Episode 8 Total Wipeout


Episode 8

Richard Hammond and Amanda Byram present the game show where 20 contestants take on one of television's largest and most extreme obstacle courses.


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Transcript


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Buenos Aires, Argentina. London, England.

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Minsk, Belarus. These are all cities in the world,

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but only one of them plays host to the mighty Total Wipeout obstacle course,

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where 20 British men and women, including a fireman, a funeral director,

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and a line dancing coach are about to put their brains and bodies to the test. One will win.

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But far more entertaining will be the 19 who don't.

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This is a Total Wipeout!

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Let the games begin.

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Welcome once again and I'm afraid this is the last show in the series but don't cry for me, Argentina -

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at least not until you've seen a few more plucky Brits bumping into things and falling over.

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For one of those accident-prone contestants, there's a £10,000 prize.

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Let's look at what they'll be falling off today.

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The Qualifier, that's gonna hurt.

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The Sweeper, that's really gonna hurt.

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Dizzy Dummies, that's really, really gonna hurt.

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And finally, the Wipeout Zone.

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That's gonna hurt, too, but at least someone wins.

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The one bit everyone gets a go at is the Qualifier.

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For some of them, it's also the only bit they get a go at. Only 12 can progress to the next round.

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Here's what they've got to beat.

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They're back, the Topple Towers. Never before have foam blocks been so terrifying.

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Next, the Sucker Punch, otherwise known as the Muddy Swiv.

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Then it's everyone's favourite, well, everyone but our contestants, it's the Big Balls.

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And back by popular demand, again, excluding the contestants,

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is the Leap of Faith.

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Some people have said it's not my job to laugh at the contestants and they're right.

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It's Amanda's job and she's on the course right now with the first of today's competitors.

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I'm joined at the top of the Total Wipeout course by the beautiful Cassandra.

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Is there anything you're not afraid of?

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No, I'm a trained beautician.

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I'm hoping to get a free mud pack out there.

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-If you win, what would be your victory dance?

-It would be...

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MUSIC: "Can't Touch This" by MC HAMMER

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# Can't touch this! #

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You cannot touch that.

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-Good luck, Cassandra.

-Thank you very much.

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# You can't touch that! #

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Get ready to watch me rock and roll around this course.

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-HORN BLOWS

-Cassandra is from Broadstairs in Kent.

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She was a runner-up in Miss Broadstairs 2000.

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Will she achieve similar success today?

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She's out of the water and on the move...

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..ish.

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Flapping her way round to the Topple Towers now.

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OK...

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D'oh! Here goes the mud pack.

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# Can't touch this! #

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Catches every contestant by surprise, this one.

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Gets more of a chin pack, right now.

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A very specific area she's targeting. Oh, dear!

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Onto the Sucker Punch. Or as Cassandra sees it,

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a firm all-over body massage.

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Come on, Cassandra.

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Oh! There you go, it's good for you!

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# Stop, Hammer time! #

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Quite a gentle landing in the mud there.

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Sat down gracefully.

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Where's she gone? Here she is!

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I'm not saying anything at this point.

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This is slippy! Man, them's some Big Balls.

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Yes, Cassandra, them are indeed some Big Balls.

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Will she be the fourth person ever to cross them?

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-HE LAUGHS

-Oh!

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No, she won't! No.

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Did she actually kick herself in the head there?

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Good skills. Not many can do that.

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The clock is still ticking as Cassandra climbs

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up the ladder to head for a swing

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on the Leap of Faith.

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Still not saying anything.

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No.

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OK, here we go. First swing of the day.

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The run, the swing and now the landing...

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..Ooh, dear.

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That's a fantastic G-string and one heck of a rope burn for Cassandra.

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Still, Cassandra manages to reach the finish

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in a surprisingly good time of 3 minutes, 53.

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That's not bad.

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# You can't touch this. #

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I'm joined at the start of the Qualifier by student Chris.

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I take it you'd normally be in bed at this time of day?

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-What do you study?

-Physics and I'll use the laws of physics to my advantage on this course.

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That, Chris, is really cool(!)

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I'm going to bounce, pounce and trounce this course. Come on!

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Hang on, what did he just do there? Is that some sort of secret physics thing?

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-Come on!

-He did it again! What's that?

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It might help. He's away.

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Aw, shins! Pretty fast, though.

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That's a fast start. The Topple Towers.

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Wow! Absolutely flying over them.

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He flew over the FIRST set, anyway.

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He's a sprightly young thing, isn't he?

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Will Professor Chris's knowledge help him defeat the Sucker Punch?

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Very much not.

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I think his head nearly came off then.

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The Sucker Punch has taken the wind out of his sails a bit.

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Come on, professor.

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The Big Balls await.

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Here comes Chris. Bounce, pounce...

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And oh, my, did he trounce.

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He may have left his face on the ball.

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Newton's third law of motion states to every action there's an equal and opposite reaction.

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Go back for your face there(!)

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Just the Leap of Faith now.

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Oh, yes, oh, no!

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Yeah, Chris illustrating perfectly Newton's second law of motion -

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force = mass x acceleration.

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Chris finishes a punishing physics lecture in one minute, 50.

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Meet 32-year-old London PA Helen.

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Her hobbies include skiing, weight boarding and mountain biking.

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I'm a lean, mean, Total Wipeout machine!

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-HORN BLOWS

-Good..! Here she goes.

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Ow! Not a good start!

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She's going to have a headache for about four weeks.

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That's... Ooh!

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Will she battle through, though?

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Yes, head-butt Helen is up and onto the Topple Towers...

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and straight off them again.

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She's gone.

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She's hiding.

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Helen was Sportsgirl of the Year four years in a row at school.

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Come on, Sportsgirl of the Year.

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-You can make mincemeat of the balls.

-Oh, geez!

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Oh...oh!

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Oh, dear.

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# She dives under the sea into the world below

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# Where beauty and mystery

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# Can always be found. #

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Next to go, 39-year-old James the undertaker.

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He can do 75 press-ups, 16 pull-ups and this...

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..None of which will help here.

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The Big Balls... Ooh, no, he's gone for the face plant.

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Wasn't as good as Professor Chris's, but it was good.

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James is a father of two.

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His kids will be proud because this time he's really fast.

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Can he be first on to the podium? He's got to land it.

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Can he? No. There's your answer.

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Despite that wonderful rope burn,

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James clocks up the fastest time so far today, one minute, 37.

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The next unwitting competitor is 32-year-old support worker Kerry from Sussex.

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I hear your name could be the key to your success today.

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Yes, my name is Kerry. # K is for kick, the Mai Tai type.

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# E is for enthusiasm, Energy and hype.

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# R is for run. Run Kerry, run.

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# R is remembering the sets To be done.

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# Y is for yes. Yes, yes, yes! #

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I feel a bit strange after that. I don't know how to take it.

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Right, the Sucker Punch.

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Here we go...

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Keeping your balance... Oh! that came out of nowhere!

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That was personal. So the Sucker Punch claims another victim.

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There's a pattern emerging. See if you can work out what it is.

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Boxing coach and personal trainer, Tayah...

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..Sucker Punch wins.

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Warehouse supervisor, Sundy...

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..Sucker Punch wins.

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Soldier Mark spent 12 years in the army...

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..Sucker Punch wins.

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After 151 bouts and 143 victories,

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the Sucker Punch is the undisputed MDF champion of the world.

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I'm 31, I'm from Belfast.

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I'm here to prove that I'm not a lamb, I'm a ram and I'm going to take this course by the horns.

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That was a really good sheep metaphor, Joe.

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-Come on.

-Yes,

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Joe is off down the ram...p.

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He's in the water...

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He is out the water and onto the pontoons.

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OK Joe, let's go. Speed now.

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Where Joe just fell, we haven't named that.

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It's just a flat surface.

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The Topple Towers... Oh, dear.

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I saw that coming, to be honest. I think Joe did too.

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Onto the Sucker Punch.

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His pace has slowed to a trot now.

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No!

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A lesser man would have thrown in the towel after a punch like that.

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That connected.

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But not our Joe.

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Come on.

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-Come on, Joe.

-Yes, come on, Joe.

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It's like that Rocky film...

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Sort of.

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Will Joe make the Big Balls?

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Come on, Joe. I love this guy, I want him to make it.

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Come on, look at the grit, determination.

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-You can do it, Joe.

-You can.

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Oh, yes, you can.

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-You've still got time to get to the bookies if you fancy.

-Catch your breath.

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Walk backwards and take a running jump.

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He's reaching deep inside.

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He's going to do it.

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Amazing stuff! To see a human being push themselves that far.

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-Are you all right?

-Yes.

-Keep going!

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You are on a roll.

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Come on, Joe, you're doing this for

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everyone and anyone who's ever struggled with anything.

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Crawling to the Leap of Faith...

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This is moving.

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Look at him. Joe, now an example to every man, woman and child

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in this country, because when the going gets tough, does Joe give up?

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No, he gets going and he still is.

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Just a swing now, the Leap of Faith, a land on the podium. What a guy.

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A man who battles through thick and thin, a man...oh.

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He fell off the rope.

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What a hero.

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There he is!

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Sheepish Joe with an epic time of five minutes, 19.

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That is exactly what Total Wipeout is all about.

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Where does that put sheepish Joe on our leaderboard? Will he be top?

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He has just been pipped by James,

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Chris, Tayah, Mark, Helen, Sundy, Kerry and Cassandra.

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Still love him, though.

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Let's press on.

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Do you have any particular strengths you can bring to the course today?

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Not particularly, no.

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OK.

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Oh, well, perhaps 23-year-old Reza from Milton Keynes

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will discover a new strength today on the Total Wipeout course.

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He suffered on the way there but he's still got something left.

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Oh, stealth.

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I don't believe this. We have been here before.

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He looks like he has the making...

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..Really have been here before.

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I thought he was going to do it.

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Tough luck.

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This is 20 year-old barmaid from London, Yuki.

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She's quick across the Topple Towers. That is very impressive.

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And the second set.

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That is the best we have seen today.

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Come on, Yuki. The Sucker Punch.

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Timid start...

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..not so quick there.

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Royston, what do you do for a living?

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I run a consultancy training business

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and I work with organisations to inspire their people to be the best that they can be.

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How are you going to inspire yourself to be the best you can be out on that course today?

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I'm going to apply the principles I teach in the marketplace. Number one, visualisation.

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-OK, let's visualise along with Royston.

-Visualisation...

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OK...

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Yeah, you didn't visualise that, did you, Royston?

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I've already seen myself at the finish line.

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OK.

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Visualising...

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..that's not what I'd got.

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That's amazing. I actually visualised Royston making a clot of himself on national TV.

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Oh, Royston!

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Can you do that again?

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No, I meant the falling bit.

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Just for Amanda and for all of Royston's friends and family.

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Here comes Dave the fireman, our 13th competitor.

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So far no-one has completed the Leap Of Faith,

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so can he show Royston how it's done?

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The launch...

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and stop the clock... No, start it again.

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Dave is a fireman. Let's hope he handles a hose better than he handled that rope.

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That went well(!)

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Now for today's oldest competitor, 55-year-old Anne.

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I run a cleaning business, I teach aqua fit and, in my spare time, I teach line-dancing.

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Five, six, seven, eight...!

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MUSIC: "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by Rednex

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I apologise for the music, really, I do.

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It's a BBC regulation, if somebody mentions line-dancing,

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we legally have to play this.

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Step, two, three,

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fall in the mud, two, three. It's going well. Oh, dear.

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The Topple Towers claim another victim.

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Second set now...

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So how will our fitness instructor do on the Sucker Punch?

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At least we get to see her aqua fit skills in action there.

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Ouch!

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It must feel personal, out of spite, but it's not.

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Anne runs her own business.

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OK, line dance fans.

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A line-dancing class and also keeps fit. She must be pretty agile

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so perhaps she can be the first to beat our Big Balls today?

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Come on, Anne.

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She's composed, I think she can do... Oh, no,

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she can't. She fell in.

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# If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe... #

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That's a beautiful move as she enters the water.

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-Nearly there, Anne.

-Come on, Anne.

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One last bit.

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Step, two, three, four, run, two, three, four, leap, two, three, four,

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and then land...

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Yeees, she's landed on the podium, I don't believe that.

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The first to land on the podium today.

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Let's take a second look at the leaderboard.

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James the undertaker is at the top of the table

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followed by Professor Chris and Dave.

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Royston has stepped in at four,

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Tayah, Mark, head-butt Helen in 9th.

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Poor old cotton-eyed Anne and sheepish Joe

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have fallen off the end of the leaderboard.

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Princess Cassandra is hanging in there in 12th.

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So, we've had 14 contestants, let's see, hang on...

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"Cotton Eyed-Joe" PLAYS

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-..is there a reason that music is still playing?

-MUSIC STOPS

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Thank you. Let's go back to the course.

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We join 19-year-old student Michelle on the Big Balls.

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She seems to be weighed down by some seriously over-sized clothing.

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Like a true Brit, rolls up her trouser legs...

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and goes for a paddle.

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Oh, dear.

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I think the pool might need a top-up.

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Now, this is Martin from Loughborough.

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In his spare time, he's a gymnast, which bodes well.

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Oh, wow. That was, staggering.

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A near perfect 10.

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That's... Look at that!

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That was brilliant!

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Emerging from the swamp is sporty Sophie.

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She's at rower, she's a runner, she's a cyclist...

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Come on! You big, wet ball!

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And she's scaring me right now.

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Show me what you've got! Wah!

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Ooh! And she's performed a perfect vertical entry, there.

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Let's watch that again.

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She takes a leap, screams, high-fives the ball, starts crying and into the water. Nice.

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She got a lot done in a short time.

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We join sales consultant Grant at the balls now.

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Making his approach. The key moment.

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Woo. Amazing stuff!

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I believe we have ourselves the first Total Wipeout human pinball.

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There we go.

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MUSIC: "Pinball Wizard" by The Who

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# I just handed My pinball crown to him... #

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We've spent a lot of time with the Big Balls

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over the last eight weeks and I for one am really going to miss them.

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# Seen you cry, seen you smile, I've watched you sleeping for a while

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# I'll be the father of your child

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# I'd spend a lifetime with you

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# I know your fears And you know mine

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# We've had our doubts But now we're fine and I love you

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# I swear that's true

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# I cannot live without you

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# Goodbye, my lover Goodbye, my... #

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-Wah!

-Woah!

0:22:090:22:11

Thanks, Big Balls, but before you're deflated and stored in a box

0:22:130:22:17

at the back of the Total Wipeout garage,

0:22:170:22:19

you've still got two more contestants to humiliate.

0:22:190:22:22

Woman!

0:22:220:22:24

Its 28-year-old fitness officer, Susan.

0:22:250:22:28

How can you be a fitness OFFICER? What is she? Colonel Susan?

0:22:280:22:32

Oh, that is very impressive indeed.

0:22:350:22:37

Great work from the Colonel.

0:22:370:22:39

James the undertaker has the fastest time, one minute 37,

0:22:410:22:44

but Susan is closing in on it.

0:22:440:22:46

This is amazing stuff.

0:22:460:22:49

One minute 37, I don't believe this! Susan is joint leader with James.

0:22:490:22:54

-Come on!

-Total Wipeout, I'm going to eat you alive. Come on!

0:22:540:22:59

HORN BLOWS

0:22:590:23:00

25-year-old designing engineer Lee, he's last onto the Qualifier

0:23:000:23:05

and he's got some quick times to beat. But he's quick.

0:23:050:23:09

Very much in control...agh!

0:23:090:23:13

Ow!

0:23:130:23:15

Ow. Ow. Ow...

0:23:150:23:19

Ow.

0:23:220:23:25

He's carrying on after that!

0:23:250:23:27

Someone give him a medal.

0:23:270:23:29

We've got Colonel Susan and General Lee now.

0:23:300:23:34

No! Urgh!

0:23:370:23:40

Onto the balls for the next thing.

0:23:410:23:44

Amazing. He's on the second. How can he...?

0:23:440:23:47

Onto the third! Come on, Lee! What's left of you, man.

0:23:470:23:50

-Battle on. This is heroic.

-So close!

0:23:500:23:54

This is a phenomenal time though, I think Lee could be in the lead here.

0:23:560:24:01

A lot of pain, but in the lead.

0:24:010:24:04

If he manages to land on the podium, he will go into the lead.

0:24:040:24:07

Come on, the General.

0:24:070:24:09

-Oh! You have got to be kidding! No!

-Orff!

0:24:150:24:19

Still, the water will be soothing.

0:24:220:24:24

Only three seconds behind James and Susan.

0:24:260:24:29

Let's have a final look at the leaderboard.

0:24:310:24:34

That is a Total Wipeout first.

0:24:340:24:35

Undertaker James and Colonel Susan tie in joint first place,

0:24:350:24:39

closely followed by General Lee.

0:24:390:24:41

Professor Chris, gymnast Martin and Dave in 4th, 5th and 6th.

0:24:410:24:44

Step Meister Royston in 7th.

0:24:440:24:47

Mark just sneaks through in 12th.

0:24:490:24:51

So, we now have our 12 competitors to go through to the next round.

0:24:510:24:55

And that's the last of the Qualifier for this series.

0:24:550:24:58

If you want to have a go at the Qualifier,

0:24:580:25:00

what you need to do is fly over to Argentina, slip Eduardo a few pesos and hop over the security fence.

0:25:000:25:06

If I were you, I'd take a towel. Anyway, onto the next round.

0:25:060:25:09

The Sweeper's never nice but in this final week you really don't want to fall off, trust me.

0:25:140:25:19

That water is now eight weeks old. There's things living in it.

0:25:190:25:22

so we're looking to whittle the field down to the six who'll go through to the next round.

0:25:220:25:27

As ever, the game won't stop until we've found our last man standing.

0:25:270:25:31

For that person, a round of applause. For everyone else,

0:25:310:25:34

a round of inoculations.

0:25:340:25:36

So, standing tall on podium one, it's James the undertaker.

0:25:390:25:43

This lot need to hold my hand, I'm taking them to school, because I'm their daddy!

0:25:430:25:47

Don't understand that. On two and three, General Lee and Colonel Susan.

0:25:470:25:51

It's the sure ones you've got to watch, baby, yeah.

0:25:510:25:54

On four, it's step Meister Royston.

0:25:540:25:56

It's time to raise that bar, my feet are like glue, this podium is my stool. Bring it on.

0:25:560:26:02

On five and six, it's barmaid Yuki and Tayah.

0:26:020:26:06

On seven and eight, Dave, who still hasn't got a nickname, and gymnast Martin.

0:26:060:26:11

-And on nine, it's soldier Mark.

-Stand firm, strike hard!

0:26:110:26:15

Great advice. On ten and 11, it's sporty Sophie and stealthy Reza. Being stealthy.

0:26:150:26:20

Last, with the least dress sense, it's Professor Chris.

0:26:200:26:23

Good luck, guys, you'll need it when you're biting rubber.

0:26:230:26:27

It's the Sweeper. Are you all ready?

0:26:290:26:32

-Come on!

-Come on, let's do it! Three, two, one...

0:26:320:26:36

HORN BLOWS

0:26:360:26:40

So, the final Sweeper of the series gets under way.

0:26:430:26:46

Will this be a long battle of attrition or will they start dropping like flies?

0:26:460:26:51

Oh! Soldier Mark goes for dropping like a fly.

0:26:540:26:59

He's hit by the sweeper. He manages to hold on to the podium for ages and then gently rolls forward.

0:26:590:27:05

All the boys back at home, first off, what a loser.

0:27:050:27:08

I'll just have to take the stick.

0:27:080:27:11

So, unfortunate.

0:27:110:27:14

I can hear toes hitting that sweeper it's so close.

0:27:140:27:19

But they're all staying on.

0:27:190:27:21

11 still in play.

0:27:210:27:24

The loser's pen, there, full of losers.

0:27:240:27:28

Although the official BBC term is success deficient.

0:27:280:27:31

Got 11 sturdy contestants.

0:27:310:27:34

Need to knock a few more off.

0:27:340:27:37

This is impressive.

0:27:370:27:39

The sweeper getting faster and higher all the time.

0:27:390:27:41

Who's going to be next to go?

0:27:410:27:44

Higher!

0:27:440:27:46

This is amazing. There are all staying on.

0:27:480:27:50

It's getting higher.

0:27:500:27:53

So is the exchange rate.

0:27:530:27:55

We're paying these Argentinian cameramen in Euros.

0:27:550:27:57

Woo-hoo!

0:28:010:28:04

Come-on!

0:28:040:28:06

Oh! Sophie!

0:28:060:28:08

Sporty Sophie's gone. At least she wasn't first off.

0:28:080:28:11

I clipped it a couple of times on the rounds

0:28:210:28:23

the rounds before and I think it just took my feet from under me and I went in. Gutted.

0:28:230:28:29

So, we're down to our last, what, 10, are apparently still on.

0:28:290:28:34

Oh! Susan!

0:28:360:28:39

James, Lee, Susan, oh, Susan, Ukie and Tia.

0:28:410:28:47

All the girls in one spin.

0:28:470:28:50

Ow!

0:28:500:28:52

That hurt when I slapped the water.

0:28:520:28:55

I'm disappointed to be knocked out now but it's the way the cookie crumbles, eh?

0:28:550:28:59

Ukie not even close to getting over that time and she bettered Susan's 180 with a 270 degree flip.

0:29:000:29:08

Ow!

0:29:080:29:10

I just couldn't jump that high.

0:29:100:29:12

Next thing I knew, I was in the water.

0:29:120:29:16

But, you know. Oh, well.

0:29:160:29:20

Next to fall, Tia, and that was not pretty. Makes your eyes water.

0:29:200:29:26

Ow!

0:29:270:29:29

Just thought, I'm going in, and I just did. I smacked my face going in but I'm OK.

0:29:290:29:33

I'm all right. But it's a shame none of the girls got through but, fair play to the boys, unfortunately.

0:29:330:29:41

So our last girl is out.

0:29:410:29:44

James, Martin, Dave, Chris,

0:29:440:29:47

Lee, Reza and Royston all remain.

0:29:470:29:50

One more to go, people! One more.

0:29:500:29:52

Ooh, Stepmeister nearly off! Very close.

0:29:540:29:59

Oh, no, Royston's in. Visualises jumping.

0:30:030:30:07

Perfect. Then visualises landing in the water and being eliminated.

0:30:070:30:11

Mission accomplished.

0:30:110:30:13

It's the way the game goes, isn't it?

0:30:130:30:15

I'll go home disappointed.

0:30:150:30:17

I felt I could have done more, I would like to have got into the next round.

0:30:170:30:21

You're all in! It's last man standing!

0:30:210:30:25

So, we have our final six going through to the next round.

0:30:250:30:28

That is getting seriously high now!

0:30:280:30:32

Oh, Rez has gone, but is already through to the next round, just playing for pride now.

0:30:350:30:39

Professor Chris is struggling.

0:30:430:30:45

If you're watching this in HD, I can only apologise for the shorts.

0:30:450:30:49

Sorry. Here he comes again.

0:30:490:30:51

Ohh! Horrific sight! Still talking about the shorts.

0:30:510:30:56

Oh, a dive-in for no nickname Dave.

0:30:560:31:00

And General Lee.

0:31:010:31:03

Final two, then. James, the undertaker, and gymnast Martin.

0:31:030:31:07

That bar is very, very high now, and very fast.

0:31:070:31:12

Martin has a little sit-down.

0:31:120:31:14

Not the time.

0:31:140:31:16

Martin's in, which makes James the undertaker our last man standing.

0:31:190:31:24

Savour the moment. He's the eighth and final member of that exclusive

0:31:270:31:33

people who haven't been knocked off the sweeper club and can wear his cocky smile with pride.

0:31:330:31:38

You know what comes next. It's Dizzy Dummies.

0:31:380:31:40

I've already explained how Dizzy Dummies works

0:31:460:31:48

seven times this series, so rather than go through it all again, I'll just cover the key points.

0:31:480:31:53

Spin, spin, spin, maybe vomit, spin, run, cross some obstacles, qualify, last one there loses.

0:31:530:32:00

That kind of covers it.

0:32:000:32:03

And that was a much quicker explanation than normal.

0:32:060:32:08

In fact, I've got a few seconds to spare, so...

0:32:080:32:12

OK, let's see who's on the Dizzy Dummy.

0:32:150:32:18

-I'm going to eat you alive, come on!

-General Lee.

0:32:180:32:20

He's a design engineer, and he may want to redesign those topple towers with more padding on the corners.

0:32:200:32:26

James, the undertaker, and joint fastest in the qualifier, and our last man standing.

0:32:260:32:30

-James is the man to beat.

-I'm taking them to school because I'm the daddy!

0:32:300:32:34

I'm going to bounce, pounce and trounce their scores!

0:32:340:32:38

Professor Chris, who's a physics student.

0:32:380:32:41

Gymnast Martin, hot on James's heels.

0:32:420:32:45

He's been looking pretty spectacular so far.

0:32:450:32:47

Then there's no nickname Dave, who's a fireman.

0:32:470:32:50

-Oh, we could have called him Fireman Dave.

-That went well.

-Too late now.

0:32:500:32:53

And, finally, stealthy Rezzer.

0:32:530:32:56

It's always the quiet ones you've got to watch.

0:32:560:33:00

It's Dizzy Dummies.

0:33:000:33:02

-Are you already?

-No!

-Yes!

-Well, tough!

0:33:020:33:05

Three, two, one!

0:33:050:33:08

This is the eighth show, and so far, no-one has chundered on the Dizzy Dummies, so let's be proud, Britain.

0:33:100:33:16

We may be a small nation, but we have stomachs of steel.

0:33:160:33:20

Still spinning, still spinning.

0:33:230:33:24

Ooh, feel sick.

0:33:240:33:29

OK, we're stopping.

0:33:290:33:31

Ooh, General Lee makes a dash for it.

0:33:310:33:34

Oh, no!

0:33:370:33:39

Stealthy Rezzer makes a dash for it.

0:33:390:33:41

Less amazing stuff.

0:33:410:33:44

Oh, no...

0:33:440:33:45

While Rezzer's treading water, everybody else is sneaking past.

0:33:450:33:50

The general out in front, though.

0:33:500:33:52

And General Lee's across, very impressive.

0:33:550:33:58

He did it without hitting, you know, anything.

0:33:580:34:00

Gymnast Martin as well.

0:34:000:34:04

Some heroic dives.

0:34:070:34:10

No nickname Dave makes it.

0:34:120:34:14

So either Rezzer, Chris or James will now be eliminated.

0:34:140:34:18

Oh, no! Rezzer takes a dive!

0:34:180:34:22

Wow, that's one giant leap for professor Chris.

0:34:230:34:27

Followed by one little one.

0:34:270:34:30

Undertaker James now storming past, and he's through!

0:34:310:34:37

Ooh, that's professor Chris off!

0:34:370:34:39

So it's crunch time for these two. One will go through, one will be eliminated.

0:34:440:34:49

Rezzer, making good ground.

0:34:490:34:51

Here comes professor Chris.

0:34:510:34:53

Ooohhh....

0:34:530:34:55

Disaster for Rezzer, now the professor has a chance.

0:34:550:35:00

Come on, Chris. Use the law of physics, man.

0:35:100:35:15

What is it this week? Can people stop doing that?

0:35:150:35:18

Genuine sympathy from Amanda Byron for the first time ever, but it's not enough.

0:35:180:35:22

Oh, Chris, please! Stop that!

0:35:220:35:25

Chris is going to be walking funny for days!

0:35:250:35:29

Chris makes it across!

0:35:310:35:33

And that means Stealthy Rezzer is out of the running, he is eliminated.

0:35:330:35:39

-Bad luck, Rezzer.

-Oh, Rezzer, come on in, my man.

0:35:390:35:43

Where did it all go terribly wrong?

0:35:430:35:45

On that final barrel. You get so close, but so far.

0:35:450:35:49

So, Stealthy Rezzer's Total Wipeout journey is over.

0:35:490:35:53

But there are still five competitors left, there are

0:35:530:35:55

still two eliminations to go and there's still food in our contestant's stomach, all of which

0:35:550:36:00

is about to change, with our second run on Dizzy Dummies.

0:36:000:36:03

HOOTER

0:36:030:36:05

Once again, they spin. This time round, our competitors will face the doughnut run.

0:36:090:36:13

You spin me right round, baby, right round.

0:36:190:36:21

Amanda there, with a perfect Pete Burns impression.

0:36:210:36:24

Not so much the voice, but the look.

0:36:240:36:27

And they're off! Let's see what happens when you combine nausea with greasy doughnuts.

0:36:270:36:32

General Lee taking the initiative, and then taking a dip. Bad luck.

0:36:320:36:35

James, the undertaker, next, to attempt the doughnuts. Looks good.

0:36:350:36:41

Oh, but he's nearly wiped out by gymnast Martin!

0:36:440:36:48

Tough play there, but fair enough.

0:36:480:36:51

Everybody trying to stay in.

0:36:510:36:55

And the undertaker is across and into the next round.

0:36:550:36:59

Oh. David's in.

0:37:020:37:04

And Martin's across, so either General Lee, Professor Chris or no nickname Dave will be going out now.

0:37:070:37:16

General Lee going for it.

0:37:160:37:19

He's gone! Oh, he's still there!

0:37:190:37:22

And he's made it!

0:37:220:37:24

Chris, very close behind. He's done it!

0:37:240:37:28

Which all adds up to no more Total Wipeout for no nickname Dave.

0:37:280:37:32

Oh, David, a firefighter and a fighter till the very end.

0:37:360:37:41

I saw you just wipe yourself out there on the last doughnut!

0:37:410:37:44

I get on the first ones easy, but after that it's just a nightmare.

0:37:440:37:48

HOOTER

0:37:480:37:50

So, it's the last round of Dizzy Dummies, in the last show of the series.

0:37:520:37:56

Don't be alarmed by the two empty places, it's just Rezzer and Dave were eliminated, remember?

0:37:560:38:00

Only three can go through to the Wipeout Zone.

0:38:000:38:03

We're whittling them down to those final three.

0:38:030:38:05

The spinning stops. Probably not in their stomachs.

0:38:050:38:09

It's back over the barrel crossing this time.

0:38:090:38:12

General Lee charges off yet again.

0:38:120:38:15

I say charges... Oooh.

0:38:150:38:17

Professor Chris, the straggler from the previous two Dizzy Dummies, mounting a very quick challenge.

0:38:190:38:26

Desperate play here for those three key places.

0:38:260:38:29

General Lee makes it across!

0:38:290:38:32

And out of nowhere so does James the undertaker!

0:38:320:38:36

No!

0:38:360:38:37

-I cannot bear it!

-Gymnast Martin is out, but what a finish!

0:38:400:38:45

Final, baby!

0:38:470:38:49

Quite pleased, obviously.

0:38:490:38:51

Oh, Martin!

0:38:510:38:53

I don't even know what to say!

0:38:530:38:56

I watched your face, and you were watching everybody else

0:38:560:38:59

and you were taking it all in, and I think you thought you had it.

0:38:590:39:02

Possibly. When everyone started making it across, unfortunately for me,

0:39:020:39:06

everybody else got across first time, and maybe it was a mistake to hang back.

0:39:060:39:10

-Well, at least you can go home knowing that you tried your hardest. Well done.

-Thank you very much.

0:39:100:39:15

So, General Lee, James The Undertaker and Professor Chris

0:39:150:39:19

are our three final Wipeout Zone finalists.

0:39:190:39:22

Finally. Let's take a look at how they made it this far.

0:39:220:39:25

The whole experience has been really surreal.

0:39:260:39:31

You can't put it into words, to be honest. Amazing.

0:39:310:39:34

I'm here to prove that physics is cool, and that students aren't just lazy good for nothings.

0:39:340:39:39

I think I'm representing the older generation, proving to them they can still do it. But mainly my two boys.

0:39:390:39:46

That's who I am representing, that's what I'm doing this for, just to make them so proud of their dad.

0:39:460:39:51

I think James will be the one to beat tonight.

0:39:540:39:57

He's been consistently strong throughout every single round.

0:39:570:40:00

The biggest competition would have to be the old man, James.

0:40:000:40:03

He's been pretty outstanding so far.

0:40:030:40:06

My biggest rival, I believe, is Lee.

0:40:060:40:08

He's very determined, very fast, very focused.

0:40:080:40:11

He's going to be the one to beat.

0:40:110:40:13

I'm feeling petrified facing the Wipeout Zone.

0:40:130:40:15

Competition's very strong, and one false move could be the end of it.

0:40:150:40:20

The nerves are definitely kicking in for the final.

0:40:200:40:23

I want to win. I want to win for the glory and not just for the money.

0:40:260:40:30

The kids will be really proud of their dad tonight, no matter what happens now.

0:40:320:40:35

They weren't expecting me to have got this far.

0:40:350:40:38

I'd love to win. I wouldn't take part if I didn't want to win.

0:40:390:40:43

It's going to be a really tight finish.

0:40:430:40:46

They've been punched, bounced, swept and dizzied.

0:40:490:40:52

There is only one more challenge left, the Wipeout Zone.

0:40:520:40:56

This is the big 'un. The course to end all courses.

0:40:560:40:59

The beast. The big Kahuna.

0:40:590:41:01

The... Well, what I'm trying to say is it's really large.

0:41:010:41:04

And here are the very large obstacles they have to battle.

0:41:100:41:14

Killer surf, the scary, scary slope thing you slide down.

0:41:160:41:22

The barrel run, the scary platform thing they drop barrels down.

0:41:220:41:25

The climbing wall, the scary, wet thing you climb across.

0:41:250:41:29

The spinner, the scary spinning thing you jump across.

0:41:310:41:36

The rolling beam, the rolling thing you run across.

0:41:360:41:39

And, finally, the launch pads, the two jumpy things you jump across.

0:41:400:41:45

It's all scary. The fastest to finish will be tonight's winner.

0:41:450:41:49

It's as simple as that.

0:41:490:41:51

Oh, yeah, it's the Wipeout Zone, and the first contestant to tackle it tonight is Chris.

0:41:530:42:00

Uh-oh.

0:42:050:42:06

OK, good to see some confidence there from Chris.

0:42:080:42:11

HOOTER

0:42:110:42:13

And the game begins.

0:42:130:42:15

For any latecomers to the show, getting out of the ring isn't an obstacle.

0:42:210:42:26

This beam greased just to make it a little bit more difficult. A slip there, not a great start for Chris.

0:42:260:42:33

I've decided I like all of our finalists this week, I want them all to win.

0:42:330:42:38

This is more like it now.

0:42:380:42:40

The faster he is, the fewer barrels he has to face on the barrel run.

0:42:400:42:44

They just keep on coming.

0:42:440:42:46

But he is getting over them. He's at the top.

0:42:460:42:49

As an extreme sports enthusiast, Chris has climbed

0:42:520:42:55

44 waterfalls, so he couldn't be better qualified for this obstacle.

0:42:550:43:00

It's about balance, poise, confidence and strength.

0:43:000:43:03

He's just got to hang on, with the weight of water landing on him. 2,000 litres a minute.

0:43:030:43:08

Remember, Chris, setting the time to beat. He's on to the spinner.

0:43:130:43:17

He may be slow but he hasn't made any mistakes. Oh, no!

0:43:170:43:20

I spoke too soon!

0:43:200:43:22

Oh, I can't believe it.

0:43:220:43:24

That's the worst possible place. He's got to swim all the way back to the wall before he can try again.

0:43:240:43:30

So that's climbing up that ladder, back on to the wall, under the weight of that water.

0:43:300:43:35

-That saps strength.

-Hang on there.

-Dents his confidence.

0:43:350:43:38

OK. Second time lucky.

0:43:420:43:45

A casual step on to the spinner.

0:43:450:43:48

Now he's got to get off it.

0:43:480:43:51

Yes. Great recovery from Chris.

0:43:510:43:54

And now the rolling beam.

0:43:540:43:57

Oooh! A tiny slip, but he's saved.

0:43:590:44:01

Just the launch pads to go.

0:44:010:44:04

Looking good. These are harder than you would imagine.

0:44:040:44:06

People have lost it here many times.

0:44:060:44:08

Yes!

0:44:080:44:10

Yes! He crosses, with a time of two minutes and 34 seconds.

0:44:120:44:16

Now, that might not be the fastest time we've seen all series, but it could still be a tough one to beat.

0:44:210:44:26

Chris only made one major mistake on the spinner, so Lee and James have a real challenge on their hands now.

0:44:290:44:35

Yes, it's an opportunity.

0:44:350:44:37

No, it won't be easy.

0:44:370:44:38

You were looking the king of cool there at the end. How are you feeling?

0:44:410:44:45

I'm gutted about that spinner.

0:44:450:44:47

I thought I had it. But it slipped through my fingers.

0:44:470:44:51

Once I dropped, I thought that was it.

0:44:510:44:53

But I had to keep on going, fight till the end.

0:44:530:44:56

Here goes my clean pants.

0:45:010:45:03

We now move on to James, who's nearly twice Chris's age, remember?

0:45:030:45:07

Let's see how our cheery undertaker does.

0:45:070:45:10

Well, at least he's out of the rubber ring already.

0:45:140:45:17

Look at those arms go.

0:45:170:45:18

Good start from James then.

0:45:180:45:21

Up the beam, and then the barrel run.

0:45:220:45:25

Wow! What barrels?

0:45:310:45:33

James has set an amazing pace.

0:45:330:45:35

Can he keep this going?

0:45:350:45:37

He's looking balanced and confident.

0:45:390:45:41

This isn't a climb under water for James, it's a walk in the park.

0:45:460:45:49

Dismissing the wall.

0:45:490:45:52

Now he's got too transferred to the spinner. If he can make this without

0:45:520:45:55

falling off, that 10,000 prize could well be his.

0:45:550:46:00

He's missed his first opportunity to jump.

0:46:030:46:06

Coming round again.

0:46:060:46:07

And he lands it the second time.

0:46:090:46:12

Great news for James, not great for Chris. Whoa!

0:46:120:46:16

Looks like nothing's going to stop James! On to the first launch pad.

0:46:160:46:20

On to the second.

0:46:200:46:22

If he clears this now...

0:46:220:46:24

He's done it!

0:46:240:46:26

A virtually flawless run, and a time of one minute 16 seconds. That's the fastest time of the series.

0:46:260:46:32

Lee, who's still to go, will need to fly around the course to beat that.

0:46:320:46:37

Incredible stuff.

0:46:380:46:40

But James doesn't know how Chris did, so it's time for Amanda to break the news.

0:46:400:46:46

I know you're doing this for your kids, and your kids must be so proud of you.

0:46:490:46:53

Oh, they're going to be well proud of their dad. I love them to bits,

0:46:530:46:56

and I can't wait to get home now and see them. I've done my bit.

0:46:560:47:00

Time to grow old gracefully now.

0:47:000:47:02

Well, it's not over yet. I can tell you, James, right now, Chris has been a brilliant contestant.

0:47:020:47:08

And he's had a fighting spirit, but not fighting enough, Chris,

0:47:080:47:11

because James has done better than you, he's been faster.

0:47:110:47:14

I'm afraid you're going to have to go join the other guys.

0:47:140:47:17

Well done.

0:47:170:47:18

I'm proud of you. Brilliant, well done.

0:47:180:47:21

Mum!

0:47:260:47:27

That was an incredible run from James, so now it's all or nothing for Lee.

0:47:290:47:34

HOOTER

0:47:370:47:38

He doesn't know James's time, all he knows is he's got to go flat out.

0:47:390:47:44

Lee's in the water.

0:47:480:47:50

Facing the barrels now and leaping over them with ease.

0:48:020:48:07

Wow!

0:48:070:48:08

Makes the transfer to the wall.

0:48:080:48:10

James was fast on the wall.

0:48:100:48:13

Lee could do with a bit more speed here, I'm thinking, to secure that £10,000. He's being cautious.

0:48:130:48:20

Oh, no! He's in trouble now.

0:48:220:48:24

That slip will cost him dear, quite possibly.

0:48:260:48:30

The good news, he's fallen close to the ladder,

0:48:340:48:36

but the bad news is Lee's already made one more mistake than James.

0:48:360:48:40

That probably has cost him the win now, although Lee doesn't know that.

0:48:400:48:43

Remember, he didn't see James's run.

0:48:430:48:45

Now he's got to transfer to the spinner.

0:48:450:48:47

A good landing.

0:48:580:48:59

Up and on his feet and quickly across the beam. He slips!

0:49:010:49:05

He's just pushing himself...

0:49:110:49:13

Oh, disaster!

0:49:130:49:15

Oh!

0:49:150:49:17

Lee doesn't know what James did, all he knows is he's got to go flat out.

0:49:200:49:25

You've got to admire his strength of character and strength of his nose!

0:49:250:49:29

Up the ladder to tackle the launch pads again to make the finish.

0:49:330:49:35

He has to finish the course. Come on, Lee!

0:49:350:49:38

Launch pad one. Then the second launch pad.

0:49:400:49:43

He's done it. Lee finishes in two minutes and 18 seconds.

0:49:500:49:55

From beginning to end, that was a great run from Lee.

0:49:570:50:01

On another show, he could well have been the winner, with that time.

0:50:010:50:04

But James's extraordinary performance has denied him the £10,000.

0:50:040:50:09

So, over to Amanda to break the news.

0:50:090:50:11

Ow!

0:50:110:50:13

Lee, come on out and join me.

0:50:130:50:15

You had a couple of slip-ups there. What happened to you at the very end?

0:50:180:50:21

Um...arms didn't have enough left on the wall, so...

0:50:210:50:25

Obviously, I fell in.

0:50:250:50:27

I knew I had to make the time up, so I bit the bullet and tried to do the two trampolines in one go.

0:50:270:50:33

-Backfired a bit.

-It did a little bit, I'm afraid.

0:50:330:50:35

But you and James have been really close in time all day long.

0:50:350:50:41

You've been really strong competition against each other.

0:50:410:50:44

You made a great effort tonight, Lee, but unfortunately it wasn't

0:50:440:50:47

good enough because, James, you are the Total Wipeout champion and the winner of £10,000!

0:50:470:50:53

Congratulations!

0:50:530:50:55

Well done to funeral director James Smith, who wins £10,000,

0:51:020:51:06

and gets to join the exclusive club of Total Wipeout champions, which, ironically, costs £10,000 to join.

0:51:060:51:14

See somebody after. So that's it for today's Total Wipeout.

0:51:140:51:17

But join us next week for this.

0:51:170:51:19

BELL TOLLS

0:51:210:51:23

Oh, course, it's the end of the series.

0:51:230:51:26

Well, I suppose, all that remains now is for me to say thank you to Amanda. Thank you, Amanda.

0:51:260:51:31

And to say goodbye. Erm, goodbye.

0:51:310:51:34

# To dream the impossible dream

0:51:340:51:39

# To fight the unbeatable foe

0:51:400:51:47

# To bear with unbearable sorrow

0:51:470:51:52

# To run where the brave dare not go

0:51:520:51:58

# This is my quest

0:51:580:52:01

# To follow that star

0:52:010:52:04

# No matter how hopeless

0:52:040:52:07

# No matter how far

0:52:070:52:09

# To fight for the right

0:52:090:52:13

# Without question or cause

0:52:130:52:15

# To be willing to march into hell

0:52:150:52:18

# For a heavenly cause

0:52:180:52:22

# To fight the unbeatable foe

0:52:220:52:27

# To reach the unreachable star. #

0:52:270:52:35

Is that it?

0:52:450:52:47

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:52:530:52:56

E-mail: [email protected]

0:52:560:52:58

Richard Hammond presents the game show where 20 contestants take on one of television's largest and most extreme obstacle courses.

Crashes, smashes and hilarious mud splashes are on the cards as the competitors journey across the globe to the purpose-built course in Argentina. They must put their strength, balance and bravery to the test in the hope of winning £10,000 and being crowned champion.

As the contestants take on challenges like the Big Balls, the Sweeper and the awesome Wipeout Zone, Amanda Byram assists Richard from the sidelines.


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