Toughies Wogan: The Best Of

It was a show that went out three nights a week, live...

Mr Wogan, you're on, you're on.

..with a live audience and everyone who was anyone dropping in -

the great and the good, the bad and the ugly.

They called it Wogan -

ha. I never knew why.

So, if you're sitting comfortably,

I'll show you something I made earlier.

God knows what they'll make of us in 25 years' time.

JAZZY MUSIC

Welcome.

Now, today we're dealing with guests

who came with a reputation for toughness.

Some were known for playing tough characters,

some were so genuinely tough, you wouldn't want to mess with them

and a few, they were just messing around.

The list includes Bette Davis,

Joan Collins,

Arnold Schwarzenegger,

Roger Moore

and Leslie Nielsen

but we're kicking things off with a music icon

and one of rock'n'roll's original bad boys -

Jerry Lee Lewis.

MUSIC: Great Balls Of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis

# You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain

# Too much gets to drive a man insane

# You broke my will, what a thrill

# Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me

# I laughed at love cos I thought it was funny

# You came along and moved me, honey

# Changing my mind, I think it's fine

# Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

# You kissed me, mama, it feels good

# Whoo

# Hold me, baby

# Girl, just let me love you like a lover should

# You're fine, so kind

# I'm gonna tell this world that you're mine, mine, mine, mine

# Girl, I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs

# Real nervous but it sure is fun

# Come on, baby, you drive me crazy

# Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

# Well, kiss me, baby

# My God, it feels good

# Whoo, hold me, woman

# Let old Jerry love you like a lover should

# You're fine, so kind

# I'm gonna tell this world that you're mine, mine, mine, mine

# Lord, I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs

# I'm real nervous but it sure is fun

# Come on, baby, you drive me crazy

# Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. #

APPLAUSE

Whoo!

Thank you very much.

Who influenced your piano style?

Nobody.

LAUGHTER

At eight years old, I had never heard of any piano players.

You weren't playing like that from the time you were eight?

Two weeks, I was playing pretty good.

LAUGHTER

That's right. APPLAUSE

But then you've had what one could describe as a very wild lifestyle?

No, Jerry Lee Lewis style.

Rock'n'roll. APPLAUSE

I... You know, you've got a Baptist Church, a Methodist church,

a Presbyterian church, you've got the Church of Christ,

all kinds of churches.

Everybody's right and everybody's wrong.

I just say rock'n'roll. I don't know.

But what's your lifestyle like now?

I mean, when you're not performing, how do you...

Onstage or in theatre...

Well, you don't want to get personal, would you?

No, but I mean how do you relax? Do you relax?

Well, I do relax. Yes, I do. I have a nice place in Memphis, Tennessee -

a farm out on the edge of Memphis there that I relax on.

-Do you get...

-I'm a single man,

I'm as free as the breeze and I do what I please.

Jerry Lee Lewis, thank you.

Terry, you're a gentleman.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Oh, if only I knew what was going on in his head. Ah.

Next, a lady with one of the sharpest tongues in Hollywood

and one of the cinema's finest actresses.

When Bette Davis came on the show back in 1987,

she was there for one reason and one reason only -

to publicise her book

and woe betide any old chat show host who might have got in her away.

They do say that you coined the word Oscar for the Academy Awards.

Well, yes.

The Academy claims it also.

-How did that come about?

-Well,

I was married to a Mr Harmon O.Nelson

and he never told me what the O stands for, stood for

and he finally told me his middle name was Oscar

and he hated it and I must never use it

but the back side of the Oscar looks just like him.

LAUGHTER

So just in fun,

I called the statue Oscar

and the Academy is not happy about it so I've just said to the Academy,

"Please take all the credit."

It really isn't going to make or break my career

if I didn't name the Oscar.

But you say you should have got it for Human Bondage?

-Oh, yes, definitely.

-You really enjoyed that,

the Cockney accent and everything?

Well, it was my first step up the ladder, that's right.

-Can you still do that Cockney accent?

-Tiny beginnings.

-Well, yes, because she was very "ladylike" Cockney.

-Yes, "ladylike".

-She wasn't the broad Cockney.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Well, I haven't practised lately, so...

LAUGHTER

I mean, she always said,

-COCKNEY ACCENT:

-"Oh, I don't mind.

-LAUGHTER

-"I don't mind."

-Yes.

-She was a nasty piece of work.

You have to ask me about my book.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Well, actually...

Yeah, you see, I know you're enormously popular in England

and I'm thrilled to be on your show...

LAUGHTER

but I came on this show to sell a book.

-I am in England to sell a book.

-LAUGHTER

Oh, I don't know. We're glad to see you,

-whether you've come to sell a book or not.

-Well, good.

-Yes, I'm a sales woman. Yes, they...

-Well, I think they're probably...

Sidgwick & Company have bought my book

and I must say, I'm very proud of it.

A lot of the information that obviously I'm talking to you about

-comes from the book...

-Oh, yes, in this...

..because it's a biography and it's all about your films.

-No, this is not a biography.

-Isn't it?

-No, no, no.

-Not all about my films, they're never mentioned.

-Aren't they?

No. This And That is exactly what it says -

This and that, odds and ends and odds and ends.

Now, in England, they have added the two words, "A Memoir".

Well, there are of course many, many memories

but it's really not necessarily that

but it's not autobiography at all. No.

But it's about you?

It's just about things I think,

-things that have happened to me...

-And people you've met?

..and people I have met, yes,

and we worked very hard on it

and we're very thrilled it was on the New York Times' bestseller list

-for four months which is terrific...

-Yes.

..so we can sit here and say it's successful at home,

we hope it will be successful here.

LAUGHTER

I appreciate very much

you gave me this opportunity to talk about my book.

LAUGHTER

Bette Davis actually pops up again in this next exchange

with Joan Collins, no less.

At the time, our Joan was revelling in the international notoriety

that came with playing the nastiest woman on television,

Dynasty's Alexis Carrington.

-We're going to do a ravishing anthology of you.

-Are you?

-Oh, my goodness me.

-Well, looking back into the dim and distant past.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-I thought we were going to talk about my book.

-Oh, well, maybe later.

-No, don't,

you'll begin to sound like Bette Davis if you do that.

Why, what did she do?

Halfway through the interview she said,

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-"OK, well, that's enough about me, dear.

-"What about my book?"

-Oh, really?

-LAUGHTER

Well, God forbid, I don't want to sound like Bette Davis.

You liked Bette Davis, didn't you? You did The Virgin Queen with her.

-I did.

-Did you get on well with her?

-Not terribly well, no.

-Why?

She didn't like me. I don't know why.

She was quite mean to me.

I don't think she liked particularly that I was very young then

and I played her lady-in-waiting, Lady Beth Throgmorton,

who was with child by Sir Walter Raleigh.

-There you are, look.

-Oh, my God.

There's no sign of you being with child.

-Well, I had a good corset on there.

-I see.

-It held it all in.

You see, you can see the way she's looking at me -

-you can tell she doesn't like me.

-LAUGHTER

I think anybody who knows you would probably agree with you

that in fact, contrary to the kind of parts that you play

and how you are pictured by the press,

you're quite a soft person really, aren't you?

A little bit insecure, even.

Well, I think all actors are dreadfully insecure.

That's the reason we're actors in the first place -

we all really don't like ourselves

so we all want to get up there and be someone else

which is why it's so much fun to play Alexis.

I can play this really tough, in control, aggressive woman

which I have become more like, I must say,

since I have been playing it.

I have learnt a few things from her - not enough, I must say.

She's not a person I would like to be but she has certain qualities

that I appreciate and that I think are quite admirable really.

I mean, the way she looks after her finances, her empire,

the way she absolutely single-mindedly

goes after anything she wants and will get it.

I have learnt a bit from her but then she's very hard

and that I don't like. You know, she's not really that vulnerable.

I try to bring some vulnerability to her

but they're always wanting me to do things like

put a cigarette out in an egg, a fried egg

or grind a cigarette out in to my sable that's on the floor.

I say, "I'm not going to do this, guys.

"I mean, I'm not going to do it. This is a £20,000 sable,

"you want me to grind this cigarette out into it?"

He goes, "Oh, no. It'll just be fake when we do that,"

not into the £20,000 sable

but they do like to try and pile on the, how shall I say this...

-The arrogance?

-..the over the top bit, yes.

-The arrogance.

-Yes, the arrogance.

-You're not arrogant at all, you say?

Well, I'm not unarrogant but I'm not really arrogant.

I'm confident but not arrogant, I don't think.

Success obviously helps to make you more confident.

Yes, but I think that it wasn't really success.

I think that success comes to you because of what you have...

If you have something inside that you believe in yourself.

I believe very much in myself, you see.

I don't believe what other people say about me.

I don't take any notice of critics or people who snipe at me

because I have to know who I am myself

and I have to know my own worth

and what Joan Collins feels about Joan Collins.

That's the only thing that's important and I think that's true

for everybody. I try to teach my children that,

that it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks about you.

-Does Joan Collins like Joan Collins?

-Yes, I do.

Now, I suppose that sounds big-headed.

And you're a lady who's kept her glamour,

to the envy of most ladies of your own age.

When the glamour does fade, will you be able to handle it?

Yes, I think so. I've thought about that quite a lot and I have...

I don't believe that being beautiful or glamorous

is the prerogative of just being a teenager or in your 20s.

There are lots of women that I know who are in their 60s and 70s

and even 80s who I think are beautiful and glamorous.

Of course, it's not the beauty of youth

but there are other compensations - there's wisdom, there's humour,

there's a certain fineness of feature.

I mean, look at Lena Horne, for example - she's 70...

And of course, there's a change in attitude

because you've got to, from now on,

let people make what they like of you.

Well, exactly and of course, if you don't get older,

what's the alternative?

The Big D -

-and we don't want that, not yet.

-LAUGHTER

Well, no, not yet and I'm sure not for an awful long time.

-No.

-It's been a pleasure to have you on the show.

-Terry, it's been great.

-I hope the cold gets better.

-Thank you, darling.

-Thank you for joining us.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Dynasty, or if you're American, DIE-nasty,

was of course a show where shoulder pads, hair and shiny teeth

were just as important as the plot -

probably more so, which is perhaps why the Bee Gees came to mind

when choosing this next musical interlude.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: You Win Again by The Bee Gees

# I couldn't figure why you couldn't give me what everybody needs

# I shouldn't let you kick me when I'm down, my baby

# I find out everybody knows that you've been using me

# I'm surprised you let me stay around you

# One day I'm gonna lift the cover and look inside your heart

# We gotta level before we go and tear this love apart

# There's no fight, you can't fight this battle of love with me

# You win again, so little time, we do nothing but compete

# There's no life on earth, no other could see me through

# You win again, some never try but if anybody can, we can

-# And I'll be

-And I'll be

-And I'll be

-I'll be

# Following you

# Oh, girl, oh, girl

# Oh, baby, I shake you from now on

# I'm gonna break down your defences, one by one

# I'm gonna hit you from all sides, lay your fortress open wide

# Nobody stops this body from taking you

# You better beware, I swear

# I'm gonna be there one day when you fall

# I could never let you cast aside the greatest love of all

# There's no fight, you can't fight this battle of love with me

# You win again, so little time, we do nothing but compete

# There's no life on earth, no other could see me through

# You win again, some never try but if anybody can, we can

-# And I'll be

-I'll be

-And I'll be

-I'll be

# Following you

# Oh, girl

# You win again, so little time, we do nothing but compete

-# There's no life on earth, no other could see me through

-Oh, girl

# You win again, some never try but if anybody can, we can

-# And I'll be

-I'll be

-And I'll be

-I'll be

# Following you

# Oh, oh

# You win again, so little time, we do nothing but compete

# There's no life on earth, no other could see me through

# You win again, some never try but if anybody can, we can

# There's no fight, you can't fight this battle of love with me

# You win again, so little time... #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Now, I don't pretend to remember every single guest

who appeared on the Wogan show -

in fact, very few of them

but I've got total recall when it comes to this one.

Well, you don't go forgetting Arnold Schwarzenegger in a hurry, do you?

I mean, there's a lot of him.

Who writes this stuff?

APPLAUSE

SCREAMING

-Quiet, fellas, quiet.

-LAUGHTER

-Fellas?

-Did you bring your relations with you this evening?

No, no, I have millions of fans like this all over the world.

They are just some of them. CHEERING

Yes. You're just as modest as my last guest.

LAUGHTER

Schwarzenegger is a mouthful, isn't it? Why didn't you change it?

Well, when I went to America and I got into acting,

everybody wanted me to change my name

because people started saying, "Schwarzenschnitzel," and,

"Schwarzenheimunblemenschnell," -

nobody could pronounce it so they said just call it Schwarze

or call it something different but not Schwarzenegger.

I felt that they were complaining about everything about me,

not just about the name - they said, "You have a strange body,

"you have a strange accent, you have a strange name - forget it.

"You will never make it in movies,"

and I kept all of those things - I still have a strange accent,

a strange name and a strange body and so I'm doing well with my movies.

But it's not a strange body.

No, no, but they mean for the average person to have

a 50-something-inch chest and to have a gorgeous...

WHISTLING

..to have a gorgeous face like this,

I mean, it's all very abnormal... LAUGHTER

..but what happened was the uniqueness of the name

became the strong point now and now,

people cannot forget the name because it took them a long time to remember,

now, they have to stick with it.

Well, it's certainly served you well, hasn't it?

This new film you've made, Commando, it's very violent, isn't it?

-I mean, do...

-Yeah, there's a lot of action

but actually it's very low-key.

I only kill around 100 people in that film... LAUGHTER

..which is low-key for my films, but...

But that doesn't worry you that it sets a bad example?

You know, the way they say violence breeds violence,

people go to violent movies, they act violently...

No, it's more in a very humorous way done.

I mean, there is a lot of humour in the movie.

There's action and adventure and there's other comic relief again

and Commando, because of the combination, has done so well

and has gone through the roof box office-wise overseas,

in the United States and in other countries.

I think it has the right combination of action, of violence

and comic relief - that's the important thing.

It's been, of course, compared to Rambo because it came out

roughly the same time.

I mean, how do you think it compares to that which was regarded

as a very violent film?

It's a very different film in many ways because like I said,

our film has a lot of humour which I don't think Rambo has

although Rambo is a good film.

You cannot compare those two films

because mine doesn't take place in the jungle,

my fight scenes take place in Los Angeles.

It's a different time period and on and on -

and different actors are involved.

I love my film but I'm prejudiced

and I think that because of the great combination and the unique scenes

that we have and the great action, it makes it a fantastic movie.

How about the muscles, how do yours compare with Mr Stallone's?

I let people decide for that. I mean, I'm the one that won all the titles

so I don't have to defend myself.

How do you think Sylvester Stallone would have done in a Mr Universe?

Do you think he could compete as a body-builder?

I think that he has a very good body

and I think that what he has done in the last few years

with his body is fantastic and I really admire that

because he started out as really a skinny guy

and he worked his way up to a good physique.

I don't think that he ever will be able to compete

in the body-building competition

because he's not that developed,

he's not that overly developed to be able to compete

but he's good for films.

He really looks believable as a hero

so I think that he has done a fantastic job.

With all that brawn, people, do they assume that there's no brain there?

I hope so... LAUGHTER

..because then they don't expect anything.

I always felt it was a great advantage

when people didn't expect you to be extra bright

because anything you say, then they think it's fantastic.

I remember when I did the first talk show in America.

I was sitting there and after answering the first question,

the host said to me, "I can't believe this -

"This is fantastic. You can talk.

"This is going to be a great interview,"

so the guy was so happy about me being able to talk.

I tell you, I never had really a problem with that

because I think people in the United States and anywhere else

know that I'm well-educated and that when you are a great athlete,

it doesn't mean that you have a lack of brain or anything like that

but athletics has that kind of a stereotype image,

I agree with that.

And he certainly showed as you can talk here tonight.

-Thank you very much.

-Nice to talk to you. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thank you, thank you. APPLAUSE

Our next guest obviously isn't as muscly as Arnie

or as heavily associated with film action

but Michael Douglas has done his time in the odd nailbiter

and when he came on the show,

he made out that he was quite the stuntman.

The truth of the matter is that stunts relax me.

They take my mind off producing.

The more dangerous stunts, I leave for the stuntmen

but there are certain tricks that you know,

for instance, you know how to strangle somebody.

-Certainly, I do.

-Right, but to do it without hurting them?

-No, I usually kill them.

-Oh.

-LAUGHTER

-Well, for instance, if I was going to strangle you...

-Steady.

-Hang on, I've got a show to do.

-LAUGHTER

..what I do is, you take your hands and you try to strangle yourself.

-Right.

-Right.

No, take my hands

and I pull them away and you push them down, you see?

-Then we look like were hurting each other but were not.

-We are, we are!

LAUGHTER

Anyway...

One of the more frightening openings I've ever had to the show.

Now, you were the classic Hollywood brat really.

You grew up among the rich and the famous, didn't you?

I mean, mixing with all those... Who was your first girlfriend?

Did you have any people who have grown to fame ever since?

Well, I remember on my...

I mean, we should get it out right now -

I am the illegitimate son of Burt Lancaster.

I thought there was a family resemblance.

Yeah, the dimple I've worked on for a while.

Burt and my father were very close early on.

I remember when I was 16,

I was fortunate enough on my 16th birthday to have Hayley Mills...

as my date...

-and I remember...

-LAUGHTER

Hey, thank God you said, "as my date"...

LAUGHTER

Yes. Well, I had her as my date and it was...

I remember that it was a great time

-because I got to teach her how to twist...

-Yeah.

..and that was a very popular thing at that time.

Was it difficult for you having a famous dad?

-I think everybody's got problems, Terry.

-No kidding.

Mine were not insurmountable.

I think it's difficult to get your own identity

and I think all of my father's four sons have taken a little longer

to find themselves.

I'm still looking.

It wasn't bad, he was great, yeah, he was a hard worker

but he also assumed a lot of responsibility as a father.

Did he give you a lot of advice starting out in the film business?

And did you take it?

Well, most of it would be hard to repeat on national television.

He did, I mean, it basically went along the lines of

you do your best efforts and after that, forget it.

There's nothing more you can do.

I think you learn most from watching rather than what people say.

I think parents have a tendency to teach their children,

they hear enough during the school hours

and it's really them watching where they learn the most.

My father was extremely hard-working,

they used to make a lot more films in those days,

he's made 70 pictures.

The biggest thing I learned was to savour your successes,

take your time - otherwise it just goes by so fast,

you never have chance to enjoy it.

-You do have a British connection, don't you?

-Well, yes.

I'm half English. My family is Bermudan.

I just came back from Bermuda. As a matter of fact, my grandfather,

50 years ago, was the Crown Solicitor of Bermuda.

As a matter of fact, he was up here about 50 years ago receiving his appointment

and he was accosted by a young woman on Piccadilly saying,

-COCKNEY ACCENT:

-"Hello, guv'nor. How about a little fling, guv'nor?"

and my grandfather says,

"My dear lady, do you have any idea who you are speaking to?"

She says, "Well, no, guv'nor. I don't."

He says, "Well, I happen to be the Crown Solicitor of Bermuda."

She says, "Is that so?

"Well, I'm the half-crown solicitor of Piccadilly."

-So that was the...

-It's the Douglas family joke.

APPLAUSE

Now, a real hero -

Christopher Reeve became a big international star

thanks to his role as Superman in the hugely successful film series

but he was left paralysed after a terrible riding accident in the 1990s

and he devoted the next decade to campaigning for more research

into spinal-cord injuries

before passing away at the age of 52.

Here we see him just before his accident, in his prime -

delightful company, clearly enjoying his life and his work.

Will you go back and do Superman 4?

Never say never again.

-Yes, Sean Connery found that out, didn't he?

-Yeah.

So you can't make promises.

The problem is that you can do James Bond, you send him

to the health farm and play him at 50, whatever, but Superman -

there's something about the paunch and the tights and the red boots

-that really wouldn't make it.

-LAUGHTER

I think the statute of limitations has run out on my playing Superman

-past about now.

-Do you mean the old body is falling apart?

I think maybe it is, yes.

It's falling apart in that certain kind of macho muscle-builder way, you know?

I didn't do anything heavier than lift a wine glass now, you know.

-But did you have to work very hard at the pectorals?

-Oh, God.

Yeah, I was in the gym every night, seven days a week for two hours.

And, just... A guy named Dave Prowse who's the green cross man...

-Green goddess.

-Right.

-LAUGHTER

No, that's someone else -

I've seen her, she looks a lot better than Dave Prowse.

Sometimes with Americans, I can get away with things like that

but you're an Anglophile. You know what goes on here.

-So he taught you how to get your body...

-Yeah, he showed up...

Were you a seven-stone weakling before that?

13.5-stone weakling, yes

but he showed up on the first day and said, "Right, do these,"

and then he took another job and went off to Tunisia

and later on, one day, he took the credit for it -

deserved but nevertheless, I had to go to the gym and do all the work.

It was something that I find really grotesque.

I think a lot of sweaty guys staring at themselves in the mirror...

LAUGHTER

is, like, really disgusting so...

I won't have any of that, I mean...

-The old pumping iron. You didn't ever pump the iron?

-No.

I sail a boat and ski down a hill and fly a glider

and I flew my plane across the ocean one time.

I lost more weight flying my plane alone, meaning solo...

Every time I say I flew my plane alone, they always say,

"Who went with you?" I said, "No, alone, alone, across the Atlantic."

Mind you, this wasn't Lindbergh

but the sheer terror factor on a couple of legs of that trip -

I lost my weight doing that than I ever did in gym.

I was on a leg across from Iceland

aiming for Glasgow via the Outer Hebrides.

Everything was going well except I suddenly realised that

three and a half hours out of a five-hour trip

and the Outer Hebrides were not appearing

anywhere near where they were supposed to

and while I could hear Scottish control, they couldn't hear me

and I suddenly thought, "I wonder..."

Well, Europe's a big place, let's get out the map,

let's see where we might be here.

Anywhere on the board to win, right?

So I took a look and said, "Well, maybe I went to Ireland.

"Yeah, maybe I'm in Ireland." So I call up Irish control

and sure enough, I'm 50 miles west of Shannon.

I said, "Well, you know, the accent's a little different

"but what the heck, I'll give it a try."

So I went in and landed at Shannon and thought no more about it.

However, the press was waiting in Glasgow

and they'd had the TV crews out and they had the magazines and papers

on the spot to catch Superman flying across the Atlantic,

landing in Glasgow.

When I missed and ended up in Ireland, they had a field day.

-They took me apart.

-LAUGHTER

You do pursue the macho things though -

the flying and all that stuff,

even if the old muscles are beginning to collapse a bit.

I didn't know that... Maybe flying is macho.

I have never thought of it as such

because macho to me is a deliberate flaunting of masculinity

as a kind of way to keep women separate.

I think that one of the things that's nice about flying,

particularly flying antique planes that I do and gliders and stuff,

is it brings people together.

Flying is about families, it's about boyfriends and girlfriends,

it's about taking your grandmother up - it's not a particularly...

it's not that old flyboy from the war kind of thing any more.

Would you like to see yourself in the leather thing

-with the glasses and all?

-I just did a movie as a matter of fact

called The Aviator, in which I fly a 1926 Stearman.

I think it's the first time that an actor's done his own flying.

They used to let Steve McQueen drive his own motorcycle in his movies.

So you do your own stunts?

Yeah, I did everything except the part where it says,

"It flies through the trees, the wings come off and it crashes in a heap."

-I did everything except that bit, I let someone else do that.

-Yeah.

People do say that you're no fun any more, you won't try these things.

-No, no.

-LAUGHTER

-I'm a dead bore.

-It's a pleasure to meet you, Christopher.

-OK.

-Thank you for coming.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

We're staying in movie hero mode now for another musical break.

They'd just recorded the theme from a new James Bond epic,

A View To A Kill.

It's Duran Duran.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: A View To A Kill by Duran Duran

# Meeting you with a view to a kill

# Face to face in secret places, feel the chill

# Nightfall covers me

# But you know the plans I'm making

# Still oversea

# Could it be the whole Earth opening wide?

# A sacred why, a mystery gaping inside

# The weekend's why

# Until we dance into the fire

# That fatal kiss is all we need

# Dance into the fire

# To fatal sounds of broken dreams

# Dance into the fire

# That fatal kiss is all we need

# Dance into the fire

# Choice for you is the view to a kill

# Between the shades, assassination standing still

# First crystal tears

# Fall as snowflakes on your body

# First time in years

# To drench your skin with lover's rosy stain

# A chance to find a phoenix for the flame

# A chance to die

# But can we dance into the fire

# That fatal kiss is all we need

# Dance into the fire

# To fatal sounds of broken dreams

# Dance into the fire

# That fatal kiss is all we need

# Dance into the fire

# When all we see is the view to a kill. #

APPLAUSE

It turned out that A View To A Kill

was the final Bond film to star Roger Moore.

At the time, that was sensitive information

and like any good secret agent, Roger refused to reveal details

even in the face of some self-interested interrogating

from yours truly.

-Now, is this your last James Bond movie?

-Why, do you want the part?

-I'd like it, please.

-LAUGHTER

-I would like a shot at it, sir.

-You really would?

Well, I have a letter here if I may read to you?

-You may. Is it from Cubby?

-No, it's not from Cubby,

it's from Betty Collier.

"You may wish to be considered for the part of James Bond

"but how do you expect to cope with the athletic bedroom antics of 007

-"with your bad back?"

-LAUGHTER

"Don't you think such feats would be beyond your capabilities?"

Is it terrifically athletic?

Well, you can get doubles to do that sort of thing, you know.

You don't though, do you?

LAUGHTER

-The truth.

-For the love scenes, yes.

-Oh - but for the athletic bits, is that you?

-Oh!

That's me, I do all that.

LAUGHTER

All those stunts -

there's a fantastic stunt at the beginning of the movie, skiing.

That's you?

-Well, of course it is.

-All over Siberia, on one ski.

Yeah. LAUGHTER

And what about hanging off the Golden Gate Bridge, that's you?

Well, of course it is.

-What you see, you believe, don't you?

-Yeah.

Right. You believe it.

You'll believe anything.

LAUGHTER

Yeah. You're not...

One of the reasons you might be thinking of making way for a younger man is...

LAUGHTER

..you're not getting a bit long in the tooth?

He's charming, isn't he? LAUGHTER

It's just that the book portrays Bond in his mid-30s.

It doesn't portray him as anything.

Well, he's supposed to be in his mid-30s

and I'm closer to my mid-30s than you.

LAUGHTER

-Not much.

-Well, you can stretch the imagination

but the whole age thing is one that I was surprised to hear

in television. You get it in the press in England, I've noticed.

They can never report anything, you know...

"A housewife was arrested for shoplifting.

"Mrs Brown, 48, of Morden..."

You know, it's always age, isn't it?

If it goes into television, they will probably...

You know, the royal premiere on Wednesday

and I can see Judith Chalmers will be saying,

"Oh, yes, the Prince of Wales, 34...

LAUGHTER

"is coming with his wife, the Princess of Wales, 22,

"in their four-year-old Bentley,

"driven by a 29-year-old chauffeur...

Everywhere, it's hysterical.

I love your attitude to film.

Whenever I've seen you interviewed, not this kind of interview,

but you seem so relaxed about the whole thing.

Your attitude to Bond is much different, say,

to Sean Connery's as an approach.

Well, you know, I came into it after he was very well established

and obviously, I couldn't play it in the same way

and so I had to have a different approach

and I'm a lighter sort of actor than Sean.

How did you categorise... Did you think a great deal

about how you were going to approach this part?

Did you attempt to motivate yourself?

-Well, I thought about the money...

-Sort of method school of acting stuff...

-Just the money, eh?

-No, no, no.

My only worry ever about doing it was - you know,

the comparison with Sean - was that I would say to myself,

"My name is Bond, James Bond," and then that I would hear it in my mind,

SCOTTISH ACCENT: "My name is Bond, James Bond."

