Big Rigs Top Gear USA

Now, on Top Gear.

We've got a long way to go...

and a short time to get there

as we hit the open road in 18-wheelers.

All right, that's a tanker truck!

And find out just how dangerous it can be...

-SMASH!

-..to drive big rigs.

THEY CHEER

TRUCK HORN BLARES

Big rigs. They cover 150 billion miles on our highways annually

and carry 70% of all freight in America.

They're complicated, difficult to drive and extremely dangerous.

Our challenge was to learn how to operate them in just 24 hours

and then drive these 10-tonne beasts on the open road.

So we hit the Eton Automotive Proving Grounds in Michigan to learn

how to be truckers.

-Now we're talking. Ha ha!

-We got big rigs.

-Look at that.

These are the ultimate toys.

-Yours is like a big, purple pickle though.

-Yours is like an eggplant.

-It's a Volvo.

-Oh, man, that is a good-looking Peter you got there.

-It's so creepy with your accent!

-The Peterbilt.

-Don't say that.

Look at this. God, this is...

-BANGS

-..the real deal right here.

My big rig was a 1989 Peterbilt 379.

With its classic box shape,

this could be your rolling office on the highway.

Much cooler than Adam and Rut's Swedish semis.

I grew up in a Volvo wagon that my parents had,

but it was nothing like this Volvo.

Adam and I both had Volvos.

They were sleepers so they had a bed in the cab.

These babies were built to hold enough diesel to fill a hot tub.

Adam was definitely going to kill himself.

-You know what's in my wheel well? A Toyota.

-Four air horns.

They finally found a Volvo that can fit your head.

-That's not very nice, is it?

-So what are we doing with them?

-I think we're going to have some fun today.

-All right.

"Big rig drivers have to be some of the best drivers on the road

"to control up to 80,000 lb of steel and freight at high speed.

"So your first challenge is to drive 100 yards then back up

"into the same parking space you started in. First to back into their space wins."

-You guys ever driven a big rig before?

-No.

-Yeah, I drive them... I have TWO of these in New York.

-Huh! You have?

-Yeah. My buddy, Lunchbox, let me drive his in a parking lot once.

-Hold it, back up.

-What?

-Yeah, my friend, Lunchbox. Truckers all have funny names.

I've got a friend named Squirrel that's a truck driver.

Stump. His wife, Stumpette. Big Mike.

-All right, so what's your trucker name?

-How about Big Country?

-How about Big Girl? You're the Big Girl.

-No!

-The Bearded Lady!

-That's you.

-That's not.

-Yeah, you're The Bearded Lady.

-I wouldn't call myself The Bearded Lady.

-I will.

-What's yours going to be?

-I don't know... Mother Trucker.

-Mother Trucker, nice!

-What we going to call him?

-Hmm.

-How about Tiny Dancer?

-Tiny Dancer!

-You like it?

-Yeah... No.

-RUTLEDGE LAUGHS

-Tiny Dancer's good.

-Are you ready to drive?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's do it.

-Let's go.

Wow, this is insane!

There's, like, 100 switches!

This thing's bigger than my apartment!

What does all this stuff do?

I don't know if Adam will know to take the parking brake off

because it's an air brake.

I have this! HE HONKS HIS HORN

And that's assuming he can get it into gear.

'Tanner, I think, probably, will figure how to get it into gear'

but he might start it in first and, since I don't have a trailer,

I'm going to start in third or fourth.

First gear is, kind of, in the middle and up.

Is that reverse? Where the hell is reverse?

I'll be honest, I don't think I'm going to win this.

I've had no big truck experience.

'Rutledge's probably going to do well because he can drive this stuff.'

I'm pretty sure he took a semi to the prom.

And he dated a man named Lunchbox.

Lunchbox, Squirrel, I'm trying to make you proud.

'All right, Mother Trucker,'

Tiny Dancer, you got your ears on out there?

Come back, Bearded Lady.

Tiny Dancer, are you out there? Hold me closer.

HE LAUGHS

Yeah, yeah.

Here we go. In three...two...one.

All right, she's fired up, I'm going to take the air brake off...

Parking brake off...

That is not the parking brake, that's the window...

..put it in third gear...

-..come on, get, get in there!

-..and then take off.

-Oh, there she goes!

-No, Rut!

There it is, yeah!

Ha-ha!

