Episode 5 Unzipped

Unzipped asks an important question to our favourite celebrities.

Are you normal?

I'm the new-age Bear Grills.

Joining us this week, Harry Judd and Danny Jones

are both 26 years old and make up 50% of McFly.

They're both in relationships and according to their Unzipped Report,

they don't think it's possible to contact the dead

and are not afraid to get naked all of the time.

Amanda Byram is a 39-year-old TV presenter,

best known for laughing at people who can't keep their balance.

Currently single, according to her report, she believes in aliens

and psychics and would definitely prefer

to be more intelligent than her future partner.

Tonight they'll be answering extremely personal questions.

I've been on a spate of horrific dates this year.

And helping us getting them wooed for Halloween -

mwah-ha-ha-ha! -

this is Unzipped.

Have you played that text roulette?

APPLAUSE

Welcome to Unzipped, this is Russell "Uncle Fester" Kane.

CHEERING

And that is Greg "Lurch" James.

CHEERING

You rang?!

And this is a very special Halloween episode of the show,

which isn't afraid to ask our celebrity guests

-some pretty scary questions.

-Armed with the Unzipped Report,

we're all set to reveal the skeletons hiding in their closets.

So let's meet tonight's guests - it's Danny and Harry from McFly...

CHEERING

And her off the TV, Amanda Byram.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Welcome.

-How are you?

-I'm good.

-Nice to meet you.

-Should we have stood up then?

-You should have stood up.

-So rude.

-You should have done.

Welcome to the show. Are you ready to all be Unzipped?

-Yes.

-Hm-hm! Mmm?

-Do you like our jumpers?

-I love them. You boys are so dreamy.

-LAUGHTER

-So, Harry and Danny,

as we're in the Halloween mood tonight,

to begin with, are you scared of anything? Admit it right now.

-For example, Russell is terrified of rejection.

-Shut up, Greg.

-I'm not scared of that.

-I don't like scary movies. I can't watch them.

My heart pumps and I can't go to sleep at night

if I've watched a scary film.

-Babe: Pig In The City?

-What about you, Amanda?

Erm, oh, quite a few things. At the moment, I'm really scared about

spiders crawling into my ear at night and laying nests.

I've heard about that.

Anthony Kiedis, Chili Peppers' lead singer, it happened to him.

A spider went into his ear and laid eggs.

-See?

-And he could hear, like, rattling in his ear.

GROANING

And here, as always, to offer their take on reality,

it's the Unzipped Sample!

And we'll be hearing from those freaks throughout the show

later on today.

But...aggh!

-Aggh!

-But, before that, look at the frighteningly good stuff

heading your way on tonight's Unzipped.

APPLAUSE

Get back.

McFly and Amanda Byram Unzipped.

Will celebrity triumph over normality?

Find out in this week's Reality Check.

Halloween Unzipped. Russell uses the Unzipped Report

to explore something truly terrifying -

his own imagination!

Celebs Unzipped - which of these stars has trick or treated Russell

and who believes in ghosts?

Stay tuned for some scary Halloween confessions.

All that still to come, but not before we share

a bit of quality time with our celebrity guests,

-so let's have some McFly stats.

-Stats.

-You've had 17 Top 20 singles...

-Yeah.

..seven No.1s and sold over eight million records.

-Wow!

-That's amazing.

-CHEERING

That is...that is good, isn't it?

Are you a McFly fan?

-Yes, yeah, I am.

-Yeah.

-Ow!

-Do you think

McFly would make good contestants on Wipeout?

Oh, they'd be brilliant. You'd be amazing.

I really wanted to do that for Tom's stag.

Oh, the amount of people that say that -

"I'd love a go on your big red balls!"

Who are your favourite people that you've had on there?

My favourite of all time was this girl who,

she was a little bit overweight,

and she couldn't get up the ladder,

so we had to get the guy to come in -

Eduardo, was his name -

and push her up but his head got stuck up her arse!

LAUGHTER

-In?

-Literally up.

-What?

-Yeah, it did. I swear to God.

That is no word of a lie.

Like that thing on YouTube

with that guy when the elephant sat on his head?

Ha-ha! She wasn't that big!

What you should have done is make that woman into a game.

She could have appeared in one of the challenges.

-What would you have called it?

-Rectum Of Doom!

