Episode 2 Unzipped

Unzipped is the show which asks a very important question

to some of our favourite celebrities -

-"Are you normal?"

-I didn't really understand the question.

Joining us this week...

Fearne Cotton is a 31-year-old TV presenter, DJ and mother-to-be.

And, according to her Unzipped report,

has 800 photos of her cat on her phone,

can't stand male strippers

and has probably wet herself at a festival.

Aiden Grimshaw is a 20-year-old singer

and former X Factor finalist who is currently single.

He gets more annoying when drunk, wet himself at his uncle's stag party

and has been fired from a job at a pizza restaurant.

Tonight, they'll be answering some extremely personal questions

and helping us to work out whether we're all obsessed with being cool.

This is Unzipped.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Unzipped!

This is Russell Kane.

And that is Greg James!

And this is the show where our celebrity guests

face the questions they've never been asked before.

But, Gregory, where do these random questions come from?

I'll tell you where - the Unzipped report.

A report so thorough it leaves no inappropriate subject untouched.

And this week, preparing themselves to be inappropriately probed

like never before, please welcome tonight's special guests, Fearne Cotton and Aiden Grimshaw!

CHEERING

-I don't want to be probed by you!

-Well, you have no choice.

-Oh, God.

-Absolutely no choice. Well done for getting pregnant, by the way.

-Thank you. Yes.

-Aren't I clever?

-CHEERING

-That does mean that you've had sex, though.

-RUSSELL SNIGGERS

-Look at you two, you little bromances. Aren't you cute?

-Yeah.

You're like the Chuckle Brothers.

-Aiden.

-Hello.

-Also, I believe you've given birth to twins, haven't you?

-An album and a tour.

-Oh, yeah.

-I have done that.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Is it true you make animal noises as a warm-up, to warm up your voice?

-Yeah.

-What animal?

-I just walk around going...

HE SCREECHES

Right, tonight we'll be seeing how Fearne and Aiden's behaviour

compares to the rest of Britain.

But before we get started, do either of you have any weird habits

you'd like to confess to upfront?

Obviously, we've heard animal noises. That's pretty bizarre.

-Anything else?

-I've got a weird sort of mental thing.

-What do you mean?

Say I'm out running, and I see, say, an old lady.

In my head, I'll think, "Go and run and just jump on her back

"or do something totally ridiculous."

And I won't do it but in my head I'm playing a game with myself that I might just do it.

We'll also be looking at a particular aspect of behaviour tonight,

and that is vanity and looking good.

Hopefully we'll hear from the unsightly bunch that are the Unzipped sample

throughout the show as we reveal the answers to these juicy questions.

It's all heading your way on tonight's Unzipped.

CHEERING

Fearne Cotton and Aiden Grimshaw Unzipped.

Has Fearne ever thrown a drink over someone?

And does Aiden use Facebook to spy on his exes?

Cool And Unzipped.

Fearne and Aiden talk fashion

and Russell gets up close and personal

to TV's most revealing audience.

Celebs Unzipped.

Which of these famous faces is very particular about their food

and who might send you their naked photo?

All will be exposed in tonight's celebrity confessions.

CHEERING

OK, let's get on with this.

We surveyed thousands of you in ordered to create the Unzipped report

so we've got a pretty good idea of what counts as normal behaviour in this country.

The question is, how will Fearne and Nick Grimshaw's answers...

-Aiden.

-Sorry, Aiden. Sorry.

-Idiot.

-I knew I was going to do that.

-Idiot.

-So, Aiden Samuel Grimshaw and Fearne No Name Cotton...

-Ah, no middle name!

-Ah!

-..these are your normality questions.

I'm so glad that you two are working out the barometer of normal.

Right, first one. Fearne, do you have a photo face?

-100% yes.

-What is it?

-It's a general pout,

because at the moment my face is quite fat, so it's just a...

And it's always from an angle, cos then you get a little bit of supposed cheek bone.

-Do you? Is that the thing?

-That's my thing.

-What is it?

It's not what you just did.

What about a red carpet pose? Have you got one of them?

I'll just do a half smile. I don't want to smile too much.

Is it like you've just let off a fart?

It's that kind of thing, yeah.

-It's kind of like a knowing smile.

-Let's have a look at it.

What the hell? That is the half smile I was talking about.

-It's not quite a smile.

-That's quite disturbing.

That was the last face my nan had.

God!