Adam is leaving too!

Wow, you've got to shift every two seconds!

I'm not letting that happen. And we're off.

I'm going to go to reverse, I'm going to go to high... Oh.

Oh, I stalled it.

Come on, come on, come on, come on! Ha-ha!

Oh, we're flying now, 18 miles an hour!

Oh, man, I'm going to hit Tanner's truck!

Oh, look at how close that was!

Air brakes! Air brakes! Oh-oh, all right. Reverse.

'It felt good to be winning but it felt even better to see Tanner

'having a hard time driving something for once.'

Get in there!

Come on, you silly son of a... Get in there!

It's now the slowest race in history with Adam.

Get onto your side of the road!

Getting this in.

-Oh, yeah, look at that precision!

-HE HONKS HIS HORN

Ha-ha-ha!

I cannot believe that Rutledge won that!

And...we're there.

Oh, this is a big truck! Oh, come on!

-You're coming straight at me, Adam.

-Shut up!

-Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam!

-ADAM HONKS HIS HORN

Can you see this?

HE LAUGHS

'That's a trucker signal. I've seen that before, on the interstate.'

I think it means, "You're number one"!

THEY ALL HONK THEIR HORNS

Victory is mine!

-I love it! I love it.

-That was harder than I thought.

I mean, the gears are just vroom - shift, vroom - shift, vroom - shift.

It took for ever to get it, it was like, grinding

and the air brake - how did you find the parking brake in yours?

-It's a big yellow thing that says, "Parking Brake".

-It's true.

Did y'all both start in first?

-It's called first but it's not low.

-Looked like first to me.

-What d'you start in?

-I started in third and then went to fourth.

See, when you're bobtailing,

that's when you don't have the trailer - bobtailing.

-I wish you'd stop saying terms that I don't know.

-Yeah, what's bobtailing?

It's when you don't have a trailer on there.

'It was great being better than Tanner at something

'and I was looking forward to whupping 'em in the next challenge,

'where our trucks would be attached to a ten-tonne trailer

'and parked on an incline.'

"A trailer changes the weight, handling and braking of a big rig.

"To prove that you can control a truck with a trailer attached,

"you will now complete a loaded hill start.

"Your truck is parked on a 15% grade

"and your goal is to move forward without rolling backwards.

-"Least roll back wins."

-HE WHISTLES

-I thought this was going to be a challenge!

-You're going to do this?

-Yeah, well, it's not

-challenging,

-it's just a hill!

-Really?

If you roll back, what's the big deal?

Then you just go, there's nothing at stake.

-All right.

-Seems like you should crush something - like your watch.

-Yeah, put your watch back there.

-This was a gift from my wife.

I'm not going to put my watch back there!

Yours is more expensive but I'll put mine back there too...

-I'll put mine.

-..Adam'll put his Swatch back there.

Fine, I'll put my watch but let's up the ante -

-why don't you put your phone back there?

-Er...

-Put your phone back there.

-Uh-huh.

I've got, I use my phone for work every day.

-By "work" he means calling thousands of women, then yes.

-That's work.

-Put your phone back there, OK?

-All right, fine.

Watches, phones and I will offer my glasses.

-Watches, phones, glasses.

-Your 10 sunglasses you're going to offer up.

-Well, I don't have sunglasses.

-I'll raise you 15 sunglasses.

-You have those.

-I can't see without these, you understand that?

All you got to do is just go straight, you'll be fine. Give them up.

You know what?

I'm so confident that I'm going to watch you guys crush your stuff.

-And the watch and the phone.

-You're not going to see anything.

I'm happy to do it.

-Like doing it blindfolded.

-Oh, my God!

-Truck's that way.

-Towards the big purple blob.

-(Watch it, Adam.)

I'm Tanner.

Wow, take those off before it goes permanent.

Look at, this is, he's freaking blind! Put those on.

-No, I'm not putting those on.

-Put them on!

ELECTRONIC BEEPING AND ENGINE RUMBLING

Can't see if my...brakes are built up yet.

-His wife is going to be pissed.

-Yeah.

I'm going over that hill and I'm not driving over my own stuff.

Oh, yeah, he's cocky, all right! And he's blind!

All right, you ready, Bearded Lady?

-I'm ready.

-'OK.'

Come on back! Come on back! Come on! ADAM LAUGHS

Here we go! I can do it.

I don't think I heard the parking brake go off.

-And we going to be able to tell if he's cheating?

-All right.

-That's the parking brake.

-There's the parking brake, it's off.

Come on, into first.

Now he just did the parking brake.

Oh!

Oh, I did it!

No, he cheated!

That's it, I did it, but I can't see, but I did it!

-No good.

-Do it again, you cheated!

What are you talking about? I didn't cheat!

We heard the parking brake release right before you left.

That wasn't the parking brake, that's the air brakes. I didn't cheat!

Bring me my glasses, I can't see anything!

That's going to be tough to beat. He didn't move at all.

-Why did you guys

-doubt

-for a second that I could do this?

'If Rutledge could do it, essentially with his eyes closed,

'well, how hard could it be?'

-OK, oh, let's scroll through!

-Oh, my God!

Look how many names there are.

-Tabitha, wow.

-Ooh! Sounds exotic.

There's a Jessica, a Sheila...

..Bruce?

Sad as it sounds, if I lose that phone I am screwed.

I cannot roll back at all.

-And...phone.

-Phone.

All right, you guys are doing the right distances

on all my stuff, right?

'Yup.'

-Oh, you're going to...? You're not?!

-RUTLEDGE GASPS

This is a tough one to draw in the most complicated truck.

You ready, Tiny Dancer?

Oh, ooh!

Crush that phone, crush that phone, crush that phone!

-Crush it, crush it, crush it!

-Go, go, go!

-Go, go!

WHINING

What is it, a train?

-Letting the clutch out.

-There he goes.

-There he goes.

-I think I'm on the slipping point right now and...

-Come on, come on, come on, come on!

THEY SHOUT

RUTLEDGE LAUGHS

-That thing just left the ground!

-She just went WHAP!

Oh, my gosh, that was dangerous! We're heading up! We're heading up!

How's my phone? How's my phone?

Hold on, hold on, you've got to make it look real.

-'My phone?'

-There, that's good, that's good.

Come back, Mother Trucker, how's my phone?

We shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have done that!

There's no evidence except for your footprint.

No, no, don't! If you sell me out...

this was, that was your idea, not mine.

All right, we can't sell each other out, right?

-That's gross.

-Come on.

-That's gross.

-Shake my hand.

I'm not going to do it, that's nasty!

It's either that or a blood oath! RUTLEDGE LAUGHS

Shake my hand!

-Oh, gross, oh, God, it's so gross! I'm so gross!

-Man!

-Why is my phone on this side?!

-You just clipped it.

You just clipped it.

You backed that up, right? It's just clipped, that's all.

-No phone, I'm, I'm screwed.

-Look what you, you're going to break it!

You know, it might have worked until you did that.

Good thing I got my 10 sunglasses though(!)

I don't even want them.

I was, I only cared about the phone and you stuck it...

RUTLEDGE LAUGHS

I'm so sorry.

-I'm

-really

-sorry, man!

You know, if you hadn't rolled back you'd still have a phone!

-I don't know why you're blaming us!

-You forgot your watch!

No!

-THEY LAUGH

-12-year-olds!

Oh, you still have to go.

-Oh, yeah.

-Mmm-hm.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I can't believe you crushed my cellphone with a walkie-talkie.

Don't look at me, I didn't have anything to do with that.

"I didn't have anything to do with it"? Whose footprint was on there?

"Oh, let me make this look more realistic."

LAUGHTER

-We had an oath.

-LAUGHTER

And you broke it.

-Whatever, you're up next, right?

-Yeah.

I've seen you with four wheels,

I cannot wait to see what you can do with 18.

Your cellphone is going down!

LAUGHTER

-Oh, really?

-I think that's fair.

In fact, the watch, I think, probably, should be more like...

-that.

-Oh, wow.

This makes me think you're still upset about your phone.

What's done is done, now it's time for revenge.

OK, it is out of my hands, all right? Washing my hands of this.

I'm going to start off, parking brake off, foot on the brake,

clutch in, in gear, release the clutch, feel the clutch bite,

get off the brake, onto the gas and, hopefully, I don't roll back.

I don't think it's going to happen. I'm going to give it my best shot.

Hey, Mother Trucker, you got your ears on?

Yes, I do, Bearded Lady, you put my stuff in the right order?

Yeah.

Ab-solutely.

Why don't I believe you?

-I have no response to that.

-Yeah, yeah, how do you answer that?

You're breaking up.

All right, let's do this. Start her up!

Build up the pressure...

..in gear...

..parking brake...off.

All right, here it comes.

See if I can heel-toe a little bit...

Grab, clutch, grab, clutch, grab, clutch!

See, he's holding the...

That's not good.

That was so awesome!

Hey, fellas, I figured it out!

Silly me, I left the trailer brake on!

Come on, baby.

Bite, clutch, bite, clutch, bite, clutch.

CRUNCHING

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Oh!

Yes! Yes!

-Oh, the phone!

-(Yes!)

-Ooh!

-Oh-oh!

Popped out of gear! Oh BLEEP! Wait! Wait!

HE EXHALES

Brake's on.

You OK in there?

Yeah, I, er, I'll be right out.

Are the parking brakes, like, pulled out right now?

Yeah, brakes are on.

Yeah, good call.

-Good Lord, Adam!

-Oh, man!

What happened?

I wouldn't worry about your glasses and your watch,

you almost killed us!

-You're fine!

-What.

-What?

-What happened?

You left the ground and then you came back towards us violently.

Two things happened. Trailer brake...was on.

-Oh.

-Yeah, I forgot to do that,

and it popped out of gear a little bit, but other than that...

-So, you rolled back and crushed your phone...

-Yeah.

-..you rolled back and crushed all of your things...

-Yeah.

..and I didn't roll back at all.

-OK.

-All right.

-Sorry.

-I don't believe you.

-I think this is where I celebrate, right?

-Yeah.

Hold on, let me check my watch.

Wait, let me check my phone, let me see what t... Yeah, celebration!

I was getting sick of Rutledge winning and was determined to take him down in our next challenge.

We were going to race three laps

around an oval designed to stimulate a highway.

You guys saw me driving earlier, right?

-Yeah, you get out of the hole pretty, you're a madman!

-Thank you.

I've just been waiting, obviously this is my calling. All right.

I wasn't sure how wheel to wheel big rig racing

would prepare us for delivering cargo

but I certainly was ready to see how fast my Peterbilt would go.

All right, in three...two...one, go!

GEARS GRINDING Get in there, baby, let's go!

Oh, no!

This is huge!

Come on!

Hello! Oh, don't hit the wall! Don't hit the wall!

Oh, this is cool and scary.

'The Bearded Lady took an early lead,

'but I was picking up speed.'

Where are you, Bearded Lady? I'm coming to get your ass!

This is where this truck shines, we got some speed going.

That's what she's all about.

There's Adam, I got him in my sights.

Coming to get you, Mother Trucker.

Come on, Tiny Dancer, see if you can catch me!

HORN BLARES

Aw, damn it.

'I was doing 65 miles-an-hour when Tanner passed me.'

All right!

'He was possessed.'

-HE LAUGHS

-Yeah!

'With only a half a lap left before the finish,

'there was no way I was going to let the Bearded Lady beat me.'

Where are you, Bearded Lady?

You'll never take me alive.

Come on, just hold him off.

Oh, man, he is...

Oh, he's back there.

Oh, no!

Ohh! Oh, no!

Yee-ha! That's what I'm talkin' about. Peterbilt!

HORNS BLARE

HORN BLARES

OK.

Peterbilt! That's what I'm talkin' about right there.

How fast do you think you were going?

-My speedometer maxes out at 80 and I was pegged way past that.

-Really?

Like, probably mid-90s, low 90s.

I cannot believe the speed of this thing.

What we've measured thus far, I won in skill and you've won in speed.

One of those seems a little more important, doesn't it?

What's next?

We had learned all the skills necessary to be full-blown truckers.

We could get them to make noise...

HORN HONKS ..drive in reverse...

-I'm going to hit Tanner's truck.

-Oh, look out!

'..use hand gestures...' Can you see this? 'And jumping.'

We could do almost anything.

Brake! Brake!

And with less than an hour behind the wheel,

it was time for our final challenge.

We had to deliver precious cargo to a depot 40 miles away.

The person that arrived with the least amount of damaged cargo would win.

-We've driven like a total of 30 yards.

-Yeah.

And now we're going to go 40 miles on a public road.

I mean, I feel confident that I'm ready,

I'm just concerned about you guys. What's in these, do you think?

-Let's take a look.

-This one's yours, right?

-Yep.

-You have bowling balls.

-Yes.

-Pianos...

-And paint.

-And paint.

Is the paint open?!

-The lids are off the paint.

-That's a good colour.

The lids are... Hey, hey, hey!

Knock it off!

-You know, you're going to be fine as long as you don't brake.

-Yeah. As long as you...

"As long as you don't brake you'll be fine!"

-Yeah, if you don't brake or turn...

-Yeah, perfect(!)

-You've got it.

-What've you got?

-Let's go look in mine.

-I could do that no problem.

THEY LAUGH

-Look at that, it's the Last Supper.

-It's like college!

Raviolis and wine.

But the knives go on the inside, who set this? My gosh.

-A little OCD, are we?

-Yeah.

-What've you got?

-That's what I want to know, Rutledge.

-Let's go see.

-Yours has a sticker on it.

-What does that mean?

-Yours didn't have that.

THEY LAUGH

Nice!

-That's lit!

-I'm out of here!

-I have lit...

Those are fire... Oh, my...

-That's a lit barbeque!

-Barbeques and fireworks.

Those are awesome fireworks.

I just want to point out the imminent danger that lies within my truck.

-I mean, it's an open flame!

-You're dead.

-Yeah.

Let's close the door here,

I feel like we're getting oxygen to the flame.

-God, that's a bad idea.

-Here goes nothing.

"Oh, perfect, how much training do you have?"

"45 minutes." Yeah, this should be real good.

Rutledge, are you praying right now?

Tiny Dancer, I've said my prayers. I'm ready for this.

What about you, Mother Trucker?

-You lead the way, Tiny Dancer.

-Just follow Optimus Prime.

Gently, gently.

Think about the Merlot, think about the Merlot.

Nice and easy.

All right, easy. Easy.

There it is.

GEARS CREAKS

See? We're starting already.

'We hadn't even left the proving grounds

'before we hit our first obstacle.'

Uh-oh.

Speed bumps.

A little bit of a bump there.

Wow!

Wow, is this thing heavy! This is not good.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We're about to do one of the most dangerous things we've ever done.

Drive one of these on the open road with a 10-tonne trailer.

I don't know what you're worried about, weren't you birthed in the back of one of these things?

LAUGHTER

No, and it wasn't filled with explosives either.

I'm basically driving a mobile bomb.

HE LAUGHS This is going to be good!

I think the key is, like, to have no throttle whatsoever.

My trailer is so far back there.

And the mirrors are almost useless.

Boy, this thing's big.

I've driven a lot of duallies, but this thing, she's wide.

Now watch that fence getting out of there, Mother Trucker.

Uh-oh.

Thank you.

Come on, now!

These people have no idea the danger that they're in right now!

Now just hold that gate open for me.

Here it goes!

All right, I can't tell if we're on the road

or on the grass right there, to be honest with you.

Wow, I made that turn so wide and it was barely on the road.

That is...snug.

Oh, there's a car. Oh, good(!)

Did you just drive that car onto the grass there, Bearded Lady?

Come on, damn it.

Wow. Oh, boy.

Thank you.

Oh. I am on the streets!

I am driving a semi truck on public roads.

Oh, this is not good at all.

HE SIGHS

Here goes. This is one of the dumbest things we have ever done on this show.

I'm just going to say that right now.

We are moving! Oh, hell, I am cutting some trees off.

Hi-lo!

Switch. Ha-ha! I got it.

I don't know about you guys, but I've got about an hour

before I need to get this load

to Big Enos and Little Enos to collect my pay check.

"Give me 500 on the Bambi!"

"Daddy, it's too heavy when it's got the bullets in it!"

"This is Sheriff Buford T Justice!"

OK, good news and bad news, guys.

Good news is, looks like we're all still on the road somehow.

Bad news is, we're entering city limits of Marshall.

I thought I gave it so much room!

And I still drove right over the kerb.

Tell me we are not coming up to a roundabout right now.

I had no idea how much planning ahead and focus

and concentration there would be. All right.

You're kidding. Really? Really?

Really?! REALLY?! Yes, you!

Yeah, I'm lookin' at you! You in the Pontiac!

Did that sign back there say 94 East, Rut?

That's a 10-4, Tiny Dancer.

Are we heading east or west?

Adam, I've caught back up to you. Keep going.

-Keep going west or east?

-You've got to circle around.

I'm right behind you.

Keep going, keep going.

Oh, these guys.

You know a circle just goes around. Don't be afraid of it.

You said to go around. You want 94 East or West?

West. Follow the...

-Oh, shut the

-BLEEP

-up!

HE LAUGHS

'Tanner couldn't find the freeway.

'So he decided to lead us to the middle of town.'

This is getting tight in here.

Guys, I think we were supposed to take a right back here.

Hold on, we can turn right up here.

TYRES SCREECH

Oh, that's not good.

Damn it! Coming back.

I wouldn't move up more, that's good there.

You are on a car.

My mirror is not in the right spot, I can't see anything.

Your trailer's not in the right spot either, it's on a car!

Yeah, let me get out and help you.

There's no way, you come into a little town like this,

there's no way you're going to be able to make all these corners.

All right, come on. Come on, hurry!

-CAR HORNS BLARE

-Sorry, thank you.

OK, coming back.

Am I good back there?

-CAR HORNS CONTINUE TOOTING

-Come on. Come on.

I cannot see anything. I just see cars and people walking back there.

This is bad news.

-Come on back.

-I'm going to stop the traffic.

-Yeah.

-MULTIPLE HORNS BLARE

-Sorry!

All right, partner, listen, you're going to have to cut it all the way to the right.

OK, you just tell me if there's anybody behind me.

No, you're clear, just come on back.

CAR HORNS TOOT

Come on, bring it back! This is a mess.

Oh, cut it, cut the wheel to the right.

Cut the... Oh, you're going to hit... OK, keep going.

OK, easy, easy, don't jacknife it. Keep coming.

Keep coming, keep coming, you've got about ten feet to me. Eight feet.

OK, you got three feet, two feet. All right, stop. Stop, stop.

Go forward, come round to the left.

CAR HORN BLARES

Sorry!

CAR HORN TOOTS

Let's get out of this little town.

We made our way out of town and into more trouble.

I am merging onto an interstate in a big rig for the first time.

We've got trucks, we got cars.

We got full throttle.

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

-Oh, wide!

Wide on the outside. Oh, jeez.

This is not good at all.

Hit the gas, go, go, go, go!

-If you pull out in front of a big rig, hit the

-BLEEP

-gas!

GEARS CREAK

Oh, gosh, I've got trucker rage. I get it!

HE EXHALES

That just took everything out of me.

We are officially on the freeway, building speed.

I can't believe I'm on the interstate.

-Holy

-BLEEP,

-this is dangerous.

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

Don't hit those cars. Don't hit those cars.

Don't you even... That's right, don't you even.

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

Come on. Get in there. Get in there.

Good God.

HE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY

Ah, that looked so close!

OK. All right, that's a tanker truck.

How close was I to that bridge?

Pretty close, but there's a tanker truck right next to you.

Highly flammable, heads up.

He's... Copy that.

Bearded Lady, you're on fire.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You haven't driven a big rig before?

-I have not, no.

-It's terrifying.

-Yeah, I'm sure.

Ladies and gentlemen, now it's time for something

we like to call Big Star, Small Car,

and our big star today has written, directed and starred

in one of my favourite movies, The Brothers McMullen.

You've seen him in Saving Private Ryan, and look for his new film Newlyweds,

my pleasure to introduce to you Mr Ed Burns.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hey, man.

-Nice to see you, pal. Thanks for being here.

So how do you feel? Are you ready for this?

You know, I've never been on a track before,

-so we'll see how I do out there.

-OK.

Well, why don't you jump in this front-wheel drive animal?

-And see if you can tame the beast.

-All right, we'll see what I do.

OK, the fastest celebrity lap on our board is Arlene Tur with a 1:42.4.

Let's see if Ed can beat her time.

OK. Stay wide.

Maintain your speed.

Yes, that's what you need to do into the first turn, and...not bad.

Very good. Into the chicane. Throwing up a little chalk.

TYRES SCREECH OK.

All right, this is the turn. Come on.

Heading into the teardrop, screaming the whole way.

Stay on that brake, down shift! Come on out.

Not too good.

And don't put the power down too early.

TYRES SCREECH He's fighting the car the whole way.

I got too aggressive on that one.

All right, here's where he can make up some time.