LAUGHTER

-Tell us about Razor Ruddock.

-I love that man so much,

so Neil "Razor" Ruddock gets to the top of the big red balls

and just decides to take his trousers off.

-Why?

-Just... I have no idea.

Just about a second before he's about to jump on a big red ball.

Where's the dignity?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

So your autobiography's out, packed with amazing stories

and we are going to talk a bit more about those later,

but I want to know how you actually remembered everything.

-He didn't remember anything.

-I didn't remember anything.

Literally it was me...

I did remember it, I just got the wrong date.

Are we in a band? What's happening?

It would be like... "Remember, we did that last year."

"Mate, that was six years ago." He literally just forgot.

-Did you argue about what should go in, then?

-No.

We pretty much put everything in, didn't we?

We thought it was better to give everything

and if there's too much, take it back.

Did you not remember shagging some people as well?

-Conveniently.

-"Can't remember.

"No, I don't remember it."

You're like, "You do, they were twins. It was amazing."

-So, your new single is called Love Is Easy?

-Yeah.

I wanted to ask Amanda, "Is it?"

LAUGHTER

No, it's not easy. In fact, it's really difficult.

Oh, this is so cathartic.

Um, well, I cancelled a wedding last year, so...

That'll do it.

And, yeah, I've basically just been on a spate of really random...

-horrific dates this year.

-Is there anyone in the sample

who'd like to date with Amanda?

-Oh, there's a gentleman at the back there.

-Hiya.

-Oh, he's lovely.

-I'm going to meet him properly for you.

It won't work anyway. I've got a webcam in Amanda's dressing room.

I'm going to blackmail him into getting off with me.

-What's your name?

-Gareth.

-How old are you?

-18.

-28.

-28.

-28.

28, 29 next week.

Imagine the energy, Amanda. He'll go all night like a sewing machine.

The arse will be a blur on it.

Where would you take her on a date?

I'd take her up not my room and we'd play on FIFA.

-I'd be player one, obviously.

-Where would you take her?

-She's a sophisticated lady.

-Nando's.

-Nando's.

Nando's! Get in!

Back to you.

Sorry about that.

Just to rub it in for Amanda, love is easy for both of you, isn't it?

Danny, you're pretty loved up.

My missus, Georgia, lives with me now.

How did you meet her? Is she Miss England or something?

He went to... Tell them. It's funny.

-Oh, it was the Miss London finals.

-Miss London finals.

Well, you know, you're single.

I thought, "Get invited down there, take a mate."

It's not like sushi, mate. You don't just sit in the middle.

"I like that. Can I have some seaweed on that?"

This was a good year before I got with Georgia.

Yeah, I went down to Miss London with a mate. She was presenting it.

And I was, like, "Wow! She's amazing"

And then text her and a year later...

Took me a year to get her, she turned me down.

Then a year later, she's like, "Do you want to go out for a drink?"

-"Yeah, right."

-No way!

Greg did get off with Miss East Anglia, Regional Heats.

She was disqualified because her gender was indeterminate.

LAUGHTER

Sorry, Greg, sorry.

Harry, and what about you?

You're loved up, you're about to get married.

-About to get married.

-That's the ultimate happiness.

-How did you achieve this?

-We've been together seven years.

We met on tour. She plays the violin.

We had an orchestra on our first, our second tour,

and we've been together ever since.

-Your story is much better than mine!

-Yeah, that's a classy story of love.

"I hung out at the competition to look for the winners.

"There's one over here who can't get away."

LAUGHTER

So is it going to be a big showbiz wedding?

We're not really very showbiz, any of us,

but hopefully it will be a lovely day, so we're looking forward to it.

Are all boys going to play?

I think we'll play. Problem is, we got a band playing...

-You've hired a band?

-Yeah!

-You didn't tell me this.

-Is it Busted?

-LAUGHTER

That would be awesome, yeah.

-We can play a few songs if you want, mate.

-Yeah, get up and jam.

Wicked. Right, well, it is time to get down to Unzipped business

and see how you three compare to the rest of the country.

That's right, because Daniel Alan David Jones,

Harry Mark Christopher Judd and Amanda Jane "Holy Theresa!" Byram...

LAUGHTER

The question on everyone's lips is are you normal?

OK, so, first one, Harry. Do you believe in ghosts?

