Episode 7 Top Gear

Tonight, I try a classic Jaguar on our track,

Hammond has a blast in Mazda's new MX5...

and James says, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow."

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you, everybody, thank you so much, thank you!

Hello, good evening.

Thanks, everyone.

Now, a couple of years ago, Jaguar gave us the F-Type convertible

and now there's the F-Type coupe.

You can have it with a choice of two V6 engines

or, for £85,000, a thumping great V8.

So guess which one I've been driving?

Beautiful, isn't it?

Beautiful enough to cause dribbling.

And aggressive as well.

Snarly.

Angry.

And unlike the soft-top F-Type,

it comes with a boot, into which you can put many things.

All you could get in the boot of a convertible is a peaked cap.

But in here, there's room for every conceivable type of hat,

all at the same time.

A boater, a fez, a pith helmet, a trilby,

one of James's special hats,

and there's still room leftover for a Busby.

There you go.

And the good news keeps on coming.

Because Jaguar has fiddled around with the supercharged V8

so it now produces 542 horsepower.

That is 54 more than you get in the convertible,

which means this has a top speed of a million.

It is outrageously fast.

I mean, that is 160mph.

And I've got 17 hats in the boot.

But even more impressive than the speed is the way this car is made.

They haven't simply bolted on a roof - the whole side is new.

And this is it.

It's one piece of aluminium and it only weighs...

three and a bit kilograms.

And because it's one piece, there's more strength,

more safety and less flex.

And less flex means better handling.

I thought the convertible was good, but this...

this is even better.

It's actually got tougher springs than the convertible

which doesn't do much for the ride but...

God, it makes it fun to drive out here.

It is like driving around in some poetry.

Ted Hughes poetry, but poetry nevertheless.

This actually has an electronic differential, which can overheat

if you go too mad. But...

providing you stay within the parameters

of reasonable common sense, it's fabulous.

I just don't know of another car quite like this.

And that's half throttle.

Yes, you're good!

So, it's pretty and violent and fast

and more practical than you might imagine.

Inevitably, however, there are a few niggles.

Number one, at oblique junctions, it's really hard to see

if anything is coming.

So pull up here at the edge of our runway and look.

The only way I can pull out safely is by crossing my fingers

and hoping for the best.

-CAR HONKS HORN

-Ah!

Stupid idiot!

There are other issues too.

If you push the seat all the way back,

and if you're tall, you'll want to,

the leather squeaks on the bulkhead - can you hear that?

LEATHER SQUEAKS

Really irritating.

And then there's the control system, which is touch screen.

Now that sounds fine

but it's so bumpy in here, at low speeds particularly,

that it's very difficult to get your finger

to go in the right place.

If you're not very careful when you try to change the radio station,

you can end up altering the colour of the interior lighting

or engaging Mad Mode on the dynamic driving system.

Aah! I wanted Classic FM!

But the biggest problem with this car is that it never stops shouting.

ENGINE ROARS

You can push this button here to quieten the exhaust system

but every time you go near the throttle,

it all bursts back into life again.

ENGINE ROARS

This car's a little bit like a child that can play the violin.

For five minutes, it's fine.

But after a month, you might start to suggest that if it doesn't stop,

you will shove the sound box right up its...

CAR ACCELERATES

Peace and quiet?

That's not something this car can ever do.

Happily, however, there's another new Jaguar which is a bit less...

louty.

A few years ago, we tested this, the Eagle Speedster.

And now the company that created it has come up with something else.

It's called the Low Drag GT

and it's a re-creation of a one-off racing E-Type prototype

that Jaguar made in 1960.

Except re-creation is the wrong word,

because what Eagle has actually done is taken the basic design

and the spirit of the original and then brought them up to date.

Think of it, then, as a Georgian house with Wi-Fi.

And perhaps one of those Georgian Clooney coffee machines.

Let's start with the engine.

Like the original, it's a twin cam straight six.

But unlike the original, it has fuel injection rather than carburettors.

So it works.

It's made from aluminium rather than cast iron, so it's light.

It also has cooling so it doesn't overheat.

And it's bigger than the original...

ENGINE REVS

..which means it's more powerful.

The original car had 3.8 litres and produced 265 horsepower.

This has 4.7 litres

and produces 345 horsepower!

So it's faster...

MUCH faster!

To give you an idea of what a rocket ship this car is,

I'm going to have a drag race

with Toyota's idea of a modern-day sports car -

the GT-86.

Right, so a child of the '60s versus the 21st century.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

CAR ENGINES REV

Three, two, one, go!

It's a smoking start.

And we are away.

That's incredible.

Janis Joplin is punching Justin Bieber in the face.

And there's the finishing line.

Yeah, it's an easy victory.

I've always said things were better in my day,

apart from the rickets.

And the diphtheria. And this proves it.

It's even pretty good in the corners.

I'm not going to say this feels modern because it doesn't.

The F-Type would run rings around it.

But crucially...

..it doesn't feel as old as me,

which is what it is.

But it's not the handling or the power

or the 170-mile-an-hour top speed that impresses most.

It's the attention to detail.

I mean, because this car has a five-speed gearbox

rather than the four-speeder you got in the original,

Eagle has even made a special gear knob to reflect that

with a five on it.

I'd have just used Tipp-Ex.

And look at these sun visors.

They're fabulous and somebody had to make them and the bracket

and the bolts that hold it together and the hinge.

That's, that's just...

It's all just too incredible for words.

And there's more.