He's at the halfway point. Ed is in eighth place, right behind Ty Burrell.

He's coming into Cameraman's Corner.

Brake and down shift!

Wow, back end comes out a little bit!

-Oh, I forgot the

-BLEEP

-brakes!

Made a little bit of recovery. Oh, that's it.

Brake before the turn, release through.

Hammer down now. Come on, my friend.

And across the line.

Woo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Burns! Come on up, Ed.

-Good to see you, pal.

-What's up, man?

-How did it go, good?

-Good, good.

How did it go, did you have fun?

-I had a blast, I'm a little disappointed in my performance.

-Why?

I kept making the same mistake every time we did it,

-so I think Stig was frustrated with me.

-Where was it, on the turn?

Yeah, it was on the turn. What I was doing is, I was... I was good,

I was hitting the brake, I went into the turn.

And on the three turns, we had to down shift into second gear.

-Right.

-I kept my foot on the clutch.

-I forgot to keep my foot on the brake.

-Right.

So a couple of times coming out of it, I just...

-Two turns specifically, the teardrop turn?

-Yeah.

I kept coming a little wide on that,

and then just trying to get up that hill in second gear, screwed it up every time.

OK, we'll see how you did a bit later.

But you grew up on Long Island, as I did.

-Yeah.

-And we have the same taste in cars, the muscle cars.

And we were talking before about those were the cars we saw.

I mean, in our neighbourhood,

what we would do is get on our bikes and ride around

to just check out the cars that were in the neighbourhood, you know?

There was a guy on my street who had a Chevelle Super Sport.

-We were always checking that out.

-Mm-hm.

There was a '69 Camaro on Orleans Road.

There was a '57 T-Bird on Wilson Road.

And there was another guy with a total badass Challenger

on the other side of the tracks. So it was just, you know, you knew where the cool cars were,

so you drive around, take a look at them.

And then when I finally made some money after Brothers McMullen,

the first thing I went out to buy...

A buddy, Mattie DeLeo, who's a gear-head, mechanic,

he's got his own shop in Jersey.

And I said, "Let's go find the ride."

-And what car did you get?

-You know, I just want an old muscle car,

so we're looking at GTOs, we're looking at 442s.

And we go to this lot, and we asked the guy,

you know, he's selling cars on consignment.

And he doesn't have anything, but he says,

"There's an old Cutlass in the back, go take a look it."

It was under a tarp. My buddy tops the hood,

he looks at it, slams the hood down, he goes,

"Let's walk back into the office, offer this guy 9,000 right now,

"you're going to get this car off the lot.

Because what's under the hood?

There was a 454 under the hood, in perfect shape.

-The car had no mileage on it.

-Right.

So we went, got nine grand, gave it to him, drove that thing off.

And I mean, the minute we pulled out of the lot, that thing was just a beast.

-So, how did you like the Suzuki?

-Er, you know, it's funny.

I mean, it's a lot of fun to drive.

I'm curious to see how I sized up against some of the names up there.

OK. Where do you think you came?

I had a couple of laps where I thought I was doing pretty good,

and would have had a quality time.

And one in particular, I came into that last turn too hot

and I blew it. So, you know, um...

I bet you I'm in a 1:48-1:50 zone, I think.

OK, so that would put you...

You're thinking you're somewhere around in this vicinity?

-Yeah, I think so. Sadly.

-This above Chumlee vicinity?

-Sadly.

-Look, if you need... Above Chumlee's pretty good.

-Is that all right?

All right, good, I'll take it.

I for one would not want to be below Chumlee.

LAUGHTER

So you guys want to see where he came?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE All right.

You did it in one...forty...

..six-point-seven! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:46.7.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Burns!

-Well done.

-That's not bad. Not bad.

There are 2.5 million big rigs on US roads.

Oh...

Rut, Adam and I were finding out that an afternoon of driver training

was just not enough.

Rut had won the drag race and hill challenge.

And I'd crushed the high speed test.

But now it was all down to this.

Who could deliver their cargo without completely destroying it?

So far, it was a toss up.

Bearded Lady, you're on fire.

I'm on fire?

HE LAUGHS

Tiny Dancer, I'm going to have to pull off here

and check on this burning inferno here.

All right, Rut on fire. This I got to see.

Usually it's Adam on fire, but Rut, master truck driver, on fire...

I've been waiting all day for this.

