Episode 2 Don't Tell the Bride USA

Ralphy and Michelle are getting hitched,

but this wedding will be like nothing you've ever seen

because it's being planned by the person you'd least expect.

I hate wedding planning.

-The groom.

-What's a veil?

-What's a veil?!

We've given Ralphy a 25,000 to spend.

Are you kidding me? 13 grand for a dress?

But just three short weeks...

It's going to take them two full weeks to reconstruct the gown.

I get married in two weeks.

..to plan the entire wedding...

So do we just Google weddings?

..with absolutely no input from his bride.

My biggest fear is that people aren't going to be invited.

Oh, and his only fountain of wisdom,

the best man.

-The bathroom makes the like...

-I want to party in here now.

The dress stress is overwhelming Ralphy.

It's about 3,000.

And tempers flair under the extreme pressure.

Are you coming to this wedding cos I don't need you there?

I won't go. How about this? I won't go.

Will the bride even show up

after his bachelorette party surprise rubs her the wrong way?

I hate you.

Can this man

-give this woman...

-I won't look like a fool.

..the wedding of her dreams?

He'll give up, that's it.

He'll be like, "I just want to go home and lay on the couch."

I'm done.

Meet Ralphy and Michelle from Clifton, New Jersey.

They've been dating for eight years and are ready to tie the knot.

We met at a country club.

I used to work as a waitress and he worked as a valet.

One night I gave him my keys

and there was a rose in my car at the end of the night.

The next week there was a little valet ticket by the handle

of my door and it says, "Ralphy, call me," and his number.

-It didn't say "Call me!"

-Whatever.

-It had my number on it.

And we've been dating since.

Last time I was romantic. That's it.

He started to grow on me.

He really brought me down to a level of not being so, um...

-Stuck up.

-I guess, yeah.

Ralphy and I have a daughter. Her name is Isabella.

We're not married yet, because,

at the time we were trying to get married, the baby was coming along.

We were trying to purchase the house.

It was a foreclosure, so it needed a lot of work

and, financially, we were just not ready.

Ralphy's not a romantic person.

He never has been, probably never will be.

-There was no official proposal.

-No, there wasn't.

-Just we're engaged now.

When it came down to the wedding ring

I just took her to the store and asked her to choose it out.

I've never gotten down on one knee, no.

He never really put it on my finger.

Yeah, sorry.

Ooh, sounds like you blew your proposal, Ralphy.

Hopefully you'll be able to redeem yourself with this wedding.

I do wish he would be more romantic.

I thought certain things were OK, but they're not.

-Supposedly he's El Romantico.

-El Romantico.

I work with a partner in a used car dealership.

We just basically buy and sell used cars.

I love cars, I love motorcycles.

Buying and selling them, that's what I do,

but I am not a good planner.

I cannot plan anything.

If he's hungry at the time that he is shopping,

or if he's just not in the mood,

if he's too hot, if there's too long a wait, he'll give up. That's it.

He'll be like, "I want to go home and lay on the couch."

I don't know what's right or wrong, when it comes down to anything related to a wedding.

I think this is the time for me to make up for all the times

I haven't been romantic.

I think I need to step it up

and actually do something to surprise her and make her really happy.

Every wedding that I've been to of my family

they always have a mariachi band there.

It's kind of a tradition to have that.

I have no ideas for the wedding whatsoever.

I haven't thought about anything.

-You ready to rock and roll?

-Yeah.

Can this romantically challenged man go from Mr Nomance to El Romantico?

Me and Isabella will be going to be with my mom for the three weeks.

Being apart for three weeks is going to be kinda weird actually,

to be honest with you,

when you're used to seeing somebody every day of your life.

-I'll be able to function.

-He's going to starve.

I'm not going to starve.

But Ralphy isn't alone.

His best man, the sweet and sensitive Gary, is here to help.

Me and Ralphy are very close friends.

About eight years I've known Ralphy.

I think Gary will be able to help me out with things I'm going to miss.

I'm getting married and he is too.

So Ralphy's going to jump on that bandwagon, also.

Whatever his girl says, he does.

He brings her everywhere, he wants to do everything with her.

It kind of makes me sick to my stomach.

He's very in touch with his feminine side. He's a lover boy.

Ralphy knows more about bikes then brides.

This unromantic man has a lot to learn.

So do we just Google weddings?

I'm going to tell you, the biggest thing is the venue, bro.

-You got to know where you want to do it.

-Doesn't the place give you...

-No.

-They don't offer like any package with flowers included?

-No.

Do they offer an all-in-one package where they do everything for you?

-Nah, they don't.

-I want you to get the DJ, the flowers and the limo.

I think that they wouldn't do that cos it comes into,

"We want to do what you want to do."

So if they mess it up, it's like, "It's not our fault type of thing."

-What's up with the food situation?

-They supply the food, yeah.

-So, what do we want?

-You can special request things, I know that.

-Right, OK, so food, the venue takes care of it?

-Yeah.

And then the drinks too, all that stuff.

How about the little things, the tuxedos?

Yeah, I got to get the dresses too.

Oh, my God!

That's the tough part, bro.

It's up to me. It's what I say what goes.

If I screw this up, I probably won't get married.

-But

-BLEEP

-it, let's see what comes out of it.

So, dress.

I have to do the bridesmaids too.

-I have to do everybody.

-Oh, man.

-It's a lot to do, bro, believe me.

-All right, so, we'll figure it out.

Let's check at least three places at least, you know.

-Take the phone number.

-I want to have more options, man.

See how much they're charging, too, man.

There's always room to negotiate.

You can't just take the price they give you.

Spoken like a true used car salesman.

Here's one place me and my girl looked at. It's mushy, mushy stuff.

I feel like we're getting married here.

-Oh, do you like this place, honey?

-Ah, man!

Yeah, hi, um, I guess I'm trying to reach banquet sales.

The 12th? Mmm, that's a little bit far back.

I'm sort of planning everything so last minute.

With only three weeks to plan what takes most people a year to complete,

has stress has just begun.

I think he might mess up the dress.

The hardest part is that dress, bro. Little girl's dream about this, man.

"When I get married this is what I want to wear."

They wrap themselves up in toilet paper.

"My dress is going to look better than yours."

-Do you know her size?

-She's this size.

-They go by numbers, bro. You know how guys are like in the '30s?

-Yeah.

-Girls are like zero to 10 to 11.

-Really? What happened to 34, 33, 32?

If it's too big, we can staple it.

-Do you know what's a veil?

-No, what is it?

That's the thing they wear on their head. It covers them like that.

Isn't that stitched to the dress?

No, bro. What, like a hoodie you pull over?!

By the time the wedding comes round, I'll probably be bald and grey.

-Anything you choose I know she's going to like.

-Oh, you're so sweet.

-When I grow up I want to be just like you. You're so sweet.

-Shut up.

The bros may have done some homework,

but El Romantico is already feeling the weight of the stress.

There's a lot of pressure planning this wedding.

I can't get this wrong because Michelle's going to scrutinise this.

She's going to see every little mistake I make.

Meanwhile,

Michelle and her bridesmaids enjoy a relaxing ladies luncheon.

To a future wedding and hopefully it comes out good!

But pressure's already building as Ralphy meets Gary at a dress shop.

I'm lost already.

When I first walked in I was overwhelmed.

I saw just aisles and aisles of dresses

and they all looked the same.

-Does she want to be a princess?

-Um...

That I won't like.

-With a tiara and a wand.

-Oh, that's not me.

I don't think I like, personally, like the big, you know.

OK, well, it's your decision.

Way to go, Ralphy, you clearly know your fiancee's style

and are taking this challenge pretty seriously.

All this is poofy style. This is poofy style with roses.

I have a feeling he's going to forget shoes.

Good thing is I have some ivory shoes, some nice ones.

What if he chooses a white dress and you're going to wear ivory shoes?

Hopefully it's long enough where they don't see them.

I think the white style looks better than ivory.

At least you got the style. It has to be white, right?

Yeah, I got that down.

Oh, Ralphy, your colour choice is not in step with Michelle's shoes.

Where do you think you want to be comfortable in the bridal gown?

I didn't think it was anything over a thousand bucks,

but apparently they go up to...

-In the magazine...

-7,000, 8,000.

It's her dress. I don't want to be cheap about it, you know.

Good boy!

-This is mermaid-style. Why don't we try that one?

-OK.

-You going to try it on?

-Yeah, it's going to bring my eyes out.

How can girls do this all day, bro?

This is what they fantasise all their lifetime.

After seeing some dresses, Ralphy's stress level increases.

It's tough, bro. I feel bad I get to go with my girl.

She picks something she likes, man. You're here in the hot seat, bro.

I got grey hair growing.

Did you want to see a veil to any of these?

What's a veil?

-What's a veil?

-Yeah.

I'm going to end up doing my own hair and make-up.

-I have a feeling.

-There's one thing, though.

-He won't forget the DJ and he won't forget the liquor.

-Yeah.

That's definitely going to be there.

But the boys definitely don't have a dress yet.

In front of the shop, the dress stress is getting to Ralphy.

I'm so lost right now. I want to get this over with, but I want it to be right.

Think about it like this. If you want a car, what you want in it?

-I can tell you one, two, three.

-Well, it's the same concept.

What would you do? You research, right?

-So that's what you got to go about it this way.

-Right.

Instead of continuing with wedding planning,

Ralphy, the big kid, wastes time.

By riding bikes with his buddy.

I own a motorcycle.

That's my baby. That's the thing I enjoy the most in life.

When I want to get away from everything,

I'll get on her and just go somewhere.

Wedding planning might make you feel like a wimp, Ralphy,

but popping a wheelie isn't going to help plan this wedding faster.

The next day to get wedding wise

Ralphy decides to hit the books.

Oh, Martha Stewart. She doesn't go wrong.

The bridesmaids' dresses,

I didn't really know they were too much different

than the actual bride's dress.

I always get distracted with these things.

I came here for bridal magazines and I'm looking at cars right now.

-Getting married soon, man?

-Yeah.

I'm planning the thing so, from top to bottom.

-My dad did that for my sister and he had a heart attack.

-Did he?

-That's a lot of stress.

-That's inspiring.

Newly inspired, Ralphy heads home

to become a wedding expert.

They all look the same.

This one has flowers.

Are you kidding me? 13 grand for a dress?!

I'm probably going to get on eBay and look for a dress.

I just, I don't know what the next step, I just, this isn't for me.

With barely two weeks left and 25,000 burning a hole in his pocket

Ralphy has yet to make a single wedding decision,

so today he and his best man Gary

are off to see their very first venue, The Grove.

-Wow.

-This space looks fancy.

-Yeah.

-How you doing?

-Welcome to The Grove.

Meanwhile, not willing to give up her own wedding dreams,

Michelle, her mother Maria, the maid of honour, her sister Stephanie,

visit the classically elegant Crystal Plaza.

My idea of a dream wedding. I love elegance.

Can picture like this big hall with beautiful chandeliers.

-Please come in.

-This is nice.

-Wow.

We have a colour-kinetic lighting system.

You and your bride can decide what colour you would like it to be.

I wish I had her here to help me decide.

-Grand ballroom.

-Wow. Look at those chandeliers.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

11, 12, 13, 14?

14 chandeliers. I think I may be missing one.

I'm hoping that Ralphy keys on the fact

that I like very warm places.

Hopefully he doesn't go anywhere crazy.

-I can change these lights to play...

-This is perfect right now, actually.

Something very elegant as opposed to maybe something more modern.

-It's really nicely done.

-I like these doors. Look at this.

The bathroom makes me want to party.

I want to party in here right now, you know?

We could set up a martini bar in the bathroom if you like.

I'm all for it.

Nothing says classy, romantic, dream wedding

like a bar next to the urinals(!)

This is nice. I like this. It's my style.

Michelle's going to be disappointed

when he comes up with something crazy.

I like what I see to be honest with you.

The main thing is the budget, cos I do have a budget to plan around.

I could offer you a really nice menu

around 109 per person,

plus tax and service charge.

I want just about 200 people at the wedding

and I'm looking at over 26,000 at this point.

My budget is 25,000 for everything.

Ralphy loves the venue, but hates the price.

The stress of wedding planning is beginning to take a toll

on Ralphy's fragile frame.

-My wrist is hurting.

-What did you do?

-I don't know, I really don't know.

It's hurting and the AC is making it hurt more.

This wedding's giving me arthritis, that's what it is.

You haven't signed anything.

No, no, no, no, the wedding is giving me arthritis.

The magazines?

My wrist, the magazine reading,

the typing and the Guru searching is hurting my wrist.

You need to man-up, Ralphy, and wedding plan through the pain.

The next day, Ralph and Gary view their new number two.

But Il Tulipano isn't looking so rosy.

Right now, from the outside, it does not look good at all.

I don't know if they're going to be ready.

I don't know if they are going to have parking for the guests.

Is there anything owner Greg can say to change their minds?

We've a full bar, eight different beers, 12 vodkas.

-Perfect.

-In fact, there is.

This mess here, this is all going to be done in the next few days.

This is our ballroom.

Full bar in the room so the bar downstairs would close.

He's trying to sell us by showing us the bars.

-We'd use this for the ceremony.

-Awesome.

-Shall we head downstairs?

-I'll show you some menus.

-This guy sold me with the bars.

There's a bar in every frickin' room you go to.

Valet parking is included.

Open bar is included in whatever package. I'm done, I'm sold.

Nothing will make Michelle feel more elegant than an open bar

and free parking.

-I have the 6th available.

-You do?

I will drop the price down to 80 per person.

As far as the venue goes, I can't go over 15,000, altogether.

What I can do is eliminate some things from the package,

to try and bring it down.

Five dollars here, two dollars there,

we can look through it and work with you. Let's see what we can do.

That's understandable.

He worked on the price,

but I think I can squeeze more out of him.

Looks like this used-car salesman is walking away with no money down.

The next day, the boys continue venue hunting.

Ralphy retraces his steps to the place where he met Michelle,

the Westmount.

Inside, he meets co-owner, Tom Delgado,

who gets right down to business.

-You're going to get married?

-Yeah.

-Groom?

-Yes, I am.

-I just need to take a little information.

-OK.

Anna, give me a brochure, my card, menus.

-I've used to valet park here many years ago when I was younger.

-OK.

Let me show you. Come right in.

After the lukewarm homecoming,

Tom begins the world's fastest wedding venue tour.

OK, this is the Continental Lounge.

All the white leather furniture, very chic, very trendy.

Frosted glass, beautiful polka dot martini glasses.

We do ceremonies out here which can be beautiful.

Marry in the gazebo, weather permitting.

If the weather doesn't permit, we're going to do the ceremony right here.

-Take a look at the view, all right?

-Looks nice.

It's a one of a kind, this bar.

All the furniture is one of a kind. Everything is custom.

-Chic, trendy, hot. Let me get the book and check the date.

-OK.

-He's fast.

-Upon leaving warp speed, Tom puts Ralphy in his hotseat.

Let's say I was thinking Thursday night,

I assume it's cheaper than a Friday or Saturday.

Thursday night, I would do something for like 200 bucks a person.

-Wow, really?

-I do have a cancellation here.

I do love the place, it looks amazing.

I guess I have to pass on this one, to be honest with you.

Smart thinking. Ralphy, 200 guests at 200 will cost you 40 grand.

The whole budget is only 25 grand.

I've got to go home and run these numbers.

Awesome, thank you for your help. It was a pleasure.

A pleasure meeting you too, guys.

And after all these years,

there's not even a valet to bring Ralph his car.

-Let's get going.

-Let's get going.

-See what's out there.

Let's go home, crunch some numbers, real simple stuff. No more venues.

No more.

-Eat a banana.

-No!

-How about an orange?

Away from home at her mother's house with baby Isabella

Michelle frets over feeding Ralphy.

I know he does depend on me a lot for cooking and eating at all times,

so he's probably, at all times, walking round the house saying,

"I'm hungry," or something.

You're over-reacting, Michelle.

Ralphy is a grown man who can take care of himself.

-Hey, Mom, it's me.

-I'm totally kidding.

I just want to know if you can come over and make me some food today

because I'm really hungry.

I'm just eating canned food and stuff like that.

With food on the way, Ralphy focuses

on cutting down the guest list.

I've been crunching some numbers. As of right now, I'm over 240, 245.

I'm going to have to cut back a lot of people.

Honestly, my biggest fear

is that people aren't going to be invited.

Help! Hi, how are you?

Nothing like mom's home cooking to relieve some stress.

I'm dying here. I don't have anything to eat.

I don't see you skinny. You put some oil in the pot?

Not a lot, because we're going to use some.

Now, you know what I want?

-Cilantro?

-Yeah.

-This is the one I make.

-I thought that was it.

-Smell it!

-Nah!

-You see? Mommy's is the one.

-Look what I've been looking at. You see that one?

-Nice.

I don't know what she likes, but this is my style.

-You have to keep in mind her body shape.

-Would you be happy with that?

If I had Michelle's shape, yes.

But right now...

No, of course not.

Ralphy's getting very stressed out.

I think he's afraid to choose the wrong dress for Michelle.

He told me already,

"I'm ready to throw the towel."

I said, "No, wait!"

I feel the stress every night. I sleep for two hours and I wake up.

Every hour and a half, two hours, I'm waking up.

I have wedding overload right now.

I don't want to think about it anymore.

But Mama can't plan the wedding. Time to man-up, Ralphy.

I think I'm getting an ulcer because of this.

13 days until the wedding, Ralphy wakes at the crack of dawn

in order to learn Michelle's dress size.

Sherlock Ralphy investigates.

Small, medium, what's 3/4?

This is a size blank. This is nuts.

I think if she's not happy with the dress,

she won't even walk down the aisle.

With the dress, you have the veal.

What did you call it?

The veal.

Then you have the front side of that.

Nothing is quick and easy. Everything has eight steps to it.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Whatever.

I hate wedding planning.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I really hate it.

I want it to be over and I don't ever want to think about wedding things

ever again in my life.

The boys are back spinning their wheels.

No venue locked, so no wedding invitations,

no flowers, no cake, no thought of a mariachi band

and most importantly, no dress for the bride.

I've never had anything of this magnitude to plan or to do,

so, I have to get it right, I have to make sure she's happy.

-Hey, how are you?

-Hello, I'm Renae.

-We're shopping for wedding dresses.

OK. For yourselves?

I think the style that I'm more or less like, is tight to the body.

I think it's called mermaid or something like that.

-They do the heart.

-Sweetheart neck?

Yes, that. Sorry.

Are you comfortable around the thousand dollar, 1,200 range?

Nothing too low-end, but nothing too high-end.

Meanwhile, Michelle fears she's missing all the fun.

She and her bridesmaids are looking for a dress in the city.

My dream dress is something very feminine.

I like the mermaid silhouette

which is very tapered all the way up to the hips

and it flares out usually at the knees or the ankles.

Something over the top or princessy with a big ballroom gown

would definitely scare me.

I look like an idiot, I'm going to feel like an idiot the whole day.

I would be really upset.

How about that one? Too fluffy.

I'm looking more tapered all the way.

This is stunning, this with the belt.

I would feel like a marshmallow in it. Not crazy about it.

-Nothing with this?

-No.

-This is something with lace.

-That's too simple.

-It's a trumpeted look.

-No.

I'm not a bird.

Oh, oh! If Michelle can't find her dream dress,

what chance does Ralphy have?

I will try that one.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

She's seen a lot of dresses?

She's been dreaming about this forever.

This is her dream that I can't screw up.

The fabric embellishments, this is very hot now.

-I like the more plain look. They look like roses.

-That's what they are.

That's exactly what they are.

-This thing's driving me nuts.

-The dress is the wedding,

the dress is the wedding, the dress is the wedding.

I want something that's going to wow me, right away when I see it.

I don't want too safe either.

-I want something different.

-Try that one?

Yes, that one looks pretty cool.

-Here it comes.

-I like this dress.

It's just the perfect touch of elegance with beading, just simple.

But the ruching just made it fit and it felt beautiful.

Good job on the dress, Michelle. You just made it really hard on Ralphy.

Ralphy and Gary are off to dress shop number three.

This is the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life.

And then I am getting picky about it too, because I can just...

Dude, I noticed that you're, like, getting into it!

I'm like, "Oh, I don't like the double thing."

And, "I don't like the bling on the side."

"Is there something tighter to the body?"

"Because I'm going to take pictures with her

"and she has to look so..."

Ralphy, seems like you're enjoying this a bit too much.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-How are you?

-Good, how are you?

Here you go. OK, this is number one.

It's pretty, right?

It's very elegant.

-Number two.

-That one's nice, too.

-Yeah.

-Beautiful, right?

Damn it.

Can you turn around? Wait till you see here. Look at the front.

It's beautiful, right?

Yeah. It's about 3,000.

I think I'm close to making a decision.

Just, I would like to have, um, some lunch.

Better order from the dollar menu, Ralphy...

..and kinda dwell it over.

..cos you need to budget wisely to afford THIS costly gown.

Il Tulipano, which was under construction,

was the only venue available on a Saturday.

But that was several days ago.

Hey, Greg?

Luckily, Saturday is wide open.

But El Romantico still isn't sold.

All right, Greg, honestly, and, you know,

not to bust your balls too much, I think,

you know, since the kids are eating chicken fingers

and French fries, stuff like that,

uh, would it be possible to, maybe, you know, give me half price on them?

'Absolutely.'

First decision down. Ralphy locks in a venue at 15,400.

That's 400 more than he wanted to pay.

I really appreciate it.

-'Thank you.'

-Take care.

-'Best of luck.'

-Thank you.

Boo yow.

Ralphy celebrates his venue victory with some serious athletic competition.

Beer pong - a contest of skill, determination and liver function.

Nice shot, Ralphy.

Whoosh!

-Who took my beer? I just opened another one.

-I thought you drank it.

Um, I'm getting a little worried.

Ralphy is getting things done, hopefully. I'm just anxious.

I just want it to happen already.

I miss him, I want to be home,

I want to be married.

I just want to see the end result.

It's a tight match. It all comes down to the final shot.

Ohhh!

In the end, no-one will remember the score,

but they will remember the hangover.

And hopefully Ralphy will remember he has a wedding to plan!

12 days before the wedding, Ralphy, the doting dad,

spends some time with his baby, Isabella.

Who's that?

I've seen her maybe twice.

You go from seeing Bella every day to, you know, once a week.

You know, it's tough.

It's cold.

-Cold.

-Yeah it's cold.

I need my family.

It's fun having them around, you know?

Yo, Papa!

After the visit, Ralphy and his soon-to-be brother-in-law Danny

go to buy a little dress for little Isabella.

-Are you looking for any specific colour?

-Maybe a white dress.

-White. Is the bride going to be in white?

-Yes.

-OK.

-That looks like it fits her, huh?

-That's kind of nice.

She's going to match her mom. OK, hold this one.

-Yeah. Do you have any other styles or...?

-Um, I have this one

-but, again, it's ivory.

-Right.

-And it has flowers at the bottom.

-That's nice too.

This is pretty nice. I think we're going to go with this one.

Nice job, Ralphy. Isabella will look so sweet in that dress.

With 11 days until saying I do, Ralph is now ready

to purchase Michelle's wedding gown.

I really like the dress, I want to see her in it.

We're ready to lock it down so long as the number's right.

Which I think is going to be not so easy.

If you want to get somebody else to try it on, it's fine with me.

Maybe Gary, would you, er...?

-Come on, Gary.

-Who me?

This is too much.

We can have options for her.

She can walk down the aisle without a belt and then, at the reception,

she can add the belt to it.

-With the belt... You think that's too expensive?

-No.

You wanted something simple, elegant,

you wanted a little bit of bling on it

and I think it has everything that you asked for.

The original price on the dress is 3,755.

-OK?

-That's...that's WAY over the budget.

OK, the owners are willing to do 20% off the dress

and to add the alterations into that price.

At this point, just to even consider that amount,

I'm going to have to cancel my bachelor party.

Now, that's true love, sacrifice.

-All right, let me see what I can do.

-Yeah, please. Thank you very much.

On second thought...

I'm not sacrificing my bachelor party.

I've sacrificed three weeks of everything for this.

-Here we go.

-I'm scared.

I've worked out the numbers.

I'm going to give you 25% off the dress. Which is huge.

You're going to get it for 2,816.

-You're also getting your alterations thrown in and a free veil.

-Awesome.

-That's awesome.

-That is awesome.

-That works.

The price is right, but something else is very wrong.

This is a large size. It sounds like she's a 0.

We're going to have to take this dress from a size 8 down to a 0.

-Right.

-Which means, she has to really reconstruct the gown.

-OK.

It's going to take them two full weeks to do the alterations. OK?

It's a lot of work, it's a lot of work.

With just 11 days until the wedding, will the dress be altered in time?

No dress, no wedding.

It's nine days until the wedding.

Ralphy faces his biggest challenge yet.

The bridesmaids.

Ralphy takes charge of shopping for the bridesmaids' dresses.

Remember, I'm in charge and I make the decisions.

But that doesn't last long.

-How tight is this dress?

-No, no.

I don't want to spend more than about 100, 120 per dress.

Hopefully, I can get the bridesmaids

to pay maybe half of it, maybe the whole thing. Let's see what happens.

I just don't like the mermaid and everything is mermaid!

That's the style, sister.

I don't like anything that was there, nothing.

I'm dress shopping right now. Are you kidding me?!

Why aren't you trying anything on?

Whatever they choose, I'll wear, that's it.

Ralphy still hasn't told the bridesmaids he's only paying for part of their dresses.

-What was the price of that?

-139.99? That's good.

-Yeah, I know.

It's good because you guys are covering...

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-That's funny.

Ralphy's sister, Suehaily, has two daughters who also need dresses.

OK, so, I'll tell Michelle there's no photographer

-because I think bridesmaids' dresses was more important.

-All right!

I'm going to have to make the executive decision

and just pick out a dress and they'll have to wear it, plain and simple.

Ralphy, the decider.

-How much are these dresses?

-They're 150.

What? You're getting a hundred bucks from me, that's it.

-I have to spend 300 on two little dresses they'll only wear once!

-Don't threaten me.

-I'm not listening you.

-Are you really coming to this wedding because I don't need you there.

-I won't go!

Good. Perfect. One less dress.

It's not going well for Ralphy -

his bride's dress may not be ready for the big day

and his sister may not even come to the wedding.

-Are you coming to this wedding? I don't need you there.

-I won't go.

Ralphy's attempt to save money on the bridesmaids' dresses didn't go over so well.

So he calls the venue with a smaller guest list due to those who have RSVP'd no.

Hopefully, I can get some money back from Il Tulipano.

That's the only way I'll be able to finish this. If not, I'm done.

Il Tulipano comes through, so Ralphy can afford to buy

the bridesmaids' dresses in full.

It's seven days before the big day.

With the bridesmaids' dresses behind him,

Ralphy handles the rest of the wedding essentials. Like the cake.

We've round, square, sphere. We have all different kind of shapes.

Wow, I never knew there were so many options.

We should do this five-tier, classic lines.

So long as everything works pricewise for me.

