Episode 6 Top Gear


Episode 6

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, and welcome to Top Gear.

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Tonight, Chris and Rory head to Cuba to kick-start another revolution.

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This time it's not communism, it's corners.

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But first, I may have mentioned a time or two that I like

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a Porsche 911. And I especially like this one, the GT3 RS.

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It's less car, more surgical instrument.

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See, for years, if you'd wanted something for the road AND

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the track, this has been the answer.

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The benchmark, the undisputed champion.

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But now there's a new contender that quietly begs to differ.

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It comes from Mercedes. And it's called the AMG GT R.

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Like the 911 GT3 RS, it costs about £140,000.

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But you get the sense that in creating the GT R,

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the goal was less surgical instrument,

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more the Hulk.

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And, just like the Hulk, you wouldn't like it when it's angry.

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Whoa! Whoa! I don't know what it's so upset about, but it seems really,

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really mad.

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This thing is alive. Oh, it's just brimming with energy.

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Underneath that bonnet is a four-litre, twin-turbocharged V8.

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I've got 580 horsepower.

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I've got more than 500lb-ft of torque.

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And in the exhaust is a trigger-happy firing squad.

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EXHAUST RUMBLES Bang.

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EXHAUST RUMBLES

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There goes another one.

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EXHAUST RUMBLES And another one.

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And all that noise comes with plenty of speed.

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Whoa-ho!

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0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds.

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But the GT R feels faster.

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As for top speed...

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Well, Mercedes says the GT R isn't really about

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top speed, they're not bothered. So, flat out, it'll only do 198mph.

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I know. I'll do my best to cope.

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Fantastic!

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But to be a true GT3 RS rival, the big question is,

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how does it corner?

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And to be honest, this is the bit I'm kind of nervous about.

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Because the normal AMG GT, the car Mercedes put on

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a Russian Olympic diet to make this GT R, that car has a lot of pitch

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under braking, which makes it twitchy and unpredictable on corners.

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It's basically... You never know when it's going to bite you in the ass.

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And this car, they've given more power and less weight,

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which essentially makes it even bitier.

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This could be interesting.

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Oh, that's not bitey! That's brilliant.

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There's so much grip.

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That's because underneath that Marvel Comics paint job,

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there's a lightweight titanium exhaust,

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a race-tuned suspension, a whole new track-focused aero package...

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..and my favourite bit, rear-wheel steering.

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See it? See it move? Cool, right?

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And that makes the GT R super agile in the slow corners,

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but super stable in the higher speed corners.

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And the suspension keeps the car so flat, you can really tell

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what the tyres are up to and know exactly how hard you can push it.

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Oh, yeah! That is nice.

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That's real nice. HE LAUGHS

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I love it.

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And at top speed,

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this thing makes 155 kilos more downforce than the normal AMG GT.

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I mean, me personally, I'd say it feels more like 153, 154,

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but, you know, I don't want to nit-pick.

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Now, as a rule, to be a serious track weapon, a car should have its

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engine in the middle, not underneath a long bonnet way out in the front.

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But with the GT R, looks can be deceiving.

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Take a look at this.

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This isn't the engine,

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it's just a cover to hide a bunch of crap nobody wants to see.

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This is the engine. Behind the front wheels.

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So this IS a mid-engined car,

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you just don't sit in front of the engine, you sit behind it.

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All of which makes it pretty handy around a racetrack,

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including, yes, that German racetrack.

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Late last year, this car lapped the Nurburgring in 7 minutes, 11 seconds.

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Now, say what you want about Nurburgring times, but that's way quicker

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than a Ferrari 488, way quicker than a Corvette ZR1,

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and, oh, yeah, way quicker than the Porsche GT3 RS.

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Mercedes says no rear-drive road car has ever gone quicker.

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So don't let its appearance fool you.

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Yeah, the GT R might look like it wants to kick you in the cubes,

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but this really is a sophisticated track machine.

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A genuine Porsche rival.

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And I've got to say, I think that's a shame.

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Because Mercedes, well, AMG, has spent years and years making

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tyre-smoking, socially unacceptable, nutjob cars.

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And you don't want to throw away a reputation like that just for

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a Nurburgring lap time and a little, tiny spat with Porsche.

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And you know what, they haven't.

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That AMG animal is still in there.

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You just have to unlock the cage.

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And the key is in the GT R's race-car spec,

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nine-stage traction control system.

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Here, in technical terms, is how it works. This end...

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..Bruce Banner.

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This end...

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..the Hulk.

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And so far today, I've been sticking to the Bruce Banner end.

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But do you know what happens when you turn it to the Hulk end?

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It gets mad.

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HE CHUCKLES

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ENGINE REVS

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TYRES SCREECH

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I'm out of control, and I love it.

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OK, that's definitely not the fastest way around a corner,

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but it sure is exhilarating.

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This car is a hooligan, a hooligan.

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This is an AMG. No doubt about it.

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Troublemaker! You're a troublemaker. But I love you.

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You know what, I was wrong.

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I mean, yeah, sure, this car can play the part of a precise, sophisticated

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rival to the GT3 RS, but what it really is

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is a muscle car.

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A muscle car built by the best F1 team on the planet,

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and that is a very, very good thing.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-Wow! I mean, just look at it.

-Yeah.

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Look at it! It's just so...green.

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LAUGHTER

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-Well, you're perceptive.

-No, I've been doing this a while.

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I tell you what, though, this is not going to impress Nissan.

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OK, what has that have to do with them?

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Nissan has built an entire brand around building a front engine,

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turbo-charged sports car called the GT-R.

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Yeah? AMG comes along, builds a front engine,

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-turbo-charged sports car called the GT R.

-No, no, no.

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See, the Nissan GT-R, that's GT hyphen R.

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This is a GT no hyphen R.

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-Completely different.

-Come on.

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So, I choose to release a brown liquid beverage called

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-Coca Cola, no hyphen, and that's absolutely fine?

-No, no.

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First of all, anything that starts with you releasing

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a brown liquid is definitely not fine. No, no, no.

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Right, now it's time for the big movement... Moment. Oh!

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LAUGHTER

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We need to find out how quick the GT no hyphen R is around our test track,

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and you know what that means. It's time for...The Stig.

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Off the line.

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Managing traction, he short shifts to second quite quickly.

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Now, this long run down to first corner.

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Let's look what it looks like as it turns in.

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Really flat, controlling all that roll, looks fast,

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but oversteer on the exit, managing it.

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Now blending left, into Chicago.

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A tight line so he can get it opened up and get on the gas.

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It just looks like it wants to oversteer everywhere,

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but it looks stiff, doesn't it? It looks flat and it looks agile.

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Braking hard, triggering those warning lights.

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Hammerhead, what's it like through the right-hander direction change?

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Really good, actually.

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Turned well, coming out, managing oversteer again.

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But it seems that once he gets through that initial slip,

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he's got really good traction. Through the follow-through.

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That's just fast and flat again.

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What's it going to be like when it booms through the tyres?

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Now, that was really, really fast.

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Using all the circuit and the trail brake. Into second to last.

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Look at that, good, controlled driving from Stig.

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Now, rolling down towards Gambon and over the line.

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I think that's going to be a really fast time.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Quick. Quick.

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OK, now...

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The old AMG GTS did it in 1.17.5, which, that's pretty quick, too.

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-That's a fast time.

-That is a fast time.

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So we're looking to be somewhere way up here.

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Now, the new AMG GT R did it in

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one minute...

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16 flat. That's right there.

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APPLAUSE

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-That is seriously quick.

-That's a quick time. And...

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And in the same conditions, we got The Stig to lap the GT3 RS. OK.

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Now, the GT3 RS did it in one minute...

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16.1.

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So...move that Veyron down.

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Get that thing out of the way.

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LAUGHTER

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All right, there's that.

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There it is, in black and white -

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the Mercedes is faster.

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It is faster.

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-I'd still have the Porsche, though.

-So would I.

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I would too. Rory.

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Loving that Merc.

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Just to save you looking it up,

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that's even faster than the Smart Fortwo went round our track

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a couple of weeks ago.

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I knew that Merc was quick.

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All right. OK...

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Now it's time to welcome this week's guest.

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He's a stand-up comedian, he also loves off-roaders,

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motorbikes and heavy machinery,

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so you two can probably just take off now. Yeah.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ross Noble.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, hello!

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-How are you doing?

-Hello.

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Thank you very much.

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-All right.

-Hi.

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Now, you are into your bikes, I know,

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so did you ride down or drive down?

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No, I drove down today.

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I brought my mate, so we came in the car.

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I thought it best to turn up to Top Gear in a car.

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OK. What did you drive?

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My Land Rover Defender.

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Defender, oh, OK.

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Standard Defender or any tweaks?

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No, massive tweaks.

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It's a Kahn, a fully customed...

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-What I've done, right, is I've taken...

-Ooh...

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I've taken a tin box and I've polished it up.

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There it is, look.

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That's my car. Look at it.

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It's a beauty. I love the styling, too.

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You've gone for the fully murdered-out look -

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-black on black on black. That's gangster.

-Proper gangster.

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You've got to admit that is a cool-looking thing.

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-Have I?

-Come on!

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I don't mind a Defender,

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but, I mean, the wheel arch extensions seem a bit...

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a bit much.

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It does look like it's trying a bit too hard.

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To be fair, I do live in the country.

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But don't the countryside folks sneer

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-at the fact that you've not got a normal Defender?

-Yes.

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They must see you as a bit arriviste

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and a bit like a townie in the country.

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Yeah. I like to annoy everyone.

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Equally, at the same time.

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Yes, it's... No, but the thing...

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I had, like, proper cars.

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I had a Golf GTI and we had a 1960 Karmann Ghia,

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beautiful, wonderful cars...

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The whole thing. It was like you were at the end of EastEnders.

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-Driving down the drive...

-LAUGHTER

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..as you were heading down to the road.

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HE IMITATES DOOF-DOOFS

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I wind the window down

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and start shouting Cockney things at people.

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What about the driving position? I'm not a big man,

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and I find myself in there and my elbow is just doing this.

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There's just no room in it.

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It's not comfortable at all.

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You are like that...

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You're sitting in it...

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This is us, like that. Like that.

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Then, I've got leather bucket seats in it as well,

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so I've taken the most uncomfortable car

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that money can buy

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and I've made it more uncomfortable.

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Short of paying a man to sit behind me and do this all day long...

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LAUGHTER

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You know...

0:15:190:15:20

So, what was your first car?

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My first car, I had a... It was a Metro.

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An MG Metro, it was.

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I bought it off another comic for 150 quid.

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He said to me, "That car is perfect.

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"Just don't drive it over 70mph or it will go horribly wrong."

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I thought, "That's fair enough." So I never drove it...

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Then there was one night I was a bit late,

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and I sort of maybe exceeded the speed limit a little bit.

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I pulled up outside my house,

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I closed the door...

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and it burst into flames.

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It just literally burst into flames.

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But you do drive yourself to gigs?

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Yeah, cos I had this instance...

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This is one of the reasons why I thought it was important to drive.

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I was at a train station and all the trains were delayed.

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There was a replacement bus service.

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This old woman was there...

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It was a weird, strange old lady. She was wearing sandals.

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She had long, claw-like nails,

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which should have, sort of, rung alarm bells for me.

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She said, "Where are you going?"

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I said, "Wolverhampton", or somewhere.

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She went, "I'll drive you. I'm going there anyway."

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This woman got me in her car and she...

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We drove to...

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We started driving, and then she said...

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You know, chatting away and all the rest of it.

0:16:350:16:37

She went, "I want you to meet my daughter."

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She said, "Come and cheer her up."

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So, basically, she kidnapped me and drove me to a house.

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Then her daughter, who was sort of bleary eyed,

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she dragged her out of bed and she went,

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"Go on. Cheer her up."

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So I was now...

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"Or you'll get the claw."

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"I'll rip your gizzards out."

0:16:560:16:58

So I was then just in this house, just in this...

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I'm going, "No, no, I really have to...

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"I have to get to where I'm going."

0:17:030:17:04

She went, "No, no, go on."

0:17:040:17:06

The daughter didn't want this to be happening,

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I didn't want it to be happening. It was all horrible.

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I went, "I will never get the train again."

0:17:100:17:13

Cos that's what happens - get the train,

0:17:130:17:15

you'll end up in someone's house with a woman with claws.

0:17:150:17:19

Have you been back to visit?

0:17:190:17:20

Yeah, we're engaged to be married.

0:17:200:17:22

She was most sensitive lover I've ever had.

0:17:250:17:27

-Not the daughter, the old woman.

-Of course.

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I took my clothes off. I didn't even have to take my own socks off.

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She went...

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-OK, all right, all right.

-This is horrible.

0:17:380:17:40

Let's get down to business.

0:17:400:17:41

You've tackled the Top Gear track before

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-in the famous KIA Cee'd, right?

-Yes, I have.

0:17:430:17:46

You were quick, real quick. Like the fifth fastest, right?

0:17:460:17:48

Yeah, yeah.

0:17:480:17:49

The most important thing is I beat Tom Cruise, because I...

0:17:490:17:53

Not that I've become utterly insufferable since that day,

0:17:530:17:56

but I mention that, I would say, at least once a day.

0:17:560:18:00

He was in Days Of Thunder,

0:18:000:18:01

and my wife... It's got to the point now where -

0:18:010:18:03

since the last time I was on the show -

0:18:030:18:05

we're literally sat there,

0:18:050:18:06

if there's a new advert for a Tom Cruise film comes on...

0:18:060:18:08

It will go, "Tom Cruise..." I'll go, and she'll go, "I know."

0:18:080:18:11

I will sometimes say to complete strangers, "I beat Tom Cruise."

0:18:130:18:17

Yes, well, yes, you did. You certainly did.

0:18:170:18:19

A lot of people beat Tom Cruise.

0:18:190:18:21

All right, but now we've got the more challenging GT86.

0:18:230:18:26

That's a proper sports car.

0:18:260:18:28

How did it go there? How did your training with Chris go?

0:18:280:18:31

It was... You know what? It was incredible. It was such good fun.

0:18:310:18:34

It was great fun.

0:18:340:18:35

But that old car was just, "Come on."

0:18:350:18:38

This thing, it's got, like...

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-It moves around and it's quite...

-Yeah.

0:18:410:18:46

-Yeah, great.

-Chris, what do you think?

0:18:460:18:49

What he said.

0:18:490:18:51

It was interesting. The training was interesting.

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But I saw a kernel of talent in there. Let's see what happened.

0:18:540:18:58

All right, let's take a look.

0:18:580:19:00

Before we start, all I'm going to say,

0:19:000:19:02

these are the best conditions we've had all series.

0:19:020:19:05

Are we driving or going for a picnic?

0:19:050:19:08

Well, we will find out. Let's go. Come on.

0:19:080:19:11

Just remember that the slow-speed corners

0:19:110:19:14

give you a better chance to make time up.

0:19:140:19:16

Braking hard. Brake hard. Second gear, please.

0:19:160:19:18

Second gear. We're going round to the right.

0:19:180:19:21

You've got fourth, you've got forth.

0:19:210:19:23

BLEEP.

0:19:230:19:24

There's the white lines.

0:19:240:19:26

That way, then.

0:19:260:19:28

Round to the left. Second gear, please. Second gear.

0:19:280:19:31

Round to the right, round to the right.

0:19:310:19:33

Round to the right. Second gear. You're in fourth again. Second.

0:19:330:19:35

Oh, cock.

0:19:350:19:37

It's in there somewhere. It's in there.

0:19:370:19:39

-Third?

-Third, over to left, over to the left.

0:19:390:19:41

-Don't worry, don't panic.

-I'm not panicking.

0:19:410:19:44

A bit of third gear, a bit of third gear, please.

0:19:440:19:46

This could be interesting.

0:19:480:19:50

Brake, brake, brake.

0:19:520:19:55

Brake that hard?

0:19:550:19:57

Or not quite as hard.

0:19:570:19:58

CHRIS LAUGHS

0:19:580:20:00

-Just thrown a load of fuel there, hasn't it?

-That's fine.

0:20:000:20:03

When you're strapped into a metal box,

0:20:030:20:05

it's nice to smell fuel just all around you.

0:20:050:20:08

It's fine. It's all part of the thrill.

0:20:080:20:10

Give it some gas. Over the line.

0:20:120:20:14

We didn't die.

0:20:140:20:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:180:20:19

There was a moment there...

0:20:270:20:29

We spin and we were going backwards for quite a long time. 70pmh.

0:20:290:20:33

It was brilliant!

0:20:330:20:34

This is the thing,

0:20:360:20:37

it's not like a motorbike where if you come off a motorbike

0:20:370:20:40

you really hurt yourself,

0:20:400:20:41

whereas this, you know,

0:20:410:20:43

it's just a smell of petrol and another man's poo.

0:20:430:20:47

OK, time to talk about Cuba.

0:20:500:20:52

When you hear that name, you know what springs to mind -

0:20:520:20:55

all those incredible old American cars.

0:20:550:20:57

The ones that have kept going since Castro and communism took over

0:20:570:21:00

back in the '50s.

0:21:000:21:01

But over the past few years,

0:21:010:21:02

Cuba has been opening up to the West.

0:21:020:21:04

That means the days of those iconic cars could be numbered.

0:21:040:21:08

So, with a budget of £5,000 each,

0:21:080:21:11

Chris and I bought a couple of old sports cars,

0:21:110:21:13

that we thought would impress the locals,

0:21:130:21:15

and headed out to hunt down the Cuban classics.

0:21:150:21:18

Our landing spot in the world's most westerly communist state

0:21:210:21:24

was the Bay Of Pigs...

0:21:240:21:25

..site of an American-backed invasion

0:21:270:21:29

defeated by Fidel Castro's regime in 1961.

0:21:290:21:34

Since then, Cuba has shut its doors to the West.

0:21:350:21:39

A generation of '50s American cars left stranded inside.

0:21:390:21:44

The fight to maintain them has gone on ever since.

0:21:440:21:47

Those still running survive

0:21:470:21:49

thanks to the resourceful mechanical spirit of this unique nation.

0:21:490:21:52

That's what we had come for,

0:21:550:21:57

but what had we brought with us?

0:21:570:21:59

I'm not going to lie, I am so chuffed at what I've got here.

0:22:030:22:06

Right, let's see what you brought, then.

0:22:060:22:08

Come on. Look at this.

0:22:080:22:09

'Now, surely, in a nation with a passion for old American cars...'

0:22:090:22:14

Prepare to be amazed.

0:22:140:22:15

'..there is only one sensible choice.'

0:22:150:22:18

THEME FROM THE GODFATHER

0:22:180:22:20

-Oh, that's Italian.

-Yes!

0:22:200:22:23

I present to you the Maserati Biturbo

0:22:260:22:30

or as they insist you call it, the BIH-turbo.

0:22:300:22:34

Amazing, eh?

0:22:340:22:35

Yes. It's amazing.

0:22:350:22:37

It's amazing that you managed to drive it out of the container

0:22:370:22:39

without it breaking down.

0:22:390:22:41

Oh, good, the old "Maseratis aren't reliable" gag.

0:22:410:22:44

Look, let me explain this to you.

0:22:440:22:45

This car is just plain fantastic.

0:22:450:22:48

First of all, it's a Maserati.

0:22:480:22:49

It has a 2.6 litre, twin-turbo V6,

0:22:490:22:54

styling, a manual gearbox, and...

0:22:540:22:56

and, in this country, Maseratis are racing royalty.

0:22:560:23:01

Racing royalty?

0:23:010:23:02

I'll explain that later on. What have you chosen?

0:23:020:23:04

Watch and learn.

0:23:040:23:06

How to outdo your Maserati in one fell swoop.

0:23:060:23:10

'Like I said...'

0:23:100:23:12

-ENGINE TURNS OVER

-Oh, yeah.

0:23:120:23:15

ROCK MUSIC

0:23:150:23:16

-Huh?

-Ah-hah.

0:23:200:23:21

What you are looking at is a Chevy Camaro,

0:23:260:23:29

the quintessential American muscle car.

0:23:290:23:32

-Start up front. Under the bonnet, a five-litre American V8.

-Yes.

0:23:350:23:40

-170 horsepower.

-Sorry, stop there. Repeat that.

0:23:400:23:44

170.

0:23:440:23:46

But the thing is, 170's still...

0:23:460:23:47

How do you try and get so little power from such a big engine?

0:23:470:23:51

Well, they're concentrating on torque

0:23:510:23:53

more than anything else, all right?

0:23:530:23:54

So it's all about the grunt. But that's not the only thing.

0:23:540:23:57

-Yes.

-Check this out. Round the back. Come on. Watch this.

0:23:570:24:00

You don't slam the Camaro's boot.

0:24:000:24:03

You place it gently down. Soft close.

0:24:030:24:06

Straight out of a Mercedes S-Class.

0:24:060:24:08

So the best thing about your muscle car is the soft-close boot?

0:24:080:24:12

Well, it's ONE of the things about my muscle car.

0:24:120:24:15

I think we should go. Come on.

0:24:150:24:17

Childish.

0:24:220:24:24

If, admittedly, quite cool.

0:24:240:24:25

Let's roll.

0:24:290:24:30

Excited to see what the locals would make of our choices,

0:24:360:24:38

we decided to pick our way north-west,

0:24:380:24:41

towards the capital city, Havana.

0:24:410:24:43

And, as our Cuban adventure got under way,

0:24:470:24:49

we got better acquainted with our cars.

0:24:490:24:52

This is meant to be the less sophisticated car of the two,

0:24:560:25:00

and yet everything works.

0:25:000:25:01

My electric windows work, my cruise control works...

0:25:010:25:05

Well, nearly everything.

0:25:050:25:07

My knob has come off.

0:25:070:25:09

I won't tell Chris about that.

0:25:090:25:11

The Camaro is a kind of car that speaks to you on a base level.

0:25:120:25:16

It's all about that growl, it sounds good, it feels powerful.

0:25:160:25:20

It makes me feel cool. That's what muscle cars are all about.

0:25:200:25:24

That's what Cuba's all about.

0:25:240:25:26

It feels special to me.

0:25:280:25:31

Maybe it's just because it's got a Maserati badge,

0:25:310:25:33

but the dogleg gearbox feels great.

0:25:330:25:35

Really positive.

0:25:350:25:36

The engine has that suggestive V6 note,

0:25:360:25:40

which is so much more sophisticated

0:25:400:25:42

than Rory's loud, brash American car.

0:25:420:25:45

Yes. We're going to go on well, me and the Maserati.

0:25:460:25:49

Because, despite Rory's scepticism,

0:25:510:25:54

this was the perfect car to win over the locals.

0:25:540:25:56

You see, Cuba once had its own Grand Prix.

0:26:000:26:03

The first was staged in 1957 and won by none other

0:26:030:26:07

than Juan Manuel Fangio in a Maserati.

0:26:070:26:11

A year later, the five-time Formula 1 World Champion

0:26:110:26:14

returned to compete again,

0:26:140:26:16

but he never made the race.

0:26:160:26:18

-NEWSREEL:

-Miguel Fangio was kidnapped by Cuban rebels

0:26:180:26:20

in a daring move to discredit the regime.

0:26:200:26:23

Yep, kidnapped.

0:26:230:26:25

In 1960, the last Grand Prix ever to be staged in Cuba

0:26:250:26:29

was won by Stirling Moss in...a Maserati.

0:26:290:26:33

So two thirds of all Grand Prix on this fair island

0:26:370:26:40

were won by Maserati. Isn't that amazing?

0:26:400:26:43

That is very cool. That kind of makes sense.

0:26:430:26:46

It's a classy move. I'll give you that.

0:26:460:26:49

'Soon we came across a town called Coliseo.'

0:26:530:26:56

Look at the architecture. This is incredible.

0:26:560:26:59

It's like being stuck in a time warp.

0:26:590:27:02

'And with our first Cubans to impress...

0:27:020:27:05

'Rory wasted no time.'

0:27:050:27:07

ENGINE REVS

0:27:070:27:09

Chris, I am speaking to the people of Cuba in

0:27:110:27:14

a language they understand - V8 pipes.

0:27:140:27:17

-CAR REVS REPEATEDLY

-That means "Hello."

0:27:170:27:20

-CAR REVS REPEATEDLY

-That means "How are you?"

0:27:200:27:23

CAR REVS REPEATEDLY

0:27:230:27:24

And that means, "Don't bother looking at the Maserati behind me."

0:27:240:27:28

I'm just going to hang back a little bit,

0:27:280:27:30

because it really is quite cringeworthy.

0:27:300:27:32

'Annoyingly, though,

0:27:320:27:33

'the people of Coliseo appeared to have forgotten

0:27:330:27:36

'their racing heritage.'

0:27:360:27:38

Quick question - is anyone gathered around your car having a look?

0:27:380:27:43

ENGINE REVS

0:27:430:27:44

It doesn't seem quite as popular as yours.

0:27:480:27:51

Bask in the glory of the V-ocho.

0:27:510:27:55

THEY EXCLAIM

0:27:550:27:57

'Although clearly misled by Reid,

0:28:020:28:04

'the locals were definitely car lovers.

0:28:040:28:07

'They told us of a secretive drag race taking place that afternoon

0:28:070:28:11

'in a town further north called Varadero.

0:28:110:28:13

'So, with our adventure starting to gather momentum,

0:28:160:28:19

'we got back on the road.'

0:28:190:28:21

There's a bloke here who can't stop his horse.

0:28:250:28:27

Have you spotted him?

0:28:270:28:28

He has no control over that animal at all. He's just gone left.

0:28:280:28:31

No, it's gone left with him on it.

0:28:310:28:34

'Yes, with every mile we drove deeper

0:28:340:28:37

'into the Cuban time capsule.'

0:28:370:28:39

We're starting to see some proper old American cars now.

0:28:390:28:43

This is more like it.

0:28:430:28:45

'And it wasn't just the number of old cars,

0:28:450:28:47

'it was the lack of almost any new ones at all.'

0:28:470:28:51

In the last few years, Cubans have been able to buy new cars.

0:28:510:28:55

As ever with Cuba, it's not as straightforward as that.

0:28:550:28:58

The average national wage here is about 20 a month,

0:28:580:29:01

but they are colossally expensive

0:29:010:29:03

because of import duties and other stuff.

0:29:030:29:07

So, for example, Peugeot 508 - in the UK, 20 grand-ish.

0:29:070:29:12

Here...£160,000.

0:29:120:29:17

Get your head round that.

0:29:170:29:18

'Which probably explained why the roads were lined

0:29:190:29:22

'with people needing a ride.'

0:29:220:29:24

You know the rules about hitchhiking here, mate.

0:29:260:29:28

If you are in a state-owned car, you have to pick them up.

0:29:280:29:32

I reckon we should join in with the local culture,

0:29:330:29:37

pick ourselves up some hitchhikers.

0:29:370:29:39

Why would we want to do that?

0:29:390:29:41

Because it's all about community spirit here.

0:29:410:29:43

People rely on each other to get things done.

0:29:430:29:46

I don't share my car with anyone.

0:29:460:29:48

When I go on holiday, everyone else goes in another car.

0:29:480:29:51

I go on my own.

0:29:510:29:52

'But since we weren't on holiday...'

0:29:520:29:56

Right, follow me.

0:29:560:29:57

Here we go.

0:29:570:29:59

Living the Cuban dream.

0:29:590:30:00

Hola.

0:30:010:30:03

Just two of you, yeah?

0:30:030:30:04

Thank you, thank you.

0:30:050:30:07

I thought we had two.

0:30:080:30:09

One, two...

0:30:090:30:10

All of you?

0:30:130:30:14

THEY EXCLAIM

0:30:200:30:23

Reid, what on earth have you done here?

0:30:260:30:29

How many have you got?

0:30:290:30:30

I've got four in the back, one in the front.

0:30:300:30:33

-MAN SPEAKS SPANISH

-How far? How far?

0:30:350:30:38

The reason why we are here with the Maserati,

0:30:380:30:40

I need to teach you about this...

0:30:400:30:41

OVERLAPPING SPANISH CONVERSATIONS

0:30:410:30:44

OK, more Cuban people that won't listen to me.

0:30:440:30:47

'Still, could have been worse.'

0:30:470:30:49

No, no, no, no!

0:30:490:30:51

HE SCREAMS

0:30:510:30:52

-HE LAUGHS

-No, no, no, no!

0:30:520:30:54

No, no, dude, dude, dude, please, please.

0:30:540:30:56

He's got a chicken!

0:30:560:30:57

SCREECHING AND RUMBLING

0:30:570:31:00

You are a complete fool, aren't you?

0:31:000:31:04

HE SCREAMS

0:31:040:31:05

-Loco! Loco!

-HE SCREAMS

0:31:050:31:09

'A long time and not very far later...'

0:31:110:31:15

-OK, this is the end.

-Yes, thank you.

0:31:150:31:17

It's been a pleasure.

0:31:170:31:18

HE SCREAMS

0:31:180:31:19

I think... Whoa... No, no, no, no. I'm done. Out of the car. I'm out.

0:31:190:31:24

I am out.

0:31:240:31:26

Chris, this was a bad idea.

0:31:260:31:29

Rory...

0:31:340:31:35

Yes.

0:31:370:31:39

If you have any other bright ideas for cultural exploration,

0:31:390:31:43

keep them to yourself, all right?

0:31:430:31:45

Yes.

0:31:470:31:48

'Back on the road, before long, we reached Varadero.

0:31:530:31:57

'And arriving at the drag race...'

0:31:570:31:59

Oh, yes. Look at this.

0:31:590:32:02

This is the place.

0:32:020:32:03

'..it didn't disappoint.'

0:32:030:32:05

'Motor racing has been illegal in Cuba since 1962,

0:32:300:32:33

'but with officials starting to turn a blind eye,

0:32:330:32:36

'in the last few years,

0:32:360:32:37

'gatherings like these have slowly begun to surface.'

0:32:370:32:41

'And now we'd found one, we had to see what they were running.'

0:32:430:32:47

-Look at this.

-Is that a Chevy?

0:32:470:32:49

Wow. Look at that.

0:32:490:32:51

That is class.

0:32:510:32:54

-Hello.

-Hello!

0:32:540:32:56

5.7.

0:32:580:32:59

5.7 litre. Did you do all of this work yourself?

0:32:590:33:01

-Yes, yes, yes.

-How long did it take you to create this?

-Ten years.

0:33:010:33:05

-Ten years?

-Yes.

-How much power?

-400.

-400?

0:33:050:33:09

-400 horsepower.

-That is just beautiful, Rory.

0:33:090:33:13

'And the more cars we looked at...'

0:33:130:33:16

Look at that.

0:33:160:33:18

'..the weirder and more wonderful they became.'

0:33:180:33:21

What on earth did this used to be?

0:33:210:33:23

Are those teeth?

0:33:230:33:24

Buick 53.

0:33:240:33:26

Buick.

0:33:260:33:28

'68. '68 Camaro.

0:33:280:33:31

Ah, OK.

0:33:310:33:33

They sort of re-engineer them, don't they? What's over here?

0:33:330:33:36

This is Mecca, as far as I'm concerned.

0:33:360:33:39

Cuba is giving up the goods.

0:33:390:33:40

'Yes, here in Varadero we had found some real motoring spirit.

0:33:400:33:45

'And, in his excitement, Rory decided to compete with it.'

0:33:470:33:51

Er, 0-60 in 9 seconds.

0:33:530:33:56

This should go well.

0:33:560:33:58

Come off it!

0:34:060:34:08

He cheated!

0:34:080:34:10

Man, that thing is quick.

0:34:100:34:11

I am getting nowhere near this guy.

0:34:120:34:14

Oh, man.

0:34:190:34:21

I don't like losing, but I'll lose to that.

0:34:240:34:27

What a machine!

0:34:270:34:28

Did not stand a chance.

0:34:300:34:32

-Rory.

-Yes.

-Let's discuss some of the basic skills of drag racing.

0:34:320:34:36

-When the man says go, what do you do?

-Well, he picked the start.

0:34:360:34:39

He left about half a second before me.

0:34:390:34:41

He left when the guy said, "G..."

0:34:410:34:44

That's what you're supposed to do in drag racing.

0:34:440:34:46

You go on the "G" of "Go"!

0:34:460:34:48

That was ridiculous.

0:34:480:34:49

'After Rory's shambolic effort,

0:34:520:34:54

'the stage was set for my thoroughbred to make its mark.'

0:34:540:34:57

Yes, it was time for a little reminder of what

0:35:020:35:05

the Maserati name really means.

0:35:050:35:07

LAUGHTER

0:35:070:35:09

ENGINES ROAR

0:35:120:35:14

Hey, come on!

0:35:280:35:29

Look at it go.

0:35:310:35:32

That is hopeless.

0:35:360:35:37

Aw...

0:35:430:35:44

It looked like you got destroyed, to me.

0:35:460:35:48

Oh, no, no, no, no.

0:35:480:35:49

It was a beating but it wasn't a drubbing, was it?

0:35:490:35:52

-How many car lengths?

-Six.

0:35:520:35:54

You got killed, mate. You got killed.

0:35:540:35:57

OK, Cuba's racers had turned out to be a little quicker than expected,

0:35:570:36:02

but there was still one victory worth fighting for.

0:36:020:36:05

ENGINES ROAR

0:36:050:36:07

Terrible launch! Terrible launch!

0:36:180:36:20

Come on.

0:36:230:36:24

-Yeah, look at this!

-CHRIS LAUGHS

0:36:260:36:28

Where's he gone? Where's he gone?

0:36:280:36:31

Ah!

0:36:310:36:32

Harris is gone.

0:36:350:36:36

Bye-bye, Rory Reid.

0:36:360:36:37

Oh, no!

0:36:410:36:43

Damn you!

0:36:430:36:45

That was a really ungracious way to win, wasn't it?

0:36:460:36:50

Oh, he's going to be unbearable!

0:36:500:36:52

-Here we go.

-Now...

0:36:590:37:00

-Here we go.

-Now, what exactly happened there, Rory?

0:37:000:37:02

-Well, you won the race.

-OK.

0:37:020:37:04

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

0:37:040:37:05

But, look, I'm not here to compete.

0:37:050:37:07

I'm here to have a good time, meet some people, you know,

0:37:070:37:10

and win some friends with my V8 engine note,

0:37:100:37:12

drive with my top down and have a laugh.

0:37:120:37:15

Who are you and what have you done with the Rory Reid that I know,

0:37:150:37:18

-that is super-competitive and wants to win?

-Calm down, Chris.

0:37:180:37:20

So, do you see this as a moral victory?

0:37:200:37:22

Well, I actually do, but I also see you as a sore winner.

0:37:220:37:26

-I've never seen that before.

-I like that phrase.

0:37:260:37:28

I'll take that - a sore winner.

0:37:280:37:30

CHEERING

0:37:350:37:37

Oh, no.

0:37:380:37:41

You guys got destroyed.

0:37:410:37:43

Yeah, but at least I beat Rory.

0:37:430:37:45

Yeah, look, at least the Cubans liked my car.

0:37:450:37:47

Yeah, at least I didn't get mauled by a cock.

0:37:470:37:50

All right, OK, guys, guys...

0:37:500:37:51

Guys, come on, now. We're all friends.

0:37:510:37:53

You both made bad choices, OK?

0:37:530:37:56

We'll get back to the rest of that story a little later on,

0:37:560:37:58

but, right now, it is Dream Garage time.

0:37:580:38:02

OK, £350,000 you have to spend,

0:38:020:38:05

and you want something that's just awesome, right?

0:38:050:38:09

What do you get? Rory?

0:38:090:38:11

Is this the bit where we name a car and then you show us

0:38:110:38:13

a combine harvester or a massive blender for cows or something?

0:38:130:38:17

LAUGHTER

0:38:170:38:19

Why can't you just play the game?

0:38:190:38:21

Can't you just...?

0:38:210:38:22

Come on, £350,000, what do you get? Go. Come on.

0:38:220:38:26

All right, OK, I could go a Rolls-Royce Wraith.

0:38:260:38:28

I could go Ferrari 812 Superfast.

0:38:280:38:30

Yeah, you could. Yup, yup. Chris?

0:38:300:38:33

Short-wheelbase 1965 Porsche 911.

0:38:330:38:36

Ah.

0:38:360:38:38

Hey. See? Yeah, yeah.

0:38:380:38:40

Both good suggestions.

0:38:400:38:42

Both wrong suggestions...

0:38:420:38:43

LAUGHTER ..because, for £350,000,

0:38:430:38:46

you want one of these.

0:38:460:38:48

LAUGHTER That is the Terex Fuchs MHL360.

0:38:480:38:53

-Just look at it!

-Yeah.

0:38:530:38:54

So, so, so...

0:38:560:38:57

So that's a crane.

0:38:570:38:58

What? What? No...

0:38:580:39:01

A crane?

0:39:010:39:02

No. Oh...

0:39:020:39:04

Ross, will you please enlighten them?

0:39:040:39:06

Yes, certainly.

0:39:060:39:07

It's a material handler.

0:39:070:39:10

Thank you.

0:39:100:39:11

LAUGHTER That's right - a material handler.

0:39:110:39:13

And do you know what it handles?

0:39:130:39:15

A melon, a shed and a Volvo.

0:39:150:39:18

Watch this.

0:39:180:39:20

Hello. This is the Terex Fuchs MHL360,

0:39:200:39:24

and it handles stuff really well.

0:39:240:39:27

Check this out.

0:39:270:39:28

OK, now, to help me with this,

0:39:300:39:32

I brought my trusty digger-mate Ross Noble.

0:39:320:39:34

He's going to help me play material handler bowling.

0:39:340:39:38

He's super-confident.

0:39:380:39:39

Ross, what did you bring to the table?

0:39:390:39:41

I brought the Sennebogen, the 830E eco version.

0:39:410:39:46

Basically, it can rip out trees without angering protesters.

0:39:460:39:51

OK, so the rules are pretty simple.

0:39:520:39:55

You've got a pile of scrap.

0:39:550:39:56

You've got to pick the stuff up and throw it at the shed.

0:39:560:40:00

Three turns each.

0:40:000:40:02

-Whoever knocks down the most sheds wins.

-Sweet.

0:40:020:40:05

OK, you go first.

0:40:050:40:07

I'm ready. Go for it.

0:40:070:40:08

Ah, going for the washing machine.

0:40:100:40:13

Here we go!

0:40:130:40:14

Yeah!

0:40:170:40:19

I might have overshot a bit.

0:40:190:40:21

All right, one down. My turn.

0:40:210:40:24

All right, I've got a bathtub now.

0:40:240:40:26

Son of a bitch. I missed it.

0:40:310:40:34

That was not impressive. OK, your turn.

0:40:340:40:37

Ooh, you're going for the jet ski. Nice one.

0:40:370:40:39

Let her rip!

0:40:410:40:42

-Oh-ho-ho-ho! Beautiful!

-Woohoo!

0:40:450:40:48

Beautiful! What are you, three sheds?

0:40:480:40:51

Three to nothing. You're winning.

0:40:510:40:53

I've got to make up for it here.

0:40:530:40:55

It's looking good. It's looking good.

0:40:550:40:57

Keep it going. Keep it...

0:40:570:40:59

Go round again. Go round again.

0:40:590:41:00

One more time. That's it.

0:41:000:41:02

Keep going. Keep going. You look like you work at the fair.

0:41:020:41:05

Whee!

0:41:060:41:07

Scream if you want to go faster! Go!

0:41:070:41:09

Yes!

0:41:090:41:11

Woohoo!

0:41:110:41:13

Got it! MATT LAUGHS

0:41:130:41:16

SIREN WAILS Hey, Ross, do you hear that siren?

0:41:160:41:18

That must mean it's half-time melons.

0:41:180:41:20

Let's have some.

0:41:200:41:21

It's a very civilised game.

0:41:230:41:24

SIREN WAILS

0:41:290:41:30

OK, I guess that means melon time's over.

0:41:300:41:33

Right, are we going for the cars?

0:41:330:41:35

Definitely.

0:41:350:41:36

All right, he's got the scrap Volvo.

0:41:390:41:41

Winding it up...

0:41:410:41:42

Here we go.

0:41:420:41:43

MACHINE HUMS

0:41:430:41:46

-Oh!

-Oh, that was a miss.

0:41:510:41:54

I'm out of the game. That's me.

0:41:540:41:56

It's all down to you now.

0:41:560:41:57

I've got you!

0:41:590:42:00

Don't make my mistake. Go high. Go high.

0:42:000:42:04

OK, I need three sheds to win.

0:42:040:42:06

MATT CHUCKLES

0:42:110:42:14

That's got to be it.

0:42:140:42:16

Yep. You've definitely won.

0:42:160:42:18

All right, then, I think...

0:42:180:42:19

I think I'm going to have one more go at the car.

0:42:200:42:23

I can't get enough.

0:42:230:42:25

You can spin your claw... I didn't know you could spin the claw.

0:42:250:42:28

Spin it!

0:42:280:42:30

Got it!

0:42:350:42:36

Yay!

0:42:360:42:38

So there you have it - the Terex Fuchs MHL360.

0:42:390:42:45

It handles stuff.

0:42:450:42:46

It drops stuff.

0:42:460:42:48

It crushes stuff really well.

0:42:480:42:50

CHEERING

0:42:530:42:55

-Come on, how fun was that?

-Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

0:42:570:43:00

And you... You drive a tractor as well, right?

0:43:000:43:02

Yeah, yeah, I drive a tractor, and whilst I think, you know,

0:43:020:43:05

you've got a load of digging machinery,

0:43:050:43:07

I bought a JCB, and that was a joy, the fact that...

0:43:070:43:11

Cos there's not...

0:43:110:43:12

I don't know many other people who are...

0:43:120:43:14

who are quite into, you know,

0:43:140:43:15

that sort of heavy plant machinery just for fun,

0:43:150:43:19

but, you know, people do it for a job.

0:43:190:43:20

-LAUGHTER I know.

-They do it for a job.

0:43:200:43:22

I know, I think we're in the wrong line of work.

0:43:220:43:24

Yeah. Oh, it was great.

0:43:240:43:25

But just to... Just... Do you ever just, erm...

0:43:250:43:28

Do you ever just dig a big hole, just cos you can?

0:43:300:43:35

Yes! Yes!

0:43:350:43:37

-That's it.

-Right?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Is that the best thing ever?

0:43:370:43:40

Have you ever gone out and started digging a hole,

0:43:400:43:42

and it's got, like, too big...

0:43:420:43:44

-Yeah.

-..and it's got to the point where you're in the hole,

0:43:440:43:47

and you go, "Oh, no, I should have just..."

0:43:470:43:49

-And you hit water - did you ever do that?

-Oh, yeah.

0:43:490:43:51

-There you go. That's...

-Yeah.

0:43:510:43:52

"Did I break something? Ooh, let's fill that back in."

0:43:520:43:54

-Yeah, but it's fun.

-I can't believe it.

0:43:540:43:57

Like, this is the only other man who I've ever met

0:43:570:44:00

who has also built a dirt track and also has the heavy machinery.

0:44:000:44:03

-It's like...

-You make a lovely couple.

-We do.

0:44:030:44:05

-This is the first time...

-We do.

-You know what?

0:44:050:44:07

Coming on this show feels like being part of a support group.

0:44:070:44:10

OK, I think it's time to see how you did on your timed lap.

0:44:130:44:16

How did it go out there?

0:44:160:44:18

It was a lot of fun.

0:44:180:44:19

It was a lot of fun, but, all day long,

0:44:190:44:20

people have just been talking about the Olympians.

0:44:200:44:22

You know, Max Whitlock...

0:44:220:44:24

They've been talking about Chris Hoy, just saying,

0:44:240:44:26

"They're focused. They're machines. They just...

0:44:260:44:28

"They're the most focused human beings on the planet."

0:44:280:44:31

Erm...

0:44:310:44:33

I'm not the most focused human being on the planet, so we'll see.

0:44:330:44:37

-But sometimes loose is fast.

-OK.

-You never know.

0:44:370:44:39

-All right, let's take a look.

-Let's have a look.

0:44:390:44:42

-Here he goes, then.

-TYRES SCREECH

0:44:420:44:45

Well, that wasn't the best start.

0:44:450:44:46

A bit of a fumble, there.

0:44:460:44:48

Nicolas Cage, Gone In 60 Seconds - think about that. Right, OK.

0:44:480:44:52

"OK, let's ride!" Oh, no. Hands on the wheel.

0:44:520:44:53

Hands on the wheel - that's quite important.

0:44:530:44:55

So what's it going to be like into this first corner?

0:44:550:44:59

Braking's pretty good.

0:44:590:45:00

And the line's pretty good too.

0:45:000:45:03

And you've hung on to third gear and, look,

0:45:030:45:04

you're using all the circuit, out on to the outside there.

0:45:040:45:07

It's impressive.

0:45:070:45:08

Braking into Chicago.

0:45:080:45:11

What's that? Ooh, and you've hooked second gear,

0:45:110:45:13

just locked the back up. Lost a bit of time.

0:45:130:45:15

Do it hard, da-ba, da-ba, da-ba!

0:45:150:45:17

What was that noise that just came out of my face?

0:45:170:45:21

Now down the right-hand side of the back straight.

0:45:210:45:25

What can you carry?

0:45:250:45:26

Fourth gear, we're going to get a trigger of brake light.

0:45:260:45:29

-Yes.

-Oh, madam!

0:45:290:45:31

I've no idea what you're saying, but the line's good.

0:45:320:45:35

The line is good.

0:45:350:45:37

Oh, madam!

0:45:370:45:38

Why do I keep saying, "Oh, madam"?

0:45:380:45:40

Down to the follow-through.

0:45:430:45:44

Oh, a bit mobile at the rear there.

0:45:440:45:46

Mobile at the rear and a whoosh.

0:45:460:45:48

-Ooh,

-BLEEP,

-shu-hoo-hoo!

0:45:480:45:50

That was quite squirrely.

0:45:500:45:53

Now this is the trail brake

0:45:530:45:55

which you didn't get right last time.

0:45:550:45:57

OK.

0:45:570:45:58

That was neat and you've used all the circuit too.

0:45:580:46:01

Neat is fast, Ross. Neat is fast.

0:46:010:46:03

Over the line.

0:46:030:46:05

I think that looks quick.

0:46:050:46:07

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:46:070:46:10

All right. Well...

0:46:100:46:13

-what do you think?

-Ahh...

-You feeling confident?

0:46:130:46:15

I think that it was...

0:46:150:46:18

That car, to be fair, that car really does just go

0:46:180:46:22

all over the place. And I think looking at that,

0:46:220:46:24

the start wasn't particularly good. It was a bit...

0:46:240:46:27

So, yeah, I'm... Yeah, I think if I could beat the Doctor,

0:46:270:46:30

if I could beat Tennant.

0:46:300:46:33

Imagine though, Max... If I got faster than Max Whitlock,

0:46:330:46:36

I mean, he's an Olympian.

0:46:360:46:38

That's going to crush his world.

0:46:380:46:40

He's going to be sat at home just going, "Him, that shabby Geordie?"

0:46:410:46:45

OK. Well...

0:46:450:46:47

you never know.

0:46:470:46:49

Ooh.

0:46:490:46:50

Erm...

0:46:500:46:52

OK. Ross Noble, you did it

0:46:530:46:56

-in one minute...

-Yes!

0:46:560:46:58

-..30...

-Yes!

0:46:580:47:00

-..seven...

-Ooh!

-Oh!

0:47:030:47:06

-..point five. Lovely.

-Yes, yes!

0:47:060:47:09

That is a great effort. You should be happy.

0:47:110:47:13

He's an Olympian!

0:47:130:47:16

Oh, yes!

0:47:160:47:18

Ladies and gentlemen, Ross Noble. APPLAUSE

0:47:180:47:21

-Well done.

-I've crushed an Olympian's dreams!

0:47:210:47:23

Right.

0:47:310:47:32

Right, earlier on, Rory and I were exploring Cuba

0:47:320:47:36

and its unique motoring culture.

0:47:360:47:38

That's right and after our first day on the island,

0:47:380:47:40

we managed to find some classic cars and some very passionate drag racers

0:47:400:47:44

who had, let's be honest, destroyed us.

0:47:440:47:46

Correct, but we weren't done with Cuba yet.

0:47:460:47:49

The next morning we continued our Cuban adventure

0:47:520:47:55

along the stunning north coast.

0:47:550:47:58

It's a new dawn, a new day, my car's running beautifully,

0:47:580:48:02

I've got the top down, the sun's rising.

0:48:020:48:05

Bring it on!

0:48:050:48:06

Having been thrashed once by our new drag racing friends,

0:48:060:48:10

we wanted a rematch and had arranged to meet them again that afternoon.

0:48:100:48:14

But first we were heading for the capital,

0:48:140:48:17

the beating heart of Cuba, to see what motoring curiosities

0:48:170:48:21

the legendary city had to offer.

0:48:210:48:23

Oh, yes!

0:48:250:48:27

This is it. Havana, baby.

0:48:270:48:30

A pretty special looking place, look at it.

0:48:300:48:33

It's falling down but magnificent at the same time.

0:48:330:48:37

'And the cars...

0:48:370:48:39

'oh, yeah, they were Cuban.'

0:48:390:48:42

Oh, now, this is cool. Tell me this isn't cool.

0:48:440:48:48

'Just like the drag race,

0:48:480:48:49

'this was another living museum of not quite right Americana.'

0:48:490:48:54

Well, that one's a Ford, that black thing.

0:48:540:48:56

This thing next to me is a Chevy, that's a Deluxe something.

0:48:560:49:00

The problem is they've all been slightly tweaked, haven't they?

0:49:000:49:03

So they don't always have the correct headlights

0:49:030:49:06

and sort of dressings and features.

0:49:060:49:09

The only thing you can be certain of is that they're not new.

0:49:090:49:13

OK. This green thing to my left.

0:49:130:49:16

-ON RADIO:

-'I'm guessing a...

0:49:160:49:19

'Pontiac.'

0:49:190:49:20

Pontiac? Pontiac?

0:49:200:49:23

In fact, I think it's an Oldsmobile, I think it's an Oldsmobile.

0:49:230:49:26

Ah, he said it is a Pontiac "ocho-ocho".

0:49:260:49:30

I don't know, I don't know what that is.

0:49:300:49:33

Chris, these guys have just got married.

0:49:390:49:42

In years to come, they'll look back and say,

0:49:420:49:44

"Do you remember we got married

0:49:440:49:45

"and we saw the worst muscle car ever made?"

0:49:450:49:48

-Rev, rev, rev!

-CAR REVS

0:49:480:49:50

Yeah!

0:49:500:49:51

'Undeterred, though, Rory set about winning over Havana.

0:49:510:49:54

'And, not being irritating enough already,

0:49:560:49:59

'had decided to start calling his car the 'Maro.'

0:49:590:50:02

-CAR REVS

-'Maro!

0:50:020:50:05

Chevy.

0:50:050:50:06

Hola! I've made some friends, Chris.

0:50:110:50:15

He just wanted a closer look at the 'Maro!

0:50:150:50:18

Can you stop calling it the 'Maro?

0:50:180:50:20

-I'm a tourist attraction.

-That's one word for it.

0:50:200:50:24

Honestly, though, Rory could have the limelight

0:50:270:50:30

because I'd found what I'd really come to Havana for.

0:50:300:50:34

This road I'm driving on is the Malecon,

0:50:360:50:40

and that's special because this is the place

0:50:400:50:43

where the first two Cuban Grand Prix took place, on this road.

0:50:430:50:46

I'm in a Maserati where Maseratis once raced.

0:50:460:50:49

This was a rare privilege.

0:50:510:50:53

60 years since Fangio won the first Cuban Grand Prix,

0:50:530:50:57

over 200,000 fans lining the streets,

0:50:570:51:01

it was a time of danger, of glamour, a national obsession.

0:51:010:51:06

Cuba had lost its love of racing but now,

0:51:080:51:11

through a handful of dedicated racers, it was back.

0:51:110:51:14

And as racers, they were very good...

0:51:160:51:20

in a straight line.

0:51:200:51:21

'It was time for the rematch.'

0:51:270:51:29

The boys are back in town.

0:51:290:51:31

'And this time we would be racing on our terms.'

0:51:310:51:35

OK, guys. You absolutely thrashed us in the drag races,

0:51:350:51:39

you owned us completely.

0:51:390:51:41

So we played by your rules

0:51:410:51:42

and I think it's time that you played by our rules.

0:51:420:51:46

We want to introduce...

0:51:460:51:48

-corners.

-Oh, no, no.

0:51:480:51:50

Have you ever driven around corners before?

0:51:500:51:52

No, no, no!

0:51:520:51:54

-Ah.

-No, no, no.

-Never.

-Never?

0:51:540:51:57

'With the playing field nicely levelled, then,

0:51:570:52:00

'I set about preparing the circuit

0:52:000:52:03

'while Chris gave the competition a bit of cornering 101.'

0:52:030:52:07

The anatomy of the corner.

0:52:080:52:10

Entry...

0:52:100:52:12

clip...

0:52:120:52:14

then the exit.

0:52:140:52:16

Arghhh!

0:52:210:52:23

We turn, get on the power.

0:52:270:52:29

-Whoa.

-Whoopa!

0:52:290:52:31

-And then we get the exit.

-OK!

0:52:310:52:33

So, do you understand corners now? Good?

0:52:450:52:48

-Bueno?

-HE SPEAKS IN SPANISH

0:52:480:52:50

-That was easy.

-You've passed your test.

0:52:520:52:55

Do you know what, mate?

0:52:590:53:01

This might not be the most hi-tech set-up

0:53:010:53:04

but, in our own messy little way,

0:53:040:53:06

we're about to make a bit of history here.

0:53:060:53:09

'Yes, with a few scattered tyres making up an oval track,

0:53:090:53:13

'complete with chicane,

0:53:130:53:15

'we were about to throw the first circuit race in Cuba for 57 years.

0:53:150:53:19

'Naturally, qualification for this historic event would be decided

0:53:210:53:24

'by the highly technical...

0:53:240:53:25

'..drawing of straws.'

0:53:270:53:28

Four.

0:53:290:53:31

Seven.

0:53:310:53:33

LAUGHTER

0:53:330:53:35

-It's a stitch up, isn't it?

-Good luck.

0:53:350:53:38

Taking our places on the grid, then,

0:53:410:53:45

fourth Cuban Grand Prix would be contested over as many laps.

0:53:450:53:50

And starting from seventh place,

0:53:500:53:52

if I was going to prove the Maserati's racing pedigree,

0:53:520:53:56

I would have to come from the back of the pack.

0:53:560:53:58

Dear Lord, that Ford was making some noise then.

0:54:000:54:04

He also has a pair of testicles dangling down

0:54:040:54:07

from the back of his car.

0:54:070:54:08

Fangio, Moss, Reid,

0:54:110:54:16

got quite a nice ring to it.

0:54:160:54:17

This is just so cool.

0:54:220:54:24

Come on, baby.

0:54:240:54:25

I've passed one. I've passed one.

0:54:320:54:35

There's the big Ford, get up the inside of him.

0:54:390:54:41

He's quite quick.

0:54:440:54:47

Up the inside?

0:54:470:54:48

Yeah, why not?

0:54:480:54:50

'After one lap, Chris had already climbed up to fourth.

0:54:500:54:54

'The Maserati was on a mission but I was still ahead in third.'

0:54:540:54:58

OK!

0:54:580:55:00

Two Cubans in front of me.

0:55:000:55:02

RORY LAUGHS

0:55:020:55:04

Stay with them, 'Maro, stay with them. Stay with them, baby, come on.

0:55:040:55:07

Oh, they're quick in a straight line!

0:55:070:55:10

Oh, my goodness.

0:55:100:55:11

'While Rory focused on the cars in front, though...'

0:55:110:55:15

I've got Reid in front of me now.

0:55:150:55:18

Oh, Harris is right behind me!

0:55:180:55:20

Not sure I can do him here.

0:55:240:55:26

Oh, Harris is right up my inside!

0:55:270:55:29

No!

0:55:310:55:33

Oh, he's got me!

0:55:330:55:34

There we go, Reid.

0:55:350:55:37

Damn you, Harris!

0:55:380:55:40

My knob's come off!

0:55:440:55:46

Rory Reid's under pressure.

0:55:470:55:49

'Going into the last lap,

0:55:530:55:55

'Chris had just the two fastest Cubans in front.'

0:55:550:55:58

Right, let's catch the locals.

0:55:590:56:01

I've got one. I've done one, I've done one.

0:56:060:56:09

I've done one.

0:56:090:56:10

'And there was only one thing he had come for...

0:56:140:56:18

'to give his Maserati the win.'

0:56:180:56:20

Come on! Yeah, Maserati leads again!

0:56:220:56:25

Nice work, nice!

0:56:250:56:27

RORY LAUGHS

0:56:300:56:32

Once again, a Maserati leads in Cuba!

0:56:340:56:37

Oh, history, it's history.

0:56:420:56:45

'A tiny piece of history, perhaps,

0:56:480:56:51

'but this small collection of cars on this ragged assembly of corners

0:56:510:56:56

'had achieved something not seen for a generation.'

0:56:560:56:59

-Well done.

-Well done.

0:56:590:57:01

Oh, my God. Well done, well done.

0:57:010:57:04

-Well done, man.

-Fantastic.

0:57:040:57:06

Well done, man. Well done.

0:57:060:57:08

'Cuba had raced...'

0:57:090:57:11

Fantastic. Thank you, guys. Thank you.

0:57:110:57:14

'..and we had been there.

0:57:140:57:16

'And while it didn't look like much, it felt special.'

0:57:160:57:20

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Yeah!

0:57:220:57:24

-That was great. That was great.

-Amazing.

0:57:240:57:27

Also, can we please just say a huge thank you to the people of Cuba?

0:57:270:57:31

-Yep.

-Great sports.

-Mm-hm.

-And good drivers too.

-Yeah.

0:57:310:57:34

OK, so, let me get this straight now,

0:57:340:57:36

you had a race around corners on a course that you designed,

0:57:360:57:41

against a bunch of locals who've never raced around corners.

0:57:410:57:45

-Yeah.

-Uh-huh.

0:57:450:57:46

And they were driving cars from the 1950s

0:57:460:57:48

and you beat them in your much newer Italian sports car.

0:57:480:57:52

-Correct.

-Yeah, and then you celebrated

0:57:520:57:54

as if you'd just won the Monaco Grand Prix.

0:57:540:57:57

-Yes.

-Yeah.

0:57:580:58:00

How do you feel about yourself?

0:58:000:58:02

-Not so great now.

-Yeah.

0:58:020:58:04

Do you think you could have at least left the cars there

0:58:040:58:06

-for the Cubans?

-Well...

-Matt, I wanted to, honestly.

0:58:060:58:08

I was trying to tell him, anyway,

0:58:080:58:10

but it turned out the government would've charged them

0:58:100:58:12

like 20 grand in import duty

0:58:120:58:13

and it didn't quite seem the right thing to do,

0:58:130:58:16

-no matter how great the 'Maro is.

-What? Stop, Rory. Please stop.

0:58:160:58:19

It's not called a 'Maro.

0:58:190:58:21

Listen, Matt, you're American, tell him.

0:58:210:58:23

Yeah, yeah, he's right, I am American and no one...

0:58:230:58:26

No one calls it a 'Maro, OK?

0:58:260:58:30

All right, next week's show,

0:58:300:58:31

I drive an eight-wheeled Russian thing.

0:58:310:58:34

I drive the new Porsche Cayman.

0:58:340:58:36

And we turn the world's ugliest car into a luxury yacht.

0:58:360:58:39

We'll see you then.

0:58:390:58:40

ALL: Goodnight!

0:58:400:58:42

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:58:420:58:45

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