The wheels - they look like they're made out of steel

and they came from a motorist discount store,

but actually they were specially made by hand out of magnesium.

And because the body is Eagle's own design,

this windscreen had to be specially made.

Now that meant going to a glassmaker

and saying can you make ONE windscreen?

One!

It cost £15,000.

And the back window?

That was £15,000 as well.

As a result of all this,

the Low Drag GT is quite a lot more expensive than the F-Type

and it's less nimble and it's more slow.

But I know which I'd rather have.

CHEERING

Thing is, though...

..the tragedy is that the only people who know

how to make a windscreen like this,

a one-off, are all now in their 70s and 80s

and when they retire, they will take their skills with them.

Which means that in the very near future,

it just won't be possible to make a car like this.

No, I know and that'll be a real shame, it really will.

One thing I've been trying to work out,

cos you didn't actually say it in the film,

if that windscreen cost £15,000,

how much is it for the whole car?

-A lot.

-LAUGHTER

How much a lot?

£840,000.

Ooh, that is a lot.

-No, but that does include VAT, I should be clear on that.

-Yeah.

Nevertheless, you'll have to agree the F-Type does represent

better value for money.

It does - especially the V6, which is the one I'd buy.

Because the V8, I mean as I said in the film,

it just never shuts up - it would drive you mad.

Yeah, it would, something never shuts up,

shouting constantly all day long(!)

Rah, rah! With opinions and noise.

Well, I'm just saying, I mean it'll drive you mad.

I can be quiet.

Yeah, but only when you're asleep

and thankfully I'm not there for that so...

Listen, I have just decided that I don't want to talk to you any more.

But what I do want to do is find out how fast that F-Type

goes round our track.

And that of course means handing it over to our tame racing driver.

Some say that he wishes there was someone he could talk to

about his mis-sold PPI.

And that he spent all week making a stairlift for Madonna.

All we know is he's called The Stig!

CHEERING

And he's off, an un-smoky start, which is a surprise,

but very shouty, which isn't.

Up to the first corner, lots of squealing from the Pirelli tyres

but he's keeping it all in check nicely.

That is neat.

# Not a cloud in the sky

# Got the sun in my eyes... #

An appropriate slice of The Carpenters there

on this crisp, dry day.

Very together through Chicago.

Let's see if there are any tail-happy antics

round the Hammerhead.

Into the second part... No, nothing so far.

No, that is incredibly neat again.

# I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation... #

Now a chance to unleash noisy, supercharged fury,

through the Follow Through, he's right on the edge there,

that won't raise the pulse of either of The Stig's hearts.

Hard on the optional carbon ceramic brakes

for the second-to-last corner, through Gambon

and across the line!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Right, then.

What did it do?

1.21.6 - which is as fast as a Audi R8 V10

and a Cayman GTS and... What are you doing?

-I'm being quiet.

-What?

-I'm being quiet.

-This is...

-I'm letting you know what it's like to sleep with me.

LAUGHTER

Oh!

Oh...

And now the news.

And a couple of weeks ago, we reported that Ferrari were

warming to the idea of a test to see which is the fastest -

the Ferrari "The Ferrari", the McLaren P1 or the Porsche 918.

And the good news is...

Ferrari have warmed.

They have indeed. There are a few stipulations -

they've said that the test must happen on neutral ground,

which is fine, it's what McLaren wanted as well.

They've also said it must be a factory-prepared car

which was a sticking point with McLaren,

but McLaren are now saying, "That's OK, that's fine."

And that means, ladies and gentlemen, this...

I think the most important test this century is now going to happen.

CHEERING

-Oh, that is good.

-I'm telling you honestly,

we should go and sort out Ukraine,

cos after this, it'd be a walk in the park.

So when are we going to do it?

-What, sort out Ukraine?

-No. The race.

Oh, the race, well, as soon as Porsche can find us a car.

-Find us a car?

-Mm.

Well, they made 918.

-I know, they've obviously lost them.

-Have they?

-Yes, they're now saying,

"We haven't actually got one at the moment,

"but as soon as we do have one, we'll let you have it."

Then we can go ahead and see which of those three incredible cars

is the fastest. I cannot wait, I really cannot wait.

That's excellent, looking forward to that.

So that is good news. Er, now, not such good news.

You may have heard in the news last week that Top Gear

was attacked by Labour's transport spokesman, a Mr Dugher.

He says that Top Gear is not representative

-of the motoring public in Britain.

-No!

-I know!

-We're not representative?

-I know cos only this series, we have,

if you think about it, we've raced a hovercraft across St Petersburg.

-How representative is that?

-Very.

We've turned a Porsche into an ambulance,

-we've driven a Bentley up the side of an iron-ore mine...

-Exactly.

-..in Australia.

-Exactly. Did he not enjoy these features?

Difficult to say because he says he doesn't watch Top Gear.

Well, hang on, how does he know if we're representative or not

if he doesn't watch it?

-It's a good question. He may have special powers.

-OK.

He could be a witch.

-The Tories aren't much better, are they?

-Nice balancing work.

-Good work, thank you.

-Thank you.

This is excellent - BBC even playing field.

The Tory transport bloke, he said that he didn't support the idea

of an 80mph speed limit on the motorway

-because of the road casualties on one road in his constituency.

-Mm.

-Which is the Derbyshire dales...

-Yeah.

..which doesn't have any motorways in it.

That's cos he's not a witch,

-he's an idiot.

-All right, OK.

-That's the difference.

The annoying thing is, though, that actually if you look behind

the anti-Top Gear prejudice,

Dugher is actually talking a deal of sense.

Because he says that when they're deciding on transport policy,

every government, Labour and Tory, they talk to anti-car lobby,

the... You know the cyclists and the ramblers

-and the bus drivers and so on and so forth.

-Yeah, and he's right.

He is right which is ridiculous.

He also says that all the people who make the decisions

are in central London and have no idea what it's like

-for people trying to get around in the regions.

-And he's right on that.

I know, and the tragedy is we're telling him he's right

and he's not watching cos he's tuned into the Midwife thing

-on the other side.

-Almost certainly, yeah.

Which, incidentally, is not representative of midwifery.

-Have you watched it?

-No, never.

I'm a witch as well. I know these things.

Ooh, now you may remember a little while back

we made some ambulances, OK? And James turned up

to make his ambulance out of a Cosworth-powered hearse, yes?

-Do you remember that?

-CROWD:

-Yes.

Somebody else, it turns out, is also using a Cosworth-powered hearse

as a hearse - got a picture.

The same thing happened to you. It's a design fault.

-I could have warned them.

-Yes, exactly.

-I have news!

-What news?

-Vauxhall has a new car!

-No!

-Wow.

Yes! And here it is...

Wow!

They have called it the Viva.

-Viva?!

-They've brought the name back, yeah, Viva.

-Does anybody remember the original Viva?

-Oh, yeah.

Anyone...? You're probably too young. Let me remind you, OK?

-There's a picture of it here, the original one.

-Oh, God.

-Look at it!

-Look at its silly little wheels.

-A style-free car.

-It is ridiculous.

Interesting, though - if they were going to revive a name

from Vauxhall's heritage and all that, why would they choose Viva?

I know, cos they had some great names. They had Cresta,

-they had Victor.

-Viceroy.

They did a car called the Prince Albert.

No.

-No, it was the Prince Henry.

-No, it's Prince Albert.

No, Prince Albert, that's... It's a ring they put through your chap.

-What, Vauxhall put it through your...?

-No, no!

People who for, I don't know why,

but they do, it's a ring they put through their chap.

I thought it was a rod.

Look, whatever it was, it's not a Vauxhall.

-It wasn't a Vauxhall, they didn't...

-Right, that's cleared that up,

there was no Vauxhall Prince Albert.

Oh, now it's the Geneva Motor Show is currently on actually,

which is an opportunity for all the carmakers

to demonstrate new concepts,

all of which have ridiculously large wheels

that will never see the light of day in production.

Got some of them here for you.

We have the Infinity Q60. Look at the wheels on that,

-that's never going to happen in real life.

-No.

-Nissan Sway. Again, no.

-No.

-Look at the Audi Prologue.

-God.

-No.

The idea is we look at that, we go, "Wow, that's fantastic."

Then of course the accountants step into the mix

and the accountants say you can't have 46" rims.

And you end up with a car that actually looks like this.

Supercar news from Geneva - a couple I want to talk about.

There's this, it's called the EXP10 Speed 6.

Oh, so EXP won against Speed.

Oh, it's like football results, EXP - 10...

-Speed - 6.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

That's actually well spotted. Two-seater sports coupe.

And they say, and I'm quoting now, that "It is..."

Er, make sure I get the quote right.

"..unmistakably a Bentley."

But if you look at it from the side,

I think you'll agree that is unmistakably an Aston Martin.

-Er, it is.

-Yes.

-That's an Aston Martin.

-Exactly.

-Yes, it is.

Well, meanwhile, actually, the real Aston Martin have come up with this,

which is an 800 horsepower, it's a track day car,

but they've called it the Vulcan.

-The Vulcan?

-The Vulcan.

So it only takes off from RAF Waddington

and then it refuels in the Ascension Islands and then carries on...

-Um...

-No, let's not go there.

I don't think... Leave that.

Have you seen this?

It's a Fiat 500, it's a limited edition thing they're doing.

But what puzzles me is they've chosen to put an image

of the original 500 on the side of it, that's the original.

That's just idiotic cos that's like saying "Look how fat I've become!"

Well, yeah. It's...

You don't see Eamonn Holmes sunbathing with a diagram

on his belly of what he used to look like as a teenager, do you?

"Look at me! I used to be only this thin and now I'm enormous."

Which is what they've done. I don't know what that's for.

Now, let's move on and it is time now to talk about the Mazda MX5.

When this, the original model, came out 25 years ago,

it immediately saved the small roadster from extinction

and went on to become THE most successful two-seater sports car

of all time.

But now there's a new MX5 and I went to Humberside to drive it.

Before I do that, though, time for a quick refresher with the original.

The reason this car was so brilliant is that it's light,

it's small and it's simple.

Mazda were perfectly open about

cribbing all the best bits from '60s MGs and Lotus Elans

and leaving out all the worst bits.

The recipe wasn't complicated - small engine at the front,

rear wheel drive

and a perfect 50/50 weight distribution.

They were so obsessed with that last point,

they even moved the battery to the boot.

There isn't a lot on this car but everything that is

is done well. The gear change - short snappy throws from gear to gear

and a little click as it goes in.

25 years on

and this is still in the top five all-time great gear changes...

if there is such a thing.

God, these things were good

which means that the brand-new MX5 has got a lot to live up to,

a helluva lot.

Well, here it is.

And on paper, the signs are good.

It's still usefully small.

It's still got an engine at the front and drive to the rear.

And since prices start at around £19,000,

it's still more affordable than most sports cars.

Another encouraging sign is that they've resisted the temptation

to give it a bigger engine.

The biggest you can get is two litres

and the one I'm in is a 1.5.

That means nought to 60 in just under nine seconds,

about the same as the original,

and a top speed of 125,

which is absolutely fine.

In fact, it's good news.

An MX5 shouldn't be a snorting monster of a thing,

it's a car for driving into the countryside

on a nice sunny day to find a nice pub for lunch.

And it's great!

Squeezing every last drop out of this little 1.5 litre engine.

Use all the engine's got and... Come on!

Whip the pony a bit.

Then there's the handling.

The front suspension is still double wishbones,

the weight distribution is still balanced perfectly,

50/50 front to rear.

Immediately, you can just sense everything is in the right place,

the relationship between where it all sits in the car is correct.

This car isn't about wrestling a monster through turns

and being relieved when you survive.

I'm not trying to win a fight,

it's human being and machine working together.

That - the way it changes direction there, turn in...

..it feels so nimble.

The reason the new MX5 is so nimble is because

whilst most cars get fatter with every new generation,

this one is almost 100 kilos lighter than the car it replaces.

100kg, that's...

Well, it's nearly an entire Jeremy Clarkson.

That's a significant weight saving.

Mazda has achieved this feat by employing something called

the gram strategy.

Now this is not to be confused with the business plan from Scarface.

What it means in Mazda-land is shaving off a gram here and there.

For instance, in any car, there's bits of the glass that you can't see

hidden inside the body, hidden inside the doors.

Glass is heavy.

So Mazda have made holes and taken out pieces of that glass.

And if you just shave off a gram here and there,

those grams add up to become kilograms.

But despite the minimalism,

you don't feel like you're sitting in a prison cell.

It's a nice place to be. I've got, well, everything I need.

Touch screen, sat nav, it interfaces with my telephone,

all of that stuff... It's a car.

So far, then, all is well.

But before I get too carried away,

there are a couple of not-so-good things about this new MX5.

The first problem is not really the car's fault at all

but I should mention it. It's the image of the MX5.

Put it this way, if your business is called A Cut Above,

Fringe Benefits or Hair Apparent,

this has long been the choice of car for you.

But if you run a magazine called Belt-Fed Machine Gun Enthusiast,

you'd probably want to look elsewhere.

The second problem is the looks.

I can see what they've done -

they've given a cute little car a frown,

it's the whole angry puppy thing -

but I'm just not quite sure, yet.

But, you know what?

These are tiny ripples in what is otherwise an ocean of brilliance.

Oh, I love this thing - it's brilliant.

It's pure fun.

It's made of fun.

ENGINE ROARS

Listen to that!

I know when I get back to the studio, Jeremy's going to be standing there

pointing at an Alfa Romeo 4C

saying, "This is the lightweight car to have."

But it's 50 grand!

And they make a fuss about it being light.

This is just simple.

I love this. I'm just made up with this.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

See? There you are.

I, I knew it. I knew you'd do that.

I said so in the film.

But, look, the fact is you could buy two MX5s -

no, two and a half - for the price of one Alfa.

Yes, but the Alfa Romeo is lighter.

How do you know?

Every time we ask Alfa how much it weighs,

they send us a different number.

They did, cos they're not troubled with specific details like that.

If you build a car that's as much fun as this

with a carbon-fibre tub chassis,

you take it for a drive, you don't weigh it.

When Leonardo da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa,

he didn't say, "I wonder how much that weighs..."

The whole point of the Alfa, we're told, is its lack of weight,

that's why they tell us it feels a bit flimsy and a bit brittle

and it hasn't got power steering because it's so light.

But then they won't tell us how light it actually is.

Because they're too busy having fun.

Mazda made that and then went, "I wonder how many horsepower

"it produces? Let's put it on a rolling road and weigh it."

Why don't they just make the figures up?

That's what the Italians always do.

-LAUGHTER

-They do!

Right, once Alfa finally give us the convertible version of this,

let's get it together with the Mazda and we'll sort out which is best.

Good idea, but now we must put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car.

Now, my guest tonight came to fame as a boy,

and then he was a sort of blue monster, and then he was a zombie -

all of which means I don't know what he looks like in real life.

So, ladies and gentlemen, somewhere over there is Nicholas Hoult!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

You! It's you.

It is you.

How are you and your...?

Very well, very well.

-That's actually you?

-This is it.

Your ears, your nose... Excellent, have a seat.

Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.

No, cos you very rarely see you as you.

Yeah, I have a habit of wearing a lot of make-up.

-LAUGHTER

-In films, not in real life. Generally.

To remind you, this was you in About A Boy, obviously, when you were...

-AUDIENCE: Aww!

-Yeah.

-Sweet is the word I'm looking for.

-Thank you.

-And then you were blue.

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

Again, hard to recognise you now from...

Is this a good thing? Does the anonymity...?

Well, I did sneak around.

I did get off on the streets in that costume a little bit.

Um, I ran across a golf course at one point.

I went hooning it. Three people were playing,

and I went running across this golf course,

and they turned and saw that coming

and they were like, "Oh, Lord, it's happening."

LAUGHTER

And I pulled up and said, "Remember to swing through the ball,

"keep your eye on the back of it at all times,"

then I turned around and ran off again.

And you could see them just so confused.

Was that while you were actually filming or is that something

you keep at home for fun?

-Well, I've got the feet from that at home.

-Have you?

Yeah. Well, actually, no, I haven't,

my mum kept them, cos she likes to wear them as slippers.

LAUGHTER

Now, you've been, even from when you were a boy-boy,

you've been a petrolhead since you were that age?

I have, yeah. I grew up watching this show.

-So, you were watching this as a... When you were in About A Boy?

-Yeah.

God, that makes me feel about a thousand.

Cos it's weird, I haven't changed...

I mean, you've changed a lot, but I'm exactly the same now

as I was when we first started.

So you must have been thrilled, then,

if you were a car enthusiast from a young age,

to have been offered a part in the new Mad Max movie, I presume,

which is - as we know from the early ones -

-a lot of cars.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was supposed be an Australian accent - rubbish.

Yeah, cos I loved the original films.

And then, it's the weirdest thing, you'd be there on set,

and they'd have these armadas of all these vehicles

that they'd specially made for the shoot,

all these V8s, V12s, all roaring.

And you'd be sitting there in your car, and flames of all these other

cars would go flying past you, guys on bikes, and you just get chills.

But the only problem with it is you can't hear anything

cos the engines are all so loud.

You'd sit there, and then you'd see the camera

kind of come into your periphery,

and then you'd hear a bang on the roof,

and that was maybe someone saying their line.

So you're just kind of guessing when to act, essentially.

Just hoping for the best,

not knowing exactly where you were in the film.

We've actually got a clip.

Let's have a look at the new Mad Max movie.

My name is Max.

Oh, what a day! What a lovely day!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That does look like my kind of film, I think all our kinds of films.

We would... Yeah, I'll be queuing up for that one.

But the car has survived, the Mad Max...? It's a Ford Falcon.

That's still there. It gets adapted a little bit in this one.

This was amazing, like, the attention to detail in all of these.

My car, they had four versions of it, because they had to flip

and roll and do all sorts of stuff, but each one had, like,

my character's name, Nux, engraved into the brake pad

and all these sorts of things.

When you got in there everything worked

and had a reason to be there, they'd had really thought about everything.

So there's no CGI in this, then? It really is roll a car over?

Yeah, they were really going for it, yeah.

Well, I mean, that just sounds like my idea of heaven.

It was... Yeah, you think it's your idea of heaven

until they're crashing trucks into the back of you.

And you do the first take and you're like,

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about it, do it faster, go for it."

And then the next time you turn around mid-scene,

you look over your shoulder and there's this truck flying at you,

and you're like - "Boof!" - getting thrown around inside, trying to act.

You are quite accident prone on films, are you not?

Cos when you were on X-Men... Cos you've got Fassbender on...?

Yeah, Fassbender.

Cos he told some amazing stories of what you got...

Racing golf buggies when he was...

Oh, yeah, him and James crashed a golf buggy and caused

quite a lot of damage to themselves and one of the cars on set.

Yeah, he did mention that.

You didn't get involved in the golf buggy racing?

Well, they took them away after that.

We'd do a little bit of golf buggy racing.

So then, our next one, on the last film

me and James went and bought BB guns and we'd shoot each other.

So you'd be riding to set in the morning,

you'd put your goggles on, load your clip,

you'd get out of the car and then, before you knew it,

there were three people, like, chasing you to your trailer.

-Shooting you?

-Yeah, but then we had to stop that

cos people got shot in the face.

-LAUGHTER

-And you'd bleed.

I was going to say it would leave an ugly mark.

Yeah, it would welt or bleed, so we got told we weren't allowed

-to do that any more, either, so...

-Aw!

Don't know what we're going to do on the next one.

Is that why you've now taken up knitting?

Yeah!

Oh, the knitting, yeah.

On Mad Max, there was a lot of hanging around,

so one of make-up artists was knitting one day

and I was like, "That seems like a good way to kill time."

So, I'd sit there, sit there knitting,

and then getting really frustrated with myself when I'd mess up,

like, storming around the set being like,

"Argh! Can someone fix my...

"knitting?"

-LAUGHTER

-"Please."

And then they'd fix it up, I'd go, "Thank you,"

and I'd go back off to my corner and sit there.

I started, like, taking orders from other people.

LAUGHTER

-And then...

-Beast can knit.

Two of the girls on Mad Max asked for hats,

and I was like, "OK."

I had one day off and I was like, "I've got to make these hats."

So I knitted straight for ten hours that day

without really stopping.

And then I quit, I haven't knitted since, cos I was like,

this is too much, it's not fun any more.

Have you heard of Call Of Duty? That's brilliant for killing time.

I kill weeks with Call Of Duty. Knitting? Well, there we are.

Now, it's time to get on to your cars,

cos we've established you like a car, and you've driven many.

You've driven a Murcielago, haven't you?

Yeah, I got to drive one in Singapore.

I was shooting a film in Singapore last year.

That's a beast, it was proper Lambo beast days.

Yeah, it shifted.

But your first car wasn't any of those things.

It was similar.

It was a Fiat Grande Punto.

-Punto?

-In red, yeah.

It's a mean car.

1.4 litres of mayhem. It was good, I enjoyed it.

-1.4?

-Yeah.

Whoa, that's a beast.

And then, presumably, in a Fiat Punto,

police interruptions in your driving...?

Yeah, yeah, one.

I've never got a speeding ticket on anything,

not on my bike, nothing, apart from in the Punto.

LAUGHTER

And the max speed on that thing is 103,

and I think I was doing under that. I'm pretty sure.

And I suddenly saw the blue lights and I was like, "Oh, no."

Pulled over, and he was like,

"I've been chasing you for a while now,

"and I had to do 120, maybe 130 to catch up with you,

"so you were definitely doing faster than that."

And I was like, "Well...

"the logic is off."

He said he was doing 120 to catch you up

so you must have been doing more than that?

Yeah, and I was like, "This doesn't make any sense.

"Of course you were going faster than me, you were chasing me."

Did you say you had a bike?

Yeah. Yeah, a Ducati 899.

Not interested in bikes. Anyone interested in bikes?

AUDIENCE: Yeah.

Oh, God! Um...

LAUGHTER

Erm...do you ride it?

Yeah, I ride it around, it's lovely.

Um...

Is it...? What colour is it?

It's white.

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Can we stop talking about bikes now? I want to talk about his laps.

-Oh, no!

-No, no. You know last week we had Gillian Anderson here?

And she did set a new record of 22 practice

or attempts at the fastest time. Do you know how many you did?

Uh, no, I wasn't...

-24!

-Did I?!

LAUGHTER

No, but, you know, I had lots going on, so...

But it is... It's an awful thing to say, I know,

but it was a beautiful day today.

Well, yeah, it looked beautiful -

strong headwinds throughout the whole lap, so...

Not a breath of wind, just a crisp, cool, sunny,

beautiful, perfect day for a car to go...

Yeah, that's what everyone kept on saying.

And I was sitting there in the car and I was sweating,

and everyone's first thing out their mouths was, "Perfect day for it."

-Yeah.

-And you're like, "Oh..."

Anyway, who would like to see Nicholas's lap?

AUDIENCE: Yes.

-Let us have a look.

-HE GROANS

TYRES SQUEAL

-Loves it!

-Vigorous.

-Loves it!

Race mode engaged.

Idiot driving - perfect.

Well, we shall see.

Coming up to the first...

Oh, crikey!

Oh, God almighty, that is quick.

It looks quick but I don't know if it actually is.

-That does look quick through there.

-It felt like I was going as fast as I could.

Up to third, hang it out, turn it in.

And, I have to say, sometimes we say

if you go slowly it looks quick but...

I saw Ricciardo bouncing up and down.

I don't know if that helps the speed.

No, cos normally when a car is apparently going slowly

it's sometimes quick, but this looks faster than normal.

And that's very nicely done.

That was a gear change.

Strong winds.

Not visible on screen.

Flat through there, obviously.

Oh, that is right to the edge!

And that's cutting it fine nicely.

And now just two corners left.

Coming in on a shallow angle,

but no real problems with the second to last, Gambon.

A lot of understeer there, but across the line!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Ah-ha!

What do you think, then?

Where do you think you've come on the board?

Huh.

I'd, I'd, I mean...

Obviously, for X-Men bragging rights, I'd like to be somewhere

around Hugh Jackman, but that's really high up.

Where's Hugh?

He's 1:46.1.

I'd like to be in the late 1:40s somewhere.

Late 1:40s. Well, let's have a look.

I don't know.

Nicholas Hoult, you did it in 1...

Oh.

..40...

OK, that's all right.

..4...

-Ooh!

-Oh, that's good.

Told you it looked quick.

Ah!

..7.

-AUDIENCE GROANS

-Oh!

Tenth off, a tenth off.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

But there...

Come on. Come on.

That is a tenth...

Olly Murs is like...

But that is a very...

I mean, it looked quick.

It looked quick.

It's really difficult to get a lap where everything goes right.

No, that is... That's a time to be proud of, 1:44.7.

-Thank you so much for coming.

-Thank you.

Absolute pleasure to have you here.

Ladies and gentlemen, Nicholas Hoult!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Now, a few series ago, the three of us

tried our hand at amateur Rallycross,

and we decided that, pound for pound,

it is the most exciting sport in the world.

And, because we enjoyed the amateur event so much,

the logical next step was for one of us

to take it to a professional level.

Clearly, there was only one steely-eyed helmsman

to take on this challenging job.

Him. LAUGHTER

When we did our amateur Rallycrossing,

we raced here, at Lidden Hill in Kent,

and our cars were plucked from the pages of the classifieds

for just a few quid.

Well, the venue is the same.

This is where the event will be taking place tomorrow.

The car, though...

That's a bit of a step up.

It starts out as a VW Polo,

but then becomes this -

a 2-litre turbo-charged Tornado

with 600 horsepower and more torque than a Ferrari 458.

And, to keep the drivers on their toes,

helping hands such as traction control, ABS

and electronic differentials are banned.

Now, I know what you're thinking -

you're thinking, "That's not a racing car,

"it's merely a vehicle providing Top Gear viewers with hilarious

"Captain Slow cockups." But no,

I might actually be OK at this.

For starters, the circuits are small and easy to learn.

The cars do have four-wheel drive.

And then there's the calibre of the drivers.

One of them is the son of the bloke who owns this track,

and another is just a presenter on American Top Gear.

And it's the Top Gear chap - Tanner Foust -

who has kindly offered to train me for this event.

Is it really 600 horsepower, or is that bar talk?

It's a full-on six.

It's 300 horsepower per litre,

0-100 km in 1.9 seconds.

It's quicker than a Formula One car off the line.

-Wow.

-Then the other things about it, you know,

you've got all-wheel drive, it's amazingly stable,

you'll see a jump and it just completely absorbs them,

it's like marshmallow.

It's mostly carbon fibre, Kevlar underneath.

There's a lot of contact.

I think it's the only sport in the FIA

where there's not a rule saying you can't hit other cars.

-So you can hit other cars?

-It happens, yeah.

'Tanner then pointed out the most important thing on the dashboard.'

This switch here, this is the monster switch right here.

This is the one that is the ALS, for the anti-lag system.

-This is for the turbo chargers?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Once you flip that switch, all hell breaks loose.

Now every time you lift off the throttle, it's shooting flame

through the turbo, keeping it spinning over 200,000 rpm.

Mm.

And it's a very violent thing,

and that's really what makes this car work.

-OK.

-Once you cross the finish line,

you flip that off and then it's a normal car again.

So that, remember that...

It's really weird talking to someone who is a Top Gear presenter

but who is really helpful.

-Usually it's sarcasm and stupidity...

-We're team-mates.

..but you're being informative, helpful, encouraging -

it's quite nice.

'Tanner then offered to take me for a demonstration run.'

I did mean to tell you, actually, I fell off a horse quite recently.

-OK.

-And the bones are still a bit sore,

so try not to, you know, snap me in half or anything like that.

OK.

ENGINE STARTS

Hold the brakes, then lets it all off...

-Holy

-BLEEP!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Aaaaaaaargh!

Ow, ow, ow!

'45 seconds later, my spin in the Rallycross tumble dryer

'came to a merciful end.

'And then it was my turn to drive.'

Full throttle, and release the clutch a little...

Faster, faster, faster, faster.

'For the next few hours...'

Brake and full throttle.

'..my new friend from American Top Gear

'gave me some excellent tuition.'

Second gear, second gear, brake.

No, wrong way.

Brake, brake, brake, brake, brake.

That way, that way. Brake, brake, brake, brake, brake.

Sorry about that, by the way.

Hey, no harm, no foul.

'He then took the time to explain

'the considerable complexities of the racing.'

So, there's 12 cars, and then there's 5 heats.

-Right.

-But there's four laps in each heat.

You won't just drive once, you go twice.

Like, maybe two or three times.

So, it's 50 points for the guy in first, 45 and then 40.

Then there's two semifinals...

'Tanner said that, no matter how I did in the heat,

'I'd be in one of the semifinals.

'Then he explained the joker lap.'

But in every one of these you do the joker lap once,

which is the long outside,

outside of turn one,

with a bit of a jump on the way in there.

-OK, so I have to take the joker lap once per race?

-Exactly.

Here's the thing with the jokers - at least three seconds slower.

Ideally, you would take the joker lap sometime

if you're behind somebody and you need to get free track.

And what if you forget?

That's why the spotter is critical.

What's a spotter?

So, on top of this building there'll be one spotter per car

that'll be on the radio, in your headset,

and they'll be able to talk to you while you're driving,

when to take the joker, who's behind you,

what position you're in,

give you information that you need while you're on the track.

It's quite a responsible job, the spotter, then.

-Yeah, they have to pay attention.

-Yeah.

I think I've... Can you just go through that again,

to make sure I've got it?

12 cars total, we're all here to race 5 times, 4 laps each,

30-second penalty if you take the joker more than once...

The next morning, as all the other teams prepared for race day,

I was in Tanner's garage getting to know a bit more about my car.

Look at the size of this.

That's not a standard air filter, obviously.

-None of that is standard, this isn't standard...

-May?

-Morning.

-Morning.

What are you doing here?

Well, we're told you need spotters, apparently - we are your spotter.

No, no, no, no. No.

Spotting is a genuinely important job.

You have to say who's in front of you, who's behind you...

-Well, nobody's behind you, obviously.

-Funny(!)

When to do the joker lap - do you know about the joker?

-Is there a jump?

-There's a jump.

-And we tell you when to do that?

-Yeah, so when do I do it?

-Now!

-I don't know.

-Which lap do I do the joker lap on?

-I don't know.

-Well, exactly.

-How many laps are there?

-Four.

I mean, can I just...?

I got out of bed this morning at 5:15 to be here.

He stayed in a Ramada Inn last night with Lenny Henry.

And this is how ungrateful he is.

Seriously, I've done a minimal amount of practice yesterday,

and I don't want two Muppets helping me.

I'm sorry to be rude, but no.

James, James! Your door's not shut properly.

-Good spot, good spot, Hammond.

-Yeah.

Since I seemed to be stuck with Pinky and Perky,

we went to watch some of the other drivers in the first race.

They don't half start off close together, don't they?

-You could crash by there!

-Yeah.

-This'll be you.

'Yesterday with Tanner, I thought maybe a podium was a possibility.

'But, now I was watching the real racing...

'..I decided to aim a bit lower.'

I think maybe a better personal ambition would be

not to be lapped.

-Does that happen a lot in this?

-I don't think it's ever happened.

You can't be lapped in Rallycross, it's only four laps.

So, in four laps, if they're doing a 50-second lap,

if you're more than 12 seconds a lap slower than them,

you're in the Guinness Book of Records as the first person

EVER to be lapped in Rallycross.

'On that sobering thought, James lined up for his first heat,

'which featured drivers of a higher calibre than he'd been expecting.'

Petter Solberg is an extremely good,

former world champion rally driver,

-and a world champion at this.

-Yes.

Timmy Hansen is 22.

He was third in European Rallycross last year.

-And James May.

-James May, 52-year-old piano player!

Interested in lathes!

'As the drivers prepared for the off...'

ENGINE REVS

'..we were testing the comms.'

MUSIC: If You're Looking For A Way Out by Odyssey

-Put him in the mood.

-Yeah. Yeah, I'd say that.

Turn the radio down, you're blowing my ears out.

Gosh, why did I agree to this?

I've got Petter Solberg next to me and a load of drivel in my ears.

-Oh, this is unbelievably exciting.

-Is he going?

-He's going, he's going!

-Oh, my God. James, it's about to start.

They've started, they've started.

They've started, James! They've started!

Quite muddy there, James, it is quite muddy.

Shut up!

James? James, so that you know, the car behind you is French.

-That was good spotting there, Jeremy.

-Shut up, you two!

'Whilst James bumbled around at the back,

'the other four drivers were giving us a sensational show.'

Oh, big accident!

But how can he still be going?

'As the others entered their fourth and final lap,

'James was being caught.'

Gas! And brake!

Turn in.

Hang your arse out, James. Hang your arse out.

Seagull, James, I've spotted a seagull.

Shut up!

Inside line, inside line.

'Amazingly, though, he got away with it.'

Yes! You haven't been lapped.

Ha, ha! I wasn't lapped!

I'd like to see those other two Muppets do that!

I hope we weren't distracting to him.

No, I shouldn't think so, he knows we're there, we're with him.

-It was reassuring noises.

-It's like racing in the car with him,

-it's like we're all three in the car, all with steering wheels.

-Exactly.

'As the winner of the heat, Petter Solberg, celebrated,

'we went to check on James's times.'

-He was 32 seconds off Petter Solberg's time.

-Yeah.

Eight seconds a lap slower.

Right. Should we give him a strong team talk, or should we support him?

He just needs to learn to drive faster...

-Faster than the other people.

-Yeah.

Well, faster than himself would help.

'I was determined to do better in the next heat.'

'But my spotters were even more useless than in the first one.'

What time have you got to go tonight?

Uh, well, I just want to beat the traffic.

Which bit of the M4 do you go down?

Uh, off, at junction 15.

That is near the M5, isn't it?

-No, no, 17 is Chippenham.

-It's Bristol.

Shut up, you two!

Now for the joker.

It's definitely 17, is Chippenham.

I can't believe you don't know, you do that...

Yeah, but I don't go to 17, I go to 15, so that's Marlborough...

Shut up!

-..and...

-Argh!

'No thanks to my colleagues, I managed to finish

'another four-lap heat without being lapped.'

Ho-ho! Come on!

Fantastic.

'But then it was time for the semifinal,

'and I realised I had a bigger problem.'

-The semifinal is six laps.

-Oh-ho!

So it's half as long again.

And I've worked out, my good laps - of which I've done maybe two -

were sort of four seconds off the pace.

But quite a few of my slightly cocked up ones

were sort of eight to nine seconds off.

So, in a six-lap race...

-Six-lap race...

-Yeah.

..eight seconds, that's 48 seconds,

and it's a 50... it's a 50-second lap.

-Oh, ho-ho! You're in danger!

-It'll be very, very close.

-This will be quite close.

-This is the test.

'With this terrifying maths playing on my mind,

'I took my place on the grid.'

Do us proud, James, do us proud.

Don't let us down.

Right, here we go, semifinal, six laps.

So, if you'd like to place your bets...

'I decided to get my joker out of the way on lap one...'

'..which, obviously, my eagle-eyed spotters noticed.'

James, you were 11 seconds slower than the lead car on that lap.

But, wait, did he do the joker?

Oh, he might have done.

'Up front, Tanner was fighting for the lead,

'and the racing was intense.'

'Meanwhile, a bit further back,

'I was managing to stay out of danger.'

Right, down to second, keep the power, keep the inside line!

That's not bad, that's genuinely not bad.

'When James still had two laps to go,

'we realised he was about to be stabbed in the back

'by his new best friend.'

-That is Tanner.

-Is that Tanner on his tail?

James, it's actually Tanner behind you.

I've got to hold him off!

James, do not let American Top Gear lap British Top Gear.

I'm getting that wrong!

Come on!

Well, he's right up behind you, James!

Make your car wide!

Make it as wide as I don't know what.

He's right there. Argh!

Aargh!

On the inside, stay on the inside, go on the inside!

Inside!

-Oh!

-Oh, James he's going to...!

Aargh! Aargh!

Rubbish.

-Let's gloat at him there.

-Studio, yeah.

-Studio. Back to the studio.

-Back to the studio,

-we'll gloat at him there.

-Yeah.

Cos I want to get home, frankly, I don't want to be around...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

So, he'll go here, first person ever to be lapped in Rallycross.

-Nice, though - name in print.

-Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, we have to say, even with him in it,

Rallycross is brilliant.

It is fabulous to watch because, basically,

from the start line to the finish line,

all the drivers drive as fast as they can.

Yes, that's it. There's no conserving their tyres,

there's no looking after the fuel consumption,

there are no stewards with moustaches going...

-BRUMMIE ACCENT:

-.."Oh, no, you've bumped into him,

"you've got to spend ten seconds on the naughty step."

I tell you what Formula One is -

Formula One is like having some money

and putting in an ISA so that it matures in a tax-free way.

Rallycross is like having some money and going to the pub with it.

-Yeah, just blow it on one big night out, all at once.

-Exactly.

Can I just say...?

No, you'll make yourself look more ridiculous.

You will, he's right.

And, on that bombshell, it is time to end.

Thank you so much for watching - goodnight!