Carwyn


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Carwyn

Drama-ddogfen am fywyd cythryblus a marwolaeth gynnar hyfforddwr rygbi buddugoliaethus y Llewod, Carwyn James. Drama documentary about the life and death of rugby legend Carwyn ...


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-Make the most of this moment,

-my son.

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-You might never get another chance.

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-Carwyn James died in an

-Amsterdam hotel on January 10, 1983

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-A man past fifty sees clearly...

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-..the people and community

-that shaped his life.

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-A man past fifty asks himself...

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-.."What the hell am I doing here?"

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-A man past fifty sees clearly...

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-..the people and community

-that shaped his life.

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-Nothing remains today

-in the back of the mind...

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-..except family, neighbourhood,

-sacrifice and man's suffering.

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-Man's suffering.

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-I'd never seen anyone like him and

-we'll never see his like again...

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-..as a rugby coach.

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-Think about it.

-It's a thinking game.

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-Boys, think on the field,

-I can't think for you. Off you go.

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-Like birds, out you go to soar.

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-It was never a job for Carwyn.

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-It was a life.

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-They say life is what you make it.

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-Not with everybody.

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-There is evidence to suggest that

-Carwyn kept a diary of his thoughts.

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-The book has never been seen.

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-The words in this programme are

-pure imagination based on research.

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-Why was I so lonely?

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-HE COUGHS

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-Damn it all.

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-So lonely right from the very start.

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-The family's soul was in Ceredigion.

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-They moved to Carmarthenshire...

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-..to earn money

-by digging for black gold.

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-I was born and raised in Cefneithin

-but my roots were in Rhydlewis.

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-Visiting there during the summer

-was like reaching the Promised Land.

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-Reaching Moelon,

-the farm where Mam was raised.

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-Reviving friendships

-with the Rhydlewis boys...

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-..and challenging them

-to take the ball from me.

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-"We might as well tackle the wind."

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-Remembering carrying the warm hay

-and wheat to the rickyard.

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-Far from the shadow

-of the black pyramids...

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-..the screech of the hooter and the

-sudden wail of the ambulance siren.

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-But who would I be

-without Cefneithin?

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-Without the primary school

-and Gwendraeth.

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-Without the rugby fields

-and the coal mines.

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-Without sharing a home

-with Eilonwy and Gwen...

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-..and Dewi, my big brother.

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-Carwyn was born

-in Cefneithin in 1929.

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-Dewi James

-Brother

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-He was small. Very small.

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-He had a light complexion.

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-He didn't say much

-but he was very thoughtful.

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-I thought he'd grow up

-to be a great man.

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-The interest in rugby grew slowly.

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-He was handicapped in rugby

-because he was so small.

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-Our garden and the rugby pitch...

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-..were side-by-side.

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-He'd sit on the fence silently.

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-He just watched.

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-He took everything in.

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-He listened intently.

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-He was a good listener

-throughout his life.

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-That was one of his secrets.

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-He listened.

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-I'm not saying

-he was the favourite child.

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-Oh, no, we were equal there...

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-..but I've lived in his shadow.

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-Unfortunately.

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-The pain I'm feeling now.

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-It started then.

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-Why did you go to the prayer meeting

-at such a young age?

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-Listening to an old man

-ranting about sin...

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-..whilst you heard

-the other boys playing outside.

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-But you wanted to be different.

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-Only you and the wind knew why.

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-That's why

-you were so painfully lonely.

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-I am a man in morbid pain.

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-I went to the Gwendraeth in '44.

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-Carwyn was there. I'd watch him

-side-stepping during break time.

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-We became good friends.

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-Sir John Meurig Thomas

-School Friend

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-He was very happy.

-He was mischievous.

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-He was always cracking jokes.

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-He was a good man

-to be in his company.

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-Yes, he was very popular...

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-..with the girls.

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-He was a handsome man

-and quite a character.

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-Around the dinner table, he'd say...

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-.."Look at that girl over there.

-What do you think of her?"

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-That's the type of thing he'd say.

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-A lot of people looked up to Carwyn.

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-He could do so many things.

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-He was a good cricketer

-and a good footballer.

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-He played for

-the Welsh Schoolboys team.

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-This was the year

-before Cliff Morgan...

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-..played for the Welsh Schoolboys.

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-Lance Roderick and Cyril Rogers

-Cefneithin Rugby Club

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-I remember watching him play

-for the Welsh Schoolboys in Neath.

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-They had letters

-on the back of their shirts.

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-He was so good.

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-We'd look up to him

-and try to emulate him.

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-If he side-stepped,

-we'd try to side-step.

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-We were in Form 1...

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-..and Carwyn played for

-the Welsh Schoolboys for two years.

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-He captained the team

-in his second year.

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-There's a photograph of Carwyn

-and the French captain.

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-Carwyn was 5'8"

-and the Frenchman was 6'8".

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-It looks like a man and a boy.

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-He had a healthy laugh.

-It was a pleasure to hear him laugh.

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-Sometimes, he laughed with

-gritted teeth. Look out then!

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-He was very analytical

-in his approach.

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-He possessed a strong

-analytical ability.

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-He'd say, "Oh, that doesn't work."

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-He'd give you the reasons

-why it didn't work.

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-He took great pride in his work.

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-He loved the Welsh language

-and Welsh poetry from an early age.

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-Because of this, Miss Dora, his

-Welsh teacher, was very fond of him.

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-With her friend, Irene James...

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-..they admired Carwyn

-as a star of the school.

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-He was very fond of Gwenallt.

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-He was taught by Gwenallt when

-he was a student in Aberystwyth.

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-He thought the world of Gwenallt.

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-Gwenallt was

-a kind of mythical figure.

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-He was his hero.

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-When we strip off all our clothes...

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-..the cloak of respectability

-and wise knowledge...

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-..the cloth of culture

-and silks of learning...

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-..the soul is so destitute,

-the exposed impurity.

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-I first met Carwyn when he was a

-student at Aberystwyth University...

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-..in 1948.

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-He was a charming young man

-and wonderful company.

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-We became great friends

-from then on.

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-He was a very talented academic.

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-The Welsh language

-was important to him...

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-..as a Welsh speaker

-and nationalist.

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-He joined Plaid Cymru.

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-He was President of Plaid Cymru

-in the university that year.

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-Carwyn was a member

-of the rugby team - and a star.

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-He won admiration

-and became a hero...

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-..in a way the rest of us

-in the department weren't.

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-He was a handsome man.

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-The girls were after him

-all the time.

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-He was forever

-going out with the girls.

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-The Carwyn I knew

-was very fond of girls...

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-..and girls were very fond of him.

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-"Wales gave the Cardi his morality.

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-"She raised him

-above the devilment of sex.

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-"It is difficult to follow

-one of Wales's paths

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-"Without encountering rules

-that challenge God."

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-Prosser Rhys, the gay poet, crowned.

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-This poem wasn't available

-when I was in the Gwendraeth.

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-Miss Dora.

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-What would she have said

-about sordidness of sex?

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-Avoid the issue

-and blush like a beetroot.

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-I wish I'd have asked Gwenallt...

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-..what he meant

-by the sordidness of sex.

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-I'd be too ashamed to ask him.

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-I'd blush like a beetroot, too.

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-Damn it.

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-Why?

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-Why the hell do we need shame?

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-Why?

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-.

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-888

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-888

-

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-If Carwyn jumped over the hedge

-and started training on his own...

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-..I'd forget

-the bruises and the bangs...

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-..and get my kit on again

-and kick about and watch him.

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-I've learnt many useful things

-from Carwyn from his style of play.

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-Take your time, there's no hurry.

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-If you get 30 people on the field

-chasing everywhere...

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-..you only need one with a bit

-of calmness to do a lot of damage.

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-He was a hero to us all.

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-When he'd come home during

-the holidays, he'd go training.

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-Carwyn would laugh

-if he heard me say training.

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-He'd kick the ball three times

-and then out came the fag.

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-He'd kick the ball and pass the ball

-with us. He'd be gone in 15 minutes.

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-When he played for Llanelli,

-that was important.

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-In the mid-1950s,

-we didn't have a TV set.

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-You saw his name in the newspaper

-and heard him on the radio.

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-He was a giant

-within a small group of people.

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-When he won his first cap, in '58...

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-..against Australia...

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-..the place erupted - everyone said

-we now had an important person.

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-I first played with Carwyn when

-we turned out for Llanelli in '58.

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-He was an excellent outside-half.

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-He was a good runner

-and a good passer.

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-Dummy passes, a great side-stepper.

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-He was one of the best kickers

-I ever played with.

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-Unfortunately, his playing career...

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-..ran alongside Cliff Morgan's.

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-It was very unfortunate.

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-He deserved more than two caps.

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-The first was against Australia

-when Cliff was injured.

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-He won that game with a drop goal.

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-He was an expert at drop goals.

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-Gwyn Evans to Carwyn. It's a drop

-at goal and a very good try.

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-And it's over. And it's over.

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-For his second cap,

-Cliff was back at outside-half...

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-..but Carwyn played in the centre.

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-A centre

-who doesn't like to tackle.

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-There was no point

-in him being there and we lost.

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-Carwyn would say,

-"Two caps - I'll take that."

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-If someone had said he'd win two

-caps at the start of his career...

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-..he would have taken that gladly.

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-That's the way he was.

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-He would look at the positives.

-He'd won two caps.

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-He didn't sulk

-because he should have won more.

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-The experiences

-of the big game are mixed.

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-To me, it was a moment

-of sheer happiness, of ecstasy...

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-..when I heard my name

-for the first time...

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-..as part of

-the XV to represent Wales.

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-Whenever there's excitement

-in the air...

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-..the two moods -

-happy and anxious...

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-..conflict cruelly.

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-Walking from the hotel

-to the changing rooms.

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-Thousands on the streets,

-dozens greet you.

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-"Do your best.

-Good luck. How's it to be?"

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-A thrilling and terrible experience

-at the same time.

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-Today, so scared and so nervous.

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-So small.

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-There's a hand on my shoulder.

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-Rees Stephens's voice

-breaks my train of thought...

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-..and the sound of the 60,000.

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-He says...

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-"Make the most of this moment,

-my son.

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-"You might never get

-another chance."

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-Carwyn made a promise.

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-When he left Llanelli as a player...

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-..he would play for a season

-in Cefneithin.

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-He kept his promise.

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-He played for us - he finished

-playing for Llanelli in '59-'60.

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-He played for us

-for a season in '60-'61.

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-He'd played for Llanelli and

-London Welsh and all these teams.

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-We looked forward to him

-returning to play for the village.

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-It was something special.

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-He had a good brain.

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-He was two or three moves

-ahead of everyone else.

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-He had a great dummy pass.

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-Clive Thomas - I was talking

-to Clive about a month ago.

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-I asked him

-if he remembered the dummy pass.

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-Carwyn threw the dummy...

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-..Clive caught the 'ball'

-and dived over without the ball...

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-..while Carwyn

-scored under the posts.

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-His credo was

-that rugby is a simple game.

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-Play it simply, everything is

-simple and let the ball do the work.

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-Everyone needed self-discipline.

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-He wanted everyone

-to be proud of their kit...

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-..on the pitch and off the pitch.

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-If you were tidy walking on to

-the pitch, everyone played better.

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-We had to wash our bootlaces...

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-..iron creases into our shorts...

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-..and clean the boots with polish

-before walking on the pitch.

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-We'd line up

-and he'd walk like a sergeant major.

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-You'd see the boys who played in the

-team, colliers and manual workers...

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-..they were inspected

-before they took to the field.

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-We didn't lose a single game

-throughout that season.

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-CHORAL SINGING

0:22:110:22:13

-I'd say his happiest time...

0:22:290:22:32

-..was when he was relatively young

-in Llandovery.

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-He was single.

-He didn't have a family.

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-His mind was focused on the college.

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-Life in a boarding school

-is a full life.

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-Life in the college

-filled his entire life.

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-He didn't have much time to himself,

-to be honest.

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-The college was his life.

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-He was very much a born teacher.

0:23:080:23:10

-He had tremendous gifts

-of communication to young people.

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-Because he was so passionate

-about the wider world...

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-..and internationalism...

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-..he communicated that

-very strongly to us.

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-We were all quite influenced

-at the time...

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-..in terms of thinking beyond Wales,

-beyond nationalism...

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-..to the bigger picture

-of internationalism.

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-He was a wonderful man. The

-children thought the world of him.

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-It was interesting for me

-as a young boy.

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-I knew he played for Llanelli.

0:23:480:23:52

-He was a star...

0:23:520:23:54

-..but he played every Tuesday

-out on the pitch.

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-The master played with the boys.

0:24:000:24:03

-We had a special coach in

-the college from 1927 until 1967.

0:24:060:24:10

-T P Williams.

0:24:100:24:11

-Everyone called him Pope.

0:24:120:24:14

-Carwyn learned so much from Pope.

0:24:140:24:17

-What a coach! Magnificent.

0:24:190:24:22

-He knew everything about the game.

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-Carwyn's apprenticeship

-was with him.

0:24:250:24:28

-He loved to see the ball moving.

0:24:310:24:33

-"The ball moves faster

-than the player."

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-That was the theory.

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-He didn't look after himself.

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-He smoked.

-I've never seen such a thing.

0:24:520:24:55

-If his meals hadn't been

-prepared for him...

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-..I think he would have starved.

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-Money meant nothing to him.

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-As boys, we looked after him.

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-He would come in

-after having a few gin and tonics.

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-We would wake him up

-in the morning...

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-..to make sure

-he was down for breakfast.

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-He had no-one else.

0:25:190:25:21

-We did wonder about his sexuality...

0:25:280:25:30

-..but I would think that it was...

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-..that was a very,

-um, hidden part of his life.

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-I would imagine

-that in the climate of the times...

0:25:380:25:41

-..that it was not something

-that could ever be spoken about.

0:25:420:25:46

-"The imagination of a boy

-is healthy.

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-"The mature imagination

-of a man is healthy.

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-"But there is a space

-of life between...

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-.."in which the soul

-is in ferment."

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-The space of life between.

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-That's where I am.

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-In the middle of this ferment.

0:26:060:26:09

-The pain.

0:26:090:26:11

-The pain is fiendish.

0:26:130:26:15

-Never-ending.

0:26:160:26:18

-Like entering the furnace of hell.

0:26:180:26:21

-.

0:26:280:26:28

-888

0:26:340:26:34

-888

-

-888

0:26:340:26:36

-He didn't join Llanelli

-until the end of the '60s.

0:26:460:26:50

-Everyone was surprised.

0:26:500:26:52

-Who was this man, Carwyn James...

0:26:520:26:55

-..who was coming to coach Llanelli?

0:26:550:26:58

-Everything changed.

0:27:020:27:04

-Spirits lifted

-when he arrived at Stradey Park.

0:27:040:27:07

-The team improved.

0:27:070:27:09

-We won more games under Carwyn

-than we used to win.

0:27:090:27:13

-He was very quiet -

-he never shouted.

0:27:130:27:16

-He organized the team.

0:27:160:27:18

-He could handle the players

-better than anyone I've ever seen.

0:27:180:27:23

-Just straighten your knees

-and you'll get that forward thrust.

0:27:230:27:27

-Just bend them slightly -

-we'll watch it this time.

0:27:270:27:31

-Carwyn seemed to be

-30 years ahead of everyone else...

0:27:310:27:35

-..in the way he coached.

0:27:350:27:37

-What people are doing now,

-Carwyn was doing years ago.

0:27:390:27:42

-Ready, now.

0:27:430:27:44

-Good one.

0:27:450:27:47

-Good one.

-

-Thank you. Well done.

0:27:470:27:49

-One of the first games he had

-was Llanelli against South Africa.

0:27:520:27:59

-He opposed apartheid.

-He didn't want to see them playing.

0:28:010:28:05

-Naturally, we prepare

-differently for all teams.

0:28:070:28:11

-We have some tactics in mind

-for the Springboks.

0:28:110:28:15

-We know their strengths

-and weaknesses.

0:28:150:28:19

-Out to the full-back Jones. Jones

-has got his captain outside him.

0:28:190:28:24

-Will he pass? Can he? He gets

-the ball. It's Richards. What a try!

0:28:240:28:28

-What a score!

0:28:280:28:30

-Many of these people believe that

-politics shouldn't enter into sport.

0:28:310:28:36

-I don't go along

-with this kind of thinking...

0:28:360:28:40

-..but again, I don't feel that

-I should go up to every player...

0:28:400:28:45

-..and say, "Look, these are

-my views - they're strong views."

0:28:450:28:49

-Butler has scored.

0:28:490:28:52

-He couldn't stay away.

-His heart was in it.

0:28:520:28:56

-He'd coached the team for months.

0:28:570:28:59

-Carwyn stayed in the changing rooms.

0:29:000:29:03

-He was years ahead of his time.

0:29:050:29:07

-I think they made a wise decision

-to choose him as the Lions coach.

0:29:070:29:12

-One, take one.

0:29:130:29:15

-What is the process of management

-selection for a Lions tour?

0:29:160:29:20

-About three or four of us

-went to London for an interview.

0:29:200:29:24

-We were grilled

-on the technicalities...

0:29:250:29:28

-..and the tactical side

-of the game...

0:29:280:29:31

-..by the four home unions

-tours' committee.

0:29:310:29:34

-There were about

-at least a dozen of them there.

0:29:340:29:38

-It was a pretty gruelling interview

-as I remember it.

0:29:380:29:41

-The most potent question for me

-was the very last one.

0:29:410:29:45

-In a few weeks, I was standing

-for Parliament at Llanelli.

0:29:450:29:50

-They put it to me, "Well, if you

-are standing for Parliament...

0:29:500:29:55

-.."really, what are your chances?"

0:29:550:29:58

-I said, "Before I came up here

-this morning...

0:29:580:30:01

-.."the odds the local bookmaker

-had given...

0:30:020:30:05

-.."I was quoted at 100/1 against."

0:30:050:30:10

-So they all laughed

-and they disregarded all that.

0:30:100:30:15

-Ecstatic happiness.

0:30:270:30:29

-And then, in a moment,

-sadness on realizing...

0:30:290:30:32

-..that living in an excited state...

0:30:320:30:35

-..fleeting

-are these precious moments...

0:30:350:30:39

-..which you cannot revive.

0:30:390:30:41

-There's a very fine line

-between laughter and tears...

0:30:440:30:49

-..between paradise and hell...

0:30:490:30:52

-..between the comic and tragic.

0:30:520:30:54

-Like Anton Chekov

-drinking champagne on his deathbed.

0:30:560:31:01

-There was an ambience

-about the bloke.

0:31:110:31:14

-He was friendly - no favourites.

0:31:140:31:16

-Undoubtedly, he was something

-different and was right at the time.

0:31:160:31:21

-He was more...

0:31:210:31:24

-..more of an academic coach.

0:31:240:31:27

-I think Carwyn and Doug

-in particular...

0:31:290:31:32

-..the year before the tour...

0:31:330:31:34

-..put a lot of effort

-into what they wanted...

0:31:340:31:37

-..what they were up against

-and they did their homework...

0:31:370:31:41

-..so that what we had to do...

0:31:420:31:43

-..was what he expected us to do -

-and that was play rugby.

0:31:440:31:47

-Carwyn had pencilled in

-the first six teams...

0:31:500:31:55

-..on the plane out to New Zealand.

0:31:570:32:00

-He was giving everyone a game

-and making sure everyone played.

0:32:000:32:04

-Carwyn was quiet, unobtrusive.

0:32:060:32:09

-Most of his coaching

-was done at the dining table...

0:32:090:32:12

-..where he would get inside you

-and find out what you believed...

0:32:120:32:17

-..how you thought rugby should be

-played, what was your contribution.

0:32:170:32:21

-He had the same relationship with

-Barry, with Gareth and Willie John.

0:32:220:32:27

-All these top men in world rugby -

-and he talked to them about rugby...

0:32:270:32:31

-..and give them the impression

-he wants to learn.

0:32:310:32:35

-He retained what they said

-and he would put it into practice.

0:32:350:32:39

-I would often hear a knock

-at my hotel room door...

0:32:390:32:43

-..and open it to see

-Carwyn standing there.

0:32:440:32:47

-"I want a chat."

-He'd come in to have a chat.

0:32:470:32:51

-Or he'd invite you out for a meal.

0:32:510:32:54

-What about the language?

-Is it a problem?

0:32:540:32:57

-You have a number of Welsh speakers.

0:32:580:33:00

-About seven or eight speak Welsh.

0:33:010:33:05

-We speak Welsh to each other

-when we're in each other's company.

0:33:050:33:12

-The point is, it comes naturally,

-and the others realize that.

0:33:120:33:17

-He didn't speak Welsh

-when the others were around...

0:33:180:33:21

-..but he needed

-about half an hour every day...

0:33:220:33:26

-..in the company

-of myself, Gerald, Barry and Gareth.

0:33:260:33:31

-About six of us spoke Welsh.

0:33:310:33:33

-He would end every day

-by speaking Welsh to us.

0:33:330:33:38

-He would always smile

-when he spoke Welsh.

0:33:390:33:42

-He liked Delme

-and felt Delme was a...

0:33:430:33:46

-What shall I say?

0:33:460:33:48

-A big soft Mama's boy

-who would need looking after.

0:33:500:33:54

-Not that he was a soft man in

-rugby terms or anything like that.

0:33:550:33:59

-Carwyn enjoyed that.

0:34:000:34:02

-He enjoyed caring for people

-and understanding people.

0:34:030:34:07

-There was a special bond

-between him and Barry.

0:34:090:34:12

-If Barry ever would admit to a

-mistake, it would only be to Carwyn.

0:34:120:34:17

-It was father and son,

-brother and brother.

0:34:170:34:20

-Barry had total confidence

-in Carwyn and vice versa.

0:34:210:34:24

-I'd talk to him as soon

-as I got up in the morning.

0:34:240:34:28

-"Barry, do you want a day off? Do

-you want a light training session?"

0:34:280:34:33

-I'd go off to play football

-on another pitch.

0:34:340:34:37

-He would tell Doug Smith...

0:34:370:34:39

-.."Leave him be -

-don't force him to do things."

0:34:400:34:43

-He just... more or less...

0:34:430:34:45

-..took one look at Barry and said,

-"What do you do with him?"

0:34:460:34:50

-That was it.

0:34:500:34:51

-He'd say, "It's up to you.

-Go and play - I can't help you."

0:34:520:34:57

-His motto was think on the field -

-you have to think on the field.

0:35:010:35:05

-That's the only thing he told us.

0:35:060:35:07

-"Boys, think on the field.

-I can't think for you.

0:35:080:35:11

-"Go on, off you go.

0:35:110:35:13

-"Like birds, go out and soar."

0:35:140:35:18

-That's it. That's Carwyn.

0:35:180:35:20

-Behind Willie John,

-Sean Lynch and Delme Thomas.

0:35:200:35:24

-Chico Hopkins to Barry John.

0:35:240:35:26

-John Dawes.

-That's the big man, John Bevan.

0:35:260:35:30

-The First Test,

-I don't know how we won it.

0:35:300:35:34

-It's going to be a try.

0:35:340:35:36

-It's a try for the Lions, for

-front row forward, Ian McLauchlan.

0:35:360:35:40

-Had we lost, it would have been

-difficult for us to win the series.

0:35:400:35:44

-We realize this.

0:35:440:35:45

-We chose our best team

-so it was important for us to win.

0:35:460:35:50

-We've won and we're very happy.

0:35:500:35:52

-Congratulations, Carwyn.

-Go and enjoy yourself.

0:35:530:35:56

-Thank you.

0:35:560:35:58

-The Second Test, they gave us

-a hiding for 60 minutes.

0:36:000:36:03

-On the blind side, Burgess.

0:36:030:36:06

-What a good score!

-What a brilliant score!

0:36:060:36:09

-In the last 20 minutes,

-we came back at them.

0:36:100:36:13

-Barry John. See how difficult

-it is to keep your feet.

0:36:130:36:18

-During that last 20 minutes,

-I said to Carwyn...

0:36:180:36:22

-.."If we can take that into

-the Third Test, we've got a shout."

0:36:230:36:27

-I felt better after the Second

-than I did after the First.

0:36:270:36:31

-We showed the character John

-had mentioned in the First Test...

0:36:310:36:35

-..but in the Second,

-there was a lot of quality play.

0:36:360:36:39

-There were two tries there

-that should have been scored.

0:36:390:36:43

-There was a penalty we didn't take.

0:36:440:36:46

-There were 13 points

-that went begging.

0:36:460:36:49

-Can he get there? David Duckham.

-What a brilliant try!

0:36:490:36:53

-The pass was forward,

-the referee said.

0:36:530:36:56

-We knew after the Second if we could

-put that right, we were in business.

0:36:560:37:01

-We had a week

-preparing for the Third...

0:37:010:37:03

-..and we certainly

-did some hard work.

0:37:040:37:06

-Five yards from the All Black line.

0:37:060:37:08

-Can the Lions ruck this ball?

-They can, to Edwards.

0:37:090:37:12

-Edwards going. Davis is there.

0:37:120:37:14

-Gerald Davies has scored a try.

-He turned his body cleverly.

0:37:140:37:18

-Taylor's deflection. Edwards.

0:37:210:37:23

-Is he under the posts?

-Can he get there?

0:37:240:37:26

-Barry John has scored. What a try!

0:37:270:37:29

-Barry John, the scorer.

0:37:300:37:32

-When we arrived, Doug Smith was

-asked how he thought we'd get on.

0:37:320:37:37

-He said we'd win the series 2-1

-with one draw.

0:37:380:37:41

-We nearly fell off our chairs,

-but it happened.

0:37:410:37:44

-That's it. The British Lions

-have won the series.

0:37:470:37:52

-Would it have happened

-without Carwyn? I doubt it.

0:37:540:37:58

-A great day in a life that has been

-a distinguished one in rugby.

0:37:580:38:02

-This must be one of the moments.

0:38:030:38:05

-Oh, yes,

-one of the truly emotional moments.

0:38:050:38:08

-The boys played superbly.

-It's been a long journey, Cliff.

0:38:080:38:12

-It's been a hard tour -

-24 matches in New Zealand.

0:38:120:38:15

-The boys have played well,

-with spirit, in all these matches.

0:38:160:38:20

-They thoroughly deserve

-to win the series.

0:38:200:38:22

-# My grandpappy and me... #

0:38:230:38:26

-His influence was one of

-the greatest influences I've seen.

0:38:260:38:31

-He influenced the game of rugby

-around the world.

0:38:310:38:36

-After our tour, I spoke to TP McLean

-and some of the other boys...

0:38:360:38:41

-..and they said that rugby in New

-Zealand would never be the same...

0:38:410:38:46

-..after the 1971 Lions Tour.

0:38:460:38:48

-There we are.

-That's what Carwyn could do.

0:38:480:38:51

-# See how the mainsail sets... #

0:38:540:38:56

-It was never a job for Carwyn,

-it was a life.

0:38:560:38:59

-And he wanted people

-to share that life.

0:38:590:39:02

-We were willing to take part in it.

-He offered so much for us.

0:39:020:39:07

-# Ho-oh-oh-ome

0:39:070:39:11

-# This is the worst show,

-yeah, I've ever been on

0:39:110:39:15

-# Hoist up the John B's sail

0:39:180:39:22

-# See how the mainsail sets

0:39:230:39:26

-# Call for the captain ashore

0:39:260:39:29

-# Let me go home

0:39:290:39:32

-# I wanna go home... #

0:39:320:39:35

-He didn't stand

-at the end of the '71 Tour...

0:39:350:39:38

-..he didn't stand on a soapbox

-and say, "Yahoo, we've done it!"

0:39:380:39:42

-There was never that reaction.

0:39:420:39:44

-There was just a quiet,

-"Well done, chaps."

0:39:440:39:48

-.

0:39:540:39:54

-888

0:39:590:39:59

-888

-

-888

0:39:590:40:01

-Any tour of New Zealand is

-a tough one. All I will say is this.

0:40:180:40:21

-When the All Blacks come here

-in '72, they'll be a good side.

0:40:210:40:25

-They'll be a hard side to beat.

0:40:250:40:27

-I only hope that every side

-that will play against them...

0:40:280:40:31

-..will prepare thoroughly because

-they'll have to give their best...

0:40:310:40:36

-..if they're going to beat any

-New Zealand side that comes on tour.

0:40:360:40:40

-Make the most of this moment,

-my son.

0:40:420:40:45

-You might never get another chance.

0:40:460:40:49

-That's better. Close on him, Gareth.

0:40:520:40:55

-Eyes on the ball, John.

0:40:580:41:00

-He had been preparing for a year...

0:41:010:41:03

-..when we played the All Blacks

-at Llanelli.

0:41:030:41:07

-He knew their weaknesses.

-He knew what kind of team he wanted.

0:41:070:41:13

-He brought Tommy David to Llanelli

-the previous year...

0:41:130:41:17

-..and Chico Hopkins

-as a scrum-half.

0:41:170:41:20

-He knew Llanelli were weak

-in some areas.

0:41:200:41:23

-He strengthened the team.

0:41:230:41:26

-Think about it.

-That's the important thing.

0:41:270:41:30

-Think about it, think about it.

-It's a thinking game.

0:41:300:41:33

-He always said

-it was a thinking game.

0:41:340:41:36

-Think about what you're doing.

0:41:360:41:38

-He thought a lot about the games.

0:41:390:41:42

-He looked at the opposition's

-weakness more than their strength.

0:41:420:41:48

-He wanted to highlight

-the weaknesses.

0:41:480:41:52

-He would tell us

-what we had to do to beat them.

0:41:520:41:56

-We arrived at Stradey first thing

-in the morning - about 10.00am.

0:42:040:42:09

-We went down to the Ashburnham

-in Pembrey for a meal.

0:42:090:42:13

-I couldn't eat a meal

-before playing.

0:42:140:42:18

-I'd swallow two or three eggs raw

-and wash them down with a sherry.

0:42:180:42:22

-When the boys saw three eggs

-being served to me on a plate...

0:42:230:42:28

-..I had to go out

-to swallow the eggs...

0:42:290:42:31

-..and then come back

-to sit with them.

0:42:320:42:34

-I could never eat a meal

-before a game.

0:42:340:42:38

-We travelled back to Stradey

-about 1.30pm...

0:42:400:42:44

-..about an hour before kick-off.

0:42:440:42:46

-Have you got a pad?

0:42:510:42:52

-No-one could have given more

-before the game than Carwyn.

0:42:520:42:56

-He said it was an important game.

0:42:570:42:59

-The most important game of our lives

-would be the All Blacks at Stradey.

0:43:000:43:04

-We'd trained for six months

-for this game.

0:43:040:43:07

-He told us not to waste our chance

-and to do our best.

0:43:080:43:12

-He then handed over

-the speaking duties to me.

0:43:140:43:17

-I had to tell the boys how

-I felt and what I expected of them.

0:43:180:43:21

-No doubt about it - Delme expressed

-it better than anyone else.

0:43:220:43:26

-The game mattered more to him

-than any other game he'd played in.

0:43:260:43:30

-It got through to the players...

0:43:310:43:32

-..to the extent

-I had one or two of the boys crying.

0:43:330:43:36

-Carwyn was the main man.

0:43:360:43:38

-He had coached the team

-for two or three years.

0:43:380:43:42

-He had built us up

-to the game against New Zealand.

0:43:420:43:46

-CHEERING

0:43:590:44:01

-CHEERING

0:44:140:44:16

-You could see the pleasure in

-his face when we came off the pitch.

0:44:250:44:30

-He was so happy that day because

-we had beaten the All Blacks.

0:44:300:44:35

-He tried to keep quiet

-and didn't express his feelings.

0:44:350:44:40

-That's the type of person he was...

0:44:400:44:43

-..but you could see

-he was proud of the team.

0:44:430:44:47

-Everyone said he'd been lucky

-out in New Zealand...

0:44:540:44:57

-..because he had a good team.

0:44:580:45:00

-He proved a point in Stradey

-that day.

0:45:000:45:03

-He had also been turned down

-for the role of Welsh coach.

0:45:040:45:07

-He proved he was an excellent coach.

0:45:080:45:11

-COUGHING

0:45:140:45:16

-I think he felt bitter...

0:45:250:45:31

-..because he'd been overlooked

-for the Wales coaching job.

0:45:310:45:35

-Clive Rowlands

-Wales Coach 1968-72

0:45:440:45:48

-When they chose me for the job

-in 1968, I told them straight...

0:45:480:45:53

-..I wanted it for three years

-and not one.

0:45:540:45:59

-At the end of the second year...

0:45:590:46:02

-..I told them that I wanted Wales's

-next coach to work with me...

0:46:020:46:07

-..during the final year.

0:46:080:46:10

-So he could learn what was going on

-and the transition would be smooth.

0:46:110:46:14

-I thought that was a good idea.

0:46:150:46:16

-Carwyn was one of the candidates,

-along with John Dawes.

0:46:170:46:22

-Carwyn had been very successful

-with Llanelli.

0:46:220:46:25

-John Dawes had been

-very successful with London Welsh.

0:46:250:46:29

-It was typical of Carwyn -

-he wanted total control.

0:46:290:46:35

-That included picking the team.

0:46:350:46:38

-But a Big Five existed at the time

-and Carwyn didn't stand a chance.

0:46:380:46:44

-They would never relinquish control.

0:46:440:46:47

-I can see him now, standing by

-the radiator warming his backside...

0:46:470:46:53

-..and smoking, as usual.

0:46:550:46:57

-A fag in his mouth.

0:46:570:46:59

-He said he'd decided he didn't

-want to be the Welsh coach...

0:46:590:47:04

-..under the current terms.

0:47:040:47:06

-I argued with him about it

-for at least two hours.

0:47:070:47:11

-At about two or three o'clock

-in the morning...

0:47:120:47:15

-..he said,

-"Anyway, I've sent the letter."

0:47:160:47:19

-It was a long letter

-rejecting the job.

0:47:190:47:22

-He'd made it plainly obvious...

0:47:250:47:28

-..why he wasn't ready

-to be the Wales coach...

0:47:280:47:32

-..if he wasn't allowed

-direct control over the team...

0:47:330:47:37

-..without any interference

-from the Big Five.

0:47:370:47:41

-I have to say, I was very upset

-with him that night...

0:47:410:47:45

-..for wasting my time.

0:47:450:47:47

-We all want the new man

-to be successful.

0:47:580:48:01

-He must be given the freedom

-to express himself.

0:48:010:48:04

-A coach, like a teacher,

-is an expression of personality.

0:48:070:48:11

-He has to nominate

-if he is to succeed.

0:48:110:48:14

-This he cannot do...

0:48:140:48:15

-..with a small committee which is

-responsible for his appointment.

0:48:160:48:19

-Whatever the future policy...

0:48:200:48:22

-..it is important

-as a matter of principle...

0:48:220:48:25

-..that he is appointed by the full

-executive committee of the Union.

0:48:250:48:30

-He should be answerable to them.

0:48:300:48:32

-The dictator must observe humility.

0:48:370:48:40

-My questions were rhetorical

-and I don't expect a reply.

0:48:400:48:45

-I think there was great frustration

-initially and then disappointment.

0:48:510:48:56

-He wanted to bring back that type

-of rugby to the Welsh life.

0:48:580:49:05

-I think he was ready for it

-but Wales wasn't ready for it.

0:49:060:49:10

-And I think that frustrated him.

0:49:120:49:14

-He could see

-that he was getting nowhere fast.

0:49:140:49:19

-He resigned himself to the fact that

-he wasn't going to be the coach.

0:49:190:49:25

-That's when disappointment set in.

0:49:250:49:28

-I think, from then,

-he became very unhappy.

0:49:280:49:33

-Sadly.

0:49:350:49:37

-My questions were rhetorical

-and I don't expect a reply.

0:49:380:49:43

-Get your retaliation in first,

-goddam it.

0:49:470:49:50

-.

0:50:000:50:01

-888

0:50:050:50:05

-888

-

-888

0:50:050:50:07

-He worked occasionally when

-was lecturing at Trinity College.

0:50:160:50:21

-I was Head of Programmes

-at the BBC at the time.

0:50:220:50:25

-I wanted more input from rugby.

0:50:260:50:29

-He left Trinity College

-to come and work full-time.

0:50:310:50:35

-Of course,

-he became an excellent presenter...

0:50:350:50:39

-..on Sports Lineup

-on Sunday afternoons.

0:50:390:50:43

-As soon as he saw the microphone,

-or the cameras started rolling...

0:50:470:50:52

-..he was a different man.

0:50:530:50:55

-His language on screen

-was excellent.

0:50:560:50:59

-As a match analyst,

-he was second to none.

0:51:000:51:04

-I'm looking forward to the analysis

-of the quality of Welsh club rugby.

0:51:080:51:13

-I'll try and assess the quality

-of the game generally...

0:51:140:51:17

-..at all levels in Wales

-as we approach the end of the '70s.

0:51:180:51:21

-He was an academic.

0:51:220:51:24

-I was surprised he'd decided

-to pack in his quiet life...

0:51:240:51:29

-..at Trinity College Carmarthen...

0:51:290:51:32

-..to join the hustle and bustle

-of broadcasting.

0:51:320:51:36

-When the red light came on,

-it was time to perform.

0:51:360:51:41

-Half the time,

-there was a call for Carwyn...

0:51:410:51:44

-..and he was down the corridor

-having a cigarette.

0:51:440:51:48

-Life is serious,

-the playing of games is serious...

0:51:480:51:51

-..winning for the sake

-of national prestige is important.

0:51:510:51:55

-They mistrust the flair

-and panache of the French.

0:51:550:51:58

-A free-flowing basketball type

-of approach is too dangerous.

0:51:590:52:02

-There was no discipline in his

-personal and professional life.

0:52:030:52:06

-He couldn't stand

-being woken up at 5.00am...

0:52:070:52:10

-..to do some work for a programme

-that started at 6.00am.

0:52:110:52:16

-He preferred to stay in bed.

0:52:160:52:18

-He was a man who enjoyed the night

-more than early morning.

0:52:190:52:24

-At one time, he was doing sports

-bulletins very early in the morning.

0:52:240:52:30

-He had to be at the BBC

-before 6.00am...

0:52:300:52:34

-..to prepare whatever he had to say.

0:52:340:52:37

-Often, when I produced

-Helo Bobol in the mornings...

0:52:370:52:41

-..he'd turn up in his pyjamas

-wearing an overcoat on top.

0:52:410:52:45

-He'd take off his coat

-and in he went.

0:52:450:52:48

-He'd take his time to move

-from one place to another...

0:52:480:52:52

-..and yet, his diary was packed.

0:52:530:52:55

-That's why he'd turn up

-to places rather late at times.

0:52:560:53:02

-There was a table in the kitchen.

0:53:050:53:07

-It wasn't a small table.

-It was a substantial table.

0:53:080:53:11

-It was covered in letters,

-envelopes, papers.

0:53:120:53:15

-Half of them hadn't been opened.

0:53:160:53:18

-"You have to go through everything,

-read them all...

0:53:200:53:24

-.."and choose

-what to accept and what to refuse."

0:53:240:53:28

-By the time we'd finished,

-I'd written over 600 letters...

0:53:290:53:34

-..to try and clear

-the correspondence on the table.

0:53:340:53:39

-The car was also full of letters,

-coats and bags.

0:53:390:53:43

-He was quite disorganized.

