Episode 5 Top Gear


Episode 5

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Transcript


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Tonight, Cameron Diaz in our reasonably priced car.

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I repeat, Cameron Diaz in our reasonably priced car.

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-Sorry, Stig, totally

-BLEEP

-it up!

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And she's brought Tom Cruise along!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello and welcome!

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That is later.

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That is later.

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But now...

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we start once again with a letter.

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It's from some Swedish youths and it says, "Dear Top Gear,

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"we are some Swedish youths,

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"and we've been given the run of a whole ski resort

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"for a weekend.

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"Do you a race fancy having?"

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Plainly this was a job for Richard Herring.

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This is Riksgransen,

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the world's northernmost ski resort.

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120 miles INSIDE the Arctic Circle.

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It's so far north that the ski season doesn't finish here until June,

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when the rest of us are on the beach.

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I'm here to defend the honour of the car against some extreme snowmobilers

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who are so extreme they're...still in bed.

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Still, meanwhile, let's meet the car I've chosen to take them on with.

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It's the Volkswagen Touareg.

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A big off-roader that for many years we've...absolutely hated.

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We tested it when it first came out, seven years ago.

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And we didn't like a lot of things about it.

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The ride, the gearbox, the fact you couldn't see out of the back.

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We didn't like the ridiculous thirst,

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and we didn't like that some of the design felt like

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they'd done the most un-German thing possible.

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A half-arsed job.

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But this is the brand new Touareg.

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And already I can report many improvements.

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You can, for instance, see out of the back.

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The ride is much smoother.

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The gearbox, the old one changed according to a geological timescale.

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This new eight-speed affair

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is a big improvement.

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The Touareg also looks more Golf-like than the old one.

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And besides the full off-road hardware,

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standard kit includes sat-nav, electric leather seats,

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climate control, and a ten-speaker stereo system.

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But we've come here to race

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so none of that is important right now.

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What is important is that the new Touareg

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weighs 200kg less than the old one.

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Which makes it altogether more sprightly.

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This is a 3.5 litre V6 turbo diesel.

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Cost, £37,000,

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0 to 60 in 7.8 seconds,

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so it's faster than the old one.

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Top speed, 136mph.

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So you're better off there, too.

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All in all, I think this is the machine to take the snowmobilers on

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in our big race.

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Which, as they're still in bed playing computer games,

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will happen tomorrow.

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So, race day.

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And I'll confess, I went to bed last night

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full of confidence.

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And then, in the middle of the night, I sort of got cold feet about it.

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So I got up, got dressed, came downstairs, and I made...this.

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It's still a Touareg.

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But one built to take on the infamous Dakar.

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The toughest rally in the world.

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With a carbon fibre body, bionic suspension,

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and a twin-turbo, 300 horsepower, diesel engine,

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it can do 130mph over just about any terrain.

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It's also the first diesel ever to win the Dakar.

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Which is odd, given that I built it only last night.

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But no matter, I think this is probably the better tool

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to see off those snowmobilers,

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who have finally emerged.

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They are Daniel Bodin and Dan Lang.

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Local snowmobile legends

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whose racing skills have won them silver medals at the X-Games.

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Best let them get it out of their system.

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'Eventually the teenagers calm down long enough

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'for me to explain the race route

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'across the ski resort.'

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Right, we're going to start from here.

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Then we're going to move around here, sweep around there,

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down there, then eventually we'll finish

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with a sprint across the ice lake,

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end up, finish line, at the ski shop.

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So, that's 12 gruelling miles down ski slopes,

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through forests, and across frozen water.

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Yeah? Happy?

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-Yeah.

-Fine with that.

-OK. Good.

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Um...where is here, exactly?

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It's up there.

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Oooh. Yeah!

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ENGINES REV

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All right. Fair enough.

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Ooh, erm, I guess, 3...2...1...go?

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Right, come on.

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0 to 60 in this, about six seconds.

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This thing has more torque than a Lamborghini Gallardo.

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Have they got that? No!

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'We plunged out of the clouds neck and neck.'

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I have taken the precaution of fitting it with studded snow tyres.

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Obviously I did that.

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Come on! Find grip!

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Blimey! Where have they...?

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'The snowmobilers promptly vanished

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'because whilst I had to stick to the ski runs,

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'they didn't.'

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Come on, you've crossed the desert, you can do this.

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'As it turned out, the Dakar was as fast on snow

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'as it would be on sand.'

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Oh, yes! That worked!

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I thank you!

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'So when I hit the lower slopes,

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'we were still neck and neck.'

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'I then decided to take a short cut.

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'Which went well.'

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Oh! Oh!

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This is going to cost me time!

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Move, move, move!

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'Despite my cock-up, I was just ahead as we entered the forest stage.'

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Yee-hah-hah!

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Keep up with that, then, boys!

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'But the teenagers were able to whizz off between the trees.'

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Come on! Where the hell are they?

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'Which meant they had the lead as we reached the final part of the race...

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'..a six-mile dash across the frozen lake.'

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Ooh, tree.

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Come on, come on!

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Yes, finally!

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I've got the top speed of best part of 130mph.

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This is where I have the advantage.

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'But up ahead, the snowmobilers could still hit 90mph.

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'So I'd have to give it everything to close the gap.'

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This is where the race is won or lost.

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This thing's got some grip!

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I'm just floating over this stuff.

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'With less than four miles to go

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'the snowmobilers were still ahead.'

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Where are they?!

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'But then, joy of joys, the snow on the ice started to thin out.'

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Their machines will have problems on this

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because the belts themselves overheat

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running on straight ice, so they can't give it everything.

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'And sure enough, they started slowing down.'

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I'm going to catch them!

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That's them! That's them! Oh, yes!

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Oh, yes! What do you think of that? Yee-hah-hah-hah!

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'The snow on the lake thickened again,

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'and the snowmobilers were back in the game.

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'But now the Touareg had the edge.'

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That, I think, is the finish line. That's it!

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This thing has conquered sand and desert,

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now it's conquered snow, mountains and frozen lakes.

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I'm going to win!

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Yes! Yes!

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Ha-ha!

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I did it! It's won through!

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What a machine!

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You've got to be...!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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I could've done that. I could've done that.

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What?!

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Did you...did you win that?

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Yes. Yes, I did. I'll admit they did finish with a bit more of a...

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flourish thing, there,

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but I won.

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I'm not really interested in whether you won or not,

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I'm interested in that bit where they said that their tracks,

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on their snowmobiles, got hot,

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cos they were running on ice.

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-Yes.

-And they told you that?

-Yeah, it's the friction.

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Ice generates a lot of friction,

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so they heat up.

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If you slide over ice in your clothes,

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they'll actually burn off you.

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Do they also tell you things like, Jimi Hendrix was in Abba?

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-No! It's...

-Did they say that a Volvo 244

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holds the lap record at the Nurburgring?

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No, stop, it's true, and you know full well it is. Let's do the news.

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No. What I'm going to do is put a piece of ice down the front

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of your trousers, to see if it sets fire to your gentleman's sausage.

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No! I'm not saying ice is hot, just it can create a lot of friction!

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This is science, and you don't understand that.

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-So leave it, it's true. OK?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

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Anyway, let's do the news.

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Oh, now, hey. This is an important piece of news.

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A lot of people imagine the most dangerous time of year to drive

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is...November, or perhaps February,

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dark nights, fog, ice.

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But we were talking about this and we think THE most dangerous time

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to drive a car, is roundabout now.

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Sunny skies, light breezes, girls wearing short skirts.

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Dangerous. Very dangerous.

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-Cos the thing is, you can't not look.

-No. You actually can't.

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-You can't physically not look.

-You have no choice.

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There are other things you can choose not to do.

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It's easy not to use your mobile while driving, easy not to drive after 18 pints of lager,

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but you're driving along and, "There's a girl, mustn't look...

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"I'm looking, I'm looking, I've crashed, I'm still looking!"

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Do you have any idea what we're on about?

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I drove through Soho the other night, honestly,

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you know Linda Blair in the Exorcist? My head was just...

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-spinning around!

-180 degrees!

-Crashing into lampposts,

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letter boxes, and other cars!

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It's impossible not to!

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The thing is, we know that Germaine Greer

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is actually an avid viewer of Top Gear, and...

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-Is she?

-No, she really is.

-In your mind.

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No, she is!

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Anyway, she will be annoyed about this but the fact is,

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what we're trying to say is we can't help it, it's natural,

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I mean, in the last three days I've nearly had two quite serious accidents...

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-Even James May is susceptible to it!

-Even me!

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-That's proof!

-Yeah, but it was road workers he was looking at!

-Ha-ha!

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Actually, do you not think there is here a case for the burka?

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-Aaah.

-Because the problem goes away...

-The burka? No. No, honestly.

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The burka doesn't work.

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Cos I was in a cab in Piccadilly the other day, OK?

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A woman in a full burka crossing the road in front of the cab,

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-tripped over the pavement, went head over heels...

-Base over apex.

-Yeah.

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And up it came, red G-string, stockings...

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Mate, that did NOT happen!

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I promise! I promise!

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-No!

-It did!

-Did you see this incident on DVD or pay per view?

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The taxi driver will back me up on that. He will.

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He was in the cinema with you?

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-That never happened.

-It did!

-Never happened.

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Next week, Jeremy visits a hospital, and a nurse's top falls off.

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In Jeremy's mind.

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Now, normally, OK, normally I wouldn't bring this up.

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But Citroen UK has appointed a new sales director, OK?

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And his name is Charles Peugeot.

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No, it isn't!

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I have photographic proof, from Citroen,

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-"Charles Peugeot".

-It is! What were they thinking?!

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What's his e-mail address going to be, [email protected]?

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So stupid!

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Hang on, hang on, what if there are lots of people

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called Charles Peugeot working at Citroen?

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So he ends up being charles...

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..charles.peugeot405.

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Sorry, it wasn't worth it.

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APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

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Hey, now, as we know, there's a lot of chat around at the moment

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about cars that can run on biofuels or on electricity or on hydrogen.

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But we wondering, "I wonder if it would be possible to make a car that ran on cheese and onion crisps?"

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LAUGHTER

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Corn beef salad.

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And do you know what? We found a Porsche, or rather, Hammond has,

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that can.

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This is it. And the first thing you'll notice is it's covered

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in this space-age foil stuff.

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Back here, there's this massive wing, all very traditional Porsche,

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but, under here, nothing.

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Because this is the first mid-engine 911.

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And what an engine it is.

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So right now it's running on Frosties

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and one of those chocolatey croissant things

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and a cup of coffee. But it could equally run on

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fish and chips I had last night or a big bag of Quavers.

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Really anything that the driver can eat.

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OK, first corner coming up.

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The good thing about this, of course,

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plenty of time to be precise about your lines.

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CHEERING

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It's amazing!

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It's absolutely superb.

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Fabulous.

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-It is a completely convincing 911, really, isn't it?

-It is. It was made in Austria -

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sadly, it is a one-off. It lives in a museum now.

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But it's fabulous and I did do a whole lap in it.

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-What was your time?

-Well, I did it in...

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18 minutes...and 37 seconds! Yeah! LAUGHTER

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CHEERING

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It's down here. It's down here.

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But I'm proud.

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Well done.

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Thank you.

0:16:580:16:59

Since we're on the subject of the lap board,

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we thought we would take a moment to share some happy memories of an old friend.

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If you look back at all the amazing things we've done with the Bugatti Veyron...

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HE LAUGHS

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..you could be forgiven for thinking it's the fastest car on the planet.

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The fact is, though, it isn't, you see,

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because this car will do 253 miles per hour,

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but there's now a car in America called the Shelby Ultimate Aero...

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..that will do 256 miles per hour. So that, officially,

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is the world's fastest production car, not this old knocker.

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The Germans are not pleased.

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So, behind closed doors, in the Bugatti skunk works,

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they've created this...

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It's called the Super Sport.

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It's the Veyron's last hurrah and it's been built with just one purpose...

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To be the undisputed fastest production car ever made.

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On this car, the 0-60 time is the same as it is on the standard Bugatti Veyron -

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2.5 seconds. But after that, all is utterly changed.

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0-100 miles per hour now takes just 4.5 seconds,

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which is the same as the 0-60 time of a Porsche 911 GT3.

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And this will go on to an alleged top speed of 258 miles per hour.

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Naturally, that means the Super Sport has more power.

0:18:570:19:00

The standard Veyron famously has 1,000 horsepower.

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The Super Sport's version has 1,200 horsepower.

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So why, you might wonder, does it need the power of a Golf GTI

0:19:100:19:14

added to it, just to do another 5mph?

0:19:140:19:18

Well, the reasons are quite complicated

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and I've been barred by the producer from explaining them properly.

0:19:210:19:24

So here instead is the primary school explanation.

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Well, the issue is the air, which has genuine substance once you're trying to move through it.

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The faster you go, the thicker the air effectively becomes.

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At 100mph, it's like aerosol whipped cream,

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but at 200mph, it's more like a very thick treacle.

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And at 250mph, it's like...

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trying to drive through a fruitcake.

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And cutting through the fruitcake requires more than just brute force,

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which is why this Veyron has a new super slippery body.

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And a new super high price.

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Up from £1 million to £1.6 million.

0:20:200:20:24

Anyway, big, fast Shelby American car thingy,

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your gauntlet has now been picked up by the one they call de langsamer -

0:20:300:20:35

the Slow One. Captain Slow, to you.

0:20:350:20:38

The setting for this judgment day run is Volkswagen's top-secret test track...

0:20:400:20:45

at Ehra-Lessien - a massive complex

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built in a former Cold War no-fly zone near the old East German border.

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At its heart is this 13-mile oval-shaped track,

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which includes this 5.5-mile arrow-straight straight.

0:20:590:21:05

It's one of very few places on earth where you can actually max a Bugatti Veyron.

0:21:050:21:11

Nothing was left to chance by the Bugatti boffins.

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We even had to wait until the middle of the day

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when the air was at its thinnest before I was finally given the all-clear to run.

0:21:230:21:29

There's one thing making me slightly apprehensive.

0:21:290:21:32

I said, "How long do the tyres last at 258 miles per hour?"

0:21:320:21:36

And they said, "Well, we know how long they last at 248mph - it's 37 miles."

0:21:360:21:41

I said, "Yeah, but what about 258 miles per hour?"

0:21:410:21:45

What they actually said to me was, "Ask an admiral how deep his submarines can really go.

0:21:450:21:50

"He doesn't know until they try it."

0:21:500:21:53

As I ventured onto the track, I was quite glad that they aren't ordinary tyres,

0:21:580:22:03

but ones that cost £20,000 a set.

0:22:030:22:07

I do feel a nervousness about that extra 5mph.

0:22:070:22:11

It takes me beyond the known borders of car performance.

0:22:140:22:19

I'm hanging my ass over the ragged edge like Chuck Yeager.

0:22:190:22:23

Anyway, concentrate.

0:22:250:22:27

'The super-accurate speedo read in kilometres

0:22:280:22:31

'so the magic number we'd be looking for is 414km per hour.'

0:22:310:22:36

If I reach maximum speed, I'll be drinking fuel at the rate of 1.7 gallons a minute.

0:22:360:22:41

The radiators will be sucking through four tonnes of air an hour.

0:22:410:22:46

Just before the 5.5-mile straight is some steep banking,

0:22:460:22:50

which I'd have to enter at exactly 125mph.

0:22:500:22:55

Then I have to change down as I pass a series of bollards,

0:22:560:23:00

ready to give it the beans as I come out the other end.

0:23:000:23:04

Here we go. Here's the banking.

0:23:050:23:07

Here comes the first bollard.

0:23:080:23:11

Change down one.

0:23:120:23:14

Here's a bollard. Change down two.

0:23:160:23:19

Here's a bollard. Change down three times.

0:23:200:23:24

Godspeed, Captain Slow!

0:23:240:23:27

Whoa!

0:23:290:23:31

Bloody hell, look at the speed of that!

0:23:310:23:33

Doing 258...260.. I'm going faster than I can speak! 300!

0:23:350:23:39

320!

0:23:390:23:40

That is amazing! It's so stable. I'm already up to 340.

0:23:420:23:47

Bloody Nora!

0:23:500:23:51

It's unbelievable! Look how fast everything's going past!

0:23:540:23:57

There's 400.

0:23:590:24:01

'In Queen's English, that's 248mph.'

0:24:010:24:04

Come on, come on, come on!

0:24:080:24:09

I'm past my old record.

0:24:110:24:13

'Now we were into the unknown.'

0:24:130:24:15

Slightly twitchy.

0:24:200:24:21

Come on! Come on!

0:24:280:24:30

Yes! I think I may have whipped your ass.

0:24:310:24:35

Whoo-hoo!

0:24:370:24:38

'And the speedo kept climbing.'

0:24:380:24:40

417!

0:24:540:24:55

HE LAUGHS

0:24:590:25:00

HE LAUGHS

0:25:030:25:05

Whoo-hoo!

0:25:070:25:08

Bloody hell, that was exciting.

0:25:100:25:12

CHEERING

0:25:200:25:22

Hang on. No, no, wait!

0:25:220:25:24

No!

0:25:240:25:25

I'm sorry...

0:25:260:25:27

Are you seriously suggesting that now we open the Guinness Book of World Records

0:25:270:25:33

and it says, "Fastest man on Earth - James May?"

0:25:330:25:37

-LAUGHTER

-Not exactly.

0:25:370:25:40

-What do you mean, not exactly?

-Well, after I'd done my run,

0:25:400:25:44

Bugatti sent a test driver out, because they thought he'd like a crack at it,

0:25:440:25:48

and this is what happened.

0:25:480:25:49

So there he goes.

0:25:490:25:51

He's got to do a run in each direction and take an average.

0:25:510:25:54

There's my old record already gone.

0:25:540:25:56

As we can see, the speedo is still climbing.

0:25:580:26:02

There's him celebrating.

0:26:020:26:03

I added my congratulations soon afterwards.

0:26:030:26:06

Damn him!

0:26:060:26:08

-So he obviously did it both ways, which you have to do.

-Yup.

0:26:100:26:14

-What was his average, then?

-431km per hour.

0:26:140:26:20

-What's that in Church of England?

-267...

0:26:200:26:25

AUDIENCE: Oooh.

0:26:250:26:26

-In a car with windscreen wipers?

-And a CD player!

0:26:260:26:29

In a road car? That's staggering.

0:26:290:26:31

We ought to find out, really, how fast this goes round the track.

0:26:310:26:36

Anybody want to see that?

0:26:360:26:37

ALL: Yes!

0:26:370:26:39

OK, that, of course, means handing over to our racing driver.

0:26:390:26:42

Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon.

0:26:420:26:47

LAUGHTER

0:26:470:26:49

And that he spent all week pushing an effigy

0:26:500:26:54

of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan.

0:26:540:26:58

LAUGHTER

0:26:580:26:59

What we know is, he's called the Stig!

0:26:590:27:02

And he's off and just look how fast that thing fires off the line -

0:27:040:27:09

smoking all four tyres.

0:27:090:27:11

OK, first corner. Simply flies into those, almost cartoonishly fast.

0:27:110:27:17

Just sensational.

0:27:170:27:18

MUSIC: "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees

0:27:180:27:21

And in the midst of this ferocious speed

0:27:220:27:25

still has a stereo to listen to.

0:27:250:27:27

Takes it gently round Chicago, now popping off the limiter,

0:27:270:27:30

Hammerhead, air brake goes vertical generating 0.7G of braking -

0:27:300:27:35

same as the actual brakes of a Fiesta.

0:27:350:27:38

50 kilos lighter than the original Veyron but still a heavy car.

0:27:380:27:42

# Staying alive, staying alive... #

0:27:420:27:44

Your brain honestly can barely take in how fast this thing is.

0:27:440:27:48

What's really weird is it hardly makes any noise. Listen!

0:27:480:27:52

Just staggering. Two corners to go.

0:27:520:27:55

Here we go. Using all the grip of those 20 grand tyres.

0:27:550:28:00

This is the Stig on maximum attack and there he is, across the line!

0:28:000:28:03

CHEERING

0:28:030:28:05

So...

0:28:050:28:07

Here's the old Veyron 1.18.3.

0:28:120:28:15

-We're expecting this to be a little bit faster.

-Yup.

0:28:150:28:19

But is it fast enough...? Well, look at these.

0:28:190:28:21

These are the ones - 17s. The Gumpert, the Ascari and so on.

0:28:210:28:25

Well, this one, the Super Sport, did it in 1...

0:28:250:28:27

..16.8.

0:28:290:28:30

ALL: Oh!

0:28:300:28:32

Fastest car ever...

0:28:320:28:33

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:330:28:35

..ever...to go round our track.

0:28:350:28:38

Now it's time to put a star in our reasonably-priced car.

0:28:380:28:44

We had a bit of a problem, if we're honest,

0:28:440:28:46

because we had Jedward booked.

0:28:460:28:48

LAUGHTER

0:28:480:28:50

At the last minute, they pulled out. So we rang Cameron Diaz...

0:28:500:28:54

LAUGHTER

0:28:540:28:55

We did. We said, "Would you mind awfully coming on the show?" She said, "Sure. Love to.

0:28:550:29:00

"But only if I can bring Tom Cruise."

0:29:000:29:02

LAUGHTER

0:29:020:29:03

So, ladies and gentlemen, here on this...

0:29:030:29:06

-pokey motoring show on BBC Two...

-LAUGHTER

0:29:060:29:10

..Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise!

0:29:100:29:11

CHEERING

0:29:110:29:14

-How are you?

-Fine, yourself?

-How are you?

0:29:180:29:21

CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

0:29:210:29:24

Do have a seat.

0:29:280:29:30

-Thank you.

-That's a bit of a reaction!

-I know! It was a lot of fun.

0:29:340:29:37

Can I just say, what staggers me is, sitting here,

0:29:370:29:40

it's almost like I've been joined by the genetic blueprint for the human race with these two.

0:29:400:29:45

-What do you think?

-LAUGHTER

0:29:450:29:47

In evolution, we'll reach a point where they look like this.

0:29:470:29:51

Cos how do you know...? You embark on acting when you're in your late teens.

0:29:510:29:57

How do you know that later on in life

0:29:570:30:00

you aren't going to become, well...

0:30:000:30:03

For instance, Tom, why don't you have ear hair?

0:30:040:30:07

Next time I come on the show I'll be like this.

0:30:070:30:10

-And then it'll go at the back...

-Curling it and trimming it.

0:30:100:30:14

Cos it's not like either of you have taken care of yourself.

0:30:140:30:16

-You've broken every bone in your body over the years.

-I've broken my nose a couple of times

0:30:160:30:22

and fingers and my leg and toes, ribs.

0:30:220:30:27

And you do your own stunts.

0:30:270:30:29

-You are proud of the fact that you do a lot of jumping up and down and falling off things.

-Yeah,

0:30:290:30:34

I do most of them.

0:30:340:30:35

-Do they hurt?

-Yeah.

0:30:350:30:37

LAUGHTER

0:30:370:30:39

Yes, some of them REALLY hurt.

0:30:390:30:42

And you would have thought you would have looked in a mirror and thought,

0:30:420:30:46

"I'm quite good looking, I'd better take care of this."

0:30:460:30:49

-How many times have you broken your nose?

-Well, it started very early, I was 11.

0:30:490:30:54

I broke my nose four times since I was 11.

0:30:540:30:57

-Four?

-Yes.

-Four times.

-Four times.

0:30:570:30:59

BLEEP finds my face.

0:30:590:31:02

-It just does.

-Can you say that on television here?

0:31:020:31:05

OK.

0:31:080:31:09

Now, the new movie, Knight And Day,

0:31:170:31:19

my kind of film, I have to say.

0:31:190:31:22

Everything explodes, lots of close-ups of Cameron,

0:31:220:31:26

and you're funny.

0:31:260:31:27

-Is this comedy, is this a new... Obviously not for you.

-She was so funny.

0:31:270:31:32

I've done a few comedies.

0:31:320:31:34

-You had the gentleman juice in your hair.

-Yes, I did.

0:31:340:31:38

One of the great comedy moments of our time.

0:31:380:31:40

It didn't take very long for it to get there either.

0:31:400:31:43

-It just was a very quick...

-LAUGHTER

0:31:430:31:46

-What I meant was...

-No...

0:31:460:31:51

This is why I love Cameron, I have to tell you. It's so much fun working with her.

0:31:510:31:56

-Yeah.

-No, but I love comedy.

-The comedy stuff...

0:31:560:32:00

I started with Risky Business and I've always had comedic elements in different characters.

0:32:000:32:04

I've had some intense films over the years and I really want to do some comedy now.

0:32:040:32:09

You're great in it.

0:32:090:32:11

In the movie, you restore muscle cars for a living.

0:32:110:32:15

-This is pornography.

-What?

0:32:150:32:18

What is it you have to check in at the airport?

0:32:220:32:25

Triple Deuce. A carburettor. A Triple Deuce carburettor.

0:32:250:32:30

-Do you find this as well? When girls start talking about...

-About cars and engines.

0:32:300:32:34

Ohhhhhh....!

0:32:340:32:36

Could you say a six-barrel carburettor for a '66 Vette?

0:32:370:32:41

A six-barrel carburettor for a '66 Vette.

0:32:410:32:44

I'm actually having a crisis.

0:32:470:32:50

Do you put a lot of effort into choosing the cars you use in movies?

0:32:510:32:57

For example, in this movie, was there a lot of effort went into the cars that were used?

0:32:570:33:02

It's fun. We all sit around and talk about which cars

0:33:020:33:06

and motorcycles. We look at the train and we line up a bunch of bikes

0:33:060:33:12

and we look at the stunts that we're going to develop, if there's going to be a lot of jumps.

0:33:120:33:17

-We did that with the Ducati on this one.

-You were on cobbled streets...

0:33:170:33:21

We needed a lighter motorcycle, we needed something I could pull Cameron around.

0:33:210:33:26

That's a stunt I've been wanting to do for many, many years.

0:33:260:33:29

LAUGHTER

0:33:290:33:31

-Have Cameron, you know...

-It's not just you in this,

0:33:310:33:34

-you were doing your own stunts as well.

-Yes.

0:33:340:33:37

There's this great scene where the GTO, the daddy of muscle cars,

0:33:370:33:41

-and you're flicking it around all over the place.

-It's a lot of fun.

0:33:410:33:45

One of the things was, you often see actors coming on, saying, "Yeah, I did my own stunts",

0:33:450:33:50

-so I thought it would be a good idea to say, "Come on, Cameron, take me out on the track."

-Yeah.

0:33:500:33:55

-Anybody want to see...

-I do.

-AUDIENCE: Yeah.

-Let's have a look at this.

0:33:550:33:59

This is just about as good as life gets, really.

0:34:030:34:06

-It's going.

-You've got it.

0:34:080:34:10

CHEERING

0:34:160:34:19

Thank you, Jeremy.

0:34:190:34:21

See? You see?

0:34:210:34:23

All you've got to do is go like this and "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

0:34:230:34:27

Yeah.

0:34:270:34:29

-How much fun is that?

-I was vomiting.

0:34:290:34:31

What cars do you drive to the shops in? What are your everyday cars?

0:34:330:34:37

Right now, I mostly...I drive a lot of motorcycles right now.

0:34:370:34:41

-Bikes?

-Recently, a lot of motorcycles.

-He does.

0:34:410:34:44

So what have you got? Let's run through them.

0:34:440:34:46

I have a '34 Indian. 1934, that my wife bought me

0:34:460:34:50

that used to belong to Steve McQueen. There you go.

0:34:500:34:52

-That's actually it, is it?

-Yep.

0:34:520:34:54

-That was Steve McQueen's old Indian?

-Yeah.

-What I'm interested in,

0:34:540:34:58

-this Virus, it looks the most incredible bike I've ever seen.

-It is incredible.

0:34:580:35:04

-That bike is beautiful.

-Where's it made?

-Italy.

0:35:040:35:08

-And you have to be measured for this, do you?

-Yes.

0:35:080:35:10

They do your measurements and build it to your specifications,

0:35:100:35:13

my height and weight and how I like to ride.

0:35:130:35:16

So it's a tailored bike.

0:35:160:35:17

Yeah, that's a tailored bike.

0:35:170:35:19

-Do you like bikes, Cameron?

-No, I don't. I ride on the back of them very well.

0:35:190:35:25

-It's a good way of dealing with the paparazzi if you've got...

-The helmet on.

0:35:250:35:29

-I wear a helmet when I drive my Prius(!)

-You've got a Prius?!

0:35:290:35:32

-I love the Prius(!)

-LAUGHTER

0:35:330:35:37

-So what cars...

-I thought it was your favourite car.

-It IS my favourite car.

0:35:370:35:41

Is that what you drive in and out of town? We expect it.

0:35:410:35:44

I'm married to my Prius.

0:35:440:35:46

Love it. (SHHHH!)

0:35:470:35:49

I discovered you had a Mustang Celine, the tuned Mustang.

0:35:520:35:57

The other Mustang that I'm interested in of yours is your P-51,

0:35:570:36:01

which is a WWII fighter rather than a car.

0:36:010:36:05

I just love...I grew up and we travelled a lot

0:36:050:36:08

and every time we travelled I had a picture of a Spitfire and a P-51.

0:36:080:36:12

As a little boy I'd fall asleep looking at the pictures of airplanes on my wall

0:36:120:36:17

and I always wanted to fly it.

0:36:170:36:19

Years later I got my licence and started flying aerobatics

0:36:190:36:25

just to train on taildraggers so that one day I could fly a P-51.

0:36:250:36:28

-Have you ever been in those fast jets that you flew in Top Gun?

-Yes. You flew in the F-...

-15, yeah.

0:36:280:36:34

-I flew in the F-14.

-The Navy one.

0:36:340:36:36

-I flew also in the F-16 in Korea.

-Can I just ask...

0:36:360:36:41

This is really embarrassing, because it's Tom Cruise...did you puke?

0:36:410:36:45

Yes, I did.

0:36:470:36:48

I had three flights in one day.

0:36:500:36:53

Actually, when you see the film, some of the shots are in the airplane

0:36:530:36:57

and we were doing heavy air combat manoeuvres. My pilot's name was Bozo

0:36:570:37:01

and I had the bag right there, so I leaned down to fill the bag

0:37:010:37:06

and as I leaned down, he pulled up, went right up.

0:37:060:37:10

My head was on the floor and I'm trying to hit the mic and I'm going

0:37:100:37:15

"Mother! Mother!" My head is banging on the floor,

0:37:150:37:21

pulling up...

0:37:210:37:23

I finally came up and I said, "What are you doing?"

0:37:230:37:26

He says, "Well they don't call me Bozo for nothing."

0:37:260:37:30

Anyway, obviously, you came here

0:37:310:37:36

-to see how fast you could drive our reasonably priced car around our track.

-Absolutely.

0:37:360:37:40

You're 33 films, you're 30, I think this is the peak of your career now.

0:37:400:37:44

I'm thinking of maybe Cameron's lap first of all.

0:37:460:37:50

-Yeah? Ladies first? Good idea?

-AUDIENCE: Yes!

0:37:500:37:54

OK, let's have a look.

0:37:540:37:56

So we're off, and that's a good start.

0:37:590:38:02

That's a good look.

0:38:020:38:03

Here we go.

0:38:030:38:05

How do you manage to suit a helmet?

0:38:050:38:07

-Nobody looks good in a helmet.

-She looks good in a helmet.

0:38:070:38:11

That's perfect.

0:38:150:38:16

Ugh, that's fifth.

0:38:180:38:20

These BLEEP English gears.

0:38:220:38:24

They're Korean, actually. To be honest, they're Korean gears.

0:38:260:38:30

Sorry, Stig, totally BLEEP it up.

0:38:330:38:36

-He's never heard that word.

-No?

-He doesn't know it exists.

0:38:370:38:41

Now, did you keep it in the lines?

0:38:410:38:44

Poetry, in essence.

0:38:460:38:47

BLEEP me!

0:38:470:38:51

Corner.

0:38:510:38:53

BLEEP

0:38:530:38:55

BLEEP

0:38:550:38:56

Some of this is broadcastable.

0:38:570:38:59

Was that flat out through there?

0:39:010:39:03

-Are you flat out? You didn't lift off?

-It's flat out.

0:39:030:39:07

Flat out, and then that's a beautiful line through there.

0:39:070:39:11

The traditional cee'd understeer and there we are, across the line.

0:39:120:39:17

APPLAUSE

0:39:170:39:19

Very good.

0:39:190:39:21

What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?

0:39:250:39:27

-Tell me, tell me, what is my time?

-I think we'll look at Tom's lap first, shall we?

0:39:270:39:34

-Who wants to see Tom's lap?

-AUDIENCE: Yeah.

0:39:360:39:40

TYRES SQUEAL

0:39:410:39:44

Nice start.

0:39:440:39:45

And coming up now to the first corner.

0:39:470:39:50

That's a serious looking face.

0:39:500:39:52

-I'm going, "Is this third gear?"

-That's what I kept doing.

0:39:520:39:55

That's quite an interesting line through there.

0:39:550:39:58

The Formula 1 drivers come out really wide but Stig thinks that's right.

0:39:580:40:02

See if I can get this to turn right.

0:40:020:40:04

Let's have a look. Ooh, that's...

0:40:050:40:08

That's a lesson in how to do it.

0:40:090:40:11

Now Hammerhead. This is the hardest corner of the lot.

0:40:110:40:14

Did you stay in the lines like Cameron did?

0:40:140:40:17

No. You see, Cameron, you can grin there.

0:40:170:40:20

Now, we're flat out here all the way to the end.

0:40:210:40:24

Nice gearbox(!)

0:40:270:40:29

Flat through there.

0:40:300:40:32

Yeah, and flat through the next bit.

0:40:320:40:34

-That's so much fun.

-It is good.

-This one's really fun too.

0:40:360:40:40

And then...

0:40:400:40:42

-This is awesome.

-You got it right that time.

0:40:420:40:45

We could have killed you!

0:40:550:40:57

CHEERING

0:40:570:40:59

What if we'd actually killed you?

0:41:010:41:04

I felt the wind come underneath. I was feathering like a kite.

0:41:040:41:11

"I'm on two wheels!"

0:41:110:41:12

-Thank God you managed to get it back on all four wheels again.

-It was great fun.

0:41:120:41:16

So what do we think? Fastest man's a wizard, Rupert Grint at 1:45.5

0:41:160:41:19

Slowest in the dry laps is Nick Robinson, Political Editor for the BBC.

0:41:190:41:25

He did it it 1:49.9. So, Cameron, ladies first.

0:41:250:41:29

This is the piece of paper with the times on it.

0:41:290:41:33

-Good luck.

-Thanks, buddy.

0:41:330:41:35

Cameron Diaz, you did it in one...

0:41:360:41:40

forty...

0:41:400:41:41

five...

0:41:450:41:47

-two.

-CHEERING

0:41:500:41:53

Wow!

0:42:030:42:05

Yes!

0:42:050:42:06

Well done, you.

0:42:090:42:11

Yes!

0:42:190:42:21

Now, that's a magnanimous face but, let's be honest, you're quietly crapping yourself.

0:42:210:42:27

Oh, my God. 1:45.2, I doubt.

0:42:280:42:32

Oh, just give it over.

0:42:340:42:37

-Give it over!

-Give it to him!

-Even Tom Cruise leans forward.

0:42:370:42:42

"I'm not interested. I'm not interested."

0:42:420:42:46

Tom Cruise, you did it in one...

0:42:460:42:49

-forty...

-OK.

0:42:500:42:52

SHE WHISPERS

0:42:520:42:55

-..four.

-AUDIENCE WHOOPS

0:42:550:42:58

CHEERING

0:43:000:43:02

You Americans.

0:43:070:43:08

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:43:080:43:11

When I was on two wheels, I thought, "I don't know what's going to happen."

0:43:250:43:29

Two wheels is obviously the fastest way...

0:43:290:43:32

You are a man who likes racing, but that's quick.

0:43:330:43:36

When the two wheels were going through...

0:43:360:43:38

I'm not going to come off and they said, "This is it."

0:43:380:43:41

So I was thinking, "If I go through on the side,

0:43:410:43:43

does the time still count?"

0:43:430:43:45

LAUGHTER

0:43:450:43:46

It was... That was a breathtaking thing.

0:43:460:43:48

-My whole day has just been... It's been just...

-Wow.

0:43:480:43:51

Such an honour to meet you, Tom.

0:43:510:43:53

-This was the best day.

-Cameron, thank you very much for making me sick.

0:43:530:43:57

-What's that?

-Thank you for making me feel sick.

0:43:570:43:59

-Oh, you are so welcome(!)

-Ladies and gentlemen...

0:43:590:44:03

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you all.

-Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.

0:44:030:44:06

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:44:060:44:09

-Thank you so much.

-That was so much fun.

0:44:130:44:16

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz attempt to set lap times around the Top Gear test track as the Stars in a Reasonably Priced Car. Plus Richard Hammond is in Sweden for a race against some hardcore snowmobilers, and James May attempts to break his personal speed record in a brand new, even more powerful version of the amazing Bugatti Veyron.


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