Episode 6 Close to the Edge

Beautiful Bournemouth.

They call it "God's Waiting Room".

But me and my friends aren't planning on a sleepy seaside retirement.

Cheers, Paul!

I'm John. And this has been my home for 30 years.

-It's the boys!

-It's the boys!

We might all have bus passes,

but we're determined to make the most of the time we have left.

SHE SHRIEKS

Do you think he'll need to take Viagra?

We've got big dreams.

Some of us want second chances.

And we still have unfulfilled desires.

We may be getting on a bit, but we're still living.

This time, will Vanessa and Babs have a final showdown?

Are you sure he invited her?

I just don't want to go Round Two with her.

I've got a big decision to make about my future.

Do you really want to come here? It's awful.

Well, we've got to find out what it's all about, haven't we?

And could Chris have gone too far this time?

-I mean, I'm a good friend of yours, but...

-No, you're not!

-Yes, I am.

No, you're not. You think you are, but you're not!

1940s MUSIC PLAYS

-Hello, John? I'm Matt from the estate agent.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Glad you could make it.

-No problem at all.

-Come in.

-How you doing?

I thought you'd like to look round the old house.

So, I just wanted to check in with you to make sure that we've got

enough stock there, and if we come up with a great big order, that we...

You're ready to rock and roll within three or four days?

Brilliant! OK!

-This is my downstairs bedroom now.

-Right, OK.

-Yeah.

Right, so... What is the reason for wanting to get a valuation?

-What are you thinking...

-Well, I'm not getting any younger.

-The house is far...

-It's a big place.

-..too big for one person.

Where are you looking to go to, once you leave?

Well, I thought I'd try the various types of establishments,

you know, the old people's homes, the warden-assisted homes...

-Right, OK.

-..and all that, and...

-The initial stage is get the valuation

-and do what you are doing.

-Yeah.

-You've done the hardest bit then, essentially.

-Yeah.

-So hopefully, it'll be plain sailing from now on.

-We hope so.

# Come here, sister

# Papa's in the swing. #

-Oh, that looks good!

-Yeah?

-Lovely.

-Is that really butter on my bread, there?

-Yes, it is.

-Thank you.

# Ain't no drag

# Papa's got a brand-new bag

# He's doing the jerk

# And digs this crazy scene

# He's not too fancy

# But his line is pretty clean

# Ain't no drag

# Because you know he's got brand-new bag

# He's doing the jerk

# He's doing the fly

# Don't play him cheap

# Cos you know he's got a brand-new bag. #

I know you have some wacky ideas sometimes,

but I mean, this is rather impromptu.

Yeah, but, Gloria, if David Dimbleby can have one,

-then so can I. Can't I?

-Well, er...

It's sentimental.

When my daughter was a baby,

I always used to paint things on her toes,

-little faces on her toes.

-Oh, OK.

And I do the same with my grandchildren,

every time they have a bath.

-So you'll never guess what - good news, Gloria.

-Yeah?

I'm doing an interview

for a local magazine for Dorset.

-Are you?

-Yeah.

-Wow.

-All about my baby boxes.

-Wow.

-So, it's going to be a fabulous interview.

-Would you like to come down?

-Yes. Love to, yes.

-Thank you.

The dinner party you did the other night was lovely.

-Enjoyed it?

-Yeah. Interesting.

Very interesting conversation, good cooking...

But tell me, Gloria -

-when I disappeared to the kitchen to potter round in there...

-Yeah...

-and it kind of went quiet when I came back into the room.

-Did it?

I assumed at that point

you were probably talking about Vanessa again, in my house.

-Well, he started it, you see.

-Did he?

-That wasn't nice of him to put you in that predicament.

-No.

You're in my house, having dinner at my table,

and when my back is turned he wants to bring up that woman,

-I don't like that.

-I know, it was awful.

I think he just knows it upsets you.

-Do you think he's doing that deliberately?

-I think so, yes.

-We were going to have a pleasant evening without mentioning anything negative...

-No.

-And then he goes and does that.

-Yeah.

-There you go.

-Wow!

-What do you think?

-It's lovely.

-Thank you.

-Yeah! Mwah.

Oh! My smelly toes?

Oh, there you are, Chris.

A bit earlier, you could have bought me breakfast.

Looks well cholesterol-laden there.

Yeah, well, I was getting a bit hungry.

I'm glad you could find some time to, erm...have a chat.

I just hate things left on a sour note,

and I just hope that you can accept and forgive.

The way I think is I'm always prepared to give people second chances.

I don't believe in dwelling over things.

Barbara's a different kettle of fish, she is a bit of a diva.

She's very oversensitive about the whole issue. She won't put it to one side.

There's nothing I can do to get her to warm towards you

or even speak to you. She doesn't want to know.

-So you don't think there could be a reconciliation with Barbara?

-No!

Not in a million years.

So what have you been up to, then, Chris?

Organising my bowls for the first match of the season.

We invite people down there to learn how to play,

and we're always looking for new members.

You're quite welcome to come down and I'll personally teach you

how to play.

And actually I think probably Barbara'll be there.

It'll be quite interesting to see what reaction

again it would be if you actually DO turn up.

I haven't heard from that chap, you know, Steve, that took my number.

-When we went blindfold speed dating.

-Yes. Yeah.

No, I'm really...

surprised, cos I thought he was quite keen.

-I might hang up my suspenders and retire.

-No, you won't.

Everybody knows Dee as being...

-Everybody knows Dee as being full of fun, and saucy.

-Yes.

And if you weren't like that, you wouldn't be Dee.

Well, let's have a holiday,

and six months down the line I might think again.

-Exactly. Yeah.

-We'll see.

-Yeah.

-Ah. Hello, girls.

-Hello, John.

-Hello, Dee, nice to see you again.

-And this is my friend Annie.

-Hello, Annie.

-This is John.

-Fish and chip John.

-Oh, fish and chips.

I know how to treat a lady!

What have you been up to?

Oh, I actually had an estate agent round yesterday

to give me his appraisal on my little mansion.

Why did you get the estate agents in?

-Well, I'm thinking of downsizing.

-Oh, are you?

Yeah, and I'm going to look at care homes.

I'm going to have a look at one tomorrow.

-Now - I'm going to have a go at you.

-Oh, no!

If you mix with old people, you'll get old.

He can use it as a hotel.

If he goes there with his faculties and his car...

-The one I'm going to see, they said this is like a cruise ship.

-Exactly.

I've arranged to meet the lady

who runs this care home.

Would you care to join me, and then I'd value your expertise.

Yes. I'd love to come and talk you out of it.

I don't want you to get old,

you've got to keep young. It's the only way to keep going. Honestly.

Hmm.

BILL WITHERS: # Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

# It's not warm when she's away

# Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

# And she's always gone too long Any time she goes away

# Wonder this time where she's gone

# Wonder if she's gone to stay

# Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

# And this house just ain't no home Any time she goes away

# And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know... #

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Yes. Speaking.

Yeah, that would be great.

Whereabouts in London would I be expected to come?

Well, I'll look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye.

Oh, wow.

-Oh, hi!

-Hi, Vanessa. Lovely day, isn't it?

Oh... What a great day. Aren't we blessed with this...

Great day for taking the dogs out.

Vanessa, how are you getting on?

Well, before you came I had a phone call from a radio station

up in London, asking me

-if I can go up there and do an interview about my book.

-Wow.

So... Oh, Dee, this could open so many doors. Imagine the publicity.

Maybe this is the opportunity that I've really been waiting for,

you know, my driving force has always been Elizabeth

and I just pray that this break,

this opportunity, will make a difference to our lives.

Because at the moment I feel I've failed her.

-Oh...

-No, I do.

I worry about her. I worry about her being so vulnerable,

and in fact I feel a bit choked thinking about it.

-Oh. Don't be like that.

-No, I do, because

it's not been easy. No, it's not been easy, Dee...

But you've managed. You're a survivor. That's the main thing.

You always say that to yourself, that you are a survivor.

You haven't failed her because she's still with you, you're still

with her, and you're working hard

to make something worthwhile to leave her.

This is when I find it difficult, Dee, when people attack me,

it's like as if people don't want me to get on.

You know, I had coffee the other day with Chris,

and he mentioned that he's got this bowling match.

-Have you been invited?

-Yes, I have. I'm going to go.

Mm. I don't know. I mean, he did mention it, but

I feel sure that Barbara's going to be there

and quite frankly I just don't want to go round two with her.

-You know - I just don't want to...

-Well, come along and see.

You can always go, can't you, if you think it might be too difficult.

Yeah.

Fantastic. And another one...

That's it. Big smile.

Great, thank you.

Ah. Wow...

-How do you feel?

-Great. It was brilliant, wasn't it?

-You must be very pleased with how that went.

-Fantastic.

-Excellent.

So how's things with Chris?

Sometimes when I don't get to sleep straight away things

play in my mind over and over again, and I've been thinking,

-you know, that he can be more of a hindrance to me than a help.

-Than a help, yeah,

I believe you.

Because he always tries to, you know, either throw me

under the bus or do something that causes a problem within my company.

Why would you try and mess up somebody else's pitch

and things like that when you're going to do something, and he

brings it down and laughs at it

and has a giggle and thinks it's hilarious.

You say to him, "Why did you do that?"

And he says, "Because I think it's hilarious!"

It's hilarious for him -

but it's not for ME, on the receiving end of it.

Because he wants to be known as the most obnoxious man in Bournemouth...

-Well, he's quite right there, then.

-Well, he is.

-He's proved it.

But do I want Mr Obnoxious attached to my company?

People will think, "What is she doing with him,

"what is he doing with her business?"

I don't want that association.

-No.

-He needs cutting down to size, definitely.

-Mm.

Definitely. Without a doubt.

MUSIC: Ain't Misbehavin' by Fats Waller

Ooh... It's a big area, isn't it? Eh?

Do you really want to come here? It's awful.

Well, we've got to find out what it's all about, haven't we?

-Eh?

-Oh, I don't know.

-It's a lovely...

Hello, ladies, what a pleasure it is for you to see us.

-You must be John.

-I are.

-How clever of you to realise.

-And who's the lovely lady with you?

-This is Dee.

-Dee, hello.

-I'm his friend, hello.

-Lovely to meet you.

She's my support.

-So shall we have a little look around?

-Yeah, by all means.

-Is that all right with you?

So this is our parlour area.

These are all our lovely ladies.

We sit here and have quizzes

and word searches and teas and coffees...

-Oh, right.

-..and watch the world go by.

Shall we go up and have a look at the rooms?

Let's have a go at the stairs.

Oh, you've got too much vitality!

WOMAN LAUGHS

-Ah...

-Oh, you have, sweetheart, you have.

So this is our activities room, and all sorts goes on here.

Is there a curfew if you're out late?

No, not at all, we want people to be as independent as possible.

What about visitors? If you come home at three o'clock in the morning, blind drunk

and you take someone in with you?

I don't know who she's talking about.

Well, this is his home...

-Tut-tut.

-..but we would have to risk assess anything that was going on,

in a discreet way.

-The place itself is brilliant.

-It is, absolutely.

I mean, the dining facilities, the bar.

Rather than going into a flat, where you're basically on your own so if you ARE ill, tough...

But don't you think that's the time to come into a place like this, when you really need it?

What gets me is how fast my wife went downhill.

-Yes.

-You know. And I thought, "Oh, my golly."

Within a year, you know, she was unable to look after herself,

and that's at the back of my mind having seen how fast it happens.

This is one of the benefits, why I've come here to have a look at this today -

if I'm slowly going down the river,

then there's somewhere for me to come so I'm not a burden on the family.

No. I just don't think it's right for you, John -

I mean, I'm older than you, as you know,

and I would feel stifled here.

We need to have some time with younger people

so as we get the energy from them into ourselves -

if you're in a place like that, there's no energy, is there?

-So you wouldn't be able to feed off anybody else's energy.

-No.

It's certainly given me something to think about.

Don't know if anyone's here yet, but I reckon we'll get about 30 or 40.

MUSIC: 'S Wonderful by George and Ira Gershwin

Yeah, we've got Monty coming down with his music later on.

Oh, you've done a really good job here, Chris.

Looks good, doesn't it?

Well, I've been down since about six o'clock this morning cutting the grass... No, I haven't.

The green looks very, very good.

Hopefully you'll get some new members in today. That'd be good.

Well - the end of the season, probably be 25% less!

Looking at some of the members around at the moment...

Yeah, they do pop off, don't they?

-Is Barbara coming down?

-Yes, she is.

Yeah. As long as she can bend down.

-Oh...

-Well, you know what she's like.

-..have a day off!

Leave her alone. You do upset her, you know.

-I don't upset her.

-You wind her up...

-She's too sensitive.

..at every opportunity.

She just leaves herself open...

-Just have a nice...

-..you've just got to do it.

-No, you don't.

-You had a good friendship, don't you value the relationship?

-Of course.

That's where I like to wind her up because that's good fun.

She ends up in tears, you know,

-over you.

-No, she doesn't.

-Oh, yes, she does.

-She should take it with a pinch of salt.

-It's a bit of fun.

-You go too far.

No, I don't go too far. Not at all.

Has she showed you her tattoo yet?

-Where is it, on her backside?

-I'm not going to tell you,

-I'll leave it to Barbara to tell you where it is.

-Don't really want to see it!

MUSIC: Oh, Lady Be Good! by George and Ira Gershwin

-All right?

-That's lovely. Thanks, Rick.

You haven't got my kettledrums. I want my kettledrums.

No, the kettle's inside. You're making the tea.

Ah. So it won't be long now, I should think -

-half an hour and they'll all start coming.

-Yeah.

I should think so, yes.

-So this is where you hang out, then.

-Oh, hello.

-How are you?

I haven't formally introduced you,

this is Gloria, Vanessa. Vanessa, Gloria.

-Yeah, I thought you were Vanessa.

-Well, I know you're Gloria, you've got it on...

-Yeah.

-You saw her for a quick flash in the market.

-I did see a fleeting moment.

-Probably a better way of putting it.

-Are you staying, Vanessa?

I only popped in because you'd invited me

-and I didn't want to snub you, but two reasons...

-You invited her?

Well, I said she could come along. I've got no problem with that.

Chris, I can't stop because I'm going up to London -

I'm going to be interviewed about my book on the radio.

-Oh, yeah?

-But one of the other reasons I came is,

I've got a little something here for Barbara. Right?

What is it, a dildo?!

No, behave. No.

It's a copy of my book.

Oh, wow, what a surprise!

No - but let me tell you something.

As Barbara didn't want to spend time with me,

maybe away from me she'd like to read this

because you know what?

In actual fact, I think we've got an awful lot in common.

Probably more than she realises.

So perhaps you could be the messenger.

-I think that's a job for you, Gloria.

-No, no, no.

-Chris...

-Anyway. I hope it's a very successful day.

-Yes, thank you. Thanks, Vanessa.

-All the best.

-Cheers. Thank you.

-There you go.

-(Oh, my God.)

-All yours.

-No, no...

What do you mean, "No, no"?

You've got to give it to Barbara. I don't want anything to do with it.

Let's see what it says. Let's start reading it now.

"An Accidental Madam." Oh...

"From one entrepreneur to another." Oh-ho-ho, ho, that's a wind-up!

MUSIC: American Patrol by Glenn Miller

I hope you have a real good time here.

We've got a really good bunch of people. Apart from me.

Would you like to join? Seriously.

-Yes.

-You would.

Oh, she threw it... She threw it.

If you hadn't thrown it, that would have been very good.

THEY LAUGH

So, hello, guys. Hello, Simon.

I don't wish to speak, so don't say "Hello, Simon."

Oh, dear. Hello.

Who's pulled his chain?

MUSIC: Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps by Osvaldo Farres

Hi...

Yes. Pretty good, Clive.

-Oh, you see, mine is just...

-A bit too narrow, you just...

What you've got to do is aim for the post.

Erm... I just have to tell you something.

-Erm...

-What?

Vanessa came before it all started.

-What, today?

-Yes.

She left you something.

Erm, she left you her book.

-Her book? For me?

-Yes.

-Oh...

Have you got a box of matches?

I think Chris actually invited her this afternoon.

He didn't invite her. Did he?

He invited her.

Just shows you how...

-devious he can be, doesn't it?

-I give up on him.

Are you sure he invited her?

Yeah.

I'm sick and tired of the whole bloody thing. Excuse my swearing.

-It's all Chris.

-It is. He started it.

You and I wouldn't be having this conversation if it wasn't for Chris.

I know. Barbara, I've been saying this right from the beginning.

I know, you have. It's almost like...

suddenly, lately, he's become a monster.

-Yeah.

-And he needs feeding. And you keep feeding him.

And the more you feed him, the bigger the monster becomes.

And so if you say to him,

"You're bloody obnoxious," he'll go, "Huh-huh-huh!"

I know, he loves it.

And I don't need that, Gloria.

What are you going to do about it?

I think I'm going to grow up. And I think the monster needs to be slain.

-Yeah.

-And the sooner I do her, the better.

-Yeah.

MUSIC: Take Five by The Dave Brubeck Quartet

With prison behind you, how do you feel about being judged?

People can be very prejudiced,

and I find that very, very sad.

I find it sad that people... they label you.

I stand tall and proud,

and I'm happy about the person that I am today.

Are you sorry for what you did?

No.

No, definitely not.

I wouldn't be the person I am.

And out of it, I hope that I can help people in the future.

If people do buy the book, what is the headline

that you'd like them to take away from it, to a reader?

I think the main thing is that it doesn't have matter

what happens to you in life -

you must keep going.

I always believe that

as one door closes, another opens.

But if you stop, then you've lost. And I could never lose.

I just have to keep going.

Vanessa, you're a very inspiring lady, thank you so much for joining me today -

it's been fascinating speaking to you, and it is a great book.

Thank you, Erica, thank you very much.

The Barnes Wallis of the bowling green!

Hello!

Enjoy your bowls, then? I saw you chucking 'em up down there.

I think I need to be chucking them in a different direction.

-Why?

-I heard all about you today.

-What do you mean?

-Who you invited.

-I didn't invite anyone.

-Well, I heard there was somebody here before I arrived.

Oh, yeah - well, Vanessa came down.

At least I keep an open mind.

And my mind is closed, you think?

-Yes.

-Really?

-Totally.

-No, Chris.

-It IS closed.

-You've got a very bigoted attitude towards the whole thing?

-Have I?

-Yeah, you have.

-Just because...

-I'm not arguing with you, I'm just telling you.

-I don't want to argue with you.

You're the one that's arguing.

You wind me up, you, you set me up, you undermine me at every stage...

-In the last few months...

-Not at all.

-..since I allowed you back into my life,

you've been a pain in the bloody backside.

I'm a good friend of yours...

-No, you're not!

-Yes, I am.

-You think you are, but you're not.

-Well, that's up to you.

Chris, stay out of my life. My life is moving on,

I think our friendship has really run its course,

and I don't need you in my life, you're a hindrance.

-Well, don't invite me, then.

-Don't talk crap.

You cried your eyes out when I offered to help you.

Shall I tell you why?

-Yeah.

-Shall I really tell you why?

Because emotionally, you need other people to prop you up.

-Really?

-Absolutely.

In all the 30 years that I've known you, Chris, you have never,

ever, ever once offered to help me.

-Rubbish.

-You couldn't give a shit about anybody.

-Rubbish.

Only your wife and your two daughters.

-And who else do you care...

-I have friends, I care about people.

-You've got friends...

-Yes.

-..who tell you what you want to hear.

-Really? Oh...

You have people built around you,

that you like to hear how brilliant you are,

-what a great entrepreneur you are...

-Really?

-Oh, absolutely.

I'm going to show you, Chris, that I can do it without you.

So all the best for the future.

-OK. Yeah, cheers. Bye!

-Bye.

MUSIC: Solace by Scott Joplin

So the time has come to say goodbye to Bournemouth.

Will Dee really hang up her suspenders?

Will Babs and Chris ever be reconciled?

Will Vanessa hit the big time with her memoir?

And will I decide to stay, or go?

MUSIC: Sing, Sing, Sing by Benny Goodman