Christmas Revenge 2012 Don't Tell the Bride

Don't Tell The Bride's Christmas Revenge special is back...

I was really, like, mortified.

-It's just wrong.

-I feel like I'm going to a funeral.

..and it's time for the brides to get even.

-No!

-You don't hate me that much, do you?

We'll be making a festive return to some of your favourite brides...

How can someone be so romantically stupid?

..who were brave enough to let their grooms...

They do it the way I want to do it. Pregnancy be damned!

..plan their special day.

My vows were pretty traditional,

but that's just pretty much because I don't know what a vow is.

Of course he couldn't do something normal.

But did their fellas turn out to be wise men...

What was I thinking? I needed my head examined at that point.

..or complete turkeys?

There's not many weddings you go to where you can pole dance at your free will, is there?

It is the worst feeling in the world.

So sit back, relax and stay tuned to find out what our brides

have got in store this Christmas...

This is going to be a problem.

..for their hapless grooms.

You're evil.

Revenge is sweet.

That's right, folks, it's Noel.

Or in this case, it's our Noel and Jemma.

She's the hard-working mum

who dreamed of a sophisticated hometown wedding

with all her friends and family.

I just think it should be somewhere local,

no pressure for them to stay anywhere and spend a fortune.

He's the Magaluf-loving groom who blew his budget on flights to the sun,

held his reception in a beach bar

and served everyone kebabs and burgers.

Thanks very much, mate.

Wedding breakfast of burgers and kebabs. Hmm.

Even at night they call it a wedding breakfast? Why would they do that?

And Jemma still remembers exactly how she felt

when she realised what Noel had planned.

I was like, "Why on earth would you do this to me?"

I was really, like, mortified.

When Jemma moved out so Noel could organise the big day,

his first challenge came quicker than expected.

Have you got a door key?

That was just the most typical thing I've ever seen -

Noel locking himself out.

She's got the only door key and she's shut the door!

No key, no phone, no anything.

Hey, do you know what? She might have left the back door open.

Ah-ha-ha!

Locking myself out the house was not the best start at all.

We are going to live the dream.

Back indoors, Noel finally began planning the wedding.

And he knew exactly how to BARE the news of his wedding idea

to best man Mike.

-MUSIC: "Agadoo" by Black Lace

-Here we go!

-Do-do-do!

-Magaluf! That's where we're going!

A lot of people were like, "Wow, Noel, looking good in his tiny trunks."

I was like, "There's a lot of socks involved in there, you know."

Socks to one side, didn't anyone think a wedding

in the party capital of Mallorca might be a pants idea?

Well, Noel didn't,

and the next day, he booked 24 flights.

Still, as he was throwing cash about,

he was bound to splash out on the bridesmaid dresses, right?

Wrong.

The bridesmaid's dresses - horrendous.

Shut your face.

They weren't good. You don't buy bridesmaid dresses from the market.

-You'll look like a million dollars.

-I swear to God, I'll not be seen dead in that.

-Why?

-Why?!

I don't think he'll make another Gok Wan any time soon, put it that way.

-He's

-BLEEP

-himself.

I don't think so.

'They looked absolutely perfect for what we were doing.'

I was looking at the bigger picture.

'All them bridesmaid dresses fitted in a carrier bag,'

and bearing in mind they only had hand luggage...

we had to just roll with it.

With the market misery still on the girls' minds,

there was another surprise on the way.

I'd not heard anything literally for about two weeks,

and this DVD was kind of produced.

We've not even sorted your hen do out. We've had to do it all last-minute.

I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but...you're going to...

Mallorca! Mallorca!

-ALL SCREAM

-You're going to Mallorca!

SHE GASPS That is just one of the moments I'll never forget.

And luckily for Noel, his cunning plan to get the girls out to Spain

under the guise of a hen party worked.

Jem did not have a clue.

So Jemma was off to sunny Spain for her hen do -

make that wedding.

I did not have an inkling I would be staying in Spain.

I literally took a few pairs of knickers.

The next morning, in a dress shop in Palma,

Noel's plan was finally revealed.

And it wasn't just the hangover making Jemma feel nauseous.

The guy who worked in the shop delivered Noel's lovely handwritten note.

"This is just a little note to let you know

"you're getting married tomorrow in Mallorca."

I was absolutely shocked.

And then the guy in the shop said,

"Do you like your dress?"

I was like, "Eee," thinking, "None of these are wedding dresses, really."

Wow.

You kind of try and get your breath about getting married the next day in Mallorca

and then it's like, "There's your dress," and you're like...

a nervous wreck.

I think I know her better than she knows herself. I know what looks good on her.

-I no like.

-I no like.

-No like.

-No like.

-No.

Apparently not, Noel.

But with her wedding the next day, Jemma didn't have much choice.

-Hello?

-Hello.

I don't want the organ grinder any more, I actually want the monkey.

-Come on, put him on the phone.

-It's Sam.

-Hello?

Are we having a wedding today? Cos we don't actually know yet.

It was me that was going to be organising the wedding, but in all

the mist and sand and sun,

we forgot to get Jem to the actual venue.

You, as the bride of honour, need to order a taxi to Magaluf Beach.

Here's me thinking you were planning the wedding.

So we were driving round

and it dropped us off on Magaluf Beach.

Before Jemma had to get on the boat, she did the walk of shame.

Oh, my God.

Jem...

Are you actually kidding me?

People ask why I put her on a boat. I answer, "Why not?"

There's a lot of sea there, you might as well make use of it.

I don't like boats, they make me feel sick.

Thing is, I couldn't change it, so I weren't worried about it.

Jem, they're all waving to you.

When I first saw Jemma, I thought she looked absolutely gorgeous.

'I was really pleased that it was on the beach, it was lovely.'

I thought it was good, it's like being a celebrity for a day.

It's quite nice.

That moment when you see them, it all...

'everything just fades into the background.

'I was holding back the tears at one point.'

It was rather emotional to see her.

She did hit me on the head with a bouquet, but we'll get over that.

-He knows that I don't do water.

-It's only a bit of fake flowers.

They were silk. It didn't hurt.

We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Jemma and Noel.

-I, Jemma.

-I, Jemma.

-Take you, Noel.

-Take you, Noel.

-To be my husband.

-To be my husband.

-I, Noel.

-I, Noel.

-Take you, Jemma.

-Take you, Jemma.

-To be my wife.

-To be my wife.

Noel, you may now kiss the bride.

Oh, don't tongue me!

Awww. The ceremony was lovely on the beach.

'It was amazing, beautiful.'

-I love you.

-I love you.

Aww. It's a shame she didn't feel the same way about the reception.

'After the ceremony,'

I got surprised with the lovely Lineker's bar for my venue.

'Jem, I think, at the time, thought we was just walking past it.'

-What do you think?

-What do I think about what?

And then we turned her into it.

About your venue.

And it's like, "What?"

Really? Oh, Noel.

The choice of going to Lineker's came up because of the spot

where it was, right on the front, bang in the centre of Magaluf.

I thought it was ace.

He was like, "This is your venue."

And that's when I thought he was taking the mick.

Why are you doing this?

She had her blinkers on.

It wasn't what I would have wanted, so I was like, "You know what?

"If this is where I'm going to spend my wedding evening,

"then I need to get really pissed."

It was awesome. And we had a pole, as well.

There's not many wedding you go to where you can

pole dance at your free will, is there?

When I asked about the food, he kind of led nicely into...

If you look across the road, to that shop there.

-You're actually kidding me.

-What we're doing is, listen to me.

-Don't lie.

-What we're doing is...

I was stood opposite a bloody burger bar and I was like,

"What is this, really?"

And that, again, I was like "What thought has gone into this?"

Can I just say, small point, I don't even like burgers.

It even had a dining area, where you could eat.

And with every meal, you got a free can of beer.

That's ace, that. You don't get that anywhere else.

No bride would want burgers and kebabs on their wedding day.

That's what I got.

Ssh. Go get me a drink.

Everything was good at the end, and everyone realised

it was actually good, especially when they was hungry

and could have anything they wanted.

# We found love in a hopeless place

# We found love in a hopeless place... #

You can't please everybody, but I'm happy to say I DID.

Noel might believe he did well, but has Jemma really forgiven him

for the horrendous bridesmaid dresses and those burgers and kebabs?

Noel?

Cos you planned me a Magaluf wedding,

I've got you a surprise Christmas present.

What is it?

You're going to need a little helper.

Is that...

THEY LAUGH

So Noel and best man Mike get a night of working

in a kebab shop, dressed in some fetching bridesmaids' outfits.

WOLF-WHISTLE

You want us to serve these?

Yeah. Like I say, you have to watch it not to burn.

What's wrong with a kebab for wedding food?

THEY LAUGH

He certainly looks better in it than I did.

-That's the garlic mayonnaise.

-Same again?

THEY LAUGH

Hey, can I help you? Listen, you've got to be quick, cos I'm working.

You know what? You look so fit.

Listen, I've got a missus.

Order a lamb kebab.

I think we're all kebab-ed out from the wedding, to be honest,

so we're going to leave you guys to it

and go and get a posh meal somewhere.

I love you too.

Put that on the grill.

The best thing for me tonight has been Noel saying,

"The dresses were fine." Wear it.

That has been the perfect end for me for this wedding.

Do you know what? I could work here. Hello, Valentino's.

Look, it's Terry and Melissa,

who will no doubt want a traditional Christmas.

Then again, she wanted a traditional wedding and that didn't happen.

It's beautiful.

He was the proud Ghanaian Scouser who wanted a wedding that

fused Africa with Ireland.

In Liverpool.

I know you think it's crazy, but I want an elephant on there.

But how did Melissa really feel, letting her man plan

the biggest day of her life?

I was just so scared that he was going to get it wrong.

After a tense start, Terry secured his dream church for the ceremony.

Hi, Father.

Boom!

He then booked an oversized greenhouse for the reception...

-It's lovely. I like it.

-..splashed out on a papier-mache elephant...

This elephant is reversing.

..and even managed to fit in a quick trip round the safari park.

Ah, shit!

Party girl Melissa had high hopes for a classy hen night.

I wanted cocktail, champagne, music, friends, drink.

But Terry had other ideas.

They'd had three weeks of chillaxing and relaxing and stuff,

and I thought she needs to go out there

and get involved, feel a little bit of my pain.

It was more hen DON'T than hen do.

Melissa!

Terry organised for me a boot camp for my hen do. Cheeky bugger.

Jog nice and easy, stay together as a group. One minute. Knees up.

Stop cheating.

I thought this is quite an offensive activity to be doing.

Is he giving me a hint?

Come on, let's go back to the start. Let's go!

I thought, you know, the wedding day is coming up,

-you probably need to get yourself in shape, get yourself fit again.

-Oh, really?

Oh, my God! Terry is evil.

When I look back at the footage of me running across the beach,

sweating, freezing cold, and then Terry is lying in a spa.

I was thinking of booking it for the girls, but they would've hated it.

-It's just wrong!

-This is boss, this.

I haven't had a facial like this before.

I needed to make sure that I had relaxed.

Got a little bit pampered myself.

One of my greatest ideas on the whole journey, I think.

The boot camp may have been tough,

but it didn't prepare Melissa for what was coming next.

The dress.

The day before my wedding, I woke up terrified at the thought that

I was going to see my dress that I had to wear on my wedding day

chosen by Terry.

I wanted to be one of the blokes that goes in and gets it right.

Maybe the only bloke who's got it right.

When I went to the shop, I thought, "Yeah, fine."

-But as soon as I saw all of the dresses...

-Too much choice.

I thought, "Oh, my days, this is going to be a problem."

Can I get you to try the other one on just make double-sure? I'm sorry.

It's so hard to try and pick the ideal dress for somebody is fussy as Melissa.

I felt the pressure that day.

I think that is definitely the one.

With the dress finally chosen,

it was Melissa's turn to feel the pressure.

Everything lies on the dress.

It is the most important and biggest factor of any bride's day.

I'm starting to get palpitations.

As the lady unzipped the bag,

I just felt quite speechless

and shocked, because it was not the type of dress

that I would even look at on the rail, never mind try on.

It's got no lace. It's got bling on it. I don't really like bling.

It's not vintage. It's oyster.

I wouldn't have chosen that dress at all.

This dress wasn't what I wanted.

I was upset, but I tried to hold it together

and give Terry the benefit of the doubt.

I thought I should try it on,

because it can look quite different to how it does off.

I was hoping it would have a bit of a wow factor for me then,

when I saw myself in the mirror, but it didn't.

I actually thought it looked worse on than it did off.

-I just don't like it. I don't like the way it fits.

-Very thick material.

It's too thick. There's too much going on.

You're meant to have elegance around this part of your...

Minimal. This is just too much. And I don't like this. It's just ugly.

I got it wrong. You still looked amazing on the day.

At first I was, like, "No, I didn't get it wrong."

-But everybody in my work has told me...

-"Everybody in my work."

Everybody in my work.

Somebody has told me today on the way to the shops that

I got it wrong.

-You know what, that is a massive blow for me.

-Is it your ego?

-Yeah, it is.

-Bless you.

-I thought...

I thought I was going to be that guy who got it right and I wasn't.

Melissa may have been unhappy with her dress,

but perhaps Terry's wedding transport would brighten her day.

-Or not.

-The limo. It wasn't what I wanted.

I thought it was extremely tacky.

My idea, my vision was

these diplomat cars, I'm going to get something similar.

Maybe a black limo. With these flags on, Ghana and Ireland.

In my mind, that was a beautiful thing.

-Daddy, it's a limousine.

-Limousine.

I didn't quite like the large stretch black limo

with the tinted windows and alloys.

How tacky!

I was just waiting to hear some R&B music pumping from the back seats.

That's what I missed out.

I had no choice to get in it, did I?

If I wasn't going to get in that limo,

how would I get into the church?

It was like one of them Pimp Me Out...

-You know, what's that thing on the telly?

-Pimp Me Out?!

She means Pimp My Ride. Hopefully.

When I got to the church, I actually felt quite overwhelmed

and quite happy. I thought, "He's really pulled it out."

I hadn't seen Melissa for three weeks.

She looked absolutely beautiful.

She's always stunning, but on that day, she looked amazing.

In the dress that I chose. Only joking!

I could have squeezed the life out of her at the altar.

It was so nice - that was the beginning of us getting married.

-Now we make our marriage vows.

-..To be my lawful wedded wife.

To be my lawful wedded husband.

APPLAUSE

Now wed, Terry had one more transport surprise.

Four man-slaves and a thing with handles.

My first thought was, "What the hell is that? What are we doing with that?

"I'm not getting in that." But I was told to get in.

SHE SCREAMS Sorry! Sorry!

I thought they might have dropped me.

And then I thought, "I've got to embrace this, it's my wedding day.

"Let's enjoy it."

I feel like a princess!

I felt like I was on a bit of a magic carpet, only it was being carried.

It reminded me of something out of Aladdin.

With nearly all her wishes granted,

the happy couple left to party to an Irish-Ghanaian-Scouse beat.

But let's not forget Terry's disastrous dress,

lousy limo and hardcore hen do.

So, Terence, because you sent me to such a woeful boot camp for my hen do

and got my dress not quite right, I've got a present for you.

-I don't like this.

-You'll love it.

So, Terence, this is your beautiful gift.

Why do I think this is a gift I'm not going to like?

-Terry, you have the privilege of going to boot camp.

-No!

Bride's revenge.

Aaargh! You have done a real good number on me.

MUSIC: "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor

Terry, is it? Come on, then, matey.

-Sorry, he lives next door, mate.

-Nice one, nice one!

It's time to return to boot camp,

and this time, the boot's on the other foot.

-Go on, babe! Ho-ho-ho!

-Well done, keep it going.

This is quite nice to watch, actually.

Terry will know how he made us suffer on my hen do. He's got a piece of it.

All the way down. Get on your back. That's it, all the way down.

Get on your back. Get up, straight back on your feet!

Star jumps now.

Come on, let's see some sweat on that sweatband.

-Lift them legs higher.

-Come on, let's go. All the way down, let's go!

Repeat after me, "I will not mess around with my wife's hen night."

I will not mess around with my wife's hen night.

That's it, come on, let's go. Keep that going. That's it.

Yeah, this is a sweet bit of revenge.

-I will not mess...

-I will not mess around with my wife's hen night!

-It's nice to get even sometimes.

-I don't resent this!

Well done, babe, you done very well. I'm proud of you.

You got your revenge. Merry Christmas.

Remember Nikki and Nathan?

They say that opposites attract,

and you can't get more different than these two.

-She was the fun-loving girl...

-A hairdresser called Nikki!

..who dreamed of a pink, girly wedding...

Oh, look at it! Candles. Love everywhere. Glitter.

..while he was the cravat-wearing, history-loving know-it-all.

The cravat is nice. I like to think "Prince William at rest".

It's probably how I'm going to be mainly remembered.

-The cravat bloke and his bride.

-Aw, you will.

That and the fact that Nathan chose to take you back to the 18th century on your wedding day.

You could have a nice waltz in here, couldn't you? This will do nicely.

But did Nathan's attempts to make the big day truly historic

win Nikki over?

I would never have said I would've liked pomp and pageantry

-and I wouldn't have had a history theme either.

-Hmm.

Boring.

Nikki's first clue to Nathan's historical theme

was delivered in a note whilst on a break to Venice with her mum.

I honestly thought someone was going to come over with the letter

saying, "Here's a glass of champagne from Nathan, he loves you."

I was thinking it was going to be so dramatic.

What?!

"Sweetheart, I've organised a private tour for you and your mum today."

It was a guided tour of Venice.

This was the richest and most powerful city in the Mediterranean Sea before the discovery of America.

I think you could have taken in the surroundings of a beautiful city.

-Get a bit of context.

-See, even that, I just think, "Oh, God!"

-I love history this much.

-Such a Philistine.

Even the stag do got the Nathan treatment.

The lads hoped for striptease. What they got was CREAM teas.

I'm going to have some cake, big-time.

That wasn't to everyone's taste, especially Nikki's brother, Jay.

It's not going to sit well for you in the family, this.

It's not the best start you've got off to.

Cream teas, scones and poncey cakes. What a numbnut!

Cream teas for a stag night - what was I thinking?

I needed my head examined at that point.

Go for the concept for the wedding.

But don't be a knob and do it for your stag.

They were nice sandwiches, though.

The stag do might have gone stale,

but it was Nikki's wedding journey that left a bad taste in her mouth.

The morning of the wedding was the most nerve-wracking thing.

What if he picks London?

We could be going to London if he stays on this road.

I don't like London. Why are we going to London? This better be worth it.

And on the hottest day of the year, she wasn't best pleased.

I just remember being flustered. It was so hot.

We had been in the car for an hour-and-a-half.

There was no air-conditioning in there.

I didn't want the windows down, because it would mess up my hair and my veil.

I was thinking, "God, I want to get out of this car."

After a long, hot drive, the bride finally arrived,

and waiting at the aisle was Nathan.

In fancy dress.

Seeing Nathan again for the first time in what felt like months

was one of the best feelings I've ever had.

It was just like, "Oh, my God," you can't buy this.

Then his bottom lip went, and I was like, "Oh, no!"

When I saw Nik walk down the aisle, it was the most amazing thing.

The top moment of my life.

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I,

Nathan Ashley Peter Bones, do take thee, Nicola Moira Bacon,

to be my lawful wedded wife.

Do take thee, Nathan Ashley Peter Bones, to be my lawful wedded husband.

Ceremony over. Now on to that outfit.

And we're not talking about what the bride was wearing.

-It's different, innit?

-It's different. It's pomp.

He had them white gloves on, fur...

I cuddled him, and he stunk of, like, an old man's loft.

If you can't wear it on your wedding day, when CAN you wear it?

Apart from Halloween.

And it wasn't long before Nikki got her next shock.

That stupid bloody kiss.

He wanted to get to a specific bit of music to kiss at,

which I found the most cringe-worthy thing going.

ROUSING MUSIC

I don't think they're ready. They can't even see us anyway.

As you saw, I couldn't get down from there quick enough.

Maybe the fanfare would have been enough,

but I had to go that one extra.

The wedding most reflected YOU, didn't it?

-It was a medieval history sort of thing.

-It wasn't medieval.

-What were the tables, then? Historic.

-The tables were Jacobean, from 1663.

-Oh, God!

-That's not medieval.

-I thought it looked medieval.

-That's late Restoration.

-Well...

-So, Nikki, didn't you like it one tiny bit?

-It could've been worse.

-That's what I thought.

-Ungrateful. Wow!

She might have got over her historical tour of Venice,

even let him off for wearing that outfit,

but for setting the whole wedding back in 18th century,

it's now time for Nikki to get her own back.

As a special thank-you for the history-themed wedding,

I've got a special little present for you.

-Merry Christmas!

-Thank you very much.

I'm going to bring you up into THIS century.

-I'm going to restyle you, and we're going to have a night out, Essex style.

-It's dreadful!

MUSIC: "I'm In Essex Girl" by Chuckie and LMFAO

You look really good. But you just need a little bit of fake tan.

You look nice with a tan.

With Nathan now more reem than regal, Nikki's got her revenge.

She's finally got her modern man, but there's one more test.

How will Nathan's new look go down with top Essex bloke and her brother, Jay?

-Nice tan, bit of bling, nice little slick-down do.

-Yeah.

Have a turn.

I think it's an improvement. He's lost the cravat.

-Want a drink?

-Let's get a drink.

-Was it a good Christmas present?

-It was fantastic.

-I couldn't ask for better.

-Had a good year?

-It's been fantastic.

-I married your sister, so of course.

-Good call.

-Merry Christmas!

Who can forget Hayley and Ian?

She was a girl who dreamt of being a beautiful pink butterfly on her wedding day.

You're not living if you haven't got glitter on.

He was the bridegroom who thought, "I know what she really wants."

-She's getting in the swimming pool in her wedding dress.

-Really?

She don't know that yet? Uh-oh!

It was definitely the wettest and the weirdest wedding idea.

The leisure centre was the place we met and she taught me to swim,

it's where we had our first kiss, so I still think it is a great idea.

Obviously, I would not go back and change anything.

But how does Hayley remember her special day?

I could have killed him a couple of times.

You just don't think on your wedding day that someone is going

to put you in a pool, no matter how much you like water.

On the morning of the wedding,

Hayley prepared for the day every girl dreams of.

Me and the other girls were getting ready.

We must've spent about four hours, which is a long time for me.

I'd worked really hard

and so had all the other girls, trying to make me look beautiful.

I felt really pretty, really like a princess.

It was like, "I feel all nice and I can't wait for him to see me."

With her makeover complete, Hayley emerged from her chrysalis

the butterfly she'd always dreamt she'd be.

-When the wedding car arrived, she couldn't have been any happier.

-God!

-He got a pink one!

-But the excitement soon turned to confusion.

I was sat in the back of the taxi and I thought,

"This must be a back way to the church.

"We better not be going to the leisure centre."

Even going down the road,

I was still convinced we're not going to the leisure centre.

Oh, my God!

Then, when we pulled into the car park, I was in shock.

I thought, "No, it can't be."

-This is weird.

-Yeah, this is really weird.

I'm getting really scared now.

I don't know if I want to get out.

But she did, and Ian's pool plan was soon revealed.

I just thought, "What am I doing? This is mental.

"What the hell?! I'm going to kill him!"

Even when we were next to the pool, I was thinking, "This is a joke.

"He's kidding. He's kidding, right?"

It's just made so much sense at the moment of planning it.

She loves the water, she loves being in the water,

she is calm in the water, she is a mermaid.

So why not make her into one on her wedding day?

"You know how we met in the gym at this leisure centre

"and you taught me how to swim here too?"

God, I can't finish it. "And how much you believe you're a mermaid.

"I thought, what better place on your nervous day than a place

"where you're most calm. So we're getting married underwater."

Oh, my God!

You sod!

I am going to get under that water, and swim up

and I'm going to whack you over the head with my oxygen tank.

And it wasn't only Hayley who had taken the news of the wedding plans badly.

-The bridesmaids I heard shouting and screaming.

-No freaking way!

I thought, great, that's a good start(!)

-Seriously, we just got all our hair and make-up done.

-Oh, my God.

How can someone be so romantically stupid?

You haven't got to do anything you don't want to do.

-Don't let him do it.

-Andrea, stop it, please.

I don't want to talk any more.

There was a moment when I literally thought, "I don't know

"if I can do this, like, this way."

I just want to get married, nicely.

This is really, really testing my love for him now.

I try my hardest to stay positive and I can't. I just want to sit down.

I wouldn't say I'm proud that I made my bride cry on her wedding day.

It is a bit gutting that I made her have those thoughts.

When I was sat in the changing room,

I was taking a deep breath.

I had all these things going through my mind and I just thought,

"What are you doing?"

I always said it didn't matter what happened

as long as I was marrying Ian. And I meant that.

I'm going to have to do it, ain't I?

I'm happy as long as I get married to him, at the end of the day.

He is a romantic idiot, but he IS a romantic

and he's tried to think about it.

I've had quite a few people say to me, "I wouldn't have married you.

"I would have walked away."

My answer is, "That's why I didn't marry you."

If I had have walked out,

I would have regretted it for the rest of my life

and I would've felt that I would have really let him down

and I would've broken his heart, but...there was a wobbly bit.

There was definitely a few wobbly bits.

So after three long weeks, Hayley finally got to go down the aisle.

Well, sort of.

When I was swimming down, I felt the nerves that every bride does feel.

That it was really exciting, and I couldn't wait to see him.

I just remember you being really far away, and no matter how hard I kicked,

it was like someone was moving you back, because I couldn't get any closer.

I was like, "Come on," and the dress was so heavy.

Was that your sister holding onto you saying, "Don't do it!"?

Yeah, holding me by the flippers!

I now pronounce them husband and wife.

You tried to drown me with your kiss.

Well, I'm going in for my wedding kiss, I'm not just going to go like that.

Big breath in.

I was prepared for a smooch, and you were like, "Quick, I'm going to die!"

I was panicking.

I think you're very lucky that I got in the water.

What do you mean, lucky? You were always going to do it.

I think I always would have, cos I didn't want to let you down,

but you're lucky I didn't kill you afterwards.

But your sister tried.

I don't think you realise what a big deal that hair

and make-up is on the wedding day.

I knew it was a big deal.

-Yes, I know, but...

-But I know you as a person.

You're better than just letting hair and make up cloud your decisions.

-Well, I nearly didn't let them.

-But you didn't.

Yeah. It was close.

And as a new, fresher-faced Hayley set off on a taxi,

little did she know that she wasn't actually officially married.

I honestly didn't even think about that.

I was just on cloud nine, just all excited.

But with a second ceremony, a whole new makeover and a second

dress sorted, she finally got the wedding she'd dreamt of.

And nothing was going to dampen her spirits.

Let's party!

I'm proud of both of us. I'm pleased we did it the way we did it.

What's the point of making your special day something

someone else wants it to be?

-It's not your special day, then.

-Yeah, exactly.

It certainly was unique, wasn't it?

Somehow, Ian managed to convince Hayley that her wedding

wasn't a complete wash-out.

But has she really forgiven him?

Of course she has. And she's gotten the perfect present to prove it.

For putting me underwater for our wedding day,

I've got a special Christmas present for you.

-It's very light.

-So might YOU be.

I'm actually going to make you fly 30 metres in the air

wearing these butterfly wings.

-What do you mean, make me fly?

-Well, you're going to find out.

But Merry Christmas!

-You know I'm scared of heights.

-I think you'll be all right.

-You'll survive, just like I did.

-You don't hate me that much, do you?

-Are you feeling nervous?

-Yes!

You know you've got to do it, but you don't want to.

A bit like my wedding day!

So, Ian, who hates heights,

is taking to the sky in a way that only a vengeful bride would see fit.

I'm not getting out.

-Come on.

-No.

-Come on.

# And I would do anything for love... #

He is literally on a wing and a prayer.

I wouldn't miss this for the world, mate. Get him back!

Go on, my beautiful butterfly!

CHEERING

Yes! Nice one!

-Well done! Woo!

-Buddy, how was that?

-BLEEP

-evil!

Well done!

You didn't enjoy it a little bit?

-I hated it. I seriously hated it.

-That's my revenge. Merry Christmas!

Bet you wish you'd gone for the church now, eh?

Up next, it's Chris and Corinne.

She was the heavily pregnant bride...

I hope he takes it into account on the day,

that I'm eight months pregnant.

-..who dreamed of an elegant, tea party wedding.

-Absolutely perfect.

That's done it now. That's done it.

Instead, big kid Chris...

got carried away and organised a wedding in

the middle of a forest in Scotland, hundreds of miles from home.

I'm going to do it the way I want to do it, pregnancy be damned!

And, boy, did he have a big idea.

I want a theatrical, fairytale wedding, like you've walked

onto the set of a film

or into the pages of your favourite childhood fairytale book.

For eight-months-pregnant Corinne, losing her cool wasn't an option.

It's unlikely that I will at any point think,

"I can't do this," and get stressed out and snap.

But once the fairy dust settled,

what did she think of her outdoor wedding?

It wasn't what I wanted at the time, because all I was thinking was,

"I'm tired."

I just didn't know how far he'd take it and what's going to happen.

"Am I going to kill him at the end of this?"

So, any news since the big day?

-You're not pregnant any more!

-Yeah.

-There is that.

-We have a baby.

Since we got married, we had our second son! We had little Jonah.

Chris was one of Don't Tell The Bride's most excitable grooms ever.

And it certainly showed in his approach to the wedding.

Honestly, I could just spend all day here playing.

And as Chris searched for somewhere to get hitched,

he soon got caught up in his own grand vision...for a shed.

Corinne comes up, she comes through the enchanted forest

and sees all the magic of it.

Chris has got a very big personality and a lot of ambition

and imagination.

And the doors open and the curtain falls and lights come up inside.

Honestly, I'm getting a bit emotional thinking about this.

This is beautiful.

I'm not ashamed that I cried. Only a real man can cry.

This is the fairytale wedding I want to give her.

Wonderful shed, come on, please, please!

You can do this, we can do it!

Looking back at it, the shed probably wasn't the best idea.

With Chris, you never know what you're going to get.

But what Corinne did get was this - a mud hut deep in the forest

in south-west Scotland.

And with a hug for the owner, Chris sealed the deal.

Come here, you beautiful man!

-Bless, he's blubbing again.

-Sorry, I've been doing this all day!

So, once he'd found his forest location,

Chris sent her an invitation she'll never forget.

Mainly because she'll be seeing it for ever.

By the point of getting the invitation,

I was pretty stressed and worried about everything.

The first thing I thought was, of course he couldn't do

something normal, of course I wasn't going to get a piece of card.

-Oh, he's keeping us waiting.

-You idiot!

And then the tattoo!

It hurt like hell.

Oh...!

-Oh, you're kidding me!

-Oh, my God!

There are not enough words to describe how much

I didn't expect to see that.

Not a dry eye in the house when that little sequence was on,

so mission accomplished.

His invite may have hit the spot,

but his choice of bridesmaid dresses completely missed the mark.

I think they found it pretty stressful.

At the end of the day, they were worried about me.

You all look really unhappy.

It really, really, really could've been worse.

He said, "I've got a vision for you, just go with me."

The girls weren't very happy with what they were wearing,

because it wasn't traditional,

and I think they didn't expect to be wearing what they were wearing.

There is method in his madness, and I know you don't believe me

-when I say that.

-Has he drugged you or something?

Just because I'm calm?

I can't understand how you can still be calm.

I didn't drug her - I'd like to point out, I didn't drug her.

I had to stay calm and not stress myself out too much,

because I couldn't do with my blood pressure skyrocketing.

So I just tried to stay calm, even though I was a little bit...antsy.

-She may hold the title for the most chilled-out bride ever.

-Welcome.

But Chris made sure she broke a sweat on the world's longest aisle.

It was sort of a dirt path through the forest.

Chris takes things to another level, doesn't he?

And that's exactly what he's done.

Even though I was telling myself it would be worth it at the end,

it was still a bit of a trek.

But once she'd eventually made it down the aisle,

everything was perfect.

And Corinne's first task as a married woman

was to get into THIS thing.

Seriously, you think I can get in that?

It was frightening.

Through these little narrow bits of the forest,

I was just thinking, "Oh, my gosh, I'm going to die.

"Or my waters are going to break - one or the other is going to happen."

The all-terrain vehicle was practical and it worked

and it did the job it needed to do. And it looked cool.

It would have been cooler if I wasn't pregnant at the time.

But before the day was over,

Chris had one more surprise in the pipeline.

The yurt that we stayed in on the wedding night

didn't have a toilet nearby.

This is our abode for the evening.

The nearest toilet was a 100-metre walk to a composting loo

in the middle of the woods.

So I had the hotel last night and a yurt tonight!

When you're peeing ten times a night, when you're heavily pregnant,

there's a person on your bladder - that's quite difficult.

She was a bit judgemental of me at 4 o'clock in the morning

when she had to get up and go to the toilet, but, um...

Yep, in a yurt, eight months pregnant, at night,

without a toilet.

This girl does deserve to take her revenge. But what will it be?

You've got a little surprise Christmas present for sticking me out

in the forest on that bloody all-terrain vehicle thing,

whipping me around all those corners.

Why do I feel like this is not the type of Christmas present

-that I'm going to want? Having said that, it's MASSIVE!

-OK.

You're going to have a night of looking after the boys, and I'm

going to have a little relax and have some time to myself for a while.

So you get to go and relax and chill out,

and I get a night of...of looking after the boys, getting poo on me.

Bring it on.

For a bride who was unruffled over her outdoor wedding,

it's unsurprising that all she wants for her revenge is a night off!

So Chris gets to take on the toddlers.

And while this big kid bottles up...

..Corinne gets to wind down.

Sit down. Do you want some juice? Juice. Oh, no!

Oscar!

It's strange being in such a quiet...room

and not having to worry about anything that's going on.

So, after a couple of hours, Chris has been run off his feet.

No!

While a relaxed Corinne is taking the weight off hers.

Bet you could get used to this, Corinne. Merry Christmas.

Up next, it's rocking robins Terri and Martyn.

She was the alternative model

who took on her fiance's very alternative look.

But when it came to her dream day, her head was firmly in the clouds.

-Every princess has two dresses.

-And this princess wanted the fairytale.

It would have been a castle, it would have unicorns,

-it would be the most magical thing ever.

-Did she say unicorns?

-Unicorns.

-Yeah, she did.

Unfortunately for Terri, her groom-to-be Martyn...

It needs to be a big metal show.

..chose metal over magical.

But how did Terri really feel

when the curtain came up on her wedding day?

There was a hell of a lot of metal at our wedding.

It's surprising that I didn't have a metal dress.

When Terri left Martyn to plan her big day, she had high hopes

about what her groom and his best man Ben would pull off.

We've got a wedding to plan.

With Ben and Martyn working together, I did think that they would

get a lot done and that they would agree on a lot of things.

If only that were the case,

as the boys got off to a bad start - a really, really bad start.

That day, Ben got a bit upset that I'd invited the lads along.

I think he just wanted it to be me and him.

You're just jealous because I've got other people here,

-so you're acting like an idiot now.

-No, I'm not acting like an idiot.

-I've got three best men.

-What difference is there between me

-and Sam and Josh?

-Forget it, Ben. Go home.

It was more funny than anything, seeing them pulling faces

and shouting at each other.

They just seemed to argue a hell of a lot

about stuff that didn't need to be argued about.

After four days, the boys were still without a venue,

and the pressure was growing.

What ever your little mind were doing at that moment...

My little mind is trying to pull a wedding out the bag.

What do you think I'M trying to do?

All you're thinking about is your ego, Martyn.

Right, I'm going to have to walk away,

-because I'm going to take your head off.

-Really?

I'm sure Terri will be so chuffed

with the effort you're making right now.

A fight!

One more word. Mention Terri again...

They argued more times than they were planning stuff.

Terri is my mate as well - look at what you're doing.

I regret lashing out on Ben that day. I do regret that.

But, I mean, if somebody's going to push someone to the limit,

you've got to expect a reaction, it's as simple as that.

Ben wouldn't back down. You had to take yourself into a little cupboard!

-You're not saying anything about that one?

-No.

But the boys weren't the only ones finding it tough,

as Terri was having difficulties with her mum.

And tensions between the pair boiled over

whilst looking at wedding dresses.

When we went dream-dress shopping,

me and my mum had a bit of a do when I came out in one of the dresses.

I heard her say something, and that's just when I snapped.

I think this is more the church dress than the other one.

-Mum, it's not your wedding, so shut up.

-I'm just talking.

-What is she saying?

-Nothing.

"I didn't say anything, I didn't say anything at all." You did.

I don't even want you in the wedding.

We both have different opinions, we both get on each other's nerves,

but she is my best friend at the same time - we always make up.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

-Do it.

-"I don't even WANT you at my wedding!"

At least Martyn had a bit more fun when HE went dress shopping.

I was pretty pissed.

I think we had about two bottles of champagne before actually

choosing the dress, so, yeah, it were a bit of a shocker, really.

Which is pretty much what Terri thought when she saw it.

-I really don't want to see it.

-You'll be OK.

When I first saw my dress, I absolutely hated it.

When she opened it up, I was just like...

That moment of seeing your dress and not liking it, it is

the worst feeling in the world.

The whole dress day is just unbelievably stressful.

But then we thought we'd try it on.

Your boobs, your figure, honestly, babe, it looks gorgeous.

-You do look stunning, Terri, stunning.

-Classic.

'Still, it was huge.

'It just went out instead of in, and it weren't'

until they came in and altered it and they took it in,

so it went down into a fishtail mermaid, that I started liking it.

Yeah, that's perfect.

On the morning of my wedding,

I was expecting...two unicorns, with a lovely little carriage.

If I could have brought Terri in on a unicorn, I would have done,

but unicorns don't exist, so, I mean, it had to be a bus.

But for the girl who dreamt of a fairytale wedding

in a princess castle full of unicorns,

the bus was the least of her worries.

It's a hall! It's a hall!

That's when I just saw five white vans lined up with equipment

and guitars. And then I just heard this really loud noise.

Once inside, her worst fears were confirmed.

Oh, it's metal music, it's metal music.

It is a metal show.

I just wanted to marry metal with marriage.

LOUD HEAVY METAL MUSIC

Very metal.

More metal.

And more metal!

I mean, I was waiting on the red carpet, I sort of got a glimpse,

and I think that's when it really set in, that this is real.

Walking down the aisle, getting to Martyn,

it was a bit like a dream, that bit.

Really emotional.

The first time I saw her walking down the aisle

in the wedding dress you've chose,

it's just an overwhelming feeling. And she looked smoking.

So, after three tempestuous weeks,

it was a very emotional reunion for Terri and her prince.

-It is my promise.

-It is my promise.

-That I will share with you.

-That I will share with you.

-All that I have.

-All that I have.

-And all that I am.

-And all that I am.

The vows - that was crazy.

I couldn't even speak the vows, I just kept sobbing.

-I will honour you.

-I will honour you.

-And care for you.

-And care for you.

-And we will be as one.

-And we will be as one.

Yeah, my vows were pretty traditional,

but that's pretty much because I don't know what a vow is.

So I just had to go the simplest route.

For Martyn and Terri, it is my very great pleasure to pronounce you

husband and wife together.

CHEERING

The actual wedding day, it wasn't what I would plan.

It was great and I loved it, but it wasn't what I would plan.

-The metal took over.

-So Christmas is a time for giving, not receiving.

And Terri's got the perfect gift they can all enjoy.

As a thank-you for putting on a big metal show, at our wedding,

I've got you a little Christmas present.

What is happening?

I couldn't have my unicorn on my day. Now I can!

There's something missing.

There's something missing. Where's the other bit?!

LAUGHTER

You're the rear end to my unicorn. Are you ready to go to the pub?

# It's the most wonderful time of the year. #

And with her new four-legged friend in tow,

Terri's finally got her unicorn.

Time to show off to friends and family.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Our first Christmas married, and I got my unicorn.

Maybe we can put it on tonight.

Someone's got the horn!

Just saying.

Next week, it's a Don't Tell The Bride Christmas special.

-Let's go and buy some slutty underwear.

-Nick plans a wintry wedding...

-It's so cold.

-..Rosie will never forget.

But will he get an icy reception...

-This is absolutely rubbish, what he's done.

-..from his little princess?

I said, don't ever say that you love me, because it will make me cringe.

Is Nick skating on thin ice?

He's got to have some tricks up his sleeve, this is a joke.

I don't even want to marry him.

MARIAH CAREY: # I don't want a lot for Christmas

# This is all I'm asking for

# I just want to see my baby

# Standing right outside my door

# Oh, I just want you for my own

# More than you could ever know

# Make my wish come true

# Baby, all I want for Christmas...

# Is you-u-u-u-u. #

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