Lymelife

This programme contains very strong language

Today alone, I got 17 phone calls from my local residents claiming they have Lyme disease.

Well, frankly, up until a few years ago, until 1975,

the medical community had no idea what Lyme disease even was.

All we knew was that it caused psychiatric disturbances and severe neurological disorders.

Even so, it seems that over the last four years this disease has become

no less debilitating, especially here in the Tristate suburban area.

I assure you that the medical community is very close

-to developing a treatment for Lyme disease because we now know the source.

-The tick, right?

Well, technically, the infection stems from the blood of the deer.

The tick is just the transmitter.

Well, in any case, what precautions should people be taking?

OK, let's have them.

Give me liberty or give me death.

Hey, it's not funny. The last thing we need is for him to get sick.

-He shouldn't even be next door in all those weeds without a tape.

-You need a haircut.

Oh, sorry, Mick, all gone.

Ticks I can handle, but, you, that's a different story.

# You, you with a tick in your hair... #

I'll be outside.

Hey, don't go far.

-You're paranoid.

-I'm sorry, Mick.

I just... You know, I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

It's a tradition.

Besides, you know I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with him lately.

Yeah, well, he's not the only one. We don't actually kill anything.

I even started using blanks like you asked me to.

-Listen, Mick, it's just dangerous now, OK? Look at Charlie.

-Charlie?

I wouldn't be surprised if we found out this whole thing was psychosomatic.

OK, let's just forget about the whole thing,

but I'm not going to be the one that lets him down.

What are you doing? Still with that stupid quarter trick?

No.

You know, they say no matter where you are on Long Island, you can always hear the train.

Can't get far enough away.

Yeah, I heard that.

No, you didn't. I just told you.

TRAIN APPROACHES

You.

Fucking guy.

So do you... What are you doing Friday? Satur...

What are you... I'm busy Friday.

You know you want this.

Don't lie.

Don't lie to me.

You're something special.

Yeah, you are.

Scott, breakfast.

Uh, coming.

GUNSHOT

-Hey, hold on!

-Who's there?

-I'm coming. Don't shoot.

Oh, wow.

Nice shot, Mr Bragg.

I told you not to come around here. That could have been your head.

I thought you were the best shot in your union.

Doesn't matter.

Accidents happen. Don't you understand that? Here.

Yeah, that's a good shot.

Yeah, I couldn't go this year on the hunting trip, but

-how did you do?

-I don't know.

My mum wouldn't let us go.

Well, that's a fucking shame. It was abundant, I heard.

Deer as far as you could see.

-Mmm-hmm.

-Yeah?

Yeah, I still have quite a bit left over from two years ago, you know?

And I cured it myself.

-Oh, really?

-Mmm-hmm.

-You want to see it?

-Uh, see what?

There it is.

You got your shank, your hocks, shoulder.

Those are ribs, really good ribs.

And that right there, that's the ass.

-The what?

-The ass.

Do you really eat that?

Well, yeah. That's the best part.

-You like ass?

-Yes! Oh, yeah. Here.

Tell you what. There you go.

Yeah, I just don't want it to go bad in the locker.

You're turning down a piece of ass?

Well, I mean, I share a locker with someone and I don't know if they'd want

a piece of ass in the locker, you know?

-Hey, Scotty.

-Hi.

You taking this to school with you today?

-Oh! Oh, yeah, I...

-Yeah.

Why don't you go find Adrianna?

Nice suit.

Yeah, my mum made me wear it.

Your mum still makes you wear things?

I wouldn't go broadcasting that if I were you.

The sweater looks nice.

This suit, though, is kind of...

Just doesn't

-fit me the way...

-You know what? I'm going to be late.

Let's talk about it in the car, OK?

Well, no, I called a cab. It's all right.

Why, especially now, are we wasting money on cabs when I

have a flexible enough job to drive you to the station and pick you up?

Because I don't want to put you out, all right? I have all these interviews all over the city.

-Every day you have an interview.

-Melissa, listen.

This thing, it's kicked my ass. You know that.

Something good is going to happen.

I promise. Really.

OK.

-You look nice.

-Don't forget to take your pills.

You have a nice day.

DOOR CLOSES

BELL RINGS

Ever since he got sick, he spends more time with the stupid dead deer than he does with us.

It's humiliating.

Well, maybe because he doesn't have a job or whatever, it's, you know, it's his way of making up for it.

You know, like,

he hunts for food or whatever.

That's a very interesting observation and all, but no. I don't think so.

I mean, it's not like you guys are The Munsters or anything.

I, uh... I got to go. I'll see you later.

It's the American Dream, Mr Patel, right here on Long Island.

Uh, in all honesty, Mr Patel, we've had a lot of interest, but, as they say, no cigar.

I told your wife, if you're the first house built you have your pick of exposures.

The sun does rise in the east, yes.

Where does it rise in India, Mr Patel?

What's the matter?

It's just been a rough couple weeks.

You don't want to hear my sob story.

-Well, look, we're friends first, right?

-I'm sorry.

I'm just a little emotional.

I understand.

Charlie's...

Charlie is not the guy that I married.

Well, we all change somewhat, no?

Yeah, I know, but, God, why me?

I mean, a bus, a robbery, an accident, but Lyme disease?

Hey, look, you're not the one who has Lyme disease, right?

Smile.

OK.

-Next.

-Enjoy yourself now, dickweed.

TODD BLOWS A RASPBERRY

-Fartlett.

-OK, look at the birdie.

-Look at me.

-I will fucking destroy you there, blue eyes.

Today, I'm going to shove a telephone pole so far up your bung...

Come on. Give me a smile.

CAMERA WHIRS

HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

-I think Blaze Salado is into me.

-Whatever.

Well, what do you think I should do?

I mean, he's so mint. But I don't know.

His real name isn't Blaze. It's something really dorky like Barry.

TODD BLOWS A RASPBERRY

TODD LAUGHS

-Hey, Fartlett. We need to talk.

-We do?

Yeah. Unless you're too scared.

-No, I'm not scared.

-Get over here, you little dick.

-Nice suit, Fartlett.

-What do you want?

I see your nigger rich daddy driving all over town in his Porsche and I want some money for my own, OK?

Todd, what the fuck?

Let him go. You're such an animal.

20 every Friday.

Oh, you're a motherfucker. Get the fuck over here.

Get the fuck over here.

Fuck over here.

Add 20, ass wipe.

Asshole loser.

Slutty whore.

Scott, are you OK?

-Do you want me to call your mum or something?

-No, I'm fine.

Well, how are you gonna get home?

Jesus, just get the fuck out of here.

Well, I'm just saying I can call your mum if you want.

She can bring you an ice pack or some Yoo-hoo or something.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Just go.

Fine.

HE SOBS

I missed the fricking bus.

This is the best birthday present I could possibly get.

But in your letter, you said that you wouldn't be here till next week.

-I mean, I've got it, look, right here.

-It's OK. Ma, I know.

I know. I got out a week early. I just forgot to call is all, OK?

OK, you know, I just I...

You know me, I like to be prepared. You know, I wouldn't have made that.

Oh, honey, you look so thin, you know?

Like you got rickets in your bones. I mean, what do they feed you there?

Um, pretty much this kind of stuff.

Oh, God almighty.

I'm sorry. No, it's great. I love it. It's great.

Thank you. Mmm, before I left, my commanding officer

told me I might be activated because of the Falklands, so, basically, I'm here till told otherwise.

Ooh, the Balkan Islands.

-I saw that on TV.

-Balkan? Falkland. OK.

Hello?

Hi, honey. Hi. (Guess who.)

Yeah, where is the little shit?

R2D2, is that really you?

Jim!

-Hey, Jim.

-Hey. Oh, you got big.

No, no, no, OK, you know, I mean, uh, mature. Like, uh...

Like a little lady.

Yeah, you look good, too.

Ah, yes, yeah, thank you.

Basic training is a real bitch, but, you know, it really whips you into shape.

-I thought you were coming next week.

-Like, 1,000 sit-ups a day.

-CO's a real hardass.

-Oh, really? Wow.

I take your compliment well. Hmm?

-I thought you were coming next week.

-Yeah, well, I'm early.

What's this?

-What are you gonna do?

-Stay here.

# Oh, lord, I'm walking down the line

# Walking down the line... #

-You want to get the fuck out here? What the fuck?

-Fucking...

What the fuck? Get off me.

Get the fuck off me.

Never again. Do you understand me? I'll fucking kill you!

-Jimmy, stop.

-You're fucking dead!

All right, enough, Jimmy.

Argh.

Shit.

HE SOBS

So, you learned all that in the army?

To fight? No, they teach you how to kill there.

-With your hands?

-Hands, guns, knives, grenades, whatever.

So, did you have to register them as lethal weapons?

What, my hands?

I think the army does that for you.

Fucking A. That's cool, Jim. So, you had to control yourself.

Like, your instincts.

-That's awesome.

-Oh, but about your eye...

Oh, yeah. No, I'll tell mum I was playing dodgeball or something.

-Good man. Does it hurt?

-Oh!

-I'm sorry about that.

-Dick.

Oh!

You all right?

Fucking asshole. So lucky you got Jimmy today, because if that shit was me...

Call me Fartlett? Yeah, that's cool. Call me Fartlett. Whatever.

You know, whatever, but you know what they say.

You hit a guy like this.

Boom, dead. Wah, wah, wah! Bah.

Molly Molloy,

born in Dubuque, Iowa.

Has a dog named Stella and feeds it red meat only.

Adrianna Bragg,

15, now in the 11th grade, Syosset High,

no dog.

Scotty, it's my birthday. Come down and eat already.

Happy birthday.

Oh, my God!

I'll bet I make the cover of Architectural Digest.

And it's yours?

No, I bought it for the rag heads up the block that just hit the lotto.

Yes, it's mine. It's ours.

Here, let me show you.

This is going be the laundry room right here. This is the kitchen.

I put in one of those centre islands that we talked about.

You're going to love it. It's beautiful. Scott, this is going to be your room.

Wow, looks like the Millennium Falcon.

-Yeah, Mick, it's very modern.

-Yeah, it's modern.

It's ultra modern. I used the best architect on the island.

-Really? Is there still time to, I don't know, maybe take the edge off somehow?

-Take the edge off?

-You're kidding, right?

-No.

You meant Millennium Falcon in a good way?

Yeah, definitely.

Check this out. This is where the sunroom is going to be with the eastern exposure.

Get that morning light that we talked about. Beautiful.

The windows are double paned, plate glass, slightly tinted.

They cost a fortune, but they are beautiful.

Yeah, but wouldn't it just be cheaper if we built a sunroom on our house?

We don't have the acreage on our property.

We could build a tennis court here.

We don't have any tennis players in our family.

Maybe you could learn.

We could put a tennis court in now if I wanted to learn, Mickey.

Well, yeah, we could put in an above ground pool, too, but we might as well be back in Queens.

-It wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it?

-To be back in Queens?

-Yeah.

-Come on, Mum. Don't argue. It's your birthday.

We'll be inside.

You could have at least warned me.

I mean, a decision like this you make without asking me, moving our family?

It's next door. We're not moving. We're upgrading, you know?

In with the new,

out with the old.

What is it with Queens?

She's like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.

It's different there. She had her neighbours around to complain to.

-Takes her mind off the problems.

-What problems?

She doesn't have any problems.

-You sound like Dad.

-I do?

They don't even fuck any more.

What? How the fuck do you know that?

-You know the rubbers under Dad's bed we used to use as water balloons?

-Eww! Yeah.

They haven't been there in over a year.

OK, well, first of all, that's sick to even think about.

And, second, she's coming, so shut the fuck up.

I found them in the McWendell well.

What if they have parents who will be worried if they don't come home?

-Yeah, if frogs worry, I guess.

-What do you think would happen if I didn't come home?

-They'd look for you.

-Who?

I don't know.

Maybe they'd send Blaze Saladfuck.

I'm kidding.

Really, I'm... You know, I'm sorry he never asked you out.

It was weird seeing you get your ass kicked.

Well, he's bigger than me.

Wasn't a fair fight.

Yeah, but, I don't know...

I felt like you were, like, my little brother or something.

Really?

-Your brother?

-Yeah.

Yeah, I better go.

What? No, come on. I'm kidding.

I was joking.

I didn't mean it in a bad way.

-No, I was just kidding.

-I'm not mad.

God, you're being such a...

No, you're supposed to smother it with something.

-Then you can pull it out.

-Shut up.

Can you just shut up and let me do this?

What is wrong with you?

-Is it a bad one, Dad?

-Yeah.

What do you mean, a bad one?

Deer tick.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Well, where did it happen?

Outside or in the house or...

I don't know.

-It's filled with blood.

-Oh, my God.

-Scotty, I'm so...

-How are you feeling? You feeling OK?

I'm so sorry.

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-He'll probably have to get a...

What?

Blood transfusion.

I'm kidding. It's not a bad one.

HE LAUGHS

That's not funny. That's not funny.

Whoo.

Charlie, why don't you take him home, OK?

Stop scratching. Let me see.

-It's not a bad one, all right?

-Would you take him home?

Come on, come on. Let's go.

Lighten up.

Look at it through here.

Lovely.

-OK, OK, don't...

-It's not funny.

I'm just kidding. You're hurting my arms, Jesus.

-RADIO:

-Cotton Bowl, a young Joe Montana, absolutely unbelievable.

He fell ill...

All right.

What? What is it?

-What does it feel like?

-What does this feel...

This feels like just a perpetual acid trip is what this feels like.

What are you laughing at? I'm kidding.

You don't know what an acid trip is.

Hey, do you know what an acid trip is?

-No, I have no fucking idea.

-Good. Good.

No, it changes. I mean, sometimes, it feels like

the flu and other times it's worse, like...

..you know, my head's on fire, kind of. Yeah.

Hey, you

probably don't want to tell your mum about the tick.

-Right? No tick?

-Right, no tick.

-No tick?

-No, no tick.

-Brenda. Hi.

-Oh, Melissa!

-Hi!

How are you? How's your new house?

Oh, it's coming quickly.

Yeah, I'm very happy with it.

So, I'm seeing you today, right?

Oh, why would you be?

Well, Mickey said that the boys were coming out to the site. I just...

-Well, I figured you were coming along with them.

-Right.

Yeah, God, well, it's Thanksgiving, though.

Aren't... Are you working today?

Indians, you know?

They have different holidays than us.

Hey, how's Scott doing? I'm sorry.

I was going to call you.

-I'm sorry, what do you mean?

-He didn't tell you about the tick?

Stop picking.

Mum, this is ridiculous.

Do you have any idea how sick you could have gotten?

-Do you?

-I just look like a total dingus.

-Did he call?

-Did who call?

-Dad.

-No.

Are you mad?

-Just don't start lying to me Scott, OK?

-No, I didn't lie.

You didn't ask me anything.

You should have told me, Scotty.

Just tell me next time, OK? That's it.

Maybe you should have had a girl.

They tell their mothers everything.

Well, maybe you should have asked God for a mother who doesn't care about her children.

Look, just don't argue with me right now, OK? I'm sorry. I'm very tired.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Yeah, they're both here.

Jimmy's asleep.

Look, was there any reason I wasn't informed of this little field trip?

Yeah, um, you know what?

I don't want to hear it, and I don't have time anyway.

Dinner's at four sharp.

Go wake your brother.

The idea is to presell off the model, as many as I can, then borrow from the bank to build. This is

Scott Street, and this is James.

Nobody calls me James any more.

Had I known, Jim, I would have named you, you know, Boardwalk,

-Park Place, Lexington, Madison.

-Why don't we just move here?

Well, this is affordable housing for people making 20,000, 30,000 a year.

-That's not us any more.

-Well, how much do you make?

That's a bad habit, Scott, asking people how much money they make.

Your dad, it's OK. But by this time next year, we will officially be millionaires.

And you can quit that army shit, make some real dough, right?

Da dada dada dada dada dada dada dadah da.

Dada dada dada dada dada dada dadah.

-What problems do they have?

-I'll tell you when you're of age, all right?

Trust me. Oh, shit.

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Hi, guys.

Man.

# Weatherwise, it's such a lovely day... #

SMOKE ALARM BEEPS

# Just say the words and we'll beat the birds

# Down to Acapulco Bay... #

Oh, my God! Oh! Ah.

Gosh. Oh!

I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep up there.

-How is it? Is it...

-Uh, sad to say, this bird has seen better days. Ow!

Oh, I...

Where's your father?

# Heaven.. #

Oh, God, what a waste.

Ah, well, at least we have each other, right?

Yeah?

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, I'm sorry.

Dad's site is awesome.

-How nice.

-Yeah, it's huge.

Like, the size of six football fields tied together.

Wow. Yeah, it's supposed to be like a modern day Levittown.

You should go out there.

Really, it's amazing.

Dad said by this time next year we'll be millionaires.

More money, more problems.

-Jimmy, do you remember how we used to lay out on our roof in Queens, remember?

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

And what's his name, the old nut next door. What's the name?

-Oh, gee! Um, Veltry.

-Veltry, right.

-Oh, yeah, he'd just sit in his window for hours, lurking, like...

-Exactly! Like that, with that face.

SHE LAUGHS

Did you burn any turkeys back then, Dorothy?

Dorothy?

You said Dorothy, right? What did you mean by that?

Because all you have to do is click your heels together and you're back in Queens.

Aah.

On that note!

Anybody up for a hot game of Monopoly?

-Yeah.

-Good, because I am.

SHE LAUGHS

Shit. Shit. I'm...

God damn it, I'm...

All right.

Sometimes I just feel so stupid, you know?

It's OK, Mum.

-Hi, Dad.

-Hi.

What do you think?

Um, nice shoes.

-Could you zip this up for me?

-Uh, sure.

Sweetie, don't you think you're going to be kind of cold with all the back exposed like that?

Dad! Dad, come on, It's fine. I have a jacket. And it's a church party.

The strap thing, the pink?

-You can see it.

-Dad, since when did you become such a square?

But do you know that you can see it?

Yeah, yeah, it's part of the dress.

-That's what they're... That's the look?

-That's what the girls are wearing these days.

-OK.

All right. Are you sure you're not going to come to the church party?

No, I have a lot of irons in the fire.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, I'm sure.

Have a great time, OK?

I will. Love you. Bye.

-I love you.

-Lights look great.

Yeah, they're going to be beautiful all over the house.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is done in Heaven.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,

and deliver us, lord, from all evil, and grant us peace this day.

-Peace be with you.

-And also with you.

And now let's offer one another a gesture of peace today.

-Peace be with you.

-And also with you.

Peace be with you, honey.

# Thy shall never love another....

Thy shall never love another

# And stand by me all the while

And stand by me all the while

# Take happiness with the heartaches

Take happiness with the heartaches...

What's up, Mr Saturday Night Fever?

Merry Christmas.

Do you like?

-Not bad.

-Not bad?

Come on. It's better than not bad.

Yeah, I guess.

Turn around. Let me see.

This is kind of beat, huh?

It's a church.

Sneak a bottle of red and meet me in the confessionals.

Thou should always have faith in me

# In everything I say and do

In everything I say and do...

Bless me, father, for I have blah, blah, blah.

Did you bring the wine?

I said red, not white.

Well, couldn't exactly be choosy.

You've never drank, have you?

Oh, well, yeah.

We're in a confessional, Scott.

You can't just blatantly lie.

You have to tell me the truth, no matter what I ask you.

Ask me something.

Um, have you ever thought of me

as more than just like a brother?

OK, enough truth. Let's play dare. It'll be more fun.

Dare isn't part of a confession.

Well, neither is drinking.

Fine, I'll dare you something first.

I dare you...

I dare you to close your eyes.

OK, open.

What do you think?

Nice.

I said, "look", perv.

I hate to ask, Mickey, and you know how Charlie is about favours, but I just can't live with it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just wish you'd said something sooner.

I'll get a couple of guys over here right away.

Oh, you don't need to do that.

I mean, well, you could take it out of my commissions.

Oh, are you kidding me? Please.

You deserve it. Just tell Charlie it's a bonus.

I can give you a bonus, right?

Don't worry. Charlie's in the city late tonight.

This here is wrong.

I know.

SHE PANTS AND MOANS

Mickey. Oh, Mickey.

Mum?

Dad?

OK, we're cool.

You have to inhale, like like your mum just caught you doing something really bad.

Watch, like this.

Mummy's coming.

Mummy's coming!

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

Holy shit!

-You're cute.

-I am?

I mean,

I know.

If you were, like, three years older, we could go out, because I only go out with older boys.

They're more mature.

Some of them even have moustaches.

-Shit.

-Oh, you like moustaches?

You got a long way to go.

Well, I mean, my dad doesn't really have one. He's the one I take after.

Your dad doesn't need one to attract the ladies.

What do you mean?

Let me put it this way. I wouldn't be so hip to taking after him so much if I were you.

-That's all.

-Well, why the fuck not?

I'm just saying, like...

OK, the last person I want to end up like is my mother.

I mean, the both of them are

just so... I don't know, phony or something.

Phony? Have you been reading that book about the kid who runs away from private school?

Actually, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have.

Well, you know, it turns out the only one who's phony is...

Are you stoned?

-You look stoned.

-No.

-Are you feeling it?

-You make me...

Turns out that the only one who's phony is, you know, fucking what's his name.

Uh, the... the... The kid who tells the story.

Fucking Caulfield.

So?

So?

Anyways, as I was saying, older boys,

they can take a hint. You know, they don't have to do much guessing.

Like, for example, when a girl's wearing mistletoe in her hair, pretty much means one thing.

Oh, wow, yeah.

That's beautiful.

I think mummy's really coming.

Hey. What happened?

I thought you guys were going to the church party.

Yeah, yeah, it was beat.

What's that smell?

-Is that...

-Oh, yeah, I was just showing her this trick.

Scotty, don't do that!

You're going to burn down the house.

MAN COUGHS

That's your dad.

My dad's here?

Yeah. Yeah, he's helping, um... He's going to help us with the sunroom.

Hey. How you guys doing?

You staying out of trouble?

Yeah, how are you, Mr Bartlett?

I'm pretty good.

Nice shirt there, big guy.

Yeah.

We should, um, get back.

Uh, yeah, to the, uh...

To the... To the site. We got some late customers.

So, I'll see you back at the house.

Be good.

Bye.

Holy shit. Do you think he knew?

Scott, erm...

Your dad's fucking my mum.

I mean, come on, fixing the sunroom in the basement?

He is not.

Is too.

Oh, man. I feel... I feel...

# The bells of St Mary's

# I hear they are calling... #

Oh, holy shit.

Oh, holy fucking shit.

-TV:

-...seized the American embassy in Tehran. They took many hostages.

You have a rough night last night, kiddo?

-Are you sure you want to go to school? You feel OK?

-Uh huh.

Well, come here and eat something.

Oh, no, I'm fine. The bus. I'm late.

You should put something in your stomach. I'll take you. Come on. Sit down.

You know, that's OK. I'm OK.

Everything's great. I'll see you guys later.

Hold on.

Your brother's leaving on Tuesday...

Tuesday now.

Come on, guys, cheer up.

Oh, don't mind us. Go... Yeah, have a good time. Go ahead.

But what could be better than hanging here with Doom and Gloom?

Look, just promise me you won't be a hero.

You can always hide out somewhere safe and just wait till it's over.

-It's not World War II.

-Yeah, it's the Falkland Islands.

Probably won't even be a single shot fired.

But if there is, Jimmy's on the front line, first to go in.

Dick! No, that's bull. Come on, Scotty. That's bullshit.

-No, is he really joking?

-He just told me.

He just told me about the big scary Spanish guys.

Fuckhead. So full of shit.

They just activated me because...

They're mobilizing the troops. Have them sitting on

aircraft carriers, smoking cigarettes, probably.

-Yeah, probably.

-Yeah?

-Hopefully.

HE GURGLES

Some turnout, huh?

-Yeah.

-Mr Popular all of a sudden.

-Mm-hmm.

-Yeah, you should slow down.

You should speed up. You want to dance with me?

Come on,

live a little.

-OK.

-Come on.

# When you wear your bellbottom pants

# I just stand there in a trance

# I can't move your inner groove... #

No, hey! No, shit bag. Too young for that.

-Tastes like piss anyway.

-It is piss.

Shut up, dick.

Wow! The hero, huh?

Ah, not quite yet.

-Adrianna, will you go get me my drink?

-Sure.

Are you really that sick, bringing her here?

She's my mom, Scott. I can't not let her do things.

-A Long Island Iced Tea, please.

-Don't you mean an iced tea without the Long Island part?

-It's for my mom.

-Can I dance with you guys?

-Yeah.

MUSIC PLAYS

# It's more than a feeling More than a feeling

# When I hear that old song they used to play

# And I begin dreaming More than a feeling

# Until I see Marianne walk away... #

Kids, I'm going to call it quits, OK?

-You sure?

-Yeah.

-You OK?

-Yeah, no, I'm a little tired.

-Yeah?

-I'll see you later before you go, right?

-Yeah.

-You going to take Scotty home?

-Yeah, of course. Bye, Mom.

Love you guys.

Hey, Dad, think I can talk to you for a second?

What?

Think I can talk to you for a second?

Yeah, go ahead.

-Come here, over here.

-Hey, we're dancing.

-I know, but just want to talk to him for a second, OK?

-All right.

-Just for a second.

-Yeah, just a second.

If I disappointed you somehow, I'm sorry.

What am I going to do about it? You've got your mother's hard-to-please gene.

I'm just saying, whatever it is you're doing,

just don't flaunt it around so much.

-And what is it I'm doing, hmm?

-You know.

Tell me. I want you to tell me, hmm?

I'm asking you a question, soldier. Answer me.

What? You can't take a little love tap now and then? Tell me.

You better learn how to defend yourself. You're going over there to fight.

You let those fucking spics push you around? Come on! Come on!

Tough guy, come on. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Come on, Jimbo, you've been waiting a long time for this.

Come on, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.

-Come on, give it to me, come on!

-Fuck.

Fuck!

Whatever it is you're doing, just watch it.

Fucking Scott, Dad.

What did I tell you about this world, hmm?

You're either chasing something, or you're running away from something.

Me, I chase.

You? But maybe I'm wrong about you.

Maybe a little piece of me rubbed off on you. Just a little piece.

Don't get shot to pieces over there.

I'm never going to speak to you again.

You said you were leaving tomorrow. You told Mom you'd see her before. I heard you.

Do you have to leave now?

I'm in the fucking service, Scott. I have to go and fight.

When do you ship out? Maybe I can come and visit.

I don't know. I'll probably go out first, right away.

That's cool.

Can you bring me back a rifle, or a grenade, or something?

I don't carry a rifle.

What do you mean? What do you have, an Uzi?

Oh, fuck. I'm a communications specialist.

Communications what?

You know Radar in MASH? That's me.

No, you said...

No, I didn't say anything. You assumed, which is something you shouldn't be doing so much of.

Are you kidding me? You're like Radar?

I'm not like fucking Radar, OK? I just do what he does on the show.

You think I like being stuck in uniform in the fucking middle of nowhere,

taking orders from a bunch of assholes with guns?

-So quit.

-And what? Come home? Everything's going to be OK?

Dad's been doing this as long as I can remember.

And as long as she fucking takes this, it's going to go on and on.

You're going to rot your fucking stomach out like I did.

I feel like I'm in The Twilight Zone.

Welcome to our wonderful, little family

and our perfect little suburban life.

You know what? Dad's right about one thing.

You should go to college in another state, way across the fucking country.

Yeah, maybe I'll just give up and become a pussy like Radar.

I really hope you don't.

COUGHING

Who's there?

Uh, just me.

What's with the shifty eyes?

It makes you look like you're...ashamed of something.

Yeah. Uh, no.

I was just coming to see if she was around so we could ride the bus.

She got a ride.

From who?

Listen, at her age, things change every day, OK, at any age.

That's one thing you can be sure of in life - things change.

Scott, listen. Tomorrow she might be right back on the bus with you. Who knows?

OK?

# Baby, when I think about you

# I think about love

# Darling, I don't want to live without you

# And your love

# If I had... #

-Is that a tear in your eye?

-What are you talking about?

Writing's on the wall, man.

-She's totally sucking it out with Blaze.

-So?

-What's it to me?

-I thought you were, like, totally fucking in love with her since you were eight.

Well, don't you know things change in life, idiot?

-Asshole.

-Dick.

Sorry.

I don't know, man.

Maybe when I was a kid, but now it's just...

it was the only way I could have,

you know...

-Holy shit! You mean you...

-All right, keep it down, dick weed.

-You can't leave me hanging out to dry.

You've got to tell me everything.

# Feel like making love

# Feel like making love to you. #

Hope we have nice weather for your confirmation.

What's wrong, Scotty?

I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry?

Cos I thought you were crazy.

Here, try these.

Go ahead.

Tell me why you thought I was crazy.

Because, Mom, you're never happy.

You hate Dad.

And now I do, too.

Scotty, don't tell me how I feel.

And why are you even worrying yourself with my problems with your father?

Well, they're kind of my problems too when he's fucking Mrs Bragg.

Scott, God damn it!

How dare you speak to me like that!

ELECTRONIC BEEP

Some friend you are.

Blaze, where'd you come up with that?

ELECTRONIC BEEP

Just watch it, man.

ELECTRONIC BEEP

Fucking idiot.

You're such a fucking liar!

You so lied your wimpy little baby brat ass off.

Do you have nothing to say?

What did you hear?

I heard that you fingered me and it was like the inside of a jelly doughnut.

I mean, eugh, Scott, that is so disgusting.

Shit.

What the fuck did I ever do to you?

I don't know.

You treat me different.

Maybe it's because I, like, liked you.

Idiot.

Look, half the guys in my grade lie about this sort of thing all the time.

I'll just say it was made up.

You know how it is. I'm already getting weird phone calls.

-That's the third...

-God, you are such an asshole!

Do you think I'm a slut?

-No.

-Well, I'm not, OK?

-I'm not like my mother.

-I know that.

Oh, so you think my mom's a slut?

I didn't say that. You said "Do you think..."

Well, she is, OK? She's a big, fat, slutty whore.

I can't even look at her.

Maybe they'll, like, die together in a car accident or something.

You know this is the third rail, right?

Really? Is that all you have to say?

You know, they say no matter where you are on Long Island, you can always hear the train.

You can't get far enough away.

What are you, Walt Whitman now?

And don't follow me.

-Your father called.

-Yeah?

Yeah, he said he got tickets to the game tonight at the Coliseum.

He wants you to be ready to leave by six.

I don't want to go.

What do you mean, he doesn't want to go to the game?

He loves the Islanders.

Where is he? Is he in his room?

-Is he sick?

-He knows.

He knows what?

He knows that you're a motherfucker, literally.

What kind of shit is that to say?

You do fuck mothers, don't you?

Man, you can take the girl out of Queens, am I right?

Yeah, and what are you, King Farouk all of a sudden now you got a few dollars in your pocket?

-I can't do this any more, Mick.

-You can't do what?

I don't love you any more.

I cannot stand the sight of your face.

I do not want to be in the same room with you. I-I find you so ugly.

And I can't even stand the way you fucking smell,

the way you brush your teeth, the way you eat your fucking food.

Oh, you got the fucking shit-eating grin on your face all the time.

You fucking drive me up the fucking wall.

And I can't live with myself if I have to spend another night in bed with you.

You make me sick to my stomach.

Hey, fuck this garbage! I'm going to go get Scott and I'm taking him to the game.

God damn it, Mickey. I will not be humiliated in front of my children any more!

Humiliated? What the fuck are you talking about? I break my ass for this family!

-Bullshit.

-You spend more time with your goddamn fig tree...

My mother got me that fig tree. She told me not to marry Irish.

-Please!

-If you want to bring our wedding day into this, that's a bigger issue.

Fuck this nonsense! I'm going to get Scott and go to the game.

CRASH Look, I made my decision.

-You're telling me now that you weren't happy on your wedding day?

-Telling me that you felt trapped

minutes before the ceremony didn't exactly bring a fucking smile to my face.

I was talking about the tux.

-So this is all just some big misunderstanding?

-Maybe.

-You know what? Maybe?

Well, no more. I made my decision.

I want you out of this fucking house.

-Do you know why I go with other women?

-Oh, Christ.

-Do you know why I go with other women?

-No.

Because they don't tell me I make them sick to their stomach!

-I don't care.

-That's why...

-I don't want to hear... Shut the fuck up.

-Fuck you!

-Fuck you.

I'm tired of you rubbing my face in this shit. You get the fuck out of this house.

Oh, come on, please. Where do you think I'm going to go? I'm not going...

Get out of my house.

What are you doing? Are you fucking crazy?

-This is my house.

-This is my house.

Yeah, I'm crazy. I am crazy. I'm fucking insane right now.

Get out of my house.

GASPS

MUSIC PLAYS

See the guy at the end of the bar? Tell him to come down here.

Mick. How the fuck are you?

Yeah, Melissa told me you sold the last of the plots. Congratulations.

Yeah, I couldn't have done it without her.

No, absolutely. I tell myself that every day.

She's a real gem, a pro.

Well, sit down. Let's catch up, have a little drink.

-Buy you a drink.

-One drink?

-Yeah.

I got time for a quick drink.

-I got a lot of shit going on, boy.

-You sure do.

You sure do, Mick.

Let me see if I... It's all right.

I'll remember. Let me get my friend, uh...a, uh...uh, uh, a gimlet, neat.

You got a sharp memory.

-So she tells me that the, uh, penicillin, is it, uh, working for you?

-Mm.

Oh, God, no, it's, uh...

Who the fuck knows? I mean,

one day, the doctor tells me it's MS, right? And then the next day,

he tells me it's...

HE MOUTHS

What?

(Syphilis)

-Syphilis?

-Yeah.

Yes, fucking syphilis.

What amazes me, Mick, is that this tiny little bug no bigger than a pimple on your ass

can change your life.

Yeah, that's a real shame.

Hey, Mick... You ever think about how it could have been you?

You were sitting right next to me on that hunting trip, you remember?

Yeah, you remember?

Do you have, uh, syphilis?

Well, you know, sometimes...

..I wish it was syphilis.

HE SNIGGERS

-Come on.

-Yeah.

-Come on!

-Yeah.

-Come on!

Er, thanks for the drink. I got to go.

I'll catch you.

-Mm-hm.

-Thanks again.

Hey, Mick! Mick!

You want to hear this shit?

D'you want to hear it? Yes, no, maybe? Well, I'll tell you anyway.

Come on.

Melissa.

Melissa.

She comes home the other day and she tells me she's got to talk to me right now,

all this serious, dramatic shit. She accuses me of imagining all this.

What was the word she used? Er, psychosomatic.

"We bring things on ourselves."

So she's a fucking philosopher all of a sudden. Now, I'm thinking, "Where did she pick THAT up?"

-HE CHUCKLES

-I...

I have no idea, Charlie, but I'm real sorry about it.

Well, come on, now, Mick.

You see her every day.

I'm wondering if someone's been whispering in her ear like a little shit bird.

Charlie, I got my own fucking problems, OK?

Hey, Mick!

Pss, pss, pss, pss, pss.

Fartlett.

What the fuck did you just say?

What? I didn't say anything.

-You are so fucking lucky you got your brother.

-Hey, fuck you.

Oh, shit! Oh, oh!

Oh. You f... Get off me! Get off me!

HE YELLS Ow! Get off me!

Get off me!

Oh. Ah! Ah!

HE YELLS

-What the hell is this?

-Get out of the car right now.

-Yes, you're going to apologise to this boy.

-For what?

This boy does not have the luxuries you do.

-He's less fortunate than you.

-Still a fucking asshole.

Scotty, God damn it!

Ow! When Jimmy came here, he almost killed him.

-HE didn't have to apologise.

-Jimmy beat this boy, too?

-A long time ago. And you said "fuck" a thousand times last night.

-Watch your mouth.

-"Fuck, fuck, motherfucker."

-Stop it!

-Oh, yeah, I'm sure you give a shit.

Fuck you. Fuck Dad. You guys fucking suck, man.

I'm glad you decided to drop by and see the place.

When I picked him up from school today, his principal informed me that he's been suspended for a week.

This O'Leary going to press charges?

No, no, they're not, uh...

Mickey, they're not good parents.

-Well, punish him. You know how.

-But I didn't do anything.

We all need to learn how to take responsibility for our actions.

-We should at least pay for this boy's medical expenses.

-Fine.

-He did hit me first.

-That was months ago.

-He called you a nigger-rich savage.

Fuck him and his medical bills.

-That was months ago. And what - you've been waiting for the right time to pounce him?

-No.

(Today he called me Fartlett.)

He called you what?

Fartlett.

Scott, Scott,

you don't think. What did I tell you when I built the site

about people being jealous? Don't you remember?

I don't have to fucking listen to you any more.

Fuck you!

Mick.

What is the fucking point?

You don't need me to punish him.

No, it's not about that.

What is it about, then? Some twisted way for you to make me feel bad?

No. Look, divorced and separated parents

let their kids get away with murder because they feel guilty that they broke up the home.

But it's a trap, cos the kids wind up feeling resentful

and, even worse, on drugs, God knows what else.

HE CHUCKLES

I mean, I'm out of the fucking house 18 hours and 45 minutes, and you're Dr Fucking Ruth now?

She's a sex therapist, Mick.

And I saw it on Donahue. It is true.

He's mad because you threw his father out. It's normal.

Is it normal that now he says he hates his father? Is that normal, too?

-Then you accomplished what you set out to do.

-And what's that?

-To pin the whole thing on me.

Oh.

Wow.

I came here for him, and now you're making it all about you.

Wow.

She still awake?

That's good.

Throw me down one.

One what?

The smoke.

I could see it from my window.

Since when do you smoke?

Don't be a tight ass. Throw me one.

This thing isn't going to light itself, you know.

These always remind me of my dad...

..when he was dying of cancer.

I was your age.

His dad died from it, too.

He was so hell-bent that he was going to get it, his nerves were shot.

The fucking doctors actually told him to smoke.

Lying in that bed, 80 pounds...

..stinking up the whole room.

Ah, what did they know back then, right?

Hey, come on down. We'll go to Carvel. We'll get a shake.

No, I'm tired. I have school tomorrow.

You're suspended.

Still, Mom will get mad if I go this late.

It's not even 11 o'clock. Come on down. She'll never know.

Then I'll be a liar, too.

I never lied to her, Scott.

She just never bothered to ask.

It isn't some state secret that we haven't been getting along - and for a long time, too.

People do stupid things when they're trying to get something that doesn't fit to fit.

I don't know what to say to you.

But I've already lost one kid because of my problems with your mother.

I don't want to lose the other.

Well... Well, then why'd you have to fuck her, Dad?

It's tough to be a man, Scott. You got to make money to put food on the table.

You got to be a dad to your kids.

You got to be a husband to your wife. The money part I got. The dad part, I'm batting 500.

The husband part...

Then other people come into the picture at the right or the wrong time, and things happen.

I was unhappy.

I AM unhappy.

But I promise you that everything is going to be OK.

Now, please, come down here

before fucking Carvel closes.

I can't.

Here it is.

I hope it fits. I mean, you're growing so fast.

Here, let's put it on.

Oh, nice.

Well, it's not exactly a saint's name, but...

it's too late to change it now, huh?

So stand up straight.

Let me look at you.

-God, you look like a priest.

-Mom...

How about, er, you know, you look like an angel?

There you go.

Hey, listen to me, Scott.

Scott.

I know you're mad, and that's fine.

But, er...

..I have my flaws, too.

OK, baby?

Oh, Mickey, the tie.

Come on over here.

-I wanted to talk to you...

-Oh, sure.

Have a seat.

I need to see this.

You know what I think is funny?

How they say that today...

is the actual day you become a man.

I mean, how do they know that, right?

It's just a ceremony.

It doesn't really mean anything literally.

Well, don't rush it, OK?

It's not all it's cracked up to be.

All right, we got to cut this goddamn hair of yours, for crying out loud.

OK.

Let's not keep God waiting.

It's muggy tonight, huh?

I take it you're not coming.

Always the party pooper.

It's all right.

I'll bring you home some leftovers, huh?

# Now that you're gone

# All that's left is a band of gold

# All that's left of the dreams I hold... #

You know, I had, er, Donahue on the TV set the other day,

and they were saying how people who get separated...

Er, they didn't say what number, but a percentage of them - a good percentage -

end up...getting back together.

Could be bullshit. I don't know.

You, um...

You want to, er...

help me make a few of these guys in this room jealous?

Hi.

-Nice party.

-Yeah, you know my dad.

Everything's got to be big.

Come talk to me.

I got to tell you,

it's getting awfully lonely over there.

-You know, I thought maybe tonight, because it's a special occasion, I could, you know...

-Mickey...

You'll always be the father of my children, and I respect that.

But if you want to spend the night,

it's going to be on the couch. You got that?

I'll take it.

I thought you weren't talking to me.

I'm on the fence.

-Well, if it means anything, technically, I'm a man as of today, so...

-Please! A man?!

I heard you're still a bald eagle.

You know, no pubes.

-Who said that?

-Me. I just made it up and told anybody who'd listen.

I'm just kidding...jerk.

Silk?

Er, I don't know.

It's nice.

Can I try it?

Sure.

Seems like for ever ago since I had mine.

So much has changed.

It was only last year.

It's different for girls.

A lot changes in a year.

Well, you know, a lot changed for me, too.

You know how I always said I...date older guys?

Well, it's not true. I mean...

it's true, but I never let them, you know...

I'm still a virgin.

Well, what do you have to say about that?

Well, so am I.

Duh.

Let's go inside.

Fuck.

All right, first things first.

You never apologised for telling your dill-weed friends that you fingered me, you know?

-I'm sorry.

-And, um,

you're not going to, like,

use me or whatever, right?

N-No.

Are we going to...

like, do it?

Do you really think we should talk about it?

Sorry.

Oh... What's wrong?

No, th-that was a good thing.

Um, could... Could you...help me?

Hey, hey.

So...

..how do you feel?

I, er...

Er...

After last night.

You can tell me. I mean, you know, do you feel a little differently, er...?

Cos I know you're a different person.

Scotty, you're officially a man in the eyes of the Lord.

I can't take this any more.

This isn't a marriage.

Every day, you looked at me in the eye, and you told me that you were going out to find a job.

What did you do? Play hide and seek down in the basement?

So you're a 150-pound baby I'm carrying on my back?

I never knew I could hate anybody as much as I hate you, Charlie.

Don't ignore me.

I mean, I don't mind working.

But if I wanted to be the breadwinner,

the goddamn man of the house,

believe me, I wouldn't have picked you to be married to.

Don't fucking ignore me, Charlie!

What?

Nothing.

MUSIC: "Running Out Of Empty" by The Spaceship Martini

# Stranded

# On a desert island

# Destiny keeps smiling

# On you and me

# For flying so high

# Our wings are melting

# What a perfect ending

# To be here with you crashing

# An emergency landing

# There's no-one around

# So we better settle down

# And make ourselves at home. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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