Episode 3 Unzipped

Unzipped is the show which asks a very important question

-to our favourite celebrities.

-Are you normal?

What's it like having a person inside you?

Joining us this week... Louis Smith is 23 years old,

grew up in Peterborough and is an Olympic silver medallist.

Currently appearing in Strictly Come Dancing, Louis is single, and,

according to his Unzipped report, has only ever been on three dates.

He gets flirty when drunk and would rather have brains than brawn.

51-year-old Nancy Dell'Olio was born in New York, raised in Italy

and now lives in London.

She's single, would definitely intervene if someone was being mugged

and claims she would never check a partner's texts.

Tonight, they'll be answering some extremely personal questions

and helping us with some relationship advice.

What caused the most arguments between you and Sven?

-This is Unzipped.

-Encore.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to Unzipped. This is Russell "The Badger" Kane!

And that is Greg "The Grasshopper" James!

This is the show where celebrities come face-to-face

with a series of questions designed to prompt, probe and penetrate.

Yeah, armed with our trusty Unzipped report,

we're all set with questions that other shows dare not ask.

This week, preparing to be interrogated like never before,

please welcome tonight's guests,

Olympic gymnast and star of Strictly Come Dancing, Louis Smith...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Plus dancer, lawyer and all-round diva Nancy Dell'Olio!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hiya.

-Hello, hello, hello.

-Nice to meet you. Welcome to Unzipped.

-Feeling good?

-Yes. Nice to be here.

-Nervous.

-Don't be nervous.

You've got to be prepared, though - we're going to ask

some very searching questions about your behaviour on the show.

Before we start, do you have any really weird habits, any quirks,

we should know about before we kick off?

No, everything is strange about me so I don't have anything.

-Everything is strange.

-Exactly. So I have nothing to declare.

-Everything is strange.

-So you're consistently weird

-from top to bottom?

-Absolutely.

Tonight's show is going to be a good one.

It's going to end with our bodies in a skip like that.

-What about you, Louis?

-Relatively normal. A few little habits, but...

-So far.

-So far.

That's always what the abnormal say.

We're also going to be focusing on the biggest cause of joy and pain

in the whole world on tonight's show, and that's relationships.

Yah. And to help us dissect this complex and,

in my case, distressing and pathetic topic,

we've invited some truly special people to the studio. Special.

Please welcome the Unzipped sample!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Any of you guys... Who's in love at the moment over there?

-Anyone in love?

-Are you a couple, you two?

-Only one of you put your hand up then.

-Yeah, exactly.

We'll be hearing some of their relationship stories later,

as we reveal the answers to these questions -

all heading your way on tonight's Unzipped.

CHEERING

Louis Smith and Nancy Dell'Olio Unzipped.

What causes the most arguments between couples

and how honest are people about their sexual history?

Find out in tonight's reality check.

Relationships Unzipped.

We discover some disturbing information

about our audience's love life. Celebs Unzipped.

Which of these famous faces has a nasty surprise for burglars

and who's considered mating with a tiger?

All will be revealed in tonight's celebrity confessions.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, all that still to come. Now, Louis, first things first.

Are you still basking in the glow of your Olympic glory

or are you just completely over it now?

It's still pretty crazy. I haven't really had a chance to rest.

-It's one thing to the next.

-Not a bad summer, though.

Yeah, it's been all right, hasn't it?

Do you still wake up and go, "I got a medal in the Olympics,"

and just run down the stairs?

I'd just eat loads of Coco Pops and stuff.

I mean, since I have finished, you know, I have put on a few pounds.

-I was going to say.

-You relax a little... Oi, cheeky!

You can relax a little bit

but you're still having to try and keep on top and keep in shape.

What's the lady attention been like?

-Is it good?

-It's not been too shabby.

Cos I don't know if girls would like that type of stuff in bed.

Cos once I was doing it and I came up and did a mid-air hand-clap...

LAUGHTER

It's all about the dismount, baby.

-Nancy, did you get the old Olympic fever? Were you enjoying it?

-I did.

I did definitely enjoy it. Of course I was watching.

What Olympic sport are Italy good at? What's their speciality?

Looking hot? "I'm so beautiful." Gold medal.

Exactly. I can't remember how many medals they won, but I think...

They'd be good at discus because of the pizza thing, wouldn't they?

-ITALIAN ACCENT:

-"It's just a-like a pizza, but a discus."

-Did you enjoy the Olympics?

-No, I'm rubbish at sport.

I hang out with people like Louis to improve my street cred.

You don't have to be good at sport to enjoy the Olympics.

I don't like watching people do stuff I'm rubbish at.

-It makes my low self-esteem even worse.

-You're good on TV, so...

-All of us, we can't be good in everything.

-No, good point.

Louis, what about Strictly? Are you enjoying this,

-the new challenge?

-Strictly is brilliant. What an experience.

I wasn't quite sure how it was going to be

going from the Olympics to Strictly

-but I'm having a brilliant time.

-Quite a jump.

-You were on Strictly last year.

-It's a great experience.

It's really a live experience, Strictly.

-But you have to take it in the right way. You have to have fun.

-Wicked,

County Wicklow, Wickman's Wickford.

Tonight, we're going to be taking a good look

at Nancy and Louis' behaviour.

For that reason, we need some extra info from you guys.

So, Louis, what is your current relationship status, please?

Single, ready to mingle.

CHEERING

-Well, before tonight he was single.

-What?

-Nancy, are you single as well?

-Of course I'm single as well.

-Wheyyyy!

I'll download that MPEG.

So...Annunziata Nancy Dell'Olio...

-No.

-No?

-This is wrong. My name is only Nancy.

It doesn't exist... Just start it again.

Say Nancy.

So - for fear of my own life -

Nancy Dell'Olio...

-Mmm-hmm.

-..and Louis Antoine Smith...

SNIGGERING

..are you normal?

-OK, so...

-Sorry, we do have to deduct ten points immediately

-for both your names.

-What's wrong with my name?

No, I'm just jealous of it because it's better than mine.

Louis, would you prefer to be three foot taller or three foot shorter?

These are the real issues right here. These are the real issues.

-Three foot higher, I guess.

-Yes.

-Obviously.

If I was three foot shorter...

you couldn't even go on rides at Alton Towers!

If you were three foot shorter on the pommel,

that'd be awesome. I'd watch it.

If your arms stayed the same length but your body was just...

-Just this tiny body...

-I'd be done in five seconds.

-Story of my life.

So, anyway, we've got a clip here - I've not seen it -

and you're not exactly three foot shorter, but you are younger.

It's a bit of a stitch-up, mate, so don't expect any slick gymnastics.

It's going to be pretty... Roll it, anyway.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Stitch-up! That was a bit of a wobble at the end there.

You dug in the archives to get that one out.

That's actually quite good. That's annoying, that ruins the next bit.

That was more impressive than we thought it was going to be.

-We'll cut the next thing.

-No, we can do the next thing.

It's not going to work! That was storming.

Louis, we knew you were going to be a guest on today's show

-so we prepared a bit of gymnastics between us.

-That was really good.

It was going to be that he was a kid and rubbish,

-now it's not going to...

-It'll be fine. So we've practised this.

What we want you to do is say whether we'd get gold, silver or bronze.

Is fourth an option?

I don't know, you tell me. Come on, let's go.

-So, remember, you go on three...

-Yeah.

-Tumble...

-It's going to look so shit.

It won't look shit!

Guys, just before we go, can I just check clearance of the lights?

Am I all right? I wouldn't want to hit it at the launch.

Is this going to be dangerous?

Do we have any drum rolls or sound effects?

DRUM ROLL

CHEERING

-Yeah, it's not bad. Not bad at all.

-Good luck stepping up to that.

-You want me to do something?

-Yeah, what you got?

-Come on, beat that, big guy.

-Um...

-Do I get a drum roll?

-DRUM ROLL

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good.

Nancy...

-No. Absolutely not.

-You can do the cha-cha.

Unfortunately, I was looking at my card so I missed it.

When did Aston teach you that?

The verdict is you're normal, of course.

87% of men would rather be three foot taller,

apart from Greg, because then he would die.

You'd just eat the moon, like that.

All right, Nancy, have you ever visited a psychic?

-Yes.

-And what happened?

-I like it

because they give you some more information.

-What info?

-More information means more power.

-Are you trying to take over the world, Nancy?

-I will one day, yes.

-Louis, would you ever go?

-I'd never go.

I mean, I'm quite a believer there is no such thing as fate.

You make your own choices, you work hard, what you get, you deserve.

I hate the saying, "Everything happens for a reason." I hate it.

No, no, no, but why? You're probably too young.

-Everything happens for a reason.

-No.

-Of course, yes.

Of course you make your destiny, of course you make your choices,

but some choices have already been selected.

You can't decide one morning to become

-President of the United States.

-But you can choose to try.

You can choose to try, that's what I'm saying,

but the free choices have been given to you.

Have you ever farted during sex?

Do you know what?

I would've thought a lot more girlies were up for it

but it's not normal. Only 33% of women go and see a psychic.

-Only 33?

-Yeah, yeah.

(SOFT VOICE) Indeed.

Right, Nancy.

-Yes?

-This isn't happening.

But if the world was taken over by zombies...

It is NOT happening, so don't panic...

Anyway, "whatever happens happens."

Exactly.

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE

OK. If that did happen, would you kill yourself or take your chances?

I would take chances.

-How?

-Lure them in.

I'd try to explain to them how we live. That's what I would do.

Probably they are much more normal than us.

-Just reason with them.

-Why should I kill myself?

I like the idea of Italian zombies being a bit superior.

(BAD ITALIAN ACCENT) Maybe we have wine with our brains or something?

-I actually brought this up the other day in conversation.

-What?

I would love to wake up in the morning, tumbleweed down the road,

it's just deserted and it's just zombies everywhere.

I reckon I'd be amazing at surviving.

Come to Southend on a Sunday morning.

That is normal in fact...

Oh!

-OK, Louis. Have you ever had sex at work?

-(CHORTLES) Sex?

Bearing in mind you've worked in the most testosterone-fuelled places

in the world, the Olympic Village and the Strictly Come Dancing studio.

My place of work is my gym club.

-What about there then?

-No.

The Olympic Village was notorious for being a bit of a...

Apparently it is.

Tell us the truth. You're the insider.

On the last night it was pretty much a big party.

Team GB had their own separate party, music,

a few Russians tried to get in and they were showed out.

(COCKNEY ACCENT) There's no excuse for it, Louis.

You know what I mean?

There was free alcohol and they did get a big, massive box,

Tupperware box full of condoms.

There was 150,000 condoms handed out to the Olympians.

That's 8.5 condoms each.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

They weren't shabby ones. They were the non-latex ones.

Try them on. Try them.

And by the way, what's wrong with that?

Didn't say anything's wrong.

We were just trying to get to the bottom of that.

-Just wondered what it's like, that's all.

-A fat shag fest.

What about on the set of Strictly? Any romance?

-It's too early.

-I haven't seen any, no.

What you see on the show is different to the gruelling hours

you see in training. We're grabbing armpits, we're sweating.

It's not as sexy as you see in the live show.

-What about Kimberly Walsh? She's nice, isn't she?

-She's very pretty.

She said you had a crush on her, that's why I'm saying it.

-She is hot though.

-Yeah, she is very beautiful.

Any chance? Got 8.5 condoms left over.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

Nancy, was there no sexual tension between you and Anton Du Beke?

Absolutely not. We had a lot of fun together.

-No, no, no.

-What about Brucie?

Ugggghhh!

He's married.

I did... Obviously, I'm completely clumsy, with no physical skills,

however, would you reckon you could teach me to tango or not?

We'll do it on the A count, whatever you guys say.

Let's go into the performance area with Dara O'Briain.

(MOCKING DARA O'BRIAIN) Ehhh!

Ehhhh!

-Pass me a rose. There's a rose next to that seat.

-A rose?

We'll put some music on. Cos I always thought tango is that.

There's the paso doble. There's many different tangos.

It's nothing to do with tango, it's not to do with the tango.

TANGO MUSIC PLAYS

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

AUDIENCE CLAPS TO BEAT

CHEERING

Now do a bit of solo. Now solo.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-We're going to be fully marked.

-Oh!

-We're going to get judged.

-OK.

-You got two. You could be Len.

(COCKNEY ACCENT) The war. Do you remember the war?

We had powdered egg in the war.

Can I be the Italian one? What's his name, Gino D'Acampo?

-Bruno.

-Bruno D'Acampo.

-It's not D'Acampo. Bruno.

-Bruno.

(BAD ITALIAN ACCENT) I love-eh your intensity.

I love-eh, you are like a wobbly bit of rigatoni pasta!

I love-eh you spin-a me round like a big pizza

then you clip me like a calzone-eh!

And for you I give you a nine!

CHEERING

The nine is for Nancy.

(BACK TO NORMAL VOICE) That's for you.

MUSIC: "Strictly Come Dancing" theme

Just putting swearing at the end isn't funny

cos it always makes me look stupid.

-Can we not re-record it with a seven?

-No!

We were talking about sex.

Let's move on. That's really awkward.

Louis hasn't had sex at work, which is...

That's normal. Only 27% of men have done the deed at work.

-Nancy?

-Yes?

-Have you ever had sex at work?

-No. Not that I can remember.

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

That is the end of your normality questions.

Thank you for being so honest, Nancy and Louis. Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Those answers will be thrown into the melting pot later in the show

as we decide which of our guests is Joe Normal

and which is Joe "Phwoar".

So we've learned a lot about Nancy and Louis,

but how well do they know you, Britain?

We'll be finding out shortly as they go head-to-head

in this week's Reality Check.

Want to know more about the real you but can't afford a shrink? Fear not.

Simply Unzip yourself online and find out what you're really like.

Keep the results secret or share them with the world? That is your choice.

Find out how you compare to me, Russell and our celebrity guests

and explore a different aspect of your personality each week.

This week we'll reveal your inner skiver.

Just answer some personal questions and all will be revealed.

Go to...

..and click on Unzipped.

Welcome to The Reality Check,

the part of the show where we discover whether our celebrity guests

have had their head in the clouds or their feet on the ground.

Basically, have they lost touch with very ordinary people, like you?

Let's start with Louis.

Probably the best pommel jockey in the whole world

apart from the guy in Hungary who won the gold.

But apart from that, the best in the world, so congratulations.

Let's do your...

I mean it, I mean it! I mean it! I couldn't pommel anything.

-That's being modest.

-That's all right, I'm over it.

-(SWEDISH ACCENT) Nancy?

-Yeah?

-That's my Sven voice. Do you like it?

-I don't think that's his voice.

-Why do people from Sweden

sound like a record player that's been half plugged in?

(ALTERNATING VOLUME OF VOICE) "Someone plug me in.

-"I'm only at 50% of my power."

-The question, please.

(CONTINUES) Thank you very much.

The rules are very simple.

Whoever gets the most questions right will get their hands

on tonight's money-can't-buy prize.

Yes, be prepared to never have a good night's sleep again,

because the lucky winner could be sleeping with Greg tonight.

MUSIC: "Wanna Get Freaky With You" by Silk

GREG LAUGHS

CHEERING

Or, you could be sleeping...

We haven't seen these and it's so obvious.

Or you could be sleeping with Russell.

CHEERING

That's actually our bedroom at home.

Tonight's questions are all about relationships,

so let's play The Reality Check.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

First question. What percentage of people are honest with their partner

about the number of people they've slept with?

Write down your answers. Closest to the correct answer will win.

How about you, Greg? I normally round it up to one?

Nancy, what have you written and why?

50%.

So you think half of people lie. Why do you think that?

It's not about you lie, it's about people are very confident

to talk about the past so that people know.

I couldn't have put it better myself(!) Louis?

Louis, what have you got and why?

Being very optimistic here. Going on the back of my last relationship...

80%.

-So you're quite a truthful guy, then?

-Try to be.

I can reveal that the percentage of people who are truthful

about the number of people they've slept with it 66%.

That's quite high. But it does mean if you're watching at home

there's a one in three chance your partner's lying to you. Yeah?

If you're on your third partner, they're definitely lying.

If they're not, they'll lie in the end,

cos everyone lies and cheats and then they leave.

Which means Louis wins the round!

-ANNOUNCER:

-Louis wins!

One step closer to the duvets.

-One step closer, my man.

-Next question.

We asked what causes the most arguments

between you and your partner.

But what was the most popular answer? Was it...

..cleaning, jealousy or money?

-You want to know my answer?

-Yes, Nancy.

What causes the most arguments?

Probably would be about cleaning or money. Yes.

Not for me.

For me would be... Should be the only reason,

would be jealousy, but I don't believe in jealousy,

so probably cleaning.

-Cleaning. OK, cool. Louis?

-Louis?

Ha-ha!

-MEN:

-Well jel!

OK, why jealousy, is that...?

You see so many couples out,

and none of them are arguing about money,

who's going to buy the next drink?

But they are always, "Were you looking at that girl?"

"Were you looking at that guy?"

-Like, all the time.

-That is what I am like with Greg.

Do you find that because of what you have done, and you have achieved,

that girls are quite insecure when going out with you?

Not really. I've only had one girlfriend so far in my life.

-SNIGGERS

-Sorry!

It's true!

The cause of most arguments between couples, you would not believe this,

it was money!

Wow! Which means no-one wins the round.

Nancy, what caused the most arguments between you and Sven?

Apart from his voice.

-We never have arguments.

-You didn't?

-Never?

-No.

We'll leave that one there!

Louis, you and your ex-girlfriend,

what was the most common thing you argued about?

Probably being away so much.

Not being able to give as much time as she would have liked.

Money, jealousy, cleaning, fairly normal reasons for falling out.

But something tells me the Unzipped sample behind me, this crazy gang,

might have more unusual ways of getting into an argument.

Let's go and find out. Who?

Anyone? So...

Relationship annoyances we are looking for here.

What happened, something gentle, someone snore? Go on.

My ex's mum hated me and she made it very obvious.

-I have no idea why, she just did.

-So what happened?

I stayed over one night and the next morning I really needed a wee.

And his toilet is downstairs through the living room

and his lovely mum was sitting in the living room.

And he was like, "I don't think you should go down."

"No, I really need to go." He was like, "All right, I've got an idea."

So he goes out, comes back in with a bucket, puts it down,

and is like, "There you go!"

"Sorry?!" When I am drunk I can pee anywhere.

I can probably take you no a guided tour of places I have pissed.

-Did you do it, though?

-Yeah, I did. But in the cold light of sober day,

not so fun. Because buckets echo.

-Back to you, Greg.

-Lovely, thank you as always, Russell.

Hey, all right? Good.

Time for our next reality check question now.

Greg, you know, the annoyance thing,

I was thinking it would be quite funny if we do a bit of impro?

Because you're my TV husband,

so what are the type of things I do that annoy you?

-That you annoy me about?

-Yeah.

-Nothing really.

-Come on, there must be something.

-All right, a very little thing.

When I am talking, it is the way you always kind of jump in...

I jump over you? That is because I'm enthusiastic, and...

No, something properly annoying.

-Talking over someone is nothing, is it?

-No, OK, there are a few more.

You eat with your mouth open. You talk about your pets constantly.

-I do that.

-You drive a seven-seater Prius hybrid.

And you always go on about your relationships,

never ask about mine,

and I think you're a bit self-obsessed and needy.

-Right?

-Yes. There is the, erm...

Sorry, I think I am just going to go...

-Is it all right if we just break for a minute?

-No, what do you mean?

-You asked if I...

-It's all right.

I'm going to spend some time on my own now. Is that needy?

You're an idiot, Greg.

Oh, by the way, the Prius does 74 miles to the gallon. Dick!

Louis, I'm sorry, Nancy, I'm really sorry. Just chat amongst yourselves.

-Good luck, Louis, with the chat!

-Cheers!

Come back, you little precious panda! Where are you?

Oh, my God. Mate, what are you doing?

You're not going to find any answers at the bottom of these.

-Ask me a question, Greg.

-What?

-Have I got blood on this jumper?

-No, why?

Because I have been stabbed in the back, mate, that's why!

It is just a bit of fun!

How is it fun for me to get put down and made fun of

in front of the whole audience?

Great fun night, let's do it again(!) Free tomorrow?

You have got to lighten up.

All the things that I said in there, yes, they annoy me,

but they're also the reasons why I really love you so much.

There is so much going for you.

Your stand-up show, you have got this TV show, second series,

that's going well.

-There, you all right?

-Thank you.

-Girls falling at your feet as well.

It is just everything. Cheers, cool, OK.

You just need to get back out there.

And give these guys the best ever Unzipped show they have seen, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Lads forever.

-Lads!

Wooh!

-What is this?

-It's camomile tea. It keeps me steady. Let's go.

Keeps me steady when I'm being slagged off.

So, where were we? Relationships.

-You OK?

-I'm all right, shut up.

-Next question.

If there were no repercussions at all,

what percentage of people

would leave their current relationship, do you think?

-No repercussions at all.

-No repercussions.

Nobody will find out ever.

You don't have to worry about guilt, or children, no legal consequences,

you can just move out, end it, and it is fine.

-We'll go to Nancy first.

-I would say 60.

60% of people would bail if they could!

-I have no idea. I was just guessing.

-That's OK.

-Louis?

Every relationship gets to a point where you have to work hard at it.

Right.

And because there is this guilt-free pass now,

I am guessing, human nature...

-It does not exist, by the way.

-I know! But human nature.

There is a special room backstage!

-Human nature is to almost try and find the easy way.

-Absolutely.

-In life. So I am going quite high.

-90!

-90!

-Oh, my God. OK.

# Love is in the air! #

Ha-ha! I can now reveal the percentage of the British population

that would walk out on a relationship if they could.

It is still a very sad 23%. Which means Nancy wins the round.

-Yeah!

-'Nancy wins!'

The thing about that is, if you are watching this

at home right now with a partner,

there is a one in four chance they do not love you.

Have a lovely evening.

And after all that relationship angst it is time to reveal

the final scores, and I can reveal that the person most in touch

with the British public when it comes to relationships is...

Nancy and Louis, it is a draw!

'Nancy and Louis win!'

Nancy and Louis, thank you for taking part

in tonight's reality check. Thank you!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Still to come tonight, we will be talking relationships

with the Unzipped sample

and revealing some salacious celebrity confessions.

And of course we will be revealing some more unusual findings

about British behaviour,

just like the ones in this very educational feature.

No-o-o-oo!

# How sweet it is to be loved by you

# How sweet it is to be loved by you

# I needed the shelter of someone's arms, there you were

# I needed someone to understand... #

-That's just another ordinary night for me and Greg.

-Yes.

We'll be hearing what the Unzipped sample

have to say about relationships shortly.

But here is the big question, Nancy,

what is the secret to a happy relationship?

Never finish dating.

One of the problems with relationships,

one or the others takes things for granted.

For me it is important, details. Pay a lot of attention to your partner.

I like that, never stop dating.

That's when you know the romance is dead,

your partner farts in the kitchen

and you think they're speaking to you.

It's very easy to talk a good game when it comes to relationships.

But Unzipped is about finding out how people genuinely behave.

Yeah, totage McGoatage.

We devised a way of doing just that earlier this evening.

We ask the Unzipped sample some relationship-based questions.

And unbelievably, some of the sample are actually in a relationship.

Based on their answers we thought we would have a game of

Unzipped Higher Or Lower.

RUSSELL STUTTERS

-That was supposed to be Bruce Forsyth.

-Sorry.

First we asked them, would you prefer to go to the pub

with your mates instead of having a romantic meal with your partner?

Louis, have a look at those people.

What do you reckon? Give us a number.

-26 per cent.

-26 per cent.

-Nancy?

-I'd say 70 per cent.

LAUGHTER

I can reveal that the percentage of tonight's Unzipped sample

that would prefer to go to the pub

is 70 per cent.

-How do you know this?

-They are your kind of people!

-Nancy is a psychic.

-I'm psychic.

We then asked the Unzipped sample have you ever taken

revenge on an ex after a break-up.

What do you think the percentage is - higher or lower?

What do you reckon?

It's not weird, revenge, it's not like killing.

-My ex-girlfriend snapped my Call Of Duty games.

-She what?

-That's the worst crime ever.

-I know.

She snapped them up just cos she knew I liked them.

-I don't know.

-Higher or lower?

-Lower.

-You think it's less?

-I think it's lower.

-We're going less?

The answer is in fact 49. It was lower.

Never be afraid to clap maths.

49 percent of the sample said they had taken revenge on an ex.

Let's see if I can find one of these bunny boilers.

Where's my baton of mirth?

Squeeze in here. So, you took revenge?

Yes, basically I found out that my ex was cheating on me

with four girls.

Legend.

So I bleached all his clothes and cut them up and then packed them

in a bag and sent him on his way.

The bleach-wash look is in at the minute!

-What about you, Nancy? Have you ever taken revenge on an ex?

-No.

It is a waste of time.

You can't take revenge if you have already killed him.

No revenge. I always give you the right answer.

It's a waste of time.

OK. We then asked the sample have you ever worn a costume or outfit

with your partner during sex?

Do you reckon the percentage of that lot over there

is higher or lower than 49 percent?

They're quite young. It's a bit of an older thing you do

when it gets boring.

-Do you reckon?

-Lower than 49.

-Yes, I think lower as well.

I can reveal that the correct answer was lower. 39 per cent.

That does mean that 40 per cent of these pervs have dressed up.

Anyone in particular? Who's into costumes? Down the front.

I don't normally go down the front.

-You're quite a hot couple, aren't you? What's your name?

-Tom.

-Natalie.

-Who dresses up? Both of you?

-Yes.

What do you dress up as?

-I dress as a fireman.

-A fireman?

-What do you dress as?

-A nurse.

-So you're both at the scene.

"I think some people have been injured."

-Are you actually a nurse?

-No. Microbiologist.

-A microbiologist.

-Do nurses dress up as microbiologists?

-No.

Nancy and Louis, have you ever dressed up for a partner?

No, unless we were going to a specific party.

Not at all?

-You must have put an England shirt on?

-Yes, I did.

-There you go.

Thank you, Russell, and thank you, the Unzipped sample.

Now time for a pivotal moment in the show.

It is time for us to decide which of the guests is the least normal.

If you think Louis is the craziest, cheer now.

SILENCE

LAUGHTER

That has never happened.

If you think Nancy may be the weirdest, give us a cheer.

CHEERING

Congratulations. How do you feel about being awarded this honour?

Fantastic.

And after that shocking news, Nancy and Louis will be attempting

to end the show on a high by winning

a drink for everyone here when they play Celebs Unzipped.

Yes, it's that time again for the game that is

a bit like celebrity spin the bottle except that there is

no bottle and we don't all get off with each other

-after the show.

-What?

We may not have a bottle, but we do have some alcohol. Get this.

If these guys pull their finger out, every single member of the audience

tonight will get a cocktail at the end of the show.

How about that?

But before this motley crew can get their hands on the booze

Nancy and Louis need to prove how well they know their fellow celebs.

Say hello to one of the most sophisticated

pieces of technology since the Nokia 3210.

-I give you the carousel of celebrity.

-Look at that.

-It is amazing.

-You have had a bit of trouble with this.

There's a stupid joke where I start spinning

and it goes wrong and I look like a dick

so we're not doing that this week. Because I'm not stupid.

I promise you this time it will go perfectly.

That isn't funny - now everyone knows it'll go wrong.

It won't, I promise.

Look, you just slide it that way and it'll move.

This is the last time I'm doing this.

-Dicks!

-LAUGHTER

-There are some big-name faces in there, including Labrinth.

-Come in!

-Gok.

-Come in!

-Him...from the thing.

And Vorderville, as well.

Carol Vorderville. There's Bradley...

-and Nick Grimshaw.

-LAUGHTER

So...

So, Miss Dell'Olio and Mr Smith, let's find your first celebrity.

Spin that wheel. OK...

-Want to stop it, Russ?

-Yeah, we'll stop it.

-Stop.

-Ehhhh!

-Ehhhh!

-Ehhhh!

-Who is it?

-David Haye.

-Oh, shit, sorry.

We asked heavyweight boxing champion David "The Hayemaker" Haaaye...

if he keeps something in his bedroom just in case he ever needs a weapon.

Do you think he said yes or no?

-Yes.

-No, no, he's a boxer, he don't need no weapons!

Come on, audience, what do you say?

AUDIENCE: No!

-No.

-We'll go with no.

-Let's have a listen.

These are the only weapons I need.

Anyone breaks in, you get The Hayemaker's...boom.

That would be kind of unlucky for a burglar to break into my room

and catch me, especially if I'm naked, as well.

You know...

I think that was right, well done. APPLAUSE

Here's a fact for you.

People who live with their friends

are twice as likely to keep a weapon by their bed.

-What is that all about?

-Spin it!

Stop.

Ah!

OK, we asked celebrities, if they were an animal,

which animal they would like to mate with.

Did Fearne Cotton answer this ridiculous question

or did she refuse to answer it?

What do you think, audience, anyone? AUDIENCE SHOUTS OUT

-Yes, she answered.

-Let's have a look.

Let's ride the crest of anticipation into the cliff.

I tell you what I WOULDN'T like to come back as,

if I were to come back as a animal, and that would be a tiger.

Because when men and women tigers have sex,

the man puts his bits in the woman,

and then all these spiky, barbed bits come out

so it can't come back out again,

and the woman's going, "Get off of me!"

And he's going, "You ain't going nowhere,"

so I'm not coming back as a tiger.

APPLAUSE

-That is correct.

-Spin the wheel.

Stop it!

-Oh! Who's that?!

-That's Andrew Castle.

Oh, yeah...

-# Record breaker, record... #

-That's Roy Castle.

-Oh, shit, sorry.

This one is for the booze, OK?

So, Russell, go for it.

Tennis commentator and former breakfast TV host

Andrew Castle has admitted nicking stuff from work.

But where did he nick things from? Wimbledon tennis club or GMTV?

What do you think? Audience?

AUDIENCE SHOUTS OUT

-GMTV, probably.

-Going to go with that, audience?

For the booze, for everyone in the audience? Let's have a look.

We'll go with GMTV.

The best thing stolen from work? Reams and reams of paper.

And when we weren't going to be on GMTV any more,

don't make any mistake, we nicked half the place.

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING There you go.

-Very good.

-And that's exciting news,

it's also correct, which means you have won! Amazing!

Come and join us.

Come over here. Come over here.

Amazing work.

So, thanks to you two, everybody in the audience tonight wins a cocktail!

CHEERING

Booze Britain, wahey!

And that's all the time we've been allowed, 45 minutes.

A big thank you to our special guests,

Nancy Dell'Olio and Louis Smith.

CHEERING

We'll be back next week but until then, don't forget

to unzip your own personality report on the Unzipped website.

See you soon. Thanks for watching. Goodbye!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd