Then She Found Me


Then She Found Me

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This programme contains some strong language.

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WOMAN: There is a Jewish story -

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an ordinary Jewish joke.

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A father was teaching his little son

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to be less afraid, to have more courage,

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by having him jump down the stairs.

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He put his son on the second stair and said, "Jump, and I'll catch you,"

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then on the third stair and said, "Jump, and I'll catch you."

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The little boy was afraid but he trusted his father

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and did what he was told and jumped into his arms.

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The father put him on the next step and then the next,

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each time telling him, "Jump, and I'll catch you."

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Then the boy jumped from a very high step

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but this time, the father stepped back

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and the boy fell flat on his face.

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He picked himself up, bleeding and crying,

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and the father said to him,

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"That'll teach you."

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-Here, put this sweater on.

-Nuh-uh.

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Don't be ridiculous. You're shaking like a bowl of Jell-O.

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-Put the sweater on.

-Nuh-uh.

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-Mom.

-Oh, for God's sake.

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(RABBI SPEAKS HEBREW)

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(MAN SPEAKS HEBREW)

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(WOMAN SPEAKS HEBREW)

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I betroth you to me forever...

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-I betroth you to me forever...

-..in righteousness and justice...

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-..in righteousness and justice...

-..in kindness and in mercy...

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..in kindness and in mercy...

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-..and you shall know God.

-..and you shall know God.

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That's for you.

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-(BOTH LAUGH)

-Come on!

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Aargh! (LAUGHS)

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-Aargh!

-(LAUGHS)

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Well, I'm dying.

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You're not dying. You had an episode and they want to watch you.

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-Shabbat Shalom.

-Hmm?

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She's always dying.

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-Why are you rushing?

-Sorry, rounds took forever.

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-Sorry, you guys.

-Oh, baby, no problem.

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-Have a good evening.

-Thank you.

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You're late for Shabbat

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and you have to tell this stranger our private business?

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Mom, you're lucky we come at all.

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I'm lucky you come to Shabbat? Why is that? Stop eating.

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'Cause it's the 21st century, 'cause we're not in Babylon.

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We don't have to remind ourselves to let our land lie fallow.

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-The whole point of Shabbat is...

-I was 11 minutes late!

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You're getting yourself worked up,

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and being worked up all the time never got anyone pregnant.

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-(COUGHS)

-Worked up?

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-We've been trying for 10 months!

-Shabbat Shalom.

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-Where does everyone have to get to?

-I'm not worked up!

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I would just like very much to have a baby.

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-So, adopt.

-Who's really mine.

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(CHANTS IN HEBREW)

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In China, they're throwing them into trash cans.

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(CONTINUES SINGING IN HEBREW)

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Adopt a baby, for God's sake. Adopt a baby and then have a baby.

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-You're 39 years old!

-That's what you did.

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That's why you can't do it, because I did it?

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-Being like me is such a terrible...

-There's a feeling.

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-No, there's not!

-When he was little, I watched you.

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I watched you...

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..watch him.

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I saw you look at each other. It was different.

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I want that.

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You listen to me.

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There's no difference.

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Are you here?

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-Where are you?

-I'm in here.

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Sweetie, can you come in here and sit down for a minute?

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I'll be there in one second.

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Hi.

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Sit down.

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You stand up.

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(SIGHS) Sweetie, please, sit down.

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And take your coat off.

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Maybe you should take it off.

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What?

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(SIGHS) I made a mistake.

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I'm sorry.

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I made a mistake.

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You made...what?

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If I could blink my eyes and it would be a year from now...

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..and we could be friends, best friends, I would do it.

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We teach across the hall from each other.

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I'll see you all the time, every day.

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But listen, I want...

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I want you to know something.

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-Do you want a...?

-Yeah, thank you.

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What did you want me to know?

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I'm 100% sure.

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Is it because I didn't say the right thing the other night?

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If you want to pursue this drawing thing...

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-It's not that. It's not anything.

-I just meant that if...

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I'm very attracted to...

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..we're gonna try to have a baby, somebody has to make some money.

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I don't...

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-I can't make love if we don't talk.

-I don't...

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I don't want this life!

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Don't you want to take your coat off?

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Why don't you want to take your coat off?

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Oh, God!

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I'm really sure we shouldn't...

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(BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)

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I'll see you in school.

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Come on.

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(BANGS DOOR)

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(CHILDREN SHRIEK AND SHOUT)

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Can you explain this to me?

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Mrs Epner-Green, this is chaos. Who is in charge?

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-It says he has resigned.

-And you knew nothing about this?

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If Mr Green is out, why is there no substitute?

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Is he coming in?

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Mrs Epner-Green's class, make space for Mr Green's class.

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No! Mrs Epner-Green, this is way too many kids for one room!

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Really, do you think so?

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-Well, Mrs Epner-Green...

-Miss Epner.

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OK, the parents can go. Mr Green will not be coming in.

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Miss Epner will be teaching both classes.

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You don't know where he is?

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Have you slept?

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Don't do anything until you've slept.

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Don't think anything until you've slept.

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I have to drop her upstairs.

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It's gonna take me an hour to get a sub.

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Love you.

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Can you watch them for five minutes?

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Go. Hurry back.

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(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

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Don't let anyone fix you up with anyone.

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A friend of mine set me up on a date - I'm still recovering.

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Are you...

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..coming on to me?

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What?

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My husband left me nine hours ago.

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Do you think you could control yourself for five minutes?

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You betcha.

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Oh, my God!

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OK.

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You should come in. This is bad timing.

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-Do you know how old I am?

-I do.

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I want a baby. I can't explain it.

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It's like being hungry or having to pee.

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Please don't tell me to adopt.

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I wouldn't. I won't. I never will.

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A 65-year-old lady in the Bronx just gave birth to twins, so...

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-I mean, not that that's...

-Thanks.

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-Should I come in?

-Yes, you should come in.

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-I just need...

-Hi, I'm here.

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Sorry.

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I heard your story. That's just horrible.

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Thanks.

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-I'm gonna go.

-April, don't go home alone.

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It's fine. I need to sleep.

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It's not gonna get any worse than this.

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(RABBI PRAYS IN HEBREW)

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RABBI: To Gertrude 'Trudy' Epner, who has gone to her lasting rest.

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Master of all, we pray to You,

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remember her worthy and righteous deeds while among the living

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and let us say amein.

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ALL: Amein.

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Pardon me.

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Who does the, uh, purchasing for the school?

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I'm sorry?

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Not the purchasing, the requisitioning.

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-The office is that way.

-Thank you.

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Are you April Epner?

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Can I help you?

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I represent someone from your past.

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Someone from your past who's looking to make contact.

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Would the discovery of the identity of your birth mother

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be welcome news?

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I'm her assistant and friend. She's a celebrity.

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I'm sorry. What kind of celebrity?

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She's...she's well known.

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She really wants to meet you, but she's very cautious, you understand?

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But now I can definitely recommend it.

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You're recommending me?

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Are you taking this the wrong way?

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Here.

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Let her speak for herself.

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(READS) "Dear Gabrielle, Did you know Gabrielle is what I named you?

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"I believe the time has come for us to meet.

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"Let's have lunch tomorrow, Saturday, you and me.

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"Barbetta Restaurant at 1:00.

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"Your mother, Bernice."

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Buon pomeriggio. Posso aiutarla, signorina?

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Oh, hello.

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Do you happen to have a reservation for someone named Bernice?

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Si, si! Certo che l'abbiamo. Per questa parte.

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Right this way, please.

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A glass of champagne while you wait?

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Do you have a ladies' room?

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-Ciao, bella.

-Oh!

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Thank you.

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I'm a...teacher.

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WOMAN: ..exactly like Judy Holliday. You get anyone besides her, hang up.

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You won't get in unless you use my name, right?

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I know, it's terrible, but we're talking about your health.

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-Mille grazie.

-Mm.

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Let me just look at you.

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-You're magnificent!

-What's your name?

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Oh, thank you. Um, what is your name?

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-You got my letter.

-Uh, your last name?

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Oh, Graves. I'm so happy you don't know it.

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-Why would I...?

-How do you feel right now?

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How do you feel?

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I feel like you are the reward

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for everything I ever did right in my entire life.

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Oh!

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And how do you feel?

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I, um... Thank you.

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I'm wondering how you can be certain you're actually my mother.

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Are you married?

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I mean, do you have anyone?

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Someone who takes you in his arms...or her arms?

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God knows, I only want you to be happy.

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Someone who holds you in the night when you're afraid.

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-You didn't answer my...

-It doesn't matter.

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Some of the richest periods of my life

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came when I was between love affairs.

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Were you raised with brothers or sisters?

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-I have a brother.

-Oh, I want to meet him.

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-It's a little soon...

-Hello, you two.

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Oh, Alan, you remember Gabrielle.

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It's April.

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Recovering from the abominable way I approached you?

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I make for you a special mother/daughter antipasto.

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Some day I'll tell you how we have Alan to thank for this.

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I, uh... I produced the show that led to this.

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I looked in the camera and the whole story just came out.

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Our story.

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-Such a powerful moment.

-Excuse me, what is our story?

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-I'm sorry to bother you.

-That's alright.

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Alan, do you have a pen?

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No, I just want to say, I love you. I watch you all the time.

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-Oh!

-I think you're just the best.

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-Thank you so much.

-Enjoy your lunch.

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If you have a television show, why have I never heard of you?

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You watch local TV at 10:30 in the morning?

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-Never.

-Me either. (LAUGHS)

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How much do you know about my parents?

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I know that you lost Trudy three weeks ago,

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and you lost Julius three years before that.

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How do you know who they were?

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I've known since the day I lost you.

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-Were they good to you?

-How?

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-You weren't allowed to know that.

-I read it.

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Upside down, across the adoption counsellor's desk.

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-"Baby Girl Epner, born April 1."

-So, it's possible.

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-What?

-That you are who you say you are.

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Listen, I only got to have you for three days,

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but that doesn't change the fact that you are my daughter.

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You are the most important thing on earth to me. You must know that.

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Do you have children?

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I should think your own family

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might feel strange about you tracking me down like this.

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My family is me and you.

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It shows in your face that you know I'm your mother.

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-What about your husband?

-Oh, I don't have one.

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What about you - ever been married?

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-Yes.

-How's that going?

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You know, there's a certain presumption...

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Don't lock Bernice out.

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This is hard. She loved the people who raised her.

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-You're her mother.

-It's natural she'd have questions.

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I'm sitting here!

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Yes, you are.

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Ask me anything.

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You're sitting on anger.

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Ask me anything, hit hard, ask me anything you want.

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Why did you give me up?

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"On you will go, though the weather be foul.

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"On you will go, though your enemies prowl.

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"Onward up many a frightening creek

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"Though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak."

0:19:240:19:28

What?

0:19:280:19:30

It's a book, by Dr Seuss. Did your adoptive parents read it to you?

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No.

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Oh, that's a shame, because it's a map of your life, really,

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the whole point of which is that every ending is a beginning.

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Now, when Trudy and Julius passed, that was an ending,

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but in a funny kind of a silvery liningy way,

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it's brought us together, hasn't it?

0:19:470:19:50

I have to go.

0:19:500:19:53

Wait. Stop.

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Don't...

0:19:540:19:56

Don't go. Gabrielle!

0:19:560:19:58

April! Goddammit!

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Would you like to know who your father was?

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He was a famous man, now dead.

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Why don't we go to my office and really talk?

0:20:110:20:13

-Thank you, no.

-We could go for a drive.

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-I would like to walk.

-Oh, you like to walk?

0:20:150:20:17

You sound like your father.

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My famous father, now dead, went for walks?

0:20:190:20:21

I'm a walker myself, you know. All kinds of exercise, I'm a nut for.

0:20:210:20:24

Could we slow down for just a moment?

0:20:240:20:26

Oh, being related like this is just incredible.

0:20:280:20:31

-You were saying about my father?

-You hardly know ME yet.

0:20:310:20:34

Well, thank you, Ms Graves.

0:20:340:20:37

It was traumatic and potentially illuminating to have met you.

0:20:370:20:40

I met him when I was 15. I worked in perfume.

0:20:410:20:45

Where, exactly?

0:20:450:20:46

Well, four blocks that way, as it happens.

0:20:460:20:48

Used to be Bonwit Teller.

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You can look it up.

0:20:500:20:51

Since I wasn't rich, I earned extra money

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working in their perfume department.

0:20:530:20:55

-So, this was a customer?

-Oh, a very special customer.

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He came in to buy a gift for his mother.

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He was close to his mother,

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probably too close because no woman could measure up.

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Who was it?

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He was immediately flirtatious, but not in a boorish way.

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He was, and I say this in all humility...

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..enchanted.

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Who was it?

0:21:110:21:12

Steve McQueen.

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How dare you?

0:21:140:21:16

We were deeply in love.

0:21:160:21:17

-Well, what went wrong?

-He was single when I met him.

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Separated, anyway.

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I never would have gotten involved with him

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had his relationship been viable,

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but I sensed that they weren't through.

0:21:240:21:26

"They" would be Steve McQueen and Ali MacGraw?

0:21:260:21:28

If you watch 'The Getaway,' you'll sense a certain closeness.

0:21:280:21:30

I do feel very good about that.

0:21:300:21:32

By the way, do you have any children?

0:21:320:21:35

Was it a one-night stand?

0:21:350:21:36

Oh, the memory lasted a lifetime.

0:21:360:21:38

-(LAUGHS)

-Your generation is so cynical.

0:21:380:21:41

-When? When was I conceived?

-Around the fourth of July.

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-Around or on?

-On!

0:21:430:21:45

-Was he right- or left-handed?

-What kind of question is that?

0:21:450:21:47

-Circumcised?

-He was Catholic.

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I understand your parents were Jewish.

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-So what? So am I.

-Well, God bless.

0:21:500:21:52

-What does that mean?

-God bless that you believe in God.

0:21:520:21:54

-You don't believe in God?

-I don't know.

0:21:540:21:57

Watched the news lately?

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I'll ask you one more time, why did you give me up?

0:21:580:22:01

I didn't give you up. You were taken from me.

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Didn't they tell you that?

0:22:040:22:07

My father was very religious.

0:22:070:22:10

I held you in my arms for three days,

0:22:100:22:13

praying that it wouldn't happen. But it did.

0:22:130:22:15

He walked in, he took you, and he left me screaming.

0:22:150:22:19

How do I know any of this is true?

0:22:190:22:21

Because it is!

0:22:210:22:23

All right, listen to me, and, please, respect what I say to you.

0:22:250:22:29

I have to go home, think about this, and decide what to believe.

0:22:290:22:34

OK.

0:22:340:22:36

OK.

0:22:360:22:38

Thank you.

0:22:390:22:41

-I appreciate you...

-Can you drop me?

0:22:430:22:45

-What? Where?

-Back there.

0:22:470:22:49

All right. (SIGHS)

0:22:490:22:51

(SIGHS)

0:23:010:23:04

When can we do this again?

0:23:050:23:07

Everyone needs family.

0:23:090:23:10

I will call you.

0:23:150:23:17

Let me give you my number. Do you have a pen?

0:23:170:23:19

Um...

0:23:190:23:22

OK.

0:23:220:23:23

Give me your hand.

0:23:250:23:26

Please?

0:23:260:23:28

It's harder to lose a hand.

0:23:370:23:39

This isn't just a thousand-to-one shot.

0:23:500:23:53

This is a professional blood sport.

0:23:530:23:55

It can happen to you.

0:23:550:23:57

And then it can happen to you again.

0:23:570:24:00

I want my mommy!

0:24:030:24:05

Hi, everybody. Thanks for your patience.

0:24:050:24:07

-I want my mommy!

-Oh, some more than others.

0:24:070:24:09

I want my mommy!

0:24:090:24:12

Ruby, come here now. Get your shoes on.

0:24:120:24:14

Why don't you come in first? I mean, for obvious reasons.

0:24:140:24:17

That's OK. You go ahead. Besides, we're having so much fun here.

0:24:170:24:20

-Are you sure?

-Of nothing.

0:24:200:24:23

I want my mommy!

0:24:230:24:25

(TREADS ON SQUEAKY TOY)

0:24:340:24:36

-Pardon me.

-What!

0:24:380:24:40

We're all right. We're fine.

0:24:400:24:42

-You're fine? She's fine?

-Yeah, we're fine.

0:24:420:24:43

Mm-hm, fine.

0:24:430:24:45

Um, listen, I'm sorry about what I...

0:24:480:24:53

Shh.

0:24:530:24:55

(QUIETLY) I'm sorry about what I said to you.

0:24:560:24:58

Listen, I'm four weeks divorced. For all I know, I was coming on to you.

0:24:580:25:02

-Were you coming on to me?

-No, I wasn't.

0:25:040:25:07

Why I wasn't, I can't imagine.

0:25:080:25:10

(LAUGHS)

0:25:100:25:11

Um, this is Jimmy Ray's portfolio.

0:25:140:25:17

-First of all...

-I think he's in trouble.

0:25:170:25:18

-You do?

-Yes.

0:25:180:25:20

Sorry, what were you about to say?

0:25:200:25:22

-His printing is good.

-Really?

0:25:220:25:24

Mm-hm. Ks made him nervous, but he likes them now.

0:25:240:25:26

-He seems happiest...

-He has night terrors.

0:25:260:25:28

-Did you say night terrors?

-I think they're night terrors.

0:25:280:25:31

-He walks in his sleep.

-How often?

0:25:310:25:34

Once, 10 months ago.

0:25:340:25:36

-What happened?

-He peed in the fridge.

0:25:360:25:38

Have you slept?

0:25:380:25:40

Oh, no.

0:25:400:25:43

No.

0:25:430:25:45

I love his hands. I do.

0:25:460:25:50

I love how he uses them, how expressive he is.

0:25:500:25:54

I love that, too.

0:25:540:25:55

He has a little less confidence just right at the moment.

0:25:550:25:58

-But I think that's to be expected.

-Do you have kids?

0:25:580:26:01

No.

0:26:030:26:05

He talks about his mom a lot. He seems to worship her.

0:26:050:26:08

From afar.

0:26:080:26:10

She's on a trip round the world. She's a painter.

0:26:100:26:12

She's painting the world with her boyfriend.

0:26:120:26:14

Oh.

0:26:140:26:16

I see you outside in your car.

0:26:170:26:19

-Is that...?

-Yes. I work out there.

0:26:190:26:21

-I write.

-In your car?

0:26:210:26:23

I like to keep an eye on the building. It relaxes me.

0:26:230:26:26

Hmm.

0:26:260:26:27

So why didn't you have kids?

0:26:270:26:28

I've watched you. You love them. And you're...you know...

0:26:290:26:32

-Old?

-No.

0:26:320:26:35

No, my God, no.

0:26:350:26:37

You can't be more than what? You're 35, 34?

0:26:370:26:38

I'm 39 and a half years old and I've never been pregnant.

0:26:380:26:41

-Well, if you put it like that.

-It looks pretty bleak, doesn't it?

0:26:410:26:44

No.

0:26:440:26:45

No, it looks painful.

0:26:450:26:47

And beautiful.

0:26:490:26:51

And I hope you get everything you want.

0:26:520:26:54

(STOMACH GROWLS)

0:26:560:26:59

Um, dinner.

0:27:010:27:02

Apparently I want dinner.

0:27:020:27:05

Well, bon appetit.

0:27:090:27:10

Well, would you like to get some dinner?

0:27:100:27:11

No, I'd rather eat frozen food alone for the 15th month in a row.

0:27:110:27:14

Yes, I'd like to get dinner.

0:27:140:27:16

But I think you are a very beautiful woman

0:27:160:27:19

and for some reason I decided not to go on any kind of date

0:27:190:27:21

for at least a year.

0:27:210:27:23

Why? Because I'm a fucking idiot. Thank you, you're gorgeous.

0:27:230:27:27

I'm leaving now.

0:27:270:27:29

Yes, I would like to get some dinner.

0:27:370:27:40

Best friends?

0:27:410:27:42

-He said that?

-Mm-hm.

0:27:420:27:44

Is this man entirely intact?

0:27:440:27:47

You know, we were best friends.

0:27:470:27:48

I loved him.

0:27:480:27:50

I kept hoping one day, pop, he'd be a grown-up.

0:27:500:27:52

-So your wife was seeing someone else?

-Pretty much everyone else.

0:27:530:27:56

I was too much for her.

0:27:560:27:58

-For your wife?

-Mm-hm.

0:27:580:28:00

-I'm sure she didn't feel that way.

-She told me.

0:28:000:28:03

-What did she say?

-"You're too much for me."

0:28:030:28:05

Ohh!

0:28:050:28:07

So was it just out of the blue?

0:28:070:28:08

It was out of the blue because I was an idiot.

0:28:080:28:12

I came across the ocean to be a blind idiot.

0:28:120:28:15

This woman may actually let her kids grow up

0:28:160:28:18

without knowing their mother.

0:28:180:28:20

I hope not.

0:28:200:28:22

How can you know if someone's your mother?

0:28:220:28:24

I mean, literally, if someone says they're your mother,

0:28:250:28:28

how can you know for sure?

0:28:280:28:29

DNA test, I guess. Why?

0:28:290:28:32

(BELL TOLLS)

0:28:400:28:43

I mean, you don't NOT look like Steve McQueen.

0:28:450:28:48

-Is she a credible person?

-I have no idea.

0:28:490:28:51

My God, you have a chance to get to know your mother.

0:28:530:28:56

Yes, I guess I do.

0:28:580:29:00

-What do you write in here?

-Books.

0:29:020:29:05

Jackets.

0:29:060:29:08

Jackets for other people's books.

0:29:080:29:10

For now.

0:29:100:29:11

Get a hair.

0:29:240:29:26

I'm sorry?

0:29:260:29:27

For the DNA test. Get a hair.

0:29:270:29:29

Oh.

0:29:290:29:30

Thank you.

0:29:300:29:33

Well...

0:29:350:29:36

-I don't want to say goodnight.

-I don't either.

0:29:390:29:41

Uh-oh.

0:29:410:29:43

You suppose my son would notice

0:29:450:29:47

if I just didn't pick him up from his play date?

0:29:470:29:49

I'm sure he'd understand.

0:29:490:29:51

OK, I need you to do something for me.

0:29:550:29:57

I need you to get in your car. Which is your car?

0:29:570:29:59

Yeah, I need you to get in your car and drive away first.

0:29:590:30:02

Because I can't. Will you do that for me?

0:30:020:30:05

-Seriously?

-Yes.

0:30:050:30:07

You will go home, right?

0:30:080:30:11

I won't find you guys here in the morning, wearing the same thing?

0:30:110:30:15

OK.

0:30:160:30:17

-Goodnight.

-Goodnight.

0:30:170:30:20

Maybe I should call you when you get home, just to be sure.

0:30:230:30:26

I'd appreciate that. I worry.

0:30:280:30:32

Yeah, I do, too.

0:30:320:30:34

APRIL: What are you making?

0:30:360:30:38

Well, it's peanut butter and jelly.

0:30:380:30:39

And I have to confess that we don't share

0:30:390:30:41

your countrymen's love of peanut butter.

0:30:410:30:43

And jelly isn't jelly.

0:30:430:30:46

That's another thing I have to have a word with you about.

0:30:460:30:49

(APRIL LAUGHS)

0:30:490:30:50

Well, if you were in England, what would you be making?

0:30:500:30:52

This would probably be cheese and pickle.

0:30:520:30:54

-You don't know what pickle is.

-Did you say cheese and pickle?

0:30:540:30:57

But you don't know what pickle is.

0:30:570:30:59

You give me a hard time about jelly and you say cheese and pickle?

0:30:590:31:02

I'm defending food to an Englishman.

0:31:020:31:05

Is that happening to me right now?

0:31:050:31:07

Our sex life was dominated by her artwork, you know?

0:31:070:31:10

What do you mean?

0:31:100:31:11

Well, she liked to depict acts of autoeroticism.

0:31:110:31:14

Oh.

0:31:140:31:15

(LAUGHS)

0:31:150:31:17

I sometimes make toast and have tea after I've brushed my teeth,

0:31:170:31:23

and I don't brush them again.

0:31:230:31:25

Do you ever do that?

0:31:250:31:27

No, no, no, I can't. I'm, um... I'm British.

0:31:270:31:32

(BELL RINGS)

0:31:350:31:37

I was never happier to get a call.

0:31:390:31:41

-Hello.

-Hello.

0:31:410:31:43

-Have you eaten yet?

-Um, actually, no.

0:31:430:31:46

Oh, come with me!

0:31:460:31:48

Our show went well today, despite our best efforts,

0:31:480:31:51

so, everyone's in a good mood.

0:31:510:31:52

-Oh, thank you, AJ?

-Welcome to the craziness.

0:31:520:31:54

-Hello.

-Lunch?

0:31:540:31:55

Please. We're famished.

0:31:550:31:57

-Sam's?

-Perfect!

0:31:570:31:58

What do you feel like? It's a kind of a pubby place.

0:31:580:32:00

-Would a hamburger be alright?

-Oh, my God!

0:32:000:32:03

-What?

-(LAUGHS)

0:32:030:32:05

You're a little anaemic, aren't you? Runs in the family.

0:32:050:32:09

Actually, I would just like a hamburger.

0:32:090:32:11

Oh. OK. Come on.

0:32:110:32:14

BERNICE ON TV: So, Janeane Garofalo, you've lived

0:32:140:32:16

in the West Village for a long time.

0:32:160:32:17

What's it like when, every year,

0:32:170:32:19

the denizens of the village come out and march about...?

0:32:190:32:21

-In Gay Pride?

-Yes.

0:32:210:32:22

-I have a particular favourite gay.

-You do?

0:32:220:32:25

I do.

0:32:250:32:26

-My favourite gay would be...

-Only one?

0:32:260:32:27

..the bantamweight Latino in the gold lame short shorts.

0:32:270:32:30

-(LAUGHS)

-Lace front short shorts.

0:32:300:32:33

-I'm partial to the flyweight Latino.

-Do you know his name?

0:32:330:32:37

I don't know, but he's great on the float.

0:32:370:32:39

...surf break up on the Statue of Liberty,

0:32:390:32:40

so that you could actually ride a wave

0:32:400:32:43

from the Statue of Liberty to Battery Park.

0:32:430:32:44

-That would be great.

-That would be great.

0:32:440:32:46

-Instead of taking that ferry.

-Come on in.

0:32:460:32:48

A hamburger is 18.

0:32:480:32:51

My treat. Make it two.

0:32:510:32:54

I'll have a Caesar salad.

0:32:540:32:56

One sec.

0:32:560:32:58

I can't have you in this lunch.

0:32:590:33:02

Well, if you can't have me here, you can't have me.

0:33:020:33:04

Thanks.

0:33:040:33:06

I practically live in this room.

0:33:090:33:12

In fact, I call it my sanctuary.

0:33:120:33:16

-Do you have a sanctuary?

-My kitchen is nice.

0:33:160:33:18

Let me show you something.

0:33:180:33:21

Come here.

0:33:260:33:28

I want you to know me.

0:33:340:33:36

OK.

0:33:380:33:40

Much of this is my natural hair colour.

0:33:400:33:42

OK, I'll start.

0:33:440:33:46

Much of this is my natural hair colour.

0:33:460:33:48

Oh!

0:33:490:33:51

Um...

0:33:510:33:52

I don't know what to...

0:33:520:33:54

I like music.

0:33:540:33:55

What kind of music?

0:33:550:33:57

I like Fleetwood Mac and, um...

0:33:570:33:59

I'm very verbal during sex.

0:33:590:34:01

I'm afraid of drowning.

0:34:030:34:04

-During sex?

-No, just in general.

0:34:040:34:06

Oh. Um, I'm a tiny bit hard of hearing in my right ear.

0:34:060:34:10

I'm a tiny bit hard of hearing in MY right ear.

0:34:100:34:12

Oh, see? What else?

0:34:120:34:14

I visit my father's grave all the time.

0:34:140:34:17

-Only his?

-What? Of course not. Both.

0:34:170:34:19

Oh, of course.

0:34:190:34:21

Three years ago, I had a lumpectomy.

0:34:210:34:23

-Oh?

-Oh, I was fine.

0:34:230:34:25

But you should be aware.

0:34:250:34:26

-I'm getting a divorce.

-Oh, God, I knew it!

0:34:260:34:30

I could feel it. I'm so connected to you.

0:34:300:34:32

What happened?

0:34:320:34:33

-I don't want to talk about it.

-You brought it up.

0:34:330:34:35

I was playing your game and it just came out.

0:34:350:34:37

-Was this recent?

-Yes.

0:34:370:34:39

-Was there trouble for long?

-Long enough.

0:34:390:34:40

Do you still want kids? Of course you still want kids.

0:34:400:34:43

-May I use this?

-Oh, yes, of course.

0:34:430:34:45

Here, let me have it. Let's see.

0:34:450:34:47

I'll clean it out for you. There you go.

0:34:500:34:52

What's mine is yours.

0:34:520:34:54

I want to find this record to play for you.

0:35:000:35:03

It's Roy Orbison singing 'All I Have To Do Is Dream'.

0:35:040:35:07

It's very rare.

0:35:070:35:09

But when I was pregnant with you, I played it all the time,

0:35:090:35:12

and I thought...

0:35:120:35:13

Oh.

0:35:190:35:21

Ohh, I can feel your heart beating.

0:35:220:35:27

Me too.

0:35:270:35:29

The last time I felt your heart beating against mine,

0:35:290:35:32

you were three days old.

0:35:320:35:35

-How big was I?

-Six pounds, 15 ounces.

0:35:350:35:40

You had such a sweet face and the squinchiest little eyes and...

0:35:400:35:43

Ow!

0:35:430:35:44

Oh, what was that?

0:35:440:35:48

I don't know.

0:35:480:35:50

Hi, there.

0:35:570:35:59

Oh, hello.

0:35:590:36:01

Hi.

0:36:030:36:04

Hi.

0:36:040:36:05

OK.

0:36:050:36:06

Let's everybody pack up.

0:36:060:36:08

Hello.

0:36:080:36:10

Did I do something wrong?

0:36:130:36:15

No...of course not.

0:36:150:36:17

Hello.

0:36:170:36:19

I've very much enjoyed talking to you these last nights,

0:36:210:36:24

but we shouldn't go out of our way to talk to each other here,

0:36:240:36:27

in a private way.

0:36:270:36:28

-In a private way?

-I've thought about it...

0:36:280:36:30

I've thought about it too.

0:36:300:36:32

-Let's go, Daddy.

-OK.

0:36:320:36:34

Well, goodnight.

0:36:340:36:36

Um...goodbye.

0:36:360:36:38

One thing.

0:36:440:36:45

I don't sleep, usually,

0:36:450:36:48

so if you want to look up information about your mother,

0:36:480:36:51

I'd be happy to help.

0:36:510:36:52

Oh, boy, I am so bad at that stuff. At some point I...

0:36:520:36:55

Here. It's about Steve McQueen.

0:36:550:36:58

What about him?

0:36:580:36:59

I got your birth date from the office.

0:36:590:37:02

Listen, I have to do something with

0:37:020:37:04

the energy I'm spending not asking you out.

0:37:040:37:06

Do you want to know?

0:37:060:37:09

Steve McQueen was on the Yangtze River, it's in Southern China,

0:37:090:37:12

making a film called The Sand Pebbles.

0:37:120:37:14

He was there between March 1966 and September.

0:37:140:37:18

-You were born in April?

-Yes.

0:37:180:37:20

Is it possible this could have happened in Southern China?

0:37:200:37:23

She told me Manhattan.

0:37:230:37:25

Sorry, I just don't think he could have been.

0:37:260:37:29

I don't know who you are or what you want,

0:37:290:37:31

but I want you to stay away from me.

0:37:310:37:33

How dare you invade the life of another human being this way?

0:37:330:37:36

What kind of selfish, psychotic, compassionless freak must you be?

0:37:360:37:41

Do not ever try to contact me again or I will call the police,

0:37:410:37:45

I swear to God!

0:37:450:37:47

(PHONE RINGS)

0:37:480:37:51

Freddy?

0:37:520:37:53

-You sitting down?

-Yes.

0:37:530:37:55

She's your mother.

0:37:550:37:58

Begin.

0:37:580:37:59

I know what a risk this represents for you.

0:37:590:38:01

You have no idea.

0:38:010:38:02

Nothing I could say could possibly excuse my having told you a lie.

0:38:020:38:05

-Begin!

-His name was Jack Watske.

0:38:050:38:07

He was a Ukrainian boy from the neighbourhood.

0:38:070:38:09

A little gangly, but gorgeous.

0:38:090:38:11

Ever meet anybody and know in a heartbeat

0:38:110:38:13

you'd do whatever they say?

0:38:130:38:14

-You dated?

-We courted.

0:38:140:38:15

-Meaning?

-We had sex three times.

0:38:150:38:17

He told me I had a perfect body!

0:38:170:38:19

I was so inexperienced, I had no idea he was right!

0:38:190:38:22

I still have a fine body but it's never the same after childbirth.

0:38:220:38:25

Would you please...?

0:38:250:38:26

My girlfriend's parents were out of town.

0:38:260:38:28

He and I were in a sleeping bag in their backyard. We made love.

0:38:280:38:32

It was so cold outside the sleeping bag, and so warm in it,

0:38:320:38:35

and afterwards, I cried and cried and cried,

0:38:350:38:39

and he pretended to understand why.

0:38:390:38:40

So that's where I was conceived?

0:38:400:38:43

No, you were conceived a week later,

0:38:430:38:44

according to a great American tradition.

0:38:440:38:46

-Speak English.

-I fucked him at a drive-in.

0:38:460:38:48

-What movie?

-Bullitt.

0:38:480:38:50

-Why did you lie?

-I don't know why.

0:38:510:38:54

Because I thought it was ugly and ordinary,

0:38:540:38:55

and I wanted to make it beautiful.

0:38:550:38:57

Also, if I made him famous and dead, he'd be famously dead,

0:38:570:38:59

and you wouldn't waste time trying to find him - I've tried for years.

0:38:590:39:02

-He's unfindable.

-How convenient.

0:39:020:39:04

Look, don't you think that if I could offer your father up to you,

0:39:040:39:07

I'd do it, whatever shape he was in?

0:39:070:39:09

-How should I know what you'd do?

-Because I'm telling you!

0:39:090:39:11

-Exactly what is that worth?

-I'm giving you my word!

0:39:110:39:13

Bernice, look at me.

0:39:130:39:15

I will know if you're lying.

0:39:150:39:17

Memorise this moment.

0:39:170:39:20

I know what I did to you.

0:39:200:39:22

I lied in the scariest way imaginable,

0:39:220:39:26

and now, at the worst of all possible times,

0:39:260:39:28

when your husband just left you...

0:39:280:39:30

Or did you leave him? I get the sense that he left you.

0:39:300:39:33

OK, it's none of my business.

0:39:330:39:35

It will not happen again.

0:39:360:39:38

I knew it. I knew it. That's why I said Steve McQueen.

0:39:480:39:51

-What?

-You're ashamed of what happened.

0:39:510:39:53

It's not that. Please, understand, it's not you as much as me.

0:39:530:39:58

I'm glad to have met you, but I am going through some things,

0:39:580:40:01

and now is not a good time.

0:40:010:40:03

Thank you for understanding,

0:40:030:40:05

and I really do hope that our paths will cross again.

0:40:050:40:09

I'm gonna walk home now, so...

0:40:110:40:13

..goodbye.

0:40:140:40:15

You're absurd!

0:40:360:40:38

Give me 72 hours.

0:40:380:40:39

Three lousy days. I want to know you.

0:40:390:40:42

I want to meet your brother. I'm begging you.

0:40:420:40:45

I'm on my knees.

0:40:450:40:47

Metaphorically speaking, I'm on my knees.

0:40:490:40:52

Oh, for God's sake!

0:40:530:40:56

It's Freddy, leave me a message.

0:41:050:41:08

I'm begging you, come with me. I'm going to this event with her.

0:41:080:41:11

She wants to meet you.

0:41:110:41:13

Or at least call me back.

0:41:130:41:15

I know you're working hard, but I worry.

0:41:150:41:17

(READS) "I was," mumbled Gun Smith.

0:41:200:41:23

"No-one had ever tangled with those two varmints

0:41:230:41:26

"and lived to tell the tale."

0:41:260:41:28

-(PHONE RINGS)

-"So, one day, in a trip to..."

0:41:280:41:30

Hello.

0:41:320:41:33

(DEEP VOICE) Never mind.

0:41:350:41:37

What?

0:41:370:41:40

I have the wrong number.

0:41:400:41:42

Miss Epner?

0:41:420:41:43

(NORMAL VOICE) Hello.

0:41:430:41:45

-Hi. It's Jimmy Ray.

-Of course it is.

0:41:450:41:47

Hello, Jimmy Ray, is your father there?

0:41:470:41:49

Dad, it's Miss Epner.

0:41:490:41:51

Hello.

0:41:510:41:53

Oh! God! Hello. It's me.

0:41:530:41:56

-It's Miss Epner.

-Hello, Miss Epner.

0:41:560:41:58

-It's April.

-Hi.

0:41:580:42:00

-Is Jimmy Ray right there?

-Yes.

0:42:000:42:03

Oh, God!

0:42:030:42:05

Just please, just say, "OK, Miss Epner,"

0:42:050:42:07

and I'll call you another time.

0:42:070:42:09

OK, Miss Epner.

0:42:090:42:10

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you during the day.

0:42:100:42:12

-It was really bad mistake.

-OK, Miss Epner.

0:42:120:42:15

Are you there?

0:42:190:42:20

Would you like to go out with me tomorrow night?

0:42:200:42:22

More than I can say.

0:42:240:42:26

Everybody say, "Send us money!"

0:42:260:42:29

-ALL: Send us money!

-(CAMERAS CLICK)

0:42:290:42:32

-Oh, you look lovely.

-Thank you. So do you.

0:42:380:42:42

Thank you.

0:42:420:42:43

I'm glad you didn't bring a date, it'll be more fun this way.

0:42:480:42:50

-I did bring a date.

-Oh, good. I'm so glad.

0:42:500:42:52

-Where is he?

-He's meeting me here.

0:42:520:42:55

-Oh. Is this your first date?

-With him or since my husband?

0:42:550:42:57

-Either.

-Both.

0:42:570:42:59

-Oh, Jesus Christ! You want a drink?

-Yes, please.

0:42:590:43:00

-OK.

-April?

0:43:000:43:04

Hi.

0:43:100:43:11

-Hello, you look beautiful.

-Doesn't she?

0:43:110:43:13

Frank, this is Bernice.

0:43:130:43:15

-I'm so glad to get to meet you.

-Thank you.

0:43:150:43:17

-I've enjoyed your show.

-Oh, you're lying.

0:43:170:43:20

-You've never seen my show.

-I don't do a lot of lying.

0:43:200:43:23

Well, that makes one of us.

0:43:230:43:25

Hey, beautiful!

0:43:250:43:27

His name is Ted.

0:43:270:43:29

I think he has the best ass I've ever seen on a 50-year-old man.

0:43:290:43:33

-Hey.

-Hey.

0:43:330:43:35

Oh, you must be April.

0:43:350:43:37

Yes. It's so nice to meet you. This is Frank.

0:43:370:43:40

Hello.

0:43:400:43:41

-Pleasure. Shall we get some drinks?

-Absolutely.

0:43:410:43:43

After you.

0:43:430:43:44

No, please. After you.

0:43:440:43:47

(CHUCKLES)

0:43:540:43:55

OK! Everybody say...

0:43:550:43:59

-Sake bomb!

-Sake bomb!

0:43:590:44:01

-Sake bomb!

-Sake bomb!

0:44:010:44:02

-Oh, my gosh!

-You're telling me.

0:44:020:44:04

-I love these.

-I knew I liked you.

0:44:040:44:06

I don't drink like this.

0:44:060:44:08

Well, tonight you do.

0:44:080:44:10

Am I being too nice to her?

0:44:100:44:11

-No!

-Not nice enough?

0:44:110:44:13

-What do you mean?

-This is your mother.

0:44:130:44:14

Are you getting what you want from me as your date?

0:44:140:44:17

Oh, God. Just 'cause you asked... You're perfect.

0:44:170:44:20

Thank God you're here.

0:44:200:44:22

(SIGHS)

0:44:220:44:24

I am perfect, by the way. I'm glad you noticed.

0:44:240:44:26

I'll just get this in before we're hopelessly drunk.

0:44:280:44:30

I'm so glad you called.

0:44:310:44:33

I know we're not ready but I-I love talking to you.

0:44:340:44:38

You move me.

0:44:380:44:40

This moves me, that you're trying this with her.

0:44:400:44:43

I'm so glad I'm here.

0:44:440:44:45

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

0:44:450:44:47

Oh!

0:44:470:44:48

-God, I'm sorry.

-After he said something like that?

0:44:480:44:51

They should make those things illegal.

0:44:510:44:53

I'm sure it's my brother. I'm sure.

0:44:530:44:55

I'm sorry. I just worry. Sorry.

0:44:550:44:58

Is it you?

0:44:580:44:59

It's me.

0:44:590:45:00

Oh.

0:45:010:45:03

Hello.

0:45:030:45:05

-Hi.

-Hi.

0:45:060:45:08

Sorry. Hi.

0:45:080:45:10

-Everything alright?

-Yes.

0:45:100:45:12

-Who's that?

-No-one.

0:45:120:45:13

I'm sorry, I'll be right back.

0:45:130:45:15

Hello.

0:45:170:45:19

Yeah, I'm here.

0:45:190:45:21

Hi.

0:45:210:45:23

Hi.

0:45:230:45:24

Hi.

0:45:240:45:27

-So, how are you?

-Well...

0:45:270:45:28

Where are you?

0:45:280:45:30

Nowhere special.

0:45:300:45:32

I decided to drift around for a while, you know, get lost.

0:45:320:45:35

Let the road take me where it wants me to go.

0:45:350:45:38

-Just tell me.

-I'm at my mom's.

0:45:380:45:41

-That's perfect.

-Don't do that.

0:45:410:45:43

-What?

-Humiliate me.

0:45:430:45:45

You know the actual physical pain that causes...

0:45:450:45:46

-Why are you calling me?

-Because I miss you.

0:45:460:45:49

And I thought, now some time has passed...

0:45:490:45:51

It's been 23 days, you idiot. You're ready to be my friend?

0:45:510:45:55

Well... OK, I'm glad I called.

0:45:550:45:58

-Well, take care.

-My mom died.

0:46:000:46:02

-Did you just say...?

-Talk to you later.

0:46:020:46:03

-Wait. When?

-22 days ago.

0:46:030:46:06

Why didn't you call me?

0:46:060:46:07

I don't know, I guess I just didn't feel that close to you.

0:46:070:46:10

-I have to... I have to see you.

-Oh, no.

0:46:100:46:12

-I'll end up in bed with you and...

-I want to be there.

0:46:120:46:15

Really?

0:46:150:46:16

Do you promise to be there for better or worse, for richer and poorer,

0:46:160:46:19

in sickness...

0:46:190:46:20

I miss you.

0:46:200:46:22

How much?

0:46:220:46:23

A lot.

0:46:230:46:26

Enough?

0:46:260:46:28

That's what I thought.

0:46:360:46:38

Be a man and leave me alone!

0:46:380:46:40

"For better or worse."

0:46:430:46:44

I'm gonna guess not your brother, right?

0:46:440:46:48

No.

0:46:480:46:51

Oh, where are you going?

0:46:580:47:01

-I think I'm leaving.

-Please, don't leave!

0:47:010:47:03

-Now where are you going?

-I'm not leaving.

0:47:090:47:11

-You just said you were leaving.

-I was then, now I'm not.

0:47:110:47:14

-But you're walking away.

-I have to do something.

0:47:140:47:16

OK. Are we doing it yet?

0:47:160:47:20

Alright, look, you were just talking to your husband about

0:47:200:47:25

for better or worse and God knows what else, and I just... I feel...

0:47:250:47:28

Aargh! Fuck!

0:47:290:47:33

When I feel this way, I find it helps

0:47:340:47:37

to take my "Aargh, fuck" out for a walk,

0:47:370:47:39

so that's what I'm doing, and you're not invited.

0:47:390:47:41

But I will say this - this is a first date,

0:47:420:47:45

and if you're not done with him, who you're married to,

0:47:450:47:48

if you two aren't done, it's fine.

0:47:480:47:50

It's more than fine. Just tell me. I'm not ready, anyway.

0:47:500:47:52

-Frank, I'm done with him.

-But it's OK if you're not.

0:47:520:47:55

-But I am.

-It's OK... How do I know?

0:47:550:47:57

You're gonna have to...

0:47:580:48:00

..trust me.

0:48:000:48:02

Are you kidding me?

0:48:020:48:04

And it doesn't feel like a first date, not to me.

0:48:050:48:08

You wait until we try and say goodnight.

0:48:090:48:12

I'm sorry again, and I had a wonderful time with you.

0:48:140:48:17

I did too.

0:48:170:48:20

-See?

-(LAUGHS)

0:48:230:48:25

I haven't done this for a long, long time,

0:48:530:48:55

so forgive me for not finding a sexier way to put this

0:48:550:48:59

but would you like to come in?

0:48:590:49:00

I can't.

0:49:000:49:02

You can't?

0:49:020:49:04

As if having a jealous girlie fit on our first date

0:49:040:49:06

wasn't emasculating enough,

0:49:060:49:08

I have to get home to my kids.

0:49:080:49:10

They need their mum, and I'm it.

0:49:100:49:12

That's not emasculating. It's very sexy.

0:49:130:49:16

How sexy?

0:49:180:49:20

You have a very nice house.

0:49:350:49:37

(LAUGHS)

0:49:570:50:01

What?

0:50:010:50:03

You're looking at me.

0:50:040:50:06

Of course I am.

0:50:090:50:11

Of course you are.

0:50:130:50:15

(PHONE RINGS)

0:50:230:50:27

Mm!

0:50:270:50:30

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

0:50:320:50:34

(WHISPERS) Hello?

0:50:360:50:38

Do you think I should sleep with him?

0:50:380:50:40

Who is this?

0:50:400:50:41

Why aren't you answering your regular phone?

0:50:410:50:43

I called your regular phone.

0:50:430:50:46

-Because I'm not.

-Are you at his house?

0:50:460:50:49

Um...

0:50:490:50:50

Oh, that's fantastic!

0:50:500:50:52

That's just what you need, a great rebound affair.

0:50:520:50:54

-I think it might be more...

-(CHILD CRIES)

0:50:540:50:56

God, I've gotta get outta here!

0:50:560:50:58

-Just know I'm all for it.

-Talk to you later.

0:50:580:51:00

-Are you sl...?

-What...happened?

0:51:190:51:20

Shh! Nothing. Nothing.

0:51:200:51:22

Why are you in here?

0:51:220:51:24

I sleep in here when I can't sleep.

0:51:240:51:27

Oh. I'm gonna go.

0:51:270:51:29

-Just lie down here with me.

-No, no, no!

0:51:290:51:31

-I'm your son's teacher.

-15 minutes, please, then you can go.

0:51:310:51:35

Mm!

0:51:360:51:39

-I don't suppose we could...

-No! I'm leaving right now!

0:51:450:51:48

I'm kidding! I wouldn't, even if you begged me.

0:51:480:51:51

It's possible I'm falling in love with you.

0:52:090:52:12

So much for sleeping.

0:52:190:52:21

(SIGHS)

0:52:210:52:23

Too much?

0:52:230:52:25

No.

0:52:250:52:26

Maybe.

0:52:280:52:30

I don't know.

0:52:320:52:33

No.

0:52:380:52:40

Good.

0:52:410:52:43

-'Cause it scared the shit out of me.

-(LAUGHS)

0:52:440:52:48

(CHILD MOANS)

0:52:520:52:55

(CHILD CRIES)

0:52:550:52:58

Ow!

0:52:580:53:00

Oh, God!

0:53:050:53:07

Alright, sweetie.

0:53:070:53:09

Alright. It's your ear.

0:53:090:53:11

Come on, sweetheart, I'm right here, I'm right here.

0:53:110:53:14

It's your ear acting up again. Jimmy Ray!

0:53:140:53:16

Jimmy Ray, I need you to wake up.

0:53:160:53:18

Jimmy Ray, Ruby's having her ear thing.

0:53:180:53:20

I need you to go to my room and get the flashlight by my bed.

0:53:200:53:23

-Can you do that?

-(RUBY CRIES) Ow!

0:53:230:53:25

Alright, Daddy's here. Let's just have a look.

0:53:250:53:27

Go on, quick as you can. Let's have a look.

0:53:270:53:29

I'm not gonna touch. I'm just gonna lift your hair and have a look.

0:53:290:53:32

Miss Epner's here.

0:53:320:53:34

Hi, how are you?

0:53:340:53:36

-Ow!

-Miss Epner and I had a sleepover.

0:53:360:53:40

And now we're all gonna go to the hospital,

0:53:400:53:42

so we can get something to make Ruby's ear feel better.

0:53:420:53:45

-(CRIES)

-Get your socks, buddy.

0:53:450:53:47

Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to lock up after you go?

0:53:470:53:51

You're not coming?

0:53:510:53:53

Yes, I'm coming.

0:53:550:53:57

-How are you?

-Better.

0:54:280:54:30

-That's a nice frog.

-You can have it.

0:54:330:54:36

Seriously?

0:54:360:54:38

I have another.

0:54:380:54:40

Thank you.

0:54:420:54:43

You want to give me something?

0:54:430:54:45

I have a mint.

0:54:470:54:49

Can you excuse me just a second?

0:55:040:55:07

-Hi there.

-Hello.

0:55:330:55:35

-Ciao, bella.

-Ciao.

0:55:350:55:37

-Champagne?

-I'll say. (LAUGHS)

0:55:370:55:40

I'll have a ginger ale, please, and some crackers, if you have any.

0:55:400:55:42

Subito.

0:55:420:55:44

Ginger ale and crackers?

0:55:440:55:45

(PRAYS IN HEBREW)

0:55:450:55:48

What?

0:55:550:55:56

Are you pregnant?

0:55:560:55:57

What?

0:55:570:55:59

No.

0:55:590:56:00

If I am, it would be a world's record.

0:56:000:56:02

I only slept with him last night.

0:56:020:56:04

Trust me, I am not pregnant.

0:56:060:56:10

I'm too old not to have a baby.

0:56:150:56:16

Obviously you're not too old to have a baby.

0:56:160:56:18

No, I'm too old not to have a baby,

0:56:180:56:20

and this baby connects me forever to a man

0:56:200:56:23

who...is that man you were talking about.

0:56:230:56:25

What man?

0:56:250:56:26

Who you know you'll do whatever they say.

0:56:260:56:28

Only he's not a man. He's a child, really.

0:56:280:56:30

A baby. Oh, Jesus!

0:56:300:56:33

-What are you doing?

-This helps me.

0:56:350:56:37

-Is it helping?

-Not really.

0:56:370:56:40

April...

0:56:400:56:42

Allow me.

0:56:420:56:44

Mmm!

0:57:280:57:30

Have a sip.

0:57:300:57:31

I'm pregnant!

0:57:310:57:33

It's OK to have a sip of red wine. Some doctors say it's good.

0:57:330:57:36

Mmm!

0:57:420:57:44

What, are you nuts? You're pregnant!

0:57:440:57:47

Give me that.

0:57:470:57:48

Come here.

0:57:500:57:52

Oh, that's OK. You don't have to do that.

0:57:520:57:54

I'm just sitting here.

0:57:540:57:55

(LAUGHS)

0:58:260:58:28

He lives with his mother?

0:58:340:58:36

Don't get me started.

0:58:360:58:38

-Now, remember.

-What?

0:58:380:58:42

I don't know.

0:58:420:58:43

Would your other mother have said something helpful right now?

0:58:430:58:47

You're doing really well.

0:58:470:58:50

Hi, Alice.

0:58:580:58:59

Oh, hello, dear.

0:58:590:59:01

Hello.

0:59:010:59:03

Uh, so, how are you?

0:59:050:59:07

Well, you know, my back hurts.

0:59:070:59:10

That's too bad.

0:59:100:59:11

So, Alice, can Benjamin come out and play?

0:59:140:59:16

Mom, let her in!

0:59:160:59:18

Well, I don't know what you two are up to.

0:59:180:59:21

Hi.

0:59:210:59:23

-Sorry.

-Could you come out here?

0:59:230:59:24

Yeah.

0:59:240:59:26

Who's that?

0:59:330:59:34

A friend.

0:59:340:59:36

I'm pregnant.

0:59:380:59:40

-Oh.

-(LAUGHS)

0:59:400:59:42

Oh, my God!

0:59:420:59:44

Mm.

0:59:440:59:45

Oh, my God! Is it...is it m...?

0:59:450:59:47

Wow!

0:59:500:59:52

Sweetie, wow!

0:59:540:59:55

Wow.

0:59:591:00:00

Are you kidding me?

1:00:051:00:07

-What'd I do?

-Say something.

1:00:071:00:09

What do you want me to say?

1:00:091:00:11

I don't know.

1:00:111:00:13

What does it mean to you? How do you want to handle it?

1:00:131:00:16

What do we do now?

1:00:161:00:17

-Well, I...

-That sort of thing!

1:00:171:00:19

I want to try to be with you... I guess.

1:00:191:00:22

(LAUGHS)

1:00:221:00:23

Well, I'm sorry if I didn't instantly come up with

1:00:231:00:26

a perfect solution to this very complicated situation!

1:00:261:00:29

It's not complicated! I'm having this baby.

1:00:291:00:32

You may participate in the raising of this baby.

1:00:321:00:34

I can't make you do it, but I would hope that you would want to be there

1:00:341:00:37

for the growing up of this person who carries your DNA!

1:00:371:00:41

The first doctor's appointment is in two weeks.

1:00:411:00:43

I'll see you there or I won't.

1:00:431:00:45

-(KIDS SCREAM)

-I'm so sorry.

1:00:501:00:53

I've never met anyone like you, ever.

1:00:531:00:55

I've never been so much myself with anyone.

1:00:551:00:57

Even these few times we've spent together have felt like...

1:00:571:01:00

What?

1:01:001:01:01

Family. I'm sorry, but it has.

1:01:031:01:06

(KIDS SCREAM)

1:01:061:01:07

And I know it's fast, but I can only tell you how I feel,

1:01:071:01:10

and how I feel is that I want to be near you all the time.

1:01:101:01:13

But I have some big decisions to make about how my life's going to work

1:01:131:01:16

and, if you'll have me, so do you.

1:01:161:01:17

-Why are you talking fast?

-Jimmy Ray shouldn't know I'm here.

1:01:171:01:19

If we're going to be family, he should know

1:01:191:01:21

he didn't just dream you up half-naked in his house.

1:01:211:01:24

And besides, he knows you're here.

1:01:241:01:25

No, I was very careful to wait till he was a safe distance away.

1:01:251:01:28

-Hi, Miss Epner.

-Hi, Jimmy Ray.

1:01:281:01:31

Do you want to be with him - the better or worse guy?

1:01:331:01:35

-Is that someone you want to be with?

-No, it's not.

1:01:351:01:38

-But if it is...

-But it's not.

1:01:381:01:40

Truthfully? I want to be with you.

1:01:401:01:43

But being with me is gonna mean

1:01:441:01:46

being with this.

1:01:461:01:48

How pregnant are you?

1:01:491:01:51

-They said six weeks.

-Six weeks?

1:01:511:01:55

That's what they said, six weeks today.

1:01:551:01:57

We met six weeks ago today, actually.

1:01:571:01:59

Mm.

1:01:591:02:00

Which was the day he left.

1:02:001:02:02

You made love on the day we met?

1:02:051:02:08

Ah...

1:02:091:02:11

Yeah.

1:02:111:02:13

Sorry.

1:02:151:02:18

What happened?

1:02:181:02:19

Um, I've gotta take a walk.

1:02:191:02:21

-Really?

-Yes, really.

1:02:211:02:23

I'm on the brink of asking you to be with me - really, really be with me.

1:02:231:02:27

You, who have some other guy's...

1:02:271:02:29

..your husband's baby in your stomach,

1:02:291:02:31

your very beautiful stomach.

1:02:311:02:33

-I've gotta take a walk.

-What about your kids?

1:02:341:02:37

-What about them?

-Who's gonna watch them?

1:02:371:02:39

You are.

1:02:391:02:40

The walk didn't work. Your mother's here.

1:02:491:02:51

No, she's not. I told her to wait in the car.

1:02:511:02:53

I'm just here if either of you need me.

1:02:571:03:00

I can't stand the thought of it.

1:03:021:03:03

Of me sleeping with my husband?

1:03:031:03:05

You slept with your wife, at least twice, you know.

1:03:051:03:08

It's not like the most appetising thing I've ever imagined.

1:03:081:03:10

No, of course it's not.

1:03:101:03:12

Hey.

1:03:151:03:16

You're pregnant.

1:03:161:03:18

Yes, I am.

1:03:201:03:22

Way to go.

1:03:221:03:24

So now what?

1:03:281:03:30

Both of them, or neither of them, will show up at the doctor's office.

1:03:301:03:33

All I know is, I'll be there.

1:03:331:03:35

(BEEPS)

1:03:461:03:48

You don't know how to work a blender!

1:03:481:03:49

-Take your hat off.

-Jeez!

1:03:491:03:52

-Hello.

-Hello.

1:03:531:03:54

-Hello.

-Hello.

1:03:541:03:55

-How are you?

-Hi.

1:03:551:03:57

-Hi.

-Hello.

1:03:571:03:58

Hmm.

1:03:581:03:59

Um...

1:03:591:04:01

Sorry.

1:04:011:04:02

So...

1:04:021:04:03

Anyone else coming?

1:04:031:04:05

-No.

-This is it.

1:04:051:04:07

This is it.

1:04:071:04:08

Uh, could you lower this, please?

1:04:081:04:09

-Oh, my God.

-This looks really good.

1:04:481:04:50

I've seen a couple of these.

1:04:501:04:52

-Where did she go?

-She'll be back.

1:04:521:04:55

Look at that.

1:05:051:05:08

-(HEARTBEAT ECHOES)

-Oh, my God.

1:05:081:05:11

-FRANK: Oh, my God.

-BEN: Oh, my God.

1:05:111:05:13

FRANK AND BEN: So, what exactly is...

1:05:151:05:16

-Sorry.

-I'm sorry.

1:05:161:05:17

-No, go ahead.

-No, no, go ahead.

1:05:171:05:19

He, or she, just looks great.

1:05:191:05:21

FRANK: Can I have a look at that before I have to run?

1:05:261:05:29

-BEN: She's beautiful.

-We made a baby.

1:05:341:05:38

(BOTH LAUGH)

1:05:381:05:40

-You look pretty.

-It's the hormones.

1:05:591:06:00

Whatever.

1:06:001:06:02

(APRIL MOANS)

1:06:331:06:35

Oh!

1:06:481:06:50

-In the back?

-Yeah.

1:06:501:06:53

(APRIL MOANS)

1:07:021:07:04

Ohh!

1:07:071:07:09

Oh.

1:07:091:07:11

Ah!

1:07:111:07:12

Oh.

1:07:121:07:14

-Really?

-Uh-huh.

1:07:141:07:16

Mm.

1:07:161:07:18

Um...

1:07:181:07:19

Oh, gosh.

1:07:201:07:22

Um...

1:07:241:07:26

(SIGHS)

1:07:281:07:30

Anything?

1:07:421:07:44

What?

1:07:441:07:46

Do you have anything to say?

1:07:461:07:48

Don't.

1:07:481:07:49

I don't know what to say.

1:07:491:07:52

Oh!

1:07:541:07:56

See ya.

1:07:561:07:57

I thought we were having dinner after the show.

1:08:151:08:17

-I'm in trouble.

-Come with me.

1:08:171:08:19

-Phew!

-They're ready for you.

1:08:211:08:23

-We're gonna run late today.

-OK.

1:08:231:08:25

-I'm panicking.

-Tell me.

1:08:251:08:27

I sort of...slept with my husband.

1:08:271:08:30

Well, almost.

1:08:301:08:31

(LAUGHS)

1:08:311:08:34

Break-up sex, but it's kind of great, right?

1:08:341:08:37

Don't. Don't be glib about this.

1:08:371:08:39

I'm with a man who sees me, really sees me,

1:08:391:08:42

and somehow still wants to be with me, and I want him

1:08:421:08:44

and I just blew it!

1:08:441:08:46

(PHONE RINGS)

1:08:461:08:47

Oh, God, it's him!

1:08:471:08:49

I don't suppose you've ever cheated before.

1:08:491:08:51

-Uh-uh.

-Of course not.

1:08:511:08:53

With someone who's bad for me.

1:08:531:08:55

-What am I gonna do?

-Here's what we're going to do.

1:08:551:08:57

I'm going to go in and rehearse, so everyone knows what they're doing,

1:08:571:09:00

and then I'm going to send everyone home,

1:09:001:09:02

and we're going to shoot the show tonight,

1:09:021:09:04

or in a couple of hours, or maybe never.

1:09:041:09:06

-OK?

-Thank you.

1:09:061:09:08

Mm. OK.

1:09:081:09:09

Edie, I have to tell you, Sunday nights are about the...

1:09:091:09:12

A good question.

1:09:121:09:14

Should we make gay marriage a priority during this election,

1:09:141:09:17

or should we just not take the bait?

1:09:171:09:19

If Pam dies, what happens to our daughter? I have no rights.

1:09:191:09:23

-Oh, thank you.

-It's very scary. Very scary.

1:09:231:09:25

At least I'm not one of those insular gay men

1:09:251:09:28

who throws himself into his work, and devotes himself to people

1:09:281:09:31

who can never love him back romantically.

1:09:311:09:33

What we want to ask you is do you think it's right...?

1:09:331:09:37

It's so hard for anyone to meet someone.

1:09:381:09:40

Have you ever seen the show she did on you?

1:09:431:09:46

WOMAN: I can't be around people who have adopted children,

1:09:461:09:50

especially girls.

1:09:501:09:52

BERNICE: Have you ever tried to find her?

1:09:521:09:54

Endlessly. On the internet.

1:09:551:09:57

Um, I put ads in the paper.

1:09:571:10:00

Do you feel...

1:10:001:10:02

haunted?

1:10:021:10:04

Yes.

1:10:041:10:05

Whenever there are kids around,

1:10:051:10:07

I am always looking for her face.

1:10:071:10:11

In shopping malls, in the parks.

1:10:111:10:14

I have something I want to say.

1:10:141:10:15

I hadn't planned on doing this, but hearing you speak,

1:10:151:10:19

it's just something I have to do.

1:10:191:10:22

I had a child that I gave up for adoption.

1:10:261:10:30

It was many, many years ago. I was very young.

1:10:301:10:33

I tried, God knows, but the year I spent with that child

1:10:331:10:38

was the scariest, most darkly miserable time of my life.

1:10:381:10:41

One minute you're cuddling in a sleeping bag

1:10:411:10:43

and the next minute you find out you've ruined the rest of your life.

1:10:431:10:47

-Can you rewind this?

-WOMAN: To the beginning?

1:10:471:10:49

Um, no, just a little.

1:10:491:10:50

I tried, God knows, but the year I spent with that child

1:10:521:10:57

was the scariest...

1:10:571:10:58

Go back again, just...five seconds.

1:10:581:11:00

-WOMAN: Are you sure?

-Yeah, in fact, I don't...

1:11:001:11:03

Could you go one sentence back?

1:11:031:11:05

(REWINDS) But the year I spent with that child

1:11:061:11:08

was the scariest, most darkly miserable time of my life.

1:11:081:11:11

Finally, I said uncle.

1:11:111:11:13

Do you think you just hand it over?

1:11:191:11:22

You probably put it down somewhere,

1:11:231:11:25

and the next people come along and pick it up?

1:11:251:11:28

Hey, can I find you some dry clothes?

1:11:281:11:32

-(KNOCK ON DOOR)

-(CLEARS THROAT)

1:11:321:11:35

You want me to get it?

1:11:351:11:36

BERNICE: It's me!

1:11:361:11:38

Maybe you'll feel better if you talk to her.

1:11:381:11:40

I can hear you in there. Don't make me bang the door down.

1:11:401:11:44

-Hello.

-Hi.

1:11:501:11:51

I've seen your picture.

1:11:511:11:53

She doesn't want to see you right now.

1:11:531:11:54

-Too bad, I'm her mother.

-Maybe another day would be better.

1:11:541:11:58

Unless you say no, I'll leave you alone for a private conversation.

1:12:001:12:04

She's afraid to be left alone with me?

1:12:041:12:06

I'm not afraid to be left alone.

1:12:061:12:08

I'll be on my beeper if you need me.

1:12:081:12:10

Alan had no right...

1:12:141:12:15

Are you capable of telling the truth?

1:12:151:12:17

I was 15 years old.

1:12:231:12:26

That's a little bit older than some of the kids in your school.

1:12:261:12:29

Your father disappeared.

1:12:291:12:32

My father completely turned his back on me.

1:12:321:12:34

Was I breastfeeding?

1:12:341:12:35

My mother said I'd ruined my life.

1:12:381:12:40

They threw me out!

1:12:401:12:42

I had a bag of clothes and 48.

1:12:421:12:45

I didn't know if rent was 6 or 600!

1:12:451:12:49

I didn't know how to open a fucking can of soup!

1:12:491:12:51

You wouldn't stop crying.

1:12:541:12:56

I get it. I watched the tape.

1:12:561:12:59

So did millions of others. Well, not millions.

1:12:591:13:01

How many people watch your show anyway?

1:13:011:13:03

Did you see on the tape that I went to my father

1:13:031:13:06

with his grandchild in my belly,

1:13:061:13:08

and begged him for help, and that he turned me away?

1:13:081:13:11

Did you see that I never forgave him,

1:13:111:13:14

that I didn't even go to his funeral?

1:13:141:13:15

You just saw the parts that made me look bad.

1:13:151:13:19

I thought it was for the best!

1:13:191:13:21

Like an idiot, I thought it was for the best, and then it was too late!

1:13:211:13:24

Too late?

1:13:241:13:26

Like if you had it to do over, it would be different?

1:13:261:13:30

You'd sacrifice your fabulous life

1:13:301:13:33

to sit there with a cranky, moody kid who got sick?

1:13:331:13:38

A lot, by the way.

1:13:381:13:39

Sore throats, like on fire, 10 a year!

1:13:391:13:41

You'd sit up till 6:00 in the morning,

1:13:411:13:43

rubbing her down with alcohol,

1:13:431:13:45

because her fever's around 106,

1:13:451:13:46

and that's about the time when, if you miss the signs,

1:13:461:13:49

you got a brain-damaged kid for the rest of your life?

1:13:491:13:51

You'd get this girl grown up just to let her know

1:13:511:13:55

that you didn't love her enough?

1:13:551:13:58

Or the right way?

1:13:581:14:00

Your mother wasn't perfect.

1:14:001:14:02

She told me the truth.

1:14:021:14:04

She did her best.

1:14:041:14:06

She was there.

1:14:061:14:08

Just say you wanted a life more than you wanted me.

1:14:151:14:19

I wanted a life... more than I wanted you.

1:14:241:14:28

-BEN: Hello?

-Hi, it's me.

1:14:381:14:40

Listen, that's never gonna happen again.

1:14:401:14:42

I really don't think it should.

1:14:421:14:45

Good.

1:14:451:14:47

-I want to help with all this.

-OK.

1:14:471:14:49

Any thoughts on how?

1:14:521:14:53

Uh...

1:14:531:14:55

Wait.

1:14:551:14:56

Can you say that again - the part about wanting to help?

1:14:571:15:01

I really want to help with all of this. I really, really do.

1:15:011:15:04

Thank you.

1:15:041:15:06

I want that, too.

1:15:061:15:09

-Jesus, I've been scared to death.

-Sorry.

1:15:231:15:26

-I imagined you dead on the roadside.

-Sorry.

1:15:261:15:28

I imagined you dead in the arms of a handsome stranger.

1:15:281:15:31

French guy, for some reason, which was an even worse image.

1:15:311:15:34

-I mean...

-I said I'm sorry!

1:15:341:15:35

-What?

-What's going on?

1:15:401:15:41

-Nothing.

-Something happen?

1:15:411:15:43

-No.

-What are you not telling me?

1:15:431:15:45

What could I not be telling you?

1:15:451:15:47

Well, I don't know.

1:15:491:15:51

Perhaps you don't love me, you made a horrible mistake,

1:15:511:15:54

and you want to take the whole thing back.

1:15:541:15:56

I do love you.

1:15:561:15:58

I don't want to take the whole thing back.

1:15:581:16:00

Listen, some...

1:16:041:16:07

I think he dropped something.

1:16:111:16:14

You're taking a walk?

1:16:211:16:23

-What about the kids?

-What do you care?

1:16:231:16:26

-I care.

-Clearly.

1:16:261:16:27

I do.

1:16:271:16:28

Go...home!

1:16:281:16:31

Not my home - yours!

1:16:311:16:33

Go.

1:16:331:16:35

-I don't have one without you.

-That's not my problem.

1:16:381:16:40

-What do you do on these walks?

-You don't want to know.

1:16:421:16:44

Yes, I do.

1:16:441:16:45

I say the things I don't say to you,

1:16:451:16:47

all the things I try to spare you from.

1:16:471:16:49

-Like what?

-Like, "Go to hell!"

1:16:491:16:50

Like, "Get your own children!"

1:16:501:16:52

And like, "What's the matter with you

1:16:521:16:54

"that you don't have children of your own anyway?"

1:16:541:16:56

And like, "What kind of mother are you gonna be,

1:16:571:17:00

"if you can walk out on your children without a second thought?"

1:17:001:17:02

-You know, they're...

-What?

1:17:021:17:04

Not your children?

1:17:041:17:05

It's just possible some of this is what you wanted to say to your wife.

1:17:071:17:10

Oh, really?! You think so?!

1:17:101:17:12

Do you understand I can't even take a walk?

1:17:151:17:18

-It must be very hard.

-Go to hell!

1:17:181:17:20

I don't have to be with you,

1:17:201:17:22

I don't have to care for you or this godforsaken baby!

1:17:221:17:24

Don't say that!

1:17:241:17:25

All I have to do, is care for my children

1:17:251:17:28

until they're old enough to do it for themselves.

1:17:281:17:30

I don't even have to like it, or them.

1:17:301:17:33

Fuck them...and fuck you!

1:17:331:17:36

So, how long have you guys been dating?

1:17:511:17:53

Oh, not long.

1:17:531:17:54

We had a date tonight and, uh, she works right down the street,

1:17:541:17:57

so we just decided to meet here.

1:17:571:17:59

Cool.

1:17:591:18:01

(PHONE RINGS)

1:18:011:18:04

So, hello, hi, great to see you.

1:18:061:18:09

-Great to see you all.

-Good to see you.

1:18:091:18:11

Uh, and you are?

1:18:111:18:13

-BOTH: Freddy.

-Freddy.

1:18:131:18:14

Well, great. Great.

1:18:141:18:17

Oh, God! I'm her brother!

1:18:171:18:18

-(LAUGHS)

-Great.

1:18:181:18:21

So...shall we?

1:18:211:18:23

Yes.

1:18:231:18:24

-And you're at...

-10 weeks?

1:18:241:18:26

10 weeks.

1:18:261:18:28

Have you seen these before?

1:18:301:18:32

-My brother's a doctor.

-Yeah, I have.

1:18:321:18:34

Can you tell us what we're seeing?

1:18:401:18:42

Uh, just one moment, please.

1:18:421:18:44

Any chance we can hear that squishing sound again?

1:18:441:18:46

That's the best thing I ever heard.

1:18:461:18:48

What's happening?

1:18:551:18:57

What's happening?

1:19:011:19:03

April...

1:19:071:19:09

I'm not seeing a heartbeat.

1:19:101:19:12

(FREDDY SINGS IN HEBREW)

1:19:251:19:28

FREDDY: Amein.

1:19:481:19:51

Hello.

1:19:511:19:52

Oh, amein.

1:19:521:19:54

How often is she out there?

1:19:571:19:59

She comes on Fridays a lot, because she knows I'm home.

1:19:591:20:03

April...

1:20:041:20:06

..adopt a baby.

1:20:061:20:08

-How could you?

-It's the same.

1:20:081:20:10

-How would you know?

-Maybe it's better.

1:20:101:20:11

Trust me - you don't know what it's like to be adopted.

1:20:111:20:13

You don't know what it's like to not be adopted! Right?

1:20:131:20:17

What's it like?

1:20:221:20:24

It was exhausting.

1:20:281:20:30

It was embarrassing sometimes.

1:20:311:20:35

Want me to bring her out some chicken?

1:20:461:20:48

-You can.

-Why don't you?

1:20:481:20:50

I would like to forgive her. I'm tired of being so mad.

1:20:501:20:52

-I've tried. I can't.

-Make her buy you something.

1:20:521:20:57

-I beg your pardon?

-She's loaded.

1:20:581:21:00

-Maybe it'll make you feel better.

-That's ridiculous.

1:21:001:21:02

Make her buy me something.

1:21:021:21:04

A car. Yours is on its last legs.

1:21:041:21:07

A house. A very small house.

1:21:071:21:09

Make her buy you something you really want but can't afford.

1:21:091:21:12

-I'm here.

-Ahh!

1:21:241:21:26

Jesus fucking Christ!

1:21:261:21:28

-Sorry.

-I mean...

1:21:281:21:30

...Jesus.

1:21:301:21:31

Hmm.

1:21:311:21:32

How are you?

1:21:321:21:34

Sick...

1:21:341:21:35

..every day, over what I did to you.

1:21:351:21:38

Good.

1:21:381:21:40

I mean, I think that's probably good.

1:21:411:21:43

Yeah, I guess so.

1:21:431:21:46

I want you to make it up to me.

1:21:461:21:49

This is for me, you understand? Not for you, for me.

1:21:491:21:52

I think I will be happier in the long run if you try to make it up to me.

1:21:521:21:57

OK.

1:21:571:21:58

-I want you to buy me a baby.

-Oh, well, that's easy!

1:21:581:22:03

I'm plugged into all kinds of adoption these days.

1:22:031:22:05

In China, they're throwing them...

1:22:051:22:06

No, I want you to buy me a baby that I'm going to have.

1:22:061:22:09

I'm almost 40, so I don't have much time.

1:22:091:22:12

It's very expensive. I want you to pay for it.

1:22:121:22:15

After they do it, I have to lie still for two hours.

1:22:151:22:18

I hate lying still.

1:22:181:22:20

I want you to be there, find ways to help me.

1:22:201:22:23

12 days later, I take a pregnancy test.

1:22:231:22:25

Five hours after that, I find out.

1:22:251:22:27

If you make one false move, I'll never speak to you again.

1:22:271:22:31

If you don't, then maybe we can be in each other's lives a little.

1:22:311:22:37

You understand that's all that's possible right now - a little.

1:22:371:22:41

Can I put my pants on?

1:22:431:22:45

"Hair - average."

1:22:471:22:49

-As opposed to...?

-Thin, thick, or balding.

1:22:491:22:52

"Artistic ability - none."

1:22:521:22:54

-None?

-None.

1:22:541:22:56

-Jesus.

-Mm.

1:22:561:22:58

"How would you describe yourself?"

1:23:001:23:01

"Hard-working, intelligent, warm, caring, sexy, and contemplative."

1:23:011:23:06

I'm keeping this one for me.

1:23:061:23:08

You need to just stick it...

1:23:131:23:16

Thousands of Chinese girls...

1:23:161:23:18

I'm not adopting a Chinese baby.

1:23:181:23:20

Then bend over.

1:23:211:23:23

-BERNICE: Is there anything I can do?

-APRIL: No.

1:23:281:23:30

Are you ready?

1:23:301:23:31

Mm-hm.

1:23:311:23:33

Do you want to pray?

1:23:351:23:37

She does that.

1:23:371:23:38

She prays.

1:23:381:23:40

Want to say a little prayer or something?

1:23:401:23:42

No.

1:23:421:23:44

-I'm so sorry to interrupt.

-What is the matter with you?

1:23:441:23:46

Could you, uh, give us a minute?

1:23:461:23:48

-Bernice, listen to me right now!

-I know. I'm sorry. Just a minute.

1:23:481:23:51

Just find us when you're ready. We'll be around.

1:23:541:23:57

-What?

-Why don't you want to pray?

1:24:021:24:06

-What do you care?

-I don't!

1:24:061:24:08

I don't give a shit, but you do!

1:24:081:24:11

You told me that.

1:24:111:24:13

You pray before you eat a bowl of spaghetti!

1:24:131:24:15

And now, right before you do

1:24:151:24:16

the most important thing you'll ever do in your life,

1:24:161:24:18

suddenly you're not interested?

1:24:181:24:20

This is none of your business.

1:24:201:24:22

Get out of my way.

1:24:271:24:28

Say a prayer with me and I will.

1:24:281:24:31

I don't want to pray.

1:24:311:24:33

One stupid little prayer.

1:24:331:24:35

No!

1:24:351:24:36

Move!

1:24:381:24:40

Maybe you just don't want it badly enough.

1:24:401:24:43

You have no idea how badly I want it.

1:24:451:24:48

Then why won't you pray? Why?

1:24:481:24:49

Because I'm not gonna hand this wish over to some...

1:24:491:24:53

..whatever it is, who's supposed to be loving, who...

1:24:531:24:57

..who...

1:25:011:25:03

I had faith.

1:25:071:25:09

Oh.

1:25:141:25:16

(WHISPERS) I thought...

1:25:161:25:18

..God was...

1:25:181:25:19

..good.

1:25:191:25:21

(SIGHS) Maybe God is...

1:25:231:25:26

What?

1:25:281:25:30

Difficult.

1:25:321:25:34

Awful.

1:25:341:25:37

Complicated.

1:25:381:25:40

Like me?

1:25:401:25:42

I took the one man on earth who's right for me

1:25:421:25:45

and I dropped him on his head.

1:25:451:25:47

Right.

1:25:471:25:49

You did.

1:25:491:25:50

How are we doing?

1:25:501:25:52

We're done. I'm sorry.

1:25:521:25:54

No problem.

1:25:541:25:56

Wait.

1:26:021:26:04

(SINGS IN HEBREW)

1:26:091:26:12

BERNICE: What does that mean?

1:26:301:26:31

APRIL: Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.

1:26:311:26:36

What does THAT mean?

1:26:361:26:39

Listen, O Israel, the God of Love and the God of Fear are one.

1:26:391:26:45

Well...

1:27:261:27:27

Hello.

1:27:271:27:29

Thank you for seeing me.

1:27:291:27:31

Well, you're standing between me and my front door,

1:27:311:27:34

so, it's literally the least I could do.

1:27:341:27:37

I heard what happened.

1:27:381:27:39

I'm sorry I called the baby godforsaken.

1:27:411:27:44

It turns out she was.

1:27:441:27:46

I miss you.

1:27:461:27:50

-Do you miss me?

-What do you want, April?

1:27:501:27:53

I want to look at you... for a long, long time.

1:27:551:28:00

What else?

1:28:001:28:03

There's a chance my life may change in a few hours.

1:28:031:28:05

It may not, but it may...

1:28:051:28:07

..and before it does, I want to say two things.

1:28:081:28:10

I know what I did to you. To you in particular.

1:28:101:28:15

Like a worst nightmare kind of thing, right?

1:28:151:28:19

I knew that.

1:28:201:28:23

Even at the time, I knew that.

1:28:231:28:25

-What else?

-I'll do it again.

1:28:261:28:30

I will. I'll hurt you again and again.

1:28:301:28:34

Not like that. You'd have to leave me if I hurt you like that.

1:28:341:28:38

If we were together, you would leave me if I hurt you like that again.

1:28:401:28:43

-Wouldn't you?

-Yes. Yes, I would.

1:28:431:28:45

Good.

1:28:451:28:48

But I'll hurt you in other ways. Little ways.

1:28:481:28:51

I won't mean to, but I will.

1:28:511:28:52

And sometimes I will mean to.

1:28:521:28:55

This is quite an offer you've worked up.

1:28:561:28:58

You'll hurt me, too, you know?

1:28:581:28:59

You'll hurt me and change on me.

1:28:591:29:02

You might leave me after you promise you won't. How about that?

1:29:021:29:05

-I wouldn't.

-But you might.

1:29:051:29:06

-But I wouldn't!

-But...you might.

1:29:061:29:11

Yeah, I guess I might.

1:29:141:29:16

So?

1:29:171:29:19

Oh, God!

1:29:211:29:23

I know.

1:29:231:29:24

I'm sorry.

1:29:241:29:26

So?

1:29:301:29:32

Just need to get that little wine glass. That's great.

1:29:481:29:50

Hey, where's your dad?

1:30:101:30:12

I got her.

1:30:241:30:26

I'll see you inside.

1:30:261:30:28

There is a Jewish story.

1:30:321:30:34

An ordinary Jewish joke.

1:30:341:30:36

A father was teaching his little son

1:30:361:30:38

to be less afraid, to have more courage.

1:30:381:30:40

"Jump," he said, "and I'll catch you."

1:30:401:30:44

And the little boy trusted him, and the little boy jumped.

1:30:441:30:49

And when his father caught him, he felt filled with love.

1:30:491:30:54

And when he didn't, he was filled with something else -

1:30:541:30:56

something...more.

1:30:561:30:59

Life.

1:31:011:31:03

Amein.

1:31:031:31:05

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