THUNDEROUS EXPLOSIONS OF FIREWORKS

# Oh, say can you see... #

THEY LAUGH

Yes! Yeah!

HE LAUGHS

You've got to be kidding me!

THEY LAUGH

It's still going! Those are good fireworks!

Yes!

This is not good!

Oh, my gosh, you've got to be kidding me!

Sweet Jesus, it's on fire. Oh, it's on fire.

Hey, you're going to burn down the cornfield!

-Go, Rut! Go, Rut!

-Get down there!

Rut, put the field out!

-Put the...

-Bad!

-Good show, Rut. That was quality stuff.

-That was...

-That was a good fire.

-It's still going!

-Still going!

This is a finale. Yes!

-Holy

-BLEEP.

Yes! America!

-America!

-America!

That escalated quickly.

-That was awesome.

-Fun.

-I think I may not win this challenge.

-ADAM LAUGHS

-I am so happy.

Boy, that grass went up fast, didn't it? Dry out here.

Let's get out of here.

-Convoy it is.

-You take that.

After Rutledge's patriotic tribute,

we were only minutes from our drop-off point.

HORN HONKS

Come on, fireworks, just save me a little.

Please don't all be on fire.

You can do this.

I can't do this. Get in there. GEARS CREAK

It should be just off the train track.

You better be careful going over those.

Let's do this.

GLASS SHATTERS

Oh, oh. Careful. Careful.

No trains. No trains. No trains. That's it, baby.

That's it. You are a graceful big girl, aren't you?

Yes, you are.

Easy, last turn.

After 40 miles of white knuckles and carnage,

we finally arrived at our drop-off point.

Oh, look at that.

-We made it.

-Hot damn, we made it!

-I don't see any wine dripping.

-Well done, big girl.

-That's a good sign.

-It's not smoking.

-We made it.

All right, least damaged cargo.

-Let's see who's got it.

-Least damaged cargo. Open it up.

-Step back, step back.

-OK.

-Are we eating out tonight?

-Go on.

No, we're dining in, gentlemen. It moved a little bit.

THEY LAUGH

-A little is still set up.

-It moved a LITTLE bit?!

-Are you hungry? I'm hungry.

-I'm going to go have a little bite.

-Yeah.

I thought there was going to be a mess. It's still standing.

-I don't understand that.

-Would you like some spaghetti?

-Spaghetti would be fine.

-Here you go, coming at you.

Really?

That counts. You broke it.

That's total bull.

-Let's check out Rut's.

-Let's do mine first, cos if he's on fire, I'm out of here.

Fair enough.

It's not going to be on fire again.

-OK, so you had bowling balls, pianos and paint?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Wow!

-There is a bowling ball, and I see paint.

-That is impressive!

This is really potent. Burns the nostrils!

It's actually...beautiful.

-It's like a Jackson Pollock.

-Everything is destroyed.

No, it's not, look, the shelves are standing.

You've got to close it, I'm going to throw up. That's so bad.

Let's close it in the interest of public safety.

That's got to be toxic.

'It was time to see what was left of Rutledge's grills and fireworks.'

Does anyone smell anything burning?

-That's warm.

-I tell you what, we're going to be over here.

-Yeah.

-Good luck!

-Open on up.

-OK.

Oh...

THEY LAUGH

CACOPHONY OF EXPLOSIONS

Pretty sure I lost. Yeah. I lost.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-And that settles it.

Victory for me.

Yeah, you're the winner, let me get a box so you can stand on it

and people can see you and your little victory dance.

-I'm not that short.

-How do you think you won?

The back of your trailer looked like an assassination attempt in a dining room, OK?

I delivered my cargo and turned it into art.

It was worth more when I dropped it off than it was when I picked it up!

And I had fireworks. Everyone loves fireworks.

They do. You're lucky to have survived that, by the way.

That was very dangerous. But I won the final challenge.

The whole point was to finish the challenge

with the most intact cargo.

You hit a car!

LAUGHTER

It was a New Yorker. Not really a car.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I won the drag race and the hill climb.

I won two challenges also.

Well, the oval and final destination.

I still think... I set my fireworks off.

-Children!

-They're not for storage.

Children! It's a tie.

-There's no way that was a tie.

-It's a tie.

Watch this - it's a tie. Thank you very much, good night!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

"I hit a New Yorker."

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd