What Just Happened

This programme contains very strong language and some violent scenes.

Vanity Fair named me as one of the 30 most powerful producers in the business.

Over on the wall there and on the table are charts,

which indicate where you have been designated to stand.

Power's an elusive term, but in Hollywood, it's everything, whatever they say.

You either have it, want it, or you're afraid of losing it.

Where you stand at these things, or who you may be standing next to,

may not seem like the most important thing, but it really matters.

Congratulations.

I feel awkward...

but I was wondering if some changes could be made to the placements.

It's er...

Right.

Some of these people are not really "producer" producers,

if you know what I mean.

They put their names on the movies, but they don't really do anything.

You see, recently, over a two-week period,

my career...hell, my whole life, was severely tested.

Let's just say my power credentials were on the line, big time.

In his wacky crazy kooky world, Charlie was king...

And it all started in Costa Mesa at a preview of a film I produced.

I can't feel my legs!

The movie was titled Fiercely.

These test screenings with an audience are critical.

Always a lot of production people there,

always a lot of marketing executives,

and, of course, the studio chief, Lou.

If the number is high, there's a celebration.

If the number is low, and the preview cards stink,

well, let's just say many people will suffer.

She'll make sure of it.

I needed this one to work.

I know.

Go on, go!

GUNSHOT

DOG BARKS

DOG BARKS

I'm not gonna beg.

You think I care about me?

You think it's me I care about?

It's you I worry about.

I think they should kill him.

Your salvation.

Father, forgive them,

they know not what they do.

DOG BARKS

No!

AUDIENCE REACT WITH SHOCK

Oh, my God!

Why did they shoot the dog?

They shot the dog?!

Let's go.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

# Hey, cowboy

# Where'd you get the clothes you wear?

# Hey, cowboy

# Where'd you get the funny hair... #

OK. How about that, ladies and gentlemen?

What do you think? Wow!

Listen, remain in your seats for just a few minutes

while we hand out these cards. Will you hand out the cards, please?

We appreciate you taking the time to give us your thoughts.

You're very much part of the filmmaking process, and we value what you have to say.

I want to remind you, this is a test screening,

so there'll be some post-production.

When they're done, you want me to put the cards and numbers in your car?

You can, you know how I feel.

I don't pay much attention to the numbers.

You don't think they're relevant?

No, Carl, we're here to lead.

Sure, sure, sure.

I noticed a couple of the shots right before Sean Penn gets killed

were taken out of The Third Man.

The way the dog crosses between his legs...

It's the same thing with Harry Lime and the cat.

It's like he's building upon what Carol Reed originally did.

Ben. Ben! Ben, thank you for allowing me to be part of this.

Fantastic. It's fantastic.

Big foreign upside.

HE SPEAKS IN HIS NATIVE TONGUE

I'd like to introduce you to Jimmy. Jimmy, Ben. Ben, Jimmy.

We just met, yes.

Jimmy wants to invest in the next one.

Oh, that's good. Where'd he get his money?

Hair.

-Oh, hair?

-Hair.

That's good to know.

Yeah. More than 70 shops.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

Well, let me think about that.

-Good.

-Good.

-OK.

Glad you guys liked it.

-Thank you. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

The length is the least of its problems.

Did you hear the people around you?

Yeah! What about Sean?

That was brutal. It was unrelenting.

Sean was Sean, it was...

The air was sucked out of the room halfway through the damn thing.

I thought the girl was very, very good. Didn't you?

Please.

Blood, body parts, heartbreaking sadness.

How am I supposed to sell this thing?

Let's be positive. This could be the year for grief.

Grief for who?

They shot the dog in the head!

Hey, Ben.

Good to see you, Bob.

Dick, what are you doing here?

I represent the girl. She's going to be a star.

I thought preview policy was no agents?

I snuck in. I'm going to sneak out.

So?

Yes?

What did you think?

Well, I thought there was a lot of interesting stuff to er...

I loved the music.

It's still in my head.

Thanks.

Here you go.

It's almost there, Ben. If Jeremy would just co-operate with the cut,

and we're lucky with reviews...

We'll deal with this tomorrow. I've just got to talk to Lou.

-Ben!

-Lou!

-Where's your director?

Missed his plane. He'll be in tomorrow morning.

-It's hard to produce a good movie, Ben.

-Very.

-Sean.

-Hey!

Just brilliant! Brilliant work.

Thanks. Hey, Ben.

You're never not great, you're just great.

-Think we got a shot?

-Absolutely. Jeez.

We'll see. I'll see you later.

OK, I'll see you in Cannes.

Did you work out the G5?

-Yes.

-I got a smoke on the plane.

-We're gonna lose money.

-How do you know?

-A lot of money.

-You know this before it's done?

That's right.

Even before the DVD comes out?

Pretty much.

HE SWITCHES MUSIC OFF

TRAFFIC NOISE

HAZARD LIGHTS TICK

ALARM CLOCK HARP MUSIC PLAYS

ALARM CLOCK HARP MUSIC STOPS

COFFEE MACHINE WHIRS

I did try to call Jeremy last night after the screening.

'You seemed reluctant.'

I was not! He's the director!

If I said, "Fuck me, why should this one be easy?", it doesn't mean I'm not enthusiastic.

'So you feel good about last night?'

Yes. As I was saying, I am very enthusiastic,

and it's a little too soon to get too excited,

but all signs to me say, between us, through the roof.

Through the roof? That's great. That's great! That's great.

Did you see this..?

-'About Jack?'

-Yeah, did you hear about it?

'I couldn't believe it.'

It's terrible. I'm looking at the headline here.

'Who would have guessed? He was doing so well.'

Ten percent, it puts himself in turn around.

'Bad joke.'

Yeah, it's page one, that's cold.

'But you've still got to admit, it's pretty funny, don't you think?'

I can see how sympathetic you are.

Argh. Oh, come on!

I'm on my way. Yeah, I'll be there in two minutes.

No, I'm not late at all.

I'm not late. They'll be there in plenty of time, that I promise you.

They will be there on time.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

# Nobody knows

# How cold it grows

# And nobody sees

# Her shaking her hand... #

Hi, Daddy

-Morning, gorgeouses.

-Hi, Daddy.

Who dresses you guys?

BOTH: We do!

Mom wants to ask you something.

-Now?

-She said it's OK for you to go in the house

instead of using your cell phone.

-I'll be right back. Get in the car and buckle yourselves up.

-OK!

Kelly, I said I'd do it.

You always say you'll do it, but you don't.

I know. I realise I always say it, but this time it's true.

For all of us, Ben.

I'll take the kids this weekend. I know, 90 minutes a day of video and TV.

Or the kids can't stay.

I know.

Where's the old sofa chair?

I'm having it re-covered.

I miss it.

You miss the chair?

I sat in it all the time.

I even remember how much I paid for it.

OK, Ben. Let's play by the rules.

I thought our last session went really well, didn't you?

Yeah, but this therapy is called "How to Learn to Live Apart".

So we can move on gracefully.

Well, I still have feelings.

So do I.

That dark green velvet was such a good look for that chair.

What?

I felt like a change!

HORN BLARES

Can I call you?

SIGHS: Yeah.

Of course.

HORN BLARES

OK. See you later, guys.

Hey, Ben.

Scott.

-So, how were the numbers last night?

-Just a number.

By the way, I just finished my script.

So, what is it?

Oh, come on! Don't play hard to get, tell me!

-I'm not gonna tell you!

-I'm going to find out anyway.

It's about a florist.

Oh, no.

It's a rich world.

A flower shop as a background for deceit.

It's the Rose Bowl Parade meets The Da Vinci Code. That kind of thing.

It's not a movie.

It's not a movie? What is it?

Flowers on the big screen? I don't think so.

It might be Leonard's thing.

I already did.

You went to Leonard before you went to me?

He's my kids' soccer coach!

Scott, come on! Leonard?!

What's the difference if you're not interested?

Loyalty matters! What did he say?

He thought there were interesting aspects.

What did he say?

He said it's not a movie.

There you have it.

Too bad about Jack, huh?

It's rare. Usually agents kill others, not themselves.

Yeah, but out of the blue?

It happens, you know.

Suicide, it happens?

Stress builds up. I'll see you later.

Right. See you later.

This is Fiercely. Cue 4M-2. Take seven.

PHONE RINGS

Cal, talk to me! What happened at the rehearsal?

'You're not gonna believe it. Bruce shows up with a Grizzly Adams beard.'

He's got a Grizzly Adams beard?

'Yes, and he's a pig. You want to direct him?'

That's your job. What do you mean, a pig?

-'He's fat.'

-Bruce Willis is overweight?!

'With a Grizzly Adams beard!'

He's just fooling with you.

The biggest beard you've ever seen!

-I'll take care of it.

-'There's no way...'

Cal, I will see you this afternoon.

I'm at a production meeting right now, I can't talk. Goodbye!

-Hey.

-Hey.

I think Mom's in the back if you want to say hi.

Er...do I have to?

Your eyes are all red.

No.

No. Just... Just stuff, you know.

If it's boy stuff, you can always talk to me about it.

I know some things your mother doesn't know.

-I'm sure you do.

-You can ask me.

-OK.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

OK. I'll be right back.

What's with Zoe?

Oh, girl stuff. I don't know.

Is she dating? Parties or anything? She doesn't really tell me much.

She just kind of keeps things to herself.

I think she gets that from you.

She tells us as much about what she does as you tell me what you do.

Secrets seem to be the family hobby.

I think it's in the DNA.

Boy, this place has gone way up. I wished I still owned it.

Yeah, but you don't.

Gotta go. Bye.

Bye. Looking good, Ben.

You too!

Bye!

It's not every 17-year-old whose Dad drives them to school.

I kind of like it. It makes me feel like a kid.

You are a kid, and I'm a lucky guy. I still get to drive you to school.

Think you'll still pick me up and drop me off when I go to college?

You bet, if you'll let me.

I don't know. Let's just say it's negotiable.

I'm a good negotiator.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

Will you please stop saying, "If they don't fuck up my cut

"we may just have something we don't mind putting our names on"?

'I know that!'

Look, mate. I don't want to get too lofty or nothing about it,

but I made a film that doesn't wallow in the cliches of retribution.

-I don't want to satisfy the audience by letting them get even.

-True.

-That's true!

-'I didn't do that when you hired me...'

That's true! But let's just say that when those that put up the money

see the bad guys get away and the little dog get murdered,

they get concerned.

Look, for my part,

if the dog gets shot in the head, fine.

'If the kids all love it and laugh, even better.'

Probably that'll never happen. Kids... You know what's going to happen.

Fucking hell. Didn't you... You said to me

that Lou said, and I quote, "It's a good movie"?

She did, three times.

And that's concerned you?

-'A bit.'

-How's that?

Jeremy, I don't know what "good" means in south London.

but north of fucking Pico at a preview screening,

it means drop your pants, bite down hard, cos this one's gonna hurt.

I'm not buying it, mate. Come on.

I mean, you know...

Look, were you watching the audience watch the movie?

-'Course I was!'

-What was their reaction?

Like they took their kids to Disney and saw Mickey Mouse douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire.

I'm actually all right with that!

It's like, what? Two weeks to red carpet, right?

The festival took the film because they want stars. They only saw a ten-minute reel.

It could be pulled from the festival with a phone call.

Now you're overheating, mate.

I don't think so. We'll have to accommodate Lou.

Throw her a bone, do something, or the road could get a bit weird.

What, now you're not going to protect my cut?

-I'm going to protect your cut!

-That's what Ben does.

I just want you to understand the terrain we're about to cross. The preview was terrifying.

All right. Just stand united and we'll prevail.

Yeah, you know.

I'll explain the whole sort of raison d'etre thing to Lou. She'll listen.

-All right?

-All right. I'm here to support you.

Look, all I'm saying is, and I don't mean to flog it, but, you know,

I think you should be proud. We went out on a limb on this one.

I am proud.

It's not just about the money.

We've already got the money, now we've got to get it back.

Morning, all.

In the end, no director, no stars, not even a title.

Just a number.

A big number.

You're really good.

My God, kill the dog.

Of course! What a brilliant tactical move.

You know, Ben, I always sensed you were blessed

with good instinctive negotiating skills,

but killing the dog? Oh, boy!

-We wanted to do the unexpected.

-What a surprise, eh?

Sometimes you've just got to kick them in the balls, just to make sure they're breathing.

Easy. Easy, big fella.

A bargaining chip. You guys figured, leave the dead dog in the movie now,

knowing it wasn't in the script, I'd cut it out later and say,

"OK, dog stuff's gone, how about we just keep the rest of the stuff

"and call it a day?"

I'm too old for this.

Well, Lou, I think there's another way to look at it, too.

-What are you saying?

-We've got a problem.

Hold on. Hold on, you're not gonna touch my ending, are you?

That's not what I'm hearing, is it? Did anyone see Amores Perros?

What?

Amores Perros, did you see it?

I mean, what's that film about? Cruelty? No.

It's about reality, and about loss.

And, you know, I mean... Look, the simple thing is,

you can make a film that has a bit more profundity to it...

Something that people will remember.

Or the same load of bollocks. I mean, I thought we were trying to do something great. Eh?

No? I mean, I toned it down! I've done that.

I mean, I toned it way down.

-Didn't I?

-Yes, he did.

Serious problem.

Look, the dog has to die!

Trust me, you've got to back up.

I'm sorry.

Maybe I'm not being clear.

Sorry, excuse me. I don't think Sean would have done the movie

if it weren't hard-hitting and didn't take some real risks.

-Absolutely.

-Would you excuse us?

Now, please?

Look, I've lost 25 million before.

I'll lose 25 million again.

We've managed to put together extensive notes for you.

Very extensive. If you do the kind of work

that needs to be done, I'll lose a little less.

Maybe 15 million less.

You're asking me to eviscerate my film so you can lose a little less money?

I would be very appreciative.

I can't do that!

Well, let us... Let us chew on this.

No, look, the dog dies!

I don't think so.

Are you taking the piss now?

No, not really.

Listen, let's not make this even more awkward than it is.

We respect you. Fix it.

It's not broken. My guts are in that cut, mate. Right? Right?

Listen, do the right thing. OK?

Oh, the right thing, now, is it? Oh, well!

I'm sorry, does he have final cut?

Um...

Um, no.

-The right thing.

-What?

Or your big evening in Cannes will be cancelled

and I'll recut the movie myself.

Jeremy! Jeremy. Jeremy!

No, no, don't! Please, don't!

Stop. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Get a hold of yourself. Get a hold of yourself.

What do you suggest?

Well, he'll come around. He's fine.

He'll be fine. It's jet lag. I'll take care of it, it's OK. Come on.

Get a grip.

Let's just go.

We don't have much time.

I'll take care of it.

JEREMY WAILS AND SOBS

Oh! Do you believe this?

Yeah, I saw it. Had 10% of the brass ring, didn't he?

-I'd fuck him.

-Hm.

My old bed.

God, I love this bed.

Are these new sheets?

-This is a huge mistake.

-Don't say that.

No, I just... I can't do this. I can't do this. This is...

And this is as much my fault as yours.

-This is why we're seeing Dr Randall, to not do this.

-Let's not tell her.

Why are you so comfortable after almost a year, and I'm nervous?

-Why is that?

-You still look fantastic.

I appreciate that.

You want me to go?

-Yes, no...

-I won't talk.

No, I'd like to talk.

-Good, let's talk. I'll start.

-OK.

I admit, I do love this bed...

..but only with you in it.

Even if only for a moment, I'm just so grateful to be back here.

-Really?

-Mm. Truly.

I don't know, just all the lawyers and everything, Ben, it's so... It's awkward, you know?

And all the money.

Yeah. I don't know.

It's just been so long. I just feel like if I could do this... I feel so vulnerable and...

I know how you feel.

It's complicated. I don't feel just one way, you know?

I understand. I never feel just one way.

-Really?

-Truly.

I...

PHONE RINGS

-This could be important.

-If you could only focus.

-If you could just focus.

-Let's both hold on to that thought.

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

-Hello?

-'I have him.'

-Who?

-'Him.'

-Who?

-'Bruce Willis.'

Oh. Oh, yeah? OK, good, good.

-'Hello?'

-Hey! Amigo.

-'I heard something.'

-What?

'Concern about my beard. Or is it buyer's remorse?'

-What?

-'Hang on a second, wait a second.'

-About what?

-'I'll be right back.'

-Oh.

-Business. He's a fucking movie star - I got issues to resolve.

-Like what?

-Like shaving the beard. It sounds crazy, but it's a big deal...

-Oh, Jesus Christ.

-Tell him that you'll call him back. Be a man.

-You're right.

-Hello?

-'Hello.'

-Hey, there you are.

-'I'm all ears.'

Listen, listen, did I tell you how truly happy I am that you're doing this movie?

-A lot of actors were circling this, but...

-'Get to the point.'

Can you give me five seconds to deal with something?

-'What? Yeah.'

-Thanks.

-You're kidding, right?

-No. Come on, Kelly.

Kelly! Kelly!

-Hello?

-'Hello.'

-I'm back.

-'We should talk about this.'

-Yes, we do need to talk.

'No, I think face to face.'

Face to face is better. You're right.

Could you just give me five seconds?

Five seconds?

Kelly! Kelly!

Kelly! Kelly!

Hello?

-PHONE HANGS UP

-Hello?

Kelly!

Kelly!

Jeremy, I'm coming to the editing room.

I know we have things to talk about. You know, I have some problems of my own.

Did you get our star?

No. I've left voice mails at every number now.

What's this?

Oh, I'm just referencing the cards.

-These aren't Hallmark get-well cards, Carl.

-No, look...

-This isn't magazine material.

-OK.

-This is private business.

-Yeah, I mean, I just...

-Put them in a drawer, lock them up.

-OK. All right.

-You let somebody in the office without discussing with me first?

Um, no, no. He's...

-Let's get a grip. Come on.

-No. no...

-We're falling apart.

-No, he's from Studio Services.

-I can't believe this. After one bad screening?

You got to be kidding me.

Son of a bitch, I can't...

People have no shame. Hopeless pricks.

-Who's moving in here?

-What?

-Who is moving in here? What production company?

-Who is coming in here, Carl?

-Oh. Him.

-Him, him - the guy you let in that you shouldn't have.

-No, this is for the new carpeting you ordered.

What new carpeting?

What new carpeting? When?

-The carpet you ordered.

-I never... When was that?

Back in February.

So it's...? I ordered it in February?

-Yeah.

-Three months to order new carpeting?

I know, but it was a special order because it was a white shag carpet.

Carl, I don't get white shag. You got to be kidding me.

-I wouldn't be caught dead with white shag.

-But you said it went well with the chairs.

-That's why you ordered it.

-You're right. I stand corrected.

-Really?

-Yes.

-I'm...

-I'm in the editing room. It's OK.

It's, fucking...! Gah!

You may not realise this now, but I was protecting you and our movie in that office.

Well, I went out, man.

I really went out.

-I can see that, but maybe that's a good thing.

-No. No, I went out.

I had 11 months, 22 days, mate, right?

I had no drugs, I had no alcohol.

I go to that meeting with that cow Lou,

and your assassin in training, your assistant, he decides to give me an Ativan.

Well, one Ativan doesn't sound so terrible.

Yeah, right. Try following it up with three Dilaudids scored from a barman,

and all washed down with rum and Cokes, right?

OK, then, you needed a release. It can happen to anyone.

No, look, look, I was seven days away from getting a cake, man.

Right? A cake for a year sober.

Me, a cake.

-And you and your diabolical bloody naked treachery took that away from me!

-That's not true.

-Not true.

-Come on, Jeremy.

Not true.

-Jeremy...

-Ow!

How's that?

That's not necessary. Shouldn't we save this high drama for the big screen?

Yeah. What that one, the one that my blood's in?

-I know that, I'm the producer.

-My blood on that film, right?

Blood that goes all the way back to a Jewish ghetto in Vilna, a little shtetl.

How could you

possibly understand anything like that?

Let me get you a Valium,

just for now. lt's not that I don't... But we're on a deadline.

This is for us, these changes.

Can I have a couple of Vicodin instead?

-Sure, easy.

-Get three of them, Ben.

-Three? Coming up.

Yeah, get me my office to get three Vicodin and bring them to the cutting room right away.

Let's put that down.

Jeremy, look, we're gonna need you to dig deep on this one.

You can do it. We can get our victory in Cannes, and I

can get these bastards to spend a lot and distribute this movie properly.

-You can do it.

-It's just so fucking hard for me, man.

I mean, you know, it's my work, it's all I've got.

Trust me, once you make these cuts and trims and take out

that damn dead dog, you will feel cleansed, you will forget the pain.

HE SOBS

It's OK.

As long as we can review it together before we leave, OK?

-Call me anytime you want.

-OK...

-I will, Ben...

-Give me a hug.

I'm sorry.

It's OK.

(No dog.)

I'm so scared, Ben.

We're on a deadline, so let's get to work, OK?

Let's get to work.

-FILM SOUNDTRACK:

-No!

Cal! Cal, relax. I'm coming to see Bruce.

No, no, you're not listening, I'm driving on the 405 as we speak.

Five minutes away. I'm driving right over the...

Relax, I'm going over the hill, I'll be there in a minute.

It doesn't matter, it'll be fine.

This is Fiercely, cue 1M1, take one.

I need grips and I need stand-ins, come on!

Ten minutes was an hour and a half ago, we got a crisis here.

A lot of traffic, a lot of traffic.

I saw Moses through the window. What's the status of the beard?

-I don't know.

-Did you tell him he has to shave?

I'm going to bring it up, but I just haven't done it yet.

We start shooting Friday afternoon, today is Tuesday.

I'm the director, I know what day it is.

I suppose it took him a long time to grow it. He probably wants to wait until the last minute.

That's what I thought last week, but after seeing him today,

I got the sense this is his look, it's an artistic choice.

The extra weight is too?

It can't be.

-It's a feeling.

-Cal, we got the studio to pay him 20 million to be a leading man.

For that kind of money, there is an expectation.

-I assume they expect a good performance.

-No, no, no, Cal.

For that kind of money, they expect millions of menstruating women to want to have intercourse with him.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

You want a poster that says "See Santa run"?

OK...

OK...

We need more 4-by-8 plywood in here.

OK.

OK, let's go tell him to shave.

-OK.

-OK... He'll shave, OK?

-Especially if he hears it from you.

-That's the hope.

Motherfuckers! Motherfuckers!

Motherfuckers!

We are talking about my fucking artistic integrity here, God damn it!

My artistic integrity, OK?!

Audiences want to know it's you, Bruce, they expect it.

And we're talking about a lot of money here.

What are you talking about? They're not gonna recognise me, Ben?

"Where did Bruce go? Huh?"

"Can't see Bruce no more! Where's my favourite movie star?"

"Oh, look, there he is, I see him right there, the guy with the beard!"

Yes, but there's a... You know, this is a certain demographic that has to be served, Bruce.

That's the business. You have to do it, you have to respect that.

I mean, that's just a fact.

lt's about falling in love with the hero, there's a tradition to this stuff, Bruce, there just is.

Oh, I see, we're talking about pussy!

More or less.

I understand, I understand, pussy's good.

Let me tell you a funny story, I've been growing this beard for six months.

-I've been knocking off trim 24/7 and never one fucking complaint!

-Maybe we should listen to...

Shut the fuck up, Cal. Hollywood producer, my ass. I should've seen this mentality coming.

Really, I should've seen it coming.

Never a doubt. Never a fucking doubt.

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!

Bruce, Bruce, come on! You wanna talk about integrity? Let's talk about integrity.

-Yeah, let's talk about some fucking integrity!

-OK, let's go!

Let's talk about integrity!

I'm willing to stack my three last pictures against your three!

How about that, huh?!

Let's talk about integrity! Huh?

You don't have three pictures. You don't have any pictures!

You know why? Because you're a fucking producer!

Well, why don't we start by giving your overblown salary to the fucking Red Cross?!

-That would show me some integrity!

-What?

Sorry.

Motherfuckers.

Fucking babies! I can't fucking believe this shit!

"No, no, you shouldn't wear any beards."

How about this? Why don't we just not have clothes in the

fucking movies any more? How about fucking paying for that?

-I never realised how...strongly he felt about it.

-I think he wants it.

This here's your fucking chair! How's that?

You motherfuckers!

Will somebody fix this fucking door?!

Jesus Christ!

You happy now that you got my pressure up?

Well...somehow I don't think he expects to shave.

You know, in a very early draft, the script mentioned he had a beard.

-A very early draft.

-Hey, now that video's done, we won't be needing that shit!

Blow me, you motherfuckers!

Blow me!

I guess we don't have much of a choice.

-No, the beard's not so bad anyway.

-Maybe it's not so bad.

This is Fiercely, 6M6, take three.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

I do get it, Sidney, I do.

Listen, out of all the studio heads, you are by far the funniest.

-'Thank you, thank you.'

-You're welcome.

You gotta stay with me here. This is Bruce Willis we're talking about.

Maybe we need to bend a little, to think creatively.

In fact, I gotta say, he might be right, a beard might be a good idea.

You never know, sometimes we don't know.

'Let's keep it simple, Ben. Let's keep it simple, Ben.'

'I'm not Lou, I like to be direct.'

Yes. OK, tell me what I have to do.

'If that bastard doesn't shave and look like a leading man, A, we shut the movie down, B,'

'we sue him for all damages, and C, we then sue you for misrepresentation.'

Oh, Sidney, come on. Let's sit down and have lunch and discuss this like men.

'We bought a movie star. Call my office.'

Sidney? Sid?

Sidney? Hello?

Uh-huh.

Are you saying Bruce never mentioned this?

You're his agent, his confidant,

for God's sakes. We're on the ledge on this one. He's got four days to clean himself up, and that's it.

I'll even personally pay for the trainer, how about that?

-You have got to be kidding.

-No, no, Dick. No, I'm not kidding, Dick, it is happening.

-'You tell me it's happening?'

-Afraid so.

-'It can't be.'

It is happening.

Afraid so.

GAGGING

What's that? What's that? Dick?

-'It's nothing.'

-That's nothing?

-'Finish your point.'

How much does he know, huh?

It's a bit sketchy, we all got lathered up.

Things might have been taken out of context.

'Tell me exactly what was said.'

You know how it goes, "Fuck you," "No, no, fuck you,"

and then it got worse.

Why not call me back after you talk to him? Let's do that.

Tell him he's gonna get fired and sued for all the money in his piggy bank?

I don't want to.

-You give him the bad news.

-'Dick, you're an agent.'

'Delivering bad news is part of the job description.'

'I can't do it. The messenger gets killed, you know that.'

I can't! I've been working with him for two years.

He's one of my most important clients, but he's very mercurial.

He can snap at any time.

-You're scared of him.

-I'm not scared of him.

I'm scared of all of them.

-Could you hold a sec?

-Sure.

GRUNTING

You OK? Dick, you OK?

-Maybe we should do this later. Yeah, let's do this later.

-It's a...

It's a... lt's a stomach disorder.

'It comes and it...goes.'

-You sure?

-'No, seriously, I'm fine, absolutely.'

'They cut me back on my antidepressants so I can get it up,'

'but the withdrawal makes my stomach clench.'

It sounds worse than it is.

-I even had to cut back Klonopin.

-When do you take that?

-Travel, whenever I pack.

-Whenever you pack?

Your client has got to give us some relief.

Let's figure out how we can solve this beard thing.

Well, to start, why don't we let him wear his fucking beard?

-'What is the big deal?'

-Oh, no, no, no. Hey, Dick, we're way past that now.

-Do you know the ramifications of what you're asking of me?

-'I do.'

HE GRUNTS AND GAGS

Jesus, man, you gotta get a hold of yourself.

You should talk to somebody about that stomach thing.

-'OK, I gotta go.'

-OK.

-'Bye now.'

-Bye.

VOICEMAIL: 'Hi, leave a message for Kelly, Sophie or Max.'

Kelly, it's Ben, just call me on my cell any time, any time. OK, bye.

# With silver hair, a ragged shirt and baggy pants

# The old soft shoe

# He jumped so high

# Jumped so high

# Then he lightly touched down... #

'Hi, leave a message for Kelly,'

'Sophie or Max.'

Kelly?

It's me, I'm on my cell, uh... I need to talk to you.

I'm having dinner with some money people tonight, but you're more important to me.

Call me on my cell as soon as you get this. Thank you.

# He looked at me to be the eyes of age... #

INDISTINCT

The money is already in the box.

-The money's in the box.

-Could you make the movie in 50 days?

No.

THEY TALK IN THEIR NATIVE TONGUE

-We're sitting there drinking with Stallone.

-Sly, Sly, Sly.

And Don Johnson is sitting three tables away from us.

-He'd be very good in this.

-Ah.

Could you excuse me for one moment?

-Where'd he get his money from?

-Dry cleaning.

He started by cleaning the wardrobes for the movie studios.

He charged them like 10 a suit, they paid.

Next time, he charged them 50 a suit, they paid.

Next time, he charged them 100 a suit, they paid.

He said, "I wanna be in the movie business, I understand these people."

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Kelly. Kelly, no, Kelly...

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Yes, Kelly.

-I'm so glad you called me back.

-So an actor more important than the mother of your children?

Of course I don't think he's as important as you.

-Ten times, you called.

-No, I didn't. I did not call you ten times today, I called you four times.

Well, what was so damn important? It couldn't be me.

Look, let me just find a quiet place and I'll tell you.

I'll tell you what's so important.

I just.. I just... I wanted to know, is anyone else other than you sleeping in our old bed?

What?!

You lost that privilege over two years ago.

Wait a second, I believe 30,000 a month entitles me to something. You know, I gotta be frank with you...

'Fuck you!'

I have never heard you say, "Fuck you", like that to me in front of the kids. What are you doing?

-The kids are sleeping, Ben.

-'OK, I'm all done.'

Can't we discuss this now?

-I'll come right over.

-'No.'

-Please?

-'No.'

-Please?

-'No.'

-Please?

-'No.'

-Please!

-'Ben, no.'

-Look, I'm hurting.

You're hurting?

-'Yeah, there, I've said it, I'm hurting.'

-You really are?

Yeah, yeah, I am, I am.

Dick, Dick, I need to talk to you. Yeah, I'm hurting.

Get some fucking help, Ben.

You're absolutely right, I know it's a very bad habit, I'm working on it, believe me.

'Look, can't we please discuss it now? Please?'

I have to go. I gotta go.

OK, all right, all right. I suppose it's not a good time.

Thanks for... Yeah, we'll speak soon.

Thanks for returning my call.

I'll have a Martin... I'll order two Martinis and have them both.

I could use it! I could use it.

-Let's order two Martinis, large.

-Hi.

-Did you tell him?

-Huh?

-Did you tell him?

-I eluded to it, yes.

-Alluded?

I meant allude.

I don't care what you meant, alluded or eluded?

-A-L-L-U-D-E-D.

-Yes, that's what I...

I hinted at it, I didn't elude.

A picture is about to get cancelled.

What does that mean, "alluded"?

I told him I have something important to discuss.

And you told him what it was about.

I...

A-B-O-U-T, "about"?

-Huh?

-Not yet.

-Not yet, OK.

Sorry for the intrusion.

-What's with the patch?

-Shingles.

My lid, occasionally it flutters, it's nothing.

I'm just glad it's not anything serious.

Hey, if I went blind, you'd celebrate.

Yeah, probably.

-I hope you know you're sitting with a great ex-agent.

-Yeah.

Just give me one more minute.

Excuse us. He has lots of time, he can sit at the bar.

OK.

How could you call him and not mention this?

There is a logic to these things. You met him, the man's an animal.

When I called him today, he hadn't eaten yet. That's the wrong time.

You gotta do this when there's an open window.

We don't have that many windows left. When is the next window?

-After AA would be an open window.

-And when is that?

-Two days.

-That's no good. What's tomorrow morning?

Analysis, he'll be nuts for at least three hours after that.

You don't wanna mention lawsuit or beard after psychotherapy.

-Listen to me, I don't care. Find a window tomorrow, that's it!

-HE GAGS

I know what you think this looks like, but it's not.

Johnny did not send me here to make you happy.

I wanted to meet you on my own.

I know everything you've done, I know who you are, and I'm not just some silly girl in tight clothes.

I went to Stanford.

That's a good school.

I just want to get to know you.

Me?

-What's your name?

-Laura.

-Laura.

I respect you.

And your movies.

And I know if I don't take this chance now,

no matter how aggressive it might seem,

my chance will never come up again.

That's so flattering.

I mean, I guess if I were a tailor, you'd still be doing this, am I right?

Funny person.

And I want you to know

that there's nothing

I wouldn't do

for a chance to see you on my own,

with no strings attached.

Unless you want to do something now.

Now?

TOILET FLUSHES

Well, why don't you just call me, then?

Try not to get that wet.

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

DIALLING TONE

'Hi, leave a message for Kelly, Sophie or Max.'

ALARM CLOCK HARP MUSIC PLAYS

ALARM CLOCK HARP MUSIC PLAYS

ALARM CLOCK HARP MUSIC STOPS

Inhale.

Move forward to upward dog.

Exhale to downward dog. Take a five deep breaths.

I can't stay for breakfast, I have three scripts to read.

Hmm.

Mmm.

You want to kiss them one more time?

You don't remember a thing, do you?

I remember offering you a two-picture deal.

-That was before we took ecstasy.

-Uh-huh.

I've got to go.

I dig older guys.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello.

-'Ben, Sid's office sent an e-mail...'

-I'm not here.

'Shit. I hate that thing.'

'Err, be-de-be-ber. Sid wants the Bruce/beard situation handled before the lunch.

'Hey, just got an e-mail, Vanity Fair wants you, 30 most powerful producers, for their power issue.

'How about that?'

'Sid's office called again. I'll just read you the quote.

'"I want the beard situation resolved before the fucking lunch."

'End quote.

Can you call Sid's office and just tell them I'm trying to resolve this crazy beard thing.

I'll talk to him at lunch.

I'm so sorry, Mr Voss's office just called, and he simply can't make the lunch.

They sent over this note...to you.

I forgot my reading glasses in the car. Could you read it to me, please?

Oh, of course.

"Dear Ben. Don't think for a second having lunch was going to change a fucking...

"thing...

"unless that fucking beard goes, then we fucking...

"shut the, er... whole fucking movie down."

Betty, tell Sid I tried to get Bruce three times, I can't get him on the phone.

I've got a crew of 200 standing by. We start shooting on Friday.

-'We don't have much time.'

-I know I'm running out of time, I don't know what to do.

-'Well, you've got to make it happen.'

-Fine, fine.

-Ben, I've got Kelly holding on 2.

-Err, OK.

Jeremy's on 3, he says it's urgent.

OK.

-'Ben?'

-Kelly, hold on, hold on...

-'Ben, it's...'

-Jeremy, talk to me.

'You'd better like it, baby.'

-Jeremy.

-'Get here, now! Jesus.'

I'm coming, I'm coming. I'm coming.

-Kelly.

-Ah. Oh.

Hi. Kelly? Kelly?

Kelly?

What's up?

Afternoon.

Do I look happy?

-Enough to scare me.

-Ha ha ha.

-You like it?

It's good, I know.

It's the feather that gets me there, you know what I mean? It's like me, Tonto, the studio, the Lone Ranger.

I mean, I'm not going to fight a battle I can't win.

Fucking waste of time, really, it makes no sense.

Jeremy, sometimes it takes more guts to concede.

Have a seat. Come on.

Got about ten minutes out of this altogether, just by shaking the box.

And here comes the dreaded ending.

Like the music? The way it contradicts the violence, they'll love that.

Here we go.

Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.

-See?

-Yeah.

-No dog.

Ah, dog not shot.

Runs to master, to comfort him.

Oh, that's... That's great.

Yeah!

Brilliant. Wow.

Brilliant. Wow.

-Not bad, eh?

-Not bad.

Lou will come in her pants.

-Panties.

-Pants, actually.

Point taken. I don't know, Jeremy, I don't know.

How did... How did you figure?

It's just the outtakes, we had about ten of them. Do you remember?

We could never keep that bloody dog under control. Lovely though he was.

I mean, it was like he loved Sean.

He was always licking his face.

-It's brilliant.

-And there you have it, quite simple, really.

-Brilliant.

-Thank you.

It certainly... it changes the tone of the movie...

I know what you're going to say. It won't mean nothing no more, but the truth of it is, we can

take comfort from the fact we're not going to offend.

Jeremy, I don't get it. This isn't you talking.

It's me, isn't it?

-I mean, how did you get there?

-How did I do it?

There we go. Oh, Christ. I'll grab them later.

Those are Placidil, and you're meant to take it three times a day.

You could watch your old mum get gang raped in

broad daylight and still appreciate the weather, you know what I mean?

Apparently the stuff works. I've got to call Lou.

Hello.

Judy. Hello, Judy.

Is Lou there?

-Yes, Ben.

-'Lou, Lou, Jeremy has done it.

'Really done it. I think we've licked this bastard.'

-I knew you'd make this work.

-We ham-and-egged it, we're a good team.

Not that I doubt you, but when can I see it?

-You can see it whenever you want.

-'Tell Jeremy I'll be by with the guys around two.'

OK, OK, I'll tell him.

She'll be by this afternoon with the creative team.

Pick out your tux and leisurewear, because we're going to be heading for Cannes.

Where can I kiss you? Where?

Name the location. Where?

Thank you, Ben. It's nice to see you happy, mate.

-Jeremy, I'm so relieved.

-Me too.

All right.

Keep up the good work.

Will do, man, absolutely.

-Happy?

-Yeah.

No. Dick, Dick, you have to face this thing now.

You've got to tell Bruce he's got to get rid of that fucking beard, do you understand?

Now, not tomorrow, now, right away.

You've got to tell Bruce now.

I can't afford to lose this movie, Dick.

-Get back to me.

-I thought the goal here wasn't to get us back together,

but to help us feel better about being apart, by moving on gracefully.

-We share two kids.

-That's exactly right.

This is an exercise to help couples separate with love and affection instead of acrimony.

It's not about trying to control the other person's behaviour.

-OK.

-Let's start again.

Is there anything you can think of that you've done to Kelly while you

were married that you wish you didn't?

Well... That question feels so vague, I don't know.

OK, here's an example.

When you were married, did you ever lie about your whereabouts with other women?

No. Well, there was...

Yeah, there was one time, when we were married, when I did think of seeing...

Ann.

-Really?

-Mmm-hmm.

-And did you?

-No. Not... No. I mean...

Yes, I... I...but nothing happened.

I just...

I guess I wanted to, but...

You know, I think I know what you mean, I'm starting to feel a little better already.

Is that everything on this matter?

-Just... Just about.

-Not true.

The complete truth will set you free, Ben.

Well... There was...

There was one time,

I was at a party with...

I was at a party once with Ann.

-Where?

-Mmm?

-Where?

-In the bathroom.

-You fucker.

That's very good, Ben.

Kelly, it's not for you to judge, this is just a start.

We're running a little short on time, so let's give Kelly a chance, and next week, we'll dig deeper.

-Are you ready, Kelly?

-Yeah.

Did you ever use your kids as ammunition against Ben?

No.

-Did you ever have an affair while you were married?

-Absolutely not.

OK, then. Is that all?

Well, there was...

Alan's son's bar mitzvah, I kissed Alan on the mouth in the master bathroom.

-You kissed him on the mouth?

-Oh...

-It was nothing.

-Alan on the...

-What about Sheila?

-Oh, please.

-Your friend.

-Please, that's all that happened. Nothing.

-That's very good.

I must admit, though,

I thought about it, actually.

That's very good.

What about... I mean...

I mean... Why don't we talk... Aren't we going to talk about what we're doing to each other now?

-Why don't we talk about what we're doing to each other now?

-What?

Why don't we talk about what we're doing to each other now?

What? You didn't want to talk about now before.

No. Now.

You know what. Now.

Yeah, but now, before, wasn't OK. Why is now now OK?

I have no problem with now, you have a problem with now.

-That's not why we're here.

-That's why...

Doctor, is this some classic case of avoidance?

I'm sorry, but we're going to have to table this discussion until next time.

What you guys are doing takes guts, but it is going to work.

I congratulate both of you.

You'll see. As we dig deeper and deeper, you're going to feel so good

about being apart, that you're never going to want to get back together.

But... I'm just.... Why.... Can't we just talk about the now for a minute, like, what she's doing.

-We're out of time.

-What we're doing to each other now.

-She said no.

-Why can't we talk about it?

-Our time is up.

-I know the time is up, but we're paying enough money, we can't stay two more minutes?

-Will you, please. Thank you very much. Thank you.

-You're welcome.

Thanks. Let's go. Let's go.

PHONE RINGS

Thank you.

ANSWERPHONE BLEEPS 'Hey, I've tried Dick's office

'and they say that they're gonna try and track him down. They'll get back to us in 10 or 15.'

BLEEP 'Nobody seems to know where Dick is. Should I call Bruce's office?'

BLEEP 'I tried Bruce's office. He told them to tell me to tell you to fuck off.

'So I don't know where should I go?'

'Ben, Sidney Voss just called. Sidney Voss called personally.

'Not his office. He was screaming.'

You know how important this fucking movie is to me?

I got alimony, I got child support, I can't afford to lose this movie.

I'm fucking drowning. I gotta find...

-Huh?

-You talk to Bruce?

-Yes.

-Let me finish this and we'll discuss it at length.

-I've got to know.

-I'm done in 5, 10 minutes. I'm trying to relax.

-I have been driving around.

-You should have one.

-I don't need one.

The feet are connected to the soul.

I gotta know. I gotta know.

I'll be done in 5, 10 minutes. I'm trying to relax.

-You should have one.

-Five minutes?

-Five minutes.

Oh, that's good.

No, no, no, no. I'm waiting for him. I'm waiting for him, I'm just...

PHONE RINGS

Oh! Excuse me.

Yeah?

Dick, enough, enough!

What's happening? Did you tell him he has to shave or not?

-Did you tell him the consequence would be?

-'Yes.'

-What'd he say?

'He told me that he hopes I contract pancreatic cancer and die a slow, withering death.'

He's a beauty. What did he say after he calmed down?

-'He said, "You gutless little turd.'

-Then what did he say?

You're fired.

Oh, wow! Terrible, terrible. I mean...

'My biggest client. My biggest paying client,

-the one responsible for my mortgage, hung up the phone.

-Oh, man.

I'm sorry. You are strong, I don't know how you do it. I admire you.

Did he say anything else about the movie, the beard, the weight, anything...

-Can't you once let this moment be about me?

-It's about you.

-Just once!

-It's about you, I forgot.

My moment, not yours. Mine.

I lost him. I lost my biggest fucking client.

'The man I made. He fires me.

'He hangs up. The man responsible for my whole mortgage...'

Hang on, hang on, I'll be right back...

-'I am not... Where you going?'

-Be right back.

-Where you going?

-'I'll be right back.'

I'm gonna just go outside for a second, all right?

Relax.

-Ben, what are you doing?

-I thought I saw something.

ORGAN PLAYS "Every Breath You Take" by The Police

-Hi, Zoe, what are you doing here.

-Oh, God.

It's a terrible, terrible thing.

Yeah, it's the worst.

I didn't know you knew him. I didn't know you knew Jack.

-You knew him?

-Yeah, I knew him.

-How?

-Well, it's really not the time.

Is that tie Jack's?

For God's sakes. It's 10am, you should be at school.

There's something important I want to talk about. We'll talk later.

-No, let's do it now, let's get it over with. Do it now.

-No, no, no.

-Why? I'm ready.

-We'll do it after the service.

I mean, when did you...?

When did you and Jack have time to know each other?

Does that matter now?

Honey, I know, I know. But was there any...intimacy?

Really, what's the difference?

I mean, does that really matter now?

It makes a big difference. He blew his brains out.

I'm sorry, that was harsh but...

I mean, I don't know, an agent.

He was wonderful. He taught me so much about me.

He took drugs.

He touched me.

Where?

Hmm?

Everywhere.

You're a kid.

Hey, Ben. Como estas, amigo?

Nice crowd. Jack's never been so hot.

Believe me, most of Colombia's grieving.

If I only had one tenth of Jack's pussy.

One tenth. Where'd he find them? High school?

So young. So full of shit.

Few people knew and truly understood Jack as well as this man.

Morning.

Oh, my God, he looks even thicker and hairier than he did yesterday.

So young, so final.

Jack Gregory Levine McDonagh,

not just an agent.

I see so many people out here

that I would rather be eulogising today than Jack.

When a life gets cut short, we all feel saddened.

But when it had the promise that Jack exhibited in an

industry that...let's face it, is often known for mercilessly devouring and punishing its own.

But Jack transcended his competition.

I have never seen so many agents from other agencies attend a funeral for one of their most wicked competitors.

I'll be honest, my first reaction was to assume that most of you were here to steal Jack's important clients

while they were still in a weakened condition,

rather than pay your respects.

You know that stuff you take when you have to pack? You know, er...

-Klonopin.

-lf I could have one.

I...see true respect and love here.

Everybody knows this is a tough town.

Hunter S Thompson once said to me,

"Bruce, my boy,

"the movie business is a cruel and shallow money trench,

"where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs."

And then he added, "There's also a negative side."

Tomorrow at four, he shaves that fucking beard or the fucking picture goes down.

When the feared studio head died,

the turnout at that funeral was massive.

And Billy Wilder was asked, "Why did so many people show up for such a hated man?"

And Mr Wilder said, "lt's that old showbiz adage...

"Give the audience what they want and they'll come."

LAUGHTER

Hey, Ben. Ben.

-Hey.

-Scott.

I think if we talk, you know..

-Terms?

-Yeah.

-Oh, are we negotiating?

-No, we'll save that for later.

You wanna negotiate?

Later, you wanna talk about my ex-wife later?

No. What are you...?

-Later?

-What do you mean?

-You sleep in my ex-fucking-bed

with my ex-fucking-wife in my ex-fucking-house, and you wanna negotiate?!

-No, no, no!

-And I don't care?

-No!

-What's wrong with you, you little shitbag?!

All you'll be able to do is write tampon jingles, you hear me, fuckface?!

Tampon jingles, you fucking hack!

Are you all right?

-Sure.

-For a minute, I thought you were...

What?

Nothing. Anyway, so...

remember that florist movie?

There's a star attached now, and, frankly, I would much rather have you produce it than Leonard.

?o, no. Who do you think I am?

I don't understand, you wanna throw this opportunity my way? Why?

Well, my agent thought it would be good business.

You're the guy who could get money and run interference on this one.

-Frankly, I agree.

-Out of the question.

-Why?

-Why? Well, I believe...there's a couple of things that you and I would need to sort out first.

Sure, like what?

Like you're seeing my ex-wife.

-Ben, you've been divorced for a year and a half.

-It doesn't matter.

But you almost married somebody else six months ago.

So what? lt's not right, it doesn't feel right, it's wrong.

I mean, Scott, for God's sakes, you're married.

What difference does that make?

I'm not happy.

Not happy!

Is this a feeling that you're unfamiliar with?

I'm gonna have to think about this.

Fine.

Uh... Oh, by the way, who's the actor in the florist movie?

-Brad Pitt.

-He's in?

-100%.

Brad Pitt as a florist, he'd be good.

-Sure would.

-I already have a couple of thoughts.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, one last custom before we leave this place.

I want to invite all of you after the family to come forward and to lay

a blanket of soil over Jack's casket, that every one of us should lay him to rest in peace.

And after that we'll sing, I'll chant a prayer.

I wouldn't stand there if I was you.

lt couldn't be helped.

Look, I'm certain we're both making more out of this than is necessary.

I told you, the answer's no.

"No" means the picture is as dead as Jack. That's not good for you or me.

We'll see.

Look...you're just a producer.

You're just the fucking mayonnaise in a bad sandwich.

They're gonna crush your nuts.

Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen.

We'll see.

Get the fuck away from me, will you?

I'd hate to have to fucking beat you to death right here.

HE SINGS IN HEBREW

-Oh! Oh!

-He just hit him!

-Dick! Dick!

Dick!

Here's what happened.