Adam and Paul

This programme contains very strong language.

DISTANT HORN BLOWS

Oh, for fuck's sake!

What's wrong with you?

Some fucker's had to glue me to this thing.

Would you wait till I get out of me sleeves?

You go that way there.

There's no glue on that bit!

"Made in...Bulgaria."

-I feel sorry for them, I do.

-Who?

The Bulgarians.

Have nothing, they have.

-I feel sick.

-Yeah.

-What money have you?

-I don't know.

Odds and coppers.

Fuck...

Where the fuck are we?

-How the fuck did we end up out here?

-I don't know.

I haven't been out here in years.

Fuckin' years!

-All right, lads?

-All right, yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, good, yeah.

Nothin' mad goin' on or nothin'?

Not a fuckin' thing!

-Look, lads...

-Yeah?

-What's the story about scorin' around here, do you know?

Well, you could try Martin in Block B, Flat 63.

-Thanks.

-But he won't open the door to youse.

-Thanks.

-No problem.

-Oh, here, youse wouldn't have a smoke, would youse?

-No.

Thanks.

-Look, I'll do the fuckin' talkin', all right?

-Yeah.

-He might want somethin' doin' or whatever.

-Right, good.

Like what?

I don't know. Bit of fuckin' carryin' or whatever.

All right, yeah, a bit of carryin'. Or maybe put up some shelves or somethin'.

-Fuckin' whatever!

-Yeah, yeah.

Hello?

-There's nobody there.

-Shut up!

I can hear him movin' fuckin' around. I fuckin' smell it.

-Hello! Martin...

-Hey, who's that...?

-Martin!

-Hello!

-Get away from the door, lads. The place is crawlin' with viggies.

-Martin... Martin, we just want to talk to you a minute.

-Jesus!

-You've three seconds to get away from the door or I'll come out and fuckin' batter ye!

-Jesus' sake!

-I swear to God, lads, I will do fuckin' time for youse!

-Oh, fuck!

-But, Martin, what about your shelves?

-What?

Right, lads, you've asked for it!

Come back here and you're fuckin' dead!

Fuck off, ya fuckin'...gaybag!

Hey, what are you doin' out there?

Oh, fuck!

-I'm fucked.

-Yeah.

Here, do we have a plan?

Um...

Into town.

Yeah...

-See who's around, what's goin' on, like.

-Yeah.

-Get some money.

-Yeah.

And then score.

Super. Yeah.

-I'm goin' to get sick.

-You're grand. Put your head between your legs.

I'm goin' to have to get off. I'm goin' to vomit.

You're grand. Hold it.

-Oh, good Jesus!

-Is right.

-I'm goin' to vomit.

-Oh, for fuck's sake!

I'm fuckin' freezin'.

I don't think there's any more.

Wait, I've somethin' in me shoe.

Here we go. Come on!

Wait! Fuck's sake...

Aaagh! Agh, me fuckin' leg!

-I'm fuckin' sweatin'!

-Yeah, sick all right!

-All right, Adam and Paul?

-All right?

-All right?

All right, yeah.

Good, yeah.

Anythin' mad or anythin'?

No, just in here, like.

-Bit of the old skills training with the young fella.

-Oh, right.

-That's your young fella?

-Yeah. That's Georgie Junior.

Isn't that right, Georgie? Here, I'm talkin' to ye!

No respect for his old fella.

Who had that baba for you, Georgie?

-Tina Blake.

-Blakey's sister, yeah?

-Yeah.

All right.

Where are you livin' now, Georgie?

-Why do you want to know?

-I don't. I was just askin'.

Well, Georgie Junior lives with Tina, like. I mean, we're not together or anythin'.

Not any more, like. Me and Tina.

-All right. Sorry.

-It's fine, but.

I mean, no hassle, like. I get Georgie on Wednesdays and the weekends sometimes.

I bring him down here or go to McDonald's or whatever.

Throw her a few bob when I has it.

-Yeah.

-It's the same all over.

-It's the way of the world, mate.

-Yeah.

So, where have youse been the last few weeks?

-I haven't seen you since...

-Since what?

Matthew an' that.

Just hangin' around, like, you know? Just layin' low, like.

-So were youse at it this morning?

-What?

-They had his Month's Mind this morning.

-Oh.

-Dead a month, like.

-I didn't fuckin' know that.

Right.

Go on, Georgie, kick the ball!

Kick the ball.

Go on, pass us the ball.

-Will I kick the ball?

-Would you leave the young fella alone? You're frightenin' the fuck out of him!

Sorry.

-Sorry.

-Hey, Georgie, that's enough now!

You have me fuckin' worn out!

-Look, Marian and the gang are over the far side of the park.

-Right.

-Are youse coming over?

-I don't know. Maybe.

Suit yourselves.

Come on, Georgie, for fuck's sake!

SHE COUGHS

I can't do it now, love. Fuck off and play for a while!

She has me worn out, that one - always wantin' her hair plaited.

That's cos she's probably seen it on the telly or somethin'. Britney or somethin'.

I'm right sick of it.

Oh, Jaysus!

Look who it is!

Look over behind Georgie. Fuckin' Adam and Paul!

All right, Georgie? All right, Marian?

All right, Marian?

Marian... Orla.

-Wayne.

-Wayne.

Lads. All right, Georgie?

All right, Wayne? Orla.

-Georgie.

-Out for the day, yeah?

Yeah, just havin' a little picnic for the kiddies.

Throw us over another can, Orla.

It's a lovely day, isn't it?

Hey, Georgie Junior, were you kickin' that ball, were you?

-He fuckin' was, weren't you?

-He's shy, is he?

-A bit, yeah.

Come on, kiddo. We'll go and kick the ball. Come on, Georgie. It's too fuckin' crowded around here!

Come on, kiddo. Come on!

Will you have a can, Georgie?

No, you're grand. I can't.

Why not? Tina would go mad if she thought I was drinkin' again.

It's only a fuckin' can! Well...

Go on.

All right, quick, before the young fella sees.

Georgie! I'm fuckin' comin'!

What happened to you?

-Me?

-Yeah.

I got knocked down by a moped.

-Fuck off!

-Serious.

-Yeah.

-Dope!

-It did hurt, it did.

Me leg's fucked. All scraped an' all, you know.

Orla, give them two a can before me heart breaks!

-They don't fuckin' deserve it!

-Thanks, Marian.

-Thanks, Marian.

Here you are.

I never saw youse this morning.

No.

-Thanks(!)

-Sorry.

-He was your mate, lads.

Sorry.

-So did youse just not bother goin' or what?

-We didn't know, Marian.

-Sure(!)

-We didn't fuckin' know!

-That's not my fuckin' fault!

-Sorry.

Fuck youse!

I'm fuckin' sweatin'!

I am.

Well, youse were missed.

Me ma was there an' all.

-Roarin', she was.

-In bits.

Heart is fuckin' broken over Matthew.

She'd like to fuckin' see youse! Waste of time, if you ask me.

Look at the fuckin' state o' youse!

Do you remember them three, Orla, years ago?

Do I fuck! Sure, didn't they practically live in our house?

Fuckin' idolised them two, Matthew did. Idolised.

-Adam, Paul and Matthew. Like the Three Musketeers, youse were.

-Yeah?

And now look at youse.

Youse are like the two... fuckin' eejits!

Sorry.

He'd have been better off if he'd never set eyes on youse.

Sorry.

Here...

Light up that spliff for yourselves. Relax, like.

So...?

So?

-So where have youse two been?

-Around.

-Yeah.

-Right.

-Layin' low, like.

Low, like.

Was Janine there, Marian? This morning?

She was. Not that it's any of your business.

-Doin' very well for herself, she is now.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Isn't she, Orla?

-She is, yeah. Total straight and narrow.

-Very healthy.

-Yeah.

-And she does keep that flat lovely an' all.

-Yeah.

-Full of lovely gear.

-Yeah.

-Where did she get all that stuff?

-Wayne got it for her.

For getting it together, like. Brings her stuff.

-He's a good brother to her.

-He is.

-Love to see her, we would.

-Yeah.

Listen to me. Stay away from me fuckin' sister, all right?

Keepin' herself tidy and happy and I'm fucked if I'm havin' you two drag her down again.

-Another fuckin' Matthew?

-But, Marian...

Sorry about that.

Tell them, Wayne. Tell them.

What? To stay away from Janine.

Lads...if I see youse near Janine,

I'm not jokin' now, I'll kill youse!

-OK?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Do you understand?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

So are youse two goin' down the Bunker later?

For what?

What?

Fuckin' big mouth!

What?

-Nothin'!

-What, Marian?

We're goin' down the Bunker later, is all.

Yeah?

- A few drinks for Matthew. - Why the fuck are you telling them?

-Look, they were his mates, Wayne.

-Only, don't go upsettin' people.

-For fuck's sake!

-Leave it, Wayne.

MARIAN: Come on and we get out of here.

-Steven, Sinead, Karl, come on!

-We're playing!

-I don't give a fuck, love. We're leavin'!

Maybe see youse later, lads.

Yeah, all right.

-Marian?

-What?

You wouldn't have a lend of a few quid, would you?

Goodbye, lads.

-Come on.

-Where?

-We'll see if what's-his-name is around.

-Who?

Fuckin'...what's-his-name.

-Small fella.

-What, Benny?

-No, Benny's inside.

-Oh, the poor fucker.

Come on.

All right, Adam and Paul?

-All right?

-All right?

Shit day, isn't it?

-Shit, yeah.

-Are you not freezin' in that bag?

No, it's peachy enough, this. I mean, I only have me cacks on under here.

-Oh, right, yeah.

-Me clothes are all at the bottom there.

Oh, right, yeah.

-So what are youse doing here, anyways?

-Just hangin' around.

-Why?

-No why.

-Has to be a why.

-Yeah, well, I'm not tellin' fuckin' you!

We were just waitin' to see if what's-his-name is around.

-Don't tell him all our fuckin' business!

-I wasn't tellin' him all our business. I was only sayin'.

-Who's what's-his-name?

-Would you ever fuckin' stop buttin' in?

-Just tryin' to help, is all.

-Well, no-one asked for your fuckin' help!

Fine, shove it up your hole so!

No, you shove it up YOUR hole!

Look, I'm not hangin' around here any more. Prick!

Is it Clank?

-What?

-Is what's-his-name Clank?

I don't know.

-What does he look like?

-Big fella.

-I'll keep me eyes peeled so.

-Oh, thanks.

Money, is it?

-Well, it's just...

-Bastard!

-Who?

-Clank. How much?

-What?

-How much does Clank owe you?

-Nothin'.

-A few hundred, is it?

-No.

-Bastard! I haven't seen him around.

-I think he's gone to England.

-Oh, right, yeah.

-To his brother. I think he lives in Leeds.

-Right.

-Semi-professional footballer.

-Yeah?

-You haven't got a smoke on you, have you?

-No.

I was going to ask YOU.

Little prick.

He's gone to England.

-Who?

-Clank.

-Who's Clank?

-What's-his-name.

-No, he's not.

-What?

What's-his-name isn't fuckin' Clank!

-Who's what's-his-name then?

-It's fuckin'...

I don't know!

-And who's Clank?

-I have no fuckin' idea!

-Right. So what are we going to do now then?

-I don't know.

A few cars, I suppose.

No, look, I'm a bit sick for that, like.

I'm dyin' sick, like.

Go, go, go!

-Oh, me fuckin' hand!

-Fuckin' eejit!

Come on out of the fuckin' road!

-I think it's broken.

-Show me.

-Can you move it?

-Yeah, I think so.

-Well, it's not broken so.

-I sprained it maybe.

Yeah, maybe.

Oh, me fuckin' hand and me fuckin' leg!

-Would you slow down?

-Would you hurry fuckin' up?

Could I have a pot of tea, please?

A single pot?

-Sorry?

-A single pot? A pot for one? Or do you want a large pot?

Eh... Will you hold on a minute, please?

Do you want tea as well? Will I get a large pot?

Will you just get up there and keep her fuckin' busy?

Could I have two small pots, please?

You'd be as well off with the large pot so.

Well, whatever you think yourself.

It's up to you, love.

All right, I'll have the big pot and a round of toast, please.

One round of toast?

I think so, yeah.

-We're havin' loads of weather at the moment, aren't we?

-What?

That'll be 2.90, please.

What?

Two euros ninety for the pot of tea and the round of toast.

Eh...

Hey! What do you think you're doing? Leave that bag down! Hey, missus, is that your bag?

-I just found the bag there. I wasn't doin' anythin'.

-Leave the bag down or I'm callin' the guards!

-I wasn't fuckin' doin' nothin'!

-Someone call the guards now!

Go on, get out!

-Just get out!

-Sorry.

Adam...

Just go in and get somethin'. Stick it in your jacket. I'll wait for you down by the river.

All right, Adam and Paul? Still lookin' for Clank?

-What?

-I heard youse were lookin' for Clank.

-Who told you that?

I don't know. The word's out.

-Owes you money, apparently.

-I told you not to open your fuckin' mouth.

-Sorry.

-He's not in England.

-Like I give a fuck!

Fine.

He's inside, I'd say.

Or just out maybe.

-What'll I get?

-I don't know. A choc ice or somethin'!

-A Yahoo maybe as well?

-Yeah.

-What flavour will I get?

-I don't know. Don't be fuckin' askin' me!

-I'll try for chocolate.

-And some bars. Chomps maybe.

-Curly Wurlys are nice.

-Fuck off, you! Chomps.

-Or Moros?

-Will you just go in there and get somethin'? I'll wait for you down by the river!

-All right.

Are you all right there?

Yeah, just lookin'.

Anything in particular?

What?

Are you looking for anything in particular?

Eh...bread.

Bread?

-Yeah.

-Well, you're hardly going to find it staring into the fridge.

I was just decidin'.

Right, well, decide fast and fuck off!

Yeah.

Em...

Bread over here...

Are you going to buy that?

Probably not.

Take your hands off it. People have to eat them!

-I was just seein' was it fresh, is all.

-Of course, it's fuckin' fresh!

-If you're not going to buy it, what difference does it make to you?

-I was just seein'.

-Take your hands off the bread. They're filthy!

-Fuck off!

-That's it. Come on, you're fuckin' barred.

-You can't bar me for feelin' bread.

-Watch me.

Will you get off me, will ye?

You can't throw him out. He wasn't doin' anythin'.

Karl, fuck off, you're barred as well! Don't make me call the cops.

-Here, if we were black, you wouldn't be throwin' us out.

-Karl, fuck off!

Here, I got the bread for you. It's all squashed an' all.

That fucker would've been throwin' it in the bin. He might as well have let you take it. Asshole!

Here, thanks.

-You wouldn't have a fag, would you?

-No. Sorry.

Fuck!

Fuckin' baguettes and milk! Fuck's sake!

I was thrown out.

Fuckin' typical!

Excuse me.

Yes?

Is there a chance you'd move up the bench a bit?

Why?

I just want to sit down, like.

EAST EUROPEAN ACCENT: Here is much of room on this side.

Yeah, but me mate...

But I have placed my bag on here.

I know, yeah, but I just want to sit alongside me mate.

Who?

-Look, will you move up the bench, for fuck's sake?

-Hey, what is this?

I am sitting here first.

I have my bag here. Is public property.

Just a bit, yeah?

Fucking hell! Jesus!

Fuck's sake!

Thanks.

Just give me the fuckin' milk!

-Hey! What is the fuck?

-Sorry, I wasn't aiming at you.

-Why you throw this milk?

-It was an accident.

-It was supposed to hit me.

-Sorry.

-Fuck's sake! My pants and my bag all fucking milky!

Why are you sitting so close to us?

I don't fucking have to ask your permission where I am sitting!

-Quit your moanin' so! A fuckin' accident!

-A fucking free country it is here. I sit where I like!

-Too right a free country! OUR fuckin' country!

-Oh, yes.

-Yeah.

-Here we go.

Yeah, here we go, back to fuckin' Romania with you!

Oh, yes, always fucking same. Always fucking same!

-Yeah!

-What?

You are stupid person.

-And you are all stupid people.

-Oh, yeah? Why?

I am not a fucking Romanian.

-Yeah?

-Always the same.

Fucking Irish! You say, "Go home, you Romanian this and that! You fucking Romanian pig!

"You Romanian fucking sponger!" You listen to me now.

I am not a fucking Romanian.

My whole life, I am never Romanian.

My family has no Romanian peoples. I've never been in fucking Romania!

When you Irish stop calling me Romanian?

Do you understand what I say?

-Yeah, fine.

-Yeah, right.

-So where are you from then?

-Jesus' sake!

I am from Bulgaria.

So is his jacket.

-What?

-His jacket was made in Bulgaria.

Oh, show him.

Fuck off!

-So have you been here long?

-Two year.

It must be a relief, like.

Why? Why you say a relief?

-Well, just...

-Fuckin' ignore the cunt!

It's like Bulgaria is a shithole.

No, it is not!

No, but in comparison, like.

-Comparison with what?

-Well, Dublin.

HE LAUGHS You fucking Irish!

Is it I am going fucking crazy? You listen to me now.

Bulgaria is not a shithole.

Beautiful. It is beautiful.

And now Dublin, it is the shithole.

Full of liars and fucking maniacs and fucking Romanians!

Well, why are you here so?

Because...

I have to leave Sofia.

Oh, right.

Was she pregnant, like?

What?

You fucking crazy, stupid Irish!

Why am I here?

Did you ever ask yourself the same question?

Why are YOU here, huh?

Why the fuck are YOU here?

Fuck this! Come on.

-Where?

-Just move.

Wait.

Excuse me. Do you have some change?

Thanks(!)

-Jaysus! Do you see who's over there?

-Where?

It's fuckin' Munky.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

-He's goin' to fuckin' kill us, man.

-Why don't we go over to him?

-No.

-No, we can ask him. Come on.

-Fuck's sake!

-All right, Munky, how's it goin'?

-Fuck off, Adam and Paul!

-Hold on.

-Fuck off!

-We just want to talk to you.

-No, fuck off!

-Fuck off yourself!

-Fuck off!

Who the fuck do you think you are? Fuck off!

-BUZZER GOES

-Hello?

Hello! Nialler!

-Nialler! Nialler!

-Nialler!

Nialler, are you there?

-RINGING TONE

-It's ringing.

-'Hello...'

-Hey, Nialler, how are you?

'This is Nialler. I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep.' BEEP

Fuckin' answerin' machine!

-Get your hands off me!

-Fuck off, you!

Ya fuckin' gorilla! I'll fuckin' sue you!

-We were fuckin' in there fuckin' spendin' money!

-Fuck ye!

Fuckin' prick.

Here...

What is it?

-Is it cramps, is it?

-Yeah, fuckin' cramps.

Well, you're grand. They'll pass.

No, they won't. I need to have a shite.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure!

-I need to go now.

-Yeah, well, go then!

Where?

I don't know. Behind somethin'.

I can't have a shite behind somethin'!

-Yeah, well, a toilet then.

-Where?

-I don't know. The electric one on the bridge.

-No, I can't.

-Why not?

-Cos I'm afraid of it.

-Oh, for fuck's sake!

I'm goin' to shit myself.

Look, will you just go down the end of the lane?

I'm not havin' a shite down a lane! I'm not a fuckin' dog!

-Here!

-What?

I need somethin' to wipe myself with.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

I'm not wipin' meself with a 'tato bag!

For fuck's sake!

Yeah, come on.

-I'm in bits.

-I know.

I'm dyin' sick, like.

I fuckin' know.

Right...

Come on.

-I don't think this is such a good idea.

-Ssh.

-Yeah, Wayne, but...

-Forget Wayne! Fuck Wayne.

This is not Wayne's business.

Hello?

Janine?

There's no one.

-That telly's nice.

-Big.

-It is.

-Yeah.

-It's a good picture, isn't it?

-Clear.

It's like looking out a window, isn't it?

It is, yeah. Except it's cartoons.

Yeah.

The whole place is spotless, too.

Lovely.

Yeah. Crazy.

What?

-Spending all your money on your flat.

-Do you think?

Yeah.

Only gets robbed in the end.

-I suppose.

-Definitely.

Sure, that telly's worth money.

A few bob.

-Askin'.

-Askin'.

-Bit heavy, though.

-No way.

D'you think?

Here.

Lift it with me.

Come on.

-See?

-It is light enough.

-Yeah, easy steal.

-Easy.

-You'd never get away with it, though.

-I suppose.

-Unless you took it straight out the front and down to Kittser.

-That's be the thing. Rid of it fast.

-Could it be carried that far, d'you think?

-Don't know. Wanna try it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, I'd say.

-It's askin' to be robbed.

-Askin'.

A BABY CRIES

Ah, who's the baba, baba, baba?

Who's the baba, baba, baba?

You're the best baba, baba.

Aren't you? You are, aren't you?

You are. What are you doin'?

-Checking down the side of the cot.

-For what?

-They put money in cots for babies.

-Who?

Old ones. Aunties and all.

Ha, look. The baba's smiling.

Look.

Who's the baba, baba, baba?

You're the best baba, baba.

-Give me the baba.

-Who's the best baba, baba?

Are you the baba, are you?

You are, aren't you?

Aren't you the baba, baba?

Aren't you the baba, baba, baba?

You are. Aren't you the baba? Aren't you the baba?

How the fuck did you get in?

The door was open. It was left open.

-It wasn't.

-It was, Janine.

-I'd remember leaving it open.

-Well, it was.

-It's amazing you haven't had everything robbed or fuckin' broken!

-Ah, no way...

-Fuck's sake.

-Fuck's sake, yourself.

It was just the ordinary morning mass and all, 10 o'clock.

But they read his name out at the end.

Ah, nice.

-His ma was fuckin' roarin'.

-Yeah?

Yeah. Hopin' to see youse there, she was.

-Askin' and all where youse were and things.

-Ah, right.

-There's a do on tonight for him down the Bunker.

-We heard.

You're looking great, Janine.

Yeah. Really good.

Thanks.

How are you feelin' and all?

Really good.

That's good, yeah.

Just bored, mostly. I never get out or anythin'.

Aye, borin', all right.

It's good to have youse around.

Nice, like.

You can't stay.

Aye...yeah.

We know.

BABY CRIES

-Fuck it. I'm going to have to drop the baba round to my ma's.

-Yeah, all right.

Why don't you come down the Bunker?

-I don't think anyone would want us there, Janine. You know, Wayne.

-Fuckin' Wayne.

Don't mind Wayne. He's grand.

-He's been a great help to me lately, he has.

-Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Always bringin' stuff round for the flat and all. And a few bob for being clean.

Still, though...

Look, fuck them. I want you there.

You should be there.

BABY CRIES I'll be out in a minute.

-Will I see youse tonight?

-Yeah.

Say day-day to your daddies. Day-day.

BOTH: Day-day.

See youse.

-All right?

-Waiting on my bus.

-On your own, yeah?

-Yeah, number 16.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-The 16?

-Yeah.

-Well, do you wanna see something?

-What?

-It's down the lane there.

-What?

-Wait till you see.

-What?

-I can't tell you. It'd spoil it.

Are you coming, are ye? C'mon.

-My bus.

-There's loads of 16s.

Do you have a mobile phone?

-I'm not allowed.

-Fuck's sake.

Here, is there anything in his bag?

-Nothin'. Only drawings and fuckin' rubbish.

-Fuck's sake.

Right.

-Have you any money?

-No.

-Even a few quid.

-No!

-Stop the crying.

-Give us your money.

-I haven't got any!

-You must have fuckin' money.

-Only my bus money.

-Fuck's sake!

-Adam, we can't leave him here.

-We didn't fuckin' touch him.

Now come on.

What the fuck are you doing going round tellin' people about me?

-How?

-Sayin' I owe you fuckin' money!

-I never...

-Sayin' you'll fuckin' burst my head?

-I have no idea who the fuck you are.

-Scumbag!

-Honest to fuck.

-Are you windin' me up?

-No!

-I have no idea who you are.

-Clank!

-Clank?

-Fuckin' Clank!

Yeah, Clank.

Ah, Clank, it's nice to meet you.

Ah, Clank, me hole! Get in the fuckin' car!

Would you come on?!

PAUL COUGHS

Here, Mr Cough.

If you get sick in my car, I'll fuckin' kill you.

-I'm grand...

-I'm just tellin' you.

-All right, Zippy. Head out to McCarthy's.

I feel a bit of carnage comin' on.

Right. Here's the deal.

You two lads have caused me an awful lot of upset today, shouting your mouths off about me.

I've decided to be merciful and not rip your fuckin' heads off!

-Thanks.

-But the way I see it, youse owe me, so here's the way it's gonna go down.

-Me and Zippy here are going over to that shop to cause a bit of mayhem. D'you understand?

-Yeah.

What I want youse to do is stay here and at the first sign of trouble, you just honk the fuckin' horn.

That's all. Think you can do that?

-Yeah.

-OK. That's good. And when it's over, we're quits. I'll even sort you out with a fix.

-Great!

-Thanks, but.

-Right, Zippy?

-Yeah.

-Let's go.

Right.

Out, you, that side, to stand guard.

-It's locked.

-Well, unlock it!

No, it is unlocked.

It's...just shut.

-Closed.

-What are you on about?!

-You know, the thing. For kids.

-Show me.

Ah! Mind me fuckin' leg!

-Oh, fuckin' child lock!

-My fuckin' leg...

-Climb out of the front there.

-How can I climb out the front with me hand and me leg and all?

Jesus!

YELLING

I wish they'd fuckin' hurry up. My fuckin' leg is killin' me.

Fuckin' sore, it is.

-Would you leave it alone?

-I'm not doing anythin'.

-You've got your dirty fingers all over it.

-I was just lookin'.

-Fine. Let yourself go septic.

-What?!

-Your leg will go septic if you keep touching it.

-Why?

-Because your hands are filthy.

SIRENS

They're not filthy.

Oh, fuck!

HORN TOOTS You're fuckin' dead!

They're going to fuckin' kill us.

Not lookin' out was bad. Then stealin' their car, but. They'll fuckin' butcher us.

Just fucking...

take it into town

-Scrap. We'll sell it for scrap at the flats.

-I think you took a wrong turn.

-Yeah?

-That last turn. If you took that, you'd be at the flats.

I'm takin' it round the back of the flats. Nice and quiet.

Round the back, no fuss. See who's around.

-Avoid the fuckin' cops.

-Pigs out.

Aye.

-Is there another lane there?

-Where?

-Beside the shop.

-I don't know.

-You're useless.

-I don't notice things like that.

Well, there is. See? Notice.

Fuck!

Ohh...fuck!

Fuckin' hell. Let's get out of here before anyone arrives.

Me fuckin' head...!

Here, lads. What happened down there?

Don't know.

Some young fellas is after robbin' a car. Near fuckin' killed us.

-It's wrapped around the bollard.

-Fuck's sake!

All I need is the cops with everything in there fuckin' robbed.

-Down the end of the lane it is.

-Nearly fuckin' killed us.

-Right. I'll see if I can get it moved.

D'you need a hand at all?

-No, I don't. And don't youse be hangin' around here, do you hear me?

-Yeah, yeah.

Bad for business. Now fuck off.

My fuckin' hand... and my fuckin' leg

and now my fuckin' head!

Why can't things be easy?

Just for once.

Just for once to be easy and fine and relaxed.

And to be lucky.

Just a bit of fuckin' luck! That's all.

-Hey, lads, where's Noelie?

-Down the lane lookin' at a crash.

-Fuckin' well for him!

My fuckin' arms! I'm not bleedin' waiting.

-You work with Noelie, yeah?

-Just fuckin' leave it here.

-That's what I'm doin',

-you bleedin', fuckin'...

-Woman.

-What did you bleedin' call me?

-No, I was just helpin' him, like.

-Lads, mind that. Tell Noelie Laurence dropped it in. He knows.

-Keep it out of sight, will youse?

-No problem.

-Certainly.

-Come on!

-All right, I'm comin'!

-I can't see where I'm going!

-I know where you're going.

Where did youse get it, lads?

-We just had it, is all.

-We just had it.

And now we want to get rid of it, you know?

We robbed it.

Very good.

And who did youse rob it from?

Em...

Noelie.

-Good luck, lads.

-No, it's cool, but...

-Noelie would burn me to the ground if he found that here. See youse.

-Kittser, you must know someone.

Hm, I know loads of people.

To take it. It's worth money.

Please.

All right, but if I ever hear a word back, youse will have the living shite kicked out of you. Understand?

-Understand.

-The living shite.

Come on, get out.

Must be broke. Come on. We'll take the stairs.

Oh, fuck, no! Wait! It might work.

Here.

Just fuckin' get movin'.

Fuck's sake!

Would you fuckin' pull at your end?!

How can I with my fuckin' hand and my fuckin' leg?!

-Come on, lads! We haven't got all fuckin' day!

-Fuck's sake!

Come on!

Come on, come on, come on!

Now shut up and leave me doin' this.

-So?

-I have this telly, as you can see.

Kind of special. I need to offload it, out of town.

-So?

-Give it to you for...

180?

Good telly. Flat screen, Black Diamond, surround-around sound.

People pay a lot more than that.

-75.

-Gringo, I am tryin' to help you here.

-Oh, really(?)

-You were good to me once. Now let me help.

-Who the fuck do you think you are?!

KITTSER LAUGHS

I know who I am, Gringo.

So let's start again.

The telly. 180.

-I'm done with you.

-Whatever. Just take my help, little man.

-I don't need your help.

-You do, but.

-You always did. Would you look at the fuckin' state of you?!

-You're toxic, you know?

For the last time, Gringo. Take it. You're on the skids.

-Fuck you.

-You little nobody.

You're a scumbag. A fuckin' user and a GREEDY scumbag!

-Greedy, is it?

-So take yourself and your junkie helpers

and FUCK OFF!

I'll show you greed.

You can keep the telly. It's yours - for nothin'.

God...!

THEY WRESTLE

I trusted you, you fuckin' scumbag!

Aaargh!

BANGING Come on, Martin!

Open the door and come out, you scumbag!

-Get away from the fuckin' door!

-We can do this the easy way or the hard way!

-Stop fuckin' around then!

-OPEN IT! Batter that fucker in.

-Don't fuckin' touch that door!

Jesus, fuck!

Back where we started.

I'm gonna die.

-FROM ABOVE:

-Put that down!

Wave bye-bye, lads! Wave bye-bye!

Martin!

-Get a hold of him! Get a hold of him!

-NO!

AAARGH!

No-o-o!

APPLAUSE

Jesus. Georgie, Georgie, I want you to meet someone. All right, love?

Now...

Adam and Paul, come on over. Come on over.

Youse are good boys.

You were always good boys.

You all right, Ma?

-Grand. I'm grand.

-Do you want a drink?

-There's one there, I think, is there?

-That one. Is it mine?

-I don't know. Just fuckin' drink it.

-Not if it isn't mine.

-Is it mine?

-How should I know?

-Fuckin' ask someone.

-Ma, would you just drink it?

-All right.

I'd hate anyone would say I'm stealin' drink.

Do youse want a drink?

-Broke, like.

-Fuckin' surprise, surprise(!)

-The state of youse.

-Here. Go up and get yourselves a can.

-Ma, don't be buyin' them nothin'. Fuckin' waste.

-I want to.

I fuckin' want to.

-You should be done with them.

-Would you don't be so fuckin' hard?

How can I be done with them? Practically brought up with us.

And Matthew, the same as they are now.

# As I was walking down Broadway

# Not intending to stay very long

# I met with this pretty young damsel

# As she did come tripping along

# And what she took out of her pocket

# And slipped it right into my hand

# With her hair hung over her shoulder

# Tied up with a black velvet band

# Her eyes They shone like diamonds

# You'd think she was queen of the land

# With her hair hung over her shoulder

# Tied up with a black velvet band... #

I told youse not to be mad out of it.

Sorry.

-A lot of people here, isn't there? Friends and that.

-Yeah.

And his ma.

Always in here she is.

-Nice, though.

-She's a fuckin' mad thing.

-Don't be saying that, Janine.

# With her hair hung over her shoulder

# Tied up with a black velvet band! #

So where did you score today?

It fell on us, Janine.

-Fuck off, you!

-Serious.

-What?

-We found it.

-How much?

-Loads.

-Do you still have some?

-Yeah.

-Here, don't be fuckin' goofin', and people lookin'.

-Sorry.

-Make a show of yourselves.

-Sorry.

Come on out to the air for a bit.

-Gone cold now, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Nice, though.

It was nice to see you today.

Yeah.

-Good, yeah?

-Yeah.

And the baba.

Yeah.

-Important, like.

-Yeah.

All right?

Yeah. Just talkin'.

Right.

Gone very cold, isn't it, Wayne?

Janine...

-Matthew's ma's in a bad way inside.

-Yeah?

Bawlin' and all.

Fuck.

Yeah.

-Better go in to her.

-Yeah.

-Be back in a minute. I wanna talk to youse more.

-Right.

Fags for youse, lads.

-Thanks.

-Thanks.

Now... just fuck off yourselves, all right?

Aye...right.

Only upsetting people.

-Right.

-..Sorry.

WOMEN ARGUE

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2010

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