Have you got a photo face, Aiden?

I think I overcompensate and then this massive smile comes out

and then this thumb comes out of nowhere to, like, this thing.

It goes on for too long. You know those photos where they're like, "I'm taking a photo,"

but then they don't press anything for, like, ten minutes?

"Oh, sorry, I was taking a video. Sorry."

Have you got a photo face?

I don't... Well, I don't really like posing in front of the cameras.

I'm not really on the red carpet and if I am I just sort of shuffle past.

-I'm just not up for it.

-No.

-Nothing like this, for example.

-Understated. That's you, isn't it?

-Very shy.

Well, the verdict is, that's not normal, I'm afraid.

Only 29 % of women say they have a photo face, which I find shocking.

-They're lying!

-That's a massive lie.

-I know. But you are abnormal so far.

Right, next one.

Fearne, were your schooldays the best days of your life?

-No.

-Why?

Cos these days are way better cos I'm not at school.

I don't know, I just way prefer...

preferred being in my young 20s

and going out and having a laugh rather than studying.

-But in many ways you're like a modern-day Macaulay Culkin.

-Wow.

-Thank you.

-Well, I mean, we watched you grow up on telly.

I remember being at school watching you on telly.

-You were on Diggit, weren't you?

-Oh, yeah. Back in the day.

So, actually, you won a competition to be a presenter back in the day.

-Yes. Disney Club.

-Remember it well?

-Don't do this to me.

What? What do you mean, do what?

-I think she's implying we've done some cruel research.

-Come on!

This is BBC Three, man, we haven't got those sorts of resources.

Oh, wait, yes, we have.

Remember, it's up to you.

It's your chance to vote for which girl you'd like to see

presenting on The Disney Club.

Hi, my name's Fearne Cotton and I'm 16-years-old.

My friend made me enter this competition and I love to dance,

sing and act and I've wanted to work in TV since I can remember.

I love Taylor Hanson and Brad Pitt and I live on Fruit Pastilles.

Anyway, I hope to speak to you soon. Bye!

Fearne, do you remember what you looks like before?

OK, this is what you look like now.

Oh, wow, that's excellent. Oh, I love it. Thank you so much.

It's gorgeous.

We're going to find out who you voted for.

The new girl Disney Club presenter is...Fearne Cotton!

-Well done, Fearne!

-Congratulations.

-Thanks.

-Yeah, well done, Fearne.

-How do you feel?

-Oh, I can't believe it. Thank you so much.

Give us a kiss. Don't be shy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-It is amazing.

-You know what? I've never seen that.

-Really?

I've never, ever seen that. That is... Just look at my fringe!

I was so common as well!

POSH ACCENT: I've got more posh as I've got older.

When you were revealed, you went... MIMICS FEARNE: "That is excellent."

They put me in a really shit T-shirt that I hated. "That is excellent."

-What about you, Aiden? Did you enjoy school?

-No, not really.

Where you home-schooled in the village?

"What's at the end of the road, Mother?"

"Nothing! Monsters, Aiden!"

I didn't really enjoy school, no.

-Well, we've actually got a picture of you at school.

-Shit.

-ALL: Aw!

-Oh, look!

-That is a great haircut, Aiden.

-I'm glad you went all the way back

cos I turned into a right monster when I was eight.

What are you wearing?

Did the kids used to dress you up in games and then write on you in pen?

OK, that's normal, of course.

Only 24% of saddos - I mean, girls -

said the school days were the best days of their lives.

Right, next one.

Aiden - this is a bit gross -

-do your parents talk to you about their sex life?

-Ugh!

No. No. They went on holiday once, though, and my mum brought back...

For her honeymoon, she stayed in a shack

and there was a little sign that said "love shack" next to it

and she brought it home when I was 15 and stuck it next to the bedroom. That was terrible.

Every time a friend came round, they'd go... # Love shack. # Cheers, Mum(!)

"Go play in the garden, Aiden.

"Mummy's in the love shack."

Have you ever heard your parents at it?

-La-la-la-la-la! No, I haven't! Oh! No.

-Why do parents have to do it?

It should drop off and just be a Ken hump after the age of 50.

I totally agree. No, that... I have no anecdotes about this.

-There's just... It's a no.

-It's just gross.

-I do. I do.

When I was really little, my room was here and my mum's room was here and the bathroom was here.

I was a right little softy so when I used to go to the bathroom,

I used to have to wake my mum up, and be like, "Mum, I'm going for a wee."

One night, I didn't even knock, I just went in and I was like, "Shit!

"Aaagh!"

-"What's going on?"

-"I don't need a wee."

OK, well, that is, of course, normal.

90% of men's parents don't talk about their sex life. 90%.

-That's fine. We're happy with that one.

-What about yours?

-No. Can you imagine?

It was a scheduled mating to produce Gregory!

In-between pheasant and duck season.

All right, Aiden,

-do you keep anything in your bedroom that you could use as a weapon?

-Ha-ha!

Er, apart from that!

I had a small kitchen knife but then I was like,

"Shit, that's not enough," so I got the fork as well, so it was like a...

-So you were going to eat a burglar to death?

-One hand's not enough.

-Stab, then a fork.

-Most middle-class defence ever, isn't it?

"Here's a piece of Brie in your eye!"

-Fearne, you got any weaponry?

-No, that's...

but I don't want to say that in case someone tries to attack me.

So, yeah, I have loads! All sorts of horrific things in that room.

LAUGHTER

Russell, what about you? Any big implements in there? In your room?

I don't think so,

-just my personality tends to repel anyone in my secret place.

-LAUGHTER

-Greg, have you got anything?

-I've got a backdoor... Don't! Don't.

LAUGHTER

Backdoor burglars, listen up!

The backdoor's quite loose... LAUGHTER

..so there's a cricket bat under my bed, ready. Ready!

So, the verdict is that's not normal...

Sorry, mate.

-It's not really going well for me, this, is it?

-No.

Fearne, do you check a hotel room for peepholes?

I don't think I've actively looked for peepholes

but I am always super paranoid that there's going to be a camera,

in a corner somewhere, filming me.

I know it's totally illegal but I think,

"There could just be one up there, somewhere in the air vent."

-Do you ever check for peepholes?

-Not for peepholes.

-You do the standard pube check though, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Pube check.

-Shut up, no-one has pubes any more!

-LAUGHTER

Someone walked into a hotel room I was in and I was naked.

-I was, I was...

-Greg, shut up!

-No, no, I wasn't with you!

-I've never told anyone this before...

-You were dancing naked?

I was dancing to Jason DeRulo vs Chris Brown Megamix on MTV

and I turned round and just saw the door close.

LAUGHTER

That's horrific!

Imagine just waking up at 3am

and there's a bloke over your face going, "Encore!"

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

OK, it's not normal...

Why am I still imagining you naked, dancing to that track?

I just need it out of my head!

All right, Fearne, your friends...

This is a scenario, OK? A scenario. Picture this...

I send you an e-mail that is not intended for you

and I ask you to delete it immediately without reading it.

-What do you do?

-I read it.

-LAUGHTER

But if I explicitly say to you, "Do not read that e-mail."

How I meant to not look? That is SO intriguing.

What if it was Holly Willoughby, sent you an e-mail?

She was like, "Please, don't read this.

"If you love me, if our friendship means anything to you,

"you will not read this e-mail." Inbox! Inbox! Inbox!

-It's so tempting!

-How about a header that says, "Problems with Fearne"?

"Problems with Fearne"? I want to know what they are!

Speaking of Holly, you and her had a hit book together, didn't you?

We did.

Did you write the book or was it written for you?

-We wrote it with someone.

-Ah!

-LAUGHTER

-That book was all about being the best friends.

-Yes.

So, I've got some quotes from that book.

-Aiden, I want you to guess the missing word.

-Sweet, OK.

Here we go, first one...

-An emergency trip to the bathroom?

-LAUGHTER

-Girls go to the bathroom together!

-Is that correct, Fearne?

I'm going to say I don't think it is, no.

-Do you remember?

-Any idea what it is?

-No.

LAUGHTER

To be honest, the bathroom's closed

cos it's your first port of call when it comes to dumping.

Oh, my God!

You were right! APPLAUSE

OK...

Oh, yeah!

Gangnam?

LAUGHTER

I think this book might have just preceded the Gangnam style.

-Fearne?

-It's something... I can't remember the exact wording

-but it's like, "come to bed dance."

-That's correct.

-It is the, "come to bed dance."

-Yeah.

-So, what is this dance?

-Oh, great!

It's not a real one but you just, sort of, go...

LAUGHTER

What's that?

-Well, it worked, didn't it?

-LAUGHTER

Well, let's go back to the question because the question was,

"Would you read an e-mail that was not intended to you?"

And you said yes, and that is normal...

And the others are all liars

because everyone would do that, as we all know.

So, that is the end of your normality questions.

Thank you for being so honest, Fearne and Aiden!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And those answers will prove very useful later in the show,

when we decide which of our guests is Joe normal

-and which is Joey Essex!

-LAUGHTER

So, now we know a bit more about Fearne and Aiden

but how well do they know you?

We'll be finding out when they go head-to-head in the Reality Check.

But not before we reveal some disturbing information

about how image-conscious we all are, Greg.

Especially women like Fearne.

Says the man wearing eyeliner.

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to The Reality Check, a chance for tonight's guests

to prove that despite the temptations and trappings

that come with being a celebrity, they haven't lost touch with reality.

That's because Fearne and Nick... Aiden. Sorry.

-Idiot.

-..need to predict how ordinary folk responded

to the questions in the Unzipped report

and in a misguided attempt to come up with a prize

connected to Fearne's pregnancy, we've been busy knitting this week

and we've made these child-scaring

and potentially nightmare-inducing creations.

MUSIC: "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" by Mozart

LAUGHTER

-That's such an incentive(!)

-So let's do this.

It's time to play... The Reality Check.

First question.

Write your answer down, please.

Closest to the correct answer will win the round. It's happened to me.

-You know when relationships get a bit Hollyoaksey?

-Relationship?

In a relationship, it's quite Hollyoaks.

I was in a club and I'd just broken up with someone

and then I was chatting up someone new

and this girl came up and went, "What are you doing?"

HE MIMICS SPLASHING

-It actually happened? What did you do?

-Cried.

OK, time's up. Fearne, what have you written, and why?

I've put 35%.

I reckon about 80% of women would have liked to have done it,

but only 35 would have had the opportunity to do so.

Good answer. Aiden, what have you got?

I went for 46 because it happens all the time on TV, so...

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? OK, well, I can reveal the percentage of women

who have thrown a drink over someone is 25%,

which means Fearne wins the round

and takes a step closer to these wonderful prizes.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Fearne, have you ever thrown a drink over anyone?

Yeah, I have. I was at a gig

and there was a group of lads in front of me spraying cider.

"Wa-hey! We're at a gig!"

And I just went over and tipped my pint of cider over his head.

-Did you?

-Yep.

-What did he do? Punch you?

Well, he stopped throwing cider at me. It was brilliant.

Well, we've done a bit of research and those guys are here tonight.

Yeah! Bring it on, bitches!

What about... You have, I know this.

I have, yeah. A few times,

-but the one that really sticks in my mind...

-A few times?!

I'd been watching this girl at a bus stop for a couple of weeks...

I was halfway up her wall when she opened a window

and threw hot tea on me and called the police.

It was horrible. I fell down and everything.

Girls, eh?

-Next question...

-Actually, Fearne, you've been pretty feisty tonight.

When we said the guys were here you were up for it.

I wouldn't want to mess with you and I want to check,

with all the hormones going on in your body,

you're not going to have a tantrum if you don't win the dolls?

No, no. I'm quite happy to not win them. It's fine.

I know what you can be like.

Remember that time that you came round to play at my house

and Russell was there and you threw a proper hissy fit when we were kids, yeah?

-When we were little? Do you not remember?

-No. Don't member this one.

Let's see if this jogs your memory.

Dramatic lights, please.

First question.

What percentage of boys at school have kissed a girl?

Yuck! Girls are gross!

That's because you like boys.

I don't like boys, actually. I bet no-one will say that when I'm older.

Fearne, I bet you fancy Russell.

Shut up! Russell's well weird and he wears funny clothes.

there's no way we'd have snoggage.

What about me?

Dream on, Daddy-long-legs.

Next question. We asked everyone at school what they wanted to be when they grew up.

What was the top answer?

Hmm. What do you want to be, Greg?

Actually, I...want to be a DJ.

That's what I want to do! You're SUCH a copycat!

I'm going to be an admired,

but ultimately misunderstood, stand-up comedian.

Then I'm going to win a comedy award at the Edinburgh Festival

and then I'm going to write a book

and then me and Greg are going to do a TV show together.

Who would watch THAT?

A small but very loyal audience.

Whatevs, loser.

You're a loser, Fearne Cotton.

Right. That's it.

I'm not playing any more. I hate you two.

Random.

-Girls are well stupid.

-Yeah. Who needs girls anyway?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

At least we've developed emotionally since those days.

-Some things never change.

-Next question.

-44% of men said they could live without sex.

-What?

But what was the percentage for British women?

Write down your answers. Closest to the answer wins the round.

-44%. Could you?

-No, I'd go off like a dropped garden hose.

FEARNE CACKLES

"Pick it up!" "I can't!"

"Oh, no - the dog's at it!"

OK, time's up. Fearne, what have you written and why?

Well, I'm a massively shocked that it's actually 44%

who are saying that they could live without it.

I thought it would be 0%.

So I've gone for something marginally higher at 49.

On the same basis I went for 59,

which is slightly a bigger margin of marginally higher.

RUSSELL LAUGHS

Take that, maths!

I can now reveal that the percentage of women who could live without sex

is a depressing 72%, which means Aiden wins the round.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Next question.

Write down your answers. Closest to the correct answer wins the round.

It's one of those that's got to be really high or low.

It's got to be 100. You must do it.

I prefer webcams.

With a webcam you get a cleaner report of what the bitch is up to.

-What about you?

-Oh, my God!

-All the time.

-Greg uses Bebo.

LAUGHTER

Fearne, what have you written and why?

Well, I've definitely done this.

-I'm expecting it to be high.

-Yeah.

Well, I've not gone too much because I thought some people might go,

"Actually, I don't want to know what they are doing.

"I can't bear it, it'll make me really upset," so I've done 65.

-Well thought-out answer. Aiden, what have you got?

-I'm a bit of a stalker

-so I went for a 78.

-Do you do it? Do you do it a lot?

If you're an ex, I've probably checked out your photos on Facebook.

Loads of times.

Well, we've clearly got stalkers here,

but I can reveal that only a quarter of all Facebook users -

I know it sounds unbelievable -

but only a quarter of users use it to snoop on their exes,

which means, Fearne, you still win the round

even though you're out by 40%. Well done, Fearne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Uh...link. I wonder if the Unzipped sample

find it easy to move on after a relationship.

-Have a look.

-All right, Greg!

Any stalkers out there who use Facebook

to follow what their exes are up to?

All right. God, you're hot, aren't you?

I'm going to have to do an oestrogen injection just deal with it.

-Is that your missus, is it?

-That's my missus!

-Sorry, dude.

Don't worry, I'm gay.

-What's your name?

-Kay.

Kay? 'K.

And tell us about your stalking activities.

Well, I've got his password and anything

so if I'm bored I'll just go on it.

You go on...? But he's not your ex yet, is he?

No, he's my boyfriend, but it's the same thing, really.

-You are pre-stalking already.

-Yeah.

-What about past partners?

Yeah, you know when you look at their pictures

to see if they're hotter and then you're like, "That's a downgrade."

Yeah, yeah. So you're glad when you look at their photos?

-Yeah, like, "I'm fabulous," and they're not.

-Yeah, you're a fat minger!

Anyone else? Over here.

-Indeed.

-Hello.

-What's your name?

-Sammi.

-So you've stalked your exes, have you?

Well, I went on Facebook once when it was logged into my ex's.

How was it logged in? Had he been up for break-up sex?

Then I found out he was, like, showering some girl.

What do you mean show...? Hold on a second.

No, he was, like, dirty talking.

Don't reach for the Wikipedia just yet,

we're just going to clear up what she means by "showering".

It was dirty talk and stuff and I was skipping through it

and then I just saw showering I was like, "This is enough."

No way. Did you feel sad or liberated or better after you stalked someone?

-It just shows that he's a dickhead.

-Ah!

APPLAUSE

Back to you, Greg. Back to you.

-Thank you, Russell. That was very informative.

-Showering.

And after all that, it's time for the final scores

and I can reveal that the person most in touch with reality is...

-Fearne.

-Oh, yes!

-APPLAUSE

So, Fearne, all that's left for you to decide

is which wonderful doll you want to take home with you.

Oh, God. Can I be a really generous winner and give them both to Aiden?

There you go. Well done. Prize-winner.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We're really sorry about that.

Thank you for taking part, Fearne and Aiden.

-Still to come, we'll be mingling with the Unzipped audience...

-Oh, no.

..sampling some celebrity confessions

and deciding which of tonight's guests is Joey normal

and which is Joey Barton.

And if you want us to make an equally harsh judgement about you

then check out Unzipped online.

Want to know more about the real you, but can't afford a shrink? Fear not.

Simply unzip yourself online and find out what you're really like.

Keep results secret or share them with the world - that is your choice.

Find out how you compare to me, Russell and our celebrity guests

and explore a different aspect of your personality each week.

This week we'll reveal your inner sinner.

Just answer some extremely personal questions and all will be revealed.

Go to...

OK, onwards, and we're talking about looking cool on tonight's show

so, actually, Fearne, it is genuinely brilliant that you are here.

Mates, Radio One colleagues, your fashion sense is brilliant,

you, sort of, marry the high-street and designer perfectly

-so it's an eclectic mix and I think it works so well.

-Get a room.

You look very trendy tonight. I like the shirt.

-Hello?

-I like the black trainers and the black jeans.

Get a room, guys, Jesus. I know it's funny and everything,

-but it's been like this the whole frickin' day.

-What?

Just cos you two work together I've had to listen to all this shit all day.

You work together on radio - this is TV. It's above.

Don't treat me like a dick, Greg. You've been like, "Fearne... this"

or, "What time's Fearne getting here?

"Shall we go to Fearne's dressing room and say hi?" No, I didn't.

-There's nothing going on.

-We're just mates.

-What're you talking about?

-Oh, this is just...

-This is just... I'm sorry, I need a minute.

-Really, are you going?

-I'm sorry, I've got to...

-It's embarrassing.

LAUGHTER

-He needs to rein it in. That's... Tragic.

-I'm sorry.

He did this last week. He's going through a bit of a funny...

-Are you going to leave us?

-I'm sorry, just chat amongst... What?

What's wrong with you, grumpy bear? Hey, come here...

-So...

-That's nice.

What's it like having a person inside you?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Yeah. It's good.

Oh...there you are. Oi, oi, oi.

What the F is going on?

Greg, there's no need to swear, one, and secondly,

that thing out there in Fearne - is it yours?

Don't... That's disgusting. And also, why would...?

Look, of course it's not my baby. Get a grip. We are friends.

-Me and her, we go to lunch.

-OK, so mates go for lunch.

Why don't you and I go for lunch, then?

-We can go from lunch.

-When? Tomorrow?

I can't...do tomorrow.

-Look, are you jealous of Fearne?

-No!

Maybe...

-Yes.

-What am I going to do with you and your little insecurities?

We have got a professional bond. It's a strong one as well, look.

Let's get out there and show those idiots

the best damn Unzipped show we've ever done.

-Let's do it.

-OK, man.

-Come on.

-Sorry, no.

I'll go.

-Sorry about that.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, we're fine.

-So, where were we?

Everyone seems to be more self-obsessed these days

and that's been backed up by some very disturbing info

we've found out in the Unzipped report.

Yes, for example.

Women said they were more likely to be jealous

about someone else's looks rather than their talent.

-Why might that be?

-I guess women are kind of way more into aesthetics.

They like clothing and make-up and hair and stuff like that.

-Yeah, imagine that.

-Imagine that.

Every day before we go into work at Radio One, wherever you go,

you get photographed on the way in by the paps, and you get photographed on the way out.

Does that drive you mental?

Sometimes it's, kind of, not great

when I'm waddling down the high street at this point

and a creepy man's chasing after me. It's not always the nicest.

Sorry about that.

I don't understand why they photograph you on the way back.

I look the same. I'm not going to do a cartwheel.

Aiden, you've always been very image-conscious,

or do you think that's happened more since you were on the X Factor?

I got in trouble for coming on in a T-shirt. I'm just pretty scruffy.

I'm 20-years-old. I don't really care.

Did Cowell ring you up and say, "Don't wear a bad T-shirt and high trousers."

It's now time to send Russell into our Unzipped sample

to expose some unusual attempts at being fashionable

and cool from tonight's audience so Fearne and Aiden, all you have to do

is decide whether they've succeeded in being cool or not. Off you pop.

Right, let's see if this lot are cool. Off we go.

Where's my baton of mirth?

Who thinks they may have a cool tattoo?

Can I just squeeze in between you two girls there?

-OK, so you think you've got a cool tattoo?

-Definitely.

Right, let's have a look at it.

Oh, God.

Oh, that's a gun.

So tell us the story

of why you've got a weapon of murder tattooed on your leg.

Well, I was in Ibiza and pretty much I woke up and was like,

"I may as well get a tattoo today."

What, you just woke up and you had a weapon on your leg?

I know what you're saying, baby.

Fearne, do you think that's a cool tattoo? You quite like your tats.

I do like my tats, I think it's a brave move. I like it.

-So it's a thumbs up?

-I would say thumbs up.

-Yeah, that's pretty hot.

Would've preferred a bow and arrow, a traditional instrument.

Like we had in the village.

So that was cool. Next one, we are looking for someone...

We're looking for a haircut. Anyone? No, let's move on.

Here we go.

I think I'll go this side of you

just so the right hook hits me cleanly.

-So your name is...?

-Sam.

-Sam, and...

-GREG CACKLES

Shut up, Greg!

That's like, it's your hair but Jedwarded.

Exactly. Well, obviously I think it looks amazing.

Tell me the story behind your haircut. What happened?

It's just a music thing.

I used to have a mohawk but I kept throwing up in it after heavy nights.

-You kept throwing up in your mohawk?

-Yeah.

How did you do that? What, going like that...

So, guys, Aiden, we'll go to you first. Is this...

-You've rocked a few quiffy experimental dos in your time.

-Yeah.

-What do you think of this one?

-It's big.

It's a big and it's multi-coloured, so...

-Fearne? Cool or not cool?

-I like people who do things in a unique way so I'm saying cool.

Can I just ask, seriously, did you copy Russell?

Oh, no - I prefer Jedward. They're bit more famous.

APPLAUSE

And I'm the uncoolest man on the frickin' planet

so I'm going to meet the coolest.

-Where are you?

-Are you all right?

-All right, Tommy, random.

-Oh, sorry, I slipped.

-What is going on here?

-I don't know.

Don't out-camp me, Tommy. I'll get really annoyed.

-So why are you so cool?

-Babe, I can't go anywhere.

-Where are you from?

-Essex. Chigwell, Chigwell.

-East London borders.

-I can't go anywhere.

The other day, I'm not even joking, I was on the tube.

People had to get off the tube because I was there.

There was this woman she was going,

"Oh, my God, oh, my God," and she couldn't do it.

-Couldn't do what?

-She couldn't be around me.

She couldn't breathe. She had no air in her lungs.

I just need to check something. Hang on.

-Oh, my God.

-Are you real?

-I'm like a Ken Doll, aren't I?

-APPLAUSE

-I'm sorry, as you were.

-I think you've got some tips for how you've achieved...

Obviously you're wonderfully turned out.

I've got a make-up artist who does my make-up.

-She got you a little present, actually.

-What's that?

-Are you ready for this?

-Oh, my...

She has done a vajazzle of your name.

Do you love it? How do you feel about that?

When I started this career I always dreamed

that my name would be sprayed in diamonds on a man's pubis.

-I'm so glad I could make that happen for you, babe.

-Right.

What do you think? Is that cool, Fearne?

I would say you're just way cool, yeah. I would go cool.

-Very, very cool.

-What about awkward vajazzle with my name on it?

That didn't sway you?

I tell you, I'm not keen on the vajazzling thing,

just because I think it's not very practical

and I imagine it being itchy, Tommy.

You know what? It is.

I kept thinking, "What is happening?" It's happening,

-but, static, it's pulling. Deal with it.

-Aiden?

-Aiden?

-Do you think he's cool, Aiden?

Or do you need to come over for a closer...?

Yeah, yeah.

Tommy, thank you so much for speaking to me. Back to you, Greg.

Thanks, Russell, and thank you the Unzipped sample. Thanks very much.

That is the least camp I've ever felt. It was amazing.

Now for the moment of truth where we decide

which of tonight's guests is the least normal.

Audience, if you think Fearne is least normal, cheer now.

SCATTERED CHEERING

Audience, if you think Aiden's the weirdest, cheer now.

LOUD CHEERING

Weird is good. Weird as good.

It's Aiden!

Aiden, well done. You must feel very, very special

getting such a prestigious award, so well done to you.

-Thank you.

-You weirdo.

Fearne and Aiden, we do have one final job for you, though.

Yes, that is to help tonight's audience get their hands on some booze.

Very important, because it's time for Celebs Unzipped.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's time for the game that dips its big toe into the bathtub of celeb

and then quickly takes it out because the revelations are just too hot!

It's also a game that could lead to everyone in tonight's studio audience

getting into that bath... with a cocktail.

CHEERING

As modelled by Aiden, but for medical health reasons,

not modelled by Fearne.

Fearne's only alleged to have one sambuca a day now she's up the duff.

Before this lot can get their hands on the booze,

Fearne and Aiden need to prove how well they know their fellow celebs.

Feast your eyes on our Carousel Of Celebrity.

-There it is.

-Now, last week I managed to humiliate myself,

but this week we've got the timing perfect. I will...

Spin it. Spin it.

The formal commencement of the carousel, ladies and gentlemen.

-It's this way is it?

-Yeah, that way.

-Spin!

You bastards. That's not even funny.

Look. Easy, look. Ready?

Dicks.

OK, it's spinning. As you can see there are some big names.

You've got Russell Kane, you've got that Olympic guy,

Joe Swash, East Enders, Brucie, Labrinth...

RUSSELL GRUNTS ..loads of people.

Fearne and Aiden. All the questions asked to our celebs

come from the Unzipped report.

All you've got to do is get more right than wrong

and you win cocktails for everyone.

So...

-Miss Cotton, Mr Grimshaw, Mr Grimshaw!

-Mr Grimshaw!

With booze at stake, the pressure is well and truly on.

OK, we can do this.

Let's find your first celebrity.

Spin it and stop it. Right, stop it now.

It's Lauren Todger from Essex.

So we asked Essex's finest, Lauren Todger

if she'd ever sent anyone a naked photo of herself.

Do you think she's that kind of girl?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

That guy there!

Dirty ho!

-I think that's a yes.

-I think that's a yeah.

There wasn't much ambiguity there. Let's have a look.

Of course I have, but I think it's nice.

Girls look pretty and sexy,

but with the guys I once received a naked picture with his willy out

and it made me feel sick and I never spoke to him again.

Nice. Lovely story.

A lovely story.

All right, spin it again and stop, please.

Ah.

Labrinth, come in.

-It's stopped on Labrinth.

-Come in.

We asked chart-topping rapper Labrinth...

Come in.

..if he had any weird food habits.

Do you think he said yes or no?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

-Do you know Labyrinth?

-No, I've met his sister.

Right! I just said, "Have you met Labrinth?"

And he went, "I've met his sister."

Wa-hey!

Most people have weird things with food, right? I would say yeah.

Has she met the knife and fork?

-OK, we're going to go with yes?

-Yes.

-OK.

Let's see what Labrinth...

-Come in.

-..said.

I like scones with no cream and jam.

I like tea with 1 3/4 sugars.

No more, no less - you can taste the difference - and...

I think, I like my chicken dry.

I don't put no gravy over my chicken. It's not a good look.

"I like my chicken dry!"

That's correct. I think that's pretty weird.

OK. Potentially it's the last one.

-If you get this one right, everyone here wins a cocktail.

-Yeah.

Right, stop the wheel, please. It's making me feel sick.

Yeah.

Joe Swash.

We asked Joe Swash if he'd ever done anything sexual

with a friend's parent. Do you think he said yes or no?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

Do you think he has?

Think about it. You're talking about a sex act with a friend's parents.

No, he can't...? Surely not.

-This is not thinking about it, this is actually...

-Doing it.

The percentage is low and I don't think Swash is the man for this.

I hope that's a photo from exactly afterwards.

-I would say no.

-Let's go no.

-AUDIENCE MEMBER CALLS OUT

-OK.

-Do you want to drink or not?

-They've gone with no.

-The pregnant lady's getting cranky.

Because I want a drink.

Let's see what the Swashmeister said.

Have I ever done anything sexual with a friend's parent?

No, but I have...

I did go through a stage of being, when I was younger,

of really lusting after older women

and I remember once that my uncle's wife...

We was all on holiday in Portugal,

and my uncle's wife brought all of her friends along

and they all went topless around the pool

and I had a little balcony next to my room upstairs.

I spent a lot of time on that balcony.

LAUGHTER

That is absolutely correct which means you've won! Come and join us.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Amazing.

Thanks to you, everyone here tonight wins sex on the beach - the cocktail.

And that is the end of the time we've been allotted.

A huge thank you to our special guests, Fearne and Aiden!

We'll be back next week, but until then don't forget

to unzip your own personality report on the Unzipped website.

Thank you for watching and goodbye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd