up!

LAUGHTER

-Ready for the music?

-Yes, we're ready for the music.

-OK, let's play the music.

-Why are you looking at me?

MUSIC: Hero by Enrique Iglesias

-Are you ready? I'll start you.

-Oh, OK.

-Can you keep that rhythm?

-Probably not.

LAUGHTER

-Doesn't matter what I do.

-Oh, I just keep doing that...

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Beautiful! Oh, my God.

CHEERING

That's the cucaracha! It's Shirley and Will!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh! Come and sit down!

And recently you were just reunited with Robert Redford in...

You have to be careful how you say it - Our Souls...

LAUGHTER

Our Souls At Night.

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

-Arseholes, in Ireland...

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

I'm not sure they audience-tested that title.

"Our" Souls At Night!

-Oh, my God.

-You first...

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

Welcome, Jane!

You first worked with Robert Redford nearly 60 years ago.

-Yeah.

-What an amazing thing.

It's like bookends of your life.

You know, in the beginning of our movies together,

we checked into a hotel as newlyweds who hadn't done it yet,

and at the end of our careers, we're...

Well, no, my career's going to keep going but his won't!

At the end of his career, we do a movie where

-we're checking into a hotel to do it for the first time.

-Wow.

-No way!

Yeah. While we were shooting the scene I thought,

"This feels familiar. "Hey, Bob, you remember?"

No, he didn't remember.

-Is that true he is stopping now?

-It's what he says.

-But he won't really.

-Well, he should.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, tell you what. Let's practise your suspicious poker faces.

So you're suspicious, but you didn't do it.

OK. So we'll just imagine someone on this sofa has just let one rip.

THEY SNIGGER

OK. Already you're terrible, Ken. You're useless.

-You're the detective!

-But someone HAS let one rip,

and I didn't want to say.

That's what's so terrible.

APPLAUSE

OK, come on, focus, everyone. OK... Here we go, here we go.

So somebody...

Somebody has let one drop.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Is it Josh?

He looks like a farter.

He suspects...Ken.

Ken had a big lunch.

Michelle has never farted in her life.

APPLAUSE

THEY ALL LAUGH

Judi's smelling it really strongly.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Johnny's channelling a bloodhound.

HE MOUTHS

Or is it the host?

FART NOISE It was the host.

I like Scotch eggs.

Idris Elba, we think of Idris Elba as a leading man, a ladies' man.

-But you haven't actually done that many love scenes.

-No.

Why is that? How is that?

Um...uh...

-Aw...!

-I just haven't had the opportunity, you know.

I've done a lot of films where there's a lot of guys.

You know. No, that's not true.

-I just haven't...

-That's no excuse.

I guess you're right!

How can I say it? I just haven't been in a romantic...

That would be a real good movie.

-What are you saying, Chris?

-No, I'm not...!

Um...

But, no, no, I haven't...

-LAUGHTER

-Trying to think of a tag!

"Bros In The Mountains", something like that?

But the director...

The director had never directed a love scene, is that right?

Yeah, that's true.

-So...

-Awkward.

-Kate Winslet, step forward.

I'm afraid I had to get quite bossy, because...

So, I've done a few of these kinds of scenes before

and so we get there and poor Hany, our director,

he's such a lovely man, and he was really quite nervous,

he had an extensive shot list, and I'm thinking,

"We're absolutely never going to get all this done.

"What kind of scene is this, anyway? There's, like, 25 shots."

And Idris was... You were a little bit nervous, weren't you?

-Not really, no.

-OK.

That was my game, you know, just to get in there, deadly.

Anyway, so, everything was moving quite slowly

and I'm like, "Right, look, OK. We need to really start filming this.

"What's with all this chat?"

And Hany said, "Actually, I'm really kind of nervous.

"I've actually never... I've really never shot

"anything like this before."

And Idris said, "No, and I haven't done much of it, either."

And I went, "OK, boys, OK.

"Put the camera over there, we'll do this, we'll do that..."

And then Idris said, "Keep your socks on."

And I'm like, "Keep my socks on?

"Everything else is off, what's with the socks?"

He said, "No, I've got a foot thing."

I've got a thing, you know. It's just a thing.

And I'm thinking...and I'm thinking...

Listen, I didn't want her socks to come off and they were, you know...

-Hobbit feet.

-..things going on. That would have been...ugh...

This was a moment, this was a moment.

Oh, my God. It's Hammer time.

Listen, I've got very, very big feet

and they're not particularly beautiful feet, either.

