Episode 4 Unzipped

Unzipped is the show which asks a very important question

to our favourite celebrities.

-Are you normal?

-It's all about the dismount, baby.

Joining us this week, Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton is 36 years old

and, aside from being in the biggest girl group of all time,

is a DJ, actress and mother.

33-year-old Damage star Jade Jones is Emma's other half

and dad to their two kids.

According to their Unzipped reports, they don't argue,

still get star struck and regularly go for romantic meals.

Dappy is a 25-year-old singer, songwriter and rapper.

According to his report, he loves fishing,

can seduce women with his culinary skills and would definitely

watch a friend's sex video if it was leaked online.

Tonight they'll be answering some extremely personal questions

and giving us the low-down on fame, fortune

and keeping their feet on the ground.

I'd SO have a look.

This is Unzipped.

Shut up!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to Unzipped. This is Mr Russell Kane.

APPLAUSE

And that's Master Greg James.

APPLAUSE

This is the show which gives celebrity guests a thorough grilling.

Yes, thanks to the Unzipped Report,

we're armed with some pretty tasty questions

and we're not afraid to ask them.

So let's meet tonight's guests ready to be Unzipped.

Please welcome the gorgeous Emma Bunton.

Her equally gorgeous other half, Jade Jones

and someone who, like Madonna, Beyonce and H from Steps,

only goes by one name.

It's Dappy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Welcome to the show. Feeling good?

-Yes, feeling good.

-So, are you ready to be put through the Unzipped wringer?

-Wringer!

Yeah, think so.

Congratulations on being the first showbiz couple we've had on the show.

We are, aren't we? We're the first.

Before we get going, we'll have an unusual behaviour amnesty.

Anything you want to declare you might do that's a bit weird?

Maybe you've got a phobia of, I don't know, big moving objects?

Oh, God!

-A fear of big moving objects?

-That's me.

-What do you mean?

-It's really weird, isn't it?

-Yes.

-It's not THAT weird.

I'm scared of boats and aeroplanes.

Anything big that moves?

Anything big that moves. Yeah, it's a really weird one, isn't it?

-I actually get these panic attacks.

-Really?

My biggest fear would probably be being really, really close to

the Statue of Liberty and it falling on me or something.

-That's unlikely.

-It's quite unlikely.

You'd have been shit in Gulliver's Travels, wouldn't you?

-Absolutely shit, yes.

-Jade, what about you?

-He's got loads.

He bites his toenails.

AUDIENCE GROANS

-You peel them off and eat them?

-No, I get my toe in my mouth.

He gets his toe in his mouth.

-Is that weird?

-AUDIENCE: Yes.

-You bite the top of your toenail and rip it off with your teeth?

-Yes.

Do you know what happened the other day?

I cut my nails and they were on the floor and my cat ate them

while he was purring.

AUDIENCE GROANS

He was going...

When a cat can't chew something, it does that face at the end.

What a lovely way to start the show. Dappy, what about you?

What's your weirdest habit?

-Fishing and flying remote-controlled planes.

-You wouldn't expect that.

-Dappy don't look like a fisherman, does he?

-That's all I can think of.

-Isn't it boring, though?

-A lot of people stereotype fishing

like a bob, float, lake, rain, no fish.

I promise you it's not that. I'm the new age Bear Grylls.

If you come fishing with me...

Is it more urban fishing?

As a pike comes out there's some girls just going like that.

# Oh lift 'em fish, lift 'em. #

Hopefully we'll expose a lot more strange behaviour

from Emma, Jade and Dappy, but here's the rest of the headlines.

APPLAUSE

Emma Bunton and Dappy Unzipped.

Celebrity goes head-to-head with normality

in tonight's Reality Check.

Spice Unzipped. Exactly how well does Emma know her fiance?

We use the Unzipped Report to find out.

Celebs Unzipped.

Which of these stars gets turned on by men in uniform?

And who believes in aliens? The truth is out there!

Stay tuned for this week's Celebrity Confessions.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

All that still to come but let's get down business with tonight's guests.

So let's start off with Jade and Emma.

-How long have you two been together, please?

-Six...

-No, 14 years.

-15 years.

-Were you going to say six?

-What does together mean?

-15 years.

-You married?

-No.

-No.

-What?

-We're not married. I know.

-Oh, my God!

-We're new age.

We're engaged, I got the ring. That's all I needed.

How did you pop the question?

I had a birthday dinner with some friends and he popped the question.

-It was very romantic.

-It was lovely.

-I was pregnant as well and had a little boy.