0:53:430:53:45

-He thought he could cope...

0:53:470:53:49

-..but he needed someone

-to check that he was all right...

0:53:500:53:53

-..and that he had arrived

-where he was supposed to arrive.

0:53:530:53:57

-He'd often return to his sister's

-in Cefneithin for Sunday lunch.

0:53:570:54:01

-She did his washing for years.

0:54:010:54:04

-He thought the world of Gwen...

0:54:040:54:07

-..but Gwen was sharp.

0:54:070:54:09

-Gwen dealt with him

-as if he was a boy.

0:54:090:54:12

-He had to do

-what Gwen told him to do.

0:54:120:54:15

-"Do I have to do it?"

-"You have to do it now."

0:54:150:54:18

-Gwen was exceptional.

0:54:180:54:20

-It was all right

-to come back and sleep...

0:54:210:54:24

-..but he liked to see,

-well... he could see very far.

0:54:240:54:29

-He wanted to go far.

0:54:290:54:31

-He did go far.

0:54:360:54:38

-Sometimes, you have to leave Wales

-to come back.

0:54:540:54:59

-Other times...

0:55:090:55:11

-..there's no choice.

0:55:110:55:13

-You must go.

0:55:130:55:15

-He took a sabbatical in '77.

0:55:340:55:37

-He went to Italy, to Rovigo.

0:55:370:55:41

-He was happy in Italy.

0:55:420:55:44

-From what I could see...

0:55:440:55:46

-..he was more relaxed...

0:55:460:55:49

-..outside Wales...

0:55:500:55:52

-..where people's only concern

-was rugby.

0:55:530:55:56

-Good regrouping there

-from the kick-off.

0:55:580:56:00

-Very good control at the line-out.

0:56:010:56:03

-You can see the delivery,

-and the ball moved across field.

0:56:030:56:07

-The first thing we heard was that

-a great coach was about to arrive.

0:56:170:56:23

-We didn't know who

-but we didn't really care.

0:56:230:56:27

-But we heard the name and found out

-he was a famous coach from Llanelli.

0:56:270:56:31

-He'd won three titles with Llanelli

-and he'd coached the British Lions.

0:56:310:56:38

-He'd had a sensational result

-against New Zealand.

0:56:380:56:41

-He was quiet during the week

-but his team talk was special.

0:56:450:56:57

-He transferred his calmness...

0:56:570:56:59

-..which was part of his personality,

-to the field.

0:57:000:57:04

-Like the moment before a battle,

-he could keep the team calm.

0:57:040:57:09

-Do you remember what Baiani

-called him? Agricola!

0:57:090:57:14

-The trouble with Italian rugby

-is that Mediano di Mischia...

0:57:140:57:19

-..wants to decide

-what the team is doing.

0:57:190:57:22

-Every team that I've seen,

-Mediano di Mischia.

0:57:220:57:25

-Very bad for Italian rugby.

0:57:250:57:28

-The forwards do the thinking

-and not the scrum-half.

0:57:280:57:32

-We won the Championship

-against Casale La Tegolaia.

0:57:330:57:40

-Yes, in Rovigo.

0:57:400:57:41

-He chose the team from the players

-who had appeared most often...

0:57:420:57:46

-..during the Championship.

-Do you remember?

0:57:460:57:50

-Yes, yes.

0:57:510:57:52

-Another good memory was when

-we met the Pope. Do you remember?

0:57:520:57:56

-The club's President, Bonzetti,

-introduced Carwyn to him...

0:57:560:58:03

-..by saying,

-"Here's our devil of a coach."

0:58:030:58:08

-John Paul II said,

-"What? The Devil in the Vatican!"

0:58:080:58:15

-CARWYN SPEAKS ITALIAN

0:58:150:58:17

-Here in Rovigo, he had people

-who respected and admired him.

0:58:300:58:34

-He was a successful man.

0:58:340:58:36

-There was sadness and disappointment

-hiding under the surface, though...

0:58:360:58:41

-..because of his failure to express

-his true personality back home.

0:58:410:58:46

-This was true not only on the rugby

-pitch but also in his personal life.

0:58:460:58:50

-He was evidently unhappy.

0:58:510:58:54

-Carwyn also suffered because

-he couldn't express his feelings...

0:58:540:59:00

-..especially love.

0:59:010:59:03

-This was worse because he was such

-a sensitive person.

0:59:040:59:07

-This may have been the reason he

-detached himself from everyday life.

0:59:080:59:13

-He let everything slip

-from his grasp.

0:59:130:59:16

-He said something

-that truly shocked me.

0:59:180:59:29

-We'd all gone back to his flat

-for a drink and some fun.

0:59:290:59:34

-Then, after everyone had left...

0:59:340:59:37

-It was autumn and misty outside.

0:59:370:59:39

-He stood by the window

-smoking his John Players as usual...

0:59:400:59:46

-He had drunk a lot

-and, very sincerely, he said...

0:59:470:59:55

-.."Angelo, believe you me,

-if I had to die tonight...

0:59:551:00:00

-.."I wouldn't mind.

-It wouldn't bother me at all."

1:00:011:00:06

-I tried to help him but I couldn't.

-That's the way it was.

1:00:061:00:13

-Dots on his face

-show the creases of time.

1:00:361:00:39

-The eyes without any sign

-of man's happiness.

1:00:411:00:44

-A voice never nurtured

-or heard by a congregation...

1:00:451:00:49

-..a voice silenced

-by lack of self-esteem.

1:00:491:00:54

-He concentrated on it

-but it didn't feel any emptier.

1:00:561:01:00

-Emptier.

1:01:001:01:02

-His barren face

-was nothing in the lake's water.

1:01:031:01:07

-And on the ruins

-of our civilisation today...

1:01:081:01:12

-..grow the yellow flowers

-with their white petals.

1:01:141:01:18

-After what happened...

1:01:241:01:26

-..he lived an extremely stressful

-life for a long period of time.

1:01:261:01:32

-Psoriasis spread through his body.

1:01:351:01:38

-It was awful.

-He had blood on his shirts.

1:01:381:01:42

-He had blood on his towels.

1:01:421:01:45

-He had this skin disease.

1:01:461:01:50

-To be honest...

1:01:501:01:51

-..I don't think he slept properly...

1:01:521:01:55

-..during the last 15 years

-of his life.

1:01:551:01:58

-I don't think he had one

-comfortable night.

1:02:011:02:04

-It deteriorated over the years.

1:02:041:02:08

-He never overcame the illness.

1:02:101:02:12

-The illness made him drink

-more and more.

1:02:151:02:21

-It was the only way

-he could find peace.

1:02:211:02:27

-He kept a lot inside himself.

1:02:541:02:56

-He wasn't the kind of man

-to tell his friend, "I feel rough."

1:02:571:03:03

-He just kept himself to himself.

1:03:041:03:09

-He was definitely a complex person.

1:03:121:03:14

-I don't know how many secrets

-he was willing to share.

1:03:141:03:18

-He shared some of his secrets

-with me. I would never repeat them.

1:03:181:03:23

-I don't think he would readily

-share secrets with people.

1:03:251:03:31

-He was a private person.

1:03:311:03:33

-Carwyn was so lonely in one sense.

1:03:371:03:41

-He had so many inner feelings...

1:03:421:03:47

-..competing against each other.

1:03:471:03:51

-He never expressed them,

-even to his friends.

1:03:551:03:59

-That's the truth.

1:04:011:04:03

-I remember one night, we went

-to an Italian restaurant in Cardiff.

1:04:031:04:08

-He always chose

-where we'd go to eat.

1:04:081:04:11

-There was no choice.

1:04:121:04:14

-I was never sure if he went there

-for the food or the people.

1:04:141:04:18

-He always treated the staff well

-in restaurants.

1:04:181:04:24

-He was a real gentleman

-when he spoke to them.

1:04:241:04:28

-There was one young Italian man

-there who was very glad to see him.

1:04:291:04:34

-My wife, my late wife, had been

-friends with him for many years.

1:04:351:04:41

-They spent a lot of time together.

1:04:411:04:44

-A lot of people

-thought they were lovers.

1:04:441:04:47

-I knew there was nothing

-between Carwyn and her...

1:04:471:04:51

-..and I knew Carwyn wasn't

-seeing another girl either.

1:04:511:04:55

-He loved girls' company but

-he didn't chase girls in any way.

1:04:551:05:01

-She'd told me his needs

-weren't like those of other men...

1:05:021:05:09

-..when it came to women.

1:05:091:05:12

-At that time, there was

-more stigma if you came out.

1:05:141:05:18

-Think of the impact.

1:05:201:05:22

-Now I don't know for sure

-if he was...

1:05:221:05:26

-..but imagine if he had come out.

1:05:261:05:28

-Imagine the effect

-it would have had...

1:05:281:05:31

-..on his father, on the chapel.

1:05:311:05:34

-You just don't do it.

1:05:341:05:36

-Dear me.

1:05:371:05:39

-No, I've never heard anyone say who

-the man was, if he even had a man.

1:05:401:05:45

-I don't believe, damn it,

-the way he was...

1:05:451:05:49

-..that anyone would fancy him.

1:05:491:05:52

-No way.

1:05:541:05:55

-A lot of people invented stories.

1:05:571:06:01

-Dear me.

1:06:021:06:03

-The non-conformist conscience.

1:06:031:06:06

-The conscience of Methodist,

-the non-conformist conscience.

1:06:061:06:12

-GLASS SMASHES

1:06:301:06:32

-It's possible

-that the fact he hid this...

1:06:461:06:50

-..or had to hide this...

1:06:501:06:52

-..contributed to his anguish...

1:06:551:06:58

-..during his final days.

1:07:001:07:02

-It was a shock for everyone

-in Wales...

1:07:041:07:06

-..when they realized.

1:07:071:07:09

-It was also a shock for people

-outside Wales...

1:07:091:07:12

-..in the other countries

-where people admired him.

1:07:121:07:16

-You hated yourself, didn't you?

1:07:261:07:28

-Your skin was covered in sores.

1:07:311:07:33

-Your eyes were dark pools of pain.

1:07:351:07:39

-You hated yourself because

-you had to suffer loneliness.

1:07:411:07:45

-All alone, suffering without love.

1:07:461:07:50

-Suffering to the point of insanity.

1:07:541:07:57

-Lots of things in Wales

-are kept quiet.

1:08:021:08:05

-Nobody knows anything about them.

1:08:051:08:09

-Be far better

-if things are not bottled up.

1:08:091:08:12

-I think we ought to be more open.

1:08:121:08:15

-It would give more people

-a chance...

1:08:171:08:20

-..to live their life

-as they would like to.

1:08:201:08:23

-We are too ready to criticize and...

1:08:281:08:32

-..not see

-the other person's point of view.

1:08:341:08:37

-We're not supposed to criticize.

1:08:391:08:42

-Of course,

-they say life is what you make it.

1:08:481:08:51

-Not with everybody.

1:08:531:08:55

-PANTING

1:08:571:08:59

-A yellow flower on white petals.

-Narcissus.

1:09:031:09:07

-I'm scared.

1:09:101:09:11

-Scared that I can't love.

1:09:121:09:15

-I can't love anyone...

-except myself.

1:09:151:09:18

-Scared of the great void.

1:09:221:09:25

-I'm going to leave this world

-having never loved.

1:09:271:09:30

-Without being loved.

1:09:321:09:33

-Don't. Leave me alone.

1:09:471:09:50

-Leave me in peace.

1:09:511:09:53

-SOBBING

1:10:081:10:10

-Yes, it was weird.

1:10:241:10:26

-He was very sad

-with the way everything turned out.

1:10:261:10:29

-In the end.

1:10:301:10:32

-He was exhausted that Christmas.

1:10:321:10:35

-He was totally exhausted.

-He said he needed a break.

1:10:351:10:39

-He realized he had a week

-when he could go away.

1:10:391:10:43

-He wanted to go

-to the Caribbean sun.

1:10:441:10:47

-I think it would have helped

-his skin.

1:10:471:10:51

-But he couldn't...

1:10:511:10:53

-Brenda, who worked with Gareth

-Price, tried to book him a holiday.

1:10:541:10:58

-She couldn't get him a place

-in the Caribbean.

1:10:591:11:02

-Brenda asked him

-if he fancied going to Amsterdam.

1:11:021:11:06

-It wasn't too far from Cardiff.

1:11:061:11:08

-That's what happened.

-That's how he went to Amsterdam.

1:11:081:11:12

-A man past fifty sees clearly...

1:11:341:11:38

-..the people and community

-that shaped his life.

1:11:381:11:41

-Nothing remains today

-in the back of the mind...

1:11:431:11:46

-..except family, neighbourhood,

-sacrifice and man's suffering.

1:11:471:11:52

-Man's suffering.

1:11:541:11:56

-Make the most of this moment,

-my son.

1:12:121:12:16

-You might never get another chance.

1:12:161:12:19

-Carwyn James died in an

-Amsterdam hotel on January 10, 1983

1:12:291:12:42

-S4C Subtitles by Simian 04 Cyf.

1:13:321:13:35

-.

1:13:351:13:35

Drama-ddogfen am fywyd cythryblus a marwolaeth gynnar hyfforddwr rygbi buddugoliaethus y Llewod, Carwyn James. Drama documentary about the life and death of rugby legend Carwyn James.