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When I had my first daughter, it was a lovely experience. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
She was born and handed to me and we kept just looking at each other | 0:00:11 | 0:00:14 | |
and smiling and it was just a lovely, lovely day. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
Which was just an absolute world apart from the day | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
when the twins were born. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
The room was silent. It was just filled with anxiety. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
And, "Are they alive?" | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
Like Adele, I know that feeling of terror when things aren't right | 0:00:33 | 0:00:37 | |
because three of my children were born premature. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:40 | |
My first son, David, was born six weeks early | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
and my next son, Archie, was 18 weeks premature. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
Sadly, I lost him seconds after he was born. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
But my daughter, Polly, was born at 33 weeks | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
and is now a happy and healthy three-year-old. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
I can only begin to tell you how terrifying | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
each experience was for me. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
I felt isolated and completely helpless. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
That's why I feel so passionate about telling you | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
how you can help other families in the same situation. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
18 weeks into her pregnancy, Adele Joicey went for a routine scan | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
to see how her twin boys were developing. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
But the news wasn't good. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
Her placenta was failing, | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
threatening the development of both twins. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
The pregnancy was always beset by worry. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
I really wanted to enjoy it but I never did because | 0:01:27 | 0:01:31 | |
if they were really quiet, I would worry that one of them had died. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
Adele went into labour very early | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
and was rushed to hospital ten weeks before her due date. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:42 | |
It's just that horrible, surreal feeling and panic | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
and, "Why me?" | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
They were born and they were taken straightaway. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
It was just really, really scary. I never got to see the babies. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:55 | |
With the twins being worked on in intensive care, | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
Adele spent hours feeling completely helpless. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
You didn't have your baby. You didn't see your baby. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
You didn't even know what they looked like. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
You didn't know if they were OK. It's a really lonely time. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
I know that if there had been a dedicated person around | 0:02:12 | 0:02:16 | |
to speak to after my kids were born, | 0:02:16 | 0:02:17 | |
someone who appreciated exactly what I was going through, | 0:02:17 | 0:02:21 | |
it would have made a massive difference to me. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
And that's why I'm appealing to you on behalf of Bliss, | 0:02:25 | 0:02:29 | |
a charity who give you just that. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
They provide specially trained nurses to support families | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
through what is always a really difficult and worrying time. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
Sue Thompson is the Bliss nurse based in the neo-natal unit | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
in Middlesbrough, where Adele gave birth to her babies. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
100% of my time is dedicated to looking after families, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
so I always say to parents, I am here for them. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
I do a lot of talking and a lot of listening. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Sue's role is to offer specialist emotional | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
and practical support to parents and families | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
whose babies are born premature, sick or stillborn. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
The emotion you associate with childbirth of joy, elation, | 0:03:03 | 0:03:07 | |
and relief isn't there. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:08 | |
The word that every parent uses on the neo-natal unit | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
is that it's a roller coaster. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
There are so many ups and downs. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
And actually, it's just trying to support families | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
through those times. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:18 | |
Shortly after Adele's twins were born, | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
Sue came and introduced herself. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
I remember the first time I met her. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
She pulled up a chair and made herself comfortable. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
It felt like she was a new best friend. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
I felt like I could tell her anything. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
Meeting someone who understood her fears | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
was a huge relief for Adele because after the constant anxiety | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
of her pregnancy and the traumatic birth, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Adele was shocked by her own reaction | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
to seeing her babies for the first time. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
I don't think anything can prepare you for that moment | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
when you see them. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
There seems to be more wires and machines than baby. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
The first time I saw Luke he cried. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
I wanted to just reach and hold him and I couldn't. | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
And I remember just putting my hands on the incubator. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
You couldn't hold him. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
But for Adele, the barrier created by Luke's incubator | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
was starting to develop into a fear of getting too close to him. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:19 | |
It sounds awful, but I never wanted to pick up Luke | 0:04:19 | 0:04:24 | |
because I was so scared I would hold him and you were watching this tiny, | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
tiny baby and his chest was absolutely heaving | 0:04:27 | 0:04:32 | |
and fighting for air. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
I felt like I was the worst mother in the world, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
feeling like I didn't want to hold this precious little baby. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Adele shared her fears with Sue. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
I didn't think for one minute she would judge this. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
It was just someone who you could open up to and say anything to. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:51 | |
Parents can be petrified. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
Sometimes that baby has all sorts of wires sticking out of him | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
from various different parts of the body | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
and I can just sit and explain what each wire is, | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
where is a good position to hold the baby | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
and I don't have to rush off and do anything else. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
If it takes an hour to get a parent to feel comfortable | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
touching the baby, that's just an hour of my day. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
Nothing else is waiting to happen. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
With her years of experience, Sue understood what was needed | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
to help forge the bond between Adele and her son, Luke. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:22 | |
She made us realise, there's nothing wrong with you. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
It's just you are frightened of the situation, not him. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
She gave us the confidence to keep trying and keep getting him out. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
And I did get my confidence with him. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Having a Bliss nurse on a busy ward where shifts are constantly | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
changing means that families always have that one person | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
they can turn to with questions about things they don't | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
understand and they've got a shoulder to cry on | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
when things get too much. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
She was so knowledgeable and she could answer your questions | 0:05:49 | 0:05:53 | |
and if she couldn't, she would go and get someone who could. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
The nurses were there for the babies, but Sue was there for me. | 0:05:56 | 0:06:00 | |
Adele and her husband spent 12 weeks juggling their time | 0:06:01 | 0:06:04 | |
between the twins, who were in different hospital wards, | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
and two other children at home. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
But with support from Bliss, Adele got through it | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
and the day came when the twins could leave hospital. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
Getting the babies home was like you were coming to the end | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
of a very, very long journey. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
It was just lovely. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
A long journey, but we got there. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
And the care doesn't end when families leave hospital. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
With a national network of volunteers, | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
Bliss has helped set up special groups for families | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
of premature babies to make sure they feel supported | 0:06:36 | 0:06:40 | |
as their babies negotiate their first few months and years of life. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
Most importantly of all, Bliss nurses are there to help | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
families cope with the distress of having a premature or sick baby, | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
which can all too often leave parents permanently traumatised. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:57 | |
The time you spend on a neo-natal unit, | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
no matter how long it is, whether it be days, weeks or months, | 0:07:00 | 0:07:04 | |
has an impact on the way you will view the future probably | 0:07:04 | 0:07:08 | |
with yourself and your children. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
I would just hope that if there was a Bliss nurse in every unit, | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
the incidents of the emotional trauma would be much lessened. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:17 | |
I think Sue saved us from going under. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
She saved me, so then I could look after my babies. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
Are you going to tell me a story? | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
Is that what happened? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
Over 80,000 babies are born either premature or sick each year, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
so that's a lot of parents in need of specialist support. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Bliss was to make sure that every family | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
of a premature or sick baby in the UK gets the vital help | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
and support they need at this distressing time. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
Having a Bliss nurse in every neo-natal unit in the country | 0:07:49 | 0:07:53 | |
would make an enormous difference to parents. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
You can help make that happen right now. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
Please go to the website bbc.co.uk/lifeline | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
where you can donate. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
If you haven't got internet access, please call 0800 011 011. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:08 | |
And if you can't get through the first time, please keep trying. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
Telephone calls are free from most landlines. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
Some networks and mobile operators will charge for these calls. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
You can also donate £10 by texting SUPPORT to 70121. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:22 | |
Texts cost £10 plus your standard network message charge | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
and the whole £10 goes to Bliss. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
Full terms and conditions can be found at bbc.co.uk/lifeline. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:33 | |
Or if you would like to post a donation, | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
please make your cheque payable to Bliss | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
and send it to Freepost, BBC Lifeline Appeal, | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
writing Bliss on the back of the envelope. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
If you want the charity to claim gift aid on your donation, | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
please include an e-mail or postal address | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
so that they can send you a gift aid form. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
Thank you. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:50 |