Parenting Secrets Anne Robinson's Britain

I've spent a lifetime asking awkward questions,

the ones we all want to know the answers to but, apart from me,

are probably too polite to ask.

What's wrong with being ugly?

Where was your shame, Malcolm?

I didn't have any.

-That's a really below the belt question, Anne.

-Of course it is.

'I've been the length of Britain putting people on the spot about

'their bodies, their mothering skills, their love lives.'

Are you in a relationship?

It's complicated.

'Our obsession with how we look.

'Our infatuation with pets.'

Good evening, it's Magnificat live from London!

'The intimate secrets we don't tell anyone.

'Discovering what really goes on behind closed doors.'

-Hello!

-Wendy.

'Tonight...

'Parenting.

'Are you really any good at it?'

Do you want some booby? Shall we calm you down?

'Should mothers go by instinct or by the book?'

It's a bit like how I train my dog.

'Fathers be hands-on or hands-off?'

-It's quite a controlling way of life.

-Do you think?

'Are single parents honestly up to the job?'

Can I come into the madhouse?

-Yes.

-I'll see you in about a half hour.

'I'll also be giving two mothers with very different approaches

'to parenting a chance to compare their skills.'

If my child got to six and couldn't read or write,

I'd be worried and I'd feel like I failed them.

Tonight's toe curling question, are you a good enough mother?

Are you a decent dad?

Is it try on time?

Do you already know what you want to wear?

-It depends what colour you are wearing.

-OK.

My daughter, Emma, is adorable, funny, clever, a fantastic mother,

but often very, very annoying.

-It looks really pretty on you.

-That's wonderful on you.

-I look like a pumpkin.

-No, you don't. It's fantastic, darling.

'Was I a good enough mother from the start?

'Hardly.

'While she was tiny, I developed a catastrophic drink problem and,

'for a few years, my mothering was far from perfect.'

It's not wow, is it?

-Um...

-Is it?

She can be very tricky.

Very tricky!

But I adore her and I know, ultimately, you know,

she would give me anything and do anything for me.

'In my time, there were no poo charts, Mandarin lessons,

'maths tuition or any mothering manuals.

'We just muddled through.'

Now parenting is very intense and can be incredibly micromanaging and,

you know, you are there every step of the way.

It's not necessarily better, though.

You are all striving for an impossible goal,

which is to be perfect mothers.

That's where it's all gone pear-shaped.

'Hear this, there is no such thing as the perfect mother.

'I mean, even if you gather together all the nearly perfect mothers in

'Britain, they wouldn't stretch across Oxford Street.

'The question is, what sort of mum or dad is good enough?'

What we really need to give our children, surely,

is lorry-loads of love and take every opportunity to boost their

confidence. Well, that's a pretty good start.

But how do you get there?

I'm on a mission to find out what sort of parenting works and what,

indeed, is plain daft.

In my quest to find some answers,

I'm on my way to the Isle of Wight to meet Annie.

She is 42, has seven children

and the three youngest all sleep in her bed.

Do you want some booby? Shall we calm you down?

Yeah.

DOORBELL RINGS

Do you want some milk or do you want to get down?

-Well, good morning.

-Hello.

What sort of parent would you describe yourself as?

I would describe myself as gentle attachment parenting.

Which is different to what the majority of mothers do.

Yeah. It's kind of how nature intended it to be.

To keep that baby close, to keep away predators,

to feed your baby yourself.

A lot of people think it's some kind of New Age hippy-style of parenting,

but it's actually not.

It's actually just going back to basics without all the

commercialised paraphernalia that kind of goes with it.

'Yes, attachment parenting means no prams, no cots, no bottles,

'babies never leave your breast. Crikey.'

-Right, do you want to sit on my lap?

-No, no, no!

HE SQUEALS

HE SQUEALS

-Mum.

-Yes, sweetheart?

-Tiggy just pinched me.

OK, were you pinching him? Would you like to say sorry to Freddie?

-No.

-No, you wouldn't. OK.

'Annie believes the bond between mother and child is sacrosanct.'

So, is there any time your children are left in the charge of somebody

-else?

-Up until the age of two, I don't leave them with anyone, even,

-like, with my husband.

-So, what sort of access does your husband have?

-Um...

-SHE LAUGHS

From afar.

'And what does that afar actually mean?'

-Making a cup of tea. Lovely.

-Good.

So, Annie, he is handy around the house?

Yeah, he's quite well-trained, yeah.

Do you feel that Annie's way of parenting shuts you out?

No, not at all.

Not at all. Babies are babies, aren't they?

They just lay there, they cry and they need feeding,

so I can't really do too much.

Supposing Sean had disagreed with your way of parenting?

I think I'm a strong enough person

that I still would have done it anyway.

And what would have happened to Sean?

If he didn't behave, I would have kicked him into touch.

In essence, the children are more important than Sean?

Yes. Yes, definitely.

So, how do you find time for just the two of you?

Well, we do. We went out for a meal on our own the other week,

first time in nine years, so, yeah.

You can't have sex while you are out for a meal.

-No.

-No.

'For Annie, attachment mothering, unsurprisingly, means no school.

'Tiggy - two, Fred - three, Quiani - nine and Alfie - 12,

'all have classes together.'

While the two little ones are quiet,

I'm just going to show you this technique that I found that will

help with your multiplications.

-Say we have...

-Can I do maths?

Mummy's just going to do this to show Alfie.

So, we've got 32 times 14.

That's my... That's my turn.

CHILDREN SHOUTING

Shall we just let the kids draw first and then...?

Look, I'll tell you what, I'm going to lift this down.

-Bloody hell, Mum.

-And then you can both...

This is serious multitasking.

You're teaching multiplication and you're breast-feeding another child.

THEY LAUGH

How do you cope with four children at home 24-7?

-I love it.

-Do you?

Yeah, I love being with them 24-7.

Yeah, I just... I think that's how I thrive.

So, the home-schooling is an extension of that belief?

Yeah, because I get to watch them grow and develop

and know that that's not down to some teacher that gets to spend all

my children's childhood with them. I get to do it myself.

You think you're a good mother?

Yeah, I think I'm a fantastic mother.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

-On a scale of one to ten, where would you come?

-Ten, definitely.

-Ten?

Your way of parenting is the complete opposite of

some child experts, such as Gina Ford,

who preaches discipline at every turn.

In my opinion, she is trying to train animals rather than, you know,

bring up children.

In her book, it's about making life easier for the mother.

-For the mother.

-That's the thing that I have the issue with is that,

you know, all aspects of parenting at the moment is about

what's making life easier for the parent

and it's not actually attending to the child's needs.

It's down to me. That's my job.

Thank you.

Lovely to meet you.

Gosh, her patience was extraordinary.

I think Annie probably came out of the womb a fully-formed mother,

but that chaotic stab at home-schooling...

Is she really fulfilling her own needs and ambitions?

Although, of course, to a certain extent, all parents do.

But aren't they missing out on the rough and tumble

of having to cope with classmates?

I'd say Annie does relentless, backbreaking mothering.

Mmm. Don't we all love to judge?

So, next up, two mothers whose chosen method of parenting couldn't

be more different.

Oh, my goodness.

I've asked them to take a deep breath

and observe each other's philosophy.

This is Sherise.

She's 35 and works part-time as cabin crew.

But only does two shifts a month.

Do I encourage them and do I expect them to give 100% effort?

Yes, then I'm a pushy mum.

And this is Corinne, who's 38.

Parenting style? Quite laid-back, making it up as I go along,

not very good with routines.

Go over there while we light this.

Corinne lives in Sheffield with her husband, Gareth,

and their five boys.

Tom - 17, Obie - six, Wilfred - five, Arthur - two

and 11-month-old Frank.

I don't really understand people being very pushy with their kids.

Filling their days with a lot of stuff.

I want my boys to do what they love and to be happy.

Anyway, Corrine is going to pack her bags and say goodbye to Sheffield

and take herself and baby Frank to South London,

to a home where mothering is almost on another planet.

I'm a little bit nervous but quite excited as well.

The house is empty, so Corinne has a chance to nosy around.

Oh, wow!

It looks like the children do jujitsu and boxing.

What's this? Home learning timetable.

Looks like they're really encouraged to do well at school.

There's also a manual about how this mother does her job.

"Welcome to our home. I'm Sherise.

"Today, I think there's too much emphasis on doing OK.

"I want my children to always give their best.

"Our days are jam-packed full of other activities, too.

"They have swimming and athletics as well as piano lessons."

I think the amount they're doing is a bit of a shock.

"I don't see myself as a tiger mum. I'm a lioness."

Corrine is going to spend two days

observing the techniques of Sherise,

who, frankly, sounds a bit scary.

Then the tables will be turned.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-This is Frank.

-Hello, Frank.

-I'm Corinne.

-Hi, Corinne.

-I'm Sherise, as you know.

-Thank you so much for letting me look around

-the house.

-OK.

-I can see that you really encourage them.

-Just with the sports...

-That's the bottom line.

Encourage them. Really, really encouraging them.

We're really, really, really encouraging and supporting parents.

If you just want to have an off day and be lazy,

-we're not going to let you. It's not going to fly.

-That's what I was

wondering, if they say they don't want to do something...

That's not really good enough.

Sherise's children are all international jujitsu champions.

I'm just going to boil some potatoes for their tea.

Twice a week after school, everyone is off to training.

There's Nia - 11, Zuri - eight and Amar - six.

If you look at some of the most high-achieving athletes,

Lewis Hamilton, his dad played a huge part in that.

-If you look at the Williams sisters, their dad played...

-Yeah.

There's always a parent behind there that's literally sacrificing,

and there needs to be. Because you don't create an athlete or a

high-achiever without that support.

We are Team Blackman. We actually have a hashtag.

-You do!

-Yes, we do! #TeamBlackman.

Let's do this!

It's school pick-up time.

We're in a rush. You can tell we're in a rush.

It's 3.10.

Jujitsu is at 5.00

but it is in Willesden, North London, 17 miles away.

Do you want a napkin?

On these training days, the children don't get home till 9.00,

so the food made earlier is eaten as they travel.

Good dinner? Still warm?

Your mum's a genius.

Hold your sister's hand.

The journey involved two trains,

one bus, and takes anything up to an hour and a half.

I can't breathe.

Three hours is a hefty commute by any standards.

She's got the baby, so don't rush.

So far, Team Blackman have done a 12-hour day.

# Everybody was kung fu fighting

# Those cats were fast as lightning... #

I am exhausted.

The kids are fine, she's fine but, yeah, I'm flagging now.

Corinne - and me - want to know why

Sherise pushes her children this hard.

You know, don't get me wrong. Zuri's going through it now.

Can't be bothered. And me and George said, "I've got a job.

"I've got a house.

"If you want these things, you have to apply yourself, darling.

"No-one is going to go, 'Here's a house. Here's a good job.'

"They won't. So you've got to make a decision."

I think she wants them to know that, in life, if you want something,

you have to really work for it and really go for it.

I'm more like,

"Yeah, everything will all work out all right in the end."

Never mind laid-back, always on the go,

both these mothers are doing the lion's share

of bringing up their children.

Indeed, whatever else has changed, in 75% of British homes,

this remains the case.

Of course, there are hands-on fathers out there.

Is their approach as strong as the mothers we've met?

Go for it, man.

Here's a dad in Wolverhampton who truly takes the leading role.

Very, very good.

Steve and Ester have been married for 20 years.

Their four children's ages range between 11 and 17.

-Hi, there.

-Hello.

-Hi there, Anne. Nice to see you.

-Hi. Hi.

Steve insists on the family spending quality time together.

Why is this important?

I think activities are good, not just for the sake of the activity,

it creates space and time.

And I think time is essential for good relationships.

We've already had time together this morning.

-Doing what?

-We actually had time to pray together.

How long do you pray for?

Maybe 25, 30 minutes.

Yeah. And what was the thought?

Around the fact that we carry something of God in our lives and we

want that to shine out in the way that we live today.

Rock climbing and prayer are top of Steve's list.

How did the rest of the family feel about it?

Bethany, out of ten, how much have you enjoyed this?

I've enjoyed spending time with my family, so I would say eight.

-11.

-11?

Well done!

Steve is a full-time leader in the Church of Nations,

and his parenting is solidly based on what he sees as Christian values.

I think the Bible has a lot to say about how parents treat children,

how children treat parents and how society should be.

So that becomes my kind of guideline in the way that I'm parenting,

whether it's around character, morals, integrity.

And where doe obedience play its part?

I think obedience is very important.

It's a form of honour,

when somebody asks you to do something and you do it,

without, kind of, giving lip back.

Steve's unbending doctrine

has resulted in hugely respectful children

who are almost angelic around the house.

But what about Esther? Where does she fit in?

If someone were to observe you and say, "Well, Steve thinks seems to

"call the shots in this family," what would you say, Ester?

I would say that he does lead this home.

-Yeah.

-He holds to firm boundaries and I'm really pleased that he has,

cos early on, if I thought he was being too harsh with one of our kids

-if they were having a big tantrum at two...

-Yeah.

..I'm so grateful that he held the line and was firm,

because now the behaviour is fantastic from the kids.

And we've realised that if you can discipline them when they're young,

as they get older, they're a delight.

I trust Steve.

I think he makes good decisions and good choices

and I want to submit to that.

Would you call yourself an obedient wife?

I'd like to think I am!

-Really?

-I'd like to think I am.

I find real freedom in just submitting to him.

'OK, this is not a modern marriage.

'Might there be any popular 21st-century influences

'under this roof?'

The children, have they read Harry Potter?

Have you read Harry Potter?

-ALL:

-No.

No-one around this table has read Harry Potter?

No.

The nature of the book, the magic element, the kind of...

was a little bit of a put-off area.

I am reading a book at the moment.

-What's that about?

-It's like a biography of two people that are

missionaries and gone to Cambodia. It's just inspirational, really.

'No teenage rebellion here.

'This family remains entirely committed to Steve's teaching.

'How does he manage to avoid mutiny and door slamming?'

Well, it's called "date time with Dad" but with a boy's name.

We call it boys' night or boys' evening or boys' time.

'Yes, once a month, Steve spends one-on-one time

'with each of his children. Today, it's 17-year-old Beth's turn.'

How would you describe your relationship with your father?

It's very close,

I think, compared to a lot of people I know.

So, if I wasn't here today, what would you two be chatting about?

Because university is so much on the table right now,

conversations are around university,

conversations around what she's feeling, what she's thinking.

And, Steve, how realistic is it, once Bethany goes to university

and is in this mix of new friends,

whose values will be very different from yours...

I think they'll be tested. She won't just be left, you know.

I will be praying for her.

But I think she's smart enough to make right choices.

And do you have rules about sex before marriage?

We believe that sex is best within a marriage context.

And so, and we've taught that to our children.

I think it's just there's something better about waiting

and I don't think I'm at an age to decide,

"I'm going to marry this person."

So until I've realised that, I'm not in a place to have a boyfriend.

It's quite a controlling way of life, Steve.

-You think?

-Well, it could be interpreted that way.

OK. I guess it's how you define control.

-Yeah.

-And whether control's wrong or bad.

If it was abusive, if it was manipulative,

I would agree it's wrong.

How sure are you that your way is right?

I'm not. It just seems to be working right now.

I love my kids. I love what they're becoming.

If somebody showed me a better way, I'd take it.

# The only one who could ever reach me

# Was the son of a preacher man... #

I think it's fair to describe that

as a single-handed iron grip on family life.

Not a squeak out of any of them.

Unlike the rest of us, Steve never has to deal with angry teenagers.

But what chances are there

of those children developing their own thoughts and ideas?

Anyway, after that dose of father power,

let's see how our mother swap in South London is doing.

All-action Sherise, remember,

is showing laid-back Corinne her way of parenting.

-Morning.

-Good morning, Frank.

Say hello.

It's 6.15, and Sherise is off to the gym with 11-year-old Nia

to do a training session.

I'm used to the early start, just not being so up and active.

Come on.

Just do them, Nia. Come on.

Faster. We are doing three sets of 15.

Go.

One, two...

So how many times a week does she do it?

This is three times a week.

-OK.

-It's only about an hour

and then generally on the days that she does this, she'll go to the gym.

-She'll do training in the evening.

-OK.

-I know my daughter.

I know her limitations.

We have that relationship and I can guide.

Yeah, I encourage her in a less kind of pressured way.

She doesn't even break a sweat.

SHE LAUGHS

-Do you want to row and I'll start stepping?

-OK.

It's quite intense, what she does.

-Do you think so?

-Yeah.

-It really is.

-God, I sound like a nutcase, don't I?

I think that, just from my point of view,

I couldn't imagine my eldest doing this.

But then, I suppose if you'd seen how she competes.

-Yeah.

-It kind of ties in.

You can't make a cake without breaking a few eggs.

Trust me, they will thank me.

Five minutes to do some sprint rowing and then we'll just do some

sprints and we're done, OK?

After the work-out, Nia has a full day of school ahead,

while Corinne has been allowed a bit of a breather.

Is that fun? Is that fun?

It's a really weird thing,

because it's all promoting really positive attributes in them

as children and as adults, so I can see the benefits.

But at the same time, for me, I think...

I want my kids to just have a childhood.

I want them to play and enjoy themselves.

On top of their homework, they do extra maths and English every day.

-You know that instantly.

-Seven.

-Yeah.

Today, George, their father, is in charge.

What have you forgotten at the beginning?

£7. Yeah.

That's it.

-Hi.

-Bonjour.

-Bonjour.

-Comment ca va?

And after maths, it's French.

THEY SPEAK FRENCH

So the kids do a lot with school and sports and everything but also then,

they've got tutoring on top.

-Yeah.

-Do you ever feel that's too much for them?

I just don't think that's even a question.

How can you encourage someone too much?

Maybe that's too arrogant. I don't know.

They are never getting out of the tutoring.

-THEY LAUGH

-But the training...

That's too important to you.

Doing well at school is really, really important, well,

to them, really.

Corinne has chosen to be a full-time mother, unusual these days,

when three-quarters of all mothers have a job.

I was an unashamed career mother with plenty of hired help at home,

exactly the same as my mother had been.

And out of the ordinary for her time and mine, and gosh,

was my way met with disapproval.

Nowadays, of course, the ambitious career mother is commonplace.

The only difference being

that it seems to come with an enormous amount of guilt

and an absolute desperate need for perfection.

So how easy is it to have a successful career

and still be a good enough mother? Can you really have it all?

So this is Felicity and Christopher Kane.

So, the front of the book on the sweatshirts, yeah?

Brilliant.

Lorraine Candy is editor in chief of Elle UK,

one of the world's biggest fashion magazines.

She has four school-age children.

Her full-time job includes travelling to international fashion shows,

sales meetings, advertising budgets.

Hello, Lorraine.

'And of course, decisions about what

'goes into each edition of her publication.'

For autumn, winter,

there is a lot of spring, summery-type colours.

Pink is a colour.

Baby blue. There's a lot of denim and there's a lot of velvet.

'How does she juggle that

'with two teenage girls and a four and a six-year-old?'

What are you missing out during the day?

I do miss out on things. All working mums miss out on things.

I miss out on, sometimes on a sports day. You know, often,

the one big meeting you have a year happens on the same day as the thing

that your 12-year-old really wants you to be at.

And it's very difficult to make that decision.

Does it bother you more than her?

Yeah, I think it bothers working mums much more.

'Lorraine has been an editor in chief for more than a decade,

'crucially, all through the early years of her children growing up.

'She was back to work three months after her first baby.

'Has that been hard?'

Society tells us we have to feel guilty about these things

and actually, my husband has never been asked if he feels guilty

about having a full-time job.

I've worked really hard.

You know, I don't want to give that up.

I'm happier being at work.

Lorraine has the enviable advantage of plenty of hired help

and a very modern husband.

Very hot. Be careful.

There is a full-time nanny and James, who's in IT,

often works at home.

-Hello.

-Hi.

'Are the children happy about this set-up?'

Your mum is fascinating,

because she has this incredibly high-powered job.

I do wonder how she does it.

Well, she does often come home, like, tired and things.

-You know not to annoy her.

-Annoy her and ask for things.

How would you annoy her?

Well, if you asked for things.

If you say, "Mum, where is this, where's that? Can I have this?"

Don't talk to her as soon as she comes in the door.

-You have to give her ten minutes.

-Greet her.

So you need your radar, don't you?

Yeah. You need to know when she's not in a good mood.

Does watching the way Mum works and how successful she is,

has it shaped what you want to do, you two?

Yes, yeah, something like fashion, because it's quite inspiring.

But she just kind of edits fashion and just looks at fashion,

whereas I want to create it,

and I do a lot of fashion drawings.

I kind of want to become a fashion designer.

Typical teenagers, never knowingly impressed by their parents.

Hello.

Hello.

Does Mum not get a kiss when she comes in?

No, she usually goes straight for Mabel.

Oh, that's because she gives me a kiss!

I'm told there's a ten-minute rule when you get in.

Well, just because you come from work with all this stuff in your

head and you need to change and be...

Usually put my pyjamas on and be Mum.

Who's the boss?

-Mum.

-Mum.

-Definitely.

I was going to say Mum as well, actually, but, you know.

I'm in awe constantly of the things that she does, and her work,

and how she manages to fit everything in.

If we were to take a vote on a working mother

or one that was at home, which would you prefer?

Working mum.

-Grace?

-Working, yeah.

Definitely working.

Interesting. A Harvard study claims that the daughters of working

mothers end up with more successful careers

and are better at relationships.

Go and get ready.

Are you a good mother?

Out of ten, what would you give yourself?

Oh, I don't know. Some days I'm a ten, some days I'm a two.

It just depends on the circumstances.

Is she a good enough mother?

I think she's a brilliant mother. I think she's fantastic.

You know, the kids are... You've met them. They are happy.

But I think, I can't stress enough, it's not easy.

Everyone's experience is different

and I really feel for women who don't have as many choices.

Where is your major guilt as a mother?

I don't feel that giant guilt,

because I refuse to feel that giant guilt,

because I'm living a happy life. They are living a happy life.

That's the life they know, that's the life we know.

And we're really lucky that we've managed to do to make that happen.

I've had a lovely day. Lorraine, thank you very much.

-OK.

-Cheers.

-Lovely to meet you.

'I suppose the question is, Lorraine,

'with a lucrative job and a highly supportive husband,

'is she a good example of having it all?'

Well, yes, up to a point.

Although, I suspect, secretly, even she, at times,

can be found paddling fast underwater.

But for me, it shows you can work full-time

and still be a good enough mother.

It's changeover day on the parenting swap.

Will tiger mum Sherise think Corinne's way of mothering is

anything like good enough?

Really intrigued to know what she does so differently.

The suspense has been killing me.

Sherise, you're about to find out.

"Come to the woods, for here is rest."

She's got the house to herself to pick up clues.

Walkie-talkies.

Wow.

It's all kind of, like, ropes and outdoor things.

I'm thinking, very kind of one with nature, definitely.

Unlike Sherise, Corinne has spelled it all out in her handbook.

"My husband and I are both trained as Forest School leaders and we have

"based the boys' early years education on this philosophy."

Forest School. Oh.

"Countries such as Denmark and Finland,

"children start their formal education at seven.

"The children are given lots of opportunity to get on and play

"without much interference from us."

OK.

I do believe that children should start learning very young.

She's going for a more nature-based approach.

-Hello.

-Hello, Corinne.

-Hello.

-Hello.

What are we going to do?

-Go to the woods.

-OK.

We're all ready to go with all this stuff.

-Did you see all the stuff when you came?

-Yes!

I thought we were going hiking.

There's walkie-talkies and everything.

Obie, we're off. No, I've got Obie. Arthur!

# If you go down in the woods today

# You're sure of a big surprise

# If you go down in the woods today... #

Corinne's five and six-year-old have no formal education whatsoever.

Every day, instead, the trees call.

Do you have like any kind of lesson plan,

or do you just you bring them out and let them kind of...?

Yeah, we just bring them out and let them get on with it, basically.

OK. There's no, like, kind of structured set of...?

Sometimes we come with an activity in mind.

-Uh-huh.

-Quite often, they are not interested.

And before anyone gets smug about this sort of schooling being

unhelpful, let me tell you that studies show that daily outdoor play

promotes physical and emotional wellbeing in kids.

So how about with reading and stuff?

Do they do reading?

-No, we're not doing reading and writing with them yet.

-OK.

Obie, once he's seven, which is October,

we're going to start a bit more formal...

Will you start, like, phonics and things like that?

Not sure, actually.

I'm not sure. I need to look into it a little bit more.

-OK.

-I haven't thought about it a great deal yet.

So what made you decide to do it differently with Obie and Wilf?

I really do like the fact that they get lots of time to play

and learning through play, and I think sometimes,

learning through play is misunderstood in teaching terms,

cos it tends to be, we are setting up this play situation

that you're going to learn through.

Whereas, I think, if you leave them to play,

they learn an awful lot just by exploring themselves,

their own world around them.

So I'm guessing, you probably thought we were a bit kind of

concentration camp-style in our house.

An hour of learning every day, maths, English, handwriting lessons.

I just, I just couldn't do it. I'm too disorganised.

THEY LAUGH

So, this success for your kids, is that an economic success,

-do you think?

-Not necessarily an economic success,

-but I just don't want them to be denied opportunities.

-OK.

I'm acutely aware that regardless of what generation I am,

which is the second generation...

..my children are always going to be viewed as immigrants.

-Really, do you think?

-Massively.

And the opportunities for them won't necessarily be there

unless they are at a certain standard and a certain level.

-That makes so much sense.

-Does that make sense?

I don't know if I could base their whole early years education on

just going to the woods every day.

If my child got to six and couldn't read or write,

I'd be worried and I'd feel that I'd failed them.

This way.

-'Hi, Mummy.'

-Guess what, Zuri?

Corinne is a Forest School teacher.

'Is she?'

Yeah. And her kids don't go to normal school.

They just do Forest School all the time.

'And what do they do in the forest?'

They just play and...

-'What?

-Can we move to Sheffield?'

No, we're not moving to Sheffield.

'No, no. Mum! We love you.'

Love you. Put Daddy on FaceTime now, please.

-Hello.

-'What's it like?'

They home-school their kids,

but the kind of follow the whole Forest School of approach.

Just kind of letting kids be kids, kind of being at one with nature.

'So they are not formally learning the alphabet?'

I don't think so, no.

It does start making you think.

Just like I'm there, thinking, "Are my kids getting out enough?

"Are they at one with nature enough?"

So then, I'm thinking,

"Well, how do we get them at one with nature?"

GEORGE LAUGHS

Most new mothers start off not having the foggiest idea

about babies or indeed, what to do next.

Alas, this has spawned a huge industry.

There are now more than 35,000 books

and a million online forums handing out advice.

But are gurus a hindrance or a help?

Some breakfast.

It's 7.50am in Wimbledon and,

like thousands of parents across the country,

Christina needs to get her three kids ready and out of the door.

Are you going to have some Shreddies?

Maxi- eight, Bella - five and Ellie - two.

Yummy, yummy.

Their dad is flying around the world as part of his job

and that leaves Christina flying solo.

-This is Ann, this is Maxi.

-Hi.

Just how does she go about it?

What I did was to actually write down every single day

exactly what the schedule is.

In the school time, we keep to this really quite rigidly.

"7.30. Brushing teeth, cleaning toothbrush, lid on the toothbrush,

"tidy sink, brush hair."

So we need to be out of the door at 8.50

and we have to drive off at 8.55.

And I am really specific at what time they leave.

We are observing a military operation,

learned from the Queen of Routine, the childless author Gina Ford.

These are the Gina Ford ones.

As you can see, very much used.

She was my guide when the babies were babies.

You know, she literally says, "3.30, change the baby's nappy."

She just gave some instruction.

I found, when I followed some of those, actually,

it had some results.

But we haven't stopped with Gina. Goodness me, no.

So, everything from raising boys,

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk, you know,

When Your Kids Push Your Buttons.

'I'm not sure even Waterstones has this many parenting guides!'

Mindful Parenting.

"Simple and powerful solutions for raising creative,

"engaged and happy kids in today's hectic world."

And your mother didn't have any books to read, did she?

She did. She had Dr Spock.

That was the only when they had back then.

'I remember Dr Spock.

' His advice, "Don't worry and if you are worried,

' "take that baby to the doctor." Christina, meanwhile,

'has cherry-picked parenting methods from all over the shop.'

So this my pasta pot and, as you can see, it's very much used.

Why would it be a reward to have dry pasta?

Very good question. Because when this pasta pot fills up to the top,

the children can exchange it for either baking time with myself,

or for an additional 30 minutes television time, or for an outing.

So, for example, now we're planning an outing to Chessington,

so the idea behind it is that everybody is really motivated and we

don't have any meltdowns first thing in the morning

whilst we go to school.

It's a bit like how I train my dog, you know.

This is incentive all the time.

It's... Yes, absolutely.

But it's takes about 66 days for a new habit to kick in.

They are in pyjamas at the moment.

Yes. So the next thing we are going to do is get them dressed.

Oh, I'm waiting to see.

Cos there will be no dawdling or anything, will there?

It'll just be that.

-Well, I don't know. We'll see!

-SHE LAUGHS

Show everybody how you put on your top.

Can you do it?

Do you want to take a pyjamas and put it under your pillow,

make your bed and get a pasta token?

Don't forget the pyjama.

And then one, two, three.

Zoom to the bedroom.

HE ROARS EXCITEDLY

'And how consistently effective is this reward system?'

That's very good.

'Also, where do you go when the pasta pot doesn't cut the mustard?'

We don't do punishment.

Well, Mama tries not to.

So how would you calm down?

I'd use a method that my mum made up.

It's called EBS.

And what did EBS stand for?

Emotion, breathe, and solution.

So you have to

tell your emotion and then you have to breathe,

and then you have to try and think of a solution.

'I hope we're all paying attention.'

We'll put shoes and jackets on and I'm going to give pasta...

'To be fair, it's takes just 15 minutes from pyjamas to shoes on.

'It's hard not to be impressed so far.'

Look, did everybody eat well at the breakfast table?

-Yeah.

-Yeah! One pasta token each.

Making beds.

One pasta token each.

-But that's for everybody.

-That's right, cos you don't want

them to be in competition with each other.

So the idea is that we work together as a team to fill up the pot.

'Obviously, the pasta pot gets in the car with the rest of us.

'Christina's first stop is Ellie's nursery.'

Come on, guys. We don't want to be late.

Come on, Millie.

'But, oh, joy.

'I get a taste of what happens when pasta power runs out.'

What's the matter?

So what's happening is that Bella's feeling a little bit sad,

because she feels that Maxi is not her best friend any more.

What were you feeling?

-Upset.

-You were feeling upset?

-And what else were you feeling?

-Feeling annoyed.

You're feeling really, really annoyed?

Do you want to ask Maxi what happened?

Well, I was kind of telling you off, because whatever you were doing,

it wasn't very good I didn't want that to be on the TV,

cos you might be embarrassed or something.

OK. And is that what upset you?

OK. Could you have used a different tone of voice?

It wasn't a mean tone of voice.

Oh, OK. So, Bella, he was just worried about you.

What would you like Maxi to do? Do you want to cuddle?

Oh.

Are you feeling better? Yeah?

That wasn't on the schedule, of course.

No. If I hadn't done that, that might have festered

so our whole day might have been derailed.

As opposed to now, it's taken me five minutes.

It's sorted out. They're friends again and we can continue.

I'm exhausted and I was only watching.

Is all that's negotiation necessary?

Fine, if you are in conflict resolution in Afghanistan,

but in Wimbledon,

I'm not sure it wouldn't be easier just to shut a few doors

and go and pour yourself a stiff drink.

I'm going to do it the right way.

They've got better skills with a knife than I have!

In Sheffield, it's day two

on the second leg of our parenting swap.

Do you boys like cooking with Mum?

-BOTH:

-Yes.

Unconventional Forest School of Corinne

is making lunch with her boys for tiger mum Sherise.

A little bit more round here.

They're going to make very good husbands.

Yes, practical life-skills are all

part of Corinne's holistic approach to education.

I mean, obviously they're doing the home ec side from this age

but will they get to try

all the different things they try in secondary school?

Yeah, I think they will and I think part of our job is exposing them to

different experiences,

cos they're never going to know they're interested in something

unless they're exposed to it.

-I agree with that.

-So going to, you know,

-museums and art galleries and...

-Yeah.

I'm trying to think, like historical places, you know,

and then they might find, "Oh, actually, I really love history."

-OK.

-Cos at the moment, they love dinosaurs and they love nature.

-Yes.

-So they know loads about dinosaurs.

They know loads about animals,

but there are some other areas that they don't really know anything.

What do you think about in terms of, you know, later on,

they won't go into formal education at any point...

What do you think about when they obviously want to then

go out on their own and get a job and that?

Yeah, they'll hopefully want to go to uni.

It's not out of the question.

And in preparation for Oxbridge or wherever, today,

we are visiting an animal farm.

Chickens!

-Bye-bye, piggies.

-Bye-bye.

He's got, like, a free-ness around the animals.

It's lovely to see.

It's amazing to see. No, it really, really is.

So would you do anything afterwards, like,

would you go home and draw pictures of animals and things like that?

I think so. Yeah,

we'd draw some pictures maybe, and we'd talk about the animals.

Sherise's stay is nearly at an end

and after four days of seeing each other's parenting techniques,

what have our mothers learnt?

I loved seeing all the sports and things the kids do

and how active they are.

And that made me think, even though mine are active,

it's more in a climbing trees way.

So I think it would be interesting for us to look into what sports the

-boys could do.

-OK, that's good. I'm glad to hear that.

How about you with yours and how we do things?

We've got a little woods not far from us, a little nature trail and stuff

and I definitely think that during the holidays now,

I will pack up the kids and think of Corinne.

What's you aim for the kids?

Like, your children when they grow up, what do you want for them?

I want them just to be confident, self-sufficient, independent,

young adults that, kind of, you know, are happy.

What you've described is exactly what would say for our boys.

Ultimately, we both just want the same thing.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I mean, it's amazing.

-How you get there...

-SHE LAUGHS

-..doesn't really... As long as you get there.

-Exactly.

Yeah.

They both want the best for their children, both have a strong,

uncompromising way of mothering.

-Bye-bye.

-Can I get a cuddle?

But what about parenting by the seat of your pants?

'This is a Bushey in Hertfordshire.

'I'm meeting a family on their way home from school.'

-Are you Anne?

-I am. Hi, guys.

Now, I can do this.

Tiffany. Michaela.

Timmy.

Charles. Thomas.

-Tommy!

-Yes.

-Got it.

-What's happening?

-Home time.

'Tommy has been a father on his own for the past five years.

'He's one of two million single-parent households in the UK.

'Almost one in ten is headed up now by a single dad.'

It's a madhouse.

-Can I come into the madhouse?

-Yes.

I'll see you in about a half-hour.

CHILDREN CHEERING

'Managing five children, all under nine, is a hefty enough task

'for two parents, never mind doing it alone.'

Did you always want a big family?

I always wanted 11 kids until I got left with five of my own!

And five is plenty.

Are you happy bringing up five children on your own?

I'm happy, yeah. It's not easy.

But it's doable.

What's the biggest challenge?

Getting them to be quiet when I'm talking to someone

is quite a challenge.

'Tommy doesn't have a shelf full of parenting manuals.

'He's learned on the job.

'Including his approach to discipline.

'He says he's tried all kinds of ways.

'Currently, he is testing a five-step warning system.'

Michaela was bullying Tim after school.

-So that'll be step one.

-No!

-Yes.

And I've been good.

And if that's if you're good, you're on "having a good day."

Is this working well for you, Tommy?

No. It works at school. It doesn't work at home.

-So we gave up.

-What have you moved on to?

I'm making the kids write lines.

First offence was 100 lines.

Second offence was 200 lines.

Up to 500 lines.

That was complained about, so we gave up with that.

What are you doing now?

We've tried smacking. I don't like smacking.

-But sometimes you have to.

-Are you back to smacking?

-Yeah.

But if somebody complains that you shouldn't be smacking,

-what would you say to them?

-I don't think it's wrong to smack,

but there's a difference between a smack and a hit.

You know, I teach karate.

You know your own strength.

Come here. I'm going to smack you, right?

It's... It's like that.

So it's just...

Do it to me.

See? They like it.

'It's not yet illegal to smack your children,

'but the subject is divisive.

'One government survey suggests our views are about 50-50.'

-To me.

-Right, that's it.

Break the computer.

'Impressively, Tommy doesn't believe in easy options,

'no iPods, phones, or any screen entertainment on tap.'

So can I sit down here?

-Yeah, you can sit down.

-OK.

Right. How much television do you watch?

-Hardly any.

-We don't usually watch any.

-Do you mind that?

-No, I don't mind.

Cos have got loads of stuff upstairs I'm interested in.

What are you doing upstairs?

'Tommy doesn't supervise homework or push them academically

'yet nine-year-old Tiffany and Thomas, a year younger,

'are the top sets for all subjects.'

All this is yours?

Yes, all of this.

And what's in this box down here?

They're my school books.

School books. Can you work with all the noise?

Not necessarily, no.

No. That's why we have the door shut.

-They can't come in until you've done your writing?

-No.

Do you think, when you grow up, you might be a writer?

Yeah, so I have been published.

-Have you?

-Yes.

But this was published...

Poetry. That's the one I wrote.

Great Britain is the site of the slow-moving London eye.

Great Britain is the sound of the noisy chiming of Big Ben.

Great Britain is the smell of sweet grass and green meadows.

Great Britain is the taste of salty fish and chips.

Great Britain is the feel of soft sheep's wool.

Well done! And you were only seven then?

-Yes.

-That's very good.

Get the table out, please.

'I'm endlessly surprised by this family.

'The children play up at times,

'but all of them also muck in and help out their dad.'

So you're doing mashed potatoes?

'And Tommy makes the point of cooking the food from scratch

'and the family always sits down to eat together.'

Ever since I've had the kids,

I think they've been to McDonald's once.

No, Dad doesn't like it. It's unhealthy.

'Tommy does agency work that fits around the school run,

'cleaning or working in school kitchens.

'His wages plus benefits means the family of six get by

'on about £300 a week.'

-Thank you, Dad.

-Can we have more mash after?

If you eat it all.

Do you do a weekly shop?

No. Today, I got the sausages from a food bank.

We go to the food bank every week.

Most of the stuff we get is on its sell-by date or it's out of date.

Like, fruit and veg, it's not very nice.

But the meat joints that we get are lovely.

It's nice to be able to give them a roast dinner on a Sunday.

And tell me, are there rules about eating?

No, as long as they eat it all.

And what if they don't eat it all?

-They'll be sitting there until they do.

-Really?

-So every single plate has got to be clean?

-Mmm.

Instead of television,

Tommy's found his own way of keeping the children amused.

I thought I'd bring Oliver at first.

-This is Oliver?

-'Who is this?'

That's Ann.

'Hello, Anne!'

-Hello, Oliver.

-'Is she real?'

Yes, she is real.

I'm glad to see you've got red hair like I have.

'I know. It's lovely.'

'He longs to set up a business as a party entertainer,

'but for the moment,

'it's just something the family enjoy together.'

ALL SINGING Frere Jacques

One for luck! You all stink!

'Charles, come here.'

'It's bedtime.

'Brush your teeth, go to bed. Go to sleep.'

-It's not bedtime.

-I think it is.

I'm enchanted by Tommy's hit-and-miss regime.

His children are cheerful, noisy, happy and trust me,

bedtime means bedtime.

Go to sleep.

You know, the influence of a mother is thought to be so important.

Do you feel they're missing out, not having...?

No, not at all. I always thought it was important to have both

parents there but they've never mentioned it.

-They never talk about her.

-Do you think there is a difficulty?

You've got two daughters and they'll reach puberty.

Well, actually, Tiffany's is at that age where

it's time to start asking questions.

I actually, Thomas had already got a book and Tiffany's now got a book.

And I said to her just the other night, "If you've got any questions,

"come and talk to me."

And then, yesterday, we still had Michaela,

she was just throwing puberty and pregnancy at me.

I said, "Right, we'll talk about that when the others aren't about."

Again, you just have to deal with that.

When the girls do get boyfriends, that's fine,

bring them around, and when they come in,

you've got all my karate belts on the wall,

you've got my photographs and my medals and stuff.

And they'll think, "I'm not going to mess her about."

What you want for your children in the future?

I want them to be happy.

That's key. I think that's more key than anything else.

I'd like them to do well but I'd never pressure them.

I don't push them into anything, cos I'm not a pushy parent.

They are confident. I think if I was pushing and pushing all the time,

they wouldn't build their confidence the way they have.

How would you describe your sort of parenting?

I run a loose tight ship.

That doesn't make any sense. But...

-No, that's a lovely way of putting it.

-Yeah, I just...

I suppose make it up as I go along.

Are you are good enough father?

I think so, yeah. Well, they're all still alive.

-Thank you very much.

-All right, thanks, Ann.

-You take care.

-Thank you.

What I find refreshing about Tommy is that unlike so many others,

he doesn't treat parenting as a competitive sport.

Yet his tearaways are bright, engaging, confident,

they even write poetry.

What Tommy teaches me is don't fret the small stuff.

Relax, enjoy, stop striving for perfection.

Who knew they could be so many different ways to parent?

Each mum or dad convinced their way is best.

And impossible for us to judge whose children will turn out to be

the happiest and most secure.

What it actually shows is there's probably no right or wrong way.

Is your best good enough?

Mine certainly wasn't.

'Next week...'

Excuse me.

'The extraordinary obsession we have with our pets.'

-What's the point of a cat?

-They are a bit sassy, like you!

'Our bonkers devotion to creatures.'

I would never settle for any love from anybody that is less than what

the rabbit gave me.

Steady, steady, steady.