John Thomson The TV That Made Me

TV - the magic box of delights.

As kids, it showed us a million different worlds,

all from our living room.

-This takes me right back.

-That's embarrassing!

I am genuinely shocked.

Each day, I'm going to journey through the wonderful

world of telly with one of our favourite celebrities...

-It is just so silly.

-Ah! I love it!

-Is it Mr Benn?

-Shut it!

-..as they select the iconic TV moments...

-Oh, hello.

..that tell us the stories of their lives.

Oh!

-Oh, my gosh.

-Cheers.

-Some will make you laugh...

-Wah!

SHE LAUGHS

..some will surprise...

HE QUACKS

-..many will inspire...

-Oh!

Look at this. Why wouldn't you want to watch this?

-..and others will move us.

-Seeing that there made a huge impact on me.

Got a handkerchief?

So, come and watch with us,

as we rewind to the classic telly that shaped those wide-eyed

youngsters into the much-loved stars they are today.

APPLAUSE

Welcome to The TV That Made Me.

My guest today is a gifted comedian and actor, Mr John Thomson.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hello.

-How are you?

-I'm all right.

-Give me a cuddle.

Come and sit down. Welcome to my flat.

From The Fast Show to Men Behaving Badly...

Playing The Field to Cold Feet, if there's a good comedy

drama show on telly, there's a good chance this man is in it.

Amongst the TV that made him, a show where a bear,

a hippo and an alien all lived happily together.

Oh, yes, Geoffrey, oh, that's a good idea.

And a classic 1990s sketch show that launched 1,000 catchphrases.

Nice!

-How are you, mate?

-I'm very well.

-Are you excited about looking back on your past?

-Yes, I am. Yes.

-So, what was TV like as a child, you know, growing up?

I was all over the place as a child, and I couldn't settle,

but THAT would settle me. That was my baby-sitter, that was my nanny.

-So you would plonk me in front of that and I would just...

-Zone out.

Zone out. I would even watch the test card.

LAUGHTER

With the girl with the Alice band and the clown and the noughts

and crosses and the balloon. Yes.

So, John, today is a celebration of your favourite highlights,

TV highlights, that have shaped you,

probably even made you the person you are today.

And before all that, we are going to rewind the clock now

and have a look at what it was like being a very young John Thomson.

There's my clicker.

Born and bred in Lancashire, John was a boy of the '70s,

growing up near Preston with his dad, a local businessman, mum,

a bookseller, and his younger brother, Ben.

While still a student at Manchester Poly, he got his first TV

break doing voice impressions for Spitting Image.

Before long, we got to see him on our screens in comedy

hits like Coogan's Run...

and as Len the barman in Men Behaving Badly.

Later, starring as the hapless Pete Gifford in the long-running comedy

drama series Cold Feet firmly established him as a household name.

But for many, he truly made his mark as the legendary jazz critic

Louis Balfour in The Fast Show.

Which was nice, or should I say,

AS LOUIS BALFOUR: nice!

So, John, do you remember watching TV as a kid?

Like we said, they used to just plonk you there.

I had a lot of favourite as a child.

There was Watch With Mother, which was

kind of an offshoot from the radio, which was Listen With Mother.

So we didn't really do the wireless thing, because it was the '70s, so...

Do you know why it was called Watch With Mother?

It was, you know, so that the mums would be there,

so they wouldn't dump them. As they did with you.

So you didn't actually watch with Mother.

It should have been called Watch On Your Own.

Mine should have been, should have been called

Watch And Call Social Services.

LAUGHTER

-I remember Andy Pandy...

-Yeah.

-..the Flower Pot Men. Woodentops.

-Yeah, Woodentops.

-And then, over the other side, Rainbow.

-Ah.

And, er, Pipkins I absolutely loved.

-So, your first choice is actually Rainbow.

-Yes.

-Why?

There is an apocryphal story that goes with Rainbow, where my mum

caught me, because she wasn't watching with me, obviously.

My mum saw me, and I looked round with a very angry look on my face,

and my mum said to me, "What on earth's the matter?"

And I said, "I want Bungle to die."