Mustn't do that, very difficult. LAUGHTER

Have you changed the role at all?

Are you playing it exactly the same way each time?

I think we've injected a little more humour.

Yeah, it seems to me to be more and more for laughs

and more and more enormous effects.

Well, you see, Bond films are so outrageous,

the stunts are so outrageous, everything is beyond belief.

I mean, there is no such thing as a spy who can walk

anywhere in the world and have every bartender recognise him and say,

"Ah, Mr Bond - a vodka martini, shaken not stirred."

Spies aren't like that, are they?

LAUGHTER

They're unknown faces that would pass in a crowd and not be noticed,

real spies. So you might be good for the part. No, anyway...

LAUGHTER & APPLAUSE

Thank you. On my side!

I've said this before, like women,

my audience is the most fickle crowd you'll ever meet.

-They'd turn on me like cornered rats.

-No, it's not true.

Do you still get fun making movies?

You obviously take a lot of fun out of life.

Well, you'd be a bit of a nit not to get fun.

I mean, I go, I get overpaid for acting like an overpaid schoolboy.

It's ridiculous.

But some actors do get paid more than you get paid and take it...

WHO?

LAUGHTER

Which ones?

..take it deeply seriously, don't they?

It depends what you're doing.

The sort of thing I do, I can't work in a tight, closed atmosphere.

I like it to be relaxed and have fun, and enjoy myself.

And finally, Leslie Nielsen,

who deadpanned his way through the Naked Gun films

playing a tough guy cop with as much sense as an aardvark.

Leslie kept a mostly straight face during his visit to the show -

a different story for myself and the studio audience.

You became a star with Airplane.

Did the fan mail increase and everything?

Not really. Everything just continued,

I did my job and what's happening now with The Naked Gun apparently,

it's becoming so extraordinarily well-received and it's really

as funny as Airplane - I think it's funnier, frankly.

Things may change now but I've been very happy with my life

up to this point and it doesn't make any difference.

-The fame is not going to change you?

-Not a bit.

You're not going to turn into pompous old Leslie Nielsen, are you?

Well, I have to watch my image, that's very important, you know.

-Of course.

-I mean, I'm always associated with being a man

who has a background, an education and I'm well-mannered and I have to...

-HE PRETENDS TO FART

-protect that image...

-Don't you think?

-Certainly.

-LAUGHTER

I think that's tremendously important.

The image is terribly important to a film star.

I'm glad you agree with me, it's very important.

-It is.

-Yes.

-Now, moving right along.

-Yes.

-LAUGHTER

-Shall we keep on going?

-Yes.

Now, you're...

-Yes?

-LAUGHTER

You're...

We came here to have fun, didn't we?

-Now, look, just a minute.

-Yes?

-This is not going as I anticipated.

-Is it not? Really?

-No.

-Oh.

-I'm having to sit further away from you for a start.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Now, look...

-Should we start over again?

-No, no.

-I'll go off...

-You might do it again.

-Well, all right.

I will, believe me!

Now, look -

you wouldn't think it but you're 63 tomorrow, I know that.

-How did you know that?

-I'm well-informed about that.

-Yeah.

-Bring on the cake!

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MUSIC: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

Good Lord!

-We thought we...

-How nice.

..we couldn't have a man of your standing here

-and not have a cake of sorts.

-Yes.

It's a simple little thing,

it's an airplane coming up through the clouds.

-And we have a knife also.

-We have a knife, oh, yes.

-Yes.

We have everything here

and if I can just prise the thing free, I'll even cut you a slice.

-You will?

-Yeah. We don't stint here...

-Are you cutting me a slice?

-HE PRETENDS TO FART

LAUGHTER

I'm... Of course.

Do you know, I wondered why they called you a society entertainer.

-A slice of cake, some cake...

-Awfully kind of you.

-I'm grateful, thank you deeply.

-Yeah, you look as fit as a flea.

-I mean, do you do any special exercises for that?

-Not really.

-Just try to avoid tension is all.

-Of course!

Now, if that's not a showstopper, I don't know what is.

Make sure you join me for some more nuggets of nostalgia next time.

Till then, bye-bye.

JAZZY MUSIC