Armageddon

This film contains some strong language.

'This is the Earth

'at a time when the dinosaurs roamed a lush and fertile planet.

'A piece of rock just six miles wide changed all that.

'It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons.

'A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere,

'creating a suffocating blanket of dust

'the sun was powerless to penetrate for a thousand years.

'It happened before.

'It will happen again.

'It's just a question of when.'

INDISTINCT BURST OF RADIO TALK

Houston, affirmative.

I'm gonna try again.

Almost got it.

'I'm almost there.'

Houston, Pete's lookin' strong.

Pete, we got it on the board now.

We'll give you the go-ahead

when it's in alignment.

Sounds good.

Give me ten seconds.

His heart rate's racing.

Pete, it's Truman. How you doin', hoss?

'Pretty good.'

We got an eye on your meds.

I'll give you a buffalo nickel if you calm down a bit.

'Can you do that for me?'

Whatever you say.

'Now, we got plenty of time,'

so don't you worry.

I'm looking good here.

We've got it.

-Go ahead, Atlantis.

-'Roger that.'

Suggest we start reelin' Pete in.

ALARM SOUNDS

-What the hell?!

-My Lord...

AAAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!

We're down.

HOUSTON!

We've lost all contact.

Stuart, run that tape back!

'Houston!'

Multiple bogeys! Multiple bogeys!

I have three... Now five unidentified tracks.

Multiple tracks.

Headed for the Atlantic seaboard.

Could be missiles!

Mr President, the Atlantis just exploded.

I want three groups! One, internal malfunction!

Hit the log tapes. Maybe it's a glitch.

Two, I want NORAD and Space Command checking all the space junk.

Check, recheck, then do it again!

No.3, wild cards. Anything and everything.

Big Ross, go wake up 11,000 people. Walt, get him going.

Karl! Karl!

Karl!

Karl!

Your Stouffer's pot pie's been on the table almost ten hours.

I want a divorce.

Dottie, I'm onto something big.

Something's burning up there. Get my phone book, will you?

Get the names of those NASA guys.

Excuse me, am I wearing a sign that says, "Karl's slave"?!

Go get my goddamn phone book!

GET THE BOOK! GET THE BOOK! GET THE BOOK!

Space Command is reporting zero global launches.

Might just be shuttle fragments.

It might be Santa Claus.

Till we get definitive confirmation,

we go to DEFCON Three.

# I'm gettin' ready for the big time!

# Some day you're gonna say I'm big time, too...

Hey, Little Richard! Me and you, man, we goin' to the top, baby!

Big time! I ain't gonna be ridin' this bike forever, man!

I'm gettin' a motorcycle, baby! We gonna travel in style!

# I'm gettin' ready for the big time...

Watch where you're goin'! Bet none of y'all stop for breakfast!

Slow down, Little Richard! You got to take a dump?

'We interrupt for a special report.'

-Man, what happened?

-Shh!

'The shuttle Atlantis exploded in space at 3.47am EST...'

DOG GROWLS

Hey!

That's my Godzilla! C'mon, now!

Yo, fool! What the hell is your problem?!

He's eating my Godzilla, ya little runt!

Get him, Richard!

If I wasn't a Christian, I'd kick yo' fat, pineapple-eatin' ass!

WHIRRING NOISE

Why we not going?

Cos this is New York. Anything coulda happened.

Could be a terrorist bomb, somebody shot, stabbed...

It's payday - maybe someone jumped, didn't get paid.

I want to go shopping.

Me, too! But we ain't goin' nowhere, cos this is a traffic jam.

Little Richard?

I'm comin', Little Richard!

Hang on, Little Richard!

Don't you worry! I'll get you out of there!

You OK, buddy? Hang in there!

SOMEBODY DIAL 911!

'They're all over the place!'

Bogeys coming in from Finland to the East coast!

Whoa!

Look at that!

We're at war!

Saddam is bombin' us!

Let's get outta here!

Map the trajectory. I wanna know if the worst over or on its way.

General Kimsey for you.

We've got hits from Finland to Carolina.

They're not missiles. What is it?

A meteor shower. That's what took out Atlantis.

HUBBUB

The President is demanding answers.

'Is it over?'

We have 11,000 people figuring that out. When we know, you'll know.

OK, Karl, take your time.

Yes, sir, you're the first.

OK, first coordinate, 1239. 1239, right?

FBI locked his location.

He saw an explosion in space.

OK.

Now, Karl, this is top secret.

I'm ex-navy. I know about classified.

Now, whoever finds her gets to name her, right?

Yes, that's right.

I wanna name her Dottie, after my wife.

She's a vicious, life-suckin' bitch you can't escape.

Sweet, Karl.

STI, this is Flight Director. Get Hubble moving, now!

Roger. We're movin' to Hubble!

It's enormous.

This is the anomaly at 16.43.

Here is the anomaly at...

'..16.58.'

-'And here is the anomaly at 17.00...'

-Enough with this

'anomaly horseshit! What is this thing?'

It's an asteroid, sir.

'How big are we talking?'

Our best estimate is 97.6 billion.

It's the size of Texas, Mr President.

We didn't see this thing coming?

Our object collision budget lets us track about 3% of the sky,

-'and it's a big-ass sky, sir.'

-And the ones this morning?

'Nothing. The size of basketballs

'and Volkswagens, things like that.'

'Is this...going to hit us?'

We're efforting that now, sir.

What kind of damage are we...?

Damage? Total, sir.

It's what we call a global killer.

The end of mankind.

If it hits, nothing would survive. Not even bacteria.

My God... What do we do?

We have 18 days

before it hits Earth.

Rise and shine!

ALL: Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!

Fore!

Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!