I'm undecided.

We were on tour once, and I think we were in my hotel room.

And I looked through the peephole thingy...

Not a peephole, sounds like we were in Amsterdam!

-CREEPILY:

-Did you put the money in first?

And there was, I swear,

there was this old lady walking down the corridor.

And she was kind of, like, see-through...

See-through?!

"Yes, she was all see-through."

And I was like, OK, just concentrate, double check.

And I looked away and looked back and she was still there.

And I turned round and all the guys were like,

"Mate, you look like you've just seen a ghost."

I was like, "I think I have!"

Have you ever seen a ghost? Do you believe in ghosts?

I believe in something. You know in photos you see those little round...

They're orbs, basically, and they're spirits.

-No.

-LAUGHTER

They are. Has anybody seen them in photographs?

I know what you mean. You go out in the dark and take a picture,

and when the picture comes out there's all these...

Yeah, yeah. If you zoom in close enough...

No, it's an orb. If you zoom in close enough, you can see a face.

-Really?

-Swear to God!

-Awesome.

Well, Harry, you said yes, you've seen a ghost.

You've got to believe in them. And that is not normal.

Only 43% of men are girlie enough to believe in ghosts.

I wondered if any of the Unzipped Sample seen any ghosts?

I'm going to find out. Woooooo!

I'll go over here, this side.

Mm, Papa got questions for you!

-What's your name?

-Lizzie.

-And?

-Siobhan.

-"Siobhan." Lizzie, have you got a ghost story? What happened?

-I do.

I live in a really old house and we were having a sleepover one night.

-What does she mean?

-We were, like, 13.

-All right, move on.

LAUGHTER

-And then Shiv woke up in the middle of the night.

-Shiv?

-That's her name.

And there was someone at the end of the bed, and so we named her

the White Woman of Whitlock, and now she just comes to my house and turns

my hairdryer on in the middle of the night, knocks stuff off the wall.

-Is this true?

-It's true. We had another sleepover and I was there

when the hairdryer turned itself on.

-But did you see the woman?

-I've seen her, yeah.

-What does she look like?

She's white. No, I mean...

It's not always about shit like that, you know what I mean?

Obama is president, move on.

LAUGHTER

Isn't that what you'd do, if you are a ghost?

Just go and shake people up.

Put their hairdryer on, go and make some toast.

Keep flushing the toilet constantly.

"What is this?"

-I totally got into that story, man.

-Quite spooky, wasn't it?

Next one.

Have you ever, Amanda,

fallen out with someone after sending a text or email by mistake?

Yes, I have.

I sent a text... well, a sex-t to the wrong person.

And actually to my agent in Australia,

and he never responded to it...

Until he turned up at your house naked?

LAUGHTER

Well, yeah, I've got a lot of work Down Under since then.

GROANING No, no, no, not like that!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Where are you going?!

No!

I mean in Australia!

-Danny, Harry?

-Well, have you ever played that text roulette?

-Oh, yeah!

-No, what's that?

-It's really good.

-Oh, my God, it's amazing.

You give someone your phone, spin it, and whoever you land on,

-you text whatever the group say.

-Have you got your phone?

-I'll play it if you want.

-Go and get it. Yeah, yeah.

It just cuts to Harry running down Hammersmith High Street.

LAUGHTER

-There he is!

-I got it.

-Good, right.

So, Harry is going to play phone roulette, yeah?

-So, I take Danny's phone.

-No, I take your phone! Go on.

-You can't look. There we are, who is it?

-Oh, no.

-Depeche from...

Depeche from Ministry of Sound.

-Right, get it up!

-No, I can't do it!

I can't do it. I have meetings with him!

We're going to send,

"I waxed everything off, but I've been left with a rash."

LAUGHTER

What...? Wait, wait, wait...

-"Any ideas how to get rid of it?"

-No, "What should I do?"

-"What should I do?"

-Depeche, I'm so sorry!

Put, "What should I do?" and then put, "D, x".

Shall we hold it up to camera? That's genuinely going.

DANNY GASPS Oh, no!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Let's get yours.

-Right, OK.

-I haven't got that many people, Danny.

-God, you haven't, have you?

-No!

-God, I'm at the bottom already in one swipe!

Who's Brian?

LAUGHTER

-Brian is so random.

-No surname in there.

-Brian is my old neighbour's friend.

-Do it.

-I think he must be in his 60s.

-Oh, no!

I played a couple rounds of golf with him.

All right, we'll just do, like,

-"I know this is random and a bit inappropes..."

-Oh, God!

"..but when we played golf that time,

"I have not stopped thinking about you."

Oh, my God!

"PS: have you seen Attitude magazine?"

LAUGHTER

Come on, Leo Tolstoy, wrap it up!

To the camera, just to prove it's sent.

Send it. Do it.

CHEERING

APPLAUSE

That is going to be so weird trying to explain that to him.

We have to give you your verdict, cos you said you have sent

a text or email by mistake, Amanda, and that is not normal.

-That's quite a blokey thing to do.

-Is it any wonder I'm single?

Right, Danny, how old were you when you first got drunk?

-Three, probably.

-LAUGHTER

Erm, I don't really know, but I remember one time where

I actually was getting on my school bus, and I found a purse.

I was first on the bus and found a purse.

And I felt it, I was like, "Oh, my God, feels like there's notes in it."

Got home, opened up the purse,

and there's a big chunk of notes in it.

And I counted it out, it was about 1,500 quid.

And I didn't know what to do with it,

so I went straight to the pub with my mates.

"Let's have a drink, let's have a drink." I was working as a waiter.

So I bought a round of drinks in, and then I got really, really drunk

and that put me off cider, so I never drank cider until about last year.

And then I handed in to the police and two weeks later,

I got the money and I bought a guitar with that.

Cos no-one had claimed it?

And was that the guitar that started everything?

That was the guitar that I wrote a song called Not Alone on, yeah,

and it got me in the band.

So, who was that Samaritan that created our music?

£1,500 in her purse? Probably a lady of the night.

LAUGHTER

I bet someone's watching, going, "It's my money!"

LAUGHTER

Amanda, how old were you when you first got drunk?

I was a late starter. We had the pledge in Ireland.

And you basically say...

In this pledge, you have to pray it and recite it -

"I will not drink until I am the age of 21."

-I broke it at about 19.

-Oh, my God! You broke the pledge!

-Heathen!

-I'm a mad spoon!

-What else is in the pledge, just booze?

-No.

I think it was I will not drink, I will not take drugs,

-I will not have sex.

-The Essex pledge is the exact opposite.

We all get shit-faced and dump behind a skip.

-Amen!

-Danny, so we do need an age.

What age were you when it happened?

-I'd say about 14, 15.

-OK, I'll give you that.

15 is actually normal. Bang on.

That is the average age for men to get drunk, 15. Well done.

Oh, normal!

End of normality questions.

Thank you for being so truthful, Danny, Harry and Amanda!

And I do hope the Unzipped Sample were paying close attention,

because later on tonight, they'll be JUDD and jury

when it comes to deciding which of our guests is the least normal.

Don't forget to go to the Unzipped website after the show.

This week, we're asking how scary are you?

Not only will you receive a personalised report,

but you'll also get a character based on your answers,

just like we've done for Harry and Danny.

Get in the Halloween spirit,

just like McFly,

and find out how scary you really are.

Don't be afraid. Simply unzip yourself online to find out more.

Keep the results secret...

BOTH: ..or share them with the world!

That is your choice.

Then come back every week to see how you compare to our guests

and explore a different aspect of your personality.

Just answer some extremely personal questions and all will be revealed.

BOTH: Go to bbc.co.uk/BBC Three

and click on "Unzipped".

Still to come on tonight's show -

we'll be sending Russell off to a graveyard

and hearing some Halloween confessions

-in this week's Celebs Unzipped.

-Before that,

we need to find out whether Harry and Amanda are still keeping it real

with common people like you.

It's time to play The Reality Check.

Let's meet Harry and Amanda's opponents.

All the way from the Unzipped Sample,

give it up for Zoey and Scarlett!

Scarlett, what do you do for a living?

Well, I had a job until a week ago, thanks to this girl.

So like a week? Eight days?

-What happened?

-I worked as a barmaid and my boss caught us

-drinking the drink...

-What happened? You were fired?

-I got fired.

Let's hope you're a bit more respecting, Zoey. What do you do?

-I'm a veterinary nurse.

-That's lovely, isn't it?

And I'm an escort co-ordinator.

Wait a minute - what?

I book lovely nights for randy gentlemen like yourself and Greg.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

ZOEY GIGGLES

I just make the magic happen.

-There we are - a drunkard and a prozzer co-ordinator.

-Oh!

Wow.

Harry and Amanda, would you consider yourselves to be down to earth?

-Yeah, very.

-Yes, yes. Sorry. I'm... Yeah.

Whichever team proves to be the most in touch with reality

will get their hands on a very special prize.

We've got a copy of McFly's brand-new album,

their autobiography as well...

and a framed photo of Amanda.

Yes!

It's priceless, that.

But not only that. We do have an invite to Harry's wedding.

LAUGHTER

Right. Yeah. Cheers for that.

-Thanks for being so generous.

-Our pleasure.

And it is now legally binding. Let's hit the lights!

THUNDER CRASHES, SCREAMS

-Ah, Halloween! Geddit?

-AMANDA: Got it.

I see what you did there.

This week, questions are all about things that go bump in the night.

First question. OK.

What have more women done according to the Unzipped Reports?

Write down your answer.

The closest to the correct answer wins.

THEY CONFER

-OK, time's up. Harry and Amanda, what have you written?

-Ouija board.

Zoey and Scarlett, what have you written?

We put the same. We couldn't spell Ouija correctly. I'm sorry.

I can reveal that more women have farted in front of their partner.

-I told you!

-58% of women feel comfortable doing that,

whereas just 34% have tried to contact the dead.

Of course, 100% of people who've had a response from a Ouija board

have instantly shat themselves.

Which means neither of you win the round, because you were both wrong.

Amanda, is it true that your beautician is psychic?

Yes, she is, actually.

She gives me facials and tells me what's going to happen to me.

She does!

She'll be, like, squeezing a blackhead and say,

"Are you having an argument about grey paint?"

I'm like, "Yeah, we're painting the house grey and..."

She reads your blackheads, or something?

OK, next question,

and this is about people that go bump in the night.

According to the Unzipped Report,

-only 29% of women prefer to have sex with the lights on.

-Mingers!

But what is the percentage for men? Write down your answers.

The closest to the correct answer wins the round.

It's got to be 100%. Men are so perfect, aren't they?

THEY CONFER

-AMANDA: We are!

-Yeah, the lights on.

-Right.

-Some illumination.

There's always a bit of light in the room when I'm having sex.

It's normally the flickering of the computer monitor as I cry.

What do you prefer - lights on, lights off?

-Oh, me?

-Yeah.

-It's actually neither.

-It can't be neither.

-Oh, bear with me.

-Can we have the lights down, please?

-Oh, God.

Greg, please tell me you're joking.

APPLAUSE

And then the best bit about it

is that, when it's reaching the end, it can just sort of go red.

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

Hashtag - no girlfriends for us!

Harry and Amanda, what have you written, and why?

We've written 32%.

I asked Harry if he would rather on or off,

and he went, "Well, dimly lit."

-Scarlett and Zoey, what have you written?

-We said 67,

-because I think guys like to see boobies.

-Lovely boobies.

-Certainly do!

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I can now reveal that the figure for men was 59%,

which means men are twice as likely to keep the lights on during sex.

Of course, that is less for Wales, where there isn't yet electricity.

So, Zoey and Scarlett, you win the round. Well done.

So are you saying you prefer the lights on or off?

I like the lights on cos with the lights on it's less dangerous.

There's probably the gentle flicker of the red light coming in

from the street.

I imagine it's a difficult one for you to answer, Russ, isn't it?

What do you mean?

Well, it's been so long you properly can't remember.

It's not funny to make me the butt of your joke, it doesn't work.

-Come on.

-It's funny if it's self-deprecation,

that's how it works.

-Come on, I'm only kidding.

-Greg, don't "come on" me.

I've had enough of it.

AUDIENCE: Aww!

No, it's not panto, I'll hang out over there with the other person

who's not fully included in this segment.

-Hey, Dan.

-You go and sulk over there then.

I'll be all right, I'll just do it on my own.

-Right, where's the card gone?

-Not as easy, is it?

-Shut up.

-Doing telly.

"Let's have a 10-minute takeover and put Rihanna on."

Actually, you know what?

You're absolutely right, I do need a co-host,

so, Danny, would you mind stepping in?

Danny won't do that, he's my mate.

-Quite fun, having a go at presenting.

-Come on then, Danny.

-Just for two minutes.

-It's cool.

-It's cool, man. Yeah!

APPLAUSE

-All right. Behave yourself.

-It's easy, this.

-What do we do, just read this?

-A monkey could do this.

The next question is about things that get bumped off in the night.

-Danny?

-Who's the most interested...

So we asked people

if they wanted to know exactly how

they were going to meet their death.

Did more men or women say yes? Write your answers down, please.

That's pretty good.

One word wrong.

Time is up. What have you written and why?

We've said women and that's because I reckon that women

would want to figure out what to do about kids and family and caring.

Whereas men don't really give a shit.

Zoey and Scarlett?

We said women as well for the same reason.

What's the answer?

The answer is actually men.

One in three men want to know how they're going to die.

Which means no-one wins!

To be honest, you're really good at this. You're a bit of a pro.

Any time you need a hand, give me a shout.

You're such a pro. Will you play some of my tracks?

-Are you finished?

-Yes.

At the end of the game,

we can reveal that the most team in touch... No, hold on.

We can reveal that the team most in touch with the British public...

We can reveal that the team most in touch with the British public is...

Zoey and Scarlett!

Zoey and Scarlett win.

You get your hands on the very important points.

-And Harry?

-No way.

-Sorry. You're going to Harry's wedding as well.

Whoo!

Don't bring any escorts.

-There's just a little extra prize too.

-What are you talking about?

I may have overreacted earlier, I'm sorry.

To make up for it, I have got an extra prize.

Cue the music.

FUNERAL MARCH

Since you've done such a great job as a presenter,

I felt you deserved a very special Halloween reward.

-I have made you a guitar shaped coffin...

-I love it!

..you can lay in.

You were so good at replacing me, I thought I'd pay you back.

-Check if it's the right size.

-That's actually quite cool.

Get in it.

-It's a bit smaller than I thought.

-Face down.

-I've never been in a guitar before.

-I will just lower that gently on.

-Go on.

-I just wanted the person that replaced me...

Well done on replacing me!

Oh, my God, it's heavy!

I hope you're not in any discomfort.

# It's all about you

# It's all about you, baby. #

I ought to point out that,

to make things more environmentally friendly, it will be a cremation.

On with the show. More from the lovely Amanda and Harry later.

Oh, I just farted!

Onwards. There will be more from the lovely Amanda and Harry later.

But before that, why not feast your eyes on this brilliant,

Halloween-based exploration of British behaviour?

-Sounds good, am I in it?

-No! That's why it's brilliant.

GHOULISH HOWLING

Halloween is American, not British.

A stiff upper lip never, ever quivers.

Whoo-hoo! Who wants some pumpkin pie?!

Only three weeks to Thanksgiving.

It's not British to love a turkey in November

and it's certainly not British to feel fear.

What was that?

I'm with the 59% of Scottish people that don't believe

we can communicate with the dead.

That's sweet.

But I don't believe in ghosts, I don't believe in spirits

and I certainly don't believe in an afterlife.

-Russell!

-Grandpappy, is that you?

-Russell!

Girls are much more likely to believe this sort of cack.

32% of women reckon they've seen a ghost. What wallies!

It's much more likely to be their paralytic boyfriend

wandering around the flat about to take a slash in the wardrobe.

Where are you from, fair ghost?

Went to Eros nightclub last night.

I think I had a dodgy kebab.

Travel safe, fair spirit.

Bollocks.

Besides sleepwalking boyfriends,

there's all that other tosh - vampires, zombies.

In a zombie apocalypse,

it's the Cornish that are most likely to have a go at surviving.

Is that a ghost? Or is that my cousin's uncle's sister?

I think it's your mother's cousin. Once removed.

Stay tuned because we're playing a special Halloween edition

of Celebs Unzipped very shortly

and hearing this week's selection of celebrity confessions.

Harry and Danny,

there are loads of amazing stories in your autobiography.

The one that I want you to talk about is Rod Stewart, private jet.

Basically, there were only three places on the private jet.

There's four of us in the band.

I went, it's Dougie's birthday, Danny knows Rod the best,

so those two can go. Tom and I play paper, scissors, stones.

We play and I lose.