-What, then?

-At the same time?

-Yes!

-It was very romantic.

-It's nice.

-Yeah.

It must have been tempting in the early days in the sack, just to go,

"Zig-a-zig-aah" at the final moment?

It may have happened.

If not, it will tonight.

Dappy, what are you up to at the moment? Tell us.

-I'm releasing my debut album.

-No way.

-Yeah.

-That's good.

AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND APPLAUDS

-Is it scary not being with the other Dubz?

-Yeah, a little bit.

You said the album is controversial. What do you mean by that?

If you listen to my Tarzan freestyles on YouTube,

it's just me stating some controversial facts.

-Just being a bit, you know...

-I have heard that.

I told my mum about it and she said you're a potty-mouth.

Emma, of all the things you've done in your career,

was doing Spice Girls at the Olympic ceremony amazing?

-Is that the best thing?

-Amazing. I think it probably was.

-Yeah, it was amazing.

-I think we should relive the moment now.

Let's have a look at it, shall we? Have a look at this.

# Colours of the world, spice up your life

# Every boy and every girl, spice up your life

# People of the world, spice up your life

# Aaaaah

# Slam it to the left if you're havin a good time

# Shake it to the right if you know that you feel fine

# Take it to the front, huh-huh, go round

# Slam it to the left if you're havin a good time

# Shake it to the right if you know that you feel fine

# Take it to the front, huh-huh

# I see ya, hold tight. #

APPLAUSE

Was Mel B there, cos you couldn't really hear her in that bit?

She was.

-SHOUTS:

-# People of the world

# Every boy and every girl... #

It was scary but an amazing night and then we partied right through.

You got bang on it afterwards, though, with Liam?

Had a few drinks, yes, yes.

We've got this photo. Apparently this is George Michael's garden?

I didn't realise when I tweeted that,

that I'd just given away George Michael's garden.

Yeah, that's his home and I'm with Dom, Liam, Geri and Mel.

Is George Michael taking it like that?

I might have asked him to take the picture, yeah.

-When she's with Spice Girls, is she different?

-She's hungover next day.

Which band, do you reckon, if they all existed now at the same time,

who would be the biggest partying band, N-Dubz, Damage or Spice Girls?

-Spice Girls.

-Definitely.

-Yeah, but your group are called Damage.

-Can't be playing it safe.

-We'd probably be partying together.

-We used to party hard, yeah.

-Look at this video.

Look at these moves that you're pulling back in the day.

-My favourite is the chin dust.

-We love the chin dust.

People laugh, but who wants a dusty chin?

APPLAUSE

-Do you still do the moves? Can you remember that routine?

-No.

That went in my eye then, dick!

You got dust in my eye. Dust your shoulder in the other direction.

Oh, nice one.

-Dappy, you still partying?

-Yeah, of course.

-You got two kids though.

-Yeah, at home.

APPLAUSE

Poppa Bear got some honey to go get!

Fair play. I've got a pug and I go out partying.

OK, that's the formalities over. Silence, class.

It's time for me and Greg to get really nosy by using the

Unzipped Report to see how you guys compare to the rest of the country.

So, Emma Lee Bunton, Jade Damage Jones

and Dappy Costadinos Contostavlos,

the big question is, are you normal?

OK, first one.

Emma, would you prefer to go forwards or backwards in time?

Oh, I'd quite like to go backwards.

-I'd quite like to go back to the '60s, I think.

-The '60s.

Yeah, all the free love and that kind of thing.

That's nice, isn't it?

'I'd like to back in time and get banged senseless!'

I didn't say that!

-Did you have a favourite Spice Girl?

-I can't lie.

-It used to be Posh Spice and Baby Spice.

-Those are the normal choices.

Who was yours? I mean, I know Emma's here.

I did have got a soft spot for Baby Spice.

-Me too.

-Really?

-Yeah, it was, but I was shocked to find out,

doing our research for this show, you weren't the original Baby?

-No, I was the original baby.

-What's the story?

There was another girl in the band

but she wanted to go back to university.

-Gutted.

-Bet she's glad she got that degree in media studies now.

The thing is, though, what you don't know, there was someone else.

-She wasn't the first one they hired.

-OK. Really?

Yeah, we found some very rare footage.

Have you got it? Oh, how embarrassing!

# Free your mind of doubt and danger

# Be for real, don't be a stranger

# Take it or leave it

# Take it or leave it

# Come a little bit closer, baby

# Put it on, put it on

# Cos tonight is the night

# When 2 become 1

# I need some love like I never needed love before

# Want to make love to ya, baby

# I had a little love now I'm back for more

# Want to make love to ya, baby

# Set your spirit free

# It's the only way to be... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, wow.

Your face was amazing during that, Emma.

But, Dappy, you seemed to quite enjoy that.

-I felt the emotion.

-I enjoyed that, I enjoyed that a little too much.

Dappy, would you go forward or backwards in time?

Forward - to see what the hell's going to happen with technology.

How far forward would you go?

To the point where I can have my own jet pack.

LAUGHTER Emma, that is normal.

69%...

69% of women would choose to go back in time.

-They'd love to revisit what they felt in the past.

-Oh!

All right, next one. Dappy, this is to you, my friend.

Ha-ha! Never do that voice again.

Serious question - would you watch a friend's sex video

if it was leaked online?

RUSSELL SMIRKS, LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

-It was a legitimate question in our survey.

-It is a survey question.

-I think I would, yeah.

-CROWD WHOOPS

Did you?

No, I haven't, but it has that was online and I heard my friend

was in it, yeah, I would want to see if he's...

I'm not going to look at his winkle, am I?

LAUGHTER

-Winkle!

-Winkle.

I wouldn't look at his peepee.

Emma, Jade, come on, are you seriously telling me

-you wouldn't have a look?

-I would so have a look!

-Everyone would.

-That is, of course, normal.

57% of men said they WOULD watch their friend's sex tape

if it leaked online.

They're all lying. The other 40-odd percent are lying.

They are. Come on, of course.

Jade, have you ever checked your partners texts?

CROWD: Oooh!

-It's not Jeremy Kyle.

-LAUGHTER

-MIMICS JEREMY KYLE:

-You have checked the texts, I've seen you!

We have our after team people here

and they're going to give you a slap, OK?

If I've got her phone, because now texts come up on the screen,

-don't they, when you get a text?

-Well, they always have.

No, I would never go and have a look.

But I wouldn't not need to, anyway.

-Dappy?

-Me and my chick, our relationship has kind of fired up.

-So, yeah, there is a bit of that going on.

-Really?

-Who's checking whose texts?

-She'll check mine

-majority of the time.

-MAN LAUGHS

LAUGHTER

Player!

Jade, that's normal.

Only 28% of men have checked a partner's texts.

Emma, how often do you speak to your mum on the phone?

-Oh, I speak to my mum all the time.

-What, are you on the phone now?

Yeah, she's just hanging on the line.

No, I speak to her all the time.

-I'd say, what, three or four times a day?

-That's a lot.

-Yeah.

-Nice that you're close, though.

-We are very close

and she is also my babysitter. So... I need her.

There's Mummy Bunton.

That's when you were sewn together, just as an experiment.

-You were born out of her ear.

-She's great.

-Do you think it is too much, Jade?

-No.

I think mother and daughters have a connection.

-They'll always be close.

-It's nice that you're close to your mum,

-but sometimes you can get a bit too close.

-This is weird.

-So this is footage from...

-There we go.

Oh, that's my mum!

OK, hold on, I can explain this.

Of course that looks...

My mum does reflexology.

So this is when I used to tour a lot.

She used to do reflexology on me. It's lovely.

-Oh, my God, look at the toes.

-LAUGHTER

I can't believe you're showing all this.

It's really embarrassing.

I just think there is a line to be drawn, isn't there?

It's hard what we do for a living and you just can't have your mum

involved in everything you're doing every day of the week.

It'll eat into your creativity.

That's just the way I feel.

-Your mum's here tonight.

-Yes, good point.

-Oh, hi, Mum.

-That's different.

-No, she's over there.

Greg's not supposed to go within 10 metres of my mum. He knows that.

-I want to find out what you were like.

-I hope your electronic tag

has run out of batteries, Greg.

-You are Russell's mum?

-Yes.

-I would never have guessed.

You don't look anything like each other(!)

-What was he like when he was growing up?

-A smaller version than this.

-Was the diva-ish?

-Very.

-Was he?

What was the diva-ist thing that he ever did?

When he started at nursery, he threw his coat

over his shoulder and pushed me out the way and went in.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You never quite know what story is going to be remembered.

When will she remember me saying, "Mummy, I've finished."

That's not normal, of course.

Only 26% of women speak to their mums once a day or more.

-So you are abnormal.

-Wow, OK.

-I speak to my mum every day.

-Do you?

But that's because you still live at home. That's different.

Next one, so, Jade,

would you rather be a brilliant cook or a brilliant lover?

-You've got to choose one or the other.

-Oh!

That's a good noise.

Lover.

-Cook?

-LAUGHTER

Would she prefer me to be a more brilliant cook or a good lover?

-What would you prefer?

-What do you choose for me, love?

I would say a brilliant lover.

-I AM a brilliant lover.

-LAUGHTER

-Probably best to stay quiet at this point.

-I will.

-But you are a brilliant cook as well, aren't you?

-Yeah. Yeah, I do.

You made the unlikely step from music to food, right?

Yeah, I left music and I went into cheffing.

So I started working in a restaurant

and learned how to cook Michelin-star food.

-Proper food, innit?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-It's proper food.

Not one which is like one little coin of food.

What about you, Dappy? Can you cook? Everyone has got a dish.

I've mastered this little dish.

It's an avocado, sliced avocado.

-Prawn cocktail in the middle.

-I cook prawns slightly.

A little bit of paprika, salt and pepper, olive oil, lemon.

Bit of feta cheese.

Put the prawns on the side.

Ketchup, mayonnaise, a bit of olive oil, touch it up.

There's your orgasm food right there.

LAUGHTER

If you'd like our recipe, do head to the Unzipped website.

So the verdict, Jade, you chose lover.

Which is of course normal.

Only 27% of men would choose to be a brilliant cook.

That is the end of all your normality questions.

Thank you for being so truthful. Emma, Jade and Dappy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And as a reward for their honesty, we will be encouraging

the Unzipped sample to decide which of our guests

are least normal later in the show.

And if you want us to make an unfair judgement about YOUR normality,

then complete your own Unzipped report after the show.

This week we are asking how rock'n'roll you really are.

Just go to bbc.co.uk/unzipped

Want to know more about the real you but can't afford a shrink?

-Fear not.

-Simply unzip yourself online

and find out what you're really like.

Keep the results secret...

Or share them with the world.

That is your choice.

Find out how you compare to me, Russell and our celebrity guests

and delve into a different aspect of your personality each week.

Check out the BBC Three website.

Answer some extremely personal questions and all will be revealed.

Go to...

..and click on "Unzipped".

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

First to come tonight, we'll be asking Jade and Emma

some very personal questions about their relationship.

Before that, we need to find out if Emma and Dappy

are keeping it real or have they lost touch with the common man.

-Emma, Dappy - are you ready to face the public?

-Yes.

-Let's do this.

This is The Reality Check.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's time to meet Emma and Dappy's opponents.

Freshly plucked from the Unzipped sample,

let's hear it for Tommy and Lottie!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hi!

Let's just check a couple of things first of all.

-What do you do for a living?

-I'm hair stylist.

A good one. Amazing.

That's another stereotype crushed(!)

I bet you're the type of person that's always got people

-getting off with you, aren't you?

-Oh my God!

Every time I go into a club, they've got their tongues out.

I walk in and they're like... I'm like, what is happening?

-They're all there.

-Sorry to break for one second.

Just to remind all the viewers at home that Tommy is in fact real.

So, Lottie, how do you know Tommy?

We're just like best friends in the world.

Is that not your girlfriend?

Are you joking?

I would never go near a vajayjay. Never!

-That's a bit sexist.

-It is.

Let's find out a bit more about you both.

You describe yourself as a "swagger mamma".

Yeah, I am a bit of a swagger mamma.

-Does that mean that you're giving it in the noodle shop?

-Not really.

I'm a mum and I design my own clothes. I'll give my own swag.

I'll put my personality onto things.

-Tell me about daughter.

-She's the best spray tanner in Essex.

She's been doing it for two years now. She's amazing.

-We've trained her.

-Yeah, she's amazing.

Before a night out,

-your seven-year-old spray tans you both?

-Definitely.

-All the time.

-How tall she, though?

Do you not just have one spray tanned leg?

Seriously, she is professional at this. She's amazing.

Right, I think it's fair to say we couldn't have picked two people

that more accurately represent the normal folk of Great Britain.

Yeah, I think so. So, Dappy and Emma,

do you think you are fairly down to earth yourselves?

Yes.

What's the most extravagant think you've ever

demanded in your dressing room?

Just a Jack Daniels and a ping-pong table.

That was for the Thailand leg of the tour.

LAUGHTER

-Emma?

-On our tour, we used to have, we took a tattooist with us.

-Wow. That's spontaneous.

-So we had tattoos on tour.

-Nice.

-All our dancers had tattoos. Jade had a tattoo.

-He actually got a piercing as well.

-She made me get a piercing.

-Where did you get pierced?

-In my eye.

-All right.

"In my eyeball. Prove it you love me. Go and pierce your eyeball!"

-Where did your tattoo go?

-Yeah, on my back.

-OK.

Who ever proves to be most in touch with reality tonight

will get their hands on some very special prizes.

Tommy and Lottie,

you can get your hands on these VIPs - Very Important Prizes.

-We've got Spiceworld the movie on VHS.

-Oh, I love it!

-We've got Damage's second album.

-Yeah!

The difficult second album.

And we have got Dappy's brand new album.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And listen to this - a jar of girl power.

-LOTTIE:

-Are you joking right now?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Before...

-Don't drop it!

-Careful. Before all the naysayers write in and go,

-"Oh, it's not, it's just an empty jar," Russell.

-It's vajazzled, look!

I've got to do this carefully. It's not been opened since the Olympics.

MUSIC: "Wannabe" by Spice Girls

Love it!

LAUGHTER

But, Emma and Dappy, if you win,

you'll get your beautiful celebrity hands on something just as exciting.

Oh, this.

That golden ticket entitles you to a free hair-colouring from Tommy.

And if you actually turn up, they'll throw in a vajazzle kit,

some fake tans by an emotionally-ruined child...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That would normally set you back almost 130 quid.

So, it's a lot of money. Would you ever have a vajazzle?

-Does that appeal to you, Emma?

-No.

Why?

-You had a pa-jazzle, didn't you?

-I did, I love it.

- Is it on top of your... - On top of, like, your pen-inny.

It was just there above it.

- What, just a sprinkle of glitter? - Yeah!

Let's begin the game and hit the lights!

START-OF-ROUND TUNE PLAYS

OK, first question. We asked British men -

would you rather have brains or brawn?

What percentage of men answered "brains"? What do you reckon?

Please write down your answers.

The closest to the correct answer will...

-We don't know what brawn means. What does it mean?

-If, ironically, you don't know what brawn means...

It means "muscly toughness," so would you prefer intelligence or physical prowess?

-Oh, definitely.

-What do you think, babe?

What percentage of men would rather be intelligent than physically tough?

Emma and Dappy,

what percentage of men would rather have brains than brawn?

-56, what?

-56%.

-Percent, sorry!

-Tommy and Lottie, what have you got and why?

-We got 60%.

60% of men would rather be intelligent

than have physical prowess?

Yes.

I can now reveal that the percentage of men who said

they'd rather have brains instead of muscle is a huge 92%.

SHOCKED MURMURS IN AUDIENCE

-Really?

-Which means, Tommy and Lottie, you win the round!

-Come on, Emma!

-Tommy, that is quite high, isn't it, 92?

-Cos that leaves what percentage of men left over?

-Like, about three?

Three.

LAUGHTER

-I think.

-Didn't even need to the plan that.

Next question. And this is a biggie. We asked the people of Britain...

What did the majority of them say? Did the majority say good or bad?

Write your answers down now, please.

It is addictive. Do you watch it?

Imagine that, like a Bishop's Stortford version.

"Oh, my God, shut up!" LAUGHTER

OK, time is up. Emma and Dappy, what have you got and why?

-Good, majority.

-You think it's a good thing. Why do you think that?

-It's a good show, man.

-Popular. Guys, over here.

-He didn't understand it and wrote it wrong.

-Do the people of Britain...

OK, do the people of better think TOWIE is a good thing or a bad thing?

-I think most of them think it's good.

-OK, so write down "good".

-That's it, well done, Tommy!

-I love it.

We're going to put your work on the fridge after the show. LAUGHTER

So you've both gone with good. Well, check-check-check this out.

I can reveal 83% of people thought TOWIE is a...

bad thing.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Emma and Dappy, apart from Unzipped, of course,

what's your favourite TV programme?

I get stuck with kids' TV shows most of the time. My four-year-old.

-But sometimes, Jade's out, know what I mean?

-Yeah, exactly!

What about you, Dappy, what's your favourite TV show?

Jeremy Kyle, I think.

CHEERING

-It is a good one, to be fair.

-It is, definitely.

You see some right wrong 'uns on there, don't you?

Tonight, Greg, I'm not being weird or anything,

but you do look particularly... tonight. I like that outfit.

-OK, thanks. You look good too.

-You think I'm messing around. You look really good.

You've got that fresh, outdoorsy, rugged look.

Have you been on your push-up bars or something, because you're looking a bit... Sorry!

-You've got to stop this.

-Don't make it awkward.

-No, this is weird.

-I was trying to give you a compliment.

We've got a show to do. Sorry, guys can we just, erm...

-Really?

-No, take it off.

-Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

And just go to pop out for a sec, all right? Sorry, sorry everyone.

-It's a bit weird.

-LAUGHTER

You're going to make us look right gay in front of Tommy!

LAUGHTER

-TOMMY:

-Love it!

Sorry, guys, I'm going to check everything is all right.

LAUGHTER

-What's up?

-I think you're really unprofessional, mate.

You can't do that in front of the audience.

I can't say nice things? It's a compliment, chill out.

Now, there's a time and a place for it and it is not now and it is not here.

We've got a Spice Girl and her other half,

we've got Dappy from N-Dubz, we've got Tommy.

Tom... Oh, my God. You like him more than me, that's what this is about.

Of course I don't like him more than you. Of course I don't.

I don't want you embarrassing me in front of the whole nation on telly every week, you idiot.

-Greg, I'm not trying to embarrass...

-Get off!

-Oh, my God.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

Look, I'm sorry, I've had a tough week.

Broadcasting to the nation every day on the radio is high-profile, high pressure.

There's a lot on my shoulders. All you have to do is Mock The Week every five weeks or so.

Greg, you know I've never been asked to do Mock The Week.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it and you know I love you. Come here.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

Oi, oi, what are you lot doing? You lot taking...? Come on.

-We were just running a few bits for the show and...

-We're all waiting.

-We'll be right down, man.

-You sure?

-Yeah, we're on our way.

Yeah, see you in a sec, mate.

Awks. AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

-Yeah, let's go.

-GREG GRUNTS

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

-You all right?

-We're just sorting out some...

You know, sometimes do filing halfway through the show, so...

-Where were we? Statistics.

-All right, next question is this...

LAUGHTER

Please write your answers down now, go!

Let's have a look. So, celebs, what have you written and why?

-Public toilet.

-OK, why have you got that?

We were thinking about all those other reality shows where they're

all having sex in clubs, in toilets.

Jade, help us out with that answer, what do you reckon?

I reckon girls go out clubbing up North...

LAUGHTER

-DAPPY:

-Generalising, don't you think?

All right, Tommy and Lottie, what have you got and why?

-We think work, honey.

-More likely to have sex at work?

Yeah, cos it would be more fun.

I can reveal that women are more likely to have had sex in a public toilet.

18% of women have admitted to having sex in the loo, compared to 15% who have had a bonk at work.

Which means Emma and Dappy win the round. Well done.

CHEERING

Women from the North of England are 50% more likely to have sex

-in a loo than women from the south.

-Jade, you were right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I bet Mel B's done it in the loo, hasn't she, Emma?

LAUGHTER

So, where's the most naughty or exciting place you've ever done it?

-Dappy's going to tell you his.

-Heathrow Airport in the toilet.

CHEERING

And at the end of the game,

I can reveal that the most in touch with the British public is...

-Both of you. It's a draw.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I think that's fair.

It also means you both get your hands on the prizes, congratulations.

We'll probably get the Spice jar.

Yeah, you get the Spice jar, the lot.

-Are you going to get your hair done?

-You can have it, Dappy.

-Yeah?

-£130 worth.

-You can get your hair done.

So, Tommy, this is a consultation. What would you do with Dappy's hair?

Oh, babe, it looks quite hot now,

but I think we could do some extensions, maybe.

-Extensions?

-LAUGHTER

Still to come tonight, we'll see just how well Emma and Jade know

each other and hear some celebrity confessions from A-list celebrities.

No, Greg, sorry, you've not said that right. Try it again.

We'll be hearing celebrity confessions from a list of celebrities, sorry. Yeah.

Correct, yeah.

But before you do that, why not sit back and enjoy worrying information

about people in relationships, just like Emma, Jade and Dappy.

If you think London boys like Dappy are the perfect boyfriend,

think again.

But, Emma and Jade, it might be time to spice up your love life.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Still to come tonight, we'll be putting Emma

-and Jade's relationship to the test.

-In a fun way!

-Yeah, please.

But before that, we're going to ask you all a very important question.

-Is being famous all it is cracked up to be?

-Yeah, I have fun.

Dappy, what would you say has been your career highlight so far?

If you had to pick one moment and relive it, what would it be?

-Going to number one and going to number two straight after.

-Awesome.

With another song. With Brian May, yeah.

How did that come about?

How did you and Brian May get together?

He bigged me up at an awards ceremony just out of the blue.

He just said I should win an Ivor Novello for the lyrics on No Regrets.

It meant something to him, so I was like, "Oh, serious?!"

Coincidently, I was doing a second single called Rockstar.

I was like, "What? Get the biggest rock star in the world."

E-mailed it to him, he was like, "Of course I will." And that was it.

-He made me want to get a new haircut.

-Yeah, exactly!

But if you took your hat off and Brian-hair spilled out underneath... LAUGHTER

-That'd be awesome!

-Did you know Brian May keeps foxes as pets?

-What?

-Did you know this?

-Does he?

A fox just recently ripped up two of my bunny rabbits.

It was probably Brian May's.

"I thought it would go to number one!"

-Then release a fox into your garden.

-Found a leg in the morning.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Why do foxes have to be such tossers?

OK, Dappy. Did you have any normal jobs before you did music?

Any funny jobs or... Well, not necessarily funny, what did you do before you did music?

Play football, roam the streets, be naughty.

What about you, Emma, did you do anything?

I used to clean this lady's house who used to live

round the corner from me, but I don't think I was very good at it.

But, yeah, it was a good job, it was, like, five pounds an hour.

-I was happy with that.

-Stop lying, Emma. You're always exaggerating.

Dappy, what's the best perk you've ever had?

Just letters that mean a lot to me,

and just people that tattoo my lyrics and...

One day someone tattooed my whole face on their back,

like Steveo, you know? The whole thing on their back. It was really good.

But, boy, you never want to meet that weirdo.

It's fun till they turn up in your back garden going, "I love you, Dappy!"

Emma and Jade, seeing as you're the first couple we've had

on Unzipped, we thought we'd play a quick game with you, if that's OK.

-How long have you been together?

-BOTH: 15 years.

-And so you know each other pretty well?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

We're going to put that to the test,

and before we're accused of lazily ripping off Mr & Mrs,

this is different, as Emma and Jade aren't married.

So we're going to play Long Term Partner & Long Term Partner.

MUSIC PLAYS

APPLAUSE

So, the answers you gave when you completed our Unzipped report earlier this week

are in these snazzy envelopes, being modelled by Russell Kane, there.

-You can't pretend you didn't say them, cos we've got the answers.

-Don't bother pretending.

Dappy, it may be best if you swap seats with Jade, just in case things get a bit awk.

I'm in the middle, I'll stop it, I'll stop it.

You can be Jeremy Kyle if it goes wrong.

Right, give us your Jeremy Kyle impression, check you're ready for this.

Shut up. Don't talk.

-You ARE the father!

-Yeah, yeah!

First question. The average man in Britain would want to be paid

£4,234,127 never to have sex again.

But Emma, what was Jade's answer?

-Oh, my goodness!

-How much would that cost?

Obviously the longer you've been together,

-the more the value decreases.

-Yeah.

-I think he said ten million.

-Ten million, to never have sex again.

The amount of money Jade would want to be paid to never have sex again...

..is £5, which he actually said.

LAUGHTER

-You did not!

-There's no way I said that!

He did check, "would masturbation still allow?"

-You might want to have a breakaway discussion after the show about that.

-I think we will.

Right! No! Stop it, Jeremy!

OK, next question.

Jade, we asked Emma which of these she couldn't live without.

Sex, chocolate or alcohol. What do you think she said?

I'd like to think she said sex, but I'm going to go with chocolate.

-You two really seem to know each other well.

-What's going on?

-JADE: Sex.

The optimism of this foundering relationship is really quite heart-warming.

The top answer for women in Britain was chocolate,

but we can exclusively reveal that Emma Bunton

can't live without alcohol.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So nice to know we have a pair of sexless alcoholics on the show.

Emma, we asked Jade a question from the Unzipped report,

and his answer was, "A friend." But what was the question? Was it:

Strip club or a naked photo?

-I'd say a...strip club.

-With a friend?

-With a friend?

Like 56 present of British men in a relationship,

Jade said that it was acceptable to go to a strip club with a friend.

Wahey!

APPLAUSE

-That's good.

-I got one right.

I think we've saved the relationship.

Greg and I, we went to a strip club, but we were both so insecure

about how muscly the men were, we had to leave.

I hope that game hasn't caused too many problems in life in general,

-but I think it'll be fine, won't it?

-Absolutely.

I'm sorry to break it to you, there's no time to repair any DAMAGE...

caused to your relationship, because there is another judgement heading your way.

Based on what we've heard from Emma, Jade and Dappy,

it's time for the Unzipped sample to decide who is the least normal.

Ready, guys? If you think Emma is the weirdest spice, cheer now.

