Changed My Life The World's Strictest Parents

In Britain today, homes have become warzones and parents don't know where to turn.

I'm not the worst person in the world, but I don't want to be here.

I'm just trying to be a mother.

Come on, get up, Stefan.

Get up!

-Ow! Don't

-BEEP

-hurt my hand.

Parents are desperate for things to change.

I don't know what to do with Charlotte. I've lost total control over her.

Three months ago, ten families took drastic action

and sent their children to live with strict parents in different countries around the world.

I won't let you cheapen yourself in front of me.

-I'm going home.

-You have to have discipline starting from the home.

If you continue like this, you'll be in bed for seven o'clock.

You are acting like a toddler.

You go to bed. Get upstairs.

Get upstairs, Ross.

Tonight, the teens look back over their experience to see if strict parenting

has changed the relationship they have with their own parents.

I got the chance to see what an arse I was being, and I got the chance to change.

16-year-old Ross Torry from Southend was in desperate need of a strong dose of discipline.

Despite his parents' support when he came out as gay,

-Ross struggled to control his emotional outbursts.

-Who cares?

-Jessica is ten years old...

-She think it's great.

-She doesn't.

Why should she be subjected to continuous swearing?

He'll say things like he would love nothing more than to sit there and watch us burn and die and be in pain.

-And then take a photo of it.

-Sixth-former Ross refused to lift a finger at home

but still expected his parents to support him financially.

-When I go to college, I expect you to pay me £31 a month for a bus pass.

-Yes, we do pay...

No, I'm talking. I'm talking.

He does need to find the real Ross again.

I think he knows the real Ross, he knows that person,

because he was a happy, erm...really loving child.

-Where are you going?

-To a pub.

-To a pub?

-Yeah.

-16-year-old Brighton girl Naomi Fisher's blatant defiance

of the rules had left her mum powerless to control her.

I tried everything from shouting back,

to taking away privileges like money, telephones.

Anything I could think of, nothing worked.

Naomi sat her GCSEs a year late after being kicked out of school.

She's been a law unto herself ever since her parents split up three years ago.

So what time are you going to be in tonight?

Three, four...five.

Both Ross and Naomi's parents were at their wit's end

when they agreed to send their children to America

to experience strict parenting first-hand.

I didn't know where Alabama was till today.

Where is Alabama?

-You're joking.

-I didn't know there was such a place called Alabama.

-AMERICAN ACCENT: Alabama, they talk like that.

-Oh, no.

The teens were sent 4,000 miles away to Alabama to live with the God-fearing Garnetts.

Dad Mark and mum Lynne control every aspect of their children's lives.

There are strict house rules and no locks on the doors.

This is the driving contract that my dad wrote up for me.

It has 15 rules on there, what I should and shouldn't do when I'm driving in the car.

Mark and Lynne dictate the music their children listen to.

We kind of go through the songs and see what he's got

and sometimes I say, "I heard a word in that song, it's off."

They control the TV they watch

and know all their internet passwords.

Someone's going to raise them, either MTV and MySpace,

or it's Mark and Lynne. I choose Mark and Lynne.

After a nine-hour flight, Ross and Naomi had no idea what they were letting themselves in for.

-Look, it's like Desperate Housewives.

-The American dream.

I'll never forget when I first got there...

We were driving up to the house, and there's this bunch of nutters standing outside their door waving

in the poxy pouring rain with umbrellas, smiling, "Hey, y'all!"

How are you? I'm Mark.

Watch your step. These steps are kinda steep.

Hey!

-This is Naomi.

-Mitchell.

-I'm Hunter.

-Hey, my name's Heather!

Hey, Ross. My name's Heather.

I was like, "Oh, my God, where have you sent me? To the local nutty home or something?"

One thing that we don't tolerate in the least is any kind of profanity.

No F-bombs, you know, S-H, you know, A-hole.

That rule, no swearing and being rude, was one of the rules

that will probably be quite hard for me, because I used to use swearing as everyday language.

One thing that we don't allow in this home is alcohol,

and we don't allow smoking.

I don't think the rules are that bad, apart from...

the smoking, of course.

That's when I started to think, "Oh shit, what have I got myself into?

"Oh, my God."

During the school summer holidays, the Garnett children

were expected to help out at the local homeless shelter.

Unfortunately, doing things for others didn't come naturally to Ross.

I absolutely hated the homeless shelter.

It was like,

"Argh, what is this place?!"

I hated it, I didn't like it at all.

I've got dirt on my shoes.

-I've got

-BEEP

-on them!

I need some tissue, and no-one's getting me any, I got to go myself.

-It

-BEEP

-takes the

-BEEP! BEEP!

Quit using those words in here.

It's a matter of respect.

You may not respect nobody at home,

but you're going to respect us here at this facility.

Looking back at it, I cringe.

I'm like, "Is that how I really acted?"

Basically, I was like a spoilt little brat.

When dad Mark found out about Ross' bad behaviour, he didn't let him off lightly.

Hey, excuse me, can I just have your attention for a moment?

Ross has been working here today, and an incident took place that was inappropriate,

and there is something he would like to say to you.

I'd like to apologise for my foul language if some of you heard today,

and I'm sorry that I said it in front of you all

and disrespected you, and I hope you do have a nice evening this evening.

'I've never really apologised, I don't apologise at all.'

I always thought it is a weakness,

and when I was out there, I began to learn apologising

is a stronger thing, it makes you a stronger person.

Naomi didn't manage to keep out of trouble either.

I want to talk with you about what happened with the cigarette.

She persuaded one of the homeless men to break the law by giving her a cigarette.

The guy that gave you that cigarette, he knows better, we don't do that here.

Now he's going to have to find somewhere else to stay, he's going to be homeless again.

'I felt so bad. I still feel bad about that.'

That made me feel like... like absolute shit, it really did,

that I had made someone homeless for asking them

for something that I wanted.

Like...obviously if I had known what the consequences were,

I wouldn't have done it.

-I think I'm going to drop it!

-After a disappointing start at the shelter,

the teens return the following day with a different attitude.

Let's go, let's go! Let's do this.

They're going too fast for me.

-How did things go today?

-It went great, they were outstanding.

Y'all have knocked it out.

Congratulations and thank you so much.

I am so, so proud of you.

I can't tell you how proud I am of you, that is outstanding.

Mark was quick to praise the teens when they had done well,

something his father took a lifetime to do.

I didn't hear, "I'm proud of you," from my dad

until the day before he passed away. I looked up at him and that's when he said it.

He said, "I want to tell you how proud you've made me over the years

"and how proud I am of the man you've become and the father you've become."

I'll never forget that.

It was great.

See you later.

As a reward for their changed attitude,

Mark gave the teens permission to go bowling unsupervised.

But they were under strict instructions to obey the Garnetts' rules.

They had only been there half an hour

when Ross spotted the bar.

Are we allowed in there? Has anyone got a spare cig?

Despite the Garnetts' strict no-smoking policy, Ross couldn't help himself.

He was smoking in front of me, so obviously I had some of it.

But it was so good, that cigarette, my God!

You have no idea, you have no idea.

When the teens got home, it was a different story.

You guys have lost the complete side of what's important.

If we can't trust you, and we can't have any faith in you,

there's just nothing here.

You know what? I'm done here.

You guys have a Coke and a smile,

and I'll get those plane tickets ready.

Up until that point, I hadn't seen him, erm...get really angry.

When he was shouting, I knew that it was so genuine and that he was showing so much emotion.

He was really passionate.

It's like he just wanted to shake me to get it into your head.

Get upstairs.

-Mark...

-I'm dead serious.

-Get upstairs.

-Just go to bed...

No, you go to bed. Get upstairs.

Get upstairs, Ross.

'It made me appreciate him more, that he had actually put it to a stop.'

Like, it really did, and it made me feel like I had, like, erm...

that he was actually a human being.

To really understand the teens, Mark took time out to bond with each of them.

Nice. Hello, fish.

Fish, meet Ross. Ross, meet fish.

I was a good kid, but I made horrible decisions.

You're a "good kid" - you're just not making great decisions.

But just like me, you can make a choice,

and you can begin to change, and you're doing that.

It was nice to have obviously father-and-son time.

We could just talk to each other, and it's something I've never done at home with my dad.

Mark's concern was a turning point for the teens,

and had made Ross realise a few home truths.

I'm so full of myself that...

I've just not cared about anyone else out there, not anyone else's feelings.

And like I say, I think everything revolves around me, it's true...

And I brag about myself.

It's horrible.

It makes me feel horrible.

After an emotional eight-day journey for Ross and Naomi,

both were grateful to the Garnetts.

'I cried.'

I was just starting to realise

how much I'd learnt from them and to put it into practice when I got back.

They taught me how to value my family

and respect my family and people around me,

which was one of the biggest things I needed to learn.

Bye!

So what's life like for Ross three months on?

I feel like I'm... I'm more part of this household.

I've got more of a role in it.

I've got more of an adult structure and role in the family now.

Like I know I'm not a kid now.

Since his return from Alabama,

Ross' parents have noticed a huge difference in their son.

He's so much more relaxed in himself and happier, making him cope with things better.

When we do ask him to do something, instead of the barrage of abuse

that we used to get, he basically does it, doesn't he?

Yeah, he does.

It's a new Ross!

For what the Garnetts done, I'm so thankful.

I don't know how I could repay them, really, because they've made me such a better person.

They've made my future look better now.

So cute!

-I beg to differ, definitely.

-No, it's so cute.

In Brighton, since her return, Naomi has made a big effort to patch up her relationship with her mum.

She's my mum. She brought me into this world, she's my mother.

She's my flesh and blood, we've got the same DNA.

She's...part of me and I'm part of her.

Respect.

Bless you!

Communication has improved... hugely through this,

because as soon as the whole tone is more civil, everything is easier.

Mark basically just gave me the guidelines for what I need to do

and what I'm trying to achieve to better myself as a person.

If someone that I don't even really know can believe that in me,

then I've got to start believing in myself.

Whoo!

On a night out, peeps.

16-year-old Essex girl Charlotte Hart was beyond her parents' control.

-She just walks all over me.

-Yeah.

She's got no respect for me.

Charlotte's parents felt powerless to keep her out of trouble at school.

I think she goes to school for a joke and a laugh and to intimidate the teachers.

-Teachers, I hate them, they're like

-BEEP.

They moan at you for the most stupidest little things.

It's draining, it is, yeah, cos you think we've brought up...this girl...

And sort of a child is a reflection of her parents, and we ain't like that.

You wonder why they are the way they are,

but...it's just difficult sometimes.

In Brighton, 17-year-old A-level student Sam Northage was an angry young man.

I'm the reason why everyone argues. I'm the reason why everything is bad since Dad buggered off.

I'm fed up with this.

Sam is from a devout Christian family, but since his parents split up

a year ago and his father went to live abroad,

he lost his faith and his mother's struggled to control him.

I have been a strict parent,

but in the last year, since his dad left, he's been pushing the boundaries.

I stand up for myself, and I don't just bend over and take it whenever someone makes up a rule.

I've spoken, that's the end of it.

-I'm not having it.

-I don't

-BEEP

-care.

So how would the teens cope with being sent to Jamaica

to experience the Rose family's strict regime?

-Come on, out of bed, out of bed!

-Their rules were not up for discussion.

Watch where you're going! Come this way!

They are rules of the house, they have to respect the rules, they have to obey the rules.

When they break the rules, there are consequences.

That's true, that's true, that's true.

You didn't clean the shoes last night?!

Mum Sharon and dad Dave believe a strict household is the only way to bring up a child.

I don't even have to flog them, because they know the sign.

-I'll give them the look.

-One look!

One look, and that is enough, one look.

All I have to say is, "Get in here!" She knows that.

Discipline is a key in everything that you do.

Without discipline and the Father above,

you will not make it,

because you have to have discipline starting from the home.

As soon as the teens touched down in Jamaica, they were in for a culture shock.

Check it out... You could see barbed wire all over the walls

and bullet-holes in half the buildings, and it was just like, "What have I got myself into here?"

A little bit intimidating.

I was scared, really scared!

You know when you just sit there and you're like, "What am I doing?

"Like, have I lost the plot or something?

"Like why am I here? I could be at home now."

Well, well, well...

Come on, guys, we have been waiting.

-How is everything?

-Hi, Sam.

-Hi, Charlotte. Here's your mommy!

-The teens had only been in the house for five minutes

when Sam came head to head with the rules.

I do smoke tobacco, and I have done for quite a few years.

I'm fine if I can't smoke in here, but if I'm out and about, is that all right?

-Smoking is a no-no.

-No, no, we don't smoke.

What? You cannot be serious!

Like...your house, fair enough.

Around you and your family, fair enough.

Nowhere in the slightest while I'm over in this country

am I allowed to smoke, that is a bit much.

Up at the crack of dawn the next morning...

Good morning, good morning. How are you?

-Good.

-Good, good, good.

..and the whole family was expected to attend church.

But 24 hours without a cigarette was taking its toll on Sam.

I am not going to be staying in your house tonight if I haven't managed to have a fag,

and I'm not stepping inside your church, which is apparently already starting.

Well, Sam, let me tell you this.

Sam, don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Don't do that. That is one disrespect.

We don't walk away from people when we talk to people.

I did not come out here to visit the world of Sharon Rose!

I did... I am not here wanting to just bend over to all of Sharon's rules.

Let me tell you something, Sam.

If you continue like this, you'll be in bed for seven o'clock.

-Please!

-You are acting like a toddler.

Fine, then - I'm a toddler, I'm an immature little child who is 17 years old...

This behaviour will not continue here, so zip it up now. And that's it, that's my final word.

-Sharon, you've just told me...

-This is my final word.

I didn't get anywhere with that, it was just so stupid.

-I must have just looked like a total

-BEEP!

I was to do exactly what I was told to, there was just no leeway whatsoever.

She taught me that there are some fights that, no matter what happens, you are not going to win.

Charlotte had so far managed to keep a low profile, but she was about to come into her own at school.

I hated school, I've always hated school. It looked like...

It looked like a prison, it was like they locked you in there.

The uniform was terrible, I looked like an absolute mess in the uniform.

Oh, my God. I looked like a big beached whale!

The teens' first task was to write an essay starting with, "Jamaica is..."

But Charlotte had other ideas.

I'd only just finished doing my GCSEs, and I thought,

"School's done, I'm never going back."

So I sat there and fanned myself for a bit with the paper.

No, but it is. I'm sitting here in silence for two hours.

I'm not doing it, end of.

Unprecedented. We've never had a child who is so openly defiant.

-You have to go to the principal's office.

-Well, let's go, then.

Charlotte was to meet her match with Principal Mrs Wynt.

-I hear that you are not writing the exams.

-Yeah.

-You don't have a choice.

-But I've just done loads.

It doesn't matter what you do or don't like. It's what is required of you.

Teachers have spoke to me like that before, but you'd just be like, "Oh, whatever,"

and then eventually, they'd be, "OK, don't do it, your loss."

This is ridiculous.

It may be, but that's required of you.

But there she was like, "You've got to do it!" I was like, "Oh, shit!

"Sorry! Sorry, mate!"

She is going back to the room, and she's going to write the essay.

But Charlotte's essay was full of swearwords.

-Not what the school was expecting.

-So I started off, like, "Jamaica is well hot,"

and then I got carried away, so I'd write, "I miss my mum,

"Sam's pissing me off, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah."

-"The people back home don't take no

-BEEP,

-"so I don't see why these children should. Today, Sam looks like a total

-BEEP."

They can keep that work, frame it, if they want, put it on the wall.

Have a seat, Charlotte.

People who use inappropriate language, expletives, filthy words.

What does that tell about that person?

That they're not a very nice person, really.

Well, I think I'd be a totally different person if I went to a Jamaican school.

When you do something wrong, they explain to you what you've done wrong.

They'll be like, "Oh, you didn't word this properly," or something.

It's about choosing. You know what's right, you know what's wrong.

They, like, make you feel better about yourself by saying,

"You can do it. Don't say you can't, cos you can. It's not impossible."

But I suppose schools over here, they're just like,

"You didn't do it right," and end of.

When Charlotte got home from school, she had something to say to Sharon.

I'm sorry about today, Sharon.

-Are you?

-Yeah.

Are you gonna make me proud tomorrow?

-Yeah.

-Proud, proud, proud?

-Yeah.

-Your mother proud?

-Yeah.

-England proud?

-Yeah.

Yourself?

In an effort to get through to Sam, Sharon and Dave took him to meet 19-year-old Malachi Johnson,

who lives in the southern hurricane belt.

Like Sam, Malachi's father walked out on his family last year.

But Malachi accepted his responsibilities

and left school to get a job to provide for his seven siblings.

That whole day was just a big slap in the face

that I do think I really did need.

It was really, really inspirational just to talk him.

I'm sure like...you'd rather live my life than live out here.

Malachi made me realise I was just giving up and taking the easy road out.

And he was given a thousand different problems

in a thousand different ways, and yet he wasn't just giving up, like I had.

He made me just feel so guilty and so embarrassed

at the way I had been acting.

From that moment and right up to this moment now,

-if I start acting like a

-BEEP,

-I will just think of Malachi, and it's an instant kick up the arse.

Well, I will see you around, Mal.

'Talking to Malachi is what I needed to do to change.'

After eight days living with the Roses,

it was time for Charlotte and Sam to head home.

This trip was incredible, just absolutely mind-blowing.

I didn't think in the slightest it was going to be something so worthwhile to me.

Can I have a dance, please?

I'm glad I did it, but I wouldn't do it again.

Oh, don't cry!

Sometimes I think back and think, "What the hell was I doing, like, did I go crazy?"

You enjoy your party and thank you so much.

Yes, my brother. Move on with your life.

Things will work for you, my brother, I know that things will work for you.

So how has Charlotte changed since returning home three months ago?

-Have you seen those shoes? They're mine.

-Have you ever worn them?

No. I paid a lot of money for them.

I don't think Jamaica has changed me.

I'm still the same.

I don't think anything will ever change me.

I'll always be the same.

In Brighton, it's an entirely different story for the boy

who was running away from family life.

I really felt that I was gonna lose him.

He was sort of on the edge of storming out.

He's become part of the family again, which is lovely.

How many pints?

A couple.

-Would that be two?

-Yes.

Cool.

I thought totally and utterly before I went

that all the rules was to make someone else's life easier.

Once I started going along with it and obeying the rules

and going with the flow of how things were, I became so happy and so calm.

I owe the Roses so much because...

they're the ones who...

pretty much shoved the lessons that I learnt my face.

I got the chance to see what an arse I was being

and I got the chance to change and it's just helped me so much.

It has changed my life.

Liz. Liz.

-Come on.

-17-year-old schoolgirl Lizzie Paul's relationship

with her mum, Linda, had completely broken down.

Liz!

Lizzie was wonderful until she reached 13, then almost instantly, she changed.

It was almost like she was possessed.

After years of mostly getting her own way, Lizzie's parents had all but given up trying to control her.

You can wait downstairs.

-Get lost! Don't talk to my mates like that!

-Downstairs.

Come on, guys, we're going.

The relationship between me and my mum is crap.

We don't really have a relationship as such cos all we do is argue.

I can't imagine anyone making Lizzie do something.

If she doesn't want to do it, she won't.

17-year-old Stefan Alvarez did nothing to help at home and was driving his mum mad.

If he's asked to do something, you can ask and ask and ask and ask

and then nine times out of ten, I do it myself

cos it's easier, quieter and less painful.

Mum does everything, that's what Mum does. I don't want to change it.

Stefan was so lazy around the house that single mum Debs sent him

-to live in the shed at the bottom of the garden.

-Come on, get up, Stefan.

I want your washing, come on!

He drives me up the wall and I'm not quite sure,

short of locking him up, what to do.

Get up!

3,000 miles away in Accra, Ghana, lives one family who isn't short on ideas.

The Adegas.

Go and get it. Go inside and get it!

You know I don't like it in the room.

If my child talks to me and talks back and talks back,

I don't take it lightly

and I will come down strongly on you.

Mum Vida runs a strict regime.

Boyfriends for 19-year-old daughter Traudi are forbidden and parents are always right.

Time to wake up. Where are you?

Up you get, Joshua, up.

The Adega children get up at 5am every morning to do two hours of chores before school.

Work it.

-Lizzie and Stefan were no exception.

-It's time to get up already.

This is your broom,

a lovely broom. It gets out all the sand.

The only time I'd ever met 5 o'clock ever beforehand was coming home,

that's the only time I've experienced 5 o'clock in the morning, that was when I got home.

You don't wake up at 5 o'clock, you know!

Your children are your children, they're not like your servant.

You know, kind of, it felt like she didn't really have any respect for them.

Arms first.

Either way, you get it done.

Joshua, go and wear your clothes, that's what you do, you wear your

clothes before you come to the table.

Thrown together into a strict regime, miles from home, Stefan and Lizzie became instant buddies.

Stefan!

The first few days I really got on with Stefan.

Not in a kind of flirty way, in the fact that like he was so much like me and a bit mad

and bubbly and like didn't really care what people thought of him.

Made the deal that no matter what happens we're going to stick with each

other through this cos we're the two English people who've got to show them how it's done.

If I hadn't have had him there I don't think I'd have been

able to cope because he was kind of my cushion.

But the teens' closeness met with strong disapproval from Vida.

Yesterday when I saw you and Lizzie, I thought I realised that you were a bit getting a bit close.

If you wanted to have a relationship with Lizzie, I don't think you should start anything now.

Nothing would happen anyway, don't worry.

-That's why most of the relationship these days are breaking up.

-Yeah.

Because it's not carefully started.

You're hugging, you're going to have sex.

That's what she kind of thought and it was just friendship.

I can tell you that now.

-Nothing more!

-If they're going to be that silly to have a go at

us about something that small, we were going to make the most of it.

Me and Stefan thought that we'd wind her up a bit!

A trip to the beach gave Stefan and Lizzie the opportunity they were looking for.

Lizzie's there in basically next to nothing, with some little top thing on top of it.

I went into the water, messing around, splashing each other, as you do at the beach with water!

And we saw Vida's face and she was getting more and more pissed off about this and we started thinking to

ourselves, oh, they take this really seriously, don't they?

Lizzie. I think you've started being a little insolent to me and I don't like it.

I know the two of you are alone but don't get funny ideas.

We're friends.

-He's the only person that I can talk to on the trip.

-Talk to me.

Yeah, but as a person that I've met.

No, no, no, no, no.

I've even got a boyfriend at home.

That's you but I don't like that and it's wrong for you to do that.

Are you trying to tell me having a boyfriend at home that I've been with for 10 months is wrong?

I think it was ridiculous, out of the ordinary.

Just full blown shouting at me.

I wouldn't mind if I had actually done something wrong.

Vida's temper, she can go from real nice woman to witch in about three seconds!

Do you think your mum would let you do that?

What? To have a boyfriend? Yeah?

She's allowing it because you're so saucy, because you're doing it to me right now.

I won't let you cheapen yourself in front of me!

I'm going home.

Seriously, I'm going home.

After the row, Lizzie decided to change her attitude.

It got more than an argument, it got personal, really, really personal.

But I had to live with her so I kind of had to really

brush it under the carpet otherwise my life would have been made hell.

Once Lizzie and Stefan stopped resisting Vida's authority, things took a change for the better.

Now where are you? Clean and stack before you go and pack them.

Clean, and if you break a plate!

Yeah. Yeah.

Quicker. Quicker.

Else the heat will stay in one place for too long.

By day four, the relentless chores began to have an effect on the boy who never helped out at home.

They look quite snazzy, don't they? I've done well.

It's the real simple things in life, like iron your own shirt, then you feel smart and more proud of yourself

for ironing it and wearing it and it's a simple, silly simple lesson, just representing yourself basically.

Yes, squeaky clean.

Actually squeaky clean, I didn't think actual squeaky-clean existed!

With barriers coming down, Vida and Stefan started to bond.

That one day just changed it all, really clicked in

me and Vida's relationship and then also clicked in the thought that this is the relationship I can have

with a completely random woman that's trying to be my parents.

Why can't I put the effort into being like this at home?

Seeing how much the children respect you, it's made me realise

that I don't really respect my mum as much as I should be.

It's like going back with all this new knowledge of what I've been like

and what it should be like. It's going to be really weird.

There's something that has really snapped in you, changed, you know.

Go and wash your hands.

OK.

After realising how selfish he'd been, Stefan phoned home.

Hello.

I'm fine, how are you?

Oh, I've never been so happy in my life to hear my mum's voice.

I never thought I'd ever say this but I actually really missed her.

I have actually realised how little I do do around the house.

I've finally realised that actually you don't sit and do nothing all day.

It was a bit of a shock to work that one out.

I will. You have fun doing whatever you're doing at home.

Bye.

Oh, I'm horrible.

It wasn't until Vida sent Lizzie to help out at

-a local orphanage that she started to put her relationship with her own parents into perspective.

-Hello!

The orphanage was kind of a turning point in the fact that like,

it did really affect me, seeing all these kids that had no mum and dad.

Whereas I had

everything that I could imagine, all they've got is each other.

Gorgeous.

-Oh, he's so cute!

-Yeah.

I thought a lot about my family,

as well as my mum. It kind of felt like

even though I should be helping my mum more, that she should perhaps like be more of a mum to me.

I really don't remember the last time she gave me a hug and said, "I love you."

I really don't remember.

Ages ago, years probably.

After an emotional eight days, it was time for the teens to head home to their own parents.

Right, right.

Vida taught me a lot more about how I had to respect my mother.

She's my mum. She's not my best friend.

She is my mum and it really kicked in that actually, OK, I might not treat my mum the best.

A brilliant family. Masses, loads of respect for her.

Going to Ghana has made me appreciate my family, mum.

I didn't really think of it as an issue before I went.

I didn't really think, I've got a mum, I live in a house that's this size, how amazing.

I went to Ghana, I slept on like a plank of wood.

I got up at like, three in the morning to do housework.

Whoa, thank God I don't really live like this.

Stefan's been home for three months and mum Debs is eternally grateful to Vida.

I don't know what they did to him but she did something!

He's realised that

if he wants something from life he's got to go and get it.

Before I went I really couldn't really give a damn about very much at all.

I came back and realised I needed to sort everything out properly.

It really was life-changing.

I want to do things with my life now.

Life's life, you've got to get it sorted and you can't,

the life I wanted to, you can't just coast through the easy way.

I've said to friends like I'm joking,

I waved goodbye to my baby boy at the airport and a man came home.

In Birmingham, Lizzie's mum Linda has also noticed a difference in her daughter.

I think Lizzie definitely has mellowed since she's come back.

We still have our moments where she goes into her teenage strops,

but overall I think the experience of being out there

and going through what she went through has opened her eyes, really.

I realised that my mum was a human being rather than someone that just talked crap at me all the time.

I do have a lot more respect for my mum now and we do get on.

-Put your hand down.

-You've left a massive blob in the middle.

A damn sight better than yours.

It didn't change my personality.

I mean, I'm still bubbly and mad as ever, but I do appreciate my life, my family, a lot more.

Oi!

In Birmingham, 17-year-old A-level college boy Josh Bresnan was spoilt rotten.

I rule the roost in my household, whatever I say kind of goes.

I've obviously made mistakes as he's growing up because he appreciates nothing.

Used to always getting his own way, he never helped around the house.

I've got it absolutely sorted, absolutely tied up.

Mum just does everything.

Fed up with Josh's attitude, mum Sue and dad Con were desperate for things to change.

He needs to acknowledge what he's got. He needs to understand how

lucky he is, what a great life he's got and it's there for the taking.

I don't want to look in here. I don't know why we came here.

In Bristol, 16-year-old school drop-out Charlotte Abrahams was at loggerheads with mum, Karen.

I really don't like spending time with my mum. I really don't.

-Ow! Don't

-BEEP

-hit my hand!

She's done the basics, she's ticked all the boxes, teach your child right from wrong,

feed and water them, blah blah blah, but I don't think I'd ever give my mum like full respect.

Generally I'm a psycho bitch.

If I'm cross with her about something, the reason is is just because I'm a psycho bitch.

-I'll wear smart trousers and a top or whatever, I don't care, but I'm not wearing a

-BEEP

-dress.

-I didn't ask you to.

-Well you obviously are because we're in the bloody dress shop.

When Charlotte and Josh touched down in Jaipur, India, the culture shock was immediate.

That is absolutely mental.

It was shocking, I really couldn't have accounted for anything that I saw.

Like cattle roaming the wrong way down the street, stuff you can't even picture.

I felt quite intimidated to be honest.

But for teens who are used to opting out of family life, the biggest shock was yet to come.

Their home for the next eight days would be with the Sharmas,

a large extended family of 18 relatives run by disciplinarian dad, Sanjeev.

There was like 17 people, however many it was, people that all the time around you,

all the time just not leaving alone, just pestering you because you're like a guest and stuff.

If Charlotte and Josh had found the Sharma family overwhelming, when

-they went to school with 15-year-old Ankita, they had the students to face.

-No talking, please.

St Xavier's is one of the top private schools in India.

But for Charlotte and Josh it wasn't quite what they were expecting.

# You are with me wherever I go

# Every moment your life bring me close... #

I felt like it was very regimented and almost

communist in the fact that they were kind of brainwashed into thinking India is the greatest country.

The kids there are so intelligent.

Westernisation and urbanisation have led to the degradation and erosion of...

They're a year-and-a-half behind us and me and Josh were just sat there, we had no idea.

They were doing it all in English

and I didn't understand half the words that they were writing up on the board.

By the third lesson, Josh and Charlotte had had enough and left school in search of home comforts.

-Can I have a large Diet Coke.

-As a punishment, the teens were given a grey card.

Three grey cards and the student is expelled.

Sorry for the inconvenience that we've caused to you and your staff.

-I appreciate that.

-Charlotte and Josh were once again the centre of attention.

No one had ever been given a grey card.

Ankita explained to me that all the school kids felt that me and Charlotte

thought we were better than them by being white.

Obviously that's a social perception of theirs which we were unaware of

and by getting in trouble we actually were kind of accepted by them.

The grey card is good for you!

Yeah. Well, kind of.

We've yet to speak to your dad.

All the best with dad.

The teens had to face Sanjeev when they arrived home.

This is a very big embarrassment to me, to the principal, whom I have taken a special permission.

For your information, before you had come down here,

I spent the entire day talking out that yes, allow these two kids to stay with you in the school.

I did feel bad because Sanjeev had told us that he'd had to work to get us into the school and stuff,

but I...

didn't really feel bad in any other way, just because I felt that I'd let Sanjeev down.

Good morning. What happened?

Not well?

Halfway through the teens' stay in India,

Charlotte had had enough of school and was refusing to get out of bed.

It's really, really coincidental that I have to go to college on my own

and it's the one day that you've kind of talked about not going in.

-I'm not prepared to just sit in that

-BEEP

-classroom again.

That left Josh to face school alone.

-OK, all the best.

-Thank you.

-Stay put.

-Without his partner in crime, Josh finally started to throw himself into school life.

Today we'll be having a debate, so would you like to be the leader of one group?

That day was quite pivotal.

It's like a circle, the more you feel comfortable the more you put in and that kind of builds on itself.

If the Indian population felt so strongly against the West they would

have discarded American schools because they wouldn't want to be part of the West.

Thank you very much.

I was ready to become part of their society and they were ready to let me in.

They were letting me reap the rewards of what you sow, really.

As long as you give everything your all, you won't fail.

On the day of the teens' departure, the Sharmas threw a farewell party.

Despite Charlotte's last-minute efforts to enjoy herself,

her overall impression of her stay in India is not a positive one.

I didn't enjoy school.

I didn't enjoy being ill.

I didn't enjoy missing people.

I didn't enjoy the meals at all.

I didn't really enjoy it.

It was a very good experience.

I'm so glad I did it but I didn't enjoy their way of life. I couldn't live it.

Cheers.

-Best of luck.

-But for Josh it's a different story.

Staying with Sanjeev and his family has left a big impression on him.

Yeah, I'm really glad I did it. It was a fantastic opportunity in life,

something that

hardly anyone in their life will get to experience.

Something that I think can have a big outcome on how my life ends out really.

I think the bottom line is that Sanjeev's a very good father to his family.

There's a lot of his ideals that I really wouldn't have agreed with,

but now I've seen them in action and I've seen the way that he

enforces those rules and, in the great scheme of things, that will help significantly.

Come on, love. It's 10.45 am now.

Get out!

16-year-old schoolboy Grant Stevens treated his mum and sister like slaves.

-Can you take your belt off your jeans? I can't wash that.

-Oh, my good Lord!

He hadn't seen his dad since he was six and he thought he ruled the house.

The way I see it I am king of the house and my mum and my sister are

the servants or skivs of the house and if they don't do the job, the job doesn't get done.

Because he's the man of the house and there isn't another father figure in this house for Grant,

Grant just thinks that he doesn't have to do anything.

There's washing up that's been in the kitchen since last night.

To add to mum Karen's problems, two years ago

she was diagnosed with lupus, an incurable form of arthritis.

He knows sometimes I can't do certain things, like lifting heavy saucepans and peeling potatoes.

It's like he's just not interested.

No!

I needed that. Who's got a straw?

17-year-old college girl Lucy Dodds took her parents completely for granted.

We drank the spirits and we're really out of it.

Mum Sarah and dad Mark had all but given up.

If Lucy wasn't around, generally, we don't argue, do we?

-When do we argue?

-No, not really.

It's generally about Lucy, you know.

So I don't know how long that could go on for before we get divorced.

But all this was about to change.

Grant and Lucy's home for the next eight days would be in South Africa with the Moolman family.

They run a 7,000 acre farm in the middle of the wilderness.

Discipline is important, because if you don't have discipline you're not a human being. You're an animal.

Dad Hannes and mum Alma take no prisoners.

If they don't listen I take my belt and give them hiding on their backsides.

Welcome here. Let's get inside.

As soon as the teens arrived at the farm...

-Carry it up the steps. Don't drag it up.

-..they were read the riot act.

No alcohol or tobacco.

If I find you smoking

you'll have to eat that packet.

I'm telling you now straight.

If I find you drinking I'll give you enough drink to drink for the rest of your life.

Do you understand me clearly on this point?

For the first couple of hours I thought Hannes was

the dictator.

He was the king of the family.

What he said went and no-one had no ifs or buts about it.

If you did, you were going to get shouted at or punished.

The teens were to spend the rest of the week at Cradock High.

A strict state school, it didn't take long for

Lucy and Grant to break the rules and upset head teacher Mr Boonzaaier.

I would ask you to properly tie your ties.

Thank you.

Lucy, your hair is far too loose.

Our main purpose is academics but we also have a sporting side.

I don't do sport.

Do you have a medical certificate?

No. It's a personal reason.

I didn't do it in school for two years in my previous school so...

Well, boy, you're now in Cradock High School.

-No, but...

-I'm sorry for you.

I'd rather sit and write lines but I don't do sport.

-You will be there this afternoon.

-I'll be there but I can't be taking part.

-You will take part.

I won't do anything that I don't want to do. No-one's gonna force me.

When I found out that it was the sports day at the school, it was like, "No, I'm not taking part."

-Listen, Grant. You will play on the wing.

-No, no, no.

-Listen, let me just finish.

-No.

Let me just finish.

I would like you to participate to get the group feeling in our school.

-No!

-You can see there's a lot of guys who are small.

-They will not...

-No, I'm not playing.

-I promise you they will not tackle you.

-No, I'm not going to do it.

No, not going to happen.

It was just me being a complete spoiled brat and, in some cases,

I've missed some opportunities just because I didn't want to do it.

While Grant rebelled on the rugby pitch, Lucy was fighting her own battles...

-Oh, no.

-..and was refusing to take off her make-up.

-I can't take that off.

-Why not?

I can't. I would rather have detention.

Lucy continued to break all school rules, much to the disgust of her fellow pupils.

I don't care.

You did a terrible thing yesterday by smoking in your school clothes right in front of the school.

That is damage to the school I cannot repair.

As sad as it is for me, right now, I've given you an order.

You've refused that order, so then you are not welcome in the school any more.

-Thank you.

-But I just knew for a fact,

the one to have a go at me would be Hannes because that's how he is.

He would rather shout and whatever.

So I sort of prepared myself. I knew that,

yeah, I was gonna get completely shouted at, but then it could only

get better after that because I'd hit rock bottom then.

D'you know what I mean? Things could only improve.

I've never been

insulted like this in my life.

If you were my daughter, you don't want to know what would happen.

I tried my best.

-That's all I can do.

-Right.

-So there you go.

-Right, thank you.

Determined to instil some of his morals in the teens, Hannes turned his attention to Grant.

I want to take away this whole thing.

-What!?

-I want all these stones removed.

-They're heavy.

-Pick them up.

I can't pick them up. They're too heavy.

Hannes, if I can't pick this up you could not expect me to do all of this.

-Pick it up. You can. Put it in.

-Taking it upon himself to make

Grant a real man, Hannes set him endless chores.

-Grant.

-This is like slave work.

At that point, I think I knew that I'd have to give it my all just to show him that I could do it.

But I didn't do it and it was like I let him down but, more importantly, and let myself down.

Where's Grant now?

What's happening here?

What d'you mean?

You were picking out all the small ones.

I told you I couldn't pick up the big ones.

If I can't pick up a pathetic one like that, how do you expect me to do stuff like this?

You know, Grant, I spoke to your mother two days ago already.

Your mother told me you were a very good boy until five years ago you turned bad.

You got more lazy and more lazy and more lazy.

Grant, all I expect from you now is those rocks you've dropped in the gate, take them,

throw them towards the fence and open the gate towards the outside.

Understand? Right.

You do that now. Thank you.

He started talking about my mum and that made something click in my mind.

I felt like I was contributing to my mum's illness.

It felt like I was kind of like the illness and it was like I needed to help my mum.

It just showed me that, from another person's point of view, I was a complete arsehole.

Gradually, the Moolmans' strict regime appeared to be getting through to Grant and Lucy.

If the kids have to do a chore it's 10 times, 20 times harder than what I ever have to do at home.

It just made me think, "For Christ's sake, when you was back at home, why

"didn't you just follow their rules and just not even moan about it?"

A bit of washing up takes 10 minutes.

Are you finished? Hey?

Where are you underneath this?

You see me doing that to Liebe all the time, eh?

You're going to pack away the stuff for the windows and you can

-have a bath or shower and do your hair the way you want to do it.

-OK. Thank you.

After a week of constant pressure from Hannes,

Grant began to bond with his new father figure on a hunting trip.

-Oh.

-Well done, Grant.

It's a pity you didn't get it but you tried.

-It was nice.

-It was.

-You enjoyed it?

Yes, I did. Thank you.

Pleasure.

It was mine and his time to bond. It was a father and son kind of bond

and I think he wanted me to know what it was like having a father figure.

Grant could finally open up about the father he hadn't seen for 10 years.

I've grown up without him so much.

He was nobody to look up to.

No. I can tell you now, if he walked through that door right now and

was wanting to talk to me, I would walk out and I would not turn back.

I would not think twice. I would just walk.

I consider you as my son now because I'm looking after you, although only for eight days.

I want you to continue in growing with discipline and respect.

Don't stop. Continue work on yourself.

Work hard at it.

We came away from the trip actually having more respect for each other.

Take a man's hand.

Take it like a man's hand.

-Be good, eh?

-I will. Thank you. Bye.

Since returning home three months ago, Grant is now a changed man.

No longer at war with mum Karen, he's eager to help around the house.

He has really changed a lot and he's starting to be really good again.

I can see the Grant when he was about 11.

I'm getting the old Grant back and he does make us giggle and laugh.

Are you embarrassed?

If I was able to talk to the Moolman family now, I'd say a definite thank you to all of them.

Here you go.

They taught me, like, you only get what you put in, really.

Thank you.

If you don't have respect in your family, you don't really have anything.

I love you, Mummy.

I love you, too, Grant.

In Essex, Lucy's stay with the Moolmans has given her plenty of food for thought.

This is on the plane.

I got to see the sun come up.

I don't feel like going out clubbing and drinking alcohol.

That's not actually important at all.

I just want to really do well at college, as well as I can.

Getting drunk, what's the point in that?

She has changed quite a lot. When I...

think back on how she was to how she is now, definitely.

She's not so immature, I suppose.

It's just amazing what 10 days can do.

I'd never have thought it would change my life this much.

I nearly cried when I had to say goodbye to him.

The whole experience has made me feel like you can do anything.

For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking that was

just the best thing I've ever done in my whole life.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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