Continental Divide Top Gear USA

Now, on Top Gear...

We cross the Continental Divide...

Look at that!

..on an epic journey to find America's toughest minivan.

Oh!

Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways!

The majestic Rocky Mountains.

Home to 14,000ft peaks

and deep impenetrable valleys.

This 3,000 mile mountain range

represents one of the most formidable barriers on earth.

Yet, the first pioneers somehow made their way

across this hellish, bear-infested wilderness

in nothing more than covered wagons,

seeking their fortunes on the other side.

So, how did they manage it?

To find out, we decided to retrace their footsteps,

using the modern equivalent of the covered wagon.

The minivan.

Now, this is a '99 Chevy Astro minivan.

And if I'm going to take a voyage

into the treacherous Rocky Mountains,

it's going to be in an all-wheel drive, with six screaming cylinders

and something built on a truck frame.

I mean, there really is no other choice.

CAR HORN BEEPS

-HE LAUGHS

-And then this drives up.

Ha! 2001 Chrysler Town & Country.

-The worst minivan ever made.

-Oh, I disagree my, friend.

The year this was made, it was voted the most luxurious minivan you could buy.

It also has all-wheel drive and 215 horsepower.

-How much horsepower do you have in there?

-190.

A blazing 190.

You bet.

-Do you have all-wheel drive?

-I sure do.

-Does it work?

-Yes.

-Ah.

-This is a car that a woman named Nancy would own.

-Really?

This is a Town & Country, this is versatile.

You could drive it in town

or in the country, it says it right there in the name.

What do you think Tanner got?

Something totally inappropriate.

-Did you hear an Amber alert?

-Oh, gosh.

That's right, the Aerostar.

It is a manual, six cylinder, rear-wheel drive, drift machine.

You thought that was a good idea in the mountains?

Hell, yes.

If I'm going to have to drive a minivan, which is the bane of

the automotive existence, I am going to actually drive it.

With a manual and some drifting.

All I want to know is what are we going to do with these things?

Well, I'll tell you.

"To find out which of your modern-day covered wagons is the most versatile,

"you will cross the Rockies on a pioneer trail,

"enduring a series of challenges on the way.

"Your first challenge is eight miles from here."

I wish I had rear-wheel drive so I could just dig a hole.

-Me too. Unfortunately all we've got is all-wheel drive.

-Yeah.

-You'll be fine though.

-Good luck.

I'm going to have fun at least.

As much fun as you can have in a covered wagon.

Our journey would take us 200 miles up and over the Rockies.

The first 150 miles would be on road,

then we'd be going off-road for another 50,

driving deep into the wilderness cresting the Continental Divide

at 12,000 feet and then descending to cross a frigid alpine lake.

Along the way, our minivans would have to brave snow-covered mule trails

with steep drop-offs that would leave jeeps begging for mercy.

All in all this was going to be the ultimate test of our covered wagons.

Our first challenge was at an ice rink.

CAR HORN

Oh.

And this is Adam crashing.

Uh-oh.

Woah, don't hit me, don't kill me.

Oh! Oh!

Covered wagons needed to be vehicles suitable for all conditions

so to see how well our modern-day versions handled ice...

Oh, no, I ripped the shift knob off!

..we compete in a classic winter sport.

Minivan curling.

We had to accelerate up to the blue line, then brake and slide.

Whichever minivan got closest to the cooler would win.

That's why I'm not going to run.

Morons on ice.

All right, Adam, this is it.

I'm just going to mad it, brake, turn and hope.

That's my plan.

If he starts to hit us, throw me over the wall.

Here we go, all right, come on in.

Blue line.

Oh, my gosh, it's a lot of speed.

Oh, there he is.

Oh, he's going to hit it, is he going to hit it?

Wait a minute, he's pushed it all the way against the wall.

Where is it, where's the barrel?

It's pretty much under your bumper.

My Astra was up next.

And although winning was obviously important, what was more exciting

was the opportunity to drive on ice...

at speed, toward Adam.

Oh, oh!

Oh, this isn't good.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry!

No, you're not!

I was up next

and this was my chance to show them that my rear-wheel drive minivan

could beat their all-wheel drive minivans on ice.

Here it comes.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, he's coming backwards.

-Oh, look at that! Go, go, go, go, go! Yes!

