Hannah & Tommy Don't Tell the Bride

From the depths of the Earth to the crests of the mountains...

My legs have gone weird.

..these crusading grooms must rise to the challenge.

£12,000 and just three weeks...

I love that girl. I love her.

..to plan a wedding worthy of their betrothed.

Oh, my God, what's he done?

He just took my dress.

These fair maidens are bound by contract to be legally wedded...

I hate it.

..but have no say in their big day.

Is it all going to be last minute and just rubbish?

Where did he get green from?

Can these hapless heroes marshal their armies...

Just leave me to drown.

..vanquish dragons...

-Oh, God!

-Do as your future mother-in-law tells you.

..and conquer all before them?

Get out of my pub!

Or will they be defeated?

I'm not doing it.

Tonight - Jack the lad, Tommy,

dreams of a wet and wild waterskiing wedding.

I think you're crazy, Dad.

While all his bride-to-be, Hannah,

wants is a relaxed affair where she'll look her best.

I've got really high expectations.

But with a father-in-law on the warpath...

It's my daughter, I would like her to get the best.

..and a groom who has never water-skied in his life...

Suck it up, buttercup.

-Can this man...

-What is the cheapest dress you've got?

..give this woman...

-I hate it.

-..the wedding of her dreams?

-That's how you do it, Tommy!

-Oh, my God!

-Or will his big day be a total wash-out?

Are you sure you want to marry this girl?

I don't know if I want to marry her now.

27-year-old Tommy and 21-year-old Hannah from Plymouth are truly,

madly and deeply in love.

She just makes me feel great.

She is the world to me

and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

-She's got a great personality.

-He has always been such a kind person.

He would do anything for me and I would do anything for him.

-I love him more than anything in the world.

-She is my better half.

I need her, because I am still a bit of a kid at heart.

But before they met, they both had other loves in their lives.

-Hannah's was waterskiing.

-I have competed for Great Britain.

I've been to Germany, France, I've been as far as New Zealand

for competitions. It was a really good experience.

And before Hannah came along, Tommy only had eyes for...Tommy.

I used to have bleached blonde hair back in the day,

do a bit of modelling,

I did a competition - Face Of Plymouth, which I won in 2007.

I've got some cracking photos of that.

-You haven't dug them out, have you?

-Yes.

-Oh, God!

-He is in his geezer days!

With his shades on. Playing with some water.

A nice little wedding photo,

so hopefully he will look this good on my wedding day.

Obviously with different hair.

While the camera loved Tommy, Tommy loved leading the party life

until the party life began leading Tommy astray.

I was a bit of a wild one, always out partying every weekend.

Even on the weeknights, I was out with my friends.

But Tommy's partying ways were hiding a big hole in his life.

I lost my mum when I was 12 years old,

so losing my mum was the biggest loss of my life.

I used to go out quite a lot to get drunk and forget those memories.

I was meeting girls, but it was nothing serious,

I was a bit of a Jack-the-lad, a bit of a player back in the day.

But when Tommy first laid eyes on Hannah

two-and-a-half years ago, he knew she was a keeper.

If only he could catch her.

She just caught my eye. I thought, "I really like this girl."

She was hard work to speak to, I thought.

-I thought it was a challenge.

-I was making you work for it!

Tommy's perseverance paid off, and he soon realised that Hannah was

the girl to help him get his life back on track.

She's not the same as every other girl I've been with,

she's different, she knows me better than I know myself.

It beats what I had in the past, the life I was living.

She sorted me out, brought me back to happiness.

Whipped you into shape.

-Yeah, it's been pretty good.

-I've sorted you out, haven't I?

Two-and-a-half years later, the couple live in domestic bliss

with their nine-month-old son, Jackson.

And Hannah still keeps Tommy on a tight leash.

Ever since I've been with Tommy, he hasn't organised a thing.

Nothing. I organise everything, because I'm a control freak.

I control all of the money.

He doesn't see his money, I decide where it goes.

If I leave him to do something, I'll write him a little list

and make sure he is doing everything in the right order.

-Tommy?

-Yes.

I'm just writing a list for looking after Jackson.

I don't know why you're writing me a list, I do know.

He's not very organised. He needs me.

But now the bride who likes to be in control is handing over all say

in her big day to the man who has never organised anything.

It's giving Tommy a chance to have his moment to shine

and show me that he is not... you know, useless.

Hannah is not the only one Tommy has got to please.

Meet Big Tony,

Hannah's very protective and very hard to please dad.

We have always argued, me and Tony.

We tend to clash a bit here and there.

You say clash, I think Tommy saw you as the alpha male.

The first time I met Tony he said to me,

"What have you got to offer my daughter?"

I thought this guy was going to go for me.

My dad and Tommy are very on and off, fall out all the time.

He always likes to be involved in everything.

When they got engaged, I did say, "Make it a long one."

So when it comes to the wedding, Tommy has to impress not only

his bride-to-be, but also his father-in-law-to-be,

or not to be.

Best make sure you do it right, mate, because...

Yes, Tony, I will.

Because if you cock it up, I won't be responsible for my actions.

I think with the wedding and everything,

he will be pretty proud of me. That's what I want.

I want him to think, "Yeah, he can do this."

So to be good enough for Big Tony, the wedding has to be good enough

for his little princess.

And Daddy's girl Hannah knows exactly what she wants.

I want my wedding to be classy, elegant,

traditional and just your typical beautiful wedding day, basically.

It needs to be all relaxed.

If you had it all in the same place like in a nice hotel.

I want to make sure...

Obviously I would have my make-up all professionally done,

I want my hair up nicely,

beautiful dress, obviously, which cannot go wrong.

If the bride doesn't look good, the wedding is ruined.

Hannah just wants to look good on her big day, but Tommy has got

a romantic plan to give her a wedding that will make waves.

Big waves.

She is in for a shock, basically.

What I want is Hannah on water-skis, me on water-skis,

vicar on the back of the boat. I'm going to do it wet and wild.

A wet and wild water-skiing wedding. Why?

I want to do it because it means a lot to Hannah and I want to

show her that I can do this for her as well, not just for myself.

Fair enough. So romantic Tommy wants his bride,

who only wants to look amazing on her big day,

to say "I do" in a wet suit being dragged through the waves

behind a speedboat.

What could possibly go wrong?

There is one little thing.

I've never water-skied in my life.

I'm cacking it a little bit,

because if I can't pull it off, I'll feel like a failure.

It is time for the couple to say goodbye.

Anyone would think you were leaving for ever.

That's three weeks' worth of gear, that.

You'll have to do your own washing, though.

The next time they see each other

will be when they say "I do" on water-skis.

-I feel a bit nervous now, Tommy. Bye.

-Bye.

I'll see you soon. Come here, little man, give me a cuddle.

See you in three weeks. Love you, all right?

See you later on.

Look after him, Ash, don't let him be reckless. I'm counting on you.

-Bye, Daddy.

-He's in safe hands, Hannah, don't worry.

-I hope so.

-See you later.

-Bye.

For the next three weeks,

Hannah will be staying at home with baby Jackson

while Tommy will be staying with best man Ash.

Feel like my heart has just sunk into my stomach.

You'll be all right.

-He's gone.

-Eurgh, I feel sick.

You know when you get that daggers stomach,

I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm not going to cry.

You can cry on my shoulder, mate, it's always here.

I feel nervous about the whole thing. It will be all right.

-Here you go, mate, Hotel Woodrow.

-Hope there's booze in the fridge.

There's no beers in the fridge.

-No beers?

-Time for Tommy to let Ash in on his wet and wild wedding plan.

-I want us to ski on the day into the venue. That's what I want.

-Really?

Yeah, that is the whole point of it.

It's exciting, something different and that's what I wanted.

-Yeah, but you're not getting married on the sea, are you?

-Yeah.

-What do you mean, yeah?

-Get the vicar on the boat.

-That's what I wanted.

-You can't do that.

-Why?

There is no such word as can't, Ash.

There is, though, because you need to have the guests,

you need to have a venue, you need to have food,

you need to drink.

You are living in Narnia, mate.

Come on, Ash, what could possibly go wrong?

You can't even water-ski anyway, mate.

Oh, yeah, there is that.

Basically I need to learn to ski

because my missus is a shit-hot skier.

So Tommy and his best man just to need to work out how you get

married on water-skis when you don't know how to water-ski.

-All right, Dad?

-All right, darling?

Hannah is out with her best man, dad Tony.

And ironically, where the wedding is concerned,

they are both beginning to feel all at sea.

I'm feeling like I ain't got no input.

I've got no say in what is happening

and I like to know what is happening.

-Struggling with not being involved, then?

-Yeah.

Let's hope he doesn't forget about you.

Nobody can forget about me.

I'm not the forgettable type.

Me and you aren't really the sort of people

that let other people plan things, either, are we?

We like to do it ourselves.

-I normally like to tell people what to do.

-I know that.

-He's going to prove to you that he can do it.

-Yep.

-Be nice.

-If he don't, he'll get a bollocking.

It would be good to see Tommy sort it all out properly

off his own back.

It'll prove to me that he's worthy of my daughter

and that he can organise things and sort things out

without, you know, messing things up

and, if he can do that,

then he should be able to look after my daughter, just like I have.

No pressure.

But, if Tommy doesn't impress Big Tony,

it sounds like he'll be in big trouble.

It's day one of wedding planning

and, before he does anything else, Tommy has one very important job -

find out if he has a knack for waterskiing.

Still, it can't be all that difficult, can it?

Lovely weather.

The boys are meeting waterskiing coaches Mark and James

to find out if learning to water-ski from scratch

in less than three weeks is even possible.

-So, today, waterskiing, guys.

-Brilliant.

-Have you ever done it?

-No.

-No.

-Never.

Well, today is the day you're going to learn.

Three, two, one, in you get.

Complete novice Tommy has never water-skied in his life

but all he has to do is stay upright long enough to say his vows.

How hard can it be?

-Arms straight!

-Arms straight!

-Knees bent!

-Yep!

Go on, Tommy!

BLEEP!

Well, actually, it's proper hard.

Keep it going, buddy!

Oh, mate! Get in!

Shit!

Try as he might,

Tommy simply doesn't have the strength to stay up in the water.

Bit spaghetti arms. Keep them straight and you'll be away.

You've got this, Tommy.

Or has he?

-Don't bend your arms!

-Come on, bud.

Suck it up, buttercup.

It's only buttercup's first lesson.

Maybe everyone's this bad first time.

Not one of the worst we've seen, but he's pretty close to it.

Arms straight!

Oh, dear.

But at least he's still trying.

It seems Tommy is taking to waterskiing like a duck to...

No, he's rubbish.

She ain't going to marry me, is she? I'm a failure.

At this rate, no. Come on.

Just leave me to drown.

After three hours at sea, with no sign of improvement or ability,

Tommy's dreams of impressing his bride with a water-ski wedding

are sinking as fast as he is.

I can't do it no more.

Let's call it a day there, then, dude.

Tommy's lack of upper-body strength or technique

is casting doubt over his wedding plans.

So how are you feeling, Tommy?

-Failure. A failure, yeah.

-How far are you looking to ski?

Because, obviously, at the moment, we've probably got five metres.

As long as I can say "I do" in enough time, it'll be all right.

Well, you might get I do in before you hit the water at the moment

but that would be about it.

We need a bit of oomph.

While Tommy fights against the tide to keep his sea dreams afloat...

Hannah's taken her mum Pam, bridesmaid Poppy and sister Hailey

to the location she would choose if she had a say.

Imagine walking down here in my beautiful dress.

Shilstone House is a tranquil country manor

deep in the Devonshire countryside.

It has everything Hannah dreams of for her big day -

peace, luxury

and absolutely no water for miles.

I can even imagine having photos in this hallway.

It's just really elegant and like beautiful. It's just beautiful.

-It's really classy, definitely. I love it.

-I'm glad you like it.

-I'm ready to see more.

-OK.

The grand house comes complete with wedding chapel, accommodation

and plenty of space for a reception party.

So imagine now you're with your drinks, as you have in hand now,

and we're starting to serve canapes,

so some delicious food being served.

Look at the view out the window. This is perfect.

It's just the thought that you can stay here after the wedding

or you can stay here before when you want to get ready.

-Like everything's just here.

-It's so relaxed.

-It's easy, yeah.

You literally like start off at one end

and you gradually make your way through and it's just so chilled.

-The most perfect place.

-Yeah, it's beautiful.

-Perfect.

Hannah may have the perfect venue for her relaxed wedding,

but Tommy...

Well, Tommy is horizontal.

His inability to stand up on skis and his lack of stamina at sea

have broken him in body and in spirit.

-All right, mate?

-All right, mate.

-What's wrong with you?

Tommy's feeling sunk already

and, with absolutely nothing sorted for the big day,

it's up to best man Ash to get Tommy and the wedding back on course.

Been sick. My head's been down the loo half the night.

Drinking all that seawater yesterday.

Mate, I must have drank gallons of it because I don't feel good.

My ears are literally blocked to the max.

I can feel the ocean in my head, mate.

-Get that down you.

-Cheers, mate.

We need to get a venue, mate.

I've not got to good a feeling about that at the minute.

We need to sort it out, then. Stop moping about here, Mopey Dick.

-Mopey Dick!

-Tommy the Tit. Sinking Tom. Yeah.

The wedding'll be sinking like you were yesterday.

Stop moping about,

get your face ready and come out, yeah?

Let's go get a venue.

HE GROANS

As Tommy heads off to find the perfect patch of water

for his ceremony...

Stop hitting me, you twat!

..back in the countryside, perfectionist Hannah

is climbing the stairs to her idea of wedding heaven.

Oh, it's amazing, isn't it?

-I love it.

-It's absolutely beautiful.

It's beautiful.

This would make a perfect, perfect place.

-What style of wedding?

-This style.

This style!

Exactly this.

Yeah, I love all my like shabby chic sort of thing,

but this is like literally perfect.

While Hannah's found the ideal place for her wedding,

Tommy's plans are still stuck in port.

-You must be Tommy.

-Yeah.

-Ashley.

-Ash.

So the boys are heading back out to sea,

this time to find the perfect patch of water for the ceremony.

Like going on holiday.

Tommy wants open water to ski on with a spectacular background

and somewhere close by where his guests can watch from.

Right, guys, it's getting a bit choppier.

First port of call - Mount Batten,

right in front of the beautiful Plymouth seafront.

There's just one problem -

exposed to high winds and strong waves,

it's only recommended for expert skiers.

You might have noticed Tommy isn't one.

Oh!

Oh, this is not good! My balls are soaking!

How do you fancy skiing in these conditions?

No, I don't fancy skiing in these conditions, no.

Problem is, once you're out here in these conditions,

you've got to have strong legs to get over these waves.

-Oh, shit.

-If the weather's bad, you know, it's game over.

Just look for calm. If it's not calm, get the hell out of here,

because I don't want to die.

It's got the beautiful backdrop

but it's a no-go for a novice skier like Tommy,

so the boys head inland

up the river Plym in search of calmer waters.

Look how much flatter it is here.

Just what I need. Let me have a look.

I need to stand up.

The boys may have found a new stretch of river

with the sheltered conditions perfect for a novice skier.

The trouble is, the view here is quite literally rubbish.

-The dump's here.

-Exactly, the scrapyard dump.

It's probably full of tampons and everything. Syringes.

-It's not the prettiest place to get married.

-Not next to a rubbish dump.

I want to please her and I want to make it look nice.

I'm not going to make my missus stand near a dump.

She's not going to be. She'll be on the water, you doughnut.

Well, it's a big day for me. I'm getting married, not you, mate,

and I'm starting to get frustrated now.

-You need to sort it out.

-It's starting to piss me off.

Can we drive back now? Because I'm starting to get really annoyed.

The whole idea now, mate, it's really annoying me.

Sick of the sea. The idea I want is not actually going to plan at all.

It's going to shit.

So Tommy can't ski on choppy waters

with the beautiful backdrop of Mount Batten

and he's refusing to settle for the calmer waters

in front of the less than picturesque view.

His dream of a wet and wild wedding is looking totally sunk.

Big smile, girls.

Miles from the sea, the girls are fully immersed

in the elegance of their one-stop lavish wedding venue.

-We can see you here.

-Bit gutting, really.

No, it is a bit gutting because obviously now

I've got really high expectations.

I absolutely love this venue.

All the attention to detail and everything.

Do you think Tommy would pick somewhere like this?

I think, if Tommy came across a place like this,

then he would know I would love it

but I don't think he's go to the effort of finding it.

Tommy's probably going to go

for something really local and convenient.

It's a new day and, like the sea,

Tommy has woken up a lot calmer.

Having ruled out the option of getting married

next to a rubbish dump,

he's come back to his first-choice location, Mount Batten,

to see if there's any way he can salvage his water-ski dreams.

I think it's a lovely location. You've got everything.

You can see the whole of Plymouth. It's perfect conditions today.

Flat, calm, this is what I want on the day.

Then we can just ski here and everyone can watch here

and maybe ski on this side in front of everyone,

which I think would be great.

It definitely would work. 100% it would work.

Seeing this stretch of sea on a clear and settled morning,

and determined to keep his dream alive,

Tommy takes a massive gamble and decides to hold his ceremony here.

Now he just needs to learn to water-ski like a pro in two weeks.

And hope for calm conditions on the day.

What do you think?

"I think you're crazy, Dad!"

With Tommy's heart set on getting married on this patch of coast,

the next job for the boys is to find a waterfront reception venue.

First up, the local yacht club.

What have you got in mind for the wedding?

It's a water themed wedding.

Water themed? Perfect location.

Yeah, exactly. It's a good location.

I'm feeling a bit more confident now, now I'm seeing it,

envisioning it, planning it.

But just as some kind of plan is coming together,

Tommy gets a call from the one person

who could sink it all, and it's not Hannah.

Oh, Hannah's dad.

-Mate, chuck it out the window!

-I've just answered the phone!

Hello?

All right, mate?

Can't be too nosy, Tony.

I'm not giving anything away, all right?

Yeah, I've been really busy, mate. Really busy. Really tired.

You know, I've drank so much salt water yesterday,

I've been laying in bed feeling sick.

I think the signal is going...

Shit, I sort of gave it away there, didn't I?

Caught off guard and flustered by Hannah's dad, Tony,

trying to pin down the plans, the boys jump ship

and move on to potential reception venue number two,

a swish seafront restaurant.

This is the best view we have.

Oh, this is beautiful, this. I like this.

-This is lovely.

-A perfect view.

You can see right around the head.

That's what we talked about earlier.

And we have a red carpet which we can put out front

if that's something you would consider?

Oh, red carpet, very nice.

Let's just hope they won't mind it getting wet

when a sea-soaked Hannah walks up it.

This venue has everything Tommy wants.

Now he just needs to get it in budget.

Over to best man Ash.

This is what I have worked out. £3,250.

I think £3,500 probably would be fine.

Can we knock it down a bit, please?

You already got a good deal.

-We'd wash the dishes.

-Make it 335.

So 33, basically?

-335.

-Call it 33?

-335.

-We'll quit while we're ahead!

Despite their best bargaining efforts,

the boys seal the deal for just under £3,500.

Now with his venues confirmed,

Tommy is committed to his watery wedding, sink or swim.

Hannah still has no idea she'll be water-skiing at her wedding.

So, along with her mum and bridesmaids,

she's come to find what she'd wear if she had a say.

Chances are, it won't be a wet suit.

-Hi, you all right?

-Do come through.

And this girl certainly knows what she doesn't want.

No, I don't like any of them.

No, I don't like the ruffles.

I don't have the V, it's a bit old lady-ish.

No, I don't like satin.

We're going to be here all day!

But what Hannah does want is a dress to match her dream

of an elegant, traditional wedding.

She won't settle for anything less than perfect.

I don't like this bit, it makes my shoulders look broad.

-I just don't think it suits you.

-It makes me bulge here.

It reminds me of that wallpaper you can get!

I already know the reaction before I come out here.

No, I don't like it.

I think I'm quite fussy.

So he's got a hard job to find a dress that I'm going to like.

Tommy has got his work cut out to choose the right dress

for his fussy bride.

-But luckily, he knows exactly what he wants.

-Hello.

A dress that can be worn over a wet suit.

So, tell me a little bit about what you're looking for.

What is the cheapest dress you've got?

OK, follow me, this way. We'll go to the sale rail!

Well, why waste money on a dress

that will be dragged through the sea on the big day?

Meanwhile, Hannah has finally found something

to suit her sky-high standards.

Oh, wow! I love it!

And it comes with a price tag to match.

This dress is £1,400.

That's really good.

Hopefully he's got quite a decent budget

that he might put a decent lump aside for the wedding dress.

I'd hope so. I'd say at least £1,500.

Imagine if he's budgeted £500?

Oh, no!

Come on, he wouldn't spend £500

on the most important dress of your life!

That one, I can let you have for £250.

250? Surely not.

-250 is a bit high.

-A bit high?

What about this one?

This one is £75.

That's nice. Would you go any lower?

-You've got to be kidding me!

-75 quid for a wedding dress!

£75, that's it.

No, I can't go any lower.

-70.

-70, all right. A fiver's a fiver!

A fiver's a fiver, Ash!

It only costs 5% of Hannah's dream dress budget,

and she'll have to ski in it.

Arms in front and maybe a leg up.

We'll need a little bit shorter because it's catching on her leg.

But in order for her to be able to water-ski in it,

it will need to be shortened.

The cost of a seamstress could be more than the cost of the dress.

Luckily, Tommy has already thought about this.

Scissors, please.

I can't believe you're doing this.

No, I can't believe you're doing it either.

Don't rip it!

Look at me, I'm round the back now.

Oh, you gone too high.

-You asked for extra leg movement.

-You gone a bit too far, actually.

No, mate, it's a fashionable slit.

I think that will work as well.

You can see the ankles, that's what we need.

Without an ankle or a tear in sight, Hannah has found her dream dress.

I love the ruffles. I love the lace.

And is beginning to realise just how much it means to her.

What happens if he gets it wrong or you don't like the dress?

I won't wear it!

If he doesn't get it right, he's dog meat!

Fish food, more likely!

Tommy has now bought the dress and paid for the reception.

With just ten days to go,

he is fully committed to his water-skiing wedding.

But to stand any chance of saying his vows on skis,

he's going to have to build up both his stamina

and the strength in his arms and legs.

If it's a bit choppy out there, you need very strong legs for the waves.

I don't want to look like a mug on the day,

especially in front of Tony and Hannah,

so I need to get myself in shape.

There you go, Tom!

I've got Tony in the back of my mind, screaming,

"Come on, you can do this! Stop being so slack!"

Get those hands back, what's the matter with you, boy?

I need to prove to him and definitely prove to her

that she means the world to me and I can pull this off on the day.

Tommy will have to wait until his next and final water-skiing lesson

to find out if all his extra training has paid off

and if it will be enough to keep his sea dream afloat.

It's a lot of pressure.

I've got to learn to water-ski still.

One lesson is not going to be enough.

I've just got to have a lot of faith

and determination that I can get there.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

This is love, this is what this is.

It's the end of the second week

and with Tommy still unable to water-ski, the boys sit down

to take stock of what is left to do.

-We ain't got suits.

-No.

-And they ain't got bridesmaids dresses.

-And I ain't got a ring. We need to get a ring.

-Invites.

We've still got to learn to water-ski, Ash,

which I'm BLEEP my pants, mate.

Tommy is not the only one worried about the big day.

Oh, look at this. Tony.

-What does he want?

-Don't answer the phone to him.

He wants more info, that's what he wants. Hang on.

Hello?

-All right, mate, how are you doing?

-Yeah, not too bad.

What are you ringing for? What do you want?

What are you doing about flowers and stuff?

Tony has seen a way to muscle in on the wedding

and he has the perfect excuse.

He and his wife own a local flower shop.

It's my daughter. I would like her to get the best.

No disrespect to anywhere else, but if you buy them from us,

then she's going to get 200% instead of 100%.

Yeah, how much are we talking, then, Tony?

Because obviously I've got a budget, I've got to be careful with that.

Well, you won't get them any cheaper than you'd get them from me.

Of course, I want it cheap. It's your daughter's wedding, man!

It's up to Tommy what he does, but I hope he comes to the shop.

If he doesn't, I'll probably get offended...

..to be perfectly honest with you.

The boys face a big dilemma.

If they get the flowers from Tony,

they run the risk of blowing the surprise of the water-ski wedding.

If Tony is going to sort us out and get the flowers,

if he's going to deliver them to the venue,

they'll have a pretty good idea.

Yeah, we need to throw them off track, don't we?

We need to send him where he'll have a heart attack.

"He's not marrying my daughter here!"

"I'm going to bash your head in when I see you!

"You wait until I see you, Tommy!"

-Pumped up, you know?

-Big Tony.

-Tony B.

You've got to have a little laugh at Tony, you know what he's like?

-Totally panicking and that. Let's do it.

-Let's do this.

So the boys have come up with a cunning stunt

to let Tony do some of the flower arranging

whilst keeping the wedding under wraps.

Let's just hope Tony sees the funny side.

Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. Ash is phoning me.

The wedding is approaching fast and Ash is on the phone to Hannah

with a few details about the hen night.

It's on Friday, this Friday.

I just hope I'm going somewhere nice.

Somewhere nice? Yeah, yeah. It'll be fine.

-OK.

-Don't worry, you're in safe hands.

-OK, bye.

-Bye.

Imagine if he properly stitches us up on this hen do.

Like an assault course. All muddy and soaking wet.

There's nothing worse than being soaking wet

covered with crap and looking like a drowned rat on your hen do.

-You want to look good on your hen do.

-Yeah.

Not like you just climbed out of a sewer.

Don't worry, Hannah,

he's saving the drowned rat look for your wedding day.

It's the week before the wedding.

Finally time for Hannah's hen do.

This is the girl's first sniff of Tommy's wet wedding theme,

and it smells fishy.

Well, luckily for you girls today,

you are all of to do a spot of mackerel fishing this morning.

Oh!

Tommy has stitched us right up, hasn't he?

I don't want to sit on a grubby boat for three hours

looking for a stinking fish.

Fish on! There's a fish on! Wind it in!

Go, go, go!

But surprisingly, the girls are having a good time.

A really good time.

THEY CHEER

-That's how you do it, Tommy!

-THEY LAUGH

-Aw, isn't he cute!

-THEY SHRIEK

-Fish on!

-Fish on, girls!

-THEY CHEER

It's actually quite fun, fishing.

Yeah, so Tommy's tried to stitch me up,

but I'm actually really enjoying it.

There you are, girls, it's a good catch, isn't it?

I want that big fat one in the middle.

It was supposed to be a stitch-up, I've actually really enjoyed myself.

It was really good.

We're all planning our next fishing trip, aren't we?

-So, yeah.

-Definitely.

-We caught 25 fish.

The girls are of-fish-ally happy with their day at sea.

Maybe Tommy's watery wedding isn't such a wet idea after all.

Provided, of course, that Tommy can actually water-ski.

Today is his final water-skiing lesson.

If Tommy can't stand up in the water now,

his whole plan for the wedding will be well and truly sunk.

I'm a bit worried if I don't...

If I can't do it today...

I'm sort of BLEEP a little bit.

But, you know... It seems a bit more calmer.

The weather's a lot better today, so there's better conditions.

So hopefully, I can hit the nail on head today, get it done.

Prove to Tony and Hannah that I can do it.

So I've got a lot to live up to, really, haven't I?

-Hi, Tommy! How you doing, mate?

-Good, you all right?

Yeah, sound. Good to see you again.

Sun's shining, better weather than last time.

Yeah, hopefully, mate. I need to nail it today.

-We'd better get cracking then.

-Nervous, mate?

-BLEEP myself, mate.

-Really?

-I am, I'm proper nervous,

because if I don't get this right...

Aware of how important this final lesson is to Tommy's wedding plans,

coach Mark has brought along a special training board usually

used to help children to get up on the water for the first time.

-SHOUTING:

-As you go to stand up now, take the handle!

Whoa!

Jesus!

Whoa!

-It's a disastrous start.

-Give it another go.

Every failed attempt is taking its toll

on Tommy's strength and stamina.

Finally, they abandon the board.

BLEEP sake, man!

It looks like Tommy's hopes for a wedding on water have hit the rocks.

With absolutely nothing to lose,

coach Mark gets Tommy to have one final try on skis.

-Shall we have a go on the skis?

-What if I can't get up?

Let's have a go, man.

Come on, Tommy, mate. We've got faith in you this time.

Right.

This is it, this is what it's all about.

Perfect! Whoo! Well done! Good!

Against the odds, he's finally up.

CHEERING

Go on, sonny!

But not for long.

Shit!

LAUGHTER

Hold on, that's enough for me, I think.

I'm aching like a bitch.

At the last minute, he's pulled it out of the bag.

But when it comes to doing it for real,

Tommy will have to stay up for a lot longer

to say his vows on some of the choppiest waters in Plymouth.

With the wedding just around the corner,

Tommy is seriously doubting his ability

to stay standing on the big day.

I don't how I can, you know, pull it off.

It's not easy and I'm starting to lose the plot, to be honest.

My head's going to explode.

It's a lot of pressure, because I've never water-skied in my life.

I'm doing all this wedding for her and the whole thing,

the whole idea of the water-skiing revolves around her.

I just need to stay positive.

You know, I've got to fight through it and I've got to carry on.

HE BLOWS PARTY POPPER The wedding is a few days away

and best man Ash is waiting for a very important delivery.

Hannah's dad Tony made the groom an offer he couldn't refuse,

to supply flowers for the big day.

But to keep the water-themed wedding a secret,

the boys have set up a dummy venue to throw the family off the scent.

I'm just waiting for Tony, to show him the lovely venue.

Just got to get the rat in the trap now.

And best man Ash doesn't have to wait long.

-Hi, mate, you all right?

-All right?

-Yeah.

He's going to get all the decorations in here, so...

I'll just put these down here.

We tried to make it as nice as possible, but it's a bit...bare.

It'll look all right though, once it's all sorted.

Unimpressed with the fake flowers for his petal's wedding,

Tony makes an emergency call to the flower shop.

There is flowers on the actual tables, but they're...

They're silks.

They chucked them in free for us.

So the venue's put little vases on with, with, er...

I'm not being funny, granny flowers on the table.

They've got nothing for the top table.

Don't fret too much.

-MURMURS:

-Yeah.

-LAUGHING:

-You're looking at me like that! No, don't worry.

What's happening here is what it is at the minute.

-All right?

-Yeah.

-Right, is that all you wanted me for?

-Yeah. Right.

-See you later.

Cheers, Tone. Thank you.

It may not be what she wants, but she'll get over it. You know.

And I'm pretty sure this ain't what she wants, but there you go!

This ain't the dream palace for her, that's for sure! But...

Luckily for Hannah, this isn't the dream palace.

And Tony is none the wiser about the secret water-skiing wedding.

It's the day before the wedding.

Hannah is about to see the dress that Tommy has picked for her

to get married in.

Oh, hello! You must be Hannah.

Hi, I'm Tina, good to meet you.

I feel really nervous.

Even when Tommy's done little stitch-ups,

it's always ended up being all right.

So hopefully, the dress isn't a stitch-up

and it's going to be lovely and beautiful.

OK, then, ladies. Come through.

I just hope that it's something that suits me, at least.

Something that is similar to obviously what I would like,

my dream dress.

But if it is different, and it's something that Tommy's picked

and it is beautiful, then...

We'll just have to see how it goes.

Hannah longed for a long, figure-hugging dress with ruffles

and lots of lace and a long train.

Tommy bought her one for 70 quid and hacked it to bits,

so she can wear it over a wet suit and water-ski in it.

OK, then, Hannah. Do you want to come through,

see your gown that Tommy's picked for you?

-I'd love to, yeah.

-Come through.

-Good luck!

-Good luck!

-I can't wait to see you!

-My heart's beating so fast.

-I know.

-I don't like it.

-This one's your dress.

I hate it.

-Oh, no!

-What's that?

-It's short!

I'm not wearing it.

-Tommy chose it for you.

-Oh, no.

That's like, the worst one he could pick.

-SHE SOBS

-It's horrible.

It's awful. I thought he had taste, but he clearly doesn't.

-It's a joke.

-Oh, my God.

-That is disgraceful!

-You're not wearing that.

-No.

I'm not letting you wear that.

It's just had the bottom cut off.

-You look like you're in a pantomime!

-It's horrible.

-That's disgusting.

-What, has he cut it himself?

-Yeah.

-THEY GASP

Why would you cut a dress?

Yeah, when he came in, he specified he wanted a short dress,

-we didn't have any within the budget.

-He's stupid.

He cut a dress?

Why has he done this?

Look, it's not even a neat finish.

It's like...chopped up as if you've got it as a Halloween outfit.

-It looks like he got angry with it.

-Hannah, just take it off.

-It's horrible.

-I'm not wearing it.

-Take it off, Hannah.

-No, I'm taking it off.

She's not wearing that, no way. No way. Not happening.

-I'd like to take it off, please.

-Yeah. OK, let's take it off.

Why would you DO that?

I think one of us needs to ring Tommy.

-We need to ring Tommy.

-Whatever made him cut it?

Hannah's mum and sister put in an emergency call to the groom.

Tommy, she can't wear that dress, darling.

You've cut it with scissors.

It looks disgusting.

Well, I've run out of budget,

and that's all I could afford at the minute.

Well, can we change the dress?

Because she's not going to wear it, Tommy.

-She's going to have to wear it.

-She cried, Tommy.

-She cried?

-Yeah, she's really upset.

-We are all upset.

-She's not wearing it.

-Right.

Well, Tommy, if you don't let her pick a dress she wants,

-she's not going to come.

-She's not going to come?

-No.

She said if you don't change the dress, she... She can't come.

I think the dress is more...

I think I'm more important than the dress.

At the end of the day, she'll wear anything to see me, I think.

She won't wear that dress. She's told me, she's not going to wear it.

You'll have to buy something else.

Well, if you can find another dress for 70 quid, then, yeah. But...

70 quid?!

-That's all I can afford at the minute.

-Right, bye.

BLEEP. I'm in the shit.

I feel bad cos I made her cry.

Her mum's not happy.

-HANNAH'S MUM:

-I feel really upset.

-VOICE BREAKING:

-I'm really upset.

I'm really upset.

I'm genuinely upset.

-It's not good news.

-What?!

Basically, if you can find another dress for 70 quid,

you can change it.

-THEY GASP

-He spent 70 quid on it?

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

-He's only got £70 left.

-He said, "I'm more important than the dress."

THEY EXCLAIM

He said, "If she hasn't seen me for three weeks,

"she'll wear that dress."

-I'm not doing it.

-We have to get you another dress.

-Oh, my God.

-I'm not wearing it at all. No.

Ring him again. I'm not leaving until I have a dress.

And I'm not wearing that thing.

With Hannah refusing to wear the dress,

the girls put in another call to Tommy.

-Hello?

-All right, Tommy, it's Hailey.

-Hi, Hailey.

-Yeah...

She can't wear that dress, Tommy, you need to sort something out.

She's going to have to wear it.

Look, I know it's the budget and whatever it is, darling,

but she's my daughter.

She can't go down the aisle in that dress.

It's all I've got. It's all I've got left.

She's really upset,

and so am I, to be perfectly honest with you.

Trust me, once you see what I've got planned,

then it would all make sense, trust me. Just hold on.

You've made me feel bad enough for her crying,

but I'm not being horrible, she just needs to crack on with it.

She needs to just crack on with it, cos that's all I can afford.

All right? I'm going to have to dink you, bye.

PHONE BEEPS

No way.

I'm just going to stop answering the phone after this.

That's it, finito.

You know, let's crack on, get some more things done today.

Just forget about that.

-Right, shoes.

-He's stressed out

and he's upset.

I don't want to upset him, but...

It's not you that's upsetting him, he's just got it wrong.

-I can't wear that, Mum.

-No, you can't wear it!

-Come on.

-Yeah.

Come on.

HE SIGHS

I've got a wedding to plan, I've got one more day,

got so much...

Not so... Quite a lot to do, actually.

I just want to get on with it, all right?

Tommy's sticking to his guns.

Now it's down to the bridal party to convince Hannah

to wear a £70 chopped-up dress

on the biggest day of her life.

My mind is like a rollercoaster at the moment.

He wouldn't want people to see you in that dress.

He wouldn't want people to see you in that.

I don't think he would want me to look that ridiculous.

I just don't think he's done this to make you feel upset.

The thing that I think as well, Hannah,

is when I was on the phone to him,

-he said, "Trust me."

-He said the same to me.

-He said, "You need to trust me."

-I know.

But then it's a big trust. Imagine if I'm stuck in that all day.

It's that word, innit? "Trust."

Do you go and trust him,

or do you go and buy yourself a different dress?

-He's never let you down.

-I'll have to bloody trust him, won't it?

Right, I'll just take the risk

and then if there isn't a nice dress to come,

I won't walk down the aisle if there's no dress,

because I clearly can't trust him.

-Come on, let's go and do it.

-You never know!

I'm just going to accept it and just trust Tommy.

And hopefully the Tommy I know has got me

a nice dress waiting somewhere.

I've just got to trust him.

It's the morning of the wedding.

After the shock of her dress yesterday,

things haven't improved for Hannah.

Tommy hasn't arranged anyone to help her get ready.

I've been waiting around all morning for hair and make-up

that never arrived, so my friends have come to the rescue.

It is what it is.

She's got no shoes.

They didn't send anybody to do her hair

and all I want for my daughter is for her to be happy.

-Aww!

-And she better be. Don't you make me cry.

As Hannah puts a brave face on her wedding morning woes,

Tommy's got his own wedding day worries.

Will he be able to water-ski long enough to say his vows?

Nervous.

Feels real now.

This is the real deal.

I'll need to do it today, I'll need to pull this off.

I'll pull it out the bag, smash it,

make her proud.

You've just got to relax and what have you got to do, Tommy?

-Keep my arms straight.

-Keep those arms straight, mate.

You've got it.

Oh!

Back at home, Big Tony has arrived,

just in time to see his little girl in her ripped-up, £70 wedding dress.

What a beautiful dress you've got on there, darling(!)

-It's all right.

-Has it come from Oxfam, has it?

-Yeah, I think so.

Well, that's his first bag of shit that he's done.

Could be time for some encouraging words from Dad.

-It's horrible.

-Well, at least you agree with me.

It's horrible, it looks second-hand...

And it's a horrible colour.

Why didn't you call me? I could have sorted it out for you.

I know, I know, but it's Tommy that's planning the wedding,

he's got a budget,

and...

you're supposed to stand back and let him do what he's doing.

I just want to keep to... This is obviously what Tommy wants, so...

Yeah, but if it don't make you happy,

then obviously I want what makes you happy.

I know, but Tommy makes me happy.

-Fair enough.

-So that's why I'm doing it.

-All right.

A less than enthusiastic bride

leaves for her wedding an hour late...

-SHE SIGHS

-And it begins.

..leaving a marooned groom out at sea

with even more time to dwell on his approaching performance.

Half past 12, you know what I mean? It's not good.

-Relax, Tommy.

-I know, but it's...

-Whoa, what have we always said?

If you're stressed out, you ski bad.

A tense Tommy is in place

and bemused guests are in position.

Now it's time for Hannah to find out

she will be water-skiing on the most important day of her life.

-You OK?

-You all right?

-Nice to see you.

-We need you to get changed again.

-Again?

-Yeah.

I hope there's a nice dress waiting in there for me, Ash.

This is your first surprise.

CHEERING

She's going in the water?!

Are you joking?

Right.

THEY EXCLAIM LOUDLY

-And one final thing...

-She's got some skis.

THEY EXCLAIM

Oh, my God!

-OK.

-All right?

-All right.

I didn't expect it to be this, because it's freezing cold

and the sea is like ice.

Do I have to get ready in the tent?

Tommy won't ski, so he's stitched me up a little bit, but it's all right.

At least I'll see him at the other end.

Throw this ugly dress at him!

THEY CHEER

Right, let's go get married!

THEY WHOOP

Hannah's finally realised

she's not getting the relaxed manor house wedding of her dreams.

Not the walk down the aisle we expected, was it?

But as she heads out to sea,

she still has no idea that she will actually be saying her vows

on water and that Tommy will be joining her on skis.

Hopefully.

Now everything has gone to shit.

The whole plan has gone to shit, basically,

because she can't move her bloody arse.

You know, all the guests are waiting around and that, for her.

HE SIGHS

Tired, cold.

I'm not going to do this in a minute.

I'm not going to do it.

The eagle and the elephant are leaving the nest, mate, all right?

All right, mate, we'll see you in a bit.

Hooray(!)

I've been out here for over an hour and a half.

With his bride speeding towards him,

there's no turning back now for Tommy.

-GASPING:

-It's freezing!

It's freezing!

Oh, my God! It's a lot colder...

Oh, my God!

Where's Tommy, then?

Got himself out of it - I bet he's up there in the dry!

Right, Tommy, you keep those arms straight

or I'm going to knock you out.

You've got this, Tommy, all right?

I've got it, I know. I've got it.

After three weeks, hours of training at sea,

and Tommy coming close to calling his whole idea off,

it's all come down to this moment.

BOAT ENGINE REVS

Relax, Tommy, relax.

HE YELPS

Take the speed down quite a bit.

-IN SING-SONG VOICE:

-Where are we go-ing?

Tommy?

Tommy, you can do it.

-I'm BLEEP panicking!

-Tommy!

Relax!

Yes, it's the big day,

but you still relax.

Relax.

Stay calm.

Try and stand up a bit, Tommy.

Everyone, look, there's Tommy.

Before he falls in, quick, get him.

-TONY:

-Oh, look out!

-Is that someone skiing?

-I reckon that's Tommy.

Nah, Tommy can't ski.

You reckon he's learned to ski?

Do you think it is?

-I think it is.

-Got to be, ain't it?

It's got to be Tommy.

Oh, I'm so proud of him! Look at him, he's learned to ski!

Well done, babe!

OK, listen to me!

Do you, Tommy, take Hannah to be your lawful wedded wife?

I do!

Hannah...

..do you take Tommy to be your lawful wedded husband?

Yes, I do!

-THEY CHEER

-Congratulations!

You are now husband and wife!

CHEERING

-Well done.

-Cheers, mate.

Yeah, he's pulled it off, he's made me happy.

He's proved to me

that he is worthy of my daughter

and I know he'll look after her, and...

-VOICE BREAKING:

-..it makes me very happy that they're married now,

so... I'm getting upset now.

Bye.

Aww! Big Tony!

HE STAMPS HIS FOOT Oww!

Right, the surprise ain't over.

I've got something else I need to show you.

-OK. I can't wait.

-Come with me.

Hannah's been bowled over by her water-skiing ceremony

and Tommy has another surprise for her.

The £70 wasn't the only gown he bought that day.

THEY WHOOP

I have another dress!

-Oh, my God!

-THEY HOWL

-That is lush!

-That is beautiful!

I love it. Come here.

-ALL:

-Awww!

Now in her brand-new £1,500 dress,

Hannah and her bridesmaids

get their first glimpse of her reception.

Aww, this is mine and Tommy's table!

What does it say?

"Hannah and Tommy..."

It looks lovely.

No, I was worried that he wouldn't have the woman's touch,

but he's literally done it better than I would.

Even with the water-skiing, it was just so thoughtful.

It was all for me.

Everything he's done today is for me

and it just shows how much he loves me.

-Yeah, it does.

-And I love him.

-What do you think, ladies? Do you like it?

-I love it!

-I love it.

-All I cared about today was seeing you.

-You too.

Diving into that water,

seeing you in that manky little dress I cut up...

-At least you know it's manky!

-I knew it was manky. That is beautiful.

This is more your style.

MUSIC: Paddling Out by Miike Snow

I feel like it's been a whirlwind today, from the start to the finish.

I feel like he's done so well.

He's done ten out of ten, I couldn't have asked for better.

Some people take two years to plan their wedding. This is three weeks

and it's been better than I could ever have imagined.

Let's all have a toast to Tommy.

CHEERING

As the reception rolls on into the night,

what does the bride who just wanted a relaxed affair on land

think about her watery wedding day?

He can now water-ski, which I'm really proud of,

so now we can go do that together on weekends or something,

-a little hobby.

-I did it for you.

-I know you did.

And I wanted to learn this for you.

That's why I put in all the effort -

to prove to you that I can actually do it for you.

Yeah, you did. You're really cute.

I'm really proud of you.

Obviously, today is a really big day for me and you

and there's something I just wanted to give to you.

-So...

-And what's that?

I've already got some socks - what's this?

-I'm going to read it to you first.

-OK.

So...

"Those we love don't go away

"They walk beside us every day

"She loves you unconditionally and is always by your side

"As we move on to the next chapter of our lives."

It's for your mum, cos I know she would have loved to be here today.

-I know.

-Love you.

Love you, Mum.

Absolutely love you. Thank you.

Do you know, I wish she was here as well.

She is.

-I hope she is.

-She's with us.

-Eh?

-Thank you.

A few days later and safely on dry land,

the couple made their marriage legal.

CLAPPING AND CHEERING

Next time, BMX bandit Lee wants an extreme sports spectacle.

-You're going to be doing that over your bride-to-be.

-She'll love it.

While bride-to-be Ami just wants to be a pampered princess

on her big day.

I look like the princess - what were they called that got married?

Kate and William?

-Can this man...

-You're not going to get everything you want.

-..give this woman...

-No bikes, it's going to be about me.

..the wedding of her dreams...

-Oh, God.

-Oh, no.

-I don't like it.

-..or will his idea hit the skids?

SHE SCREAMS

# Whoa, my love

# My darling

# I've hungered for your touch

# A long, lonely time... #