LAUGHTER

And the reason was, he was kind of a bit mamby-pamby

and very sensible, whereas I was always a Zippy fan.

Because he was a bit naughty.

And I was always a bit naughty, you know, attention-seeking

and kind of, you know, troublesome.

And I kind of identified with... Out of all the Rainbow cast,

Zippy was my man. Whereas Bungle, no...

Should we have a little look? Should we see if Bungle,

Bungle the bear, see if he is irritating in this one?

-There is a letter for you.

-A letter for me, Geoffrey?

-Is there one for me, Geoffrey?

-No, sorry, Zippy.

Bungle and his mates, George and Zippy,

with presenter Geoffrey Hayes, made up the Rainbow house.

This preschool kids' show first appeared in 1972...

as Britain's answer to the American hit series Sesame Street.

With over 1,000 episodes, it ran for two decades.

I don't think I like sharing a bed any more.

I think I should have a bed of my own.

-Is he irritating you here, John?

-Yes, slightly, yes.

-A bed of your own?

-Yes. And a room of my own as well.

-And a room, he is getting very big-headed.

-Well, he's 18.

LAUGHTER

-And he is in bed with a cow and an alien.

-It is a hippopotamus.

-Oh, is it a hippopotamus?

-Yeah.

But we've only got two bedrooms, Bungle.

Ours and Geoffrey's.

I only ever saw one episode where it explained what Zippy was.

-And he is, apparently, a dwarf from outer space. Honestly.

-Really?

-Yeah, I bet you didn't know that.

-Can you do Zippy?

-Oh, yes.

-AS ZIPPY:

-It was one of those voices that everybody could do, you see.

But everybody did that, because he only had one hand. Because the guy is doing this.

So everybody did this, you see. So everybody...

-AS GEORGE:

-And George, he talked like that, didn't he?

Might I have your room, and you share with Zippy and George?

-Well, is that what you want?

-Yes, Geoffrey, it is.

Oh, all right, Bungle, you have my bedroom tonight.

-So, he really upset you, Bungle.

-Bungle, I had no time for him. No.

-Did you... You really...

-I'm over it now.

-Are you?

-I'm over it.

-Are you really over it, John?

-Yeah.

I am. As bears go...

You haven't seen Bungle for 35 years.

LAUGHTER

We have flown him 25 miles to be here.

Would you please welcome the original Bungle bear?

Ho, ho, ho!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hello.

-Hello, Bungle. Come and join us on the sofa.

-It is John Thomson.

-Hello, Bungle.

-Hello.

-No hard feelings. I was only five.

-Were you?

-Yes.

-I was five once.

-Were you?

-Do you feel better now?

-I'm dealing rather well with it.

-Yeah. You haven't actually...

You haven't been affectionate to it, though, John.

-Do you know what, he's a lot more cuddly upfront.

-Ho, ho!

Yeah. Do you know what, yeah, I can see the appeal now.

So, Bungle, it is honestly, truly a great honour to be here, because

when they said, "We've got Bungle,"

I didn't think it was THE real Bungle, but you were...

Oh, yes, I was. When you were little.

Underneath the famous fuzzy suit is Malcolm Lord.

He took over the role in 1989 for three years.

He was the third actor to play the iconic brown bear during

its original run on Thames Television.

-Are you wearing shoes now?

-I am.

-Zippy told me you've got cold feet.

-Oh, yes, I have.

-Oh, dear.

GROANS

-Bungle, it's been lovely to meet you.

-I am genuinely shocked.

LAUGHTER

Oh, Bungle, thank you so much for coming on the show.

-John, do you think you have buried the hatchet?

-Totally. Friends.

-Friends, forever.

-Forever. Aw.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, from Rainbow,

the original Bungle bear.

APPLAUSE

-Bye-bye, everybody.

-Bye-bye. See you now.

-Ho, ho!

We're moving onto Sneaky Peak.

This is a Sneaky Peak with a difference,

-because this is something you used to watch...

-Yeah.

..but only because, because of your aerial.

Oh, yes.

-This was Batman and Robin.

-Mm.

And...do you want us to play...?

