Oscar Winners Wogan: The Best Of

'It was a show that went out three nights a week...live...'

Mr Wogan, you're on.

'..with a live audience, and everyone who was anyone dropping in.

'The great and the good, the bad and the ugly.

'They called it Wogan.

'I never knew why. So,

'if you're sitting comfortably,

'I'll show you something I made earlier.'

God knows what they will make of us in 25 years' time.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

Welcome to a show which is peopled by a very select group indeed,

which probably lets me out.

Oscar winners, the creme de la creme of the acting world,

the proud owners of the top trophy in Tinseltown - I have all

the phrases, you know,

which today means Audrey Hepburn,

Anne Bancroft,

Gregory Peck,

Gene Hackman, Sher and James Stewart.

But our first Oscar winner is one of cinema's

great creative funnymen, Mel Brooks.

He picked up the Best Screenplay Academy Award

for The Producers and when he came on my show

he was quick to criticise how was it produced.

The nerve of the man!

-You are known as the master of bad taste.

-Yes, I am.

Is this justified or are you sorry now?

No, no, it's justified.

I am known for my exquisitely bad taste.

In America, people say, "Mr Brooks,

"you are in bad taste." I say, "Up yours."

That's how we talk. It isn't nice but...

The entertainer, eh?

You know, I've been watching this show from the wings.

I'm not going to criticise it, I love it.

The cameras seem to have some problems knowing

when you are going to speak and when your guest is going to speak.

So, it occurred to me, to warn them

so that they don't come in on a second syllable or a second word,

if you say "ba-ba" and then talk, on the "ba-ba", they will cut to you.

If I'm going to talk, I will say "ba-ba",

and they'll cut to me. Now, it may sound

like some African language but

the cameras will get it right,

even if the audience gets it a little mish-mushed.

It sounds very...

Of course that's why you're a director and producer

and I'm just a common or garden...

Ba-ba! I'll tell you, Terry...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Ba-ba! I hadn't finished.

I like that. I didn't "ba-ba", get the hell off me.

Wait for the "ba-ba".

Now that you've become a Hollywood mogul yourself

with the Brooks films, has it changed you a lot?

You were an innocent, open-faced Jewish boy writing comedy,

now you're a mogul and it's different, isn't it?

I'm a mogul, it's different, yes.

I used to be innocent...

I am mogul, it's different... Fire them

and hire them, and hire them and fire them.

Hire and fire, fire and hire.

Show me a nice...

But I used to be innocent and wonderful and intransigent...

The last bit was more like you. That's more like you there.

-That's you.

-Yes, this is close.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Goldman, right? Have I got it? Yes, very.

I don't know. To tell you the truth, I miss the innocent lad that I was.

Where does the director in you come into it?

Do you like bossing people around and telling them what to do?

Well, to be perfectly honest, yes.

-There is no fooling you.

-I knew you were power-crazed...

You're too darn bright.

-..the minute you walked in. Yeah.

-Yeah.

In the dressing room when they were making me up I said,

"Why the hell did Parkinson leave?

"I've got to work with this stupid Irishman," but...

I said that in the dressing room as well.

-But then I thought on it, I thought hard on it.

-Steady.

Two points.

What I came up with was, I love your vocal ping-pong,

I love your alacrity and quickness of mind,

I love your wit and I love that most of you hair is your own.

Yes! Most, yes. Success, however, has not unspoiled you.

I'm not crazy about your tie, I can tell you.

-I shouldn't say that on the air.

-Well, you're a guest.

Yes, it's true. Solid ties have been in for six years now, you know that?

-And out again.

-And out again.

-We're wearing something different in Britain, you know.

-Underneath?

-All over.

-All over, yes.

-I understand you are bit of a wine snob.

-No, no.

Come on, you bring your own bottle of wine to dinner.

Yes, I drank some of the swill you had in the dressing room.

-What's this about bringing your own bottle to dinner?

-I do.

I bring my own bottle to dinner.

-Does this not offend your host or hostess?

-Who gives a...?

Who cares? Rather. Do you know what Jewish foreplay is?

