Kings of Curry


Kings of Curry

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Transcript


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This film contains some strong language

0:00:020:00:07

-Morning.

-Morning.

0:00:500:00:52

-What's this nonsense?

-Excuse me?

-You have given me the wrong post.

0:00:560:00:59

Isn't this...?

0:01:020:01:04

-Chandana and Chandana's?

-Mm.

0:01:100:01:12

There we are. You a chain or something?

0:01:160:01:18

No, we are not a bloody chain.

0:01:180:01:21

-Well, that's got to be confusing.

-Not if you can read, you idiot.

0:01:210:01:25

HINDI MUSIC PLAYS

0:01:250:01:29

-Mum, I'm finished.

-Five minutes, and then we're leaving.

0:01:390:01:42

Serve it while it's hot, Chandu. It's not for my in-laws.

0:03:160:03:20

Go!

0:03:200:03:21

-So, why are we here?

-Oh, this is a romantic dinner.

0:03:410:03:45

Something couples do, apparently.

0:03:450:03:46

No, smart-arse, what are we doing in this place?

0:03:460:03:48

We've never been to an Indian restaurant together.

0:03:480:03:51

Yeah, tell me again, why is that?

0:03:510:03:52

Because nowhere's as good as my dad's.

0:03:520:03:55

Well, until I meet your father and taste his food,

0:03:550:03:58

I really couldn't say, could I?

0:03:580:04:00

That's what this is about.

0:04:000:04:01

You will meet him. It'd just be simpler if we wait un...

0:04:030:04:06

-Until we're engaged?

-SHE GASPS

0:04:060:04:08

Anything wrong, madam?

0:04:100:04:12

Erm, no. I mean, yes.

0:04:120:04:14

No, there's nothing wrong with the food.

0:04:140:04:16

Although, if you really want to know,

0:04:160:04:17

the cauliflower in the aloo gobi was overcooked.

0:04:170:04:19

I thought it was great.

0:04:190:04:20

You're clueless. And the daal had a little too much garlic, I think.

0:04:200:04:24

-Wow.

-My grandmother's.

0:04:300:04:33

-It's beautiful.

-What?

-What she said.

0:04:330:04:35

-What's the problem?

-She said the gobi was overcooked.

0:04:350:04:38

WHAT?!

0:04:380:04:40

Wait, wait, wait. Look, look, look.

0:04:420:04:44

-Oh, wow!

-I know.

-This is amazing!

-Look at the view.

0:04:440:04:47

Oh, Mark.

0:04:510:04:53

-You happy?

-Yes, very happy.

0:04:530:04:55

-Oh, I love you so much.

-Are you ready?

0:04:550:04:57

-And I'm so hungry.

-What?

-Yeah, we didn't have dessert.

0:05:010:05:05

Well, no, cos someone got us thrown out of the restaurant, didn't they?

0:05:050:05:10

-Please?

-Room service?

-You love me that much?

0:05:100:05:12

Yes, I love you that much.

0:05:120:05:15

Love everything about you, even your weird appetite.

0:05:150:05:19

-I think I can wait for dessert.

-Excellent.

0:05:190:05:21

Er, yes, could we have the cheesecake and the chocolate mousse?

0:05:250:05:29

-And ice cream.

-And ice cream.

0:05:290:05:31

Flavours?

0:05:320:05:34

-Just a little bit of everything, I think.

-Thank you.

0:05:340:05:37

Have I told you lately that I'm engaged?

0:05:430:05:46

-Yup, couple of times.

-SHE LAUGHS

0:05:460:05:48

-Thank you.

-Oh, it's all right. I quite like it too.

0:05:490:05:52

No, thank you for being patient.

0:05:520:05:54

-I think two years qualifies as very patient.

-Yes, it does.

-Yes, it does.

0:05:540:06:00

You see, my dad is very, very Indian.

0:06:000:06:03

In Hindi, there isn't even a word for "boyfriend,"

0:06:040:06:06

so if I'd told him I was seeing anyone, he'd have started

0:06:060:06:09

making wedding plans, which might have scared you off.

0:06:090:06:13

My uncle's even worse.

0:06:130:06:14

Well, now they can both scare me to their hearts' content.

0:06:140:06:17

I'm just... We could go up now, if you like.

0:06:170:06:20

You're very sexy without your clothes on,

0:06:200:06:21

but you might want to wear a suit when you meet my dad.

0:06:210:06:24

He's very traditional.

0:06:240:06:25

Well, I'll wear whatever he wants.

0:06:250:06:26

I'm just looking forward to meeting him.

0:06:260:06:29

I know, just...

0:06:290:06:30

Let me go up and see him on my own first, and sort a few things out.

0:06:300:06:33

-I've taken a few days off for Holi, anyway.

-OK.

0:06:330:06:36

One more thing - do you mind if I don't wear my ring

0:06:390:06:42

back to Leicester? It's just, if Dad sees it before I tell him,

0:06:420:06:46

with his heart issues, it might not be so great.

0:06:460:06:49

OK. Yeah, I'll bring it up next weekend.

0:06:490:06:51

Somebody came and did this, and no-one heard anything!

0:06:580:07:01

How can this keep happening? I was away for ten minutes.

0:07:010:07:04

It wasn't anyone's fault, Raja sahib.

0:07:040:07:06

The kitchen was busy, the mixer was on, the potato peeler,

0:07:060:07:09

the dishwasher, it was very noisy, huh?

0:07:090:07:10

Tarun. Oi!

0:07:430:07:44

-Table 11 call to confirm?

-Twice, boss.

0:07:480:07:50

Nobody calls twice to confirm a booking.

0:07:510:07:54

Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Go to the kitchen.

0:07:540:07:56

-What for? Everybody's been served.

-Are you bloody joking me?

0:07:560:07:59

-How long you been working here?

-Three and a half years, boss.

0:07:590:08:02

Then you should know there's always something to do in a restaurant.

0:08:020:08:05

-Go and peel some onions or dry some plates. Go and do something!

-OK.

0:08:050:08:09

HINDI MUSIC PLAYS

0:08:090:08:13

No, it's impossible.

0:08:200:08:21

You're a surgeon. You're supposed to be good with your hands.

0:08:220:08:25

Hands is a plural.

0:08:250:08:27

-Right, I'm hungry now. What's the big deal?

-No big deal.

0:08:270:08:30

Feel free to employ the left hand,

0:08:300:08:31

the hand traditionally used to wipe the arse, and sup from your

0:08:310:08:34

prospective father-in-law's carefully prepared Hindu feast.

0:08:340:08:37

You're keen to impress him, and that will impress him(!)

0:08:370:08:40

Well, that'll take the edge off the ravenous man(!)

0:08:460:08:49

-Who asked who for help?

-Something I'm already regretting.

0:08:490:08:51

I'll make an Asian out of you yet.

0:08:510:08:53

Oi oi oi oi, left hand!

0:08:530:08:55

My house, my rules.

0:08:560:08:57

Prick.

0:08:590:09:00

Don't forget to pick your sister up from the station, you lazy.

0:09:080:09:12

I'll be busy getting her dinner ready.

0:09:120:09:14

You told me. I'm there. Chill, man.

0:09:140:09:17

-JAGI:

-Nobody wants to work any more.

0:09:200:09:22

They want to get paid for doing nothing.

0:09:220:09:24

-If they're so useless, give them the sack.

-Sack?

0:09:240:09:27

They've got me by the bloody sack, squeezing without mercy.

0:09:270:09:30

They know it's impossible to find an Indian waiter,

0:09:300:09:32

with all this European Union bullshit!

0:09:320:09:34

You know what this country would be without Indian doctors?

0:09:340:09:36

-Waiters, chefs, hm? Sick and starving.

-Get someone else, then.

0:09:360:09:40

Who else wants to work in an Indian restaurant? You tell me.

0:09:400:09:43

-The Polish student who was looking for work.

-Don't be absurd, woman.

0:09:430:09:47

Because he doesn't speak Hindi?

0:09:470:09:50

Half your staff don't speak Hindi. Your children don't speak Hindi.

0:09:500:09:54

Not the stupidest idea you've had.

0:09:580:10:00

Poles work hard, like Indians.

0:10:010:10:04

Sometimes I wonder why I married someone so...

0:10:040:10:07

-..charming.

-Marry a charmer if you want. They won't bloody feed you.

0:10:070:10:11

-I can feed myself, thank you.

-You?

0:10:110:10:13

And before you utter another syllable,

0:10:130:10:16

think about the consequences.

0:10:160:10:18

-Dee!

-Hey, there she is.

0:10:260:10:28

Shalini's not been home for months. I'm cooking all her favourites.

0:10:300:10:34

So, I'm going to ask Dad to sort things out with Uncle Jagi.

0:10:370:10:41

Oh, man. Look, I'm all about the love, but that's not realistic.

0:10:410:10:45

The old boy's still super-vexed.

0:10:450:10:47

You want to get him smoking again, that's the way to do it.

0:10:470:10:49

I want all the family at the wedding.

0:10:490:10:51

I want the dinner to be cooked by my dad and my uncle.

0:10:510:10:53

You know, last few months, it's got a lot worse between them.

0:10:530:10:56

-Why?

-Uncle J's been emptying bin bags outside Dad's kitchen,

0:10:560:10:59

then called the health inspectors with an "anonymous tip-off."

0:10:590:11:02

-He wouldn't do that!

-Well, Dad's totally convinced.

0:11:020:11:04

And Uncle J reckons Dad's been making bogus bookings.

0:11:040:11:08

Someone's been doing it, right?

0:11:080:11:10

It's been tough round here.

0:11:100:11:11

People going out of business, poaching staff, undercutting prices.

0:11:110:11:15

-You've not been around.

-I know.

0:11:150:11:18

Guys doing all right are the young guys who do deliveries. Fast food.

0:11:180:11:21

I thought business had been good since the Food Guide review.

0:11:210:11:24

Shals, man, that was a year ago. You've barely been back since.

0:11:240:11:27

That review has only created more aggravation.

0:11:270:11:29

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

-Enjoy it?

-Yes.

-Good samosas?

0:11:290:11:33

-Thank you for coming, goodnight.

-Thank you.

-Bye-bye.

0:11:350:11:38

They didn't order any of my main courses.

0:11:400:11:42

You know how many starters they had. They were stuffed, Raja sahib.

0:11:420:11:46

Not stuffed enough.

0:11:520:11:54

This is how my fate is written, then I must accept it.

0:11:550:11:58

I thought you'd be looking a bit more excited, Dad.

0:12:000:12:03

-Ah, my little girl is home.

-How are you?

0:12:030:12:07

-Happy to see you.

-Well, you don't look it.

0:12:070:12:09

-Well, I am!

-What about me, big guy?

0:12:090:12:11

I see you every day, chillaxing on the sofa.

0:12:110:12:14

Been keeping my dad out of trouble, Kirit ji?

0:12:140:12:16

-Can we eat, please? I'm starving!

-Yes, yes, yes, come.

0:12:180:12:21

-Mm! I love being home.

-You love eating, man.

0:12:490:12:53

Where do you put it all?

0:12:530:12:54

You've changed the recipe for the aubergine starter.

0:12:540:12:57

Nothing wrong with Uncle Provin's recipe.

0:12:570:12:58

You changed something. This is better.

0:12:580:13:00

A recipe is only ever as good as its interpreter.

0:13:000:13:03

What is a pinch of jeera?

0:13:050:13:06

God has made all our hands and hearts different.

0:13:060:13:10

OK, tell me something - what was wrong with the aloo gobi?

0:13:100:13:12

-Oh, shit, man, do you have to start?

-I won't get upset.

0:13:120:13:16

And don't call me "man." I'm your bloody father.

0:13:160:13:19

I saw your sister's face, and I know it wasn't perfect.

0:13:190:13:22

-What's perfect, Dad?

-Your Dadima's recipe.

0:13:220:13:25

-And it isn't the same, is it?

-No, it's not the same.

0:13:250:13:28

-Dadima's recipe had a little mango powder, I think.

-Amchur.

0:13:300:13:34

Why, yes. Amchur. It did. Your memory and taste are exceptional!

0:13:340:13:39

Learn. Learn something. Learn from your sister, man(!)

0:13:410:13:44

"For the ultimate Indian experience, do what the locals do.

0:14:020:14:06

"Eat your starter here, and your main course there."

0:14:060:14:09

"Why doesn't he offer his sister for dessert, eh?

0:14:090:14:11

For the "ultimate experience!"

0:14:110:14:13

I'm a Chandana, not Ronald McFuckingDonald.

0:14:230:14:26

And that girl, unlike the fruit of my loins, can taste the difference.

0:14:260:14:29

Jagi, I'm not one of your staff.

0:14:290:14:31

-HE SPEAKS HINDI

-..I'm tired.

0:14:390:14:43

Your mother was beautiful.

0:14:580:15:00

Couldn't cook, though.

0:15:010:15:03

-Her matar paneer was the best.

-Her one dish. Yes, it was.

0:15:030:15:07

You cooking?

0:15:100:15:11

I don't really have the time.

0:15:120:15:14

-Dad.

-Mm.

-There's something I need to tell you.

-Yes.

0:15:170:15:21

This might come as a surprise, but...

0:15:230:15:26

I'm getting married.

0:15:260:15:29

Who is he?

0:15:310:15:33

Someone I've known for a while.

0:15:330:15:35

What is his name?

0:15:370:15:38

Mark.

0:15:400:15:41

Mark.

0:15:450:15:46

You know, I have to say, there's a big part of me thought I'd

0:15:470:15:50

-never meet her dad.

-Never thought she'd go through with it, mate.

0:15:500:15:53

What do...? You said there are lots of couples in the same situation.

0:15:530:15:56

There are, but what I didn't tell you is that, most of the time,

0:15:560:15:59

it doesn't work out.

0:15:590:16:01

-Didn't want to worry you.

-Well, thanks(!) Scare me now.

0:16:010:16:03

Just that generation. Traditional. Straight from the village.

0:16:030:16:07

Her dad's from Delhi.

0:16:070:16:08

I'm talking about Leicester.

0:16:080:16:10

-You ever been?

-No.

0:16:100:16:11

Dark place. It's all fine now, though.

0:16:130:16:15

You're going to visit the dad,

0:16:150:16:17

and she's had time to cancel and she hasn't.

0:16:170:16:20

Gaia swung by Southall to pick these up.

0:16:200:16:22

In-laws Holi presents. Enough sugar in these badboys

0:16:220:16:25

to stop a raging bull or enraged father-in-law.

0:16:250:16:27

Not that he'll be enraged.

0:16:270:16:29

It's just Indian dads, you never know.

0:16:300:16:32

I'm terrified of my father-in-law.

0:16:330:16:35

And I'm Indian.

0:16:370:16:38

And loaded.

0:16:390:16:40

-- His parents are English?

-Yes.

0:16:430:16:45

Hmm.

0:16:450:16:46

You're not all right with this.

0:16:490:16:52

-What does he do?

-He's a doctor.

0:16:520:16:54

-What sort of doctor?

-A trauma surgeon.

0:16:540:16:56

Dad, I know this might not be what you want...

0:16:590:17:03

Why don't you understand?

0:17:030:17:06

You being happy means more to me than anything.

0:17:060:17:09

Are you happy?

0:17:100:17:12

-I am. Very happy.

-Then why would I not be, huh?

0:17:130:17:18

My only regret is that your mother isn't here now.

0:17:190:17:22

Thank you, Dad.

0:17:240:17:26

This means so much to me.

0:17:320:17:33

Hey, I want to show you something.

0:17:360:17:38

That was the day of our wedding.

0:17:400:17:42

I haven't seen this before.

0:17:440:17:45

Back home at that time,

0:17:460:17:48

being a chef meant that you were basically a servant.

0:17:480:17:51

We came here looking for a better life.

0:17:520:17:54

When your mother had had enough of fighting...

0:17:570:17:59

..when she just couldn't take any more chemotherapy,

0:18:000:18:04

she made me promise her, "Whatever Shalini wants."

0:18:040:18:08

She just wanted you to have the kind of wedding

0:18:080:18:10

we could never have dreamed of.

0:18:100:18:12

-I'm so sorry, Dad.

-No, no, I'm sorry.

0:18:120:18:16

It's a happy time, and I'm spoiling it, huh?

0:18:160:18:19

-So, tell me, whatever you want.

-Whatever I want?

-Of course.

0:18:200:18:24

-What is it?

-I want all the family to be at the wedding.

0:18:240:18:27

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to call everyone.

0:18:270:18:29

I'm talking about Uncle Jagi.

0:18:290:18:31

-What?

-I want you to invite Uncle Jagi.

0:18:330:18:35

He'll come if you go and see him.

0:18:350:18:38

"Go and see him?"

0:18:380:18:39

-Have you been speaking to them?

-Yes.

-I asked you not to.

0:18:410:18:44

I'm sorry, Dad, he's my uncle.

0:18:440:18:46

And I'm your father. Doesn't that mean anything to you?

0:18:460:18:49

-Please, Dad, don't be ridiculous.

-Me? Ridiculous?

0:18:490:18:53

Do you know what he's been up to only this week?

0:18:530:18:56

If he wants to come to me, I'll talk to him.

0:18:580:19:00

-Why should I go to his house?

-Because I'm your daughter.

0:19:000:19:03

-Now you blackmail me.

-I'm not blackmailing you!

0:19:030:19:06

This is just a chance to sort things out.

0:19:060:19:08

I don't want to sort things out.

0:19:080:19:09

You're happy with things as they are?

0:19:090:19:12

Is this my fault?

0:19:120:19:14

I don't know, we don't talk about it,

0:19:140:19:16

but this can't just be because you sold a family recipe.

0:19:160:19:19

So, you have taken his side!

0:19:190:19:21

I'm not taking anyone's side, I just want to have the wedding I want.

0:19:210:19:26

Will you at least think about it?

0:19:260:19:28

There's nothing to think about!

0:19:280:19:30

-I can never go to him.

-You said, "Whatever I want."

0:19:300:19:33

You just told me you promised Mum.

0:19:330:19:36

Ask me anything else.

0:19:360:19:38

If it can't be the way I want it to be, I won't have an Indian wedding.

0:19:380:19:41

I'm not going to be a hypocrite and have

0:19:410:19:43

a Hindu blessing when it would have no meaning.

0:19:430:19:46

You know how much this hurts me?

0:19:460:19:49

That's not what I want to do.

0:19:490:19:51

Ask me for anything else, but I can never go to your uncle.

0:19:520:19:55

I thought family came before everything,

0:20:000:20:03

even if it means sacrifice.

0:20:030:20:04

Isn't that what Dadima used to say?

0:20:070:20:09

SHOWER RUNS

0:20:310:20:34

-MARK ON VOICEMAIL:

-Hi, this is Mark's phone.

0:20:340:20:36

I can't talk to you at the moment,

0:20:360:20:37

so leave a message and I'll call you back.

0:20:370:20:39

Hi, Mark, it's me. I was hoping to speak to you, so...

0:20:390:20:42

Look, I know you're excited about meeting Dad,

0:20:430:20:46

but there's a slight change of plan.

0:20:460:20:48

Dad and I had a bit of an argument last night.

0:20:480:20:51

Don't worry, everything's fine,

0:20:510:20:52

but I'm going to need another week to sort things out with my family.

0:20:520:20:55

So, can we postpone you coming up until next weekend?

0:20:550:20:59

I'm really sorry, I know you've waited two years,

0:20:590:21:02

but I just need one more week.

0:21:020:21:04

OK? Erm, I love you. Speak to you later. Bye.

0:21:050:21:09

-Hello, Leelu Auntie.

-Shalini, so good to see you! Welcome home.

0:21:370:21:42

-Look who's here.

-Happy Holi, cousins!

0:21:420:21:46

Happy Holi, didi. Oh, and congratulations.

0:21:460:21:49

A surgeon as a husband? Bit unoriginal, isn't it?

0:21:490:21:53

I want to say, "It's good to see you," but I almost didn't see you.

0:21:530:21:56

-You've lost so much weight.

-I really haven't.

0:21:560:21:59

One way to check.

0:21:590:22:00

What do lawyers basically do?

0:22:050:22:06

Basically, we argue with each other until one of us wins.

0:22:060:22:10

Seema would make a good lawyer.

0:22:100:22:13

You're right, Sonu.

0:22:130:22:14

And you're going to do really well in the call centre.

0:22:140:22:17

Mango powder.

0:22:170:22:18

-Too much?

-Mm-mm.

0:22:200:22:21

It's perfect.

0:22:270:22:29

-Your Dadima spent a lifetime getting the recipe right.

-I know.

0:22:290:22:33

I have to get to the restaurant. The Holi lunch rush.

0:22:410:22:44

I've got something for you.

0:22:440:22:45

-What is this nonsense?

-Open it and see.

0:22:480:22:50

I got it engraved.

0:22:560:22:57

Such a gift. You have to take something for it.

0:23:020:23:06

Uh-uh-uh-uh, you know what they say. "It will cut our ties forever."

0:23:060:23:11

-You, superstitious?

-I'm full of surprises.

0:23:110:23:14

-He's still the same!

-It's easier to be an uncle.

0:23:230:23:26

Give your father some time. I'll talk to Jagi later.

0:23:270:23:30

Now, I have something for you.

0:23:310:23:33

I can't take this. Dadima gave it to you, I can't.

0:23:370:23:39

Whatever happens, you'll wear it on your wedding day.

0:23:390:23:43

Promise me that.

0:23:430:23:44

I promise.

0:23:450:23:47

Yo yo yo, you're listening to Guru FM,

0:23:550:23:56

the smoothest sounds in Leicester, and it's Holi, people!

0:23:560:24:00

The festival of colour and the start of spring.

0:24:000:24:02

Time to get your painted stomachs ready for action.

0:24:020:24:05

Hello, hello. Five, ten minutes, that's all.

0:24:050:24:08

I'll get you a good table at the front.

0:24:080:24:10

Tarun, take the order for table three, yeah?

0:24:140:24:17

Hello, hello, how are you?

0:24:170:24:19

Dad, happy Holi!

0:24:360:24:39

-Happy Holi, my dear.

-I didn't see you this morning.

-I was here early.

0:24:390:24:44

-Dad, last night - I didn't want to upset you.

-I know, my beta.

0:24:440:24:48

I'm sorry, too.

0:24:480:24:50

-You need some help?

-No, no, no, you go in and enjoy.

0:24:500:24:53

-You're not here to work.

-Are you sure?

-I'm doing this a long time.

0:24:530:24:58

-Dad, you got any money on you?

-Yeah.

0:24:580:25:00

-Open it later.

-Huh? You shouldn't be buying this.

-My job, they do pay me.

0:25:030:25:08

Oh, wait.

0:25:080:25:10

Take something for your friends,

0:25:130:25:14

and see that they don't eat that fast food kachera. Mm?

0:25:140:25:18

I'm a connoisseur. I try them all over the world.

0:25:200:25:24

Your old man is the godfather of chaat.

0:25:240:25:26

It's true, it's true, he's the Don. But your uncle's chole baturi, man.

0:25:260:25:30

No-one can touch that, not even my mum.

0:25:300:25:32

We ain't talking chole baturi, we're talking about chaat.

0:25:320:25:36

I know, I know that, but I reckon it's relevant,

0:25:360:25:38

cos after the chaat, I like to move to the chole.

0:25:380:25:40

I'm Punjabi, it's a classic move.

0:25:400:25:42

Man, have a little respect, you know the score.

0:25:420:25:45

Oh, it's all right, Jin, I'm with Kam on this.

0:25:450:25:47

My uncle's chole's the best,

0:25:470:25:48

but should definitely be preceded by my dad's chaat.

0:25:480:25:51

Right.

0:25:510:25:52

-Yo yo!

-Shit, Dee.

0:25:520:25:56

You can never have too much ammo, people. It's time.

0:25:560:25:59

-You look constipated.

-I've made a decision.

0:26:040:26:06

-About what?

-Tomorrow morning, I'm getting on a train to Leicester.

0:26:060:26:10

-I'm going to meet Shalini's father.

-Are you serious?

-Mm-hm.

0:26:100:26:14

If it's such a big deal to him that I'm not Indian,

0:26:140:26:16

he can tell me face-to-face.

0:26:160:26:17

-Mano a mano.

-I'm not sure that's a good idea.

0:26:170:26:20

I mean, I respect your cojones,

0:26:200:26:22

but the guy's a chef and has all kinds of blades.

0:26:220:26:24

You living in sin with his daughter, do you see what I'm saying?

0:26:260:26:29

Something terrible could happen.

0:26:290:26:31

Besides, I met the guy, and he seems a little fiery.

0:26:310:26:34

What did you just say?

0:26:350:26:36

Er...

0:26:380:26:39

You know, he's a chef, and they're temperamental

0:26:390:26:41

and they possess all manner of blades.

0:26:410:26:43

-No, no, no, no, no, you've met Shalini's father?

-Yeah.

0:26:430:26:46

-Didn't I tell you?

-No, you bloody didn't!

0:26:460:26:49

-When did you meet him?

-Some wedding.

0:26:490:26:51

The Asian brethren were out in force, so I represented.

0:26:510:26:55

It's no big deal. Shalini never invited me.

0:26:560:26:59

Not directly, anyway!

0:27:000:27:02

One, two, three!

0:27:030:27:04

Party People, welcome to Leicester's annual Holi celebrations!

0:27:230:27:26

This year's judge of the Kings Of Curry creation competition is

0:27:280:27:31

none other than culinary legend and actress Madhur Jaffrey.

0:27:310:27:35

-Madhur Jaffrey in Leicester?

-Not something you hear every day.

0:27:350:27:39

Ready? Play Holi!

0:27:390:27:41

We always close early on Holi because it's

0:28:490:28:51

a time to be with your families.

0:28:510:28:53

Thank you all for your hard work. Varet.

0:28:530:28:55

-Kay.

-Thank you.

0:28:580:28:59

Kirit. Thank you.

0:29:020:29:05

My wife asked if you wanted to join us for dinner tonight.

0:29:050:29:07

You know my children are at home.

0:29:100:29:11

This is wonderful. Can I try it?

0:29:350:29:38

The photographer's getting annoyed. Wait, is this a gift?

0:29:400:29:45

-Why?

-If it is, you need to give Raja something for it.

0:29:450:29:48

More superstition.

0:29:480:29:50

Jagi, give your brother some money, and then both of you,

0:29:500:29:53

come out of the kitchen.

0:29:530:29:54

-Methi kadhi.

-You're getting as bad as she is.

0:29:540:29:58

Come on, Dad, Uncle. I'm starving. Come on.

0:29:580:30:00

CHUCKLES Oh, Shalini, you are always hungry.

0:30:000:30:03

Not my choice.

0:30:330:30:34

-Rak Sharma's new place.

-He spent some money.

0:31:340:31:37

Oi, Chandu, you didn't clean the toilets.

0:31:390:31:42

What you looking at?

0:31:440:31:46

-Shalini. I didn't know you were back.

-Was that Chandu?

0:31:480:31:51

-Yeah. Yeah, he's working for me now.

-Since when?

0:31:520:31:55

-Come on. You know your uncle's temper.

-Not as well as you, mate.

0:31:550:32:00

-This is a big place.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:32:000:32:02

Yeah, yeah, we've got a bar, we've got a restaurant,

0:32:020:32:05

we've even got a function room for wedding parties.

0:32:050:32:07

Oh, that's funny. I'm looking at some venues myself.

0:32:070:32:10

You? You're getting married?

0:32:100:32:13

-Don't look so shocked.

-To who?

-You don't know him.

0:32:130:32:15

Right, so, you're looking for a venue.

0:32:150:32:19

Is your dad finally retiring, then?

0:32:190:32:21

-Well, we're just surveying our options.

-Well, come and take a look.

0:32:210:32:25

We open this week. I would love to show you around.

0:32:250:32:28

Shame you missed out on all the Holi trade.

0:32:280:32:30

Our restaurant's been rammed today, eh, Shals?

0:32:300:32:33

Yeah, well, I'd better get going.

0:32:340:32:36

-I'll drop by.

-Yeah, you do that.

0:32:360:32:38

Don't like him much, do you?

0:32:410:32:43

Didn't like him when he worked for us, don't like him now.

0:32:430:32:45

I'm still coming to see his place. I want to see what

0:32:450:32:48

crimes against taste that relentless prick has perpetrated.

0:32:480:32:51

They pretend to be friends,

0:32:530:32:54

but restaurant people all hate each other.

0:32:540:32:56

I know because they all come here, eat sweets,

0:32:560:32:59

and speak the truth to Abdul.

0:32:590:33:01

Who doesn't want to be known as the best chef in Little India?

0:33:020:33:05

Whose business couldn't use the publicity?

0:33:050:33:07

Dad and Uncle have to enter the competition.

0:33:130:33:15

How's that going to help?

0:33:150:33:16

Cooking together, spending time in the kitchen,

0:33:160:33:18

they'll see what they've been missing.

0:33:180:33:20

The rules are, you have to prepare a complete meal,

0:33:200:33:22

which they can't do without each other.

0:33:220:33:24

I just can't see them going for it.

0:33:240:33:26

I have an idea which might help convince them.

0:33:260:33:29

Thanks, Abdul.

0:33:290:33:30

PHONE RINGS

0:33:300:33:32

Shalini?

0:33:350:33:37

What?

0:33:370:33:39

-She's one of the judges.

-Ah.

-They confirmed it today.

0:33:390:33:41

Madhur Jaffrey, here, in Leicester?

0:33:410:33:45

-Strange as that sounds.

-To cook for her would be such an honour.

0:33:450:33:48

Why don't you enter, then?

0:33:480:33:50

No, no, no, no, I'm too old for such nonsense.

0:33:520:33:56

-That's what people have been saying.

-What people?

0:33:560:33:59

What did Abdul say?

0:33:590:34:01

They called the Chandanas cowards.

0:34:010:34:03

In front of Shalini. Gossiping like she's not even there.

0:34:060:34:09

They dare upset my niece?

0:34:090:34:11

They say our name stands for nothing any more?

0:34:110:34:14

-They said this?

-I was there, Dad.

0:34:140:34:16

What happened to this place? People had morals.

0:34:160:34:19

-They loved our food, and respected us.

-You have to enter, Dad.

0:34:190:34:24

You and Uncle Jagi should enter together.

0:34:240:34:27

What?

0:34:270:34:28

On a purely practical note,

0:34:350:34:37

you haven't come up with a single new recipe since Jadoo.

0:34:370:34:39

Not because I can't.

0:34:390:34:40

Dad, you haven't even been able to recreate the main courses from

0:34:400:34:43

-the other half of the recipe book.

-I never used to cook them. He did.

0:34:430:34:46

That can't be the reason you've found it so difficult.

0:34:460:34:48

Have you ever asked yourself if, deep down,

0:34:480:34:50

you really want to cook them?