-They're all right...

-I should keep them inside

the shoes that they're in.

I'm thinking, "Poor Idris just doesn't want to see my feet,

"cos maybe he just does not like feet in general,"

and that's the whole thing. It's the opposite, ladies and gentlemen.

Idris loves feet.

CHEERING

-Listen...

-Everyone, take your shoes off!

I can't wait to see this movie!

In your book, you tell a story of young love.

-I think you were on your honeymoon in Europe.

-Yes.

And you were driving, but on a train?

We went to our travel agent to talk about this.

We were mid-30s when we got married and we knew that we

wanted to start a family, so this was like, it.

We wanted this honeymoon to be really spectacular.

Spent five weeks in Europe and it was all over.

So, we started in Switzerland, we were going to rent a car

and then go to Italy. And the travel agent says,

"Oh, by the way, instead of driving around the Alps, up and over,

"you take a train. It's a flatbed car.

"It takes three cars, bumper-to-bumper, on a flatbed car

"and then they put, you know, and then you go through the Alps."

"By the way," he says, wink, wink,

"There are three tunnels.

"The first tunnel is about five minutes.

"The second tunnel is about 8-10 minutes.

"The third tunnel is 50 minutes long.

"If you're a honeymooner..."

And I said, "Say no more."

LAUGHTER

So I told my wife and she exhaled and said, "OK."

LAUGHTER

We're on the train, there's a van in front of us

with a bunch of Italian families in front and behind us,

I mean, as close as you are, I can see the people

behind us, two couples, two Italian couples.

And so we start going and we go into the...

And it's a massive experience emotionally and physically.

HE IMITATES TRAIN

And the wind is whipping through and it's pitch-dark.

-You cannot see anything.

-Oh, wow.

-And it's fascinating.

And we come out of the tunnel into the station and I say to Robin...

"That's one."

We go up, we start again, we go through the second...

HE IMITATES TRAIN

Pitch-dark, can't see anything.

We come out of it... "That's two."

And she was, like, "Oh, God!"

Start the third tunnel, wait till it's absolutely pitch-dark...

Here we go.

It's a small rental, with a stick shift

and I'm, like, trying to get my trousers off,

she's trying to lower her chair.

We can't see anything, you cannot see anything, so it's all by feel.

-And it's, "What's that?"

-Awesome.

-Amazing.

And one thing I learned for sure is that

never be completely nude

when transferring from one seat over the stick shift...

LAUGHTER

Keep your trousers on and do it afterward.

You see, it's funny, I would recommend it, but...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Sorry. Sorry to interrupt.

-No, no. Well done.

So, we are...in flagrante, as they say,

and what's happening is that my eyes are adjusting.

I can see her profile.

She's a beautiful woman. I love her with all my heart.

And I can see her pretty face and it's great

and I think the eyes are getting...

No. The eyes aren't getting used to total pitch-black.

What happened is that we were coming to a station -

boom! Sunlight, everything!

Now, imagine, I'm like this, right?

On top of...

And I can see the two couples,

the Italian couples in the car behind us with their wine and...

HE SHOUTS IN MOCK ITALIAN

And the women are going, "Stop it, stop it."

And my wife says those three words to you, every husband wants to hear.

"Get off me."

LAUGHTER

So I get off, the Italian family, the grandmother is turning the heads

of the children and I'm struggling to put my trousers back on.

And I never found out, we never found out if this was a gag,

if this travel agent did this on purpose, knew all along

it wasn't 50 minutes, it was more like 15.

-15 minutes, though, man!

-15.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, tonight we're collecting people's special skills.

-Yes.

-So, what might you delight...

If we were at a party, what would you delight people with?

I... I... I haven't done it for a long time, but I used to, um,

-do a velociraptor impression.

-Oh!

She is pissing on you all.

-We haven't seen it yet.

-That level.

-We haven't seen it yet...

-Exactly.

-But, OK, do you need anything for this?

-Um, maybe these shoes off.

-OK. Do you need help with that?

No, no, I can get them off.

You know the famous scene

where the velociraptor is looking for the children,

in the kitchens.

Oh, yes, I do know, yes.

I kind of re-enact that.

Be kind to me, imagine there's some children that I'm running after

and they're all scared. Usually I'm doing that at a party

-and there's lots of kids.

-OK. Do you need to jump on a table or anything?

No, I just need a bit of space, this is good.

OK. She's an actress, just explore the space.

-Explore the space.

-Yes, good.

-Oh, she's happy, she's happy.

Shall I get out of the way?

-I'm OK here?

-No, cos you can be a part of this.

-OK, OK.

We've got a little bit of music,

-a little bit of music.

-Goodbye, career!

LAUGHTER

TENSE MUSIC PLAYS

Very good!

Excellent.

Blade Runner 2049, the expectation, the hopes for this are high.

Ridley Scott's involved. Harrison, you're involved,

but presumably this isn't the first time...

-I'm not just involved...

-You're in it. You're on the poster.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

GRAHAM LAUGHS

But, OK, my question is this,

so there must've been mentions of a sequel between...

It was 1982, wasn't it, when it came out?

So, between then and now - so, why now, why not before?

I guess cos Ryan wasn't available.

LAUGHTER

Well, for many years he wasn't available.

Yes. Well, not for 30 years.

But they were waiting for me to grow up.

But they decided they'd have to go ahead anyway.

Well, they finally came up with a good...with a story.

I read it, I thought it was awesome.

I thought it was great -

and as I read it, I read about the character that...Ryan...

-Ryan?

-It's Ryan.

LAUGHTER

..came to play, and with great enthusiasm

I called up the producers

and I said, "This is great, I can't wait to hear bla-bla-bla...

"And what a great part.

"Why don't we see if we can get..."

-Ryan.

-"..Ryan Gosling."

And they said, "Oh..."

Did you say Brosling?

-Gosling.

-Yes.

-Bryan...

-You guys got that on tape?

-Ryan Gosling.

And I said, "Why don't... This is a great part for Ryan Gosling."

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

I read somewhere where back then some of the special effects

were simpler than maybe they are now.

-Yeah.

-So, the Jedi mind control, when you can move objects,

explain how they did that.

Well, first of all, George called Star Wars

"the most expensive low budget movie ever made,"

and what he meant was every penny had to go up on the screen.

The ingenuity was fantastic.

So, for instance, when I was hanging upside down in the Wampa cave,

they had fishing wire attached to it,

and pulled it out of my hand and then just reversed the film.

-Oh, OK.

-So it's very simple - but, I mean, the ingenuity is tremendous.

Now they CGI it and spend way too much money.

Can we see if we can recreate it in a very low-tech way?

-I'm game.

-OK. So if I give you... If we move that...

-All right.

..if I give you an orange... No, no you're good.

If I give you an orange...

Well, maybe you better move them farther, in case my aim is off.

-So, if you could try to just get it in that general vicinity.

-OK.

So hang on. Wait, wait, wait. So, we've go to look astonished.

This will all make sense.

We've got to look astonished when Mark is holding the orange

and then slowly back to nothing as the orange lands.

-OK?

-OK.

-OK, so are we all set?

-Right. I hope so.

-OK.

APPLAUSE

I think that was good, I think that was good.

OK, was this a good one?

-Was that good? OK.

-We'll fix it in editing.

-Yeah.

Let's watch it back, let's watch it back.

All right. Here we go, OK.

MUSIC: Yoda And The Force

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-That's good, isn't it?

-Very good.

-Excellent.

Cos in Pitch Perfect 1 there was no competition.

-You nailed it.

-Yeah. I think so.

I was the first person ever cast in Pitch Perfect,

I was cast four months before anybody else

and I did have to sing in the audition

and I was a little nervous, but then I thought,

"Just crush it." So...

What did you sing for your audition?

I sang Lady Gaga, Edge Of Glory, but I did my own body percussion

-to accompany it.

-How do you do that?

-Should I try to recreate it?

-Yes, please!

-All right.

CHEERING

So, I haven't done this in, like, seven years.

-OK, so...

-Do we need goggles?

-Are you going to be the casting director?

-Yeah.

-So, OK.

I'm Rebel, I'm five foot four,

still single.

Here's my song. OK.

# I'm on the edge of glory

# And I'm hanging on a moment of truth

# I'm on the edge of glory

# And I'm hanging on a moment with you

# I'm on the edge

# The edge, the edge, the edge

# The edge, the edge, the e-e-e-e-dge

# I'm on the edge of glory... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Something like that.

-You've got the part!

We've got a selection of special skills on the show tonight,

and, Gary, you've brought us a real treat.

Am I right to say, it's something physical?

-Yes, it's physical.

-It's physical.

I don't know if it's very special!

Do you want to tell us what we're going to watch

or shall we just see it?

Er, it's... Well, yes, it's...

My wife actually recorded it on an iPhone in the trailer

and it's Winston Churchill doing James Brown.

HE GASPS This sounds special.

-It's a new level.

-So, here is Winston Churchill.

This is so many layers!

This is so meta now.

It's Gary Oldman does Winston Churchill doing James Brown.

For the Oscar.

SOUL MUSIC PLAYS

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Very good!

CHEERING

Excellent!

Now, obviously, three sex symbols on our couch tonight -

but, Jamie Dornan,

oddly, you arrived at sex symbol status quite late in life.

-I did.

-Yes.

So, tell us the story about... I think you were...

What were you? About 15?

This is one of the worst stories in my locker.

-Unpack it.

-Big debates about whether I should tell it, but fuck it.

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

When I was... It actually had a big effect on me as a kid -

it has a big effect on, I'm sure, lots of kids -

but I was very sporty when I was a kid, but I was a late developer.

I was small, I wasn't very hairy,

just one of those guys who was a bit behind,

and I was young for my year, and it had a big effect on me.

Anyway...

I was sort of balancing playing rugby at school

and doing a bit of amateur dramatics on the side,

and it all culminated in we got to the final -

Liam will know this - of the Medallion Shield,

which, when you're 15, is the biggest thing that could happen,

and I went to a school called Methody,

and we were playing against our main rivals

at Ravenhill, which is Ulster's ground,

and it was such a massive thing.

There was going to be a big party afterwards.

But also, that same night,

befell the All-Ireland final of the Amateur Dramatic Society

where I was performing Chekhov's The Cherry Orchard

and I think I was a waiter or something -

I was on stage a lot, but didn't really have any lines,

didn't have anything to say.

And I thought, "Right, I will be able to go, play rugby,

"hopefully win that and then go and do the play

"and then go to the party for the rugby afterwards."

Now, at 15 I looked about seven.

I had no hair or anything.

Anyway, in the play, they had given me

this sort of black, very highly flammable wig

that they used to cut off and Uhu to my face

to give me a beard, to give the appearance I was older.

So I thought it would be a good idea...

LAUGHTER

..after the curtain came down on this play,

and I'm going to this party after,

and, you know, I might meet a girl and maybe she drops a hand...

LAUGHTER

So I had the idea to maybe cut off some extra hair off the very...

By the way, I was a very fair child, I had blond hair.

So I went into the dressing room

and I went into like the toilets and cut off all this very curly...

..jet, jet black hair,

and put it in a wee pile and got my Uhu glue and just...

..put it around there.

Stuffed it in. I remember standing in front of the mirror

and going, "That looks all right."

Just the lengths you go to.

Obviously, I went to the party.

I think I kissed a girl, urging her to sort of...without forcing her...

..urging her to sort of go down,

cos on this one... for one night only...

..it was actually quite an impressive place to put your hand.

Anyway, that didn't happen and, actually, thank God it didn't,

because I got home and it was a car crash down there.

It was an absolute car crash.

Was the removal painful?

I'll tell you why the removal was so painful, physically and emotionally.

I did actually have about three pubes...

-..naturally developed pubes.

-Mm, mm.

-They went as soon as I...

-Yeah.

APPLAUSE

Oh, dear! Jack, in the movie, this is something I've heard about you.

For every movie you do,

you write and perform a theme song.

-Well...

-Yet I've seen Jumanji,

and there didn't appear to be any of you.

The movie hasn't been officially released yet...

-Is my tie doing something funny?

-I got you.

-Thank you.

I told YOU to fix his tie.

-I told you.

-Thank you, guys for fixing my tie.

-Stop touching me.

I'm getting to talk for the first time.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-The song...

Has this been a very long press tour?

I love these guys.

I co-wrote a song.

We were all kind of messing around with the theme song and me

and Nick Jonas actually put the finishing touches on it

and we shot a music video hoping to release it soon,

-but do you want a little taste of it?

-Please, yes!

This might be the only time you hear it, I don't know

if it's going to make the final cut, but it's pretty powerful.

# Jumanji

# It's a jungle inside your soul

# Somewhere deep inside at the end of the world... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Beautiful!

# Jumanji

# And survival your only goal

# Plunge the jewel inside

# Say the name of the game... #

Here we go.

APPLAUSE

# Jumanji!

# Jumanji!

# Jumanji!

# Jumanji! #

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Wow!

Level upon level, beautiful work!

Now, normally, ladies and gentlemen, on a show like this,

we would show a clip of Mission: Impossible,

-but you haven't finished the film yet.

-Sorry.

So, we thought we'd make a snatch of one of our own.

Now, one of the most iconic stunts that you do, Tom,

is the running away from something exploding.

-You are very good at it.

-Thank you very much.

We've got some stills. There's running away from a van.

Ooh, that's in the Channel Tunnel there.

-And this is the exploding fish tank.

-Oh, yes.

-There you go.

Do you know, I've just noticed, that is a very good move.

-I like that.

-Yes, touchdown.

-That's excellent.

-Score.

That is very good.

Presumably timing is key.

Because these are real explosions.

They are real explosions. Key.

That one was particularly very crazy.

Was this the one where no-one properly told you the timing?

Yeah, the guy was over there and he said,

"OK, we're going to go on three."

And he started going, "Three, two, one."

And I said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. Stop."

And I'm waiting, we have an explosion that is

going to go over my head. And I said, "You just said on three."

He said, "Well, I meant three." "Well, what does that mean?"

So I said, "Everyone, just, please..."

It was like two in the morning and they are setting it up

and there is broken... There is glass, just tonnes of water and...

He said, "Well, I'm going to, 'three, two, one.'"

And I said, "Do I go then or do I go on one? Like, when do I go?"

"Do I go on one? Are you going to push the button?

"Is it going to explode on one?" It was, you know...

He kind of looked at me like... "I don't know."

-LAUGHTER

-"I'm not sure."

-Around then.

-Around then.

-Just go. Just run.

-"When you hear the explosion, just go."

"Yeah, you really ought to run cos it's very dangerous."

"Yes, it's very dangerous, I would run real fast if I were you."

"If I was you, I wouldn't hang around."

Well, listen, what we've done is we've got a green screen here.

So we are going to raise up a green screen at great speed.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

OK, while we are waiting for that...

While we're waiting for that, we're going to get some members of

the audience to do this. But in terms of this, Tom,

what we're going to do, they're going to start back there.

They're going to run, OK?

They're going to run to here

and then that's the top of the explosion and they're going to want

to get height and presumably facial expression.

So, in terms of jumping, what's the best way to get height?

-Are they going to land in the mats?

-Yeah, that's the idea.

Well, first of all, watch your ankle on the mat cos...

-LAUGHTER He knows this, he knows this.

-Yes.

OK, let's get some people to do this.

We will get to you. Hang on. Who...? Now...

Who wants to do it?

You want to do it? OK, you can come do it. Come do it.

-What is your name?

-Jamie.

-Jamie, lovely. Cheers for Jamie.

-Oop.

-He's not doing well.

-Watch your ankle, man, watch your ankle.

-Come this way. Come this way.

-Up you go.

-You shouldn't let him do it. He fell off the step!

LAUGHTER

Up you go. So, Tom, tips for Jamie.

What sort of facial expression should he go for?

-Fear?

-Just whatever feels natural. Just... The most important thing is

-don't get blown up.

-So I'm trying not to get blown up?

Yeah, that's it. Try not to get blown up.

-I'm escaping.

-You are escaping.

-Yes, escaping.

-But you are brave.

-Yeah.

-You're brave.

-He's brave. You can't look terrified.

-You are frightened, but you are still brave.

-Yes.

-Frightened but brave. I'm not going to go too high.

-Why?

No, I'll do it for you.

I like that, "I'm not going to go too high."

LAUGHTER

-Do what you feel comfortable.

-So, what's the countdown?

-Is it three, two, one?

-Three, two, one, go.

-OK, so you're going on one.

-On three.

-On two.

-Three.

No, one.

-You do it, Simon.

-Three, two, one, go.

OK, here we go. Here we go. Here we go, Jamie.

-ALL:

-Three, two, one, go!

-Ahh!

-APPLAUSE

That was good, Jamie. Excellent.

-Well done, Jamie.

-That was very good.

-OK, well done, Jamie. Should we see it?

-Yes.

OK, have a seat, have a seat. Let's see it. Oh, there's Jamie.

MUSIC: Mission: Impossible Theme.

He's running, he's running.

Oh! He looked like he was loving it.

Loving life. Well done.

OK, Tom, in three, two...

-What does that mean?

-A cue to start talking.

LAUGHTER

You see what I'm saying?

I don't know, he's like, "Three, two," and he points.

Does that mean I start talking at that point? OK, good.

-I go on the point.

-Go on the point.

-OK, good.