Christmas Revenge 2011 Don't Tell the Bride

Christmas Revenge 2011

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Don't Tell The Bride is coming down your chimney with a Christmas


revenge special. It is like my worst nightmare. Stuff crap, it is


my wedding. This isn't fair. I was absolutely


livid. We will take a festive look back at some of your favourite


brides who were brave enough to let their groom plan their special day.


I felt I was in fancy dress. Why has he told me to do this.


was going to do exact liaise wanted it with a tiny bit of thought for


lawyeren's ceremony. When I saw him it was horrible, I felt I would


burst into tears. A fishing boat on my wedding day. Thorpe Park on my


wedding day. Skydive on my wedding day. Today is pay back for the


grooms, as they give the Christmas gift of their groom'sate mares.


Absolute arsehole! Remember Kayleigh and Steven, she


was the wannabe WAG with her heart set on fairytale wedding. When you


are a little girl, this is it. was the ex-footballer who thought,


sod that, let's stick her on a rollercoaster at Thorpe Park


instead. It was less white wedding and more sort of white nuing


knuckle. Shut the BEEP up, why are we here, why am I at Thorpe Park on


my wedding day. A good day for me, not for Kayleigh. What did Kayleigh


make of her big day on the big dipper? I will be remembered as the


Thorpe Park bride. They started well, they picked the perfect dress


and shoes. Shut up, wow. And who can forget the surprise hen


do party present. I have been sent by Steve to do you a vajazzle.


what a ledg. It isn't sink when Steven would be planning my wedding


when he literally left me. And then my friend came round and I thought,


oh Christ. Didn't we all, but when the perfect car showed up it seemed


to be the perfect day. Sadly, this wouldn't be the only thing she


would be riding in. I have to put a blindfold on you. When I put the


blindfold on I was excited, I love a surprise, I wonder where we are


going. Is it like a fun fair? I can hear music, and I wear I just


heard something from a clown. Then I just thought, please, don't, say


we are where we are. Have we taken me to a fun fair before the bloody


wedding, do I look in the mood for a fun fair. This isn't fair and


this isn't funny. I'm scared. I don't want to open my eyes. When I


look my blindfold off my heart sunk, I was getting more and more angry,


why are we here, what is going on. "The last two weeks have been a


rollercoaster for me, please experience a little bit of what I


have been through. And go on now, what is my favourite ride of all


time, this is the ride that I found the real you, who I adore.


All my loves and kisses for the rest of my life, your soon-to-be


husband!" no. I thought I can't do this, how on earth can I physically


do this, this is ridiculous. Let's go and have a look for a laugh.


won't laugh if I get my dress dirty, my pretty shoes. I did ask them to


wipe the seats down, so that it would be a little bit cleaner, not


dirty or anything. I didn't think the dress wouldn't fit on there.


No. Why has he told me to do this in my wedding dress. I think it is


just as stupid as you do. lock's sake. Was physically


impossible, I would have had to move the hoop above my head, and


all the undercarriage would be hanging out. I thought what if the


ride malfunctions because of the dress and I would die. I was


working myself into a real state. I just don't understand.


I just really don't locking get it. Could you not have? No I just want


to go. I just she would do it, sit down


and relax. It didn't quite work. You have done all of this for no


reason, whatsoever, what a locking prick.


I had no idea how much I swore until watching it back, I was


mortified by how much I was swearing, I was so stressed and so


anxious and worried and frustrated. And we are two hours late, I have


still got to go and get my hair done, we are in the middle of


Thorpe Park, I lost my rag. After a bumpy morning, the bride set off to


see her groom and the mood improved, for a while at least. You're


getting married, oh my God. Shut up! The only thing in my head was


just like, oh my God, I'm about to become a wife, and I'm about to


become Steve's wife. It was just the most amazing feeling ever. Then


walking in and seeing Steve and, I don't know how I didn't cry. I


wanted to sob. I did cry a bit. I just wanted to throw my arms around


him and just never let him go. I promise to care for you.


To remain true to you. And above all, to respect and love you always.


So I'm very happy to tell you, you are now husband and wife,


congratulations to you both. all that with a vajazzle, but just


as Kay Logan to relax, there was an announcement. Steve and Kayleigh we


are going to make a move. Where to? You will find out. You all remember


what happened next. Does everyone else know where they are going.


They will do. I suddenly noticed we were heading back down the same


route we had come down. We are going back to Thorpe Park. Why?


we going back to Thorpe Park? We're going back to Thorpe Park, why?


is the bit where Steve edges back into the car, he's like. I thought


she was going to give me a smack or something. I was like, are we going


back, and's like, yeah. Why? Babe, this is such a stupid idea.


So you don't want to go round the park? No. Everyone has queue jumps?


Are you joking. No-one wants to go around on rides ts a wedding.


People want to have a drink, and a chat, and a nice photo, not


screaming at 100 miles an hour. Kayleigh and Steve are on the way


to the reception half a mile away. Could they not provide transport.


It was going through my mind that I ruined my wife's wedding day, the


only one she would have, it really upset me.


Look, I'm so sorry. Just. Just when things couldn't possibly get worse.


My heel is broken. I just want to go home. I genuinely


just cried, when I said I wanted to go home, I thought I really do, I


thought everyone will understand, I want me, Steve and the boys to go


home and just be a family again. It was awful. It really hurt, so all I


could think of was what I could do just to try to cheer her up and


make the day better. Thankfully Steve knows the way to a


woman's heart is through soft furnishings. Oh my God. Oh my God,


what is that? A chase long. Chaise longe. Why is there a pony?


The cake is perfect. Gold and silver crown. Against all the odds,


Steve managed to give Kayleigh a tiny bit of the WAG wedding she


wanted. I love it, it is just amazing. I definitely felt our


relationship stronger since doing the show. I think so. Because those


three weeks apart was probably the worst thing that can happen to a


relationship, isn't T I love you. Perfect, thank you so much.


But has Kayleigh really for given for Thorpe Park, of course she --


forgiven Steve for Thorpe Park? Of course she has. I wanted to say


thank you for sending me to Thorpe Park on the morning of my wedding.


This is for you. Can you hope it? You want me to open it? Yes, sir


please. You're going to get a Pejazzle.


you serious? Yeah. I'm not getting it. I'm not being funny, you sent


me on a ride on the morning of our wedding in my dress. I don't want a


Pejazzle! Are you serious? Merry Christmas. So our own presidential


Santa arrives. It is going to hurt isn't it?


I bet you wish you never got her that vajazzle for the wedding now.


Watch out for his baubles. Thorpe Park never hurt you? It did,


emotionally. You're done.


I love it, how cute is that? will go down a treat in the showers


after football. Let's deck the halls with Mel and


Harry. We all remember Harry, the lager-


loving fisherman who spent all his time in the sea, and of course,


fish-hating fitness freak, Mel, who spent six nights a week at aerobics.


It is not exercise, just messing around. Opposites attract, they


couldn't keep their hands off each other. We will be the randy couple.


Who can forget how she arrived at the wedding? I never imagined to be


on a fishing boat on my wedding day. But the day before the wedding, all


wasn't well when Mel started to smell something fishy. Fish,


wellies. When I received my invitation and it had the wellies


in the box and the fishing socks, my mind started running wild, I


thought, oh no, I have lost all control. With Harry at the rudder,


Mel was lucky to get an invitation at all. One of the worst decision


was not sending all the invites and not letting everyone know about the


wedding. I was trying not to think about anything to do with the


wedding, going to all the classes every night, so many people were


ringing my mum's house and saying where will the wedding be, I


started to worry. A bit of glue, it is like Art Attack. How many have I


got? 25, I need more than that. My invitation only got --


invitation only just got to me the night before, we only just chucked


out the invitations for everyone else. Not one person had an invite.


I'm struggling with this, it is doing my head in. It worked out


really well in the end, there wasn't room in the church. A lot of


people missed the meal, there was a table free, there could have been


more people eating. Still the big day started out


fairly fish-free. Cool, camper van. When I got into the camper van, I


thought maybe we were going down to Manor Bier Church. Mel dreamed of a


church wedding, fortunately where her grandfather is buried and her


dad's ashes are scattered was down the road. But that wasn't where


she's getting married. When we turned in the opposite direction, I


thought where are we going. When we arrived and I saw all the signs


outside I thought, we're getting married at a pub. If it was me


planning it, I wouldn't have done it at the Longhouse, I would have


done it at the church. It was amazing seeing Mel for the first


time in three weeks, no matter how bad I could have done, I knew she


would be happy to see me. To take thee, Matthew, Harry Cromwell, to


be my lawful wedded husband. wedding is complete, without the


rings. Whatever they are made of. just thought, maybe the wedding


rings were in the Haribo pact, when he got the jelly rings -- packet.


When he got the jelly rings out, I was shocked. It was tight on the


budget, I couldn't do everything, the fireworks and I wanted a puppy


to walk the rings down the aisle. would have preferred the proper


wedding ring, so you can show it off. It is my great pleasure to


announce you are husband and wife together.


America Haribo will sponsor us and give -- maybe Haribo will sponsor


us and give us loads of sweets. officially married, little did Mel


realise that her ordeal, or her special day was far from over.


I got told to put my wellies on to go to the beach for photos, I


thought that is what we're doing. I thought nice background. We have a


little surprise in line for you. Then I looked around and saw the


dingey putting to shore. I thought there is not a hope in hell I'm


going on a fishing boat. The smell and look of fish, anything to do


with fish he knows I can't stand. was really worried at one point


that Mel would just refuse to get on the boat. I thought the end of


my dress would get wet, and my feet, but Harry picked me up and scooped


me into the boat. It was only like a 40-minute ride around, I just


thought it would look really done and be funny, and hopefully if it


was calm, if it was flat calm I thought she would be all right.


When they pulled up the back of the boat where they shoot the fish out,


I thought I will have to climb through the hole and hitch my dress


up. I thought everyone will see my underwear and whatever else.


Thank you.. This is actually cool, I like it.


Harry was definitely lucky I didn't get sea sick, he was lucky it


didn't rain. If I had turned up in the wedding reception all soaking


wet and looking like a drowned rat, he would have been dead meat. But


finally, what with it being her wedding day, Harry decided to give


Mel what she wanted. She was whisked off to church for a special


blessing, in wellies. I think it was a lot to do with


hare kwhree for the wedding day. Where -- Harry for the wedding day.


When he thought of me, was when he thought of the fisherman's church.


Welcome friends to St Julian's Church, this church was built for


the fishermen of Tenby, here they used to bring their catch for God's


blessing. Harry today has brought his catch for God's blessing.


church blessing was amazing, I think it made the wedding. And


because it is only fishermen that are allowed to get married in that


church t makes it a little bit different and quirky as well.


blessing definitely saved me, I think, if I hadn't had that then


the whole wedding would have been not so official, she would have


been annoyed with it, definitely. loved the fact that the singing,


and everything that went on in the church, I just thought it was


really cool. To be totally honest I went more my


side of the wedding and did what I wanted to do. Harry got carried


away with his theme, he had a one- track mind, and everything was


fishing, fishing fishing. Do you like it? Fish, I guessed it would


be. Actually, we think's got a two- track mind.


Three weeks of no sex, is the hardest thing out of everything.


A lot of people have commented on how fruity we were. I want to thank


Mel's family, for making such a sexy hot love. We will be known as


the randy fishing couple, I will be a fish wife!, the randy fish wife.


What about a kiss on my Willie. There is public loos over there.


Mel as the randy fish wife, that is brilliant, I might all her that.


How will Mel thank her Christmas star for her fishy wedding. I got


you an early Christmas present, for doing a fishing themed wedding this


is for you. It is massive. He won't be thanking her when he finds out


what it is. Harry's off to fitness class. You are going to Body Attack


wearing that. I really like the wellies, but I don't know about


wearing that to the leisure centre. What's that for, going down my


I'm ready for it. Do you like it? No, I hate it. You can see your six


back, look. I'm not worried about that, it's my pecker. Don't worry,


we can't see that! Are you ready? Let's go.


Let's go, I will show you how to do it properly. So Harry takes his


first aerobics class dressed in a bright red leotard, it is so


embarrassing, the man has no rhythm And class over, it is time to go


home. See you next week girls! Let's hope they can make it back


without needing a quick fumble! Remember Fernando and Ryan, she


would have loved a wedding arranged by three wise men, sadly, she


doesn't know any. Thanks to Ryan's special bond with his best man it


was planned by a proper pair of donkeys. Matty called himself


Fernando, and took my place for three weeks. How did Fern feel when


she found she had a rival, Fernando at the wedding. Fern was barely out


of her childhood home when -- out of her home when his childhood


friend moved in. I didn't realise what it was like, until I saw what


they got up to. We hadn't not lived together, we were very exciting, we


were looking forward to the three- week holiday they were going to


have. I thought they would be planning a wedding together. Not


living as Ryan and Fern for three weeks.


That's hardly fair. The boys were completely serious about planning


the wedding. I think you have sold it to us. Definitely. It is just


that sometimes it was hard to know whose wedding they were planning.


We want the glitz, the glam, we want it to be big. Matty distracted


him, and they went into Ryan and Matt mode, if he was on his own a


bit more, he would have been thinking more about my thing.


don't get married here, you and me should. It didn't surprise me at


all trying on the wedding dresses, they were in the shop, had the


whole attention on them, they couldn't not try them on really.


They do make a lovely couple, I have to say. A couple of what I


can't say. It is all about accessorising, I think I topped


Ryan on that front! I actually wanted to try the dress on that we


chose for Fern, Ryan wouldn't have it, that is fair enough. I


understand. She would have gone mad. Ma it's dedication to the groom


meant growing him his dream stag do, three nights in Prague with a bunch


of mates. My heart sunk, I thought how have they time to spend three


days in Prague. I thought they can't have everything sorted.


Who needs everyone sorted when you have custom-made morph suits paid


for by the wedding budget. Still, at least they didn't do anything


stupid they would be stuck with for life. Oh wait, they did. Them


tatoos they got on the stag do is like wedding rings, it is something


for life. That is the biggest thing I have done, one of my best moments.


The boys only had eyes for each other, but the hens had not been


forgotten, not completely. My hen do was a bit of a let down, the


mini-bus wasn't paid for, we all had to scrape together to pay for


that. They had to pay for the mini- bus, but I was too busy


concentrating on delivering for the lads and Ryan. It is boring walking


about. They hadn't organised anything, not much thought in it.


It has been a bit exhausting trekking all over Manchester to


find somewhere for a good drink and a dance. Small price to pay. They


had a nice night out any way, didn't they.


The day before the wedding Fern waiting anxiously for delivery of


the dress the boys had chosen. you think it is coming from that


dress shop? I had it in my head that Ryan was going to this


particular wedding shop, it is in the village where he grew up as a


boy, it was just in my head that is where he would go.


When I opened the door, and saw two strangers' faces with the wedding


dress, my heart just sunk, I thought where has he been for this


dress. I never expected to see your faces,


I don't know you, it is not from that shop. It is not from the shop.


It was nearly at the end of the three weeks, I had just been


bagging up all this emotion, that just tapped everything off.


As soon as they opened the bag I liked the dress. And I tried it on.


I loved it. It is stunning. You are crying,


hysterically. I couldn't see the bag, I thought I was going to see


the sign. I felt the part, you don't get the chance of wearing a


dress like that many days of your life, apart from your wedding day.


After three long weeks apart, the wedding day finally arrived.


the dress on, I felt confident. We pulled up at the church and from


then, it was just a dream really, it were amazing


Is it a church? It is. I were really emotional when I saw Ryan at


first, I think he was as well, even he had a little cry, which were


nice. Not seeing her for three weeks and then seeing her, it were


just amazing. It had been a long wait. Ryan Edward I give you this


ring, as a sign of our marriage. Ryan and Fern have given their


consent and made their marriage vows to each other, I therefore


proclaim they are husband and wife. Ryan you may kiss the bride.


Ceremony over, Ryan whisked Fern off on a magical mystery tour.


have missed the caravan. You are about to see it. My heart had sunk


I thought he had booked some marquee for outside. We were


driving out the field and I just saw this helicopter. No way.


babe. I thought no way, that's not for me. It made it all that extra


bit special, it were fab. I was absolutely wounded I didn't


get to go in the helicopter. couldn't go. There were a spare


seat, I would have loved to go, it is something I have never done. It


is their wedding day, you have to let them do their thing.


It was the best entrance anybody could ever want. It really had the


Hollywood theme to it. It was brilliant. And how often do you get


the chance to go in a hospital? superstar arrival had Fern's head


in the clouds, but she wasn't so impressed with the other showbiz


features, life size Oscars. When I got there and saw the gold men


stood outside the door, I didn't know what they were. They looked


green to me, I thought it was like incredible hulk or something like


that. I didn't get that bit? I'm a bit confused, actually. Who could


blame her, but overall the Hollywood theme was a great success.


At the end of the day they pulled off such an amazing day, I probably


couldn't have done it myself. think we did really good, nine out


of ten. I would say ten. Saying goodbye to best man Matt was an


emotional event. I couldn't have done it without Matt. Fernando was


trying to be me, now I'm back, he has the real me. Whatever the


future holds, Ryan and Matt will always be joined at hip, if you


mean buttocks! But Christmas is a time for giving. So, I have got a


Christmas present for you. It is also to say a big thank you for


organising my dream wedding, it is for you and Matt really.


I thought that you two could have one last chance to be Ryan and


Fernando, there you go. Thank you, I love it.


Can you hear the drums Fernando! # There was something in the air


that night # The stars were bright


# Fernando # They were shining there for you


and me # For liberty


# Fernando Fernando, you look fabulous! Let's go then.


How does it feel? Pretty embarrassing, to be honest. Yep,


just when you thought the lads' relationship couldn't get any more


unsettling. It is very nice in here, the best looking woman on your arm.


What have you ordered us then? Spaghetti Bolognese. These two are


They say that opposites attract, and you couldn't get much more


different than teacher lauorn, and her husband Charles. She's


sophisticated and artistic, and he's, not. He planned a wedding out


of the world. I was going to do it exact liaise wanted it, with a tiny


bit of thought for lawyeren's ceremony. Although she was going to


bring him back to earth. He knows it is something I have no interest


in, all this sci-fi. Lauren's first clue that Charles had spiralled


into orbit, came at the hen do. This was bought my your future


husband, and five chicken starters. I plyed them with champagne and


chicken, but the good decision was putting the invite inbetween the


pop doms. But it did let a few cats out of


the bag. That is when I thought to myself, oh God, am I lifting up in


some sort of spaceship, will I be beamed into my wedding. That is


when things, I started to get a bit nervous at that point.


The day before the wedding, Lauren faced her own close encounter with


the dress that Charles had chosen. I'm scared it will be something I


dislike. Two days earlier Charles knew that


picking the right dress would be no mean feat. If I get that wrong, it


doesn't matter what would happen on the wedding day. Do you have any


idea what style of dress we are looking for. No idea. It is nice,


but too simple. For me retro is a no-no. He knows I'm into retro


fashion and things like that. took seven hours to pick that dress.


It was a full day of sweat on my brow, if I get it wrong, I'm


knackered. I have an headache. Would Charles's modern dress hit


the spot. Well, no. No it wouldn't. I felt like I was in fancy dress. I


felt like I was in my mum's clothes or something like that. It felt


absolutely horrible. I feel a bit silly in all this stuff. I had a


tiara on, a veil on a bolero. can't wear all that, what is he


thinking buying a tiara, a veil and bolero. The accessories, I thought


all-girls had things on their head. All was not lost? As soon as I took


off the bolero I felt so much better, I look like a bride.


I feel really good now. I just want to get my make up on and get my


hair done, feel and walk down the aisle, I feel better now. It came


with the dress, it is not my fault, what can you do. On the wedding


morning it all went smoothly, with school teacher Lauren giving full


marks to everything. Hairdresser, tick, champagne and strawberries,


tick, vintage cars, big tick. I got into the car, I saw there


were very traditional, and vintage, and my flowers were lovely, I


thought we're going somewhere traditional. No, that didn't happen.


We must be in the city centre. heart did sink a little bit. I was


thinking about the photographs, where is all the nice fields and


the trees and things like that. I did feel a bit sad about that.


Here you go kid, you took your time. Brilliant. I was really shocked by


my venue, I really did think I would be getting some kind of


country cottage in nor um better land, that isn't what --


Northumberland, that isn't would what I got, but a museum. Not just


a museum, one heaving with visitors in the middle of half-term.


didn't cross my mind it would be open until we walked in there and


there is all these people staring at us. This is when I see children


from school. Not being a teacher myself I didn't think at all about


kids, about the fact that it was a school holiday. There is people


looking at me through the lift. sure any of us were convinced by


the nervous laugh. And dad wasn't taken by the gawpers either. This


is not for me. All I was thinking of the people watching over the


balcony. I don't mind being watched, as I decided to be on a television


show. But my poor dad was walking around with me, and all the people


watching him, this is not fair. think it was like the royal wedding,


all the crowds of people watching her come in. I think our wedding is


a little bit different to the royal wedding. In every conceivable way.


Finally the moment of reckoning. Ladies and gentlemen, would you all


please stand. The main worry for me is I would look around and she


wouldn't be smiling, it would have been horrendous if she turned up


and was crying. I just gave her a quick glimpse as


she walked in, she was smiling. When I'm walking down the aisle, it


was absolutely wonderful. I felt this massive relief that I hadn't


completely ballsed up the whole thing. Do you Charles take Lauren


here present to be your lawful wedded wife. I do. Do you remember


Lauren here present take Charles to be your lawful husband? I do.


are now husband and wife, you may kiss the bride. By that point I


thought it would be normal, that will be great. Then Charles took


Lauren upstairs to reveal his dark side! When I walked into the


reception room I got the biggest shock of my life. It was such a


massive space and the tables pushed to one side, and the darkness of it.


I was thinking this feels like 10.00pm, and it is 1.00pm and I'm


having my lunch. Hello Charles and Lauren, congratulations on your big


day. If I thought there would be a robot at my wedding, I would have


been quite annoyed. I found it quite funny. It is nice to see her


smiling any way. If I had my own way I would have had 20Primos


walking around and pouring drinks. When I saw the cake, I think I


previously said if there is any aliens at my wedding I would be


annoyed. They weren't offensive, but sweet. I wasn't a massive fan


of the favours. I have written messages to every single person,


and everyone gets a mask. I thought why on earth has everyone got a


mask. I know that he was sat up on the wedding night, writing favours


to everyone, and I feel a bit cruel saying they were tacky, but they


were. Ladies and gentlemen, can you please be upstanding for the bride


and groom. A lot of people have said it is the


weirdist wedding they have been to. I think she should be chuffed she


is a sci-fi bride. Having a full on sci-fi wedding, I think it is time


to have a little less sci-fi in my life. On their first Christmas


together, Lauren has a sci-fi prize for her husband, and she has set it


to stun. Since you gave me the gift of my wedding, I have decided to


give you a little gift. Can I open it? This means no sci-fi for three


whole weeks. What? It won't fit for starters.


So Lauren wants Charles to ditch his sci-fi ways, no matter how


badly he wapbs to ahem cling-on. What about those UFO earrings


Lauren. There it goes, revenge is sweet,


Charles. It is John and his briefd Jackie,


who loves Christmas so much, it was a big part of their wedding in May.


He was the country boy with a unique sense of style.


Would you say I'm trendy? I would call you many things, trendy is not


one of them. Who liked nothing more than a drink down the local. I love


going to the miners' for a drink. She was the girl who dreamed of an


elegant wedding. I would say I was more cosmopolitan wedding. What did


she get? That's right, he threw her out of a plane on her wedding day.


Sky diving on my wedding day, was probably the last thing I would


ever have thought. But on the morning of the wedding, Jackie was


blissfully unaware of the leap of faith that awaited her. I kind of


thought to myself we are getting married really early, we have loads


of time, I wonder what we will do. While John waited in comfort,


Jackie was sent to the great unknown. When we were in the car


and driving up to the airfield, for a split second I thought he was


going to do something stupid like have us going somewhere in a


helicopter. O my God. And then we realised it was a place where you


skydive out of planes, then we were just, surely not. She did want to


do a skydive, she only mentioned it twice in five years, but she thinks


I don't listen, but I do. This is possibly the worst possible idea


for the morning of the wedding. I think John's an arsehole


I was thinking to myself this is ridiculous. I had it going through


my mind, am I going to do this? OK I will do it. One split second my


brain just said, just do it. Then I was like, right, OK, but I have to


do it now, or I'm never going to get up there. What if I actually


die. I'm shitting myself. I was just totally consumed by the fear


that basically I might actually jump out of this plane, and the


parachute might not open, and that was all that was going through my


head. Most brides take the plunge on their wedding day, but Jackie


did it literally, and from 10,000 feet. It was one of the best things


I have ever done, and it is just the most amazing feeling ever.


I can't describe it, I can't. I look back, I think why did she do


that, it is bonkers. If I was asked to do that on the wedding day, I


would have said, no. I think it is the most bizarre way to turn up to


your wedding to be fair. I just had this overwhelming


feeling to just batter him with my bouquet. Bloody skydive! It is just


assault, that is all that is. Sometimes there is no pleasing that


girl. I'm delighted to declare that Jackie and John you are now husband


and wife. But all was not over, John had


another surprise in store. At that point when I found out that


after the ceremony we were to go somewhere else. I was quite


interested and excited to find out where we were going. One of the


worst parts of the journey from the castle back to the Miners'. Wait a


second, did you say the Miners', the local working man's club, for


your bride who loves classy cocktails. I think right up until


the last minute I wouldn't let myself believe that we were coming


back and going to the Miners'. are absolute arsehole. I was really


angry, the ceremony was beautiful and the castle was lovely, and I


just thought how could you get it so wrong after doing so well.


get the feeling you are not happy. I can read body language pretty


good, I think she possibly would have killed me there if there


hadn't been a camera. What if I say I'm not getting out.


At that point I thought would it be such a bad thing if I didn't get


out of the car, what would happen, we could go somewhere else. Five


seconds into arriving at the Miners' I'm thinking she won't get


in there. I'm hoping we're going in there for a drink and that's it. I


was not happy, I didn't want it to be here, I thought if it is going


to be here, it is not going to be anywhere else. I either refuse to


go to my own wedding reception or I just go. But John had arrived a


festive surprise, and he was ho-ho- ho-ping it would make Jackie's day.


Ready for this, go. Oh my God, Christmas, oh my God, oh


my God. It is that my Christmas tree. Of course it is. Oh my God.


Do you like it? It is amazing. It did not look anything like the


Miners', it was just like walking into Narnia or something like that.


Christmas was a great idea, because obviously this nutter wants it, you


know. There is one thing this nutter doesn't love. Oh John.


knows. I can't believe it is a nose cake. It is a running joke between


us that I have got a big nose. got to cut a bit off her nose and


eat it. I don't know it would be everyone girl's dream to have her


least favourite body part sat in front of her to see. But I did find


it quite funny. I can't believe this is the Miners'? This could be


anywhere in the world, this is where we met, that is why it is


special to me. And you love the Miners'. Everyone watching the


programme would think's being really selfish and not thinking


about her. When he think about the details he got so much of it right,


so much of it was about us and really personal to us. He pulled it


out of the bag in the end. John may have pulled the wedding out of the


bag, let's not forget he also threw Jackie out of a plane, how will she


get her revenge? I want to give you a special Christmas gift. There are


a few things that scare John, in particular, taking off his woolly


jumpers and any sort of personal grooming. I don't want to give you


a kiss. Is this to try to trend me up.


it is. And Jackie has enlisted top stylist and bridesmaid, Gary.


have been waiting to undress you for a very long time. He has a


whole new vision for John! We went for a boy band JLS, One Direction


and Take That, and Glasgow chav! That is horrendous. Mission


accomplished, time to show off his new look to his mates.


I don't know what to say. I thought my hat was bad! You look like you


are going for an audition for One Direction tribute band. Merry


Christmas John, you're a real festive treat.


Christmas is a time for children, and here's one now, it is big kid


Alex and his briefd, Kara. You do the bottom, I will do the top.


She's the image conscious hairstyleist who wanted to stand


tall on her wedding day. I know what suits my figure, I don't know


if he does. If you don't feel comfortable, your


whole day is ruined. He was the tatooed skateboard boy who couldn't


wait to move his mates into the house and plan a fun-filled wetting


day. Bouncey castles, coconut shys, the lot. This wedding planning will


be no problem. Do you know what you are? The donkey. Did this Christmas


pudding give the woman he loves the happiest day of her life.


With Kara out of the home she loves, Alex called the boys round, like


you do for a DIY stag do, in her back yard. I hated watching that.


On the stag do, it turned a little naughty, but it was really good.


It all just kicked off, the music started getting louder and turned


out a nightmare. What this, why? They just took advantage, if I came


home I would have hit the roof. Nothing got savageedly broken.


people are like I can't believe he did that in your house. Blissfully


unaware of the state of her house, four foot 11 Kara was focusing on


what she was wearing, she knew what she wanted. Your dress is 90% of


the day, if you don't feel comfortable the whole day is ruined.


I really like it. A little bit of colour. I don't want a train.


said she wanted a short dress, I thought that would make her look


smaller, because I can imagine her to be, what's the word. Don't say,


frumpy? Frumpy! So, keen to avoid frumpy, Alex completely ignored her


wishes and plumped for a dress he thought would suit her better.


is like a proper bride's dress, I would never have picked that dress


in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going


to lie, it is not the dress of my dreams. The dress I picked, out of


every dress in the shop I would have picked the same one, purely


because it is plain. Eventhough he didn't get it exactly right, he did


really well. Alex came home with the dress, but the other thing was


her little feet, and designer shoes. I could never afford those shoes,


it would be nice to have as a present. With �12,000 in his pocket,


you would have thought a pair of designer shoes wouldn't be too much


to ask, wouldn't you? There is a few tiny little marks on them. I'm


going to get this pair. I have this �12 though, she thinks I'm going to


buy her �800 shoes, over me and the boys getting an �800 suit, it is


not going to happen. Apparently not. But it probably should have done.


I'm not keen on the shoes. You are not keen, why? They are just not


designer shoes. They were like shiny and they looked cheap. I just


didn't like them. I don't think I want them. I really didn't want to


be a brat. They are not high enough at the front or the back. There is


no platform, they are quite mumcy I think. I think they are shit. Why


would you buy a pair of heels a weird height. They were the only


ones that were in there. What else would I do? Refuse to buy them and


go into another shop. She wants me to take them back. She still wants


them to be red but a bit of platform at the front. I know Kara


is like, she would be like they are not good I can't wear them the


whole day. To a girl a whole inch is a massive difference, especially


when you are really short. I'm 4' 11, an extra inch is massive.


she still talking about heels, either way Kara was completelyfied


with the extra inch. -- completely satisfied with the


extra inch. Dressed to impress she finally got


to see her groom. When I saw him, it was horrible. It was lovely, but


horrible. I was like, it felt really strange. I thought I'm going


to burst into tears, I didn't want to let him go. And Alex felt just


the same. The one thing Alex did, I was so shocked was so emotional he


was. It was so nice. Ceremony over, it was time to have some fun, in a


field, in designer shoes. What's that? This is mental. I wouldn't


have thought of doing this, I love it. I just want to see everything,


I'm just like wow. I thought he would put his friend


toward me, but in regards to the wedding think about himself and his


mates. But I think he thought about me a lot. I think I did a great job,


and my mates did a great job. I wouldn't change them helping me or


the day. Some how Alex and his slacker mates pulled off the


wedding day. It may have involved a fun fair in a field, and a


reception in a dirty old barn, but Kara loved it. This is wicked. I


love it. The day was really good. It was amazing. It was just really


fun. It didn't feel like a wedding, it was just fun. So Kara had fun,


but still don't think she is forgotten about that stag party or


those awful shoes. Because this Christmas I thought I would get you


a present. Get me a present. because you got me the wrong shoes


and you trashed my house, it is not the nicest of presents.


Is this for me. Are you serious? is your Christmas present. Is it a


pair of shoes? You have to wait and see.


And I got you some helpers! Aim' not putting it on! -- I'm not


putting it on! Cinderella should not go to the ball.


Can you go and clean my house, please. With Jack and Gilbert in


tow it is the only punishment for a naughty groom is clean the house in


heels, this or have him flogged. don't forget to clean the toilet.


Make sure you get rid of all those germs, Alex, they are bad for your


health remember! Next week at Don't Tell The Bride,


a Christmas special. Do you think I'm mad doing this. Laid back groom.


I don't mind the showing the bit of leg. Has style Queen Alice in


Wonderland, with a festive fairytale wedding in New York.


guys are all flying in 48 hours. What? Will it become the nightmare


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