0:34:500:34:52

Isn't it time to forgive and forget?

0:35:080:35:10

How? He doesn't let me.

0:35:110:35:13

Emptying rubbish bags outside my kitchen, calling health inspectors.

0:35:130:35:17

Booking tables, just to cause trouble.

0:35:170:35:19

He wants to continue this, not me.

0:35:190:35:21

You want me to go to your uncle, that's why you are doing this.

0:35:210:35:23

You've made it perfectly clear you won't,

0:35:230:35:25

so I'm getting on with the wedding plans on my own.

0:35:250:35:27

Dad, you should do what you want about the competition.

0:35:270:35:30

We're only telling you cos we thought you should know.

0:35:300:35:32

You are right. You both are.

0:35:320:35:34

I will enter this competition.

0:35:340:35:37

But not with him. I'll do it on my own.

0:35:370:35:40

Tomorrow I will start practising new recipes, and you'll see how.

0:35:420:35:46

Everything all right in there, Pawel?

0:35:570:35:59

Mr Chandana, he's maybe a bit...

0:35:590:36:01

-..tense.

-Want some advice, man?

0:36:020:36:06

Stay out of his way, agree with everything he says.

0:36:060:36:08

Take this guy a menu, and go to the kitchen.

0:36:140:36:16

Ask for a sag paneer tarli with cornflour chapatis.

0:36:160:36:19

-Should not I wait for his order?

-We call him Mr Saag Paneer Tarli.

0:36:190:36:24

Across the road, they call him Mr Special Mix.

0:36:240:36:26

He comes in here every week for the last ten years,

0:36:260:36:28

looks at the menu, asks about all the specials, orders the same thing.

0:36:280:36:33

-Hmm.

-Rrr.

0:36:330:36:35

Pawel, every now and then,

0:36:410:36:44

I am sprinkled with my family's culinary genius.

0:36:440:36:46

Yes, Mr Chandana. I agree with everything you say.

0:36:480:36:51

Raja sahib?

0:37:060:37:07

I don't want to be disturbed, Kirit.

0:37:100:37:12

What is it?

0:37:160:37:17

There is somebody here.

0:37:190:37:20

-Mr Chandana?

-Yes.

0:37:310:37:33

I'm Mark.

0:37:350:37:36

Mark?

0:37:370:37:38

I'm a friend of Shalini's.

0:37:390:37:41

Oh, MARK!

0:37:420:37:45

Oh, bloody hell.

0:37:450:37:48

My staff thought you were a health inspector!

0:37:480:37:51

Oh, sorry. Please, please, sit down, sit down.

0:37:520:37:56

Has anyone offered you tea, huh? Kirit....

0:37:560:38:00

Mark.

0:38:030:38:05

Mark.

0:38:050:38:06

-Hello there, wifey.

-What's going on?

0:38:080:38:11

You said I never trusted you to taste my dishes, huh?

0:38:110:38:14

I present to you a brand-new Jagi main course.

0:38:170:38:21

Get on with it, Dad.

0:38:210:38:22

Lamb and asparagus curry, with mint and yoghurt.

0:38:300:38:35

That's really good, Jagi.

0:38:430:38:45

-It's not bad, Dad.

-It's really nice, Dad.

0:38:480:38:50

What's in the other box?

0:38:540:38:55

-What is it?

-Pani puri starter.

0:38:590:39:02

Inspired by my great-great-grandmother, Urmula.

0:39:020:39:06

Doesn't look like Urmula's pani puri.

0:39:060:39:08

Is that Red Leicester cheese?

0:39:090:39:11

I don't want you to bend it, I want you to taste it.

0:39:110:39:13

I don't want to.

0:39:150:39:16

Don't look at me.

0:39:180:39:19

Do I look stupid?

0:39:190:39:21

There's something wrong, Jagi. It smells...

0:39:210:39:24

-..strange.

-Strangely exotic.

0:39:250:39:28

-What's in it?

-Same ingredients as usual,

0:39:280:39:31

with a little twist. Will you just try it, baba?

0:39:310:39:34

-No.

-You say I never ask you to taste anything.

0:39:360:39:40

Fine. I will have the honour.

0:39:400:39:42

I probably shouldn't this early,

0:40:050:40:07

but my daughter is not here to keep a check on me.

0:40:070:40:10

Mmm. You not going to have some?

0:40:120:40:15

-Oh, no thank you, I ate before I came.

-But it's Holi.

0:40:150:40:19

Mmm.

0:40:220:40:23

Hmm. Mmm.

0:40:250:40:28

-Mr Chandana, I'm here...

-Is it good?

0:40:290:40:31

Yes, it's very good. It's very filling.

0:40:320:40:35

I never trust a man without a sweet tooth. Or a savoury tooth.

0:40:350:40:38

In fact, I never trust a man who doesn't enjoy his food.

0:40:380:40:41

Oh, thank you very much, Kirit.

0:40:430:40:45

-Mm.

-Er...

0:40:490:40:51

This is delicious.

0:40:580:40:59

-It's really sweet. It...

-My grandfather's dosa recipe.

0:41:000:41:05

We use it only on special occasions.

0:41:050:41:08

Erm, Mr Chandana, I'm here beca...

0:41:090:41:13

It's very good.

0:41:130:41:15

If you have a problem, I'm here to talk, but...

0:41:150:41:18

-I want to marry your daughter.

-Yes, she told me.

0:41:180:41:22

-She told you? About me?

-Of course, she's my daughter.

0:41:220:41:25

-Right. Well, I came up to ask your permission.

-My permission?

-Yeah.

0:41:260:41:30

Well, of course you have my permission.

0:41:320:41:34

I don't serve my grandfather's dosa samosas to anybody, you know.

0:41:350:41:39

By the way, when is your birthday?

0:41:440:41:46

Classic red, pink, violet, cream, gold.

0:41:480:41:52

Shalini, whatever happens, you're still getting married.

0:41:530:41:57

You've got a few days off, so as somebody who knows

0:41:570:42:00

how precious that is, I would strongly advise you start using it.

0:42:000:42:04

You're right. Erm, cream. Cream, I think.

0:42:040:42:07

Now we're getting somewhere.

0:42:070:42:08

So, I've got something a little different to show you. Rani!

0:42:080:42:13

Oh! You must be joking. That's a wedding outfit?

0:42:160:42:19

Think your dad'll see the funny side?

0:42:190:42:21

I phoned the pandit in India. It's very good news.

0:42:320:42:35

Your horoscopes match perfectly! He e-mailed me the charts.

0:42:350:42:39

-Oh, right. What would happen if they didn't match?

-Er...

0:42:390:42:42

They do, so it doesn't matter.

0:42:420:42:44

Have those idiots not brought your dessert?

0:42:440:42:46

Er, no, no, I'm fine, really. I asked them to wait. I...

0:42:460:42:50

-I've eaten a lot.

-But it's Holi!

0:42:520:42:55

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, I really am.

0:42:550:42:57

-Have you got a bathroom I could use?

-Oh, Kirit!

0:42:590:43:02

Show my future son-in-law to the bathroom.

0:43:020:43:05

Have you ever seen such an auspicious star alignment, Kirit?

0:43:140:43:18

No, boss, I haven't.

0:43:180:43:20

-What is it?

-Nothing.

0:43:220:43:24

My beloved pushpa said to me a long time ago,

0:43:280:43:31

"As soon as we choose to live here, educate our children here,

0:43:310:43:35

"their world will be different from ours."

0:43:350:43:38

Would I prefer an Indian son-in-law?

0:43:400:43:42

He's a surgeon, studied at Oxford, and he makes my girl happy.

0:43:430:43:48

Can a father ask for any more than that?

0:43:500:43:53

SPEAKS HINDI

0:43:530:43:54

Sonia Gandhi used to be Italian, boss.

0:43:550:43:58

As long as they have an appetite,

0:43:580:43:59

God has blessed everyone with the potential to be Indian, huh?

0:43:590:44:03

Well said. Well said, Kirit, well said.

0:44:030:44:07

-Here, have some barfi.

-Oh!

0:44:070:44:10

What are you looking so pleased about?

0:44:100:44:13

My daughter's home! Isn't that enough for any father?

0:44:130:44:16

Even one who only yesterday was having such

0:44:160:44:18

a fierce disagreement with his daughter?

0:44:180:44:20

Today's a new day, and I have a surprise for you.

0:44:200:44:24

That makes two of us.

0:44:240:44:26

I've been shopping for wedding outfits.

0:44:260:44:28

Thought you might like to see some.

0:44:280:44:30

What do you think, Dad?

0:44:300:44:32

You're just trying to scare me. You're not going to wear that.

0:44:320:44:35

My wedding, Dad, my rules, unless you want to invite...

0:44:350:44:38

I told you you would be surprised!

0:44:420:44:45

There is not a single father-in-law on the planet who loves his

0:44:450:44:47

future son-in-law as much as your old man loves me. I nailed it.

0:44:470:44:51

And can you believe that idiot Vinod told me not to come?

0:44:510:44:54

I mean, I was tested, but I didn't bend to the pressure.

0:44:540:44:57

-I ate like an Indian. And even that tall, weird waiter...

-Kirit.

-Kirit.

0:44:570:45:02

Gave me a little nod. Shalini, I'm practically a local.

0:45:020:45:06

Oh, and the skimpy little number - I completely approve.

0:45:060:45:09

-What's wrong?

-Nothing.

0:45:110:45:12

-Well, this is amazing news.

-Yes, it is, and it's really good to see you.

0:45:130:45:17

-But?

-I thought you weren't coming up till next week.

0:45:190:45:21

Well, what difference does it make? I met your dad. I have his approval.

0:45:210:45:25

-Erm, it's really great that Dad likes you.

-Er, loves me.

-Loves you.

0:45:250:45:29

Loves you, yes.

0:45:290:45:31

Sorry, am I missing something?

0:45:310:45:33

Because it really couldn't have gone any better.

0:45:330:45:35

Look, even our horoscopes match, apparently.

0:45:350:45:38

-You gave him your birth date.

-Yeah.

0:45:380:45:40

Shalini, what's wrong?

0:45:410:45:42

I've never told you this before - my dad and my uncle

0:45:440:45:48

haven't spoken to each other in over ten years.

0:45:480:45:51

They have rival restaurants,

0:45:510:45:53

and they're now trying to put each other out of business.

0:45:530:45:56

-Why?

-Nobody knows for sure, because we're not allowed to discuss it.

0:45:560:45:59

Why haven't you mentioned this to me before?

0:45:590:46:01

Because I thought I could sort it out on my own.

0:46:010:46:03

I thought that a daughter's wedding would make them see sense and talk.

0:46:030:46:07

I didn't think they'd be this stubborn.

0:46:070:46:09

Your family are so lovely and normal, and mine are so bad-tempered

0:46:090:46:13

and chaotic, and I just wanted to sort things out before you met them.

0:46:130:46:17

Before your family met my family. Do you see?

0:46:170:46:19

Yeah.

0:46:210:46:22

You're angry,

0:46:230:46:25

cos I would be if you'd kept something like this from me.

0:46:250:46:28

I'm a little upset, yeah, but that's cos this is important to you.

0:46:280:46:32

You love your uncle as much as you love your dad,

0:46:320:46:34

-and I want you to be able to tell me anything.

-I'm sorry.

0:46:340:46:38

It's just, there are some things that Indians can't talk about.

0:46:380:46:41

I've never spoken to anyone about any of this,

0:46:430:46:45

because it drives me mad.

0:46:450:46:47

But I've never told my dad about any of my boyfriends,

0:46:470:46:50

and I've never told any of my boyfriends about my family.

0:46:500:46:53

Can we just...

0:46:550:46:56

..leave now, go to Vegas, and get married on our own, please?

0:46:570:47:00

No, we can't, cos Vegas isn't very me, is it?

0:47:000:47:04

And it certainly isn't you, getting married without friends and family.

0:47:040:47:08

Nothing matters to me more than you.

0:47:080:47:10

I have to go home,

0:47:120:47:13

but you should stay here for a couple of weeks and fix this.

0:47:130:47:16

You really want a wedding without your dad or uncle?

0:47:180:47:21

I am trying to sleep.

0:47:580:48:01

-You've been tossing and turning all night.

-Sorry.

0:48:030:48:06

What are you doing?

0:48:080:48:09

It's the middle of the night.

0:48:120:48:14

I need to work on my starters.

0:48:150:48:17

It's only practice, not bloody jadoo.

0:48:180:48:20

-You're up early.

-I haven't been to bed.

0:48:310:48:34

-You entered, then.

-Ah.

0:48:350:48:38

-What is it?

-A new starter.

0:48:380:48:40

I was thinking more like muesli this morning,

0:48:410:48:43

but if you want an opinion...

0:48:430:48:44

Oh, that's good.

0:48:470:48:49

Local strawberries, Indian mangoes, yoghurt, spices, and papris.

0:48:490:48:55

A breakfast chaat.

0:48:550:48:58

Maybe for the morning of your wedding?

0:48:580:49:00

Just because you got our horoscopes done, behind my back,

0:49:020:49:04

doesn't mean I've suddenly changed my mind.

0:49:040:49:07

There'll be no Indian wedding, Dad.

0:49:070:49:09

I wanted to finalise plans before you met Mark.

0:49:090:49:11

-I'm very pleased he came.

-Of course you are, you had our charts matched!

0:49:110:49:15

-You want to see them?

-No, Dad, I don't.

0:49:180:49:20

-I was just asking.

-You know what I want to see?

-What?

0:49:200:49:23

A main course.

0:49:230:49:25

You been practising those too?

0:49:250:49:27

Because you'll have to cook both for the competition.

0:49:270:49:30

'You know how unhappy it makes me when you fight in the kitchen.'

0:49:480:49:52

You'll help me with the starters, Raja.

0:49:520:49:54

Jagi will help me with the main courses.

0:49:540:49:57

That way, we stay out of each other's way.

0:49:570:49:59

I promise you, I will get you your money! Look, in the meantime...

0:50:200:50:24

Somebody didn't like the food.

0:50:240:50:26

CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY

0:50:260:50:27

Look, please, just take a seat. Thank you.

0:50:270:50:30

Guys, hi! Er, five minutes. Take a seat, I'll get you a drink.

0:50:310:50:35

Chandu uncle, how are you?

0:50:380:50:39

Don't have your wedding reception here, please.

0:50:400:50:43

We just came to have a look. What are you doing here?

0:50:430:50:46

Jagi was angry. He sacked me again. I have to work, I have a family.

0:50:460:50:50

I'm so sorry about my uncle.

0:50:500:50:52

Sharma needed a head waiter, but before today, I swear,

0:50:520:50:54

I did not know.

0:50:540:50:56

Not know what?

0:50:560:50:57

What's going on?

0:51:030:51:05

Why are we closed?

0:51:060:51:07

What's going on, Kirit ji?

0:51:090:51:11

-Dad!

-Go away.

0:51:180:51:21

Go away, leave me alone.

0:51:210:51:24

Leave me alone.

0:51:240:51:25

-Give me the bottle, Dad.

-Shh! Shh.

0:51:260:51:28

You are my daughter, not my mother.

0:51:300:51:32

-Although sometimes I can't be sure.

-Raja sahib...

0:51:330:51:36

You betrayed me, Kirit.

0:51:360:51:39

You found a new hiding place for my cigarettes, you traitor.

0:51:390:51:43

-Let's get you some water, Dad.

-What has my life become?

0:51:430:51:46

What has my life become?

0:51:470:51:50

I can't cook a main course.

0:51:500:51:52

And my daughter is getting married in her bloody underwear.

0:51:520:51:57

-Come on, Dad.

-No, no, no. Stand up.

0:51:570:51:58

-Are they coming?

-Yep.

0:52:070:52:08

I know you don't want to be here.

0:52:100:52:11

You don't have to talk to each other, you just have to listen.

0:52:110:52:14

The cancelled bookings, the health inspectors...

0:52:140:52:17

-Don't forget the bin bags and rats.

-Dad!

0:52:170:52:20

This was all Rak Sharma.

0:52:200:52:22

What? Why?

0:52:220:52:23

He spent a fortune on his place, owes some scary people

0:52:230:52:26

a lot of money, and there's a lot of competition in the area.

0:52:260:52:28

-How do you know this?

-Chandu.

0:52:280:52:31

-How does Chandu know?

-He's been working for Sharma.

0:52:310:52:33

-You sacked him again?

-I lost my temper. I didn't mean it, huh?

0:52:330:52:37

I never trusted that jackal, Sharma.

0:52:370:52:39

-You shouldn't have trained him, then.

-Which fool hired him?

-Stop it!

0:52:390:52:44

-What are you going to do about it?

-I'm going to punch that...

0:52:440:52:46

HE SPEAKS HINDI

0:52:460:52:47

Think you might be a bit late there.

0:52:470:52:49

-That's my nephew, huh?

-That's my son.

0:52:490:52:53

He's entered the competition. Hired a top Indian hotel chef.

0:52:530:52:57

How did that tricky bastard get him a work visa?

0:52:570:53:00

Probably paid some haramsharif off.

0:53:000:53:02

If he wins, he'll use the publicity, and his restaurant will

0:53:020:53:05

-no doubt be a great success.

-Won't happen.

0:53:050:53:08

-Because that

-HINDI

-can't beat me.

0:53:080:53:10

With your so-called pani puri, I wouldn't bet on it.

0:53:100:53:13

How are your main courses coming along, Dad?

0:53:140:53:17

If you two really care about the reputation of this family,

0:53:190:53:22

which was once about beautiful cooking, you'll enter this together,

0:53:220:53:25

and win.

0:53:250:53:26

The purpose of this is to practise the format,

0:53:340:53:37

-and to taste for each other.

-You will also taste the dishes, no?

0:53:370:53:42

We do this properly, or not at all.

0:53:420:53:44

Four ingredients, plus garlic and parsley.

0:53:450:53:48

-Parsley?

-Non-traditional, locally sourced ingredients.

0:53:480:53:51

It tastes like daniya. Tell your uncle.

0:53:540:53:57

He heard you! A starter and a main course.

0:53:570:54:00

-20 minutes from now.

-20 minutes?

-A little less now.

0:54:010:54:05

Five minutes.

0:54:350:54:37

MOCKING: "Five minutes." JAGI CHUCKLES

0:54:410:54:43

Chandu.

0:54:490:54:50

Stand next to Uncle!

0:55:050:55:07

You have to cook together.

0:55:100:55:12

Taste it.

0:55:150:55:17

See?

0:55:280:55:29

Contestants, please take your places.

0:56:150:56:17

Dad, Uncle, can I have a word?

0:56:170:56:19

I have something for you, to bring you some luck.

0:56:210:56:24

Good luck.

0:56:420:56:44

How are you? What a crowd!

0:56:580:56:59

-How are you? Are you excited?

-CROWD CHEERS

0:57:010:57:04

-Why are we here?

-CROWD: Curry!

0:57:060:57:08

-You want to help with the curry?

-CROWD: Yeah!

0:57:080:57:10

Thank you for coming to Kings Of Curry.

0:57:100:57:12

Now, 25 teams, five heats,

0:57:120:57:15

the winner of each heat goes through to the grand final.

0:57:150:57:18

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:57:180:57:19

can I ask you put your hands together for the head of your jury,

0:57:190:57:22

actress and Indian cooking legend, the one, the only, Madhur Jaffrey!

0:57:220:57:27

APPLAUSE, CHEERS

0:57:270:57:31

OK, can I have my first five teams, please?

0:57:340:57:37

Right, one starter, one main course.

0:57:490:57:52

Three spices, four main ingredients, and you've got 30 minutes.

0:57:520:57:57

Your time starts...

0:57:570:58:00

now. Get cooking!

0:58:000:58:02

OK, stop cooking. Knives and pans down, please. Knives and pans down.

0:59:200:59:24

Now, for the first round of tasting.

0:59:330:59:36

It's nearly seven. They're about to announce the finalists.

0:59:561:00:00

Well, well, well...

1:00:031:00:05

I'm surprised you oldies managed to, uh, bury the hatchet.

1:00:061:00:09

Just out of interest, who apologised to who?

1:00:091:00:12

Piss off, you bloody chutney peddler.

1:00:121:00:15

Chutney. Wasn't it a chutney recipe that you fell out over?

1:00:151:00:18

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1:00:181:00:19

You'd better bugger off before I dig out that hatchet and make you

1:00:191:00:22

-a hijra.

-Oi...

1:00:221:00:23

Hey!

1:00:231:00:24

Don't dare touch my brother, you bloody shit maker.

1:00:271:00:31

I didn't think I'd ever see that.

1:00:331:00:35

Ah!

1:00:351:00:36

We'll see who wins, huh?

1:00:391:00:41

Once a gadha, always a bloody gadha.

1:00:441:00:47

Our finalists are...

1:00:471:00:49

from Birmingham, Saffron and Spice.

1:00:491:00:51

From Warwick, the Curry House.

1:00:531:00:55

From Leicester, Sharma Palace.

1:00:571:01:00

-No!

-Boo!

-Boo!

1:01:031:01:05

From Nottingham, Mensa.

1:01:051:01:07

And last, but not least...

1:01:111:01:13

Please, God.

1:01:131:01:15

..from Leicester again, it's the Chandana brothers!

1:01:151:01:18

THEY CHEER

1:01:181:01:20

OK, nearly done.

1:01:291:01:30

Mmm.

1:01:351:01:37

Your food is really quite, quite remarkable.

1:01:371:01:41

Thank you, Madhurji.

1:01:411:01:43

-Do you mind if I ask you a question?

-No.

1:01:431:01:45

Raja, you have always made the starters.

1:01:451:01:48

Since I was a boy.

1:01:481:01:49

And, Jagi, you have always made the main course.

1:01:491:01:52

Always.

1:01:521:01:54

The balance between them is so perfect,

1:01:541:01:57

I honestly can't imagine having one without the other.

1:01:571:02:00

-Think we know where this is going.

-Shut up, girl.

1:02:001:02:03

Now, I was told that you have your own restaurants now,

1:02:031:02:06

but you used to have one together, Jadoo. It seems such a shame.

1:02:081:02:13

And I was just wondering, why?

1:02:131:02:15

Well, perhaps you'd prefer not to talk about it.

1:02:211:02:24

No, of course not.

1:02:271:02:29

Stupid, stupid man.

1:02:311:02:34

My brother can tell you why.

1:02:341:02:36

Um, I'm sorry, Madhurji. My brother is mistaken.

1:02:381:02:41

It is a question only for him.

1:02:411:02:43

I'm afraid my older brother is confused.

1:02:451:02:48

Maybe he can tell you why he sold one of our recipes.

1:02:481:02:51

Trying to make me lose face in front of Madhur Jaffrey, huh?

1:02:531:02:56

This is a new low.

1:02:561:02:58

Lose face?

1:02:581:02:59

You did that a long time ago when you stole from your family.

1:02:591:03:02

Eh?

1:03:021:03:04

This is why, this is why, Madhurji. My brother's temper is impossible.

1:03:131:03:18

How dare you?!

1:03:181:03:19

You can betray and steal from your own mother and call me impossible?!

1:03:191:03:23

I told you once before, never bring our mother into it, I...

1:03:231:03:27

HE GROANS IN PAIN

1:03:271:03:29

CROWD GASP

1:03:291:03:30

Dad?

1:03:301:03:31

Dad!

1:03:311:03:33

HE COUGHS AND GRUNTS

1:03:331:03:34

-Oh.

-Call an ambulance, now.

1:03:341:03:36

What have you done?

1:03:361:03:38

It's OK, Raji. You're all right.

1:03:381:03:40

You're OK, you're OK, Raji.

1:03:401:03:42

He's OK.

1:03:421:03:44

He had a heart attack.

1:03:591:04:00

-Oh, God.

-But relatively minor.

1:04:001:04:04

The cardiologist's an old friend, he says he's absolutely fine.

1:04:041:04:07

You can go and see him if you like.

1:04:091:04:10

I shouldn't have phoned you, I just...

1:04:121:04:14

Oh, no, don't be silly.

1:04:141:04:16

Go and see your father.

1:04:181:04:20

-Hey, Dad.

-How are you feeling?

1:04:331:04:35

Nothing wrong with me.

1:04:351:04:37

They still want to keep me in for a few days.

1:04:371:04:39

You've had a heart attack.

1:04:391:04:40

-HE CHUCKLES

-A little one.

1:04:401:04:42

The doctor said it was like having bad indigestion.

1:04:421:04:45

-Have you seen this menu? Huh?

-HE CHUCKLES

1:04:451:04:47

If I eat here, that'll kill me.

1:04:471:04:50

There's nothing wrong with this guy.

1:04:501:04:52

You scared us, Dad.

1:04:521:04:53

Whose fault is that?

1:04:531:04:55

You're both to blame for what happened.

1:04:551:04:57

Me?! I'm in hospital, half-dead, and you say this.

1:04:571:05:01

Because it's the truth. Why can't you both just accept that?

1:05:011:05:04

Guys, take it easy.

1:05:041:05:05

Shalini?

1:05:051:05:07

You're right. I'm sorry, Dad. I don't want to get you worked up.

1:05:071:05:09

Then don't talk about him. He has caused all of this.

1:05:091:05:12

Did we win?

1:05:141:05:16

I don't know, we haven't been home.

1:05:161:05:19

You stayed all night?

1:05:191:05:20

Of course.

1:05:201:05:22

Go home and get some rest.

1:05:241:05:27

That's a good idea.

1:05:271:05:28

Come on.

1:05:291:05:31

Shalini...

1:05:311:05:33

cook something for me.

1:05:331:05:34

It'll make me feel much better.

1:05:351:05:37

I never see you cook.

1:05:471:05:48

I never have the time.

1:05:501:05:51

I find it relaxing.

1:05:551:05:56

It suits you.

1:05:581:05:59

You should do it more.

1:05:591:06:01

-Wait here.

-What?

1:06:381:06:39

I'll be back in five minutes, just wait.

1:06:391:06:42

I'm sorry about what happened...

1:06:491:06:51

but I can't apologise to your father.

1:06:511:06:54

Will you at least come and say goodbye to him?

1:06:551:06:57

What?

1:07:001:07:02

Are they sure about this?

1:07:031:07:04

Dad.

1:07:161:07:17

-Oh.

-How are you feeling?

1:07:171:07:18

Ach, they gave me a Valium.

1:07:201:07:23

Feeling great.

1:07:231:07:24

Did you get me some food?

1:07:251:07:27

I did,

1:07:271:07:28

but I want you to see someone first.

1:07:281:07:30

What is he doing here?

1:07:371:07:39

I wanted to give you this.

1:07:391:07:40

Before you say anything, just listen.

1:07:571:07:59

-You lied to me.

-Yes.

-Let him go.

1:07:591:08:01

OK, if both of you don't listen to what I have to say,

1:08:011:08:03

right now, you will never see me again.

1:08:031:08:06

All I wanted is for both of you to be at my wedding,

1:08:111:08:15

and this is where we end up.

1:08:151:08:16

-This is what I...

-Dad, please, shut up. Let me finish.

1:08:161:08:19

-I agreed to come...

-Uncle, please shut up too.

1:08:191:08:21

You two are going to talk

1:08:221:08:24

or I'll never come back here.

1:08:241:08:26

All right, then. That's fine.

1:08:391:08:41

I'm leaving.

1:08:411:08:42

And I won't see either of you again.

1:08:421:08:44

Shalini, you don't mean this.

1:08:441:08:46

Don't you know me, Dad?

1:08:461:08:48

Shalini...

1:08:501:08:51

..I will talk to him.

1:08:521:08:53

If you wanted money for Shalini's

1:09:111:09:13

school fees, I wouldn't have minded.

1:09:131:09:14

Don't be sad.

1:09:411:09:43

We can go to another doctor.

1:09:481:09:50

It's not what I want.

1:09:511:09:52

But I do want you to do something for me.

1:09:551:09:57

I don't want Jagi to worry.

1:10:281:10:31

He's still my little boy.

1:10:311:10:33

I want you to sell my pickle recipe to the company that wants it.

1:10:341:10:38

If you take any money out of the business, Jagi will find out.

1:10:391:10:42

I don't want him to know I don't have long.

1:10:441:10:46

I wanted to be like you.

1:12:241:12:25

I looked up to you.

1:12:271:12:28

Don't you see that?

1:12:301:12:31

Define perfect.

1:13:371:13:39

There... Taste it now.

1:13:431:13:44

OK, enough.

1:14:071:14:08

No, no, no, no, no! Dad, go, go.

1:14:091:14:12

So, um, everything here I cooked.

1:14:141:14:18

The recipe for the cauliflower took my grandmother 20 years

1:14:181:14:21

to get right.

1:14:211:14:22

I tasted it and told her it was perfect.

1:14:221:14:25

I was six and it's one of my happiest memories.

1:14:251:14:28

-Taste it.

-All right.

1:14:281:14:29

It's perfect.

1:14:361:14:37

This is my mum's recipe.

1:14:371:14:39

The one dish she made for my dad that nobody else made.

1:14:391:14:42

Nobody's made it since she died.

1:14:421:14:44

Taste it.

1:14:461:14:47

Mmm!

1:14:511:14:52

And the samosas are for you.

1:14:521:14:54

Oh, my God.

1:15:001:15:01

That's, um...

1:15:021:15:04

-chocolate and...?

-Mango...

1:15:041:15:06

and a little bit of vanilla.

1:15:061:15:08

There's a photo of you as a boy, sitting on a swing,

1:15:081:15:10

looking at another boy's ice cream.

1:15:101:15:12

Chocolate, mango and vanilla.

1:15:121:15:13

You remembered that?

1:15:131:15:15

You looked so tragic.

1:15:151:15:16

When I saw that picture, I decided at that moment that I was

1:15:181:15:21

in love with you.

1:15:211:15:22

You see, I thought if I promised to make you

1:15:221:15:25

a different dish every week, with a story, for the rest of our lives -

1:15:251:15:28

so you wouldn't miss anything and I wouldn't keep anything from

1:15:281:15:31

you ever again - that maybe we could play catch up on the things

1:15:311:15:34

that I should have told you, but was too thoughtless to realise.

1:15:341:15:37

-And that you, you...

-If I gave you your ring back,

1:15:371:15:40

would you stop babbling?

1:15:401:15:42

Yes. Yes, I would.

1:15:421:15:45

Good.

1:15:451:15:46

Just so I know.

1:15:461:15:48

And, just in case, you still OK with an Indian wedding?

1:15:481:15:51

I hear it's a really big deal with your dad.

1:15:511:15:53

-I'm OK with any wedding.

-Good.

1:15:531:15:55

Just in case.

1:15:551:15:57

Of course, on the off chance...

1:15:571:15:59

-Mmm.

-Yeah, that's right.

1:15:591:16:00

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