Hey, that was close!

HE CHUCKLES

I gave you 50,000 a year in donations!

Why are they so mad?

They feel drilling for oil is evil.

Know how much diesel that clunker boat pumps out?!

I found out something interesting. No.2 chewed feet 180ft last night.

Who do we have to thank for this?

Go with your first guess.

Goddamn it, AJ!

AJ!

AJ! AJ, are you in here?

Oh, perfect, in bed! Get up!

Er, hey... Did you wanna see me?

Yeah, I was looking for you.

You're pissed. OK, I can see that.

No, I'm not pissed. You've seen me pissed.

This is way beyond pissed. You know I shut down Number Two?

Yeah, man, I had a hunch on that.

AJ, some day, when you're all growed up

and you got your own company and 8 million of your money invested,

you can do whatever comes into that idiot mind of yours.

But while it says Harry Stamper Oil on the rig, you obey me. Got it?

Yeah, I do got it.

I need to hear five words from you.

Er...

I'll...

never do that again.

I'm a fool. That was stupid. I know what name's on the sign.

What's goin' on?

Well, I screwed up. I'm a bit edgy.

How long you worked for me?

Five wonderful years.

You have never apologised this quickly. Something's going on here.

No... I'm turning over a new leaf.

I'm tryin' to learn from the man. What would Harry do?

I'm at a loss for words.

OK, I can explain this.

You can? I would really like an explanation. Just stay right here.

Grace?

Hi, Harry.

I have asked you repeatedly to call me Dad.

Sorry, Harry.

Get up and get your clothes on.

You stay right there. I'll be right back.

I want every strategy we have on near Earth object collision, OK?

Any ideas, programmes, sketches on a cocktail napkin...

It's time to justify the existence of NASA.

You know about this, Rockhound?

You knew?

No. I had no idea.

Where's Harry?

Harry! Whoa-whoa-whoa!

I understand, OK? You're mad.

Who wouldn't be? But...

He's gonna shoot you.

No, he's not.

Harry!

What's wrong with you?!

Make your peace with God, AJ!

HE'S SHOOTING AT ME!

Harry, this is not funny!

Harry, we can talk this over!

So, this a serious thing?

Pretty serious.

Bear, he's shootin' at me! You see Harry, crock him!

You told AJ's dad you'd take care of the boy.

I'm not sure this qualifies.

Put the gun down, boss.

Bear, get outta my way.

Just givin' my man a head start.

Plus, you shouldn't kill your best man before we strike oil.

I won't. I'll just take a foot off. He can work with one foot.

Old Frank Marshall worked with one hand.

But he wasn't very good.

Harry, put the gun down! This is insane!

Honey, go get some clothes on.

You can't control my life!

Fine. Clothes, now!

Stop! It's not funny any more!

ENOUGH!

This is illegal, man.

I'm temporarily insane. It's OK.

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh!

Do I look crazy to you?

Harry! Just cool down!

OK, stop! Time out!

OK, now listen. Man to man.

I'm serious. I love her.

Way wrong answer!

Aaarrgghh!

Whoa, Harry. It's gettin' real.

AAAARGH! You shot me!

You shot him!

It's just a ricochet.

It's funny till someone gets shot!

Hey, pucker up! We got clients incoming!

Er, b...back in, er, in 1974

we first got the...the idea that a meteor or aster...

I need someone who's had less caffeine. Doc, translate.

Our first plan was to use a spread-focus laser generator

to heat it to fracture point.

That's like shooting a BB gun at a train.

Some of us have this idea.

We want to land a craft, deploy solar sails...

Makes a big canopy. Solar winds will be caught by these Mylar sails.

Come on, guys! We need something realistic! We got 18 days!

That's 431 hours, 15 minutes and 18 seconds!

Time is a luxury we don't have. What?!

Listen, Harry, AJ is MY choice, not yours.

He's the only one your age. It's not choice, it's lack of options.

What in the world makes you think you can tell me what to do?!

Being your father doesn't count?

-Not really.

-Since when?

Since I reached ten and became older than you.

Since Mom split. Take your pick.

But you're handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you.

I may be an immature father, but I'm still your employer.

I want you on that crew boat tonight.

Got that?

OK. I quit.

Grace! You can't quit now!

I need you! THEY SPEAK CANTONESE

Nay ho?

Hi, Harry!

What are you smilin' about?

I've been seeing AJ for more than five months, Harry.

SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE

You hypocrite! Did I ever hold you back?!

Yes - from having a life!

My first period, Rock had to take me to Taipei for Tampax,

then show me how to use them!

Ho-ho...

I TOLD her how to use it. I didn't show her, Harry.

I played with titanium depth gauges instead of dolls!

I learned about the birds and bees from Freddy Noonan's tattoos!

I was raised on roughnecks by you!

Now you're shocked I fell in love with one!

So who's the hypocrite?

Look at the pipes. Listen, Grace...

No, you listen. I grew up.

With the proximity of the asteroid, none of our primary plans can work.

Why not send up 150 nuclear warheads and blast it apart?

Terrible idea.

Was I talkin' to you?

This is Dr Ronald Quincy. Pretty much the smartest man on the planet.

General, with your target's composition, dimensions,

her sheer velocity, you could fire every nuke you've got

and she'd just smile and keep coming.

The President's scientific advisors

suggest a nuclear blast could change its trajectory.

I know the President's chief science advisor. We were both at MIT.

In a situation like this, you...

don't listen to a man who got a C minus in astrophysics.

The President's advisors are, um, wrong.

I'm right.

Hitting it from the outside won't work.

Imagine a firecracker in the palm of your hand.

You set it off, what happens? You burn your hand.

Close your fist around the firecracker and set it off...

Pff... Your wife will be opening the ketchup the rest of your life.

Are you suggesting we blow it up from the inside?

Exactly.

How?

We drill. We bring in the world's best deep-core driller.

Harry, get up here! We're takin' a hit!

Get AJ up here!

Pull the pipe!

It's a gas pocket!

I told you! Am I lucky, or just a genius?

The relief valve's fried open, you jackass!

Shut off number two valve!

Grace, get the clients outta here!

KLAXON SOUNDS

EVERYONE SHOUTS

Chick, get 'em off the rig, now!

Watch that red flag, Cisco!

Get the hell down!

EVERYONE YELLS AND SCREAMS

Chick, get down, now!

GET...DOWN!

'Everyone recommends the same man. He's worked every terrain there is.

'They said it couldn't be drilled, he drilled it.'

Everybody OK?

We struck oil, baby!

Somebody coulda died here. You want that on your conscience?

High thumb! You're our man, Harry!

Thumb's high.

You're fired.

Who's Harry Stamper?

I'm Harry Stamper.

I'm General Montgomery, Commander of the Pacific Air Forces.

I was sent here in direct orders from the President of the US.

-HARRY CHUCKLES

-It's a matter of national security.

I need you to get on that chopper right now.

Crazy Willy put you up to this?

I'm afraid I don't know Crazy Willy. Sir, I'm dead serious.

Harry... I swear to God, she never told me her age.

It's all right. Relax. This is about me.

Oh... Forget it.

OK, General, I'll go with you. On one condition.

We take my daughter.

What did I do?!

Sir, stay right here.

Chick, pay 'em, get 'em off the rig.

Mr Stamper?

Yeah, I'm Harry Stamper.

How you doin'? Miss Stamper. I'm Dan Truman, Executive Director.

I'd really like to apologise...

Mr Truman, we've been apologised to for the last 18½ hours.

So how about you just tell us why we're here at the NASA Space Centre?

We should probably talk alone.

I don't keep secrets from Grace.

She'll hear it from you or from me, so why don't we just get on with it?

When the comet hit the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel at us.

The Earth's in a shooting gallery.

Even if the asteroid hits the water,

it'll flash boil millions of gallons of sea water

and slam into the ocean bedrock.

If it's a Pacific Ocean impact, as we think,

it'll create a tidal wave three miles high,

travelling 1,000mph, covering California, washing up in Denver.

Japan is gone, Australia's wiped out,

anyone who isn't incinerated will freeze to death in nuclear winter.

This is unbelievable.

Actually, this is as real as it gets.

Well, it's coming - right now.

Right for us, at 22,000mph.

Not a soul on Earth can hide from it.

I take it you're not alerting everyone like this.

Nobody knows, and that's how it stays.

Only nine telescopes in the world can spot it yet,

and we control eight of them.

The President's classified this top secret.

If news got out, basic social services would break down worldwide.

Rioting, mass religious hysteria, total chaos. You can imagine.

Basically, the worst parts of the Bible.

Six billion people on the planet. Why'd you guys call me?

We need you to prep the team we're sending up to the asteroid.

They land, drill a hole, drop some nukes,

take off and detonate. But we have an equipment problem.

The drill is a prototype built for the Mars project.

You, er, might recognise the rig.

Well, I guess I should recognise it. It's my design.

You sneak into the patent office?

Yeah, basically.

So I got pulled off a rig and flown halfway round the world

cos you stole my drill design and did a piss-poor job building it?

Patents don't apply to outer space

Shut up.

It's gonna try to save the planet. We need to know why it won't work.

You say we did a bad job building it?

No, I said you did a piss-poor job. First, the flow system's reversed.

Let me guess - you're tearing up rotors and can't figure out why.

Yeah, that's right.

Your cams are wrong, Mr Wizard.

Who's been operating this thing?

Right there.

We've had them training for eight months solid.

Eight whole months?

Well, pretty much.

Well, gee whiz.

This team has to do the job. We need you to train them.

Mr Stamper, what do you think?

Drilling's an art. I'm a third-generation driller.

Done it all my life, and I still haven't worked it all out.

I assume I'm here cos you heard was the best.

Well, I'm only the best cos I work with the best.

If you don't trust your men, you're good as dead.

You wanna send these boys up, fine.

I'm sure they're good astronauts. But they know jack about drilling.

What's your contingency plan?

Contingency plan?

You got a back-up plan, right?

No, we don't. This is it.

This is the best that you...that the US Government can come up with?!

You're NASA, for cryin' out loud! You put a man on the moon!

You're geniuses! You think this shit up!

I'm sure you got people right now, just thinkin' shit up!

You have no back-up plan?!

These boy scouts are the world's hope, that what you're saying?!

-Yeah.

-Oh, Jesus! Damn it!

We're a little short on time here.

Will you help us?

All they gotta do is drill?

That's it.

No crazy astronaut stuff?

Just drill.

How many men you plan on sending up?

Two shuttles, two teams.

If I do this, I take my own men.

You got it.

You're saying you'll help us?

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

I just don't trust anyone else to do it, that's all.

No, Mrs Kurleen, it's Harry Stamper.

If you see Bear, tell him Harry wants him.

They get off the rig, they scatter.

HARRY: Jayotis Kurleen - Bear - the only black man on a Big Dog

in South Dakota.

Come and get Papa Bear!

Er, Max.

You got a weight limit?

-Max?

-Hey, Mama!

Oh, that's so sweet, Maxie!

Get me a yellow jelly bear claw?

You in trouble with the law again?

No, Mama! I swear, Mama! I'm...

I know I want Rockhound.

We call him "Hound" because, well, he's horny.

You might wanna start with every bar in New Orleans.

A big, shiny mountain, isn't it?

How long you been married?

Two weeks.

-See this diamond?

-Yeah.

It's not a diamond. Another drink?

Yeah.

-Sir, FBI.

-No, thanks.

We have a national security matter.

Good for you.

Let's go - now.

How old are you?

Oscar Choi - spacey,

but a brilliant geologist. He owns a ranch outside El Paso.

What the...?!

HARRY: Chick Chapple. At the craps tables, Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas.

Yes!

About time!

Charles Chapple? Game's over.

Ha-ha-haa!

Who'll run the other rig?

How about Benny? He's good.

The only one who can run it like I do is AJ.

You said you couldn't trust him.

You said I could.

Yep, you are on your way, AJ.

Well, running a business has its advantages.

I make my own hours, nobody shoots me in the leg...

You don't got a gun now, do you?

Good. Cos I wanna get back to this thing about you askin' me for help.

Is there actually a job Mr All Go, No Quit, Big Nuts Harry Stamper

can't handle by himself, and needs my expert advice?

Somethin' like that, yeah.

No, no, no... Is it "something like that", or is it that?

Y'know, you and me got a real problem.

Harry, there are only...five words I wanna hear from you right now.

Those words are "AJ, I really look up to you...

you're a hero of mine, I'm impressed with your work,

I'm emotionally closed off..." That's, like, eleven words...

How about just "AJ, I'm sorry and...and I love ya"?

AJ, there's not a job on the planet I'd want you to work with me on.

I mean that.

So what are you doin' here?

Harry, what's the job?

Max! What's up, baby?!

Wassup, wassup?

What's up, Harry? Did NASA find oil on Uranus?

None of you have to go.

We can all just sit on Earth and wait for this rock to crash into it

and kill everything and everybody we know.

The US Government just asked us to save the world.

Anyone wanna say no?

In twenty years I haven't turned you down once.

I'm not about to start now. I'm there.

Guess I can't let you go alone.

I'm with you.

This is... This is historic.

This is like deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.

While I don't share his enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty.

You all right, Max?

I don't... I don't...

Whatever you think.

What about you?

I'm in.

All right, then.

We go.

I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel here,

but...will we get hazard pay?

I don't feel good about this scenario.

I'm kind of encouraged. Chick was an Air Force commando...

We got robbery, assault, resisting arrest...

We got a collection agent for the Mob!

They're the best at what they do.

So am I. And I'm not so optimistic.

We spend 250 billion a year on defence, and here we are,

our fate depends on retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun!

So what's the verdict?

They'll do it. They have a few requests, though.

Such as?

Well, there's... There's a few things here...

Nothing really big. Just... Well, as an example, er...

Oscar has some outstanding parking tickets he wants wiped out.

56 tickets in seven states...

I'll tell 'em, Oscar.

Er, Noonan has two women friends he'd like made American citizens,

Max would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes...

I'm not sure that will work, but... Let's see, what else?

Chick wants a full week's Emperor's package at Caesar's Palace...

Hey, you wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy?

Um, Bear would like to stay at the...

White Horse?

White House. White House.

White House. He'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom for the summer.

Stuff like that.

Sure, I think we can... take care of...some of that.

Harry.

Yeah, one more thing...

None of them wanna... pay taxes again.

Ever.

Who's that for, Mr Ed?

Stick that in me, I'll stab you in the heart with it.

Ever see Pulp Fiction?

# Oh, say can you see...

-Uh-oh, baby...

-Oh...

We're losin' him! Clear!

Freddy, you all right?

This look OK to you? This look OK?!

It's not all bad. It's kinda tingly.

Mr Chapple? You're next.

Oh, gee, lady, I just came here to drill.

Oh... So did I!

Your triglycerides are way high,

and your bad cholesterol is shockingly bad.

Better lay off them pork rinds!

Yeah, pork rind this. Pork rind this! Yeah!

Show me that shit!

At least they're cheerful.

Piece o' cake. Look, you wanna compare brain pans?

I won the Westinghouse Prize at 12. Big deal. Published at 19 - so what?

I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22. I taught at Princeton.

This is the most uncomfortable room I've ever been in.

Why do I do this? Money's good, the scenery changes,

and I get to use explosives.

OK, you wanna be all psychological, fine.

What drives me nuts is people who think Jethro Tull's one of the band.

Who is Jethro Tull?

My favourite dish is haggis. Heart, lungs, liver,

all boiled in a sheep's stomach. That'll put hair on your ass!

I am not crazy. I'm just a little emotional with all this stuff.

When this is over, can I get a hug from you or somethin'?

OK, Cyclops lady's buggin' me.

Can you handle it?

I can handle what I'm gonna do, I just can't handle this room.

Woman with large breasts.

Woman with medium breasts.

Harry givin' me a hard time.

Harry sayin' it's not good enough.

This is Harry sayin' I can't marry Grace.

Just let it out.

HE WAILS

I suffered a major head injury in school.

This one looks like you with breasts.

Yeah, I can handle it!

A home run! The Cubs win the World Series!

Failed... Failed... Impressively failed.

One toxicology analysis revealed ketamine.

That is a very powerful sedative.

Sedatives are used all the time.

Well, this one's used on horses.

Some of these guys are pretty big.

It takes us 18 months to prepare viable subjects for space travel.

We've evidence of a wide variety...

Can they physically survive the trip? That's all I need to know.

I don't know how they survived the tests.

Talk about The Wrong Stuff!

I'm Colonel Willie Sharp.

In addition to flying one of the X-71s to that rock,

I'll train you how to deal with the rigours of working in space,

so you don't freak out on the asteroid.

US astronauts train for years. You have 12 days.

Any intelligent questions?

What's an X-71?

You're the first civilians to ever see her.

We call them X-71s.

She and her sister ship leave tomorrow for launch prep in Florida.

The two going up are the Freedom and the Independence.

Her titanium skin covers the toughest,

most sophisticated space vehicle ever made.

Col Davis and NASA pilot Tucker will command the Independence.

Col Sharp, NASA pilot Watts, shuttle Freedom.

Gruber and Halsey will supervise the nuclear ordnance.

Anyway, er, I just thought...

you guys should meet.

Welcome to our weightless environmental training facility.

So are we going swimming on the asteroid?

Here at downtown NASA we call this the Monster Armadillo.

It will be retro-fitted with your drilling arm.

Can we take a look?

These rubber hoses gotta go, Max.

We need short-throw shifters.

Quincy! Somebody tell me what this is?

A plastic ice cream scoop? What'd that cost, 400?

You're the sorriest group I've seen in my entire military career.

Space flight will be a brutal assault on your senses.

I'm here to give you a taste.

Some of the world's best pilots

will be sucking your eyes into the back of your head.

Go easy on me. It's my first time.

You know, I have a small fear of flying.

AAAARRHHH!

I'll twist you.

AAAAARRHHH!

I'll flip you.

What's wrong with you?!

I'll frap you till your bones hurt. When you squeal,

I'll just go faster and harder.

Take me down!

HEEEEEEEELP!

How's the rest of the crew?

Well...

Sorry about the rib chunks on your dash.

Who would you say?

I don't know, Oscar. Who are you?

Han Solo.

If anybody's anybody, I'm Han and you're Chewbacca.

Chewie?! Have you even seen Star Wars?

'Neil Armstrong,

1969, bouncing on the moon.

He's bouncing because there's less gravity up there.

This will be similar to the asteroid. So watch it.

Anything launched off that asteroid will go right into outer space.

Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?

Yeah.

So we have new generation suits with directional thrusters.

-Yeah, think so...

-You won't bounce...

Bear!

Yes?

Do we have a problem?

No.

I'm describing how DATs keep your ass on the ground.

So if I kicked you in the balls and you don't know how to work them,

what happens to you?

I'd float away.

Yeah.

And, er, when do we train for that?

You have 30 secs to put your helmets on,

then we'll create a vacuum

and you'll know what being in space is like.

'De-press in 30 seconds.

'Valves have been activated.'

'Vacuum PSIs are open.'

OK, here's the flight plan.

Save the laughter I know it's not to scale.

Both shuttles will take off Tuesday at 6.30pm.

67 minutes later, you'll dock with the Russian space station

to meet Cosmonaut Andropov,

who will refuel the shuttles with liquid O2 - that's your fuel.

Then you release and take a 60-hour trip toward the moon.

We only have one shot at landing on this rock,

and that's when the asteroid passes by the moon.

You'll use lunar gravity and burn your thrusters,

sling-shotting you around the moon, coming up behind the asteroid.

You'll be upward of 11Gs.

Yeah, I remember this one.

The Coyote sits in a slingshot and straps himself to an Acme rocket.

That what we're doin' here?

(Rockhound...)

It didn't work out well for the Coyote, Harry.

Actually, we have a lot better rockets than the Coyote.

Now, when you've finished your Road Runner thrust move,

you'll be moving at 22,500mph,

coming behind the asteroid.

The tail debris should be cleared by lunar gravity.

And you'll land here.

We got a landing site for each team the softest parts.

We don't take chances. We double up on everything.

First team that hits 800ft...wins.

This rock is dense, it has some gravity, you can walk around.

But use your thrusters to make it easier.

Mr Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this.

What'll it be like up there?

200 degrees in the sun, minus 200 in the shade,

canyons of razor-sharp rock,

unpredictable gravity, unexpected eruptions...

Things like that.

So the scariest environment imaginable.

Thanks. That's all you gotta say.

So you drill, you drop the nuke and you leave.

Now, here's the key.

You must remote detonate the bomb

before the asteroid passes this plane - Zero Barrier.

Do that, and the remaining pieces of rock

should be deflected enough to pass right by us.

If the bomb explodes after Zero Barrier...

game's over.

Apollo, this is Houston. Fire your rockets. Pkkk!

OK, your rockets are at maximum.

Oscar?

Hey, Harry. How's it goin'?

Seen Grace?

She's in the hangar with AJ.

-Wait,

-Grace?

-I thought you said Bear.

Will you marry me?

Harry, Grace is old enough to vote, drink, marry, divorce...

When I get back, when this job is done,

I will deal with this in my own way.

Harry, I'm not rooting for AJ, I just mean Grace has grown up.

Let me get some paper - I wanna jot down your pearls of wisdom!

Be serious. While we were off trottin' the globe,

Gracie grew up into a full-blown hottie.

She's a babe.

She is fully hot. She is...

Max! You're talkin' about my girl, OK?!

I think I know who and what she is.

All we're saying is she's comin' into her own now.

She's curious about her body, she's exploring her sexuality.

Oscar...

It's a natural thing.

You are about five minutes older than Grace is!

I know how it feels when your hormones pull you a thousand ways...

Harry, no disrespect, but we all helped raise her.

So we all feel like a bunch o' daddies here.

That's true.

I'll be damned if I worked all these years so she can marry a roughneck.

She's better'n that.

Better'n all of us.

Harry, just relax, enjoy a free Armadillo driving clinic.

Whoa-whoa! Whoa-whoa-whoa!

Two shuttle teams.

AJ with Oscar, Bear and Noonan on Independence,

I'll run Freedom with Chick, Rockhound and Max.

We'll have 8 hours to do the job.

To split this rock on the fault line, we have to drill to 800ft.

Let's get our game faces on. Time for underwater simulation.

C'mon, Independence! We're the younger team, here!

The Varsity team! Take it to 11,000.

The computer will simulate a gas pocket at 625ft feet,

and then hard iron ferrite at 635.

I'll drop some more O2 in.

We're takin' her up.

I'm givin' it more torque.

Lookin' good, Bear.

'Watch your time.'

Harry, mind if I run my own team?

You'll blow the tranny, AJ.

Relax, Bear.

'She can handle it.'

AJ, you're at 600ft. Your pipe is long. Back the RPMs down to 8,000.

We don't have time for 8,000!

Take it down. You'll snap the pipe.

Damn it, 11,000!

Slow it down, AJ.

Bear, get on our team!

Whoa, space cowboy...

"Harry, you hear this?"

I hear.

You don't work for Harry now, you listen to me!

'On that rock, you do what I say!'

I'm throttling up to 11,000.

AJ, you'll blow the transmission.

Will you let me run my team?!

RPMs are at red line.

'Bear, I know what I'm doing!'

She'll be fine. Trust me.

AJ, back it up.

Number one transmission is down.

Son of a...

The computer's wrong.

'We did the right thing.'

If you wanna replace anyone, now's the time.

I'll take care of this. Get him out of the tank.

You wanna go home? That it? You wanna be fired?

My crew did the right thing!

Your crew just blew the transmission!

The computer is playin' it safe. The rig you built can do it.

Shut up, AJ. Shut your mouth!

Those men have zero tolerance for hot-doggin',

goin' on instinct or bein' a hero. Got that?

-Say the words, AJ!

-I got it!

I want my men to have tomorrow night off.

Out of here for at least ten hours. Then we'll go to Kennedy.

No way. The security risk is huge. What if they talk or get hurt?

What if they're too burned out to do the job?

Those boys are ready to snap. They didn't ask to be here.

Tomorrow could be their last night on Earth.

Let 'em spend it with their families.

-There's no way...

-You got family, Colonel?

Two girls.

Don't you wanna be with them tomorrow night?

I'm not askin' you. I'm tellin' you.

Make this happen.

Whoo-hoo!

This is a big loan. Why don't you count the cash?

Nah, this seems like 100 grand.

I hope you know what you're doin',

cos I'll bust your head with a sledgehammer.

You'll get it back.

You don't look too good. Not gonna to die on me, are ya?

Let's just say no more than you are.

Thanks, Vic.

# I don't wanna close my eyes

# I don't wanna fall asleep Cos I'd miss you, baby... #

You know what I was thinkin'?

What?

I don't think the animal cracker... qualifies as a cracker.

Why?

Cos it's sweet, which to me suggests cookie,

and putting cheese on it is what makes a cracker a cracker.

I don't know why I thought of that.

You have such sweet pillow talk.

I got an animal cracker Discovery Channel thing happening here.

-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-Watch the gazelle as he grazes through the open plains.

Now look, as the cheetah approaches.

Watch, as he stalks his prey.

The gazelle is spooked. He could head north...

to the ample sustenance provided by the mountainous peaks above...

or he could go south.

The gazelle now faces man's most perilous question.

North...

or...south.

Way down...under.

Tune in next week.

SHE GIGGLES

Baby?

Do you think anyone else in the world

is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?

I hope so.

Otherwise, what are we tryin' to save?

# Don't wanna close my eyes

# I don't wanna fall asleep Cos I'd miss you, baby

# And I don't wanna miss a thing

Hi.

What are you doing here?

I was just passin' by on the, er...

I came...

Who's he?

That man's a salesman.

Would you go inside?

Thank you.

He got big.

You can't come around like this.

The court says you can't.

It confuses him.

No, I know. I just...

I wanted to say...that I'm sorry.

About everything. And...

I got something comin' up. Something kind of big.

You just might be proud of me.

Would you do something for me? Would you give him this?

You don't have to tell him who it's from. Just...

LOUD ROCK MUSIC

# Everybody's talkin' 'bout what it is, what it ain't

# Kiss on the devil and you piss off a saint...

EXCITED CHATTER

Hey, Noonan, need ten grand?

Put these girls through college.

I love this astronaut stuff!

Good work if you can get it.

I'm in town doin' a little astronaut training.

Ooh, astronauta.

Si. I'm a mission specialist.

Wow. And what does that mean?

I don't know.

Hey! Who the hell you think you guys are? You're hoggin' all the action.

Hey, pinhead, go find your own party.

Wanna spread the wealth, pal?

Here. Go buy yourself a neck.

Hey, Mr Clean...

GIRLS GASP

Haaaarrhhh!

Call NASA! We're astronauts!

Yeah, we're all astronauts.

You are so messing with national security!

You are fired tomorrow morning!

You'll be working security at Toys R Us!

Bye-bye, little astronauta.

Don't leave! I'm goin' into space and not comin' back!

It's coming in at 30,000mph!

Projected impact?

East Asia, 11 minutes.

We have to warn

Who? The entire South Pacific?

ROARING NOISE

WOMAN SCREAMS

MOBILE BEEPS

So the whole world knows.

Tell me you never let anybody down.

I never quit yet.

How's that?

Guess that'll have to do.

You know something? I still know the first, middle and last name

of every trainee astronaut the first year I was here. Thanks.

I went into the engineering programme. Kinda had to.

But, boy, I wanted to go up there.

Be one of those guys with a mission patch on my arm.

I'd be on that shuttle with you, if I could.

You don't wanna be on it any more than I do.

Good luck in Florida tomorrow.

'The death of 50,000 people in Shanghai yesterday...'

'A French satellite has tracked an object...'

'The tidal wave was five...'

'This is CNN in Florida. NASA is on a full-scale military alert.

'They're calling this a global killer.'

'The Pentagon is getting involved with some kind of project

'involving NASA and perhaps a shuttle mission.'

'..refuse to comment,

fuelling speculation that there could be a very serious problem.'

'A special team of astronauts arrived in Florida this evening.

'NASA is cooperating with Russian, Japanese and French space agencies,

'in the most massive space venture in history.'

Gracie?

I got your note.

What are you doin' out here?

Just thinking.

Yeah.

I, um, want to apologise for...

Grace, stop. You don't have to apologise.

I shouldn't have dragged you around all those rigs. I just...

I don't think I did the right thing with you.

You're wrong. I love my life.

I love everything about it.

And I don't blame you for my mother leaving.

She left us both.

I love you.

And don't talk like you're not comin' back.

Promise me you'll come back.

OK.

Say "I promise".

I promise, Grace.

It's gonna be all right, Grace.

If it's not too much trouble,

can you please bring my fiance home with you?

Oh, Jesus...

The President will address the nation within the hour.

HUBBUB

This film contains some strong language.

Astronauts.

See you in a coupla days, honey.

# All my bags are packed

# I'm ready to go

# I'm standin' here outside your door

# I hate to wake you up

# To say goodbye

# So kiss me and smile for me

# Let me know you'll wait for me

# Hold me like you'll never let me go #

-LOUDER:

-# Cos I'm leaving on a jet plane

# Don't know when I'll be back again

# Leavin'

# On a jet plane

# I don't know when I'll be back again

# Leavin' on a jet plane

# Don't know when I'll be back again #

So, Truman...this is who you found to save the planet?

-Mr Frost, you good to go?

-One sec.

That boy don't take anything seriously.

Yeah.

Reminds me of a guy I used to know.

# Oh-ohhhhhhh, oh-oh-oh-ohhhhh... #

I'm marrying you.

You bet your ass you are.

< SHOUTING

'I address you tonight

'not as the President of the US,

'not as the leader of a country...

'but as a citizen of humanity.

'We are faced with the very gravest of challenges.

'The Bible calls this day Armageddon.

'The end of all things.

'And yet, for the first time

'in the history of the planet,

'a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction.

'All of you praying with us need to know...

'that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster

'is being called into service.

'The human thirst for...excellence

'and knowledge...

'every step up the ladder of science...

'every adventurous reach into space,

'all our combined modern technologies and imaginations,

'even the wars that we fought have provided us the tools

'to wage this terrible battle.

'Through all the chaos that is our history,

'through all of the wrongs and discord,

'through all the pain and suffering, through all of our times,

'there is one thing...'

Mom, that salesman is on TV.

'..that has elevated our species above its origin. Our courage.

'The dreams of an entire planet are focused on those 14 brave souls

'travelling into the heavens.'

That man's not a salesman.

That's your daddy.

'May we all, citizens the world over, see these events through.

'God speed...and good luck to you.'

Freedom crew. Independence crew.

How you feelin'?

Er...good.

Considering I've never been so scared in my entire life.

Once you get up there, you'll be on your own.

If anything should happen, I just want

I know, Harry. I'll, er...

try not to disappoint you.

Take care of yourself, kid.

'Freedom is on the bridge.'

'Independence is on the bridge.'

'Attention all personnel. We are at T minus two hours.'

-Hey, Harry...

-Yeah.

..we're sitting on 4 million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon

and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts, built by the lowest bidder.

Makes you feel good, doesn't it?

Yeah.

How you doin', Oscar?

Great. I got that excited, scared feeling.

Like 98% excited, 2% scared.

Maybe it's more. It could be 98% scared, 2% excited.

But that's what makes it so intense it's so confused.

I can't really figure it out.

Will you make mine really tight? I don't wanna fall out.

Ow.

If the space programme goes under,

there's always Helga's House of Pain.

Flight directors, go for launch.

-Retro.

-Go, Flight.

-Booster.

-Go, Flight.

-Trajectory.

-Go, Flight.

-FIDO.

-Go, Flight.

-EVA.

-Go, Flight.

-Capcom Freedom.

-Go, flight.

-Capcom Independence.

-Go, Flight.

OK, everyone, it's pucker time.

This is Kennedy. We're T minus one minute. Crew members,

'close and lock your visors.'

'Independence, be advised we are in a smooth count.'

T minus 31. You're go for auto sequence start.

'PLTs, perform your APA pre-start.'

'Gentlemen,

you're our warriors up there. God be with you.

'You're already heroes. Just enjoy the ride.'

'We're T minus 20 seconds.'

'Ten, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four, three, two, one...'

'We have booster ignition.'

'We have lift-off.'

'Freedom, you're looking good.'

Go for Independence.

'...three, two, one...'

'We have lift-off.'

We are cooking, Houston!

Houston, they're all yours.

THEY ALL CHEER

Heads up, they're ours now.

Keep a sharp eye out on both of 'em.

'Start roll manoeuvre.'

'Two good rolls.'

One down.

Control, we are at max Q.

SRB set.

We have MECO.

'Copy. MECO.'

This is a kick-ass ride!

'Freedom, this is Houston. Main engine cut out on schedule.'

Oh, my God...

This is space!

Just the beginning part of space. We haven't got to outer space yet.

We have visual on the Russian space station. Initiating retro burn.

Remember, the Russian space station has been up there

'for 11 years. Most of us don't have cars that old.'

'The cosmonaut on board has been on that tin can for 18 months, alone.

'So don't be surprised if he's a little...off.'

All right, crew, exit your flight suits.

Houston, hello? This is Russian space station. Can you hear me?

Zdrastvutye. We copy.

I'm ready to fire my thrusters any time.

'Stand by.'

OK. I'm not going anywhere.

'We have a go. Initiate gravitational spin.'

'You are maxed at 40% spin.'

OK, Houston! I can feel... I'm having gravity.

Gentlemen, we're gonna dock in a minute.

The Russian station is simulating gravity to let us work faster.

But it'll make you queasy.

About time. I haven't thrown up in about an hour.

'Initiating first phase of docking procedure.'

Switching to manual.

Manual override.

'One foot per second. Take it slow and do it right.'

'Twenty feet.'

Ten feet.

'Looking good on radar.'

Five feet.

Locks engaged. Fuel teams, let's go!

'Freedom telemetry looking good.'

We have soft dock.

Fuel teams, prepare to unload.

Watch your heads.

Let's go, Independence.

Colonel.

Where is he?

Anybody home?

Welcome, everybody!

I am not gas station. This is sophisticated labouratory.

I'm in charge, so do not be touching anything.

I need one... I need you.

Go with him.

Hurry up. Come on.

You must watch the fuel gauge, OK? Put on cold suit.

'Houston, prepping for fuel transfer.'

Fuel pump is down there.

Down here, huh? Great.

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

OK, let's connect these sealer locks.

Freedom, left, Independence, right.

Goin' left here.

To the right is fuel gauge. You watch it.

150, OK, 160. OK,

200, bad. Disaster for space station.

If you watch 200, you can call for Lev. On.

See here, No.1, off.

You ask for Lev and pull this right down.

What's Lev?

I'm Lev Andropov, Colonel of Russian Space Agency.

In Russia, I'm very big man.

We're ready to transfer!

I'm coming. No problem.

Hard lock.

Ready for transfusion!

'Fuel is pumping.'

Hey, Lev, the pressure is climbing.

-RADIO CRACKS UP

-'I think we have a problem.'

Don't touch my uncle! He's the genius of my family!

Lev! Can anybody hear me?!

Hey, hello!

He worked for a big bomb factory.

He made the tip of the bomb, the thing that finds, er...

New York, Washington, you know?

We got some thermal variation. Stamper, let's check the couplings.

OK, shut down... Er...

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnn-aarhhh!

MACHINE WHIRRS DOWN

Guys!

< What's that noise?

ALARM SOUNDS

Oh, no! Stop!

What is it?

Go! We have leak! Leak!

Get your men back to the shuttle! Go!

Get out of there!

Lev, this really smarts!

Pull lever!

This is the lever!

We must get him out of there!

AJ! Come on!

Aaarrhh!

Hurry! Hurry!

Emergency breakaway! We got a fire in the fuel pod!

Come on! Get in here! AJ's stuck down in the fuel pod!

We're losing it!

Aaarrhhh!

Control, I'm see vibrations.

Malloy, talk to me!

Fire in the fuel pod.

Independence, get outta there!

Dump the hoses! We're going!

Have they shut off the O2 feed?

Harry, it's burning up!

Damn! Max! Max, get in here! Crack these pipes off!

I'm goin' back for the other team!

Switch on the personnel locators.

Tracking AJ. He's climbing.

It's too late! Get to the shuttle! This thing's gonna blow!

No!

Colonel, we gotta move now!

Wait! We got a man in there!

Open that door and we all die!

Fuel leak!

Evac now! Let's go!

Come on back! Wait! The door is broken!

Aaaarrrhhh!

They sealed the fire.

'Tracking back to the shuttle.'

We still have two men trapped.

Keep running! The shuttle's another 75ft!

Where's the rest?

-Get out!

-Where's AJ?

AJ's gone!

We're not leavin' without AJ!

He's gone! It's too late!

Come on! This way is our only chance!

It's minus a hundred! Very cold. Hold breath, or lung freezes!

Get back to the shuttle! And lock that door!

AJ's still in there!

It's all on fire, Harry!

It's them or all of us!

Full thrusters!

Lev!

Lev, the door's gonna blow!

We're going! It's gonna blow!

AJ's still in there!

Blow the lines! We gotta book!

Hurry! We're almost there!

Independence does not have AJ. They're go without him.

They're 75ft away.

Just tell them to go!

Dog that hatch! Now!

Close it!

Whoa...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's coming right for us! We've got to move!

Hurry! They're gonna shut the door! Let us out!

Fire's coming! Close the door!

Go! Go! Go!

Freedom,

'Independence crew is all aboard.

'We're even heavy one cosmonaut.'

They got 90% of their fuel.

Pretty intense, huh?

That's why I told you "touch nothing".

But you're bunch of cowboys.

'So, while the entire planet is focused on the NASA mission

'up in the vast ocean of space,

'Freedom and Independence prepare to slingshot round the moon.'

Morning, guys. It's time to suit up, I guess.

We got a big day.

18 secs to radio interrupt.

Booster sequence confirmed.

'Roger that, Freedom. We copy.'

Shuttles ready for burn around the moon.

Contact terminated. We're out.

9.5Gs for 11 minutes. I'd start praying about right now.

So this is the part where we hold on real tight and hope we don't die.

Stand by for lunar roll.

High inclination. Lunar orbit.

Hope you boys got those wills filled out correctly.

OK, this is what we trained for. Now just suck it up!

On the mark. Five, four,

three, two,

one.

Should it be like this?!

This is normal.

How would you know?!

14,000mph!

4Gs.

How long does this last?!

6Gs.

15,000.

I'm feeling heavy!

This isn't normal. This is way worse!

8Gs. Hang tight!

I'm not gonna make it!

Aaaarrhh! WE'RE GONNA DIE!