I'm a little bit disheartened - that sucks.

Before I know it, I looked up and they've gone.

They haven't even said goodbye. They've gone.

They're on the private jet.

But he stole your passports, didn't he?

We got to the plane and he said,

"We need your passports." "Yeah, cool."

So we landed and Rod got in his car and we got in our car.

We got our passports back, we opened them up

and in permanent marker, I've got a cock on me head.

Dougie's got a cock on his head. And John.

-He did that to everyone's passport?

-Yes.

A good thing I didn't go!

We went to America after that and we went over to Africa.

I had to go to America and Africa with this cock on me head.

Amanda, talk about that show you did in America, The Swan.

The premise of the show is we took 20 self-confessed ugly ducklings -

you'd call them on munters...

I thought you were going to say like you!

We'd basically give them a shit load of plastic surgery

and turn them into completely different people

and then put them in a pageant

and the winner would become the ultimate swan.

I know.

They would come to the big reveal in this big mansion

and they would walk through these double doors and come to me.

They haven't seen themselves and there would be a big mirror

behind these draped, red velvet curtains.

The curtain would drop and, "Oh, my God! I can't believe it!"

Very dramatic.

-"I'm a swan!"

-Literally, a massive beak!

There was one girl I was interviewing and I said, "Can we cut the tape?"

There was a trickle of blood coming down her face

because she had had a facelift and they were pulling her hair all day.

Needless to say... Did they all love it?

Can you imagine that?

If her face just fell down halfway through the reveal. "I love it!"

Any texts back, by the way, from those messages?

Yes. I felt my phone buzz.

You sent him, "Brian, I know this is a bit random and inappropes.

"But when we played golf that time,

"I've not been able to stop thinking about you.

"What does this mean? H.

"PS, have you seen the latest Attitude?"

Brian replies, ten minutes later...

How old is Brian?

In his late 60s, I guess.

-Is the text in capitals?

-It's all in capitals.

-All in capitals!

-One letter per three seconds.

Brian goes, "Hi, H. Nice to hear from you. Hope you and Izzy are OK.

"I'm at Dolly's... " My neighbour. "..at the moment, in her bungalow.

"How's your golf? We must have a game sometime."

Did you get any response yet?

Yeah, I actually did, yeah.

You guys wrote... "I've waxed everything off,

"but I've been left with a horrible rash. What should I do?"

"D x."

-From the Ministry, right?

-Ministry of Sound, yeah.

He just goes, "Ha-ha-ha! Lots of moisturising cream x "

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Look at it.

That's brilliant.

As it's Halloween, we've got these wonderful jumpers on.

We are celebrating Halloween. Are you big Halloween fans?

I've just bought my first pumpkin ever today at my local butcher.

-I don't know what to do with it.

-I don't know what you lot do

for your Halloween parties. I'm not particularly a fan of fancy dress.

I just live my life through my dog, through Colin.

Colin's a pug and I'm working on his Halloween costume for this year,

-if you want to see it.

-ALL: Yeah.

See if I can get him in. Colin, come. Come on.

AUDIENCE SHRIEKS

Hey, Colin!

-Ho-ho-ho.

-There we go.

Colin says, "Imagine if you culled one off now."

Bought a review of the show.

It's not my whole social life. I've got some cats, as well.

Come on, Col, come and join us on the sofa. Come on. Up.

There we go.

AUDIENCE: Aww.

That is my biggest fear - a dog dressed as a spider

-crawling into my ear.

-Based on what they've heard tonight -

Danny, Harry and Amanda, it's time for the Unzipped sample

-to decide who is the least normal.

-If you think Harry might be

two cymbals short of a drumkit, cheer now.

VIRTUAL SILENCE

Hmm, OK.

If you think Danny is one hit short of a Best Of album, cheer now.

CHEERING

But if you think Amanda is one big red ball

short of a Total Wipeout, cheer now.

LESS ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERING

COLIN BARKS

The dog is cheering!

-What do you reckon, Colin?

-Colin cheered and then dribbled on me.

The weirdest is...

..yeah, it's Danny!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Thanks, mate.

-How does this rank alongside your other achievements?

I'm quite honoured.

Does that mean you two are quite boring?

-We're standard.

-We're just really...

LAUGHTER

Danny, despite the Unzipped Sample questioning your sanity

this evening, are you still up for winning them some booze?

Yes, definitely. Cheers, everyone!

CHEERING

It's time for this - It's time for Celebs Unzipped!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Colin, go that way. Go.

Welcome to the game that's a bit like the sweets at the bottom

of a trick or treat bag - cheap and out of date.

If Harry, Danny and Amanda pull their fingers out,

the entire audience will win cocktails!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, say hello to the Halloween Carousel of Celebrity.

SILENCE

LAUGHTER

Every week, the sound effects fail. It was supposed to...

-Don't worry about it. Too late.

-So, let's have a look...

THUNDER/ LIGHTNING/ GHOULISH LAUGHTER

What dicks.

Cut, OK? Have a look

at these terrifying faces.

What am I doing in there?!

-Urgh!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-What happened?

-So, we've got Holly Willoughby, Jo Swash,

Feltz. A few others.

Mr Judd, Mr Jones and Ms Byram,

allow me to ramp up the pressure several notches.

ASCENDING WHOOSH

"Mother? Mother!" Let's start the wheel.

How cool if you had a goatee of bats, like that.

LAUGHTER

-It's Chico.

-OK, we asked Chico if he believes in ghosts.

Do you think he said yes or no?

Help them out, audience.

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Yes, he does believe in ghosts.

-We've got no doubt.

-We've gone with yes. Let's have a look.

Do I believe in ghosts? Absolutely, ghosts are real,

but all they are is entities,

and that is when a human soul

goes, or tries to, go to the next plain of existence,

but it hasn't travelled, or crossed over, just yet.

So, that's all it is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Imagine if, at the end of that, he'd gone, "It's Chico time!"

LAUGHTER

-MANCUNIAN ACCENT:

-72% of people in Manchester believe in ghosts.

But that's because they're always going, "Nee-oww-oww-oww".

All right, let's spin again.

Stop.

Definitely stops quicker for you.

Ah! Now, you're not allowed to talk about this one. I'll ask this.

You'll find out why. We asked Joe Swash

if he and Caroline Flack had ever trick or treated Russell.

Do you think he said yes or no?

They spent a lot of time together in the jungle.

AUDIENCE: Yes!

-What do you reckon?

-Yes... Yeah.

-We think, yeah.

-Let's find out.

Me, Russell and Caroline was doing I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!

It was our first series, so we was all getting to know each other,

so we started doing blindfold wine tasting and Russ was in

the swimming pool and me and Caroline were on the side,

so we blindfolded Russ

and we put some wine in a glass, but when Russ was blindfolded,

I bent down and I pulled me pants down.

I pulled me bum cheeks apart and placed his nose right in the middle.

"Go on, Russ, give it a sniff. See what you think of the wine."

And when he sniffed, I let go and my bum caught his nose

and he had a massive sniff of my arse.

AUDIENCE GROANS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-That is brilliant.

-I was so eager. I was so eager to show off,

they let me get a couple of wines right first.

When it was Joe's arse, I was actually going like that.

LAUGHTER

When I took it off, I could just see ginger bum pubes. It was horrible.

-I was so closed off.

-Right, you need one more

for the booze for the whole audience. Spin it again, let's go.

You can do this.

Stop.

-Oh.

-Derek Acorah, in spirit, please.

"Is there an old man anyone's lost?"

LAUGHTER

"Anyone lost an old human? Who's ever know a person?

"Thank you, my powers."

OK, does medium and spirit-whisperer Derek Acorah

know when he's going to die? Yes or no?

MIX OF "YES" and "NO" FROM AUDIENCE

-Does he know when he's going to die?

-He'll claim he does, just to...

-Bear in mind, he knows everything.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-Let's find out.

I do know when I'm going to die. I'm very privileged.

I have been told by my dad and my grandmother many years ago

that I would reach the grand age of 84.

Know what? I'm happy with that. That's a good innings.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Amazing! That was correct, which means you've won!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks to you lovely people, the audience will all get a cocktail!

CHEERING

And that's our time up. A big thank you to our special guests,

Amanda Byram, Harry Judd and Danny Jones!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We'll be back next week, with Example and Jerry Springer.

Amazing. But don't forget, until then,

you can share your own personality report on the Unzipped website.

-Thank you so much for watching.

-BOTH: Happy Halloween!

GHOULISH LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd