Episode 3 Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum

Children. They're cute and say funny things.

Then, before you know it, they're all grown up

and ready to fly the nest, start a life of their own.

Well, that's how it's supposed to work.

-Stop acting like a spoilt brat!

-Well, I am a spoilt brat!

In these recession riddled times,

it's harder than ever for young people to get a job.

So what chance do these reprobates have

of standing on their own two feet?

SHE SCREAMS

Mum!

This lot are selfish...

You give me money so I don't have to work. That is my reality.

-Sponging...

-Give me the change

-Lazy...

-You ain't ironed that yet, have ya?

-Jack, I've just ironed it!

And completely useless.

I don't know how to use the washing machine, the microwave, the dryer.

I can lick my elbow.

Their parents are sick and tired of waiting for them to grow up and move out,

but they have only got themselves to blame.

Grace is one of my biggest mistakes in life.

I'm ashamed of myself, really.

I've reached a point where I can't do it any more.

So they're finally kicking them out

and forcing them to run their own home.

Not one bit of food in the house.

We've got to buy sheets, pillows, everything.

I know this isn't prison, but they're doing better off in there than we are here.

They're going to be made to get jobs like the rest of us.

When you've finished socialising, do you want to do some work? When it's convenient for you(!)

SHE RETCHES

I've never seen such a negative group with such a negative attitude.

I don't get it!

I'm meant to be head chef.

HE SCREAMS

It makes you despair for humanity sometimes, seeing people like this.

It's all under the watchful gaze of their own parents,

who will judge their progress.

I thought they were acting like spoilt brats, all of them.

And each week, the most useless gets the boot.

At stake, the prize of a round the world trip.

ALL: Cheers!

Will a month of independent living make them finally grow up?

I can't live with animals.

This is who we are!

-I'll smack you in the face!

-I hate her.

I didn't realise how hard it was going to be for me.

Or will they remain young, dumb and living off Mum.

(BLEEP) I've had enough.

ALL: Woo!

This gang of lazy bums have been living together for nearly two weeks now.

In that time, they've partied...

ALL: Wow!

Slagged each other off...

I'm not stuck up my own arse and talking like Daddy's little princess or whatever.

And fallen out over the cleaning rota.

Today I've cleaned the toilet. If we do a rota, someone else can do it.

I don't want this to cause a divide, or...

-That's what's happened.

-I don't care!

Don't you think it's wimpy, to talk and bitch about someone

behind their back, rather than being afraid to come and say it to someone's face.

When they weren't bitching and moaning,

they were knee deep in fish guts at Billingsgate market...

You've got to show plenty of common sense.

That's £26, please.

I'm going to be the worst mother you've ever had.

I can't touch those fish with no gloves on.

You're now in the real world. Good girl.

I'm usually partying at three o'clock in the morning on a Friday,

not picking fish by the eyeballs.

Where their ability to complain reached new heights.

This is harder than cleaning the shit out the toilet!

I don't like crabs!

Go on, pick it up. Let me have a look.

My arms just hurt.

These are the wrong ones, so not impressed.

When the parents met to see how their little darlings

had behaved, they were not impressed.

Oh, I can't believe it. I feel ashamed.

I was surprised at how Ruby reacted on there.

Although they thought Enzo had done a good job.

He's done his tasks well. Everything he's done, he's been on top.

They were disappointed that he had almost walked out...

Today, I'm going to leave the house. It's what I've planned.

..and he was sent packing.

It's Enzo going.

Have a good time.

That leaves six bothersome brats all trying to fend for themselves.

West Country waster, 19-year-old Jack.

-Mum, get in the kitchen, make me a cup of tea please?

-Jack, I'm tired!

I know I'm meant for higher things,

so people should treat me as royalty.

Intellectual colossus Ryan.

Politics and all that is so boring.

I don't think there should be politics.

Spendaholic Gracie, who despite being 20-years-old,

has unlimited credit at the bank of Dad.

This will probably put my dad in debt for the next ten years, but...

Stroppy party girl, Ruby Jo.

Mum! Mum! Mum!

If she gave me what I want, I wouldn't be like this now. It's her own fault.

Demanding princess, Jade.

I told you where they were, I told you exactly where it was!

I don't care, Mum!

And finally, professional layabout Tom.

A typical day in the life of me?

Watching DVDs and masturbating.

So far, they've shown no signs of improvement.

neither the youth hostel manager nor the fish sellers will be asking them back anytime soon.

You don't work, don't get paid, don't get on in life.

Can they do any better this week when they open their very own pop-up restaurant?

-How the fuck do I peel an onion?

-Can you tell us what the green stuff is?

HE SCREAMS

-It's stressful.

-Don't hold your breath.

FIRE ALARM RINGS

Oh, shit!

It's the beginning of a new week and nothing has changed.

The house is still trashed and this lot are bored.

We thought it would be a good idea to have sumo fights.

Has anyone got any ideas of fun stuff we can do?

Ah!

LAUGHTER

Best buddies Jack and Tom are finding it all a bit childish.

Womanising layabout Jack and unemployed sponger Tom

have found that they have a lot in common.

After all, they're both nearly 20 and they're both utterly hopeless.

They've fallen deep into bromance and they don't care who knows it.

Me and Tom do get on really, really well.

We share a lot of opinions, so we're bouncing off each other and reassuring each other.

-Shall we have a shower?

-Yeah, let's have a shower.

See, this is bromance.

-This is true bromance right here.

-What did you say?

Jack and Tom together are one housemate, not two.

-None of them have made friends like how we have.

-No.

Pathetic, they need to get their own life.

They haven't got their own minds at all. They just copy each other.

They think they're lifelong best friends.

-Well, it's five of them, two of us, isn't it?

-Mm-hm.

It's outnumbered.

Any sensible, mature adult wouldn't have a problem with Jack and Tom's friendship,

But the closer they get, the more they annoy others.

-Where are you two going?

-We're going upstairs.

-Why?

-Bum.

-Why?

-We're going to bum.

-Why are you being unsociable?

-We're not.

-You are.

-We're going to bum.

With the boys out of the way, the others decide to make them

a romantic dinner for two.

Two of us get and egg, two of us make a paste.

They'll get ten times worse with the egg in!

Tinned beans. We could full English breakfast them.

Do you need tomatoes as well?

To follow this recipe at home, you'll need to do the following.

Take some juicy tinned tomatoes...

Argh!

Where are we throwing this?

Throw in a smattering of sugar, add a can of beans

and top off with a dash of cooking oil.

You guys are so minging!

Season to taste, divide into mugs.

Lure...

Jack, here's your tea.

I've not bugged it, honestly.

...and attack.

-Ah!

-Oh, brilliant!

LAUGHTER

What even is that? It smells like sick.

LAUGHTER

Oh, my God!

Upstairs, Jack and Tom, are failing to see the funny side.

-We just wanted to chill and celebrate that we've stayed.

-Yeah.

We're here on a budget and they're throwing food at people.

There was beans and it put out my fucking cigarette.

I've got to be honest. It's really fucking stupid.

Hello, guys!

But downstairs, Princess Jade is still finding it hilarious

and everyone and everything is in the firing line.

This is war!

Is anyone sorry yet?

Having reached the age where most kids start to behave like adults,

Jade still hasn't progressed from being much more

than an over-indulged toddler.

Are you taking the piss? What is that? Seriously?!

You think I'd wear that?!

SHE SCREAMS

I'd love for Jade to be able to do things for herself.

It's not just Mum who bears the brunt of Jade's immature behaviour,

her little sister suffers too.

Do you seriously think I would wear them?

You have to walk into town and get me the ones I want.

I don't want them and I'm going out tonight!

She doesn't want the responsibility of being an adult.

She's quite happy to stay at home and have me look after her,

like she's a child.

What are responsibilities again?

When you have to look after something, like a dog?

And just like at home, Jade is running riot

but this time her victims are Jack and Tom.

There's like this animal outside?

Let's go then. I don't give a shit. Can't be bothered living with people like this.

-They're not people, they're animals.

-Yeah.

If you want to throw beans at each other, throw beans at each other!

We thought you might want to get involved?

Well we don't, so you can go away now.

With the door barricaded, the boys start getting their own back.

Your shampoo's going.

Such a pair of dickheads! And they call us immature.

They've wasted all the food. Why do we have to live with people that act like this?

Having cleaned up, they're now shipping out.

-I know for a fact that...

-I expected more from you, Gracie.

We're going now. We're going.

Other people find it funny.

Maybe people would agree with you and think we're childish

-Yeah...

-This is who we are. I can't help the way I am.

-Well, we don't find it funny.

-We don't care! We find it funny.

OK, well the bottom line is there's more than one of us in this house

and we need to be considerate of each other.

Why don't you get out of each other's arses?

We're not in anyone's arses. We don't want to stay.

You're going home because we threw food at you?

No, we can't live with animals.

-ALL: But we're not animals!

-Don't tell that to me!

I'm not the person you have to convince. I'm convinced. Goodbye!

-Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

-It's a bit of food!

So that's it. They're men of principle. When they say they're going, they mean it.

Who cares if it's midnight

and they don't have any money or anywhere to go?

I just can't live with these people.

I'm not living with these people, sorry.

Forgotten something, boys?

-We've kind of decided we're probably going to stay now.

-Yeah.

It's us two versus them now.

-There's only two people in the house now, as far as I'm concerned.

-Yeah, exactly.

Just had a big argument, because those two were being pathetic

and up their own arses like they always are.

It's the following morning, but it seems that this lot

can't let bygones be bygones.

We'll pretend it's just us two living in the house.

-It is.

-Just us against the world.

We'll do our own shopping, our own cleaning.

-That's how we'll get on.

-Yeah.

I've fallen out with them because they're a pair of fucking wankers.

They haven't got their own mind or view on anything.

We thought it would be a laugh

to have a bit of a water and a food fight,

but apparently no, we're animals.

I thought you were going?

-Huh?

-Thought you were going.

-You thought we were going?

-Yeah.

-You thought wrong.

Well, don't talk to any of us and don't touch any of our stuff.

Downstairs, things are looking up.

the weekly allowance of £28 has arrived.

This is the same amount as they would get on the dole.

I feel rich.

In the last two weeks, they have spent most of their money on booze.

Will it be any different this week?

We're just going to spend £12 on booze and get wasted.

So that's a no, then.

ALL: Cheers!

-We need to get drunk.

-Yeah. I was supposed to be not drinking,

but I don't give a shit. I'm having one of them days.

Alcohol, alcohol and a bit more alcohol.

Bored of being home alone, Team Tom and Jack head out.

Two straight guys who get on. Oh, we must be gay(!)

-It's jealousy.

-Yeah, it's jealousy of a good friendship.

-We're just not cool.

-We're not cool enough.

-Apparently not. We're geeks, apparently. We're geeks.

They're not talking to us, we're not talking to them.

We've completely fell out. There's no making-up to be done. That's it.

I can't be arsed being around them two fucking knobheads.

They're just absolute chavs. They're exactly everything I hate.

I just can't stand these animals. I really can't.

They're just absolute idiots.

Returning to the empty house, the dynamic duo are in a reflective mood.

-It's nice to have some peace and quiet.

-I know. Strange, isn't it?

But any chance of a quiet beer is shattered by the others.

BOTTLES CLINK

-Cheers.

-Fabulous four.

-Yeah! Cheers!

It's a Mexican standoff...

..with cheap booze and not in Mexico.

Ow!

LAUGHTER

Whether they like it or not, they're going to have to try to put their differences to one side,

as tomorrow the parents will send them out to work for the third time.

Each week, they're given a task their parents hope

will teach them some work skills.

This week, it's Tom's mum Alison's job to dish it out.

Unlike Tom, she's never been scared of a hard day's graft.

I would do anything to bring money into the house,

-so we had a nice, reasonable lifestyle, wouldn't I?

-Yeah.

Alison works full-time, something her son refuses to do.

-What about that one?

-Part-time cleaner? No.

-For a care home?

-Yeah. And it's in east Preston. That's too far.

The housemates have called a temporary truce to take the call.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Hi, guys.

-I knew it'd be Tom's mum.

-Hi!

Oh!

-Thank you.

-Thanks a lot.

-Bye!

-Oh, my God!

We're all having noodles out of dog bowls!

-I'm looking forward to this one.

-I'm not.

I can't even cook. I've never cooked.

I don't see all six of us stood in the kitchen cooking one meal.

It's beginning to dawn on them that they have to work together as a team

and there is no room for kitchen nightmares.

-Do you guys want to put aside differences for tomorrow?

-Yeah.

Well, we all have to live together as well.

It'd be good if we could just make friends. We were friends in the beginning.

OK, we apologise for the food last night.

I apologise for last night.

-I'm sorry too.

-I've not come here to argue with everyone.

I have enough arguing with my mum at home, so...

We'll let this be water under the bridge.

We've all said what we've said, let's forget it.

With the drinks flowing and everyone friends again, it's party time.

-That's pretty cool stuff.

-We need to play something fun and interesting.

A drinking game! Are we playing dares or what?

-No nakedness!

-You go first.

You have to chose two people to kiss. I dare you to kiss Jack.

Oh, so awkward!

Come on, you have to do it.

-Do it!

-Oh, OK.

Three, two, one...go!

Tom and Ruby.

Kiss the person opposite you.

Oh, Ryan. You're lips taste so nice.

Snog Jade.

LAUGHTER

After several days of bromance, Tom and Jack get even closer.

Right, go!

Goodness me.

And with an early start for work in the morning what do you do?

You stay up late, take your clothes off and run around the streets.

Obviously, we was drinking last night. I'm hungry

and we've got to leave the house in 45 minutes.

With the house being clean and everyone ready.

It's 7am and our young dumbers are not feeling at their best

and they're already running late.

Why the hell is my shoe not going right?

Do you know how to do laces, like how to thread laces?

Today, they're going to meet 25-year-old Gareth.

Despite being only a few years older than our young dumbers,

he already runs a successful and well-respected

pop-up restaurant business.

Today's task will involve being spilt into two teams.

One in the kitchen and the other looking after the diners.

Flippin' hell!

The kitchen team will have to shop for the raw ingredients...

Have you got any rosemary?

..and cook the meal.

The front-of-house team will be responsible for decoration, table setting and service.

-You all right? Cool.

-Hi.

-You all right?

At the end of the evening, the diners will vote with their wallets

and give what they feel the meal was worth.

We have a huge problem! What are we going to do?

Can they rise to the challenge and maybe earn a bit of extra cash?

Or will they screw it up like they do everything else?

What you'll be doing today is, in your own house,

hosting your own pop-up restaurant.

And I've given you a French menu to give you a bit of inspiration for it.

So you'll be doing three courses,

the first being a brandy chicken-liver pate

with caramelised onion and bread crisps.

The second will be pork tenderloin with dauphinois potatoes,

pea puree and crispy bacon.

And for dessert, a creme brulee with fresh raspberries.

Are we cooking everything from scratch?

You are. Everything, yeah.

So we'll have a real liver to touch?

Yeah. Raw, real liver.

Mmm.

Any of you ever not cooked anything?

-No, I've never cooked.

-No.

-I haven't tried. Nothing.

I... Toast.

Toast? You've never... cooked any meat, you've never...?

I had a microwave burger.

That doesn't count as cooking.

-I can boil my pasta.

-I can cook a fry-up.

That's cooking. So you can boil stuff, fry stuff, chop things.

No, no. Can't chop things.

Never chopped anything?

-Jack and Tom can chop potatoes.

-Yeah.

You'll be doing plenty of potatoes. So...

you three will be the kitchen team,

you're going to be cooking the food.

And you three are going to be the front-of-house team.

-Yay!

-Thank God!

-We're safe!

The people in the kitchen team, you need to appoint a head chef.

So the head chef needs to do all the planning...

and delegate tasks to everyone else.

So if you choose who that person's going to be.

-Tom.

-Tom.

I've never cooked anything!

I can only cook toast!

I got bored of cutting a potato the other day.

Tom's being modest about his culinary skills. He has extensive experience of...

Dairlyea, sweets, McDonald's.

Anything sugary.

I think a Dairylea roll is healthy.

Stuff that comes from cows - it's all quite good for you, isn't it?

The front-of-house team have got a lot of work to do.

You've got to turn your house into a restaurant,

it means cleaning the house top to bottom.

All your tables have to look like this.

Tablecloths, knives, cutlery, candles, flowers, OK?

So the front-of-house team, you also need to appoint a head,

which is called the Maitre d'.

So that person will be in charge of, again,

organising the other two workers.

So if you want to decide that now.

It's cool, you two choose.

I'm not choosing, I don't mind.

I'm not bothered.

Jack, you do it.

Fine, I'll volunteer to do it.

A natural role of Maitre d' for smooth operator Jack,

as he's had plenty of experience handling people.

He got a way about him.

-Getting filmed, boy!

-He's got a lot of charm.

The gift of the gab - that's what a lot it is with him.

I've probably slept with about just over 50 girls.

So it's not too many, considering I'm 19.

How many plates will we need?

You have to work it out depending on how many guests you have, how many courses you're doing.

Got to buy the food, you've got to buy to decorate your house.

-Remember, this is my business, my reputation.

-We've got dog bowls!

-Dog bowls?!

-We've been eating out of, er, dog bowls.

We're actually eating out of dog bowls.

Under no circumstances do I want my guests eating out of dog bowls.

People are going to pay you on what they think the meal is worth.

If you do a fantastic meal, you could make quite a lot of money.

Each team is given money to buy everything they need,

but will they earn enough to pay it back?

You've got 12 hours to do it all.

I suggest you get cracking.

Were it you?

So complicated!

You need to be back at the house in a few hours to start cooking,

-or you won't get it all done.

-Hours?

Yeah. You've got to get everything as quick as you can.

With little time to get all they need, the teams go their separate ways

And, already, the wannabe chefs are confused.

-I have problems with maths.

-Yeah.

-I don't even have a GCSE in maths.

-I don't either.

That's all right. Neither do I.

-OK.

-Oh, that's good.

-Just a list?

-It says all the amounts...

-Yeah, will that be in the shop?

You'll have to go the butcher's and ask for 1.5 kilograms.

OK, so it's all on there.

You have to go through it, work out what you need, how much you need...

Turn around.

On the other side of the market, the front-of-house team know what they need.

-£25 for 25 plates?

-Yeah.

Yeah, we'll take 25, please.

Have you got knives to match?

Awesome.

One pound per pack?

-Do us a deal on everything?

-Yeah, no problem. Yeah.

Once we've got glasses, we can buy decorating stuff. And then we're pretty much done.

After a slow start, the kitchen team are at last buying some food.

-Well, can we just have 30 eggs then, please?

-Yeah.

Have you got large onions?

-Eight for a pound.

-Eight? Could you do ten for a pound?

-Ten for a pound? Yeah, go on, then.

-Yeah!

I think I showed that I've got sales skills. What can I say?

Bay leaves?

-How much are they?

-89p.

-Yeah.

Do you sell rosemary?

-What else do we have? Do you sell salt?

-Pepper?

-We can cross off sugar and salt now.

-Yep.

But they're struggling with their final and most important ingredient...

pork.

Hiya. Have you got six pork loins?

You don't?

-Is there any other meat?

-There's bacon.

Oh, do you sell bacon?

Oh.

Right, OK.

You would think a butcher would, like, supply for everyone.

We have to get what we can. If there's anything left,

we'll have to go somewhere else, won't we?

'Time is really getting on.'

They're struggling to find a butcher's that sells pork and bacon.

Do you sell bacon?

-OK.

-All right. Thanks.

Do you know where we can find bacon or pork?

-OK.

-All right.

-Thanks.

All the butchers sell halal meat, so they don't like pork.

They don't like pig, do they? So...

They don't sell bacon or pork.

We did hear that if we go up, we might find some.

Yeah, we have tried a few but everyone says no.

It's worth looking just in case.

-I never said it wasn't worth it!

-I know.

-You've said it ten times!

-Receipt.

-OK.

Yeah. I just... Oh. Can't be arsed any more.

Meanwhile Gracie, Jack and Ryan are now concerned about

creating the right ambience for their restaurant

but luckily, they have an excellent grasp of French culture.

When I think of France, I think of frogs and snails.

When I think of France, I think of the Eiffel Tower.

When I think of France, I think of The Rugrats In Paris and onions

and women with hairy armpits.

But with no women with hairy armpits in sight,

they turn their attention to dressing up instead.

Excuse me, do you have any French berets?

Like, hats?

I look like a prick, but it'll be fine.

These are very good. They're French cos of Phantom Of The Opera.

-Phantom Of The Opera is not French!

-Phantom Of The Opera is French!

-Italian!

-Opera is French.

-Opera is Italian!

Opera is French.

Opera's friggin' Italian!

Just had a thought about the cups and...

-And stuff.

-And the sheets as well.

-If you're showing me something with Disney on it...

-It's not Disney.

-Get me away from this.

-What?

We are not having a Justin...

He's not French!

-It is funny.

-It's not funny.

Having been distracted by Justin Bieber,

the team finally find something French.

-We could get one.

-Oh, that's pretty awesome, isn't it? Let's be honest.

-Let's get one.

-Yeah, let's get one.

And outside, Ryan reveals a hidden talent.

We can just say, "Bonjour, je m'appelle Ryan and Jack."

Yeah, we'll just do that. You have to teach me that later.

-"Bonjour." It's not hard.

-Bonjour.

-Je m'appelle...

-Je de pal?

-Name.

-Jack. Cool.

We've got it sorted.

Nearby, having exhausted every halal butcher in the area,

the "little chefs" have stumbled on an establishment that does sell pork.

Hiya, can I have six pork loins, please?

Quite large ones.

Back at home with only four hours to go before the guests arrive,

chief cook Tom is starting to feel the pressure.

Oh, my God.

This is the fucking hardest thing

I've ever done in my entire fucking life.

And I tell you right fucking now, if I do this and we pull this off

I'd better get some fucking credit.

Cos this is stressful.

-Here are your kitchen uniforms...

-Right.

..that I'll need you to wear. One for you.

Oh, this is hilar - I feel like a proper little chef!

Actually.

So the guests are arriving at eight o'clock.

You need the first course on the tables by half past eight.

-Everything else must be prepared and ready by then.

-Right.

So crack on. Here we go.

What does "remove and discard"...?

Take out and throw away.

"Take out and throw away the rosemary and bay leaves"?

Can you use these to cut onions?

Multitasking is not one of my strong points.

So I'm proper struggling right now.

-Tom, what we should do...

-I don't want to rely on you guys,

-but you'll have to help keep me calm.

-Fine.

Cos otherwise, I'm going to get stressed out really quickly.

Well, this is disgusting.

They need clear everything out, mop the floors.

There's a lot they have to do.

And when the place is like this, they're going to have to hurry up.

Shall I start mopping this side of the room?

I reckon France is boring and full of, like, lovey-dovey couples and...

..snails and frogs and... garlic and...

Don't know. I get confused between vampires and French.

Which one is it which don't like garlic?

Cos I know one of them do like garlic.

You're saying French people are scared of garlic?

Not all French people.

As long as it's cut, I suppose...

Downstairs, head chef Tom is struggling with the menu.

This is just confusing me already. I've just got a headache.

There's just so many numbers and stuff.

Even if I did cook, I wouldn't fucking cook this shit.

Chicken liver pate.

I've started by chopping up three onions, OK?

First of all...

No, no, cos I'm meant to be head chef...

HE SCREAMS

I'm losing my bloody temper!

They're only on the first course

and already Tom's starting to boil over.

-That's a start.

-How the fuck do I peel an onion?

This is terrible. My eyes hurt.

And Ruby-Jo has been to shops for a few essential ingredients.

Got the bread and I got everything else.

Oh, and I got this nice wine. It was only 3.99.

It's not for you to drink.

No.

But can we have a little swig?

How many onions am I doing?

Right, so we've got to leave these till...

I've got to de-crust 40 slices of bread now. Right, so I've got 33 to go.

Better taste it. I'm scared.

Ruby-Jo - who lives on a diet of crisps and fizzy drinks -

is about to try chicken liver pate for the first time.

SHE RETCHES Is there another knife?

-Who's going to wash the knives?

-Urgh.

That's not very nice.

'They've got the pate on, which is good.

'That's one of the first things they need to do.'

They haven't started their potatoes yet.

They've only just put the onions on to heat.

So...it'll take them an hour to peel and chop all the potatoes.

-What am I doing with the potatoes, Tom? Chef?

-What are you doing with them?

You put them on the oven.

"On the oven"?

Pre-heat oven to 170 and then you put the potatoes in cold water.

-In the oven?

-Do you?

Seven o'clock and upstairs,

Jack and his crew have got the dining room into some sort of order.

But will it be up to Gareth's exacting standards?

Vaseline.

Well, they... They should have done this.

They've had five hours to it

and there's still someone's pants and air fresher knocking around.

Back in the kitchen, the heat is on.

Less than an hour until the guests arrive.

And while Tom concentrates on the pork for the main course,

Jade is put in charge of the pea puree.

# Shake the peas right, shake the peas right

# Shake the peas right and you'll have a nice night

# Shake the, shake pea-eas! #

-How long do these potatoes have?

-They should be done.

Rubes, do you want to taste the pea with me?

I did try a bit but I don't like peas.

I like it.

What are those big lumps in it?

What the hell's that?

-Get out of here.

-Guys!

-That was not me.

Do you know what? That's the paper out of the tub.

-This tub. There was paper inside the middle.

-You didn't clean...?

I left the paper in!

It isn't my fault - no-one said anything. You watched me do it.

It can't be my fault.

Just going to have to put it through the sieve again.

Yeah, yeah. No, that's good.

I don't know what the hell they've been doing

but all these little problems they're starting to find out now.

So they're going to rectify them. It'll be all right.

Jack and his front-of-house team are making last-minute checks... to themselves.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, my God!

Stand on that side.

And it's it time to greet their guests.

Right.

Hi, are you all right?

Yeah, come on in, everyone.

How are you doing? Nice to meet you. How are you doing? You all right?

-You all right?

-Hello.

-Nice to meet you. You all right?

-Hello.

-You all right?

-How you doing?

-Yeah, I'm great. You?

But there's already a problem.

I think it's a bit oversubscribed, really.

I don't really know what's going on at all.

It would be nice to sit down.

You all right, everybody? Did you want drinks?

Does anyone want a drink right now?

Oh, is there no seats?

Oh, my God, I am really sorry about this.

We'll sort it out in two seconds, all right? All right? Cool.

Why is there not enough seats?

This is my first time at a pop-up restaurant

and obviously, we've got no seats and it's just...shocking.

Right, OK. We have a huge problem. The biggest problem so far.

We've got like six people that ain't got seats.

There's nowhere they can sit.

There's literally nowhere they can sit. What are we going to do?

Shall we sit them on the settee?

We're going to move all the stuff off the flag table.

Things aren't going to plan at the moment.

-Once they've settled with drinks and are enjoying...

-Right. We've got another problem.

-Oh, fucking hell. What now?

-We've only got 25 plates.

Oh, no. What are we going to do?

-Don't know!

-We'll ask the neighbours for a bunch of plates.

We only have 25 plates and there's 30 people.

I was thinking maybe we'll ask the neighbours.

Shall I have a run next door or summat?

Yeah, just any sort of plates and stuff and whatever else.

-Just ask.

-Yeah.

As Ryan sets off on his mission to borrow plates from neighbours...

..the kitchen staff have their own crisis.

-FIRE ALARM BEEPS

-Oh, shit!

And with not enough plates to go around,

they can't start serving the starters.

Just panicking!

The diners are starting to panic as well.

So far, there haven't been enough tables, chairs or plates.

Thank God maitre d' Jack is on hand to apologise

and smooth things over.

Hi, everybody, you all right?

Thanks for coming. We really appreciate it.

You're under no obligation -

of you're willing to tip us, that's fine, if you think we deserve it.

If you don't, that's fine as well, so we appreciate you coming.

Hope you have a good night.

Any problems, give any of us a shout. All right? Thanks.

They're actually clapping.

I'm trying my hardest. I mean, there's a table in there they have no glasses at the moment.

I sent Ryan out... I don't know where he is.

But whilst everyone's waiting,

Ryan's busy making new friends - four-legged ones.

And after knocking on nearly all the doors in the square, he gets lucky.

-Thank you so much. Yep.

-Five plates.

-That's great. When would you like them back?

-When you're done.

I'm so hungry!

We've been waiting for at least about 35 to 40 minutes.

Food would be good. Food would be good.

It has been quite a while.

Eventually the dog-friendly waiter returns and service can begin.

So is this how it's going to be, yeah?

-No, that looks gay.

-Oh, I like that.

-It looks all right.

-It kind of looks a bit Japanese.

No, call it "La Pate." That's what it's called.

-Remember, La Pate. That's what it's called.

-Shut up.

-Thank you so much.

-There you go. No problem.

-Can you tell us what the green stuff is?

-Um...that's peas.

-Peas!

-Yeah.

-It's mushy peas.

That's good to know.

Hang on.

Wait a minute.

Read the menu out to me, read the starter.

Brandy chicken liver pate with caramelised onions...

The pea shouldn't have gone on here.

-What are you going to do on the main course?

-We'll just roll with it.

-We'll have to...

-People haven't complained, it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Do you think we should take the pea off?

-No!

-We can't, cos we've already served it to ten people.

It's not like we can take it off, cos it's unfair on other people

-that think, we've got it, they haven't.

-Carry on, carry on.

They didn't read the menu correctly. If it's not what it says on the menu, people will send it back.

Now they're going to start panicking, I think.

And things are not going much better upstairs.

The glasses are not only empty, they're dirty.

-Sorry.

-And this one, please.

Not very clean or dry. Don't look very appetising, say.

Ask if they want drinks. I'll go and grab it if they do.

-Those?

-Yeah, ask, everyone else has got drinks.

It's really stressful. It's really, really stressful.

And the pea puree hasn't gone down well.

Oh, my God. We messed this one up horribly.

It's hard. I'm trying.

-How many plates did you buy?

-Downstairs in the kitchen,

they're also working flat out on the next course.

Pork loin, dauphinoise potatoes, and tres petit pois. Also known as very little peas.

It would be nice if you could cut it into sections.

I can't cut it downwards.

I know. But could you try, please?

Tom, I've got a shit knife, what do you want me to do?

Well, hold up, then, we'll find the proper knife.

We need to find the meat knife.

I'm sorry, Ruby, that's not good enough.

Yeah, Tom, what do you want me to do?

There isn't a knife. So you do it then.

-Don't get like that.

-Well, what do you want me to do with a shitty knife?

I know, that's why I'm saying find a meat knife.

-I've just asked you to find it. If you can't, I clearly can't.

-I'm looking for it.

With his reputation at stake, Gareth is getting worried.

Finally, only two hours late, the main course is served.

-What is that?

-With a dash of pea.

-Oh, what's that?

-That's a pea.

-Looks delicious.

Running the team means it's Jack's job to take responsibility for any problems.

Sorry, do you mind? I'm actually missing some pork.

-Sorry?

-I'm missing some pork.

-You're joking!

It's nothing to do with me. I'm really...

And it would be nice if it was a bit hotter as well.

Yeah, I'll sort it. Did you want it all hotter?

-Yeah, it's really cold.

-Sorry. I'll go and tell them.

Thank you.

You sent one out with no pork on it.

It was... Who put no pork on it?

People are sending them back saying they're cold.

Look how much you've got, look how much meat and potatoes you've got.

Why are you sending out bits with no pork on when you've got three loins?

-Who didn't put pork on it?

-I didn't.

It looks like a mouse has dropped a bit of radioactive poo on my plate.

That looks really bad, doesn't it, like this? Sorry.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Oh.

The plan was that they would impress the diners so much

they would leave enough in tips

so Gareth would get his money back and they'd make some extra cash.

But things are not looking good.

Slow service and bad food means that some of the diners are not even waiting for dessert.

Just been here quite a long time,

-we didn't know it was going to go on so long.

-Sorry.

And is Jack showing concern that they're going?

There's only so much... What I'm given is what I can work with. I'm trying my hardest.

Ah, of course. Again, it's not his fault.

Half of the guests have already left.

There's only half the people in there.

People have left without paying.

And when I asked them about envelopes, if they had paid,

they said that they hadn't heard anything about payment.

I made it very clear. You can see the envelopes on the table.

I said, you're not obliged to pay, could you leave some feedback?

They were quite eager to go. It's not my problem.

So you had 30 guests or 25 guests.

If they all paid £10 each, you would have made your money back,

-if they paid a little bit extra...

-I'm only serving, it's not my problem.

If I've given the paper...

You've got to get all the guests to pay about £50 to make a profit.

-But that's not my problem.

-It's not your problem?

-It's my problem. Cos it was my money.

-I actually don't care cos I did my best.

I did my best.

I'm not going to force money out of their wallets.

I asked them to do feedback. It's not a big deal.

He shrugged his shoulders, "It's not my problem, I'm not bothered."

Why would he be bothered? It's not his money, his business. It's mine.

If there's any chance of persuading the diners to part with cash,

the dessert really has to deliver.

It's the French classic, creme brulee.

It's kind of like caramelised scrambled egg, pretty much.

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse...

With every plate, you actually get a bit of the pea puree,

which is probably my favourite part of this.

It's been a great way to link all the courses.

Peas for starters, peas for mains, and somehow, peas for dessert.

It was rather odd, to be honest.

The evening has been a culinary catastrophe.

But the proof of the pudding will be in the takings.

And instead of finishing his job as maitre d'

and showing his guests to the door, Jack is downstairs, sulking.

-I've dealt with people who are such miserable

-BLEEP

and it's nothing to do with me.

Moaning about everything. But I let it go over my head.

Because it's not even my fault.

-I thought we all did really well.

-I'm so pleased!

I thought every single one of us did well.

I'm not licking people's arses. I said that from day one.

Upstairs, it's left to Gareth to tot up the evening's takings.

I usually enjoy... This is usually my favourite part of the night.

At the moment, it's the most nerve-racking part of the night.

The diners had all been asked to pay exactly what they thought their meal was worth in the form of tips.

Someone here has tipped them a pack of chewing gum.

More than 10 people didn't pay.

Half the packets were empty.

It's the moment of truth.

Do you want to know how much you made?

You made 100 quid.

Buzzing! I thought we'd make about ten.

No, you've lost me £150. You haven't made anything.

We haven't made owt, but I didn't think we'd get that much.

You didn't get anything. You're negative £150!

Technically, people have given us £100.

I was expecting you to make more money back

so you could have some for yourselves and pay me back. You haven't achieved that.

So, there it is, the cold, harsh truth.

They've let Gareth down, they've let themselves down, and they've even let France down.

So what do they have to say for themselves? Sorry, maybe?

It's not our fault that they were tight-arses, is it?

I don't think they were tight-arses. If you'd given them a decent meal

they would have paid over the odds.

I'm glad you lot find it funny, cos I don't, cos I've lost £150.

Well, I'm disappointed.

-Thanks, Gareth.

-Thanks.

-Yeah, thanks.

-Sorry for letting you down.

-RYAN:

-I'm not saying thanks.

What's up with you, Ryan?

-Thank you.

-Bye.

-Sorry, Gareth.

Just cos we lost him money, which we didn't mean to, everyone gave 110 per cent.

He can swivel. I don't care if everyone else says sorry to him.

'I'm glad it's over.'

I'm a bit upset that Ryan didn't say thanks for everything I did.

It's a bit upsetting.

Sorry, Gareth, can you come in a sec?

-Yeah.

-Can we have a word?

Finally, everyone decides that they should apologise

and show some maturity. They've actually learned something.

All except for Ryan who's still sulking.

We don't want you to be upset with us.

We are sorry that you didn't get your money.

But we tried our hardest. Honestly, it's our first time.

We don't want you to think that we're horrible people.

You're all right. Come on.

Are you coming in, Ryan, or are you still not thanking us?

THEY LAUGH

This week's work placement gave the guys the ideal opportunity

to top up their meagre £28 weekly allowance.

Last night didn't go the best.

We tried hard, but it just wasn't enough, I guess.

I know. I think everyone did their best.

They failed to make any money which has left them

all waking up with a big financial hangover.

I've got £1.25 left out of my budget.

Probably going to spend it on...

..halves on a ten-pack of cigarettes to be honest.

Sadly, it's soon to be the end for one of these under-performing reprobates.

It's now up to the parents to judge their own children.

Whoever has made the least effort this week is heading home to Mum.

To help them make a decision, they get to see

what their precious offspring have been doing for the past week.

They are judging them on their work placement

and also how they have behaved in the house.

-It's just us versus them now.

-It's us versus them now.

There's only two people in this house now.

Jack and Tom's behaviour has raised a few eyebrows.

It's nice that Tom and Jack have a friendship,

but the danger is that if they're too interlinked like that,

they're going to alienate themselves against the rest of the group.

We can full English breakfast them.

Do tomatoes as well, beans!

Jade and Ruby's willingness to throw food around is a big talking point.

I weren't happy with the food because he put cooking oil in.

There was absolutely no thought or respect for the house.

And I was disappointed to see that.

Jaden moved here, 18 years old, and that, to me, was a bad thing to do.

So disrespectful to the house.

And the water that was going about, it was just being held on.

SHE LAUGHS AND SPEAKS INAUDIBLY

Like any doting parent,

Jade's mum feels she has a duty to stick up for her daughter.

To me, that's no big deal, because she'd do it at home.

I'm not saying it's allowed, she should be allowed to do that,

but she did it, do you know what I mean?

You're saying it's acceptable.

How's she ever going to change?

But that's my daughter and it's up to me how I raise her,

whether it be right or wrong.

The work placement was the hardest one yet.

Read the menu out to me, read the starter.

Brandy, chicken liver pate with caramelised onions.

The pea shouldn't have gone on.

Tom, as the head chef, should have been making notes of what actually

went on the starter plate, what went on the main plate,

what went out for afters. And that was overlooked.

And that wasn't good.

He needs some Dairylea.

The most he ever does is butter a roll and put Dairylea on it.

So, to go from that, to even...

I saw him peeling potatoes. He's never peeled a potato in his life.

For him, it's like climbing a mountain.

I think that looks kinda cool.

-I do, I like it.

-Do you not think?

-I like it.

Despite this, the parents are surprised

to see their troublesome slackers actually gave it a go.

I thought they done well.

That's the first time they've cooked and done anything like that.

I think they did brilliantly, all of them.

Unfortunately, the guests felt differently.

Ooh, what that?

As proven by the lack of tips.

Made a hundred quid.

I'm not saying thanks. He can swivel.

I don't care if everyone else is saying sorry to him.

Ryan's mum is appalled by his inability to say sorry.

It's a shame that Ryan couldn't apologise in the end.

He should have apologised, it is the man's money.

I am disappointed with that. He should have said sorry.

Having seen all the evidence, the parents decide which three kids

are going on a shortlist of the week's worst performers.

Really quite shocked about the way she was behaving in the house.

Absolutely mental if Jack had done that.

Everyone's going to expect me to vote for Jade. But I can't.

And I'm not going to.

It was the not apologising.

Gosh, this is so difficult.

Once the final decision is made,

the parents, whose kids are in the firing line, head to the house

to single out the unlucky loser.

And it's Ruby Jo, Ryan and Jade the parents felt put in least effort.

Only one of them will be getting the boot, though.

The kids that are not ours, could you please leave the room?

I'm actually really shocked.

I thought you and me were in the bottom for sure.

Ryan, you are in the bottom three this week.

Right at the end, when you couldn't say sorry.

The rest of them did.

Think about other people, that was his business.

You should have been big enough to say sorry.

The reason you're in the bottom three, Ruby Jo, was the food fight.

It had oil in. It was being thrown at people's clothing.

So we were all quite shocked that you actually did that.

None of the parents thought that it was acceptable.

We thought it was really irresponsible of you.

Jade, the reason you're in the bottom three

is again because of the water fight.

Everyone thought it was so out of order,

especially the boys' parents.

And disrespect for the house.

Um. That's what came across.

I've got a feeling it's going to be Ryan.

I've got a feeling it's going to be Ryan.

His mum looked really upset. That's why I think maybe Ryan.

I don't know, I think it could be. I'm not sure who it's going to be.

I really don't want Ruby to go.

It's decision time.

Jade, you're coming home with me today.

Are you gonna ring me on the telephone?

Still, every cloud has a silver lining,

and at least Jade's mum is going to get her daughter back.

What!

Don't go out and leave me. You've only just come home.

Ryan's inability to apologise has caused Mum some heartbreak.

The last thing everybody did was apologise.

And I thought you might have been man enough to do the same.

That disappointed me, that.

But parents aren't always perfect either.

Ruby's mum has a confession to make.

I voted to put you in the bottom three.

I wouldn't vote for you if it was the other way round.

It's a lucky escape.

Ryan and Ruby Jo have been given a reprieve. For now.

ALL: Ryan! Ruby!

So, it's cheerio to Jade.

See you, guys! Love you. See you.

But, after two weeks away from home, has she learned anything?

I really want a dog, though. I've seen these little ones, that big.

I was like this: Aww!

No, of course she hasn't, which means

it's back to being young, dumb and living off Mum.

Next time, how will our group of lazy layabouts cope with

looking after something other than themselves for once?

Once again, Ruby and I have got the rubbish job of cleaning shit.

Will Jack and Tom knuckle down and be professional?

-Can you just try and keep...

-I actually didn't mean to.

I think you should maybe take it a little bit more seriously.

And, can Gracie survive another week away from Mum?

I want to be home with mum cooking dinner, having all the money I want.

And I've got to sit here listening to them fucking idiots.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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