Quartet

This film contains some strong language.

STAFF SPEAK IN OWN LANGUAGE

WOMAN PLAYS PIANO

Thank you, ladies. Octavia's usual spot.

-There we go. Is that OK for you?

-Yes.

GARGLING

MUSIC: Brindisi by Giuseppe Verdi

# Oh, ooohhhhhhhh! #

# La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-lah, lah... #

HE STARTS WHISTLING "BRINDISI"

# Godiamo, la tazza, la tazza e il cantico

# La notte abbella e il riso... #

CELLO TUNING

HE PLAYS JAZZY PIECE ON CLARINET

HE SIGHS

#... in questo, in questo paradiso

# Ne scopra il nuovo di

# Ah! Ah! Ne scopra il di

# Ah! Ah! Ne scopra il di

-# Ahhhh

-Ne scopra il di, ne scopra il nuovo

-# Diiii!

-Siiii! #

Nowhere near where you should be, Bobby.

Give me the score, will you?

Wilf, the gala's only a month away.

I couldn't work out what you were doing.

Can we take it from the top, please?

SHE PLAYS INTRO ON PIANO

# Ah, si, godiamo, godiamo, godiamo

# La tazza e il cantico... #

You're...

Bobby, you're going too fast for me.

I'm sorry, Cedric.

-It's "Cee-dric".

-Oh, Cee-dric.

Could you give me the intro again, please?

SHE PLAYS INTRO AGAIN

-# Ah, si, godiamo... #

-LAUGHTER

You did it again! I'm on fire here and you're holding me back!

Be quiet! You find this amusing. I don't!

It won't be amusing if they shut this place down.

# Ah, si, godiamo, godiamo, godiamo, la tazza e il cantico... #

Thank you, Nigel. You are so kind to do that, thank you.

Now stop, please.

-# Godiamo... #

-The man said thank you. That's it.

Is there no end to your bloody talent?

Cissy! Please...pay...attention.

-Ready.

-You must listen.

Never bother with him, Cissy. He's a bully.

Now, Lottie, in bars 17, 18 and 19, you were deeply flat.

No, I don't think I was. I think the piano needs tuning.

Anne, darling, would you mind singing it for us?

I don't do chorus, Cedric. I never have.

I achieved immediate international success at the Royal Opera

when I was only 21 years old.

Cedric, we should have been using this room five minutes ago.

Oh, yeah. The space is entirely yours, gentlemen.

The rehearsals are over.

Come along, Bobby. Come on. Hurry up.

# Ahhh, la-la

# Dee-dee-dee, dee-dee-dee

# Da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, da-da, dee-dee-dee

# Dee-dee

# Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

# Ah-ah-ahhhh

# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-ohhhh

# Ohhhh. #

Beautiful.

APPLAUSE

LAUGHTER

You're making a fool of my part.

INSTRUMENTALISTS PRACTISE

Reggie, it's empty. You can't save seats, Reg.

He's not coming.

-Wilf - he's not coming.

-Why now?

You seem to think that you own the thing.

-We've been sitting at this table since I first came here.

-Yes.

-That's precisely the point.

-It's not fair, Reggie.

We want the window sometimes, don't we?

Yes. If this place has to shut down in six months,

which it very well might,

then I want to try and remember I once had a fucking window seat.

Excuse me, please.

You can't deny it, Wilf,

you soloists would be lost without us.

Say that once more,

and I swear I'll ram a fork up your jacksy, Harry.

-He's right, Wilf.

-Anybody got a fork?

-And you know he is.

-Make that two forks.

Ah, merci, Angelique. Have you done something new with your hair?

-No, I just put my fringe in front.

-Oh, I love your fringe in front.

I give you extra slice of fried bread this morning.

-I noticed.

-And your favourite, apricot jam.

Oh. Magnifique, Angelique.

Fancy vous a little rumpy-pumpy ce soir?

Qu'est-ce que c'est, "rumpy-pumpy"?

Oh, secrets of the marriage bed,

you'll have to answer my proposal at once.

-Bon appetit.

-Cissy? Cissy!

Ready.

-Remember the emergency meeting, 12:15.

-Cedric. Cedric.

-Breakfast time.

-This is critical.

CEDRIC TAPS HIS GLASS

All members of the gala committee, please note,

we have a serious problem with our star tenor, Frank White.

As such, there's an emergency meeting at 12 noon - precisely.

Reggie, don't forget to remind me.

I'll set my watch.

Hey, what's this? Look.

-Didn't you say today was the day, Reg?

-What's today?

Tadek setting off to fetch the new arrival.

There's to be a new arrival?

Cissy, we've talked about it for days.

-You, too.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Who is it?

-They'd only send the van for a star.

-Mm-hm.

When I came, I had to pay for me own taxi.

They sent a private car with a chauffeur for me.

This is a replacement for Leonard Timms.

He was a real dear friend of mine.

I'm really going to miss him terribly.

He was a genius, you know.

-He could fart at will.

-Wilf, we're having breakfast.

-I'm not kidding.

-But don't let that stop you.

I swear it's true. I saw it with my own eyes.

He got down on all fours and went into a meditative state.

And when he was ready,

he could exhale and inhale through his anal canal.

-I suppose that's the stroke talking.

-I suppose it must be.

Hey, Cissy, do you think I could replace Nobby

for a quick one in the long grass?

You have the nicest tits I've ever seen in my life.

Thank you.

Reg, you've got to try this jam. It is unbelievable.

