Bliss Lifeline


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When I had my first daughter, it was a lovely experience.

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She was born and handed to me and we kept just looking at each other

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and smiling and it was just a lovely, lovely day.

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Which was just an absolute world apart from the day

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when the twins were born.

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The room was silent. It was just filled with anxiety.

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And, "Are they alive?"

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Like Adele, I know that feeling of terror when things aren't right

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because three of my children were born premature.

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My first son, David, was born six weeks early

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and my next son, Archie, was 18 weeks premature.

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Sadly, I lost him seconds after he was born.

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But my daughter, Polly, was born at 33 weeks

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and is now a happy and healthy three-year-old.

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I can only begin to tell you how terrifying

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each experience was for me.

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I felt isolated and completely helpless.

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That's why I feel so passionate about telling you

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how you can help other families in the same situation.

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18 weeks into her pregnancy, Adele Joicey went for a routine scan

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to see how her twin boys were developing.

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But the news wasn't good.

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Her placenta was failing,

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threatening the development of both twins.

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The pregnancy was always beset by worry.

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I really wanted to enjoy it but I never did because

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if they were really quiet, I would worry that one of them had died.

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Adele went into labour very early

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and was rushed to hospital ten weeks before her due date.

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It's just that horrible, surreal feeling and panic

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and, "Why me?"

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They were born and they were taken straightaway.

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It was just really, really scary. I never got to see the babies.

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With the twins being worked on in intensive care,

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Adele spent hours feeling completely helpless.

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You didn't have your baby. You didn't see your baby.

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You didn't even know what they looked like.

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You didn't know if they were OK. It's a really lonely time.

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I know that if there had been a dedicated person around

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to speak to after my kids were born,

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someone who appreciated exactly what I was going through,

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it would have made a massive difference to me.

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And that's why I'm appealing to you on behalf of Bliss,

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a charity who give you just that.

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They provide specially trained nurses to support families

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through what is always a really difficult and worrying time.

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Sue Thompson is the Bliss nurse based in the neo-natal unit

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in Middlesbrough, where Adele gave birth to her babies.

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100% of my time is dedicated to looking after families,

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so I always say to parents, I am here for them.

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I do a lot of talking and a lot of listening.

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Sue's role is to offer specialist emotional

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and practical support to parents and families

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whose babies are born premature, sick or stillborn.

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The emotion you associate with childbirth of joy, elation,

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and relief isn't there.

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The word that every parent uses on the neo-natal unit

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is that it's a roller coaster.

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There are so many ups and downs.

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And actually, it's just trying to support families

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through those times.

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Shortly after Adele's twins were born,

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Sue came and introduced herself.

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I remember the first time I met her.

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She pulled up a chair and made herself comfortable.

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It felt like she was a new best friend.

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I felt like I could tell her anything.

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Meeting someone who understood her fears

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was a huge relief for Adele because after the constant anxiety

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of her pregnancy and the traumatic birth,

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Adele was shocked by her own reaction

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to seeing her babies for the first time.

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I don't think anything can prepare you for that moment

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when you see them.

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There seems to be more wires and machines than baby.

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The first time I saw Luke he cried.

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I wanted to just reach and hold him and I couldn't.

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And I remember just putting my hands on the incubator.

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You couldn't hold him.

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But for Adele, the barrier created by Luke's incubator

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was starting to develop into a fear of getting too close to him.

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It sounds awful, but I never wanted to pick up Luke

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because I was so scared I would hold him and you were watching this tiny,

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tiny baby and his chest was absolutely heaving

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and fighting for air.

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I felt like I was the worst mother in the world,

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feeling like I didn't want to hold this precious little baby.

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Adele shared her fears with Sue.

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I didn't think for one minute she would judge this.

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It was just someone who you could open up to and say anything to.

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Parents can be petrified.

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Sometimes that baby has all sorts of wires sticking out of him

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from various different parts of the body

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and I can just sit and explain what each wire is,

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where is a good position to hold the baby

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and I don't have to rush off and do anything else.

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If it takes an hour to get a parent to feel comfortable

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touching the baby, that's just an hour of my day.

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Nothing else is waiting to happen.

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With her years of experience, Sue understood what was needed

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to help forge the bond between Adele and her son, Luke.

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She made us realise, there's nothing wrong with you.

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It's just you are frightened of the situation, not him.

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She gave us the confidence to keep trying and keep getting him out.

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And I did get my confidence with him.

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Having a Bliss nurse on a busy ward where shifts are constantly

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changing means that families always have that one person

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they can turn to with questions about things they don't

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understand and they've got a shoulder to cry on

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when things get too much.

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She was so knowledgeable and she could answer your questions

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and if she couldn't, she would go and get someone who could.

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The nurses were there for the babies, but Sue was there for me.

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Adele and her husband spent 12 weeks juggling their time

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between the twins, who were in different hospital wards,

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and two other children at home.

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But with support from Bliss, Adele got through it

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and the day came when the twins could leave hospital.

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Getting the babies home was like you were coming to the end

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of a very, very long journey.

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It was just lovely.

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A long journey, but we got there.

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And the care doesn't end when families leave hospital.

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With a national network of volunteers,

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Bliss has helped set up special groups for families

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of premature babies to make sure they feel supported

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as their babies negotiate their first few months and years of life.

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Most importantly of all, Bliss nurses are there to help

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families cope with the distress of having a premature or sick baby,

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which can all too often leave parents permanently traumatised.

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The time you spend on a neo-natal unit,

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no matter how long it is, whether it be days, weeks or months,

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has an impact on the way you will view the future probably

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with yourself and your children.

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I would just hope that if there was a Bliss nurse in every unit,

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the incidents of the emotional trauma would be much lessened.

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I think Sue saved us from going under.

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She saved me, so then I could look after my babies.

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Are you going to tell me a story?

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Is that what happened?

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Over 80,000 babies are born either premature or sick each year,

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so that's a lot of parents in need of specialist support.

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Bliss was to make sure that every family

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of a premature or sick baby in the UK gets the vital help

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and support they need at this distressing time.

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Having a Bliss nurse in every neo-natal unit in the country

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would make an enormous difference to parents.

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You can help make that happen right now.

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Please go to the website bbc.co.uk/lifeline

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where you can donate.

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If you haven't got internet access, please call 0800 011 011.

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And if you can't get through the first time, please keep trying.

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Telephone calls are free from most landlines.

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Some networks and mobile operators will charge for these calls.

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You can also donate £10 by texting SUPPORT to 70121.

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Texts cost £10 plus your standard network message charge

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and the whole £10 goes to Bliss.

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Full terms and conditions can be found at bbc.co.uk/lifeline.

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Or if you would like to post a donation,

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please make your cheque payable to Bliss

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and send it to Freepost, BBC Lifeline Appeal,

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writing Bliss on the back of the envelope.

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If you want the charity to claim gift aid on your donation,

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please include an e-mail or postal address

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so that they can send you a gift aid form.

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Thank you.

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