-Your cake will look like that.

-That looks awesome.

-I think we're good to go. Yeah, I'm happy.

-Excellent.

Piece of cake.

But El Romantico has no flower power.

I usually stick to edible arrangements.

-Probably not going to be a centrepiece of a...

-No, no.

Is there anything you know,

she doesn't like a certain flower or she does like a certain flower?

Her favourite flower is actually a calla lily.

So we could do white mini calla lilies for her.

Setting um up, and knocking them down. Next stop, tuxedos.

This is my style, the way I like to dress,

I think I'm going to get out of here with a tux.

This is a big relief.

Ralphy pays for tuxedos for himself and his groomsmen.

Suddenly it's all coming together.

-Awesome. Thank you very much.

-Thank you very much.

Five days before the wedding,

Ralphy gets a surprise phone call

from his sister Edie regarding Michelle's bachelorette party.

I doubt there will be a bachelorette party,

I don't think he'll remember.

No. I'm not planning anything. No.

Since Ralphy isn't planning a party, the girls rally together

for Michelle just three days before the wedding.

We took it upon ourselves

and we're going to have a bachelorette party for Michelle.

Surprise!

THEY TOAST IN SPANISH

To a good night, Ralphy, enjoy.

Tonight is the bachelor party and I feel great. I got a good deal.

What am I going to do, turn down a good deal on a party bus?

The guys are coming over.

We'll probably bar hop around here.

That's the only reason why he wanted to get married,

was to have a bachelor party.

Are you kidding me?

He'll probably go to Atlantic City or he'll go to a strip club or something.

Ralphy and his friends keep the bachelor party classy.

I got to take my shirt off.

Save it for the honeymoon.

Meanwhile, the air conditioning at the bachelorette party is broken,

so Ralphy sent over a handy man.

I'm sorry, it's pretty hot in here, isn't it?

Well, yeah, I've been waiting forever.

Well, it's going to get a little hotter now, ladies.

Ralphy didn't forget Michelle, meet Husky Love.

Oh, my God.

THEY ALL SCREAM

Get away from me!

Oh, my God!

Go Husky, go Husky, go Husky!

They don't call him Husky for nothing.

I really don't like anything raunchy. Definitely no strippers, that's not me.

He said he would send you a gift and that was his gift.

-Ralphy says he loves you.

-Yeah.

Ralphy says, "He loves you," Michelle,

-is there anything you want to tell him?

-I hate you.

While Michelle wants Ralphy's head on a plate, Husky is filling his...

to go.

Be good, you all be good.

He's wasting our money on friggin' stupid crap.

The girls finish off their night with a little bit of dancing,

and so do the guys.

Yeah, you gotta find a stripper named...

Upon hour four of drinking, Ralphy's night is becoming a blur.

You thought planning the wedding was a headache, just wait until tomorrow morning, Ralphy.

48 hours before the wedding and no time for additional alterations,

Michelle finally sees her dress for the first time.

I'm feeling really anxious.

I just want to get it on and get it over with

and want Saturday to come already.

I'm done with everything.

-Right in here?

-You're going to come in here.

We're scared about what Ralphy's going to choose.

C'mon, Michelle.

I'm so scared. I'm just watching the door.

Will Ralphy's gown erase the memory of Husky Love

or leave him alone at the altar?

The dress is probably an 11 on the scale from one to ten.

It's important.

If I don't feel comfortable in what I'm wearing, I won't go out.

I won't look like a fool.

Wow, Michelle, does he have good taste?

-Wow.

-You can marry him now.

Ralphy, way to impress with the dress!

Wow.

-Michelle.

-I know, it's cute.

He did a great job.

They altered the dress in only nine days instead of two weeks.

He really just wanted to keep it simple and elegant.

Ralphy, I'm so happy you didn't get me

a huge, ridiculous big ball gown that wouldn't have been me.

So, yeah, you made me happy today.

Now we can trust him in the rest, right?

We're like, "Phew," we feel a lot better.

If he did a good job for choosing the dress

then he's doing a good job on the rest.

We're happy. You can take my daughter to be your wife.

The day before the wedding,

Gary tries to convince Ralphy to make a romantic gesture

for Michelle - get the mariachi band she's been dreaming of.

-I know the budget's tight...

-There's no budget.

You need to get the mariachi band.

-I can't afford anything.

-You want to wow her.

-I'm not a "wow" type of guy.

-That's why you got me.

I don't need to think about something special.

I need to think about the finish line.

It doesn't have to be mariachi, all right? It doesn't have to be.

-What will we have? A comedian?

-You want to wow her.

-I just wanted to run it by you.

-We'll think about it.

I can't be romantic. She'd like a mariachi. I don't like it.

Put a smile on, buddy.

Well, there won't be a mariachi band for Michelle.

With the wedding less than a day away,

what could Ralphy possible come up with?

Today is the big day.

El Romantico not only gives up the house so the girls can get dressed,

he revs up the romance and puts his passion on paper.

Awww... How cute.

"Hey, babe, it's your lover boy. Hang tight for the journey.

"It's been a long, tough ride for me, but I know it's all worth it

"and you deserve everything that you are about to experience.

"I can't wait to see your smile on your face.

"See you later, Mrs Payano."

ALL LAUGH

With the wedding just hours away,

the girls have to get ready in a hurry.

We're all out of extension cords.

I wish Ralphy would have gotten a salon.

There's little kids running around, there's blow dryers, it's hot.

Now I'm just getting nervous.

Meanwhile...

They gave the house to the girls, so they can get ready,

which is kind of my mistake, I guess, at this point, because I'm bored.

-You're getting married in three hours and we're hanging out.

-Parking lot pimping.

While Ralphy's parking lot pimping is easy,

Michelle is ready to blow a fuse..

ELECTRICAL SPARKING

..literally.

I'm almost done with my hair and make-up

and I'm getting really excited.

I just can't wait to put my dress on and be out of this house.

Dah!

Wow! You guys look like mermaids.

Wow, Ralphy picked that out, huh? I can't believe it. Wow.

Let me see the princess! Aww, she's got her little flower.

Oh, how cute!

I just can't wait to see Ralphy

and just have a blast, have a party.

Where are you hoping it is going to be?

It has to be some kind of country club. It has to be.

Are we here? Is this the place? I hope not.

Don't worry, Maria. Ralphy may not be the most romantic guy in the world,

but he has a beautiful ceremony waiting for your daughter, Michelle.

CHEERING

Look at her. She's so... She's like, "What's going on?"

This wedding's very important for me, because that's the only thing

Michelle has ever dreamed of and Michelle means

a lot to me. She is the mother of my child and she is, uh,

she is the person that, kinda, brought me back down to earth.

MUSIC: Wagner's Bridal Chorus

Wow, she looks good.

She looks good.

She looks good.

Nice dress.

Before we precede, I want to... I want to take the time

to do something that I didn't get right the first time.

I want to propose.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Will you marry me?

-I do.

-I can't kiss you. So, is that a yes?

I do!

Please be seated.

Way to wow her, Ralphy.

Today, friends will become family and promises will become permanent.

-Michelle, repeat after me. "Raphael..."

-Raphael...

-"From the moment we met..."

-From the moment we met...

-"I knew then..."

-I knew then...

-"That someone very special..."

-That someone very special...

-"Had entered my life..."

-Had entered my life...

I will cherish you and Isabella the only way I know how to,

by promising you the gift of all my tomorrows. I love you.

Gary, will you present the rings, please?

With this ring, I give you my heart.

With this ring, I give you my promise that from this day forward,

you should never walk alone. And may my arms be your home.

Please help me to pronounce them to be husband and wife.

So, I need all of you to please repeat after me,

-"Michelle and Raphael..."

-ALL: Michelle and Raphael...

-"We pronounce you to be..."

-ALL: We pronounce you to be...

-"Husband and wife."

-ALL: Husband and wife.

Raphael, you may kiss your bride.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-I feel great.

-Oh, my God, it's just so exciting.

It's just like, yes, it's such a big relief. It's been such a long time.

I missed him so much.

-Three weeks.

-It's a lot. Ralphy did an amazing job, amazing.

He got down on one knee and I just so wasn't expecting that, at all.

It was very emotional. I didn't think I was going to cry.

I thought I would be more excited than anything

and that was just like a curveball. I couldn't stop crying at all.

Everything was beautiful. The ceremony was so perfect. It was perfect.

Oh, how pretty!

-Yes. Oh, check out the cake. It looks like your dress.

-Oh!

It all flows. It's just great - nice clean lines, nice and warm

and romantic. It's just perfect, it really is. It's great.

I'm so surprised. He did it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Looking at them, "Oh, my God, she's really crying."

-Then Ralphy's crying. Ralphy pulled this one right out of his

-BLEEP.

He did a great job.

When I met Ralphy and Michelle, I knew they were meant to be together. Everybody, a toast. Cheers!

Ralphy did an amazing job. I'm having a lot of fun.

I thought that Ralphy was very romantic.

I didn't expect it from him.

He surprised me all the way and he just...

-standing ovation. He did really good.

-Thank you.

I will remember this forever and ever and ever.

It feels awesome to do something romantic.

-I love you. Mwah.

-I love you. I love you.