AUDIENCE KEEPS QUIET

Interesting.

If you think Jade is the most DAMAGED...

I've done it again! If you think Jade is the most damaged, cheer now.

CHEERING

Loads.

But if you think Dappy is the weirdest mofo,

cheer now.

LOUD CHEERING

You are officially the weirdest celeb on tonight's show, which is an accolade.

Have you prepared an acceptance speech, or do you just want to say something off-the-cuff?

-No, I'm all right. Thanks for having me.

-LAUGHTER

Oh, my God! he's so weird(!)

Luckily, there's still time for Dappy to try and claw back

some respect from tonight's audience by winning them some booze, so...

CHEERING

..let's play Celebs Unzipped. Let's go!

Good! Yes, it is all aboard the Unzipped express.

Where's that sound effect? That's annoying.

Come on, this has fallen apart now, guys.

-Forget about it. Don't worry. We rehearsed it earlier. Anyone?

-Just move on.

It's all aboard the Unzipped express, the next stop...

TRAIN HOOTS

All aboard the Unzipped express. Next stop, celebrity central.

It's time to say hello to the carousel...

TRAIN HOOTS

It's time to say hello to the carousel of celebrity.

So, Miss Bunton, Mr Jones and Mr... Dappy.

The pressure is on.

DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT

Spin the wheel!

Stop the wheel.

-Look at that.

-Ah, good.

OK. We asked N-Dubz front man...

AUDIENCE JEERS

Joking!

I'm all right, I'm fine.

-AS DAPPY:

-# No point in crying over yesterday.

-# Cos when I look in the mirror. #

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

We asked N-Dubz front man, FRASER,

-LAUGHTER

-if he thinks aliens exist.

Did he say, "No, only idiots believe in aliens."

Or, "Yes, they are living among us." What do you reckon, audience? Help them out.

AUDIENCE SHOUTS ANSWERS

-you know him well.

-I think, yeah, "They're living among us."

OK, well, let's see if you are right.

I believe aliens exist.

I walk down Camden high street and I look at certain individuals,

and I say, "You are not human.

"You are an alien. Look at that head. No way you can be from Earth."

So I think aliens do exist, yes, within everyday society.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-A little factoid of the back of that.

-Yeah, go on.

Welsh people are the most likely to think aliens exist.

68% of them believe there is something beyond the M4.

LAUGHTER

All right, spin the wheel again, please!

-Stop.

-Stop it.

-I can say it as well, Greg. You're such a dick.

OK, it's Holly Willoughby.

We asked Holly Willoughby if she fancies men in uniform.

Do you think she said "yes" or "no"?

AUDIENCE SHOUTS

-I love holly.

-Emma, you're really good friends with her. What do you reckon?

I love Holly, and, erm, I like a man in uniform.

I think she's going to say, "I like a man in uniform."

OK, let's have a look.

I love a man in uniform. I LOVE a man in uniform.

APPLAUSE I think a fireman is my favourite.

I'm not going to lie, if the fire alarm goes off, I get quite excited,

have a look out the window just to check out the firemen.

Something about being brave and heroic that floats my boat.

-APPLAUSE

-Nice.

-Very good.

67% of all women from the north of England have a thing for men in uniform.

They said,

NEWCASTLE ACCENT: "It's always nice to fancy who you're being arrested by."

All right, one more question and you get the booze for the whole audience.

CHEERING

-Spin that wheel!

-Stop the wheel, please.

-Belo.

-We asked Big Brother winner Brian Belo

if he ever wees in the shower.

AUDIENCE: Yes!

-Do you think he said "yes" or "no"?

-No, he's got that...

-He's a clean freak.

-Is he a clean freak?

-Yeah.

I would've said he ONLY wees in the shower.

-LAUGHTER

-Let's go with the missus. Yeah - "no."

-You're going to go for "no".

-He don't wee in the shower.

I don't wee in the shower, I think weeing in the shower is disgusting.

APPLAUSE That is actually one of my pet hates, is weeing in the shower.

So, no. I masturbate in the shower, but not weeing.

And it's especially good when you get that tingly shower gel thing.

It's much better when you do it with that.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

BELL TINGS

Thanks to you, everyone tonight wins a cocktail.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINTUES

And that's our time up.

Doesn't time fly when you're having percentage-based fun?

A big thank you to our special guests, Emma Bunton, Jade Jones and Dappy.

CHEERING

We'll be back next week, but until then, don't forget to complete

and share your own personality report on the Unzipped website.

Thanks again. We will see you soon. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd