Emily and Joe Don't Tell the Bride

This programme contains some strong language.

-Let's make a wish.

-Every girl dreams of her wedding.

-I want to be you.

But what happens when she has no say on her big day?

Don't Tell The Bride is back.

This is all for the name of love.

12 gallant grooms

are taking control

with 12 grand apiece.

-Give it to me!

-And just three weeks to organise a wedding.

-What an absolute idiot!

-They're more daring.

-Why are we here?

-More ambitious.

-Why has he done this?

And more outrageous than ever before.

-Ohh!

-It's not a joke.

-Oh!

-Will the glass slipper fit?

-Oh, my word!

-Hell, no!

Will true love conquer all?

-Horrid, horrid, horrid!

-Oh, my God, it's going to be on a beach!

-And will there be a fairy-tale ending?

-My God, it's not working!

-Is it the right ring?

-Turn the camera off!

-Or just a damsel in distress?

-Wishes do come true.

-Sometimes they don't.

Tonight, marriage-phobic groom Joe...

-I hate stupid weddings.

-..aims high as he plans a tree-top ceremony...

You may kiss the bride.

That was even horrible just pretending.

..for his wedding photographer bride Emily.

This is the cake. That's what I want - a big, tiered cake.

-While she yearns for a lavish stately home...

-Wow! Are you going to walk me down the aisle?

-..he's on a desperate mission to be different.

-You're steering away from the traditional wedding quite a lot.

-With so much at stake...

-Stressing.

-I don't even know what I'm looking for.

-..for the bride who knows everything about weddings...

-I'll not want to get married if I don't like it.

-..can this marriage-hating groom deliver...

-Take the note!

-..for the pickiest bride ever?

-I just don't like the top.

-Go on, man, just...

Or will he be barking up the wrong tree?

-She hates them.

-I've had three weeks to plan the wedding. I'm so stressed out, it's unreal.

-This is awful.

This programme contains some strong language

Gateshead couple Emily and Joe first met as schoolkids.

But love didn't blossom until they were reunited on a night out five years ago.

You bought me two drinks, which is... Whoa! That wouldn't normally happen.

He looked completely different to what I remember from school.

He was wearing a really smart jacket and nice jeans.

You're such a loser! And his funny little dancing. It was really cute.

But cycle salesman Joe threw a spanner in the works

when he revealed to his romantic bride he's completely wedding-phobic.

Romantic? No. Sorry, no, it's not my cup of tea.

Joe told me from the start, "We're never going to get married.

"I hate marriage, I hate everything to do with weddings."

I still don't like the idea of weddings. There's too much mushy cheesiness.

I have thought maybe it's because my mum and dad broke up when I was really young, like one-year-old.

I've never seen them together, so I've never had that influence.

Emily had to get her taffeta and confetti fix somehow,

and her flair for photography offered a solution.

I decided I'm going to be a wedding photographer because I love weddings and being part of someone's wedding.

As long as I'm at weddings and taking photos of other people's beautiful days, I'm happy.

I love it. I love every minute of it.

But on a recent holiday to Japan,

unromantic Joe had a surprising change of heart.

I think it was living together. I really enjoyed being with her

and I thought it would be summat really nice that she would like too.

He quickly was like, "Oh, do you want to marry me?"

And I was like, "Yeah!"

-I didn't do the whole "one knee" thing. No, that's just...

-No.

-Not my cup of tea.

Back home, the couple started saving for their big day

until Joe slammed on the brakes with a flashy purchase.

We really wanted to get married this year. We were saving up and saving up, then Joe bought a car.

So, we kind of had to put that on hold.

# I'm gonna pop some tags Only got 20 dollars in my pocket... #

-I think you like it more than you like me.

-Joe's grasp of money is... well, non-existent, really.

-I owe Emily, I think, about 1,300, 1,400.

-I think it's a little bit more.

-No, it's not.

-It's OK.

It's a lot more than what he seems to think it is. It's a lot more.

So super-organised Emily has taken control of her fiance's finances.

I've got a list of all of Joe's outgoings, how much he spends each month, how much he's got left over.

I'm just making sure he doesn't overspend.

He may have a shiny new car,

but now this financially-challenged, marriage-phobic groom needs to make it up to his wedding fanatic bride

by organising their big day in three short weeks.

I want him to plan this one day, just so I know that...

It'll just show that you care and it'll be lovely to have this one thing I'll not have to worry about.

-I'll go there and it'll be amazing.

-You will be worrying about it.

-Yeah, a little bit.

Marriage-mad Emily has sky-high standards for her wedding.

-I'll show you the dress that I want.

-She's got the pictures to prove it.

-Gorgeous!

-Thousands of them.

I've started a wedding folder on my computer. It's now a big directory.

I've got a separate folder for shoes and flowers and colours. I got a bit carried away with it, really.

So what has this groom got planned for a bride who goes to weddings for a living?

The big idea for the wedding... I want it to not be like a wedding as much as I can get away with.

Church weddings and things like that, I'm not too hot on.

And I don't like stately homes. Just to steer away from tradition.

If I can do that and make it not like a wedding, I might enjoy it.

If it went wrong and I had all these weddings, it'd make me a bit upset,

just knowing that everyone else is having a perfect day, why couldn't I have a perfect day?

I'm trusting Joe. For him to get it wrong would be massive. It would haunt me for the rest of my career.

So, no pressure then, Joe(!)

I'll get to have this whole bed all to myself now.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

I feel just a little bit worried. I'm moving out today, so I'm getting a little bit stressed about it.

For the next three weeks, Emily will be staying a few miles away with her mum and dad.

Don't get it wrong, please.

# I want you to stay-ay-ay... #

I'm going to not get upset.

Joe and Emily won't see or speak to each other until the big day.

It's a bit nervous to think about, I suppose. And stressful.

I am feeling a little bit sad, yeah. It's weird.

I suppose I'd best get cracking, really. I've not got that long.

At her family home, Emily's parents Chris and Jane are on hand with words of encouragement...

for Joe.

-I think he's a brave lad.

-I do as well.

-It's not long to organise everything, three weeks.

-I know.

-Let's hope he gets everything done.

-Yeah.

-What about the other lads?

-He hasn't picked people who will help him. If anything, they'll make things worse.

Go, boys!

Joe and his best men, childhood friends Dan...

Oh, Lemony Snicket!

..and Mike are down in the woods where they played as kids together.

-We used to camp over there.

-In the summer, we'd live out here.

They're hoping to kick-start their plans for a wedding that is nothing like a wedding.

-It would be nice if we could get a venue with this feel to it.

-That would be pretty ideal.

-On a bigger scale.

-You wouldn't have so many people watching you.

Wedding-phobic Joe wants something with a woodsy feel and no-one watching. It's definitely different.

-It'd make the day less stressful.

-Decision made, it's time to get cracking.

-An accident waiting to happen!

-Or maybe not.

-All we've done is play about on the waterfall.

-We've got a few ideas.

-We just need to make them solid.

-Actually get something set in stone.

Determined to create a wedding with a difference,

the boys head into the North Yorkshire countryside

and it doesn't get more different or back to nature than Bivouac,

a campsite ideal for alfresco marriage blessings.

This is the ceremony spot. That's what we call the altar.

So, we would deck it out with very natural flowers and foliage.

I keep the stumps in because I put stuff on them to make them features.

We put hay bale seating in and around this area.

So, this here is our druids' temple and it goes right back into...

It's really nice, actually. I really like this.

After your ceremony we do a drinks' reception in here.

There's the Aslan Table, if you've watched The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe!

You could have a Lion, Witch And The Wardrobe theme!

My first impressions of the ceremony area and things like that, it was not what I was expecting at all.

If I was King Arthur, I'd be loving that.

But as for myself, I think it was not for me.

Joe may be focused on a wedding that isn't a wedding,

but bride-to-be Emily has waited five years for this

and nothing but a lavish stately home will do.

-It is super-pretty.

-It's huge!

She's come to 19th century Wynyard Hall near Durham with three of her bridesmaids -

sister Sophie and best friends Becky and Rachel.

-Thanks, Becky.

-Oh, Emily, imagine getting married here!

-Wow!

-Look at the chandeliers!

-This is amazing.

-I do love the ceiling. It's beautiful.

-The windows are just so pretty and light. I love them.

-Oh, wow!

-Wow!

It's made me really excited.

-Are you walking me down the aisle?

-Imagine going down the aisle.

-Wow!

-I love it.

-It's really light as well with all the windows and everything.

Yeah, it's so pretty. I do really like it here.

And with the palatial grand ballroom,

this venue could comfortably accommodate all Emily's wishes.

I would have so many guests. There's so much room for guests in here.

-I'm getting really excited now.

-But we don't want you to get your hopes up just in case.

There are so many nice places like this. Most wedding venues are big halls. He can't go too wrong.

Or can he?

Daunted by druids, but still determined to keep things different, Joe is raising his game

with a treehouse 20 feet up in the air.

-That looks awesome.

-It comes complete with rope bridges...

..and a view of the car park.

The car park is a bit naff, but once it's night-time and all the fountains are lit up...

They're not going to see the car park. They're just going to see the water.

Whoa! This is really nice.

-Wow!

-Yeah, this is awesome.

-It's like something out of The Hobbit.

You can have the ceremony up here. You could get 60 guests in there.

We haven't worked out who we're inviting yet, so we're just guesstimating.

-60 seems like a good number.

-You can get married underneath the arch here.

You have that option, but if you've got 60 guests, you have the problem of everyone being able to see.

You could have 30 guests for the ceremony, then other people joining for the wedding breakfast.

That sounds good. I like the idea of that.

You could have the bridesmaids and the best men in that section and all the people that are more important.

30 guests at a tiny tree-top ceremony.

Not exactly how Emily dreamed of saying her vows!

I bring Emily Davidson and Joe McIntyre here to be lawfully wedded...

Do you, Joe McIntyre, take Emily Davidson to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Aye!

You may kiss the bride. LAUGHTER

That was even horrible just pretending.

Despite not feeling the love, Joe is feeling the treehouse.

It's ideally what we're looking for because it's nothing like a traditional wedding.

You're steering away from a traditional wedding quite a lot by having it up in the trees!

It's not like a horrible church... I hate churches.

Or them stupid stately homes. I don't really like them.

Yeah, stuff 'em, stupid stately homes!

-This is the prettiest place ever.

-Ever!

Joe will know that I love these kind of places.

Joe's got a massive task ahead of him, getting everything as perfect as you want it.

What are the prices then that we're looking at for this?

The price is £6,500.

This six and a half, is that totally dead set?

We could maybe look at doing it for six.

Yeah, I'm happy with that. I really like the place, so I'm happy with that.

So, in his quest for the unconventional,

Joe has just forked out half his 12 grand budget

for a wedding up a tree across a rope bridge in front of a handful of guests.

Two days in and we've spent 6,000.

-You've just got everything else...

-The rest of the entire wedding with 6,000 now.

With a pint-sized wedding party of just 60,

Joe asks Emily's mum for her half of the guests.

RINGING TONE

-Hello?

-Hello, Joe.

So, any...any sort of news on a few guests?

We've got possibly one, two, three, four, five, six...

..16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21...

27, 28,

29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34,

35, 36, 37...

38. About 38.

-38 people?

-Yes, that's just family and our friends.

We can only have 60 people for the entire thing.

-So, it would be 30...

-Yes.

-..for each side.

If you can find out whether that includes bridesmaids because that's quite a large chunk of our side.

If there's going to be six bridesmaids and their partners,

there may not be any room for the rest of us.

Oh, well, that's...

..not cleared anything up.

She will be a little bit disappointed that perhaps as many people won't be able to come.

-If you just look at each other...

-Five days in and Emily is keeping her mind off her own wedding

-by throwing herself into her work.

-These look really good.

Always the photographer, never the bride, being confronted by someone else's dream day is taking its toll.

I am a little bit upset. I can live through other people's weddings which is what I've been doing today.

I've been getting upset when they get upset kind of thing.

I just love everything from the lace... I love lace. ..to the flowers and how everything matches.

This is the cake. It's amazing. I think this is the best cake I've seen so far.

It's just so extravagant. It's got so many tiers. I want a big, tiered cake.

Luckily, one thing high on marriage-phobic Joe's priorities is the cake.

All right?

But true to form, he's not looking for the obvious.

The idea was, we're trying to make things a bit different, so we want a big Battenberg.

That is definitely different. LAUGHTER

-Do you want it to just look like a Battenberg?

-We could do a Battenberg,

but like a sort of stack, a little tower of Battenbergs.

-If you had a few layers, that would look quite impressive.

-How much would we be looking at?

-I'd do it with the delivery for 200.

-Yeah, I'm good with that.

Talk about having your cake and eating it!

-Oh, wow!

-That is some good cake.

This has been the best day ever so far.

MUFFLED SPEECH

Today, Joe has decided to tackle the tough task of picking a dress

for a fashion-conscious girl with a wedding obsession.

We want summat quite fitting with the venue possibly, quite natural sort of looking.

He reckons he'll walk in there, find the dress straight away and it'll be really cheap.

Whether that'll work out or not, we don't know.

Joe is looking for a simple dress to suit his low-key wedding.

Plain, strapless and bling-free. It should be a doddle.

I don't even know where to start. I feel sick already.

I just struggle to see the difference between that and that.

We're totally hopeless at this.

Close your eyes and point.

-You've got to get this bit right.

-Aye.

Emily knows exactly what she'd choose if she were in charge,

so she's brought her mum Jane, sister Sophie and bridesmaid Becky

-to fantasise at a designer bridal boutique.

-It's so pretty. I'm really excited.

I kind of know what I want, but they're all pretty and I just want to try them all on.

-I just hope she doesn't get too attached to anything she sees.

-That definitely will happen.

Wedding expert Emily has no trouble finding some dazzling dresses.

That one's nice. Wow!

-I like this one.

-That's quite nice.

-I love this one as well.

-I love that.

And after many months of research, she has a specific glamorous and sparkly gown in mind.

It's this one. This is the dream dress that I've been looking at online for months and months.

Back in Gateshead, the boys have found a few dresses they like.

I like how it's not shiny with no glitzy bits on.

-It's quite simple as well which I think is quite nice.

-A definite train.

THEY MAKE HOOTING SOUNDS

It seems Emily has fallen for something with the glitzy bits.

-Beautiful.

-Amazing. I love that on your head.

-I just want something sparkly.

-It glistens.

-That's what these dresses do. You notice it from a mile away.

-It is really nice, isn't it?

-You look like a dream in it.

-Yeah.

For dress number two, the boys have gone even plainer.

-I quite like that.

-Yeah, that one is nice as well.

I like how they've got no straps on them. I think that looks nice.

-It's quite nice how it's plain on the bottom.

-Yeah.

-Oh, my God!

-Wonderful.

This is the dream dress.

But Emily's gone glitzier with the dress she fell in love with online.

-It's amazing.

-That is so pretty.

-This is how I imagined it.

-It's beautiful.

-God, it's perfect. It is perfect.

-I love this high neck as well.

-Yeah.

-It's beautiful.

Joe is no closer with dress number three, a strapless lace number.

That's what we were looking for - plain, but still with the laciness.

-Yeah.

-I'm torn between number one and that one now.

-Yeah.

How is a man to choose between two plain, strapless dresses? Simple!

# I want to break free... #

-LAUGHTER

-I make this look good.

You look beautiful(!) A hairy chest just tops it off!

The scary thing there is that all my dreams...

Oh, my God!

-HIGH VOICE:

-I love you so much!

# I've got to break free... #

They may have found a dress to suit Dan, but after splashing half the budget on a treehouse,

-Joe is after a good deal.

-So, this one's 984 and this one is 700.

-Oh!

-You've made his day.

-That's brilliant.

Plus, like, Emily can't wear this one because I've been in it. I might even fart.

Decision made and Emily's designer dream is over.

That dress was pretty much... It met everything we were looking for.

-And it had a small train.

-MAKES HOOTING SOUND

It's the end of week one and after blowing a whopping £560 on flowers,

Joe sorts out invites for just 40 quid.

I'll drop as many off as I can, so I don't spend money on stamps.

Which leaves just one person still in the dark about the date of the wedding.

Why haven't I got my invite yet? I just want to know when it is. I want to see if it's nice.

Can I not just have a look at yours? Obviously, mine's different.

-No, you can't have a look at ours. I can't show you anything.

-It's so annoying.

But inevitably, Joe's dreamed up the least traditional wedding invite imaginable.

We're doing a ransom note,

involving the cats.

It's not your normal, um... wedding invite.

I'm hoping that she will like it.

-I think we'll use them two.

-Yeah.

Knock on the door. Say...

-No-one gets hurt. Unless she doesn't turn up, then the kitties get it.

-The cats get it.

I can't remember which house it is.

-I've only ever been once.

-Not that fence, the next fence.

-Next fence. All right.

THEME MUSIC: "The Pink Panther"

KNOCK AT DOOR

Aaargh! Take the note, take the note, take the note!

LAUGHTER

What was all that?

I just shoved the note in her face.

-What was that?

-I don't know.

-I thought they'd do something nice.

-Me too.

Job's done.

This is horrible. This isn't fun at all.

He's done a good job. I heard it from here. It sounded menacing.

Brilliant.

Oh, my God!

"If you want to see these kitties again, be ready on the 26th. Clothing will be provided."

I think that's their idea of an invitation.

Is that it?

Yeah.

I feel physically shocked.

That was horrible.

-Do you like it?

-No.

I think it's funny, but weddings aren't supposed to be funny.

This is the worst... It's going to be the worst day ever.

After the high of the invite delivery, Joe is facing a low of the shoe variety.

I know she would like something with a big heel on,

but I can't have her being taller than us.

So Joe has banned any heels over two inches.

Too big.

-Is this about the height you're looking for?

-It looks like a big height.

-How high are you in your shoes?

-I don't know. My shoes are about... It might even out.

Stressing.

I don't even know what I'm looking for.

I love these Vivienne Westwood ones.

-But fashion-conscious Emily wants a particular pair of statement shoes.

-Oh, wow!

-I do like these.

-I love them.

-They're so cute. Imagine them with a wedding dress.

I'd just want to keep them on show.

I hate normal wedding shoes. I just think they're really tacky.

-So these are the ones we've gone for.

-It's a safe bet.

They do look quite traditional, but they are very nice.

-They've got the smaller heel.

-So Emily's not taller than you.

-That's what I was wanting.

-I think we've done well, Dan.

-Yeah, we have.

Joe has finally picked something traditional and it's the one traditional thing Emily didn't want.

Back home, the bride is fretting.

Everyone's feeling sorry for Joe. "Emily, why are you stressing out? Joe's planning the wedding."

So, yeah, I think I am just looking for things to get stressed about.

But I can't help it. It's just who I am. I stress all the time. I always worry. I'm just a worrier.

Emily might be worrying more if she knew it's the end of week two and Joe is almost out of cash.

This is what we think is left and a rough budget.

The boys have blown ten grand of the budget,

but still need to get a hairdresser, rings, make-up, car and bridesmaids' dresses.

We've got £795 left to spend on these two.

It's like 250 a ring. That's a bit naff.

I would like to get a slightly better ring than £250.

What else can we...knock a bit off?

We need to try and stick to the budget. That's why I'm stressed because I know it's getting thin.

There's still quite a bit to do. I hate stupid weddings even more now.

Five days until the wedding and Joe is on the hunt for bridesmaids' dresses.

The tactic is get something for under the £100 mark. No more.

To make things even tougher, he's opted for a different dress for each bridesmaid.

You know you want different styles. You don't have a general style that you're trying to aim for?

-No.

-So...

It could be harder than you think.

Worried about the girls' reactions, Joe is playing it unusually safe with a traditional dress shop.

-We were looking for some bridesmaids' dresses.

-There's that sort of look, this type of style.

-This is a lovely dress, lovely arm.

-How much would you be looking for for a bridesmaid's dress?

Right. It can be anything from 150, basically.

I think I'm going to sit down for a bit.

He's about to faint. He just needs to take a five-minute breather and realise what's happening.

HE SIGHS

Right, eyes up and see if we can find something good.

Dress-induced panic attack over, it's all about coming in on budget.

That's all right. It's not too...loud. It's a pastel colour.

That looks all right, but we haven't done the key thing.

Yeah, yeah...

65. It's within budget, you know?

With Emily's sister Sophie the maid of honour, Joe is feeling extra pressure to get her dress right.

That one for Soph maybe.

I'm sure she's got a yellow dress already, so I know she likes yellow.

£26. Bang on.

I think looking for four different ones has been a bit more of a challenge,

but I think it'll look nicer.

Nice colours. Look at them colours.

-Cool. Sorted.

-Decision made.

-It only took us five minutes.

-In and out. Let's do it.

Back home, Joe has hauled round friend Big Mike for moral support against four feisty bridesmaids.

Emily's little sister Sophie is feeling uneasy.

It's Emily's big day, but I've been looking forward to it for a long time

-and I just want to feel comfortable and enjoy myself as well.

-You're going to meet a lot of folks.

I think I've made good choices so...

I mean, they're not... not nice dresses, you know?

We all want to feel special because we haven't had the chance to do what normal bridesmaids do.

I've never been a bridesmaid as well, so this is, like, big for me.

-ALL: Hi!

-Come on in, then.

I like this flat.

-I've picked a selection.

-OK.

This one for you, Cat, because it will allow...

-For the bump.

-..for the bump.

-This one, Rachel, I thought would look nice for you.

-Yes.

-It's a little short, but sometimes you wear shorter dresses.

-Good thinking.

I was thinking the yellow one for you, Soph. And then this one for you.

-OK.

-Right.

- That dress is my worst nightmare. - It's horrible.

I don't do strapless things. I don't suit anything out here.

- I just don't like it. - You're going to be the prettiest banana I've ever seen. Oh, Soph...

It's OK.

Soph hates it. I knew that. I seen her face.

Fuck sake.

Soph really wanted everything to be perfect. She's maid of honour

and Emily would have picked a dress to make her so special and important, so she's had this image

and now it's like, this wasn't it, was it?

- Imagine Emily looking at that. - Emily'd hate it.

I cannot do another day of it. There's no more time, so they'll have to fucking like it.

Shall I give you your dress?

Cat. We'll just burn these ones! Just burn them!

# Oh, if you can see me now... #

So...

Joe. We don't like them.

I feel terrible, but, like... not as terrible as we look.

If we could make sure Sophie would be happy, that's all that matters.

Sophie's always dreamed of the dress she'd wear to her sister's wedding.

I'm not trying to be annoying. I know this is ridiculous and I'm being really emotional,

but I just, like... It's really important to me.

# Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow Oh, if you could see me now... #

Most pointless day ever.

In the face of a dress disaster, the bridesmaids refuse to wear the outfits Joe has picked.

What do you want to do?

- I don't want to be a bridesmaid. - Oh, Soph...

Well, what do you want us to do? I've had three weeks to plan a fucking wedding.

I'm so stressed out, it's unreal. You come in, "I don't like them," but you give us no positives.

"This is what we want."

-Just something plain.

-It's all well and good saying that.

Give us a bit of direction. Not just, "I want something plain."

-Can you see where I'm coming from? I've never worn a dress in my life. What's plain?

-Joe, I'm so sorry.

I don't want you to be stressed. We'd get them ourselves if we could, obviously, but we can't.

It's the day of the hen do and the bridesmaids made a pact not to worry Emily about the dresses.

Hi! Come in.

We're telling Emily nothing. Tell her it's just a big surprise!

And she'll find out on the day.

I feel much better today than when I tried on the dress and couldn't control my emotions.

I'm excited to see what Joe's planned. Hopefully, something nice.

I'm really worried he's picked something outdoorsy. He loves outdoor stuff. I HATE being outside!

Especially when it's cold.

Yep, she hates the outdoors.

It's been the coldest spring for 50 years and Joe's sent them all to a children's adventure park...

outdoors.

-Didn't we come here when we were little?

-Yeah, when we were tiny.

There's mazes and stuff. ..It just looks a bit kiddy-ish.

Let's have a little see.

# If you go down in the woods today You're sure of a big surprise... #

SCREAMS

Let's go in! I'm going in!

# If you go down in the woods today You better go in disguise... #

Come on, Soph, you can do it!

# For every bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain because... #

I'm the clumsiest person ever!

I want to go home!

OK, you are very wet right now.

-Oh, your shoes are so wet.

-These are the only shoes I've got.

Oh, my God!

It's so horrible.

-I want to go home!

-I know.

She's currently drying her knickers under the dryer!

So that's always the sign of a good day!

I'm in such a huff! I'm absolutely soaking wet and freezing cold. I just want to go home.

So the hen do is a nightmare.

Still, not to worry. Joe's stag do is a great laugh.

Go on, Joe!

-Got to look bad-ass.

-You don't.

Pull.

-Excellent shot. Well done.

-That's what I'm talking about.

As always, Joe gets carried away with the cash for the fun stuff.

It was £500 in the budget, but there's eight of us out, we've all had a good time.

It has been stressful, so I deserved it.

To the wedding!

In Newcastle town centre, Emily has dried out and things are finally looking up.

This is so much better than today.

I've just got a text from Joe.

Our budget for this evening is £200.

Ooh!

But a few cocktails in and the groom's generosity is causing concern.

It was about 200 for the taxi today and then 25 each, the tickets, and this was 200-odd quid.

So, say, 500 quid really.

I'm a little bit worried that he's got a little bit carried away and spent this on the stag and hen night

and the actual wedding will be missing something.

Across town, the boys have roped Joe into some drinking games,

but Emily's not the only one with wedding worries tonight.

I want to go home, to be honest. Genuinely.

I've got our bloody wedding on my mind. I don't know.

-I want to go home.

-You're joking?! Not at all!

# One more pint! One more pint!

# One more pint! One more pint! #

-What the fuck is that?

-I'm tired, man!

Aargh! I wish you weren't going, man!

I can't believe he just bailed on his stag do.

With the wedding looming, Joe still has one big decision to make -

how to capture the moment forever for a bride who takes pictures of weddings.

The photographer said that she can do it for 695, I think it was.

It's just dead expensive.

Why don't we tell all the guests to bring cameras or just disposable cameras dotted around the place

and then we'll put the photos together and make an album to send to everyone?

-It would work out a lot cheaper.

-50 quid max.

And you get loads of funny ones when people get drunk. See, Dan? You can come up with good ideas!

So with two days to go Joe picks up his throwaway cameras

to capture the big day for his picky wedding photographer bride. Can't see a problem with that(!)

-15.

-15. I'll have all 15, I think.

-Yeah?

Get in the boot! That's the photographer sorted.

It's the day before the wedding and Emily is about to discover if her dream of a glamorous, sparkly dress

has become a nightmare.

-The dress is like a big deal.

-Yeah.

-Probably the biggest deal so far.

If he's got it wrong, it'll be strapless. That's not the way to go.

The fact that I can't change it in any way is very worrying. Like, really worrying.

I hope that I like it or I'll not want to get married.

Emily wanted a high-neck showstopper with sleeves and sequins,

but Joe has gone for bland rather than bling with a safe strapless number.

Right. Here we go, Emily.

I'm really nervous.

Oh...

Oh...

-Oh, God.

-Can I have a proper look? Hang on.

-Take it out and have a look.

-It's not what I would have picked.

-Oh, God.

-I just don't like... It's got no sleeves.

It's just like... I don't like that. I'd just like it to have sleeves and a nice neckline,

but it's just a straight across boob tube type.

-I just need to give it a chance.

-Hopefully, if it fits nice you won't feel self-conscious.

It's horrible! Worst thing ever.

Oh! Emily!

Oh, it's so sweet.

-It really is.

-It's massive.

-It is big.

The actual dress itself is beautiful. It's just the top.

- I think the hips as well. - Yeah, I think everything needs just tucking in.

I just don't feel nice. I don't feel pretty. I feel gross.

Once you see it in the mirror, you'll feel so much better.

-Oh, no.

-What's the matter?

-I just don't like it at all.

-Why?

-I just don't like it at all.

But, Emily, you look so pretty.

-Emily, you're going to look beautiful.

-I don't like the top. All the others made me look nice.

-This makes my hips stick out.

-I know it's not...

-Not what I wanted.

-We don't want you feeling horrible.

-Darling, I want you to feel happy. I want you to feel really happy.

-I don't.

-Then we have to do something.

-Have you got a veil or anything?

-No, there's no veil.

You've just got the dress.

-You do have shoes.

-I do have shoes?

Oh, that's amazing. Let's see the shoes.

-Here are your shoes.

-Okey-doke.

Let's have a proper look. Let's see them.

-They're not horrible coned shoes.

-And they're not satin, at least.

-They're kitten heels.

-Kitten heels.

-These are awful shoes.

No, they don't look nice!

-They're so shiny.

-I don't like them. I know that's awful, Emily, but they're just...

-Do the shoes fit you?

-No, they're massive. Look.

With the shoes too big, bridesmaid Becky puts in an emergency call to Prince Charming.

-Hello?

-Joe, what are them shoes?!

-What's the matter?

-She hates them and they really don't go with the dress.

-I don't know what to get.

-Something with a little bit more of a heel.

-I can't go for more of a heel, not a chance.

I don't want to look a proper bell-end when she's taller.

She needs different shoes. Not only are they too big, they're disgusting.

It's similar to the bridesmaids' dress. They tell us it's awful and give us nothing at all to work with.

I don't know what they expect.

Joe has left money for dress alterations, but with huge shoes, no veil and a dress she hates,

Emily is now dreading the day she's always dreamed of.

I just want to feel comfortable and pretty. If I don't, then that's it ruined.

It's going to be horrible tomorrow. I'll be like, "I don't feel pretty."

It's finally the morning of Emily and Joe's wedding.

-Hi!

-HI!

-Are you really excited?

-So excited!

-And it's a nice day.

With the budget gone, Joe's called in some favours for the finishing touches.

He's persuaded bridesmaid Cat to do the make-up, roped in an old schoolmate to do the hair

and even asked a friend's sister to take a few photos.

I don't know what his tactic has been. Maybe saving a little bit of money?

-But there are still a couple of things missing.

-Still waiting on the dress to get delivered

and hopefully a veil. And shoes! Shoes!

Joe's been on a last-minute mission to avert a shoe disaster, but it's cost him precious time.

I'm worried I'll not get there in time to get everything set up.

I was to be there for half one and it is now two. It's an hour drive away.

We'll have to get going. We need to make up for lost time.

Joe finally reaches his venue, but with guests due in two hours',

-he can't see the wood for the treehouse.

-Worst morning ever.

-Super happy!

Joe's looking stressed a bit.

I'm just...overwhelmed with so much crap to do.

I'll leave that up to you. Just dot them about this area.

Honestly? Joe looks a broken man.

I feel so sorry for him. There's so much to do. He wants it go smoothly

and it hasn't happened like that.

-Fuck sake.

-There's a few problems.

After this experience, I'm not getting married. Full stop.

At her parents' house, Emily is about to see Joe's second choice bridesmaids' dresses.

-Hi!

-Oh, my God.

Wow.

-What do you think?

-Wow! You look amazing!

It looks like Joe's replacement dresses have come up peachy.

The colours are just...just perfect. How did he pick those?

Well, he may have had a tiny bit of guidance, but he basically picked it himself. He wanted neutral,

-pastel colours, so...

-Wow! Joe's so smart.

-He is!

-Yeah, Joe's so smart(!)

-There's still one thing missing.

-Flowers?!

- I hope we get them before we go. - We do all have different dresses.

I don't want us to look like guests.

Joe's father-in-law-to-be steps in.

-Hello?

-They're starting to get concerned about flowers.

Flowers are...here

with me. It didn't cross my mind that they would need them prior.

So I've explained they are getting flowers, just not right away.

I think they'll be all right. They'll be a bit exercised, but pleased when they see them.

But they do look gorgeous. The flowers can only make them look better. That didn't come out right!

It's time for Emily to unveil her newly-fitted wedding gown.

-Oh!

-You're beautiful!

-And your hair and your make-up!

-Beautiful!

-It looks amazing!

-Look at your little girl.

It fits you amazing now. They've done such a good job.

-It's so much better.

-You look great, darling.

-I'm impressed, Joe.

-But the shoes!

-Yeah, I'm NOT impressed, Joe!

Shunning the traditional wedding car and chauffeur, Joe's arranged a real treat.

-Oh, my God!

-It's Big Mike in a Ford Anglia.

But Mike hasn't just brought the car.

Hello, Mike!

-There's a veil for you.

-Oh, so cute.

-New shoes and an umbrella in case it rains.

-I'm so glad it's you driving this.

At least I've got shoes. And I've got a veil!

-Yeah. There you go. Looks good.

-Yay! Does that look gorgeous?

I feel like a bride!

I'm going to put these ugly shoes on. They're so big. They're massive.

Dad, they're massive, man. I can't walk in that. This is ridiculous.

I'm looking for shoes. Anything to wear.

Oh, God. This is killing me.

-And there are these.

-OK, I'll wear these.

These are not the wedding shoes that I dreamed of.

No, I can't wear these.

So the bride who dreamed of designer heels has to rummage through her mum's wardrobe.

-Oh, God. This is awful.

-She's found some cork shoes of yours.

-I can't wear them.

-Not those either?

Shall I just wear these and have them too big? I can kind of walk.

-I'm just going to shuffle. That's not very graceful. It's raining!

-I know.

-Was that lightning?

-Yep.

CRASH OF THUNDER

Oh, my God!

Wow!

Here you go.

Ah!

I can't believe there's a storm!

Emily heads off to her wedding in a tree in the middle of a thunderstorm.

At the venue, the bridesmaids finally get their flowers.

Go down there!

Oh!

-It's amazing!

-It's perfect. We haven't even been inside yet and it's the prettiest place I've been!

The venue's a hit. Joe just has to choose which 30 guests get inside to see the ceremony.

They'll come to me and I'll see if they're on the list.

If you're not on the list...

-If you're not on the list, it's treehouse B.

-Hang on. Whoa! One at a time, lads.

-That's awkward.

-You might be in that one for drinks. Go get a drink.

-Lee...

-Drinks.

-Get yourself a drink. All right, guys.

Drinks in there, guys.

-Yeah, we're on the B list. We're very much on the B list.

-No VIP pass for us.

-The weather has brightened up.

-It's beautiful now.

-It's like there wasn't a storm five minutes ago.

After three weeks of waiting, the girl who takes photos of other people's weddings

-is about to find out where she's going to tie the knot.

-A treehouse?

A treehouse.

Wow!

Am I getting married in a treehouse? Is that it?

These are for you.

You look so smart! Look at you!

It looks amazing. This is amazing.

I have to take my shoes off. I can't walk on that.

Oh, no, Dad!

Maybe not the walk down the aisle Emily always imagined.

This is awful! Joe knows that I don't like heights.

Hey, fatty.

-Oh, you look so nice.

-Thanks. You look nice as well.

-So Joe, Emily...

-Dan!

-Yeah, I'm doing it Emily. Sorry.

We're all here in this treehouse today to celebrate the marriage of Emily and Joe.

-I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say good luck and have a happy marriage.

-Thanks.

-Thanks.

APPLAUSE

It's the moment Emily has dreamt of and Joe has feared.

-Do you, Joe, take Emily here present to be your lawful wedded wife?

-I do, yeah.

Do you, Emily, take Joe here present to be your lawful wedded husband...

-I do.

-..for the rest of your life?

-I'm just very keen!

-Keen, aren't you?

I'll go for it. Bam!

You are now husband and wife and you may kiss your bride.

I now announce the new Mr and Mrs Davidson.

I think this is amazing. I'm so happy.

This is the best place ever and the prettiest wedding ever.

I couldn't even imagine anything like this. Amazing.

-How are you doing? You look beautiful.

-We did good on the dress.

-Do you like it?

I'm very impressed with the way everything's turned out. Perfect.

The only thing that's gone a bit wrong is the shoes! No!

-Have you not got any shoes on?

-I've got no shoes on. But it's fine.

The dress wasn't exactly what she wanted, but she did look beautiful in it. Really lovely.

It's time for Joe to show Emily all his hard work.

Battenberg!

-Is that marzipan?

-Yeah.

Amazing.

I always thought he would pull it off. There would be a few quirky bits and pieces, like the car.

-Oh, yeah.

-That's 100% Joe. It's nice and different.

-Beautiful.

-This is our table.

-Our table?

Wow! Look at all the flowers.

This is the best I've ever been to.

Even Joe's budget plan to capture the big day can't dampen Emily's spirits.

-This is such a good idea.

-More fun.

-And then we can make a big collage of photos.

Joe has, like, gone beyond my expectations of what I thought.

I've been to so many weddings and this has topped every one.

-It's been a doddle, this three weeks.

-Has it? Good. Cos I haven't been stressed at all.

GUESTS CHEER

-This is so nice.

-It is.

Look - Kinder egg!

'I definitely think that me trusting him with something so massive has definitely paid off.'

-Look at that cake!

-It's amazing.

Battenberg!

So now you've got it all right, I can think, "How perfect my wedding was. Just like this, but better."

Awesome.

She's overwhelmed. She's so happy.

-She's so lucky to have someone who know her more than she knows herself.

-We want this! Jealousy!

Joe, marry me!

Joe's pulled off his unconventional day for his wedding fanatic bride,

but he's shunning one tradition.

-I don't want to do a first dance.

-Is that OK?

Has Joe's success cured his wedding phobia?

I definitely still love weddings and Joe still hates them, as you can probably tell!

I like my wedding. I like this wedding. That's good.

Weddings in general, still, no.

But even Joe finally gets into the wedding spirit.

Who would have thought me, you and Dan would organise a wedding, man?!

Not me! Us three, we're the best wedding planners ever.

Full stop.

# Oh, won't you please

# Take me home! #

Next week: gym-obsessed mummy's boy Lloyd...

Hopefully, she'll be so excited, she won't realise where we are!

-..plans a wedding in La La Land...

-We're starting to sweat.

-..for his hairdresser bride-to-be Victoria.

-Wow!

-But as the tears start to flow...

-I feel sick.

-I don't think he'll even go.

..will his muscle-mad plan prove too much for his fiancee?

I mean, I might even change my mind.

# Something about your style

# The clothes you wear

# You get it right

# Is what love is made of

# Something about your mind

# The way you think... #