Episode 1 Unzipped

This programme contains adult humour

-What is Unzipped?

-That's for history to decide.

We're creating it. How can we know what it is? Some people have said

it's the closest we've come in the 21st century

to having a broadcaster, at last,

explore sociology in a way

that's compelling, intelligent and innovative.

Promise never, ever to do that again.

The backbone of the show is the Unzipped Report,

which thousands of people have filled out.

We use that to explore every aspect of people's lives.

-Do you fart in front of Frank?

-No!

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

-Oh, God.

-That was it there.

Have you ever taken revenge on an ex?

-Definitely have.

-What have you done?

Celebrities love Unzipped.

They just really enjoy the banter,

the back and forth between me and Russell.

-Ask one more.

-Oh, yeah. How big is Philip Schofield's willy?

Grow up.

Look, I am really looking forward to the new series.

I can't wait to see who I am hosting with. It'll be great.

I don't think either of us would want to do another series

of Unzipped if we weren't working with each other.

I know he wouldn't.

-Russell...?

-Kane. Russell Kane.

Again?!

Is it a bromance? Er...

What is love? I don't know.

Oh, God.

GROANS

Tonight we're joined by these two celebrities.

Sara Cox, Radio One DJ, mother of three

and one of Bolton's finest exports.

I didn't really understand the question.

Anthony Joshua, a 22-year-old boxer from London

who struck Olympic gold for Team GB.

Are you serious?

But can they deal with our intrusive questions,

and how truthful will they be when we discuss honesty?

This is Unzipped.

Well, who'd have thought it? The suckers gave us a second series.

Welcome to brand-new Unzipped!

CHEERING

And this is Russell Kane.

And that is Greg James, ladies and gentlemen.

And this is the show which clambers into

-one of the murkiest places known to man.

-Yes. The head of a celebrity.

And thanks to the biggest report

of its kind ever to be created in this country,

we'll see how celebrities compare to you lot,

-AKA the great British public.

-And if you were watching last series

you'll already be aware that no subject is off-limits.

And you'll also be aware there are no limits to the ways

in which Russell will use the show purely as an excuse to chat up

-our female and male guests.

-What?

-Which is bad news for these two.

Please welcome Olympic gold medallist Anthony Joshua,

and superstar DJ Sara Cox!

CHEERING

-Hi.

-Hiya.

-Welcome to Unzipped.

-Thanks. It's exciting to be here.

Anthony, let's get this out of the way.

Get your medal out for the lads.

He's got it! He's got it! No way!

-Oh, my God!

-It's an Olympic medal. Are we allowed to touch it?

-Or not?

-Of course, yeah. You can take it out.

-Please take it away.

-I feel a bit inadequate now.

I could have brought, like, my 10m swimming certificate.

-So here's the deal. Over the next 45 minutes...

-Hang on. 45?

-It was an hour last time.

-Yeah.

What happened was, you know some of your VTs,

some of the weaker elements, we stripped those out

-and it's going to be 45 minutes this series.

-Like that, is it?

Anyway, over the next 45 minutes

we're going to be sharing the results of the new Unzipped Report.

And because we surveyed people about every aspect of life,

we've got a pretty good idea of what counts as "normal" in this country.

Yes. So when we ask Anthony and Sara

the same questions, we're going to be able to make

sweeping yet valid statements about their mental well-being.

-It's just a bit of fun. Please don't knock us out.

-You'll be all right.

I hate when someone smiles

and is like, "I ain't going to hit you, mate."

It's less scary when people are loud, innit?

Cockneys are good at that. "No-one is going to hurt you, mate."

"No-one in here's going to break your neck. Come in.

Well, we will be looking at one particular aspect of behaviour

tonight, and that is honesty.

And to help us delve into the world of secrets and lies, we invited

a bunch of chancers who have absolutely nothing to lose or hide.

Please welcome the Unzipped Sample,

ladies and gentlemen. There they are.

And we'll be hearing from that lot throughout the show

as we reveal the answer to these big questions.

All headed your way on tonight's Unzipped.

