The Rack Pack


The Rack Pack

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Transcript


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This programme contains very strong language

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48.

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AUDIENCE GROANS

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ELECTRICAL FIZZ

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# Hey, Mama, say the way you move

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# Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove

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# Oh, child, the way you shake that thing

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# Gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting... #

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You call it the luck of the Irish.

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# ..Hey, baby, when you walk that way

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# Watch your honey drip, can't keep away... #

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I'm exactly what the game needs. I'm an entertainer.

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I'm always conscious of the man in the street who pays a fiver,

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and that man wants to see fast play.

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If I can help someone escape that dreary,

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working-class environment, then that's not a bad thing, is it?

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You just get my name right in the papers, it's Alexander the Great.

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I thought we agreed on Hurricane. Hurricane Higgins.

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THEY CHEER

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Just there, on the left.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Pot Black studio,

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the 1972 world snooker champion, Alex "Hurricane" Higgins.

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Excuse me, Mr Higgins. Mr Higgins! It's just we do have a dress code.

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I know you do, Ted, and I'd love to wear it,

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but I can't do the tie on account of my neck disease.

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You do know I have a neck disease, don't you?

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It's the same one that afflicts the violinists. I have a doctor's note.

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Come on in, you can read it for yourself.

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Mr Higgins, I must ask you not to urinate in the sink.

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GIGGLING

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Forgive me, Ted. I'd introduce you, but I don't know their names.

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Two girls, straight off the streets of Birmingham. He's banned.

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GIGGLING

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MUSIC: Liquidator by Harry J Allstars

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Excuse me.

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Excuse me.

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I was wondering if you might provide me with some

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information about the tables and the facilities in this establishment.

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You know, what the, er, pockets are like and the, er,

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and the...the slate.

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Do you need me to call your mum?

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And what about the nap?

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MUSIC: Jeepster by T. Rex

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How are you?

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-Hi, Alex.

-Hi, how are you? You look beautiful.

-Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Hi, Alex.

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GIGGLING

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Alex Higgins.

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Hurricane Higgins?

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The snooker player?

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What's snooker?

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Excuse me.

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Please, what's your name?

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HE HUMS "LET'S FACE THE MUSIC AND DANCE"

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DOOR OPENS

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-What are you doing?

-I don't know, he's been at it about an hour.

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-Is this the lad?

-Yeah.

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God, he's pale, isn't he?

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I bet he gets sunburnt when he opens the fridge.

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He's thin and all.

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I've seen more meat on Linda McCartney's fork.

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He doesn't say much, does he?

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He's like Marcel Marceau in a library.

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Parlez-vous the English, senorita?

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Sorry, Mr Hearn. I did find your jokes very funny,

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but I like to concentrate when I'm practising.

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-Do you want a drink, Davis? It is Steve Davis, isn't it?

-Yes.

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Yes, it is, Mr Hearn. That's very kind. Milk, please.

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-Cold milk is fine.

-What, you don't drink?

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I like an eggnog.

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You know, at Christmas and...

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No, actually, I don't like it.

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What do you do, then? Apart from snooker?

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Smoke? Gamble? Drugs? Girls?

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Boys? Inflatable dolls?

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-I play mental chess.

-Is he any good?

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I don't know, boss, I can't play mental chess.

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-No, at snooker, you wally!

-Oh, yeah.

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He'll beat anyone who walks in that door.

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PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

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Lynn!

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Lynn!

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Lynn.

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-I tried phoning.

-I know. 20 times.

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I'm not great with the phone. I thought I'd charm you in person.

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Look, I'm sorry about the other night.

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I'm not really like that.

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Really? That's not what I've heard.

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I'm sometimes like that, but I can tell you deserve better.

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Let me take you out, babe.

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What's the worst that can happen?

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Now, the trick is, keep the bottom one still

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and get the top one to pinch the food together.

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Like this.

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I don't think these are proper chopsticks.

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SHE GIGGLES

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That's me. Winning my first tournament.

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I know.

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I haven't changed a bit.

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-Sandy? That's a girl's name.

-That's what my big sisters call me.

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-They look like they can keep you out of trouble.

-I wish.

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-No, I'm always on the road.

-Don't tell me.

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-Hurricane Higgins gets lonely.

-It's not all razzmatazz, Lynn.

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I can be playing in front of 1,000 people,

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all the people at home watching on the telly.

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But I'm a snooker player.

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In the end, you're always on your own.

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Me mates were right.

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Hurricane Higgins is a right flash bastard.

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But I like Alex Higgins.

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Come on.

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Where are we going?

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MUSIC: Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick by Ian Dury and the Blockheads

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# In the deserts of Sudan

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# And the gardens of Japan

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# From Milan to Yucatan... #

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Here he is - the man of the moment.

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The Hurricane in Romford!

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Get this man a drink.

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-Thanks for coming down, Alex, I really appreciate it.

-Pint of lager.

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It'll do wonders for the kid. He's good, but he's green,

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especially in front of top players like yourself.

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Baz, it'll be difficult for me

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to play snooker with your head up my jacksie.

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Noted. Noted.

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Here he is. Davis!

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Davis!

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Come on, Steve!

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What happened? Did a carrot fuck a snail...up the arse?

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-Yes!

-Go on!

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-Yes!

-Yes!

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You know, Baz, I'm sorry, but I can't keep my eyes open.

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What do you say we make this interesting?

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If you say so, Alex.

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Looks like I've found my game but lost my hearing.

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Sorry, Barry, that's a lot of money.

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Don't you worry, you're not going to lose. OK?

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Yes!

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Go on, my son. Come on.

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Come on!

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STEVE POTS BALL

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STEVE POTS BALL

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Yes!

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CHEERING

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What did I tell ya? I said he'd do it, didn't I?

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You owe me 40.

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Cheers.

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Well done. We'll have a drink later to celebrate.

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So, what do you think of the lad?

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I don't. I'd have killed him in a proper match.

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Without this bunch of hooligans, I mean.

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This place is a fucking disgrace.

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That top cushion has got more bounce than a pair of Page 3 tits.

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Thanks for coming, Alex.

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Get that man a pint!

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Of milk! And make it gold top!

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LAUGHTER

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Taxi for the Hurricane!

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CHEERING

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I've been waiting a long time to meet a man like you, Davis.

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I bet that's something you don't hear very often.

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HE CHUCKLES

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You see, I think snooker is going to be big. Properly big.

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Bigger even than wrestling.

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I'm being serious.

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And I want us to go into partnership together.

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We can be like Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy.

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Do you mean, like, what, 50/50?

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Jesus, Davis! I was only going to take ten.

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I think you'd better let me do the haggling from now on.

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Look, you just pot the balls, and I'll take care of everything else.

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Everything what else?

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I'm going to make you - and me -

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very, very rich.

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How's that sound?

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Jesus, Davis, it's like strangling a lettuce.

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Come here, you big nugget.

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I hope that's your snooker cue.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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That's it! That's what the grannies like to see.

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A nice, clean-cut, well-dressed young man...

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-bending over a table.

-Barry...

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Come on, princess, give us a twirl, show us what you got back there.

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No. Something's not right.

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Spiros. Can you try him in a different pair of socks, please?

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-COMMENTATOR:

-'It's about nine o'clock, people have been queuing

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'outside, and the queue was stretching way down the street,

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'and it's a very busy scene inside the Crucible.

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'And it's that, I think, because all the nine players, who are left

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'in this championship, are all playing matches today,

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'and this is very important.

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'Let's take a look at the line-up

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'of the championship as it stands at the moment.'

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Jesus, Bill, did you not get those Jane Fonda videos I sent?

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-Kiss my ass.

-Come on, I'll introduce you.

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Kirk Stevens, lock up your daughters.

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Tony Knowles, lock up your wife.

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Oh, Cliff Thorburn, lock up your mam.

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And Dennis Taylor, lock up your granny!

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This is Jimmy White - the whirlwind amateur world champion,

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who, one day, when I've retired, will be the Embassy World Champion.

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What have you got a cigar for?

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He doesn't look old enough to buy cigarettes!

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-I've just become a dad.

-Yeah!

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Jesus!

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What did Barry do to you?

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You look like...an undertaker.

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No, you don't.

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He looks like the cadaver.

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LAUGHTER

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I was told that they had...asteroids in here.

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Asteroids?

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Isn't that what you had, Dennis? Didn't they give you a cream for it?

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LAUGHTER

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I'll have a pint. Jimmy, what do you want?

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Er, lager, please.

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-COMMENTATOR:

-'Alex Higgins, '72 champion,

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'against Steve Davis, the new sensation of the snooker world.

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'From Belfast, the quickest potter on the planet,

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'please welcome to the Crucible, Alex "Hurricane" Higgins.'

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We're not in Romford now.

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CHEERING

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'For his first appearance in a World Championship quarterfinal,

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'from London, please welcome Steve Davis.'

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Go on, my son.

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APPLAUSE

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-COMMENTATOR:

-'Well, Steve Davis had a go there.

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'And I'm afraid it's going to be very costly for him.'

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CHEERING

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'That slight upset has upset Steve.'

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CHEERING

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MUSIC: Mr Blue Sky by ELO

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Come on!

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-COMMENTATORS:

-'A terrific performance by Alex Higgins.

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'Arrogant and box-office snooker by Alex Higgins.

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'Absolutely brilliant.

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'Alex is such a talented player.

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'There stands the world trophy.

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'That, together with £15,000.'

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Good luck.

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May the best man win.

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Awful gracious of you, Grinder,

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but at least let's go through the motions.

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'So, please put your hands together for Cliff Thorburn!

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'And looking to win his second world crown,

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'from Northern Ireland, please welcome Alex "Hurricane" Higgins!'

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'So Alex goes into the lead.

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'In a very favourable position indeed.

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POTS BALL

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'Beautifully controlled.

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'That's a beautiful shot.'

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That's kamikaze snooker!

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I know.

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Magic, innit?

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-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-'That was a leap of the ball...'

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What'd he take that on for?

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What does he think this is? Mission: Impossible?

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# Boom-boom boom-boom... #

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"This snooker player will self-destruct in five minutes."

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'And Alex watching every stroke.

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'Surely seeing the world title run away from him.'

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POTS BALL

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Come on, Cliff!

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'He just wants this frame to become World Snooker Champion.

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'And that shot must truly sadden the heart... '

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Alex!

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He blew it!

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Playing to the gallery like there's an audience award for the best shot.

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You can't take a round of applause to the bank.

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He's like a little boy lost.

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He's desperate for approval. Emotion, Davis, is the enemy of success.

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-OK, boss.

-Good.

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But we can do better.

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We need to create an aura of invincibility around you.

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Right, bear with me, Davis.

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I want you to sit up on that seat

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like you're on a khazi, doing your business.

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Come on!

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That's how you should sit when you're in tournaments, right?

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Cross your legs a little bit.

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-What, have I finished on the khazi now?

-Yeah.

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Yeah. Look, you're there, all right?

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You're at the Crucible.

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Yeah?

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Picture it.

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Last frame. OK?

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Everybody's waiting for you to make the shot.

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OK? You're thinking it through, thinking it through.

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Open your eyes.

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I want you to feel like you've seen a lot of trauma.

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But I don't want to see your thoughts, I want to see nothing.

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Just eyes. Dead.

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That's my boy. Good.

0:20:210:20:22

OK.

0:20:250:20:26

You need something else. You need a drink.

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No. No, no, no, no.

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Look, it's not a cup of warm milk before bedtime.

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It's a weapon.

0:20:470:20:49

No, no, no. Don't gulp it.

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Just...just sip it.

0:20:510:20:53

Don't sip it either.

0:20:540:20:57

-What else is there?

-OK.

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Just pick it up.

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Put it to your lips and then put it back down again.

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-Why?

-I don't know.

0:21:150:21:17

But it's terrifying.

0:21:180:21:19

Er...won't the other players just think I'm a wally?

0:21:200:21:23

No, Davis, they won't.

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They'll think you're a total arsehole.

0:21:260:21:29

And that...is what we want.

0:21:290:21:32

Think of it as...mental snooker.

0:21:320:21:35

-MUFFLED:

-Why don't you fuck off back to fucking America or Canada or wherever the fuck you come from?

0:21:480:21:53

-SLURRED:

-No, it was luck, Thorburn,

0:21:540:21:56

that's what it was. You got lucky today.

0:21:560:21:59

That referee's always hated me. They all hate me.

0:21:590:22:02

-You fucking cheat!

-'Alex...'

0:22:020:22:03

Don't you FUCKING hang up on me!

0:22:030:22:06

Alex, what are you doing? Alex, stop it!

0:22:060:22:09

Alex!

0:22:090:22:10

Alex, listen to me!

0:22:100:22:11

Listen, it's all right!

0:22:110:22:13

Alex!

0:22:140:22:16

It's all right.

0:22:160:22:17

Alex, listen to me, listen.

0:22:190:22:20

Listen, there's always next year, OK?

0:22:200:22:24

It's all right.

0:22:240:22:25

MUSIC: Another One Bites The Dust by Queen

0:22:250:22:28

'Steve Davis, making his debut in a big-time championship...

0:22:280:22:34

'the first time he's appeared in a final...

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'is about to don the crown of UK Champion.'

0:22:380:22:41

-COMMENTATORS:

-'Steve Davis commands...'

-'He's become a feared player...'

0:22:430:22:48

'It is more a game of pressure now.'

0:22:480:22:49

'There's no way that anyone can stop him.'

0:22:490:22:52

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

0:22:520:22:55

world number one and Romford's own, Steve Davis!

0:22:550:22:59

This way, please, Steve.

0:23:070:23:08

And his opponent this afternoon is the Croydon Echo letter-writing competition winner,

0:23:090:23:15

he's a smashing kid with a highest break of 16,

0:23:150:23:18

please welcome Matthew Harrison.

0:23:180:23:21

CHEERING

0:23:210:23:23

Hello, nice to meet you.

0:23:300:23:32

-Would you make a call for me, please?

-Heads.

-It is a head.

0:23:340:23:37

Matthew Harrison to break.

0:23:370:23:38

Go on, Matthew.

0:23:380:23:40

Good break. Well done.

0:23:490:23:51

Well done, very good.

0:23:530:23:55

One.

0:23:590:24:01

-MAN:

-It looks like he can play, Matthew.

0:24:010:24:04

Eight.

0:24:060:24:08

56.

0:24:130:24:15

102.

0:24:190:24:20

134 and the frame, Steve Davis.

0:24:260:24:29

Can you look this way, please?

0:24:310:24:32

There is no-one around who can concentrate for long enough

0:24:320:24:35

to be a threat to my dominating major tournaments for years to come.

0:24:350:24:38

'A very good morning. Yes, it is a little early, but believe it or not,

0:24:410:24:44

'they are already playing snooker here on this Monday

0:24:440:24:47

'at the Embassy World Professional Championships in Sheffield.

0:24:470:24:51

'No doubt we will be talking about the pressure shots and the tension.

0:24:510:24:55

'So, the psychological battles which have always been evident

0:25:000:25:04

'behind the scenes in this World Championship have begun again.'

0:25:040:25:07

Bye, Angel Face.

0:25:180:25:19

Touch my cue for luck.

0:25:190:25:21

There you go.

0:25:210:25:22

Daddy's got to go to work.

0:25:220:25:24

-Good luck.

-All right.

0:25:240:25:26

-Alex.

-Fuck off.

0:25:310:25:33

Steve.

0:25:360:25:37

Oh, I don't know if you heard, but I just had a little girl.

0:25:370:25:40

Lauren, her name is. I was at the birth.

0:25:400:25:43

Yeah, and to be honest with you,

0:25:430:25:46

it was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

0:25:460:25:49

Blood everywhere.

0:25:490:25:50

I mean, the doctors, they warned me,

0:25:500:25:53

what happens at the business end during birth.

0:25:530:25:56

But I said I'd be all right, that I'd cope...

0:25:560:25:59

..cos I knew Steve Davis and he's the world's biggest cunt.

0:26:000:26:03

Go on, my son. Go on, Steve.

0:26:030:26:06

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:060:26:09

Give me a vodka.

0:26:140:26:15

That was beautiful.

0:26:260:26:28

What'll it be, Steve?

0:26:300:26:32

What d'you say, Barry?

0:26:320:26:34

Is he allowed to stop and have a drink, or is he too good for us?

0:26:340:26:37

Too good for you? LAUGHS

0:26:370:26:39

Come on, Alex, give me a challenge.

0:26:390:26:41

Come on, you ginger twat.

0:26:410:26:43

-You can't play Space Invaders all the time.

-I'll buy you a drink.

0:26:430:26:47

-No, you won't, you buy me two fucking drinks.

-All right, done.

0:26:470:26:51

Two halves, it is.

0:26:510:26:52

Honestly, Barry. He's no good for the game.

0:26:520:26:56

You've gone and built a robot.

0:26:560:26:58

Who's going to want to watch that when you can see a flair player?

0:26:580:27:02

A flair player?

0:27:030:27:05

That's hilarious. That just means you miss.

0:27:050:27:08

But at least I miss with style.

0:27:090:27:11

MUSIC: Money For Nothing by Dire Straits

0:27:150:27:17

'That's it. The World Snooker Champion, 1981, Steve Davis.'

0:27:300:27:37

You've done it. You done it.

0:27:500:27:52

I told you.

0:27:520:27:54

He done it!

0:27:550:27:57

Come on!

0:27:570:27:58

That's the most disgraceful goddamn sight I've ever seen in snooker.

0:28:030:28:07

And I've known this piece of shit for a decade, right, Bill? Up high.

0:28:070:28:11

Yes!

0:28:120:28:14

I just hope they spell his name right on the trophy -

0:28:140:28:16

B-A-R-R-Y.

0:28:160:28:19

# Maybe get a blister on your little finger

0:28:220:28:25

# Maybe get a blister on your thumb

0:28:250:28:29

# We gotta install microwave ovens... #

0:28:290:28:32

Ten grand.

0:28:320:28:34

That's right, for the week.

0:28:340:28:36

No, Hamish, that's not lira.

0:28:360:28:38

That's pounds sterling.

0:28:380:28:40

You listen to me. You want Ferrari, don't pay Ford prices.

0:28:400:28:44

OK, you come back to me, but don't leave it too long.

0:28:440:28:48

Everyone wants a piece of Davis and that price is only going to go up.

0:28:480:28:52

Davis, I want you to meet Brian,

0:28:530:28:55

he's going to write us your autobiography.

0:28:550:28:57

But I'm only 23.

0:28:570:28:58

It doesn't matter.

0:28:580:29:00

He's going to pad it out, loads of diagrams.

0:29:000:29:02

That way, even Jimmy White can read it.

0:29:020:29:04

Barry, shouldn't I write my autobiography?

0:29:060:29:09

Davis, don't be a wally.

0:29:090:29:11

Even your biggest fan won't want to wade through an entire chapter

0:29:110:29:14

on how to chalk a cue.

0:29:140:29:15

Besides, you'll need that magic to write your column in the Star.

0:29:150:29:19

Here, Brian, they love him in the Star. Look at that.

0:29:190:29:22

-You could have flexed your muscles.

-I did.

0:29:230:29:25

PHONE RINGS Hold on. Hamish, I bet you.

0:29:250:29:29

Barry Hearn.

0:29:290:29:30

Good man, Hamish. Right, so, 11 grand for the week, then.

0:29:300:29:34

Yeah. I know I said ten, but that was two minutes ago.

0:29:340:29:37

I told you you've got to be quick.

0:29:370:29:40

Go on, then.

0:29:410:29:42

Who is it?

0:29:420:29:44

Well, in that case you'd better make it 12½.

0:29:450:29:47

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:29:590:30:01

ICE CUBES RATTLE

0:30:030:30:05

HE BURPS

0:30:120:30:14

CROWD MURMURS

0:30:280:30:31

HE MOUTHS

0:30:330:30:35

Come on, Davis!

0:30:350:30:36

CROWD MURMURS

0:30:360:30:39

You all right, Davis?

0:30:420:30:43

No. No, I'm not.

0:30:430:30:45

There is only one word to describe Alex Higgins.

0:30:450:30:49

-Obnoxious.

-I think there's a few more than that,

0:30:490:30:52

-but that's the one Brian'll put in the autobiography.

-All right.

0:30:520:30:55

But if he touches me again, then I'm not responsible for what I might do.

0:30:550:30:58

Well, what will you do?

0:30:580:31:01

Probably go home.

0:31:010:31:02

All right, I'll sort it.

0:31:030:31:05

Steve Davis - 58.

0:31:180:31:20

-<

-Come on!

0:31:250:31:27

CROWD GASPS

0:31:310:31:33

Stamina. It's one aspect of the game that is all too commonly forgotten.

0:31:340:31:38

Just because snooker players don't chase a football,

0:31:380:31:41

it doesn't mean that we don't need to be in a prime physical condition.

0:31:410:31:45

-As I was saying...

-Jesus, Brian. It's been a week.

0:31:450:31:48

Have you not finished yet?

0:31:480:31:50

Steve Davis is boring - the end.

0:31:500:31:53

Alex... I thought we had an agreement.

0:31:530:31:57

For God's sake!

0:31:570:31:59

One, two, three...

0:32:020:32:05

Thank you.

0:32:080:32:10

You know, I thought it was the idea of Steve Davis I used to hate.

0:32:110:32:15

But now I've got to know you a little better,

0:32:150:32:18

I actually hate Steve Davis the man even more.

0:32:180:32:21

Yeah. Well, you're...you're drunk.

0:32:210:32:25

Yes, I am.

0:32:250:32:26

But in the morning, I shall be sober,

0:32:270:32:30

and you'll still be boring.

0:32:300:32:32

Alex, it is the morning.

0:32:320:32:34

All right, then, Davis. Are you all set?

0:32:360:32:39

I don't suppose you've got room in the car for one more?

0:32:390:32:42

I do, as it happens. Brian, snap to it.

0:32:420:32:44

HE SIGHS

0:32:440:32:46

You know I can't drive myself. Don't be like that.

0:32:460:32:49

I think there's something you need to talk to your own manager about,

0:32:490:32:52

whoever that currently is.

0:32:520:32:54

-I intend to.

-Room number, sir?

0:32:540:32:57

I'm not staying here.

0:32:570:32:59

I can't afford to.

0:33:000:33:01

-Right...

-Let me see that.

0:33:030:33:06

That is very generous of you, Alex. Thank you.

0:33:060:33:08

Well, you must have got a good deal for Davis.

0:33:080:33:11

-Just imagine what I earn for this trip.

-I don't have to. I know.

0:33:110:33:15

Two grand. I got more than that.

0:33:150:33:18

Thank you. Most enjoyable.

0:33:180:33:20

Well, I wouldn't sign for you, even if you asked me.

0:33:200:33:23

That's good, cos I'm not asking.

0:33:230:33:25

Pride, Barry, it's a terrible thing.

0:33:250:33:28

You'd snap my hand off.

0:33:280:33:30

Where is he? Where's Beadle?

0:33:300:33:32

I don't need anyone to hold my hand and put my suitcase in the car,

0:33:320:33:37

but I know you're a bit of a whizz on the old pocket calculator.

0:33:370:33:40

Wait a minute - are you asking me? No chance!

0:33:400:33:45

I'll always be the biggest draw in the game.

0:33:450:33:47

So fuck you and fuck...Davis.

0:33:470:33:50

You see, it's that attitude

0:33:520:33:54

that has no place in what I'm trying to build here

0:33:540:33:58

-with an ethos of impeccable professionalism...

-Fuck you!

0:33:580:34:01

-I don't want to join.

-..and politeness at all times.

0:34:010:34:05

How am I supposed to market someone as rude as you to IBM?

0:34:050:34:08

That is a disgraceful slur on my character, Barry,

0:34:090:34:12

and fuck IBM!

0:34:120:34:14

Their computers are shite.

0:34:140:34:16

And what's that got to do with snooker?

0:34:160:34:19

The world's changing, Alex.

0:34:190:34:21

My new Matchroom stable recognises that.

0:34:210:34:24

CAR ENGINE STARTS

0:34:240:34:26

"My new Matchroom stable recognises...(!)"

0:34:260:34:30

Well, I'm not changing

0:34:300:34:31

and I'd certainly never change for you.

0:34:310:34:34

You know what the people want? Me!

0:34:340:34:37

This is the box office!

0:34:390:34:42

CAR HORN BEEPS

0:34:440:34:47

GLASS SMASHES

0:34:470:34:49

'Steve Davis...

0:34:510:34:52

'..the living embodiment of snooker perfection...'

0:34:530:34:56

HE SIGHS

0:34:560:34:58

'This black for the first televised 147...'

0:34:580:35:02

It was John Spencer back in 1979.

0:35:020:35:05

It was only not televised because yous pricks took a tea break!

0:35:050:35:08

For fuck's sake, Ted.

0:35:080:35:10

Have you got a hard-on for Davis, or what?

0:35:100:35:13

ALEX SIGHS

0:35:130:35:15

'He's done it.

0:35:150:35:17

'Steve Davis engraves his name on history

0:35:170:35:21

'with a break of faultless brilliance.

0:35:210:35:24

'We are surely watching the greatest player

0:35:240:35:27

'that has ever graced the baize.'

0:35:270:35:29

MILK BOTTLES CLATTER

0:35:310:35:32

FOOTSTEPS

0:35:320:35:34

You're up early.

0:35:340:35:36

I haven't been to bed.

0:35:360:35:38

What have you been doing, love?

0:35:380:35:40

Reading.

0:35:420:35:43

"By the 1981 World Championship,

0:35:440:35:46

"Alex's decline was being noticed for the first time..."

0:35:460:35:49

Alex, I think we really need to stop talking about Steve Davis.

0:35:490:35:52

Where is it? Here it is.

0:35:520:35:55

"Alex could no longer achieve what he used to attain."

0:35:550:35:58

He's fucking obsessed with me!

0:35:580:36:01

Listen...

0:36:010:36:03

It doesn't matter. OK?

0:36:030:36:05

-He's obsessed with me.

-What's the matter?

0:36:050:36:07

-Obsessed.

-No matter what happens, you've always got me

0:36:070:36:10

-and you've always got Lauren.

-You're right.

0:36:100:36:12

I'm going to haunt that bastard

0:36:120:36:13

till they cart me out in a little brown box.

0:36:130:36:16

HE SIGHS

0:36:160:36:19

Sweetheart, I really think we need to try and get you some help.

0:36:340:36:37

HE LAUGHS

0:36:370:36:40

Oh, baby.

0:36:420:36:43

MUFFLED VOICES

0:36:540:36:57

If you could just follow me.

0:36:570:37:00

Just this way. Thank you.

0:37:000:37:02

Please, just don't!

0:37:110:37:14

James, you just give me the names of the bastards that did this to you

0:37:150:37:19

-and I swear to God...

-It's my new management. They poofed me up.

0:37:190:37:25

-I said no, but...

-Not Barry Hearn?

0:37:250:37:27

No.

0:37:270:37:28

Wouldn't join that mob.

0:37:280:37:30

ALEX LAUGHS

0:37:300:37:31

So, what happened?

0:37:310:37:33

You had a fight and got your teeth knocked IN?

0:37:330:37:37

They reckon it'll be good for sponsorship and that.

0:37:370:37:39

It's all about image, though, innit?

0:37:390:37:41

Who else do they manage? Spandau Ballet(?)

0:37:410:37:44

No.

0:37:440:37:45

Barry Manilow.

0:37:450:37:47

You heard Tony Meo signed for Hearn?

0:37:480:37:50

He's one of the Matchroom boys now.

0:37:500:37:52

He's taken the fucking spic?

0:37:520:37:54

Yeah. He's been told to clean up his act.

0:37:540:37:57

No more disco dancing.

0:37:570:37:58

-It's like being back at school.

-How would you know?

0:37:590:38:02

He's got Terry, an' all.

0:38:040:38:06

It's all changing, Alex.

0:38:060:38:08

Good luck to them.

0:38:080:38:09

They'll need it.

0:38:100:38:12

Anyway...

0:38:130:38:15

I brought you some grapes.

0:38:150:38:17

Good lad.

0:38:190:38:20

You sure this is a hospital?

0:38:250:38:27

-They've even got a snooker table in the games room.

-Oh, yeah?

-Hmm.

0:38:280:38:32

Been hustling all the nutcases, have you?

0:38:320:38:35

No.

0:38:350:38:37

I don't feel like playing.

0:38:370:38:39

So, what happened, then? You went gonzo? Lose your marbles?

0:38:390:38:42

It's called exhaustion, James.

0:38:420:38:45

You know? I just needed a rest.

0:38:450:38:48

So, we're not going to see you in Sheffield, then?

0:38:500:38:53

Doesn't matter.

0:38:530:38:55

Davis is going to win, anyway.

0:38:550:38:57

MUSIC: Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who

0:39:020:39:05

Good girl.

0:39:150:39:16

Show Daddy.

0:39:160:39:18

Wow!

0:39:230:39:24

Show Daddy.

0:39:240:39:26

'The question that everyone is asking,

0:39:410:39:43

'can anybody take the title away from the man who has become

0:39:430:39:46

'one of the biggest names

0:39:460:39:48

'not just in snooker but in all sport, Steve Davis?

0:39:480:39:50

'What a remarkable time he's had.

0:39:500:39:52

'He came here and won the title last year.

0:39:520:39:55

'Since then, he's done everything right,

0:39:550:39:57

'and the bookmaker made him 5-2 on favourite to retain the title,

0:39:570:40:01

'and nobody has ever retained

0:40:010:40:02

'the World Professional Snooker Championship title

0:40:020:40:05

'here in the Crucible.'

0:40:050:40:08

Three grand,

0:40:080:40:09

Alex Higgins to be snooker champion of the world.

0:40:090:40:11

< Yes!

0:40:160:40:18

What's going on?

0:40:180:40:20

Knowlesy knocked out the Nugget, mate!

0:40:200:40:22

Oh, my God.

0:40:250:40:28

(Ssh-ssh, here he comes.)

0:40:280:40:30

Looks like your robot's broken down, Barry.

0:40:350:40:38

Can I write this chapter in your next autobiography?

0:40:400:40:43

Are you done? Good boy.

0:40:430:40:46

See you later, fellas.

0:40:460:40:48

Thank you.

0:40:500:40:51

Time, gentlemen, please.

0:41:010:41:03

MUSIC: Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream

0:41:090:41:13

# It's getting near dawn

0:41:250:41:28

# When lights close their tired eyes... #

0:41:300:41:33

It's the match the world's been waiting for...

0:41:330:41:35

Doesn't matter. Steve Davis is going to win anyway(!)

0:41:350:41:38

Well, here we are. This is a special shoot out.

0:41:380:41:41

-Please welcome Jimmy "The Whirlwind" White...

-Good luck.

0:41:410:41:45

CHEERING

0:41:450:41:47

# ..I've been waiting so long... #

0:41:590:42:04

And his opponent, Alex "Hurricane" Higgins!

0:42:040:42:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:090:42:13

'Quite extraordinary.

0:42:200:42:22

'Some of these shots that Jimmy knocks in,

0:42:220:42:24

'he makes them look so easy.

0:42:240:42:26

'Do you get the feeling, Jack, this could be the winning break?'

0:42:260:42:30

'And Alex finding it hard to bear, I think, at the moment.'

0:42:370:42:41

CROWD GROANS

0:42:420:42:45

'So, Alex breathes again.

0:42:450:42:47

'59 points in front now.

0:42:480:42:51

'And still enough points on the table for Alex,

0:42:510:42:54

'if he can just take his opportunity.

0:42:540:42:57

'He has to win this frame to stay in the match.

0:43:050:43:10

'And if he does win it,

0:43:100:43:13

'what an electric finish it's going to be.'

0:43:130:43:15

MUSIC: Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix

0:43:150:43:18

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:240:43:27

'And with that shot,

0:43:280:43:30

'he's brought the only red that was relatively safe

0:43:300:43:33

'over the centre pocket.'

0:43:330:43:35

APPLAUSE

0:43:420:43:44

'Well, he can pot this black, Jack,

0:43:440:43:46

'and I think he's got to go for it. This is the big shot of the frame.

0:43:460:43:50

'And a tremendous shot under pressure!

0:43:500:43:53

'A lot of courage Alex has got.

0:43:530:43:56

'And so another difficult red, into the centre pocket.'

0:43:590:44:02

CHEERING

0:44:050:44:08

'And Alex not able to afford any mistakes.

0:44:090:44:12

'Right-hand corner.'

0:44:120:44:15

'And another tremendous shot.

0:44:150:44:17

'Oh, and that's a beautiful shot!

0:44:250:44:28

'I tend to think, Jack,

0:44:360:44:38

'this has become a test of courage.'

0:44:380:44:41

'And Alex really rising to the occasion here.

0:44:410:44:44

'This really is something.'

0:44:440:44:46

'I'm feeling nervous for him, Jack.

0:44:480:44:51

'I think, if he clears this,

0:44:510:44:53

'this will be the break of the tournament.'

0:44:530:44:56

62.

0:44:560:44:58

'What a fabulous break if he knocks this black in.'

0:44:580:45:03

'Oh, marvellous!'

0:45:050:45:07

'15 frames all, what a finish.'

0:45:120:45:15

'So, Jimmy White concedes.

0:45:190:45:22

'What a splendid finish,

0:45:230:45:26

'and a truly, truly superb semifinal.

0:45:260:45:30

'So, the people's player

0:45:300:45:32

'now has a chance to really be the people's champion.'

0:45:320:45:37

I love you, baby.

0:45:550:45:56

From the first moment I held you in my arms.

0:45:580:46:01

And now...

0:46:040:46:05

..your daddy is playing in the final tomorrow.

0:46:060:46:11

It's going to change everything.

0:46:130:46:16

I'm going to prove all those bastards wrong.

0:46:160:46:20

I promise you, baby...

0:46:230:46:25

..I won't ever let you down.

0:46:260:46:29

SHE GURGLES

0:46:370:46:39

MUSIC: Tiny Dancer by Elton John

0:46:440:46:47

# Blue jean baby

0:46:560:46:59

# LA lady

0:46:590:47:02

# Seamstress for the band... #

0:47:040:47:06

Daddy.

0:47:060:47:08

# ..Pretty-eyed

0:47:080:47:12

# Pirate smile

0:47:120:47:15

# You'll marry a music man... #

0:47:160:47:20

'Congratulations from every side

0:47:220:47:24

'for this extraordinary young Irishman

0:47:240:47:27

'who has done so much for the world of snooker

0:47:270:47:31

'since he came on the scene just ten years ago.'

0:47:310:47:34

# ..And now she's in me Always with me... #

0:47:360:47:41

Well done, well done.

0:47:410:47:43

Bring my baby.

0:47:430:47:45

My baby.

0:47:450:47:47

My baby.

0:47:480:47:50

# ..Jesus freaks

0:47:560:47:58

# Out in the streets

0:47:580:48:02

# Handing tickets out for God... #

0:48:020:48:06

Look! Look what Daddy won.

0:48:070:48:09

# ..Turning back

0:48:090:48:12

# She just laughs

0:48:120:48:15

# The boulevard is not that bad... #

0:48:150:48:19

Oh, my baby, let me take my baby. I got you.

0:48:190:48:22

'The man who said, "I want so much to become the people's champion,"

0:48:220:48:27

'has won the championship.

0:48:270:48:28

'The people have watched and applauded.'

0:48:280:48:31

MUSIC: The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy

0:48:370:48:40

Faster, driver, faster!

0:48:420:48:44

Who's this?

0:48:440:48:46

Jimmy White!

0:48:460:48:48

Look at Jimmy White!

0:48:500:48:52

DRUNKEN RAMBLING

0:48:550:48:58

HE GASPS

0:48:590:49:01

Whose deal is it? Come on.

0:49:030:49:06

It's John the Arab, but he's in the fucking khazi.

0:49:060:49:09

-He's always in there. All right, John?

-Ooh...

0:49:090:49:13

Put that over there, Jimmy.

0:49:130:49:16

You know, I might be the world champion

0:49:160:49:19

but, more importantly,

0:49:190:49:21

out there, you know,

0:49:210:49:23

I'm the People's Champion.

0:49:230:49:26

In the words of Frank Sinatra...

0:49:260:49:28

# I did it my way... #

0:49:280:49:32

Jimmy says yous are in the music business.

0:49:320:49:34

I fucking told you. This is UB40.

0:49:340:49:37

I know! You don't have to tell me that again.

0:49:370:49:39

I'm your greatest fan.

0:49:390:49:41

# ..The boys are back in town... #

0:49:410:49:43

Yeah, Paddy...

0:49:490:49:50

Paddy, I'm...I'm as fucked off as you,

0:49:500:49:53

but, you know, we've got a flat tyre.

0:49:530:49:56

OTHERS SNIGGER

0:49:560:49:58

-(What else can go wrong in a car?)

-(The radiator.)

0:49:580:50:01

And the radiator's fallen off.

0:50:030:50:06

We'll be there on Tuesday.

0:50:060:50:08

Is it?

0:50:080:50:11

Wednesday, then. Tomorrow?

0:50:110:50:12

Yep. Yep, tomorrow.

0:50:120:50:14

I'll buy you a pint, OK.

0:50:140:50:16

Ciao, ciao, ciao. Bye.

0:50:160:50:18

So, what did Paddy say?

0:50:180:50:21

He said we've got time to go to the races.

0:50:210:50:23

THEY CHEER

0:50:230:50:25

# Red, red wine

0:50:250:50:28

# Goes to my head... #

0:50:300:50:33

In three, two...

0:50:330:50:35

MUSIC PLAYS

0:50:350:50:39

Hello. Welcome to...

0:50:390:50:41

Wait for the music, Steve.

0:50:410:50:43

MUSIC ENDS

0:50:460:50:48

-Hel... Welcome to...

-Camera two.

0:50:500:50:53

-Oh, right. Here?

-Camera two, yes.

0:50:530:50:55

The one with the light on, Steve.

0:50:550:50:57

You've got to look at the camera with the light on.

0:50:570:50:59

Right. Yeah. I see.

0:50:590:51:01

-It looks great. You look beautiful. It looks good, honestly, mate.

-OK.

0:51:010:51:05

All right.

0:51:050:51:07

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Sorry.

-Don't worry about it.

0:51:100:51:13

It's what a screen test's for.

0:51:130:51:15

-Take your time.

-OK.

0:51:150:51:16

Hello.

0:51:160:51:18

Welcome to A Frame With Davis.

0:51:180:51:20

Today, I've got two best...

0:51:200:51:22

I've got... Today, I've got two guest celebrities

0:51:220:51:25

who are going to have a game of snooker against each other.

0:51:250:51:29

Yeah, yeah. Steve, that's great, but, um,

0:51:380:51:42

we know you can play snooker.

0:51:420:51:44

The idea is to interview the guests at the same time.

0:51:440:51:46

-Sorry, was I in the zone again?

-No, Steve, you're doing great, OK?

0:51:460:51:50

Just ask me a question. Fire away.

0:51:500:51:53

OK.

0:51:530:51:54

So, Bernie Winters,

0:51:550:51:57

um...

0:51:570:52:00

when did you first realise

0:52:000:52:02

that you wanted to be in the show business?

0:52:020:52:04

CUE CLATTERS

0:52:040:52:05

Tell you what, can we just cut there and take five, Miles?

0:52:050:52:09

-Yes.

-OK.

0:52:090:52:11

-I'm sorry, Barry, this isn't really me, is it?

-Granted, granted,

0:52:110:52:15

but then that's not really you, either, is it, when you're playing?

0:52:150:52:18

That's more like Tournament Steve.

0:52:180:52:21

You see, what we're after here is a sort of third Steve,

0:52:210:52:24

-Personality Steve.

-But I'm boring.

0:52:240:52:27

I know you are.

0:52:270:52:28

We just need to make you boring in a really fun way, you know?

0:52:280:52:31

-Get you to tell a few jokes.

-I don't know any jokes.

0:52:310:52:34

Which is good.

0:52:340:52:35

You'll have the element of surprise on your side.

0:52:350:52:40

Have a look at this.

0:52:400:52:41

A few notes.

0:52:420:52:44

Have a read of some of them, all right?

0:52:440:52:46

"I'm so boring, my nickname is Steve Davis."

0:52:480:52:50

That's the one.

0:52:500:52:52

Now go!

0:52:520:52:54

"I'm so boring, my nickname is Steve Davis."

0:52:570:53:00

I didn't realise you were doing it there. OK. All right.

0:53:000:53:03

We'll do it once more. OK? This time,

0:53:030:53:05

we'll do the Shake n' Vac and put the freshness back. Watch this.

0:53:050:53:10

DEADPAN: I'm so boring, my nickname's Steve Davis.

0:53:100:53:13

See, Robbo likes it.

0:53:140:53:16

Why aren't you laughing?

0:53:160:53:18

Sorry. I've heard it before.

0:53:180:53:21

HORN TOOTS

0:53:310:53:33

Fellas, you're four hours late. They are baying for blood in there.

0:53:370:53:41

-Where have you been?

-Relax, Barry. They love me.

0:53:410:53:43

I'm the People's Champion.

0:53:430:53:45

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome him back to Ireland,

0:53:450:53:48

World Champion Alex "Hurricane" Higgins here tonight

0:53:480:53:52

with Jimmy "The Whirlwind" White.

0:53:520:53:54

Someone's nicked it.

0:54:020:54:04

All the money's in there!

0:54:040:54:06

They've got my fucking trophy!

0:54:080:54:10

Fucking hell! They've stolen UB40!

0:54:100:54:13

Fuck's sake!

0:54:150:54:16

Why don't you know when you will be back?

0:54:170:54:19

Depends how many exhibition matches Jimmy has lined up.

0:54:190:54:21

-We need you here!

-We need the money, in case you hadn't noticed.

0:54:210:54:25

Look, love. I'm trying to do everything I can for this family.

0:54:250:54:28

It's not my fault Ireland was such a disaster,

0:54:280:54:30

that my single didn't make it into the charts.

0:54:300:54:32

It's hard enough as it is at the moment.

0:54:320:54:34

It's hard for me, too, you know.

0:54:340:54:36

-Would it kill you to be just a little bit supportive?

-Alex, I'm pregnant!

0:54:360:54:39

-I can't do everything by myself.

-Well, I'm World Champion.

0:54:390:54:42

-I can do anything I like.

-Pardon?

0:54:420:54:45

Look, love, it will just be a couple of days, no more than a week,

0:54:450:54:47

I promise.

0:54:470:54:49

What about your snooker cue?

0:54:490:54:51

-CLEARS THROAT

-Fuck.

0:54:510:54:53

So don't you want another nipper, then? You don't look happy about it.

0:54:590:55:02

Of course I am, it's just...

0:55:020:55:04

She's barely lost the weight from the last one.

0:55:040:55:06

Oh, go on, then.

0:55:080:55:10

But I told Maureen I was only popping out to buy some milk.

0:55:100:55:13

THEY CHUCKLE

0:55:130:55:15

DISCO MUSIC

0:55:240:55:26

OK?

0:55:280:55:30

Can I have a wine, please?

0:55:300:55:32

-Well, if it ain't The Grinder.

-Oh, shit.

0:55:320:55:36

G-G-Grinder!

0:55:360:55:37

Are you even bothering to go to fucking Sheffield this year?

0:55:390:55:42

Alex, please. Language, in front of my wife.

0:55:420:55:44

Sorry.

0:55:440:55:45

Sorry. Sorry.

0:55:450:55:47

Tell me, darling, is he The Grinder on and off the table,

0:55:470:55:51

-if you get my drift?

-Alex, please.

0:55:510:55:53

We're having an enjoyable evening.

0:55:530:55:55

I'll be dammed if I'm going to let you spoil it.

0:55:550:55:57

You are a Canadian cunt.

0:55:570:56:00

Alex, I've had about as much of you as I can take,

0:56:010:56:04

so think very carefully about what you say next.

0:56:040:56:07

You are fucking shit at snooker!

0:56:090:56:11

Would you excuse me, my dear?

0:56:110:56:14

I'm going to fucking kill you! Fuck you!

0:56:140:56:16

I'm going to pound on you until my fist is sore.

0:56:160:56:20

-He's just a bit wasted...

-All right, show's over.

0:56:200:56:23

It's all right, it's all right...

0:56:230:56:24

Get him the hell out of here.

0:56:240:56:26

It's all right. Messing around.

0:56:260:56:28

Messing around, aren't we?

0:56:280:56:30

Calm down, Cliff. All right?

0:56:330:56:36

All right? Just messing around.

0:56:360:56:39

OK? Come on.

0:56:400:56:42

I'm sorry, love.

0:56:460:56:47

All right, all right, fine.

0:56:470:56:50

Fine, fine.

0:56:500:56:52

-Still fucking meant it.

-Fuck you!

0:56:520:56:54

Oh, Jesus Christ! Come on, honestly!

0:56:540:56:57

HE GASPS Little shit-stain!

0:56:570:57:00

HE LAUGHS

0:57:000:57:02

Oh, no, yes. We do have a laugh.

0:57:020:57:04

When I got asked to come and do this show,

0:57:040:57:06

I said, "You do know I'm boring, don't you?"

0:57:060:57:09

And they said, "How boring?"

0:57:090:57:11

I said, "I'm so boring, my nickname is Steve Davis."

0:57:110:57:13

LAUGHTER

0:57:130:57:16

I'm glad you find that one funny.

0:57:160:57:19

-Go on, my son.

-My shot, is it?

0:57:190:57:21

'A very good morning to you.

0:57:210:57:22

'And if you were planning anything else today, I would cancel it.

0:57:220:57:25

'Because I think we are in store here for the most interesting day yet

0:57:250:57:28

'in the 1983 Embassy Professional Snooker Championship Of The World.

0:57:280:57:34

'Right, the start of day 14. Alex Higgins and Steve Davis.

0:57:340:57:38

'And we will be with the semifinals right throughout the day

0:57:380:57:41

'and throughout the evening...'

0:57:410:57:42

-ANNOUNCER: This match needs little introduction...

-Here we are, Cagney and fucking Lacey.

0:57:420:57:47

You know no-one has ever won two in a row?

0:57:490:57:52

-Before now, that is.

-I hope I win, Alex, for your sake.

0:57:530:57:56

Someone's got to stop you celebrating the last one.

0:57:580:58:00

HE SNORTS

0:58:000:58:01

-Since when does he make jokes?

-Since he got his own chat show.

0:58:010:58:05

-..World number one, Steve Davis!

-Go on, son.

0:58:050:58:07

CHEERING

0:58:070:58:10

And please welcome the defending Embassy World Snooker Champion,

0:58:140:58:18

Alex "Hurricane" Higgins!

0:58:180:58:21

CHEERING

0:58:210:58:24

BABY CRIES

0:58:340:58:36

DOOR SLAMS

0:58:430:58:44

I know, I miss you, too. But...

0:58:470:58:50

I can't come home, I'm playing an exhibition match.

0:58:520:58:55

'So, this exhibition match, who are you playing?'

0:58:550:58:57

-Jimmy.

-DOOR OPENS

0:58:570:58:59

I'll be there in a minute, just give me a minute, Jimmy.

0:58:590:59:01

Higgins, you pig. Have you finished with these?

0:59:010:59:04

-'Who was that?'

-Nobody.

0:59:040:59:05

I'm not nobody. I'm Oliver fucking Reed.

0:59:050:59:08

Oh, and Ollie Reed is here, as well.

0:59:080:59:12

GIGGLING IN BACKGROUND

0:59:120:59:13

'Shut up!'

0:59:130:59:14

He's keeping score.

0:59:150:59:16

Shut up!

0:59:180:59:20

Lynn?

0:59:200:59:21

Oh, fuck.

0:59:210:59:22

Lynn, just calm down. Tell me, what have I done?

0:59:260:59:30

'Alex, you're never at home.'

0:59:300:59:32

I'm at home now.

0:59:320:59:33

-Listen, it's worse when you are at home.

-You see, there you go.

0:59:330:59:36

-I can't win.

-Look, I don't want our kids to see you pissed all the time.

0:59:360:59:40

So I like a drop of drink. If that's the worst of our problems...

0:59:400:59:42

Alex, I am worried I'm going to end up getting AIDS!

0:59:420:59:45

CHUCKLES

0:59:450:59:46

Lynn, I swear on my life, I'm not into fellas.

0:59:460:59:49

Alex, you are not listening to me.

0:59:490:59:52

Look, I know I'm not a model husband, OK? I admit that. But...

0:59:521:00:00

I love you. Right, if you want me to change, I'll change.

1:00:001:00:04

No, I...

1:00:041:00:05

Listen, I want you to, I really do, but you will never change.

1:00:051:00:09

I'll never give up my family.

1:00:091:00:11

The Hurricane never gives up.

1:00:111:00:13

-Come home, Lynn.

-I can't do it, I'm sorry.

-Come...

-Alex, I said no.

1:00:131:00:17

Come on, mate. You can sort this.

1:00:231:00:26

My Maureen gets like this.

1:00:281:00:29

A bit antsy.

1:00:291:00:31

Then she calms down and, you know,

1:00:321:00:35

we just carry on like it never happened.

1:00:351:00:36

Until the next time.

1:00:381:00:39

HE CHUCKLES

1:00:391:00:41

That's what marriage is.

1:00:411:00:43

Come on, follow me, I'll give you the tour.

1:00:471:00:50

Kitchen, portable colour TV.

1:00:511:00:55

Dishwasher.

1:00:551:00:57

Microwave.

1:00:571:00:59

All you have to do all day is just...sit around and push buttons.

1:00:591:01:04

Do you really think this is going to solve all of our problems?

1:01:051:01:09

I know, we'll get an au pair, but...

1:01:091:01:12

..you have to admit, it's a good place for a fresh start.

1:01:131:01:18

Alex, how many fresh starts can I give you?

1:01:181:01:21

I know.

1:01:211:01:22

I know, it's my final last chance, but...

1:01:231:01:26

You know the Hurricane is never better

1:01:291:01:32

than when his back is against the wall.

1:01:321:01:35

It's too big.

1:01:351:01:37

I'll be lonely when you're not here.

1:01:371:01:39

Oh, and the piece de resistance...

1:01:391:01:42

-My sn...

-Snooker room.

1:01:451:01:48

I can practise here. No more going away for days on end.

1:01:481:01:52

-And I'm getting a new manager.

-I don't know.

-You don't know?

1:01:531:01:58

What, you don't think we can afford it? We can.

1:01:581:02:01

Snooker has never been bigger and I'm back to my best.

1:02:011:02:04

I meant I don't know if I'm ready, Alex.

1:02:041:02:06

I'll win 60 grand for the Embassy next year.

1:02:061:02:08

-I'll build us a swimming pool.

-Can't even swim.

1:02:081:02:11

For you and the kids.

1:02:111:02:12

Imagine, little Lauren and Jordan, playing out there, raising hell.

1:02:141:02:19

Be like a real family again.

1:02:221:02:24

I know that's what you want.

1:02:271:02:29

Really.

1:02:291:02:30

Please say yes, because...

1:02:351:02:37

..the truth is,

1:02:381:02:40

I've already bought it.

1:02:401:02:42

It is Monopoly meets KerPlunk.

1:02:441:02:47

-You think people are actually going to buy this?

-Course they will.

1:02:471:02:51

Especially... when I throw in a pair of these.

1:02:511:02:54

-What have they got to do with snooker?

-Nothing.

1:02:541:02:57

That's the genius bit. PHONE RINGS

1:02:571:02:59

That phone is red-hot. It will not stop ringing.

1:02:591:03:03

Buzby's working overtime and I think I need a new fax machine.

1:03:031:03:07

Barry Hearn.

1:03:071:03:09

No, I do not know if the World Champion drinks coffee.

1:03:091:03:13

Well, how much are we talking?

1:03:141:03:16

He loves the stuff. He can't get enough of it, especially...

1:03:181:03:22

What brand did you say it was again?

1:03:221:03:24

Thank you very much.

1:03:241:03:26

Honestly...

1:03:291:03:31

Would you not rather have my face on an advert than that?

1:03:311:03:34

Would you not say I'm a much sexier man?

1:03:361:03:38

Oh, yeah, much sexier.

1:03:381:03:40

Have you seen this one?

1:03:441:03:47

I don't read Women's Realm.

1:03:471:03:49

"If I had to choose between sex and snooker, I'd choose snooker."

1:03:491:03:53

So would she!

1:03:531:03:55

Can you imagine that in bed?

1:03:561:03:59

Spend three minutes walking round her, lining up the fucking shot.

1:03:591:04:02

Probably chalks his bell-end.

1:04:041:04:06

He did win Rear Of The Year.

1:04:061:04:07

-What the fuck are you talking about?

-When it was Su Pollard.

1:04:071:04:10

Listen, Alex, I can get you deals.

1:04:121:04:14

Just got Tony Knowles in with Vidal Sassoon.

1:04:151:04:18

Right.

1:04:201:04:22

Well... Tony can walk into any Vidal Sassoon salon,

1:04:221:04:24

anywhere in the country and get himself a free haircut.

1:04:241:04:28

I'm talking about getting me a TV advert, not a free fucking haircut.

1:04:281:04:33

Do you have any idea how much this place cost me?

1:04:341:04:37

I pay you 10%.

1:04:371:04:39

And you just draw a blank. A Blankety Blank.

1:04:391:04:43

Why can't you even get me on Blankety fucking Blank?

1:04:431:04:46

People like winners.

1:04:461:04:47

Alex, darling, can I get some money

1:04:501:04:52

cos Caterina wants to take Lauren into town?

1:04:521:04:54

How am I meant to practise with all these constant interruptions?!

1:04:561:05:00

MUSIC: The Four Seasons by Antonio Vivaldi

1:05:061:05:10

Excuse me.

1:05:101:05:12

GENERAL CHATTER

1:05:121:05:14

HE THUMPS DOOR

1:05:141:05:16

What the fuck?

1:05:211:05:23

Are you sure this is a snooker tournament?

1:05:241:05:26

-This place is bigger than your house.

-Don't mention that money pit.

1:05:261:05:30

I have to win this just to pay the gas bill.

1:05:301:05:32

What the fuck are you doing?

1:05:381:05:39

It's the Goya Matchroom scent.

1:05:391:05:41

It's the international fragrance for the men who play to win.

1:05:421:05:46

You wanna be a winner, you've got to smell like a winner.

1:05:461:05:48

It's a mix of fern needles, tarragon, pimento, nutmeg, patchouli,

1:05:481:05:53

musk, sandalwood and tonka beans.

1:05:531:05:55

Hey, Grinder, what's all this shit?

1:05:551:05:57

Beats me, thought we were here to play goddamn snooker.

1:05:571:06:00

I may be the People's Champion, but not these fucking people.

1:06:111:06:16

Fucking Romford lot.

1:06:161:06:18

It's all just fake, innit?

1:06:181:06:19

Barry, Barry!

1:06:221:06:23

Can you get us a pint of that Goya Matchroom?

1:06:231:06:27

I think you've had enough, Alex, don't you?

1:06:271:06:29

Fuck you, Barry. You don't tell me what to do.

1:06:291:06:32

Jesus, they take it all so seriously now.

1:06:351:06:39

Who is it that made all this possible?

1:06:401:06:43

Got millions to watch so Davis could line his fucking pockets.

1:06:431:06:47

Barry Hearn.

1:06:471:06:49

Me!

1:06:491:06:50

The Hurricane.

1:06:501:06:52

Before me, it was just old farts taking it in turns to miss.

1:06:521:06:57

HE SNIFFS

1:06:591:07:01

Barry!

1:07:011:07:02

Can we open a window? Fucking stinks in here.

1:07:021:07:05

Tell you what, Alex, I'll open a door and you can walk straight out of it.

1:07:051:07:09

Are you offering me out, Barry?

1:07:091:07:11

I'll fucking come outside with you, just give me...

1:07:111:07:14

-I'll fucking kill you!

-Alex! Just have a drink.

1:07:141:07:16

-Come on!

-What are you talking about?!

1:07:161:07:18

Listen to me. Play the game, you've just got to play snooker

1:07:181:07:21

and take his money, yeah?

1:07:211:07:22

Yeah, that's all he cares about.

1:07:221:07:25

Fuck all this shit.

1:07:271:07:28

Get outta my way!

1:07:311:07:33

This is... This is MY bandwagon. You know that, Tintin. All right?

1:07:331:07:37

It'll take more than perfume

1:07:371:07:39

and fancy fucking canapes...

1:07:391:07:41

-CLATTERING

-..to kick me off.

1:07:411:07:43

What do you think, Willie?

1:07:431:07:45

It's a bit of a fucking po-o-osh party, isn't it?

1:07:451:07:49

Bit of a posh pa-a-arty!

1:07:491:07:51

All right, I'm off now.

1:07:531:07:55

One last one for the photographers. There you go.

1:07:551:07:58

Get that in your fucking lens!

1:07:581:08:00

Fucking prick, give me that! Give me fucking that!

1:08:001:08:03

Fucking prick.

1:08:031:08:05

# And every step I take

1:08:051:08:09

# Takes me further from heaven... #

1:08:091:08:13

DISTANT VOICES

1:08:131:08:17

# Is there a heaven?

1:08:171:08:19

# I'd like to think so

1:08:221:08:24

# Standards of living... #

1:08:281:08:30

CHUCKLING

1:08:301:08:33

-Hey.

-So this is how you practise?

1:08:331:08:36

I didn't know you were up.

1:08:361:08:38

I'm just... I'm just showing her some shots with my new cue.

1:08:381:08:41

What do you expect, eh?!

1:08:411:08:43

I'm a red-blooded male!

1:08:441:08:46

I'll be gone soon enough and you can fuck whoever you want to then!

1:08:461:08:50

Yeah, well, maybe I fucking will!

1:08:501:08:52

I'm taking the kids, I'm going to my parents, and for good this time!

1:08:521:08:55

You can't fucking do that!

1:08:551:08:57

-Those children need a daddy!

-Too fucking right they do!

1:08:571:09:00

So now I'm not a good daddy?!

1:09:001:09:01

-Where the fuck you going?

-They're scared of you, Alex, so am I.

1:09:011:09:04

Do you have any idea what I have to do for this family?

1:09:041:09:09

The shit I have to deal with?!

1:09:091:09:11

Get your fucking hands off of me.

1:09:111:09:14

Lynn. Come here, Lynn.

1:09:141:09:16

Don't you go in there!

1:09:161:09:18

Swear to God, Lynn! Come out here! Come out here!

1:09:181:09:21

Come out so we can talk about this like civilised people!

1:09:211:09:25

You fucking bitch!

1:09:271:09:29

Fucking bitch!

1:09:331:09:34

HE EXHALES

1:10:041:10:06

'Mr Higgins, who was due to play later today at the Goya Matchroom

1:10:091:10:12

'Snooker Tournament, was taken to nearby Macclesfield Police Station.'

1:10:121:10:16

ALL: # Snooker loopy, nuts are we

1:10:181:10:20

# Me and him and them and me

1:10:201:10:23

# We'll show you what we can do

1:10:231:10:25

# With a load of balls and a snooker cue

1:10:251:10:28

# Pot the reds then screw back

1:10:281:10:30

# For the yellow, green, brown, blue, pink and black

1:10:301:10:32

# Snooker loopy, nuts are we

1:10:321:10:35

# We're all snooker loopy... #

1:10:351:10:37

That's it, boys.

1:10:371:10:38

# Now, Terry the Taff was born in a gaff... #

1:10:411:10:43

All right, Jim?

1:10:431:10:45

It's great, innit? Look.

1:10:451:10:47

HE LAUGHS

1:10:471:10:49

# He likes to sing along

1:10:491:10:52

# And if I win, he says with a grin

1:10:521:10:54

# It can only help me, can't it?

1:10:541:10:56

# I'll celebrate, I'll buy another eight

1:10:561:10:59

# Hairbrushes for me barnet

1:10:591:11:01

# But old Willy Thorne, his hair's all gone

1:11:011:11:03

# And his mates all take the rise

1:11:031:11:06

# His opponent said cover up his head

1:11:061:11:08

# Cos it's shining in my eyes

1:11:081:11:10

# When the light shines down on his bare crown

1:11:101:11:13

# It's a cert he's gonna walk it

1:11:131:11:15

# It's just not fair giving off that glare

1:11:151:11:18

# Perhaps I ought to chalk it

1:11:181:11:20

# Snooker loopy, nuts are we

1:11:201:11:23

# Me and him and them and me

1:11:231:11:25

# We'll show you what we can do

1:11:251:11:27

# With a load of balls and a snooker cue

1:11:271:11:30

SONG BEGINS TO FADE # Pot the reds then screw back

1:11:301:11:32

# For the yellow, green, brown, blue pink and black

1:11:321:11:35

# Snooker loopy, nuts are we

1:11:351:11:37

# We're all snooker loopy... #

1:11:371:11:39

DOORBELL RINGS

1:11:591:12:02

-Who is it?

-It's me, it's Jimmy.

1:12:021:12:04

-Come in, then.

-You all right, mate?

-Mm-hm.

1:12:101:12:13

Sorry for all these fucking...

1:12:151:12:17

Um...

1:12:171:12:19

Come in.

1:12:191:12:20

Tried phoning.

1:12:201:12:22

There's a...problem with the phone.

1:12:221:12:25

-Lynn's still not come round, then?

-No.

1:12:331:12:36

She's, uh...

1:12:391:12:41

She's got a court ruling.

1:12:411:12:43

If I try to see her or the kids then, um...

1:12:431:12:46

..they'll put me in prison.

1:12:481:12:50

I'm sorry, mate.

1:12:521:12:53

It's no-one's fault.

1:12:561:12:57

Have you, uh...

1:13:041:13:06

had breakfast?

1:13:061:13:07

No, no, ta. Can't stop.

1:13:091:13:11

Oh, come on, James.

1:13:111:13:13

I've got a corporate.

1:13:131:13:15

Haven't seen you for days.

1:13:181:13:20

Cheers.

1:13:211:13:22

Listen, uh...

1:13:261:13:28

I just wanted to be the one to tell you.

1:13:301:13:33

I've signed.

1:13:341:13:36

Barry fucking Hearn.

1:13:411:13:43

Yeah, Barry fucking Hearn.

1:13:451:13:48

He says I can be the Matchroom bad boy.

1:13:511:13:54

I can still do whatever I want,

1:13:541:13:57

as long as I check with him first.

1:13:571:14:00

That's, uh...

1:14:041:14:06

That's great.

1:14:081:14:10

That's the best decision you ever made.

1:14:131:14:15

That's funny, cos I thought you was going to punch me.

1:14:201:14:22

No, but I will if you turn into one of them Matchroom arseholes.

1:14:251:14:29

You know I won't.

1:14:291:14:30

Me and you, James...

1:14:381:14:40

we're the only two that ever played for love.

1:14:401:14:44

CAR HORN TOOTS

1:14:521:14:54

I better go.

1:14:571:14:58

Robbo's waiting outside.

1:15:001:15:02

You know, it's funny, I was...

1:15:051:15:08

I was thinking of going to see Barry myself.

1:15:081:15:10

He called the other day.

1:15:121:15:15

No.

1:15:181:15:20

No, definitely, you should.

1:15:201:15:21

Maybe.

1:15:231:15:24

CAR TOOTS AGAIN

1:15:241:15:26

Right, I'll see you, mate.

1:15:261:15:28

Yeah.

1:15:301:15:32

Be lucky, baby.

1:15:321:15:33

DOOR CLOSES

1:15:351:15:36

Don't worry, Frank, he'll pay.

1:15:381:15:40

HE CHUCKLES I'll make him pay.

1:15:401:15:43

I gotta go, Frank.

1:15:441:15:46

KNOCK ON DOOR

1:15:461:15:47

Come in. Yeah, all right, Frank, I gotta go. Yeah.

1:15:471:15:51

I do know what you mean. OK. Bye.

1:15:511:15:54

Alex.

1:15:551:15:57

Always a pleasure. What do you want?

1:15:571:16:00

I have a bone to pick with you, Baz.

1:16:001:16:03

You've nicked Jimmy.

1:16:031:16:05

I want my practice partner back.

1:16:051:16:08

Drinking partner?

1:16:081:16:10

Well, the amount we drink, it takes a lot of practice.

1:16:101:16:13

HE CHUCKLES

1:16:131:16:16

So, you're worried about Jimmy?

1:16:161:16:18

I'm a lot of things, Barry, but I don't hold a grudge.

1:16:211:16:26

You were too proud to ask me in '82.

1:16:261:16:29

I'm sure you had reasons and you probably regret those now,

1:16:291:16:33

since I won the Embassy that year, but...

1:16:331:16:37

I'm here to offer you a chance to put that right...

1:16:371:16:41

and sign the People's Champion.

1:16:411:16:44

So long as the terms of the contract are right for me.

1:16:441:16:48

"Lean, square-jawed, his good looks and clean-cut behaviour

1:16:501:16:56

"have made Steve Davis the hero of Britain."

1:16:561:16:59

This is what I'm building here, Alex.

1:17:011:17:04

Courage Brewery have just bought Steve Davis for a year.

1:17:041:17:08

An exclusive contract - £1 million.

1:17:081:17:11

So, unless I accidentally have a lobotomy,

1:17:111:17:15

I'm not going to risk it all on you. Am I?

1:17:151:17:18

Snooker needs me, Barry.

1:17:181:17:21

Do you think people tune in hoping to watch Davis play Tony Meo?

1:17:211:17:25

I'm the box office - me.

1:17:271:17:30

I know.

1:17:301:17:31

You admit it, you bastard.

1:17:331:17:35

You're right.

1:17:351:17:37

We need you.

1:17:371:17:39

The millions out there, they don't tune in to watch the snooker,

1:17:391:17:42

they watch for the soap opera.

1:17:421:17:45

It's Dallas with balls.

1:17:451:17:47

And you're JR and Bobby Ewing rolled into one.

1:17:471:17:51

You're destroying yourself. And it's a fact of life

1:17:521:17:56

that millions of people enjoy watching the process,

1:17:561:17:59

so, yeah, snooker needs you.

1:17:591:18:02

But I don't need you.

1:18:021:18:04

Barry, please.

1:18:081:18:10

Please, I'm begging you.

1:18:101:18:12

I need you to manage me.

1:18:141:18:16

I can't manage on my own.

1:18:181:18:20

I said I'd never change, well...

1:18:221:18:26

I'll change.

1:18:261:18:29

I'll do anything, Barry.

1:18:291:18:31

I'm on my fucking knees here.

1:18:331:18:35

I can't, Alex.

1:18:371:18:39

I've lost everyone.

1:18:411:18:43

And I've lost my house...

1:18:431:18:46

all the money.

1:18:461:18:48

Fucking Inland Revenue are after me. You know?

1:18:491:18:53

I'll even give up the drink, Barry.

1:18:571:19:00

I promise.

1:19:001:19:01

You wouldn't last a day, Alex. I-I'm sorry.

1:19:011:19:05

We can do this.

1:19:071:19:10

You know? I could change and...

1:19:101:19:14

You're the only one who can help me.

1:19:141:19:16

I've lost my family.

1:19:201:19:22

Alex, you're a mess.

1:19:261:19:29

Look, um...

1:19:291:19:30

Look, where you headed to? I'll get Robbo to give you a lift somewhere.

1:19:311:19:35

I've nowhere to go.

1:19:351:19:37

It's...

1:19:391:19:40

I'm sure you know a boozer open somewhere near here.

1:19:421:19:45

Take it, Alex.

1:19:471:19:48

Take care, Alex.

1:19:581:19:59

COMMENTATOR: 'Alex Higgins concedes.

1:20:051:20:08

'Steve James has played exceptionally well.

1:20:081:20:12

'From 5-5 he won five frames in succession

1:20:121:20:16

'to win by 10 frames to 5.'

1:20:161:20:18

I actually owe Higgins my life.

1:20:211:20:24

True story, right? I was getting beaten up by three blokes

1:20:241:20:28

and Alex walks round the corner and says,

1:20:281:20:31

"That's probably enough now, lads."

1:20:311:20:32

THEY LAUGH

1:20:321:20:35

Alex.

1:20:541:20:56

Hey, Alex.

1:20:561:20:58

-Why are you even over? I ain't coming to your...

-Just saying, mate.

1:20:581:21:02

-Get the fuck off.

-OK, man.

1:21:021:21:04

Give me another drink, someone.

1:21:081:21:09

How many's he had now?

1:21:431:21:45

Maybe I should go down.

1:21:471:21:48

No, Jimmy. Leave him.

1:21:481:21:51

He won't thank you.

1:21:511:21:53

One more.

1:22:161:22:18

Alex.

1:22:401:22:42

(Fuck off.)

1:22:441:22:46

What are you doing down here?

1:22:471:22:49

-Come to get you, Alex, come on.

-Fuck off.

1:22:501:22:53

-They're turning the lights off, Alex.

-Don't need you to help me.

1:22:531:22:57

I don't need anyone.

1:22:581:23:00

I...fucking...quit.

1:23:041:23:08

You can relax, we'll call it a draw.

1:23:121:23:14

-I'm very sorry to hear that, Alex.

-No, you're not.

1:23:141:23:18

You've got what you always wanted.

1:23:181:23:20

You got rid of the Hurricane.

1:23:201:23:23

You'll find out what it's like soon enough.

1:23:231:23:27

Stephen Hendry will come along and knock you off your perch

1:23:271:23:30

and then you'll know what it's like.

1:23:301:23:32

Why do you hate me?

1:23:341:23:36

Come on, I don't hate you. I've never hated you.

1:23:381:23:41

I idolised you.

1:23:421:23:43

When I watched you play, I thought it was genius.

1:23:451:23:48

I wanted to be just like Alex Higgins. Once.

1:23:481:23:52

That's... That's... No.

1:23:551:23:58

No, that's not true. We've...

1:23:581:24:01

We've always been...enemies.

1:24:011:24:04

I'm not your enemy, Alex.

1:24:061:24:07

You are. And the drink.

1:24:071:24:09

That's right, blame me. Everyone else does.

1:24:091:24:13

You look after yourself.

1:24:151:24:17

Remember this -

1:24:181:24:20

I'll get the romantic obituaries when I die.

1:24:201:24:24

And you can keep the fucking money.

1:24:241:24:26

Goodnight!

1:24:321:24:34

REPORTERS CLAMOUR

1:24:381:24:42

MUSIC: Soul On Fire by Spiritualized

1:24:421:24:45

# And all the angels singing

1:24:451:24:49

# Just about got it right

1:24:491:24:53

# Cut through with silver

1:24:531:24:57

# And goodness did heaven know

1:24:571:25:00

# Don't know where we're going

1:25:001:25:04

# But, darling, bless your soul

1:25:041:25:08

# Baby, set my soul on fire

1:25:081:25:13

# I've got two little arms to hold on tight

1:25:151:25:18

# And I want to take you higher

1:25:181:25:23

# Baby, never should say never

1:25:231:25:27

# I've got a hurricane inside my veins

1:25:301:25:33

# And I want to stay forever

1:25:331:25:37

# Sweetheart, it may not be easy

1:25:521:25:58

# But we're trying hard to hold on

1:25:581:26:03

# Trying to make it better

1:26:031:26:07

# Sweetheart, get so much freedom

1:26:071:26:12

# But freedom is just another word

1:26:141:26:19

# When you've no-one left to hurt

1:26:221:26:27

# Baby, set my soul on fire

1:26:291:26:34

# I've got two little arms to hold on tight

1:26:361:26:40

# And I want to take you higher

1:26:401:26:44

# Baby, never should say never

1:26:441:26:49

# I've got a hurricane inside my veins

1:26:501:26:54

# And I want to stay forever... #

1:26:541:26:58

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