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Don't Tell The Bride celebrates weddings like no-one else.
From New York to Glasgow... Oh, my God.
..Las Vegas... Yeah! Why would the man I love do this?
..to Ibiza. I can't even plan a wedding for her.
And one unforgettable roller coaster ride.
Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?
And now we're back, as 12 more unsuspecting brides
prepare for the journey of a lifetime.
No freakin' way!
The grooms get three weeks and ?12,000.
And the brides get no say in how it's spent.
I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and I can't.
So get ready to rock...
I don't even want you at my wedding. ..as the party reaches new heights
and sinks to new lows,
with more fairy-tale endings than ever before.
Is this it? Is this is all I get?
Scuba gear? In the dress? In the pool? Yes.
..hopeless romantic Ian wants to make a big splash...
I want you to kiss the bride.
..on his big day.
Uh-oh. She'd better love me after this.
But with a bride who dreams of being a gypsy princess...
I want this dress. ..and her friends and family horrified
by his decisions... Is this all a joke, just like one big game?
I can't pretend I'm happy, cos I'm not.
..will she decide to take the plunge...
I can't believe he's making me cry.
..and marry a man who wants to throw her in at the deep end?
Oh, my God! There'll be tears...
I don't feel comfortable at all. What do I do?
At the moment I'm thinking... ..but will there be a wedding?
How can someone be so romantically stupid?
Three years ago, 27-year-old Ian kissed goodbye to the single life
when he fell for his sports therapist Hayley.
The couple, born and bred in Staines,
met at the local leisure centre where Hayley worked.
He asked me if I could stretch his hamstring.
I can see right up your shorts.
It's good having a girl rub you up before even your first date!
Well, I thought, "That's the man I'm going to marry."
And after a few more probing rub-downs,
Hayley just couldn't let Ian go.
I love Ian because he's really kind, and really fun.
I'm still running, I'm still going to beat you!
He tries to go out of his way to make me happy,
even if it doesn't always go to plan, but his heart's in the right place.
I love her personality. She loves having a laugh and joke about.
Keep up! Ah!
You cheated. You went before "Go."
..the only way she knows how to do things is to succeed. Cheers. Cheers.
Oh, I got some of yours.
After two years together,
romantic Ian popped the question while on holiday in Turkey.
Went down on one knee in the sea and asked you to marry me.
It was the best day of my life. I done it in the sea
purely because... I used to be a mermaid.
She used to swim for county, she used to swim for all her schools
and she taught me to swim. She glides through water like it isn't even there.
Morning. But a wedding seemed a long way off as this hard-working,
hard-up couple juggle two jobs each to make ends meet.
All right, darling?
I work in a factory as my main job. I also work in a supermarket
stacking shelves part-time. I work as a primary school teacher.
See you later. 'And then, in the evenings,'
I work as a physio for a football team.
Money obviously is tight, that's why we have to work so many jobs.
We're in and out, working opposite shifts to each other
and barely get to see each other. It's normally "hello", "goodbye"
and "see you later."
For Ian and Hayley, getting ?12,000 to pay for their wedding
is a dream come true.
It's over a year of salary. And that's if we didn't have bills.
Realistically it's about ten years' worth of money.
And bringing the wedding forward also means that Ian's ill father
will definitely make their big day.
With Dad being disabled, it is really hard.
It's majorly important that he is there. Isn't it, really?
Just remember, it's "Yes, dear, no, dear, I'll do that straight away."
But you don't have to do it straight away. Yeah, you do!
I think he's excited about it. He's very excited.
Argh! You will plan my wedding well.
But not as excited as the bride herself.
Because I'm in my tracksuits quite a lot,
for the wedding, I want to be Barbie girl.
I can see you in that. I want to see me in that.
You're not living if you haven't got glitter on.
The biggest, the best, the glitteriest, the pinkest thing
'you've ever seen.' That would go with my dream dress.
At the moment I'm a caterpillar
but when I get married I'll be a beautiful butterfly.
Look at that for a wedding ring.
Whether Hayley emerges from her tracksuit as a beautiful
butterfly on her wedding day is down to Ian, as he'll be in control.
I'm doing the wedding, one because you deserve a break,
and two, I want my own way for a change!
Just remember, your way isn't necessarily the right way.
I think she wants something that's going to be big and sparkly.
I want a big church, big butterfly dress
and beautiful venue. Yeah, I'm not giving her that.
You're going to go into the boat!
I want a wedding that's going to be completely different,
that's going to stand out, that everyone will talk about.
If I fall in, you'll have to come and rescue me. You'll be fine. You can swim now.
Something that Hayley will never guess that I'm doing
and her dress may get a bit wet.
'It's a massive gamble.' You better not capsize me, I don't want to get wet.
But it's a gamble well worth taking.
We're going to go in the hedges!
'I think this isn't what she wants.'
It doesn't bode well for our wedding, does it?
But it's such a grand gesture and something so sentimental
that she should love it. Don't rock it. I don't want to go in the water.
It's time for Hayley to pack her things and leave their home
for the next three weeks.
Are you going to miss me? I'll miss you loads.
Will you miss me? No!
It'll be OK.
You're going to make all your make-up run. I know!
That's it. There's no going back now.
But this romantic groom won't let her drive away that easily.
You're not going nowhere! Don't go! Roadkill!
He really does, like, support me with everything that I do.
Picking me up when I'm down and stuff
so it's really weird to think he won't be around for three weeks.
There's only one result. It's got to be right, got to be right.
Spending three weeks away from each other for it being wrong
ain't worth doing, in my book. Got to be right.
The couple will have no contact for the next three weeks,
so Hayley is staying with her parents.
Mum Gail and sister Andrea are there to meet her.
I can't believe you're letting Ian do your wedding.
I can't quite believe it either.
Obviously I want it to be in a church. I would like to think
that for the ceremony, it's not going to be made
into this big joke to laugh about, because it's serious.
That would be awful, if it was a comical thing,
which it's not, it is serious.
Sometimes Ian finds it hard to take things seriously.
I'd actually like something quite wacky and...
Yeah. ..to lighten the mood. I'd enjoy myself!
Your sense of humour would like it. Yeah, cos you're viewing it. It's not your wedding,
so yeah. You'd like it cos you'd get to laugh at me!
Meanwhile, Ian has gone straight to Spelthorne Leisure Centre
for a splash around.
Best men Justin and Adam might think they're here to kick around
But Ian already knows how he wants his wacky wedding.
Right, guys. Thought I better share with you
my ingenious idea I've come up with.
As you know, Hayley loves water. The plan is to get married underwater.
What?! What do you reckon?
Underwater?! Underwater. You're joking. No.
Unfortunately, he's not joking,
despite the fact Hayley only taught him to swim last year.
Novice swimmer Ian could be out of his depth.
I'm only doing this for Hayley.
She better love me after this. I can't stand going underwater.
You just need to try and relax.
It's bad enough swimming in water let alone getting underneath it.
I'm a bit of an idiot really, ain't I?
We're all here to support you
so you're not going to be in any trouble.
That's what he thinks.
I'm looking forward to seeing you walk down the aisle.
Every emotion is just going to be there with you. It's something
you have dreamed of for so long. Even though you are sporty,
you've always been a girly girl.
And I think this is why it's such a big deal for you. Yeah.
Has he stitched us up here?
Has he stitched himself up? That's the question.
You can't get more off-the-wall than that, can you? No.
Worse case is if she gets there...
If she hates it. Hates it and...
Breaks, I don't know, breaks down. Starts crying and walks off.
I don't know. Where would you go from there?
That would be an absolute nightmare.
The following day,
and the boys get to work planning Ian's underwater wedding.
Where do you start?! Swimming pool.
Not bad. Right. You two have to be here and here.
And then we need to get her up there somehow.
If we do a traditional aisle, guests could be on the outside of the pool.
Bride and her dad and obviously bridesmaids behind.
It's a traditional set-up, except for a massive watery bit
that's going to make everyone a little bit wet.
If we get her going from shallow to deep end,
then she could still walk down like a traditional wedding march
until she gets to the deep end, where it's going to be a bit of a...
We're need to give her breathing apparatus, get some diving gear.
How will you do your vows? Hand signals? Like when they scuba dive?
I ain't done it, but isn't it all hand signals? Just like, "Do you..."
She'll be like, "Nah..."
MUSIC: BAYWATCH THEME
Let's have a look for a pool.
He's got a lot of reasons for it. Hayley loves swimming.
She taught him to swim.
It means a lot to him, being afraid of water.
He's still not comfortable.
It's kind of romantic in a way, really, isn't it?
In a strange way, chucking your bride in a pool.
I think... She'll love it.
It's mad. It's mad.
It's mad, he's mad!
It's day two, and Ian and his mad, romantic plan
have come to the posh Beaumont Estate in search of a pool
to dunk his bride into. Very nice.
If the pool looks anything like this, mate,
could be a winner. Straight onto a winner, yeah.
Not only has it the wow factor, but Hayley would never guess
a watery wedding awaits her inside.
So you're interested in having your wedding here?
We've come up with a crazy idea of getting married in a swimming pool.
OK... So actually in the swimming pool?
Actually in the pool. And have the blessing underwater?
Yeah. Basically my other half taught me to swim in the water,
and she's a bit of a mermaid, really. Lovely.
It should put her at comfort on the big day.
We don't do normal. OK. No problem.
It's very nice to have something different.
That looks good, don't it? Very nice, yeah.
The idea was, it was going to be in the deep end
and then she walks from the shallow end.
Is she going to have her wedding dress on as well?
That's the plan. OK. It's going to be so much fun!
# I want to sink to the bottom with you... #
Planning to scuba throughout the ceremony means the wedding party
will have to be fully submerged. So it's a quick dip
to check the water level is deep enough.
What do you think? Is it deep enough?
I don't know, there's no way we could stand here and do it.
Justin, get underwater.
But a metre and a half of water
is proving too shallow for what Ian has in mind.
Needing to find somewhere deeper,
Ian's driven ten minutes down the road to...
It's got to be something that takes her breath away.
It's got potential to do that.
She loves the water and she won't be expecting me to do this, will she?
And she probably won't be expecting to be getting married directly
under the Heathrow flight path!
It may be deep enough, but the boys' first task
is to make sure the bride and groom will actually be able
to see each other under the water.
MUSIC: JAWS THEME
You can see your hands in front of you.
It's not like proper murky so you can't. It's pretty clear.
It's clear enough, so at least he'll be able to see his bride's face.
But he might not want to. This is the church I want to get married in.
I run past here all the time.
Hayley's dream wedding is much more traditional, and, well, drier.
Really has got the wow factor. This is beautiful.
HAYLEY HUMS WAGNER'S BRIDAL CHORUS
What are you like? Look how long the aisle is.
Everyone can admire me for ages. This is nice.
Oh, wait... You're going too fast.
Wait. Do I do this together, this together? No.
I think this is a big enough catwalk.
I'll have to walk really, really slow so they all get a good look,
and look back and go, "Yeah!"
What I was thinking is we could use this as the aisle.
So we've got the jetty coming in.
But people seeing it, that's the only thing.
Is the walking down the aisle, a long aisle like this, important?
You walk in and see all these people staring...
We can dress it up make it glittery, pink. It's definitely got the depth.
You'd have petals down the aisle, like real petals. Pink bows...
And then candles, as well.
And it's all serious.
To get married somewhere like this you would feel it was official.
It was the real McCoy.
What do you think Hayley's going to think?
I think she's going to be blown away by it.
I like it being something you wouldn't normally have
for a wedding venue at all.
It's outrageous, but not in a fancy way.
I want you to get married here. So do I.
I want to get married here now.
It'd be beautiful.
It looks like Hayley's dream church wedding might be a washout.
It's going to be difficult,
but, if I pull it off, absolutely amazing.
Good points, bad points. Where should we start?
Scenery. Space. Lots of space.
PLANE ROARS Bad points, planes.
When there's no light, it goes... Yeah, water's murky.
Prayer book. Ian might need that if he doesn't do it right.
Bolt of lightning will come down.
What do you think, mate? Ideal location(?)
I think it's perfect(!)
This is one of the exact reasons this might not be a good idea.
This is too much of a risk. Back to the drawing board, I think?
Four days in and despite no wedding venue,
even a thorough soaking hasn't dampened Ian's spirits.
He's visiting his parents and family friend, Sarah,
to reveal plans for his wacky watery wedding.
Top secret...I'm getting married underwater.
Underwater?! How are you going to do that?
Go to the Caribbean.
I wish I could afford to go to the Caribbean. Slightly out of budget. Swimming pool? You're very close.
It all goes back to how Hayley taught me to swim.
To make her comfortable on the stressful day,
let's put her in water.
Are you going to get Hayley a proper wedding dress or...
just the mermaid's outfit(?)
No. She'll be getting married underwater in her wedding dress.
In the wedding dress she'll keep?
In the wedding dress she'll keep.
At the reception, she'll be soaking wet.
How are you going to get her to jump into water
wearing a wedding dress?
We'll have Adam push her in if she says no. Hmm?
Adam's pushing her in if she says no.
How about her hair?
The only thing you have to remember
is you have to make her day.
That's all it's about.
I think diving in the water will make her day.
Don't you think so? Over the moon(!)
I can't wait to see the outcome.
It will either be out of this world
or totally bomb.
With the hotel pool too shallow, and the lake too, well, wet,
Ian has brought Adam to a place closer to home and to his heart -
Hayley's old workplace - Spelthorne Leisure Centre.
This is the pool she taught me to swim and where we met.
You won't get more romantic than that.
You romantic, you.
We know this pool is two metres deep.
There's no chance of not going under.
Also, you've got the viewing stands up there to get the guests in.
And give them all a good view of the soggy bride(!)
MUSIC: "Splish Splash" by Bobby Darin
I want the ceremony to be official and to be taken seriously.
Cos it's not a joke.
It's two people committing for the rest of their lives.
It would be lovely to confirm what I think I already know that
he's caring and not selfish and that he's going to put me first.
MUSIC: "How Deep Is Your Love?" by The Bee Gees
That will definitely be deep enough.
What d'you reckon?
I reckon it's doable. Little walk in her dress...
That's where she'll see she's getting in the water.
You'll be up there waiting with her, getting her scuba gear on.
She'll have to come up the middle of the pool
with her dad.
I think it looks stunning, mate.
My plan is to be underwater, waiting for her.
The wedding is about being a princess for the day
and being rescued from your previous life and into marriage.
Saved you, baby.
You meet the person you're with for the rest of your life
and it's happy ever after.
I just want my fairytale ending, really.
Ian now has to convince the new leisure centre manager
to close the public pool to hold his wedding.
Scuba gear? Yep. In the dress? Yes. In the pool? Yes.
OK. Probably look to do it for about ?2,000.
What do you reckon about the idea of it all?
I think you're nuts. THEY LAUGH
But I think because of the fact she taught you how to swim
in our pool, I think it's lovely.
Ian must make sure his watery wedding isn't leaked.
We must keep this secret. Hayley knows lots of people in the gym.
It needs to be a massive surprise for her.
Trust in us. We'll keep it a dead secret. Brilliant.
Thanks. Cheers, mate. Cheers. Bye-bye.
Yeah, I can really picture it in there.
I think it's got the depth, it's got the sentimental factor.
It's got to be this pool. It's just the price, though.
There's no way I expected ?2,000.
I agree, mate. She's going to kill me.
Hopefully she'll kiss me as well at some point.
Just before she hits me.
So this nervous swimmer
has splashed out ?2,000 for an underwater wedding
at his bride's old workplace.
Do you ever get that sinking feeling?
But Ian's wedding plans aren't watertight -
he can't legally marry in a swimming pool.
So this is one of the smaller rooms,
licensed for civil marriages, called the Quinnell Room.
He'll needs to rubber stamp it at a licensed venue.
You've just booked your venue. Thank you.
The boys book the reception for ?3,500.
Add that to the pool hire and they've sunk almost half the budget.
Not bad for a week's work.
With two weeks to go, and trying to please a bride
desperate to get out of her work tracksuit,
Ian needs to find the perfect princess dress.
But he's not just looking for one.
Two? Yes. That's right, madam. OK...
Two identical dresses, one for the pool and one for the party.
I'm getting married underwater.
On her wedding day? Yes.
At her mum's house, Hayley is waiting for a special delivery.
My perfect dress is specially made. I'm not like every other bride.
I want it to be really over the top, cos that's what I'm like.
So I've called this seamstress, Maxine, and she's going to bring
beautiful traveller dresses. So I'm really excited.
How are you? Good, thank you. Come on in. Thank you.
What was it, fairy tale you wanted, or bling or...?
Something really sparkly, maybe lights, fairy lights,
something like that.
She just wants to be a princess.
Big, blingy and beautiful. Oh, wow, look at that.
I love the whole gypsy wedding because it's flamboyant.
It's, "Look at me, this is my special day.
"I'm getting married to the man I love."
Who wouldn't shout from the rooftops when you're that happy?
I am worried for Ian. He won't be able to just walk into any shop
and have a whole selection. He'll be lucky if he finds one.
You won't find a traveller dress in a regular shop.
Likey. I think that's the one.
Happy? Think so.
Hayley's dream dress is a giant gypsy gown,
which can barely squeeze into her mum's living room.
That's a real wedding dress. If this isn't "look at me"
then what is, eh?
Has the wedding got a theme?
It has got a theme. What are you doing for it?
I'm doing an underwater themed wedding.
Under the water? I'm getting married underwater.
How's that going to work?
That is crazy. In the water, in her wedding dress.
You're throwing her in the water in her dress?
Hopefully she'll step in - if not, Adam will chuck her in.
Will she be all right with that? Would you like getting thrown in
the water with your wedding dress on? No. No.
I'm getting a resounding no whenever I ask! No-one likes it.
But everyone to their own, I guess.
I want this dress.
I was always quite a tomboy.
Now I'm getting married,
I want to become that princess, that butterfly
and make that transition. I'm not the ugly caterpillar any more.
I'm ready to marry the man I love and spread my wings and fly.
Being in my dress makes me feel like that.
Worst case scenario - not big enough, not glittery enough
and not pink enough.
Oh, dear. It's not as big, it's not as glittery
and it's not pink.
For just over ?600 each, Ian has bought two of the same dress,
neither of which are anything like Hayley's gypsy gown.
On the bright side, at least it's not a wet suit.
I think an underwater wedding is the craziest idea I've ever heard of
and I would not like to be in his shoes when the bride hears about it.
Oh, bit like me!
Halfway through his three weeks and with the finishing post in sight,
Ian is on the stag.
The night's going really well... No!
Let's have a bite of your burger. Oi.
Apparently we're presenting a trophy for the winner of race eight.
Congratulations. Thanks very much.
We are the winners.
Oi, who can say they can planned a wedding in three weeks, dude?
And they're going to pull it off.
Nice dress. Cheers, darling.
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
Despite a night out with the lads, Ian's thoughts soon turn to Hayley.
I can't describe how much I miss her.
And the only thing that's getting me through this is that I know
that I'm going to give her the best day of her life at the end of this.
I've got a lot of confidence that she trusts me to do this.
No matter how much I'm thinking, "I can't do this,"
I've got to hold that back and provide her with a day
that everybody is going to talk about.
The venues are booked, the dresses bought. But Ian still doesn't know
if his madcapped underwater wedding can actually work.
So he's meeting up
with an unsuspecting scuba diving instructor.
So you've come to do a trial dive today.
There was something else you wanted to mention.
I'm planning to get married underwater.
No way! Yeah.
I've got to warn you, I'm not that confident near water. OK.
It's normally cos I can't breathe,
so hopefully with scuba gear, it'll be all right.
You're having an underwater wedding and aren't comfortable in water?
Yes. I'm doing this for her. This will be interesting!
Day to remember, at least. Well, yeah.
A day to remember or a day to forget!
It could go either way, couldn't it?
Unaware that their efforts will be washed away,
Hayley and her sister, Andrea, are obsessing over wedding hair.
Do you want tight curls? I don't want straight hair.
Big, bold and beautiful.
The hair is the number one priority to look good.
If you're going up the aisle, people look. "Doesn't she look beautiful?"
They look at you more, then the dress.
Start at the top, work down - a man might start somewhere else.
Oh, Ian made a good choice! Yeah.
We hope. We hope.
I think Ian is sensible enough not to do anything too crazy.
We have your costumes.
Get it on.
You love it, don't you? You know I love it!
We'll have a little swim round and a dress rehearsal. All right?
Anyone who ruins their hair...
What we'll do is we'll drop down in the deep end, and we'll have
a little practice about how it might work next week, in the ceremony.
So, I'm guessing one of you's going to pretend to be the bride?
So, you've got to swim down,
up the aisle, and then I'm going to say to you, OK, I want you to kiss the bride.
It may only be a rehearsal
but the diving instructor has also
agreed to conduct the underwater ceremony on the big day.
The lengths people go to for underwater love!
# This must be underwater love
# The way I feel it seeping over me
# This must be underwater love
# The way I feel it... #
I think that's going to look great.
The dresses underwater look amazing.
They look really cool, don't they?
You're happy with saying "put the ring on..."
Yeah, yeah, perfect.
Also, we'll have cards, so if you're holding one up,
we hold one back to you, "I do."
I ain't giving her an "I don't" card,
she's only go to have an "I do" card.
But will Hayley take the plunge, let alone hold up an "I do" sign.
What are you going to do if she don't get in the water, then, mate?
There's no option for that. She's got to get in the water.
Supposed to be getting married underwater. No contingency plan.
You've got to have faith.
# Faith, faith, faith
# You've got to have faith Faith, faith... #
# I've got to have faith Faith, faith... #
Unaware of the boys' plans,
Hayley has come for a relaxing swim
at her local leisure centre. I mean, wedding venue.
This is a good place to escape everything.
I feel quite down.
I miss him more.
I miss him, more than I'm worried about the wedding.
I never thought that would happen. I thought wedding, wedding, wedding.
I'm the bride, I matter. I'm the best.
But it's nothing if he wasn't there to enjoy it with me,
so it just confirms that we're doing the right thing, doesn't it, really?
In five days' time, Ian will be telling Hayley's bridesmaids
to slip on a swimsuit, and dive into a pool in front of 100 guests.
They clearly have no idea. Oh, here he is! Hello!
You've already turned up. Hello. Hello, how are you?
But today, Ian needs to trick them into thinking
they are wearing dresses,
so they don't guess his underwater plan. Can't fail.
That's disgusting. They may look better on. On the floor.
This looks like some sort of fishy...jellyfish.
Like jellyfish. Under the sea!
Maybe it's themed. So I'm thinking, Little Mermaid.
How can they get that? It's the skirty bit.
Well, it is quite a nice colour.
I hear them saying, it makes them look like a jellyfish.
And perhaps my theme could be underwater.
Wibble wobble, wibble wobble, jelly on a plate!
How they managed to get it off the dress, I don't know. Women.
I'm not wearing it, end of.
We're better than this.
It's better than the last one.
Hayley will like the arm, because it's like a butterfly.
I think down the aisle, we should do this. For her.
So, we're going for this one, yeah?
Laugh away, ladies, but the joke's actually on you.
We've got dresses that we like, the girls think that this is going
to be them for the day, but, unfortunately, it's not.
The second outfit is going to be a swimming costume.
# Somewhere, beyond the sea... #
Look. A nice little...
# Somewhere, waiting for me... #
With just three days until the watery wedding,
Ian is spending the last of his budget on the final preparations.
So, what are you doing, and how are you getting married?
I'm getting married underwater. So, how you say "I do" underwater?
Oh, that's really cute.
She's getting in the swimming pool in her dress. Really?
She doesn't know? No, she doesn't know.
She don't know that. Uh-oh!
She doesn't know anything happening on the day.
You're going to make do her hair and make up,
and then you're going to dunk her underwater?
Yes. She's going to love that.
Hope you've got waterproof make-up?
No. There's, like, mascara running down her eyes.
That'll be from tears of joy. Yeah, yeah.
It won't matter then, it won't matter then.
Ian may have forgotten all about Hayley's make-up,
but looking good is all that's on her mind.
I've never had my nails done before.
You just do what you think. I'll make them look lovely.
You know what I like. I like glitter, I like pink.
What kind of length are we going to go for?
Not too long, because I think it would just annoy me.
I don't ever get myself pampered, do I? No.
This is like a special treat.
But, you're not a tomboy.
You are really, really girly.
Before, I was getting little waves of nerves, and now it's like a tornado.
A tornado! A tornado, like, a tidal wave of nerves.
Perfect for the chapel. For the chapel.
I love you more than words. I love you, too.
With two days to go, juggling wedding planning
and working night shifts are starting to take their toll on Ian.
I wouldn't say I regret doing an underwater wedding,
because it's so much sentimental value and meaning to it.
I do think I'm a bit stupid, sometimes, for thinking of it.
Because I've given myself so much work, I have to double up everything.
I am worried. It's the initial getting into the water.
In her wedding dress. On her wedding day.
It's the day before the wedding,
and Hayley is on the way to collect her dress with her mum and sister.
It looks quite small.
And her hopes for a traveller dress are fading fast.
I don't like that one. Too much netting.
I don't like the bow, I don't like the netting.
I don't like the plain bit at the top.
Hi, there. Hello. Hiya. Hayley, is it?
Hayley, yes. Lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you.
You're here to see your dress, are you? Nervous? Very. So am I. HAYLEY LAUGHS
Oh, I hope she likes it.
I'm getting all emotional now, just thinking about her thoughts.
She dreamt of a supersized gypsy gown.
I feel really nervous now.
But she's about to see Ian's choice, and it's far from a fat frock.
SHE SNIFFS It's not what I thought.
Oh, don't, let's just...
She don't like it. Oh, God.
Oh, what an idiot!
Let's just wait, before you start... I'm going to punch him.
No, wait until you see it before you start.
Obviously, he hasn't... No, I mean it.
I feel like he's... He's tried his best.
I just hope it fits.
I just feel bad for her now, you know what I mean?
That she's got that upset to cry. I just feel really bad for her.
If she's not happy, we're not happy.
Oh, Hayley, it's beautiful! You worried the hell out of me!
It's beautiful. Why did you cry? It's beautiful.
I was happy!
Oh, sweetheart, that is beautiful. What can I say? Beautiful.
Turn around! You are the butterfly, the princess,
everything rolled into one.
I love it. Oh, sweetheart, that is the best. See? He done great.
Eat your words! He done great.
Hayley won't be a big, gypsy princess like she'd hoped,
but she's fallen in love with Ian's dress.
Shame it'll be ruined by the deep end of a swimming pool.
It's not how I pictured it to be.
But it's... It's even better.
Hat off to you, Ian. Well done. More beautiful than I could have imagined.
Yeah, definitely. It's lovely.
Trying my dress on, I feel like I'm in my chrysalis today.
And then tomorrow, once I'm married, with Ian,
I'll be a beautiful butterfly,
and we can have our happily ever after.
I can't wait.
It's the morning of the wedding,
and it's business as usual at Spelthorne Leisure Centre.
But in three hours' time,
it will become the venue for Hayley's wedding ceremony.
Two miles down the road, the girls are blissfully unaware
of how wet the day is going to get.
THEY SING: # It's all about you, it's all about you, baby! #
SQUEAKY VOICE: Ooh! My name is Ian.
I'm getting married today. Well, hello!
Don't touch me. Right, OK. I need to find my eyebrows.
And Hayley's transformation from lowly caterpillar is well under way.
When I'm married, I'm going to be a beautiful butterfly.
I might need someone's help.
Really just anxious,
and hoping everything is just going to go off perfectly.
So far, it has.
I just can't wait to see him. He's doing really well, so far.
So he's going to have to do quite a lot to upset me.
This is it, now. You know, this is my big day.
You know, I've dreamt and thought about this for years.
It's going to be an emotional day. Hence, waterproof.
Did you iron your shirts?
LAUGHTER We are going underwater!
Five minutes up the road, the boys have arrived at the leisure centre, with their home-made arch.
Look at that!
Well, at least the swimming pool will be better dressed than the bridesmaids,
who've discovered the boys haven't delivered all of their outfits.
We're not doing very well, mate. We are a bridesmaid dress down. HE GROANS
'What are we going to do?' There's not much we can do.
She's absolutely fuming, mate.
But Mum's to the rescue, and Hayley's "something borrowed"
turns out to be a bridesmaid dress.
That looks really good on you.
I'm surprised it fits. It's fantastic.
Honestly, I'm not upset about the dress, I'm upset about Hayley.
Oblivious to the drama, Hayley is pushing on with plan princess.
I can't wait for him to see me.
I hope that... I hope he's just going to be, like, "Wow!"
That's the effect I'm going for. If it's anything less than wow,
then I'm just going to walk back down the aisle and try again.
This is definitely the best make-up job
and the prettiest I've ever felt.
And that's what I wanted for my wedding day.
SQUEALS OF APPROVAL
That is such a beautiful colour. I'm sure I had four of you.
Come on, Shezza. Oh, bless. What happened?
This is what happened. There's been a problem with the dresses. Right.
You look lovely. That's mine. Is it? Your mum came to the rescue.
Yeah, looks lovely.
After three weeks of preening and years of dreaming,
Hayley has become a wedding day princess,
and Ian is about to ask her to wash it all away.
See ya! Bye!
God. Ah! He got a pink one! He got a pink one!
I'm just excited to get there, now. I just want to see him.
At the leisure centre, the guests are arriving,
and they're a bit confused.
I was hoping that we're going to be going on from here
on to the church or something,
not get actually married in a swimming pool or something.
But, no, I know he wouldn't do that to her, so it's all right.
Not long left, now. Could be the end of my life.
Could be the end of it, mate. She knocks that regulator out of my mouth, I'm screwed.
I'm more nervous for him than me. I just hope it turns out all right.
Is Ian winding us up, or something? They wouldn't do a wedding here.
Maybe he's doing something stupid first, he must be.
Unless he's decorated the hall, or something. I don't know.
Cor, my knees are knobbling together.
Come on. Oh, no!
Come with me, ladies. Where's your shoes? I lost them.
Who wants to get married at work?
Oh, why are we going in the changing rooms?!
You all right? HE LAUGHS
What do you mean, "Go in to the end cubicle"?
Oh, my God! No freaking way!
No way! No way!
There's swimming costumes and snorkels. No way. He's joking.
We just had all our hair done.
I don't believe it. He's joking. He's got to be joking.
He wouldn't have got dresses if we had to wear swimming costumes.
But there was no shoes in the budget, Esther. Yeah, but he's a bloke.
And he hasn't bought Hayley shoes.
It must be, like, canoes, or something. Kayaks.
Oh, no. I can't go on a canoe, I'm scared of them.
I think Hayley is going to go absolutely nuts.
She wanted a church wedding, this is not a church.
At the moment, I'm thinking...
..know anything. GIGGLING
Be all right. They seemed quite jovial.
Really? I heard, "He's having a (BLEEP) laugh!"
I've just been in this fairytale dream. You getting nervous?
Yeah, really nervous.
I'm still, sort of, a bit bewildered, really, as to where we're going.
We'd better not be going to the leisure centre.
It looks like we're going to work.
Which is always a bit of a worry.
The leisure centre?
Don't say we're getting married in a swimming pool.
I don't think he will make it alive until the end of the day.
Oh, my God!
What the hell. This is weird. Yes, this is really weird.
I'm getting really scared now.
I don't know if I want to get out. D'you want me to...?
No, I don't want to go out. I'm just...
what the hell is going on, basically?
It's certainly not the church that she wanted.
How are you doing? All right?
This is getting very worrying now. What is happening?
Is everything in hand? Yes, yes.
Not what you were expecting?
No, definitely not what I was expecting.
And I'm sure Hayley is not going to be expecting this either.
That's what we want. At least we're not on poolside, are we?
Please tell me we're not poolside.
Take that and open it in a minute. Thank you. Come with me. Oh, my God!
Is she wearing the dress in the pool? Don't even joke.
What the hell! I'm going to kill him.
"So, you know how we met in the gym in this leisure centre
"and you taught me how to swim here too?"
God, I can't finish it.
"And how much you believe you are a mermaid.
"I thought, what better place on your nervous day
"than a place where you're most calm?"
"So we are getting married underwater." Oh, my God!
"See you at the other end of the pool." Oh, my God!
I'm going to absolutely kill him. Your make-up. Exactly.
I'm all dressed up. And now I'm going to look like poo.
All that time you've taken to get ready.
And we haven't even taken any pictures.
I am not getting in a pool.
D'you know how long it took me to do Hayley's hair?
I know. Since nine o'clock.
Seriously, we just got all our hair and make-up done.
I'll be back in a minute. What did he get?
"Hello, I'm Ian, I'm a knob."
"The final day has come and if you're here reading this letter,
"then you still want to marry me."
Well, don't be so lucky.
How can someone be so romantically stupid?
That's what I'm thinking. Oh, my God. No way!
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do
and I'm not letting you do it either.
Andrea, stop it, please. I don't want to talk any more.
I just want to get married nicely.
I don't want to get married like this. Like in the water.
I can't believe he's making me cry.
Don't cry, love.
I'm crying for all the wrong reasons now.
I ought to be crying because I'm pleased to see him,
now I'm going to smack him around the head with this bloody thing.
I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and I can't.
I just want to sit down.
Are we actually going to put our heads underwater?
He's freaking joking. And we getting changed, or what?
I don't want to let Hayley down... I know what you mean.
..but I don't feel comfortable at all.
Sod it, we'll go out in towels. We'll go out in towels.
All for one, one for all, babe.
We were surprised, weren't we?
But there again, he does have wacky ideas. Yes, he's full of wacky ideas.
He's full of them. Some of them work, some of them don't.
Is it all a joke really?
This is what I'm clutching on to at the moment, that it's one big game.
I feel sick, I can't understand what you feel like. Are you all right?
Are you, like, semi-deciding?
Why get me in such lovely state...
I don't want to see my mum because she'll be really upset.
Move out of the way, Dad.
What is he playing at? Mum, please don't.
What do I do? You do what do you think is best.
Do you know what I think you should do? Just go and do it. Just do it.
And we will sort it out after,
and you'll look amazing afterwards. OK? You will.
I always said it didn't matter what happened as long
as I was marrying Ian.
And I meant that. So I will have to do it, won't I?
I'm happy as long as I get married to him at the end of the day.
He's a romantic idiot, but he is a romantic
and he's tried to think about it.
She looks lovely, doesn't she? I can't see. Can't you see her?
Don't worry, I'm going to kill him for us all.
WHOOPING AND LAUGHTER
# Come with me
# My love
# To the sea
# The sea of love
# I want to tell you
# How much I love you... #
# Do you remember
# When we met
# The first day I knew you were mine
# I want to tell you
# How much I love you. #
I now pronounce them husband and wife.
# My love
# To the sea The sea of love... #
Don't leave me again.
I probably spent four hours doing my hair and make-up.
Didn't I look nice?
You did. You looked beautiful. You're a dick.
You said you wanted to be a mermaid, I made you a mermaid for the day.
Yes, but you didn't let me have to get my hair and make-up done first.
You're a nutter, but I do love you. I love you.
The dress was perfect. We're going to the next place now. OK.
Is it dry? Maybe. I hope you've got something to do my hair and make-up.
Come on. And my dress. It will be all right, let's go for it.
See you later, Mum. OK? Yes.
Soaking wet, smelling of chlorine and with smeared make-up,
Hayley and Ian are straight into a taxi
and off to ceremony number two and the reception.
Four hours it took to get ready.
You're beautiful now.
I can't pretend I'm happy, cos I am not.
I just wanted my whole family to see how beautiful she is
and I hope they got a glimpse of her before she went in.
I feel like people didn't get to see it.
I wanted them to see how nice it was. I know what you mean.
I am really angry, still quite angry, because my hair did look quite nice
and I had my make up all done as well, and I look pretty awful now.
Agh! Shut up!
If I do that to you in bed, will it remind you of our wedding?
Where are we? It's nice, it's in the countryside.
With just the witnesses squeezed in, for the second time today,
a very damp, bedraggled, barefoot Ian and Hayley are tying the knot.
In joining your lives together here today,
may you both be granted a very special lifetime together.
From this day forward, you are indeed husband and wife.
And for the second time, the guests can't see the ceremony.
Would you care to kiss the bride? APPLAUSE
# It's all about you... #
Let's go party.
Now officially married, restyled and in a dry dress,
it's finally all about Hayley.
# It's all about you, baby... #
The Princess is back! Better than before!
I didn't even think that was possible!
# It's all about you. #
You've got fish on the tables!
I love it. That's absolutely brilliant.
I really, really like it. Give me a kiss. I love you.
A bigger one than that, come on.
Scuba? Is that us? No.
It is beautiful in here. Yes.
It's really funny because we were like,
"What if you had an underwater theme?"
And then we were joking about it and singing, and now the joke is on me.
It wasn't really funny at all! But it's fine in there because it's dry.
Thank you ever so much. And, Hayley,
thank you for not running away this morning. This close!
I hope I pulled off a day for you that is special and memorable
and everything you would have wished for, and more.
And I would like all my friends and family to raise a glass
to my beautiful wife. To Hayley!
ALL: To Hayley!
I'd just like to say...
it's been an absolutely crazy day!
There was a moment, or two, where I thought,
"I'm going to shove this bouquet up his arse!"
I must be honest!
I just thought, are you having a laugh?!
Somebody who looks this good
should not be getting in water, that's all I'm saying!
But I'm glad I did it, and thank you, everybody,
for being part of our story and our future.
And thank you very much to my husband, because I'm so proud of you.
She thought it was terrific and she's right.
It will be a wedding that people will never forget,
and it's something for them to talk about for the rest of their lives.
End of the day, I think it's a result, mate.
I don't think you could have done any better, in all honesty.
I'm proud of you, boy. Good.
He's come up trumps, I think.
And I think Hayley is quite chuffed with it all.
I know his mum is over the moon with him.
And I think I've done a good job in bringing him up.
It was mental, absolutely mental. Only one way to do it,
go big, or go home. Fair play. Can't argue with that.
Next time, a Ghanaian Scouser
has epic plans for the ultimate African wedding...
You never know what they're going to do. Aargh, shit!
..but with a controlling Northern Irish bride...
It's like I'm in a nightmare, and I'm leaving it up to a male.
..who has her heart set on an Emerald Isle wedding...
It's so exciting!
I don't want it to be anywhere but home. ..will he have the skills...
Hello! As you know, the wedding is a surprise.
It is, I didn't even know you were getting married!
..to organise the perfect day?
I feel like I'm going to a funeral.
This wasn't what I imagined or wanted.
I'm Ivy Moxam. I was taken 13 years ago, I've just escaped.
Please help me.