Sara Cox and Anthony Joshua Unzipped.

Does kissing someone else when you're in a relationship

count as being unfaithful?

Does hair colour affect your intelligence?

Find out in our Celebrity Face-Off.

Secrets Unzipped. How many of us have something hidden at home

that we wouldn't want to be found? Someone in tonight's audience

gets a surprise when we head to Newcastle to investigate. Mate.

Celebs Unzipped.

And which one of these famous faces never showers,

and which one claims to be an extremely passionate lover?

All will be revealed thanks to tonight's Celebrity Confessions.

CHEERING

Anthony and Sarah, we are going to kick off with some questions

lifted from our Unzipped Report

and see how your answers compare with the rest of Britain.

Thousands of people answered these questions already.

All we ask is that you tell the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth, or failing that, make up

some stuff that's entertaining, because we need some cheap PR, yeah?

So, Anthony Oluwafemi Olaseni Joshua, yeah...

-Did I get it?

-No.

-Yeah, you got it.

-Don't lie!

-I didn't know you'd pull that out of the bag.

-Please don't beat me up!

-And Sara Joanne Cox.

-Ey!

-Stop doing that generic Northern noise at me.

-Sorry.

These are your normality questions.

OK, Anthony and Sara, don't worry about these questions,

they are light-hearted, it's an entertainment show.

-Greg, keep it light as poss, OK?

-Sure.

Sara, would you like to know when you're going to die?

What?

-Would you like to know the day and the year...?

-You don't know, do you?

-No!

-It says tomorrow on the card.

If you knew when you were going to die,

you could just do anything you like until that day.

I don't need to know when I'm going to shuffle off this mortal coil.

I'm never going to die, never, you hear?!

I hope they don't show this clip on my obituary now. Really weird.

Now I'm dead.

Don't laugh!

-No, I wouldn't. Would I 'eck. No.

-No.

-No.

-No.

-Anthony?

-I'm the same. No, I wouldn't want to know.

-Really?

But I would. Say it was 83, for example.

You could do anything you like, and you'd know whatever you do

you're not going to die until you're 83.

I would just run off a cliff and know that I couldn't die from it.

"The machine said it!"

I bet I'd survive with a food pipe for about 70 years,

going, "I didn't think it through, did I?"

You know what I did, yesterday?

I inhaled a bit of my hair, and I thought "That's not a way to go."

Killed by your own hairdo.

And the split ends, imagine!

The autopsy, they'd be like, "Oh, she needed a trim."

So you said no, and that is normal. 74% of women

said they would not want to know when they're going to die.

-So well done, you are normal.

-Next one.

Anthony. Would you rather be a radio DJ or a stand-up comic?

-Be careful what you say.

-I think I'd like to be a stand-up comedian.

Sure about that?

-Yeah. Well, I'm not too sure.

-I'd like to see someone heckle you.

I'd like to see the person who doesn't find my joke funny

-so I can pick a fight with them outside.

-Good one.

Good one.

I'll see you later.

Actually, Anthony, I was chatting to Russell about this,

and we'd quite like to change careers.

-We want to be DJs together.

-Or box.

-Boxing?

-Greg, shut up.

-Five years ago, you hadn't boxed.

-Yeah, four years ago

-was when I first started.

-Really?

-Yeah, four years ago.

-So look,

-four years' time we'll be in...

-Rio.

-We could be in Rio.

I'm going to have to show you a few things.

He can just give you a little lesson.

I'm always the person that gets hurt accidentally.

Stuff happens to me.

So give us...

-You have to get a bit of a rhythm, so relax.

-That's no problem.

Exactly. Something like that. Not as much!

-So, rhythm, yeah?

-Bit of a rhythm, bit of a lean.

Are you supposed to go back on your back foot?

-Like they say in movies?

-It's like a shot put,

-so you want to get the power.

-Oh, right. Pa-pow!

Exactly! Keep the weight on your back foot.

There's no way we'll get...

let's both of us at the same time versus Anthony. Wait, wait, wait.

You're still quite tough, so I once beat my brother up using this.