-Let me tell you what Jewish foreplay is. May I?

-please.

20 minutes of begging.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Terry, you are a saucy devil.

I watched your interview with Bob Fosse,

who was good. You were wonderful. But you did ask questions that

were really unseemly.

-Saucy?

-Yes, saucy. You said...

-You're a fine one to talk.

Well! I'm vulgar, so I can say anything.

But you said, "Is there still a casting couch?

"Is it still a practice?"

I was going to ask you that.

-Then you said, "Do YOU use?" What could he say?

-Yes.

Well, even if he did, would he admit it?

-He nearly did.

-He nearly did.

-What about you?

-I admit it.

I admit it.

Look, you don't need a casting couch. With your attraction,

you could've got the girls without it. Why use it?

You will pay for that.

That hasn't gone unnoticed.

I like you, swear to God.

Yet, you married an Italian.

Wogan, there is little green thing on this side of your nose. Get it...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

It's gone now.

Don't try and evade the issue. Ba-ba!

-And yet you married an Italian?

-Yes. I did.

Well, she's an American, born in the United States of America,

of Italian ancestry, Italian parentage.

-That's easy for you to say.

-Yes.

Her mother and father were born in the US,

but her grandparents were from good old Italy.

-Is she taller than you?

-Ba-ba. yes.

When she wears her spiked Cuban heels,

which I demand that she wear on Sunday nights.

We can drive the audience insane with this kind of talk.

All she wears is spiked Cuban heels,

-a large feather...

-Oh!

..and an Indian bathrobe.

-Ah!

-No, my wife is actually a very conservative lady.

She is a dramatic actress and she adores me because I'm the other

side of her life. I am merriment,

I'm fun, I'm silly.

When are we going to see that side of you?

You've actually worked together. Is this the first time you've worked

-together in your new movie?

-I don't like it when you really funny.

When you're nearly funny, I like.

Then the audience at home says, "The Irishman thinks he's funny.

"The Jewish... He's the one, he's funny.

"But the other one thinks he's funny.

"He's really funny.

"The Irishman is nearly funny. But the Jew, he's hysterical."

But sometimes you're really funny and it's very disappointing...

It takes the heart out of one, I'll tell you the truth.

Ba-ba. I'm sorry.

Now, you heard Mel Brooks and I discussing his wife,

the Oscar-winning actress Anne Bancroft.

Could a couple be more different?

Whereas Mel talked nineteen to the dozen,

Anne made for one of my toughest encounters.

Couldn't get a word out of her.

She was promoting the film, 84 Charing Cross Road,

joining Ben Elton, unfortunately for him, on the Wogan sofa.

But she only realised the show was live once it started

and became as nervous as Dustin Hoffman

in The Graduate seduction scene.

APPLAUSE

SHE MOUTHS

I caught you counting there.

Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Hold it a second.

-Hello.

-This is Ben.

-Nice to meet you.

-Ben Elton.

-Nice to meet you.

-Welcome.

-Is it Benjamin?

-It is Benjamin, yes, indeed. But to my friends...

-I once knew a Benjamin.

-You did.

-You know another one.

In The Graduate, Benjamin.

-That's right.

-Yes.

-I didn't think you'd get that one.

Why, do I appear slow?

-Have I been slow all evening?

-No, I've only just met you.

LAUGHTER

I had the pleasure of interviewing your husband, Mel Brooks,

about four years ago.

-And he told me that I had to talk to you.

-Why?

Because he said you do most of the stuff for him,

you write most of the gags and all that.

-He said you're his inspiration.

-Oh, that's not true.

-Is he your inspiration?

-No.

-Is he a help to you?

-LAUGHTER

-You don't inspire each other at all?

-No.

-We barely see each other, to tell you the truth.

-Really?

-Yes.

-That's not good, is it?

-Well, it is. At times, it's good.

Now, you haven't, in fact... In 84 Charing Cross Road...

You're a very smart man.

..you swap letters with old Anthony Hopkins,

and you haven't met him either, have you? You acted separately.

You acted apart from each other. That can't have been easy.

-He's acting here, and you're acting in America.

-Yes, right.

So how do you do that?

What do you mean, how? He acts here, and I act there.

But surely if you're acting with somebody,

-you want them to respond to you, don't you?

-Oh, well, yes.

I had a little thing in my ear, and he spoke through that.

I had recordings of him in my ear.

Stanislavski, that's real motivation, isn't it? In your ear.

It must be difficult to generate a character when you're, you know...

-Well, most of my character...

-Like an interview, really.

-I tell you, it's a lot easier than this.

-You don't find this easy?

No, I don't find this easy at all.

-It's your job, Terry.

-The character's based on the letters...

LAUGHTER

Sorry, I...

-Carry on, the character and the letters.

-Um. What was I saying?

The character is based on the letters.

The character is based on the letters.

-So I have the letters in my ear, so I...

-Yeah.

You do a lot of addressing, perhaps not a lot,

-but you do address the camera sometimes in the movie.

-We do.

-Did you find that difficult to do?

-I did, that was really...

That is difficult.

Do you have to evolve a different technique for that,

or work yourself up to a frenzy before you can do it?

Do you convince yourself when you're doing it?

Did you convince yourself when you watched the movie?

Did you think that worked?

Do you know, I haven't really seen the whole movie all the way through

So I don't know.

-Did you read the book?

-That I did.

And didn't Mel Brooks give you the book as a birthday present,

-or an anniversary present?

-Oh, no, that's a pack of lies.

-Is it?

Yes, a pack of lies.

I'm glad we didn't have that in the research(!)

-So it's a tissue of lies?

-Yes.

You were saying you find this kind of thing horrific?

-This kind of thing?

-Not the film, the interview.

-No, the film was great.

-The film was easy. This is hard.

-Why do you hate this kind of thing so much? Is it me?

-Probably.

It's probably me, is it?

-It's not the dried flowers, you don't think?

-That too.

-TERRY LAUGHS

-Do you do any of this in America?

-Do you ever do a talk show?

-No.

-Are you glad you did this one?

-No.

Some things are sent to try us.

I need music to smooth my ruffled brow after watching that.

Now, here's someone who bites lumps out of songs.

The mellow bellow of Cher.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MUSICAL INTRODUCTION

# Don't you know

# So many things they come and go?

# Like your words that once rang true

# Just like the love I thought I found in you

# And I remember the thunder

# Talking 'bout the fire in your eyes

# But you walked away when I needed you most

# Now, maybe, baby, maybe, baby

# I found someone

# To take away the heartache

# To take away the loneliness

# I've been feeling since you've been gone

# Since you've been gone

# Dry your eyes

# I never could bear to see you cry

# Some day your love will shine through

# And show you the feelings if you never really knew

# Baby, don't you lose that thunder

# Talking 'bout the fire in your eyes

# You're looking at me

# But you still don't believe

# That maybe, baby, maybe, baby

# I found someone

# To take away the heartache

# To take away the loneliness

# I've been feeling since you've been gone

# Since you've been gone

# Too long on the borderline

# Wondering if your love was really mine

# But you left me with open eyes

# And when I realised

# Baby, I found someone

# To take away the heartache

# To take away the loneliness

# I've been feeling since you've been gone

# Baby, I found someone

# To take away the heartache

# To take away the loneliness

# I've been feeling since you've been gone

# Since you've been gone. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Cher, who won a Best Actress Oscar in 1988 for the film Moonstruck.

Now, we've got Gene Hackman,

a man not known for making many television appearances,

and one of the cinema's best and most enduring actors.

He came by for a chat while over here filming Superman II,

in which he played the hero's evil arch nemesis.

How about playing Lex Luthor in Superman,

did you enjoy playing the baddie?

It's great fun. I must say, it's like a licence to steal.

Almost anything you do is going to be OK,

because he's a flamboyant character, and deranged,

all the things that actors love to play.

-It's the best part in the movie, really.

-I think so.

I wouldn't play Superman for anything.

You don't envy Christopher getting into the cape?

-He uses my body, of course!

-Of course.

-That's public knowledge.

But I wouldn't want to play the part.

Is your body your greatest asset

-when it comes to acting?

-Yes, that and my face.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

There's not much wrong with your face.

Do you enjoy doing comedy parts?

As you say, because of your face and physique,

you tend to play the heavy a lot.

Yes. Actually, I started in the theatre, on Broadway,

in seven Broadway plays, all of them comedies.

Light comedies, very light. They wouldn't allow them these days.

They would be something you'd see on television.

But my background was in improvisation and comedy.

What I think is really encouraging about your career,

particularly for those people who see young people coming up

and being stars very quickly - "Oh, when did you start acting?"

"When I was 15 and a half."

-You didn't actually start until you were 30.

-Yes.

I think it's great that you've reached stardom

and you're still a man of 40 or so...

40 is right(!)

I've done 50 films in ten years, amazing!

LAUGHTER

It hasn't been easy for you.

What did you do in those 15, maybe more, years

when you gave up school and decided... Did you always want to be an actor?

Well, I did, secretly.

I didn't want to tell anybody because I was ashamed.

I thought maybe that was something that lightweights did.

And, actually, I got into the business

because I thought it would keep me from working

and it was a way to meet girls.

And it hasn't worked out that way at all.

It's a lot of hard work, actually.

That's so true. So many people go into acting

-as it's a way to meet all the good-looking girls.

-Yes.

-But you haven't found them?

-Elderly ladies at this point!

Not all that elderly.

It is funny, I never had any large goals as an actor.

All I wanted to do was work. I loved it so much that

I wanted off Broadway, and then a small part in television, maybe,

and then Broadway. And that all kind of happened.

And then, from a Broadway show, I was cast in a film called Lilith

that Warren Beatty and Jean Seberg were in.

And Warren then remembered me from that,

and gave me a part in Bonnie And Clyde.

-That was really when the bandwagon started.

-That's right.

Before that, you'd had hard times in New York

along with Dustin Hoffman and Robert Duvall.

We were all buddies together.

Dustin and I had gone to the Pasadena Playhouse together

and then we became great pals in New York.

Did you ever confide in each other what your great dreams were?

Do you ever, when you meet now, say, "Well, it worked out"?

I think our great dreams were just to keep working, the tiny jobs,

just anything.

Bobby Duvall and I used to go around terrified that we would get a job,

terrified to meet the agents.

We had our 8x10 glossies with all this made-up stuff on the back,

and we hadn't done anything. And we would go knock on the doors

and slip our resumes under the door and run like thieves.

I don't know what we expected to get from that.

But it was amazing how things do work out,

that all three of us have won Academy Awards,

and have done some pretty interesting films.

The major role that won you the Academy Award was Popeye Doyle

in The French Connection.

-You may not do anything better than that.

-Why, thank you?!

-GENTLE LAUGHTER

-No, I...

You know something I don't know?

I mean it as a compliment, of course, to win an Oscar for it.

But was there a great deal of yourself in that?

Actually, at the beginning, very little,

because I was pretty much over my head.

As a matter of fact, on the second day of shooting,

I'd asked the director to replace me

because I just didn't feel I could do it.

I was popping these guys in the mouth, and playing this tough guy.

And it was real tough. I had never played a role quite that demanding.

And after a while, you punch somebody long enough,

-you get kind of used to it, you know.

-You quite enjoy it.

So, I kind of came around a bit.

You're one of the few people who started as a character actor,

and then went to stardom as a star role.

Everyone remembers The Poseidon Adventure,

you were playing a heroic role,

but you haven't had too many of those subsequently.

Did they decide that you weren't really cut out for heroism,

-or did you decide?

-I don't know.

I'm always attracted to parts that extend me, that make me stretch.

And I don't know that there's anyone who decided that.

I suppose you do what you can do,

you're cast pretty much close to type in films.

-Do you do it for the art or for the money?

-Absolutely art.

The money comes secondary.

It's funny that, after Superman, the first Superman,

and I was paid quite well for that,

and I didn't really like my work in it, after the film was over,

and I decided to stop and I did quit for two years

and then, when I wanted to come back to work,

it took a long time to get a job.

But I've decided since then that one can do those things where

you're paid the money... obviously in a big budget film,

and you're paid to bring a kind of a life to it.

And it's kind of fun, it really is.

One gets used to that bigger-than-life attitude

about that kind of role in Superman, I really enjoy it.

The great Gene Hackman there.

Now, a four-time Oscar winner, the composer Henry Mancini,

with a marvellous musical medley that includes a burst of

one of the best loved, most iconic songs

ever to grace a movie soundtrack.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: "Moon River"

APPLAUSE

Moon River, of course, from Breakfast At Tiffany's.

And the star of that classic film, Audrey Hepburn.

Here she is. Was ever a star more admired for her beauty,

more beloved?

She begins by talking about the very early days of her career.

I got a job in a musical, and that started a career of musicals...

-As an actress.

-..and cabaret. No, dancing, I was still dancing then.

And then I got a little part in a movie in Elstree,

-and Ealing, and so forth.

-Was that Laughter In Paradise?

-Laughter In Paradise with Alistair Sim.

-I think we have a picture of it.

-Gosh.

-AUDREY LAUGHS

-What a very fetching little bow.

-How about the bow on my hair?

-Wonderful. Do you remember the lines you had to say?

-No, I don't.

It was only one line, too.

It was something, "Do you want a ciggie?" Something like that.

And then you went from strength to strength

and your career began to burgeon

and you made Roman Holiday with Gregory Peck.

Gregory Peck, and directed by the great William Wyler.

I think we also have a little excerpt from that

to jog your memory.

The mouth of truth.

Legend is that if you're given to lying and put your hand in there,

it will be bitten off.

Oh, what a horrid idea.

Let's see you do it.

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY Let's see you do it.

Sure.

HE SCREAMS SUDDENLY

SHE CRIES OUT

SHE SHRIEKS

Hello!

You beast!

APPLAUSE

Don't make them like that any more, as they say in the cliche.

You looking so beautiful

and Gregory Peck looking so extraordinarily handsome.

Is there a bit of a story attaching to that?

The hand and that? Were you expecting that to happen?

No, but I must say that, you know, even tourists today,

they don't really want to put their hand in there.

I mean, it's a real tourist site, where everybody goes to.

But, er...when we rehearsed it, I didn't know what he was going to do.

And he didn't do it at the rehearsal.

But he did it in the shot,

-this terrible thing with the sleeve.

-LAUGHTER

-And you were...

-It's one of those tricks that was played on me.

You were a... I'm sure they did it

because you were still an inexperienced actress at the time.

I still am!

No. Well, no, I wouldn't say that.

Was William Wyler very important to you? Did you learn a lot from him?

I would say almost everything.

Because, as I said, I was a dancer

and all of a sudden now I had to act,

which I'd never really done before. I'd done a play,

but I'd never been in front of a camera. But then I also...

I was sort of joyfully innocent.

You know, I'm much more worried today about coming here...

No!

..than I was then, because somehow Greg and Willy just made me feel,

you know, very good and were so helpful and so kind.

But he was a very exacting director, although I never realised it.

Did he...? Somebody said he taught you how to cry.

Well, no. I know why you ask me that.

One of the last scenes in the picture,

when I say goodbye to Greg after this wonderful time we've had...

And we're sitting in this tiny, little car,

and he takes me back to the embassy where I'm staying, and, erm...

Obviously, we're saying goodbye and I'm supposed to burst into tears.

And although I was terribly sad, the tears weren't coming.

I didn't know how to just sort of fake it, or anything like that,

and Willy, who was a dear man,

had always been terribly gentle with me and very kind, after...

..I won't say a few hours,

but, I mean, quite a long time that the tears were not forthcoming,

and he suddenly came up to me

and started screaming at me and saying, "What is this?"

And, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

And, "We're not going to stay here all night!"

And I was so upset with him talking to me that way that

I burst into tears and they shot the scene and that's what you've got.

-LAUGHTER

-He had all kind of ways.

-Bit of a cheat, that, isn't it?

-All kinds of ways of making you act.

You were often transformed in movies,

-like in Funny Face or My Fair Lady, from the gauche to the grand.

-Yes.

-Cinderella.

-Yeah. Which did you feel nearer to?

Or do you fall somewhere in between?

Oh, I was somewhere in between, I guess, but much more the gauche.

I still have problems with that.

-People think of you as extremely sophisticated and...

-Well.

-Very self-possessed.

-That's in the beholder's eye.

-But I don't feel...

-Do you see yourself as very shy, withdrawn?

-No, I don't...

-Unable to cope?

-..have that much of a problem,

but I don't see myself, you know, I don't look at myself,

I don't think of myself as anything much.

Once I'm home, it's just me

and my life, you know.

My Fair Lady was a great challenge for you.

Yes, it was, and it was such a lovely part.

Oh, of course, but which was the most difficult for you,

the posh accent that Higgins transformed you into,

or the cockney?

Well, the cockney was a problem to a degree,

because it had to be cockney and yet it couldn't be totally cockney

because nobody would have understood a word I said.

Because real cockney's hard to follow

if you're not very familiar with it.

So it had to be somewhere in between.

You know? But it was but it was a wonderful experience.

Yeah. It was a wonderful film.

Marvellous music and terrific performances.

We've got a little reminisce of that as well.

This will bring you back a bit.

HOOF BEATS

Come on. Come on, Dover.

Come on. Come on, Dover!

Come on.

Come on, Dover!

Move your bloomin' arse!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Oh, my dear.

-Still works, doesn't it?

-Yes, it does. The audience...

That's the part the audience love best.

So, there we got Audrey Hepburn's take on that famous scene

from Roman Holiday, but there are two sides to every story

as you know, so let's get the great Gregory Peck's version as well.

So we were going to play that little scene

and I said to Willy Wyler, the director,

on the side, I said, "You know the old shtick...

"that Red Skelton used to do all the time?"

And I think the Crazy Gang used to do it.

"What if I put my hand in the stone statue

"and what if I bring it out like that,

"and we don't tell Audrey?"

He said, "It's corny, but go ahead and do it."

LAUGHTER So we didn't tell Audrey.

I did it, and... And I screamed. And she just went out of her mind.

You insisted that Audrey Hepburn,

although she was merely a young ingenue at that time,

you insisted that she be given extra billing with you in that film.

I did. But you know, it wasn't all that altruistic. I...

We could see from the very first day

that Audrey was born to play this role.

She was the princess from day one,

and after a week or so... And I had sole star billing.

Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday.

And as I thought about it and I watched this marvel of a girl

give this lovely performance, I thought...

"Now, Greg, you're just going to look like a damn fool

"if your name is up there on top all by yourself."

So I called my agent in Hollywood and I said,

"You've got to speak to Paramount and it has to be co-star billing."

He said, "You can't do that.

"You can't give up this prerogative that you've earned."

I said, "Yes, I can and I will.

"And believe me, it's the right thing to do."

And it was, because when the picture came out...

..people just went wild about Audrey

and all the little girls in Japan cut their hair short.

And it was a worldwide hit and...

-Nobody noticed you at all?

-Hmm? LAUGHTER

Just barely!

Yeah, well, I was in there too.

It was a nice picture and I admit

it's a very happy memory that we have

of six months in Rome making that film.

Did you grow up with acting ambitions?

-Oh, not at all, no.

-How did you start?

Well...

I graduated from college and I went...

I was... I was...

Fell in love with the thing, the theatre, when I was in college.

And I thought, "Well, I'll go to New York and I'll see what I can do.

"I'll give it a try for a few years."

So I went to drama school and at the end of two years,

they had what they called a demonstration play.

And agents and talent scouts came...

..to have a look and to see us do our stuff.

And then it was the custom for the students

to go back to the school the next morning

and, er, wait for the phone calls

that sometimes came, sometimes didn't.

There was a call,

and the receptionist put her hand over the phone

and she looked at me and she said, "It's for you."

And it was a famous producer named Guthrie McClintic,

interested to see me about a small role in a play called

The Doctor's Dilemma by Shaw.

Well, I didn't wait for the end of the sentence. I took off.

I knew exactly where his office was, it was six blocks away.

And for your viewers who don't know Manhattan geography,

I dashed across 46th Street, four blocks up 6th Avenue,

to the building where Guthrie McClintic's office was.

Into the elevator, up to the eighth floor,

skidded down the hall into his office.

He's still talking on the phone to the receptionist.

LAUGHTER

And he just... He stared at me.

And there I was, the fellow he...

And he began to laugh and then that segued into a cough

and he went into a kind of a fit

and slid off of the seat, laughing, coughing

and he said, "You've got the job."

LAUGHTER

So that was the beginning.

It had nothing to do with anything except

that I was a pretty fast runner in those days.

The American Film Institute

made a presentation of the Life Achievement Award.

You know, the Life Achievement Award has,

if you think about it, a slightly ominous ring to it.

And I remember I got up there and I said...

You know, James Mason was a friend of mine and I said,

"James was not a man of a lot of jokes,

"but he had one joke that he liked to tell."

Had to do with his filming in Dublin,

going out one evening for a walk and window shopping.

And he had a trench coat and a hat,

didn't think he'd be recognised.

And, er, a little lady trailed along behind him,

and finally worked up the nerve,

and she tapped him on the should and she said...

IRISH ACCENT: "Begging your pardon, sir.

"But wouldn't you be James Mason in his later years?"

LAUGHTER

And I liked... I liked that good Irish phrase, "later years".

I like it because it's candid and it's dispassionate,

but it's comfortable.

Because it leaves the possibility of more to come.

Finally, another Oscar-winning legend

and a moment I'll certainly never forget.

James Stewart, so many people's favourite actor,

came on the show in 1988.

And as you'd expect, he charmed and delighted everybody,

and then left everyone else welling up with a poem he'd written

for his much-loved, recently deceased pet dog.

He never came to me when I would call

Unless I had a tennis ball

Or he felt like it

But mostly, he didn't come at all

When he was young

He never learned to heel or sit or stay

He did things his way

Discipline was not his bag

But when you were with him things sure didn't drag

He'd dig up a rose bush just to spite me

And when I'd grab him

He'd turn and bite me

He bit lots of folks from day to day

The delivery boy was his favourite prey

He gas man would read our meter

He said we owned a real man-eater

He set the house on fire

But the story's too long to tell

But suffice to say, that he survived

And the house survived as well

And on evening walks

When Mom took him

He was always first out the door

The old one and I brought up the rear

Because our bones were sore

And he'd charge up the street

With Mom hanging on

What a beautiful sight they were

And if it was still light

And the tourists were out

They created a bit of a stir

But every once in a while

He'd stop in his track

And with a frown on his face turn around

Just to make sure that the old one was there

To follow him where he was bound

We're early-to-bedders in our house

I guess I'm the first to retire

As I leave the room

He'd look up at me

And get up from his place by the fire

He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs

And I'd give him one for a while

And he'd shove it under the bed with his nose

And I'd dig it out with a smile

But before very long

He'd tyre of the ball

And be asleep in his corner

In no time at all

And there were nights

When I'd feel him climb up on our bed,

And lie between us

And I'd pat his head

And there were nights

When I'd feel this stare

And I'd wake up

And he'd be sitting there

And I'd reach out my hand to stroke his hair

And sometimes I'd feel him sigh

And I think, I know the reason why

He'd wake up and night

And he would have this fear

Of the dark, of life

Of lots of things

And he'd be glad to have me near

And now he's dead

And...there are nights...

When I think I feel him

Climb up on our bed

And lie between us

And I pat his head

And there are nights

When I think I feel that stare

And I reach out my hand

To stroke his hair

But he's not there

Oh, how I wish that wasn't so

I'll always love a dog named Beau.

APPLAUSE

INAUDIBLE

Ah, gets you every time, doesn't it?

There's no way to top that, so we'll call a close on the proceedings.

But do join me again

for more Wogan Best Bits next time. Till then...