-Or just tell us the story...

-Do you want the background?

-Yeah, so...

-OK. There were a few things in my house that was banned.

-Mm-hm.

Benny Hill wasn't allowed.

-He was too blue.

-GENTLE LAUGHTER

I don't know if anyone else suffered at the hands of this,

but we were told that Swap Shop on a Saturday morning

was a sensible programme to watch, but the truth be told,

-everyone wanted to watch Tiswas.

-Yeah, yeah...

But that WASN'T a sensible programme.

We weren't far from Winter Hill, which is the mast

that broadcast all the TV, so we got a good reception where we were.

The beauty of it was I could turn off Swap Shop, sneak upstairs,

watch the end of Tiswas, but then with the dial tuned to HTV,

which was the Welsh version of ITV, and watch Batman.

-Ah-ha...

-No-one else, that wasn't on ITV for us northerners.

Fortunately...it wasn't in Welsh.

LAUGHTER

-WELSH ACCENT:

-"Ker-clow".

You know what I mean? Um...

-Can you imagine?

-It's not the same, is it?

-WELSH ACCENT:

-The Riddler. Joker.

-Shall we have a look?

-Yeah, let's have a look.

-Here we go.

That title music, it's brilliant, isn't it? Here we go.

With its bombastic and camp style,

this 1960s depiction

of the famous comic book hero Batman

originally ran for three series.

-It's not quite The Dark Knight, is it?

-No, it's not, really.

-But this is where it all came from? BOTH:

-This is where it started.

They call it the cowl, don't they, the Batman mask?

-But he had pencilled-on eyebrows on top.

-Let's have a look.

Strange. No answer.

-I wonder...

-What is it, Batman?

-Something that...

-Oh, you're right.

-There.

-There, look at that.

-Constant surprise.

He looks like he's had too much Botox, doesn't he, really, look?

-Holy stuffy.

-Exactly, Robin.

Do you know what? For crime-fighters,

-terrible peripheral vision.

-LAUGHTER

Do you know what I mean?

You're constantly...

Ow! What?

Cos he couldn't see him coming.

Not the greatest idea, is it, really?

Its cartoony characters and dialogue played for laughs

made it a timeless favourite amongst young and not-so-young viewers.

THE JOKER LAUGHS

-Cesar Romero...

-Mm-hm.

-..who played the Joker here,

but I could always see the tache underneath. It kind of bugged me a bit.

He must've been a bit of a diva, they'd go,

"Shave the tache off", and he'd go, "No. Not doing it."

Destroy them!

-Here we go, here comes the fight sequence.

-Oh, it's coming.

-Not bad though, you know. Crraack!

-Yeah.

-The sound effect. Oooff!

-Oooff!

-This make 'em...

-Yeah.

Thwapp! You can imagine it in Welsh, can't you?

HE SPEAKS IN WELSH

-It's still good choreography, isn't it?

-That there looked real.

Yeah.

Watch out, Batman.

Batman!

-If I was directing this...

-Mm?

-..I'd say, "Could we go again?"

Cos it just sort of went on his shoulder

and it wouldn't have done much, would it?

Batman and Robin, the dashing diamonds of derring-do!

THE JOKER LAUGHS

It's like that thing with Captain Kirk, he was always doing this.

-You're all right, aren't you?

-That actually hurt, that did. LAUGHTER

Or this one,

the double-handed on the back of here between the shoulder blades.

-People would just go, "What did you do that for?"

-Mm.

They go down, don't they? They go, "Ah!"

Actually they go like that and they go, "What was that?"

-We spoke about the sound effects.

-Yes.

-We've got some.

-Oh, OK.

-We've got some here for you.

-It's a test, is it?

-It's a test.

Let's see how well you are,

see how much you are up on the old sound effects.

We want you to decide whether they actually came from the show or not.

-True or false?

-OK.

-I'm definitely having "Kapow!"

-"Kapow!"?

-What do we reckon?

-Yeah. AUDIENCE:

-Yes.

-What do we think? Right hook?

-Maybe a cross.

-Oof!

-After three. One, two, three.

-Oof!

-See?

-BOTH: Kapow.

-Stunt school as well.

-Well, you're right.

-Yeah, that's in.

-It was.

"Sock!"

Do you know, it's that kitsch, the show, it wouldn't surprise me.

So you're saying true?

-Yes, or no? FROM AUDIENCE:

-No.

-No.

You're being swayed by my flatmates, aren't you?

GENTLE LAUGHTER

-I think it's an amusing concept...

-Yeah.

-..but I'm saying no.

-Well, you're wrong. It was...

-Should've gone with my instinct!

-Yeah.

-"Rakkk!!"? A rakkk is a rakkk, rakk-k-k-k-k-k...

-No.

-No.

-That's more of a gun.

-You're wrong. It is. Incorrect.

Oh, that's the Welsh one...

LAUGHTER

Oh, I've got it the wrong way round!

-"Zgruppp!"?

-"Zgruppp!".

-I don't know. I'm not buying that.

-No? OK, then. So, you're saying no?

-No.

-It is a yes. GENTLE LAUGHTER

-Zgruppp?

-Yeah.

-And it's the final one.

-"Flrbbbbb!".

-"Flrbbbbb!".

Flrbbbbb?

-It could be breaking wind underwater.

-Yeah, I thought that.

-BOTH:

-Flrrbbb...

-I'll say yes.

-Well, you're absolutely right in saying yes.

-They ALL were?

-They all were.

LAUGHTER

-Going to have to go through every episode now, to look for flrbbb.

-Yeah.

Holy-moley, Batman.

With seven other actors, like Val Kilmer in 1995,

this caped crusader has been portrayed by more actors

than any other superhero in movie history...

Val Kilmer, then George Clooney two years later,

only lasting one film.

But Christian Bale, with the sequels Dark Knight

and The Dark Knight Rises became

the first to play Bruce Wayne

and his alter ego three times

on the big screen.

Entering the Batcave next

and joining the legion of actors before him,

Ben Affleck is the latest to don

the cape and cowl, taking on another

classic superhero in Batman Versus Superman,

Dawn Of Justice.

John, we're going to take a little break now.

-We're going to have an advert.

-Right.

-It's one of your favourites, the finger of Fudge.

-Oh, yes!

Before I play it, do you think you can remember the theme tune?

I can...

# A finger of Fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat... #

# A finger of Fudge is just enough until it's time to eat... #

The advert for Cadbury's Fudge bar ran from the late 1970s.

Its catchy tune was actually a traditional folk song,

"The Lincolnshire Poacher" and the slogan, "a finger of fudge

"is just enough" was popular enough to continue well into the 1990s.

I've got a theory on this and I meet the odd person and go, "You, too!"

# A finger of Fudge is just enough, it's very small and neat

# It's full of... # This is what I thought they said...

# PEPPERY goodness until it's time to eat

# A finger a Fudge is just enough... #

-You thought...

-Peppery.

-Peppery goodness?

I thought they were like that...

In the factory...

Like that. And they'd go, "Giuseppe!"

-And he'd have his big...

-IMITATES PEPPER GRINDING

..thing, like that, cos it sounds exactly like,

"it's full of peppery goodness..."

-Because the words are Cadbury's goodness...

-Cadbury, yeah.

Please agree with me, it's "peppery" to me.

To my untrained ear...

# A finger of Fudge is just enough... #

Here we go.

# It's full of Cadbury goodness... #

-I'll give you that.

-Peppery?

-AUDIENCE MEMBERS:

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I don't feel a fool now.

So was you cheated when you bought a finger of Fudge

and it didn't taste of pepper?

Do you know, in this day and age,

to add pepper to fudge, it would probably work.

Heston, if you're watching...

Let me know. Give it a go.

Where there any other adverts that used to catch your eye?

Oh, God - so many. I used to love the Milk Tray.

It's coming back! They're looking for the new Milk Tray man.

I was a huge Bond fan as well, as a child,

since I was a very, very small...

And James Bond films were...

I still am a huge James Bond fan and it was like James Bond,

but delivering chocolate.

THEY HUM THEME TUNE

But you know, he'd jump off a cliff, swim through shark-infested waters,

get up, climb up the same cliff...

Then...

-Open up a manky box, because they were all wet.

-Yeah!

John, we've reached the odd category, a moment where you get to

choose a programme that you like just for the hell of it.

Let's have a look at what you chose.

Short films like this were actually terrifying and doom-laden

public information films

shown on TV from 1945

to the present day....

'Polish a floor and put a rug on it.'

That rug will soon change into something else. There you go.

-The mantrap.

-Look!

Brand-new baby, straight back from the hospital...

The mum's polished the floor, thinking everything's lovely...

MAN SCREAMS

And to think, he'd only just come FROM the hospital.

-BUT, it could have been HER through the door first.

-It could have.

Double casualty. A fragile baby...

I can't imagine that scene of horror.

And you know, all the blame lies at the mum,

-just trying to keep a tidy home.

-Yeah.

Polish the floor, you may as well leave a mantrap.

-That's full-on, isn't it?

-It is!

It is, isn't it?

But that stayed with me.

What, you don't clean?

No.

-It's filthy, my house, squalor.

-But no-one's falling over.

I do have...two runners in my hall,

but they're rubberised underneath.

-Mm-hm.

-See? But that is down to the manufacturer.

I can't believe we're talking about this!

-I can't believe we're talking about...

-Rubberised matting.

But the thing is, though, if you look at the back story of that,

it's not the first time she's cleaned that floor.

Maybe she doesn't like the son-in-law.

There's a subtext to it.

She stalled her, with the baby, did you see that?

At the door, she went... "He's gone, yeah!"

You're well renowned for being the king of voice-overs.

Yes, I do quite a few.

You do documentary series and things like that,

so voices and impressions,

did that sort of ease you into the sort of world we know as showbiz?

My first job...

When I went to drama school,

Steve Coogan was in the third year.

I was a first year.

Steve got wind of the fact there was a guy who could do impressions and

Steve said, "I work for a show called Spitting Image

and I went, "Oh, do you?" He went, "Yeah, I work at weekends.

"I do the voices for these puppets - it's a satirical show."

He said, "You should send a tape off". So I put down...

I did it properly, I spent time to put music behind it and did little

sketches with my voices, and I sent it off and lo and behold, I got

the job and that was my first kind of break into the business.

So when I was a student, my Saturday job...

Working as a student was just... My Saturday job was Spitting Image.

-So what characters would you play?

-I started off...

With Gazza.

-GAZZA VOICE:

-I was just like, crying all the time, like, you know?

Remember he used to... Like Sweep!

He was like a Geordie Sweep that played football.

HE GIBBERS AND CRIES

..and he'd cry...

And then what you had to do, you'd work your way up the ranks...

And then I ended up doing Bill Clinton, President of the United States in the end.

So I got to be a president in the end,

but it was great fun...in its day, it was a great,

hugely popular show and a great break, really,

even though you didn't see me, it didn't bother me,

I was working and I was doing something I loved

and that's why I'm so grateful every day that I do a job I love.

Yeah.

We're moving on to The Fast Show.

OK.

Oh, I love this character.

This is Chip Cobb, I'll explain where I got the name in a minute.

-He's the deaf stuntman.

-So, Chip...

You run to the edge of the roof,

there's a shot,

you clutch your chest

and then you fall.

Who do I shoot?

No, YOU get shot!

OK, right - yeah.

It all comes from...

The expense and time it takes to set up a stunt, you know,

they want to get it in one, don't they? Every time.

I thought, make the stuntman deaf

and he messes it up every time,

so they have to keep doing it again.

No, I'm not happy about this, Peter.

The stunt's higher than we arranged.

I've asked my bloke to deflate that bag, it's way too small.

Need a larger bag in there, it's going to cost more money,

but I've got to think about the safety.

Can you stand down,

we need to replace the bag with a bigger bag and, er...

-Go and check your make-up with Ruth.

-Chuck myself off the roof?

All right.

Aaargh!

You said you had a story about his name.

Yeah, I was looking at the menu... It was...

Because we have teacakes and barm cakes,

depends where you come from and when we were filming at the time,

cos a lot of this was shot in the north-east and they have cobs.

And one of the things on offer in the cafe was a chip cob

and I thought stuntman, Chip, sounds about right,

surname Cobb, Chip Cobb.

So he's Chip Butty.

Was he one of your favourite characters on The Fast Show?

Yeah, I loved doing him.

He's one of my creations, I wrote him,

but the most popular one's the Jazz Club,

which Paul and Charlie created, but I fleshed out.

Welcome to Jazz Club.

Great.

REALLY great.

On paper, it's not very interesting,

so all that, "great, nice", stuff

was my lovely director's idea to make it more interesting.

On the show today, Jackson Geoffrey Jackson,

surely the most innovative force in modern jazz trumpet styling.

Nice!

One extra dimension to make that character funnier was to

look at the Tube map...

It's an endless source of names for jazz players.

"Featuring Leicester Square on sax, Ongar on bass

"and Parsons Green on keyboards."

So you just pick them out and they work brilliantly.

The Fast Show was one of the most popular sketch shows of the 1990s.

The re-occurring gags,

characters and the catchy one-liners were the brainchild of

Paul Whitehouse and his friend, writing partner Charlie Higson.

What was it like working with Paul and Charlie?

It was as much fun as it looks.

But it was gruelling, because we'd do...

We'd be literally, "What am I now?

"Oh, I'm a caveman"..."Are you?"

"Oh, yeah - I'm a mad scientist..." But it was just...

It was such great fun, I love doing sketches.

-Who in your opinion was the greatest Fast Show character?

-My favourite?

Course, not including yours, which we all know and love...

It's Rowley Birkin,

the judge that Paul does.

Yeah. You can't understand what he says...

It's the drunk judge...

Who...

HE SLURS

..I said Christmas cracker...

HE SLURS

Terrible jokes...

And a hat! Ha-ha-ha!

That kind of thing.

So, I just...

But it was based on a real guy that Paul used to go fishing with.

-Really?

-So you often...

Paul would go, "What?" And he'd go...

-SLURS WORDS

-..the wife's terrible breath!

And Paul kind of...

You often find that characters lifted from people that really

exist are so much stronger, the basis for them.

But it was just a joy to do.

I'd like to do a reunion.

Something you are doing a reunion for is...

-Cold Feet.

-That's right, yeah.

It's 12 years, nearly 13 years since it finished and it is 20 years

since it started.

No!

I was 28 when I started that show.

I'm a bit nervous, because the pressure is on.

But the demand for it is huge because over the years,

the last 12 years, the public have...

And the same goes for the rest of the cast,

people stop me in the shops

and in the street

and say, "When is it coming back?"

-The demand for the show is there.

-It's because they love it.

Yeah. We hit the mark the first time round,

so I just hope we can do it again.

-So what do you enjoy watching now?

-I like a good box set.

Obviously, I did Breaking Bad, that took me a year to finish.

On terrestrial TV, I won't miss Luther.

-Oh, right.

-I like that, cos that's dark.

I really like that.

John Thomson, have you enjoyed it, this trip down memory lane?

-Very much, I've loved it.

-You've been a wonderful guest.

-It's been a pleasure.

-I've really enjoyed my time with you.

Now, we give our guests the opportunity to pick a theme tune

for us to play out on. What's yours today?

Well, as a drummer, I've always been a fan of the bass, so the rhythm

section is the backbone to music and the bassline on this is fantastic.

-It's the New Avengers theme.

-Ah!

So if you listen to the bassline on this,

it's really quite something special.

Well, it wouldn't be complete without our special guest,

we'd like to welcome him back from Rainbow, the lovely Bungle...

Come on in, Bungle.

Thanks to Bungle, my thanks to John and my thanks to you

for watching The TV That Made Me. We'll see you next time, bye-bye!

-Come on, you guys.

-Whoa!

Zippy and George!

NEW AVENGERS THEME TUNE PLAYS

# Da-ba-da-ba-dah!

# Da-na-na

# Da-da da-da-da...

# Da-da da-da-da... #