You're only allowed to use one finger like that.

-Right, ready?

-Let's do it.

-BELL RINGS

-Seconds out. Round one.

Go in for the foot. The feet.

-The feet! Punch his foot!

-LAUGHTER

Argh! It still really hurts!

-It still really hurts!

-RUSSELL SQUEALS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Legend! Very good!

-That was still scary!

-Yeah?

Like when that finger struck me...

there was still quite a lot of power behind that!

So, Anthony, you said comic. That is normal.

Only just, though.

55% of men said they'd rather be a stand-up comedian.

-Yeah?

-Don't try it, guys, it's terrifying!

Next one. Do you kiss with tongues

in front of your dear children?

No! Do we 'eck!

No! No, no. Although, actually,

kids go through a stage, my son went through a stage,

he's four now, he went through a stage of,

like, slipping me the tongue.

Because they obviously don't realise the sexy connotations.

They just think it's funny.

So you're like, "Come and give me a kiss,"

and he's like that at the last minute.

If you've been tongued by your mum, call...

That is, of course, normal, Sara.

Only 9% of women

do kiss with tongues in front of their children.

But who are those 9%?!

THEY LAUGH

-The people that watch this show.

-Yeah, exactly.

Anthony, would you donate your sperm to a single friend

who is desperate to have a baby?

-That's TO a friend, not ON a friend.

-LAUGHTER

I thought you were asking!

"Come here, baby, I've got to donate!"

It's to help out a friend.

If they can't have kids, would you donate your sperm?

-I would, yeah.

-You would?

-Yeah.

Sara, would you donate an egg?

-Would I donate HIS sperm?

-Yeah!

You have to be quick with these things.

Legging it down the street with a little yoghurt pot.

Breathing in me own hair!

No, it's gold medal-winning jism.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You'd get loads of money for that.

-You should look into that.

-No, no, no!

-Don't get me started!

-Yeah, he could make a bomb from that!

But would you?

Would you donate, if a friend of yours couldn't have kids,

would you donate an egg to a friend?

Well, I mean, if they really wanted

a knock-kneed, large foreheaded child, sure!

But I doubt they'd want that.

You said yes, that is normal.

62% of men said they would donate sperm

to a friend, so well done.

-Good work.

-All right, next one.

-Anthony, if you entered the sex industry for one day...

-For one day?

One day gold special!

Gold jizz and all that!

I loved that mime! That was lovely!

-That was a lovely mime!

-Gold!

How much would you charge for sex?

-Ah, well...

-All the ladies counting in their purses now!

All the purses unzip.

"Do you take Miss Selfridge vouchers?"

-Erm...

-How much? How much? How much?

I'd say about...

-£7,000 - £8,000.

-Really?

AUDIENCE OOHS

If money wasn't an object,

let's say you were a rich lady.

How many ladies would pay £8,000? Be honest.

-LAUGHTER

-There's a few over there!

Was that a woman or a man?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

What about you, Sara?

Oh, money couldn't buy such riches!

In all seriousness, though, how much?

LAUGHTER

Downgrade it. Just for a hand shandy or something?

That's disgusting!

-It would be about 10 million.

-10 million?

Just for a hand shandy?

Yeah. It's good, though.

What about you, Greg? Would you?

Well...I feel like I've got to undercut Anthony.

What was yours, £8,000? I'll go £7,995 on the road.

Bit like a Renault Laguna.

You do get three years free servicing.

-Russell, come on. We're all dying to know.

-I'd do it for free.

No, I'm a right ho.

Just climb on.

It's like Alton Towers with no tickets.

Now, that's not normal.

On average, men said they would charge £4,315.20.

That's the average.

Wow! That's awesome!

Imagine counting the change out.

"There you go!"

"Where's your 20p, babe? Keep your bra on!"

Women would charge £7,019.07.

-Not bad.

-Wow.

That's the end of your normality questions.

Thank you for being honest, Anthony and Sara.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

We've still got a long way to go tonight before deciding

which of tonight's guests is the most

wicky-wicky-wicky-wild West in the head.

But, let's be honest, Sara. It's not looking good, is it, babe?

-No, it's not!

-SHE LAUGHS

Anthony and Sara have given us an insight into their behaviour,

but how well do they know you?

We'll find out next, when they go head-to-head

in our Celebrity Face-Off.

This week's questions are all about honesty.

So to get you in the mood for that, here's a load of lies,

including one probably told by women like Sara.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Welcome to Unzipped Celebrity Face-Off,

for the chance for tonight's guests to prove that,

despite their spoiled, self-obsessed,

and privileged lifestyles,

-they haven't lost touch with the common man.

-Scum!

The questions are all about

the answers from different people who completed the Unzipped survey.

All the questions will be based on the theme

of this week's show, which is honesty.

So, Anthony, when you're not making everyone in the UK proud,

are you a down to earth, honest lad?

Yeah, chill out with the boys.

Couple of girls as well...

LAUGHTER

Not the most honest statement I've heard.

Sara, now do you still mingle with normal folk?

I do hang out with normal people.

I normally get my butler to go out and round a few up.

And we, like, hang out on my driveway, and I look out at them.

And then, like, let the dogs out.

And you'll be playing for much more

than just professional pride tonight,

because the winner will also take home a very special prize.

I have no idea what's under here, I have to say!

Not been allowed to look.

So, up for grabs tonight, we have a masterpiece

that, apparently, I painted.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Oh, my God!

-Anthony, I mean,

would you like to get your hands on that?

No, ask Sara!

-That is horrible!

-Sara? You like that?

I don't really know how I would explain that away to...

to anybody!

Look at my buttocks, tantalisingly arched!

And we also have, er...

Oh, my God!

We also have this lovely piece of work

that I composed myself.

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

Oh, my God!

Look at these!

Sara, are you impressed with that work of art?

I like the way Greg's upset about the boots!

Borrowed your medal.

Look how small the surface area of your hand is!

Your fingers are weird!

It's like you're wearing a fleshy mitten!

Eurgh!

-I don't know what I think of that.

-Wow!

OK, let's get on with it.

It's time for this week's Celebrity Face-Off.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

The first question is about the difference between men and women.

When we asked British women whether snogging someone

other than their partner counts as being unfaithful,

only 15% said no.

What's the percentage of men from the south of England

like Anthony? Write down your answers.

The closest to the correct answer wins the round. Go!

Russ, have you ever been unfaithful?

Were you unfaithful over the summer?

Er...well, I would need someone to be unfaithful to, for a start.

I was faithful to my hand, wasn't I?

"You were, you were faithful to me! You never cheat on me!"

It's OK, baby, it's cos I love you!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

OK, time's up. Anthony, what have you written?

And, more importantly, why?

-37%.

-You think that 37% of men

think that if you snog someone, it's not cheating.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Why do you think that, then?

As I said, when men get in relationships,

some believe look after your woman, treat her like a princess,

and then some men just can't be tamed

and will always be men.

So I think this 37% of men...

LAUGHTER

I think a lot of girls are just wondering,

out of interest, which group you put yourself in.

-I'm with the princess, treat her good...

-There we are.

Sarah, what have you got?

I've put 58%.

Bastards, all of them! Bastards! And why is that?

Because some men are ruled by their widges.

LAUGHTER

I can now reveal that the percentage of men

from the south-east of England who don't count snogging someone

who isn't their partner as being unfaithful

is a worrying 37%.

Wow!

You got it right!

CHEERING

That's never happened.

The chances of that is one in 200, so...

That's more than double the percentage for women,

which means Anthony well and truly wins the round

and takes a step closer to tonight's very special prize.

Next question.

This is about the difference between men...

-Men and women.

-What's the...what's The Greggy Video?

No, that's not...we changed that, guys. Roll it on.

-It's nothing.

-What?

No, it's the statistical... How many women in the north of England...?

-No, what is it?

-It's nothing.

It's a VT we don't have time for. We've got 45 minutes.

It's just something stupid. You weren't in rehearsal. Move, go!

No, look, we've got loads of time. Family Guy can wait.

-What is it?

-It's got nothing to do with the survey.

I had a look at it, and it's going to be weird

having a random clip the middle of the quiz.

Let's carry that energy forward and go...

Why don't you want me to see it?

-What's wrong with it?

-It's...

it's because I made it about you.

MUSIC: "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars

# When I see your face

# There's not a thing That I would change

# Cos, girl, you're amazing

# Just the way you are

# Yeah... #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Woo!

Really funny, really funny at my expense.

So, I hope you're...

That was supposed to be something nice,

everyone thinks it's a piss-take, that's why they're clapping, so...

I'm properly embarrassed, without messing about, so...

It's all right.

I know this is weird, but I just need a minute, I'm really sorry.

It's all right.

AUDIENCE: Awwww.

LAUGHTER

Let me just...

Chat awkwardly between yourselves, just give me a second,

back in a second, hang on.

Russ? Don't be a silly Billy.

LAUGHTER

So...

Do you like boxing, then? Is it good?

LAUGHTER

Hey, hey. Hey, look, what...?

What is up? Talk to me.

How can you ask that?

I've just made myself look really silly,

I was trying to be funny, and I've humiliated myself

by that thing being shown.

And now I'm worried that the whole audience think I'm a total dick

and I don't want to go back out there. That's what's wrong.

Don't worry about those idiots out there,

they don't even know where they are, half of them.

-It's all good.

-I know, I just...

I think, you know, working with you again,

I got a bit over excited and carried away, basically.

Sure, I'm excited about...

the show, too, so let's just have a bit of professionalism

-and we'll be fine.

-I guess so.

You know what? You have got a lot going for you.

You're Russell Kane, man. You are Russell Kane.

What does that mean?

Well, clever. You're good-looking. You're kind. You're funny.

You're not Russell Howard funny, I mean, he's a different ballpark,

but...

at least 50...

40% percent of the people out there have come to see you, big guy.

-I'm sorry, I feel...

-Look, don't.

Let's get back out there and give them

the best show that BBC Three have ever had.

All right, no more cheesy VTs, yeah? Let's go.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Whoo! Ho ho!

Wow. Come on, let's crack on.

So, where were we?

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm cool, cool.

26% of women with brunette hair have pretended they are less intelligent

in order to get their own way in a relationship.

-But what percentage of blonde women, like Sara Cox...

-Blondie!

..have done that? Write down your answers, please,

Closest to the correct answer wins the round.

So, what percentage...? Sorry, I don't get the question.

LAUGHTER

What percentage...?

What percentage of blonde women have pretended they're less intelligent?

What was the brunette one? I wasn't listening.

Do you realise how ironic your questions are?

LAUGHTER

I'm not even blonde.

Time's up. Anthony, what have you written and why?

I've written number 86.

AUDIENCE BOOS

Do you want to explain yourself?

It's just what I grew up on really knowing.

LAUGHTER

But, you know, all women are pretty intelligent anyway,

they read their Heat magazine and all that stuff.

They read Heat magazine?

General knowledge and stuff.

You're going to need a bigger back-pedal than that, my man.

-Sara, what about you?

-I put...

I hope it's not that much, I just put 20%.

Sara's gone for 20%, why that?

Well, I didn't really understand the question. I was rushing!

I can now reveal that the percentage of blonde women who would pretend

to be less intelligent to get their own way in relationships

-is 48%.

-God!

Which means, Sara, you win the round, well done.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Our next round is more about dishonesty than honesty.

It's about people who are very secretive.

When we asked "Do you have anything hidden in your house that

"you wouldn't want to be found?" 31% of people answered yes.

I wonder if anyone in the Unzipped Sample would spill the beans

about something they've got hidden at home?

Let me go and find out.

Anyone got anything hidden that they...?

Oh, right.

LAUGHTER

"Yes me!" What?

Um, I have quite a few sex toys and stuff hidden in my house.

Do you live with your parents?

-Not any more, no, but...

-Are they in your parents house?

Yeah. They're still there now!

I haven't got round to collecting them yet.

