Browse content similar to Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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This film contains strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
I wouldn't want to live his life, | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
cos he hasn't been happy all of his life. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
All I think is, if you can find work, stay healthy, | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
find somebody to share it with, | 0:00:20 | 0:00:21 | |
you're the ultimate success. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
He's had some of the pieces of the puzzle, | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
but not all of them. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:26 | |
BURGER: "I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear..." | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
REAGAN: I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear... | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
"..that I will faithfully execute the Office | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
"of President of the United States." | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
That I will faithfully execute the office... | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
TONE BLARES | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
CARTOON MUSIC PLAYS | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
'When you're young, your potential is infinite. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:51 | |
'You might do anything, really. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
'You might be Einstein. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
'You might be Di Maggio. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
'Then you get to an age when what you might be | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
'gives way to what you have been. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
'You weren't Einstein. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
'You weren't anything. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
'That's a bad moment.' | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
Chuck, it's Pen. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
CHUCK: Hey! Jesus. How'd you find me? | 0:01:35 | 0:01:39 | |
You wrote me your last letter | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
on hotel stationery. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:41 | |
Oh. Uh, it's great to see you, Pen. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
You look...you look beautiful. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
This place is scary. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Yeah. The human... the human psyche. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:54 | |
I came to take you back to California with me. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
Uh, no. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
It's a lonely state without you. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
I'm home, Red. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:03 | |
I can't wait forever for you to marry me. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
Well, apparently, I can, | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
But I really don't want to. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:21 | |
PENNY: I love you so much. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
PENNY: You don't understand. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:39 | |
PENNY: I don't even know why. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:40 | |
Oh, Penny. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
Penny, Penny, Penny. HE LAUGHS | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYS | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
PEEPHOLE CLOSES | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
BARRIS: Listen, I gotta go, OK? | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
BARRIS: I'm kind of busy right now, OK? | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
'It was 1981, | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
'and I had holed myself up in this New York hotel, | 0:03:11 | 0:03:15 | |
'the Phoenix Hotel, | 0:03:15 | 0:03:16 | |
'terrified of everything, ashamed of my life... | 0:03:16 | 0:03:20 | |
'..until, finally, I realized my salvation | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
'might be in recording my wasted life unflinchingly. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
'Maybe it would serve as a cautionary tale. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
'And maybe it would help me understand why. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
'When I was 11, I had an experience | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
'with my sister's friend, Tuvia, | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
'that left an indelible impression.' | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Hey. What? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
Tuvia. What?! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
You want to lick it? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
No. Why should I? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
Well, for one thing, it tastes like strawberry. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
My sister tells me you love strawberries. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
Yeah, well, I hate strawberries. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
No, I'm serious. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
It tastes exactly like a strawberry lollipop. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
Look, I know that's not true. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:06 | |
Well, I bet you it does. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:07 | |
I bet you it doesn't. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
I'll bet you a dollar. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
BARRIS: Tuvia...my first love. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
Perhaps my whole life turned at that point. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
The repulsiveness of my sex confirmed | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
by the taste buds of a ripening pubescent girl. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
What are you doing? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Get off me! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:30 | |
'And so I found myself | 0:04:30 | 0:04:31 | |
'in a downward spiral of debauchery. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
'Endlessly chasing pussy.' | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
DOO WOP MUSIC PLAYS | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
'My only focus in life to get laid, to get blown, | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
'trying to fool myself into believing | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
'that given the right combination | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
'of circumstances and deception, | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
'maybe the Tuvias of the world | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
'could desire me the way I desired them. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
'I only wanted to be loved.' | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
No... SHE SOBS | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
# Won't you tell me why | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
# I love... # | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
ZIPS PANTS | 0:05:09 | 0:05:10 | |
# That girly so | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
# She doesn't want me... # | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
BARRIS: The constant inarticulate rage | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
led to bar fight after bar fight. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
TV ANNOUNCER: New York is a city of people, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
the only state in the union to stretch | 0:05:33 | 0:05:34 | |
from the Atlantic Ocean to the great lakes. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
Directly across the avenue is... you're right again. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
BARRIS: I had heard that television | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
was an industry with a future, | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
so I packed up and moved from Philly to Manhattan. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
NBC THEME PLAYS | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
TOUR GUIDE: We began making commercial broadcasts | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
in 1941, | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
and in 1953, | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
NBC made the first ever colour telecast by a network | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
during the Colgate comedy hour. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
Now we'll have a look at the studio | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
where they produce The Today Show, | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
which NBC began broadcasting in 1952. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
Excuse me, miss. Do you know where | 0:06:05 | 0:06:06 | |
I could apply for an NBC page? | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
TOUR GUIDE: ..Such as The Perry Como Show, | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
which you can tune into on Saturdays at 7.30. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
The Nat King Cole Show, | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
which you won't want to miss, | 0:06:15 | 0:06:16 | |
on Tuesdays at 8pm | 0:06:16 | 0:06:17 | |
And hold on one second. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
OK. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:22 | |
And my personal favourite, | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
The Lux Show starring Rosemary Clooney... | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
..Which you can enjoy every Thursday at 10.00. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
And of course, The Steve Allen Show, | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
which delights us every Sunday at 8.00. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
You may also be interested to know that Steve Allen | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
actually got his start in entertainment | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
as an NBC page. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:37 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll follow me... | 0:06:37 | 0:06:38 | |
WOMAN: Raymond in accounting? | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
He's kind of cute, huh? | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
Cute is all well and good, Mary-Ann, | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
but what you want is a man who's going places - | 0:06:44 | 0:06:48 | |
a go-getter on the management fast track. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
What about Mr Waters? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Yeah, management training application, please, ma'am. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
How many people have applied for this so far? | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Let's see. Including you? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
About 2,000. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:01 | |
For how many positions? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
5. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:04 | |
BELL DINGS | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
Thanks, ma'am. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:10 | |
'Sometimes, as a younger man, | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
'I stretched the truth to get what I wanted.' | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
WOMAN: Tell me again! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:21 | |
BARRIS: Head of network sales at 30. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Head of the entire network by 40! | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
I love you, Mr Chuck Barris. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
Management trainee. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
MOANING | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
'Life was sweet.' | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
Uhh! | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
'For a minute.' | 0:07:40 | 0:07:41 | |
WOMAN ON TV: Everything's either madly exciting | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
or madly interesting. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
I hope Sally never bothers herself with you. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
HE RUNS TAP | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
I got fired today. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
Fired? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
Yeah, fired. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
Fired? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
What the fuck did you get fired for? | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
BARRIS: I don't know. Efficiency cutbacks. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
Some bullshit. Look, it's gonna be fine. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
I'm pregnant. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
So, I figured, I'm gonna skip town. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
I intend to be important, you know? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
I can't be saddled with this. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
Phhhbbt! | 0:08:34 | 0:08:35 | |
But then I remembered something Carlyle said. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:39 | |
"Do the duty which lies nearest thee." | 0:08:39 | 0:08:44 | |
So you see... | 0:08:44 | 0:08:45 | |
Who's Carlyle? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
Dear God. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Why do I even bother? HE LAUGHS | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
Fuck you, you condescending prick. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
Pregnant? | 0:08:58 | 0:08:59 | |
Yeah, pregnant. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
Fuck you. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
What the fuck did you get pregnant for? | 0:09:04 | 0:09:05 | |
Fuck you. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
What do you mean, what the fuck | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
did I get pregnant for? | 0:09:08 | 0:09:09 | |
You got me fucking pregnant, you fuck! | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Well, fuck you! Fuck you. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
Fuckin'... | 0:09:13 | 0:09:14 | |
Fuck you. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
Fuck! | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
Fuck you. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
GEORGIA: Looks like I was just late. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Oh, yes, we had a great time. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
The crew loved him | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
and loved the show, you know? | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
Because it was crazy. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:42 | |
And we could do anything we wanted to. Sort of. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
And, uh, yeah, they liked him very much. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
He was a good guy. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Even though he's a prick, | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
he's a good guy, too. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
DICK CLARK: ..What is labelled a dream faculty - | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
wouldn't school be wonderful | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
if we had a faculty like this? | 0:09:57 | 0:09:58 | |
You read it, all right? | 0:09:58 | 0:09:59 | |
GIRL: Principal Sal Mineo, | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
vice principal Tony Perkins... | 0:10:01 | 0:10:02 | |
DICK CLARK: Couldn't you see going to a school | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
where Sal Mineo is the principal? | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
'By '61, I had become a minor suit at ABC. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
'It was during the music payola scandal, | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
'so my job was to commute to Philly every day | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
'to the American bandstand tapings | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
'to keep an eye on Dick Clark.' | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
One more lady's choice of the afternoon to go. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
Suppose we make it this one, OK? | 0:10:20 | 0:10:21 | |
'On weekends, | 0:10:23 | 0:10:24 | |
'I used to hang around amusement parks | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
'because that's where the young girls were. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
'I wrote a song about my experiences.' | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
# When you stop at the top of a Ferris wheel... # | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
'I got it to Freddy "Boom Boom" Cannon | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
through my friendship with Dick Clark. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Dick really wanted to help me out. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
Hi. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:42 | |
What? Hi. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
Oh. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:46 | |
I wrote this song. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Huh. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
It's number three on the pop charts. See? | 0:10:49 | 0:10:54 | |
Uh-huh. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
Yeah. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
I believe there's a great future in television. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Uh-huh? | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
So I'm gonna take my royalties, | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
and I'm gonna create a pilot. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
A pilot's what they call a test TV show. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
I work in TV. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
Yeah? What's your name? | 0:11:10 | 0:11:11 | |
I'm Chuck. Debbie. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:12 | |
Debbie. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
So, you live in Philly? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
No, I live in Manhattan. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
It's gonna be a game show. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
I believe there's a great future in game shows. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Oh, that's good. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:21 | |
Yeah. Everyone loves game shows, right? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:25 | |
I don't know. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:26 | |
Well, they do. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:27 | |
Well, that's great, then. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
BARRIS LAUGHS I'm on my way. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
PENNY: Hello. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
Hi. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
HE BREATHES IN | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Uh...don't be alarmed. I'm here with Debbie. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:53 | |
Yeah, I figured that. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:54 | |
Hungry? | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
Um, no, thanks. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
Thirsty? | 0:11:58 | 0:11:59 | |
Sure, if you have a... | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
beer or... | 0:12:02 | 0:12:03 | |
So, how was sex with Debbie? | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
I always wanted to know. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
It was good. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:14 | |
Fine. Thanks for asking. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
No problem. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
I just got fucked by this drummer cat - | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
a real righteous Negro hipster. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
Heh. Interesting. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
I'm into the brotherhood of man. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
I fucked an Oriental last week. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
What are you? | 0:12:28 | 0:12:29 | |
Jew. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
I had one of those once, but he was Sephardic. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
You look Ashke-nazi. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:34 | |
Ashkenazi. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
Right, Ashke-nazi. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:37 | |
I haven't had one of those yet. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
You're romantic. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Yeah. I just don't get into all the bullshit | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
between cats and chicks. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:45 | |
I know what you mean. You know what I mean? | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
I know what you mean. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:48 | |
Besides, you just give your heart to one cat, | 0:12:48 | 0:12:49 | |
and, you know, you get hurt. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
Don't I know it? | 0:12:51 | 0:12:52 | |
We could ball if you want. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
Whoa! | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
That would be good. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:05 | |
Yeah, but... | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
I'm kinda here with Debbie. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
It doesn't seem right. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:12 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:13:12 | 0:13:13 | |
That's true. I didn't think of that. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
Well, I'm gonna go to bed. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
It was nice meeting you. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:24 | |
Hey, hey, what's... what's your name? | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
I'm Penny. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
I'm Chuck. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
Chuck Barris. Yeah. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:33 | |
Yeah, you wrote that Palisades song. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:35 | |
I really like that song. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:36 | |
Oh, thanks. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
Yeah, it's real sentimental bullshit. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Oh, right. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
# Last night I took a walk after dark | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
# A swingin' place called Palisades Park | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
# To have some fun and see what I could see | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
# That's where the girls are | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
# I took a ride on the shoot-the-chute | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
# That girl I sat beside was awful cute | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
# After it stopped she was holding hands with me | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
# My heart was flyin' up | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
# Like a rocket ship | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
# Down like a roller coaster | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
# Back like a loop-the-loop | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
# And around like a merry-go-round | 0:14:16 | 0:14:20 | |
# We ate and ate at a hot dog stand | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
# We danced around to a rockin' band | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
# And when I could I gave that girl a hug | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
# In the tunnel of love | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
# You'll never know how great a kiss can feel | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
# When you stop at the top of a Ferris wheel | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
# When I fell in love | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
# Down at Palisades Park | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
# Whoa-oh-oh-oh! # | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
SCREAMING ON CINEMA SCREEN | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
PENNY: Last night in my dream, | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
this ape and I are sitting | 0:14:52 | 0:14:53 | |
staring at each other, | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
and it was, like, across time and evolution. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
And then he started talking, | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
but in a language I didn't really understand. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
Swiss, maybe. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
And then he turned into Perry Como - | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
real square. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
What's wrong with you? | 0:15:09 | 0:15:10 | |
Nothing. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:11 | |
You know, just because we fucked | 0:15:11 | 0:15:12 | |
doesn't mean there are strings now. It's OK. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
HE LAUGHS OK. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:15 | |
I just wanted to tell you about my dream. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
Nothing more complicated than that. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:18 | |
Don't panic. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
I'm just not used to all this... | 0:15:20 | 0:15:21 | |
all this dating bullshit, you know? | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
Now we're a couple. Now I'm obliged | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
to give a shit what you say. Is that...? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
Don't worry. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:27 | |
I'm not into those games, either. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
So anyway, the monkey turns into Perry Como, | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
and I say... | 0:15:32 | 0:15:33 | |
Holy fuck! What? | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
Holy, holy fuck! You just gave me an idea... | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
for a show. Fuck! | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
A show about monkeys? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
No, about people. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:43 | |
About sex, about romance, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
about the bullshit of dating. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
I call it The Dating Game, | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
and that's what it's about, Mr Goldberg. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
A pretty girl asks three handsome guys - | 0:15:54 | 0:15:58 | |
who she can't see - silly questions, | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
and based on their answers, | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
she picks one to date, and we pay for the date. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:06 | |
That's it. That's the show. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:07 | |
Aah! | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Aah! Aah! | 0:16:14 | 0:16:15 | |
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
Hot damn! | 0:16:18 | 0:16:19 | |
What, what, what? | 0:16:19 | 0:16:20 | |
They bought it! Yeah! | 0:16:20 | 0:16:21 | |
They bought it! They bought it! | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
They're givin' me 7,500 fuckin' dollars | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
to make a pilot! | 0:16:25 | 0:16:26 | |
Yeah! We gotta go celebrate! | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
Let's go roller skating! | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
I can't! I got a date! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
Ok, cool. Will you call me after? | 0:16:30 | 0:16:31 | |
OK! OK! | 0:16:31 | 0:16:32 | |
OK. Bye! Mwah! | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
MUSIC CONTINUES | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
BARRIS: I figured I was in. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
All I had to do was get the pilot made... | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
..and I'd be a millionaire. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
Everyone would love me. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
Was anyone ever so young? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
No. No. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
No. No. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
No. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:41 | |
All right. Lose it. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
BARRIS: ABC didn't like The Dating Game. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
They did like a show called Hootenanny. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I like this one. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
Well, he-he led an amazingly long life. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
BARRIS: Hooten-fuckin'-nanny. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:54 | |
What do they know? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:00 | |
That's...that's long for a dog. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
I don't know. Probably about 70 to you and me. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Uh-huh. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
It's nine years to every one of ours. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
PENNY LAUGHS | 0:18:19 | 0:18:20 | |
RUSTLING | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:18:25 | 0:18:26 | |
Uh-huh. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
I'm sorry about your show. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
What? | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
H-how long has he been dead? | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
Jesus, Phoebe, that's... | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
Yeah. No, I'll hold on. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:39 | |
Is that your mom? My sister. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
Come here. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Oh, yeah. I got you these. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
Listen, Pen, I'm not... | 0:18:45 | 0:18:46 | |
And I want to tell you something. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
I talked to a psychic today. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:49 | |
A what? A psychic. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
And she said that you are gonna be very successful. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
Oh, really? | 0:18:54 | 0:18:55 | |
Very successful. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:56 | |
Tarot cards? | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
Tea leaves. Oh. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
Say that again, Phoebe. I missed it. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
Tuvia? No, why would I have seen her? | 0:19:03 | 0:19:07 | |
She-she did? | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Who's Tuvia? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
To Manhattan? | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
Who's Tuvia? | 0:19:12 | 0:19:13 | |
Yeah. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:16 | |
BARRIS: Uh-huh. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:20 | |
Oh, your niece. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
Divorced? Really? | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
I didn't know she got married. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
Yes? | 0:19:30 | 0:19:31 | |
Hi, Tuvia. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
Well, if it isn't strawberry Dick Barris. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
What do you want? HE LAUGHS | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
I'm back in town for a while, | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
and I thought maybe... | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
Jesus, you gotta be kidding. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
We could go out and get an ice cream cone. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:49 | |
He's so convincing when he's... HE LAUGHS | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
..when he's talkin' with you, | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
he could convince you of anything, you know? | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
He's one of the very few guys | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
I'd like to have on my side... | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
on my side in a street fight. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
You wanna fight, you big pile of shit? | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
GRUNTING AND SHOUTING | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
You're a pretty angry young fella. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
Can't fight worth a damn, though. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
Hey, screw off, queer. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
Don't think I haven't seen you watching me | 0:20:21 | 0:20:22 | |
in that bar for a week now. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
Kind of a loner, I'd say. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
Fairly bright, a tad anti-social. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
Mad at the world. Can I buy you lunch? | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
Look, there's a schoolyard half a block down. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Why don't you go trollin' there? | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
I can teach you at least 30 different ways | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
to kill a man with a single blow, Mr Barris. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
It might help in future bar fights. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Just a thought. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
Oh, and there's money in it - | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
good money. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:48 | |
You know, I figure if I can keep afloat | 0:20:49 | 0:20:52 | |
until I come up with the next game show idea, | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
then all would be copacetic. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
That sounds great, Chuck. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
You know, I've never known | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
a television producer before. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:01 | |
I'm impressed. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:02 | |
Yeah(!) OK. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
What's this money and a deal you were talking about? | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
I work for a government agency. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
We're always looking for good, enthusiastic men | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
to help us carry out our directives. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
What kind of work? What government agency? | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
Problem-solving work. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
The office of diplomatic security. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
Office of what? | 0:21:28 | 0:21:31 | |
I never heard of it. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:32 | |
Is that the fuckin' CIA or something? | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
Please be discreet, Mr Barris. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
(Jesus.) | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Is this the fuckin' CIA? | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
Yeah. Hell, I'll be a spy. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
Where do I sign up? Are you fuckin' with me? | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
You're fuckin' with me, aren't you? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:02 | |
Hardly. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
And you wouldn't be working for the company. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
You'd be an independent contract agent. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
Independent. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:10 | |
No official tie to any agency. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
BARRIS GULPS Understand? | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
Why me? | 0:22:18 | 0:22:19 | |
Well, as you know, I've been watching you. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
For quite some time, actually. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
I've only let you know about it for the last week. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
I'm happy to report | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
you fit our profile, Mr Barris. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
Are you interested in the work? | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
Wh-What's the profile? | 0:22:37 | 0:22:38 | |
Are you interested in the work, Mr Barris? | 0:22:38 | 0:22:42 | |
Yeah, sure. I wanna be a secret agent. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
A contract agent, whatever. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
Get to fuck beautiful Eastern European women. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
What we do is very serious, Mr Barris. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
It's essential in quelling | 0:22:51 | 0:22:52 | |
the rise of communism | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
and allowing democracy | 0:22:54 | 0:22:55 | |
to get its rightful foothold | 0:22:55 | 0:22:56 | |
around the globe. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
You understand? | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
Uh...sure. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Yeah, uh... | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
Yeah, OK. That's good. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
INSTRUCTOR: There are several efficient methods | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
for killing a man | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
were you to find yourself without a weapon. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
The edge of your hand | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
against your adversary's Adam's apple. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
This will crush his windpipe, | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
causing strangulation... | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
and death. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:40 | |
Hyuhh! | 0:23:43 | 0:23:44 | |
MAN ON GROUND GARGLES Shit! | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
I need another volunteer. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
You're training me to be a killer. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
See, Chuck? I knew you were fairly bright. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
Look, I'm not killin' people. | 0:23:58 | 0:23:59 | |
My future's in television. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
You're 32 years old, | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
and you've achieved nothing. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:04 | |
Jesus Christ was dead and alive again by 33. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:07 | |
You better get crackin'. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:08 | |
I have ideas for shows. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
Good. Why don't you spend | 0:24:10 | 0:24:11 | |
another six months developing them | 0:24:11 | 0:24:13 | |
while you're staring out the window | 0:24:13 | 0:24:14 | |
waiting for Larry Goldberg to call? | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
How do you know all this? | 0:24:17 | 0:24:18 | |
I know everything about you, Chuck. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
I know which hand you jerk off with. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
Left. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
Leave in the morning, if you want. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
I'm here to tell you, this is honest work | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
for good pay. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
You're making the world safer, | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
and your country will be grateful. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
It'll toughen you up. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
W-w-wait a second. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
Hey, we gotta talk about this. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
'And there it was - my defining moment. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:45 | |
'I wasn't just gonna work for the CIA, | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
'I was gonna kill for them. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
'Call it patriotism.' | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
GUNFIRE | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
Glycerine is, of course, | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
the best known nitrating agent. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:38 | |
Keep in mind, though, that nitro...glycerine | 0:25:38 | 0:25:43 | |
is extremely unstable. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:45 | |
A slight tap... | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
a one-degree change in temperature... | 0:25:49 | 0:25:53 | |
and it'll blow up in your hands. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
So, let's mix us up a batch! | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
Everybody take your 75-milliliter beaker | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
and fill it up to the 13-milliliter level | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
with red-hot fumin' nitric acid - | 0:26:06 | 0:26:09 | |
98% concentration. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
The field phone - | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
used as an instrument of interrogation... | 0:26:16 | 0:26:19 | |
or torture. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:20 | |
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES | 0:26:22 | 0:26:23 | |
Attaching firmly to the genitalia. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
FIZZING AND POPPING | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Hey, Ivan! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
Are you now, or have you ever been | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
a member of the Communist Party? | 0:26:35 | 0:26:36 | |
What's your Aunt Tillie's recipe for vodka cookies? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:40 | |
INSTRUCTOR LAUGHS | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
All right, Jack. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:52 | |
Take care, Lee. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
STARTS ENGINE | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
I know a lot about him that you are not gonna know. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
I can't tell you. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
Yeah. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
I know some things about him | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
that are very distressing, | 0:27:26 | 0:27:28 | |
and, um... | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
and you wouldn't want to know them about him. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
BARRIS: So, what did this guy Renda do, anyway? | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
It's your job to follow directives, | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 | |
not question their validity. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:51 | |
BARRIS: Oh... Oh. | 0:27:51 | 0:27:53 | |
Por favor, uh, senor... | 0:27:53 | 0:27:55 | |
No hablo ingles. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:56 | |
Ra-blah-blah los bloteros? | 0:27:56 | 0:27:58 | |
MAN IN WHITE HAT MUTTERS | 0:27:58 | 0:27:59 | |
Ra-blah-blah la minjares? | 0:27:59 | 0:28:02 | |
Hermano, help me, please. | 0:28:02 | 0:28:03 | |
Senor, no habla ingles. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:05 | |
No, no, no, no. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:06 | |
BENITEZ: Can I be of some assistance? | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 | |
JIM: He's a bad guy. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:09 | |
He's one of the bad guys. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:13 | |
Bad for the US, right, Jim? | 0:28:13 | 0:28:14 | |
Not bad in an absolute sense, | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
just bad for the US. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:17 | |
Don't fuckin' dance with me. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:18 | |
Renda's bad for the tea and biscuit company. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:21 | |
He's bad for me personally. | 0:28:21 | 0:28:22 | |
You work for me. Renda's bad for me. | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
You're now officially a patriotic citizen | 0:28:25 | 0:28:27 | |
of the United States of Jim Byrd. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:29 | |
There's no backing out now. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:30 | |
We've let you in on everything. | 0:28:30 | 0:28:32 | |
You don't play, you don't leave. | 0:28:32 | 0:28:33 | |
You understand that? | 0:28:33 | 0:28:34 | |
You don't play, you don't leave. | 0:28:34 | 0:28:37 | |
I like you. I do. | 0:28:40 | 0:28:42 | |
And you're gonna do fine tomorrow, | 0:28:42 | 0:28:44 | |
and we're gonna become good friends. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:46 | |
You can have a nice little career, | 0:28:52 | 0:28:53 | |
but you have to grow up. There's a war on. | 0:28:53 | 0:28:56 | |
STARTS ENGINE | 0:29:03 | 0:29:04 | |
INSECTS BUZZING | 0:29:16 | 0:29:18 | |
"STAR SPANGLED BANNER" PLAYS | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
JIM: Beautiful country, isn't it? | 0:29:37 | 0:29:39 | |
Yeah. | 0:29:39 | 0:29:40 | |
You did us proud today, Chuck. | 0:29:42 | 0:29:46 | |
Renda was a bad guy. | 0:29:46 | 0:29:48 | |
He really was. | 0:29:48 | 0:29:49 | |
VOMITING | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
Chuck, is that you? | 0:29:58 | 0:29:59 | |
Jesus Christ, Pen. | 0:29:59 | 0:30:00 | |
You scared the shit out of me. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:02 | |
Were you throwing up? | 0:30:02 | 0:30:03 | |
What are you doing here? | 0:30:03 | 0:30:04 | |
I've been crashing here for a while. | 0:30:04 | 0:30:05 | |
I've been waiting for you. Where you been? | 0:30:05 | 0:30:07 | |
Mexico. I was just on a little vacation. | 0:30:07 | 0:30:09 | |
Oh, you didn't drink the water, did you? | 0:30:09 | 0:30:11 | |
Y-Yeah. | 0:30:11 | 0:30:12 | |
Oh, you're not supposed to. | 0:30:12 | 0:30:13 | |
That's Montessori's Revenge. | 0:30:13 | 0:30:15 | |
Uh, Montezuma's. Right. | 0:30:15 | 0:30:16 | |
I mean, you can't even open your eyes or your mouth | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
when you take a shower there. | 0:30:18 | 0:30:20 | |
Why is our water so good, and their water is poisoned? | 0:30:20 | 0:30:22 | |
It's in the same ocean. | 0:30:22 | 0:30:23 | |
I don't know. I don't know. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
Oh. | 0:30:25 | 0:30:26 | |
Huh. | 0:30:26 | 0:30:28 | |
Um... | 0:30:28 | 0:30:30 | |
I'm a hippie now. | 0:30:30 | 0:30:31 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:30:31 | 0:30:32 | |
Wow. | 0:30:32 | 0:30:34 | |
I've been to San Francisco, | 0:30:34 | 0:30:35 | |
And it's amazing there. | 0:30:35 | 0:30:36 | |
SNAPS FINGERS Everybody loves everybody, | 0:30:36 | 0:30:39 | |
and there's so many colours. | 0:30:39 | 0:30:40 | |
And we're going to change the world. | 0:30:40 | 0:30:42 | |
Will you come back there and be my old man with me? | 0:30:44 | 0:30:46 | |
Ha ha! Uh... | 0:30:46 | 0:30:47 | |
Well, not that old. | 0:30:47 | 0:30:49 | |
Penny, I'm a little tired now, so maybe... | 0:30:49 | 0:30:51 | |
Oh, wait, wait. I got to play you this song. | 0:30:51 | 0:30:53 | |
MUSIC: "Sunshine Superman" by Donovan | 0:30:58 | 0:31:00 | |
Penny. Penny, what did you do to my wall? | 0:31:18 | 0:31:21 | |
Oh, some guy called - | 0:31:21 | 0:31:23 | |
Gold Bird. | 0:31:23 | 0:31:25 | |
Gold Bird. Larry Goldberg? | 0:31:25 | 0:31:27 | |
You... You're kidding me! | 0:31:27 | 0:31:29 | |
Hi. This is Chuck Barris returning for Larry Goldberg. | 0:31:29 | 0:31:33 | |
'Hi, Chuck.' | 0:31:33 | 0:31:34 | |
Mr Goldberg. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:36 | |
I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you right away. | 0:31:36 | 0:31:38 | |
I was out of town. I was on vacation in Mexico. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:40 | |
'Well, good for you. | 0:31:40 | 0:31:41 | |
'Listen, I'm sitting here and going through things, | 0:31:41 | 0:31:43 | |
'and I have a hole in my daytime schedule. | 0:31:43 | 0:31:46 | |
'I think it might be right for you and your baby.' | 0:31:46 | 0:31:47 | |
My... My baby, Mr Goldberg? | 0:31:47 | 0:31:49 | |
'Chuck, Dating Game. | 0:31:49 | 0:31:51 | |
'Isn't that your baby?' | 0:31:51 | 0:31:52 | |
Yes, sir, it is. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:53 | |
'Well, you still interested?' | 0:31:53 | 0:31:54 | |
Yes, sir. Very interested. | 0:31:54 | 0:31:56 | |
'Well, I've got six weeks to get this on the air. | 0:31:56 | 0:31:58 | |
'Is that doable for you and your people?' | 0:31:58 | 0:32:00 | |
Uh, my people? | 0:32:00 | 0:32:01 | |
Six weeks? Sure, yeah. | 0:32:01 | 0:32:04 | |
'Well, give me a call when you get to LA, Chuck.' | 0:32:04 | 0:32:06 | |
Oh, goddamn. | 0:32:08 | 0:32:11 | |
Hot dog. | 0:32:11 | 0:32:13 | |
Fucking shit. Piss. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:15 | |
Who's Larry Goldberg? | 0:32:15 | 0:32:17 | |
STOMACH GURGLES | 0:32:17 | 0:32:20 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:32:20 | 0:32:21 | |
Bachelor number one, | 0:32:21 | 0:32:24 | |
what would I like most about you? | 0:32:24 | 0:32:27 | |
I'm very romantic, | 0:32:27 | 0:32:30 | |
and I'd send you flowers every day. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:32 | |
BACHELORETTE: Aw, that's so sweet. | 0:32:32 | 0:32:34 | |
Bachelor number three, what would I like most about you? | 0:32:34 | 0:32:38 | |
My big cock. | 0:32:38 | 0:32:40 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:32:40 | 0:32:43 | |
LIGHT APPLAUSE | 0:32:43 | 0:32:46 | |
LAUGHS | 0:32:46 | 0:32:48 | |
BACHELORETTE: Bachelor number one, | 0:32:48 | 0:32:50 | |
What nationality are you? | 0:32:50 | 0:32:52 | |
BACHELOR NUMBER ONE: Um... | 0:32:52 | 0:32:53 | |
My daddy is Welsh, | 0:32:53 | 0:32:55 | |
My mama's Hungarian, | 0:32:55 | 0:32:57 | |
so I guess that makes me well-hung. | 0:32:57 | 0:33:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:00 | 0:33:03 | |
Bachelor number two, | 0:33:03 | 0:33:06 | |
I play the trombone. | 0:33:06 | 0:33:07 | |
If I blew you, what would you sound like? | 0:33:07 | 0:33:11 | |
BACHELOR NUMBER TWO: What would I sound like? | 0:33:11 | 0:33:13 | |
LAUGHS | 0:33:13 | 0:33:14 | |
All right. | 0:33:14 | 0:33:16 | |
Ooh. | 0:33:16 | 0:33:18 | |
Ooh. | 0:33:18 | 0:33:20 | |
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. | 0:33:20 | 0:33:23 | |
Ooh. Ooh. | 0:33:23 | 0:33:26 | |
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. | 0:33:26 | 0:33:29 | |
Ooh. | 0:33:29 | 0:33:31 | |
That's nice. Don't stop. | 0:33:31 | 0:33:33 | |
Oh. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:34 | |
IMITATES TROMBONE | 0:33:34 | 0:33:36 | |
Blow it, baby. | 0:33:40 | 0:33:42 | |
IMITATES TROMBONE PLAYING SHAKILY | 0:33:42 | 0:33:45 | |
SHOES SQUEAK | 0:33:47 | 0:33:49 | |
Heh heh. | 0:33:49 | 0:33:51 | |
Chuck, quite frankly, | 0:33:52 | 0:33:53 | |
these episodes are unairable. | 0:33:53 | 0:33:55 | |
CHUCK: Look, Larry, | 0:33:55 | 0:33:57 | |
the show's spontaneous. | 0:33:57 | 0:33:58 | |
It's unscripted. That's its charm. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:01 | |
I can't help what people say. | 0:34:01 | 0:34:02 | |
< Be that as it may, Mr Barris, | 0:34:02 | 0:34:03 | |
we can't have black men | 0:34:03 | 0:34:05 | |
getting blow jobs on national television! | 0:34:05 | 0:34:07 | |
The point is not that he's black, Hank. | 0:34:07 | 0:34:09 | |
HANK: Well, I know that. | 0:34:09 | 0:34:10 | |
LARRY: Chuck, that's it. We can't air this stuff. | 0:34:10 | 0:34:12 | |
If you can't retain your spontaneity | 0:34:12 | 0:34:14 | |
on the show without this lewd conduct, | 0:34:14 | 0:34:16 | |
it's over, it's finished, you're history. | 0:34:16 | 0:34:19 | |
Now, you fix this fucking thing, | 0:34:19 | 0:34:20 | |
or we got a problem. | 0:34:20 | 0:34:21 | |
Hi, folks. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:26 | |
Before we begin taping today, | 0:34:26 | 0:34:27 | |
I'd like to introduce you to Mr Peter Jenks | 0:34:27 | 0:34:30 | |
of the Federal Communications Commission. | 0:34:30 | 0:34:32 | |
OK? | 0:34:32 | 0:34:33 | |
Thank you, Mr Barris. | 0:34:37 | 0:34:38 | |
I don't know if any of you | 0:34:52 | 0:34:56 | |
are aware of this... | 0:34:56 | 0:34:58 | |
..but it's a federal offence | 0:34:59 | 0:35:02 | |
to make lascivious remarks | 0:35:02 | 0:35:04 | |
on a television network broadcast. | 0:35:04 | 0:35:07 | |
The penalty... | 0:35:10 | 0:35:12 | |
..for this disgusting... | 0:35:15 | 0:35:17 | |
..un-American... | 0:35:20 | 0:35:22 | |
behaviour... | 0:35:22 | 0:35:24 | |
is one year in prison | 0:35:24 | 0:35:27 | |
or a 10,000 fine... | 0:35:27 | 0:35:30 | |
or both! | 0:35:30 | 0:35:32 | |
Anyone... | 0:35:34 | 0:35:36 | |
making a sick subversive remark tonight | 0:35:36 | 0:35:40 | |
will be arrested immediately. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:43 | |
I, then, will personally escort | 0:35:43 | 0:35:44 | |
the offender to federal prison | 0:35:44 | 0:35:46 | |
for booking under edict number 364 | 0:35:46 | 0:35:48 | |
of the Broadcasting Act of 1963. | 0:35:48 | 0:35:52 | |
And it's a long drive to that prison, baby. | 0:35:52 | 0:35:56 | |
Just you and me. | 0:35:56 | 0:35:59 | |
No witnesses! | 0:35:59 | 0:36:02 | |
CHUCK: OK, have fun, everybody. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:20 | |
All right. | 0:36:20 | 0:36:21 | |
They gave everybody jackets | 0:36:21 | 0:36:23 | |
with their names on them, | 0:36:23 | 0:36:24 | |
and when we got number one ratings | 0:36:24 | 0:36:26 | |
on Saturday nights, | 0:36:26 | 0:36:27 | |
everybody got a gold plaque. | 0:36:27 | 0:36:29 | |
And so, he was a good boss, | 0:36:29 | 0:36:31 | |
and obviously had the common touch, | 0:36:31 | 0:36:33 | |
because he really knew | 0:36:33 | 0:36:35 | |
what people wanted to watch. | 0:36:35 | 0:36:36 | |
BARRIS: 'We aired and became a big hit. | 0:36:36 | 0:36:40 | |
'A phenomenon, really.' | 0:36:40 | 0:36:41 | |
Hey, baby. | 0:36:41 | 0:36:44 | |
I got a story to tell you. | 0:36:44 | 0:36:45 | |
Asshole. I know, I know. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:48 | |
Uhh. I got a little story for you. | 0:36:48 | 0:36:50 | |
I'm busy. We're in the middle | 0:36:50 | 0:36:52 | |
of a bachelorette crisis out there. | 0:36:52 | 0:36:53 | |
Oh, sit down, relax. | 0:36:53 | 0:36:55 | |
Take a load off. Make yourself at home. | 0:36:55 | 0:36:57 | |
I just got a call from the network. You want a drink? | 0:36:57 | 0:36:59 | |
You got any weed? | 0:36:59 | 0:37:00 | |
I wish. No, no weed. | 0:37:00 | 0:37:03 | |
Then I'll have a drink. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:04 | |
Bad news? | 0:37:05 | 0:37:06 | |
The Tammy Grimes Show is being pulled | 0:37:06 | 0:37:07 | |
from Saturday night. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:09 | |
LORETTA: Oh, not Tammy. | 0:37:09 | 0:37:11 | |
Ha ha ha ha. | 0:37:11 | 0:37:12 | |
They want me to put a primetime version | 0:37:12 | 0:37:13 | |
of The Dating Game on in its place. | 0:37:13 | 0:37:15 | |
That's fucking great. | 0:37:17 | 0:37:18 | |
Yeah, it's great, it's great, | 0:37:18 | 0:37:19 | |
but they say the daytime version is not hot enough. | 0:37:19 | 0:37:21 | |
They want me to make it more exciting for night time. | 0:37:21 | 0:37:23 | |
I got 48 hours. | 0:37:23 | 0:37:25 | |
What have you got? | 0:37:26 | 0:37:28 | |
SIGHS | 0:37:28 | 0:37:30 | |
I don't have a clue. | 0:37:30 | 0:37:31 | |
I got nothing. I got bupkus. | 0:37:31 | 0:37:32 | |
This is a big deal, Loretta. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:34 | |
This could be my big break. | 0:37:34 | 0:37:35 | |
I know. | 0:37:35 | 0:37:37 | |
Don't blow it. | 0:37:40 | 0:37:41 | |
Oh, thanks for the help. | 0:37:41 | 0:37:43 | |
SIGHS | 0:37:47 | 0:37:49 | |
SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS | 0:37:51 | 0:37:53 | |
Let me ask you something, Chuck. | 0:38:04 | 0:38:06 | |
Jesus. What the...? | 0:38:06 | 0:38:07 | |
What are you doing here? | 0:38:07 | 0:38:09 | |
You see, I've been put in charge | 0:38:09 | 0:38:10 | |
of a fairly large wet operation, | 0:38:10 | 0:38:12 | |
and I could use your help. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:14 | |
SCOFFS | 0:38:14 | 0:38:15 | |
DOOR CLOSES | 0:38:15 | 0:38:16 | |
Have you noticed, Jim? I got a TV show on the air. | 0:38:18 | 0:38:19 | |
I don't need to kill people for hire any more. | 0:38:19 | 0:38:21 | |
I know you don't need to, but you like to. | 0:38:21 | 0:38:24 | |
Bullshit. | 0:38:24 | 0:38:25 | |
Think of it as a hobby - | 0:38:25 | 0:38:27 | |
something you do to relax. | 0:38:27 | 0:38:29 | |
You can be an assassination enthusiast, | 0:38:29 | 0:38:31 | |
a murder bug. | 0:38:31 | 0:38:32 | |
I got important things to think about here. | 0:38:32 | 0:38:34 | |
I don't have time to fuck around with you. | 0:38:34 | 0:38:35 | |
This is serious work we're talking about, Chuck - | 0:38:35 | 0:38:37 | |
serious work. | 0:38:37 | 0:38:39 | |
Now, how about I help you out with your little show, | 0:38:39 | 0:38:42 | |
you help me out with my little operation? | 0:38:42 | 0:38:43 | |
Tit for tat. That's the kind of guy I am. | 0:38:43 | 0:38:45 | |
Oh, yeah. You're a piece of work. | 0:38:45 | 0:38:47 | |
I've seen this Dating Game of yours, Chuck, | 0:38:47 | 0:38:49 | |
and I do have a thought. | 0:38:49 | 0:38:50 | |
What, now you're a big television producer? | 0:38:50 | 0:38:53 | |
Hey, I'm John Q Public when it comes to TV, | 0:38:53 | 0:38:55 | |
and that should make my opinion of value to you. | 0:38:55 | 0:38:59 | |
All right, let's hear it, then. | 0:38:59 | 0:39:00 | |
All right. | 0:39:00 | 0:39:02 | |
What do you have? Some couple gets sent | 0:39:02 | 0:39:04 | |
to some second-rate shit-can restaurant | 0:39:04 | 0:39:06 | |
and set you back 50 bucks? | 0:39:06 | 0:39:08 | |
That's not too exciting a prize | 0:39:08 | 0:39:09 | |
for us vicarious living boobs | 0:39:09 | 0:39:11 | |
out in TV land. | 0:39:11 | 0:39:12 | |
What's your point? | 0:39:12 | 0:39:13 | |
Up the stakes, Chuck. | 0:39:13 | 0:39:14 | |
Send them to some exotic locale - | 0:39:14 | 0:39:16 | |
Europe, southeast Asia, for example. | 0:39:16 | 0:39:20 | |
The network's not going to let me send | 0:39:21 | 0:39:22 | |
two unmarried kids on vacation together. | 0:39:22 | 0:39:24 | |
Send them with a chaperone. | 0:39:24 | 0:39:25 | |
That's... | 0:39:29 | 0:39:30 | |
That's not half bad. | 0:39:35 | 0:39:36 | |
I'm telling you. | 0:39:36 | 0:39:38 | |
Sometimes you could be the chaperone. | 0:39:38 | 0:39:40 | |
Say we have a job for you in Austria. | 0:39:40 | 0:39:43 | |
You, a successful television producer, | 0:39:43 | 0:39:45 | |
chaperones a young couple. | 0:39:45 | 0:39:47 | |
While you're there, you take care | 0:39:47 | 0:39:48 | |
of some company business. | 0:39:48 | 0:39:49 | |
It's a perfect cover. | 0:39:49 | 0:39:51 | |
TV producer by day, | 0:39:51 | 0:39:52 | |
CIA operative at night. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:54 | |
I got money, Jim. | 0:39:54 | 0:39:55 | |
I don't have to kill people for money any more. | 0:39:55 | 0:39:58 | |
Chuck, when I said you fit the profile, | 0:39:58 | 0:39:59 | |
very little of that meant you needed the money. | 0:39:59 | 0:40:02 | |
You liked it with Renda. | 0:40:02 | 0:40:03 | |
I saw it in your eyes. | 0:40:03 | 0:40:06 | |
You liked it, but you botched it. | 0:40:06 | 0:40:08 | |
You could be a great warrior, Chuck. | 0:40:11 | 0:40:13 | |
BACHELORETTE: Bachelor number three, | 0:40:13 | 0:40:15 | |
if we were fixed up on a date, | 0:40:15 | 0:40:17 | |
and I ignored you... | 0:40:17 | 0:40:18 | |
This guy's never been on a date. | 0:40:18 | 0:40:20 | |
SNAPS FINGERS Ready, four. Take four. | 0:40:20 | 0:40:22 | |
Well, I'm not used to being ignored, | 0:40:22 | 0:40:24 | |
But I would... I'd give you your space. | 0:40:24 | 0:40:26 | |
The only date this guy's had is with his right hand. | 0:40:26 | 0:40:29 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:40:29 | 0:40:31 | |
Ready, one. Take one. | 0:40:31 | 0:40:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:40:33 | 0:40:35 | |
Bachelor number three, what if I pick you... | 0:40:35 | 0:40:38 | |
DIRECTOR: God, she's going for the three. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:40 | |
What would you do? | 0:40:40 | 0:40:41 | |
SNAPS FINGERS Ready, four. Take four. | 0:40:41 | 0:40:42 | |
The only way that you could be ugly | 0:40:42 | 0:40:44 | |
is by what you say or do. | 0:40:44 | 0:40:47 | |
I don't know. From where I'm sitting, | 0:40:47 | 0:40:49 | |
I-I think you're beautiful. | 0:40:49 | 0:40:50 | |
DIRECTOR: I can't believe it. | 0:40:50 | 0:40:51 | |
BACHELORETTE: Bachelor number three, | 0:40:51 | 0:40:53 | |
can you please tell me what a girl is like | 0:40:53 | 0:40:54 | |
who has never been on a date before | 0:40:54 | 0:40:56 | |
and how you can tell? | 0:40:56 | 0:40:59 | |
Well... | 0:40:59 | 0:41:00 | |
I'll ask her what she likes to do, | 0:41:00 | 0:41:03 | |
and if she doesn't know what she likes to do, | 0:41:03 | 0:41:06 | |
then I'll know she hasn't done it yet. | 0:41:06 | 0:41:08 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:41:08 | 0:41:09 | |
INCIDENTAL GAME SHOW MUSIC PLAYS | 0:41:09 | 0:41:11 | |
BACHELOR NUMBER THREE: Why don't you talk to her? | 0:41:21 | 0:41:23 | |
You can do that. | 0:41:23 | 0:41:25 | |
She's real shy. | 0:41:25 | 0:41:28 | |
You have to tell her. That's your job. | 0:41:28 | 0:41:30 | |
Tell her that I think she's real pretty, | 0:41:30 | 0:41:33 | |
and I want to be her boyfriend. | 0:41:33 | 0:41:36 | |
I'm shy, too. | 0:41:36 | 0:41:38 | |
You got to tell her that, Chuck. | 0:41:38 | 0:41:40 | |
I used to skate when I was young. | 0:41:40 | 0:41:41 | |
I told her that. She didn't even look at me. | 0:41:41 | 0:41:44 | |
You got to talk to her, Chuck. | 0:41:44 | 0:41:45 | |
It's your job. | 0:41:45 | 0:41:46 | |
She picked me. She didn't pick those other guys. | 0:41:46 | 0:41:49 | |
You're the chaperone, Chuck. | 0:41:49 | 0:41:52 | |
She called me gay. | 0:41:56 | 0:41:57 | |
I'm not gay. | 0:41:57 | 0:41:59 | |
You got to tell her that. | 0:41:59 | 0:42:01 | |
You're not doing your job very well. | 0:42:01 | 0:42:03 | |
I mean, I-I know it takes time | 0:42:03 | 0:42:04 | |
for people to get to know each other, | 0:42:04 | 0:42:06 | |
but this is ridiculous. | 0:42:06 | 0:42:08 | |
They... They thought he was... | 0:42:08 | 0:42:11 | |
He... They sort of walked a straight line, | 0:42:11 | 0:42:13 | |
because they used to talk about him, | 0:42:13 | 0:42:15 | |
saying, you know, "This guy, he can turn on you." | 0:42:15 | 0:42:17 | |
You know, and I never saw that side, | 0:42:17 | 0:42:20 | |
but a lot of the crew thought | 0:42:20 | 0:42:21 | |
he could turn on them. | 0:42:21 | 0:42:23 | |
Chuck? | 0:42:23 | 0:42:25 | |
SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS | 0:42:27 | 0:42:29 | |
BARRIS: Helsinki is wonderful | 0:42:29 | 0:42:30 | |
this time of year. | 0:42:30 | 0:42:32 | |
Especially the snow. | 0:42:32 | 0:42:36 | |
It affords one solitude, | 0:42:36 | 0:42:38 | |
even in a city full of people. | 0:42:38 | 0:42:40 | |
Excuse me. Is this seat taken? | 0:42:53 | 0:42:57 | |
By you. | 0:42:57 | 0:42:58 | |
SIGHS | 0:43:02 | 0:43:05 | |
Helsinki is wonderful | 0:43:05 | 0:43:06 | |
this time of year, isn't it? | 0:43:06 | 0:43:08 | |
Yes, it is. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:10 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. | 0:43:17 | 0:43:18 | |
Um... | 0:43:18 | 0:43:21 | |
Excuse me. | 0:43:29 | 0:43:30 | |
Helsinki is wonderful | 0:43:42 | 0:43:44 | |
this time of year, isn't it? | 0:43:44 | 0:43:46 | |
Especially the snow. | 0:43:46 | 0:43:48 | |
It affords one solitude, | 0:43:48 | 0:43:49 | |
even in a city full of people. | 0:43:49 | 0:43:51 | |
Hey... | 0:43:51 | 0:43:52 | |
I'm Chuck. Ahem. | 0:43:55 | 0:43:57 | |
So I gathered. | 0:43:57 | 0:44:00 | |
And you are? | 0:44:00 | 0:44:01 | |
Here you are, Chuck. | 0:44:03 | 0:44:05 | |
At least give me a made-up name - | 0:44:07 | 0:44:09 | |
something for me to cry out | 0:44:09 | 0:44:12 | |
during those dark nights of the soul. | 0:44:12 | 0:44:14 | |
Cry out, "Olivia". | 0:44:18 | 0:44:20 | |
That's Twelfth Night. | 0:44:21 | 0:44:23 | |
Very good, Chuck. | 0:44:23 | 0:44:26 | |
I'm pleasantly surprised. | 0:44:26 | 0:44:29 | |
You're not like the other murderers. | 0:44:29 | 0:44:32 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS | 0:44:42 | 0:44:44 | |
MAN: Here. | 0:44:47 | 0:44:49 | |
Do you have it? | 0:44:49 | 0:44:51 | |
Do you have it? | 0:44:51 | 0:44:52 | |
Oh, sorry. | 0:44:52 | 0:44:54 | |
Don't worry. We're not going to cheat you. | 0:44:59 | 0:45:00 | |
Yeah, just the same. | 0:45:00 | 0:45:02 | |
Oop. Sorry about your teeth. | 0:45:02 | 0:45:04 | |
FIRES WITH SILENCER | 0:45:04 | 0:45:05 | |
BODY FALLS | 0:45:05 | 0:45:07 | |
FIRES WITH SILENCER | 0:45:07 | 0:45:09 | |
Chuck? | 0:45:19 | 0:45:20 | |
Chuck? | 0:45:24 | 0:45:26 | |
MUSIC FADES | 0:45:49 | 0:45:52 | |
EXHALING, WHISTLING | 0:45:52 | 0:45:54 | |
HUMS | 0:45:58 | 0:46:00 | |
"MOONLIGHT SONATA" PLAYS | 0:46:00 | 0:46:02 | |
Olivia? | 0:46:07 | 0:46:08 | |
It's Patricia, actually. | 0:46:13 | 0:46:16 | |
PATRICIA: So, then I spent a year in Operation Chaos | 0:46:16 | 0:46:18 | |
inside the anti-war movement, | 0:46:18 | 0:46:20 | |
nudging it towards violence to discredit it. | 0:46:20 | 0:46:23 | |
That was fun. | 0:46:23 | 0:46:25 | |
It sounds fun. It sounds fun. | 0:46:25 | 0:46:28 | |
So, tell me, Patricia, | 0:46:28 | 0:46:29 | |
why did you come up here tonight? | 0:46:29 | 0:46:32 | |
Ahem. | 0:46:33 | 0:46:35 | |
I don't know. Um... | 0:46:35 | 0:46:37 | |
You're kind of cute in a homely sort of way, and... | 0:46:37 | 0:46:41 | |
..it's lonely when the civilian you're fucking | 0:46:43 | 0:46:46 | |
calls out the name on your fake passport. | 0:46:46 | 0:46:48 | |
All the information I have about myself | 0:46:48 | 0:46:50 | |
is from forged documents. | 0:46:50 | 0:46:53 | |
Nabokov. | 0:46:56 | 0:46:57 | |
MOONLIGHT SONATA CONTINUES | 0:46:57 | 0:46:59 | |
GLASS SHATTERS | 0:47:16 | 0:47:17 | |
OBJECTS CLATTER | 0:47:17 | 0:47:19 | |
Wait, wait. Wait, wait. | 0:47:29 | 0:47:30 | |
Actually, I just got to go into the bathroom | 0:47:30 | 0:47:31 | |
and take care of something. | 0:47:31 | 0:47:33 | |
Leave the microfilm in, baby. | 0:47:35 | 0:47:37 | |
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS | 0:47:38 | 0:47:40 | |
# Hoo! | 0:47:40 | 0:47:41 | |
# Huhh! # | 0:47:44 | 0:47:45 | |
Chuck, Chuck. | 0:47:45 | 0:47:46 | |
# Hey! # | 0:47:46 | 0:47:47 | |
Do you know when my episode is going to air? | 0:47:50 | 0:47:54 | |
OK. | 0:47:54 | 0:47:55 | |
Well, see you, Chuck. Bye. | 0:47:55 | 0:47:57 | |
BYRD: Chuck, this is Simon Oliver. | 0:47:57 | 0:47:59 | |
- Hey. - Everything go OK? | 0:47:59 | 0:48:01 | |
You don't look too good. | 0:48:01 | 0:48:02 | |
Mr Barris, do not ever again | 0:48:02 | 0:48:04 | |
jeopardise one of my missions | 0:48:04 | 0:48:05 | |
by having a game show contestant | 0:48:05 | 0:48:06 | |
standing around as a witness. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:07 | |
Is that understood? | 0:48:07 | 0:48:08 | |
You're welcome, pal. | 0:48:08 | 0:48:10 | |
Do I make myself clear? | 0:48:10 | 0:48:11 | |
Fuck you. They're my contestants. | 0:48:11 | 0:48:13 | |
You are a bloody amateur. | 0:48:13 | 0:48:15 | |
You're a faggot. Chuck. | 0:48:15 | 0:48:16 | |
OLIVER: Tell me, Mr Barris. | 0:48:16 | 0:48:18 | |
Are you in possession of my microfilm? | 0:48:18 | 0:48:20 | |
Yeah, I got it. | 0:48:20 | 0:48:21 | |
Let's have it, then. | 0:48:21 | 0:48:22 | |
It's up my ass, Oliver. | 0:48:22 | 0:48:23 | |
Why don't you reach on up there and get it? | 0:48:23 | 0:48:25 | |
What is this shit? | 0:48:25 | 0:48:26 | |
I just feel I deserve a little appreciation | 0:48:26 | 0:48:28 | |
for my efforts here, Jim. | 0:48:28 | 0:48:30 | |
What do you think Patricia Watson was? | 0:48:30 | 0:48:33 | |
Prick. | 0:48:38 | 0:48:40 | |
EUBANKS: Really? OK. He said | 0:48:40 | 0:48:41 | |
he dated none of them. That's right. | 0:48:41 | 0:48:43 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:48:43 | 0:48:45 | |
Sandra? | 0:48:47 | 0:48:48 | |
- Um, six of them. - Six of them. | 0:48:48 | 0:48:51 | |
Well, if it isn't the hit man. | 0:48:51 | 0:48:53 | |
What? | 0:48:53 | 0:48:55 | |
The hit man. | 0:48:55 | 0:48:57 | |
ALL: Surprise! | 0:48:57 | 0:48:59 | |
CHEERING | 0:48:59 | 0:49:02 | |
ABC's going to pick up The newlywed game! | 0:49:02 | 0:49:03 | |
Daytime and primetime! | 0:49:03 | 0:49:04 | |
You're kidding me! Oh, my god! | 0:49:04 | 0:49:06 | |
That's sensational. You mean it? | 0:49:06 | 0:49:08 | |
Fantastic! | 0:49:08 | 0:49:09 | |
Whoo! | 0:49:09 | 0:49:10 | |
EUBANKS: OK, here's the last of our five-point questions. | 0:49:10 | 0:49:13 | |
Girls, tell me where, specifically, | 0:49:13 | 0:49:15 | |
is the weirdest place | 0:49:15 | 0:49:17 | |
that you personally, girls, | 0:49:17 | 0:49:19 | |
have ever gotten the urge to make whoopee. | 0:49:19 | 0:49:22 | |
The weirdest place. Olga? | 0:49:22 | 0:49:26 | |
Um... | 0:49:26 | 0:49:28 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 0:49:28 | 0:49:30 | |
EUBANKS: Yes, Olga? | 0:49:31 | 0:49:32 | |
In the ass? | 0:49:34 | 0:49:36 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 0:49:36 | 0:49:38 | |
No, no, no. | 0:49:38 | 0:49:39 | |
No, the... | 0:49:39 | 0:49:40 | |
HUSBAND: It's still there. | 0:49:40 | 0:49:41 | |
No, no. What I'm talking about | 0:49:41 | 0:49:43 | |
is the weirdest location, the weirdest place. Yeah. | 0:49:43 | 0:49:46 | |
LAUGHS I don't know. | 0:49:46 | 0:49:49 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 0:49:49 | 0:49:51 | |
Oh! | 0:49:53 | 0:49:54 | |
EUBANKS: Olga... | 0:49:55 | 0:49:57 | |
HUSBAND: Yeah? | 0:49:57 | 0:49:59 | |
Olga, the word is the location or place. | 0:49:59 | 0:50:01 | |
You know what I mean? | 0:50:01 | 0:50:02 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:02 | 0:50:04 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:04 | 0:50:06 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:06 | 0:50:08 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:08 | 0:50:10 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:10 | 0:50:12 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:12 | 0:50:15 | |
# Mucha muchacha | 0:50:15 | 0:50:17 | |
# Ba ba ba ba baile | 0:50:17 | 0:50:19 | |
# Ba | 0:50:28 | 0:50:30 | |
# Ah | 0:50:30 | 0:50:32 | |
# Ah | 0:50:32 | 0:50:35 | |
# Ba ba ba ba ba-ba-ba | 0:50:35 | 0:50:37 | |
# Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa | 0:50:37 | 0:50:39 | |
# Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa | 0:50:39 | 0:50:41 | |
# Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa | 0:50:41 | 0:50:43 | |
# Ra pa ra pa ba ra pa | 0:50:43 | 0:50:46 | |
# Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa | 0:50:46 | 0:50:48 | |
# Ra pa pa ra pa ba ra pa! # | 0:50:48 | 0:50:50 | |
BARRIS: I liked Penny. | 0:50:51 | 0:50:53 | |
I even loved her, in my way. | 0:50:53 | 0:50:55 | |
But the idea of tying myself down | 0:50:55 | 0:50:58 | |
for the rest of my life... | 0:50:58 | 0:51:01 | |
I remember my parents' marriage. | 0:51:01 | 0:51:04 | |
We need a new icebox. | 0:51:04 | 0:51:06 | |
RADIO PLAYS FAINTLY | 0:51:06 | 0:51:08 | |
THE NEWLYWED GAME THEME PLAYS | 0:51:12 | 0:51:14 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:51:21 | 0:51:23 | |
AUDIENCE: Ooh... | 0:51:29 | 0:51:31 | |
BARRIS: The Newlywed Game | 0:51:32 | 0:51:34 | |
was based on my theory that almost any American | 0:51:34 | 0:51:36 | |
would sell out their spouse | 0:51:36 | 0:51:38 | |
for a washer, dryer, | 0:51:38 | 0:51:39 | |
or a lawn mower you can ride on. | 0:51:39 | 0:51:41 | |
Such was my respect | 0:51:41 | 0:51:43 | |
for that most holy of unions. | 0:51:43 | 0:51:46 | |
PENNY: "Interpet". | 0:51:47 | 0:51:48 | |
CHUCK: Interpret. | 0:51:48 | 0:51:49 | |
Oh. Well, do you have an extra R I can borrow? | 0:51:49 | 0:51:52 | |
I'm not going to give you a letter. | 0:51:52 | 0:51:54 | |
You're lucky I don't make you forfeit a turn. | 0:51:54 | 0:51:56 | |
Oh, OK. | 0:51:56 | 0:51:58 | |
You look cute today, Pen. | 0:51:58 | 0:52:00 | |
I always look cute. Don't distract me. | 0:52:00 | 0:52:03 | |
BLOWS | 0:52:03 | 0:52:06 | |
What was I going to say? | 0:52:06 | 0:52:07 | |
I don't know. What were you going to say? | 0:52:07 | 0:52:10 | |
MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY | 0:52:10 | 0:52:12 | |
I think we should get married, | 0:52:14 | 0:52:17 | |
because we've known each other forever, | 0:52:17 | 0:52:19 | |
and we've fucked each other forever. | 0:52:19 | 0:52:22 | |
And you think I'm cute, you just said. | 0:52:22 | 0:52:25 | |
And you always come to me when you're in trouble, | 0:52:25 | 0:52:28 | |
and I'm nothing like your mother, and we could... | 0:52:28 | 0:52:30 | |
What does that mean? What is that? | 0:52:30 | 0:52:32 | |
I'm just kidding. | 0:52:34 | 0:52:37 | |
Don't ask me to marry you again, OK? | 0:52:37 | 0:52:39 | |
# I don't use a knife | 0:52:39 | 0:52:42 | |
# Don't need a gun... # | 0:52:42 | 0:52:44 | |
BARRIS: I couldn't breathe. | 0:52:45 | 0:52:47 | |
I was drowning. | 0:52:47 | 0:52:49 | |
And what the fuck did my mother have to do with it? | 0:52:49 | 0:52:52 | |
So I made a call. | 0:52:52 | 0:52:54 | |
DOOR OPENS, CLOSES | 0:53:11 | 0:53:13 | |
BYRD: Over here, strawberry dick. | 0:53:15 | 0:53:17 | |
CHUCK: How do you know those things? | 0:53:25 | 0:53:26 | |
BYRD: We even know what she actually thought | 0:53:26 | 0:53:28 | |
it tasted like. | 0:53:28 | 0:53:29 | |
Really? I could never find that out. | 0:53:29 | 0:53:30 | |
What'd she think? | 0:53:30 | 0:53:31 | |
That's on a need-to-know basis, my friend. | 0:53:31 | 0:53:34 | |
What can I do for you? | 0:53:34 | 0:53:36 | |
I really need something, Jim. | 0:53:36 | 0:53:38 | |
I need something for my head. | 0:53:38 | 0:53:40 | |
I got something for your head. | 0:53:44 | 0:53:46 | |
LANGE: And you're going on your date | 0:53:49 | 0:53:50 | |
to fabulous West Berlin, Germany. | 0:53:50 | 0:53:54 | |
DATING GAME THEME PLAYS | 0:53:54 | 0:53:57 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:54:01 | 0:54:03 | |
MUSIC FADES | 0:54:13 | 0:54:15 | |
ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS | 0:54:15 | 0:54:16 | |
The name's Hans Colbert. | 0:54:16 | 0:54:18 | |
Other side of the wall. | 0:54:18 | 0:54:20 | |
We don't like him very much. | 0:54:20 | 0:54:22 | |
You'll be working with a Kraut named Keeler. | 0:54:22 | 0:54:25 | |
He's been tailing Colbert for a month, | 0:54:25 | 0:54:27 | |
knows the routine. Keeler's a drunk, | 0:54:27 | 0:54:29 | |
so stay sober and take charge. | 0:54:29 | 0:54:32 | |
It's done and done. | 0:54:32 | 0:54:35 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS | 0:54:35 | 0:54:37 | |
Kill for me, baby. | 0:54:37 | 0:54:40 | |
RUMBLING | 0:54:50 | 0:54:53 | |
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES | 0:54:53 | 0:54:55 | |
COUGHS | 0:55:02 | 0:55:04 | |
CLICK | 0:55:17 | 0:55:19 | |
KEELER WRITING | 0:55:48 | 0:55:50 | |
What are you writing, Sieg? | 0:56:08 | 0:56:10 | |
Just keeping track | 0:56:13 | 0:56:15 | |
of anything that happens in the... | 0:56:15 | 0:56:16 | |
SPEAKS GERMAN | 0:56:16 | 0:56:18 | |
Ah. | 0:56:23 | 0:56:25 | |
ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS | 0:56:35 | 0:56:37 | |
MAN: Ja. | 0:56:41 | 0:56:42 | |
CHUCK: What do you say? | 0:56:42 | 0:56:43 | |
Too many people. | 0:56:45 | 0:56:48 | |
LAUGHING | 0:56:51 | 0:56:53 | |
MUSIC STOPS | 0:56:56 | 0:56:58 | |
KEELER WHISTLES FAINTLY | 0:57:02 | 0:57:04 | |
Chuck. | 0:57:10 | 0:57:12 | |
Chuck. | 0:57:12 | 0:57:13 | |
All right. | 0:57:13 | 0:57:14 | |
Take the camera. | 0:57:14 | 0:57:16 | |
What is this? | 0:57:16 | 0:57:18 | |
Aah! | 0:57:18 | 0:57:19 | |
What the...?! | 0:57:20 | 0:57:22 | |
MUFFLED YELLS | 0:57:25 | 0:57:27 | |
Take a picture. | 0:57:27 | 0:57:29 | |
Take a what? | 0:57:29 | 0:57:30 | |
Take a picture. | 0:57:30 | 0:57:31 | |
Picture. Come on. | 0:57:33 | 0:57:36 | |
Take a picture. | 0:57:36 | 0:57:37 | |
Danke schon. | 0:57:41 | 0:57:43 | |
He would disappear for, you know, | 0:59:00 | 0:59:02 | |
a week or so at a time, | 0:59:02 | 0:59:03 | |
and his secretary would just say he's out of town. | 0:59:03 | 0:59:05 | |
We didn't know where he went, so... | 0:59:05 | 0:59:07 | |
I don't know, um... whether it's true or not. | 0:59:07 | 0:59:09 | |
I-I couldn't say. | 0:59:09 | 0:59:11 | |
BARRIS: The only reason the KGB didn't kill me | 0:59:29 | 0:59:32 | |
was they needed me | 0:59:32 | 0:59:33 | |
to trade for one of their Russian agents. | 0:59:33 | 0:59:36 | |
I promised myself if I got out of this, | 0:59:48 | 0:59:51 | |
I'd live my life differently. | 0:59:51 | 0:59:53 | |
I'd throw myself into work, | 0:59:53 | 0:59:55 | |
into life. | 0:59:55 | 0:59:57 | |
Penny. I needed to see Penny again. | 0:59:57 | 1:00:02 | |
And tell Byrd I'm out... for good. | 1:00:02 | 1:00:05 | |
If I could just make it past this one last man... | 1:00:07 | 1:00:10 | |
This one... | 1:00:10 | 1:00:12 | |
last... | 1:00:12 | 1:00:14 | |
I don't know what was worse... | 1:00:31 | 1:00:34 | |
That I was duped by that fat fucking bachelor | 1:00:34 | 1:00:38 | |
or that it took seven of us to replace him. | 1:00:38 | 1:00:41 | |
SHEEP BLEATS | 1:00:41 | 1:00:43 | |
You're still in one piece? | 1:00:48 | 1:00:50 | |
CHUCK: Where the fuck you been? | 1:00:50 | 1:00:52 | |
Did you have a nice flight? | 1:00:52 | 1:00:53 | |
Fuck you! Where you been? I got one contact, Jim, | 1:00:53 | 1:00:56 | |
and it's you, and if you disappear, I got no-one. | 1:00:56 | 1:00:58 | |
You understand? | 1:00:58 | 1:00:59 | |
MUSIC BLARES | 1:00:59 | 1:01:00 | |
# I tip my hat to the new constitution... # | 1:01:00 | 1:01:05 | |
# If I had a hammer | 1:01:30 | 1:01:33 | |
# I'd a-hammer in the morning | 1:01:33 | 1:01:36 | |
# I'd a-hammer in the evening... # | 1:01:36 | 1:01:38 | |
FEMALE EXECUTIVE: She's good, huh? | 1:01:38 | 1:01:39 | |
She's very good. Very good. | 1:01:39 | 1:01:41 | |
That's great. That's great. | 1:01:41 | 1:01:43 | |
That's fine. Thank you so much. | 1:01:43 | 1:01:44 | |
But I can sing the whole song. | 1:01:44 | 1:01:46 | |
That was wonderful. Great. | 1:01:46 | 1:01:47 | |
That was enough. That was fine. | 1:01:47 | 1:01:49 | |
All right. Bring in the next thing. | 1:01:49 | 1:01:51 | |
Aw, Christ, there's gotta be somebody in America | 1:01:51 | 1:01:54 | |
with some talent. | 1:01:54 | 1:01:55 | |
Hi! | 1:01:55 | 1:01:57 | |
FEMALE EXECUTIVE: Now, I saw her in a little club. | 1:01:57 | 1:02:01 | |
You're gonna love her. | 1:02:01 | 1:02:02 | |
PLAYING GUITAR | 1:02:02 | 1:02:04 | |
SINGS ATONALLY: # If I had a hammer | 1:02:06 | 1:02:09 | |
# I'd hammer in the morning | 1:02:09 | 1:02:12 | |
# I'd hammer in the evening | 1:02:12 | 1:02:15 | |
# All over this land | 1:02:15 | 1:02:18 | |
# I'd hammer out danger | 1:02:18 | 1:02:22 | |
# I'd hammer out a warning | 1:02:22 | 1:02:25 | |
# I'd hammer out love between | 1:02:25 | 1:02:28 | |
# My brothers and my sisters | 1:02:28 | 1:02:31 | |
# All over this | 1:02:31 | 1:02:33 | |
# Land... # | 1:02:33 | 1:02:34 | |
BELL TOLLS | 1:02:37 | 1:02:39 | |
# All over this | 1:02:39 | 1:02:41 | |
# Land. # GONG CLANGS | 1:02:41 | 1:02:45 | |
# If I were a... # | 1:02:45 | 1:02:46 | |
Oh, no, thank you, thank you! | 1:02:46 | 1:02:47 | |
That's great. Fantastic! | 1:02:47 | 1:02:49 | |
That was great. We'll be in touch. | 1:02:52 | 1:02:54 | |
Thank you. Thank you. | 1:02:54 | 1:02:55 | |
We've been going about this all wrong. | 1:02:55 | 1:02:57 | |
Rather than killing ourselves trying to find good acts, | 1:02:57 | 1:02:59 | |
we just put bad ones and kill them! | 1:02:59 | 1:03:01 | |
Chuck, honestly, this - and I know you like them - | 1:03:01 | 1:03:03 | |
this is torture. | 1:03:03 | 1:03:05 | |
No, no, no, no. We kill 'em before they're through. | 1:03:05 | 1:03:07 | |
As soon as it gets unbearable, | 1:03:07 | 1:03:08 | |
we kill 'em - dead! | 1:03:08 | 1:03:10 | |
GONG SHOW THEME PLAYS | 1:03:11 | 1:03:13 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, this act... | 1:03:13 | 1:03:16 | |
Ah! Oh, this is so good! I love this, man. | 1:03:16 | 1:03:19 | |
This next act answers the age-old question - | 1:03:19 | 1:03:22 | |
if you wear a cellophane... If you - | 1:03:22 | 1:03:26 | |
Whish! OK. | 1:03:26 | 1:03:27 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 1:03:27 | 1:03:28 | |
If you wear... Ha-ha! | 1:03:28 | 1:03:30 | |
..a cellophane suit, | 1:03:30 | 1:03:32 | |
can people clearly see you're nuts? | 1:03:32 | 1:03:35 | |
I don't know. | 1:03:35 | 1:03:37 | |
A little humour, folks. | 1:03:37 | 1:03:38 | |
All the way from Pacoima, | 1:03:38 | 1:03:41 | |
Mick Donnelly! | 1:03:41 | 1:03:43 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 1:03:43 | 1:03:44 | |
MUSIC PLAYS | 1:03:44 | 1:03:47 | |
OFF-KEY: # Raindrops keep falling on my head | 1:03:47 | 1:03:50 | |
# Just like the guy | 1:03:50 | 1:03:52 | |
# Whose feet are too big for his bed | 1:03:52 | 1:03:55 | |
# Nothin' seems to fit Those | 1:03:55 | 1:03:58 | |
# Raindrops are fallin' on my head | 1:03:58 | 1:03:59 | |
# They keep fallin' | 1:03:59 | 1:04:02 | |
# So I just did me some talkin' to the sun | 1:04:02 | 1:04:06 | |
# And I said I didn't like | 1:04:06 | 1:04:08 | |
# The way he got things done | 1:04:08 | 1:04:10 | |
# Sleepin' on the job Those... # | 1:04:10 | 1:04:13 | |
BARRIS: Who could have known there were so many Americans | 1:04:13 | 1:04:16 | |
just waiting for the opportunity to get on TV | 1:04:16 | 1:04:19 | |
and make an ass out of themselves? | 1:04:19 | 1:04:22 | |
# Raindrops keep fallin' on my head | 1:04:22 | 1:04:24 | |
# But that doesn't mean my eyes | 1:04:24 | 1:04:25 | |
# Will soon be turnin' red... # | 1:04:25 | 1:04:27 | |
BOOING | 1:04:27 | 1:04:29 | |
# Cryin's not for me | 1:04:29 | 1:04:31 | |
# Cos I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin' | 1:04:31 | 1:04:35 | |
# Because I'm... # | 1:04:35 | 1:04:36 | |
GONG | 1:04:36 | 1:04:37 | |
We'll be back... | 1:04:39 | 1:04:41 | |
with more...stuff | 1:04:41 | 1:04:43 | |
right after this message. | 1:04:43 | 1:04:45 | |
You know what the sad part about it is - | 1:04:49 | 1:04:51 | |
Barris has a reputation for lowering the bar of television | 1:04:51 | 1:04:54 | |
and the standards and all, but... | 1:04:54 | 1:04:56 | |
he had a great feel for what people wanted, | 1:04:56 | 1:04:58 | |
and he couldn't take the criticism. | 1:04:58 | 1:05:00 | |
BARRIS: Things started to evolve pretty quickly. | 1:05:00 | 1:05:04 | |
The show was gaining momentum, | 1:05:04 | 1:05:06 | |
and I was becoming the one thing I didn't expect - | 1:05:06 | 1:05:10 | |
famous. | 1:05:10 | 1:05:11 | |
Hey, you're Chuck Barris, right? | 1:05:11 | 1:05:13 | |
Yeah. | 1:05:13 | 1:05:14 | |
The Gong Show. I love that show. | 1:05:14 | 1:05:16 | |
Thanks. | 1:05:16 | 1:05:17 | |
WOMAN: Hi. | 1:06:15 | 1:06:16 | |
Hi. | 1:06:16 | 1:06:18 | |
I thought that was you. | 1:06:18 | 1:06:20 | |
Yeah... | 1:06:20 | 1:06:22 | |
It's me. | 1:06:22 | 1:06:23 | |
WOMAN LAUGHS | 1:06:23 | 1:06:25 | |
Well, I'm glad to meet you. | 1:06:25 | 1:06:27 | |
I've seen The Gong Show. | 1:06:27 | 1:06:29 | |
Oh. Yeah, well... | 1:06:29 | 1:06:31 | |
I think you're the most | 1:06:32 | 1:06:33 | |
insidious, despicable force in entertainment today. | 1:06:33 | 1:06:36 | |
How dare you subject the rest of the world | 1:06:38 | 1:06:40 | |
to your loathsome views of humanity? | 1:06:40 | 1:06:43 | |
Yeah... I don't think it's that loathsome. | 1:06:43 | 1:06:45 | |
What is it, then? | 1:06:45 | 1:06:47 | |
To mock some poor lonely people | 1:06:47 | 1:06:48 | |
who are just craving a little attention in their lives... | 1:06:48 | 1:06:51 | |
to destroy them? | 1:06:51 | 1:06:53 | |
I mean, they're still people. | 1:06:53 | 1:06:55 | |
They still deserve a little respect and compassion. | 1:06:55 | 1:06:58 | |
Who the hell are you | 1:06:59 | 1:07:01 | |
and what the fuck have you ever done | 1:07:01 | 1:07:03 | |
to elevate yourself among the pathetic masses? | 1:07:03 | 1:07:05 | |
Oh, that's right. You created The Dating Game. | 1:07:07 | 1:07:10 | |
Wow. | 1:07:10 | 1:07:11 | |
That's right up there with the Sistine Chapel. | 1:07:13 | 1:07:15 | |
DRINK SPILLS | 1:07:15 | 1:07:16 | |
Ladies and gentlemen... | 1:07:19 | 1:07:21 | |
it wouldn't surprise me to see this next act - | 1:07:21 | 1:07:24 | |
UPBEAT MUSIC BEGINS | 1:07:24 | 1:07:25 | |
MAN: Whoo! | 1:07:25 | 1:07:27 | |
That means... | 1:07:27 | 1:07:28 | |
It's Gene... | 1:07:28 | 1:07:29 | |
Gene, the dancing machine, | 1:07:29 | 1:07:33 | |
and just in time! | 1:07:33 | 1:07:36 | |
GENE'S DANCING MUSIC PLAYS | 1:07:36 | 1:07:38 | |
FEMALE CRITIC: He represents more | 1:07:58 | 1:07:59 | |
than just the decline of quality television. | 1:07:59 | 1:08:02 | |
In my opinion | 1:08:02 | 1:08:03 | |
Chuck Barris will do more harm to our society | 1:08:03 | 1:08:05 | |
than people seem to realise. | 1:08:05 | 1:08:07 | |
LORETTA: Line one's for you, Chuck. | 1:08:07 | 1:08:08 | |
Who is it? | 1:08:08 | 1:08:10 | |
Some guy. He says he's a friend of yours | 1:08:10 | 1:08:11 | |
from Berlin. | 1:08:11 | 1:08:13 | |
Hello. | 1:08:27 | 1:08:28 | |
Very gutsy, my neighbour. | 1:08:28 | 1:08:30 | |
I guess you heard about Oliver. | 1:08:30 | 1:08:33 | |
Someone changed sides. | 1:08:33 | 1:08:35 | |
CAR DOOR OPENS, STREET NOISES | 1:08:35 | 1:08:36 | |
What was so urgent? | 1:08:36 | 1:08:38 | |
CAR DOOR CLOSES | 1:08:38 | 1:08:39 | |
STREET NOISES | 1:08:40 | 1:08:42 | |
KEELER: I was wondering, you wanna grab a bite? | 1:08:42 | 1:08:44 | |
I'm in town for a day. | 1:08:44 | 1:08:46 | |
BARRIS: Now, assassins don't fraternise. | 1:08:46 | 1:08:48 | |
That Keeler was calling me | 1:08:48 | 1:08:50 | |
could mean it was my turn to get hit. | 1:08:50 | 1:08:52 | |
I would take him somewhere where I knew I would be safe. | 1:08:52 | 1:08:56 | |
How's show biz? | 1:08:58 | 1:08:59 | |
Well, it's hit and miss. | 1:08:59 | 1:09:01 | |
I got a new show called Operation Entertainment, | 1:09:01 | 1:09:04 | |
which I believe is really, really gonna kill. | 1:09:04 | 1:09:06 | |
It's sort of a Bob Hope visiting-the-troops thing, | 1:09:06 | 1:09:09 | |
but it's weekly. | 1:09:09 | 1:09:11 | |
Instead of Bob Hope, it's like Flip Wilson... | 1:09:11 | 1:09:13 | |
Chuck. Tch. | 1:09:13 | 1:09:15 | |
Why do you do what you do? | 1:09:15 | 1:09:17 | |
Hmm? | 1:09:17 | 1:09:19 | |
Well, I like to think | 1:09:19 | 1:09:20 | |
that I bring joy and laughter | 1:09:20 | 1:09:23 | |
to millions of people. | 1:09:23 | 1:09:25 | |
It's a very important thing, I think, | 1:09:25 | 1:09:27 | |
in these difficult times. | 1:09:27 | 1:09:28 | |
I'm not saying the show is as good as it can be yet, | 1:09:28 | 1:09:31 | |
but, uh... | 1:09:31 | 1:09:32 | |
No, no. | 1:09:32 | 1:09:34 | |
Why do we do what we do? | 1:09:34 | 1:09:37 | |
Hmm? | 1:09:38 | 1:09:39 | |
LAUGHS Come on. | 1:09:39 | 1:09:41 | |
I got my feet wet in World War II. | 1:09:42 | 1:09:45 | |
Germany. | 1:09:45 | 1:09:48 | |
The pleasure of killing... was exhilarating. | 1:09:48 | 1:09:52 | |
Later in life, I... | 1:09:52 | 1:09:54 | |
couldn't find a place to fill that void... | 1:09:54 | 1:09:59 | |
to get that same rush of energy. | 1:09:59 | 1:10:02 | |
So I started up my own business. | 1:10:02 | 1:10:04 | |
MAN: Gentlemen, are you ready to order? | 1:10:04 | 1:10:08 | |
I'll have a green salad, no dressing. | 1:10:08 | 1:10:10 | |
And for you, sir? | 1:10:10 | 1:10:11 | |
Can I get a steak? Uh...rare. | 1:10:11 | 1:10:13 | |
Thank you. | 1:10:13 | 1:10:15 | |
Let me read you something. | 1:10:17 | 1:10:19 | |
"Whatsoever your hand finds to do, | 1:10:20 | 1:10:24 | |
"do it gladly... | 1:10:24 | 1:10:26 | |
"because there is no work, love, knowledge, | 1:10:26 | 1:10:29 | |
"or wisdom in the grave." | 1:10:29 | 1:10:31 | |
Who is that, Carlyle? | 1:10:31 | 1:10:34 | |
No, it's... | 1:10:34 | 1:10:35 | |
the Old Testament. | 1:10:35 | 1:10:38 | |
It's God. | 1:10:39 | 1:10:41 | |
It's amazing you should quote him. | 1:10:41 | 1:10:43 | |
He's my hero. | 1:10:43 | 1:10:44 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 1:10:44 | 1:10:47 | |
Killing my first... | 1:10:49 | 1:10:51 | |
man... | 1:10:51 | 1:10:54 | |
was like making love to my first woman. | 1:10:54 | 1:10:57 | |
I remember... | 1:10:59 | 1:11:00 | |
every little detail... | 1:11:00 | 1:11:03 | |
The smell of his hair, | 1:11:03 | 1:11:05 | |
ice on the window, | 1:11:05 | 1:11:08 | |
wallpaper. | 1:11:08 | 1:11:10 | |
It's... like entering a different time zone. | 1:11:11 | 1:11:15 | |
You're... becoming an outsider, | 1:11:15 | 1:11:18 | |
isolating yourself. | 1:11:18 | 1:11:20 | |
You're con...condemned. | 1:11:20 | 1:11:23 | |
BARRIS: Condemned? | 1:11:24 | 1:11:25 | |
KEELER: You have become... their sadness, and... | 1:11:25 | 1:11:32 | |
live in a different state of mind. | 1:11:32 | 1:11:34 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, | 1:11:39 | 1:11:41 | |
the host of The Gong Show... | 1:11:41 | 1:11:43 | |
CHUCKLES | 1:11:43 | 1:11:45 | |
Chuck Barris. | 1:11:45 | 1:11:46 | |
Hey, it's good to see you, Sieg. | 1:11:46 | 1:11:48 | |
Yeah. It'll be all right. | 1:11:48 | 1:11:51 | |
It'll be all right. | 1:11:53 | 1:11:54 | |
WOMAN: # Happy birthday... # | 1:11:54 | 1:11:56 | |
I think. | 1:11:56 | 1:11:57 | |
# To you | 1:11:57 | 1:11:59 | |
# Happy birthday | 1:11:59 | 1:12:01 | |
# Dear Chuckie | 1:12:01 | 1:12:04 | |
# Happy birthday | 1:12:04 | 1:12:06 | |
# To you. # | 1:12:06 | 1:12:08 | |
Is that right? | 1:12:14 | 1:12:16 | |
Yeah. | 1:12:16 | 1:12:18 | |
That's real good. | 1:12:18 | 1:12:20 | |
That's real good. | 1:12:20 | 1:12:21 | |
PENNY: so what's wrong, Chuck? | 1:12:21 | 1:12:24 | |
Are you OK? | 1:12:24 | 1:12:25 | |
Yeah, yeah, I'm OK. | 1:12:25 | 1:12:27 | |
It's a... guy I know... | 1:12:27 | 1:12:30 | |
killed himself last night. | 1:12:30 | 1:12:31 | |
A guy I know killed himself. | 1:12:41 | 1:12:43 | |
Who was he? | 1:12:50 | 1:12:51 | |
You don't know him. He's a, uh... | 1:12:51 | 1:12:53 | |
stagehand. | 1:12:53 | 1:12:55 | |
Why did he do it? | 1:12:57 | 1:12:59 | |
He didn't like his work any more. | 1:13:01 | 1:13:04 | |
Thanks. Thanks. | 1:13:04 | 1:13:06 | |
Is being a stagehand really, really bad? | 1:13:06 | 1:13:09 | |
Yeah, it's pretty bad. | 1:13:09 | 1:13:11 | |
Hello? | 1:13:25 | 1:13:26 | |
You were supposed to meet me at The Palm two hours ago. | 1:13:26 | 1:13:30 | |
Oh, fuck, I forgot. | 1:13:30 | 1:13:31 | |
You forgot. Really? Yeah! | 1:13:31 | 1:13:32 | |
Keeler's dead. Did you know? | 1:13:32 | 1:13:33 | |
Yeah, I heard. I heard. | 1:13:33 | 1:13:34 | |
You heard. What did you hear? | 1:13:34 | 1:13:36 | |
I heard he took himself out. | 1:13:36 | 1:13:37 | |
Is that right? Did Byrd tell you that? | 1:13:37 | 1:13:39 | |
Yeah, he said he was depressed. | 1:13:39 | 1:13:40 | |
I was gonna tell you, but... Hey! | 1:13:40 | 1:13:42 | |
Hey. Who is this? | 1:13:42 | 1:13:43 | |
I don't get stood up. Do you understand? | 1:13:43 | 1:13:45 | |
Fun! Excuse me. | 1:13:45 | 1:13:46 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 1:13:46 | 1:13:47 | |
So glad, um... | 1:13:47 | 1:13:49 | |
Penny. Patricia. | 1:13:49 | 1:13:50 | |
LAUGHING How'd you find me? | 1:13:50 | 1:13:52 | |
Are you serious? | 1:13:52 | 1:13:53 | |
This is what I do for a living. | 1:13:53 | 1:13:55 | |
What does she mean that's what she does for a living? | 1:13:55 | 1:13:56 | |
You're dead in my book, strawberry dick, got it? | 1:13:56 | 1:13:58 | |
Strawberry dick! | 1:13:58 | 1:13:59 | |
What's that? Whoa! | 1:13:59 | 1:14:00 | |
I'll see you around. Nice to meet you, Penny. | 1:14:00 | 1:14:02 | |
I've heard a lot about you. | 1:14:02 | 1:14:04 | |
Why don't you stay for a... | 1:14:04 | 1:14:06 | |
cocktail? | 1:14:06 | 1:14:07 | |
Penny. | 1:14:07 | 1:14:08 | |
And... And, uh... | 1:14:08 | 1:14:10 | |
You know, man... | 1:14:10 | 1:14:12 | |
LAUGHING I'm giving you one more chance. | 1:14:12 | 1:14:14 | |
Get it? | 1:14:14 | 1:14:15 | |
SIGHS | 1:14:15 | 1:14:17 | |
Fuck. | 1:14:17 | 1:14:18 | |
AUDIENCE APPLAUDS | 1:14:18 | 1:14:19 | |
MAN: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. | 1:14:19 | 1:14:21 | |
PLAYS INTRO TO "FOOLS RUSH IN" | 1:14:21 | 1:14:23 | |
OFF-KEY: # Wise men say | 1:14:26 | 1:14:33 | |
# Only fools | 1:14:33 | 1:14:36 | |
# Rush in | 1:14:36 | 1:14:42 | |
# But I can't help | 1:14:42 | 1:14:48 | |
# Falling in love | 1:14:48 | 1:14:51 | |
# With you | 1:14:51 | 1:14:58 | |
# Take my | 1:14:58 | 1:15:01 | |
# Hand | 1:15:01 | 1:15:05 | |
# Take my whole life | 1:15:05 | 1:15:09 | |
# Too | 1:15:09 | 1:15:13 | |
# For I can't help | 1:15:13 | 1:15:19 | |
# Falling in love | 1:15:19 | 1:15:23 | |
# With you | 1:15:23 | 1:15:28 | |
# For I can't help | 1:15:28 | 1:15:34 | |
# Falling in love | 1:15:34 | 1:15:39 | |
# With | 1:15:39 | 1:15:42 | |
# You. # | 1:15:42 | 1:15:48 | |
WEAK APPLAUSE | 1:15:48 | 1:15:49 | |
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. | 1:15:49 | 1:15:50 | |
LORETTA, OVER INTERCOM: Uh, line one for you, Chuck. | 1:15:53 | 1:15:56 | |
Thanks. | 1:15:57 | 1:15:58 | |
Yeah? | 1:15:59 | 1:16:00 | |
JIM: 'Keeler didn't kill himself. | 1:16:00 | 1:16:02 | |
'He was murdered. | 1:16:02 | 1:16:03 | |
'Watch your back.' HANGS UP | 1:16:03 | 1:16:05 | |
You can come in now, Mr Flexner. | 1:16:06 | 1:16:09 | |
Chuck! | 1:16:09 | 1:16:10 | |
HANGS UP PHONE | 1:16:10 | 1:16:11 | |
Great to see ya. | 1:16:11 | 1:16:13 | |
What's up, Rod? | 1:16:13 | 1:16:15 | |
CHUCKLES | 1:16:15 | 1:16:17 | |
Well... | 1:16:17 | 1:16:18 | |
Chuck, may I sit? | 1:16:18 | 1:16:20 | |
Hey, how's that redhead? | 1:16:20 | 1:16:22 | |
She's...good, you know. | 1:16:22 | 1:16:23 | |
Keeps... | 1:16:23 | 1:16:25 | |
Well, Chuck, uh... | 1:16:25 | 1:16:26 | |
the thing is, we have to talk. | 1:16:26 | 1:16:28 | |
What's up, Rod? | 1:16:28 | 1:16:30 | |
Well, the thing is... | 1:16:30 | 1:16:32 | |
some of your old shows aren't doing so well | 1:16:32 | 1:16:35 | |
in the old ratings war. LAUGHS | 1:16:35 | 1:16:37 | |
So... | 1:16:39 | 1:16:40 | |
I've been put in the unfortunate position | 1:16:40 | 1:16:43 | |
of having to inform you | 1:16:43 | 1:16:45 | |
that the network is cancelling these shows. | 1:16:45 | 1:16:48 | |
Now, don't shoot me, Chuck. | 1:16:51 | 1:16:52 | |
I'm just the messenger. | 1:16:54 | 1:16:56 | |
Psshh. | 1:17:02 | 1:17:03 | |
Aargh! | 1:17:06 | 1:17:07 | |
CHUCKLES | 1:17:07 | 1:17:09 | |
SIGHS | 1:17:09 | 1:17:10 | |
This really is | 1:17:10 | 1:17:12 | |
the hardest part of the job for me. | 1:17:12 | 1:17:14 | |
CHUCK: They killed my babies, you know, | 1:17:16 | 1:17:17 | |
just like that. | 1:17:17 | 1:17:19 | |
I pushed them into the world | 1:17:19 | 1:17:21 | |
through the birth canal of my imagination... | 1:17:21 | 1:17:24 | |
Lovingly... | 1:17:24 | 1:17:25 | |
Tenderly. | 1:17:25 | 1:17:26 | |
Where's the humanity of these people? | 1:17:26 | 1:17:29 | |
Huh? | 1:17:29 | 1:17:30 | |
Fuck 'em. | 1:17:30 | 1:17:31 | |
Fuck 'em. | 1:17:31 | 1:17:32 | |
They're fucking bastards anyway. | 1:17:32 | 1:17:35 | |
Yeah. What am I gonna do now? | 1:17:35 | 1:17:37 | |
Oh, baby. | 1:17:39 | 1:17:41 | |
Oh, yeah. | 1:17:41 | 1:17:43 | |
Feels so good. | 1:17:43 | 1:17:45 | |
WOMAN MOANS SOFTLY | 1:17:59 | 1:18:02 | |
Chuck? | 1:18:05 | 1:18:07 | |
PENNY: Chuck? | 1:18:11 | 1:18:12 | |
Fuck! Fuck! | 1:18:12 | 1:18:13 | |
Penny, fuck! | 1:18:13 | 1:18:16 | |
I came here to tell you I sold a painting. | 1:18:31 | 1:18:34 | |
That's great. | 1:18:34 | 1:18:36 | |
What's she doing here? | 1:18:38 | 1:18:40 | |
She's, uh... | 1:18:40 | 1:18:42 | |
PENNY: This is our house. | 1:18:44 | 1:18:46 | |
It's one thing to go elsewhere | 1:18:47 | 1:18:49 | |
for your pussy needs. | 1:18:49 | 1:18:51 | |
But...this is our house. | 1:18:51 | 1:18:54 | |
It's my house, Pen. | 1:18:54 | 1:18:55 | |
It's our house. | 1:18:55 | 1:18:57 | |
I found it with you. I decorated it with you. | 1:18:59 | 1:19:02 | |
I spent six fucking months | 1:19:02 | 1:19:04 | |
waiting for the fucking plumber to fucking come. | 1:19:04 | 1:19:07 | |
CHUCK, WHISPERING: I'm sorry. | 1:19:13 | 1:19:14 | |
You're such an asshole. | 1:19:17 | 1:19:19 | |
STARTS ENGINE | 1:19:35 | 1:19:36 | |
..No, I'm not saying that. | 1:20:02 | 1:20:03 | |
That's not what I'm saying. | 1:20:03 | 1:20:05 | |
TEARFULLY: Then what are you saying, Chuck? | 1:20:05 | 1:20:07 | |
SNIFFS | 1:20:07 | 1:20:08 | |
CRYING: Do you want me around or not? | 1:20:09 | 1:20:12 | |
Do you even like me? | 1:20:12 | 1:20:14 | |
Of course I like you. | 1:20:14 | 1:20:16 | |
Penny... | 1:20:16 | 1:20:18 | |
SNIFFING How much? | 1:20:18 | 1:20:19 | |
What? | 1:20:19 | 1:20:20 | |
I need to know how much you like me. | 1:20:20 | 1:20:24 | |
I-I don't know what that means. | 1:20:24 | 1:20:26 | |
How much? | 1:20:26 | 1:20:28 | |
How can I rate a person in that way? | 1:20:28 | 1:20:30 | |
You could if you felt it. | 1:20:30 | 1:20:33 | |
If you felt it, it would be easy. | 1:20:33 | 1:20:35 | |
You would just... | 1:20:35 | 1:20:36 | |
..spread your arms | 1:20:38 | 1:20:40 | |
as wide as they would go | 1:20:40 | 1:20:42 | |
and say, "This much, Penny." | 1:20:42 | 1:20:44 | |
WHISPERING: Everything... | 1:20:53 | 1:20:55 | |
Everything's complicated, Pen. | 1:20:55 | 1:20:57 | |
You know, nothing's black and white like that. | 1:20:57 | 1:21:00 | |
Do you want me around or not, | 1:21:06 | 1:21:08 | |
because if you don't, it's OK. | 1:21:08 | 1:21:10 | |
Just tell me. | 1:21:10 | 1:21:11 | |
Hey, hey... | 1:21:11 | 1:21:13 | |
I love you, Penny... | 1:21:16 | 1:21:18 | |
in my way. | 1:21:18 | 1:21:20 | |
You know, maybe not in that crazy | 1:21:25 | 1:21:28 | |
head-over-heels thing, | 1:21:28 | 1:21:30 | |
but what is that anyway? | 1:21:30 | 1:21:32 | |
Romantic love... | 1:21:32 | 1:21:35 | |
Isn't that just an illusion? | 1:21:35 | 1:21:37 | |
You just said you loved me, right? | 1:21:41 | 1:21:44 | |
SNIFFS | 1:21:46 | 1:21:47 | |
MUSIC FADES IN | 1:21:58 | 1:22:01 | |
# Just like yesterday | 1:22:01 | 1:22:04 | |
# And I'll get on my knees and pray | 1:22:04 | 1:22:08 | |
# We don't... # | 1:22:11 | 1:22:12 | |
TURNS OFF MUSIC | 1:22:12 | 1:22:13 | |
Hi, Chuck. | 1:22:26 | 1:22:27 | |
Hey, Jim, what do you want? | 1:22:27 | 1:22:29 | |
How's work? | 1:22:29 | 1:22:30 | |
Great. | 1:22:30 | 1:22:31 | |
Any new game show ideas? | 1:22:31 | 1:22:33 | |
Dozens. Why are you here, Jim? | 1:22:33 | 1:22:35 | |
We need you to find the mole | 1:22:35 | 1:22:37 | |
and take him out. | 1:22:37 | 1:22:39 | |
Yeah. | 1:22:43 | 1:22:44 | |
LAUGHS | 1:22:44 | 1:22:46 | |
Yeah... | 1:22:46 | 1:22:48 | |
I'm done killing people. | 1:22:48 | 1:22:50 | |
I just want to entertain people. | 1:22:50 | 1:22:52 | |
I'm out. | 1:22:52 | 1:22:54 | |
No, you're not. | 1:22:55 | 1:22:57 | |
Hey, I got an idea. | 1:23:01 | 1:23:03 | |
If you want him so bad... | 1:23:03 | 1:23:06 | |
why don't you do it? | 1:23:06 | 1:23:07 | |
Why don't you kill the mole? | 1:23:07 | 1:23:09 | |
Any problem with killing, Jim? | 1:23:09 | 1:23:12 | |
I just don't fit the profile. | 1:23:13 | 1:23:16 | |
What fucking profile? There is no fucking profile. | 1:23:16 | 1:23:18 | |
OK. There's no profile. | 1:23:18 | 1:23:20 | |
Yeah, there's no profile. | 1:23:20 | 1:23:21 | |
OK. | 1:23:21 | 1:23:22 | |
You had a twin sister, stillborn, | 1:23:25 | 1:23:27 | |
strangled by your umbilical cord. | 1:23:27 | 1:23:30 | |
Your first hit. | 1:23:30 | 1:23:32 | |
Your mother always wanted a daughter. | 1:23:32 | 1:23:34 | |
She blamed you for your sister's death, | 1:23:34 | 1:23:36 | |
so until your sister Phoebe was born, | 1:23:36 | 1:23:38 | |
she raised you as a girl. | 1:23:38 | 1:23:40 | |
What else? | 1:23:40 | 1:23:41 | |
Your father, the dentist. | 1:23:41 | 1:23:44 | |
Not really your father. | 1:23:44 | 1:23:46 | |
Your real father was a man | 1:23:47 | 1:23:49 | |
named Edmond jams Windsor. | 1:23:49 | 1:23:51 | |
Among other things, he was a serial killer, | 1:23:51 | 1:23:53 | |
a fact your mother didn't know | 1:23:53 | 1:23:55 | |
when she had an affair with him in 1928. | 1:23:55 | 1:23:57 | |
That's ridiculous. | 1:23:57 | 1:23:58 | |
Is it? | 1:23:58 | 1:24:00 | |
That's insane. | 1:24:00 | 1:24:01 | |
Windsor died in the electric chair | 1:24:01 | 1:24:03 | |
in 1939. | 1:24:03 | 1:24:04 | |
I'm trying to think of what more I can tell you, | 1:24:06 | 1:24:08 | |
but you have me at a bit of a disadvantage, Chuck. | 1:24:08 | 1:24:10 | |
I don't have your files in front of me. | 1:24:10 | 1:24:13 | |
Come on, Jim. | 1:24:21 | 1:24:22 | |
I'm out. | 1:24:28 | 1:24:30 | |
As long as the mole's alive, you're a dead man. | 1:24:37 | 1:24:40 | |
How do I know it's not you? | 1:24:40 | 1:24:43 | |
You're a fairly bright guy, Chuck. | 1:24:43 | 1:24:46 | |
You'll figure it out. | 1:24:47 | 1:24:49 | |
INAUDIBLE | 1:26:08 | 1:26:12 | |
INAUDIBLE | 1:26:24 | 1:26:26 | |
Hey, Chuck. I... | 1:26:50 | 1:26:51 | |
Take it off. Huh? | 1:26:51 | 1:26:52 | |
Who are you? What's your name? | 1:26:52 | 1:26:54 | |
What's your name? | 1:26:54 | 1:26:55 | |
GONG | 1:26:55 | 1:26:56 | |
AUDIENCE APPLAUDS | 1:26:58 | 1:27:00 | |
INCIDENTAL GAME SHOW MUSIC | 1:27:00 | 1:27:03 | |
Yeah... | 1:27:05 | 1:27:07 | |
That's the way it goes on... | 1:27:07 | 1:27:09 | |
TV. | 1:27:09 | 1:27:10 | |
Get off the stage. Get off the stage. | 1:27:10 | 1:27:12 | |
Go back to Scotland! | 1:27:12 | 1:27:14 | |
Get yourself a Guinness and some lucky charms. | 1:27:14 | 1:27:17 | |
All right. | 1:27:17 | 1:27:18 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, | 1:27:18 | 1:27:20 | |
The prince of puns... | 1:27:20 | 1:27:23 | |
The wizard of whoopee! | 1:27:23 | 1:27:25 | |
APPLAUSE | 1:27:25 | 1:27:26 | |
The unknown comic! | 1:27:26 | 1:27:29 | |
Hey, Chuckie, baby! Hey, Chuckie, baby! | 1:27:29 | 1:27:30 | |
Hey, Chuckie, baby, I got a joke for you, Chuckie, baby. | 1:27:30 | 1:27:33 | |
A joke. A joke. What? What? | 1:27:33 | 1:27:34 | |
What's the difference between toilet paper | 1:27:34 | 1:27:35 | |
and a shower curtain? | 1:27:35 | 1:27:36 | |
I don't know. What? | 1:27:36 | 1:27:37 | |
Here's the guy! | 1:27:37 | 1:27:38 | |
Get off the stage. Get off the stage. | 1:27:38 | 1:27:40 | |
No, it's my turn, Chuckie. | 1:27:40 | 1:27:41 | |
Get off the stage. | 1:27:41 | 1:27:43 | |
You're fucking crazy, man. | 1:27:43 | 1:27:44 | |
Get the fuck out of here. | 1:27:44 | 1:27:46 | |
Ladies and gentlemen... | 1:27:46 | 1:27:49 | |
uh...our next act... | 1:27:49 | 1:27:51 | |
Ha ha! | 1:27:51 | 1:27:53 | |
..first came... | 1:27:53 | 1:27:54 | |
..to us...all the way... | 1:27:57 | 1:28:00 | |
Um... Ha ha... | 1:28:02 | 1:28:04 | |
Lord. Crazy on coast-to-coast. | 1:28:04 | 1:28:08 | |
Come on. | 1:28:10 | 1:28:11 | |
You like the way Mommy looks? | 1:28:15 | 1:28:17 | |
Yes. | 1:28:17 | 1:28:19 | |
I bet you'd like to be a mommy some day, | 1:28:19 | 1:28:21 | |
Wouldn't you? | 1:28:21 | 1:28:22 | |
Come here, you. | 1:28:22 | 1:28:24 | |
RENDA CRYING OUT | 1:28:24 | 1:28:26 | |
BARRIS: Sorry about your teeth. | 1:28:31 | 1:28:33 | |
MOTHER: # ..Birthday to you | 1:28:43 | 1:28:46 | |
# Happy birthday to you | 1:28:46 | 1:28:50 | |
# Happy birthday dear Chuckie | 1:28:50 | 1:28:54 | |
# Happy birthday to... # | 1:28:54 | 1:28:57 | |
Come on. | 1:29:08 | 1:29:10 | |
Take me away now. | 1:29:10 | 1:29:11 | |
Take me away. | 1:29:11 | 1:29:14 | |
What are you waitin' for? | 1:29:14 | 1:29:17 | |
Come on. Come on. | 1:29:17 | 1:29:19 | |
Come on. | 1:29:19 | 1:29:21 | |
I see you. | 1:29:23 | 1:29:25 | |
I know who you are. | 1:29:25 | 1:29:26 | |
What are you looking at? | 1:29:26 | 1:29:28 | |
MUSIC STARTS | 1:29:28 | 1:29:31 | |
# If I had a hammer | 1:29:31 | 1:29:33 | |
# I'd a-hammer in the mornin' | 1:29:33 | 1:29:36 | |
# I'd a-hammer in the evenin' | 1:29:36 | 1:29:38 | |
# All over this land | 1:29:38 | 1:29:41 | |
# I'd a-hammer out danger | 1:29:41 | 1:29:44 | |
# I'd a-hammer out a warnin' | 1:29:44 | 1:29:46 | |
# I'd a-hammer out love | 1:29:46 | 1:29:48 | |
# Between my brothers and my sisters | 1:29:48 | 1:29:50 | |
# All over | 1:29:50 | 1:29:52 | |
# This land | 1:29:52 | 1:29:55 | |
# Ooh ooh ooh | 1:29:55 | 1:29:57 | |
# If I had a bell | 1:29:57 | 1:29:59 | |
# I'd a-ring it in the mornin' | 1:29:59 | 1:30:02 | |
# I'd a-ring it in the evenin' | 1:30:02 | 1:30:04 | |
# All over this land | 1:30:04 | 1:30:07 | |
# I'd ring out danger | 1:30:07 | 1:30:10 | |
# I'd ring out a warning | 1:30:10 | 1:30:12 | |
# I'd ring out | 1:30:12 | 1:30:13 | |
# Love between my brothers and my sisters | 1:30:13 | 1:30:16 | |
# All over | 1:30:16 | 1:30:18 | |
# This land | 1:30:18 | 1:30:21 | |
# Ooh | 1:30:21 | 1:30:22 | |
# If I had a song | 1:30:22 | 1:30:25 | |
# I'd sing it in the morning | 1:30:25 | 1:30:28 | |
# I'd sing it in the evenin' | 1:30:28 | 1:30:30 | |
# All over this land | 1:30:30 | 1:30:32 | |
# I'd sing out danger | 1:30:32 | 1:30:35 | |
# I'd sing out a warning | 1:30:35 | 1:30:37 | |
# I'd sing out love | 1:30:37 | 1:30:39 | |
# Between my brothers and my sisters | 1:30:39 | 1:30:42 | |
# All over | 1:30:42 | 1:30:44 | |
# This land. # | 1:30:44 | 1:30:46 | |
BARRIS: Dear Penny... | 1:30:48 | 1:30:50 | |
this is just a note to say | 1:30:50 | 1:30:52 | |
that I'm sorry... | 1:30:52 | 1:30:54 | |
for all of it. | 1:30:54 | 1:30:57 | |
You were the best part of my life, | 1:30:57 | 1:30:59 | |
and I couldn't see it. | 1:30:59 | 1:31:02 | |
I'm not asking for another chance... | 1:31:02 | 1:31:04 | |
Just for your forgiveness. | 1:31:06 | 1:31:08 | |
Love, Chuck. | 1:31:10 | 1:31:11 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 1:31:21 | 1:31:22 | |
Well... | 1:31:30 | 1:31:32 | |
look who comes out of hiding. | 1:31:32 | 1:31:34 | |
CHUCK: I started thinking, Trish, | 1:31:35 | 1:31:37 | |
you're the only woman in the world who really... | 1:31:37 | 1:31:39 | |
who really knows me. | 1:31:39 | 1:31:40 | |
I know I screwed you over in the past, | 1:31:40 | 1:31:43 | |
and I'm...I'm sorry. I... | 1:31:43 | 1:31:46 | |
PIANO CONCERTO PLAYS | 1:31:46 | 1:31:48 | |
I just want you to know that... | 1:31:49 | 1:31:51 | |
..I hate myself for how... | 1:31:55 | 1:31:58 | |
Goddamn, I hate myself | 1:31:58 | 1:31:59 | |
for how I lived, Trish. | 1:31:59 | 1:32:02 | |
PATRICIA: Nietzsche says whoever despises oneself | 1:32:03 | 1:32:06 | |
still respects oneself as one who despises. | 1:32:06 | 1:32:09 | |
Shit, I never thought of that. | 1:32:10 | 1:32:12 | |
I can't even despise myself with any insight. | 1:32:12 | 1:32:15 | |
The insane asylums are filled with people | 1:32:15 | 1:32:18 | |
who think they're Jesus or Satan. | 1:32:18 | 1:32:20 | |
Very few have delusions of being | 1:32:20 | 1:32:23 | |
a guy down the block | 1:32:23 | 1:32:25 | |
who works for an insurance company. | 1:32:25 | 1:32:27 | |
All right. | 1:32:29 | 1:32:31 | |
What is this stuff? | 1:32:32 | 1:32:35 | |
You know, I wanted to be a writer once. | 1:32:35 | 1:32:37 | |
I wanted to... write something | 1:32:37 | 1:32:39 | |
that someday some lesser person would quote, | 1:32:39 | 1:32:41 | |
but I never did. | 1:32:41 | 1:32:42 | |
I'm the lesser person, Trish. | 1:32:42 | 1:32:45 | |
I never say anything meaningful | 1:32:45 | 1:32:47 | |
that wasn't said by somebody else first. | 1:32:47 | 1:32:50 | |
I am disposable. | 1:32:50 | 1:32:52 | |
I disposed of people, and I'm disposable. | 1:32:52 | 1:32:56 | |
You know, I've been thinking about you | 1:32:59 | 1:33:02 | |
a lot lately, Chuck. | 1:33:02 | 1:33:03 | |
Oh, yeah? Mmm. | 1:33:03 | 1:33:05 | |
CHUCKLES | 1:33:05 | 1:33:06 | |
I've missed you. | 1:33:06 | 1:33:08 | |
Well, you could have fooled me. | 1:33:08 | 1:33:10 | |
Well, I've mellowed. | 1:33:10 | 1:33:12 | |
CHUCKLES | 1:33:12 | 1:33:13 | |
Look, Boston is a beautiful city. | 1:33:13 | 1:33:16 | |
We could start over here, | 1:33:16 | 1:33:18 | |
normal life together. | 1:33:18 | 1:33:20 | |
Sell insurance. | 1:33:20 | 1:33:22 | |
LAUGHS | 1:33:22 | 1:33:24 | |
Yeah! That sounds good. | 1:33:24 | 1:33:25 | |
That sounds right. | 1:33:25 | 1:33:28 | |
Look at that. | 1:33:30 | 1:33:32 | |
I could learn to love that skyline. | 1:33:32 | 1:33:35 | |
Did you see I got your picture framed? | 1:33:36 | 1:33:39 | |
Oh, yeah? Where? | 1:33:39 | 1:33:40 | |
Look. | 1:33:40 | 1:33:42 | |
Oh, hot dog! | 1:33:42 | 1:33:43 | |
To life. | 1:33:46 | 1:33:47 | |
To life. | 1:33:49 | 1:33:50 | |
You devil. | 1:34:01 | 1:34:03 | |
Isn't that sweet? | 1:34:03 | 1:34:05 | |
Oh... | 1:34:05 | 1:34:06 | |
Hey, what about splitting our time in... | 1:34:08 | 1:34:10 | |
in New York? | 1:34:10 | 1:34:12 | |
Fuck. I just bit... | 1:34:14 | 1:34:16 | |
It's just a... GAGS | 1:34:16 | 1:34:18 | |
GAGGING | 1:34:18 | 1:34:21 | |
GASPING, GRUNTING | 1:34:32 | 1:34:34 | |
No, that's too quick. | 1:34:34 | 1:34:35 | |
You're supposed to get to the bathroom | 1:34:35 | 1:34:37 | |
and throw up first. | 1:34:37 | 1:34:39 | |
God, Chuck, you should have seen Oliver's face. | 1:34:39 | 1:34:42 | |
It was just... Well... | 1:34:42 | 1:34:44 | |
if I do say so myself. | 1:34:44 | 1:34:45 | |
I got a nice snapshot of it, actually. | 1:34:45 | 1:34:48 | |
Mmm... | 1:34:48 | 1:34:49 | |
You know, Keeler was easy. | 1:34:49 | 1:34:51 | |
Travelled halfway around the world | 1:34:51 | 1:34:52 | |
for a night with me. | 1:34:52 | 1:34:54 | |
Hmm... | 1:34:54 | 1:34:56 | |
PANTING | 1:34:56 | 1:34:58 | |
OK... | 1:34:58 | 1:34:59 | |
Let's see... | 1:34:59 | 1:35:01 | |
GRUNTS | 1:35:01 | 1:35:03 | |
Chuck...you've put on weight. | 1:35:03 | 1:35:05 | |
Come on. | 1:35:07 | 1:35:09 | |
I nearly blew it with Byrd. | 1:35:09 | 1:35:11 | |
Never farm out a job that you should do yourself. | 1:35:11 | 1:35:14 | |
Do you want a laugh? | 1:35:14 | 1:35:16 | |
He thought you were the mole. | 1:35:16 | 1:35:18 | |
He was going to kill you. | 1:35:18 | 1:35:20 | |
What an idiot. | 1:35:20 | 1:35:21 | |
"I'm not at all the person | 1:35:23 | 1:35:24 | |
"you and I took me for." | 1:35:24 | 1:35:26 | |
Hmm. Sounds like an epitaph. | 1:35:26 | 1:35:28 | |
Your handwriting, too. | 1:35:28 | 1:35:30 | |
You see, Chuck, I save everything... | 1:35:30 | 1:35:33 | |
All of your lovely notes. Mmm. | 1:35:33 | 1:35:35 | |
LABOURED BREATHING | 1:35:35 | 1:35:37 | |
You know what? | 1:35:37 | 1:35:39 | |
I like Carlyle best, too. | 1:35:40 | 1:35:43 | |
I really do. Yeah. | 1:35:43 | 1:35:45 | |
Say hi to the boys when you see 'em. | 1:35:45 | 1:35:47 | |
Ooh... | 1:35:53 | 1:35:54 | |
Oh... | 1:35:55 | 1:35:56 | |
To life. | 1:36:50 | 1:36:51 | |
CLINK | 1:36:51 | 1:36:52 | |
PIANO CONCERTO CONTINUES | 1:36:57 | 1:37:01 | |
BARRIS: My name is Charles Hirsch Barris. | 1:37:48 | 1:37:51 | |
I have written pop songs. | 1:37:51 | 1:37:53 | |
I have been a television producer. | 1:37:53 | 1:37:57 | |
I am responsible for polluting the air waves | 1:37:57 | 1:38:00 | |
with mind-numbing, puerile entertainment. | 1:38:00 | 1:38:04 | |
In addition, I have murdered 33 human beings. | 1:38:04 | 1:38:09 | |
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: we have come here today | 1:38:29 | 1:38:32 | |
to join Penny Pacino and Chuck Barris | 1:38:32 | 1:38:35 | |
In holy matrimony. | 1:38:35 | 1:38:37 | |
You all know Chuck Barris, | 1:38:37 | 1:38:40 | |
creator of The Dating Game, The Newlywed Game, | 1:38:40 | 1:38:43 | |
The Family Game, | 1:38:43 | 1:38:45 | |
The Game Game, | 1:38:45 | 1:38:47 | |
Dream Girl Of 1968, | 1:38:47 | 1:38:50 | |
Operation Entertainment, | 1:38:50 | 1:38:52 | |
How's Your Mother-In-Law, | 1:38:52 | 1:38:54 | |
and many others. | 1:38:54 | 1:38:56 | |
Chuck Barris, who most recently brought us such hits | 1:38:56 | 1:38:59 | |
as The Rah-Rah Show, | 1:38:59 | 1:39:01 | |
The 1.98 Beauty Show, | 1:39:01 | 1:39:04 | |
The Gong Show. | 1:39:04 | 1:39:07 | |
Oh! Chuck Barris... | 1:39:07 | 1:39:09 | |
who I'm sure will be back soon | 1:39:09 | 1:39:12 | |
with even more shows that will stimulate and educate | 1:39:12 | 1:39:17 | |
and keep us on the edge of our seats. | 1:39:17 | 1:39:20 | |
BELL TOLLS | 1:39:20 | 1:39:23 | |
CHEERING | 1:39:27 | 1:39:29 | |
MAN: Whoo! | 1:39:51 | 1:39:52 | |
Congratulations! | 1:39:52 | 1:39:54 | |
Hey... | 1:39:54 | 1:39:55 | |
Oh, thanks, thanks. | 1:39:55 | 1:39:57 | |
Thanks. | 1:39:57 | 1:39:59 | |
BELL TOLLS | 1:39:59 | 1:40:04 | |
INAUDIBLE | 1:40:06 | 1:40:09 | |
Danny, drive now! | 1:40:21 | 1:40:23 | |
TYRES SCREECH | 1:40:23 | 1:40:24 | |
Bye! | 1:40:26 | 1:40:27 | |
Penny, there's something I gotta... | 1:40:27 | 1:40:29 | |
I gotta confess, | 1:40:29 | 1:40:30 | |
something I gotta tell ya. | 1:40:30 | 1:40:31 | |
Listen up, Penny. | 1:40:31 | 1:40:33 | |
You've known me for a long time... | 1:40:33 | 1:40:35 | |
AS JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: As the host of | 1:40:35 | 1:40:37 | |
The Dating Game, The Gong Show, | 1:40:37 | 1:40:38 | |
Rah-Rah Show... | 1:40:38 | 1:40:40 | |
Yeah, yeah, listen, listen, listen... | 1:40:40 | 1:40:41 | |
I work... | 1:40:41 | 1:40:43 | |
I work for the CIA. You understand? | 1:40:43 | 1:40:46 | |
And I kill people. | 1:40:46 | 1:40:47 | |
I killed a lo... | 1:40:47 | 1:40:50 | |
I killed a lot of people. | 1:40:50 | 1:40:51 | |
You understand? | 1:40:51 | 1:40:53 | |
I killed a lot of people. | 1:40:53 | 1:40:56 | |
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! | 1:40:59 | 1:41:01 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 1:41:13 | 1:41:15 | |
BARRIS: 'I came up with a new game show idea recently. | 1:41:23 | 1:41:27 | |
'It's called The Old Game.'# | 1:41:27 | 1:41:30 | |
You got three old guys with loaded guns on stage, | 1:41:30 | 1:41:35 | |
they look back at their lives, | 1:41:35 | 1:41:38 | |
see who they were, what they accomplished... | 1:41:38 | 1:41:43 | |
how close they came to realising their dreams. | 1:41:43 | 1:41:47 | |
The winner... | 1:41:50 | 1:41:53 | |
is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. | 1:41:53 | 1:41:57 | |
He gets a refrigerator. | 1:41:57 | 1:42:01 | |
# There's no business like show business | 1:42:08 | 1:42:11 | |
# Like no business I know | 1:42:11 | 1:42:16 | |
# Everything about it is appealing | 1:42:16 | 1:42:20 | |
# Everything the traffic will allow | 1:42:20 | 1:42:22 | |
# Nowhere can you get that happy feeling | 1:42:22 | 1:42:25 | |
# When you are stealing that extra bow | 1:42:25 | 1:42:30 | |
# There's no people like show people | 1:42:30 | 1:42:34 | |
# They smile when they are low | 1:42:34 | 1:42:38 | |
# Even with a turkey that you know will fold | 1:42:38 | 1:42:41 | |
# You may be stranded out in the cold | 1:42:41 | 1:42:45 | |
# Still, you wouldn't change it for a sack of gold | 1:42:45 | 1:42:49 | |
# Let's go on with the show... # | 1:42:49 | 1:42:52 |