-You are kidding!

Right, measure it up.

No, we don't need to measure it. You won.

Look how close it is!

-We should just verify...

-Yeah, you should.

Doesn't look like you're that close now!

Playtime was over.

And it was time to begin our climb towards the Continental Divide.

We'd eventually be leaving pavement

and heading high into the wilderness.

And I was confident I'd made the right choice.

Now, this little gem of an Astro has 143,000 miles on it.

I assume, pampered miles, as most minivans are.

Probably been to the mall thousands of times.

But I think it's perfect for the tough stuff too,

because it's got good ground clearance,

it's got a nice all-wheel drive system.

It's got good power,

it's very comfortable,

it seems like the perfect minivan.

The Town & Country, a direct descendant of the original minivan.

This is the perfect minivan for going off-road.

I got plenty of power, I have all-wheel drive. Great!

I don't have a lot of ground clearance.

And I have a bad history with driveshafts

and axles snapping when we go off-road.

I shall be a little more conservative this time.

We'll see what happens. I'm going to be better than Tanner!

Who's going to try and go over the mountains in a rear-wheel drive? He's going to get stuck!

And I'm going to laugh!

The thing about the pioneers and about the mountains

is it's hardcore.

It's a manual gearbox, straight up V6,

solid rear axle, Ford Arrow-style hardcore.

That's why this thing is going to conquer this challenge.

I have a connection with this van.

In high school, my mom had one.

This was the first thing I ever did burnouts in!

Sorry, Mom!

I knew a lot of settlers died

when they had trouble with their wagon,

but how many people have been driving and texting

and just shot off the side of this?

You see all these rocks at the side of the road?

-Some big chunks drop on cars sometimes, I think.

-No, they don't.

Have you not seen the "danger, falling rocks" signs, Adam?

I don't like to read when I drive.

As we climbed above 9000 feet, our minivans were doing just fine.

But Rutledge, not so much.

Oh, man.

Oh, Daddy needs some fresh air.

I'm getting nervous. My heart rate is elevated.

I think it's the elevation.

Is this elevation making you guys feel a little funny?

Yes, got a bit of Rocky Mountain high going on.

Hey, leave John Denver out of this.

I've got a little bit of a headache and I'm a little short of breath.

This is probably the only time in your life

you're going to be light-headed.

-Now that's funny.

-That was funny.

The pioneers' covered wagons need to be adaptable.

So, to find out which of our minivans was the most versatile,

our next challenge was to race a quarter mile to a barn,

remove all the rear seats and race back to the start.

-This place is spectacular.

-Yes, this is beautiful.

-Ready?

-Are there style points involved?

-No.

-What if you slide or drift around?

The pioneers didn't hang it out, so there's no style points.

You can do whatever you want but it's not going to count.

-Pioneers, they had... OK. Let's do it.

-Come on.

-They had those big belt buckles.

-Those were pilgrims.

So, hoping for a good launch.

I hope Tanner gets wheel spin in his rear-wheel drive.

And the air is real thin up here and it is affecting Rut,

so I'm kind of hoping he blacks out.

Gentleman, thumbs up

and three, two, one, go!

Good launch.

Christ, it's quick.

Here we go.

Tanner, what the hell is he doing back there?

-Come on, get up there.

-I'm in the lead.

Over the crest.

Oh, yeah!

And here comes the barn.

Fair it up.

-Heads up. I was behind but that was my strategy.

-Oh, jeez.

Once I made it to the turn, my seat would simply fall out.

Oh, it didn't work, it didn't work!

Oh! Oh, gosh!

Here we go. It's done!

We're on the way.

-I got a lead on him.

-Come on!

Tanner can try all he wanted but I had 25 more horsepower.

This race was all Town & Country.

Yes! Town & Country, baby.

This altitude is ridiculous.

-Did you get all your seats out, Adam?

-Yes, I did. And I beat you.

-I got both of my benches out.

-And you lost as well?

-I didn't win but I don't think it was my fault.

-Are you sick?

Yes, I think I need to stop here for a couple of minutes.

-I'm not feeling so hot.

-What's the matter, Rut?

I feel like I got a really tight hat on and my feet feel tingly

and my heart rate is up.

OK, so do you want us to go get somebody and send them back

with some medicine?

I'll be fine. Y'all go ahead. I'll catch up.

I'm just going to take a minute, get acclimated, I'll be fine.

We left Rut behind and set out to scout the trail

over the Continental Divide.

-Are you kidding me?

-This can't be right.

Look at this, it says,

"Recommended - high clearance, four-wheel drive, short wheelbase."

We got to get up there in these things?

That's...that's gnarly.

-We're in trouble.

-I kind of have high clearance.

-No, you don't.

-Four-wheel drive.

-I have that.

-You got all-wheel drive.

-How many wheels are on that?

It's a little different.

Come on, girl.

Good girl.

What the hell is that?

As long as it stays dry,

and it stays about like this, no steeper,

Aerostar is going to do well.

You can feel how light it is.

There you go. Ha ha!

You're doing it!

Town & Rough Country, baby!

Have you seen some of the looks on the faces of the jeeps,

coming up and seeing these minivans here?

Yeah, I think we're being shunned.

They come up here,

they've been training and off-road driving for weeks and weeks.

Hey, what's up?

Like that guy right there.

They're in first gear low the whole way,

monitoring tyre pressures.

And they get passed by an Aerostar and a caravan.

I love it, love it.

But it didn't take long to find out that the rocks on the trail

were a little bit bigger than the speed bumps at the mall.

CRUNCHING

CRUNCHING

Oh! Oh, that's a big rock.

Ah! Oh, that hurt, that hurt.

Oh, my gosh, this looks bumpy.

Oh, come on!

BEEPING

'Three miles up the trail,

'my Town & Country decided that this was way too much country.'

BEEPING

Come on, honey.

DIFFERENT BEEPING THEN SILENCE

You stuck, buddy?

Yeah, I'm having all kinds of electrical problems.

Lights don't work, windows don't go down.

Poor all-wheel drive car.

-Put your ABS fuse back in.

-Yeah.

And there's two fuses that are burned out.

Here's my question, see how all the gears are lit up?

Yeah, the gear light. That just happened

and then the transmission went whack.

See, I don't think your transmission... it's in limp mode.

Can you back it down to some place flat?

So you know about this limp mode?

I've... I've seen a rental car in limp mode before.

You've been in limp mode, haven't you?

-I've been in limp mode before.

-Really?

This isn't a good place to be in limp mode,

I'm just telling you right now.

When did it happen, when you're drinking?

I think your best shot is to take the negative cable off,

try to reset the computer,

so that the limp mode thing goes away.

All right, now we wait.

-So, anyway, it's pretty beautiful up here, yeah?

-Gorgeous.

I mean, this is like peak leaf-changing...

OK, that's long enough.

All right, go see if the Christmas lights are still on on the dash.

Got it.

ENGINE STARTS

That seriously worked?

OK!

Night was falling and neither of our minivans

were enjoying the rough stuff,

so we headed back down the trail.

To even have a chance of making it over the Continental Divide,

we needed to toughen up our vans and make them less...suburban.

The next morning, fitted with off-road tyres, brush guards

and winches,

our minivans were ready for anything.

We met up with Rut

for one more challenge before heading into the wilderness.

He had gotten over his altitude sickness

and spent the night making a few modifications of his own.

-How does even the Astro van look kind of cool?

-It does, look at it!

-How you feeling?

-You doing good?

-Much better.

-Man, I drank my weight in water.

-So, there's a missing lake somewhere.

Yeah, that altitude sickness, it's for real.

All right, we came out to the ranch, we're stepping in cow patties.

What are we doing here?

Let's find out.

"When crossing the mountain,

"settlers had to carry all their food with them.

"To find out which of your minivans is best suited to

"following this tradition, you must each transport livestock to market."

Wait, I think I'm getting the picture of what we're doing here.

"The minivan that delivers its livestock

"with the least damage to the car wins."

-Come on!

-I heard a sheep, let's check out what else there is.

It sounded more like a goat than a sheep.

'We had to somehow get these animals into our minivans.

'Tanner chose the goats,

'I took the pig and Rut, of course, took the sheep.'

-You know what, I'll go first.

-OK.

-Do it.

-Me and Lamb Chop are out.

-I'll show you guys how this is done.

-Let's see it, Georgie Boy.

Wow, You are humongous. Humongous.

Hi, hey there! All right, perfect, let's go this way.

They smell fear.

Let's go this way, that sounds like fun.

It's so big, it's like a horse!

There you go, there you go. There you go.

That's good, you're doing it, Rut.

Yeah, let's go get in the Astro.

I've got a sheep! This is amazing.

Come on, come on, be cool.

I'll stop shouting.

You know what they call these, they call these barn doors.

Ironically.

OK, how much do you weigh?

Up!

In you go.

Pick it up, Rut.

-Yeah, pick up this small horse.

-Just lift with your legs.

There you go.

-Oh, son of a...

-She bite you?

-No.

-I hear they bite.

-They're poisonous.

-Son of a bitch!

-It's not a very versatile van,

I think the sheep would recognise that.

-It's hated by animals.

-I've got it!

I don't have her! I lost my sheep!

Ride 'em, cowboy.

You know, you could help.

Nice and easy, girl.

Come on, Alice.

-Ease her forward.

-There you go.

Here, get behind it, Adam.

Get behind it, Adam?! No!

You get behind it.

Just give a high butt push.

-Adam, lift it!

-I'm lifting it!

-You're not lifting.

-There it is, yes, yes, yes!

-Get in there. Get in there, kid.

Go, go, go.

-Shut the door!

-Yes!

Hey, beautiful.

You got to be kidding me.

Could've done that by myself. Don't know why you kept getting in the way.

SHEEP BLEATS

Gentlemen, let me show you how it's done.

-Pigs are smart, they're like dogs, you just call them, and they come.

-Great.

I'd like to see that happen.

Hey, good morning. Want go for a ride?

Oh, come on, now.

PIG GRUNTS

Oh, you let my goats out!

Oh, you little son of a...!

Jazz hands.

No, you'll scare him, I need to get him that way. Come on, come on.

Come on, pig. It's OK. Come here. OK.

PIG SQUEALS

OK. Don't puke, don't puke.

-Holy...

-Jazz hands.

-Not that way.

We're going this way now.

Goats that way.

SQUEALING

PIG SNORTS

Adam one, pig nothing!

'Tanner rounded up his goats and felt the need to name them.'

-Get in there.

-Help him with Rutledge.

-Three.

-Adam is about jump out.

Why did you name your goats after us?

I don't have a valid answer for that.

You're going to go in with them so we can close the door.

-Get up in there.

-Rush them that way.

Herd 'em in.

-Here? Is this good?

-No, that's not good!

Now, move your leg.

No, no, don't drop that thing!

It's all right.

-Come on, let's go.

-Yeah, let's get out of here.

Pretty nice in here, right, roomy?

Jeez, that took forever. Oh, I smell awful!

SHEEP BLEATS

Holy...! I forgot it was in here!

Now all we had to do was deliver our livestock

to market, 20 miles away.

The minivan with the least amount of damage would win.

Hauling farm animals isn't exactly what

I had hoped to do with this minivan but I think Judy is doing great.

She seems very comfortable in the Astro. She has gone pee and poop.

Oh, my gosh!

That is so gross.

Tanner, did you get a look at this pig while I was carrying it?

Is it a boy or girl?

I think it's a girl.

Because I was going to call it Sir Francis Bacon if it was a boy,

but since it's a girl, I think I'm going to call it Spamela Anderson.

All I know is that Adam in here is eating everything

and Rutledge is chewing on the actual van.

I'm going to name a dog after you, it's official.

Tanner Foust just crapped on the couch.

Tanner Foust just humped my leg.

Tanner Foust is licking his...

BAA!

'Rut may have been having fun with his sheep...'

BAA

Baa!

BAA

Baa!

'..but Spamela was not behaving like a lady.'

PIG FARTS

Oh, that is SO bad!

Argh, it's methane!

You got some bad breath, I tell you that.

'Finally, we arrived at our drop off point.'

-It's been really nice knowing you.

-BAA!

I love you too. I love you too.

-How's it going?

-How are you?

So we're just delivering some livestock.

All righty.

-Where do we put it?

-Go right into this gate.

-OK.

-There you go.

-Come on, go, go. Go, go, go.

-Watch out, Adam will just crash right into that wall.

-Very funny.

Come on. Come on.

There you go.

All right, that's the job done for the goats.

I hate goodbyes.

Come on, now, look how easy it is for you to get in and out.

-Good girl.

-Come on, big girl.

-All right, here comes the squeal.

-Yeah, you don't need to open...

You lost the pig.

No, I...I lost the challenge, I freed the pig.

-You just let it go?

-Yes, I did.

Turns out she had irritable bowel syndrome and I couldn't take it.

You just let it go out in the wild here? Winter's coming.

-It knows its way home.

-There are bears and coyotes...

-Mountain lions.

-I lose. I don't care.

-Fair enough. You cash out, you lose.

Let's see how that sheep did in the back of your Astro.

There's hardly anything.

Oh, my God!

Are you kidding?! How much of that was Judy and how much was you?

One, you guys didn't know,

-but those are grapes on their way to becoming raisins.

-Eat a raisin.

-They're not done yet.

-If you eat the raisin, you win.

-Because then we know.

-Have a raisin. Flick it like a booger. Flick it.

-No! No!

-I have very little chance of getting it in.

-It's just a raisin!

-Don't do that!

'My minivan may have had a few... raisins in it,

'that just gave it more character.

'It must have coped better than the Aerostar.'

Here's the deal. If my floor is not completely coated in crap

-like yours was, then I win.

-I've lost already so I'll judge.

-OK. Hardly any poop at all.

-Are you kidding me?!

-It doesn't smell!

-The smell is so strong!

They ate the ashtray.

You're going to mark me down for an ashtray

after he has a full layer of crap on the back?

But you have crap and they ate an ashtray.

I can wash that carpet. You can't watch that ashtray that they ate.

OK. You both have crap damage and foul barn smells,

but you have permanent damage, so Rut wins.

Rut won the livestock challenge.

But that had nothing to do with his minivan,

and everything to do with his way with sheep.

Tomorrow will be the first time off-road and the first real test

of each of our minivans' ruggedness.

Getting stuck on a narrow alpine trail at 12,000 feet

was not something we wanted to even think about.

The next morning, we set off.

We were only 50 miles from the Continental Divide,

but those weren't the sort of miles our minivans were used to.

Wow.

Look at that!

Are you kidding me? There is so much snow up there.

We have to cross THAT?

To get to the Continental Divide, we had to follow an old mule trail

which weaved its way up between the peaks

to an altitude of 12,000 feet.

To make matters worse...

..it started to snow.

This is...

incredible.

-Don't look over the edge. Don't look over the edge.

-Holy...

Don't die.

Don't die. Don't die.

I would not bring a two-wheel drive minivan up here

under any circumstances.

Whoa!

Come on. Dig!

Whoa!

That's not good.

There you go.

The trail got rockier and steeper.

Adam and my all-wheel drive minivans were somehow still going.

But Tanner's rear-wheel drive was in trouble.

Oh, my gosh.

Here comes some rough stuff.

Go, go, go, go.

These tyres are too big for the power.

There you go. That's it. Cook those tyres.

Skater shoes were not a good call.

He went out of his way to find a rear-wheel drive manual.

And do you know why they're so hard to find? Cos they're crap.

I'm getting out to pee.

OK.

Please don't blow through the windshield on me.

-Keep your head down.

-Yeah, seriously, right?

Mental note...

low gear range is key.

With the automatic, the torque converter can let you drive slowly.

But this thing just does not let you go slow. It's a speed demon, really.

The fact that in the marketing campaign

they actually stood it next to a space shuttle

to show the similarity in profile

lets you know it's built for speed,

not really for comfort or for off-roading.

Oh, God.

That...

was brutal.

Let's see.

There we go.

You're adorable.

This frickin' sucks. Get back in your truck, back in

-whatever that thing is.

-What? Whatever that is? You mean this...

-We're late. We're late.

-This rock climber?

-Thank you for getting the door.

-It's getting cold.

The sun's coming down. Come on. Let's go.

Did you wind up your winch?

Cos mine's all wound up cos I didn't have to use it.

I can't hear you. Sorry.

You can't hear me? Why?

Cos your tyres are spinning from your rear-wheel drive?

Let's go to the next place you're going to get stuck.

We continued to climb into the unknown...

..and broke through the clouds into dazzling sunlight

that illuminated the full horror

of what lay ahead.

Beautiful, isn't it? A little colder up here.

-How high do you think it is to cross that?

-That's 12,500 feet.

It's over the tree line, that's why it looks bald and it's deep snow.

-Aren't you worried about not having all-wheel drive?

-No.

These tyres... This van...

I think you're trying to hide how nervous you are.

This is the best decision I've ever made, choosing the rear-wheel drive

manual V6 Aerostar...

You're doing that thing where you talk really fast when you're lying.

Let's get on the road. Come on. I'm psyched. I'm stoked.

-He was standing in a puddle of his own urine.

-It's going to be awesome.

You're going to see how tough the Astro really is.

Holy...

Look at those jagged rocks up there.

There's no way a minivan has been up here before.

Keep climbing, fellas. Keep climbing.

We were now at almost 12,000 feet and only half a mile from the top.

But the trail was getting steeper and narrower.

Holy crap! It just drops straight off.

This is not smart at all.

Uh-oh. Back end...

is trying to slip off the freaking cliff right now.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Can you try reverse? See if you get any traction.

I can't... I can't back up because I'm right on the edge.

'This was a disaster. There wasn't a worse place to be stuck.

'Tanner couldn't drive forward

'and his rear tyres were inches from the edge.'

Adam, anyway you can get back behind me a little bit?

-Not really much. Can you straighten it out, come back to me?

-Me? No.

I'd just back straight off the cliff, yeah?

-Let me see if I can come in there. You ready?

-Come on in. Come on in.

THUD

Push. Push. Push. Rutledge, push.

THUD

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go.

Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways!

Straighten your wheel, Adam.

-That's it. That's it.

-Keep pushing. Keep pushing.

You came off me. Go, go, Adam. Come on.

Keep going. Keep going.

It needs to be constant. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go. Gas.

Come, come, come.

Yeah!

I've got it from here.

All right. Thanks, Adam.

Yes!

Almost there.

This is it. This is it.

And nobody died.

This is awesome.

We've crossed the Continental Divide in minivans!

We are pioneers.

We've taken minivans where they've never gone before

and the Town & Country is clearly the best.

What? I'm sorry. What was up here first?

-What had to be pushed up here?

-I had to push both of you.

No, I had to push him and you had to push him.

-I pushed you.

-Because I was pushing him.

-Doesn't matter.

The Astro, strongest minivan.

Somehow, we had managed to cross the Rockies,

but we still had a major obstacle left,

something the early pioneers feared even more than crossing mountains...

..crossing water.

Hold on.

We have to make these vans...

float across that water?

Mine's already pretty lightweight, I'm just saying.

Back in the day, they would caulk the wagon and ford the river.

-They would do what?!

-They would caulk the wagon...

-It's a family show.

-They would put caulk in all the holes in the wagon,

so it would be watertight. Then they would ford a river.

But this is a lake and these are heavy.

-Can you ford a lake?

-I don't think you can.

Wait. If we can make modifications...

I mean, the wind is kind of blowing that way. It's not that far.

It doesn't look that raging.

-I've got some ideas.

-I think I'm good.

Good luck finding your caulk.

We had overnight to prepare for the ultimate covered wagon test

and there could only be one winner.

The next day, with modifications complete,

we were ready to enter the icy waters.

-What do you think?

-Are you kidding me?!

Mississippi paddle boat.

-I found a bicycle.

-ADAM LAUGHS

Check this out!

Are you going to paddle your way across? Oh, yeah.

-Cos you've been training so much?

-Right.

Don't take this the wrong way,

but I think your machine is severely underpowered.

Do you guys not get it? Look, it's like a riverboat. Let me show you.

Get on up there.

Look at it! He's revving it up.

He's revving it up!

I feel like we're watching from a bad perspective.

Yeah, this is a strange angle to be looking at.

Tell me I don't look good in this wetsuit.

Adam... Did you chop...

Yes, I did.

Wow. You made this van so much cooler.

I found a seven horsepower motor so I had to save some weight

so I cut the top off.

And I don't want to be trapped in here

if it does go down. So I can make a quick escape.

Then you put old race tyres on the side?

Yeah, that's going to help me float.

You guys, I don't know what you were thinking but...

I've gone how the pioneers actually crossed and that's in canoes.

Buoyancy is what it's about.

-But you're going to sink.

-Those have a weight of 500 or 600lbs.

Excuse me, Sacajawea.

How are you going to power this beast?

I am going to use the winch. What we already have.

I'm going to take a rope over, tie it to some trees...

How much cable do you think you have?

So you're using an electric winch overwater

with a minivan strapped between two canoes?

-Yes.

-I'm using paddle power. Smooth sailing right across there.

Like I'm crossing the mighty Mississip'.

Really? You're sick already, aren't you?

I love water. People know one of my greatest hobbies is to be

in and around water.

-Yeah.

-You know what? I'll go first. I'm going to breeze through this.

-I'm ready to knock it out.

-Go ahead.

-You do it.

-Rut?

-Yeah?

-Once your tyres touch the water, we start the clock.

-Let's do it!

-Ready, set, go.

-Yeah, get it going.

-Yeah.

-That's it.

-That's it.

Tyres in. Go!

I'm going to hold my breath.

Son of a bitch.

Don't break the wheel.

-That ship's floating now.

-He's going!

You're not going to believe how nice it looks over here.

I tell you, you look like a real pioneer up there.

It's really well-balanced.

Do you notice he doesn't have a rudder?

See you guys later.

One, two.

One, two.

-The fact that it's still floating is impressive.

-You get points for that.

Come on. Come on.

I should have thought of a way to turn this thing.

I'm going the wrong way.

Wait a second.

Is he going in?!

He's made a complete circle.

I'm going to swim it in.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's so cold.

Holy...

Holy...

Someone tell me when I hit shore.

'Unfortunately for Rut, he ended up where he started

'and two minutes in the water was all he could take.'

I give up.

I surrender.

It's so cold.

THEY LAUGH

All right. This hurts. I'll see you guys later.

-Ice right on his feet.

-Oh, my God. That hurts.

With the Astro out, it was down to Town & Country versus Aerostar

for the title of America's toughest minivan.

-Want to race?

-Go.

-Come on.

-How's that motor going?

I will see you at the finish.

Yeah!

Don't sink.

Don't sink. Don't sink.

Seven horsepower motor! What a cheater.

-I'm not cheating!

-Unbelievable.

'The pioneers may not have had outboard motors,

'but they didn't have electric winches either,

'and my plan meant I didn't have to paddle across a lake

'and tie up to a tree.'

Come on.

Almost there.

There you go. Good girl. Good girl.

'I was already halfway across

'and Tanner hadn't even made it back to his Aerostar.'

Working. It's working!

'The SS Town & Country had this one in the bag.'

Come on. Don't die. Don't die.

What's up, you cheater?

-Oh, is it not working? I'm sorry.

-Yeah, yeah.

-That's too bad.

Just keep... Oh, damn it!

Damn, I can't believe I forgot gas!

And then it's just a push-button road to victory.

There we go.

Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about!

Woo!

Plan B.

Stroke. Stroke.

'My Chrysler had gotten me this far.

'There was only 100 yards to go and there was no way

'I was going to let winch boy win.'

You shall not pass!

Come on! Really?!

Ha ha!

Get off! No!

No. Get off!

You're not climbing over here.

-Get back on your boat.

-You shall not pass!

Hey, I'm just going to go back to pushing my button, OK?

That's it.

Turn away.

You can do it.

'While the other two are playing pirates,

'I'd made it to the other side on foot,

'just in time to congratulate Tanner.'

-That's not bad for second place right there.

-Second place?! Where's your car?

Right over there on the shore.

It was so determined to get here, it made it all by itself.

I can't believe you just left Adam out there.

I think the breeze will pick up.

That's it. Stroke.

Stroke.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-I don't they realise how cold that water was.

-Yeah, it was really cold.

-But what I think they do realise is how bad that Aerostar was.

-Come on!

And everybody realises that you two left me out there to die.

OK. I got across the lake with my van first, which was the goal.

-I win.

-That's funny when you say it like that,

because I was actually on the shore waiting for you with my van,

-so that means I win.

-It's true.

-Your van drifted across on its own.

It made it. Plus, mine was the best at moving livestock,

just like the early settlers.

-Friendly sheep.

-What?!

-You had a friendly sheep.

OK. Listen. Listen. I won the drag race. I'm not fighting him on this.

Do you really want to be the guy that chose the best minivan?

-Um, no, not if you put it like that.

-Then shut up.

Rut, you win. You are the king of the soccer moms.

Thank you very much.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd