Life Begins at 65 Close to the Edge

Beautiful Bournemouth. They call it God's waiting room.

But me and my friends aren't planning on a sleepy seaside retirement.

Cheers, Paul.

I'm John, and this has been my home for 30 years.

-It's the boys!

-Hey!

We might all have bus passes...

but we are determined to make the most of the time we have left.

We think you need to take Viagra.

We've got big dreams.

Some of us want second chances...

and we still have unfulfilled desires.

We may be getting on a bit, but we are still living close to the edge.

Bournemouth...

where one in five of us are over 65.

For the last three months,

me and my friends have been followed by a TV crew.

Now, with the dust settled on the series, we are going to tell

you what it is like being an older person in Britain today.

Oh, it is nice to see you again.

People come out with this word, OAP.

That's not me.

Like look at people, "Oh, that might be an OAP," but I'm not one.

-There you are.

-Cheek, cheek.

'I hate the word OAP.'

I'm not a typical older person, hopefully. Please, God, no, I'm not.

It is fight, fight, fight with all of your might.

Do you remember that old joke?

A vibrator is OK, but the trouble is a vibrator doesn't mow the lawn.

I was telling that to somebody, and do you know what he said?

"Do you want someone to mow your lawn?"

THEY LAUGH

Once you hit 60, you can go back to being a teenager again.

And I think we are leading much more exciting lives these days.

20 years ago, 65-year-olds did retire,

and nowadays we're kicking off our shoes and we're still dancing!

And we're dancing with our grandchildren.

And it is our grandchildren who are thinking, "Oh, my God!"

Come on, John.

-Lovely move.

-Now's your chance!

'Pensioners on television are classed as boring, old farts.'

But there are more and more of us now who aren't.

I think we should be called the wise ones.

Always expect the unexpected.

That's what I've learnt.

Since enforced retirement was outlawed in 2011, more than

one million over-65-year-olds now choose to stay in work.

Including most of us here in Bournemouth.

He said, "What do you know about erogenous zones?"

I said, "Well, I know you can't park there after six o'clock."

LAUGHTER

'I mean, old now is 90.'

No wonder they are putting the retirement age up

because everyone is living all that much longer, due to...

Well, I'm here as a tribute to medical science.

You would fill it with all your children's precious memories.

You'd give it back to them when they are 18.

You can put your scan, you know, baby scan picture in there.

-I'm too old, never had one of those.

-No, no, me neither.

'I don't believe in retirement.'

I don't, I really, genuinely don't.

I don't. What, retire from what? Retire from living?

I chose to create this business in my 60s,

primarily because all my life

I have taken... I've been the co-pilot to David.

Babs spent nearly 30 years working for her husband's

car-accessory business.

When I was a teenager, I was...

invincible.

This was my life, I could do anything,

I could climb Mount Everest. The world was my oyster.

But then, when I got married and had a family,

then I had to conform to respectability.

I did everything, from book-keeping to standing in for staff,

doing the cash and carry shopping.

What ever needed doing, I did it.

Nobody sees you for what you are.

You are the missus of the mister, you are the mother of the child,

you're the grandmother of the grandchildren.

You are always something to do with somebody else,

but what about me, little old me?

Can I not be validated, can I not be...

seen to have some worth?

I think my drive certainly comes from my childhood.

But we were so broke sometimes that we didn't have enough money

to pay the electricity bills.

If there was any money in the house, it would

go on your brother's education.

You know, girls didn't need an education.

I passed my exams for college. There was no money to send me.

And I've always regretted that. Always.

So rather than retire, Babs decided it was her time to kick start

a business, and launched her baby memory boxes...

What, 400 boxes by next week?

Yes, of course we can do that.

No problem whatsoever.

I have about ten product ideas that I still want to get off the ground.

And none... Not all of them are even on the market.

So I just wanted to check in with you to make sure

that we've got enough stock there and everything else.

..and her business boomed.

We like the product and we would like to take the product.

Thank you so much.

In fact, research shows that if everyone chose to work one

year longer, GDP could increase by £16 billion.

Fantastic. And another one.

'I want to connect with some big baby goods manufacturer, who would say to me,'

'"Babs, we love your ideas, let's work together,'

"let's take all your products, let's get inside your head and let's take

"your products, and let us finance you and let us take them all to market."

-Boom, boom, boom.

-They loved it! They lapped it up. Fantastic!

-High five. High four and three quarters.

-High five. OK, let's go celebrate.

-Come on, then.

Employment is changing now. Older people are working longer.

There's still some good years left in us older people.

Companies now seem to be open to employing somebody over 65.

I would like to do something more with my life.

As far as I'm concerned, because I've got such an active mind,

I would still like to be doing something. Some work or something.

'I mean, I feel as though I've got plenty to offer.

'And I'd love to go back to work.'

I might forget a few things,

but, you know, I can always write them down.

I can still write.

I still think I've got loads to offer.

And it's not just business

and work that we continue to have a passion for.

MUSIC: Lady Marmalade by LaBelle

-How are you?

-How nice to see you.

Give me a kiss. And the other one.

'I'm still dating.'

People are horrified quite often by that.

Thank you so much, that's lovely.

They think I should forget all about all that sort of thing.

And they do say "that sort of thing", yeah.

SHE LAUGHS

I like to go out romancing.

You know, there's nothing like a bit of romance.

I quite enjoyed it once I got going.

-Yeah, well, you couldn't do much about it!

-Brilliant. Loved it.

Singles over 65 are the fastest-growing

group of internet daters.

Would you call yourself an extrovert?

Is there such a thing as a shy extrovert?

The world has changed amazingly.

If you wanted to meet a man, you would go to a dance.

You met people at dances or work.

And, of course, it is so different today.

Isn't it? I mean, you've got the dating, internet dating,

you've got speed dating, which is not quite for the older person.

But I have done it and it has been quite fun.

I hope you remembered your wallet.

THEY LAUGH

-SHE HICCUPS

-Oh, excuse me.

-Hello.

I'm sure a lot of people in their mid-70s, like myself, will

think, "Oh, we never thought we could be bothered to do that, you know?"

Did you actually fancy him?

Did you?

No, I'm afraid not, no.

You can get out there if you are on your own.

You can get out and go dating. I mean, the opportunities now.

If you are just looking purely at a relationship for naughtiness,

then you're looking at the wrong thing. Because there's no point just looking at it for that.

-You've got to talk to people, haven't you?

-Do you?

SHE LAUGHS

My mother would have been horrified if she knew about dating online.

When I got divorced, she didn't think I should be dating anyway.

MUSIC: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? by The Shirelles

Dee hasn't always been single. In 1952,

she got married at the age of 16.

Of course, when I was younger, you were expected to get married early.

At 25, you're over the hill.

You didn't tell people problems that were going on within your marriage.

You were expected to stay married.

And you were expected to shut up and put up with it.

But 13 years later, when her eldest daughter was only nine,

Dee got divorced.

It was very unusual to get divorced in those days.

I suppose... Obviously, it wasn't the first because my mother was divorced,

and that was even worse.

I had two children to bring up... on my own,

and you were classified as being a loose woman.

And it was very, very hard. Very hard bringing them up in those days.

Everything to do with one-parent families was frowned on.

My daughter, my eldest one, she was always top of her class...

Because she came from a one-parent family,

she was not allowed to go to grammar school.

I'm disappointed that there isn't the staying

power in marriage there was when I got married.

I'm still married to the same person. I believe in marriage.

I think when you make vows and you make promises,

you should stand by them.

When there isn't that threat there, people have an argument

and they walk out.

That, to me, is not what these vows are being made on.

When you sometimes meet somebody and say, "Oh, sorry, you're divorced,

"so you're married for a second time?" "Oh, no, I'm on my fifth marriage."

And I think, "What?! What's all that about?"

The essential thing about how things have changed today,

like, you've got, for example, you've got gay marriage.

Civil partnership.

All these sorts of things didn't happen years ago.

I go right back to when it was illegal to be gay.

In 1967, Simon was 24 when homosexuality was decriminalised.

You had to hide being gay.

You could be put in jail, there was

lots of blackmail going on for people who found out they were gay.

It was ruining lives. Also caused a lot of suicides.

It's not a nice thing to live with

because you want to be accepted like everybody else is.

-INTERVIEWER:

-How old were you when you came out?

I actually never came out.

I only came out, really, about

ten years ago.

You didn't realise that, did you? No, it's a fact, yeah.

I think when I was younger, I would hide it.

I would deny that I was gay.

If someone said, "Oh, you're gay," I would say, "No, I'm not gay."

You could be kicked out of a job for being homosexual.

And that wasn't such a long time ago.

There is a sort of privacy about being gay.

I guess it's a throwback from the years before,

still in that thing, like, "Ooh, I'm ash..." Sort of ashamed to be gay.

I'm not ashamed to be gay. I'm the last person to be ashamed to be gay.

But there is still something there that makes me

-feel ashamed to be gay.

-I did have gay friends then.

If you went to one of their clubs,

you literally had to knock on the door and say, "So-and-so sent me."

That's really what it was like.

But not everyone's views have relaxed over the years.

If you want to be gay, that's not a problem.

-Go and do it somewhere else?

-I don't have any problem...

A man was meant to live with a woman.

-That's a load of rubbish you're coming out with.

-No, it's not!

-Like something from the Middle Ages.

-I'm sorry, but I don't care.

-"Burn gays on the stake."

No, I don't want to burn - did I say that? Did I say that?

I am neither racist nor homophobic.

Saying that, I don't understand why,

er, gay people have to, er,

keep on emphasising the fact that they are gay.

As we're getting older, you see, you are less tolerant.

Maybe that's a bad thing. I don't know. But you're less tolerant.

It's quite rare to come across people like that

because today, people are more accepting and this and that.

So, he was like, he was like, harking back to the...

-30-odd years ago.

-I don't want to hear about this.

-Tell me the definition of a bigot.

-I'm not interested.

-Tell me the definition of a bigot, then. Come on!

-You!

-Ha!

So, you can always walk away. That's not a very good argument.

'He was coming out with things that people USED to come out with.

'Thank God it's not like that any more.'

I can now hold my head up.

And be like everybody else.

Getting divorced or losing a loved one as we get older

means us over-65s rely on our friends more and more.

You make me feel guilty because I...

You keep saying to me, oh, you're always out, you've always got friends.

You know, sometimes, I mean,

the phone might not ring for about a week.

When I was growing up, when I think about friendships, you do sort of take it for granted,

that you think they're going to go on for ever.

But, unfortunately I have lost quite a few friends in my life.

And I'd never realised that they were going to die at the ages they did die.

You end up in life with a lot less friends than you thought you

would have because they've all died and I have outlived them.

What you have to know about Chris, he's a lonely man.

He's very lonely, but you don't see that. He's VERY lonely.

He hasn't got many friends.

He comes round our house, probably on average,

it has been, twice, three times a week. And he never phones.

He'll just knock on the door. "Hi, I was passing..."

My wife always says, "Why do you keep on going round Barbara's house?"

Well, probably, I go round there because I haven't got anything else to do!

If you want to be really honest.

And some friendships, regardless of age, are as complicated as ever.

-That women...

-What woman? What, Vanessa?

-She's a madam!

-No, she's not.

-Yes, she is.

-No, she's not.

-Well, she was.

-Ah! WAS!

If you asked me the question of whether I value my...

my friendship with Barbara, as extremely important,

-I would say the answer is "No".

-Just because...

-I'm not arguing with you.

-I'm just telling you.

-I don't want to argue with you!

You're the one who has come over and argued with me!

'People change you,'

whether you want to be changed or not.

-Other people affect your life.

-I mean, I'm a good friend of yours, but...

-No you're not!

-Yes, I am!

-No, you're not.

-You THINK you are, but you're not!

-I am!

I like to control the kind of people that I mix with and be friends with.

Because, it's like, "Show me your friends

"and I'll tell you what you are."

-Noticeably, you need other people to prop you up.

-Really?

-Absolutely.

'We've had a sort of on-and-off friendship for 20 years.'

Don't get me wrong, she is a very, very, very nice person.

But if I never saw her again, it wouldn't be something that

would destroy my heart, if I actually have one.

I'm going to show you, Chris, that I can do it without you.

-So, all the best for the future. OK?

-OK. Yeah, cheers. Bye!

-Bye.

Whilst we're still living life to the full,

we're also having to face the realities of getting on.

I don't want to be this age.

I'd much rather be younger because I'd have more time to do what

I want to do.

And I've got less years ahead of me than I have behind me.

So, I know what's ahead of me. And I don't like that.

I don't want to face that.

I want to be philanthropic.

I have got great compassion.

And I really want to do something with my life while I still can.

And if I can set up a charity to help sick children, that's my dream.

If I live to 92, my God, that's only nine years. That is frightening.

That is really scary, when I work it out like that.

I haven't got... I haven't got time to do all the things I want to do.

I don't know, I don't know... No, I'll worry about it when I get there.

When I was younger, I never thought I was going to get old.

It seemed such a long, long way away.

I can look back and I think, you know, my son is 50 this year.

Half a century! Where did that half a century go?

Cos I can recall some memories as if it was yesterday.

And I can remember how I was feeling. And, erm...

(I don't know...)

What happened to the years? I don't know...

I'm worried about when I get

so old that I'll have to go into a nursing home or a rest home

or have some care, or people looking after me in my own home.

I DREAD the thought of going into a rest home. Dread it!

It's a very nice building...

'Today, almost half a million over-65s live in care homes across the UK.'

-I know, but God knows what we're going to find in there.

-Well, of course not!

Over-65s, the thing is that we are living longer.

I mean, my grandfather, God bless him, he pegged out when he was 52!

You know, they just didn't have that life expectancy.

Oh, this is different. This is a big area, isn't it?

I could not bear to be in a place like that. I would just shrivel.

I would just shrivel up and die.

Who wants to live that long

if they haven't got everything going for them?

-What do you think?

-Do you want to come here? It's awful!

Well, we are going to find out what it's...

'I think it's all to do with quality of life.

'You know, who wants to be bedbound? Or having bed baths?

'What quality of life is that?'

No, no, no, no, people don't want that!

I really would hate to be incapacitated.

I... I don't want to end up on the horizontal.

I just want to keel over, not wake up one day and it'll all be over.

If I can't be mobile, if I have to rely on my children to look after me,

then I don't want to be alive.

Becoming overly dependent on our loved ones is something

none of us wants. And it's not what my wife wanted.

I actually got the doctor to her the day before she died. And...

he looked at her and he said, "Do you want me to hospitalise her?"

Now, her eyes told me that she had clicked on what he had said.

Because that might, after the doctor went,

I was lying alongside her in bed and she just started to stroke my hair.

And that's when I knew. Mm.

And I said, "You're leaving me, aren't you?"

Hm! There you go...

And she just gave a little smile.

Of course, it's something that's etched on your mind for ever.

When somebody just passes away in front of your very eyes.

Oh, thank you. That was a lovely service. Thanks very much.

That was sad, someone so young.

When animals get old and they're not doing so good,

you can put them down.

I think, you know, I'd like somebody to be able to put me down when...

When the time came!

I have paid for my funeral.

I have got the music sorted.

I've got it all planned out.

Cos I've got to be in control, even when I'm dead!

The only thing I would miss is to see how many women would come

to my funeral. Ha-ha! Yeah...

Yeah, that would be nice to know. Who would come.

I've got no fear of death. I've got no fear of death whatsoever.

I've always said to my wife, if you put me in a wheelchair,

and I go a bit gaga, just push me over,

save the state some money, just push me over the cliffs.

Mind you, my wife would probably sign up for me tomorrow. So, you know...

It's probably a bad thing, as far as I'm concerned!

UPBEAT DRUM INTRO PLAYS

It been a blast making the TV show.

Doing this filming has really done a lot for me.

I did the zip wire, which is something I've always wanted to do.

Not only once, I did it twice! That was really fun.

SHE SCREAMS

The parts I enjoyed the most is when I was the centre of attention!

I'm afraid I am a bit liking to be the centre of attention.

I would like to think that everything that people

saw on this programme was the real me.

-Shall I tell you something?

-Don't keep pointing your finger at me, then!

-I know why you didn't come.

-Why?

-Because you found out that your husband had visited

-one of my establishments.

-Really? Oh, that's low, isn't it?

No, I wasn't putting on a front on the programme.

If I seem obnoxious, well, that is the way I am.

-I didn't know it was a '60s night, though.

-Why is it '60s?

-Well, I just thought, with what you're wearing.

-Pardon?

I think I made a friend through Monty.

-He's become like a sparring partner, actually.

-Simon!

It's visiting royalty.

Well, take the coat off, then. Come on, let's have a look.

Because he jokes and I've picked up on these jokes,

so I give him back as much as he gives me.

So, I think we've become a little bit of a double act!

-From doing this programme, I've gained some new friends.

-Oh, my God!

-Is that week one, then?

-That's finished!

Obviously, as you will have seen,

there are some people that I haven't got on with so well,

but hey-ho, that's a reflection of real life, isn't it?

Even if I didn't know who you were, you and I still wouldn't be friends.

Why's that?

Because you're a very pushy person and I don't like pushy people.

Well, that's funny, because that's exactly what Chris said about you!

-I'm not somebody that you meet every day of the week, am I?

-SHE CHUCKLES

We've had some laughs,

especially when the filming didn't quite go to plan...

Oh!

What brings you around here again today?

-Oh, do I have to have an invite?

-Yes!

-I normally just walk in here.

-Sorry! A little bit theatrical.

-Was it?

You think, "Oh, God, what am I supposed to do? Oh, is this real?"

"What's happening? Oh! Oh!"

I think we ought to go on a...

-Where are we going?

-THEY LAUGH

That's the story of my life!

When I see other people going on camera for the first time,

I think, "Aw..." I understand how they feel.

Because it's like a deer in the headlights.

And I hope I have at least made younger people look at

older people differently.

And say, "older", not "old". Or "wise ones".