It's like eating Christmas.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

CASE CLANKS, SHE GASPS

Be careful with that one.

It's fragile.

I come back for the trunk. And for you.

I...I...I apologise.

Please be kind.

We were different people then.

Be kind. Be kind.

I can't do this. I can't. Stop. Stop.

-You say to me something?

-What did you say?

-Why are we stopping?

-We...We are not.

-We're on the way.

-Right.

-Should I call Dr Cogan?

-No. No, thank you.

These hydrangeas are beautiful. Do you like them, Marta?

Yes, I do, but I would never put on my table.

Well, well, well, this is new.

I've never seen you arranging flowers before, Dr Cogan.

Really, Wilf? Haven't you noticed

we've cut down on staff in the past few months?

And is this for the new arrival? Is it? Or is that a secret?

Is it, Marta?

Is that a new skirt you're wearing, Dr Cogan?

It clings beautifully to you.

And how it accentuates your already beautiful legs.

My goodness. What do you think of that, Marta?

I don't talk such things.

You're overstepping the line, Wilf. Go for your walk.

I would love to, if only you would come with me.

Go for your walk.

May I?

I wonder if you could help me. I can never do this without my glasses.

I can't see a thing.

You don't have a buttonhole, Wilf.

Well, there you go.

You know, I could propose to you,

but this is as close to kneeling as I get.

Go for your walk.

Sure. Would you like to join me, Marta?

I don't do such things.

He's a very naughty boy, Marta.

He could be your father or your grandfather.

Like that. OK? Swing it close to the ground.

That's it. That's it. Like a pendulum. Just like this.

When you're finished being a croquet expert, Nigel,

I have a pound says I'll kick your arse.

Ah, the way you play, you probably will.

You forget - I saw your Barber Of Seville,

and your singing brought tears to my ears.

Saw you in Carmen - I'll never forget it, but I'll try.

THEY CHUCKLE

CLARINET PLAYS, THEN STUTTERS

CLARINET RESUMES

-Morning, Nobby.

-Ah, morning, Mr Bond.

-Simon, what's up?

-All good, mate.

Oh, by the way, Nobby,

if you get a chance, I could use another one of the usual.

-Do you need any money?

-No, it's all right.

Look, I've got some change from last time.

I'll stick it in the usual place.

Oh, and watch it, Cissy Robson's been looking for you all morning.

Can't think why. I'm the most attractive man in the place.

MUSIC: La Donna e Mobile by Giuseppe Verdi

I read somewhere that the average man

thinks of sex every seven seconds.

Do you?

I wish it was only every seven seconds.

Do you know, the first time I set eyes on her,

I thought she was the most beautiful, sexiest creature

I'd ever clapped my eyes on.

-ALARM BUZZES

-Oh.

Oh, Cissy - Cissy, my love,

can you imagine the passionate love we might have made?

But it's not too late.

We can still dive beneath the blankets

and cuddle till the end of time.

-What do you say to that, sweetie?

-Ready.

Why are you laughing?

You'll never guess what I've been listening to. Our Rigoletto.

We are so lovely...

-Uh, Cissy, the gala committee.

-Oh...

This was the last time we sang it. Remember, Reggie?

-Why have they reissued it?

-I don't know.

I remember the recording session, the production, everything,

like it was yesterday,

and yet I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning.

-Apricot jam.

-"Rigoletto - Horton and Paget".

You'll notice my name isn't there, of course.

I should've been top of the bill - I had the named part.

Still, I made a living from it, which was all I really wanted.

I'm not like you, you see, Reggie - you're an artist, I'm an artisan.

Where's my bag? I can't find my bag. Where is it?

Oh. Thank you, Reggie.

And you're safe back from Karachi, and I'm so glad.

Oh...

Why Karachi?

Well, her father was Indian army.

-Do you think she's getting worse, Reg?

-Yes.

# I'm born famous, I'm sorta known

-# If your son doesn't...

-# If your...

-# Son doesn't, I bet your... #

-# I bet your daughter knows. #

Boom, boom, chh!

Reg, you might as well get used to it - rap's here to stay.

Oh, I don't think it is.

That's what you said about The Beatles.

-Well, it isn't music.

-They think it is.

-Who?

-The kids you're talking to.

# That's what we mean

# When we say that a thing

# Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring

# Tra, la-la-la-la-la Tra, la-la-la-la-la

# The flowers that bloom in the spring

# Tra, la-la-la-la Tra, la-la-la-la

-# Tra, la-la-la, la-la. #

-That's better. That was good.

Now this is a bloody disaster! Really!

Come in, Cissy.

-Who? What?

-Cissy.

-You're late.

-Sorry. I said I was sorry.

Sit down.

Frank White has just pulled out. He doesn't feel up to the gala.

It's even in the local paper.

-He's not well.

-Darling, Frank White!

Oh, he's such a lovely man.

This is a disaster.

Because he's pulled out, ticket sales have already fallen by 60%.

The givers aren't giving.

If we can't make the gala into the hottest ticket in town,

this house could collapse about our ears.

Oh! We could lose it!

We have to find a replacement for Frank immediately.

Who was it who said, "Old age is not for sissies"?

I always remember that, you know,

because it's my name... and "sissies".

Cissy, if you must speak, please raise your hand.

Now, where was I?

"This is a disaster."

Of course. Yes, it is a disaster. Yes? What?

-She's raising her hand.

-What?

Bette Davis. Bette Davis.

She said, she said, "Old age is not for sissies".

PIANO PLAYS

-Silenzio!

-# Tra, la-la-la-la

-# Tra, la-la-la-la... #

-Silenzio!

Shut it! You will choose a different song immediately.

I'll have no "tra-la-la" at my gala! None of it!

What about Reggie? La Donna e Mobile.

I just had a brilliant idea -

to ask Reggie if he'll sing La Donna e Mobile.

Oh...yeah, what?

Reggie's a bit funny about La Donna e Mobile.

Your job is to ask him.

Please put your hand/arm down.

-He won't do it.

-That was my idea.

Yes, it was.

Look.

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, my.

- Excuse me, love. - Oh.

Here.

DOOR CLOSES

Most of our residents are on the floor upstairs.

This is Sir Thomas Beecham.

He was one of Britain's greatest conductors.

Yes. I know who he was.

He inherited a fortune. His grandfather made laxatives.

Naming a nursing home after him is frighteningly apt.

Um...these flowers are here to welcome you.

I'll have them sent up to your room.

We're very lucky to have you here.

Your room is as large as Anne Langley's.

Oh, God, is she here?

It's a beautiful suite in what we call the B Wing.

Well, it sounds like a prison.

The service lift is currently being repaired,

but we have the chairlift, which will be much easier for you.

Chairlift? What do I do when I get to the top, ski down?

APPLAUSE

Brava!

Brava! Brava!

Brava! Brava!

Oh.

-Brava!

-Oh, how very kind.

Oh...

Brava!

Yeah, we could always do the Barber -

you, Cissy and me.

For the gala.

-Oh. You moved your ball.

-That's unthinkable! How dare you!

I just saw you move it. With your foot.

Uh, Wilf, uh, she's married.

She gave me a look.

-Your shot.

-Thank you, Wilf.

You're never going to get it from there, anyway.

Oh, you watch me.

Told you.

I always wanted to sing Wagner - Tristan. Never came my way.

Wilf, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

-Wagner!

-There are people watching.

The British should stick to British composers

like Rossini, Donizetti, Verdi.

Boys! Boys! Boys!

I know who it is.

I saw her. I saw her!

George was right - it is a star.

But you'll never, never guess who it is.

-Never.

-Well, tell us.

Don't keep us in suspense for eternity.

No, you won't believe it.

As large as life and twice as terrifying.

Um...oh, it's gone. Um...uh...

Think, Cissy. Think.

-Soprano, beginning with G.

-Mary Garden.

-No, no, no, no.

-Rita Gorr?

-Galli-Curci.

-No! No! Oh, God!

Gilda.

-Gilda?

-Our Gilda.

-Rigoletto?

-Yes.

-Jean Horton?

-Yes.

Jean Horton. Yes.

Oh, my darling.

Steady, Reg.

Excuse me, Dr Cogan.

That's why you've kept it such a secret.

You didn't want me to know.

-You mean Jean Horton?

-I should have been consulted.

She was such a huge star...

I should have been consulted.

Well, she didn't want media attention...

She didn't want? Nothing changes! What about what I didn't want?!

-It had nothing to do with you, Reggie.

-Obviously not!

I mean, it was simply at her request.

She did know that I live here?

She DID know that I live here?

Reggie, I'm sure she's going to be amicable...

With great respect, Dr Cogan, you don't know her.

You don't know her.

I wanted a dignified senility.

Fat chance, now she's here.

I'll have to find somewhere else to live.

Sod it.

Don't you have one of your talks tomorrow, Reggie?

-What?

-Your talk, with the children, tomorrow.

Oh, God.

Uh...excuse me.

# Ahhhh... #

Why don't they have tenors like Jon Vickers anymore?

They just don't exist.

And Freni was such a wonderful Desdemona.

Oh, I loved singing that role.

It was so easy for me.

Poor thing. She's having such a hard time.

-Cissy, canasta! You've won!

-I win! I win!

-You cheated

-Nonsense.

-How dare you.

-Any of you seen...?

Who is that smoking?

-George and Harry.

-Nobody, nothing.

I don't know how many times I have told you, smoking kills.

-Put those out.

-What?

-Drop them on the floor, please.

-Thank you.

-Oh, for goodness' sake.

Give them a break. George is 78, Harry's 82.

Suppose they were to stop smoking -

how much longer are they going to live? A week?

It would probably rain that week, anyway.

-You are a bad influence, Wilfred.

-I think so.

-Have you seen Reginald?

-He went to bed early.

Don't worry about him. He's as tough as a monkey's tit, our Reggie.

I think we should worry more about Jean Horton.

Ms Horton?

-Are you all right?

-Yes.

Isn't it a lovely room?

Well, you've had a very long day. You might want to retire early.

Yes, I've not yet entered second childhood,

so please don't talk to me as though I have.

Just leave me be. And I'll take my meals in my room.

Uh...we don't usually serve the residents in their rooms.

I presume you do when the residents are unwell. I am unwell.

Well, I...I hope you feel better soon.

CELLO PLAYS

# So, please, sir, we much regret If we have failed in etiquette

# Towards a man of rank so high We shall know better by and by

# But youth, of course, must have its fling

# So pardon us, so pardon us

# And don't, in girlhood's happy spring

# Be hard on us, be hard on us... #

-Where do you want it, Nobby? Here?

-That's it, yeah.

# But youth, of course, must have its fling, so pardon us... #

# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. #

Yoo-hoo, Nobby! Hello, big boy.

-Morning, Ms Robson.

-I'm coming right down.

Good morning, Nobby!

# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. #

THEY CHUCKLE

Reggie?

MUSIC: Pass Out by Tinie Tempah

# You're the foundation I'm the cornerstone

# I'm born famous, I'm sorta known

# And if your son doesn't I bet your daughter knows... #

MUSIC: Toccata and Fugue In D Minor by Johann Sebastian Bach

-Oh.

-Excuse me.

This room is occupied, Wilf.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, and don't do your toes the same colour -

it's considered gauche.

No breeding.

Doctor, have you seen Reggie?

Yes. He's using the computer in my office.

Thanks.

-Morning.

-Good morning.

Oh.

You OK, Mr Bond?

Mr Bond, are you OK?

I'm...just a bit dizzy.

I'm fine. Fine.

Ooh.

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

Reg? You OK?

-Can I get you a coffee?

-I'm preparing my talk.

Anything?

Reg? Coffee?

Close the door behind you, please.

Yeah. OK.

# I said, bitch, listen up... #

KNOCK ON DOOR

Well, come in.

Jean?

It's me, Cissy.

Cicely Robson.

Oh! Yes, of course. Course it is. Yes, do come in.

Ah, lovely room. Bigger than mine.

-How nice to see you.

-You haven't unpacked yet.

I've been telling everyone you still look like a young girl.

Well, I don't feel it.

Look. Huh.

I'm on the waiting list for a new hip.

Oh, dear. Lovely jewels.

You look beautiful.

You haven't changed a bit.

Did they serve you breakfast in your room?

Of course.

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

Who are all those children?

It's probably Reggie giving one of his classes.

Yes, of course.

Reginald Paget's here, isn't he?

Yes.

Now, I'd like to ask if any of you have a favourite singer.

Don't be shy.

-Lady Gaga?

-Lady Ga-who?

LAUGHTER

I'm sorry. Lady Gaga. I don't know about Lady Gaga.

Anyone else? You? Do you like Lady Gaga?

Nah, Lady Gaga's pop.

I like hip-hop, period.

"Hip-hop, period"?

Is that the same as rap?

No, it's different, slightly.

-Would you mind telling me what rap is?

-Tell me what opera is.

No, yes, uh, well, yes, I will... I will eventually.

No, you tell me what rap is

and then I'll tell you what opera is.

How about you tell me what opera is

and then later on I'll tell you what rap is?

There you go. What can I do?

Uh, well, you know, originally,

it was people just like you went to the opera.

Casual clothes, they took food,

they took alcohol, they threw things.

Anyway, that was a long time ago

that rich people took over the world of opera

with their fancy dress,

and they took the soul out of it -

they made it something that it's not.

What is it? Uh, what is it?

Would you wait for me, Cissy, dear?

What? Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm so excited.

Even I... Even I...I've woken up with the black dog on my shoulder

from time to time, and it doesn't last for long.

You see, how could it?

Because everyone here looks after each other and...

Make up your mind, dear, please.

And there's so much to enjoy here - people coming and going,

-new faces, old friends, new hobbies.

-SALSA MUSIC PLAYS

What's that dreadful noise?

I'm meant to be in there.

Side to side, basic. Cissy, you're missing my class.

Come in, darling.

Forward and back.

Nice, hips, move those hips.

Side to side now. Shake it, ladies. Shake it.

This is not a retirement home, this is a madhouse.

God.

Hello.

Jean? Jean?

Birthday benefit gala, emergency, top secret.

-Jean?

-Didn't that used to be Bobby Swanson?

-Yes.

-Well, he didn't seem to recognise me.

Isn't that odd?

"Birthday benefit gala, emergency, top secret."

Oh, whose birthday? Mine isn't till January 6.

No, no, no. Not yours, darling, no. No, Verdi's birthday.

There's a benefit gala and we're all expected to perform.

-Wha...? Perform?

-Yes, we all do...what we do.

At our age? That's ridiculous.

No, it isn't. Everybody can do something.

Well, I'm not singing at Verdi's gala or anybody else's.

I don't sing anymore, and that is final.

Jean, I was listening to our Rigoletto this morning,

and we were all so good, but...

Jean, your Gilda, it was magnificent.

Yes, I know.

I know. I never took less than 12 curtain calls. Never.

Where is Reggie?

Um...I think he's round here.

Opera is when a guy is stabbed in the back,

instead of bleeding, he sings.

But it seems to me, after much research,

that rap is, when a guy is stabbed in the back,

instead of bleeding, he talks -

albeit rhythmically, even with feeling.

But because rap's spoken,

the feeling is sort of held in check, all on one note.

I think he's in here. This is the...

No, no, no, no. This is the little music room.

This is the little m...

He'll be in the big music room

because that's where they do all the big lectures, in here.

-Yes.

-No, Cissy, don't.

-He'll be thrilled to see you.

-Don't.

In opera, we sing what we're feeling,

and the song, the rise and fall of the music,

sets our emotions free.

If you ask me, I'd say to you that opera

is simply the outpouring of all the emotions

that all of us carry inside us.

Now, Joey, I think it's your turn.

Show him what you can do.

-Oh, he can actually do rap?

-He's really good.

-Come on.

-All right.

# Opera's where you sing your arse on stage

# Rap is where you're trying to get your arse paid

# You're talking horny but we get laid

# We can't help what we talk about

# We just talk and you sing it out

# Opera make you feel the pain too

# We wake up, we're 16 years old

# We look outside The sky stays cold

# See, there's pain in my heart

# And every day I wake up and it's damaged

# But opera, you sing it out loud

# Get stabbed in the back You seem to manage

# Everybody thinks that opera and rap

# Are two completely different things

# But it's just talking, for us

# And for you, it's just the way that you sing

# And everybody knows how we do it, Holmes

# Cos the sky... #

-Oh. I don't know - whatever, man...

-Fantastic.

APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING

Thank you, Joey. Now, uh, very good, it's going very well.

Don't go away.

Um, we're going to, uh...

Uh, yes, come in.

It's us.

Can I help you?

Where was I?

Rigoletto is, uh...

..one of Verdi's, uh, masterpieces.

It's about infidelity.

-No. No...

-Ah, Reggie, how'd the talk go?

Um...

Reggie?

HE HUMS BOCHERINI'S "MINUET IN E"

# You little beauty, yes... #

Jean, shall we just sit for a while?

I don't care what we do, really.

Oh! Nobby really ought to have a go at this pond.

-Ugh, it's filthy.

-Yes.

Here we are.

Oh! There's Olly.

Daisy! Daisy-Jo!

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!

Look at you!

Give me a hug! Mmmm!

-This is my friend, Jean.

-Hello, Jean.

Uh, which hand?

That one.

Yes!

Daisy! It's time to go home.

Off you go. Say goodbye.

-Goodbye, Cissy.

-Bye-bye, sweetheart.

-What's your name again?

-Jean.

Bye, Jean.

Bye.

Mm...

Must be lovely to have visitors, like family.

Will you, Jean, have visitors?

-The grounds are nice.

-Yes. Yes.

I'm not like you, Wilf - I positively liked getting old.

I think I can say that I made the transition

from opera singer to old fart with aplomb.

And then Jean arrives and shatters everything.

You know, I remember thinking about you when you got married.

She was always much more ambitious than you.

Of course she was.

She was more ambitious than everyone.

If I know anything about it...

-What can you know about it?

-I was your best man.

Yeah, of course you were.

But you were married to the same woman for 35 years.

Call me old-fashioned, Wilf,

but did she know you were unfaithful to her God knows how many times?

You say some very harsh things, Reg.

I think I'll have myself a widdle.

And you were right, you know - I do hate getting older.

I hate every bloody moment of it.

If it isn't piles, it's bloody prostate

or peeing five times a night, if you're lucky.

Ah! Ladies!

You may want to avert your gaze.

A wise man goes when he can, a fool goes when he must.

Look, here's Jean in all her glory.

Oh, Jean. You haven't changed a jot.

Didn't I tell you? Didn't I say she still looks like a young girl?

Reggie? Don't I get a kiss?

Reg?

I apologise for hurting you.

Please...be kind to me.

We were different people then.

There, I've...I've been rehearsing that all the past week.

He's upset because he wasn't warned you were coming.

I'm not upset.

Oh, Reg.

This is the first time we've seen each other

in God knows how many years.

97.

-GASPING:

-Is it really that long?

God. How time flies.

Oh...a joke!

BOBBY: Cissy!

Bobby, give us a clue, for God's sake.

Is it a book, a film, a play?

Cissy. The note?

I couldn't read your writing.

Meeting, now.

Oh, God. The emergency meeting.

-I wonder what that was all about.

-Where's Reg? Where's Reg?

Reg!

Reg?

Reggie?

Reg, are you in here?

BOOK CRASHES TO THE FLOOR

Oh. There you are.

What you doing there?

Leave me in peace, Jean.

God...oh, dear, I've walked miles to find you.

Leave me in peace.

Reggie?

Leave!

SHE SOBS

Can't ever remember you crying.

I don't remember you being religious.

I'm not. I was trying to avoid you.

I apologise for hurting you. Please be kind.

-We were different people then.

-No, you just said that, Jean.

You're repeating yourself.

Gosh.

Why do we have to get old?

That's what people do.

We have to come to some arrangement.

I don't want to talk about it. You're here. I'm here. Trapped.

So what are we going to do?

Grin and bear it.

What happened to forgive and forget?

This cologne...

Takes me back.

It takes me back to you, Reg.

HE COUGHS

MUSIC: Symphony 100 in G (Military) by Joseph Haydn

-It's flat.

-I know.

Are there any other pianos?

We will make sure you get a better one next time, all right?

Have a little go, see how you get on.

OK.

APPLAUSE

Esme.

-Thank you.

-Hello. My name's Isla Mathieson.

Hello. My name's Iona Mathieson.

-And we'll be playing...

-Go Tell Aunt Rhody.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: Go Tell Aunt Rhody

Would you like to go for a walk?

LIVELY STRINGS MUSIC PLAYS

Were you married four or five times?

I was only married twice.

After you.

Charlie Tripper.

He was a businessman.

Mixed pleasure with business rather too often.

And Edward...

-Fitzroy?

-Yeah.

Yeah. He wanted me to retire, have a family,

so that was the end of that.

-You never married again?

-No.

-Why not?

-Didn't want to.

When we did Boheme at the Met and you backed out,

was that because of me?

Yep.

-And Salzburg?

-Yep.

Oh.

What brought you here?

Um...actually, Wilf was ill.

He had a stroke, didn't he?

Yes - it was only a mild one, thankfully.

It's affected his, um...his frontal lobe

and he has trouble censoring himself.

Is that it?

Well, so he says.

So I came here to see how Wilf was getting on.

-And stayed.

-Mm.

I loved singing. But I like my life.

You can't have both. Can you?

-No.

-No.

No, you can't.

I have nothing.

Well, my clothes, bit of jewellery

and a hip that gives me hell.

-And here you are.

-Yeah, here I am.

On charity. God, it's embarrassing.

I wouldn't tell anyone.

I mean, the press have always been mean to me.

If they learned I'd landed up here, God, how they'd gloat.

Do the press still have any interest in you?

-Oh!

-Ow.

Piss off, Reg.

W... Bitch!

There she goes. See her?

Angelique. Bitch!

Cow! Sodding frog!

She won't give me marmalade at breakfast.

She gives me apricot jam.

-Oh. You hate apricot jam.

-Bitch!

-Skinny-arsed French twat.

-Shh.

Stop it, Reggie.

So, Jean, what made you stop singing?

-You mean for good?

-Yes, for good.

I just became so scared. Suddenly, the pressure was huge.

I became so aware of the critics,

and the importance of getting a good review,

that whatever you did had to be good, or, well, better than before.

And of course, it can't be.

I got so nervous, I just...

I just could not sing any more.

-I just...

-Here. You know this?

"Works of art are of an infinite loneliness,

"and nothing...

"..can reach them so little as criticism."

We weren't doing anything.

Neither were we.

# Underneath the arches... #

Can you find us somewhere?

# We dream our dreams away... #

Where is she - Cissy? Where is she?

-She will be here.

-Excuse me!

Are you planning to do this at the gala?

Certainly!

Well, I've changed my mind. I don't think it's sophisticated enough.

What do you mean it isn't sophisticated enough?

-Exactly what I say. What did I say?

-"It's not sophisticated enough."

-There you are.

-Well, we are going to do it.

# Underneath the arches... #

We started half an hour ago. You're late.

I had to get my bag.

Have you asked Reggie to sing La Donna e Mobile?

-God. No, I forgot.

-Good. Don't.

I have a brilliant idea!

What is it?

Oh, I've forgotten it. Um...er... You remember it. What was that?

-You haven't said it yet.

-I told you this morning.

-No, you didn't.

-I told you at breakfast!

-You didn't.

-And you. I've told you.

You were sitting outside with us. What is it? You must know...

Oh, for God's sake, you cretins.

I'll find it eventually. Go and find Wilf. Go on.

Now, where was I?

Who?

WILF!

MUSIC: Tit-Willow by WS Gilbert and A Sullivan

The reason I've asked you here

is because I've had a brilliant idea.

Excuse me while I shut out Tit-Willow, Cedric.

"Cee-dric". A brilliant idea.

Terrific. I can explain to you now.

I'm sorry, I missed that last bit, Cedric.

-"Cee-dric".

-Oh, Cee-dric. Of course, of course.

Now that Jean is here and the four of you are together again,

I put it to you that you should perform at the gala

the quartet from Rigoletto.

That's amazing! I've...I've just been listening to us.

-The Rigoletto.

-Think of the publicity!

The Times, The Telegraph, Opera Magazine.

We have four of the finest singers in English operatic history.

We already know the bloody thing. We'd hardly have to rehearse.

-But Jean won't sing it.

-Put your hand up.

-Put your hand up?

-Oh, but you must change her mind.

She's a huge draw.

Don't you put your hand up for anyone.

It would be as if Maria Callas were making a comeback.

I don't think I want to sing with Jean again.

Why not?

-They were married once, but it didn't work out.

-Cissy, please.

I don't want to. It wouldn't be right.

Well, it's a shame.

I can't count the number of galas you have graced over the years

with your incomparable voice - and I mean that sincerely.

I don't think you realise it, Reggie,

but people still talk about your Celeste Aida four years ago

and your Ave Maria two years ago.

For what it's worth,

when I heard you sing Nessun Dorma at the gala last year,

all I thought was, "Eat your heart out, Pavarotti."

Reggie, I know you don't think much of me, but with this one concert,

we could get enough money to keep this place going

for the rest of the year.

-Or possibly even the next.

-It's true.

You could help save Beecham House, Reginald.

But I have an important meeting now. Do excuse me.

# Tit-willow... #

Oh, shut up! For f... sakes, shut up!

And you could persuade Jean to sing.

It's only one gala, Reggie.

Why don't the three of us ask her out to dinner?

-Well done, Reggie.

-Oh, Reggie!

-Thank you.

-Excellent.

No, I'll, uh...I'll write her a little note, Cissy,

and perhaps you'll be good enough to deliver it.

Yes.

Sorry.

-Just two favours.

-Exactly what do you propose?

The Swan restaurant. Just the four of us - Cissy, Reggie and me.

If we could convince Jean to sing at the gala,

we're talking serious money here.

I mean, even Cedric reckons we could charge Covent Garden prices.

In by 10:30. No later.

-12:30.

-No.

-You sure?

-Yes.

What kind of cigarettes is it you smoke again?

-12:30. No later.

-Done, Lucy.

-Please call me Dr Cogan.

-Done, Dr Cogan.

Why is it, Wilfred, I always get the impression you're up to no good?

Because I'm normally up to no good.

And please, call me Wilf.

We've done this, remember? You don't have a buttonhole.

Why do you persist in flirting with me, Wilf?

Because you're a cracker, a thing of beauty.

You're not a bimbo or a chick or any of those awful things.

You're one of that rarest of species -

you're a woman, Lucy Cogan.

Well, I'm flattered, but I have professional ethics to uphold.

Ah, throw caution to the wind.

What if we were to make beautiful music together?

Your husband would never know.

That's reassuring, Wilf.

-Think about it, huh?

-No, Wilf.

-No-one would ever know.

-I

-will know, Wilf.

Older man. Vintage wine.

Seasoned wood.

-Did you say wood?

-Seasoned.

SHE CHUCKLES

MUSIC: Bella Figlia dell'Amore by Giuseppe Verdi

Remember, wait until she's totally legless

before we hit her with it.

Yes. Don't speak till she's legless.

-She's coming.

-Legless.

-I should never have agreed to this.

-Here she comes.

She looks fairly all right-ish.

You look lovely, Jean.

Oh. Thank you.

You give a whole new meaning to the word "chic".

-It's so very, very kind of you.

-It's the least we can do.

-May I, Jean?

-Thank you.

For you, Jean, a little toast,

from all of us, to make you feel welcome.

Oh-oh, now, don't forget,

you've got to make eye contact or it's bad luck.

I never heard of anything like that in my life.

-It's the truth.

-Nonsense.

Jean, do you ever listen to your old recordings?

-Oh, no. No.

-I do.

I listen to us a lot.

As a matter of fact,

Reggie was meant to be singing La Donna e Mobile

at the gala concert.

-But even more exciting, guess what?

-Shh, shh, shh.

What?

"La donna e mobile, qual piuma al vento."

"Women are as fickle as a feather in the wind."

Oh, I fell in love with you when I first heard you sing that.

Yeah, that's why I never sang it again.

I took 12 curtain calls.

No. No, you took nine. I took 12.

WILF SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER

-Stop.

-If you say so.

You know, the other night

I was at the Garden, I was Sir George's guest,

and I received a standing ovation.

Oh, how lovely!

You're doing it again, Jean.

-Doing what?

-Repeating yourself.

Oh, what's it matter?

In opera, we repeat ourselves all the time,

all the time, all the time...

In opera we repeat ourselves all the time,

-repeat ourselves over and over...

-Repetito...

I think you two are drunk.

I think I possibly am,

although I find it very difficult to tell the difference at this age.

-You always drink.

-Let's have a toast to our quartet.

-To the quartet.

-What quartet?

Cedric wants us all to sing in the gala concert.

What, us to sing?

He wants us to sing...

ALL: The quartet from Rigoletto.

It's such an honour.

It's a great honour, Jean.

-Great honour.

-Very great honour.

The quartet?

Is that why you're...?

I don't want any of this, please. Please.

Is that why you asked me for this dinner?

No. We asked you because...

-Well...

-Why?

-Because we love you.

-Aye. Yeah.

Well, I'm not singing in any quartet.

I think you really are despicable.

Phew!

Did she say yes?

No.

MUSIC: Caro Nome by Giuseppe Verdi

# Festi primo palpitar

# Le delizie dell'amor

# Mi dei sempre rammentar

# Col pensier il mio desir

# A te sempre volera

# E fin l'ultimo sospir

# Caro nome, tuo sara. #

Excuse me.

Let me ask you something.

When did you last sing?

This morning in the shower?

Has anybody heard you recently?

Any idea of the noise you make?

I mean, what were you thinking of? Why did you ask me out to dinner?

Why didn't you just say you want us - average age, what, 198 -

to sing the quartet from Rigoletto?

"It's an honour." It's not an honour.

It's insanity.

Is this your idea of revenge?

I'm going to say something very rude to you.

Fuck you.

And you.

GASPS AND GIGGLES

Can't believe it.

Can you believe that bitch?

Oh, my God. It's Olly!

Dwayne. Olly's been taken ill.

I'm going to explain to everybody. Can you...?

Morning.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?

Sorry to interrupt your breakfast.

Er...it seems that Olly Fisher is unwell.

It's his recurring condition,

but he is in the safest hands.

I want to reassure you he's on his way to hospital

and he's going to be absolutely OK.

He's going for a check-up.

Dr Cogan, he is still conscious, isn't he?

He's fully conscious, Norma, yes.

And he wouldn't want any of us worrying, now.

Would he? So, you just enjoy your breakfast, OK?

With everything in life,

I'd just like to ask you one question.

# Why, you silly so-and-so

# With all your dough

# Are you havin' any fun?

# What y'gettin' out of livin'?

# What good is what you've got

# If you're not havin' any fun?

# Are you havin' any laughs?

# Are you gettin' any lovin'?

# If other people do

# So can you

# Have a little fun

# After the honey's in the comb

# Little bees go out and play

# Even the old grey mare down home

# Has got to have hay

# Are you havin' any fun?

# You ain't gonna live forever

# Before you're old and grey

# Still OK

# Have a little fun, son

# Have a little fun! #

Go away.

Jean?

-It's me, Cissy.

-Just go away, Cissy, please.

I know you're upset, so I brought you some flowers

and I picked them myself.

Aren't they lovely? Look.

I thought these might really cheer you up.

And Nobby doesn't usually allow us to pick any flowers

and especially not the ones in the woodland, not even those.

And I really wanted to get you bluebells

because I know you love bluebells.

Because we talked about them before.

But I wondered also, would you like to talk about the quartet?

No! I would not like to talk about the quartet!

-Oh! Oh!

-Get out!

Why did she do that? Why did she do that?

Ahhh!

Is this my house?

It's a lovely place.

This is Beecham House.

It's not your room. It's another room.

You've come here to have a rest, Cissy.

You're... you're...

my friend.

Sheryl.

Sheryl. Yes.

Sheryl. Mm-hmm.

And this is?

Reggie.

And, of course,

this is a naughty, naughty man.

Hi, Cissy.

Where's... where's...

...where's my, um...

Where's my... my thing?

I got your bag here, Cissy.

That's my bag.

-This is my...

-Mm-hmm.

Yes.

See?

-That's mine.

-Mm-hmm.

-And what were you listening to?

-Mmm...

What's that?

Cissy... this is our quartet.

You... you've been listening to us.

It's new. It's new.

-Mm-hmm.

-Yes.

-This is...

-The one they re-issued.

This is new. Yep. That's mine.

Wilf... Wilf, that's...

that's my swimming costume.

It certainly is, Cissy.

-Mmm.

-Yes.

Yes.

This... this place is a God-send for me.

Because I've got no husband and no children.

I've got you.

-Mm.

-Indeed you have, Cissy.

All of you.

I think she should get some rest.

Lovely girl.

Beautifully endowed.

-Have you seen Cissy?

-Yes.

How is she?

-She's...

-Fine.

I'll come back in the morning.

Yes, of course, Ms Horton.

You be sure to tell her I came to see her.

Absolutely.

Jean, is that you?

I thought I recognised your voice.

As if one couldn't.

Frank?

Frank White!

It's nothing serious, just one of my dizzy spells.

But I won't be taking part in the gala.

I had no idea you were here. I would've come to see you earlier.

Oh, dear, dear Frank.

I'm sorry you're not well.

What a fling we had.

What a fling indeed.

Short, but giving.

And that beautiful hotel.

-You...

-Yes.

You've been up to your usual tricks.

Poor Cissy.

I don't know what came over me.

I feel so ashamed.

She does so want to perform the quartet.

Jean.

Take part.

If you can't sing at the gala,

do conjuring tricks.

The only alternative

is to be guest of honour at the crematorium.

MUSIC: Ah! Qual Colpo Inaspettato! by Rossini

-# Dolce nodo

-Nodo

# Avventurato

-# Che fai paghi

-Andiamo

# I miei desiri

-# Dolce nodo

-Nodo

-# Avventurato

-Presto andiamo

# Che fai paghi... #

-Oh, thank you.

-There's some change, Ms Horton.

No, you keep that. Could you give this to Mr Paget?

-Of course I will.

-Thank you.

It's the only trio we could come up with, Bobby.

Are you sure about this, Wilfred?

Well, the three of us must have sang the Barber a dozen times.

You'll need at least six sessions.

-Six?

-Mmm.

-Who's that from?

-Ms Horton.

Did she say yes?

Oh. How good of you to come.

Please. Please sit down.

Why don't you sit on the bed, Cissy?

I have some little gifts for you.

First, I want to apologise,

especially to you, Cissy.

What I did to you was appalling,

and I am... I'm so very sorry.

Thank you.

This is for you, Wilf.

Oh, thank you.

I don't even remember you throwing flowers at me.

This is for you, Reggie.

There.

I really am very sorry.

My fault entirely.

I think I know what it is.

-Lime marmalade.

-A CD of our Rigoletto.

How lovely.

Yes, I know you have copies,

but these are signed, so they're rather valuable.

And I wrapped them myself.

I thought perhaps you did.

-Well, is that it?

-Yes.

This should do rather well on eBay, I would imagine.

Come on, Cissy.

Have you changed your mind about the gala?

Well, of course, she hasn't. I mean, why should she?

It's only a celebration

in honour of the greatest composer for the human voice

who ever bloody lived, that's all.

You must understand. I was someone once.

I thought I was someone now.

I can't insult the memory of who I was.

What are you talking about, "memory"? Whose memory? Your fans?

Your fans are dead! Gone, split, bought the farm!

Except the ones who've moved in here,

and they're just waiting to die.

We've all aged. It's crept up on all of us without us even noticing.

I'm the same old Wilf I always was,

thankfully, with a little bit of testosterone to keep me interested.

Now, I'm going to say something that's a wee bit rude here.

Just fucking do it!

My gift deserted me.

It deserts us all, Jean. It's called life.

Oh, my darling. Old age is not for sissies.

No.

Jean?

Let go.

What's it matter now what anyone says or thinks?

You might even enjoy it.

Are you telling me to go out and smell the roses?

No, I'm telling you to sing.

The roses are long gone. But the chrysanthemums are magnificent.

They certainly are, Cissy.

Jean, if you say yes,

Cedric will give us the finale instead of Anne Langley.

-Anne Langley?

-Yes.

Yes, she wanted to sing Violetta.

And she was, of course, a very fine Violetta.

Oh, pull yourself together, Cissy.

Violetta's supposed to be dying of tuberculosis.

She sounded as if she was singing Falstaff.

Well, she's singing Tosca now.

Over my dead body.

Is that a yes?

So, you decided to sing in the gala after all.

Yes, they've persuaded me to join them in the quartet.

Really? I would've thought you would want to sing an aria, dear.

No, I prefer to sing with my friends.

How are your high notes nowadays?

Just a little shaky, dear.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Now, when I sang Gilda...

Yes, I heard it was a triumph.

I remember my mother telling me about it.

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, dear Octavia

# Happy birthday to you. #

Speech! Speech!

Now, when I played Gilda...!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I may crack on the high notes.

MUSIC: Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by JS Bach

And then Sir Thomas Beecham did the same in Britain.