LAUGHTER

-HIGH VOICE:

-"I'm just going to dust your room."

"NO! Hang on a minute!"

OK, thank you very much. Anyone else got anything hidden in their house?

OK, you. What's your name, Adam?

Adam.

LAUGHTER

Anything hidden in your house?

Erm, beer?

I know one thing is in your house in Newcastle.

Oh, God, what are you doing?

LAUGHTER

It's our Unzipped cameras.

Oh, look!

Look, it's Adam's house!

-That is your house, yeah?

-Yeah, brand-new house.

Adam, we're going to have a little snoop round your house, because...

-ECHOING:

-We Know Where You Live.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Yes, your mates have stitched you up so that we can broadcast

live from your house in Newcastle, and with the help of those

so-called mates we've uncovered

some rather disturbing information, Adam.

So, we're going to have a bit of a show and tell.

Anthony and Sara, you can win points for tonight's

Celebrity Face-off by answering some questions about Adam's antics

while we take a look around his house.

Question one - on a recent boozy night out,

Adam ended up borrowing a VIP rope from a nightclub,

you know, the ones that bouncers use to keep out riffraff like Adam.

But when he woke up the next day, what did Adam do with the rope?

Did he A - head straight back to the nightclub

and apologise profusely for borrowing it without permission?

Or did he, B - call his dad and asked him to drive

120 miles from his home in Huddersfield to install

a couple of hooks upon which he can proudly hang his new-found VIP rope?

LAUGHTER

Anthony and Sara, is it, A or B? Write down your answers.

Anthony, what have you gone for?

-I've gone for B.

-You think he's sad enough to have installed hooks

and put his own VIP rope up.

OK, Sara's got B, as well.

It's not looking good, is it?

LAUGHTER

Let's have a look, shall we?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Whilst we're here, we might have a little snoop around.

What is that?

AUDIENCE GROANS

OK, Adam, what is that?

It was my flatmate's birthday last night...

What, you've left vomit on the floor?

Well, he can clean it, it's his vomit.

Why is there a straw there?!

LAUGHTER

Don't worry, guys, I'll clear it up!

Question two - during Freshers' Week last year...

"Wahey, Freshers'"

..what did a boozed up Adam do whilst in a nightclub?

Was it, A - get off with so many girls he achieved

legendarily lad status...

"Yeah, Chase & Status!"

..among his mates and left the nightclub to a round of applause?

It's got to be that.

Or, it could B - get his willy out,

wee all over the floor and get kicked out.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Anthony and Sara, have a little guess.

Anthony, what have you written?

Legendary status, yeah!

I'm hoping it's legendary status!

Sara?

I did B, and I made it have a wee, as well.

LAUGHTER

Adam, which was it, was it the legendary status with the lads,

or wee all over the dance floor?

B.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

All right, let's go upstairs and you can talk us

through the strange contents of your living room.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Who eats chips while looking at themselves in the mirror?

That looks like Anthony's bedroom.

He's just doing the weights,

kebab in one hand, weights in the other!

I think we should head to the bathroom straight away.

We're in it, brilliant.

That doesn't look too bad.

I mean, it could be updated colour-wise, but...

Nice mosaic there. What's that? Hang on.

Woah, woah, woah, what was in the sink?

Beer, beer bottles, look.

Why is there beer in the shower?

Cos when you're pre-drinking and you go in it, multi-tasking.

-You drink in the shower?

-Yeah!

Why is there cereal there?

When I was a bit younger, I like beer and I like cereal,

-so I thought it might be nice together.

-And?

It's all right. Give it a try and find out.

-Actually, I've had vodka porridge and it's delicious.

-Thank you.

Thank you, Adam, I'll let you get back to your former best friends

in the audience, Adam, everybody! Thank you!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

OK, back to business, and the winner of tonight's Celebrity Face-Off

who has shown themselves to be the most in touch with reality

is Sara Cox!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

So, which one do you want?

For the boot alone,

and for the fact that I can put it up in Radio One somewhere

where everyone will see it, I'll have to go for Greg's.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hey, look, hey, hey, hey, don't let me sway your decision...

Don't worry about it. Fine.

It's a shame for Russell's painting to go to waste,

and I think there's one person who deserves it more than anyone.

Who?

That guy.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

CHEERING

Still to come tonight,

we'll be hearing more from the Unzipped Sample,

listening to some unusual celebrity confessions,

and accusing either Anthony or Sara of being a total head-case.

And if you want us to make an equally harrowing judgement

about you, then check out Unzipped online

at bbc.co.uk/bbcthree.

Every week we'll be exploring a different side of your personality,

-kicking off this week with Unzip Your Inner Perv.

-Yeah.

Want to know more about the real you but can't afford a shrink? Fear not.

Simply unzip yourself online and find out what you're really like.

Keep results secret or share them with the world, that is your choice.

Find out how you compare to me, Russell and our celebrity guests

and delve into a different aspect of your personality each week.

Check out the BBC Three website,

answer some extremely personal questions and all will be revealed.

Go to bbc.co.uk and click on Unzipped.

CHEERING

Very shortly we'll be saying something potentially libellous

about one of our guests' sanity,

but they can rest assured that nothing said tonight will be

as weird as the stuff you guys have sent via your Unzipped reports.

We invited you to go to the website and tell us a secret nobody knows

and these are just some of the amazing responses we received.

These are awesome.

OK, first one.

"I told my mum I had a job interview in London

"so I could take my dad to Gay Pride."

LAUGHTER

All right, so, next one.

"I pooed behind the telly and blamed it on the cat."

SCANDALISED LAUGHTER

You'd either need a big cat or a small poo, wouldn't you?

You've got to do weird, small cigar poo for that to work.

Great.

"I find Russell Kane strangely attractive in a kind of

"'Oh, God, no, what's wrong with me?' kind of way."

LAUGHTER

OK, "My favourite hobby at home is to take loads of photos of my cat

"in weird stripper poses, like a bad slut doing a lap dance."

LAUGHTER

These people watch the show.

And we love you for it!

Obviously I knew that one was coming

and I wondered what it might look like, so I Googled "bad slut pussy".

Which was a bit of a mistake, as I lost a day and a half.

I think they mean poses a bit like this, perhaps.

LAUGHTER

Looking away from the camera but exposing teats.

And that one there.

LAUGHTER

-Wow.

-Anthony, have you ever been offered cash to pose nude?

I don't see myself posing like one of them cats, butt naked.

-How much did you get paid for this, then?

-Are you serious?!

CHEERING

Oh, a good serious face as well.

That's a face that says, "Finish me off."

But who is the strangest celebrity in the studio tonight,

excluding Russell Kane?

To commemorate this decision,

we've had a medal specially forged. Check it out!

Now, as Anthony will know, the Olympic motto is

Citius, Altius, Fortius,

which means Faster, Higher, Stronger.

And in keeping with that spirit of excellence we've engraved

the word "Unzipped" on one side of the medal.

I've also crudely written "Nut Job" in marker.

So, who is the craziest, Anthony or Sara?

OMINOUS HEARTBEAT SOUND

It's Sara!

CHEERING

Whoo!

Thanks. Thanks.

So, Russell, please do the honours. Do it.

-I think this is a Chariots Of Fire moment.

-Oh, I'll do the music, OK.

GREG HUMS THEME FROM "LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE"

-That's Last Of The Summer Wine. That's Last...

-What?

-Oh, shit, yeah.

-You did Last Of The Summer Wine.

-Got it.

-Carry on, carry on.

-Ready?

-Yep.

GREG HUMS THEME FROM "GROUND FORCE"

-That was Ground Force, you do know that, don't you?

-What?

-You just did the music for Ground Force.

-Oh, yeah, Titsmarsh, yeah.

We have one final duty for the both of you tonight,

which is to help tonight's audience get their hands on some booze.

It's time for Celebs Unzipped!

CHEERING

Yes, it's time for the return of the game that will definitely lead

to some jaw-dropping revelations and may lead to everyone

-in tonight's audience winning a cocktail.

-Yeah.

And this week we've got an extremely metrosexual Cosmopolitan cocktail

up for grabs, as modelled by our very special guests.

Mmmm. Cheers.

Thanks to Unzipped we now know a lot more about Anthony and Sara.

And they've learned a lot about all of us.

But now it's time to find out what they know about their fellow celebs.

Anthony and Sara, feast your eyes on our carousel of celebrity.

-Oh, look at that.

-I've not seen that! Is it touch-screen?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Series Two, big budget.

-Can I...?

Yeah. Give it a spin, baby.

Just going to have one go, then you guys can have a go.

LAUGHTER

Whatevs!

Gutted.

So there are some big names in there, including...

-..that guy, her and him.

-Yeah.

All you need to do is get more questions right than wrong,

and those questions of course all come from our new Unzipped Report.

So, Mr Joshua, Ms Cox, the pressure is on.

OK, let's find your first celebrity. Spin, please!

-Oh, that's how you do it.

-Yeah.

Stop.

Beeeeyyyuuuu. Anyone else feel sick?

OK, we asked eccentric horse-racing pundit John McCririck

if he ever wees in the shower.

-Ahh. MAN:

-Yes.

Do you think he said... every day,

or he doesn't shower?

GROANING AND LAUGHTER

-Oh, now then.

-Audience? Anyone? What do you reckon?

AUDIENCE SHOUT SUGGESTIONS

No, we think that he doesn't shower.

Let's find out what lovely John has to say for himself.

I never shower.

I take toshes - that's what we called baths at Harrow.

And the only reason is, you can't wee in there.

What a place that is to do a leak and then lie in it. Never.

That's what we all wanted to think about tonight,

an old man lying in piss.

-It's correct!

-That was right, so well done.

CHEERING

All right, spin again!

-Whenever you like.

-Stop.

Ah.

It stopped on Greg Rutherford.

Now, we asked Anthony's fellow Olympic medallist,

long-jumper Greg Rutherford, if he'd ever fallen asleep during sex.

Do you think he said, no, he's a very passionate lover,

or, yes, it happens very regularly?

-Speaking from experience, um...

-What?

LAUGHTER

-I'm joking, I'm joking.

-OK.

-I reckon...

-What do you think?

Yeah, cos of the training...

Maybe yeah cos of the training,

and maybe no cos of the stamina, so...

-Well, you decide. You're the Olympian.

-I would think...

Base it on your own...

-No, no, no.

-Launch them out the window.

So you think he doesn't fall asleep?

-He doesn't fall asleep.

-I reckon he doesn't.

-Let's have a look.

No, I'm a very passionate lover.

CHEERING

The stat is, 19% of men have fallen asleep during sex.

You need one more for the drink for everyone in here. One more.

CHEERING

And the desperate guy over there just went, "You can do it!"

"Please, God, do it!"

-Stop.

-Beeeyyuuuu.

Ahh. Whuuuaaayyy!

We asked Russell if he'd ever been clubbing with a parent.

LAUGHTER

Did he say, yes, with his mum,

or, no, but he has been with his Uncle Geoff.

-WOMAN:

-With his mum!

-Yeah, he has. Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

With his mum, do you think? Do you think Uncle Geoff?

AUDIENCE: No!

-Yes, with his mum.

-We'll now cross live to Russell for the answer.

Erm, yes, I have been clubbing with my mum.

CHEERING

We went to the Sugar Hut in Essex and one of the best

moments of my life was seeing my mum do her first Jager Bomb.

And she did it, slammed it down and went,

"Put my taxi back to three," and then went onto the dancefloor.

LAUGHTER

And that is correct, which means you've won! Come and join us!

CHEERING

So, thanks to you, everyone tonight wins...a Cosmopolitan cocktail!

A huge thank you to our special guests, Anthony Joshua and Sara Cox!

We'll be back next week,

when our special guest will be pregnant Fearne Cotton.

Until then, don't forget to unzip your own personal report

on the Unzipped website.

-Thank you for watching. Bye!

-Byeeeee!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd